Dis-ease

Today I let go of all discord
And seek to not seek my way.
I let that which is inside of me
Raise it’s Kingdom in my day.

Right and wrong, good and bad
They are but labels to a cause.
Of seeing things as we want to,
And being caught within that flaw.

Many years have gone by
And many times I have condemned.
But not just others…I am selfish enough
To beat up that which is within.

The Kingdom of God and the Kingdom of You
Are one and exactly the same.
When all is quiet and we let ourselves be,
Then we see the real God religion tried to bring.

There is no such thing as dis-harmony.
There is no such thing as dis-ease.
Dis is because there is no Dis,
There is only harmony with the greatest of ease.


Rodeo Clown

“You shouldn’t want to do that”
“This you shouldn’t be”
Says all of the people
Wanting me to not be like me

Hidden behind every condemnation
Kept secret within every changing word
Are people wanting me to conform
To that which they have always heard

Their own inability to be
Their own fear to become
Makes them attempt to conform me
Into their only begotten son

I don’t believe in their reality
I don’t believe in their saint
I believe in that which I know
And I know that which I aint’

You can have your worldly wisdom
You can keep it like a pearl
But I will simply tell you what I think
But leave me alone if you don’t concur

I’m not here to dance your dance
I don’t care for the steps you know
I accept you as you are
But I am not a clown in your rodeo


The Terds On My Shoe

Walking in my back yard
Just the other day
Squish went the ground
And the smell blew me away

I took off my shoe
I ran to the hose
I sprayed and sprayed
To make the terd no more

I took a stick and broke a tree’s heart
To pry away the smelly stuff on my shoe
But the crevices filled of terd are still there
Sweating my way to get rid of the pooh

I dug the shoes in the dirt
Smothering them in the red clay
To cover up the terd with mother earth
But it just got my shoes dirty in a new way

I poured Clorox on the bottom
And did kill much grass
And discolored those shoes
But still there is terd from my dog’s ass

I threw away my shoes in the trash
And did buy a new pair
Shiny, new, smelling great
I was smiling again, fresh new air

Walking in the my back yard
On that same day
Squish went the ground
And the smell blew me away

I now accept the terds on my shoe
I drag them along with a grin
For the time spent getting rid of terds
Has been lost, never to be lived again

I don’t look for terds
To wallow in like my dog
But I don’t get rid of my pooch
This love bucket of canine smiles and logs

I accept all the terds handed to me by my life
As they are required if one is to live
I gladly walk into any store with them on my shoe,
They are me, mine, and yours and this is all I can give.


Trailer Park

The man said he was grateful
And accepted his lot in life
It was truly a lot, a small one
In a trailer park where he lived with his wife

He explained how he learned to accept
God’s will for his aging life
“I like that there cinder block floor
“And that there cinder block of a wife”

He got up each morning
And put on the same flannel shirt
He was content, peaceful almost
As he stared at his little patch of dirt

His grandson came to visit him one day
And his little mind formed these thoughts
“It’s ok to be happy with less
“Riches and extravagance must really be a loss”

So, day by day and week by week
This man trained others to believe
You can be happy with next to nothing
It’s only a matter of what you see

Interestingly enough the happy homeless man
Has the same approach to his day
But very few accept it as truth
Due to a labeling exercise mistake

Anytime someone is happy in lack
Anytime anyone enjoys the pain
I think they are members of a queer cult
And are destined to hurt the human brain

Faith and acceptance are not the same
As faith implies a plan
Acceptance is more about quitting
And not letting God be a Man.

And when the day comes that I face my last breath
I can only hope I didn’t mislead another
Why accept the least in life
When you can just as easily have the other?


