Chapter 1


I turned and looked back, I couldn't see them anymore but I knew they were there, I knew they were coming.

Run, Leah, run. The thought ran through my head a million times, as it has before. I turn and start to run as fast as I could. I heard a deep laugh not too far behind. I snuck a peak to see how close they were but yet I still couldn't see them. But I would see them. No matter how fast I am, how far I go, or where I go they find me, and they hurt me. Half the time I'm unconscious, but the other times I can see what happens,and if I struggle then they start hitting.

I look at where I'm going but take a wrong turn and end up in an dead end ally way. I stare at my surroundings... a large ugly brick wall starred back. to my right was a large dumpster, and all around was the smell of cat piss.

I turn to run out but my path was blocked by four large guys. Usually there's only three. They stood about five feet away using their hight to intimidate me, and it was working, but I tried to relax my features so that I didn't look scared.

I knew what was going to become of me, I knew that second time that they would not leave me alone.

I glared at the group of boys with all the hatred I could sum up. They just starred back with smirks on their faces, all except one. The new guy. He looked like he was concentrating on something. He had blond hair with bits of brown in it. His structured face was kind of pale in the setting sun light. He wore a blue T-shirt that went perfectly with his icy blue eyes and worn jeans. He looked about six inches taller than me and about seventeen. My age.

"I think she likes the new guy, she's starring at him." one guy chuckled. I looked at the rest of them. there was two twin guy's with coal black hair, black eyes, and lightly dark skin. Both very tall and muscular. Around twenty. The only way I could tell them apart was that when one got angry his arm twitched like he was going to hit something and the other guy just smirked and laughed in your face. Otherwise they were exactly the same.

I looked over to the last guy who always ordered everyone around. He had dark red brown hair with pale, pale skin. His eyes were a forest green and he looked twenty-one or twenty-two. He had a light British accent.

"Leave her alone. We have to do this quickly, we have to be back before seven." he turned his forest green eyes to me and let a soft growl loose. I flinched and take a step back. my shoulder hit the dumpster and I instinctively grab my shoulder. I scoot slowly back until my back is up against the wall. I slide down feeling the cold ruff brick against my back.

I stare strait ahead and m vision goes out of focus. A British accent breaks through my trance.

"New guy, take this pill and pop it in her mouth. But watch out for her pearly whites, she bites."

I look up his face and he winks. My eyes slide down to the small white pill he held in his hand. I already feel dizzy.

I look over to the new guy. he looked hesitant. I pleaded with my eyes that he would just walk away. But he didn't walk away, he walked to the British guy picked up the pill and walked the few steps to me. He crouches down with the pill in between his index finger and is thumb. He puts the pill and his fingers into my mouth. I instantly bite down as hard as I can and he pulls his fingers out leaving the pill in my mouth.

"Shit, you mother fucking bitch." his voice sounded like silk, even though he was cussing. I spit the pill in his face.

"Maybe you should clean your language up, ass hole." I practically shouted it in his face. I heard laughing behind him.

His eyes flashed a little darker and at lighting speed he grabbed the pill, shoved it back into my mouth and put his hand over my mouth and nose so that I couldn't breath.

"Listen, you little witch, I will let you breath if you swallow the pill. If you don't swallow the pill then you will pass out from the lack of oxygen in your brain. Understand?"

I shook my head no and his grip got tighter. My lungs started to burn. I tried to kick him but decided shortly after that it was no use and I swallowed the pill. His hand was gone from my mouth and I gasped the in the air. I started to cough and everything was spinning. What was strange though was that the last thing I saw before the blackness engulfed me was the regret in his icy blue eyes.

************ *********************** ************

I woke up with my vision still blurry.
I felt around me and felt silk. I touched my own body and noticed I was naked. I sat up quickly and my head swam. I closed my eyes tightly as I let the fact that I'd been raped again sink in. I felt the cold, numb, emptiness fill my eyes. I opened my eyes and looked around me. I knew the black glittered walls and the shiny wooden floor. I knew the black silk sheets on the comfy bed that I had slept on for a long, long time. I knew the glass doors and the furniture. I knew my room in my house when I saw it.

I clenched my fists as a shiver ran through my spine. They knew where I lived.

I stood up and checked my clock. 8:03 a.m.

I ran over to my closet and fell down. Sharp pain traveled back and forth in lower parts of my body. I pushed the thought of rape far from my brain because there was nothing I would do. I couldn't go to the cops because besides the point that they wouldn't be able to find them and that it was their word against mine, and there was four of them, I could not, would not put myself through that kind of humiliation. I hated it when people whispered about me. I will kill someone because of that hatred.

