Who am I?

“So I find myself in front of a computer, head on the desk wondering how I got here. As I look around nothing is familiar to me, all seems to out of place. Was I just sleeping? Why do I not remember where this is? I look on the desk in front of me and find it is almost empty of personal items just a computer and stuff to write a note or two with. Is this my home office or someone else’s? Wait, who am I? What is my name? This is not right, why is my mind so blank? I must find something here to tell me what is going on. I will just look around this room for a clue or a picture that will jog my memory. “

Alex, a 25 year old woman with no memory of who she is or where she is now franticly looking through a room with a desk, computer, a few chairs and bookshelves full of books that look to be for a professor of some type. There are no pictures or personal items to give her the answers she looked for so she moved slowly toward the door.

“There must be a reason I am here so maybe I should go look out in the rest of the home to see if I remember anything.” She walked cautiously to the door not sure why she was nervous but shaking as she reached for the door. Her hand grasped the knob and turned it with a squeak, pulling the door open she looked into a hallway that went left or right. As she looked in each direction she still felt in some way not right about being here. She noticed a noise coming from the hallway leading right so she chose this direction to slowly investigate. As she peered around the corner a light gleamed from a room down a short set of stairs. This room appeared to be a sitting room to entertain guests, yet there seemed to be only low music and a few unfamiliar noises she guessed would be her host or her guest she was not sure which. She took a deep breath and slowly descended the stairs to face this unknown person.

As he came into view she searched for knowledge of his name or who he might be, but nothing still. “Why can I not remember anything?” she thought to herself as she tried not to startle him. He looked to her finally noticing her entrance into the room, “Ahh you are back is everything ok?” he asked with a puzzled look on his face. “I am not certain, can you tell me who I am?” she spoke with a shake to her voice. “What? What do you mean?” he looked back at her not sure what to say next. “I just awoke in the office upstairs and cannot remember who I am or where I am.” Tears began to fall down her cheeks, but she no longer cared. “Well your name is Alex Wilmore and you are in your home sweetheart.” He spoke with understanding and a little pity. “What could have possibly happened in the 20 minutes you were gone that could have caused you to forget all of this?” he said with such concern that Alex did not know what to say. “I am not sure but will you take me to the hospital so I can get some answers?” she pleaded with him. “Yes of course my dear and I am Jim by the way we were going to discuss a business matter but I guess that can wait till you can remember what business we are in.” He chuckled a little and grabbed his coat. She looked around for a purse or a wallet that might confirm what he said, but she could only find a coat that fit like it was hers so she pulled it on and followed him out the door.

At the hospital her company politely gave all the information he knew about her and excused himself to go home to rest. The emergency room doctor admitted her just to do some tests and see if she had any injury but found nothing to indicate foul play. The next morning she woke up to the nurse checking her vitals again for the 20th time since she got there. Annoyed but glad to be talking to the doctor soon about her test results and what she should do. After a breakfast she would hate to relive her doctor knocked on the open door as he walked inside with a smile. “Well I have reviewed everything and still can only tell you that you have amnesia of unknown origin.” You are indeed Alex Wilmore and you do live at the address given by your gentleman friend, so try going home and looking around to see if anything comes to mind worth looking into.” “OK doctor thank you for your time, I guess that’s all then?” she spoke with disappointment and fear of what was happening to her. “I will arrange for a cab to take you home and pay for it as well but if you need anything you call our office and leave me a message.” He said with concern. “Ok I will do that thank you again.” She said as she started to gather herself to prepare for her trip home. She dressed in the clothes she wore the night before and after the discharge was done she climbed in the waiting cab.

 “Good day miss.” The cab driver said as they pulled away. She just smiled and nodded politely then looked out the window at her surroundings. Still nothing came to her, not a memory in her head, not the streets not the stores not the trees and birds, nothing reminded her of whom she was or where she was. She stared out the window so long she did not notice they were now outside her home and he was opening her door to help her out. “Oh thank you.” She said shyly as she got up and stepped closer to the walkway to her door. “You are welcome miss have a wonderful day.” And then he got in the cab and drove off.

Alex stood there for a moment just looking at the outside of her home, she did not get a good look the night before and just now noticed it was a huge three story homemade of bricks that looked old but well taken care of. “Wow I live here?” she asked herself out loud. “I want to remember but it just does not seem right.” After a few moments she started up the walk to her front door. Stopping before opening and then reaching for the doorknob, but before her hand touched the shiny metal handle the door swung open.

