Chapter 1

I stood against the window, watching the raindrops trace myriad patterns on the glass. Ominous darkness pervaded outside. A bolt of lightning seared through the skyline, followed by a roaring thunder, sending shudders down my spine.

I turned around instinctively to look at the inert body that rested on the bed. A zillion tubes ran all over the body, connected to machines of varying size and queerness. A cardiac monitor kept beeping at a corner, telling me that all was not lost. That maybe everything can be alright again. I looked at his face, and even though the respirator covered most of it, I knew I could catch the tiniest smile that he could muster. But there was nothing. No flicker of emotion. I sat down on a chair beside him and touched his hand. I felt a sense of déjà-vu…

“C’mon, Christine. Come inside. Your mom wants to talk to you.”

The little girl kept her eyes fixed on her shoes, holding her teddy tightly against her chest. She didn’t like hospitals. And she didn’t like the people who worked in hospitals. Injections, blood, huge machines, they all scared her.

Her father knelt down and held up her chin. “It’ll be alright, honey. We’ll all be there. Don’t you want to talk with mom?”

Christine gave a tiny nod. Her father smiled and stood up. He extended his hand at her. “Let’s do this together.”

“Christine?”

My trance broke, and I looked up. It was Jonathan Harris, our family doctor. He stood at the door, his brows knitted with concern.

“Are you alright, Christine?”

I quickly wiped my cheek to remove any traces of tears and stood up.

“Yea, I was just.. lost in some era,” I said, giving a weak smile. Dr Harris nodded at me and approached the bed to check the vitals. He was wearing a formal shirt and trousers with a white coat on. He was in his sixties, though he certainly looked younger. He was bald, and had been that way since I could remember. I even recalled my father once telling me he had been bald since he was a small boy. I made a mental note to ask him about it someday.

Dr Harris put on his half-moon glasses, and scanned through the screens for anything abnormal, or anything positive, for that matter. Then he examined the breathing with the help of stethoscope. It was pretty routine. After that he would check for pupil response and motor response. The results were the same every day.   

“He’s pretty much the same,” he said, removing his glasses.

I nodded and gazed at my feet.

“Christine, how do you feel?” Dr Harris asked, after moments of silence.

I blinked up at him, lost in my thoughts. “About what?”

“Your injuries, honey. “

“Oh, yes, I feel fine.”

“Okay, but let's get you checked up. Sit on that chair for me, please”

I did as he asked me to. He took out a tiny torch out of the pocket of his doctor's coat. “Look at me”, I heard him say, blinded by the light being shone into my eyes. I blinked hard and it took me a few seconds to regain my sight after he had checked me.

“Yes, you look fine,” he said. “Any migraines or headaches that you have been experiencing lately?”

“No, doctor. Just the scar of my surgery is still a little tender.”

“Oh, don't worry about that, it's completely normal,” he said. “Anything else?”

I shook my head.

“Well,” he said, with a warm smile forming on his mouth, “I declare you fit and fine. You can start going to classes.”

I returned the smile. “I intend to.”

“Alright. I better go and check on the other patients. Meet me in my office when you leave. We’ll talk about your dad,” he said, hanging the stetho on his neck.

I looked at the figure on the bed. “Sure,” I whispered.

After Dr Harris was gone, I sat down on the chair again and took his hand in mine. His wrinkled hand. He seemed so much older. As if years had passed away for him in a month. His breaths were long and silent. I knew he was there inside. But maybe he wasn’t fighting. Maybe he was just tired.

How could I even think like that?

I squeezed his hand and kissed it.

“C’mon, Dad,” I whispered, “Do this for me. Fight for me. You are not alone. Let’s do it together. Just show me something. Anything. Give me a sign.”

I leaned forward and kissed his forehead. “Happy Birthday, Dad.” And then I left, big, fat tears rolling down my cheeks.

 

 

“He has a pretty good chance, you know.”

Dr Harris was sitting on a huge chair - one of those revolving ones. His skin was alabaster white, which made the dark circles under his eyes more distinct. He leaned back on the chair, a smile plastered on his face.

I shrugged. I was tired of all the reassurances everybody kept heaping over me.

“Look, Christine,” he said leaning forward, hands on the table, “I have known your family for a decade now and you are no kid anymore. So I’ll be honest with you.”

“Okay.”

“I spoke with Dr Spellman – he’s the one who operated you and your dad – and he thinks the chances are 50-50 right now,” he said, as a matter-of-factly.

“That sounds bleak,” I blurted.

Dr Harris looked at me, his eyes wide, as if I had just confessed that I was in love with him. “Absolutely not! A 50-50 chance in case of a coma patient is very promising. You can’t lose hope like this.”

“I am sorry, doctor. I hope you’re right,” I said, nodding slowly.

“Well,” Dr Harris said, standing up, “Is Jenna coming to pick you up?”

“Yea, she asked me to call her when I was ready,” I said, searching for my cell phone in my bag, “I will just call – “

“No need, I can take you home,” he said.

 

Moments later, when we were speeding down the road, I looked at him and asked:

“Do you think he will return?”

He gave me a curt glance and kept driving. For a moment I could swear it was sadness in those eyes.

 

Jenna was the best. The absolute best. If I had a role-model, it was her. I loved her. And she doted on me. She was technically my aunt, but she was 26-years old only. So I just called her Jenna. My mother used to say that when I was born it was Jenna who held me first. She took me in her arms, pinched my nose and exclaimed: “Aww, I love her!” And sometimes I felt as if I still have that memory deep inside me.

I unlocked the door with my key and went inside. Home, sweet home. The flames crackled at the fireplace. I let out an inaudible yawn. The last month had been quite tiresome, for me and people around me. The surgery, the healing, it had taken a physical as well as emotional toll on me.

“Is that you, Chris?” came a voice from the kitchen.

I groaned. “Yes, Jenna. And please don't call me that, you know I hate it,” I said as I made my way to the kitchen.

She laughed. “I know, and that's what makes it more fun.”

I rolled my eyes at her. She was preparing dinner and looked frazzled, her hair tied up in a messy bun, wearing a pair of blue jeans and a pink t-shirt with a dirty apron tied around her waist. And yet she looked beautiful. She was a brunette, like me. And she was tall, svelte and two dimples popped out on her cheeks whenever she smiled. There was this aura around her that made people cheery. Sometimes, she reminded me of my mother.

 “What are you trying to make?” I asked jokingly. Jenna was, well, not that good at cooking. She was a journalist, and most of her life consisted of take-out dinners and skipped meals.

 She narrowed her eyes at me. “Lamb chops.”

“Yum,” I said and hopped off the kitchen counter and helped her plate up.

Suddenly, her face turned serious. “How's Martin?” she asked, her lips pressed together.

I sat on the counter and shrugged.

“Dad's still the same. Dr Harris said that there's a good chance he will make it.”

She nodded.

“It's his birthday today,” I mumbled.

In a second she was by my side. She gave me a tight hug and whispered soothingly in my ear, “It's all going to be fine, your dad will be fine.”

I wish I could believe that. I badly needed to believe that everything is going to be alright. That everything is going to be back to normal soon.

 

Chapter 2

I was running. Past dark corridors. I looked around tentatively, still running. Doors with number plates swished past me. I passed by a glass door with the words ‘ICU’ painted in red. I was in the hospital. And I was running. I didn’t know why. But an unknown fear clutched my chest. I just knew I had to run. As if I was chased by a ferocious animal who gained on me with every passing second. As if there was no escape.

“Daddy,” I called out, but my voice made no sound. I couldn’t even hear myself running. And then I heard footsteps coming from behind me; long, distant strides. I turned back, but there was nobody. Suddenly, the strides turned shorter but louder and faster, as if the stalker had started running. My heart started thumping hard against I chest, and I started running faster. Tears streamed down my cheeks, making my vision blurry. “Daddy, where are you?” I screamed. Still muted. A familiar wave of panic washed through me.

