Little Brother

Ten little fingers.

Ten little toes.

Barely four years old. 

 

Chubby, pink cheeks.

Sweet, wet kisses.

Tiny arms wrapped 'round my neck.

 

From "Sissy, let's spin!"

To "Dessi, let's play!"

My big ole heart

Melts every single day.

 

That ear to ear grin

Plastered on his face

Is what I look forward to

At the end of my day.

 

I love this little guy

More than you know.

He's my monkey,

My minion,

My sidekick.

 

And I know

That I'm his world.

 

Can You Hear The Music?

People make music.

You hear it everyday

From the piece in your ear

To the words that you say.

 

But do you ever hear the real music?

Do you ever look around?

Do you ever speak the real words?

Do you ever hear the real sound?
 

Different Love (Version 1)

I'm different.

I know.

I've been told my whole life.

From teachers.

To parents.

To peers.

 

They take one look

At the hand I hold

Or the lips I kiss,

And they judge

Not the kiss or what it means

But who I'm kissing

And what that means.

 

They preach against it

In their homes and

In the House,

But am I really that different?

 

Am I so unequal

That you'd rather tax me

Than let me love

Who I love?

 

Am I so different

That you'd rather ignore me

Than let me be

Your best friend?

 

Why am I so different?

What makes you so special?

Why is your love so divine?

Why is it so much better than mine?

 

Love is love.

There should be no discrimination.

Why should it matter

If I'm straight,

Or gay,

Or lesbian,

Or bisexual?

 

There is nothing in the bible

That says I'm different. 

It's just the way people interpret it.

In God's eyes, I know I'm perfect.

 

But they want the perfect race,

No deviance.

They're no better

Than the Nazis.

For God's sake,

We live in the land of the free!!!

 

We have the freedom

To pursue happiness,

According to the Bill of Rights.

It wasn't gender or race specific.

So, shouldn't everybody be

Able to love who they love?

To kiss who they want?

Without the judgement?

Or indifference?

 

Love is love.

It's a natural thing.

We can't help who we fall for.

Sometimes it just happens.

Girls fall for girls,

And boys fall for boys.

 

It's beautiful

What they share.

It's amazing that

They can take

All that they go through.

They shouldn't have to,

But they do.

 

So, take a good look

While you sit there and judge

And get angry at their love.

This is true love.

Different Love (Version 2)

I'm different.

I know.

I've been told my whole life.

From teachers.

To parents.

To peers.

 

They take one look

At the hand I hold

Or the lips I kiss,

And they judge

Not the kiss or what it means

But who I'm kissing

And what that means.

 

They pretend I'm different

Because of what's on the surface.

They don't take the initiative

To look a little closer. 

They glance at the reflection

And scoff with disgust. 

 

Love is love- no matter who it's with.

You should be able to love who you love

And to kiss who you want

Without the judgement or indifference.

That's the definition of true love.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bully 2/4/15

They say those words-

Those hurtful phrases.

They slap my heart

And toy with my emotions.

 

Sticks and stones

May break your bones.

But words can't hurt

Your feelings, right?

 

It's the claim they make

Until they're red in the face. 

But still the agony

Takes its toll.

 

They play the role of innocent

When trouble comes their way.

No one ever believes you

Or what you have to say.

 

The release should be easier

Now than before.

But does it really make a difference

When you're deader than a door?

 

The Black Parade 2/11/15

  I saw your face today,   

Etched deeply in that cold stone.   

I traced every feature and every line.   

And because no one else was there,   

I cried for you.   

 

I remember the Christmas   

Before you took your life.   

I caught you in the bathroom,   

Cutting yourself   

With that rusty, old knife.   

 

You didn't say a word   

As I took it from your grasp.   

You were sickened with grief.   

But because no one else knew,   

I lied for you.   

 

I don't know why   

I didn't stop you the second time.   

I guess I wasn't fast enough.   

Maybe I already knew   

Your sickness had finally beaten you.   

 

I attended your Black Parade,   

Hiding behind the grim facade.   

I stood there alone   

Without your hand to hold   

And never was a tear shown.   

