1) Follow complete strangers around for 10 minutes, then speak into your collar and say, "Harrold, we have a situation. Subject 367 is unresponsive. Code 163!"
2) When you get onto the elevator, laugh hysterically for 5 seconds, then glare at the other passengers as if they are crazy.
3)Run up the "down" escalators, shrieking hysterically, and when you reach the top, fall silent and glare at other shoppers as if they are crazy.
4) Approach a stranger in any Wal-Mart and hand them a spatula and say, with authority, "The future of the Earth depends on it." Abruptly turn around and walk away.
5) Walk up and down the fresh produce aisle in the supermarket and lecture the vegetables loudly on how to obtain world domination. Whenever a shopper comes close, fall silent and glare at them, and say to the produce, "We'll continue this later."
6) Follow strangers around the department store and spray everything they touch with disinfectant.
7) Follow strangers around the department store and laugh hysterically every time they touch anything.
8) When there are about 6 people in the elevator, start jumping up and down singing "Sweet Alabama".
9) When you get onto the elevator, stare at particular people with binoculars, and inform them that they have very nice ears.
10) Stare at other people on the escalator and laugh hysterically.
1. When the teacher says to “take a seat”, you answer “take it where”.
2. When the teacher calls your name at roll call, you answer “Absent”.
3. When she calls roll, you answer “yo mama”.
4. When the teacher says something, you say “is that so?”
5. If you so happened to not turn in your homework say, your class pet ate it.
6. Tell your teacher you’ll turn in your homework, as soon as your parents finish doing it.
7. Tell your teacher you did not turn in your homework because you were watching TV.
8. Fold your homework into a cootie-catcher.
9. Fold your homework into a paper airplane and fly it to the teacher’s desk. Extra points if it hits the teachers head.
10. Beg your teacher for extensions on reports.
11. Whisper to your neighbor during a test, but claim it was the sugar ants on the floor.
12. Argue with your teacher about your test grade and claim it was supposed to be one or two points higher than it actually is.
13. While your teacher is grading papers in class, sharpen your pencil. Very loudly.
14. When the teacher says to stop, covertly break the lead and say “but it’s not sharpened”.
15. Roll your pencil across the desk.
16. Do drum rolls with your pencil. Use the head of the person in front of you as the cymbals.
17. Never bring a pen or pencil so you always have to borrow one from the teacher.
18. Return the pencil to the teacher, with the eraser end all chewed and slobbery.
19. Use crayon for important assignments. Purple crayon.
20. Lean your chair back so that it is balancing on only two legs. Extra points if you fall over backward.
21. Covertly chew gum in class. Extra points if you snap and crack it with out being caught.
22. When possible, eat food in class. Loud, crunchy food.
23. Go into the graphics options on the school computers, click graphics properties and click on rotation. Rotate 180 degrees. Extra points if the teacher can’t find out how to get it back the way it was.
24. Put wads of chewed gum on the end of your pencil.
25. Ask to be excused to the bathroom. Even if you just came from recess lunch.
26. When the teacher asks a question, raise your hand. If the teacher calls on you, ask if you can go to the bathroom.
27. Ask if you can be excused to go to the bathroom, then take a tour arround the school.
28. Put too many staples on your paper when you staple it. Extra points if you make a good design with them.
29. Write so small on your paper that the teacher can barely read it.
30. Bring brightly colored notebook paper to write on. Examples: neon pink, purple, red, orange, green…and so on.
31. Blurt out the answers to the teachers questions.
32. When your teacher asks a question, wiggle in your seat and shout “I know, I know!”
33. When the teacher ask a question, wave your hand like a palm tree in a hurricane and say “pick me, pick me!” When the teacher finally calls on you, say “never mind”.
34. Raise your hand. When the teacher calls on you, look innocent and say “I was just stretching”.
35. Raise your hand. When the teacher calls on you say “I wasn’t paying attention”.
36. Make basket shots with every paper you want to throw away. Extra points if you get a basket.
37. When the teacher calls on you, tell her the longest personal story you know.
38. When the teacher says “Pay attention please” reply “how much should I pay?”
39. When the teacher calls on you, talk so softly that the teacher can barely hear you. When she tells you to speak up, pretend to be dead on your desk.
40. When the teacher calls on you say “finally”—Even if you where picked first.
41. Count how many times your teacher says um. At the end of the period, present the grand total at the end of class.
42. For your book report, choose the shortest book with the most pictures you can find.
43. Whistle while you work.
44. Never seem to listen to directions.
45. Right after the teacher gives directions say “huh”.
46. Comb, brush, or braid your hair in class.
47. Bring a lizard, mouse, rat, exedra into class. “Accidentally” let it lose. Extra points if the teacher screams like a little girl.