Then I saw it. The wall. It came out of nowhere. I stopped right before I slammed into it. I turned around and saw the dark, silent corridor behind me. No one was in sight. My legs could no longer hold me up. I slid down, breathing hard. But instead of cold, hard floor, my knees met nothing. I was falling. Screaming and crying, I was trying to hold onto anything I could. But there was nothing around. The walls had disappeared, just darkness, enveloping me. And then, I wasn't falling anymore. I felt a pair of strong, firm arms, holding me. Strangely, I felt safe in those arms. “Dad?” I asked. I couldn't see the face. The darkness started to lift slowly and found myself in the arms of a stranger. A boy, with dark hair, brown eyes. I blinked hard. Those eyes seemed familiar; I felt as I could trust him. “Who are you?” I whispered, my words registering a sound for the first time. He opened his mouth and I heard him speak in a weird, distorted female voice, “Honey, Chris, wake up!” 

I woke up, startled. Aunt Jenna was in front of me, looking worried. As the realization that it was a dream dawned on me, I felt my damp cheeks with my hand. I wiped off the tears. 

“Bad dream?” Jenna asked.

“Yea. But not that bad.”

“Seemed pretty bad. You were literally thrashing your arms on the bed. Reminded me of The Exorcist,” Jenna joked.

I groaned and covered my face with the sheets. 

“You're going to be late for school. Come on, get up,” Jenna said.

I yawned and got off the bed. That boy's face was hazy in my memory, but I would never forget those eyes. That was the thing about dreams. They slipped out of your head pretty fast.

School, I remembered. I was going to the school for the first time after the accident. I had decided that no one needs to know about my memory loss. It wouldn't be too hard to keep it from everybody else. I got ready for school in a hurry. It took me time to decide my outfit, but I settled with a red sequined top with black jeans and my wedges. I brushed my hair and tied them up with a rubber band. One last glance in the mirror and I was ready to go. I made my way to the kitchen and Aunt Jenna was sitting on the counter, wearing a pair of gray trousers and a black button-down shirt and her high-heeled black peep-toes. She was staring at her laptop screen, typing furiously. She glanced up from her laptop to see me. “Give me a minute, please, C. And the breakfast is on the table.” She said.

I had breakfast in silence, still thinking about the dream I had last night. I didn't know why but it felt like I had seen that face somewhere before. Shaking the thought off my mind, I concentrated on the day ahead. I knew the day was going to be filled with drama, it’s not every day that an accident victim returns to her classes from a hiatus.

“Are you done with the work, Jenna?” I asked.

“Almost,” she replied.

“You don't have to drop me to school, really, I can go on my own.” I said

“No, Chris. Just a few more minutes.”

“Alright” I replied.

I went to my room to pick up my bag. By the time I was back, she was wearing her blazer and was ready to go. She looked at her watch. “Crap, we're both gonna be late,” she said. She worked as a freelancer, having published some of her articles in the local newspapers. The big scoop was yet to be scooped.

“It’s okay, don't worry. We have time.” I told her.

“Come on, hurry up. Get in the car,” she said, impatiently.

We made our way to the car outside our house. It took us 10 minutes to get to school. Jenna kissed my cheek and said “Have a great day, Chris. Bye.” I narrowed my eyes at her and replied “You too.”

 

***

 

I hopped out of the car and made my way to the school. I stood outside for a minute and stared at the huge white building and the green fields around it. Nothing I didn't remember had changed. The day is going to be great, I said to myself. I saw some students staring at me, and when I looked at them, they looked away and began to whisper in their groups. I guess I would have to get used to this now. The accident made me popular. It was on every news channel, in every newspaper for days. No one could forget about the accident that easily, especially when one of the person involved in the accident studied in their school. I hurried into the school, my cheeks burning. I had to go to the principal's office the first thing in the morning. I was sure I remembered where that was. It was on the ground floor, just opposite the east-side courtyard. As I walked down the corridors of the school making my way to the principal's office, the stares and the whispering continued. I didn't blame them, but couldn't they be a little subtle? I recognized some of the students, but most of them were strangers. Unlike the corridor in my dream, this one was filled with light, people and noises. I walked around making sure to take in the changes that I didn't recognize. Most of the school was still the same. I had reached the east-side courtyard and was walking down to the principal's office. There was no sign on the door of the room which said “Principal's Office” but I opened the door anyway. The room was empty. I looked around to make sure I was on the right floor and at the right place. Yes, I was. It was the ground floor and the east-side of the school. But where did Ms. Wegner's office go? I started to panic. People passing me by stared at me like I was someone crazy, but did not care to ask what the matter was.

“Christine?” I heard someone say.

I turned around to see Lauren McKain, one of my best friends, staring at me. I had never been so relieved to see her. I rushed towards her and she hugged me tightly.

“Oh, my God. How are you?” She asked, excitedly.

“I am fine, Ren. How have you been?” I asked her.

She stood there with me, wearing a blue denim skirt paired with a black top and her black boots.

“Oh, I have been great. I missed you, C. We missed you.” She said.

“I missed you all too.” I said with a smile.

“What are you doing here? This is east side, our classes are in the exact opposite direction.”

My cheeks turned red with embarrassment. “Ugh, actually, I was looking for the Ms. Wegner's office. Wasn't it here only?”

She looked puzzled. “No, it was shifted to the second floor, west-side four months ago. What, you don't remember?”

I smacked my head dramatically and replied “Oh yes, I forgot.”

She asked me jokingly, “What, did you hit your head pretty hard during that accident?”

I shook my head at her. She suddenly realized what she had said and apologized. “I am sorry, Christine. How's Mr. Johnson now? The newspapers said he's in coma.”

I mumbled, trying to hide the sadness in my voice, “He's still the same.”

She squeezed my hand. “Come, let's go to the principal's office.”

I smiled at her. She accompanied me to the office. It had been shifted to the floor where our classes were. Sadly, I didn't remember any of it.

“Go on, I will wait for you outside,” Lauren said.

“Alright, I won't be long”

 

***

 

I entered the office, and this time the room wasn't empty. Ms. Wegner was sitting in her chair, wearing a black suit with her black stilettos, doing some paper work. The air conditioner was on full blast and I shivered slightly. Ms. Wegner saw me come in and gave me a warm smile.

“Hello, Ms. Wegner,” I said.

“Good morning, Christine. Have a seat, please”

I sat in the comfortable leather chair kept in front of Ms.Wegner's mahogany table.

“How are you, now?” She asked me sweetly.

“Oh, I am fine Ms. Wegner. A lot better.”

She pursed her lips. “I am sorry about your father, dear.”

I nodded. “Me too.”

Her face brightened, “Welcome back to Maine High School. I am sure people here missed you a lot,” she said with a smile. “I have been informed about your memory condition. Something amnesia, right?”

“Retrograde amnesia.”

She nodded. “The school staff and I will be here for you if you need anything. Don't hesitate to ask help.”

“Yes, of course, Ms. Wegner,” I said.

She handed me a piece of paper. “Here's your class schedule. You may go, now. Have a great day.” She gave me another bright smile.

“Thank you, Ms. Wegner. You have a great day too.” I replied back.

 

***

 

I walked out of the room and a wave of heat hit me hard. God, it was so much better inside the office. Lauren was still sitting outside, looking at her reflection in the glass table in front of her and applying lip gloss. She saw me coming out of the office and I rolled my eyes at her. We chatted all through the way to our class. There were a million things to talk about. Walking down to our class, I took in everything and everyone around me, trying to remember the changes I didn't recognize and keeping them in mind. Lauren was genuinely happy to see me again, and her happiness was quite contagious. She made up for the bad start of the day. Today can't be that bad, I thought to myself. I couldn't wait to meet the rest of the gang.

“Why didn't you return any of our calls?” She asked me, narrowing her eyes.