 

Now, as you lay your black hand in mine,   

I think I know how you felt   

On that day I took the bullet for you,   

The day no one else was around,   

The day I died for you.

Untitled 5 (2/11/15)

My eyes are red and puffy.

My face spotted and blotchy.

The tear stains are clear as day,

But when you ask,

I'll have nothing to say. 

Promise Me 2/15/15

 Promise me, my love,

To hold me when I break,

If only to hold me together

So as not to disappear forever.

 

Promise me, my love,

To be there when I fall,

If only to pick me up

And dust off my bruises.

 

Promise me, my love,

To love me forever and ever,

If only to kiss me

Every night before we retire.

 

Promise me, my love, 

To kiss me under

The light of a thousand stars,

If only to see

The passion glowing in my eyes.

 

Promise me, my love,

'Til death do us part

And the church bells sing:

 

To be my rock 

When I am weak.

 

To be my sight

When I cannot see.

 

To be the words 

I cannot speak.

 

To be life 

Where there is death.

 

Promise me, my love, 

To be the only thing I'll ever need. 

Simulation 2/20/15

I am God

Or so it seems.

I control this person

That tiny blip on the screen.

 

I know what you're thinking.

I know how you'll act.

When I press the next button,

You'll know it for a fact.

 

You think you're an individual

And that you have your own brain.

But what you don't know is

I'm the one that keeps you sane.

 

I'm the mastermind

Behind these evil schemes.

Soon you'll find out

Not everything is as it seems. 

Lonely 2/20/15

 She walks these halls, silent and alone.

She hears those wild whispers

Even before they start to drone.

 

The judgemental stares

Let her know that no one really cares.

Her anger starts to flare.

 

She’ll grip that book tighter

But won’t say a word-

Not even one little phrase.

Why give them the satisfaction

Of seeing her in so much pain?

 

Why would it matter?

No sympathy would be shed.

Not even a sorry-

A much needed apology not even said.

 

Is it too much to ask

For one little companion?

Someone to let the wall down for.

Someone with whom to share the hurt.

Someone to love to the core.

 

‘That’s what He is for.’

She thinks silently to herself

As she puts her real face on a shelf,

Protecting it with a thick layer of dust.

She’ll trade it out for the heavy bust

That she’ll put on in mirror.

 

She’ll ignore the chinks

And finely tuned nicks

In its once porcelain reflection.

It’ll last for another day

As it guards her from what they say.

 

But how long will it take

For that face to crack and crumble to rubble?

How many punches can she take

Before her emotions burst at the seams?

When is enough really enough?

Frozen 3/5/15

The slap of the shutter.

A click of the lens.

A flash of time.

What kind of picture

Did you have in mind?

 

Perhaps the innocence caught your attention?

Or maybe it was the dimples

That became your obssession?

Whatever it was, you stopped the clock

And froze me in place.

 

But it's the image that haunts you everyday

As you watch me grow up

And help me move away.

It's not something you'll ever erase,

And it won't be easily forgotten.

 

Because to you, I'll always have those dimples

And the chubby-cheeked face.

I'll always be innocent,

Despite what the others say.

 

To you, I'm that little girl,

Racing through the sprinkler

As you slap the shutter

On time forever.

 

Times were simpler

Than just the picture

You now hold in your hand.

Things were tangible

And blissfully perfect.

 

Maybe that's why

You chose that moment...

 

Nobody's Perfect 3/16/15

Perfection,

It's just a concept.

No one is perfect.

Some people are just

Better at faking it.

 

Perfection,

Cut to a T,

No mistakes,

Not a single hair our of place,

Held together with glue.

 

It's just a concept.

One chip in the gooey coating

And all Hell breaks loose.

Their secrets bubble to the surface,

Ready to be popped by enemies.

 

No one is perfect.

There's always going to be

That one person who

Points out your every flaw.

You're a fool to think you don't have any.

 

Some people are just better at faking it.

They glue on that mask each day,

Pretending to be the superior

To your inferior.

But someone always knows

Where your real demons lie. 

I Will Go Home 3/20/15

When the last man has fallen,

The gunfire has ceased,

And the arms are laid away,

I will go Home.