48. Don’t work when the teacher is looking. Work when the teacher is working.
49. Sigh, “This is boring” heavily.
50. Laugh out loud for no reason.
51. Don’t talk to a substitute teacher because the is a “stranger”.
52. Never let your teacher finish a sentence without an interruption.
53. After everything your teacher says say “That’s what you think”.
54. If you have a substitute teacher, ask you and your friends to sit in all different places so that the substitute’s seating chart is all messed up.
55. Track sand into the classroom by “accident”.
56. Keep dropping your pencil.
57. Call her “grandma”.
58. Call him “grandpa”
59. Throw lots of spit wads.
60. Fall asleep in class. If the teacher wakes you, say “aww, I was dreaming you were actually nice”.
61. After class, cover every inch of the dry-erase board with dry-erase marker so that the teacher can not write anything on it.
62. Hide other books inside of text books and appear to be reading the text book.
63. After every time the teacher explains something ask “is that going to be on the test?”
64. After every time the teacher explains something say “well, duh”.
65. Make up humorous excuses for being late.
66. Forget to have your parents make excuses for being late.
67. Yell “Yessssssssss” after every time you finished something. Anything.
68. Annoy Ms. Thompson. AT ALL COST.
69. If Mr. Corley walks by, whistle innocently, and when he turns his back, run fast.
70. Make animal shows on projector.
71. Read your math book when you are supposed to be reading history. If the teacher asks why, say “oh, how did that get there?”
72. Read comic books hidden in your text books.
73. Ask a teacher how old she is. When she replies, put your hand over your heart and say “WOW!”
74. Ask the same question the teacher just finished answering 10 minutes ago.
75. Knock a heavy text book off your desk again…and again…and again….and again….
76. Keep finding an excuse to keep walking in front of the projector.
77. Smudge up your paper so that it is hard to read.
78. Ask for help on something. Then say “never mind”. Then ask for help on the same thing 2 minutes later to annoy your teacher.
79. Make animal bunny ears to the teacher if she/he is infront of the projector.
80. Read out loud during silent reading time.
81. Pretend to fall asleep instead of following instructions. Then say “I don’t get it”.
82. Doodle on your desk. Big, hard to ignore doodles.
83. Write stupid questions on your desk.
84. Put messages in your textbooks.
85. Always write in marker. Bright neon marker colors.
86. While the teacher is talking, roll your eyes. Then yawn and stretch. After that, gaze longingly out the window. Keep looking at the clock every five minutes. Sigh. Very loudly.
87. Whistle very loudly when the teacher is trying to concentrate.
88. Never look up a word in the dictionary. Always ask your teacher.
89. Make your id picture hard to read.
90. Put staples all over the floor.
91. If you have the guts, start a food fight. ?
92. Come in just after the bell every day.
93. Complain about the food at the school cafeteria.
94. Pretend like you have only one brain cell.
95. Where sunglasses inside. Even if it is cloudy.
96. Laugh stupidly. Often.
97. Talk loudly about your favorite show.
98. If you can, get the necessary materials to take over the p.a system. Then, play forty minutes of your favorite cd over it. Extra points if you do not get caught.
99. Play coin football during silent reading time.
100. Gather your stuff ten minutes before class ends.
101. Run out of the classroom right after the bell. Before the teacher dismisses you.
Between 1942 and 1944, Academy Awards were made of plaster.
John Madden is an accomplished ballroom dancer.
One out of three employees who received a promotion use a coffee mug with the company logo on it.
About a third of all Americans flush the toilet while they're still sitting on it.
According to Genesis 1:20-22 the chicken came before the egg.
Soldiers from every country salute with their right hand.
The microwave oven was invented by mistake when an engineer testing a magnetron tube noticed that the radiation from it melted the chocolate bar he had in his pocket.
Moisture, not air, causes super glue to dry.
Only 14% of Americans say they've skinny dipped with the opposite sex.
"60 Minutes" on CBS is the only TV show to not have a theme song or music.
Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of their birthplace.
Most boat owners name their boats. The most popular boat name requested is Obsession.
100% of all lottery winners gain weight.
An average American will spend an average of 6 months during his lifetime waiting at red lights.
The Olympic flag's colors are always red, black, blue, green and yellow rings on a field of white. This is because at least one of those colors appears on the flag of every nation on the planet.
