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HARMONY IN MARRIAGE

A Translation of Gujarati Abridged Version

- Dada Bhagwan

Editor : Dr. Niruben Amin

Trimantra

The Three Mantras that Destroy All Obstacles in Life

Namo Vitaragaya

I bow to the One who is absolutely free from all attachment and abhorrence

Namo Arihantanam

I bow to the living One who has annihilated all internal enemies of anger, pride, deceit and greed

Namo Siddhanam

I bow to the Ones who have attained the state of total and final liberation

Namo Aayariyanam

I bow to the Self-realized masters who impart knowledge of liberation to others

Namo Uvazzayanam

I bow to those who have received the Knowledge of the Self and are helping others attain the same

Namo Loye Savva Sahunam

I bow to all saints everywhere who have received the Knowledge of the Self

Eso Pancha Namukkaro

These five salutations

Savva Pavappanasano

Destroy all demerit karma

Mangalanam cha Savvesim

Of all that is auspicious

Padhamam Havai Mangalam

This is the highest

Om Namo Bhagavate Vasudevaya

I bow to all who have attained the absolute Self in human form

Om Namah Shivaya

I bow to all human beings who have become instruments for salvation of the world

Jai Sat Chit Anand

Awareness of the Eternal is Bliss

Note About This Translation

Gnani Purush Ambalal M. Patel, popularly known as Dadashri or Dada or Dadaji, used to say that it is not possible to exactly translate his satsang on the Science of Self-Realization and the art of worldly interaction, into English. Some of the depth and intent of meaning to be conveyed to the seeker, would be lost. He stressed the importance of learning Gujarati to precisely understand all his teachings.

Dadashri did however grant his blessings to convey his original words to the world through translations in English and other languages. It was his deepest desire and fervor that the suffering human beings of the world attain the living freedom of the wonderful Akram Vignan that expressed within him. He further stated that a day would come when the world would be in awe of the phenomenal powers of this science.

This is an humble attempt to present to the world the essence of the teachings of Dadashri, the Gnani Purush. A lot of care has been taken to preserve the tone and message of his words. This is not a literal translation of his words. Many individuals have worked diligently for this product and we remain deeply thankful to them all.

This is an elementary introduction to the vast new treasure of his teachings. Please note that any errors committed in the translation are entirely those of the translators and for those we request your pardon.

Introduction to The 'Gnani Purush'

On a June evening in 1958 at around six o’clock, Ambalal Muljibhai Patel, a family man, a contractor by profession, was sitting on a bench on the busy platform number 3 of Surat’s train station. Surat is a city in south Gujarat, a western state in India. What happened within the next forty-eight minutes was phenomenal. Spontaneous Self-realization occurred within Ambalal M. Patel. During this event his ego completely melted and from that moment onwards he became completely detached from all Ambalal’s thoughts, speech and acts. He became the Lord’s living instrument for the salvation of mankind, through the path of knowledge. He called this Lord, Dada Bhagwan. To everyone he met, he would say, “This Lord, Dada Bhagwan is fully manifest within me. He also resides within all living beings. The difference is that within me He is completely expressed and in you, he is yet to manifest.”

Who are we? What is God? Who runs this world? What is karma? What is liberation? Etc. All the world’s spiritual questions were answered during this event. Thus nature offered absolute vision to the world through the medium of Shree Ambalal Muljibhai Patel.

Ambalal was born in Tarsali, a suburb of the city of Baroda and raised in Bhadran, Gujarat. His wife’s name was Hiraba. Although he was a contractor by profession, his life at home and his interaction with everyone around him was exemplary even prior to his Self-realization. After becoming Self-realized and attaining the state of a Gnani, (The Awakened One), his body became a ‘public charitable trust.’

Throughout his whole life he lived by the principle that there should not be any commerce in religion, and in all commerce there must be religion. He also never took money from anyone for his own use. He used the profits from his business to take his devotees for pilgrimages to various parts of India.

His words became the foundation for the new, direct and step-less path to Self-realization called Akram Vignan. Through his divine original scientific experiment (The Gnan Vidhi), he imparted this knowledge to others within two hours. Thousands have received his grace through this process and thousands continue to do so even now. ‘Akram’ means without steps; an elevator path or a short cut, whereas ‘Kram’ means an orderly step-by-step spiritual path. Akram is now recognized as a direct shortcut to the bliss of the Self.

Who is Dada Bhagwan ?

When he explained to others who ‘Dada Bhagwan’ is, he would say:

“What you see here is not ‘Dada Bhagwan.’ What you see is ‘A.M.Patel.’ I am a Gnani Purush and He that is manifest within me, is ‘Dada Bhagwan’. He is the Lord within. He is within you and everyone else. He has not yet manifest within you, whereas within me he is fully manifest. I myself am not a Bhagwan. I too bow down to Dada Bhagwan within me.”

