THE JADED NIGHT
I don’t know, I just don’t know. When the lights fall and I’m alone in this room, I just don’t know. Well you can see this is going to be one of those, we’re all going to die, lying in the pink sky things. Let’s forget this and talk to my friend. I think I walked over to Zenv in a jaded sense of morning. I was in a daze, we all felt like vampires falling from some blue sky, alone in a freezing bed. So, as the darkness hit our veins, like white ice, we woke up and looked at the time.
‘It’s three, let’s go to sleep Velis, it’s too late, early and I’m tired.’ Zenv blacked out, not wanting to fall into the white vacant nightmare that was my life.
‘Yeh, Zenv you are nothing, forgotten. I don’t care anymore,’ I said.
‘Listen you’re pretty, you’re nice, everyone loves you Velis. I want to make love to you like every second. Anyone could tell you that your life is a dream.’ Zenv spoke with cold fading diamonds, cutting the white night, or so it would seem.
I didn’t care, I just fell asleep, pushing my long black hair off my pretty white face. My dark jade eyes glowing with that lost look, as if I was always staring into a mirror of fear, haunted by visions of white ghosts and the vampires which came from the night to kill me. I am messed up, like seriously. Sorry I should have said something. I get sad and like to dream of stuff. Well, like doesn’t everyone? I think I do more though. I dream of weird stuff, like pink nights and lost glaciers of death. Just to tell you, I once met this person who told me I was dead. Like a real vision of death, a walking zombie. Maybe that person was more messed up than me though? I’m kind of normal when you look at it, when I’m not lying in my own black blood. Lying in this black bed, it’s a black which is trapping me, like the night won’t go away. Yeh, I’m going to wake Elesenva up. I get out of the bed in a trance, well it’s just hard to see.
Maybe I should turn the stupid light on. Man, I’m not good with ideas though. Elesenva is so cool, like pink ice running down a grey frozen lake. She is so hot, I can feel her haunting my pretty mind. Man I am weird, someone will help me with that one day.
‘La, la, la, wake up Elesenva, it’s not sleeping time.’ I smiled. She moved away from me. I jumped into her bed. It’s not like that, I’m just cold ok. Her bed was like a white cloud floating in a nightmare, the cloud was nothing to fear. Anyway, is it just me or am I getting way too poetic tonight?
‘Wake up sleepy girl.’ I whispered in Elesenva’s ear.
‘Oh god, Velis what is up, I was asleep, you’re crazy…’ She was a little tired, so I kissed her to keep from losing her. I flicked my black hair off my face, she thought I was pretty. Her eyes were vague, like a night lost in snow. ‘You know Velis, you’re pretty radical when you’re not crazy,’ Elesenva said, brushing my long black hair off my face.
‘Yeh, you are radical too, what do you want a medal?’ I smiled like I was dying from depression on the inside, yet a grey skeleton lost and shattered on the outside.
‘It’s late Velis, you’re funny, maybe a touch sexy in that falling apart white skirt. Whatever you want you can have it; Zenv, me, just make your goddamn mind up.’
I looked into her pretty, sleepy eyes, she was falling into darkness. I smiled with whatever I had left. I didn’t have to try much, she was gorgeous, her dark eyes faded into some dream, and I felt happier to indulge my obsession with the night.
‘Make my mind up. Why would I ever choose to do something, when I can almost do everything, but never do anything?’ I moved so close to Elesenva, touching her pretty white hair, like ice falling down her face. Within a breath of her I pulled away, and laughed, ‘Your skirt is too radical Elesenva, its way out there girl.’
Elesenva smiled as I ran away from her bed, into the darkness. There was maybe something better to do. I ran into the cold night air, forgetting the peaceful ambience of the black bedroom. My white dress made me cold, but I mean that’s what happens when you wear a white dress and you expect to sleep in it. Then when you go outside in it, obviously it’s cold. Well it’s freezing, and the ice runs down your cold legs. You feel like a frozen angel, if you want to freeze and die, like me. I’m not telling you how to think here, or am I. I don’t think I’m speaking with a moral, so don’t worry anyway.
