EPISODES OF THE CHOCOLATE LOVER

My thoughts and grumbling for the year 2010…well, not all of them
All of them taken from http://37going40.blogspot.com

I hope you enjoy reading this e-book 

Between Internet and real life

A few nights ago a friend of mine said that she wants to decrease her activities on the net.
"I have been spending too much time with this media... My life has been nothing else but to do with this..."

Though I was sort of...what...? Nooo... Don't leave me here...I can understand why she makes that decision. I suppose she wants to spend more time with real people around her, such as her family. At least for this moment, she does not close her accounts on FB for example.

I sometimes think that if you have reached to the drastic decision like closing all your accounts on the net, it because probably the addiction or temptation is too great for the person to handle. Like u try to reduce eating chocolate once a day. But there are 5 chocolates in your fridge. Can u promise yourself not going to eat them all at once or you just give in and finish them all in a few minutes? Since you are not sure, you better not have it more than one in your fridge.

I have never been in a situation of addiction to the internet or game too long. I get bored easily. And my internet connection is a disaster. Plus, I am too busy in the office to lurking around the net. Not too sound like I am work-addict...but that's the reality. Which is why I do wonder why a married couple can sit together, but not talking to each other. Both of them glued to their notebook or any other devices.

For me, internet open a lot of new things for me. I have new friends, know about online diary, and find many interesting information and...some u-should-not know about;) so, for now I do not think I can stop myself totally from internet. Though I agree I should not be addicted to it ...

We forget the real people around us that probably miss talking with us. Instead we are too busy with people living so far away... Probably because we do not know each other, we are able to open our heart and mind. However, we close them to people that we have known for years...

Hopefully we can balance our understanding and communication for people around us and those in the virtual environment:)
And friends, pppllllllease do not leave me here on the net... I like having you here though you are not really here with me.


Future generations…

A friend of mine who once teaching in this school for rich kids…

One day she told me that one of the kids insulted her about money. That kid drove Porsche to school and he mocked my friend,” Ma’am, you may works all your life but you will never ever be able to buy a car like that…”
Hiding her anger, my friend simply retorted back, “Well, but that’s not your own car… It belongs to your parents…”

The other time she punished those naughty students by giving them more homework. It turn out the parents did not like that so they complained to the principal. So my friend being summoned to the principal and were told not to punish those kids ever again.

“But they were being rude and naughty… They hardly paid attention to my lessons…” my friend argued to the principal.

“You have nothing to worry about… These kids come from wealthy families. Heck, their parents are the owner of this school… So, unless you want to continue teaching here…”

The warning has been so blatant my friend really felt that her idealistic about teaching are now so pointless.

I saw that from another point of view…

No wonder I saw so many people thinking that with money they can buy almost about everything…
So, since they have the money or should I say…THE WORLD…then obviously they would be wondering…
WHY I SHOULD GO TO SCHOOL?
WHY I SHOULD RESPECT AND PAY ATTENTION TO MY TEACHER OR OTHER PEOPLE?
WHAT IS WRONG? WHAT IS RIGHT? DOES IT REALLY MATTER?
MONEY IS THE MOST IMPORTANT IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD…

Congratulation to all of us for being responsible in creating useless young generations to lead the future of this country…

Pffff…. *being cynical*

BACKFIRING WORDS

Since I am still single up to now, I often got so many questions about what kind of guy that I would like to date (so they can set me up with I don’t know who…) … Then the other would ask what kind of guy that I dislike (so, they obviously will not going to set me up with that kind of guy)…

But, I never really want to say the thing that I like or dislike anymore… Not only is going to bite me back in the most unpleasant way… to tell you the truth I was not really mature to deal with the consequences of my own words…

I used to say that I do not like accounting and therefore I studied management. In order to get jobs that not relate to counting numbers and make book keeping. And yet, the recent five years I have to do work that related with book keeping (even though in the simpler forms)…
I used to say that I would never work in a place that has a lot of things to do with numbers… And yet, there I was… calculating numbers into so many figures I always get dizzy in the end… The numbers “6” often read as “9” …. Well, you get my point…

I saw soo many friends of mine saying that I did not want to live in the polluted city, or I do not want to marry with that smelly guy, or I will never ever going to work in that place. And you know what…they all have it and stuck with it in their life. Of course we often make fun of them… Reminding them of their own words echoing in the sky…

So, I am not so sure that I would say out loud to the universe that I do not want a certain type of guy to be my one and only… As I am pretty sure the universe will tends to hear it wrong and end up giving me the exact person that I did not want the most


Being older does not mean being any wiser

To tell you the truth, I have never ever read the story of Romeo and Juliet… Yeah, I know… shame on me… I only knew the story from a movie ages ago… About how they are unable to be together because feud between their families.

