Surprise

Today was the day that I would tell him, that he would know. Skipping to my house, I imagined the day ahead. The way he'd smile when he found out, and how he'll hug me, making me feel like I was the only one for him. I smiled to myself, feeling a rush of joy, it was probably because my emotions were in a wreck these past few months but I didn't care. I didn't want this day to end; I wanted to feel the rush of happiness and the feeling of security and warmth. Finally I saw the hot pink house that I called my own, even though I wasn't the one who paid the bills or bought the food. As I opened the door, my mom was cooking dinner and my dad was reading his boring newspapers, the sport section. Sniffing the air, I smiled at the recognizing smell of spiced chicken dipped in a tomato sauce, and rice and beans. My mouth drooled and I couldn't help giggling. My mom came out of the kitchen, wiping her hands with the dish towel.

"Have you told him yet?" She asked.

I shook my head, "not yet, but I'm visiting him today, so that's probably when I'll tell him." My mom had that worried look in her eyes, and I grabbed her hands, "he'll be all for it, don't worry."

She didn't say anything but nod. I sighed again and kissed her in the cheeks and went to my room. I had so many things to do, dress, clean, and look fabulous. Opening my closet, I grabbed the light green shirt that Michel loved so much, and the navy blue skinny jeans that looked perfect with it. I smiled sadly at myself as I looked at the tight skinny jeans and the green shirt that fit me so well and I couldn't help thinking, "well you won’t be fitting me very soon my little beauties."
I started putting them on, loving the way my green shirt showed almost all of my back and how my skinny jeans hugged every curve in my body. I suddenly felt alert and I couldn't help checking my Mickey Mouse clock that was on my bed, and realized I was late. I couldn't help but scream, as I started running downstairs. I felt another burst of excitement as I rushed out the door and started running towards his house.
It was only a few blocks away now since we moved to his community three years ago. As I reached his place, I took a deep breath and started walking towards his house. All of a sudden fear washed over me, all of my mom’s concerns entered my mind and I was too scared to even move an inch. Luckily for me, Michel always seemed to know when I was here, so he was already opening the door. I forced myself to take short steps, telling myself I was being ridiculous. He looked at me, shock and amazement all over his face. But that wasn't what made me feel completely confident as I walked towards him; it was the desire in his eyes and the complete adoration he had for me.
Taking my time to seduce him, I let his eyes explore my body and finally he lifted me up and hugged me and then buried his head in my neck and deeply took in my scent. He froze suddenly and pulled back, "you smell different."

I shrugged "I didn't put on perfume this morning, or deodorant."

I fought the urge to smell my armpits; I wanted today to be a special day for us. And he was the one who always told me he hated me wearing anything that made me less natural to him, I wore it in school, but around him, I didn't feel the need to.
He smiled at me, "and what is this special occasion that made you dress up this way?" He didn't say it rudely, or mockingly, it was just a pure curiosity that I didn't get. I grabbed his hand, not really knowing what to say and led him away from his house.
"Can we take a walk somewhere, anywhere."
He took my hand, and hugged me again, and then he finally let me go. "Lead the way my queen".

We walked in silence and I didn't want to break it, I was afraid of what his answer might be. He stopped and he looked at me, searching my eyes when he couldn't figure out what was on my mind. I looked down, suddenly feeling an overwhelming feeling to cry. He lifted my chin gently, so I could look at him straight in the eyes, and tears just started coming down. Michel kissed each one of them, making me blush, and finally kissed my lips, making me forget about what I wanted to say. All I wanted was to feel his lips against mine.
Breaking away, he looked at me, his eyes filled with such an intense hunger that it made me shiver. "What did you want to tell me?" He asked, his voice hoarse and husky.
"I'm pregnant", I blurted out, not being able to contain myself and pressing my cheeks on his hand. I felt his body tighten, and I started stiffening as he backed away. I felt scared all over again as he look at me, the look of pure horror in his eyes

Torn

"How far along are you?" He asked, not bothering to even fake the sound of excitement.

"One month exactly", I said, wrapping my arms around my body. I no longer wanted to be here, I just wanted to go home. He didn't say anything for a moment and he turned away from me, making me feel so much pain.

"I love you Kiss", he said, and I felt an overwhelming feeling of relief. Again, I started day dreaming about how we would be together, how we'd be a family. He started speaking again and I almost screamed for him to keep on talking about how we'd be together. He looked at me, "but I can’t take care of it", he said barley keeping the hate from his voice.
"IT,it" I was starting to choke, so much that I couldn't stop. He tried to help me but I just pushed him away, trying to calm myself down. Anger was just building up in my body, becoming more and more powerful. I couldn't believe he called our baby an IT, like it was a monster, something non-human. I balled my hands into fists and drew deep breaths whenever I could and finally the choking stopped. "The baby's not an it, it’s not a monster or whatever you think it is. You put him inside of me, and now you’re acting like I have the most horrible thing in the world in my belly."
I started walking away and then I turned back around, "don’t come looking for me Michael, when you don’t see me in school next year. Don’t come to my house; don’t pester my family saying you made a mistake. We all mistakes, but you just made the biggest one".

I started walking away and almost cried when he didn't come running after me but I stopped myself. I wouldn't give him any satisfactions. "And anyway", I whispered to myself, "Not everyone has a Ricky and Ben". I arrived to my house and my mom was waiting for me in the front porch. You were right, I thought and I ran up and broke down right in front of her, letting her hug and comfort me

Mica

I heard her cry's and felt her pain. It took all of my strength not to run up to her and say that I loved her. To say that I would take care of her and the baby but I knew I couldn't. Tears were running down her cheeks, making a small puddle besides her, and I saw her mom hugging her. She was the only one who knew what was really going on and for once I was thankful that she was here for Kiss. Her mom was humming Kiss's favorite song, the one that calmed and reassured her ever since she was a baby. And I couldn't help but smile.
I knew everything about Kiss, about her likes and dislike, what made her feel disgusted and what made her feel overwhelmingly happy. She was an angel, the definition of the phrase sweet and sour and when I looked at her stomach, seeing the small bump, I knew that was what made her look even more beautiful and more glowing than ever. But instead of happiness, all I felt was hate, instead of wanting to cuddle it, I wanted to rip it out of her body and take back what was rightfully mine. Then I felt an overwhelming feeling of shame and started walking away.
I paused at her last thought and whispered, "It’s a boy, my love, we are always boys."