So the night was now fractured and streaking with pink stars that always haunted me. The only thing which was weird, which made me start to think, maybe I was dead after all and maybe I was a ghost or a zombie, or a vampire or whatever, this isn’t Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I’m not making much sense. I meant to say that I was seeing things in the night. It was a strange night, such a good night as my memory blanks out with the pink stars. Anyway, in reality these faded images, or ghosts, whatever you want to call them. Let’s just call them ghosts, but they were sort of shadows if I was telling the truth. Like white lightning, and sometimes they were green and jaded visions of light. One of the green shadows smashed into my red pretty heart, and talked to me.
‘What is wrong with your icy mind Velis?’ I was totally in shock for that second.
‘Wha, what…’ I said.
‘Fly into the vacant night Velis, you are nothing.’ The shadow cut me with ice.
‘Oh, so you’re saying I want to die, or did you say fly?’ My white skirt was flying in the night. I think I confused that green shadow, it flew away. If you are ever having a crazy nightmare dream thing in a jaded night, just mispronounce something the shadow says, then supposedly they leave you alone. I needed something to drink, so I tried to drink from this white lake, all this flowing crystal water was rushing into this stupid lake.
So I drank the divine water, man does water taste so boring. Where’s the flavor? I can’t stand it, man throw some green cordial mixture in the stupid white lake or something. Yeh, so out of the blue, as the night was just about to lose itself, I saw this image of a grey shadow. It was Zenv, that’s when you know you are losing it, when Zenv is a grey shadow, and he’s calling out to kill you or whatever he wanted.
‘Hey Velis, is this another one of your nightmares.’ That’s when you really know you are messed up, when Zenv’s grey shadow starts talking to you. Actually the grey shadow was kind of sincere, who would have thought, most shadows are totally pretentious losers, but this one was quite nice. So I smiled at the grey image of Zenv and tried to look as pretty as I could, I messed my long pretty black hair up. I don’t know why I was trying to impress this stupid grey shadow.
‘Listen Velis, you are dying, you’re not dead but soon you will be.’ Zenv talked with such sincerity, I was almost crying, man was this shadow sincere. I didn’t know what to say so I just said what came into my mind.
‘Listen Zenv, can you put some green cordial into this lake or something?’ I said. ‘Ok, Velis if it will make you more comfortable I can turn this water into whatever you want,’ Zenv seemed stunned at my nonchalant attitude.
‘Well, maybe you can change this lake into a life where everything is perfect. Where I am normal and I have coco pops every morning and wake up in time, and my pretty white dress is not ripped and dirty from walking in this shadow world,’ I cried. ‘Listen Velis, you are talking about things which are just stupid. You will just die if you want to keep dreaming like this.’ Man Zenv didn’t have to tell it like it really was.
‘Well Zenv, you think you are so great and such a stupid shadow and what does that mean anyway. What is wrong, am I dead, or do I even care anymore, you tell me?’
‘Velis, you’re too lost, I think no one will ever save you.’ I started to cry, I didn’t know what he was saying or if it made any sense. Why was he telling it how it was?
‘You are just a nightmare Velis. You are lost in your own dark chilling world. In your veins the blood is so cold and nothing. One day you will see there’s more to life than being lost in your own world. You are just someone else’s nightmare Velis,’ Zenv said. ‘I don’t care if I’m lost in nothingness. What are you going to do about it? Nothing, anyway it’s too cold to have this conversation, I’m in this freezing little white dress. Why aren’t you turning the lake into anything, it’s just water...’
I was so lost and now I was crying, but instead of letting all those crazy feelings take me over, I simply breathed in and smiled at Zenv, looking into his bright eyes. I thought about something nice, and suddenly in a flash the room was dark. I was standing alone, my white dress pure and clean. I was always alone in the dark. The black vacant night was just an echo of silent white snow, falling onto my bedroom window. My mind was really weird, I knew that. Man you had to give it to Zenv though, he really knew how to kill you, as the white blood seeped from my dead black veins. I died like the chilling of my bones, I told them all to fall like white jaded dreams.
‘Throw away all of your dreams Velis,’ Zenv said to me, as I killed the white night, it was easy to drink the snow, as my white dress dripped with nothingness, just like I was dead all along in my pretty white dress, which was clean and beautiful. My dress looked so pretty, as I rotted in my white grave.
Oh, when I died in the shadow world, I was just a vampire, so I woke up and then I was alive and wearing the prettiest white dress ever. Elesenva was lying next to me, her white hair brushing softly against my face. ‘Velis your white skin kills me,’ Elesenva said touching my heart. In the darkness of the grave I smiled like the vacant white snow.

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 27.11.2010

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