 

The trumpet's march will blare,

And your heart will quietly flare,

But have no fear, my love,

I will go Home.

 

They'll pound those medals in,

Each a striking round.

And when the 21 sound,

I will go Home.

 

A folded flag will be the only memory.

Please, don't ever forget me.

It'll be the hardest scar to wear,

But it's one only you can bear.

 

 

 

I'll see you soon, darling,

But for now,

I will go Home.

Hands

My hands are lined with years,

But so very few are they!

Yet, they look weathered and beaten,

As if they were seventy

Instead of only seventeen.

It puzzles me so

As to how they got this way.

I wonder if it were the dreams

That I held on to for so long.

Maybe it was the disappointment

That's been roiling through me

All of these years.

But what about the suffering?

And what about the pain?

What damage did they inflict?

Maybe it's already begun to wane.

The heartbreaks and the losses

May have also crippled their soul.

Now, they ring themselves.

Around and around they go, curling

To block out the world,

Or, perhaps, to silence it all.

 

The Last Hour

60 minutes on the clock,

Counting down to the last second.

If it was your last,

What would you do with it?

 

Would spend that hour

With your significant other,

Wrapped in love's soft embrace

And loving with a lasting grace?

 

Would you sing the song

That gets stuck in your head

Over and over,

Until the end?

 

Maybe you'd take a seat by the ocean,

Watching day turn to night

And wonder how the colors bleed

Like paint into the water.

 

Maybe you'd drink a fine bottle of wine,

Savoring a rare flavor

You'd never taste again.

 

Or perhaps you'd waste it,

Playing that stupid game

You always keep your eyes glued to.

 

Is this how you'll go out?

The controller stuck to you

By the very sweat of your hands

With the headset wired to your brain?

 

Think about what they'd say

When you passed away.

How you never cared about anything

Except for that game.

 

Take the headset or phone

Or whatever you have from your hand.

Go spend some time with your family,

The love of your life,

Or simply a friend.

 

 

 

 

What conversations would come up?

What kind of surprises will arise?

Talk to them for your last hour,

Because the next could hold your demise. 

Child

A child wears the face

Of the sad and forlorn.

Pain worn in the eyes 

And in the fake smile

He plasters on his face.

The rags he bears

Hides, nothing, save

The bruises and scars.

From the tips of his fingers

To the soles of his feet,

There is no trace of muscle,

Only the indentions of bone.

They line his skin

Like tire tracks on dirt.

His filthy face,

Tear streaked and abandoned.

He stares at you with sunken eyes,

Pleading for the mercy,

That no one will show him

And waiting for the day

The pain will go away.

He opens his cracked lips

To utter one word,

One simple plea,

But it's whisked away

By the one he must obey.

You close your eyes to the injustice,

But you cannot deny the abuse,

Even in its smallest form. 

 

 

Today's Society

The world turns every twenty-four hours,

But we don't even feel it.

We're so caught up in our own lives

That we absorb the shock

And ignore the beauty of it.

 

We imagine that our own lives

Are more important than another's.

But what we don't realize

Is that they matter

Just as much as our own brothers'.

 

We think our own pain

Is the only pain in existence,

When there's really someone out there

Who's feeling the same feelings.

 

We pretend that the world

Revolves not around the sun,

The biggest star in the sky,

But around ourselves,

The only star in our minds.

 

What's wrong with being selfless?

Has the world gone so insane

That we'd rather stand by

Than help someone through the pain?

What has our planet become?

People should be so ashamed

Of all the suffering

Because no helping hand was lain.

 

We believe because of the differences

That they don't deserve sympathy

And that they deserve the pain,

That shouldn't be equal

And that they shouldn't be treated the same.

 

But a different skin tone doesn't mean

We're different, and

Neither does the person we bind to,

Commit to forever and a day to.

We are all human beings for God's sake!

He has not and will not ever discriminate.

 

Put the blame and the hate aside.

Strip away what you think is different,

And look beneath the surface of it all.

 

We are human beings,

Each and every one.

Poetic Thinking

The noise blacked out.

The world blown away.

Nothing is left besides

The very pen you hold in your hand

And the blank, white walls

That surround you,

Close in on you,

And suffocate your thoughts.