FIVE YEARS LATER

5 years later and I was still walking home. I couldn't help but laugh at myself; at least I didn’t live with my mom anymore. I arrived home and I couldn't help but look at my one bedroom apartment and know how unrealistic it was

for me to be living here without my mother. I heard a shout and I ran upstairs, quickly unlocking the doors. Stepping inside, I started cracking up; my baby was covered in food from top to bottom.
Blond curls were dyed red from the tomato sauce, the t-shirt and the pants were dirty with pasta and dark Grey eyes looked at me with embarrassment and anger. "Hi baby girl, I said, chuckling a bit and pulled her up and kissed her cheeks.”How was your day today?"
Her face froze with anger and I had a sudden flashback of Michel and I wanted to cry right there. Mica looked at me; poking me and making me come back to reality. Her face was full of worry and I smiled for her, "you still haven't told me about your day Mica."

She shrugged, "I don't know mom, I mean I'm covered with pasta, I totally had a good day". I squeezed the cheeks of my sarcastic four year old daughter and started laughing out loud.

"You are such a brat, you know that?"

She looked at me so intensely that it shocked me for a little bit. Those Grey eyes, that reminded me so much of her father, made me feel like she was looking straight through me and into my soul. "Mommy, I love you, you know that right?" She said and hugged me. I kissed her forehead and put her down.

"Were you trying to cook for mommy, Mica?" She didn't say anything, and I knew she knew more then she let on. "Baby girl, come on, let’s cook dinner", I said, picking her up again and twirling her around so she'd laugh. She didn't, all she did was put her head down, and I looked at her. Raising her chin, I saw tears pouring down her face. I felt my heart tighten, and I impulsively hugged her and rocked her like I did when she was a baby. I couldn’t help but cry myself, every time she cried; it felt like my world was falling apart all over again. I loved her so much; after all, she was my daughter. When she stopped, we looked at each other.

"You miss him, don't you, you miss Michel?"

Again I was shocked by how much she knew me, and I realized that day that she had stopped calling Michel, daddy. Taking her hand, I know that she must also feel hurt that he left us, and again I felt so much shame and regret. It was my fault that she'd never learn to love her own father. When she was two years old, she asked me in her baby language of course. "Mommy, wher da-da." I felt so much anger when she mentioned him; I hadn’t gotten over the fact that he abandoned me two years ago. And without thinking I said, he abandoned us, and since she was to young to understand, she just kept on calling him daddy. And then one day, she came home from pre-school, fire burning in her eyes, screaming, I hate daddy, I hate him.
The next morning when I asked about what she really thought of him, she just said, "I don't know Michel, I cant think anything of him, can I?"
I was so shocked that day, that I was even afraid to mention his name in my mind. After that, the household went back to normal, but she stopped calling him daddy. She started acting all grown up and it scared me, it made me feel like I stole her childhood away from her.

I kissed her cheeks, "of course I miss him, but if you were gone, I would feel like dying."

Her eyes widened, "then I'll never leave mommy, never."

I laughed at her youth and picked her up, "how bout we order Chinese food, huh?"

She pouted, "Mexican mommy, Mexican".

I laughed again, my baby was obsessed with Mexican food, she loved it, she adored it, and she always ate all of it. Smiling I picked up the phone, and ordered Mexican food. It arrived after a few minutes and she squealed as I opened the door. I wanted to just hug her in my arms and never let her go. I looked at the delivery guy and smiled at him and his little boy. Noticing how Mica was looking at him and blushing along the way. He almost stepped in my house when Mica came closer aand when she was right in front of me, I saw them whisper something to each other. I looked at the delivery guy and he was smiling.
"Good day miss, have a great dinner", and with a tremendous amount of force, he grabbed his sons hand and pulled him away. I looked at my daughter who was blushing crazily. I looked at her, obviously wanting an explanation, she smiled, and went to her seat.
I was astounded, "can you tell me who that little boy was?" She didn't say anything at first, and then she raised her head defiantly. It was the same movement Michel had done when he didn't want his mother to control our relationship.

"He’s my boyfriend, mom." My mouth dropped and I put the Mexican food on the table before it slipped off my shaky hand.

"What?" I whispered, not knowing how to handle this situation.

She squeezed her hands, "I really like him mommy".

I nodded, "sweetie, I just, I don't think you’re ready to have a boyfriend."

"Whyyy not?" she whined.

I sighed, "because sweetie, I mean, you’re too young for that, and you don't even understand what you’re feeling for him are yet."

She grabbed the Mexican food and started piling some on her plate. Not listening to me, she just ate her food proudly. I sat in front of her, and waited until she was finished, not wanting to ruin her appetite. When she was done, she looked at me and started getting up.
"I want you to break up with him:, I said meanly, making her know I met business.

"excuse me?" she said, eying me in the eye.

" You heard me little missy, your breaking up with him."

She crossed her arms, "no."

"Yes."

"What don’t you understand mom I like him... A LOT", she screamed

"You will break up with him Mica", I said firmly.

"No!" She screamed

"Yes!" I screamed, standing up impulsively. And she just looked at me so sadly that it crushed my heart and she ran to her room, slamming the door. I sat down, and pushed the Mexican food aside.

You cant escape your past

The next morning, I drove her to school in silence and when she got out, I saw a tear slide down her face. I felt an overwhelming urge to hug her, but I knew I had to be the tough parent; Michel wasn't here to be tough for me. Swallowing my spit, I drove off, hoping she'd be okay when I came home. As I arrived to New York University, I laughed as I saw my best friend Christina dressed in a polar bear outfit. I still didn't understand what in the world was up with her fashion sense. Last time it was little red riding hood another was Jack and Jill fell down a hill.
As I walked, she turned both ways in a proud gaze. "Christy please tell me you don't expect me to say you look good."