Anyway, I am not going to discuss the love story. I want to discuss about parents from both of the families… Don’t you think that they are kinda childish? They push their children to do something that they do not like (okay, most parents probably does that…), they only think about themselves and not for the sake of their children, they refuse to sit down and talk things over, all they know…that since they have been sworn enemies then their children must continue the feud as well. It is a bit tragic because I am sure they probably already kinda lost what drive them to against one another in the first place.

I do admit that though people being aging and all that…, does not automatically makes them any smarter let alone any wiser.

I never appreciate people who in their disagreement feel the need to drag along their families into it as well. Sure, they probably feel bit insecure and need support. And who will be a better supporter if not your own family? To ensure the support you started to influence your family about the disagreement with your opponent. Probably you are exaggerating a bit to get their sympathy. Most definitely they are going to trust you and just follow your rude behavior to entire families of your opponent. In return, your opponent does not need to convince the family as they have seen what kind of behavior you have given to them.

Rude have to be response with the same one or worst if it must.

And this is come from people who are already much older and yet simple minded. The family probably inherited that as well because they do not process what has happened in the past. They just swallow it and you, the elder; being the one who influence them feel so damn proud that your entire family even the youngest one are all behind you. You have been successfully take your family to the party with theme: Behaving badly towards people that you do not like. You did that because you need supporter how righteous you are! The mistakes must have been on another person. They just did not understand you.

Oh well…

We are not perfect, right? I remembered that when I have enemy I also want my closest friend stop hanging out with that person. Both of us have to stick together to hate that person because you have been hurt. If you find that your friend still hanging out with the enemy you will soon feel betrayed. Worst case, you probably stop seeing them all together and just ride off to find anyone who can pleases you. Just like a silly ignorant kid…

Sighed…

Better ask before you get lost

… or in my friend’s case before your pocket get depleted.

She told me that about five years ago, she was having this chat with her acquaintance who worked in woman’s magazine. During their chats, her acquaintance informed her about this excellent hairdresser. His work is outstanding and he did not charge very much. So, my friend asked for the address and went there with her roommate. When she arrived, she was surprised to see many expensive branded cars parking in front of the beauty salon. But, without thinking too much she went in anyway…

Inside, they were welcomed by a customer service (CS) and then asking them with whom they wish to get a haircut. The CS then showed them a board full of listing available hairdressers complete with the charges that would be applied. Since she did not find the name that was informed by her acquaintance (let us call him “JACK”) , she then asked to the CS whether Jack is available to cut her hair. The CS then asked my friend whether she has made an appointment and of course my friend replied that she has not. She then asked by the CS to wait a while as she need to ask Jack if he is available at that moment. Lucky for my friend (well, she did feel lucky at first) the hairdresser has no appointment and agree to do her hair. Her roommate wanted to see the result after the hair do and therefore she decided to wait for my friend.

When she entered inside the salon, she saw many familiar famous faces… She was a bit surprised but still with her positive thinking… She was still very sure that her acquaintance would not lie to her about the cheap charges and keep the show on going. She was amazed that Jack the hairdresser only need 15 minutes to do her long hair with fabulous result… Happily she walked to the cashier and bumped into another famous singer who seems very close to the hairdresser… My friend almost faint to find out how much she has to pay for the hairdo… The price was about five times from regular that she use to pay. It turns out, Jack IS the owner of the beauty salon and that’s why every customer must make an appointment before have him as their hairdresser. And why he only charged very few to other people because he did that as a treat for the people on that magazine…. The charges that he asked probably for his assistants instead of himself…

This is why we should never ever embarrass to ask how much is this? And how much is that…before making any transaction… Seriously, sometimes because we do not asked for every tiny little details on the price will open a chance to be cheated… Or could get a heart attack to know that we have to pay so much above our capability…

Credit cards sometimes have this promotion event with certain restaurant or café. If you use this credit card to eat at this restaurant you will only have to pay half from the actual price. I once decided to ask the restaurant over the phone whether the promotion still valid and does the discount applied to any food and beverages. It turn out, drinks with alcohol and wines does not include on the promotion… There, at least I get the information correctly from the restaurant (do not forget to ask the name of the person who give you that information) and will avoid the beating of my heart goes faster when the bill comes to me…
Asking is a necessary thing to do especially if we have limited resources… Better humiliate at first rather than after all transactions and purchasing has been executed…!

