Casual conversations on mind-boggling matters

 

Lindsey stopped in front of room 505’s boring brown door. She adjusted the crooked number 0. I need to superglue this little fellow, or better still I’ll make Alex do it, she thought. Her hand paused for a second on the doorknob as she could hear strange sounds from inside.

“What now?” she said out load.

She took a deep breath, opened the door and stepped inside.

In the room there was Alex. And where there was Alex, something odd was bound to follow. She was sitting cross-legged on her bed, with diabolical sounding music softly escaping from her laptop, while she was following words on the pages of a hardcover. The pages had golden margins while the cover was black and silent. The air had a faint smell of weed mixed with vanilla incense and unsweetened coffee.

“What are you doing now?” asked Lindsey visibly annoyed, closing the door behind her.

Alex raised one finger to demand silence and continued her strange ceremony.

“ ‘Over the Mountains

Of the Moon,

Down the Valley of the Shadow,

Ride, boldly ride,’

The shade replied-

‘If you seek for Eldorado!’ “ finished Alex.

“I told you, fucker. You can sing the verses of Poe’s ‘Eldorado’ using Carmina Burana – O Fortuna. The music was written for a Medieval Latin Goliardic poem, so it’s interchangeable with other poems. So, do you admit I was right, you prick?” said Alex looking at her phone.

“Yeah, fine. I was wrong. It actually sounded kind of cool. You win. I’ll wear the stupid ‘Will twerk for food’ T-shirt tomorrow. God damn it,” said a baritone voice from her phone. “Next bet, I’ll make you go to contemporary biology class dressed in a full pink camouflage outfit.”

“Dude, you’ll lose and I’ll laugh my ass off when you’re going to parade around campus with cat ears,” said Alex, laughing hysterically, “and you should thank your lucky, shiny stars that I don’t introduce a tail in that whole equation.”

“Aren’t you just an angel,” said the voice sarcastically.

“Like Lucifer before he tripped. But there is something I don’t get.”

“What?” asked the voice.

“Why the fuck camouflage?”

“You mean PINK camouflage? Really, I have to spell it out for you. Where are you going to blend in with that? In a candy factory or a “Legally blonde” convention?”

“Actually, camouflage is making a comeback,” said Lindsey, who had been looking dumbly at Alex all that time. She took a sip of her nonfat, soy latte and finally took a seat. Her 5-inch platforms had been killing her all day, so she took them off with swift and satisfactory moves.

“What? No, no, no. Dude, I can take pink, but I can’t take trendy. I will use this as fuel to secure my success. I shall be victorious!” said Alex just a bit too loudly.

“Ok, stop shouting. And we shall see about your fake confidence. Talk to you later.”

“Bye, man,” said Alex, hanging up. She smiled and got up from her bed. Her joints made an unhealthy popping sound as her feet touched the ground. Her phone remained stuck to her hand. Her clothes were barely revealing any line of her frame.

She smiled and got up from her bed. Her joints made an unhealthy popping sound as her feet touched the ground. Her phone remained stuck to her hand. Her clothes were barely revealing any line of her frame.

“Freak,” said Lindsey, looking at Alex’s clothes.

“Oh yes, I didn’t go outside today. I forgot I don’t meet your ridiculously superficial, misogynistic, media dictates, consumer-driven vision of what a female should look and sound like, so there surely must be something disturbingly wrong with me,’ said Alex, taking a seat and placing her phone on the desk.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know your pretentious over-feminist speech, but wearing actual GIRL clothes doesn’t make you anti-feminist. Do you actually have any article of clothing that was purchased from the women’s side of the store?”

“I think my bra was bought from the girls’ side. But I’m not entirely sure. It might just be some sort of a brassiere for fat guys,” said Alex.

“That is so disgusting, I think I threw up a little in my mouth,” said Lindsey sticking out her tongue.