I stood up and sucked up the pain, I have school to go to, even if I was going to be late. I walked over to my large closet and grabbed a black low cut tank top and pair of black jeans. I walked to my dresser and pulled out a matching pair of blue lace bra and underwear. I pull the clothes on over my milky white skin.

I walked into my bathroom and pulled out black eyeliner out of a drawer. I applied it quickly and ran a brush through my hair. I looked at my reflection and it glared back. My silver eyes looked like they held secrets that no one could. My almost black hair made my face look even paler. My lips looked a little swollen as if I'd been making out with someone. I had a slight bruise on cheek and my neck.

I sighed and walked out. I slipped my feet into a pair of worn neon converse and grabbed my light coat. I slipped outside shutting the glass door. I walked up to my plum purple dodge charge 69' and reached out under the left fender. I pulled out a set of keys that rested on the tire. I opened up the door and sped off.

In a matter of time I was at Cascade high school in North Dakota.

Yep, that's right I live in North Dakota, a state where there is rapists. Just like in every state. I'm not exactly discing North dakota, I'm just saying that no matter where you go, it sucks.

Know what? Just forget I said anything about North Dakota, alright? Just forget.

I drove on and on until I came to a large campus. I parked my car between a blue old Chevy and a cooped up little gray ford. It's quite pitiful what most people drive around these days, then again they don't have a mother that sends thousands of dollars from france.

I open the car door and slowly slide out. I take in a deep breath and slowly let it out.

I take a step forward then another and another until without really thinking about it I came to the curb. I look down at my feet and then to all the buildings that formed a circle with a small office in the center.

I sighed again and started to walk towards a building with a large number three on it. I slid the yellow door open until I came into a little room with little stuffed animals all over the room. The walls were brown and the floors were white. The classroom looked decorated as little without being boring.

I looked around and finally noticed that everyones conversations had stopped and all eyes were focused on me. Someone cleared their throat and I whipped my head to the teacher Mr.Holt. He wore a nice little gray suit with tidy little shoes. His brown hair was ruffled up, which seemed weird with the suit. His chocolate warm eyes flared hot with anger as he stared me down. he waved a tan hand at me motioning for me to come there.

My feet moved automatically towards his desk.
"Yes Mr. Holt?" I said putting an apologetic smile on my face. I knew it was fake but I knew that he didn't.

"Please take a seat Miss. Leah Tanner." His voice was ruff, kind of like he hadn't slept in a while.

I saluted him and almost ran to my seat next to my best friend Austin Holt. In case you were wondering, the answer is yes, Austin his Mr. Holts son.

Austin looked almost exactly like his father. His clothes were neat, and his hair disheveled, his skin was a little bit lighter and he wore glasses.

He was a big geek and he refused to acknowledge that. Thats also why he was my best friend, because he was a weird stubborn person.

"Hello little Miss. Gothic, how is the weather outside?" He asked as I sat down next to him. He held an imaginary microphone in his hand.

I hit his shoulder slightly hard.

"OW!" he rubbed his shoulder. I heard another clearing of the throat and I inwardly moaned. I knew I was going to get yelled at because even though I was his sons friend and he was nice to me when I wasn't at school, he tried to be particularly mean to me when people were around and I didn't know why.

I turned my head to face Mr.Holt. His eyes showed sympathy as if he was trying to tell me that this was completely necessary and that he knew I would understand. That's another thing I hated about him, since I was his son's best friend, he knew all of my weaknesses.

"Miss. Leah Tanner, I believe since you're being so kind and friendly with people, you may show the new student and Cascade high around and introduce him to everyone.
"Stay after class and I will give you a note to give to Mrs.Dietzen so can show him around."

I rolled my eyes and slammed my head down onto the table. As I just told you he knew all my weaknesses and that was one of them. I hated to be around people, and I absolutely hated strangers, obviously because I grew up with the slogan 'stranger danger', I also grew up with a slogan and the only good advise my mother gave to me which was 'Don't become a slut or sleep with too many guys without protection or you will end up with a child you don't want and no father to claim the child.'

It was a long slogan, but she always said it to me. So I try to keep a down low on the sex and I take birth control, because of the rape.

A shiver ran through my spine as I remembered the icy blue eyes of the guy who shoved the pill into my mouth.

I pushed the memory as far back in my brain as possible.