BETWEEN VIRTUAL AND REALITY

When I first knew about twitter, I was a bit excited… There are so many celebrities who also owned Twitter account and we can just follow them… If we follow their twitter, it means we are getting a fresh up date from those celebrities… We even can send respond to them through twitter… But, since they are not following us back…they will not know any updates from us… (As if they need to)

But now, I finally reducing the list of celebrities that I have been following all these times. I just think now, what is the point of that? It is not like I need to know every little detail of whatever those celebrities doing… And if I do curious to know, I also following twitter’s account from gossip magazines as well… So, I think I have enough information about them… Besides, I do not know them and they do not know me… It does not mean that by following them and getting their news making me their best buddies… And I am not even sure they will remember who I am even if they do reply my response to their tweets. I may be in their circle, but then again I may not really there…

What I really want to know and hear and read right now is news from my own friends in the real world… Those who once in a while drop by and asking how I am doing right now… Those who busy with their work and life and dramas but still have time to poke me or just click “like” at my status… Those who create something and tag me to share it… Or those who simply say hi to me ;)

Most of the time, we are so busy checking news from the internet, totally ignoring our friends who are sitting in front of us…busy telling stories about their life… But we are too busy with something virtual and untouchable and forget the real connection it self.

Like many people said nowadays, internet bring those who far away becoming closer but driven away those who are near with us. I do sincerely hope it will not come to that kind of situation…

“Hey, do you that movie star is getting married?”
“How did you know? Did that movie star tell you?”
“Well, yes… not in person… But I read it from their announcement on twitterverse…”
“Really? Oh, well…me too…”
“What? When? How? Why didn’t you invite me?”
“I did… You just NEVER NOTICE…”

BICYCLE

My long wishes up to now is to be able to ride bicycle.

Okay, you may laugh… But seriously I never know how to ride a bicycle.

When I was a lot younger, I begged my Mother so I can learn how to bike. She did not give me the permission. She said, she did not want me to get the hang of it…, then riding out without her knowing…and then suddenly I already got hit by a car. I suppose being a parent they can only have bad imagination instead of good ones… But anyway, I hardly argued with her…and so…I put aside the desire in the bottom of my heart.

And why suddenly the desire come out floating in the air again? Well, a few years ago I refused to go on a trip because it required me to bike. How am I supposed to do that if I have no idea how to keep my balance on the bicycle? I never had any practice… Telling me to bike will result just the same by asking me to dance… It will be a complete catastrophe. Well, at least from my side… I can imagine already I will be bumping tree or sidewalks, then fall and hurt my knee… Over and over again… Sighed

I also notice that many fun activities both inside the city and on sightseeing spot are include biking on their list. Like for example, early this year my friends and I went to the museum Fatahillah. There are so many cute old bicycles rented for all visitors and I was unable to enjoy it…as simply I do not know how to bike. *SOB*.

Just this morning a tourism program on TV also show to the audience about Gilli Trawangan. Since cars and motors are not allowed by the local authorities. Therefore it was shown on tv that tourists exploring the island either on foot or biking (again!)… Now you can understand why I am so agitated to learn how to bike…

Then again, how in the heck I am going to learn? Do I have to buy a four wheels bicycle before I manage to handle my balance? And if I do buy it…should I learn it in the early of the morning when people still sleeping so nobody look at me with bewilderment?

Anybody want to accompany me to learn how to bike? ^___^


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gili_Trawangan


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jakarta_History_Museum

BIG BAGS

I always love big bags, ever since I was younger. Of course, in my younger days I used backpack to carry my things, which most of them are books.

Then when I was working, it was a bit of a hassle to bring big bags to the office. One of the reasons, the big bag occupied most available space in my drawer in the office. As the result, I was unable to put my files inside the drawer. Since all files are confidential, naturally the big bag must be out of the way. Plus, it was not easy to bring bag while I was trying to be inside the crowded bus. The big bag often got stuck in the middle of other passengers.

There were times; I prefer to bring these sling bags... Because I could put quite a lot of stuffs and not so much hassle for me to bring. I could put my little notepad, small umbrella (though is totally useless whenever heavy rain pouring down on earth), my cellphone, comb, small mirror, powder and lipstick. Yeah, yeah…. I know is impossible. But I bring that tiny little miny bitsy powder container…so, yes they are all fit.


Nowadays, I am back with the big bag. And this one is my favorite right now. I can put almost about everything. Not only my small umbrella (yes, the umbrella is still the small one… What do you think?), my (bigger) notepad, my BB including the charger (what can I say? I am very addicted to it), my Ipod, and of course digital camera (pocket’s size, mind you). Women’s best friends such as lipstick, powder, eye shadow, tissue (dry and wet, which one do you want?) are also included… And to make them organized, I put them all in my organizer bag. How cute is that?

