Revelations

By Susan Evelyn

DAY 1
Dear Diary,
Today was the first day back at college. University actually, but everyone calls it “college”. My fellow students and I crowded around the schedules pinned on the board to check our rosters. It must have taken half the morning to get everyone sorted out. Luckily I found mine quickly.

My Creative Writing lecturer, Mr Silverman, gave us our first assignment and that, Dear Diary, is where you come in. He wants us to write something every day for at least a month on an honor system. He said he will never read them and it’s an exercise in writing routinely every day. Well, good luck with that. I have never been able to keep one going for long before.

So, Dear Diary, we begin.


My name is Perdita Foxworthy. It’s not a name I enjoy but has some unknown family significance handed down through the generations. It is so outdated I tell people to call me Dita. My best friends usually call me Dee which suits me better.

I am one of the hot girls in school, even if I must say so myself. Straight hair hangs down past my shoulders; very dark like the blue-black of a midnight sky. My eyes are dark too, almost black, and with my pale skin I look a little like a gothic pixie. I have a bit of an impish nature too so it all goes well. I get away with it because I am short and cute with a slight body build but I am not an airhead like the pretty girl brigade; I get very good grades.

Despite classes, today was a good day. I caught up with all my best’ies and we staked out “our” table in the canteen. Everyone watches when all four of us walk past. We make an impressive group. I hear their silly whispers and boastful talk when they think we are out of range, but I assure you, Dear Diary, we girls are not that type. We may flirt with the boys, but that’s as far as it goes. None of them would dare do anything untoward as they value their man parts to much.

Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately for the teachers, we are not all in the same classes. I share English Literature with Jem (that’s Jemima to her parents), Ancient History with Nan (otherwise known as Nannette), and Mathematics with the genius Vada (don’t ask; her real name is Theresa so you can see why she prefers a nickname). All of us are together in home room which is a blast. Our year teacher is Miss Bourke and she’s a sweetie. As long as we don’t destroy the place or attract too much unwarranted attention from the Head Master, we get away with almost anything so the short time spent in home room is like a mini party.

The food in the canteen was as bad as ever so I made do with some potato fries and a milkshake for lunch. I’ll eat better tonight. Dad is making a big ‘welcome back to school’ roast dinner like he does every year. I can smell it baking now and can hear Dad rattling around in the kitchen.

Apart from being the first day for the year, everything was pretty normal and I don’t know what I will find to write about for the next 29 days. That’s it for now. I have to wash up for dinner.

PS.
Dinner was wonderful – one of his best yet. Roast beef with loads of vegetables and a wonderful garlic sauce which is new to his recipe repertoire.


DAY 2
Dear Diary,
Yesterday was an aberration. It lulled me into thinking the year would be as quiet as last year.

In the morning, everything was uneventful as normal. I woke up at the last possible minute and hit the ground in the running position. It was all a mad blur to be ready and presentable in time for the bus. I grabbed a few slices of cold roast beef to push between two pieces of bread to make do for breakfast. Roast is always better the next day. Dad was yelling something about breakfast being the most important meal as the door closed behind me.

Got to college and the day was still ordinary. Met up with the other girls and we shared a few comments about what we saw on TV last night. Nan had some gossip to share about the teacher who left in the middle of last year. When we arrived at the lockers I knew the day was no longer average.

We had walked into a buzz of gossip and giggling. The four of us exchanged a look and rolled our eyes. There must be a new kid starting, probably a boy given the way the girls were behaving. We agreed to compare notes at lunch time.

My only class for the morning was Creative Writing. This is a smallish class so we sit in a U-shaped arrangement of tables which encourages open debate and brainstorming. Mr Silverman was pulling out his class notes when the door opened. We all looked up to see who it was. It must have been an intimidating sight from the doorway.


In walked someone I hadn’t seen on campus before. He took one look at the sea of faces all turned in his direction and seemed to shrink a little. With his head bent downwards to avoid our curiosity, he approached the teacher and handed him a slip of paper. This must be the person who had caused the buzz in the corridors earlier and the paper would be from the Registrar’s Office introducing him as a new student.

Mr Silverman glanced at it, smiled at the young man and introduced him to us as Alexander Peterson. Something twanged in the back of my head. The information was not right. I don’t know where it came from, but all of a sudden I knew it was not the stranger's real name.

This Alex is moderately tall, quite a few inches on me but that’s not so unusual as I’m only 5 foot 2 inches on a good day. He has wide shoulders and a reasonably broad chest. Despite the loose jacket worn over a t-shirt, there does not appear to be an ounce of waste fat on his toned body, but he doesn’t look like a jock either.


His hair is motley brown, trimmed shortish all over except for an uneven tussle at the front which did not flop over his high forehead. His face is a pleasing oval shape with a clearly defined chin, but not the square jaw of the typical ‘hero’ figure. His facial features are even and quite average. He would blend very easily into a crowd and probably did not enjoy being the focus of attention in this morning’s class. His eyes were hard to see with his bowed head and his lips were pulled tight as if he clenched his teeth. No doubt we will see him properly when he is less self conscious and wary.

He walked the length of the room to an empty seat at the end of the opposite row of desks. Strangely, he did glance up and flick his eyes down the other row of students which included me. I saw the touch of a smile relax the corner of his mouth, but I could be projecting my own interest. I have to admit, though, there is something has caught my attention about this young man.

He sat quietly throughout the class, intently watching our rather boisterous interaction. If he was me, thrown into a strange environment, I would be observing the normal behaviour of the inmates too; assessing the personalities, the pecking order, and the accepted mode of behaviour. I wonder how many times he has been in this situation.

There was still a lively buzz happening in the canteen at lunch. I did not see him and wondered if the thought of facing so many strangers had frightened him away. I had to admit to the others I had seen the mysterious cause of the commotion and he was a reasonably good looking young man, tallish (they all giggled as any normal person would appear tall to me) but quite ordinary so far.

The rest of the day was exceptionally ordinary. I did not see him again.

Dad has his ‘night out with the boys’ tonight so I am on my own for a few hours. I made a simple dinner from the cold roast and some salad and came up to my room to relax.

Recreation is far from my mind though, and in writing this I realise something keeps niggling at the back of my mind about Alex. I don’t know why, he seems regular enough. Whatever it is will come to me eventually. It usually does.


Day 3
Dear Diary,
Jem and I were early to our first lecture of the year in English Literature. We wanted to establish “our” seats. This was a much larger class than Creative Writing so we were assigned a small lecture hall with raked seating rising from the podium. There’s a sweet spot about a third of the way from the front where the sound from the lecture platform is easy to hear and the sun does not get in our eyes from the bank of high windows along the side wall.

It did not take long for the other students to meander in and make their choice. Out of habit, people will generally go to the same seats they first select each subsequent session. This was why it had been important for us to be associated with our preferred seats.

There was still an excitement in the air. We had no idea which books we were about to study so there was some speculation on that subject. Also, people had not worked the summer holidays out of their system and were still catching up with the news from all their friends.

The clatter of people taking their seats stopped as the lecturer entered. He had someone with him which caused a whisper to ripple through the class.

We are to have Professor McFinney as our lecturer for this class. It means we will have to pay close attention to unscramble his considerable accent. If not fully awake, listening to him will make no sense at all.

Then he introduced the young man with him, the new student. There was something about the way he stood and the angle from where we looked down on them sparked something in my mind.

A curtain in my mind parted and an insightful flash awoke a memory. Lexie! I must have said it aloud because Jem looked at me with a frown and said “What?”

I had to cover up quickly so I replied, “Alex. That’s the new student I told you about.” Satisfied, she took a long look at the young man and noted all the details.

He was wearing the standard faded denim jeans and plain coloured t-shirt of many male students along with the jacket from yesterday. His head was a little bowed but not quite so apologetically as earlier but he still kept his eyes downcast and unchallenging.

He needs to show some strength or the group would tear him apart later. Students act like pack animals and will pick on anyone they consider weak making sure they are kept at the bottom of the social ladder.

After the introduction, he climbed the stairs to find an empty seat. When he passed me, I am sure he allowed his glance to slide my way. This time I caught the hint of hazel eyes, currently grey and guarded.

He chose to sit a few rows behind me, carefully avoiding the gaggle of twittering girls who were making gestures for him to join them. Good move on his part.

The rest of the class went by in a haze. Because the booklist had been handed out at the beginning of the session Prof McFinney asked people to read passages from 'A Midsummer Night’s Dream' instead as he figured we would all have been exposed to the story at some stage. He asked questions about the readings. It was all a bit dreary, but it gave me time to think and to turn my mind back to memories from when I was only four years old.

I had been a wilful child - things haven’t changed much in that regard. My mother was very sick, and Dad spent all his time looking after her so I was on my own a lot.

Summer was very hot and the house did not breathe. I reacted badly to the swelteringly heat and would sit on the open window sill of my bedroom. There was something peaceful and soothing about staring at the dark sky and those tiny spots of light. If there was a little breeze, it could be felt from my second floor window as I looked down the dark empty road. Even the cats and dogs did not stir in the oppressive heat.

But there was something that did, or someone. It was the boy next door. I did not know much about him as he and his father kept very much to themselves and often went away for a long time. I guessed he was a few years older than me, but it was hard to tell because he was a long, lean, gawky kid. His arms and legs were thin as if they had been stretched, and he seemed to move with very little coordination.

I would watch him roam around their front yard, and occasionally meander down the road to the intersection before wandering back. I figured he was hot and needed to escape the confines of his room.

They had a dog too. A long limbed rangy thing of mixed heritage, quite a match for the boy. The animal seemed to be painfully skinny. Sometimes if I saw it sniffing around the hedge fence which divided the two yards I would sneak out to play with him. I was not allowed to have a pet because of mother’s illness, plus the time it would take away from looking after her.

Some nights I slipped downstairs intent on feeding the dog with some leftovers and scraps. I let myself out and whistled to him over the fence. I remember I had once been shocked when a boy’s head rose above the shrubs instead. Surprised, but not alarmed. We had said awkward hello’s and I offered him the food I had brought out for the dog. He swallowed it down in almost one bite. We had shaken hands the way we had seen grownups greet each other, exchanged a few awkward words about the heat and how horrid it was and then I had excused myself to run back indoors in case Dad came looking for me.

Now, having looked down on Alex from much the same angle as from my window, I recognised him. Only he had not been Alexander Peterson then. His name had been Alexis Petrov. I had not been able to get my tongue around it and had called him Lexie.