Women Assembly Line

I walk into the manufacturing plant
Part by part I see the mystery
Blond, brunettes, redheads
Hair as far as the eye can see

Arms whisk past me
Some pale, some tan, some black
Each fingernail stamped with the perfect color
At the cosmetology polishing rack

The legs of beauty roll past next
Short and long, slender and thick
Each one shaved and curved at 45 degree angles
Promising a firm rub and a smooth lick

From darkened to porcelain skin
The face machine sculpts the curves on each complexion
Eyebrows are smoothed, lips are applied
Their sparkling eyes look in my direction

The breast machine works its magic
Sparks flying at me from everywhere
Perky breasts get fewer sparks
Larger ones singe my hair

The shoulders are lifted high from the ground
As they move parallel to the breasts
They are sealed into the fabled wall
Between the tight abdomen and the finished neck

The fanny station moves the slowest
Much time is taken to perfect
The vertical line from top to bottom
The curve where it will meet the legs

The most private part of all
Isn’t produced or hidden in shame
It has it’s own building with a glass wall
No two privates are produced the same

And then when the body is finally assembled
And it lies there naked and complete
A quiet man puts in the final part
The heart and soul that makes a woman unique

And I guess my watchful eye
Will succumb to the reality of Natures way
How can a man want only one woman
When they keep making new ones every day?


Suicide Prevention

A long long time ago
A colony in America was formed
And men were sent to til the land
And start a new life far ashore

Riches and God
Laughs and Love
This was a venture
Guided from Up Above

But as the years rolled by
And as the Others started to see
This was more like the work of the Devil
Than that of God’s colony

Fights and Drink
Hates and Envy
Started the dividing
Of the colony

The Others tried to tame the men
They sent them all the things one could want
But for every need met
There was yet another thing to hunt

Judges were sought
The Law was read
“How does one tame the beast”
“Of man alone within their head?”

And then in a dream from far away
Came the answer as if spoken from God
“Only the love of a woman”
“Can ever tame a wild man’s heart.”

And as the sun set one day
And as a warm hug was given to the King
The answer was delivered
And shipped first thing in the morning

The men rumbled and tumbled
They fought and fought
To keep the answer away from the question
Yet their heart sought and sought

And so it was by the 3’rd year
Did the works of God show up in this new land
Churches, steeples, and warm fuzzy feelings
Were given and taken freely without demand

Self-less love
Ooey and Gooey emotion
Hugs across the bar
And no scars in the morning

It wasn’t til I almost ruined my life
Did the wisdom from those Virginians
Start to seep into this cold heart of mine….
“The love of a woman is suicide prevention”


My Beloved

“Your past life is full of sex”
“And you need to straighten your ways”
Said the New Age counselor
As he spoke of his own days

“I spent 6 years as a celibate monk”
“I have found my own sacred beloved”
Said the New Age counselor
As he spoke within his own cover

“You gotta take the Hawaiin dive of faith”
“You gotta risk it all”
Said the New Age counselor
As he spoke of love, a love so tall

“You need to hit rock bottom”
“In order to find love”
Said the New Age counselor
From his pedestal up above

As I walked from this mans office
As I pondered the look on his face
I came to see that he is me
Only I am just misplaced

I don’t belong, I don’t comprehend
What society has to say
I just know that I love women
And it’s with all women my love will stay.


The Crossed up Cross

I heard an old old story
Written down by men who saw the caper
Well, not all of them
Just the ones with imagination, pen and paper

About a man who rose to heaven
And came down the same
Anointed, holy, perfect
To show us humans that we are lame

They say he died to take away the stuff
That keeps us from knowing God
Stuff we didn’t ask for in the first place
But yet, we have to live in Adam and Eve’s Kharmic Fog

God is here, man is there
And there must be a bridge
For us sons of bitches
Who are born in the earthen ditches

God is perfect and man is a sinner
We should tremble in disgust
As we are told our Creator did a bad job
Of making man from the dust

And when I consider the powerlessness of man
And difficulty of living in some ones’ moral way
And my own desperation to get it right
I don’t much believe in what the cross has to say

It says Jesus died to bring us to God
And if it’s true God lives on a Moral mound
It seems more to me that Jesus died for God, not mankind.
I think the Christians have it the wrong way around.