“There you are I have been worried sick, come in and sit down.” A big round woman guided her into the entry and took her coat off of her to hang up. “I’m sorry but I... she was cut off by this woman “No no you will come sit with me in the den and tell me all about it in front of the fire with some coffee dear .” she said as she guided her into the room she found Jim in last night. They finally sat in the big arm chairs in front of the fire with coffee and cakes to talk. “So how did your meeting go last night I was so sorry I had to leave early?” “Well, I don’t know what to say I awoke in the office upstairs and could not remember who I was or where I was.” Alex spoke all at once overwhelmed with questions for this woman who seemed to know her. “Wait, you woke up in your office and remembered nothing?” she asked with confusion. “Yes then I came down to find Jim who took me to the hospital and then they sent me home and I am sorry but I don’t know your name or who you are.” She began to cry again not able to stop herself. “Oh my dear you have had a night haven’t you?” the kind woman reached over to wipe the tears off Alex’s face with a hanky. “I am your maid and cook Sandra and I have worked for your family in this house since you were a little girl. Your father left you this home and all his money and businesses when he passed last year. You and I have been living alone here for that year.” “Why don’t I remember what happened or who I am?” Alex sobbed again and put her face in her hands. “I don’t know dear but we will figure it out together just you wait and see I know you and you would never give up on finding out anything your heart wanted to know.” “Thank you Sandra I am sorry to be a bother I must be such a horrible person to want to forget my whole life.” “Oh no dear you are a wonderful person your father raised you well even if he did it on his own.” “Are there any pictures of my family to look at and try to remember?” “Yes I think they are up in the attic in a trunk your father put there after your mother passed on. I will get them in a few but first let’s get you in to a bath and fresh clothes then have lunch in the sun room.” Sandra seemed to know just what to do so Alex followed her all through the steps.

As Alex walked through her room gathering what she thought she needed for her bath she searched for anything that would show a sign of familiarity. Her clothes seemed to be professional and expensive, she had antique furniture in all the rooms she saw so far, yet they all seemed so empty with no personal effects on the walls or shelves. She could hear the bath water running in the other room as she took her time getting to know her belongings again one by one. Sandra called out to her “The water is ready and just how you like it miss you should come and soak a bit while I prepare lunch for us in the kitchen.” She said in a loud voice so she would not intrude on Alex and her search. “Thank you I will be right there Sandra.” Alex replied as she started to head for the door that connected her room to the bathroom. She opened the door all the way and found it very relaxing. The door to the hall was closed and the steam was already making the room into a sauna which opened her clogged sinuses that where due to all the crying. She placed her change of clothes on the counter and started to take the outfit she had on since last night off. Placing it in the basket by the door she slowly put one foot in the tub finding the water oddly comfortable despite the deceptive steam. Easing into the water Alex seemed to melt and started to relax a little closing her eyes for a moment. She jumped at a sound made downstairs by Sandra no doubt and then relaxed back in the water, listening for any other noise Sandra might make in the kitchen. It was silent for a while and she must have dosed off because when she woke up she was not where she thought she should be.

 “Where was the tub? How did I get dressed? And Where am I now?” all came to mind not to mention “have I been kidnapped?” and “Was I dreaming this whole time?”

Two lives?

As Alex lifted her head from the floor she felt her world spin so she stayed a little longer trying to clear her head. “This floor looks strangely familiar but yet I am not sure where I have seen it.” She thought to herself “Is this my home and did I fall or faint?” she looked around her the best she could and slowly tried to rise to her feet once more. She reached her knees and the spins started slowing down so she rose to her feet holding onto a wall for support. “This does not look like the old house I was just in, and I am warring clothes I don’t know how can this happen to me twice?” She started to tear up but forced herself to calm down by taking a deep breath. I will have to go out and see what I find this time to see if I am going crazy or what.” She realized too late she was talking to herself. Alex headed for the door and her hand again shook as she grabbed the knob and opened the door. This time she was in a small home with maybe three rooms and it was not an old home as in old money home it was run down and well lived in but not taken care of. Remembering her house guest the last time she called out “Hello?” as she slowly walked to the end of the short hallway to a small living room. No one answered so she kept walking toward the pictures on the wall to see if they could tell her where she was. As she walked closer to inspect the people in the photos she almost fainted, but the fear of where she would wake up next made that feeling subside.

The photos were of her and a family smiling and having fun on trips and holidays. She thought she knew them but could not place it still. “What happened to the big house and Sandra? What happened to the bath and lunch?” she grasped for a breath then a voice startled her, “Who is Sandra dear?” A man stood in the doorway to the kitchen just behind her she could see him in the picture glass. She turned, “Ah I am sorry…. She stuttered and he came closer to hold her arm as she started to sway again light headed. “Are you alright dear? You seem like something is wrong.” He spoke as if he cared for her she was not scared just so confused. “You might think I am crazy but I don’t remember who I am or who you are and I don’t feel right.” She struggled to speak she was so dizzy but trying not to pass out afraid of what would happen next. “I am not sure I understand, you came in to use the bathroom and 20 minutes later I found you looking at our pictures talking to yourself about someone named Sandra. Are you ok or would you like me to call the doctor?” “Please call a doctor I am not well.” She sat back in a chair as this kind man walked to the phone and dialed a number she assumed was a doctor. She did not care if it was or not she was so unsure of what was happening to her so she started looking around again for more information trying not to alarm the man on the phone. He hung up and walked back in to sit with her, “Are you feeling better yet? The doctor said he would come by so we could have you looked at.”” I am not sure, what is my name?” she asked not sure she wanted him to tell her. “Your name is Alex dear why?” “Ok so that is the same at least what is your name?” she replied trying to keep her head clear. “My name is Jim I am your husband and you are starting to scare me here so I think I need to make you some tea.” He got up and walked into the kitchen making the noises that go with tea. She could hear a faint scream and laughter from the back yard and wondered if they were her children and how she could forget having them.