Maybe his father had changed their names in this society which is rapidly becoming xenophobic. Alexander Peterson could certainly blend into anonymity far better than Alexis Petrov. Anyway, I have decided it is none of my business and there must be a good reason for it. I will wait until he tells me, or the opportunity arises to ask politely.


Day 4
Dear Diary,
Today was our gym day. It’s Nan who is our gymnast but the rest of us go along with her so she can book a section of the gymnasium for practice without a bunch of juniors getting in the way on the equipment. Thursday lunchtime was the only suitable time we could block in a regular reservation.

Don’t get me wrong, the rest of us are competent in the gym, but nowhere near Nan’s standard. We don’t compete, she does. I like the trampoline and if it is not available will do some tumbling or balance beam work instead; Jem is the artistic type and choreographs complex tumbling routines on the mats incorporating streamers, hoops or balls; Vada is far more physical and performs routines suspended from the rings or she will do vault runs; Nan works wonders on the parallel bars.

We had just begun on the equipment after warming up when someone entered from the far end, the access used more by the guys. We all paused to see who it was. Lexie!

He saw us and gave a quick wave of acknowledgement before disappearing into the changing room. He emerged a short time later having stripped down to his singlet and shorts. I have to admit his well toned body looked amazing. Solidly muscled thighs, well defined broad chest and powerful upper arms have been hidden under his customary jacket and jeans.

As he launched into a rigorous routine on the pommel horse, we all paused and exchanged glances. He was impressive. If only he showed a more outgoing nature and wasn’t such a brooding loner he would be quite a catch.

We turned back to our personal workouts but by the time we had finished, Lexie had already gone. We said nothing aloud, marking the observation with a shrug or raised eyebrow.

That was the only time I saw him today but thinking about it later, I realised just how little I know about him. I am concerned about the amount of time he is taking up in my thoughts. It’s not as if we were best buddies or anything when we were kids. There had only been a few surreptitious meetings in the summer heat that one year. By the following summer, he and his father had left the neighbourhood.

My best’ies and I went to the mall after school for some window shopping. And I don’t mean the things available in the shops, although there were a few new dresses to be tried on too. The boys were hanging out at the hamburger place, or riding the escalators showing off and calling out to the junior girls.

We had dated a few of them and nodded our hello’s when we walked past, but there was no-one who caught my attention yet this year. If anything, I found myself looking for one particular face, the one which was least likely to be there.

Vada was a little more courageous and rubbed shoulders with a few of the jocks. She has a killer smile and left a few empty hearts behind when we walked away.

There were a few wolf whistles from the new juniors but they were quickly silenced by the seniors. Vada flashed them a seductive grin as reward. It seems our reputation is still intact and well guarded. No one messes with us.


Day 5
Dear Diary,
It was our second class in English Literature. As the semester wears on, this will be our tutorial class to back up the lecture series earlier in the week.

It was gratifying to see “our” seats were empty and waiting for us even though we were not the first into the lecture hall. The psychology was working in our favour. We slipped into our seats and pulled out our notebooks. There was no time to look around when Prof McFinney entered almost immediately.

There had still not been sufficient time for everyone to get the required texts so this time the professor called on a few people to join him on the podium to act out some key scenes in different ways to emphasise a variety of possible aspects of the play.

It was a bit ordinary really. I was listening but doodling aimlessly in my notebook when Jem slipped a note to me. You’re being watched

, it read. Huh? I frowned at her and she tipped her head indicating the space behind me.

I pulled out my lipstick and purse mirror and pretended to be refreshing my makeup while having a quick look behind me. Sure enough, Lexie was three rows back and watching me intently with those brooding eyes. I only caught a glimpse in the mirror before he noticed what I was doing and quickly looked away.

I was not sure whether to be flattered or worried. After all, he could remember me from all those years ago just as I had recognised him. Although, if that was the case, why has he not approached me before? But then again, I have made no sign of recognition either. We are at an impasse.

Admittedly, I look quite a bit different to the four year old scamp of fourteen years ago. Back then I had untidy plaits bouncing down my back and a crooked fringe hiding my eyes. My skin had been blotchy and bruised from scrapes and intermittent sunburn and although short for my age as now, I had been shapelessly scrawny much as he had been.

He has changed a fair bit from the skinny kid I had met back then too, but the expressions in his eyes, and the guarded stance of his body betrayed him to me. Perhaps I have mannerisms he has recognised too.

For the rest of the class I felt as if his eyes were burning holes in the back of my head. Maybe it was all my imagination or he was too quick to be caught out again.

There was no chance to catch up with him after class. Jem and I had been stopped by a few people who wanted to organise a group visit to the local playhouse and by the time we exited the lecture hall, there was no sign of him, or many others for that matter. It had been the final class on Friday afternoon; everyone had other places they preferred to be.

The two of us met up with the others and we made plans for the cinema tomorrow. There’s a matinee double feature playing with an old swashbuckler and a current movie back to back. I have to check with Dad, but I’m sure it will be alright.


Day 6
Dear Diary
It’s Saturday morning. No classes and no home study as yet. A free day! Almost.

I had a sleep in, and then a big leisurely breakfast with Dad. Weekend mornings are when we do most of our catching up with each other if we are both home.

Now it is time to wash up and get ready for the movies. I will write more afterwards if I have the energy.

................................

Back home now but jumping at every sound. I’m sure I was followed and the sensation is still ringing alarm bells in my mind.

It all began at the movies.

We got there early, as usual, and stocked up on frozen drinks and candy. Sugar rush!


Most of the staff recognise us as we are there so often. It’s a small cinema, only the one screen, but at least they try to cater to the Uni students on weekends. Naturally we have our favourite seats and we joke about how management should have our names embroidered on the backs.

There were a good number of people there and the usual racket as everyone waited for the lights to go down. Then a bunch of guys came in, or rather, invaded.

They were boisterous and loud, and no-one seemed to have seen them before. Everyone shrank away from their rough-housing when they often knocked into other patrons. One person even had one of these louts land in their lap from a particularly hefty buffet from his mates.

And loud! They had no volume control and shouted everything they said. Nor did they stop when the lights went down for the movies. They talked throughout the previews, even shouting comments to the screen. The classic movie played first and only fuelled their behaviour.


There was murmuring among the other patrons which only made things worse. Eventually Vada stood up and told them to behave or get out. Well! We then became the focus of their shouted abuse and lewd comments.

There was no way any of us were going to walk past them to go out to the cinema staff, but there is more than one way to handle things. Nan pulled out her mobile phone and you can just imagine the rude suggestion which came from the hooligans before she contacted management.

Shortly after the phone call, someone came in and sat near the exit. Not knowing who this person was, the ruffians toned down their behaviour for all of 5 minutes. However, I recognised the newcomer as the day manager without his insignia jacket.

As soon as the raucous behaviour resumed, the manager left to return a few minutes later wearing his jacket and backed up by several male staff. They stood over the nuisance bunch and “invited” them to leave. The boys had had their fun achieving maximum disruption so they left without offering a fight. However, there was a parting barb aimed at my group threatening they would make it up to us later.

The film had been paused during the eviction so paying customers did not miss too much. Everything soon settled down and we enjoyed the movies in peace.

Afterwards the four of us had afternoon tea at the cafe next door, treating ourselves to more sugar with some chocolate Sundays. We waited there until Nan’s parents came to collect her on their way to a big family dinner at her grandparents’ place. They had to go past my home so they offered me a lift too.

We had barely gone a block when I had the strangest feeling. It was a weird sensation something similar to when Alex had been watching me in class. I stared out of the window watching everything that moved and half the things which didn’t.

When we crossed at an intersection, I saw a pickup truck dash across the intersection a block off to one side. It happened again at the next crossing. I was waiting for it to show at the third, but saw nothing until we were almost all the way across. Then I saw the front of the pickup edge into the parallel intersection. We were being followed, I was sure of it.

We turned off the main street and cut across a suburb to get to my home. The pickup truck lost us for a few blocks but soon found the trail and paralleled us again. It was too much of a coincidence.

I could not voice my concerns to Nan or her parents. They would have thought me paranoid, or mad. My thoughts were on the gang of boys from the cinema and their threats. It would be alright when I got home. Dad would be waiting for me and I would feel safe again.

But he wasn’t at home. Instead, there was a note on the kitchen table saying he had been called into work and might be late. I locked the doors and checked all the windows before running up to my room and peeping cautiously out of the window. I saw a pickup truck cruise down the street.

I did not turn on the lights; not exactly sure why. Maybe because lights would show there was someone in the house, someone who had recently got home. Also, I did not want to present a silhouette of me looking out of the window.

I was scared. I still am scared. I am sitting on the edge of my bed hugging my knees to my chest and not turning anything on. There is a good view of the road from here and I saw the same pickup drive past slowly a few times. They haven’t been around for an hour now which worries me even more than when I did see it. I worry they are on foot and creeping around the house where they can’t be seen. Every time there is a creak I get goose bumps and my heart beats faster.

Dad will be home soon. He rang half an hour ago. Five minutes more and he’ll be walking in the door. I have to hold on for five more minutes. Then everything will be alright; then I will be safe.


Day 7
Dear Diary,
Sunday! Dad’s home, the sun is out and all’s right with the world. Looking back I can’t believe how I got myself into such a tizz last night. Overactive imagination, I guess.

Nothing planned for the day except for a bit of personal pampering and relaxation. Dad’s making his Sunday special pancakes for breakfast and afterwards I think a long soak in the tub with a good book will put me in a better mood.

..............................

The day has been pretty quiet. Watched a few movies, prepared clothes for next week, did a bit of house work – that sort of thing.

I didn’t tell Dad about what happened at the movies. He might have been worried, and it was nothing, really. As for later last night, I have chalked it up to my paranoia. There is nothing to indicate otherwise, and no unexpected visitations or drive-bys today.


That said though, I did listen to the news. You never know, a slow news day could lead to some minor local incidents being reported. There was nothing about the scuffle at the cinema, which was gratifying.

There was one report which stuck in my mind though. The reporters took a mocking tone when they presented yet another unverified report of a ‘big animal’ in the area. I have no idea why I even listened let alone remember it. This sort of thing gets reported on a regular basis, particularly when there is nothing big to dominate the news.

The local suburbs end abruptly at the foot of a range of hills. Some farming properties have fields on the facing slopes, but beyond is a natural reserve. Once in a while a rogue animal will come into the paddocks and take down an animal or two before the farmers either catch it or run it off. There have been all sorts of things from wild dogs to the bigger hunting felines. More than half the time, though, it is someone’s fevered imagination that sees a dark shape moving among the shadows.