“Oh, I am sorry. I just needed my time to heal. And I wanted today to be a surprise,” I winked at her.

“Chloe and Jane are going to be so happy to see you,” she said excitedly.

“I hope so,” I replied. “So, what's new?”

“Oh, nothing, really. Just the usual. Chloe dumped Micheal”

What? Micheal? When did she go out with him? I thought she was going out with Scott.

“Why?” I asked. “They were such a great couple.”

“You know Chloe. She got bored of him and left him. Poor, Micheal. He really liked her.”

“I know. They had been together for how long?” I asked her.

“You don't remember? She started dating him a few months after Scott dumped her.” She said.

Scott dumped her? Why would he dump her? Oh, God, I missed out on a lot.

“Oh, yes. Now I remember.” I replied, trying to recall when these things I missed happened. Nothing clicked my mind. I sighed.

Lauren looked at me, puzzled. I wondered if I should tell her about the memory loss thing. I don't think it is a good idea because I don't want people looking at me with pity.

She whispered to me, “God, C, you are popular now. I will have to get used to the stares while I am with you.”

I groaned. “Yea, I know. It's not going to be easy, really.”

She giggled. “I think I am going to enjoy this.”

I walked around keeping check of my surroundings and the people around me. Many waved at me; I smiled at them, to be polite. Some even stopped to ask me how I have been. I remembered most of them, that's good.

Just then, Matt, one of my classmates, came out of a class room. He stopped right in his tracks when he saw me.

“What the hell,” he cried, clearly delighted to see me. 

“Why does Matt Preston look like he wants to eat me up?” I whispered to Lauren. 

She stared back at me with a blank expression. Just when she was about to say something, Matt had rushed towards me and pulled me into an awkward embrace. He kissed my nose and whispered in my ear, “Your baby missed you.”

My eyes widened and two words escaped my mouth. “Oh, no.”

 

 

Chapter 3

“Ain’t it getting a bit outta hand?”

Demarco Corrigan puffed out thick wisps of cigarette smoke. He loved smoking. Smoking had style. He smoked all the time. He smoked when he was dealing. He smoked when he was beating up people. He smoked when he was running from cops. He even smoked when he took a shit. Those ‘Smoking Kills’ footers were for ninnies.  He looked at the dark-haired kid sitting in front of him, and repeated: “Ain’t it getting a bit outta hand?”

The kid sniffed twice and rubbed his nose with the back of his palm. He was tall with an athletic build, long legs. He wore a dirty white t-shirt and black trousers. He looked up, and his gaze met Demarco’s.

“I just wanna do a few more hits.” He had a low, but firm voice.

Demarco took out another cigarette from his pack of camels and held out the pack at the kid. “You want one, Jesse?”

Jesse shook his head.

Demarco sighed. “You have started shooting ‘em up, haven’t you? I can see it in your eyes.”

Jesse shrugged, unblinking.

“Look, kiddo, shooting coke is a whole different ballgame. And what I sell you is pure shit. You start hitting them in your veins and you are gonna turn into seaweed in no time. Believe me, it will burn you out.”

Jesse leaned forward and swiped away the pack from Demarco’s hand. He removed a cigarette, placed the filter end between his lips. Demarco tossed the lighter at him. He lighted the cigar and leaned back, taking in deep puffs.

He wasn’t immature, Demarco decided. Maybe there was a reason. Maybe he had a grief to burn. He sure didn’t look like the ones who did coke for the hell of it.

“Just a bit for the night,” Jesse said, his gaze unwavering.

“And you gotta start paying for the stuff. I am not a fucking bartender who keeps tabs.”

“I’ll pay you, Mark.”

Demarco leaned forward and lowered his voice: “I have told you this and I am telling you again. I am just a fucking nobody in the lowest echelons of this food chain. I keep pushing out stuff without payments, someone’s gonna notice. And , frankly, I love my work too much.”

“Just give me the damn thing, Mark. I’ll pay you this weekend. I promise.”

Demarco ran his finger over a scar on his forehead absentmindedly. He knew he wasn’t a cutthroat businessman. He was just good at beating up guys. And he didn’t wanna thrash this one. This one had a pretty face. And a warm heart. He looked at the dirty walls of the cabin. Everything was so dismal and bleak. The memories of that night faded in.

 Rain poured from the skies without mercy. A man lay in a puddle outside a football field, shirt and trousers torn to pieces. He didn’t move, didn’t want to move. His body was shaking. Not from the cold, but from shock. He closed his eyes and prayed for death to take him in her arms. He had no loved ones to picture in his mind for the last time. No regrets. No sorrow. Just agony.

“Hey man, you still alive?” came a distant, subdued voice.

He opened his eyes. A hazy figure was crouched on the muddied ground, examining him. He managed a small nod.

“That’s a nasty gash on your head.”

The man closed his eyes again. However hard he might try, one feeling kept surfacing again and again. The feeling that he wasn’t gonna die that day.

“Earth to Mark. Earth to Mark.”

Demarco returned from his thoughts. He took a look at Jesse and mumbled to himself, “Oh what the hell.” He reached for his socks and retrieved a tiny plastic packet containing a white powder. He slid it across to Jesse.

“Thanks,” Jesse said, pocketing the drug. “Oh, and can I have another one of those?” he asked indicating at the cigarette pack, “they are the shit.”

Demarco gave a wan smile. “Take the pack. There’s a whole lot where this came from.”

“Don’t worry. I will pay you this weekend.”

Demarco took out a pen and a slip of paper from his pocket. He scribbled something and held it out at him. “This is what you’ll be paying.”

“No problem,” Jesse said, standing up.

“And don’t overdo it,” Demarco said, pointing at the pocket where Jesse had kept the drug.

Jesse gave an affable smile, and left.

He seems to be in control, Demarco thought. He can take care of himself.

“What’s the deal with the guy?”

Demarco turned around. It was Zinger. Boss’s right hand. “Nothing,” he replied.

“C’mon. He has been freeballing coke for weeks now. I watch everything,” Zinger said, walking up to him. Everybody hated Zinger. Hated and feared. There were numerous rumours to why his Mohawk was half-blond half-red in color. One rumour was that he struck off the head of a guy with one swing of the axe, and the blood splattered on his face and hair, turning the front half of the Mohawk red. There were some other funny versions too. But right now he didn’t seem to be in a funny mood.

“He saved my life once.”

“Oh, well that explains quite a lot. But what I am more interested in the explanation as to what you’ll do if he doesn’t pay up.”

“I’ll do what’s necessary,” Demarco replied, his face emotionless.

“Attaboy,” Zinger said, patting his shoulder.

 

After Zinger was gone, Demarco went inside the cabin or, as they called it, ‘the Den’. A half-dozen people sat scattered around the room on sofas, lost in paradise. They came here every day, to destroy the remaining part of their lives, and sink into deeper crevices of insanity. Demarco took a look at them and felt disgusted. They looked like skeletons ready to give up their skin any moment.

He reached inside a drawer and took out a new pack of camels. Methodically, he retrieved a cigarette and lighted it. You had to agree, smoking had style.  As he looked at the druggies again, his thoughts went back to Jesse. He had changed a lot, Jesse had. Demarco recalled how Jesse and his uncle had taken care of him. For two whole months. And Jesse used to be a fun kid back then. So full of life. So ebullient. Now, he had become so subdued and phlegmatic. He still had that warm heart. But yet, Demarco wondered, what happened to Jesse?  

 ***

Jesse walked through the cobblestone streets; hands sunk deep in his pockets, eyes fixed on the path. He looked around once in a while, catching a peek of what was happening in the environ.  He had always liked it in Portland, particularly Old Port. The place had a certain charm to it. Like a small town. And there were people everywhere. In cafes, bookshops, restaurants, and on the streets, strolling in the fine weather. Nobody seemed to have a damn care in the world. He used to love that thing about Old Port. Now he just felt disgusted.