“Where is that doctor I really think he should have been here by now?” Jim said as he handed the tea to Alex then paced in front of the front door looking out the window. “Please don’t get all worked up over me I am sorry I even said anything, you look so worried about me.” She spoke with a slight pity in her voice but he could see she really was not herself. “You said you woke up on the floor in the back bedroom?” he asked. “Yes and I remember before that being in a bathtub not a bedroom.” She added knowing he would not understand but just trying to understand herself. “There he is!” Jim said as he opened the door and walked out to meet the doctor at the walk. As both men walked in she could hear them talking about her and she wondered again “Am I going crazy?”

“So have you got any pain Mrs. Willman?” He asked as he sat next to her and set down his bag. “Not really just dizzy and confused.” “Your husband tells me you woke up on the floor and could not remember anything about yourself or him, have you remembered anything since you have been sitting here?” the doctor continued to pull out things to examine her with as they talked. “No I feel like I did this before but in a different home with a different last name and no family.” “Is that the big home you mentioned earlier?” Jim asked. “Yes I lived there alone with a housekeeper named Sandra, I woke up in the office there and the man in my parlor told me who I was. His name was Jim too.” You sound like you took a fall and had a dream while out cold.” The doctor said. “So that’s it I fell and dreamed the other life and now I am back in real life?” she asked hoping it was true. “Yes we will keep an eye on you for a day or two but you should be fine.” He reassured her and walked with Jim to the door. She could tell they were mumbling to each other about her but she didn’t care it was all over. “Would you like to lay down my dear?” Jim asked her as he picked up there cups and walked to the kitchen. “Yes maybe I should, did the doctor tell you when I should get my memory back?” she looked worried. “He said it could take a few hours or a few weeks but he thinks it will come back.” He smiled as he helped her to their room. “Do we have children?” she asked and almost regretted it immediately. “Yes we do but you should rest we will worry about that latter.” He helped her into the bed and kissed her forehead, “rest well my love call if you need me.” And he was gone out the door.

She was alone and tired so she drifted into a sleep that seemed to envelope her in quite. “Well my dear are you coming down for lunch? Or are you going to stay till you shrivel up into a prune?” a familiar voice called through water filled ears. Alex shot up in a panic, “Sandra you’re here! What is going on I am….I… so…”Don’t try to talk just calm down child I am here don’t worry we will figure this out. Let’s get you dressed and we will talk all about it.

What is going on?

Alex got dressed and walked down to the Sun room to join Sandra for a bite to eat. As she walked in Sandra stood up and handed her a cup of tea, “here you are dear have a seat and tell me what just happened.” She said with calm in her voice. “Sandra I am so confused, I even tried to pinch myself but it hurt.” “Oh my dear clam down there has to be an explanation and I am certain if we put our heads together we will figure it out.” “You are right I need to think straight and see if I can figure it out.” She finally agreed. “Well, tell me what happened while I was downstairs.” “Ok I lay back in the tub to relax, like you suggested I do before lunch, and then when I opened my eyes I was on the floor of an old run down 3 room home in a back room. I tried to lift my head and got dizzy so I waited then as I explored I found a wall with pictures of me and a family that seemed familiar but I am not sure from where. A man said his name was Jim and he was my husband, I could hear our children in the back yard. He said I had been gone 20 minutes to use the bathroom and he called a doctor when I told him I could not remember. The doctor told me the same as the one here did and sent me to bed, and then I woke up to you calling to me. Am I going crazy?” “No dear it sounds very strange though, in both worlds you have a Jim to be the first to greet you and in both they got you medical attention.” Sandra said sounding as though she was still pondering the facts for similarities.

They finished lunch with mostly silence both pondering what the next step should be and what it all meant. Sandra stood up and gathered the dishes to take to the kitchen and Alex stared at the trees in the yard swaying with the wind. “Sandra,” Alex yelled to her as she got up and walked toward her. I remember something about the weather, it was summer I could see the sky out the window and I was dressed in a summer dress with sandals, It must have been a dream don’t you think?” “Yes you could be right let’s give the doc a call anyways just to check in. “she said still sounding worried. The call went through easy enough and Sandra made her an appointment for the next morning. “Well there is nothing much we can do today what would you like to do to pass the time?” Sandra asked Alex as she wiped the counter off. “Well, I guess I should look around to see if I can remember anything else.” She replied. “Ok but you be careful I am worried about you taking a fall so no high places today.” Sandra said with almost an order in her voice. “Ok as you request I will stay off ladders and away from the tops of staircases.” She giggled a little it sounded so funny to say.