It just hurt too much to think about what's going to happen later on, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
I've tried moving out of town, but they came after me. I tried to tell someone but the words wouldn't come out of my mouth.

There was no point in it anyways, there was nothing anyone or anything could do.

I close my eyes and go to the place where nothing exist. Where all you hear is white noise. there is no color, no pictures, no fun, or pain. I went to the place I call my happy place.

I blanked out until I heard a distant ding, ding, ding. I brought my head up and let my eyes adjust to the sudden brightness. I watched as the last student leaves the room and stand up. I walk forward up to Mr.Holts desk as he pretends to shuffle papers.

"so who is it this time?" I sigh.

"This time you get to show a student named Ashton Davidson. He has my class this period, so he can be excused." he looked down and scribbled on a piece of paper.
"Here you go, you can give this to Mrs. Dietzen."

He held out the paper and I snatched it out of his hands. I walked out the door and pulled a pencil out of my pocket. I copied his hand writing and wrote Austin next to my name.

I rush down the sidewalks until I come to a building with a large number five on it.
I step in and walk slowly to Mrs.Dietzen. She had long black hair that fell don to the mid-section of her back. She had light brown indian skin and deep chocolate eyes.

I smile sweetly and she smiles back. I hand her the note and she puts on little blue glasses and scans the note.

"Austin, you are free to leave." as she finished the sentence Austin's eyes lit up and he stood and walked to my side.

As soon as we take a step outside, he turns his head to the side, looking like a little puppy.

"Remember when your father was being a jackass and he told me to show the new kid around? Well, You know how I hate strangers, so you're coming with me." I made sure that I phrased it so that he had no choice.

We walked in silence down the sidewalks until we came to a building with a large number three on it. I stepped in and looked everywhere until my eyes rested on Mr.Holt. He looked at me suspiciously, then to Austin. I knew that he would not yell at Austin because he was his son. Austin got special treatment.

"Miss. Leah Tanner, this is Ashton Davidson."

My gaze lifted up as a boy about my age, blond hair, and icy blue eyes looked at me.



chapter 2


I stared into those icy blue eyes as the memory of last night resurfaced. The boy who popped that pill into my mouth. The boy that helped rape me. The boy that I know I will never forgive.

A silent alarm went of inside my head. I take a couple steps back and ram my shoulder into the door frame. I wince but instantly forget the pain. As the silent alarm drones on inside my head I barley hear Austin's voice speak to me.

I then shut all my emotions down. All the fear and insecurity just mystically disappears.

I let my face soften as I looked at Austin.

"We should go now." I said as I practically ran out of the room.

I risked a glance back and I saw Austin's eyes soften. I felt a shudder ripple down my spine and I stop moving.

I let my mind wonder why I was running. As my mind scanned every possible answer it finally settled upon the answer that I was scared.

I lifted my head up and felt the stubbornness creep out from the black pit that was my emotions. A voice in the back of my mind spoke swiftly.

'Why do you run? Why do let him take bits of your dignity, strength, and peace away from you? You are strong, and he needs to learn that. Show the creep you are not afraid!'

I let the thought roll around in my mind and decided to take the advice.

I turned and both boys were almost to me. I walked forward and push out my hand. I let my body move instinctively.

"Hello, my name is Leah. It's very nice to meet you Ashton. I'm pretty sure you and Austin have already gotten to know each other on your way over here. Just tell me your next two classes and we will show you around."

He looked down at my hand and I saw secret knowledge pass behind his eyes.

His hand slowly snaked forward and grasped my hand. His hand felt soft and warm. Inviting.

Memories came flooding back. Every memory that slowly killed. Every memory that I hated and made me go numb inside.

I felt that icy numbness fill my eyes and I turn away. Although Austin had known me for five years, he had never seen my eyes go cold. I wasn't about to let him see them now.

I clenched my fist as a hands fell onto my shoulders. I flinched.

"Austin, I'm fine. I didn't get enough sleep last night. I'm just tired." I wanted to just run out of this place and never look back.

I felt one hand slip away but the other hand stayed.

I felt the anger rise in me and I turned around.

"I said I was fine Austin!" But as I finished the sentence I wanted to eat my words and pretend that I never said them.

Austin's hand wasn't the hand that hadn't moved, it was Ashton's. It took a second for the shock to ware off and the anger to return.

I pointed my finger at his face and shouted "Don't you ever, EVER, touch me again or I swear to God I will kick your ass!" As I finished the sentence the voice in the back of my head spoke up again. 'I don't think you could take him, he's not what you think he is.'