The reporter did not interview the group of young men who had alerted the police, and there was a strong suggestion they had been drinking. The article continued to say they had been found on the edge of town in their pickup truck, badly bruised and shaken, and claiming a wild animal had attacked them. The tone of the account had implied a ‘good time gone bad’ after the liberal application of alcohol and authorities did not want to alarm the locals without some corroborating evidence.

Maybe my attention was caught by the mention of the pickup truck in relation to a group of young men. I will talk to my best’ies tomorrow. Maybe they know something.


Day 8
Dear Diary,
The brief respite is over. Back to classes today. It is early days yet and the prospect is not too onerous.

I was a little early to Creative Writing this morning but I was not the first. I sauntered in and was a little taken back to see someone in the far corner seat. It was Lexie.

He looked up as I pulled back my seat and dropped my books on the desk. And he smiled! He actually smiled at me. Be still my fluttering heart!

Ok, so it was just a little smile, nothing special but I felt it was a miracle. He had not smiled before, not at school, not seen by others.

He was wearing a blue denim shirt and the colour reflected in his eyes sparkling with crystal clarity beneath lowered lashes. The smile lit up his face with the merest flush of warmth. Such a lovely smile, he should do it more often.

My own reaction was unprecedented and took me quite by surprise. I should have said something, found out if he remembered me. Before the right words came to mind others were entering the room and put an end to the speculation.

I have not told my best’ies about Lexie. There is no good reason to not let them know of our previous encounters. I usually share everything with them, but not this. It has become something precious I hug to myself and now the image of his smile sets me tingling inside with the added thrill of something secret.

I haven’t told Dad, either. The time has never been right. Besides, what would I say anyway? It’s not as if there’s something special between me and Lexie..... yet. I can always hope, though, can’t I?

During the class, Mr Silverman walked up and down the corridor of facing desks and every now and then I would see Lexie behind him. My mysterious friend was becoming more involved in the class and even made a few comments today. Perhaps he is coming out of his shell.

More though, I could tell he kept looking at me when he thought no-one noticed. Maybe he is putting the memories together but he doesn’t give any hint other than when he looks my way his expression softens. There is something in his wide-eyed look; an openness like the innocent need to please seen in a young puppy’s expression, a yearning for approval.


That’s it! I knew it would come to me eventually. That is just the way his dog used to look at me. Maybe Alex learned it from him. I would always give in to that look and the puppy would take the food I offered and lick my hand. If I was bending down, he would try to lick my face too. He was such a friendly animal, at least to me. Although if someone walked past he would stand tall and rigid, and those pretty eyes would narrow and his lips quivered in the beginning of a snarl until the intruders were gone. It was so cute.

Meeting up with my best’ies in the canteen we all had yesterday’s news report on our minds. We speculated as to whether it was the group who had disturbed the cinema session and I confessed how I thought we had been followed in the car home. The others nodded sagely when I mentioned the pickup truck. But what had happened to them? That was the big question, and one no-one could satisfactorily answer. We gave up eventually, shrugging and agreeing if it had indeed been the group we had seen then they deserved what they had got and were lucky to still be alive.

On the way to afternoon classes, Nan caught up with me and asked if I had a problem. I shook my head but she persisted saying she saw me looking around the canteen. I gave her my best “give me a break” look which usually puts paid to such questions and said I was “just looking”.

It was the truth, mostly. I had checked to see if Lexie would make an appearance. It has been a week since he arrived and he should have made some contacts by now, or at least be less anxious about entering a place with a large group of people. I had thought his relaxing a little in class had been a sign in the right direction.


Day 9
Dear Diary,
It’s Dad’s night out again. He and a few of his buddies meet at a friend’s place. I have no idea what they do there, but he deserves some time to himself. He does everything around here, being both parents at once as well as all the heavy housekeeping and earning a wage. I don’t begrudge him some time off.


At least everything is back to normal here after the weekend so I have had a quiet and restful night watching dvd’s and snacking on food. Dad may think it is his night off, but it’s mine too. I get to have some time out which includes not worry about what I’m eating. Dad is always so careful about preparing well balanced meals.

Not much happened today.

It was the second class of Creative Writing for the week so I saw Lexie again. We engaged in a re-run of yesterday. It has become something of a game to spy on each other, at least for this class. When we catch each other out, we exchange the smallest of smiles before looking away.

There is a little surge in my feelings when our eyes meet, a thrill quickens my heart and makes my thoughts spin. This is becoming a silly childhood attraction. I should try to shake it but it is fun. It can’t hurt, can it?

Still no sign of Lexie in the canteen. He should make the effort; he needs to socialise or he will become the target of the bullies. I may have to take matters into my hands.

It is very quiet outside, no sounds at all, just as it should be.

One set of neighbours is a very nice, elderly couple. They keep to themselves and are rarely seen except in the middle of the day returning from occasional shopping trips. Our house doesn’t overlook any of their yard and trees line the fence.

On the other side, Old Mr Jameson moved into Lexie’s place almost the day after he left with his dad.

It’s odd. I don’t remember anything of that day, except for my ear piercing. Dad took me to a new place in the city to get it done. I still wear the original studs as we weren’t allowed to wear fancy jewellery at junior school and pretty much forget about them unless I am dressing up for somewhere special.

We see more of Mr Jameson than the other neighbours. He’s nice and used to gives me homemade cookies when I was little. He looks veritably ancient these days and must go to bed very early. I have not seen any lights from his place after dark.

All this alone time allows me to reflect on the day and re-live the stolen glances at Lexie.

He was just so cute today. I could have ruffled his hair and cuddled his head to my chest the way I used to with his dog. Today he wore a brown shirt so his eyes were tinged a pale soulful brown making him look even more like a puppy than usual.

There is something I am forgetting. It is annoying me to not make the final connection.

My ears are burning as I write. No, not my ears, it’s the studs. I only just wrote about them and now they are getting uncomfortably hot. It hasn’t felt like this since the day I got them.

That’s better. I took them out and put them in some steriliser to clean and cool them.

Where was I? Oh yes, Lexie and his pet. A funny thing just came to me, that’s what he called the dog, “Pet”. He said it was a play on his surname when my 4-year-old self said it was a lame name. It has been a long time since I thought about Lexie and Pet. I seem to remember more now. Concentrating on those times, I realise I did play with them a fair bit after all.

No, not “them”, never together. Lexie would pace around his yard or up and down the street in front of our two places and Pet would frolic and dig on the other side of the fence. Pet was always friendly and playful, Lexie was quiet and withdrawn but we talked a lot and we held hands over the hedge. Not much has changed in that regard; his adult version is even more socially reluctant than when he was a child.


Day 10
Dear Diary,
I was late to school today, first time for the year, and hopefully the last. I don’t like walking into lectures after they have started. Some professors even lock the door from the outside.


Sleep had deserted me overnight and instead of dreams my mind was filled with long forgotten images mixed and blurred with current events. I jumped from one nightmare to another all night, tossing and turning until my bed was a mass of tangled sheets and blankets. I must have eventually drifted off in the early morning until a headache woke me late.

There was no time for breakfast and the bus disappeared around the corner by the time I made it to the stop. There was another route a few blocks away but I had to run and only just caught it, then there was the sprint to the lecture hall.

Professor McFinney was just setting out his books when I burst through the door looking dishevelled and sweaty. Any later and I might not have gone inside. Jem gave me a quizzical, raised-eyebrow look as I slumped into my seat and I had spotted Alex only two rows behind us. Today’s colour was green and his jade eyes had followed me from the door to my seat from beneath lowered lashes.


The class was nothing special and I managed to surreptitiously apply a little basic makeup and get my hair and clothes looking better. All the while, I could feel eyes burning into the back of my head. Lexie. There was no point using the mirror trick again. He was ready for it even when I was legitimately putting a little gloss on my lips. When I opened my laptop there were only a few reflected glimpses.

Those big puppy-dog eyes were going to be my downfall one day. My unrested brain flashed pictures before my eyes. Blinking hard to make them stop, the photo album in my mind rested on one image. I gasped involuntarily as the final piece fell into place. What began as a memory of Lexie shrank and morphed into Pet. My eyes opened wide as the import hit me.

Jem looked at me with another of her “what?” looks.

“Headache,” I whispered back, which was not completely false.

Oh my goodness! What did all this mean? I wanted to dash out of the hall and splash cold water on my face but the professor called me over at the end of the class to give me a warning. By the time he had finished, everyone had gone, except for the one who pulled open the door just as I reached it. I was faced with a green chest and looked up into glowing green eyes. Lexie! He caught my upper arm in a tight grip.

My eyes narrowed as I glared at him. Normally anyone trying such a trick would have ended up front first on the floor with me sitting on their back. My best’ies and I had taken self defence classes and passed with honours. Another reason people generally did not mess with us.

Lexie had the good grace to register a tiny flash of surprise. I had started to react but there was something about him prevented me following through. I had grasped the wrist of the hand which had caught my arm and frozen.

I took a deep breath while sweeping my nose up his chest to his neck which meant rising to my toes. My sense of smell is extremely acute and though people may change the way they look, they cannot mask their scent for long. This was the last counter check I needed to confirm Alex was indeed my Lexie. His eyes had not shifted from me but his face was expressionless waiting for my next move.

As my head neared his cheek, he sniffed too. His eyes softened.

I leaned closer into him and whispered into his ear. “I know who you are, Pet.” My voice had dropped in tone as well as volume, and the emphasis on the last word was far more seductive than I had intended.

Without moving his head, his eyes had flickered around us, checking the surroundings. I knew there was no-one within earshot.

“I don’t know where you’ve been,” I continued softly. “Or what made you change your name, but this is not how people behave in society these days. You can’t just grab someone. I have to go.”

His eyes had slowly moved over my face as if noting every brushstroke of a masterpiece. His free hand casually looped my hair behind my ear.

“No earings,” he said simply. The huskiness in his voice almost made me lose my balance. Then he smiled disarmingly. Flustered, I muttered something about forgetting them. I shook free of the loosened grip and dashed away. I felt a bit like Cinderella fleeing the ballroom.

I got a note from the college nurse and left it in home room to explain my absence. My best’ies would be worried but I texted them all would be okay tomorrow.

I hope.

Right now I have a lot to think about.

The ear studs are back and I am feeling a lot calmer. They no longer burn and I somehow feel more complete with them in place.