She pouted at me, "I do look good."

I nodded, grabbing her head, "of course ya do, anyway I gotta tell you something."

She stopped, "what did Mica do this time?"

I rolled my eyes, "all I have to say is that I am through with boys. They cause too much trouble, I mean Mica's mad at me because of a boy."

"Ohhh let me guess, she was dating this guy and you told her to break up with him?"

My eyes widened, "how the hell did you know?"

She smiled knowingly and she grabbed my hand, tightening her hold, "because that's just how much I know you, love."

I nodded but I knew Mica had to have told her, I signed a little jealous that she would tell Christy about her relationship with this boy. But I understood why Christina was easier to confide in. Christie was like an aunty to Mica, she knew Mica since Mica was born. I had met Christy the same day Mica was born, she was the first teenager that I had known that got lost in a HOSPITAL. But as soon as she saw me with Mica in my arms she rushed to my side, asking me questions like how old was I or how tough it was to be pregnant at such a young age. Then we started talking about life and we clicked, we laughed, exchanged phone numbers and talked until it was 3 o clock in the morning.
After that one day we never left each others side. It was like we were meant to meet, like it was fate, I knew the day I met her that she was my soul sister. The one I always wanted, my sister from another mother. she was the only one that year that helped me stop thinking about Michael. It was rough those days I cried myself to sleep every day until I met her.

"Whatcha thinking about Kiss?" She asked.

I shaked my head trying to come back to reality. "Everything, nothing."

She rolled her eyes since it was a phrase I used every time someone asked what I was thinking. "As usual", she said smirking a little, "Fine you won’t tell me what you’re thinking about, I won’t tell you about the hot tamale substituting for Mr. Herbert this year".
I chuckled a bit and she blushed, "you just did and I know that’s all you know, that he’s a HOT tamale".
She pouted, "well isn’t that wonderful, well then I call dibs on him".
I grabbed her, "perfect Christy, date someone who’s potentially ten years older then you."

She looked like at me an evil sparkle in her eyes; "hey if he’s hot, I won’t only date him, I'll probably handcuff him to my bed."

She giggled and I couldn’t help but laugh at the outrageous thing she just said. "You sincerely need some help, love." As we walked the hallways of New York university, I was still amazed on how different everyone was, yet somehow it reminded me of high school. Maybe it was because there were clique,s even in collage. The drama queens stucked together, the pop stars sang together every day, every hour. The band geeks never separated and the whole school never dated someone out of their clique.
Then there was Christy, the ditsy beauty, Paco, the Casanova playboy and me. We were the outsiders of the school yet strangely we were accepted because of it. As we arrived to Mr. Herberts class, I opened the door and took a seat next to Paco.

"Hey my beauties, how was your day?" he asked.

"Well same as usual for me, and Christy's designing clothes again, but what about you? What girl do you have under your sheets today?"

He laughed, "this month I am going to be chaste, no rummaging through a girls bed anymore. Unless", he stared at Christy intensely, "someones willing to do me a favor of keeping me company."

Christy blushed and inside I was mentally slapping Paco for even putting that thought in Christys head. Everyone knew who Christy really liked, and it wasn’t the teacher she called dibs on. It was Paco himself and Paco only. Ever since we met him, she couldn’t keep her eyes off him and who could blame her. He had that perfect golden tan, shaggy brown hair, golden eyes that you would kill for and lips that you knew had enough experience to drive you crazy. But he was a player and I had this gut wrenching feeling he would hurt Christy the second they get together.

"Very funny Paco", she said, the redness in her cheeks slowly fading away.

"Who said I was kidding?"

We both looked at him as he said this and I almost gasped. He was the most serious we had ever seen him, his eyes were only on Christy and even I could feel its intensity. But in a second he had the same smirk he always did.

"Well I think we’ve all heard about the substitute, damn do I wish it was a hot mama for me to flirt with". I flinched as Christy’s whimpered and she turned away from him. We both took him seriously two seconds ago; Christy probably felt that there really was something between them. As Paco saw this, he looked away and stood up, going near those gushing girls.

"God, he can be such a jerk sometimes, he knows how you feel about him."

She nodded, "he’s the biggest." She turned around and smiled at me, reassuring me she'd be okay. As I turned around I was surprised by how gorgeous the sub actually was. I mean, all I could see was his back but that’s all I needed to know he was hot. He had broad shoulders, a lean back that told me he was lean but muscular, and an ass that looked firm and cute and legs that would make any runner jealous. I looked at Christy, who was picking at her panda suit, barely noticing the good-looking teacher right in front of her. I nudge her, and she looked up and in a second her eyes were glazed, her cheeks were red and a soft whistle came from her lips.

"Now that is one drop dead gorgeous teacher, and look at those eyes."

I quickly turned around wanting to look at the face that was sure make my blood boil. But as I looked at those familiar stormy grey eyes that seemed like it could see right through me I froze. "Mich…eal?"

Your right?

Christy looked at me, quickly shocked, shit. And in a seond, he was next to me, wiping away tears that I hadn’t noticed were falling.

"Kiss…"

I had always hoped, prayed

to hear my name come out of those lips but anger boiled up at me as I looked at the same man who left me, who left Mica. My reflexes took over and I slapped his hands away from me. We stared at each other for what seemed to be hours until I felt someone hands on my shoulder. I turned around and Paco was staring at Michael with such anger in his eyes that even I shivered out of fear. But as I looked at Michael, I knew Paco had met his match, those grey eyes had become pure black, his whole face was full of maliciousness, cruelty…jealousy.
He looked at Paco, and slowly those same eyes looked at the hands on my shoulder and went right back to looking straight at Paco. It was a warning, and as I felt Paco's hand squeeze my shoulder, I knew he was scared. I looked up at him, and gently I took his hands away from my shoulder, smiling gently. He stared at me, and backed away, understanding what I was telling him. Then I looked at Michael, and my face hardened.