Cats can hear ultrasound.
In a recent survey, Americans revealed that banana was their favorite smell.
In all three Godfather films, when you see oranges, there is a death (or a very close call) coming up soon.
If you were to spell out numbers, you would you have to go until 1,000 until you would find the letter "A".
23% of employees say they have had sex in the office.
Bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers were all invented by women.
Married men change their underwear twice as often as single men.
There are more collect calls on Father's Day than any other day of the year.
Mel Blanc (voice of Bugs Bunny) was allergic to carrots.
40% of all people who come to a party in your home snoop in your medicine cabinet.
3.9% of all women surveyed say they never wear underwear.
Superman is featured on every episode of "Seinfeld", either by name or pictures on Jerry's refrigerator.
85% of the men who cheat on their wives die while having sex.
Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than for the US Treasury.
American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served first class.
Percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28
Percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38
Percentage of American men who say they would marry the same woman if they had it to do all over again: 80
Percentage of American women who say they would marry the same man: 50
Percentage of men who say they are happier after their divorce or separation: 58
Percentage of women who say they are happier: 85
Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches
Percentage of bird species that are monogamous: 90
Percentage of mammal species that are monogamous: 3
Chances that a burglary in the United States will be solved: 1 in 7
One third of the land in the United States is owned by the government.
The hummingbird is the only bird that can fly backwards.
Antarctica is the only continent without reptiles or snakes.
An eagle can kill a young deer and fly away with it.
In the Caribbean there are oysters that can climb trees.
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.
When George Lucas was mixing the American Graffiti soundtrack, he numbered the reels of film starting with an R and numbered the dialog starting with a D. Sound designer Walter Murch asked George for Reel 2, Dialog 2 by saying "R2D2". George liked the way that sounded so much he integrated that into another project he was working on.
The youngest pope was 11 years old.
Mark Twain didn't graduate from elementary school.
Proportional to their weight, men are stronger than horses.
Pilgrims ate popcorn at the first Thanksgiving dinner.
They have square watermelons in Japan - they stack better.
Iceland consumes more Coca-Cola per capita than any other nation.
Heinz Catsup leaving the bottle travels at 25 miles per year.
It is possible to lead a cow upstairs but not downstairs.
Armadillos can be housebroken.
The first Fords had engines made by Dodge.
A mole can dig a tunnel 300 feet long in just one night.
Peanuts are one of the ingredients in dynamite.
Ancient Egyptians slept on pillows made of stone.
A hippo can open its mouth wide enough to fit a 4 foot tall child inside.
A quarter has 119 grooves on its edge, a dime has one less groove.
A hummingbird weighs less than a penny.
Until 1796, there was a state in the United States called Franklin. Today it is known as Tennessee.
The flashing warning light on the cylindrical Capitol Records tower spells out HOLLYWOOD in Morse code.
Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie.
The average person has over 1,460 dreams a year.
One in every 4 Americans has appeared on television.
The average American will eat about 11.9 pounds of cereal per year.
Over 1,000 birds a year die from smashing into windows.
The State of Florida is bigger than England.
Ants stretch when they wake up in the morning.
It's against the law to have a pet dog in Iceland.
Thomas Edison, light bulb inventor, was afraid of the dark.
During your lifetime, you'll eat about 60,000 pounds of food. That's the weight of about 6 elephants.
Some ribbon worms will eat themselves if they can't find any food.
Dolphins sleep with one eye open.
The world's oldest piece of chewing gum is 9000 years old.
In space, astronauts cannot cry, because there is no gravity, so the tears can't flow.
About 3000 years ago, most Egyptians died by the time they were 30.
More people use blue toothbrushes than red ones.
A sneeze travels out your mouth at over 100 m.p.h.
Your ribs move about 5 million times a year, every time you breathe.
In the White House, there are 13,092 knives, forks and spoons.
Slugs have 4 noses.
Recycling one glass jar saves enough energy to watch TV for 3 hours.
Lightning strikes about 6,000 times per minute on this planet.
Owls are the only birds who can see the color blue.
The average American drinks about 600 sodas a year.
It's against the law to slam your car door in Switzerland.
There wasn't a single pony in the Pony Express, just horses.
Honeybees have hair on their eyes.
A jellyfish is 95 percent water.
In Bangladesh, kids as young as 15 can be jailed for cheating on their finals.
A company in Taiwan makes dinnerware out of wheat, so you can eat your plate.
The elephant is the only mammal that can't jump.