The memories are still unrolling but at a more measured pace. How could I have forgotten all this? Lexie, a shape shifter, and the amount of time we had spent together that summer before he had gone away?

I can’t talk to anyone either. Not yet. How do I talk to Lexie? I am still remembering new things. How much does he remember? Does he want to remember? Have I revealed too much, too soon? Does this now put me at risk? The way he looked at me would answer no, but still...

And what about Dad? We usually talk about everything. But this? I can just imagine. “Oh! By the way, Dad, that boy who used to live next door is back in town. And he’s a dog.” I don’t think so.

Then there are my girlfriends. What will they make of this development? Somehow I feel the time will never be right to let them in on this secret.


Day 11
Dear Diary,
Today is our gym day. I wonder if Lexie will be there. I wonder if I will ever see him again.

.........................


Keeping a watch on the far end of the gym was preventing me focus on my workout; sufficiently enough for the others to ask if there was a problem. I shook my head and used yesterday’s headache excuse to account for my lack of concentration.

Thinking it was better to stay earthbound than get distracted in the middle of a routine, I made do with an extended stretch program. My feelings were mixed when the door opened and a figure was silhouetted in the sudden stream of sunlight. Holding my breath I waited for the shape to move inside and be recognised.

Lexie! He had come after all. He waved in our general direction before entering the change rooms. Then he kept to himself at the far end of the gym, moving smoothly through his exercise program without giving any sign of approaching us. It was time for me to take the course of events into my hands.

I was waiting for him when he emerged from the change room once he had finished. He flinched a little to see me there.

“You’ve grown up a lot, Lexie,” I said before he could think about making an escape. I moved between him and the door, taking in a deep breath of his scent heightened after the exercise. He also breathed in then visually swept the area to check for my friends.

“They are getting changed,” I provided. “We are alone for a bit. Long enough for me to invite you to lunch with us.”

He was about to argue against it but stopped abruptly as my eyes narrowed sharply on him. I explained it was later than the mad rush at the canteen, the ladies there knew us and allowed us to take up a table while they closed down the rest of the canteen. Mostly, though, I emphasised his need to socialise, become one of the “pack” and stop singling himself out as a loner. Finally he nodded and allowed a sly smile to escape the corner of his lips.

When the others emerged, I introduced them all. There were then four sets of eyes burning into my back as I led the way to the canteen.


He was not going to order any food, but I insisted and got him a meatloaf sandwich from the leftover ‘special of the day’. One of the canteen ladies knows how I like it, smothered in tomato sauce.

“You need it after exercising,” I told him setting the plate in front of him and allowing no argument.

It was painful in the beginning, but slowly we were able to draw him out and finished our short meal break in friendly banter. Without prying too much, we established he had been travelling with his father in remote areas of wilderness while his father completed research. There had been no education facilities available and he had completed as much as possible for a remote student. Although he was several years older than us, the university had insisted he complete some basic requisites before they would consider placing him amongst his peers and thus the reason he shared a few classes with me, and Jem.

His eyes sparkled with a cool blue like the clear waters of a mountain lake. He smiled charmingly at everyone and his attitude appeared open, friendly and honest. Only I was aware there were careful omissions in the information he volunteered. We exchanged glances, and I knew he knew I knew. He winked at me and my heart skipped a beat.

We parted ways after extracting a promise he would join us for lunch again. On the way to our various different classes, my best’ies gave their seal of approval with broad grins and comments like “So that’s Alex” and “He’s nice”. Now it would be easier to re-develop the former relationship if I wanted. And right now, I want.


Day 12
Dear Diary,
Friday! I must talk to the girls at lunch and work out what we are going to do this weekend. There’s a special feature on at the movies tonight I wouldn’t mind seeing.

.................................

I did not see any of my mates until lunchtime. When I walked into the canteen, it was quite a surprise to see Vada and Alex chatting and laughing. Well, Vada was laughing and Lexie was grinning but when he saw me approach his eyes seemed to light up. His smile is so engaging it makes me feel warm inside and a little self conscious.

Vada said she had spotted him crossing the quadrangle and insisted he join us. I echoed the invitation and when the other two arrived, they were also pleased to see him there.

Turning as I sat at the table, I took the opportunity to see if there was any reaction among the other canteen occupants. There was no doubting they had noticed the new boy was sitting with us. There was a lot of intense whispering and sidelong glances from the all-girl tables, and a few measuring looks from the boys. The seniors took a long hard look before deciding there was nothing amiss and returning to whatever it is older boys find so enormously important.

Alex declined to eat although I talked him into trying a milkshake. The chatter was inconsequential, mostly comparing observations on fellow classmates and lecturers. Then we finally got to the important subject for the day – plans for the weekend.

The only time we were all going to be available at the same time was tonight. So the cinema was the obvious first choice.

The special “Fright Night Friday” feature at the cinema tonight is the cult classic “Rocky Horror Picture Show”. We all know the call back lines and it is usually a hoot. It will also lessen any tension after the screening of the latest horror film which precedes it.

Nan was worried. We leaned in a little closer, dropping our voices. “What about last time?” she asked the burning question on all our minds. No-one had told their parents about the incident and there had been no more during the week. Vada finally voiced the assumption most of us had reached, saying at last, “I don’t think they are in any shape to be a bother for a long while.”

Was it my imagination or did Lexie look a little smug? When I raised an eyebrow in his direction, he lowered his eyes to focus on the table but could not disguise the sly smile. I am beginning to think 2 plus 2 may add up to more than 4 because of a hidden factor, a factor getting a little clearer with each passing day.

Jen broke our little huddle when she leaned back in her chair and casually asked if Alex was going to join us. Much as I would like more social contact with him, I was about to say no to preserve our girls’ night out when Vada spoke up and pleaded with him to say yes. She admitted an ulterior motivation as she would like to invite one of the senior boys but he would not consider it if there were only girls in the group.

Lexie has this marvellous way of looking coy and innocent at the same time (and he looks so cute when he does it!). It did not take too much coaxing from Vada for him to agree, pretending reluctance but sending me a very pleased look and the hint of a wink. If I could blush I would have been bright red about then.

After a few minutes anxious texting, we had permission from our parents to stay out for the late session at the movies. Nan’s mother had insisted she drive her daughter there and back and offered me a lift which helped get the OK from Dad. Jem’s parents had also insisted on taking her but had added they preferred someone older accompany us as well. Alex and Vada’s friend, Manny, were able to fill their condition.

It’s a good thing we are all control freaks and like to be early; probably one of many things keeping us together since grade school. We agreed to meet in the cinema foyer a half hour before the first movie just in case someone was running late. All eyes turned to Vada who protested, “Once! And no-one lets me forget it.”

Now I am trying to work out what to wear; something nice without being too girly while being flirty but not slutty. Decisions! Decisions!

..................................................


Oh! What a night!

I don’t think I will ever get over it.

Sublime!

We converged on the cinema at the agreed time. Vada introduced Manny who seems very nice. He was quite imposing, taller than Alex and reasonably solid without being muscle-bound. However, his bright blue eyes, tousled blond hair and easy smile made him a friendly giant. He and Alex seemed to hit it off which was my major concern.

Tickets in hand and an armload of candy bar goodies, our party of six headed the queue waiting for seating to begin for our session.

We are not a rowdy bunch, but with four girls talking at once it did get a little noisy. The attendant at front-of-house knew us and indulged our natural enthusiasm. Our two boys exchanged glances over the top of our heads and put on their best “hard done by” expressions just in case somebody saw them with us.

Inside, we all sat together in the centre of the row. To onlookers the two boys appeared to be like book-ends, however, I am sure they just did not fancy sitting between two girls during a horror movie. Vada was at one end with Manny leaving me and Lexie at the other end.

As we sat down Lexie had looked at the armrest between us. Every second one in this cinema can be pivoted up to the backrest and I was happy to remove the one between us as I know the seat pads are narrow for today’s menfolk.

The first movie was good. I laughed, jumped, and even shed a tear or two but don’t ask me much about it as I had other things on my mind.

Once the houselights went down completely for the movie, Lexie slipped his arm around my waist. He didn’t ask but it felt natural so I did not protest. It was also much more comfortable than the clumsy resting of the arm across the back and ‘accidentally’ slipping down to my shoulders.

Gently but firmly, he pulled me closer to rest against him. I was tingling all over from the contact; my temperature rose. My rapid pulse thumped against my eardrums but at the same time I could feel his steady heart beat reverberate through my shoulder where I rested against his chest. The contact was familiar but also quite exciting. I felt like there were two people fighting for dominance inside me. One was a typical teenager on her first date with a boy; the other had been going steady for as long as she remembered. He was very respectful and did nothing more than rest his hand lightly on my hip.

There was a scary moment in the film when the sudden movement on screen made me jump along with half the audience. Instinctively I turned my head to bury my face against his chest. I took in a deep breath. His scent filled me. The sudden fright was instantly stilled. His inner calm swept through me. Is it possible emotions other than fear exude a distinct aura?

During the interval the two boys were deep in conversation while we girls resupplied our diminished snacks from the candy counter. They were getting on very well. So much so Manny reminded Alex to join him at lunch occasionally.

The second movie was the usual cult party with some people in costume and everyone calling out dialogue and the audience responses sanctioned by regular attendees. We all crowded out of the cinema in high spirits. Slowly the masses drifted off while we waited for parents to collect us.

When Nan’s mother arrived I offered to go home with Alex, but she insisted on delivering us both so we accepted with good grace. When we reached my house, Alex got out with me. Nan’s mother frowned and said she could take him wherever he needed to go but he politely refused saying he lived very close.

It was dark crossing the front yard. The nearest street light was not functioning and long indistinct shadows stretched out before us. As we neared the house, he tugged at my upper arm and gently guided me around the corner of the building.

Then he kissed me. For a long moment he looked deep into my eyes in the half light seeping around the edge of the wall, out of sight of any casual passer-by or from window views, then gently but firmly drew me closer to him. He cradled my head in one hand and firmly kissed me full on the mouth. The world spun and rainbow sparks fired in my head.


I nearly lost my balance and put my hand to his chest to prevent me sinking to the ground or toppling over. His strong steady heart beat shuddered down my arm. His lips were cool against my burning flesh where his kisses trailed down to my neck, nuzzling gently below my ear. It tickled; I giggled a little.

He drew away looking almost apologetic for being so forward. I smiled, rose to the extent of my tippy toes and planted a light kiss on his cheek before escaping to my front door. I looked back once. He was still standing by the corner watching me with big brown eyes, a grin lighting up his face.