Alex walked off to the parlor to look around; funny how she had been here twice and still did not take a good look around. Like all the rooms in this house the furniture was all antique, mostly impersonal, and cozy dim. The book shelves where filled with books from all countries some old and some newer. Not many where in English so she passed on reading them, and just looked for something that looked more recently moved. As she looked over the tables and chairs not finding much, “Sandra is too good at her job.” She thought out loud to herself with a giggle. Off to the next room she finds a door down the short hallway to the kitchen and laundry area, and decides to open it. The door was heavy wood with shiny metal in the handle and hinges; it opened slowly to a dark staircase. Alex stood there a moment then decided to tell Sandra before attempting the stairs maybe it was not worth going down. “Sandra, where does this staircase lead too? Is it somewhere I might find answers?” “Oh dear that goes to the basement and there is a lot of old things down there, but nothing recent you should start in your upstairs rooms and later we will go down there together.” Sandra replied as she walked in with a towel in her hands. “I haven’t been down there since before your father died dear we need to change the bulb so I will work on that while you are upstairs.” “Ok sounds good I will be upstairs till you need me. “ Alex said as she walked off to the stairs by the parlor.

As she reached the top of the stairs she walked slowly to the office door where she first woke up. Opening the door she got a chill that ran through her whole body. Nothing seemed to be different so she quickly left to walk the other end of the hall she had not looked down before. She past the room that Sandra told her was hers and the bathroom door where she had her second strange event. There were two rooms left and another staircase to the attic. Alex walked slowly to the door on the right and reached for the knob, also shiny her father must have liked everything polished. “What is in here I wonder.” She spoke out loud to herself. The room was filled with furniture that looked as though it belonged to her parents, untouched and kept tidy. It was almost sad to think she could not remember her parents or what they looked like. She began looking for a picture but still could find none just old love letters her father wrote her mother a long time ago. Alex then crossed the hall to the next room and found another office, this one was full of things to go through and it looked more like her father’s office. There was one photo on the desk of what she could tell her father and mother and her around 9 years old or so. She really did not recognize them but she could not see why it would be anyone else. Holding on to it so she could ask Sandra about it later she walked out to check the attic knowing she could spend hours in her father’s office later. Walking up the spiral steps was claustrophobic but she managed to reach the top and open the small door. She stepped into what seemed like the past 100 years in boxes, trunks, and wooden cabinets. “Wow this could take forever to go through I doubt this will help with what is happening now but latter it might help me remember more of my past.” She walked back down and went straight to Sandra in the hall coming out of the stairs to the basement. “I could only find one picture this one and do you know why there are no pictures for that matter?” Alex almost got a glare but Sandra understood her frustration and calmly replied, “Your father put them all away after your mother passed away he would cry every time he saw her face. It was so sad when he asked me to take them all down and pack them I did with no question.” “Ok that sounds like a good reason I suppose, are they in the basement or attic?” Alex asked hopping to get to them today. “Well I am not quite sure after I packed them he put them away I suppose we might have to look in both places.” Sandra said with hands on her hips.

They had been in the basement 2 hours searching through boxes and found only holiday decorations, old school work from when Alex was in grade school, and old gardening supplies. There was only one corner left and they dug right in, “Well I never did realize how many things your family hung on to till today.” Sandra stated as she opened a box and pulled out some handmade blankets. “Yeah it does seem like a lot and we haven’t looked in the attic yet.” Alex giggled. “Those are beautiful blankets Sandra where did they come from?” “Well your mother made this one and your grandmother made this one, but I am not sure about the rest they might have also been made by family.” Sandra replied as she pulled them out to look at. “I think I want to take these upstairs and wash them to use is that ok?” Alex asked Sandra. “Yes dear we can do that tonight.” She replied putting them back in the box to take upstairs. “Well should we go upstairs for a break? I don’t think we will find what we are looking for here.” Sandra stated as she lifted the box and headed for the stairs. “Yes I think that sounds good let get some rest before we try another room.” Alex began to follow, but something caught her eye. She slowly walked to the back of the basement in the darkest corner, straining to see clearer what was in the shadows. As her eyes adjusted she could make out an open slit in the wall that seemed to be out of place, so she leaned in closer for a better look. A breeze hit her face and she jumped. “Alex, are you coming dear?” Sandra called from the top of the stairs. “Yes coming.” Alex pulled her-self away and walked upstairs.

“Well it is getting late I started the blankets in the wash so I will let you know when they are done. “ Sandra stated as Alex came into the kitchen. “Ok I guess I will go upstairs and look in my father’s office and mine to see why I might be forgetting things.” Alex said as she grabbed a water bottle from the fridge and walked out. She started in the office she woke up in thinking this has to be where the memory loss started, looking all around the desk that sat in one end of the room. The computer was off so she turned it on hoping to find clues as to what she was doing before waking up. As it loaded she looked at the note pad that had a note she paid no attention to before, now realizing there was a time written on it that read ”7pm Tuesday night.” Looking back at the computer screen she realized she had it pass coded for protection and she did not have a clue what it was. “Well another dead end for now, so what should I do?” she sighed with frustration. Putting her head down on the desk she closed her eyes and tried to remember what she was doing in the office before she woke up there. Now she already knows according to the gentleman named Jim that they had a business meeting that night and he was waiting for her return to the room. What made her go upstairs before she woke up? She strained but could not remember anything before opening her eyes. She sat up but found she was not in a chair but in a bed, in the dark alone. “Wait a minute am I back in the home with the children again, but I did not fall asleep, did I?” She got up and moved to the door so she could look out the door.

