"No thanks, I'm not hungry." I politely replied when my mom offered me the warm, greasy cheeseburger.
"Are you sure? I'll put it in the fridge for later than." She smiled, then walked out of my room, closing the light wooden door behind her.
She doesn't suspect a thing. She doesn't know how hungry I am, or how much I've passed out. She doesn't know I haven't eaten a thing for a week.
Neither does Kelly, my only friend left after my first incident. She's the only one that hasn't called me a "suicidal freak" since I jumped out of that building, only managing to break my leg and a few ribs. She does know about my anorexia though. She's been supporting me, although she does try and get me to eat some, for the past month and a half.
When my attempted suicide failed, I decided I'd try to fix the bad things about me that forced me to jump that one day. That's when I started eating less, excercising more. That's all that I've been able to think about the past month or so, how fat and ugly I am.
"Macky! Macky!" My 4 year old sister's voice interrupted my thoughts.
"Ma-Ken-Zie!" I laughed at her silly nickname she'd given me when she couldn't pronounce Mackenzie.
"Mommy says to brush your hair! We're staying the night at Daddy's!" Jordan giggled as she threw the hairbrush at my bed and sprinted back to her room.
I stood up and walked over to the mirror. Every long stroke down my dry, ugly blonde hair ripped out another chunk of it. I'm surprised people haven't noticed it yet.
Wait. What's happening. I could tell my vision was slowly turning into blackness, and that I was going to pass out. But there was something else. My chest was pounding, like my heart was skipping beats.
"Hmmmph!" My lungs weren't working. Every short gasp I took was hurting me, and I knew I was dying. Then my vision turned white.
"Thud!" I hit the ground.


Ow. That's the first thought I had when my eyes opened to the bright lights surrounding me.
"I'm in Heaven." I thought. I actually believed it to, until a doctor walked in.
"Ahh, you're awake. I'm sure you know why you're here?" He had one of those annoying voices, like those overly-optimistic salesperson voices.
"Yeah." It hurt to talk.
"You can come in now!" He called out the door.
No. No, I can't face my family. Not again. Oh, please no.
"Hi honey." My mothers tear-streaked face looked so in pain that I started crying.
Jordan wouldn't make eye contact with me. She just stared at the ground, shuffling her feet.
"Please Mackenzie. I'm so happy you survived. You just barely made it. Please... Just promise me you won't do anything like this again. Please." She couldn't have said it any quieter.
By now, I was sobbing, literally gasping for air. In a barely audible voice, I whispered back.
"I promise. Mom, I love you."

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 28.03.2012

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