Every where he looked, there were smiling faces. Some laughing ones too. But he knew that deep inside that was not what they were. Deep inside, everyone was different. Everyone held some sort of remorse; some sort of pain. So did smiling and pretending make it any better? No, it didn’t. Jesse knew that. He had tried it himself and then cursed himself later for even hoping it would work.

Or maybe it’s just me, Jesse thought. Maybe I am just losing my mind. But at this point he certainly didn’t care. He felt for the pouch in his pocket. Satisfied that it was still in there, he increased his pace. He had started using a couple of weeks ago; wary at first, then totally lost to it. He’d lock himself in his room, and lose himself to paradise. At the beginning he snorted lines, two or three at a time. He upped it when the tolerance began to build, and by the second week he was at the local medicine store nicking syringes. IV-ing coke was like sitting on the wings of a 747, 30,000 feet above the ground. After the first time, he had never looked back.

He passed through the bustling markets to an old pier. He stopped and looked at the setting sun across the horizon. The waters reflected different shades of crimson. He sighed. He despised this life so much. Everything felt fake to him. Sometimes he had felt like jumping into the water. He didn’t know how to swim. But he knew he couldn’t. Just not right now. He patted the lump in his pocket and turned around to a small cabin a few yards away. He walked to the door and knocked. He heard some movement inside and a couple of grunts before the door opened. A weary, haggard face peeked out of it. “Oh, hey,” the man said, recognising Jesse. “You’re back early.” He opened the door wide and stood aside as Jesse barged in without a word.  

***

Jesse sat on the floor. He was in his room, locked from inside. He’d always lock himself in his room, whether he was using or not using. To keep out his uncle. He hadn’t talked to him in a while and certainly wasn’t starting now. He didn’t want anything to do with his uncle. What he felt for his uncle was not hatred; it was disgust. He didn’t know whom he despised more: himself or that old man he shared the roof with.

He looked down on the mat spread in front of him. The pouch was on it, half open. He took a tiny spoon and nicked some powder from it. Then he looked back at the pouch. The hell with it, he thought, emptying the pouch in a small Petri-dish. He took the syringe and filled it with water, which he then emptied in the Petri-dish. He repeated the same again and the water level reached the brim. Then he mixed coke carefully. He filled one fourth of the syringe with the mixture. He didn’t wanna start large. He knew he had built tolerance to that much of coke, but upping the dose with each subsequent shot had its perks.

He positioned the needle on the pouch and busied himself with swabbing. He folded the sleeves of the t-shirt till his shoulder. There were marks on his arm already, bluish-black in colour. He took a rubber cord and wrapped it around his arm a couple of inches above the elbow; he crossed the cord at the middle and took one end in the same hand and the other end he held tightly in his jaws. As he straightened the hand, the cord tightened up. A couple of veins stood up against his skin. He chose the one which he had least used. “Your lucky day, babe,” he mumbled, teeth still clenched tightly on the cord.

He started swabbing the vein with cotton dabbed in alcohol. He could already feel himself burning with anticipation. His hand was shaking slightly as he hurried to get the first shot. He checked the syringe for any air bubbles. He held the syringe by its barrel, keeping it slightly inclined to his arm. He jabbed the needle in and pulled back the plunger a bit. A crimson fluid gushed into the mixture forming swirls at the needle end. Then he drove the plunger home.

He released the cord and retracted the needle immediately. Then her held the cotton to the vein and sat back against the wall. Within seconds, he felt the metallic taste in his mouth. It was delicious. He knew he had boarded the train. He was in for the ride of his life.

His heart started to beat faster, and his breathing accelerated. He started to sweat and he could feel a tingling sensation in his legs. His vision started getting distorted. He closed his eyes. He could hear the thumping of his heart in his ears. The euphoria burst into a blinding flash of ecstasy that surged through his body and shook him with pleasure.

Minutes later, he held the syringe in hand, ready for the next shot. This time he had filled the syringe three-fourths. He injected it again and sat back, the metallic taste spreading around his tongue.  He looked down at the Petri-dish which seemed to have duplicated into another Petridish. There was a whole lot of watered coke left. He almost heard an evil laugh resounding in his ears. As the flash hit his body stronger than ever before, he knew he was gonna plunge it again. And again. And yet again. Till he could feel no more. 

 

Chapter 4

School was a bad idea, I should have taken more time to heal, I thought, listening to the boring teacher with her wild red hair drone on about Napoleon and the battle of Waterloo. I was sitting at the corner last desk of the class, trying to keep awake. I looked around, taking in my fellow classmates, chewing at the end of my HB pencil. Stephanie, I remembered, was sitting on the second bench. Her bony body and her sweet nature made her come off as a little, innocent and cute creature who couldn’t kill a fly. But now Steph dyed her long and perfect strawberry blond hair jet-black and cut them in a bob. She used to wear bright colours but was now dressed in all-black- a Bob Dylan black t-shirt with black jeans and worn out black sneakers. Creepy.

What is wrong with Steph?

I typed in my Blackberry and sent it to Chloe, sitting in the desk next to mine. She was wearing a cute dark blue top with semi-half sleeves, hot-pink cropped jeans and her dark blue suede ballet flats with a tiny bow at the toe. She was day dreaming about God knows who, twirling her wavy chestnut hair around her index finger. Chloe was one of my best friends, cute and sophisticated, and was a huge flirt. She was one of those girls who boys did not really have to work hard to get.

I saw Chloe take out her phone from her pocket, glance at me once as she read my name and frantically type in her iPhone.

The usual. Ben cheated on her. Crying. Heartache. Go goth.

I pulled a sympathetic face in her direction. Poor Steph, she just seems so breakable.

While I was empathising with Stephanie, Matt gave me another one of his googly-eyed looks. I really wished he would stop that. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. Another text from Chloe.

By the way, how does this memory loss thing work? How do you remember us?

I will tell you all about it after the class, okay?

I saw her shrug lightly and looked at my other classmates. Most of my friends I remembered, but a new girl was an exception. She had joined Albert Einstein High School a few days after the accident. I hadn’t met her before. With her dark brown shoulder length stick-straight hair, she dressed conservatively, hiding her tiny figure.

Ramona hadn’t changed a bit. She was dressed her usual self, deep v-neck green top with a mini blue denim skirt and high, pointy-heeled shoes. She had been throwing  me her irritated glances all through the class which was a little distracting added onto Matt’s lovey-dovey stares. Something was up and I needed to ask one of my friends about it. I had missed a lot since the accident and not to forget about the memories of last year being taken away from me. I surely had a lot of catching-on to do. Just when Ramona glared at me like I had tried to kill her the last summer, the bell rang. I quickly looked away and started shoving my books in my bag.

“What’s up with Ramona?” I asked Chloe who was now by my side.

“Oh, that’s an interesting story that you would love to hear.” She chuckled lightly.

I checked my schedule and groaned. Calculus. Another boring class.  Just when I walked out of the door, Matt was standing in front of me, leaning his back on the wall, and, clearly, waiting for me. He took me in his arms, something he loved to do, and kissed my cheek.

“Hey, baby. What do you have next?” He asked me.

“Calculus,” I said, looking at my schedule and avoiding meeting his eyes.

“I have Spanish, but I can walk you to your class, querida,” he said, enthusiasm in his tone.

“No need, Matt. Chloe has calculus too. You go to your class or you’ll be late,” I said with a small smile, trying to hide my irritation.  “Come on, Chloe.”

I dragged Chloe with me, leaving Matt behind.

“Please remind me how I ended up going out with him,” I whispered to Chloe.

“That’s an interesting story too,” she chuckled again. “But first, tell me about the memory loss thing.”

“I’m sure the other two would want to hear it too. So I will tell the three of you together, after school? You guys can come over to my place.”