Current link for attaining the knowledge of Self-Realization (Atmagnan)

“I am personally going to impart siddhis (special spiritual powers) to a few people. After I leave, will there not be a need for them? People of future generations will need this path, won’t they?”

~ Dadashri

Param Pujya Dadashri used to go from town to town and country-to-country to give satsang and impart the knowledge of the Self as well as knowledge of harmonious worldly interaction to all who came to see him. In his final days in late 1987, he graced Dr. Niruben Amin with the siddhis to continue his Work.

After Param Pujya Dadashri left his mortal body on January 2, 1988, Dr. Niruben continued his Work, traveling within India to cities and villages; and going abroad visiting all continents of the world. She was Dadashri’s representative of Akram Vignan, until March 19, 2006, when she left her mortal body entrusting all further care of the Work to Shri Deepakbhai Desai. She was instrumental in expanding the key role of Akram Vignan as the simple and direct path to Self-realization for modern times. Hundreds of thousands of spiritual seekers had taken advantage of this opportunity and are established in the experience of pure Soul while carrying out their worldly duties. They experience freedom, here and now while living their daily life.

Shri Deepakbhai Desai had been given the siddhi to conduct satsang of Akram Vignan by Gnani Purush Dadashri in presence of Pujya Niruben Amin. Between 1988 and 2006, he has given satsang nationally and internationally as directed by Dadashri under the guidance of Dr. Niruben Amin. Now these satsangs and Gnan Vidhis of Akram Vignan continue in full force through the medium of Atmagnani Shri Deepakbhai Desai.

Powerful words in scriptures help the seeker in increasing their desire for liberation and thus they represent the path. The knowledge of the Self is the final goal of all seekers. Without the knowledge of the Self there is no liberation. This knowledge does not exist in books. It exists in the heart of a Gnani. Hence, the knowledge of the Self can only be acquired by meeting a Gnani. Through the scientific approach of the Akram Vignan, even today one can attain Atmagnan, by meeting a living Atmagnani. Only a lit candle can light another candle!

EDITORIAL

Men and women have been around forever. They meet each other, get married, and leave each other, life after life, resulting in complex, worldly interactions between the two. In the previous time cycles of Satyug, Dwapar, and Tretayug, problems between men and women were nominal due to simplicity of their innate characteristics, which enabled them to adjust easily with one another. In this current time cycle of Kaliyug, the nature is such that the personalities of men and women lead to altercations. Married couples constantly find themselves at odds with each other and consequently they find no harmony in their life together. How can a married couple find harmony and freedom amongst the constant stress and tension, in this current time cycle? Are there any scriptures or books they can rely on? What are they to do? For these couples, solutions to their everyday problems can be found in the satsangs of the Gnani Purush, Dadashri, who spoke in a simple and direct language. Dadashri himself was married and had encountered and experienced the problems of married life, but he was also enlightened to the true nature of the world and the Self (the Soul). Dadashri has answered all kinds of questions regarding the interactions between a husband and a wife. This book is a compilation of thousands of questions proposed to the Gnani Purush, over a period of thirty years following his spontaneous Self-realization. Couples came to him seeking the ultimate solutions to their turbulent and troubled, married lives.

For the reader who pays attention to the satsang that follows in these pages, the grace of the Gnani will indeed be imparted upon him or her. They will find peace within themselves and harmony in their home. The solutions given by the Gnani will bring closure to the very intricate, complex problems of married life. These answers of the Gnani, directly reach the hearts of the readers, blessing them with the divine vision to look upon their life partners as celestial beings.

Many scriptures contain profound knowledge about the reality of this universe. However, this knowledge can only be obtained through words. The scriptures cannot take you beyond this point. Only someone who has lived through a similar experience and has expert knowledge on how to do so can mend shattered lives. Pujya Dadashri was a Gnani who had absolute knowledge of the Soul, but he was also a married man. His interactions with his wife were nothing short of ideal. Dada’s satsangs, which are based on his own experiences, provide a simple and direct solution to all of life’s problems. His words are the foundation for an ideal life between a husband and a wife. In this current time cycle, this Akram Vignani (Scientist of the Step-less Path to Liberation) is a unique and extraordinary gift to the world. The power of his words and his precise answers to the daily problems and interactions that we experience and engage in, are especially phenomenal. No one else has given answers with such clarity and effect.

Several married couples approached Dadashri with the difficulties that they were experiencing in their marriages; some discussions took place in privacy, while others took place out in the open. Dadshri’s answers were focused on the questioner’s specific situation. Dada has become instrumental in the path of salvation for all couples that long to live in harmony and find real love and meaning in their lives. At times it appeared that Dada scolded only the husbands or that he picked sides, however what he said to them, he said in words that had the power to forever clear all puzzles and confusion for them. The reader is requested to read the entire book in the correct context and not misuse the final words of the Gnani. The aim is to find one’s own errors and correct them for the ultimate goal of bliss and harmony.

