I’d awoke that morning to the sun penetrating my window, pouring warm light into my room and covering me like a blanket.

Snuggling further into my bed, I was reluctant to move, being completely content, enjoying the comfort of my bed and basking in the sun’s rays.

As my eyes opened timidly, I automatically let out a yawn while stretching out my body. Pulling my limbs as far as they could reach trying to detangle the knots in my muscles that had seized up while I slept, instantly feeling that bit more refreshed and a lot more awake.

Taking a peek at the time, it showed it was still quite early morning. So relaxing once again I closed my eyes. Not too long I warned myself as I started to dream. Pictures of James flooded my mind, with his pale smooth complexion, big blue eyes and unruly black hair, he was gorgeous. This was my best friend James. He was perfect.

Perfect smile, perfect personality and simply just perfect everything.

Smiling as the memories of us flowed through my mind as clearly as a picture show, taking me back to the first day I met him, the day we became inseparable.

I’d been perched on the edge of a plastic school chair, wearing my favourite red dungarees and my wild blonde hair scooped up into uneven pigtails. I was painting my Christmas picture when the boys came over to tease me.

It was something that had happened daily starting the first day I came to Alton road nursery school. Term had just started in September and id been missing my mummy and started to cry, since then they made fun of me or teased me, I’d sit on my own as the others didn’t want to be friends with the girl the bigger boys teased.

So that day they decided to hide my brushes and take my paints, Just as I started to get upset, James appeared, he was the new boy that had started this week.

‘’Leave her alone’’ He snapped at them crossly.

‘’What you going to do about it little weed?’’

That was said by Tom, he was the biggest in the class and everyone was scared of him, and with his skin head hair cut it made him look even meaner.

‘’ You got a problem with her, you go through me first, im not scared of you’’ the new boy had said.

Making me think he was so brave to be standing up for me like that, I really hoped he didn’t get hurt.

Showing his fist Tom growled ‘’ how about… I give you a piece of my mind?’’

James just stood there with a silly lop sided grin on his face and smiled, ‘’ dare ya! ‘’

He looked like he was invincible, like a lion in the body of a Five year old.

Then it was all over quickly, I remember being scared for James knowing that Tom was going to hit him, but I had to double take as it was tom on the floor and James stood over him, demanding that he left me alone, or else.

‘’They won’t tease you anymore’’ he assured me giving me one of the lop sided grins that I became to fall in love with.

Grabbing the brushes off the floor he began helping tidy up the painting area. We didn’t say anything to each other for a little while after that, I didn’t have any friends and didn’t wish to scare away the one person that may actually be friends with me, I decided it would be wise to keep the outrageous list of questions I had for him to myself and we just cleared up the paints and got out new paper in silence.

‘’ You’re all set to start again ‘’

‘’ Thank you ‘’ I just about managed to say, although I tried to sound confidant it came out in a whisper.

‘’ Don’t mention it, I’m James ‘’ he said whilst offering out his hand to me, smiling.

‘’ My names Alyssa, nice to meet you.’’ This came out a little louder as I shook his hand.

And Just like that we became ‘’the bests of friends’’, sharing lunches, playing play ground games together, even going through the rest of school in most of the same classed, and no one teased me because they were scared of James.


Sleepily opening my eyes and glancing over to the clock on my wall, suddenly sitting up, my eyes wide awake and my heart pumping fast, he would be here any minute and I wasn’t ready.

Leaping from my bed all sense of tiredness fell away from me replacing it with excitement. Reaching for my wardrobe handle I yanked unintentionally opening it a bit too heavy handed resulting in the door slam against the wall. Wincing with the banging noise I attempted to rummage through the mountains of clothes that I owed, wondering what to wear.

Finally on what seemed to take a decade, I settled on wearing a plain summery play suit, something cute and girly but without saying ‘’look at me, look at me’’
Rushing around brushing my teeth while splashing water on my face, I was almost ready.

Stood looking at my reflexion after brushing the tangled strands out of my hair bringing it back to its straight and shiny glory, then gliding on some lip gloss and adding a touch of mascara transforming me into a doe eyed girl. I smiled widely, ‘good as new’ I told myself.