She sighed heavily. “Fine,” she said.

***

Lunch at Maine High School has always been a big deal. The school cafeteria was packed with students sitting on their respective tables. Just like before. This place hadn’t changed a tiny bit.

“God, I missed the school cafeteria,” I said to Jane. She was another one of my best friends. She looked totally sweet and adorable in a pink slip dress with a pair of ballet flats of the same colour.

“And this place missed you,” she added sweetly.

I walked down the school cafeteria and my cheeks were blazing. I was holding almost everybody’s stare. Wherever I walked, people fell silent and started whispering. Lauren, Jane and Chloe were besides me. They were clearly enjoying the attention I was drawing.

Chloe elbowed me and whispered in my ear, “Everybody is staring at you, Ms. Popular.”

“Oh, gee, Chloe, thanks for telling me, I didn’t know,” I replied back, sarcastically, which caused Jane and Lauren to crack up.

We went to the cafeteria line and picked up a tray each.

“Tacos, ew,” Jane said, grimacing.

“Looks like it’s going to be just salad for me, today,” I said, moving to the salad bar. After filling our plates with unappetizing raw vegetables and fruits, the four of us chose an empty table at the far end of the cafeteria to sit on.

“Hey, babe,” Matt said as he slid his tray next to mine and kissed my cheek, lingering his lips there for longer than he should. He was wearing his dark blue football jersey with a black True Religion jeans underneath and red sneakers, his blond hair tousled and sticking out. He was followed by Ramona.

Ramona? Why would she want to sit with us? I looked at Lauren, who was sitting next to me, questioningly.

“I will explain it all later, I promise,” she whispered

Well, a lot had changed and I surely had to get used to it.

“Hi,” I replied back with a tiny smile, completely grossed out by how he had slid his chair closer to mine and how he was practically breathing on my cheek. Ramona settled next to Matt, giving me another one of her irritated glares, with her three cronies following her lead.  I remembered two of them, Whitney and Alisha, while it looked like Ramona had added another member to her slutty group, Megan. I knew Megan, but not as one of Ramona’s friends. She used to be a sweet girl who dressed normally and didn’t look like her tongue had been down every guy’s throat in this school. But, unfortunately, now she did, in a dangerously low cut black Armani top paired with a green denim mini-skirt and black knee-high boots. I wondered what these figures were doing on our table. The four of us always sat together with our boyfriends. Our little group was joined by Matt’s football teammates, Heath, Brandon, Julian and another guy whose name I didn’t remember, with Ramona’s fellow cheerleaders. And, just like that, we were the popular students of the AEHS, surrounded by jocks and cheerleaders.

Wow. How did that happen?

“So, how was your day, honey?” Matt asked, with his mouth full.

God, manners, dude. That’s not how you impress girls. I resisted my urge to roll my eyes at him.

“Fine, until now,” I said, giving him a forced smile, trying my best to be polite.

I must have gone completely insane to choose him out of all the other guys to go out with. Suddenly, the bell rang and I was the first one to hop out of my chair, eager to get away from my supposed boyfriend. But, unfortunately, we had political science together next. I sighed.

School actually was a bad idea, I should have waited some more.

***

Finally, school was almost over. I was sitting in the school lawn enjoying a moment of peace while Chloe was busy flirting with Brandon, the jock. Lauren and Jane were attending their last class that was running a little late. Chloe started walking towards me, looking cheerful after all the flirting, her two pigtails bouncing on her sides as she walked.

“Someone has a crush,” I said teasingly.

Her eyes widened and cheeks blushed slightly.

“Me? Duh, no. It’s just that I love flirting,” she said, winking at me.

I rolled my eyes at her and said, “Sure, whatever you say.”

Just then, we noticed Jane and Lauren, walking out of the school building in a hurry.

“Calm down, LJ,” I said, “There’s no hurry.”

They were both red-cheeked and looked tired from the boring class.

“Sorry for being late,” Jane said.

“Come on. Let’s go now,” Lauren said, still in a hurry.

Just as she said that, a black BMW Convertible pulled up in front of us. The driver’s seat’s window rolled down and there was the great Matt, grinning up at me with those artificially white set of teeth and his light blue eyes crinkling up at the edges.

“Hop in, babe. I will drop you,” he said.

I looked at the other three, asking if they wanted to ride home with him. They shrugged.

I gave Matt a flirtatious smile. “Can Lauren, Jane and Chloe come too?”

His face fell. “I don’t know where they live.”

“Oh, that’s nothing to worry about.  They are coming to my place only. You know where I live now, right?”

He nodded, still disappointed about missing a chance to be alone in a car with me.

“Sure, they can come along,” he finally said, half-heartedly.

I sat in the passenger’s seat and the rest three settled in the back seat. HIM was playing on the stereo and the air conditioner was on full blast. The leather seats were black and comfortable under me. I felt guilty for using him like that, but ignored it. It was just a ride, no big deal.

***

Lauren, Jane, Chloe and I were sitting on my bed together, facing each other, deep in discussion.  The light blue and hot-pink striped wallpaper plastered on the wall looking as new as ever. The floor-to-ceiling windows, with the curtains undrawn, made way for sunlight to enter the room and light it up. A night lamp of the same pattern and colour as the wallpaper was sitting on the dark-brown mahogany bedside table, matching the decor of the well designed room.

“So, tell us?” Chloe asked excitedly.

“Tell you what,” I asked, puzzled.

“The memory loss thing, dumbass,” Chloe said.

“Oh,” I replied, tugging at the hem of my grey wool Anthroplogie skirt, not wanting to talk about it.

Lauren squeezed my hand and said, “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, really,” giving Chloe a warning look.

“No, I might as well just get over with it now,” I said to her, giving her a weak smile. I looked around at my friends, searching for words in my mind to describe my situation.

‘California Girls’ was blaring out of the speakers of my iPod dock. Jane, who was sitting in front of me wearing a pair of black Wolford pants and a red Ralph Lauren button down shirt, gave me an encouraging smile. Chloe was staring at me, twirling her hair strand in her finger, her eyes filled with curiousness. Lauren was staring at her lap, knowing it was hard for me to share all this.

“I don’t really remember anything about the accident, which, you know, sucks a lot, because I would like to know what my head was bashed into,” and lowering my voice I added, “and how my add ended this way.”

Lauren, sitting the closest to me, gave me a sympathetic smile, encouraging me to go on.

“The last thing I remembered when I woke up in the hospital with my head all bandaged up and my right leg plastered, hanging off a harness that was attached to the ceiling of the room I was lying in is slipping on the floor of my own room and passing out at the night after my 16th birthday party. It felt like the minor fall had caused me so many injuries.  Then the nurses informed me that it wasn’t just a slip that had caused me to lie in the hospital bed but it was a major accident instead. I discovered that my father was hurt too. Looking at him, a few images rushed to my paralyzed brain. The memories of the accident. They are still hazy in my brain, but they are there.”

My voice became thick with emotions, and I cleared my throat, preparing to speak again.

“You can tell us, C,” Chloe said, waiting for me to continue.

I nodded. “I remember insisting him to take me shopping on a stormy night, the night of the accident. He had reluctantly agreed. And I remember how he wasn’t wearing a seat belt. He never really liked seat belts, used to say they squeeze his belly,” I smiled weakly at the thought, tears stinging my eyes. “Maybe if I hadn’t asked him to take me shopping, he wouldn’t have ended this way. Or maybe if I had forced him to wear a seat belt, he would have been all right. These instances that I remember only give me one conclusion- I am the reason my father is in coma. I blame myself.” Now the tears had started to roll down my cheeks.

“How can you even think like that, Christine?” Jane asked, horrified. “Of course you are not the one responsible for your father’s condition.”

Lauren gave me a tight hug, Jane and Chloe joined.

“She’s right, C. Of course it’s not your fault. You don’t have anything to feel guilty about.”