God Lay Dying

A word I speak to condemn
A thought I have of hate
Brings the inevitable one step closer
Sealing God’s future fate

I was born not knowing
I was brought up to know less
Don’t touch, don’t look, don’t believe
God’s not there, your life is your mess

When I let religion put God in a box
And tie the bow on top
I let a ball go that won’t stop
Til God’s insides are twisted into knots

The magic of the medicine man
Must be converted to my own
Selfishness has shot one more arrow
And God is bleeding on His thrown

God is letting the children die
To get them back to heaven
The mere idea God would kill
Puts yet another deadly sin on the current list of seven

Suffering through life is normal for the young and old
It’s the way God has planned our fate
Accept the worst, it’s God’s will
Bringing the deadly sin list to one more above eight

And when I look into the mirror
And I see the enemy square
It was I who killed God, God lay dying
Because I was too religious to dare


God and Wine

“God would you turn the wine back into water”
Was a prayer I used to say
Actually, it was a country song
But it’s a prayer all the same

The first miracle Mr. Jesus performed
Was to turn the water to wine
But of course as they say, it wasn’t Zinfadel,
It was probably something watered down just fine

And they say drunk is a sin
That the devil lives in whiskey
But I have had more good things done
While just drinking and feeling a bit frisky

I helped a man get a ride home
I stopped a bar room fight
I gave a woman a great compliment
And all this on one Friday night

If I had sat home and looked down on
Those fuckers drinking their wine
I would have missed out on many experiences
From blond, to brute, to the desperate whine

You will find more humanity
In a bar than in a church
It’s booze that releases the ideas
That have been smoldering in religions’ girth

Never would I have considered a God
Who loves unconditionally,
Until I looked the man in the eyes
Who was drunk beyond my own belief

I see God in a hooker
I see God in a drunk
I see God above the labels
Of societies labeling junk

It’s the motivation that determines the fate
One’s right with joy and expression
One’s wrong with loneliness and hate

They say we are scarred
They say we are sin
I say God did everything just fine
And it’s our celebration of life where wine can begin


Work - Pearls and Swine

I do my best
I really do
To make me
So proud of you

I look at the bright side
I see your smile
I see the change
I am making you worthwhile

I am helping you rise
To the top of your ladder
I work long hours
So you can keep your nose powdered

40 hours a week
Is nothing for me
Sleep is for amateurs
Only pro’s are sheep

“Baa Baa”
To whatever you say
I’ll run the race
I’ll fight your way

Until one day
When it becomes clear
That I have only so many
More days to live

Helping you help yourself
Is a noble trait
Assuming you’re helping
Something besides your bank

I think it was a wise man
Who was quoted to have said
Something along the lines
Of having one life to live

And so it’s with my pearls
The only thing I have is my time
I won’t cast them before your ass no more
No more pearls before any swine


Oh You Are So Great - Maybe Not

It amazes me when I see the sun
Rising itself above the earth
Swelling itself to reach the breadth
Of Gods’ Sovereign and Perfect girth

The Master of the ceremony
The Maker of it all
He/She/It just is just Perfect
The Holiness of it all

But the more I live in this shit hole
The more I face myself
I see that God isn’t so great
His will is often just in jest

How can a man come to terms
With the condition of his soul
When nothing around him or within him
Tells him of another road

I know God is not dead
I know God is not silent
But I believe God to be lesser
Than that which we have consigned

I don’t think of Him as omnipotent
I don’t see Him as “great”
I see Him as an observer
To mankind’s fate

It’s one thing for God to give man the rules
And let him make his choice
It’s completely sadistic
To just let him wander without a CLEAR voice

I didn’t ask for this life
I didn’t ask for my strife
I certainly didn’t ask to be carved
By God’s righteous carving knife

I guess it’s true what they say
Perhaps we are so fucked
But why in the world would God allow
A majority of life to suck?

I don’t ponder the greatness of God anymore
Nor do I ponder my own sin
I just sit back wonder
If I was God, would I have allowed THIS to begin?


To What End

I asked my God to help me see
The start and end of each day
And then I’m confronted with a speck of dust
The dust of realities way

I don’t know to what end we are to obtain
Nor do I see why there is even a path
I never got instruction number one
From the dumb-ass who made the grass

I get lots of pointers
Which all point to other points
I guess the point to which they point
Is that there is no point.