"Don’t you have a class to teach?"

He looked at the class and everyone was staring at us, some were full of curiosity, some were Paco's boys looking at the new teacher with anger and admiration and some were full blown desire… for Michael.

"I want to talk to you", he whispered so low, knowing I was the only one who could hear him. I was overwhelmed with emotions, memories. I was holding back tears I knew were falling as he wiped my face again. This time, I didn’t slap his hands; l looked at him, wondering how he felt all these years without me.

"After class", I said briefly, and before I knew it, I know longer felt warmth or his palm on my face.

Christy looked at me, "you okay?"

I looked at her and shrugged, Paco was sitting by my side again and Christy’s hand was in mine, squeezing it for support. "You don’t have to talk to him after school, you know?"

I nodded, "I know but I want to hear what he has to say."

"He has

nothing to say", Christy said, "he left you, he left Mica."

I looked at her, "don’t you think I know that, I’m not going to let him back into my life Christy; I’m going to talk

to him. Is that okay, cant I just have a word with him?" I whispered. Why were they ganging up on me, did they really think i was that easy? That I would just snatch him up and kiss him? I looked at both of them and doubt began to creep into me, I still loved Micheal, even after what he did... I still loved him.

"We wouldn’t have a problem if we were sure you guys were just talking", Paco whispered, I had never seen him so distraught and shaken before. Yes Micheal went a little hard on him but Paco never looked this shaken before, it was like he had just seen a ghost. "You saw his expression… those eyes when I put my hand on your shoulder, Kiss. I knew what he wanted me to know, It was only two words he was sending to me but I got the message.

I shook my head, not wanting to hear what he was going to say "just shut up Paco."

"No, those two words Kiss was, she’s mine."

I looked at him, already knowing what he was about to tell me. It’s just the feelings it would bring from hearing them that I wasn’t expecting. Anger, at myself and at Paco for saying the words I knew I wanted to hear but not from his lips, from Micheal's.

"I said SHUT UP Paco!"

He looked at me, anger and surprise in his face, I had never screamed at him before... not like that. He snickered in disgust and turned around. "Fine MY QUEEN."

I gasp, startled at what he had just said. It wouldn’t have mattered if he said it in the usual Paco way, but this time there was an underline meaning to it. Michael use to call me that all the time, it was his little nickname for me, for Paco to have known that, I shivered with suspicion.
"Paco…. If you want to tell me something, come meet ME after school." Paco nodded and went back to those gushing girls. I looked at him and I looked at Christy.

She smiled faintly, "I’ll look after Mica, and you just deal with those two jerks, okay?" I hugged her as much as I could before “Mr. Silver” assigned us work, barely looking at me. As I took my English text book to refresh my memory about the assignment on the board, I felt someone staring at me. Already knowing who it was, I looked at Christina," Do you have something you want to say to me?" I asked feeling a bit irritated and angry.

She blushed, "I guess I was staring for a bit to long, huh?"

I nodded, "not really... well there is something I want to know Kiss, how are you feeling right now, as you think about being with him in the same class everyday. expect the weekend of course and how you feel knowing he’s the one teaching you, he’s the one you’re going to have to come to when you don’t know something? How do you feel about that?"

I froze, he’s really here he’s really going to be teaching me and I’m really going to
have to talk to him? "Shit", I said out loud.

Christina laughed, "you weren’t thinking of any of that, were you?

I shook my head, snarling just a bit, "thank you for painting that image in my head."
Christy saluted me a smile on her face, "just trying to keep you informed captain."

I smiled a bit and started doing my work, when the bell rang, I jumped, shocked out of my concentration. The topic he had assigned was something that really interested me “how would you live if there was no life”. It was something that was intriguing and hard to define, my type of thing. I quickly stood up, putting my English book in my bag and swiftly leaving the class without looking or even acknowledging him. Christy was by my side, looking at us with worried glances, I stopped and looked at her when we were out of his class and walking to our next class.
"Christina do you find anything strange with what Paco was saying today?"

She looked at me, cocked her head with a tiny smile on her face, "was I suppose too?"

I silently screamed in my head, she was answering my question with another question, trying to make me tell her what I was insinuating. If I did, I still wouldn’t know if she already knew what I was talking about or if she didn’t. She only did this when her guard was up, I narrowed my eyes, "should I take it as a yes or a no Christina"

She shrugged, "should you Kiss?" and she walked away to her next class, I was astounded what the hell was that? I shivered a bit, feeling a bit lost and confused and tried to shaked myself out of it. Whatever it was I'd find out soon enough, I walked to my next class, opened the door and waited for the bell to ring. In my last period I was absolutely exhausted, I kept on thinking of exactly what I would say to Michael after school when I saw him. Exactly how would I act, angry, happy, depressed? I was in so much pain just thinking of Michael but for some reason I couldn’t stop, I hunched over in my seat and put my head down, grumbling to my self.

"Well you don’t look good today?" I turned around, looking at the boy who was clearly talking to me. He had startling intense blue eyes, blonde hair and thin cruel lips that seemed like it would snap at you but his voice calmed me down a bit. It was so gentle and so kind, I wonder why he’s talking to me, I don’t know him, I thought.

"Who are you?" I asked bluntly, then blushed feeling a bit ashamed of myself.