I roll my eyes and laugh in my head. 'What? He's not a jackass then?' I reply in my head but no one responds back.

"What's your next class?" My voice sounded grumpy and I mentally changed it.

"I have P.E. then I have science." As he spoke a coy smile split across his face. He was making fun of me. I almost let it get to me, but I was smarter than that. He had P.E. with me, but at least I didn't have to see his face at the end of the day.

I turned on my heal and started to walk towards the building with a number two on it. the room where all physical activities took place. i didn't have to look back to know that they were following me.

I open the gym door and walk through. I felt both boys eyes on me. I walked toward coach Richardson. A.K.A. my old nanny.

Her head swung my way as i approached. Her face had slight wrinkles around the edges. Her brown and grey hair swung back and forth as she stepped forward. Her small waist and height made her look younger than what she really was.

I blinked and the next thing I knew her arms were around me.

Her strong voice spoke through my daze. "Leah! You haven't been at school lately. I was starting to worry that it was because of P.E."

she let me go and I stepped back. "Nah, I just didn't want to come. but I thought mabye you missed me."

she took her eyes off of me and looked over at Ashton. "well who could this young man be? your boyfriend?"

I almost gagged "NO! thats gross, he's the new student and I got stuck with showing him around."
she stepped forward and whispered in my ear. "Too bad, cuz if i was your age and not forty-five, I would date him myself."

I wanted to hurl. that was one of those moments that wanted to scream 'EEEEWWWWWW' to the world.

"Nanna that is just wrong in so many ways." I said accidentally loud enough for the boys to hear.

"what's so wrong in so many ways?" austin asked.

"None of your business, thats what." Nana Gordon shouted at him.

I heard him mutter "whatever"

Afterwards i heard an angry squeal "CHERY WHY THE FUCK DID YOU HIT ME WITH THE BALL YOU KNEW I WAS DISTRACTED WITH THE NEW GUY, NEXT TIME USE YOUR FUCKING BRAIN!"

I knew that voice, i knew it well. I didn't have to look over to know that it was Ashley Steele, which of course she won runner up for bitch of the year.

she had blond brown hair to her shoulders, she was about five foot eight and a bitch all the way through with her snooty attitude and tan skin and perfect green eyes. freaking pushy and never stops running her mouth. God I hated her.

She always got everything she wanted and never gives anything up.
I started to laugh at her expression. geeze she was such a stupid person.she got up and glared at me.
"What are you laughing at you little bitch. You're just trying to take out your anger on other people because you're so UGLY!"
I snapped and started to walk towards her.
"Oh look Chery, I made her angry. Haha."
I finally reached her and without thinking I punched her perfect little nose. She fell to the floor. she held her now bleeding nose.
"What the hell bitch"
I sat down on her stomach and grabbed her tan throat. I picked her head up and slammed it on the ground. i heard a loud smack and a loud scream, yet i didn't feel satisfied. so i did it again. This time I saw a little blood and heard more screaming.
I picked up her head a third time when strong arms made me let go.
I started to laugh like a crazy person. She looked sad helpless passed out on the floor.
I stopped laughing and looked the person holding me. It was Ashtons face. I pushed as hard as I could until he lt me go, I looked up into his eyes and took a deep breath. "I thought I told you to never touch me." I said calmy, butthe next stupid thing I did wasn't calm. I punched him in the face hitting as hard as I could.
This wasn't me, the calm collected looking towards the future me. it was the person that i never wanted to be.
I put all my anger and regrett into that one punche but it only seemed to do so much. He rocked back on his feet a little and his lip was bleeding.
I took another deep breath and looked at the people around me. Everyone looked as if they were in shock. I looked at Austin his concerned face made me want to gag. Cherry looked like she was about to throw up but she also looked a bit satisfied. What a sad girl Ashley was.
I giggled once, i really was going insane. I walked past everyone and out the gym doors. No one stopped me.


Chapter 3


I walked around on the campus giggling every few seconds. I felt as though my mind was gone, as though there was no Leah, only this unknown ghoastly substance that spoke in my mind. 'Leah, you don't need them, they hurt you, they made you cry, why should you forgive their sins so easily. Your always a good girl why should you hurt?' the voice said in a whisper.
I giggled again but took a deep breath and focused. I looked at my surroundings. The air was calm and the trees surrounding the school blew gently like a sweet breath blowing on a light white feather. I looked down at my fingers. I could see the slightly noticable specks of sickly sweet blood.

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 14.03.2011

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To a two-year old named Esperanza, she is just too cute!