The penguin is the only bird who can swim, but not fly.
The most common name in the world is Mohammed.
Q is the only letter in the alphabet that does not appear in the name of any of the United States.
America once issued a 5-cent bill.
You'll eat about 35,000 cookies in your lifetime.
Babe Ruth wore a cabbage leaf under is cap to keep him cool. He changed it every 2 innings.
Fortune cookies were actually invented in America, in 1918, by Charles Jung.
A giraffe can clean its ears with its 21-inch tongue.
Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.
The pitches that Babe Ruth hit for his last-ever homerun and that Joe DiMaggio hit for his first-ever homerun where thrown by the same man.
Bats always turn left when exiting a cave.
The praying mantis is the only insect that can turn its head.
In Tokyo, they sell toupees for dogs.
There are over 52.6 million dogs in the U.S.
Dogs and cats consume almost $7 billion worth of pet food a year.
Baby robins eat 14 feet of earthworms every day.
The Pentagon has twice as many restrooms as necessary. When it was built, segregation was still in place in Virginia, so separate restrooms for blacks and whites were required by law.
In England, in the 1880's, "Pants" was considered a dirty word.
Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.
In 2003, there were 86 days of below-freezing weather in Hell, Michigan
1. Follow them everywhere.
2. When they say your name, moo loudly like a cow.
3. If you have a dog, follow the dog around on all-fours and say "Bark." over and over again really loudly.
4. Talk to a pen constantly.
5. When your friends come over, pretend to be talking in code and have your friend say 'Your-a pa smells-a like a woman-a." If they crack the code, play stupid.
6. Have a dozen of imaginary friends that you ask their opinion of everything.
7. After you have your bath, wrap a bath towel around you and then walk outside of the bathroom. When your parents ask you what you're doing, say "Wearing clothes is against my religion."
8. Run into walls.
9. Cover yourself with a white blanket and try to walk around the house without tripping or running into something. Look at the ground and whenever you see your parents' feet, yell "BOO!"
10. Randomly pluck someone's hair out and scream, "DNA!!!!!!!!" as loud as you can.
11. Every 30 seconds, yell "I gotta go to the bathroom!!!" then stay in the bathroom for an hour and a half, grunting your ABC's.
12. In the grocery store, try to stick as many melons down your pants as possible then start dancing.
13. Stick cherries on your nose and start dancing around like a clown.
14. Flush the toilet while they're in the shower.
15. Wear a sticker that says "I'm a retard!"
16. Eat your hair. (I've tried it. It works.)
17. When you shower or bath, yell "HELP! I'M DROWNING!!!!!!!!!!"
18. Snort loudly when you laugh and laugh harder.
19. Go into their room at 1 in the morning and yell "GOOD MORNING SUNSHINE!"
20. Try to climb the wall.
21. Say everything backwards.
22. In public yell "NO MOM I WILL NOT MAKE OUT WITH YOU!!"
23. At everything they say scream "LIAR!!!!!"
24. Fill up the bath then drain it and repeat 5 times. When you fill it up the 6th time, try to get in it then yell "MOM! DAD! THE WATER IS COLD!!"
25. Try to swim in the floor.
26. Pretend to be a phone.
27. Wear a T-shirt pointing to one of your parents that says "I'm with stupid."
28. In a supermarket, point at everything you see and scream "I WANT THAT! CAN I HAVE IT?"
29. Switch the light button on and off for a few minutes then say "Oooohhhh... I get it!"
30. Tap on their door all night.
31. Throw a tantrum in the middle of the supermarket, sit cross-legged and cross your arms in the middle of the aisle until your parents let you buy what you want to have.
32. After everything they say, respond "Yeah, but no, but yeah, but no"
33. Claim you have been abducted by aliens before and tell all their friends.
34. When they ask you to call someone, stay where you are and yell their name.
35. Destroy the house and then go tell them, "I love you Mommy/Daddy"
36. Cling to them constantly and blame it on "separation anxiety".
37. If they ever take you to their job, touch EVERYTHING and spin on their desk chair.
38. Knock over every container of liquid you see "accidentally".
39. Do the opposite of what they tell you.
40. Bring home the absolutely opposite type of guy/girl they'd want you to see. Like a drop out or a goth or something. Tell them he/she's you new boyfriend/girlfriend.
41.Yell out mango everywhere you go
1. Go outside, and if you see someone, take the random person and make out with him/her, and say: "Yes! I finally got my dramatic kissing scene!"