To have a family

As she opened the door she felt disappointed that she was back in the home with her being a mother. It was hard enough not remembering your life or which was real, but if this one was real she forgot her children, that to her seemed worse than forgetting her dead parents. Down the hall she walked hoping no one was home to question her again. She peeked into another room as she passed and the children were sleeping in two beds all done in different colors. “It must be night” she thought to herself as she continued walking. As she neared the living room where she sat with Jim last time, she noticed he slept on the couch with a handmade blanket she swore she had seen before. “Are you ok? Is something wrong?” Jim whispered trying not to startle her. “Oh I was just looking for something to drink, where is the kitchen?” she tried to not sound so confused but she was. “So the memory still gone uh?” he said a little louder but with disappointment. “Well come with me we will make some honey tea it was your favorite on sleepless nights.” He said with a pain in his voice as he walked to the kitchen. “I am sorry to pry but if you are my husband then why sleep on the couch?” she asked hoping not to upset him more. “Well, I thought with your memory gone you would feel like you were sleeping next to a stranger, so I wanted to wait till you remembered me.” He looked away as if it hurt to look at her. Her heart broke a little and she was sad for him, sad for the love she must have lost along with her memory. She almost wanted to go back to the other reality for a while less hurt and less people counting on her to remember.

They had their tea and spoke about what was happening right before she came too in the other room. She didn’t learn much just that her boys and her where enjoying a barbeque and she stepped inside to use the restroom. They have been married for 15 years and had twin boys age 9. He was a computer specialist and she was a stay at home mom who did the entire PTA mom stuff. Her husband had just come home and found the boys outside playing and that is when she had come out. “Well I am not sure what is real anymore and every time I close my eyes I end up switching so what should I do?” she spoke so utterly confused searching for any answer he could give. “I don’t know my love we need to try not to worry the boys so I will take time off to help you get through this. I know I have saved some vacation time and if need be I have sick time, we will get through this we get through everything.” He said with determination almost trying to convince himself as much as her. “I should let you get some rest it is late and we have a lot to do tomorrow to make this look like everything is ok.” She said hoping not to sound like she wanted to get away just tired. “I agree you need rest as well, are you going to be ok? Do you want me to make sure you don’t vanish or something?” he asked almost lost as to what he might witness. “I never thought of that but if you want you can stay in the room to make sure I am ok.” She answered knowing he needed to feel helpful. “I will sleep in the arm chair in the corner so if something strange happens there is someone to remember it if you don’t.” he stated finally satisfied he could help.

After he gathered up the blanket and pillow he was using they both headed to the room she woke up in. She returned to her spot in bed and he lay out on the chair like he said. “Where did that blanket come from?” she asked before they both dosed off. “This one was made by your mother and the one you have on top is the one you made.” He said in a kind voice and rolled to one side. “Thank you.” She said as she rolled over as well. She stared at the wall for a while not sure she wanted to try to sleep. “Will I wake up in my office again? Has Sandra noticed I am gone? Do I have two bodies and one mind? How does this work?” she had so many questions and no answers. Sleep took over and there was nothing, silence, darkness, sleep.

When the sun came through the window, it woke her from this deep sleep. She looked around to find she was still in the home she fell asleep in. Her husband must have awoken earlier; he had already folded his blanket and left the room. She sat up trying to decide if it was better to stay here or chance a visit with the twins. Her husband decided for her reentering the room with a tray of food. “Here is something to eat and drink for breakfast, I told the boys you were sick so when their home they will not bother you.” He said as if he read her mind. “They are heading out for the bus I told them they could peek in to say goodbye, I hope that is ok.” He said setting the tray on the bed next to her. “Yes that is fine I would love to say goodbye.” She replied looking over the tray he set down with hungry eyes. He walked to the door and simply said “Alright boys time to go come say bye to your mother now.” And they both ran down the hall toward her room. “Good bye mother, feel better soon.” They both said at the same time as they waved and ran back to the front door slamming it on their way out. “They are so much alike it is strange but familiar.” She said not wanting to be weird. “They are a handful; sometimes I don’t see how you do it every day.” He replied as he started to leave the room. “Thank you for the food and letting me see them, will you be home all day today?” she spoke between bites of toast. “Yes unless we need something I must go out for.” He replied and smiled at her. He left her to eat and went to clean the kitchen, or at least that is what it sounded like. She ate her food and drank her juice thinking “Could I really be this lucky to have two children and a husband as kind as Jim?” After eating she went through her room looking for some clothes to change into. “I thought you might like to look through all our old things to see if you remember anything so I pulled all the memory boxes from the shed.” Jim popped his head in a few minutes later motioning to join him when she was ready. “Oh Jim thank you, that is just what I need to help me.” She looked at him and smiled as she walked over to the door holding the clothes she picked out. “Where is the bathroom again?” she looked confused again. “Just down there, be careful the hot handle is a little tricky.” He motioned like he was wiggling the handle. She smiled again and walked to the door for the restroom. “Strange why I would have woke up in the room when I said I was coming here?” she pondered as she freshened up. True the rooms are not that far apart but still made her wonder.