They were now sitting parallel to one another, each at their own little desk. They didn’t necessarily mind that the size of the desks was insufficient because everything was small in that room: the beds, the chairs, the dressers. Only the bookshelf was the odd one out. It was big and filled with books; Alex’s books mostly; Lindsey barely managed to steal half a shelf for herself.

“Come on, don’t be hating. Big guys need love too,” said Alex making puppy eyes.

“Not from me they don’t. And can you please stop wearing that T-shirt around me? It’s very offensive,” said Lindsey with disgust.

Alex looked down at her T-shirt and smelled her armpits.

“It’s the smell, isn’t it? I think it’s high-time I washed this thing. I can smell myself. And if I can, I’m pretty sure you were more than able a long time ago,” said Alex, pulling disturbed faces.

“Stop doing that. You know very well what I’m talking about, you mongrel. You think you’re so smart with your elusive speech and witty jokes. Well, I’m here to say you’re not. You’re just annoying and I hate it when you play dumb. It makes you very unpleasant.”

“Well, my four friends would disagree with that,” said Alex proudly, scratching her right ear.

“You have FOUR friends? Oh my gosh, I’m totally shocked. Now, take that shirt off before I throw this coffee on your books,” said Lindsey tilting the cup in the bookshelf’s direction. She knew what particular nerve to hit in order to get her way.

The problematic article of clothing Lindsey was so inflamed about was from a little punk band called Bad Religion. As you might guess, it was black and baggy; a bit too baggy for the Alex’s delicate frame. Malnourished might me a better-suited word, but let’s just go with delicate. On the front of the T-shirt, there was a big white cross encircled by a fiery-red prohibition sign. It was not subtle.

“I’ve seen you walking around campus in that,” said Lindsey. “You’ll get smacked one day.”

“Oh yes, the land of the free and the home of the brave, was it? Until you say anything against religion that is. We do not tolerate religious debate in this secular state of ours. It’s just a band, grow up. Though it’s a very good one. I should be just as offended by the cross around your neck.”

“You’re bashing a two-thousand-year-old religion. Show some respect for other people’s beliefs,” said Lindsey in a harsh tone.

“If stating an opinion is bashing, then I should just move to Soviet Russia.”

“Russia is a democracy now. For someone who considers themselves very cultured and well-read, you know very little about current political events and affairs.”

“Ok; I’ll just walk away slowly now,” said Alex with a non-threatening fake smile on her face and hands raised.

“But putting your ignorance aside, the T-shirt really bothers me. Please change it. And make a note of the fact that I used the word ‘please’. I don’t throw that in the conversation just for everyone, you know.”

“Fine, if you make such a nice exception just for me. I’ll change it; but only if you give me half your coffee. I’m out and I’m kind of sleepy and I have to get to class and not fall asleep,” said Alex.

Lindsey handed her the cup and smiled smugly.

Alex drank it in one fast gulp. She flashed a wide smile while giving the cup back to her roommate.

“You said HALF,” said Lindsey, shaking the cup. It was nearly empty.

“You’re a Christian, you’ll forgive me.”

“I will. And unlike you, I will not forsake my views so easily.”

“You mean the T-shirt?” asked Alex.

Lindsey nodded. Alex started laughing a bit too honestly to be taken as sarcasm.

“This thing reeks of illegal, immoral and fattening things. I’m not going to walk around campus smelling like a pothead. These fascists are strict about that kind of stuff. And it’s just a piece of clothing, it does not define my views on the world,” said Alex turning her back to Lindsey and taking the much-debated T-shirt off. Suddenly, ‘R U Mine’ from Arctic Monkeys slashed the quietness.

Alex turned around and walked to the desk, half stripped. She looked at the screen and pressed ignore. Her face exposed the feelings she had toward the caller.

“Can you not walk around naked, please? Have a little decency,” said Lindsey sheltering her eyes with her palms.

“You know we have the same parts, right? Or do you think looking at another girl’s naked body is a sin or something,” said Alex.