I shrugged lightly. Chloe nodded, agreeing with Lauren.

“We totally understand what you are feeling, really,” Chloe said.

“You won’t really get anything but pain from feeling guilty, Christine.” Lauren added.

I nodded, roughly wiping away my tears with the back of my hand.

“Now tell us about the memory loss, every detail. What all do you remember?” Chloe asked.

“Oh, no. Not so fast, girl,” I said to her. “You promised to tell me how I ended up with the dumbass but really cute Matt.”

The three of them giggled.

“Do you remember how you accidently slept with Matt after the homecoming party where he had asked you to accompany him as his date? You both were drunk and he took you home. His parents were out of town and there you lost it. You told us about it and how it was a huge mistake.” Lauren said.

I widened my eyes.”Tell me you are kidding.” I said.

They started giggling again.

“Look who’s a dumbass now.” Lauren said, giggling.

I hit Lauren on the shoulder.

“Ow,” she screamed, hitting me back.

I exhaled, “Thank God. I almost believed that.”

“Actually, half of it is true. He did ask you for the Homecoming party. And you did say yes,” Jane said, as a matter-of-factly.

“And why would I do that?” I asked, still not able to remember any of what they were saying.

“Ramona. Who else? You know she has always been trying to impress Matt. She’s all gaga for him. She can even flash for him if that would make him hers,” Lauren told me, not a hint of joke in her voice.

“So Ramona challenged me that he would ask her out instead of me?” I asked.

They nodded.

“And of course, I won,” I said, smirking slightly.

They rolled their eyes this time.

“And now Matt thinks we are a couple even though I have no feelings for him whatsoever?” I asked again.

They nodded, again. There was a funny smile on Chloe’s face that I couldn’t decipher, so I ignored it.

“Well now it makes sense,” I said, “I really thought I had bashed my head into something before the accident too to end up going out with that jock.”

Jane frowned slightly, “He’s not that bad.”

I looked at Lauren with my eyebrows raised, and she had the same expression.

“Oh, don’t take me wrong, I don’t have a crush on him or anything. But it’s true,” Jane added, looking bewildered. It seemed like she had seen me and Lauren exchange glances after her confusing statement.

“If you say so,” Chloe said, nodding slowly, clearly not believing her.

“Okay, now guys, fill me in. What hot happened while I was away? Or the things that happened with me but my brains don’t remember it?”

“First you have to tell us what all you remember, sweetheart,” Lauren said sweetly.

 “Oh, I just told you. Almost the whole of last year is completely washed off my brains,” I replied, shrugging.

“There’s one more thing you should know,” Jane added, “while you were gone, Ramona grabbed her chance and, well, figuratively, swept Matt off his feet, if you know what I mean.”

“And Matt got swept?” I asked, surprised.

“Yes, you know how he wouldn’t miss a chance to hook up,” Lauren said, making a face.

“Hmm, I see,” I said, thoughtfully. “Well, that’s good. This gives me a reason to break up with him without actually breaking his heart. Anyways, you guys want something to eat first?”

“Sure,” Jane said. “I’ll come with you.”

Jane followed me to the kitchen and we took some cans of soft drinks from the fridge, cookies, and chocolate ice-cream, of course. Our meetings are incomplete without ice-creams. There were some potato chips stacked in the cupboard somewhere and I grabbed them too. Jane and I got up to my room with our hands full of food, and we both piled them on my bed.

“Chocolate-chip ice cream, yumm,” Lauren said, licking her lips and grabbing a spoon.

“Ice-cream? Don’t you know I have to lose these five pounds before prom,” Chloe said, frowning.

“Honey, chill. A little ice-cream wouldn’t make you fat,” I said to her, patting her shoulder.

She shrugged, picked up a spoon and dove in the tub.

We gossiped all day long and forgot all about the loads of homework we had to do. And after a long time, I enjoyed to my fullest. There were just so many things I had missed and didn’t remember and not a flicker of memory reminding me of the moments.

But then, spending some quality time with my friends, gave me a hope that everything might just be all right again.

 

Chapter 5

I entered the Biology lab with my Hilfiger bag hanging on one shoulder. I was the first one to come. My pink canvas shoes made noise as I walked into the silent room and took my seat behind the black marble counter on the wooden stool. The stool beside me was empty. My lab partner, unfortunately Matt, hadn’t arrived yet. I took out the text book and started flipping through the pages. I heard the lab door open and looked up. Students were starting to enter the lab, waving to me and exchanging greetings. I saw Chloe come in, smoothing the hem of her black Kate Spade pleated skirt. She looked at me, waved and took a seat on the counter behind me. I turned in my seat to face her.

“Hey,” I said. “What’s up?”

Her cheeks were flushed.

 Another flirting session with Brandon, for sure.

“Hey,” she replied back, sounding excited. “You won’t believe what just happened...”

I opened my mouth to speak but she did not give me a chance to do so.

“Brandon just asked me out! We are going out on our first date this Saturday night. And we are going to the Hamptons, you know the new Italian restaurant that has just opened at 26th Avenue? It’s so amazing!”

I sat back in my seat, leaning on the black counter and stifled a yawn. Chloe had started to yap about her new boyfriend.

“3 more days, oh my god, I can’t wait...” she continued, and I was trying to tune her out.

Yea, Chloe, you’re cute, I know. But do you really have to tell me all about what your admirers do for you? Or what all plans you have with your new found love? I am not interested, really, I wanted to say to her.

I oooed and aahed all through the conversation. I hate to say it but I kind of envy her. It’s so easy for her to be happy. Guys can easily make satisfy her and I would love that too.

“Hello, Christine,” I heard Ramona say, breaking the train of my thoughts. She took a seat on the empty wooden stool kept next to me. I saw Chloe shut up just as she arrived.

I blinked at her. “Hi,” I said in a confused voice, not sure why she was bothering me.

“How are you?” She asked, giving me a forced smile, flashing her marble-white set of teeth.

“Great, why?” I asked her suspiciously.

“Oh, I am just asking as a caring friend. It must have been traumatic for you after that accident.”

“Yeah, it was,” I replied to her, stiffening at the reminder.

She put her hand on mine. “I just wanted to tell you that if you need anything, and I mean anything, I am here for you,” she said, in a voice dripping with fake sweetness.

My eyes instinctively widened a little, hearing Ramona say such things.

“OK......” I said, not really sure what to say to her.

“I get what you are going through, you know,” she said sympathetically, putting a hand where her heart would be, that is, if she has one.

“Alright...” I said, still not sure.

“So, I am having this pool party at my place today evening, 5pm. The four of you are invited. Get your swimsuits on and be ready to get wet,” she said to me, her eyes twinkling.

Before I could say anything to her, she smiled at me and walked away with her heels tattering on the polished floor.

Just then Lauren came in and settled where Ramona was just a few seconds ago.

“What was that about?” She asked me wide-eyed.

“I have no idea...”

“Well, I am sure something’s on her mind,” she said suspiciously.

I nodded silently.

“Just be aware, okay? She’s a bitch anyway.” She said.

“She said something about a pool party at her house,” I told her.

“Oh, are we invited?” She asked with a little excitement on her face.

“Yup, the four of us are invited. You want to go?”

“Sure. I would love to go. No matter how much I hate her, I wouldn’t miss any of her parties.” She replied.

“I am sure Chloe and Jane would love to too,” I told her.

“Of course they would. When and where?” She asked me.

“Her place. 5 p.m.” I answered.

“Alright, we’ll be there. I am going to wear that cute pink Orchid bikini of yours. It looks adorable. You will have to wear something else,” she said, dominatingly.

“What pink bikini?,” I asked her, trying to remember about it.

“You bought it last year,” she said, smacking her head. “How could I forget you wouldn’t remember about it...”

“Oh, it’s okay. Wouldn’t harm discovering clothes I never knew I had,” I winked at her.