- Dr. Niruben Amin

Harmony In Marriage

(Ideal interactions between husband and wife, according to Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan)

[1] ONE FAMILY

When does one enjoy life? When the whole day passes without any stress or worries. How can one enjoy life when there are conflicts at home? Conflicts are unacceptable, especially at home. Conflicts may arise with neighbors and others, but why at home? At home one should live life as a family. What is family life? In family life, love should prevail and be present at all times. Where is the family life nowadays? The husband starts complaining about a meal that is not to his liking. Underdeveloped people! Developed people would set aside what they do not like, and eat the rest. Can this not be done? That is a family life. Go quarrel outside. What does “my family” mean? It should mean, “We do not have any conflicts.” You should adjust. You should know how to adjust within your family. Adjust everywhere.

Do you have the knowledge of what a functional family is? Although we Indians live as a family, we lack the knowledge of how to live as ‘an ideal family’. In foreign countries, people do not understand the concept of ‘ideal family’. In the Western culture, when James turns twenty, his parents, William and Mary will tell him, “You must now be independent so that we can live our own lives!” They have not grasped the concept of how to function as a family. If Mary does not get along with William, she will consider a divorce right away. In India, divorce is not an option. We stay together, quarrel, and then sleep in the same room. This is not what life is all about. This is not called ‘family life’.

In India, people have their own family doctor. How can you have a family doctor, when you do not even have a family? The family doctor is treated as part of the family, while the wife is treated like an outsider. When the family doctor comes, they do not quarrel with him, even if he leaves behind a big bill. Instead they’ll say, “This is our family doctor!” People think they have a status in society by having their own family doctor!

Should you quarrel with a member of the family if he accidentally hurt you? No. You should live like a family; you should not just pretend to do so. People put up a facade about being a family. It should not be that way. There should be unity within a family. If your wife gets upset with you, wait awhile and then say to her, “No matter what you say to me and no matter how upset you get with me, I miss you when you are not around!” Tell your wife that you don’t like being separated from her. Just go ahead and say this ‘Guru Mantra’ (words that give results). You never express your love and appreciation to your wife, do you? What is the problem in doing so? Just tell her you do not like being away from her. You should keep most of your love to yourself, but do share and express some of it.

[2] QUARRELS AT HOME

Dadashri : Do you ever have kalesh (quarrels) at home? What do you think about conflicts in the home? Do you like it?

Questioner : The world does not function without quarrels.

Dadashri : Then God will not stay wherever there are quarrels.

Questioner : But there should at least be some quarrelling!

Dadashri : No, there should not be any quarrelling. Why should there be any quarrelling? What is the reason for quarrelling? Are you comfortable with quarrelling? How many months can you live with conflicts?

Questioner : Not a single moment.

Dadashri : Not even for a month? You get good meals to eat, you wear beautiful jewellery, and yet you quarrel. You quarrel because you do not know how to live life; you do not know the art of living. This is what causes quarrels. All people care about is the art of making money. You do not think about how to live life because your thoughts are preoccupied with making money. Shouldn’t you think about this?

Questioner : We should think about it, but everyone has a different approach.

Dadashri : No, everyone’s ways are not different, they are all the same. “Dollars! Money! Where can I make money?” When one makes money, he goes to a store to buy something for the house and then brings it home and stares at it. Then when it becomes old, he has to go and buy something else. All day long, he is caught up in this kind of a rut; he is unhappy and stressed. How can one live this kind of a life? Does this suit a human being? There should not be any quarrels (kalesh).

Questioner : What are you referring to when you say ‘kalesh’?

Dadashri : When you quarrel and clash with your family members, with outsiders, with your wife, all that quarrelling is referred to as ‘kalesh’. If couples get into an argument and as a result, they avoid each other for a while, then this event is called ‘kalesh’. There is no problem if they get together right away after two to three hours of bickering, but if they argue and stay apart, that is called ‘kalesh’. If they stay apart for twelve hours, then the whole night is spent in ‘kalesh’.

Questioner : Is this tendency towards obstinacy in discord (kankas) more prevalent in men or women?

Dadashri : Women have more of this tendency.

Questioner : What is the reason for that?

Dadashri : There are two types of clashes, minor and major. Men tend to get into minor clashes, which do not last. Men tend to forgive and forget easily. These are minor clashes. Women on the other hand, tend to engage in major clashes. They do not recover from clashes quite as easily. Instead, they tend to remember it for a prolonged period of time. It is very difficult for women to let go. Due to their nature, women at times are guilty of turning minor issues into major issues. For example, after a minor disagreement, the husband walks about as if nothing has happened, while the wife walks around sulking.