It takes money to live in this life
And it takes work to make it exist
It takes smarts to invest it wisely
Even then someone is working to make it persist

To what end and from what beginning
Did we get to where we are at?
We are in a circle, chasing a tail
A tail that doesn’t even have a cat.

I wish there was an off switch
One that didn’t require a gun
Something I could just flip one day
And never again see the sun

For all the beauty one says we have
For all the zest of one life to live
It seems to live that life one must have cash
And with making cash there is less zest to give

I don’t understand the ways of my Maker
And I certainly don’t agree with his plan
I don’t even think he thought to consider
The multitude of confusion he enabled for man

Even when I want to set loose and live free
Burdens cast aside without regret
I am faced with the fact I need cash
Just to have some things I’d like to get

Peace is easy for the homeless
They have less things to cloud their mind
But my heart doesn’t want a box for a home
But nor does it want the daily grind.

I don’t know the answer
And I don’t know what in my life to mend
All I keep asking myself day in and paycheck out
My life, my purpose, my fellows, we are doing WHAT to WHAT end?

I don’t want to live this way anymore
But I don’t see a way out
Unless God grants me a money tree
Or tells ALL money to get the hell out.


I Take

To be told I can take
All that God is willing to Give,
Sounds like I am snatching from Life
In order my selfish dreams I might live.

But that is not at all the Truth,
For deep down lives the Prize.
That wants to take what It actually Gave...
If we would just clear our eyes.

“But what about the others?
Those poor and downtrodden wrecks?
How can you take the abundant life?
When others are buried up to their necks?”

It’s really a simple answer, you see,
To those deep and complex questions.
Give them the tools to take……
Which means tell them to ignore all those silly questions!


You Are Made to Only Carry Many Things

“Life is such a lonesome, boring, stupid burden”
Said the young man to himself
“I get handed lemon after lemon”
As he reached for the gun on the shelf

Barrel to his temple, finger on the trigger
Squeezing carefully, waiting for the sound
The hammer met the bullet with a click
And then the boy dropped to the ground

“I cannot even kill myself!”
“There is nothing I can do worth living!”
He cried of pity and laid himself down
On this wonderful Sunday evening

He walked down to the basement
And hung a rope over a rafter
Noose on neck, feet on stool
He jumped forward with mad laughter

The wood broke and the boy was again on the ground
Pounding his fists
Shouting at God
“That’s twice you’ve made me a clown!”

From the kitchen he grabbed a toaster
And filled a tub with warm warm water
He jumped in ready to fry
But instead blew out a circuit breaker

He climbed out of the tub, falling to the ground
And this time he had nothing to say
He knew three times he tried to die
And three times His Maker made him stay

With nothing to do but sit and think
The boy pondered his plight
He couldn’t live with himself anymore
And he couldn’t die by his hand tonight

Trying to meet his end, he saw his beginning
A truth that he henceforth lived ever so tall
He was built so he could die of his own burdens
Or let go of that burden, and carry the joys of all.


Now What?

I would think it quite a most unusual thing
For a man to obtain a chest full of gold
But sit in front of it all day, guarding its weight
And still sleeping through the winter in the cold

It’s the same predicament I share today
Having been poor in spirit, now rich.
I have been shown the keys to a kingdom
One that never dies and never sleeps away

What to do with Eternity? What to do with Faith?
Knowing that I cannot die
Yet not knowing how to live
Only makes the treasure a substantial weight.

Freedom is apparently a heavy possession
Because it’s toughened up this soul of mine
Carrying it around, trying to live it out
And then finding the body not responding in kind

Really, if you had forever in front of your door
Wouldn’t the ultimate question turn into a bore…
Now what?
Now what do I do, with life forever more????

Perhaps the only answer to that question
Is to consider where one is stationed
It’s planet Earth, 2009, I’m on the beach….
Maybe I should just live my life like a vacation?

Maybe it makes more sense to live furious
And die young
To keep the question
From spending too much time on my tongue?