"Marcus", he said, "I’m surprised you didn’t notice me sooner; I’m someone people tend to look at all day long"

I nodded a bit, he was right, they probably did look at him all day... to think of ways to avoid him. He was hot enough to make your knees buckle but he looked so intimidating that people probably wouldn’t even have had the courage to speak to him…. almost like Michael, but Michael had an aura that said stay away from me, his was just wanting company… I could feel it. My eyes widened, damn, here I go again thinking I know what people wanted. I always had this thing about me, being able to understand what people were feeling. Sometimes I would understand exactly what the other person was feeling, that I would start feeling those same emotions myself.
In my younger days it was too the point where I would cry every time someone else was crying, I would feel their pain when they were injured. If they were limping, I would start limping. When someone was angry at another person but didn’t have it in their heart to say anything to them, I would start screaming at them. Once someone came up to me and said, "how did you know I wanted to say that?" I ran away when that happened, feeling like a freak, like something was wrong with me. I explained it my mom and she just looked at me sadness and understanding in her eyes. I didn’t know what was wrong with me but I knew I had to control it. It started getting better but I guess today my emotions were a bit wrecked so, so was my control.

"What’s your name?" he said, waving his hand in front of my face; I blushed again coming back to reality.

"Um Kiss, my names Kiss... are you new here?"

He nodded, "yeah just transferred from Princeton."

I gaped at him, "um WHY?"

He flinched and I knew he felt insulted. "I mean, Princeton is so, so great man, why did you transfer here?"

He smiled, a feeling of relief and understanding overcame me, yet I knew it was his. "Princeton is great, if you want to be a lawyer", he said smiling, "I don’t, I want to be in entertainment even though ther's a big chance I won’t make it."

I nodded, "well Marcus, nice to make your acquaintance my friend."

He laughed and not knowing why, I started laughing with him. Happiness engulfed me and that period was full of laughter. As the period ended, Marcus walked me out of the classroom and all the way to Michael’s class, we were talking. When I arrived, my heart tightened and I looked at him, "you go home without me, it might take some time for me to finish talking to him."

He nodded, "okay, see you tomorrow?" he asked doubtfully.

I nodded, "see you tomorrow."

He left, waving me goodbye and I breathed slowly and my hand slowly inched toward the door. "Should I even go in?" I whispered, "I mean, is there really any reason to go in?" Because he asked you too, I thought. Before I could even turn the door, he was already in front of me, door wide open. I choked up a bit as my eyes started welling, he always use to know when I was here, even though we hadn’t known each other for so long, he was still the same.

"Kiss", he said, a look of complete torment and relief on his face.

I wiped the tears away before he had the chance because I had an uncanny feeling that if he did, I would surly break down. "You wanted to see me, well here I am", I said shoving him aside and walking in the classroom, anger boiling in my veins, but as soon as I looked at him, I whimpered. All the emotions I still felt for him came back, but stronger and tears started dripping uncontrollably. He moved closer to me and in a second, I was in his arms, I don’t know who hugged who but I was filled with warmth again. My face was flooded with tears as he tightened his arms around me.

"Do you know how hard its been?" I cried, "h-how I had to gave birthh to her wi-without you. How I didn’t know if everyth-thing was going to be alright. I wanted Mica to be- "

"Mica, you named her Mica?" he said breathless, pulling me away from him so I could look him in the eyes.

"Y-yesss, I wailed, I wanted her to have you in her heart. And sh-shes so much like you Micheal soooo mu- "

He pulled me to him, and hugged me even more, "I'm sorry Kiss, I'm so sorry." His voice cracked as he said this, and I knew he was trying to hold back tears. "Its just, I didn’t think it would be a girl, were NEVER girls." He looked at me, his eyes full of passion and love, "I want to meet her kiss, I need to meet our daughter."
I started crying even more as he said “our daughter” . I looked at him and Mica's image popped in my head, the way she held back her feeling for Micheal since I told her that he abandoned her, the way she felt so much sadness because he wasn’t in her life. I pulled away from his embrace, "no… Micheal, its not something shes going to be ready for, or something IM ready for. You left us, you cant really think I'm going to forgive you after all you put me, US through?"

He shook his head, his eyes looked desperate, "you don’t understand Kiss. Oh god, I wish you did but you don’t. I loved, love you Kiss, I've never forgotten about you, all the years I was away from you was torture. I want to see her, its my right to see my daughter."

I backed away, "your right, it was your right to leave us, but it is not your right to think you can barge into our lives and expect everything to be the way it used to be."
His eyes darkened and he staggered back, I looked away, not wanting to see him like this. He looked so lost, so lonely. "I understand." I looked at him and I was shocked at the bitter smile in his lips. "I wont bother you anymore, or Mica," he quickly walked to the door and opened it, barley looking at me. "Bye Kiss."
I stared at him, completely shocked and numb inside, once again I felt the pain I felt five years ago. I laughed cruelly, he didn’t even put up a fight, he complied… once again. I slowly walked out, and walked all the way to the end of the hallway before falling down on the floor and crying.

Realize

Christy looked at me, quickly shocked, shit. And in a seond, he was next to me, wiping away tears that I hadn’t noticed were falling.

"Kiss…"

I had always hoped, prayed to hear my name come out of those lips but anger boiled up at me as I looked at the same man who left me, who left Mica. My reflexes took over and I slapped his hands away from me. We stared at each other for what seemed to be hours until I felt someone hands on my shoulder. I turned around and Paco was staring at Michael with such anger in his eyes that even I shivered out of fear. But as I looked at Michael, I knew Paco had met his match, those grey eyes had become pure black, his whole face was full of maliciousness, cruelty…jealousy.
He looked at Paco, and slowly those same eyes looked at the hands on my shoulder and went right back to looking straight at Paco. It was a warning, and as I felt Paco's hand squeeze my shoulder, I knew he was scared. I looked up at him, and gently I took his hands away from my shoulder, smiling gently. He stared at me, and backed away, understanding what I was telling him. Then I looked at Michael, and my face hardened.

"Don’t you have a class to teach?"

He looked at the class and everyone was staring at us, some were full of curiosity, some were Paco's boys looking at the new teacher with anger and admiration and some were full blown desire… for Michael.
"I want to talk to you", he whispered so low, knowing I was the only one who could hear him. I was overwhelmed with emotions, memories. I was holding back tears I knew were falling as he wiped my face again. This time, I didn’t slap his hands; l looked at him, wondering how he felt all these years without me.