“Yes, it’s indecent. Now put something on because I don’t want to have the image of you naked in my head all day.”

“Oh, you religious people and your views on the human body. You are so amusing,” said Alex, turning back to her dresser and picking out a black shirt. This one fitted her a bit better, but it was still clear it had a bit more fabric than her body required.

“Stop being so pretentious. You think you are so cool and hip because you don’t take anything seriously? You will pay for your mistakes in the end.”

“Did you just say ‘hip’? I think my grandma used that when I last talked to her. And I do agree with you. I think everyone pays for their mistakes, but Here not in some other dimension. At least, I hope everyone does. And I do take shit seriously; I’m just not as uptight about it as you are,” said Alex turning around. “Are you still mad that you walked in on me and James last week?”

“No,” said Lindsey in such a tone that only a girl could catch its true meaning.

“I told you I’m sorry about that. I thought you went home for the weekend.”

“Well, you were wrong, you sl…”

“Don’t you even dare use that word! You said I don’t take stuff seriously. I take it more seriously than you ever will. I never had unprotected sex and knew very well the person I was sleeping with. We live in a time when girls can do whatever they want with their lives, they can choose their own destiny. We should stick up for one another and take back our human rights. But you can’t see that, can you? You just throw at me the medieval argument that a woman’s worth is intertwined with the lack of the presence of a penis at some point inside her. You should be ashamed of yourself,” finished Alex, her fingers twitching with passionate impulses.

“But the Bible says…”

“I don’t care what the Bible says,” interrupted Alex. “It also says not to alter your appearance. But you wear so much make-up that I have no idea what you actually look like. And another thing; if you think sex is just a penis going in and out of a vagina, then there is something wrong with you,” continued Alex. She stopped for a second, “crap, I forgot deodorant.” She rummaged around for the white container with the cucumber on it, opened her shirt and gently rubbed her armpits with it. She proceeded to dress again.

“Sex, when done right, is a communion between two people, it’s like a dance where the steps come naturally. It’s one of the most intimate moments two people can share. It’s letting another person see you completely exposed and fragile. And as a girl, it means letting someone inside you. And when you truly feel it in your soul that it is the right thing to do, that moment can make you think that the world has snapped a primordial twig and has stopped rotating on its axis.”

“That is probably the most beautiful thing I have ever heard coming out of your mouth,” said Lindsey transfixed by Alex’s speech. She was always shocked by how easily Alex could swing from utter anger to boundless beauty or preposterous humor.

“Oh, and cuming is nice. It’s very nice.”

“You just had to ruin it, didn’t you? And we don’t see it being that black and white. I take sex very seriously. To me, it’s much more than an action. I want to be sure when I do it, and that’s why I want to keep myself pure; to give my future husband a gift that only I can give him.”

“What is wrong with you? A presume the gift you are referring to is your virginity and not some weird sexually transmitted disease that you guys call “purity”. But come to think of it, it’s a clever name for an STD, nobody would suspect a thing. And let’s be real; the whole virginity bullshit was made up by MEN to ensure that the kids they had were actually theirs. You don’t ‘lose your virginity’; it’s not like misplacing a book or a phone. It’s just a concept. There is nothing valuable or precious about it. Granted, I don’t actually encourage promiscuity, but it’s none of my damn business what consensual adults do in their free time. Life’s so short, have a bit of fun.”

“Like getting pregnant or contracting an STD?” said Lindsey revolted.

“Yes. That’s what sex is about, you got it. My dear, you are just a never-ending river of wisdom.”

“Don’t be sarcastic. Like you said; it’s none of anyone’s business what I do or DON’T DO with my body,” said Lindsey unable to hide a smirk that found its way to her lips.

Alex laughter softly, “you got me there. Just don’t label it as shameful and don’t make it out to be more than it actually is; it does not require validation from spiritual sources.”

“It’s not validation, it’s blessing.”