Or should I somehow be content with taking it easy
And die old
Maybe
To keep the ? something I ponder when I’m sleepy?

Or maybe this life is truly just a gift
And we can live it any way we choose
It could be a process of letting go of the bondage
Of just existing or living in someone else’s shoes?

If I had it my way, this freedom I feel inside
I would live like Hugh Hefner and Shel Silverstein
Combine them both
I’m oh so along for THAT ride.

I think the hardest thing, no matter what I do
Is to somehow remember
That I am forever
And not let joy get in the way of my earthly muse.


God’s Likeness

I was told as a kid that I was made a certain way
From the dust of the earth
In God’s likeness
To be molded like clay

But to see the world as it has always been
Those who did the most
Who lived a full life
Didn’t follow the rules of their kin

If human is really divine is really human
And God is the likeness of even the least
It seems the “evil” or the “bad”
Is just as much God as the pauper or the priest

How did this country become free?
How did we break away from the chains?
Did we do it with prayer and thanksgiving?
Or did we bleed and see the enemy do the same?

I wonder how many deals were struck in France
By an American statesman
Drunk with wine
In the room with a royal and dropping his pants.

Many a faithful empire have drawn their swords
Facing others in war
To fight for their faith
Their God, to their death, their allegiance is sworn

Can you see God in a hooker?
Does God only flow through a priest?
Would God only be able to reveal to those
Who paid a woman for a piece?

There is nothing wrong with any of us
We are perfect as we are
Until, of course, we do something
That others think are our scars

I cannot say for certain
Where God fits into this all
But that the word All
Describes a God with no walls


Before You Ever Knew He Was There

The Devil’s greatest feat they say
One that the mind can never grasp
Is to convince you He does not exist
And you believing the tale til your last gasp

I remember sitting in Sunday School
And hearing of the Devil’s great plan
To convince Eve His voice was kind
And then ruin Creation for man

And it seems to me as I look at my life
And the struggle of which I have faced
To find God in the middle of this all
Yet not finding anything, not even a trace

I think people got all this wrong
When they say it’s the Devil that hides
I now believe it is God
Who pulls the wool over our eyes

Very few find God by a desperate search
He sometimes shows up when trouble invades our lives
But even when you pray a desperate prayer
God answers in a way to Him you cannot ascribe

I would love to count the number
Of foxhole prayers that were screamed
And run the percentages of how often
Things really went from worse to serene

But I can only sit back and watch
As my life unfolds before me today
And say it is God that has convinced us he is Dead
And yet, if we continue, we find God has stayed.

God is nothing like what everyone has told me
My own encounter is beyond words
So how can I take my daily experiences?
And expect to share them with the world?

I will never know the mystery of this all
I just know that one thing is for sure
I’m surprised when I just let Russ be Russ
By all the Things that wash up on my shore.



What Do I Know?

What is God’s Will for me?
Will it come in a letter?
If God wants it done right
Then He needs to communicate better

“God speaks in the language of the heart”
Or so I hear from the preacher
But my emotions speak the same way
And I don’t think God is in either

“God utters only with a whisper”
“His voice is never a shout”
Then explain how I have heard a loud roar
Casting my “shady” lifestyle in doubt

“God never condemns us at all”
“His voice is a kind and gentle woo”
But they were not there when I got a shout
While looking at porn in a hotel room

“You only see God’s voice in your life
“As you give your life to Him”
Then why does life stand still when I do?
Am I waiting on God’s next whim?

“God only speaks in the Bible”
Now that is horseshit of a large sort
“Slaves remain as you are” as the Bible says
That was not in Dr. King’s godly report

“To know God, you must be spiritual”
Now we’ve come to a place
Where again we take the Unknowing
And turn it into a closed off space

It seems the most useful people in God’s world
Don’t wait for constant direction
They are rebels with a cause
And for that God’s ways are constantly mentioned

My own life has never moved
Til I took God with me as I lept
Faith it seems is proactive
Not just what you call upon after you’ve wept

And I wonder if it matters
What path in my life I choose to take
“Moral or Immoral” living
Don’t seem to affect God either way

I really cannot say for sure anymore
What is God and what is my lot
Except to continue to struggle with the Beast
Of people telling me what God is
And what Russ is
And what the both of us are not.