"After class", I said briefly, and before I knew it, I know longer felt warmth or his palm on my face.

Christy looked at me, "you okay?"

I looked at her and shrugged, Paco was sitting by my side again and Christy’s hand was in mine, squeezing it for support. "You don’t have to talk to him after school, you know?"

I nodded, "I know but I want to hear what he has to say."

"He has nothing to say", Christy said, "he left you, he left Mica."

I looked at her, "don’t you think I know that, I’m not going to let him back into my life Christy; I’m going to talk to him. Is that okay, cant I just have a word with him?" I whispered. Why were they ganging up on me, did they really think i was that easy? That I would just snatch him up and kiss him? I looked at both of them and doubt began to creep into me, I still loved Micheal, even after what he did... I still loved him.

"We wouldn’t have a problem if we were sure you guys were just talking", Paco whispered, I had never seen him so distraught and shaken before. Yes Micheal went a little hard on him but Paco never looked this shaken before, it was like he had just seen a ghost. "You saw his expression… those eyes when I put my hand on your shoulder, Kiss. I knew what he wanted me to know, It was only two words he was sending to me but I got the message.

I shook my head, not wanting to hear what he was going to say "just shut up Paco."

"No, those two words Kiss was, she’s mine." I looked at him, already knowing what he was about to tell me. It’s just the feelings it would bring from hearing them that I wasn’t expecting. Anger, at myself and at Paco for saying the words i knew i wanted to hear but not from his lips, from Micheals.

"I said SHUT UP Paco!"

He looked at me, anger and surprise in his face, I had never screamed at him before... not like that. He snickered in disgust and turned around. "Fine MY QUEEN."
I gasp, startled at what he had just said. It wouldn’t have mattered if he said it in the usual Paco way, but this time there was an underline meaning to it. Michael use to call me that all the time, it was his little nickname for me, for Paco to have known that, I shivered with suspicion.

"Paco…. If you want to tell me something, come meet ME after school." Paco nodded and went back to those gushing girls. I looked at him and I looked at Christy.

She smiled faintly, "I’ll look after Mica, and you just deal with those two jerks, okay?"

I hugged her as much as I could before “Mr. Silver” assigned us work, barely looking at me. As I took my English text book to refresh my memory about the assignment on the board, I felt someone staring at me. Already knowing who it was, I looked at Christina," Do you have something you want to say to me?" I asked feeling a bit irritated and angry.

She blushed, "I guess I was staring for a bit to long, huh?"

I nodded, "not really... well there is something I want to know Kiss, how are you feeling right now, as you think about being with him in the same class everyday. expect the weekend of course and how you feel knowing he’s the one teaching you, he’s the one you’re going to have to come to when you don’t know something? How do you feel about that?"

I froze, he’s really here he’s really going to be teaching me and I’m really going to have to talk to him? "Shit", I said out loud.

Christina laughed, "you weren’t thinking of any of that, were you?

I shook my head, snarling just a bit, "thank you for painting that image in my head."

Christy saluted me a smile on her face, "just trying to keep you informed captain."

I smiled a bit and started doing my work, when the bell rang, I jumped, shocked out of my concentration. The topic he had assigned was something that really interested me “how would you live if there was no life”. It was something that was intriguing and hard to define, my type of thing. I quickly stood up, putting my English book in my bag and swiftly leaving the class without looking or even acknowledging him. Christy was by my side, looking at us with worried glances, I stopped and looked at her when we were out of his class and walking to our next class.
"Christina do you find anything strange with what Paco was saying today?"
She looked at me, cocked her head with a tiny smile on her face, "was I suppose too?"
I silently screamed in my head, she was answering my question with another question, trying to make me tell her what I was insinuating. If I did, I still wouldn’t know if she already knew what I was talking about or if she didn’t. She only did this when her guard was up, I narrowed my eyes, "should I take it as a yes or a no Christina"

She shrugged, "should you Kiss?" and she walked away to her next class, I was astounded what the hell was that? I shivered a bit, feeling a bit lost and confused and tried to shaked myself out of it. Whatever it was I'd find out soon enough, I walked to my next class, opened the door and waited for the bell to ring. In my last period I was absolutely exhausted, I kept on thinking of exactly what I would say to Michael after school when I saw him. Exactly how would I act, angry, happy, depressed? I was in so much pain just thinking of Michael but for some reason I couldn’t stop, I hunched over in my seat and put my head down, grumbling to my self.
"Well you don’t look good today?" I turned around, looking at the boy who was clearly talking to me. He had startling intense blue eyes, blonde hair and thin cruel lips that seemed like it would snap at you but his voice calmed me down a bit. It was so gentle and so kind, I wonder why he’s talking to me, I don’t know him, I thought.

Confrontation

"Who are you?" I asked bluntly, then blushed feeling a bit ashamed of myself.

"Marcus", he said, "I’m surprised you didn’t notice me sooner; I’m someone people tend to look at all day long"

I nodded a bit, he was right, they probably did look at him all day... to think of ways to avoid him. He was hot enough to make your knees buckle but he looked so intimidating that people probably wouldn’t even have had the courage to speak to him…. almost like Michael, but Michael had an aura that said stay away from me, his was just wanting company… I could feel it. My eyes widened, damn, here I go again thinking I know what people wanted. I always had this thing about me, being able to understand what people were feeling. Sometimes I would understand exactly what the other person was feeling, that I would start feeling those same emotions myself.
In my younger days it was too the point where I would cry every time someone else was crying, I would feel their pain when they were injured. If they were limping, I would start limping. When someone was angry at another person but didn’t have it in their heart to say anything to them, I would start screaming at them. Once someone came up to me and said, "how did you know I wanted to say that?" I ran away when that happened, feeling like a freak, like something was wrong with me. I explained it my mom and she just looked at me sadness and understanding in her eyes. I didn’t know what was wrong with me but I knew I had to control it. It started getting better but I guess today my emotions were a bit wrecked so, so was my control.