He was out of sight by the time I made it up to my room. It is late. Fortunately tomorrow is Saturday and I can sleep in a little. Until then, I will dream sweet dreams drifting on clouds as soft as a sigh.


Day 13
Dear Diary,
Today has been quiet so far; the regular routine of household duties and a leisurely dinner with Dad.

I drifted through everything as if skating on air. My thoughts were elsewhere, reliving each wonderful minute of last night - Lexie’s touch, his arm around my waist, his kiss.

Dad’s working on something in his office so I came up to my bedroom to listen to music and not disturb him.

Nothing planned for tomorrow yet, but there’s still plenty of time for someone to call.

...............................................

I’ve just returned from a little trip outside, a secret tryst.

I was playing computer games when something odd interrupted my music. It was a strange sound almost as if there were scratches on a cd but I was listening to my mp3 player.

I turned everything off and listened. The sound came from outside. I looked out of my window to see Lexie collecting a handful of dirt from the garden. The concept of throwing pebbles to get someone’s attention sounds like so much of a cliché, but here was proof it works just fine.

When I pulled the curtains aside he looked up, waved and beckoned for me to go down.

I crept downstairs avoiding the creaky patches on the stairs. There was music coming from behind Dad’s door even though it was shut. I decided to leave via the laundry to be less obvious.

The gap down the side of the house is planted with bushes obscuring the stepping stones unless you know the way. I emerged with a few scratches and scanned the front yard. Lexie was standing in a tree shadow out of the moonlight. An inordinate brightness flooded the area and when I looked up a three quarter moon positioned low in the sky looked back.


He saw me the moment I appeared and waved me over. I wondered what was so urgent it could not wait until tomorrow. He was fidgeting and moving about restlessly.

I asked what the matter was but he just looked at me for a long moment. Frown lines pinched his forehead and his lips were hard set. He smiled in an attempt to dispel my worries, started to speak several times, but stopped after a few words in favour of the next few.

Eventually he gave up on niceties and blurted out what was on his mind. “You called me ‘Pet’ the other day,” he said. “How much do you know? Have you remembered?”

I told him more memories surfaced every day. I had never quite forgotten him, but it was becoming apparent I had spent more time with him than I had remembered, not just in passing, and I knew he changed into a dog.

“A dog?” he laughed. I like it when he laughs. His cheeks bunch up like a cherub’s and his eyes sparkle.

I would not budge though, stating I had seen him turn into Pet when he had not seen me at my window.

He told me to turn around and shut my eyes. It was a weird request but I complied. Without turning around I asked how much longer I had to stay there. Something hard nudged my thigh and my hand was licked. I swung around immediately to find a huge animal. I gasped preparing to run but something stopped me. The eyes. Big amber eyes watched me warily but there was something endearing in them too.

This was not the ‘Pet’ I remembered. He looked like a wolf, a massive timber wolf, and he was beautiful. His head was almost as high as my waist while the body was hip height. The legs were no longer rangy thin but solid and smoothly muscled and his fur was thick and long.

Once over the shock, I edged closer. How much of Alex was in there? Did he recognise me?

He moved back a little, whether away from me or out of the full moonlight I don’t know. I followed, holding out my open hand. He sniffed at it and licked it again. His rough tongue tickled my palm and wrist but left a streak of canine slobber. Lovely!

I knelt down and wrapped my arms around his huge neck. I buried my face in the thick mane, his scent was all around me and there was no mistaking it was my Lexie. Like I always say – people can change the way they look but the smell of them is rarely masked for long.

Maybe it was not such a good move on my part because he licked my ear. Urgh! And then he pushed me over with his exuberant nudging.

Pet left for a few moments and came back with a piece of paper. Alex must have written a note beforehand. I carefully opened the slobbered paper making sure not to tear it in its weakened state. He suggested we go on a bush walk tomorrow and he will try to answer the questions I undoubtedly have.

I snickered; Pet cocked his head to one side. I waved the note and nodded, saying “Yes” at the same time. He seemed to understand, if rubbing against my leg was an indication. He then gave me a strong push towards the side path. I took the hint, patting him between his ears before sprinting across the grass. I looked back from the corner of the house to see Pet standing where Alex had waited earlier.

I sneaked upstairs without alerting Dad to my nocturnal roaming. By the time I got to the window, my visitor had disappeared.


Day 14
Dear Diary,
I realised as I got dressed this morning Lexie had not said what time to meet him. He had not nominated a spot either, and there’s a lot of bush near here, but I am sure I know. Maybe it’s a test to see how much I remember.

I haven’t thought of the place in I don’t know how long. It’s a lovely spot in the middle of a little glade not far from the walking trail close to home. We discovered it when we were little on the one time I had left the house without permission.

I had seen Pet in his yard and went downstairs to play but he was already outside the fence by the time I got there. He ran back to me, all excited and jumping up to lick my face. Then he dashed off for a short distance up the road, turned and if I was not following he came back to start again. Even to a four year old there was no mistaking I was supposed to follow.

I had no idea where he wanted to go and truth be told, I doubt he did either. We were just out walking together. I hesitated when we went past the last house before entering the first paddock. I knew I wasn’t supposed to be out without my parents. It added a rebellious flavour to the adventure. With only one look down the long street, I had joined Pet to run and frolick across the short grass and into the small stand of trees which separated the fields.

Under the cool canopy we had come upon a break in the trees where the grass was lush and grazed short. A little pond on one side was fed by a natural spring and flat rocks lay exposed in the shade. We sat there in quite companionship while my toes dangled in the clear water and Pet stretched out beside my legs. It had been a special time.

I told Dad I was going for a walk up to the fields. He nodded sagely and delivered the usual advisory comments on safety before disappearing back into his study.

As I did not know whether I would be joined by Lexie or Pet, and no indication of when, I took some food and drink with me and tossed in a book for good measure. It was one of our English Lit texts so I had to make the effort with it at some time.

The walk up the road was not as long as I remembered and it occurred to me the grove may no longer exist. The sight of trees at the other side of the paddock was promising so I headed over there. No animals were visible in this field and the grass was much longer than in my memory. From the end of the road to the trees was an uphill climb which I also did not recall. It had been a lot easier when I had been too young to think of the difficulty.

I consider myself reasonably fit but I was hot and drained by the time I rounded the first tree. I found the grove without much trouble, grateful for a good memory even if some of the pages have not been turned for many years.

I had only read the first chapter of my book when Lexie arrived. He grinned broadly but there was still a question in his eyes. He sat beside me on the rock by the little pool, close but not touching. Apart from the initial greeting, it took him a measurable time to look me in the eye and begin a conversation.

He opened with a compliment on my memory and then wondered if I did not like Pet better than himself. I laughed at him quite shamelessly and pointed out a puppy was more fun for a four year old than a surly older boy. And he laughed with me. I do like to see him laugh; my heart skips a beat every time. He kissed me though he had not meant to and the thrill shook all the way down to my toes.

We shared the food and talked some more. I had questions about werewolves, for instance how he had changed last night when the moon was only three quarters full. As it turns out, he is a shape-shifter by heritage and as such can morph from one form to another at will once the first change had taken place. He had come into his inheritance earlier than normal whereas for most of his kind it occurred on entering puberty. There is one drawback though, the full moon forces a change whether he likes it or not.

There was no need to swear me to secrecy; that was too obvious. However, he surprised me when he asked what Dad thought about his return. I blushed and admitted I had not told him. Lexie was stunned and stared at me with wide incredulous eyes. Then a possible reason he asked hit me like a solid blow. “He knows?” I blurted. Lexie nodded, a slow smile teased a twinkle from his eyes. I heard myself continue to display my ignorance and question what exactly Dad knew. Everything! About Lexie and Pet, about my sneaking out to see them, about the strong attachment which had grown between us.

I groaned. I lived in a transparent fish bowl. Only my friends had no idea.

I knew I had to tell Dad now. Maybe he already knew. Maybe Lexie’s father had already contacted him. The idea of telling Dad filled me with dread. I had no idea how he was going to react, specially without Mum there to hold his hand. Mum! Another person I had not thought about in any detail for a long time. I must have mumbled something when the realisation blundered into my head, or Lexie can read minds too. Must remember to ask him about it sometime.

Whatever! The important thing is he said something quite strange. So bizarre I remember the exact words - “Your mother? She’s the one who arranged everything.”

I rounded on him immediately for more detail. I pleaded, cajoled, demanded, and tried sulking and pouting but nothing would make him say any more. All he said was I needed to ask Dad. Males can be so infuriating!

He helped me stand before we left the grove. He did not let go of my hands until he had kissed me again. I was transported to some other dimension filled with streamers of bright colour and exploding stars and barely felt the restrained strength as I was drawn against his body.

He held my hand as we walked home. It was natural and comfortable as if we had done the same all our lives. I guess in some sense we have. He would not come inside but watched from the corner of the property until I was safely indoors. Obviously I had to tell Dad all about it before Lexie would come any further.

Confessions have been put on hold. Dad is not home. He had gone to work for an hour or so according to the note he left. He should be back soon, long enough for me to get my thoughts and words together to fill him in. Personally I think he knows, or at least knows something is different. He has been giving me odd looks when he thinks I don’t see.

.............................

Telling Dad about Lexie and what he had come to mean to me made me really nervous. I had never kept him out of the loop before. It seemed almost underhand. But I needn’t have worried because he was really nice about it.

He um’ed and ah’ed a bit when I broached the subject and described everything, including regaining my memories from childhood. The part about the recall perked him right up. He appraised me for a long time until I fidgeted with the discomfort, then decided it was time for an overdue chat.

There has been a lot of family history kept from me all these years. In summary, my mother was from a long line of Gypsies until she had fallen head over heels in love with Dad and given up the nomadic life. Her ancestors had a history of working and inter=marrying with the werewolf clans so she had been thrilled when I had made friends with Alexis. Then he and his father had to go away. We had been too young for our parents to expect the relationship would last so she had acquired a charm from her gypsy connections to make me forget. The ear studs. Dad had been uncertain about it but she told him anything meant to be would find its own means. A wise lady, my mother.

When Lexie and I had met again, he had not outgrown the imprint I had forged on his juvenile animal form. From my account of events to date Dad surmised Alex must have held back on the relationship in case I did not remember or did not want to pursue it.

My Lexie is not only the most gorgeous thing on two legs (or four) but also a gentleman. (As if I didn’t know already.)