What Does One Do With Eternity?

The alarm clock wakes me up each day
The one on the wall clicks the day away
My eyes grow tired at the strike of 11 PM
What did I do with my Paradise before then?

The soul lives on, it never cries
The body has about 80 years before it dies
I can earn a living up until my health is gone
I can be nice and sweet to everyone all along

But why in the world should I even count these things?
Why should I try to make it til after the pain?
Why should I even envision the joy of a drink?
With eternity, why should I even think?

There are rules to live by
And there are truths to see
And neither one of them
Match up for me

There is no retirement
There is no religions God
There isn’t even a funeral
At this moment, there is only my dog

The mirage of things floating around
They aren’t really here
This is not really ground
I am just a spirit, living in my own town


Something About Ben and Gold

Soccer moms and their credit cards
Old men and their checks
Internet funds go round and round
The sound of two hands touching never makes a sound

But all that changes when I hand a bill
Crisp, clean, and pointed at each turn
To a person whom has something I need
And something they desire in return

Swiping a card, hearing a machine
Don’t leave me feeling
Spiritual
And Serene

Laying down a bit of gold
Or a bit of Ben
Keeps me smiling
Again and again

They say the love of money
Is the root of all that is evil
Horseshit
It’s that silly teaching that’s the devil

Even the bible talks of gold streets
Pearl homes
Glowing angels
Shiny diamond domes

If we take our life to heaven
Then in my street you will Not find
Credit Cards and Debt Collectors
I only own and spend that which is divinely mine.


What Do I Know?

I used to get up each morning
And kneel down to pray
“God help me with this and that”
And not a word God would say

And then I heard from the preacher
That God only answers unselfish prayers
So I prayed for God to help my uncle
And he died before the New Year

And then I got to thinking
Who the hell made me so tall?
Who am I to say what is righteous and sin?
And if they even exist at all?

I no longer kneel and pray to God
I don’t even call It god anymore
I simply listen to What is being said
And then I find Life unlike any I have known.


Enjoying the Cold

The lessons I learn each day
Are not really lessons at all
It’s more of a re-remembering
Of the beauty within the Christian Fall

Summer requires the cold to exist
The Winter requires the Spring
I require the abilty to relax
And enjoy all that Life brings

It took me til the age of 36
To really enjoy the snow
Today I sit outside in the cold
And look upwards to heaven’s glow

I guess that’s the way life really works
When I look at my last few years
There is no sense in drowning your soul
Into the realm of unconcious fears

I love the snow today
I love building a fire
I love sitting outside without a jacket
And that’s all I got to say
At least for Today


I Really Try

I chased my tail for so many years
I drowned my sorrows
With booze
And a fist full of tears

And then I saw something really true
It crept up on me
Without a warning
Right in the quiet of my bed room

“There is no fear”
“Life is a gift”
“You are eternal”
“Labels do not exist”

Those were the words
I heard that day
And so has been the struggle
In that truth to stay

I should be working right now they say
I should be busting my fanny for more and more pay
I should be killing away the day
Again for more and more and more pay

But I sit by a fire on this beautiful day
The cold to my back
The fire
To my face it stays

I really do try to enjoy my life
I really do get honest with what I like
I really do attempt to live in the day
I really do attempt to live in my own way

I really do try to enjoy the things
Others often call passing flings
I really do try to savor the taste
Of all that is human, no time to waste

I really do enjoy the buzz of a beer
The excitement of sex
The joy of money
The feeling of no fear

I like to walk the naked line
No clothes are required
No morals
Just my spirit entwined

But that leaves me standing alone sometimes
Who else wants to live within my rhymes?
And I don’t see eye to eye
With the lives of most others, although I try

At the end of the day
I really do try
To live with a strut
And be Russ til the day I die

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 20.01.2010

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