Questioner : So what should we do to avoid major clashes?

Dadashri : If you do not ignite a small fire she will not kindle it. The fault is yours for igniting the fire in the first place. For example, when you tell her that her food tastes awful and you go around with a frown on your face, you ignite a fire. All these trivial things give rise to minor disputes, which she then coverts into major ones.

Questioner : The important thing is that there should be peace at home.

Dadashri : But how can peace prevail? For peace, you have to understand dharma (religion, one’s duties, moral code of conduct). You should tell everyone at home, “We are not each other’s enemies; nobody has any quarrels with anyone. There is no need to have differences of opinion. Let us share with each other what we have and let us be happy.” That is how you should think and do everything. You should never quarrel with people at home. How can you quarrel with people you have to share the same home with? Nobody has ever been happy by making others miserable and we want to be happy by giving happiness. We can only be happy if we make others happy at home. You will be served a good cup of tea with a smile, if you avoid conflicts with this understanding. Otherwise, they will ruin your tea before they serve it to you.

Look how many worries and inner differences there are! A person continues to harbour differences of opinion, yet he thinks he practices religion. Ask him if the quarrelling has ceased in his home. Has it even decreased? Have his worries become less? Does he have at least some peace? To that he will say, “No, but at least I practice religion.” You fool! What religion do you have? Being religious means, you are at peace within and regardless of your situation in life you do not have any stress, whether it be internal or external. To revert to your Real nature (the Soul), is the final definition of religion.

If your wife drops a stack of china dishes and glassware, would you be affected by it?

If you are affected or you feel hurt, you cannot refrain from saying something; you cannot prevent turning on your ‘radio’. The moment you get hurt, your radio will come on, which in turn will hurt her. Then she will point out, “You act as if you never break anything.” It is important to understand that glassware can easily slip and break. If you were to tell her to

break the dishes, would she do so? Who or what breaks them? There is no person in this world with an independent strength or power to break even a single dish. All these events that take place are accounts that are being settled, and therefore all you have to do is ask her whether or not she was hurt.

If you both fight over a couch, then throw that couch away. That couch is worth only a few hundred dollars. Is it worth fighting over? It will only sow seeds of hatred. Just get rid of it. Anything that causes conflicts in the home should be thrown away.

The more you understand, the greater your faith. With faith you will acquire results. Without faith, nothing will help you. If you do things with understanding, your life will be happy and it will make her life happy too. Does your wife not cook you wonderful meals?

Questioner : Yes, she does.

Dadashri : What more do you need then? Shouldn’t you be obligated to her since she is your partner? What is her obligation in this? You bring home the money and she cooks and cleans. This is the way a partnership works. The children are the products of your partnership. They are not solely hers, are they? Just because she was the one who went through pregnancy does not mean that they belong only to her. Your children belong to the both of you. Do they belong to you both or her alone?

Questioner : Both of us.

Dadashri : Yes. Would men be willing to go through pregnancy? Therefore, this world is worth understanding. It needs to be understood from many different perspectives. Only a Gnani Purush can make you understand the world as it is. He enables you to understand what is good for you and what is bad for you. Then there will be an end to the conflicts at home.

Lord Krishna has said there are two kinds of intellect, one is helpful and the other is harmful. The harmful intellect brings forth only pain and misery while the helpful intellect brings forth happiness and seeks out happiness amidst pain and suffering. But what do people do instead? They put grit in their basmati rice and then they eat it! Here in America you get such good food, pure ghee and pure yogurt. Life is easy, but people do not know how to live, and that is why they suffer.

We should be thinking about what is beneficial to us. Which of the following is more beneficial, recalling the happiness you experienced on your wedding day or remembering the sorrow of becoming a widower?

The thought of becoming a widower came to me during our marriage ceremony. On my wedding day I was wearing a very stylish and elaborate turban, a kind that royalty would wear at weddings. Dressed in this manner even as a fifteen-year-old groom, I looked very handsome. My attire was bedecked and impressive. Later, as the wedding ceremony was in progress, the turban on my head shifted, obstructing my view. It occurred to me then, that it was fair and well that we were getting married, but one day one of us would have to become a widow.

Questioner : You had such thoughts at that young an age?

Dadashri : Yes, unfortunately! Whatever is built has to break one day.

Questioner : The intense desire to experience marriage makes one forget his real Self (Soul). Where is the time for such thoughts of detachment in marriage?

Dadashri : However at that time, the thought occurred to me that whatever had begun, would eventually come to an end. Of the two of

Impressum

Texte: Dada Bhagwan Aradhana Trust
Bildmaterialien: Dada Bhagwan Aradhana Trust
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 07.07.2017

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