I saw Mr. Reynolds walked into the class and said “Good morning, everyone. Please take your seats.”

Lauren went back to hers, passing me a smile. Mr. Reynolds looked at the empty stool next to me. Matt was late for class, as usual.

“So, I am going to give you all a microscope each for a table and some slides, along with a worksheet. Work in pairs and answer the questions asked in the sheet. And Ms. Johnson, you can start before Mr. Miller comes.”

I nodded. “Yes, Mr. R.”

He took out a bunch of keys from his black trousers’ pocket and opened the brown wooden cupboard in a corner of the lab. One by one, he started to take out microscopes and a guy wearing red spectacles stood up to help him by keeping one microscope on each table. He came to my table, smiled at me and said, “Hey, C.”

“Hey,” I said, not really remembering his name.

Mr. R gave us four slides each. Just then Matt appeared on the door of the lab, standing there in his navy blue jeans and green T-shirt, his hair still wet from the morning shower.

“Thank you for joining us, Matt,” Mr. R said, giving him an icy look.

“Um.... Sorry, sir.” He gave Mr. R an apologetic look and hurried to my table awkwardly.

“Hey,” I said to him. He looked distracted.

“Hi,” he replied absentmindedly.

That’s weird.

“So, you’re coming to Ramona’s pool party today?” I asked him.

“Pool party?” He blinked at me. Slowly, recognition dawned on his face. “Oh, yea, that. Of course. You’re coming?” He asked me with a smile, looking more like himself now.

“Yup.”

“When can I pick you up?” Hope was visible in his voice.

“No, actually, I am going with Lauren.” I said with an apologetic smile.

His face fell. “Okay...” he said in a sad voice.

Poor guy. Sometimes I feel bad for him.

“So... What all did you do while I was away?” I asked him.

He looked bewildered. “Umm.... What do you mean?”

“Never mind,” I said.

***

I turned the key in the lock of my house and pushed open the door. It was dark in there and I searched for the switch board and turned the light switch on. Yellow light filled the room. I made my way up to my bedroom, climbing the stairs, humming to myself.

Just then, I heard a sound from the kitchen and froze in my tracks. Silently climbing back down the stairs, I walked in to the living room, grabbing Jenna’s baseball bat, signed by Justin Verlander himself that she loved so much. I made my way to the kitchen, walking slowly, making sure I wasn’t making any noise. I held the bat in a defensive position, ready to attack if someone was actually there. I switched the kitchen lights on. No one was there. I looked around. A saucepan had fallen on the kitchen floor.

Must be rats, I thought to myself.

I looked around again, just to be safe and undrawn the curtains to peeked outside the window. I couldn’t see anyone. I sighed with relief and went to the entrance door of the house to check if the door was locked. Yes, it was locked properly. I checked again, just to be sure. No one.

After keeping the bat where it should be, I made my way to my room again and threw myself on the bed. It felt so good to be back on my soft bed after such a tiring day. I kicked off my shoes, slid down my jeans and slipped under the sheets. The tension of the day was slowly oozing out. I untied my hair, letting it fall around my pillow. My mind drifted, thinking of things that brought me pain. I tossed and turned for a while but fell asleep gradually.

I heard the door open and close behind me. He slid right next to me on the bed and whispered in my ear, “Hey, baby..”

A shiver of pleasure ran down my spine. His hot breath tickled my cheek. It was surprising how he could easily make my day better, without any effort.

 I turned around in my bed and squinted up at him. His eyes looked so beautiful to me, even in the dark. I brushed away a perfect curl that fell in his eyes with my index finger. He stared at me like I was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen in his whole life, and that made me sigh. Sigh with contentment. Feeling my cheeks get warmer, he stroked them with his thumb and I drew closer to him. I melted in his embrace, slowly drifting to heaven. His touch was soothing, wanting me to stay this way forever. Forever, in his arms, never wanting to get off this now cosy bed. His fingers moved along my bare waistline, his touch warm against my cold skin. I kissed him, gently at first. His lips were soft and wet beneath mine, like the inside of a ripe plum. He pulled away and looked at me with that adoring look. He played with a strand of my hair and I murmured slowly in his ear, “I love you...”

A smile formed on his lips, the smile I admired so much, the smile that could make my crappiest day better. He took in a deep breath and exhaled, his breath hot and heavy. “And I love you,” he said back to me, loud and clear. The words seemed to make me so happy, I felt blissful. Like the world was a perfect place to live in. Away from all the problems, all my worries.

Suddenly, the dark room flooded with lights, making my eyes burn. He disappeared. I blinked hard, unable to see because of the blinding light.

I opened my eyes, slowly regaining conscious. I sat up suddenly and looked around, searching for him. It was just a dream, I realized. I sighed heavily and fell back on the bed. The dream felt so good, so real. But it was just a dream, completely unreal. It was just my subconscious playing with me. With a lot of effort, I tossed aside my sheets and got off the bed. I stretched and made my way to the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror. A girl with dark brown hair, big hazel eyes, slightly colored cheeks and pink, full lips stared back at me. I washed my face with water, trying to wash the pleasant dream off my mind. It didn’t work. But the cold water felt good on my hot skin, made me feel fresh. I went back to my room and drew all the curtains. It was four in the evening and Lauren was going to come over soon. I opened my closet door and examined all the clothes I have. My closet was a mess, rumpled clothes thrown inside, it needed serious cleaning. But I didn’t have time for all that. It took me time to find the pink bikini she was talking about. It still had its price tag on and was actually cute and I felt proud at my choice. In the process, I also found some clothes I never knew I had. A black Miu Miu baby doll dress, Rose red plaid mini skirt, and more.

Absorbed in examining my wardrobe, I heard the doorbell ring and jumped in alarm. 

Lauren.

 I hurried downstairs and opened the door. It was Lauren.

 “Heyy,” she said to me and gave me a big hug.

 “Oh, someone is very excited,” I said to her, hugging back.

 “I never miss a chance to flirt with cute boys or maybe more…” She said, winking.

 “Yea, I know, I know.” I replied.

 “It’s time you leave that ass of your boyfriend and find someone much better.” She said to me, following me to my room.

 “Want to eat something?” I asked her, trying to change the topic.

 “Nope, I’m not in a mood to eat. And I said something important.”

 “Yeah, I know… I am going to have to find a decent way to break up with Matt.” I replied to her.

 “Yes, you sure do. And you have to do it today.”

 “I shouldn’t have played with his feelings in the first place..”

 “Oh, honey, you don’t have to worry about that. He hasn’t been very loyal to you either.” She said.

 “I forgot about his hook up with Ramona. Thanks for reminding me.”

 “No need, that’s what friends are for,” she replied cheerfully.

 I opened the door to my bedroom and seeing my closet door open, she hurried and started to go through all my clothes.

“Here’s the bikini you love so much. I haven’t even worn it once.” I said to her, nodding towards the bikini that was lying on my bed.

Her eyes widened. “Don’t tell me you are not going to let me wear that,” she said to me and pouted, hoping it would work on me.

“I never said that”

She gave out a tiny yay and started looking for something to wear over the swimwear.

“What are you going to wear?” She asked me.

“Haven’t decided yet,” I shrugged casually, kneeling on the floor next to her.

“You better hurry up. Need my help?”

“Sure,” I said, giving her a tiny smile.

My mood was low, and I was unaware of the reason.

As if reading my thoughts Lauren asked me “Hey, are you okay?” She glanced at me, her eyes filled with concerned.

“Yeah,” I replied in a low voice. “I just don’t feel up for the party.”

“Oh, no, no, no, no. You have to come with me. Please, don’t bail on me.” She said in a pleading voice.

I smiled to myself.

“I really don’t feel very well….” I said, trying to bring in mock tiredness in my voice.

“Please don’t be like that…” She pouted again. “You know how boring Chloe and Jane can be.”