Day 15
Dear Diary,
Back to college. Where does the weekend go?

I only saw Lexie in class when we exchanged smiles and no longer avoided eye contact. I had trouble staying in my seat and burned all my willpower to not slide to the floor as a pool of jelly.

He was much more open today and exchanged more than a greeting with the people either side of him. His eyes are no longer haunted by suppressed memories but he still fights an instinctive wariness which separates him from society. I guess it will always be there, being a survival instinct after all.

As everyone filed through the doorway at the end of class, he slipped a casual hand around my waist. I grinned up at him and slipped him a note. It read “Dad knows. Lunch tomorrow?

”

He was half way down the hall before he read it. I turned around in time to see him glance back at me, smile and nod. An inordinate thrill caught the breath in my throat and I suppressed a huge grin only with enormous effort. I was still not ready to confess to my best’ies and kept the relationship to myself for now.


Day 16
Dear Diary,
Before Dad left for his boys’ night, I told him I had invited Lexie to come over on a study date.

I had never seen my father hesitate before. After a long pause he looked me directly in the eyes and asked if I thought this was a good idea. I assured him everything was fine and there was nothing to worry about.

Dad delayed leaving until Lexie arrived. They were both cautious in their approach of each other but were much relieved as soon as they shook hands. There is some instinctive rapport between males I will never understand even though I have seen it in action. Dad invited Lexie to dinner tomorrow and to bring his father. There was a lot of catching up to do. He then grinned broadly and told us to be good. Lexie and I exchanged glances, I giggled, not as if I had any intention of misbehaving.

The study date had not been an excuse and we did a lot of work in preparation for tomorrow’s English Lit class. Later in the evening Lexie followed me to the kitchen and did not surprise me when his arm snaked around my waist. His breath was hot on the back of my neck; I leaned into him and nearly succumbed to his musk. My instinctive response threatened to overpower me so I banished him to the lounge room in order to finish preparing our snack.

Snack over, he returned the clutter to the kitchen. The light pressure of his hands on my shoulders from where he stood behind the couch prevented me from rising. He leaned down towards me and I heard him take a deep breath above my head. He kissed the nape of my neck and nuzzled below my ears. He tickled. A delicious quiver ran through me.

He climbed over the back of the seat without losing contact managing it easily with the strength and control evident in his pommel horse routines. His face was intense as he grappled with conflicting emotions. I suspect he wanted to be intimate with me but he is too honorable to force himself on an unwilling partner. He opened his mouth a couple of times but words failed him. With each attempt he edged closer until we were almost nose to nose. All of a sudden he abandoned attempts to talk and kissed me. The force pinned me to the back of the seat. It was fierce. This was no meek, mild puppy dog but a wolf barely chained.

I was shocked to discover an equal response in myself. I kissed him back and in that moment I wanted him more than anything. My leg muscles seized and my toes curled. I had seen it in movies but never believed it would happen to me. My stomach knotted but not like when I have nervous butterflies. This was very different. Tight and twisted as my innards were, I was empty and yearned to be filled. I could not get enough of the man whose heightened scent assailed me, whose soaring temperature burned into me.

He clutched me to him and buried his face into my neck. We both breathed hard and heavy for a long time. The intensity dissipated as we sat holding each other. And as good luck would have it, Dad arrived home about then. In one sweeping glance he looked at us sitting close together, at the pile of dishes in the kitchen, at the books still open on the table. He was satisfied and reiterated the invitation to dinner tomorrow before he disappeared upstairs.

Lexie collected his books and said his goodbyes with a much more subdued kiss than the earlier encounter.

How am I going to face him in class tomorrow? Worse. How do I not let on to Jem?

I can almost hear what Dad would say. One day at a time, girl, one day at a time.


Day 17
Dear Diary,
Classes were as per usual.

There was no problem about seeing Lexie. I shouldn’t have worried. He chose to sit directly behind me instead of a few rows back. He whispered to me later in the canteen queue about how he didn’t want to interfere with my friendships and remembering Jem’s reaction to him moving forward, he had done the right thing. Anyway, the suitor in him added he preferred the view. Awww! What a dear!

Dad is doing his thing in the kitchen and sounds as if he has used every pot and bowl we own.

What do you wear to meet the father of your boyfriend when you haven’t seen him in forever?

........................................

Dinner was great. Dad pulled off another of his fabulous banquets. Lexie and his father arrived on time and as soon as I saw them together another flood of memories washed into my head. It was as if the four of us had always had family dinners.

Lexie’s father, Peter, talked at length about all the places they had been and his research into group and pack behaviour. I wondered if Peter was also a werewolf. Lexie had said it did not manifest in every member of the family and it could just as easily have been his mother’s line.

There was some mention about the timing of their return. I missed the significance but Dad nodded before glancing at both me and Lexie. I frowned but nobody explained.

Discussion turned inevitably to when my mother was alive and the mixed family dinners. From what was said without going into detail, I gather nobody had considered it a possibility until Alex had his first change earlier than most other shape-shifters and I had imprinted on the young Lexie when he changed into Pet.

I have a vague idea about what imprinting is so I will have to look up more details. I suppose it could be a term they use among themselves but no harm in a bit of research. I get the strong impression that asking Dad would be akin to the sex talk he put off until after we had encountered it in health class.

The dinner went late with so much catching up and I am exhausted. My head hurts with the memories coming back and all the new stuff to take in. I can’t write any more. Its gym tomorrow and I need my mind and body to work together.


Day 18
Dear Diary,
The highlight today was our gym time. For a change, Alex was there before us, already warmed up and about to start his routines. He is in awesome shape. I nearly drooled. Well, not really, but I could not keep my eyes from straying to his end of the practice hall.

My best’ies have picked up on the attraction between me and Lexie and tease me about it all the time now. Although today I think they were a little envious when they saw how fit he is.

When he had finished his work out, he came and stood by the trampoline. I had been having trouble with one particular element and kept shying off at the last minute. He suggested I needed more height and someone to intervene if I committed to the move without being able to complete it safely. Actually, it was more like “Here, Let me help before you kill yourself.” He has become more assertive, or is it only with me?

He vaulted onto the mat so we could double. With him at one end I could use the sweet spot without being thrown to the far side of the equipment. It worked a treat and he didn’t need to catch me mid air. Now I have done it once, it will be a lot easier to repeat on my own. I just needed a boost of confidence.

We doubled for a bit longer and took it in turns to perform various tricks testing each other’s expertise. It was fun and an exhausting workout. I needed a long hot shower to ease out my muscles so by the time I was dressed again he had long gone.

In a mixture of jealousy and playful teasing, the girls chanted childish rhymes on the way to the canteen for a quick sandwich. There was no recourse but to grin and bear it. I was thankful I don’t blush or I would have been beetroot red but nothing could stop me weakening in the knees every time I thought about our joint workout.

I hope I dream about him tonight.


Day 19
Dear Diary,
Nothing much to report today. Not about Lexie, anyway. He wasn’t on campus. I didn’t see him and I didn’t get that tingling awareness which happens when he is around.

My best’ies teased me some more but I refused to mope. We went to the mall in the evening, did some girlie stuff - window shopped and tried on new clothes, checked out the food hall where the boys hang out even though there is no way Alex would ever be there, caught up on who was pairing up.

When I did get home Dad ventured out of his office long enough to tell me the Petersons’s were moving back next door. They had never quite left the place after they had put their personal things into storage. Old Mr Jameson was part of the clan and had played caretaker in their absence.

Lexie was going to be close again! A tremor of excitement lodged in my stomach. I answered my father calmly and did not give away my happiness before I rushed upstairs and threw myself onto my bed. After a few moments indulging the thrill of the news, I peeped out of the window to see if there was any change next door.

I couldn’t see much. My window overlooks the front yard and their house is set back from the street. There was an indentation in the grass where a container might have rested and I caught a glimpse of the back end of a car in the garage through the doors standing ajar. Apart from that, there was nothing different. I wonder if old Mr Jameson will stay with them.

....................................

I can’t sleep so I write this while it is still fresh. Lexie has just gone and I have a lot to process.

I was standing at my window before retiring to bed. The moon is nearly full and the light filled my room. The Lexie proximity alert tingled at the back of my brain. I scanned the yard and spied him jumping over the hedge fence.

He was about to collect a handful of loose gravel when he noticed me. He signalled so I opened the window. He scrambled up the wall and soon stood in my room.

Lexie was agitated. He paced the small corridor of clear space around my bed as he struggled to find the right words. He would look at me and open his mouth, then turn away and walk some more. As he strode back and forth in the small amount of space, his presence expanded to fill the room.

I did not speak. There was no point. I’ve seen Dad do the same and anything I said only prolonged the agony. I had to wait.

Alex soon reached an explosion point even though the words had not fallen into place. He grabbed my upper arms, pinning them to my side, and held me away from him. He blurted out something like “Do you want me?”

I was stunned. I had tried to answer that question myself. It was strange to hear it in his voice. I just looked at him, my eyes wide in surprise.

In an effort to explain, he delivered a string of phrases, the failed opening lines he had discarded previously. In summary he emphasised his need to know – tonight – if a dedicated relationship was possible. If not, we could never come back to this point no matter how strong our friendship became. If yes, well, he never went into what an affirmative meant.

I should have asked because I was totally unprepared but at that moment I could not bare the possibility of a future without him. So I told him how I had not been able to think about anything else since my memories returned, how he dominated my every hour asleep or awake, and how completely besotted I was. I admitted things I don’t tell people as the intensity usually drives them away.

The confession did not repulse him, quite the opposite.

Forgetting his strength, he kissed me then he pushed me down onto the bed. His immense power controlled our descent so we did not bounce nor did his body crush mine. He lay on top of me and continued to kiss – my lips, my face, my neck. His fingertips stroked my bare skin until it quivered, lovingly arousing me, coaxing my body to match his. His eyes blazed golden brown, animal-like and animated.

My temperature burned, my pulse drummed in my ears, I gulped air into my lungs unable to hold it long before it escaped my lips as sighs.

His strength dominated me. He was more than assertive, more aggressive, ferocious. The hint of danger added to the anticipation. He was demanding but never damaging. He was masterful and I was happy to surrender. His fingers interlaced with mine and he nuzzled my neck, his teeth touched my skin but never left a mark.

I have had sex before, not often but enough to know about it. This was something more than I had ever experienced, more than imagined possible. I was overwhelmed, transported to an abyss filled with bright lights and flaming stars. I was in ecstasy.