After a day of going through all the photos and everything she ever kept of their lives she still felt no closer to her answers. They ate dinner without her to keep up the allusion of her being ill. She ate in her room still thinking of what she should do next. That night they slept the same and Jim stayed awake staring at Alex, wondering why this was happening. The next morning she woke up feeling stiff and sore like she had slept wrong. Then she realized “I’m at the desk again crap.”

Which me is the real me?

Realizing she was never going to stop jumping from one reality to the other without figuring out which one was the real reality, she sighed with frustration. It was still daylight out and she could still hear noise coming from downstairs so she had not been gone for long. 

"Sandra?" Alex called out as she headed out of the room towards the stairs. 

"Yes dear?" "I'm in the kitchen but I can come up if you need me to." She replied while still moving things around in the kitchen.  

Alex came through the swinging kitchen door with a frustrated look on her face. “It just happened again, how long have I been upstairs?" She asked Sandra.  "Only 20 minutes or so, lunch is just about done."

They sat on the patio, overlooking a grand yard full of flowers, trees, little stone pathways, and a pond with a fountain at its center. It definitely matched the big house in grandeur and old worldliness. Sandra had made finger sandwiches and a veggie plate with iced tea to drink. They both nibbled and watched the birds chase the squirrels around the garden. It was nice to sit in silence for a moment and relax, however Alex could not shake the feeling something else was happening to her that neither reality was showing her.

“Sandra? Do you think I could have been hurt and my real body is laying in a hospital bed in a coma?” Alex was not sure how Sandra would respond but how would she figure it out if she did not try everything that came to mind?

“I suppose it could be possible but then what am I and this place we are in? She asked back as if the thought had crossed her mind as well but sounded too wild to believe. “I just wish I could be sure where the real me should be.” Alex sighed with frustration again. They both started to gather the dishes and head to the kitchen when the doorbell rang. “Who could that be?” Sandra asked out loud as they set the dirty things on the counter to be sorted. “I will get it this time” Alex said as she walked to the hall leading to the front entrance.

The door opened with a slight creak like old thing do, and on the other side was Jim the man she first encountered when her amnesia started. “Hello” he said with a smile. “Good afternoon to you” she replied as she stepped aside to let him in the door. “What brings you by today?” she asked as he pulled his coat off and hung it by the door. “Well to tell the truth I have been worried about you ever since I left you at the hospital. I had to drop by to check how you are today and ask for a new business meeting if you are up to it.” She was not sure she should tell him about the jump to another life and not knowing which was real. Would he think her crazy and try to have her locked up? “I am still not sure what I remember and things just seem so off I cannot put my finger on what it is.” She finally blurted after what seemed like to long of a silence. The sounds of Sandra in the kitchen cleaning up made Jim smile as he walked towards the sound. “Is that you Sandra? I was hoping you where home and we could discuss last night.” He said as he entered the room and Sandra greeted him with a smile.

Jim walked over to Sandra planting a kiss on her cheek as she hugged him like well-known friends. Sandra seeing the confusion in Alex’s eyes explained, “Jim was a long time acquaintance of your father which is why you were both meeting last night. We have spent many long weekends with your father going over business details and such.” “How have you been Sandra?” Jim asked genuinely interested. “Well busy as one woman can be I suppose.” She answered with a sigh and a smile. “Well I was going to reschedule our meeting but is seems you are still not feeling quite yourself. We can put it off for now it is not a pressing matter.” Jim spoke to Alex now with concern. “Thank you, it has been a strange couple of days and I am not sure of anything right now.” Alex smiled awkwardly. The conversation kept on for a few hours with Jim and Sandra regaling Alex with stories of her father from the last ten years. Sandra went on explaining that until her father had passed she was overseas working as a consultant for a corporation. Although her father said they spoke often Alex was too busy to visit and they just spent those years apart, Sandra explained. Jim went on talking of dinner parties her father would throw or attend that they would have fun playing pranks on the other guests. Once even going as far as a fake proposal to one of the main donors, in this rouse was a center full of assistance a rich person could enlist to help them spend their money in case they run out of ideas on what to spend their mass amounts of money on.  The guy almost donated 10 million towards its startup and staffing. That’s how good her father was at his business dealings and could talk anyone into almost anything, Jim went on to boast.

The hours flew by almost without any notice at all. The clock in the kitchen dinged its dinner time bell letting them know they should take a break and have dinner. Jim excused himself saying he had errands he still should do before heading home and he hoped to see them both again soon. Eating dinner was not quite as talkative as the afternoon had been but they both had lots to think about. Sandra could not help thinking back to happy times, and Alex wondered why her memory was so blank and when would it come back.  After a pleasant meal and clean up the two women said there goodnights and went about getting ready for bed.  Sandra was in the servant’s wing of the house which had three rooms and one full bathroom. Even though she had been the only live in employee for as long as she could remember she always kept the other rooms ready for company in case of anything. Alex was on the second floor in her office at the desk. Too afraid to sleep and wake up in that other home having to pretend sick so as to not upset her children was not a pleasant thought. There was a light tap on the door as it swung the rest of the way open. “Are you ok?” Sandra asked as she walked in already dressed for bed. “I am worried if I go to sleep I won’t be here when I wake up again. I know it can still happen even if I don’t sleep but I fear sleeping is that strange?” Alex confided in Sandra. “Well let’s get you ready for bed and talk it out” Sandra said as she guided Alex out of her office and down the hall to her bedroom.