Giving myself a moment to take in the image reflecting back at me, Id changed, no longer the girl with the dungarees and wild blonde pigtails with a face full of dirt or paint. Id transformed like caterpillar to butterfly. Id long blonde shimmery hair, a body with curves in the right places, neither overweight nor stick thin, make up in place of paint, I looked like a lady. At 21 id grown my proverbial wings.

Taking once last look at my appearance checking for stray toothpaste finding its way in my hair and making sure that I wore matching pumps, because even though we had been friends for most of our lives, and never indicating I was more to him than a friend, or looking after me like he would a sister, I loved him.

A feeling of nausea thundered through me landing in the pit of my stomach, It made me feel sick just thinking that he didn’t like me in that way, wouldn’t love me back in the way of a lover.

I mentally shook myself, feeling a bit silly for getting so wound up, James was gorgeous and had plenty of girls after him, so he wouldn’t look twice at me, plus like a told myself a million and one times, it was a crush on my best friend that will go away soon, stopping me from feeling envious and jealous of those model perfect girls he takes out, pulling my mind away from the taboo thoughts of him I walked towards my door deciding I looked great, opening my bedroom door I made my way downstairs.

Descending down the stairs hopping from one step to another with a little spring in my step, making my way to the kitchen, I passed my brother, Matt.

‘’ Morning ‘’ I chirped as I skipped by, chuckling to myself after hearing a grunt reply from him, he really wasn’t a morning person, preferring to sleep in till noon then hang around his rooms playing video games or listening to music with his friends.

Reaching the third step from the bottom, I stopped, measuring the distance in my mind, feeling a bit childish, I jumped.

‘Whoa!!, watch it ‘’ she laughed, as I bumped into my mum.

‘’ your juice and toast is ready on the table.’’

Grinning ‘’Thanks, mum!’’

‘’ Ooo someone’s in a good mood this morning …seeing James are we’’

I felt my face go red as she mentioned his name, ‘’what makes you think that?’’

‘’well… let me see..’’ she stated, counting off on her fingers, ‘’ good mood, girls clothes, early morning, and make up… can only equal James.’’

My face started burning as I could feel myself blush, was I that obvious? Grabbing my juice, I hoped the coldness would calm down my rouged cheeks.

‘’ you know im only joking with you’’ putting her arms around me, ‘’ but you got to admit he is cute’’

‘’gee mum, embarrassing much?’’ I laughed nervously hoping she wouldn’t guess that I knew he was cute, and how much I felt for him more than anyone knew.

‘’ It’s only me’’

I heard a voice come from the porch
My stomach felt full of butterflies doing somersaults and goose bumps every inch of me, my body’s reaction from just hearing his voice.

‘’ the doorbell broke again’’ mum shouted as he popped his head around the door.

‘’Oh is that what that thing is’’ James said, with a shocked expression which quickly transformed into one of his lopsided grins.

They played this little charade a lot, my parents were that used to him coming around since nursery school, when we both turned 16, my parents gave both of us a house key, knowing they could trust him.

Mum walked into the other room laughing, ‘’ I shall see you two love birds later’’ she called.

‘’morning’’ he ruffles with my hair laughing as he saw the scowl I wore on my face; he knew how much I hate him doing it. ‘’ hurry up with your breakfast slow coach’’

Munching a slice of toast and finishing off my juice in Olympic record time, we set off to the shopping centre.


Reaching our destination, the DIY store, we parked the car and headed in.

Putting in my pound coin to release one of the shopping trolleys, I wheeled it over to where James was waiting for me at the doors, ‘’ let’s get ready to shop’’ I thought, pushing the trolley through the main doors.

Moments later I was surrounded by assortments of timber, power tools and other DIY equipment. Wheeling the shopping trolley across the floor dodging boxes of nails and screws while, James filled it with sheets of different sized wood, and a box of nails.

Adding a few other bits like hammers and sandpaper, we decided it was everything we needed so went over to the tills to pay.
After purchasing our goods, we started to fill up the car with it all.