We lay side by side, panting. Given his secret, the imagery made me giggle and I had to explain myself under the threat of being tickled.

All too soon he stood up. He had to go and said tomorrow is the full moon so I will not see him.

The news saddened me but there was no arguing. Every high has its low and this was mine to bear, an immutable fact.

He kissed me softly on the cheek, his eyes held the sorrow I felt. Then he was gone.

Now I can’t sleep. If I relive the memory of what transpired I only get all hot and bothered. But I can’t quiet my thoughts. My mind goes over and over every moment I have ever had with him, visions flash before my eyes.

I am exhausted, but I can’t sleep.


Day 20
Dear Diary,
Saturday! Thankfully.

Somewhere in the early hours I fell asleep or just passed out. But at least I was able to take my time getting up. My head is stuffy and my thinking sluggish. I will vent all my frustration on the housework.

Thoughts circle in my head like a pack of sharks, always swimming, never coming into focus, nipping at my mind. I wonder what Lexie is doing. Does he have a routine for this forced change he talks about? Is it different to when he initiates the transformation? Does he think and remember the same as other days? Would he recognise me? Hurt me? Is that what worries him? Does he even know for sure? And when does it start? This morning? At dark? Or the magical witching hour - midnight?

.......................

Today was not a good day. With nothing else planned I threw myself into the regular weekly cleanup only to have one of the many questions come back and bite me at unexpected times.

I had a nap in the afternoon. I was more tired than I realised. But I did look up that word they have been bandying around – imprinting. I found two slightly different references which seem to apply -


‘A rapid learning process by which a newborn or very young animal establishes a behavior pattern of recognition and attraction to another animal of its own kind or to a substitute or an object identified as the parent.’

‘A learning process in early life whereby species specific patterns of behavior are established.’

It sort of fits but in the absence of specific texts on shape-shifters I guess it will have to do.

The moon light is flooding my room again. What has always been so lovely has taken a slightly sinister turn. This is the cost of their inheritance and she is a hard task mistress.


Day 21
Dear Diary,
Last night was scary.

I was starting to settle into a light sleep courtesy of the afternoon nap when I heard a strange noise outside. It was an animal noise but not like any I had heard before and it didn’t go away.

I checked the window and there was something in the front yard, in the shadow of the tree, exactly where Alex stands to get my attention. I peered some more and figured it could be Pet, the grown up version. But there was something wrong. He uttered a most unusual howl.

Against better judgement, I went downstairs. As soon as I opened the door, Pet hobbled over. There was something wrong with his right hind leg. He dipped his head and nudged my hand. He looked so miserable my heart went out to him.

When he came in, I saw why he limped. He had a nasty gash in the heavy muscle of his right flank. To my untrained eye, it looked like a gunshot wound and I hoped there was not a bullet or pellets buried beneath his fur.

He hung his head lower than his shoulders and looked up at me with big golden eyes. There was pain and shame on his face and I could almost see Lexie’s expressions in the wolf features. He held the injured leg off the floor even though his balance teetered.

I did not know what to do. I can barely put a bandaid on a blister let alone have any idea about animal biology. I was afraid I might do the wrong thing and debated finding the first aid kit. Pet sidled over to me, put his muzzle in my hand and whimpered. I had to do something.

I signalled him to stay put while I ran to find the things I assumed I needed, and a wash cloth and spare blanket. With effort, he followed me up the stairs to my room and into my ensuite. The bright light gave me a better chance to assess the damage. He winced and whimpered as I blunderingly poked the injured flesh but I could not feel any projectile. With luck, it had skimmed along his side leaving a seared gash which looked a lot worse than it was.

I convinced him to climb up onto my bed after I spread the spare blanket over one side. His eyes followed every movement I made, the wild animal in him still wary of human contact. If the imprinting had not happened I doubt he would have come to me. Something of the juvenile Pet, and Lexie, must have stayed with him in the changeover.


I have no idea how human medication works on a wolf. I have heard all sorts of urban myths about dogs and cats reacting strangely so I decided to use only natural things. After I patted away most of the fresh blood with a gauze pad, I cleaned up the wound area with a cloth and warm water. It had to have stung a bit. Every now and then he would lift his head off the bed and make a guttural growling noise which frightened me.

One blood clot was particularly hard to move and must have tugged on the sensitised skin. He almost sat upright and the lip curled back to reveal big sharp teeth. The earlier snarl became a howl and I was sure Dad would hear. I jumped back in shock before he sank back to the bed with a whimper.

I talked to him, my voice soft and even, and my hands lightly stroked the long fur at his neck and shoulders. I soothed him until he relaxed waiting until his breathing had calmed before I resumed my work. Eventually it was done and I could inspect the damage properly. It was a nasty gouge and still wept blood. Apart from needing to rig a bandage, the wound appeared sanitary now and should heal. The fur will grow back, but I have no idea whether the human form will scar. In the meantime though, it will hurt a lot and impede movement.

He let me tie a bandage so the absorbent pad would take up the seeping blood and keep the wound clean and dry. Every now and then he would lift his shoulders and bend over double to sniff at what I was doing. Once it was all done I entertained the thoughts buzzing around in my head. Why had he come to me when I have no experience in these things? Why had he not gone to his father? Unless... Unless the answer also solved another riddle, perhaps his father had transformed too.

I put everything away and crawled back into bed. Pet had stretched out as best he could on the other side, with his head near the pillow. I patted him until I could not raise my arm any more and rested it across his neck instead. He burrowed closer so his spine nestled against me. Spooning with a wolf! Who would have thought!


Sometime before I woke, he changed back into human. The bandage no longer fitted but he had begun to heal so it was unnecessary. By the time I opened my eyes, he had discretely wrapped himself in the blanket.

As soon as I focussed, I called out his name and folded my arms around him. I was almost in tears. It had not all been a dream. Was this going to happen regularly?

He said not and added his side of the story. He had been roaming the field near our trysting spot in the glade when spotted by a farmer who was where he should not have been. The man had fired instinctively and no doubt there would be another report of a big animal sighting. Lexie shrugged off the incident but I suspect he made light of it to stop me worrying.

Of course, he still had to leave, and being spotted by my father carried similar possible reprisals as with the farmer. The injury still pained him despite the outer healing so he could not clamber out of the window. I found some uni-sex track pants and t-shirt which only just fitted him before we went down to breakfast.

Dad’s eyes registered the shock of seeing Alex limp into the kitchen but I rapidly explained what had happened. He eased back a lot when I emphasised it had been Pet, not Lexie, who had shared my bed. With half joking jibes of hoping this incident will not be a regular event, he insisted Alex stay for a much needed, hearty breakfast.

Later Dad quizzed me about my choice and whether I had thought it all through. Last night was only the beginning and there would be similar concerns every month. I obviously had been caught unawares on some aspects, but I am prepared and willing to work through the rough spots.


Day 22
Dear Diary,
Monday. I hate Mondays.

I was not surprised Alex did not attend today. I suspect he may miss the odd day of formal schooling on moon cycles. He would certainly not be feeling too wonderful right now.


The day was exceptionally ordinary without Lexie. I wonder if he will be in better shape tomorrow. I did not have a good enough excuse to visit him at home to find out.

I scoured all the local news reports for the last few days but there was no reference to another beastly sighting. I was relieved, much more so than anticipated.


Day 23
Dear Diary,
Lexie was back in class today, all’s right with the world. He tried not to limp but I could see it strained him. Apart from that, he has relaxed into our Creative Writing class and now participates in discussions as vigorously as the rest of us.

Come to think of it, I don’t know if he is doing this diary writing exercise. It was given out the day before he arrived and I have never mentioned it. What would his be like?

I checked with Dad then arranged for Lexie to come over tonight, it being Dad’s night out and all. I may have a vested interest but I think he seemed happier I would have company too.

Ever since that night after the movies, I have not enjoyed being on my own quite so much. It is also nice to have a study buddy and Lexie doesn’t get distracted by idle chatter.

I haven’t written much in the past day or so with classes and worrying about Lexie but I will catch up tomorrow. Right now I have to tidy up a bit before he gets here.

Maybe Pet will stay over. It was real cosy the other night, even if he was injured


Day 24
Dear Diary,
All hell broke loose last night or early this morning.

Something woke me out of a deep sleep. Animal-Alex was already alert, his head upright and ears pricked. Then I heard something downstairs. My stomach gave a sickening lurch. We were the only ones in the house, or we were supposed to be. The noises sounded very much like someone stumbling in the dark in an unknown room. A prowler? Furniture scraped as it was nudged or pushed out of position; things on top of tables and shelves shifted and knocked against each other.

I exchanged looks with the wolf lying beside me, my eyes wide in alarm. Instinctively I reached out for him, burying my fingers in his long fur, looking for comfort in the familiar touch. He growled from behind a closed jaw and jumped off the bed.

Throwing aside the bed covers, I began to get up to investigate. Without warning I was pushed back down. Animal-Alex had jumped on top of me, caging my body between his legs, his muzzle only inches from my face.

Then he changed into something quite different in front of my eyes. I had never seen him like this.

His wolf muzzle shortened a little but his teeth grew larger, longer, and sharper. His eyes blazed with the fire of molten metal. His legs lengthened and thickened and the bones of each joint protruded sharply through flesh like armour. Paws had extruded into a hand-like shape with finger length claws. In moments the change was complete and he had morphed into a horrific hybrid of man and wolf but larger and more ferocious than either.

My body trembled uncontrollably, my heart raced and breathing came in ragged gulps. Fear must have shown on my face as my head pushed harder into the pillows.

I was frightened. Those teeth just inches from my face could easily crush bone and the long claws slice flesh to ribbons.

The man-beast sniffed. Did he recognise me? I had not imprinted on this form. His eyes cooled a fraction and then he licked my face before leaping off the bed. My shaking stopped... mostly.

I began to pull myself up but stopped abruptly when he snarled, lip curled back to remind me of the jagged teeth. I nodded once, understanding I was to stay put.

In two strides of those massive limbs he reached the door then with a warning glance back at me, he was gone.


For long minutes I strained to listen, hearing only the continuing sounds of things being moved.

Suddenly there was a new noise as if someone had thumped into a wall, followed by cursing and a few more bumps. The front door opened, the squeal of its hinges was quite distinct. There were scuffling and dragging sounds and then noises from outside. After the warning I had been given I did not dare leave the bed to look out the window.

I could hear a voice, a male voice, which begged and whimpered in turn. There was more movement outside as several sets of feet ran and stumbled on uneven pavement.