Suddenly, the pen jerks.

Slowly at first

Then all at once,

Blazing across the walls,

Covering every surface.

You just wanted to spread your thoughts,

Your words, but instead,

You've touched the world.

Your ideas have spread across the map,

Bled through the ocean,

And rained on every surface.

You hear the noises ease back,

And the colors seep in again.

Your piece is complete.

 

Crime

The screaming.

The crying.

Your laughter.

Their pain.

But they won't feel it anymore.

You've relieved them of their suffering.

No more pain.

The knife sinks deeper

As you watch the blood

Pooling by their face.

It drips from the wall

Where it splattered

During the chase.

The mouth hangs open

With the unspoken words of Death,

The inaudible last breath.

They lie still now,

Without a twitch,

Without a sound. 

Toy Box

 Innocence at its prime.

Toys spread across the room.

A little girl sitting on the floor.

Pigtails curling 'round her chubby face.

A frilly dress all pink and full.

She holds a doll in her hands.

It's the one you gave her,

But aren't also all the rest?

She smiles at you

With a toothy, goofy grin.

Your heart melts 

At your baby girl.

So, you can't even be mad

At the mess she's made of the room.

But you tell her anyway

To pick up the toys and stow them away.

She puts them in the box

Without saying a word.

But each year, the white paint

Chips off,

And the letters that spelled her name

Break off in red chunks.

The toys are played with less often,

And eventually not at all.

She has put her toys away.

The innocence has gone astray.

The Song

The melody took you away.

I saw you as you started to sway.

You fell for the gentle tones,

Melting away into the nothingness of the song.

I tried to catch you on the bridge,

But you slipped through the bars,

Falling with your emotions.

I Hope You Dance

I tried to give you one last dance

It was all you ever wanted

To sway with not the beat

But in my arms with me

With your head on my shoulder

Your hand in mine

Twirling around and around

The only ones on the floor

The only ones in the room

The band for us only

Our hands intertwined

Your hair flowing with each sway

Your dress billowing out with each turn

A kiss split briefly between our lips

 

But you bit the dust

We came in second

You fell before the song even started

Your dress pooling underneath you

Instead of billowing out

Our hands slipping past the other

A kiss that never brushed our lips

Our future twirling our of control

The band playing for the church

 

It was all you wanted

One simple dance

I couldn't handle one little lift

Wherever you're going

I hope they have a dance floor

I hope they have a band

One that plays just for you

I hope I can be there to watch you

You'll twirl around and around

I hope your hair flows

And I hope your dress billows

I hope you dance

What I See

She stands before the mirror,

Picking at the smallest details-

The ones that hardly matter.

She catches my stare

With her pale, blue eyes.

She asks for my opinion.

She wants to know what I see.

 

I see a woman.

Not just any woman,

My woman,

The most gorgeous in the world.

 

I see a flirtatious smile,

Peeking beneath the blonde curls,

Urging me to kiss

Her ruby, red lips.

 

I see my wife,

My partner in crime,

My very best friend,

The love of my life.

 

I see the future, my future:

A white picket fence standing tall,

A big house looming behind it,

A couple of kids streaming

Through the yard.

 

But right now, I see

Her curly hair, bouncing with each step.

A little white dress,

Flowing loosely in the wind.

A beautiful girl without a care.

A pair of sparkling eyes on a dare.

 

I see our first simple kiss

On that first simple date

On that simple day so long ago.

 

I see you falling,

Falling so deeply in love.

Just you and me

For eternity.

 

So, yes, let me tell you

Exactly what I see.

 

Blind

We the people.

We the blind.

We wear these glasses upon our face.

The masks of human identity,

They block the true image and

Blur the lines.

We don't ever see what's real.

We don't ever see what's fake.

We don't ever see the difference

Even if it's plastered on our face.

And true beauty, what's the real definition

If no one can truly see it,

Acknowledge it,

Accept it,

Appreciate it?

We'd be able to see it

If we'd just remove the glasses.

But who really wants to know

What really lies beneath?

Bottle

It shatters to the pavement.

Liquid splays to and fro

In between the cracks and crevices,

Sticky.