So, which one are you?

And btw, I could bring small bag whenever I go to a party, thank you very much. Well, mostly wedding parties…

If I have to go to real party or just hanging out, perhaps I bring nothing but this clutch… Forget about bringing a wallet on this one… It will never going to fit.

OPEN AND CLOSED DOORS

Me and my friend are now into searching quotes to be placed on our twitter account or Facebook’s. We want to have something to remind us about life, its struggle and well… you know…

Then, just now I found this quote:
When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us – from Alexander Graham Bell.

It sort of hit me right in my heart because I am that kind of person.

Like for example, I am in desperate need to buy this medicine. To have this medicine I need money. Therefore I try to find work to earn money in order to get that medicine. But according to my boss my work is not giving good result. So, if previously he was about to pay me 100, but due to my poor job I only receive half of it. I am sooo disappointed thinking that a door has been closed for me… I keep on moaning over my failure and blaming myself, blaming the condition, blaming all people around me… I need to be angry and can’t get over that failure… I busied myself thinking what have I done? Where did exactly my wrong doings? Why I could not accomplish thing that I have been planning to reach? Why oh why? Even, after the boss offers me to work over time and there would be extra cash enough to cover the price of that medicine…I did not take it… I am too busy to worry about thing that has passed me and ignore the other arriving opportunity. In the end, I get nothing…

Is not that I do not realize my bad habit… It is not only effectively destroying my spirit but successfully drive people away from me… People that actually want to help but feel reluctant after seeing my moaning and complaining. I can keep on doing that forever… Don’t know why I feel I need to be angry to get more strength to deal with another failure in the future. See? I am even planning to fail again in the future… Not only once but more to come… I feel there is no way my condition is going to get better… In fact I am pretty sure it going to get worse… I convince myself that there will be no way out and I am just going to drop dead on the street…. Kinda depressing, right?

Anyway…, within this posting I do want to say thank you to my friends who have been very patient with me as always during my darkest mood…

Failed to open one door, does not mean we should just stop in trying to get another door to be opened… Who knows? Maybe it will opened to us and give better result than we ever expected…

KEEP UP THE GOOD HOPE!

CONFESSION OF AN INTERNET ADDICT

Oh dear, you just realized you have tonz of books that you have not read up to now… My goodness…you have promised your friend you will help with her project but you have not done anything and deadline is tomorrow! Then again, wait… you have your own project…arrrgh…you have not done it as well…!
After thinking hard (well not so hard) you realize what the problem was… You get distracted… Oh yes you do, admit it… You can not let yourself go from browsing internet…! Hah! Admit that as much as I did! I did? OF COURSE!

Every morning I started to turn on my laptop and browsed like crazy… Mind you, when I was still working I did not have access to the internet… That’s why there always this hungry feeling to just keep on clicking and browsing and surfing… Yeah, yeah, excuses…, excuses… Totally being so irresponsible… But that’s me… And then not to mention updating status like crazy every second that I have a chance on Facebook, Multiply, Plurk, Twitter… oh…dear… It will never ends…

So, my advice is if you wish to continue whatever things you have in mind for ages ago and want to do it now….

DISCONNECT your internet connection…

Oh, relax… I am not talking about the whole year or as long as you live. That would be unwise as everything now related and connected and being done with, by and through the internet…

Once in a while turn off your handphone…
Yeah, you are not going to die or have a stroke for not using your gadget for let us say an hour perhaps… You know what, I went with my parents today to the hospital…and I turn off my Blackberry almost the whole day. And the result I am successfully in the middle of finishing read a book : EAT PRAY LOVE which has been abandoned in the pile of so many books for almost a year. Hmmm, at least I know what to do if I have to go to any boring places next time…

Please be reminded that your gadget…for example your handphone could also be used to access the internet… All you have to do is hold that thing in your hand and before you realized you have spent the entire day update your status, commented your friend’s fiction, reading other people’s blog, playing game…or just browsing around.

Of course if you have online business then this advice probably can not be easily applied.

Say goodbye to your internet for a while
Oh, wait… I have said that, right? Anyway, do not try to start by checking your email… Okay, you have important mail… Really? Well, go on open it…, read it… After that…disconnected yourself from it… Otherwise…you will get hooked for about an hour or probably more…

Good luck from detox yourself from the world of internet ^___^

COMPARISON

I remembered when in the early years of my working days, my colleague has a young girl friend who still studying in her last year in…Senior High School. We assumed that the girl was probably 18 or 19 y.o. while my friend was around 24. We loved mocking him around, saying that he was like a pedophile hunting for little girl much younger than him. The relationship did not last long and now he is happily married with someone around his age.