The front door closed with a satisfying click as the lock snapped into place.

I lay perfectly still in bed, not knowing what to expect. The bedroom door rattled and swung open a fraction. Then nothing. I let myself breath. Once. Twice.

The door opened wider then it shut. I saw nothing in the shadows.


Suddenly Pet’s paws and head appeared above the end of the bed. I almost screamed before I recognised him.

He pulled himself onto the bed and slithered up towards me on his belly, his head low as if he was asking permission for something he thought would not be allowed. I patted his head then hugged his neck as he got closer. With a soft yelp he nuzzled my neck and licked my chin before settling down to resume his sleep.

The next thing I remember is Lexie’s arm across my waist as I lay in bed. I must have given some indication I was waking up because he whispered in my ear, his warm breath blew strands of hair across my face. “You’re wearing clothes.” (I wear a long, loose t-shirt style night dress.)

I retorted, “Your fur prickles.” He chortled and pointed out he was no longer furry.

I agreed with the statement. In fact, Alex is particularly hairless apart from head, underarms and groin. There is no hair across his ample chest, or wide shoulders, or broad back. His legs and arms have hardly any either and only a barely perceptible down covers his belly.

He drew me closer as I turned to face him. I barely registered the cool caress of his kisses on my lips. I snuggled into his warmth as he continued to explore my face and back with a feather-like touch. I found sweet oblivion in his arms. I was gentled into a rapture rising from his affections.

There was no soaring temperature or rapid heartbeat, no panting or frantic grasping. Instead, he loved me with a sublime grace and gentleness rarely experienced between two people. I drifted back into sleep and have difficulty separating the intimacy from dream.

He had gone before I roused again.

When I ventured down to the living area I was unsure what evidence would remain of last night’s struggle. I hoped nothing important had been broken.

Dad stood in the doorway to the lounge room, shock and surprise registered on his face. I told him there had been an intruder while I was upstairs but Lexie had dealt with it. Naturally I left out a few things particularly the whole morph-into-a-monster thing which I will have to discuss with Lexie.

There was no time to straighten everything and get to class and work on time so we shut the door on it until we get home tonight.

............................

I did not get to ask the questions filling my head. Alex was in class but took off before I could catch his eye. He must know I want a serious talk. Perhaps college is not the place for it.

Dad and I tidied the lounge room. There had not been too much damage. A few things bumped out of place and turned over but fortunately most of the fallen had not broken. It was late by the time we finished and Dad decided we should eat out and put the whole ordeal behind us.

Needless to say, I did not get a chance to hook up with Lexie and find out what had really happened.


Day 25
Dear Diary,
There was something going on in the gym today so we did not have our usual workout. I had not seen Lexie but I knew he was nearby. I still had a much needed talk on my mind.

I sensed his presence in the canteen before I saw him. Vada was the one who pointed him out at a table of senior boys with Manny. Lexie had taken up the offer to meet the other lads for lunch. I had to quell a touch of jealousy to see him laugh and play up with the boys.

The four of us walked past their table on our way out. Vada managed to snag a hug from Manny and Alex grabbed my arm as I went to walk past him. He pulled me back so hard I had no option but to sit on his knee. He gave me a quick kiss before I fixed him with my icy gaze and whispered my needed to talk with him.

The frown and hooded eyes meant he was both worried and understanding. He nodded but was uncommitted about a time and place. He playfully put his hand on my knee and I pretended to be mildly annoyed and shake it off. We both laughed as did the others who thought it was a good game. His big brown eyes and slightly pursed lips feigned chastisement and his expression just made my heart melt. I stood up but he still had hold of my arm and pulled me toward him again, this time giving me a much stronger kiss.

“He’s such a puppy dog over you,” Nan said as we walked away. “Those mushy eyes follow you everywhere. I never thought you would fall for such a softie.”

If they only knew! I suppressed a giggle and shrugged while saying something like “Makes a nice change.” Then I distracted them by pointing out someone wearing mismatched shoes and equally un-paired stockings. Nan is such a fashion diva it is easy to distract her with such comments. The difficult part is getting her to stop.

It’s now bedtime and still no word from Lexie. He has to know what I want to talk about. Surely he can’t be embarrassed or worried I will not want to see him. The beast does frighten me, but more because it was so unexpected than what it looked like. How could I not love every part of him?


Day 26
Dear Diary,
Some of the older boys joined us for lunch today. Manny and Alex brought two others with them, Nate and Jerry. We had met the newcomers before and knew them to be good company. By the time we had finished at the canteen, the seniors had invited us to a game of bowls at the local alley. The usual frantic text’ing and phone calls to our parents ensued while we gained permission and all was arranged. The place is not too far from home and Lexie said he would walk with me.

.....................................


On the way to play 10 Pin Bowls I broached the subject of the discussion we needed to have. Lexie frowned again and put it off until the walk home afterwards. I agreed though I was disappointed.

The game was a lot of good natured fun. The girls declared it would be unfair to split the group by gender so an even division was arranged. Vada is our strongest player and I would have liked to have been in her group but it was not to be. Jem joined me with Alex and Nate to form a team.

Alex admitted he had never played before as the places he had lived with his father had not stretched to such entertainment. It did not take him long to get the hang of it though and I suspect he had to pull back on his strength. More than once his pins exploded into the air before falling noisily to the alley floor.

My best’ies have become used to seeing me paired with Lexie and the romantic jibes have lessened considerably. Everyone behaved admirably and other relationships are in the wind following the good time tonight. Shame to say, I did not pay a lot of attention. My mind was on the postponed talk.

Eventually we were on our way home. I knew the roads and they were well lit giving no reason to fear anything lurking in the dark, less so with Alex by my side.


Out of earshot from anyone else, I could contain the questions no longer. At first he was reluctant to answer but once he saw I was interested and not about to run away he opened up. The bestial form was the secret strength of the werewolf clan. They are the earth’s guardians, nature’s protectors. Some shape shifters never quite make the complete transformation and others need heightened emotions to help. He admitted he had been angry when he had changed but he can also do it at will given the right circumstances. Those conditions more usually relate to misuse of natural resources and destruction but extend to the protection of family particularly a life partner.

It made sense and it is beyond me why I had not drawn the same conclusion on my own. However, in my defence, there is precious little data about werewolves and the romanticised literary versions are quite wrong in many aspects. I was still a little unsure and voiced my concerns about how much the beast retained of the Lexie/Pet link. He assured me it would never hurt me and enough memory remained to know who I was and how important.

He stopped at that point and pulled me hard against his body as if shielding me from the world. His kiss was soft and sweet, a pact sealed between us. His eyes shone in the waning moonlight and his smile warmed me. The future is too uncertain to make any broad statements but I do know I will never be able to resist his charms. Right then I was in danger of needing to be carried the rest of the way home as my knees nearly crumpled beneath me.


Day 27
Dear Diary,
Dreary Saturday. This is the day of the month Dad and I do the grocery shopping. The very definition of tedium.

I know he is anxious about my growing relationship with Alex and kept asking leading questions. I told him as much as I could, as much as was safe to know. That did not include intimacy although I am sure he is aware we do more than hold hands.

The regular housework followed the unpacking of the carful of parcels and ate up the rest of the day.

No sight of Lexie. No doubt he had mundane tasks too. That’s alright. We have an outing planned for tomorrow – a picnic with the group from Friday night.

There is a public area in the nearby reserve including tables, shelter and gas barbeques. There are even rowboats for hire and sometimes a craft market in the parking area.

Dad was happy to learn Lexie and I had not cut ourselves off from our friends and helped me put together a picnic basket while I baked a few treats. I suspect he assists so he can take advantage of any leftover food but it is nice to work together once in a while.


Day 28
Dear Diary,
Sunday dawned clear and fresh. My excitement knew no boundaries.

Manny drives so he and Vada collected me and Lexie while the others went in Nate’s van.

There was plenty of space still in the car park which indicated the recreational area was not yet crowded. We found a nice spot down by the water to spread out our picnic gear and there was an open grass area for the boys to play their rough ball games. They are always testing themselves against each other reflecting the pack mentality Peter described in his research.

It was a lovely day lazing in the sun, eating our fill and undertaking a few activities to invigorate appetites. Manny hired a boat and he and Vada spent a lot of time paddling around in the water. If my guess is right, there will be a romantic announcement before too long.

I took a short walk with Lexie into the reserve. We did not talk much other than to point out different plants and the insects and reptiles hiding amongst them. We held hands, nothing else was necessary. It was companionable and a better bonding experience than all the talk in the world.

Don’t mistake me though, I still get hot and excited just looking at him and have to restrain myself to not hang around his neck like an ornament. Whenever he turns on his cherubic smile I just melt and his wide eyes remind me of the young Pet following my 4 year old self around the yard. But the quiet times are equally important as the moments under duress, and today was one of those. Dreams of a future together have become a reality.


Day 29
Dear Diary,
Not much to write today. Classes have returned to the expected routine anticipated in that first day nearly a month ago. The new boy is no longer the subject of gossipy girls in corridors and he has become part of the campus landscape the same as any student.

My love has become a jock! He told me about it briefly at lunch before he joined the senior boys. He was invited onto the team and I have no doubt he will ace the tryouts. Jealous though I am of any time spent with other people, he does need to insert himself into the social hierarchy and this is the best way possible. It will also give us some outdoor activity as a group when we all go along to cheer for our boys.

Romantically everything is settling in well. I only have the full moon to contend with but we will face the challenge together.

He winked at me in class today and I nearly missed Mr Silverman’s question. Words just popped into my head and fortunately they were sufficient to respond correctly. Was it Lexie? Do we have a mental connection as well? More questions! They seem endless.


Day 30
Dear Diary,
So, the thirtieth day at last and this entry completes the challenge. Interesting though it has been, I must write goodbye, at least for now. Time will be at a premium for a while with me and Lexie working at our relationship. There is still a lot to learn for both of us.

This has been quite a pivotal month for me; an old friendship renewed, family secrets and forgotten memories revealed. No-one can say if it will work out for us in the end or whether free will can over-ride imprinting. I will write no more of this or my times with Lexie. Unless, perhaps, I have children of my own who need an explanation.

In closing, I do have one last entry.
I know I only need to whisper his name and Alex will be by my side in one form or another. For instance, today is Dad’s night out but instead of anxiety I feel supremely safe. Perhaps in the long term this will be an illusion, but for now that’s how it is. Safe, but more than that, protected.

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 30.03.2011

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