Taking the bags which contained the smaller items, I placed them in the boot as he put the back seats down to make room for the wood.

‘’ I’ll do it ‘’ I said practically shouting to him over the car roof, stood on my tip toes at the passenger’s side so I could see him.

‘’ I’ll let you try ‘’ he grinned

Taking the first sheet I tried lifting it, wow these things were heavier than they look, placing it back down as casually as I can, standing up I tucked the stray hairs dangling in front of my eyes behind by ears, then attempted again. ‘’Failing quite badly here’’ I thought to myself.

While I was lost in my own thoughts thinking of a way to tell James he could load the car without admitting defeat, I heard a noise, sounding like someone was choking, Instantly thinking the worse, I dropped the wood almost sending the others flying, and rushing to the driver’s side, only to see that the noise was James gasping for air, clutching his side, with tears streaming down his face with laughter.

Worry turned into anger as I realised he was laughing at me. It didn’t last long however, as his laugh was contagious, and before I knew it I was laughing at myself and my awful attempt. I could only imagine what I looked like, trying to picture me looking rather seriously straining to pick up this piece of wood which was bigger than me.

‘’ I’ll do it then shall I ‘’ he wheezed through the laugher walking over to the pile.

My mouth involuntary hung open as I stood watching him move them as if they were as light as a feather, seeing his muscles flexing sending tingles down my spine and into other areas that they shouldn’t. Feeling the blood rush up to my face I climbed over into the passenger seat, fastening my seat belt, ready to go.


Sitting down on the tree’s stump, I was taking a 2 minute break, tired from unloading the car on my drive and hauling them to the other side of my garden, I call it my garden, but in reality it’s the field at the side of the house’s landscaped garden, previously belonging to my granddad, passed down to my dad.

Not able to afford for it being landscaped and maintained, my parents let me and James as children play there, as we couldn’t damage any expensive plants and garden ornaments.

It was our special place, and as children it seemed like a jungle to us back then, playing hide and seek, finding places to be hidden behind the giant trees and in the long, overgrown grass.

‘’Lys!’’

I heard him shout my name clicking his fingers impatiently in my face.
Snapping out of my daydream and getting to my feet, I manoeuvred my way around the things we had brought, and climbed up the make shift ladders to what was soon to be out tree house.
It still sounded ridiculous in my head, ‘twenty one years old and building a
tree house’.

‘’Perfect’’ he said with a smile walking around the large bent tree branches, showing off his monkey climbing skills.

‘’show off’’ I muttered though I knew he still heard me seeing he had that grin on his face.

Walking cautiously across the long twisted branches I came to a branch that was chunky and looked more stable than the rest, leaning back on it taking in my surroundings for just a moment, losing myself in the magical beauty of the field.

Looking down from the giant tree I could see across the private untended land, where the little pink wild flowers grew delicately, dandelions and daisies scattered everywhere, it looked like a multi coloured carpet covering the floor.

‘’ look over there’’ he pointed, I almost jumped at hearing his voice, being totally engrossed in my own thoughts.

He was stood so close to me I felt my heart being faster, my breath getting shallower, the tingles across my body spread to the forbidden places.

Following his finger, I saw he was showing me a family of rabbits hopping around together, making the place seem more enchanted than ever. Smiling, I stepped towards the edge further making a grab for another branch, hoping to get a closer look, I felt my hand slip.

It happened so fast. Trying to keep my balance I moved my foot, stepping too far I missed the branch altogether, I could feel myself falling, and then a floating feeling engulfed me. I couldn’t scream I couldn’t say anything. I knew something was wrong. Nothing hurt, I had hit the floor but I couldn’t feel pain, everything felt peaceful.

‘’Lyssa… lyssa open your eyes’’

I could hear a soft voice calling out to me from afar, concentrating on the voice it got louder and more clearly, James, it was him that was calling out to me.

‘’ Please, open your eyes’’

I could hear impatience in his voice, making me nervous, but my eyes were glued shut.

Mustering up as much strength as I could, I manage to slowly open my eyes.

The first thing I saw took my breath away, James was looking down at me, tears running down his cheeks, it was that moment I knew it was much worse than I thought.