 

It's like the glue that constantly warped

The real image of my life.

Another shatters,

And it's reapplied.

 

But as it dries it forms these cracks.

They splay to and fro across the arteries of my heart

Like the delicate veins in my wrist.

Slowy, it crumbles to chunks.

 

Until one scrapes my wrist,

And those veins shatter across the tile on my bathroom floor.

Blood splattering to and fro

In between the cracks and crevices,

Sticky.

 

They'll say it wasn't their fault

When they were the ones that let it fall.

They let that bottle tumble and tumble

Because they didn't think it would hurt me at all.

 

The Meaning of Love

One day, a little boy saw a word that someone at school showed him,

And he didn't understand the meaning.

So, he asked his mother and father about the word

And they couldn't even begin to explain.

He was too young to understand the meaning of the word anyway.

 

A few years later, the boy saw the word again but in a phrase with a different meaning.

So, he asked his parents what it meant, but they didn't know what to say.

They didn't know how to explain the word that way.

 

A teenage boy falls in love for the first time,

And he finally thinks he knows the meaning of that word in that phrase.

So, he decides to tell his parents the meaning of this word

Because he didn't think they knew what it meant.

 

So, he invited over his friend and stood before his parents,

Prepared to tell them what he thought it meant.

But they shunned him, and told him to go away.

They didn't want to hear what the boys had to say.

 

Now, two men stand before a priest that held a bible in his hands.

They told the priest the meaning of the word they heard so long ago,

And he nodded his head.

Someone finally heard what had to be said.

 

So, the priest took the bible and laid it upon the alter at the front of the church,

And he read the traditional vows of the wedding.

And he understood what the men had said about the word they learned in school when they were young.

And he rethought all the things he thought he knew about the meaning of love.

Again

It's like the pain is real again.

This tearing of my heart,

Tearing into physical pieces,

A from B,

B from C.

 

I thought I felt the real pain

Six years ago,

Almost to the day,

Like a stake to my heart,

Blood pouring freely from the open wound.

 

I thought it was over that day,

This pain that's tearing me apart.

I want them to be happy;

There's nothing that I want more than that,

But this somehow makes everything

So real,

So painful-

So terribly and utterly painful.

 

I felt so terrible when they told me it was over

Because I blamed myself.

I've blamed myself somewhere

In the back of my head for the last six years,

Even though it wasn't my fault.

 

It was never my fault,

Yet somewhere, in me, I've always thought it was.

I was the one who proved it-

My little, naïve brain had found the fugitive responsible for my mother's pain,

But the repercussions of my actions

Have brought me the most sincere pain

I've ever felt in my whole life.

 

I thought it turned out well in the end,

The two of them on invisible opposite ends of the Earth,

The most logical plan in the book.

But the truth bruised me,

It has never faded, and

It possibly never will, and

There is nothing I can do.

 

I feel hopeless.

I feel lost.

I feel broken beyond repair.

 

I love the woman who has gained his heart

Even as if she were my own mother,

But there is a part of me who questions the motives of his heart,

I suppose that if her were to break her,

I would never forgive him.

 

I'm not going to pity the man who hurt so many,

It will be his fault this time,

If he hurts her,

Not mine.

 

Becaue I don't think I could handle the burden of another of his heartaches.

 

I don't think I could take the pain again.

 

I don't think I could look into his eyes and beg for his mercy again.

 

I don't think I could watch his downfall again.

 

I don't think I could cause that much pain to anyone else...

 

Ever again...

Subject

The words were meant for comfort.

The gifts were meant to occupy.

The money was meant to buy.

 

But it couldn't buy your love.

The gifts only distracted.

And your words never helped;

They only faded.

Arson

The flowers withered,

Forgotten with time,

Colorless with age.

A ring of loneliness

Surrounding the display.

The house in disarray.

Piles of its shambles

Strewn across the floor.

Browning glass scattered,

Their pictures lingering

In the frames still burning.

Char marks paint the remnants

With the likes of black acrylic,

A stain everlasting.

The bedroom in the back smothered,

The scent of gasoline hanging low.

A bedspread still simmering.