2. Lay on your stomach in a puddle and scream: "I'm drowning, I'm drowning!"
3. In the pasanger seat of the car, roll your window down, stick your tongue out, soaking the driver: "I wonder why dogs only do this when its sunny out!" and laugh.
4. Make a farting noise, and say "Hear that thunder roar!"
5. When your outside, run around (reading lyrics) and scream words to Singing in the Rain.
6. Make someone laugh. Then look at them: "Gosh, your face is all wet. Suck it up, stop crying!"
7. Sit outside, and read an old book, and keep yelling "DAMN YOU, SKIES! WHY IS IT SO FUCKING WET HERE!" when your pages get soaked.
8. Gather all the family electronics, and lay them out on the grass on the curb, and let them get all wet.
9. When the family sees say: "I told you that (baby sibling/cousin/hated younng person) was evil!
10. Sit on the corner at the sewer, and hold out an empty can of soup with a sign on it "Poor, and Wet," and hope you don't get kidnapped.
11. Tell everyone around you that rain actually signifies the zombie apocalypse and that the term "acid rain" actually means rain that turns you into a zombie. Then put your hand outside the door, or window, and walk like a zombie. (Basically, start a fun/play zombie apocalypse.)
12. Collect all the neighborhood cats/felines and place them outdoors to go insane.
13. Place an empty inflatable pool anywhere outside that you can, and watch it fill up. Then place your younger sibling/a friend's younger sibling in it and tell them to go swimming.
14. For any cooking that requires water, place the bowl with all other necessary ingredients in it, let the water fill up, and make somebody nasty baking!
15. Go to the local pool, and bang on the doors because you want them to open, because it's so hot outside and you need to cool off in the pool.
Also, let me tell you that these are in no way ethical, or moral and performing the listed actions show a lacking in propriety and maturity. There's no reason to do any of these; they're just immature tactics to LAUGH at. Not attempt.
Have a nice day!
Funny Questions for Friends
If we say, we are here to help others, what are the others here for?
How can you be 'all ears' to something when you have just two? You should be 'both ears'!
How can you 'lend' someone a helping hand when you can't take it out?
Does one of your socks have a hole in it? Actually, both the socks are bound to have one hole each - one through which you put your foot inside!
Why do people ask, "going up?" even when they see you are standing at level 0 waiting for the elevator?
If a bus stops at a bus station, does your work stop at your workstation?
If it is illegal to drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, how do monkeys and apes still exist?
What treatment would you seek if you were addicted to therapy?
If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what do you think it is expanding into?
Why are boxing rings square-shaped?
What's wrong in saying that there's nothing wrong in going wrong once in a while but it's very wrong to go wrong always? How many wrongs did I say?
What to do if an endangered animal eats endangered plants?
If you were a geometric shape, what would you like to be?
If you were of the opposite sex, who would you be like?
If 'pro' is the opposite of 'con', is 'progress' the opposite of 'congress'?
Don't you think, the term, 'free gift' is a redundant use of words?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Would you believe in a liar who admits he is one?
If you are to take a picture of cheese, what do you think it would say?
Have you been to jail?
They accidentally step on your foot, then ask, "did that hurt?" Why?
Do you twist your tongue while saying a tongue twister?
Don't you think the eyes must be jealous of the nose for not letting them see each other?
What's the need to ask "what are you doing here?", on meeting at a movie theater?
If Iceland has ice, does Finland have fins?
What's the point in asking a waiter, "is that dish good?" Which waiter would say it isn't!
Aren't the ears already outside? So why say 'keep an ear out...'?
Why do people ask, "were you sleeping?" on waking you up from sleep?
How would you know if the dictionary had a wrongly spelled word?
Why do people say "you know..." How would you know before they complete?
What if a wrong number is busy? You would never know it's wrong!
What would you call the fear of fears?
What's the point in saying "what are you saying?" when you know what's being said!
Questions that Invite Funny Answers
It's not that the question should be funny every time. There are questions that can have funny answers. Here's a random list of questions like that. Ask them to your friends and enjoy a hearty laugh.
Relate the funniest incident in your life.
What was the funniest thing you did as a kid?
What's your pet name? And what was your pet's?
Which was the naughtiest prank you played in school?
Who was your first crush?
Who's the funniest person you have ever met?
List five things you would need to survive, if left alone on a deserted island.
Which was the most embarrassing moment of your life?
A punishment in school you remember even today...
What's the most hilarious thing that can happen to someone?
A prank pulled on you that you still remember...
The loudest you had laughed was when...
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 14.01.2012
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