I felt a smooth coldness run down my cheek, smiling as I realised it was his hand soothing me,

‘’ can you hear me?’’ his voice sounded quiet and timid.

My chest tightened restricting my airway, my breaths became shallow, and I knew I didn’t have long. I wasn’t panicking all I knew was everything felt peaceful; it wasn’t something to be afraid of.

I loved him and I regretted never telling him, it wasn’t too late,

‘’ I love you’’ I said, sounding barely louder than a whisper.

He just looked at me, tears streaming down his cheeks, his eyes staring into mine. Deep blue eyes, shining with unshed tears big enough to swim in,

‘’what?’’ he chocked.

Taking in a large gulp of air not caring how much of a struggle it caused me,

‘’ I love you’’ I breathed a bit louder, ‘’Im sorry ‘’ I managed to say as my air became scarce.

His face was frozen like a statue, perfect. This is how I’d always remember him, the last image in this world being the most beautiful.
My vision became hazy and my heartbeat slowed down, my body was ready to close up my eyes and give into eternal rest, but my mind was clutching onto consciousness with a vice like grip.


I wanted just a few more moments with him taking in as much as I could; I wanted to remember him forever, was that even possible when I was dead? I hoped so. I didn’t want to let him go, but I knew I had to. No-one lived forever, but at that moment I felt hurt that my time here with him had become so short.

‘’don’t leave me Alyssa, I love you, I always have.’’

I tried to smile but it’s like my body had started to shut down, I was just able to make the corners of my lips move marginally.

‘’ I love you ‘’ I could hear him sob feeling his tears flow from his face onto mine.

He loved me, he really loved me.

Although I was trying to hold on I was rapidly losing consciousness, my eyelids became like lead trying to force them shut.

‘’love y….’’ I whispered before my voice failed to finish.

I tried to say I love you, just one last time, but my mind became defeated, it took the remainder of my strength to whisper them important words, words that meant the whole world.

My eyes finally gave in and closed.

‘’ you’re not gunna die’’ I heard his voice echo faintly.

My eyes were firmly shut, feeling warm as it seemed I was floating through the air on a warm summer’s night, but I could hear him. I could feel him. It felt so gentle, so light it was hardly there. But I knew it was.

‘’I’m not going to let you die.’’

I felt warmth touch my lips. Was he kissing me? My questions soon got answered when my lips parted and a velvet hot substance ran down my throat. it wasn’t anything like I had tasted before, something thick and smooth exotic and delicious. I My body reacted to it instantaneously; every part of me was tingling.

A pain throbbed in my neck, lasting only a second, then an intense rush of emotions rushed through me. It was like a dream. James was with me, smiling, no tears, just happiness; I could feel it, as real as I felt my own.

With that, I stopped holding on, stopped fighting, and fell into a great slumber.

Heaven really was spectacular. No pain, no sufferings, just peace filled with love, filling your whole soul making you feel complete.


Awaking in a cold sweat, I immediately sat up, pain tore through my temple, forcing me to lay back down.

‘’What the hell…’’ I thought worriedly

Instinctively my hand went to my head, checking for any indication to why the pain was so immense.

After a few moments of examination, I was satisfied that there wasn’t anything physically wrong with me.

It hurt so much.

Taking several deep breaths, I re-attempted to sit up. My head throbbed, magnifying each heart beat by a thousand, making me feel nauseated.

Letting my sense’s come back to me and my eyes adjust to the darkness of the room, panic suddelnly washed over me like a bucket of cold water. I wasn’t at home.

‘Where the hell was i?’

‘’think!’’ I was pleading with myself, ’’how did I get here?’’

My memory was all over the place, I couldn’t put together the pieces.

‘’don’t panic’’ I could hear my dad’s voice in my mind.

I could feel the words calming me down.

‘’don’t panic’’

It was something he had always told me. Whenever id be stressed or scared, he always said, ‘’ don’t panic, calm down, then you have a clear head, whatever your situation’’. He used to be in the army, so I always took his advice knowing he knew best in this sort of situation.