A burnt body still sizzling,

Chained to the bed by Death.

Two shallow graves in the yard,

Fresh with the pokes of a spade.

One grave filled and patched.

One still to go. 

You

The walls are crumbling and tumbling down.

Chunks are falling ever so slowly towards the ground.

Soon it is gone, and all I see is you.

All I see is you standing there,

Reaching out for my hand.

I'll reach for yours too.

 

Because of all the things that I want,

I only want you.

I could have millions,

But what would it all be worth without you?

I only want you.

 

You broke my shell,

That hard outer casing surrounding

My own living hell.

You released me from the suffering

And aching within which was my soul.

So beautiful.

 

My heart grows sore from every moment

That I've lived without you.

You built my strength up

And then left me to deal with the down.

How is that fair?

I was barely coping before you came around.

I loved you.

 

Because of all things that I wanted,

I only wanted you.

I could have had millions,

But what would it all be worth without you.

I only wanted you.

Our love was worth more than its weight in gold.

I miss you.

 

You left me in the middle of the night.

And the glue from the walls was suddenly repaired with new.

The bricks were relaid and my emotions fell away into each bottle of champagne with no review.

The depression was worse than anything I ever knew.

My friends, they told me the things that all along I knew were true.

They were the few.

 

I tried letting go.

Oh, I tried so hard.

I cried.

The memories of you were obscenely surreal.

I thought they were real when reality set in and set my thoughts all in a spin.

Yes, I knew then.

 

But you were all that I wanted.

I gave you all that I had,

And when nothing was left to give,

It all died with you.

In that hospital bed.

I still love you. 

Mellifluous

Hot honey-filled tea,

Soothing the ache in your throat,

Calming your temper.

 

Fresh coffee with cream

On an early morning day.

The caffeine raging.

 

The sound her voice makes

When she calls my name at night.

My heart will flutter.

 

A pianist's hands,

Stroking each key right on point

Never missing one.

 

The wind and willow,

Whispering wildly so

Slightly to and fro. 

Of the Night

 I remember those nights 

Underneath bright twilight.

Me wrapped in your arms so tight.

The moments that felt so right.

 

We'd speak of our secrets 

And of our deepest fears,

Shedding the tears

Of our worn souls' years.

 

We'd plant the trust

With seeds of love,

The roots spreading to and fro

To the deepest parts.

 

We'd fall asleep under

Moons' full gaze,

Tangled in the other's arms,

Not caring in the least.

 

Then wake to the sunrise,

A warming light against cool faces.

It changed us, those nights.

But what became of them 

Is now of the night.

The Rain

 Splashing rivulets

A refreshing sensation

Again and again

 

Too Young to be This Old

 We're too young to be this old, 

And too old to be this young.

We might even be too ignorant to be this wise,

Or too wise to be this ignorant.

We've got too many scars on our skin to have fought so few wars,

But in some ways, we may have fought too many to have just a few.

We've wasted so many breaths on figuring out our lives,

Yet, we've taken so few just to live it.

You're mearly making a life,

Not living it.

Or, maybe, you've been living without a life,

Because you're too scared to make it.

 

My Feelings Lately

 Everywhere.

That is where my feelings lie.

I ask myself why.

But all I get is a mixed emotion,

Thickening my thoughts with such commotion.

One is new and clouding

Every waking thought.

The other, old with my love fleeing.

Am I loving without?

Am I cheating?

Is this an experiment?

Do I keep going?

Or do I give up?

Drafts

 An ever growing

List of things I want

To express but can't.

 

A Workin' Man's Hands

 That nine to five

Everyday drive

Same stuff different day

Only way to earn that pay

Calluses grow thick 

Blisters burning like a wick

 

All this labor and more each day

Hardly worth that little pay

Not enough to bring back home

Bread stale as stone

Little feet rattling on the floor

Their pitter patter not soft anymore

 

One already in the ground

Two already without sound

Maybe they'll go quick

It won't make the others sick

Assumption

Consumption

No other option

 

That nine to five

Everyday drive

It ain't worth a five dollar

Death is in the holler

Lurking on the streets

Hiding beneath the sheets

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 04.02.2015

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