Alex hesitant to sleep alone convinced Sandra to stay on a pull out in her room with her just to be safe. It was strange but it almost felt like when she was not in one place time froze for them and only moved slowly if at all. Would anyone notice if she blinked out of one existence into another? Would she bounce between them for the remainder of her life? How would she ever figure out what was real? It seemed as if time just slowed down and sleep took forever to come yet the nothingness did come.

The confusion intensifies

Alex awoke in darkness, not just dark but nothingness was closer to how it felt as she tried to feel around her for some sort of clue as to where she was now. Even though she was laying down it felt like nothing was under her and yet she did not fall but hung there like some untouchable force was holding her in whatever way she moved. It was almost what she thought flying would be like if people could do so without machines. Standing on what she hoped was a floor but could not tell in the darkness she reached out around her feeling for a wall or furniture to guide her. Alex felt horror as she realized the nothing was everywhere and she was now lost in the dark alone.

“Hello?” Alex cried out a few times but there was no response, in fact not even another sound or echo. It was overwhelming and emotion rushed through her raising her body temp and making her perspire. As she reached up to wipe her forehead with the back of her hand she started to see a glow in the distance. As if it was moving closer the light got brighter until Alex no longer could look at it because it hurt her eyes like the sun. She began to hear sounds around her that kind of sounded mumbled but became clearer as her eyes began to adjust to the brightness around her. Something about the sound reminded her of shuffling footsteps and low whispers.

“Is it true?” one voice whispers as another from another direction whispers “Did you hear?” More gasps and mumbles from all around her now as her eyes blur back into focus. Small figures dressed in bright white robes lined up five rows deep on again what seemed like nothing under them. Every direction seemed to be thick with robed figures all whispering amongst themselves seemingly unaware she could now see them and was staring at them. From somewhere around them came a loud voice “SILENCE! EVERYONE SILENCE!” and all was quiet and still. Alex was not sure if she was dreaming or maybe dead? But this was next level freaky and she needed answers.

Before she could get the courage up to speak the loud voice that came from everywhere spoke again. “WE ARE HERE FOR A REASON! AS UNCOMFORTABLE AS IT IS WE MUST DISCUSS WHAT HAS HAPPENED HERE.” The voice rang out and mumbling amongst the crowd began again. “SOMEONE HAS MESSED WITH THE FABRIC OF OUR UNIVURSE AND SENT SEVERL DEMENTIONS INTO SPINS AND COLISIONS.” The voice continued over the murmur. Alex was unsure if they even knew she was there since not one of them would look directly at her or acknowledge her walking around the center of the crowd as if she was concealed by some unseen wall.

“WE ALL ARE WORRIED I KNOW, HOWEVER THE ONLY WAY TO PUT THINGS RIGHT IS TO WORK TOGETHER AND PUT OUR CURIOSITY ON HOLD FOR NOW.” The loud voice spoke again. “Have you some clue as to how we are going to fix this dimensional spiral?” spoke a small voice from the crowd around her. It seemed everyone wanted to know the response because it again fell eerily quiet. “THE OTHERS HERE AND I ARE WORKING ON A SULUTION TO THE SPIRAL, WHAT WE NEED YOUR HELP WITH IS FINDING THIS HUMANS RIGHTFUL DEMENTION. IT HAS BECOME APPARENT THAT THREE OR FOUR OF HER DEMETIONS HAVE BEEN CRASHING INTO ONE ANOTHER. SEVERAL OF HER OTHER SELVES HAVE BEEN DESTROYED DURING THE CHAOS AND THE RESULT HAS PULLED HER INTO THE SPLIT.” The loud voice seemed to be waiting for a response but all Alex could focus on was the words she just heard.

Was she going mad? Or did that voice just say several dimensions of her world where crashing into each other and other hers where dead because of it? Alex became suddenly aware of the voices growing in volume with discussions all around her. Most was in a language she did not understand but some words would come through like Human, Dead, Lost, and looks in her direction. They were in small groups cluttered around her in circular patterns. Then after several intense, minutes? Hours? She couldn’t tell anymore, one of them broke off from a group and ran to the one next to them; another broke off of there and ran to another group. This continued for a while until all of the groups had been visited. They began surrounding her and got really quiet again.

A small voice came from the crowd, “Human do you have anything to add before we put you into a stable open dimension?” Alex was shocked that they even would take her feelings into account with all the important things they must do, or at least she imagined they must do. “I can’t remember where I’m from but, I liked both of the two I remember bouncing between. I cannot imagine not knowing all of them. This sent them into a new frenzy of discussion most of which Alex could not follow. “We have decided! The human shall be sent as soon as word comes that the spiral has been halted.” Another small voice rang out from the now silent crowd.