"What’s your name?" he said, waving his hand in front of my face; I blushed again coming back to reality.

"Um Kiss, my names Kiss... are you new here?"

He nodded, "yeah just transferred from Princeton."

I gaped at him, "um WHY?"

He flinched and I knew he felt insulted. "I mean, Princeton is so, so great man, why did you transfer here?"

He smiled, a feeling of relief and understanding overcame me, yet I knew it was his. "Princeton is great, if you want to be a lawyer", he said smiling, "I don’t, I want to be in entertainment even though ther's a big chance I won’t make it."

I nodded, "well Marcus, nice to make your acquaintance my friend."

He laughed and not knowing why, I started laughing with him. Happiness engulfed me and that period was full of laughter. As the period ended, Marcus walked me out of the classroom and all the way to Michael’s class, we were talking. When I arrived, my heart tightened and I looked at him, "you go home without me, it might take some time for me to finish talking to him."

He nodded, "okay, see you tomorrow?" he asked doubtfully.

I nodded, "see you tomorrow."

He left, waving me goodbye and I breathed slowly and my hand slowly inched toward the door. "Should I even go in?" I whispered, "I mean, is there really any reason to go in?" Because he asked you too, I thought. Before I could even turn the door, he was already in front of me, door wide open. I choked up a bit as my eyes started welling, he always use to know when I was here, even though we hadn’t known each other for so long, he was still the same.

"Kiss", he said, a look of complete torment and relief on his face.

I wiped the tears away before he had the chance because I had an uncanny feeling that if he did, I would surly break down. "You wanted to see me, well here I am", I said shoving him aside and walking in the classroom, anger boiling in my veins, but as soon as I looked at him, I whimphered. All the emotions I still felt for him came back, but stronger and tears started dripping uncontrollably. He moved closer to me and in a second, I was in his arms, I don’t know who hugged who but I was filled with warmth again. My face was flooded with tears as he tightened his arms around me.

"Do you know how hard its been?" I cried, "h-how I had to gave birthh to her wi-without you. How I didn’t know if everyth-thing was going to be alright. I wanted Mica to be- "

Mica, you named her Mica?" he said breathless, pulling me away from him so I could look him in the eyes.

"Y-yesss, I wailed, I wanted her to have you in her heart. And sh-shes so much like you Micheal soooo mu- "

He pulled me to him, and hugged me even more, "I'm sorry Kiss, I'm so sorry." His voice cracked as he said this, and I knew he was trying to hold back tears. "Its just, I didn’t think it would be a girl, were NEVER girls." He looked at me, his eyes full of passion and love, "I want to meet her kiss, I need to meet our daughter."
I started crying even more as he said “our daughter” . I looked at him and Mica's image popped in my head, the way she held back her feeling for Micheal since I told her that he abandoned her, the way she felt so much sadness because he wasn’t in her life. I pulled away from his embrace, "no… Micheal, its not something shes going to be ready for, or something IM ready for. You left us, you cant really think I'm going to forgive you after all you put me, US through?"

He shook his head, his eyes looked desperate, "you don’t understand Kiss. Oh god, I wish you did but you don’t. I loved, love you Kiss, I've never forgotten about you, all the years I was away from you was torture. I want to see her, its my right to see my daughter."

I backed away, "your right, it was your right to leave us, but it is not your right to think you can barge into our lives and expect everything to be the way it used to be."
His eyes darkened and he staggered back, I looked away, not wanting to see him like this. He looked so lost, so lonely.

"I understand." I looked at him and I was shocked at the bitter smile in his lips. "I wont bother you anymore, or Mica," he quickly walked to the door and opened it barely looking at me. "Bye Kiss."

I stared at him, completely shocked and numb inside, once again I felt the pain I felt five years ago. I laughed cruelly, he didn’t even put up a fight, he complied… once again. I slowly walked out, and walked all the way to the end of the hallway before falling down on the floor and crying.

Dont you want to know the truth

"Well you MUSTVE talked to him first, huh?"

I raised my head and looked at Paco, nodding, "how did you know he use to call me that? I asked, he was the only one who ever called me Queen."

He shrugged, "our people are meant to know everything that MICHEAL does. Including who he's with at the time and who carries his child."

I stiffened and slowly got up, "what are you talking about?"

He chuckled, "what exactly did you guys talk about, I mean for him to not even tell you what you really need to know?" I noticed how bitter he was, how different he looked, he was wearing a black v-neck shirt, black pants that fitted his legs perfectly and black shoes to match. It was as if he was trying to camouflage himself in a school where you were meant to stand out. Slowly looking at him, trying to find any detail that would explain why I felt so afraid of him at this moment. My eyes widened when I did find it, it was what seemed like a black dagger in his pockets. He smirked, realizing what I was looking at.

"Is there something wrong Kiss?"

I stumbled back, "back away Paco, before I stop being nice", I said, my voice quivering.

"What you don’t trust your own friend?" he said, forwarding.

"Not when that FRIEND has a dagger in his pocket."

He frowned, a look of feigned hurt across his face, "don’t worry Kiss, I won’t hurt you, I just came here to talk, LIKE I said and then you can decide if you want to come with me."

I nodded, thinking that he must be insane if he thought I was going anywhere with him. I looked at him Paco wouldn’t hurt me… right? "Then talk, Paco."

He sat down and patted the burning hard floor next to him I hesistated, looking at it and he gave me the same look that always said, trust me. I breathed and sighed sitting next to him as he began to talk.
"Micheal, me and him, we knew eachother since we were young." My eyes widened as I heard his voice becoming deeper and his hands clenching, "your probably surprised since we both acted like we didn’t know each other, since we acted like we hated each other."

I swallowed my saliva, and looked away, "how did you two meet?"

He chuckled, "that’s what I like about you Kiss, that you always keep a hold of yourself. You never show people what your really feeling, if your surprised? If you don’t believe me you can tell me?

I looked him in his eyes, "its not that I don’t believe you Paco, its just a really big coincidence that we met."