“Same difference,” said Alex in a tone that indicated the topic was now closed. She continued dressing.

The silence was disturbed by Lindsey’s phone.

“Hello?” she said. “Hey, how are you? I’m good, just got back from a class and I have another one in like two hours. What’s up? Really? Oh my gosh, that is so fantastic. I can’t wait to get back home and play with her. Thanks for calling, mom. Love you too. Bye,” said Lindsey and put her phone on the desk. Her face radiated a sort of happiness that cannot be helped but be shared with the world.

“What?” asked Alex, delving into a huge pile of papers to find the ones she needed.

“It’s a miracle.”

Alex’s face distorted itself in a shape incapable of description. Stuff that was supposed to be down where up and the other way around.

“My cat just started walking around the house again. She is very sick and a week ago she went missing and we finally found her in a closet, skinny and frightened. I can’t believe it. I am so happy,” said Lindsey.

“I’m glad for your cat and all that, but there is no such thing as a miracle; just a highly improbable event that occasionally finds a way to happen. Nothing more, nothing mysterious, nothing guided by an imaginary vengeful, insecure and tyrannical man,” said Alex.

“Yes, there is. One time at church, an old lady came in who couldn’t hear and through the power of praying she got her hearing back. It’s just wonderful.”

“Good for her. Now she can hear all the gossip around the neighborhood. But have you ever stopped to think that maybe the holy water just washed away the dirt and wax from her ears. And that’s another thing that bugs me about miracles, among many, many other ones. That it doesn’t work the other way around; when a series of very implausible events generates an unpleasant effect, like death or chipping one’s tooth, nobody starts thanking the lord and all that. Just because it’s not nice it doesn’t mean it’s less miraculous. I’m happy for your old lady, but the information you are giving me is so scarce and fragmented that I’m unable to take you seriously; sorry,” said Alex.

“I know what I saw and what I felt and you can’t take that away from me.”

“I’m not trying to take anything away from you, sweetie. I’m just trying to analyze the information you are giving me. I’m looking from the outside in. Like how you would look at Mormons.”

“I don’t like the Mormons. Their religion is so ridiculous,” said Lindsey, getting up from her desk, stretching her legs and arms. She realized she had been sitting in the same position for too long. She sat on her bed, which was enveloped in lilac sheets.

“It kind of is, but at the same time, yours is just as preposterous. We just got used to the bullshit. Like the wine and the bread thing,” said Alex gathering all her stuff in her beige bag.

“The Holy Communion, you mean,” said Lindsey, looking at Alex as she was busy being late for class.

“Yeah, that thing. I mean are we supposed to believe we are actually ingesting the flesh and blood of a 30-year old Jewish man? It’s just morbid. I’m not going to eat anyone’s fucking flesh and blood, that’s just bad manners. Maybe chicken, I could eat chicken’s flesh, especially if it’s rolled around some cornflakes and deep-fried in oil. Mmmmm,” said Alex, taking a bite of an imaginary chicken breast. “But I saw a documentary about cannibals and they said human flesh kind of tastes like chicken. Maybe that’s what they’re on about.”

“You are sick, disturbing and fifty shades of wrong,” said Lindsey.

“I like the first two things but not feeling the last one. And who knows? Maybe cooking up human flesh the right way will make it taste like chicken.”

Lindsey just looked slightly scared at Alex. She always had a feeling that her roommate was missing a few screws, but it's those sort of things that actually made her question Alex’s mental sanity.

“Want to learn a trick?” said Alex, picking up the disturbed vibe Lindsey was emitting.

“I do, but not from you.”

“Don’t imagine what comes out of my mouth. Just understand their intrinsic meaning as words without materializing them in thought. It gets very useful when you hang around guys a lot. But I think this time I managed to gross myself out a tiny bit,” said Alex shivering the thought out of her head.

She looked at the clock.

“Oh, fuck-berry.”