“THE SPIRAL HAS BEEN DEALT WITH, HAVE YOU CHOSEN A DIMENSION FOR THIS HUMAN?” The loud voice questioned. “We have!” called out another small voice. Then the crowd began to hum. The hum grew louder and from out of nowhere the bright light grew around her again. Her head began to spin and she felt like she was flying through space. As fast as it began she was in darkness again, like sleep this time. She could now feel soft comfort around her. The memories of creatures and voices began to become fuzzy and faded like a dream.

Home?

 

Something moved next to Alex bringing her to open her eyes and look around her. “Mom your up.” Cried out a small voice. A young boy around 9 years old jumped onto the big bed next to her. Another boy identical to the first ran in behind him and joined them as the body next to her started to stir. She remembered their names, Tod and Henry her twins from the run down three room home. Wait, she thought this is not the run down three room house this looks more like the mansion. Her bed was very large and covered in expensive luxury sheets and comforter. The room had old wood furniture and drapes over the huge windows.  Alex was still a little foggy but hungry tummies where begging for food and Jim was up for helping, so off to the kitchen they all went.

As she walked down the hall to the stairs she noticed the walls filled with photos of all kinds of relatives and family gatherings. The boys ran down the stairs leaving Alex in the hall for a moment alone. Looking at all the walls and rooms she passed it was just like the mansion but a little different and the more she tried to figure out the differences the harder it was to remember what at all she was trying to do. Jim came up behind her and they continued down the stairs to join the boys. It was already sunny out and the birds could be heard from some open window somewhere. Alex smiled at Jim and they continued down the hall to the kitchen.

Sounds and smells came rushing down the hall to greet them as they entered the kitchen to find Sandra already making pancakes and eggs with bacon. “Well it’s about time sleepy heads I already fed your father and he is in the garden waiting for you so come on now eat up.” Sandra rang out with glee in her voice. Through the kitchen window could be seen Alex’s father sat on a bench overlooking the fountain at the center of the back garden. Jim poured coffee into three cups and Sandra helped the boys load up plates. A man dressed in a long coat and top hat walked into the room and went for his own cup of coffee, kissing Sandra on the mouth before announcing he would be off to handle his duties if anyone needed him.

Alex felt like something was different for a moment but shook it off and loaded her own plate to go sit with the boys. Happy laughter filled the house all morning and it seemed like everyone was just where they were supposed to be. It was Saturday and they all had plans for fun and relaxation so it was a very busy day. They spent time outside for most of it but did sit around the television for the evening news like always. A story went on about strange things happening over the past few days and how they expect it was because of a “full moon” effect on the populace. This made Alex feel like she forgot something but she shook it off again. After the news they all spent some time reading and working on homework left undone. This went on till it was time to go to bed.

The boys where fast asleep and Jim was getting into his bedclothes while Sandra and her husband Edward where in there wing also readying for bed. Her father was in his office reading up on some paperwork from the day before. Knocking gently as to not startle him Alex entered the room. “Dad? Are you busy?” she asked. “No nothing I can’t do later, what is it dear?” He waved her over to sit in the chair next to his. “I just feel like I am forgetting something important but can’t put my finger on it.” She sighed. “Well maybe a goodnight of sleeping will help you remember by morning.” He responded gently not sure what was so important she would worry about forgetting. “Maybe you’re right I am probably just restless or something maybe we should travel a bit this next summer.” She smiled and touched his hand as she got up to leave. He smiled back “Goodnight my dear.” He said as she walked out.

Alex entered her room to find Jim sitting up in bed reading a book through thick black framed glasses. After her nightly routine of brushing teeth and hair, changing and climbing into bed Jim was already asleep book still in hand. She took off his glasses and placed them on top of the book and back on his table with a smile.  Kissing his forehead from her spot beside him that feeling kept nagging at her but less each time so she tuned over and dosed off to sleep. Nothing but darkness now as her mind relaxed and let go of all the questions.

Somewhere far into places very few human eyes have ever seen, the little figures watch her as she blends into the timeline almost seamlessly. A Large figure of light watches from over them pleased with the dimension chosen for her. Other groups are also watching but not just Alex, timelines and humans from all effected dimensions must be monitored, patched, and blended where needed. In one Jim walks around a pile of rubble that used to be the mansion looking for Alex and Sandra after the largest earthquake on record hit the area. He cries out in frustration when he realizes they are beyond help if under all that debris. A few people wonder around in the distance behind him also looking for loved ones.

One group look on a dimension where Jim, Alex, and the twins disappeared from the run down three room home without a trace. It seems in this timeline the world woke to many friends and family just gone taken by some unseen force like Armageddon. The news went on to describe how people started praying in the streets to every god ever worshiped in hopes of answers. All over the world people were getting along in a peace that none had ever seen before.  Governments wanted to collaborate on global defense strategies instead of argue who was right or wrong.

Yet another group watches on as other human’s lives are blended into new dimensions trying to patch as many realities as possible amongst the few involved in the spiral. Some happy ones and some horrible ones but time and space will continue on now with no one remembering a thing. That is no one but the tiny creatures and the large figure of light that watch from somewhere far away.

THE END

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 28.11.2011

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Widmung:
Finally finished it and I am truly sorry it took so long. Thank you for all the feedback from all my readers it was extremely helpful.