He tightened his fists, "it wasn’t a coincidence, I wanted to meet you, talk to you, ask you if you knew anything about Micheal, Kiss. I wasn’t meant to become your friend, I never knew how much I would like you." He grabbed my hand and turned it around, "as soon as I grab your hand I get these images of you and Micheal. Of Mica, your daughter, I see things that I'm not suppose to see when I grab your hand, Kiss. Like the first time you met Micheal, remember the first time we met, I admittedly laughed. Well when I shook your hand, I saw you pouring milk chocolate on Micheals' shirt and calling him an asshole."
I quickly grabbed my hand away, how was it possible that he knew that, I didn’t tell anyone that, not even Christina?
"I’m different Kiss, as soon as I touch someone I can see their whole life inside my head. When I was little I thought it was my imagination, until I told someone some of my “imaginary thoughts’ and got slapped in the face the following day. I don’t know why it was the following day, maybe it was because she was in a state of a shock. Whatever it was, I didn’t appreciate it, so I ran away from my foster home that day." He tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear, "I knew you had been through the same situation with one of your friends. But I guess mine was worse, huh?"

I didn’t say anything, even though I knew he clearly wanted me to. I wanted to call him crazy but I knew I couldn’t do that because deep in my heart, I knew what he was saying was true. I took back his hand, we were both different, we had both endured pain because of what we were capable of. "Is that when you met him, when you ran away?'

He nodded, "yeah, god I loved him so much, he was like a father to me. He took me in, he took care of me, he treated me as if I was his son. I knew we were suppose to meet, I knew he was the one who was always suppose to take care of me, to teach me his ways." I saw the look of love and admiration in Pacos face, the way he closed his eyes as he relished the memory of him and Micheal but I also felt deep sadness and hurt and I felt confused.

"How old were you when you ran away?"

Paco looked at me, his eyes an intense shade of gold, "I was eight years old, Kiss."
"Then how was Micheal like a father to you, he was probably 12 at the time, there's no way he could’ve been the one to take are of you.

"Are you playing me Paco?" I said, once again becoming angry at him, "because I'm leaving if you are," I said, standing up.

He shook his head, standing up too, "no I'm not Kiss, Micheal wasn’t 12 at the time, he was much older then that."

I froze not liking what he was insinuating, "what do you mean Paco, spit it out?"

Paco took my hand, squeezed it and then let it go, looking away he started talking. "Micheal wasn’t 12 at the time, he was 17, the same age he was when you met him at 15."

I looked at him, my eyes stretched to its limit. "What? Ar-are you CRAZY Paco, that’s not possible, have you lost your damn mind." I was about to walk away when he grabbed my hand and turned me back around.

"Look at the facts, Kiss, he never wanted you to wear deodorant, he noticed that you smelled different when you were pregnant because of the chemicals changing in your body, he always knew when you were in front of his house before you even arrived. Didn’t you ever wondered why? You couldn’t have possibly thought it was because you guys had this insane connection, did you?"

I shook my head uncontrollably, not wanting to believe what he was saying as I started feeling unbelievable dizzy. "It's not possible, Paco, its just not possible."

"A lot of things aren’t possible when you think its not."

I yanked my hand away from him and started walking away. "Where are you going? He screamed, I stopped and turned around.

"To get to the bottom of this, you can come with me or stay here?" I said and continued walking. I could hear him behind me and when I reached his room, the door was already open. He looked at me, his eyes telling me all I needed to know. "No DAMN way!" I screamed, "its not… its not possible", I said, starting to cry. I was becoming a big cry baby since Micheal arrived. He leaned down to hug me but Paco stepped in front of him.

"Right now is not the time to try to comfort her when you lied to her for all these years."

I looked at both of them and in a minute they were hugging, there was no more anger in Pacos eyes or jealousy in Micheal. The love that they felt for each other was of a father and son, Micheals eyes were glazed with tears he was holding back, while Paco let it all out.

"You suck", he said, "why the hell did you leave, I mean I know why you left", he said looking at me with profound intensity, "but you could’ve took me with you."

"You were a big boy that didn’t need me anymore, you had a family that loved you PACS."

Paco punched him lightly, "you know I hate it when you call me that." Then they turned around and both looked at me, Paco kissed me on the forhead like he always did before he left. "I'll leave you two alone."

Micheal nodded and look at me, outstretching his hands for me to take. Slowly I stood up and looked him in the eye. "Why didn’t you tell me?"
He sat down on top of a desk and I finally noticed how he looked exactly the way he did 5 years ago. He had no wrinkles, no worry lines, he didn’t look a bit older and the energy vibrating around him made me think he had been eighteen for quite sometimes. How did I not notice this? "I didn’t know how, Kiss, I didn’t know if you would accept it, I loved you so much I didn’t want to hurt you."

"Well you did Micheal, you have been hurting me since you came here, since I got PREGNANT."

He combed his hair with his fingers out of frustration and my heart began pounding heavily as i remembered him doing that every time something bothered him, god I missed him.

"I thought you wouldn’t understand, Kiss, how many times do i n b have to say that?"

I crossed my arms, pushing my boobs up and came closer. He didn’t even notice and if he did, he didn’t say anything. "Then help me understand."

He got off the desk and got right in front of me and touched my stomach. "You can never stay with the one carrying your baby."

I cocked my head, "that makes no sense?"

He smirked, "oh yes it does, it was my mistake, I thought it would be a boy. You see we are always boys", he said, his smile fading away and him backing away. "You must've figured out what I was right, a vampire, something that drinks the blood of a human to survive." I shivered and nodded, trying to calm my beating heart. "I didn’t think it was possible for us to breed with a human, to breed period. But you got pregnant Kiss and I fell apart. If I had stayed, the baby would have tried to kill me, I couldn’t have let you go through the emotions I knew you would have gone through. Guilt, pain, decisions you wouldn’t have beared to think about. My mother went through them, I didn’t want you to go through them too, I swear, I didn’t know it would be a girl."

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 22.12.2011

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