“Don’t swear,” said Lindsey annoyed.

“It’s not swearing. It’s a new type of berry; very organic and good for you. If you know what I mean,” said Alex, winking at Lindsey.

She just rolled her eyes.

“I’m almost late for class. Where is that thing?” asked Alex.

“What thing?”

“That thing with pages in it, which I use to write dribble in.”

“Your notebook?” asked Lindsey.

“Yes! That thing!”

Lindsey got up, walked to Alex’s part of the room, picked up the pillow from Alex’s bed and pointed at the green notebook.

“Oh, thanks,” said Alex, picking up the notebook meekly.

“You’re welcome. How you got a scholarship here, I will never understand,” said Lindsey and sat back down on her bed.

“I is smart,” said Alex with a big grin on her face.

“Yeah.”

The room was engulfed in an eerily silence for a couple of minutes. The only sources of noise were Alex’s vocalizations of frustration generated by her inability to find her stuff.

“I’m going to miss you,” said Lindsey.

“I’m coming back in three hours. I hope I won’t die till then.”

“Not that. When you go to hell.”

“Really?”

“Really," said Lindsey honestly. “I’m going to pray for you. And I’m not saying that in a judgmental way.”

“Not patronizing at all,” said Alex.

“I’m serious here,” said Lindsey.

“I don’t think it will help much.”

“I believe it will.”

Alex turned to face her roommate and smiled.

“Thanks, but if you’re god somehow ends up being real, I don’t think I’ll enjoy my eternal stay.”

“Yeah,” said Lindsey, half expecting that reply.

“Oh, crap,” said Alex, suddenly realizing that her close future will be quite intricate and caffeine-fueled. “I have a project due tomorrow about Chemical kinetics for my Intro Bio course. It was so boring that I could feel my neurons going to sleep every time I thought about it, so I stuffed it in a distant drawer in my head and I totally forgot about it,” said Alex, stretching the skin on her face in an attempt to dramatize the whole situation. It was not a particularly dramatic scene, but she felt it should be.

“Stop whining and don’t do that with your face. It grosses me out. Listen, I know a girl who is one year older than us and is studying the same boring stuff you do. She might help you.”

“That would be quite helpful, thank you,” said Alex, running toward Lindsey.

“NO HUGS!” yelled Lindsey, “but you have to help me with my Spanish course; I need to keep my grades up.”

“Of course, I’ll do my best. Why did you take that class anyway? You’re horrible at it.”

“I thought it would be easy.”

“It’s not that hard. All the Spanish I know I learned from the soap operas I watched when I was 12 and I still know more that you. Though I know more insults than actual useful words, but whatever,” said Alex visibly relieved.

Lindsey fell silent and just looked at Alex as she was visually exploring the room for lost, important items.

“I feel like we had this conversation once or twice, don’t you?” asked Lindsey, looking out the window.

“Yeah, it sounds like it’s a bit repetitive. I forget stuff a lot,” said Alex.

“Not that. That conversation happens, at least, three times a day. I mean the one before that.”

“Yeah; we’re probably going to have it again and still not resolve anything. It’s a bit of a waste of words if you ask me. We’re not really settling anything and there is no ultimate right or wrong opinion; there is no winning or losing. And regardless, I think you can be an asshole hiding behind the shield of god or you can be good without any incentive.’

Lindsey thought about it for a moment and nodded.

“But what do we know? We’re just two college girls, nobody gives a shit what we think,” said Alex discouraged.

“Yeah,” said Lindsey with a hint of bitterness in her voice.

“I really have to go. I might just be reasonably late if I leave now,” said Alex with her hand on the doorknob. She turned and smiled at Lindsey, “bible Barbie”.

“Freak,” said Lindsey smiling back.

Alex closed the door and started running to her class.

Impressum

Texte: Lucia Morosanu
Bildmaterialien: weheartit.com/
Lektorat: Lucia Morosanu
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 08.01.2014

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