After I felt calm enough, I clumsily climbed out of the huge bed I was in, and started for the door. Taking in my surroundings as I made my way across the room, my instincts telling my body to move softly as not to make a noise, reaching the doorway, I heard footsteps.

Quickly hiding at the side of the door so that it would conceal me once opened, I groped around hopelessly for something to grab, never taking my eyes of the door.

My hand reached nothing but air, so all I could do was wait. Scrunching up my fist I was ready as I could be, for whoever had brought me here.

After what seemed like eternity the door handle turned slowly and light flooded into the room, casting a shadowed silhouette moving into the room.

Not having time to think about dangers, gathered as much strength is I could, ignoring the blinding pain that shot through my head, I leaped onto the man’s back, arms flying everywhere as I tried to hit him with all my might.

Within seconds I was pinned to the floor with strong muscular arms. I scolded myself mentally for not having more strength to protect myself, as I struggled to loosen his vice like hold.

‘’ Calm down ‘’ he said, something about his voice soothed me. I recognised that id heard his voice before but couldn’t place it.

‘’Alyssa, I’m not going to hurt you’’ He sounded hurt, but I didn’t care I just needed to get out of this place, I didn’t know where I was or who he was.

‘’Its James’’

James? Why did that seem so warm and familiar?

Realisation dawned on me as my memories were returning back to me.

‘’James?’’ I questioned

Feeling him release his grip, I backed to the wall timidly still retrieving my memories.

‘’ what… where… happened...?’’ I stuttered incoherently

‘’ I’m your best friend lys’’ he came to me slowly with caution as not to scare me away. ‘’ You had an accident yesterday so I brought you to my house. You’re in my bedroom lyssa’’

It was like a light popped on in my brain as I was over whelmed with the previous days activities.

‘’The tree… what day... what about my mum?’’ I spluttered trying to ask too many questions in such a short time.

Know exactly what I was asking he answered

‘’ yesterday you fell lyssa from the tree, but you’re going to be ok now, I promise, I let your mum know you were staying here for a couple of days, but didn’t tell her about the accident as I didn’t wish to worry her.’’

‘’I’m staying here?’’

They were the only words that I could manage to get out. Thinking back to when I thought id died, I realised I must have just passed out. Was I being delusional? Did I really tell him I loved him?

‘’ yes, that’s if you want to.’’ he questioned me with a strained expression ‘’I thought that you would like some space ‘’

I brought up my guard, space for when he let me down slowly, telling me id hallucinated and made the whole thing real only to me.

‘’ I don’t need space’’ I snapped.

‘’ I wasn’t making sense with what I was saying, sorry for the embarrassment’’

getting up I made my way over to the bed.

I felt my cheeks burned red as I looked down, seeing I was wearing only a shirt, I grabbed the duvet I wrapping it around me, immediately feeling more vulnerable.

I could only stare at the carpet below me.

‘’ Alyssa, please don’t say that’’

I could hear him talking to me but the words didn’t make sense, I was using all my power staring into the carpet, trying to hold back the tears.

He reached out to me, holding onto my hands, electricity coursed through my veins as I felt his cool soft touch.
The butterflies started doing summersaults and the tingles spread over my torso even more intense than it ever had been.

‘’ do you feel that?’’ he asked.

‘’ feel what?’’ I mumbled

‘’The attraction…’’ he whispered

Looking up to face him, I could see the seriousness in his eyes. Could I let myself hope that there was something there?

Before I could reply I felt his cool lips touch mine sending sparks through my lips and down my spine. Just for that second, I’d never felt something so amazing.
He pulled away.

I just stared, dumb struck at what just happened. He was looking at me waiting for a response, but I was lost for words. My body seemed to have lost all sense of movement; I just sat there, staring.

‘’ I’m so sor…’’ he started to speak moving away from me, but my body jumped into auto pilot. Throwing my arms around his neck, I pulled him towards me, and then I kissed him.

Impressum

Texte: © Copyright 2010 by Sami-Leigh All Rights Reserved Edited by James Groves Cover edited from FrostBite by R. Mead
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 08.07.2010

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'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. - Alfred Lord Tennyson