I chuckled. “Yes, I forgot about that. And of course I am coming.”

She narrowed her eyes at me, realizing I had been pulling her leg.

“Whatever,” she said poking her tongue at me and dug back in my clothes.

She chose a black see-through slip dress and got up from the floor. She stood in front of the mirror holding the dress in front of her and examined herself.

“What do you think?” She asked me.

“That’s supposed to be for you, right?”

“Yeah, of course.” She replied, as if I asked her a really stupid question.

“I thought you were going to look for an outfit for me?” I said, narrowing my eyes at her.

“Yea, I know, but I have to complete my outfit first right?” She rolled her eyes at me.

I sighed and got off the floor.

“Guess I’ll have to look for my clothes myself,” I said under my breath but made sure she hears it.

She tore her gaze off herself and looked at me with her dark blue eyes narrowed. She dropped the dress she had chosen for herself on my bed and sat by me. She sighed loudly.

“You owe me.” She said.

***

Lauren and I hopped off the taxi and made our way to Ramona’s mansion. It was huge. Her family had no financial problems, apparently. Ramona’s father fixed faces for money, he worked as a plastic surgeon in the city’s number one hospital, Maine Grace. Her mother, like all elite women, spent their husband’s money and also owns a charity home.

My Jimmy Choos crushed the grass beneath me, we were now in the gigantic lawn in front of the mansion. There were beautiful flowers planted on the sidewalk and the boundary of the house. I have been to Ramona’s place before but every time I visit her, there’s something new about the house. It looked more spacious somehow. Her parents were out of town. She had the whole house to herself and her little brother who studied in our school, fourth grade.

“You remember this place, right?” Lauren, who was next to me asked.

“Of course. I have been there before last year.”

“Just checking.” She said.

I gave her a glance and nodded.

After what felt like walking miles, we reached Ramona’s backyard and saw some of our batch mates chatting away, holding Bacardi glasses in their hands. The swimming pool shimmered under the heat of the sun. There was a yellow inflatable boat floating which was filled beer bottles and ice to keep them cool. A few people were already in the pool, standing by the edge with a glass of drink in their hands. I saw Matt in the pool, half-naked and standing next to Ramona. He was wearing red knee-length boxers and his usually gelled hair was tousled, falling in his eyes. Ramona, who was clearly flirting with him, wore a black one-piece Arena swimsuit, the kind with the strappy back. Matt caught my glance and waved at me. Ramona followed his gaze, clearly irritated with the huge grin Matt got on his face while watching me walk towards him. I smiled slightly.

“Hey, there,” I said to Matt, who was getting out of the pool now and picked up a towel from a rack nearby.

“Hi,” Matt said excitedly, coming forward to give me a hug. I held up a hand and he stopped in his tracks.

“What?” He asked, hurt.

“You’re dripping wet.” I said flatly. He looked down at himself and seemed to have realized the fact after me pointing it out.

“Oh, yea. But we are here to get wet, right?” He said, a smirk on his face.

“Later, maybe.” I replied to him in the same tone, shrugging.

Then I turned around and walked away.

Lauren, who was still next to me, whispered. “Wow. That was harsh, poor guy.”

I gave her a look and she suddenly said, “But he deserves that,” and nodded.

I smiled, “Of course.”

I saw Chloe and Jane come in together. Chloe looked beautiful in her transparent pink dress thrown over her black bikini and her blond hair flowing around her shoulders while Jane looked sophisticated with her hair tied back, wearing a navy blue wrap around skirt above her bright red one piece swimsuit.

“Hey,” Jane said, smiling at me.

“You’re late,” I said to them, looking at my TagHeuer.

“It’s good to be late at times,” Chloe said, looking around, searching for Brandon, of course. “Has any of you seen Brandon?”

“No.” Lauren and I said together.

“Hello, hottie,” I heard someone say. Brandon.

“Hey, babe,” Chloe said, kissing him on the lips.

“Speak of the devil…” I muttered under my breath.

“Guys, I’ll see you later?” Chloe asked, although it seemed more like a statement to me than a question.

“Yeah, of course. See you.” Lauren said and Brandon took her away.

I picked up a drink from the tray that a waiter was holding, moving around to serve everyone and took a sip. I glanced around, taking in the surroundings. The place looked amazing, with a pool-side bar set up. There were counters laid out, filled with catered food. Ramona had used her billionaire Daddy’s platinum credit card to do all this, of course.

‘Demons’ was blaring out of the speakers and a few couples were dancing. Lounge chairs with what seemed like water proof pillows were laid around the pool and a few people were sitting on it comfortably, either drinking or making out.

The rock song came to an end and a slow song started to play. Matt appeared from nowhere and tapped on my shoulder. I turned around took look at him. He was now dry, wearing a button down shirt on with the boxers swapped for a pair of clean and dry blue denim jeans. He cleaned up pretty well. His hair was still wet, sticking out at places.

Seeing him, Lauren whispered to Jane, “I guess that’s our cue to go.”

I gave them a smile and mouthed “See you.”

Matt held out his hand. “Would you like to dance?” He asked, in a soft voice.

I couldn’t help but smile.

“Sure,” I replied to his question, putting my hand in his and letting him slide his arm around my waist. I rested mine on his shoulder and we swayed slowly with the music.

Matt looked down at me intently, his eyes never leaving mine.

I need this to be over, I thought. I cleared my throat, preparing myself to break his heart.

“Matt?” I said softly.

“Yes, sweetheart?” He said sweetly, which was kind of unlike him.

“Um… I think we need to talk,” I said, pressing my lips into a thin line.

His expressions changed. His face went from in-love and content to worried and confused.

“About what?” He asked, trying to hide the worry from his voice.

“Did you hook up with Ramona while I was in the hospital?” I asked him, my voice flat, clear of any emotions.

His eyebrows shot up. “Of course not,” he exclaimed.

“Don’t lie to me, Matt. I know you did.”

His eyes showed shame. His grip around me tightened, making me a little uncomfortable.

“Yes,” he whispered.

I got out of his hold and started to walk away but he held my hand before I could.

“I am sorry, I really am,” he said.

“It’s over, Matt.” I said, looking him straight in the eye.

“Please.” He said, pleading.

I shook my head. He let go off my hand and I walked towards where Lauren and Jane were.

“Well played,” Lauren said to me, when Matt was out of earshot. I shrugged like it was no big deal.

I turned to look at him and he was sitting on a couch, tying the laces of his sneakers, ready to get out of this place. Jane, standing next to Ren, was taking in the scene too. She surely had a sensitive spot for him.

He actually looked sorry. I thought.

“Don’t tell me you are actually going to be upset over this,” Lauren said, shaking me a little.

I shook my head, trying to get Matt’s guilt stricken face out of my mind.

“It’s okay being upset about it,” Jane said to me.

“I am not upset.” I said firmly. “He got what he deserved”

“That’s the spirit,” Lauren cheered me on.

“Want to get out of here?” Jane asked me.

“Yeah, that seems like a good idea. What about Chloe?”

“She has a ride home,” Lauren said, glancing at her. She was sitting on one of the couches, making out with Brandon.

“I’ll text her,” Jane said, taking her Blackberry out of her clutch.

“Before we leave, can we grab something to eat? I am starving,” Lauren said, putting a hand over her bare tummy.

Jane and I shrugged. After eating a few canapés, I was dying to get out of this place.

“Come on, let’s go now.” I said to both of them, impatiently.

“Where to?” Lauren asked me as we made our way out of the mansion.

“My place.” Jane said.

[TO BE CONTINUED]

The exact copy of the book can be found in my co-witer's profile: ishitagarg. If you like the story so far, please add it as your favorite and leave a comment. All suggestions are welcomed. Thank you! :)

 

 

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Texte: Adam Woods & Ishita Garg
Bildmaterialien: Ishita Garg & Adam Woods
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 24.07.2013

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