Now come to think of it, the age difference did not really that far… I meant, we have seen many women married with men who probably 20 years much older. So, why did we make a fuss about my colleague’s relationship at that time?

I think the reason was because that girl was still in high school. Though she was already considered adult (being 18 y.o) , and yet, hearing her still in high school made us surprise. Or we just simply were being nosy about other people’s life.

Anyway, move on to another story for comparison…once I have a friend who dating a younger guy. The relationship did not take long as my friend could not stand the guy. The guy kept on calling him late at night, or minutes when they just parted away. He loves sending her romantic text through sms and other things that she considered annoying.

I think when we were young, we loves hearing and saying romantic words to our couple… And we were older, after all that sorrow and pain we have been through…we feel those words are just empty and meaningless…

My colleague at that time just entered the adult life and I suppose he really knows how to make her girlfriend fly to the moon…with romantic words… And probably talk about a wonderful future together… Just the two of them in a small house (though the house is still on a long term loan, but let not spoil the dream), and maybe someday there would be little prince and princess in the house… and I could keep on going… Though not all, youngster tends to dream of something beautiful, easily fall with romantic words, caring gestures… Those are probably few reasons why adult should not be dating with under age as they are still unable to see something ugly and fatal consequences from short time pleasure.

While for my friend with her younger boyfriend, I once asked her why she did not like the attention? I thought women love being the centre of adoration and attention from their lover. To which she replied that she loves the attention but not for every five minutes. She said words that too easy to be spilled out are usually easy to be forgotten. She just being realistic instead being romantic.

Gee, I make it sound that we adult can only think about something bad instead beautiful things…

DARK VS LIGHT

A few years ago, when watching this sitcom of The Nanny I heard something funny that I still use it up to now…

In that scene, the leading actress said to the leading actor that she like posing under the dim light. Because when women hit thirty something the only light that good for posing is those not so bright light…

I laughed so hard and telling that to all my friends every times we were about to take a picture… Well, we all above thirty and admit that using blitz when taking pictures does not give us any better look… With blazing light, our wrinkles, our pimples, our tired eyes will all be there in that picture… While under the dim light…we will be able to hide all of that…

Then recently I have been watching this reality show about super model… And all those people in the modeling industry keep on saying that light is model’s best friend. That light will give them the best of their look… If they are backing away from the light, their photos will not look good and their faced sort of shadowed or something like that… They need to know where the light is to ensure getting better photos of their beautiful face. The face that they want everybody to know…how gorgeous and lovely that million dollar face…

If you have bigger body than everybody else…dark colors (preferable black) are recommended to hide those flaws in your body… If you have nothing to hide and want to flaunt it…then white or any lighter colors will do the job for you…

And I was like… WOW!

If you have something or everything to hide, you will seek the dark… And while you have everything to be shown off to the whole wide world…because you afraid of nothing …then you will seek the light…

We will be hiding in the darkness if we want to hide about our sin or our flaws from other people. We put a mask in order for other people have no idea about the real us. We will do the other way around if we are just being sincere and have nothing to hide from others.

Does my thinking make any sense?

DECISION

You know what, have you ever noticed that when you need something badly nothing ever going to come on your way…? Like when you need a job badly, none ever going to come to you… Even after all those countless application letters that you have sent to God only know where… You wait for the calling from any company, big, small, legal, illegal…but none ever come…

Eventually, when a call comes to offer you a job even with a very small salary and seems have no future in whatsoever, you would take it anyway… As you need that first chance, to have experience in the real world…to learn is it true that everything you learn in the university will be useless? Aaaannnd…yes … It is useless… But that would be another story… Anyway, like I said since you have been waiting for a chance…then when ones finally come you decided to have it… Small salary, no medical allowance…who cares… What is important that you finally get the job…

And then when you finally settling down with this job, suddenly you receive many offers that you have been waiting previously… And you were like… oh no… Should I take the offer or not? But if I take that offer, will that mean I have to start from the bottom again and face the uncertainty? While I am not already settling in and seems I have good future with this one…

You know what… Sometimes I think life is playing with us… We never get anything that we really want the most… The thing that we need…we never really going to get it on time when we think that we need it… And after a while, we decided…oh fine… I am going to have whatever I am going to have…
I guess perhaps this is sort of the step appreciate everything that you have got at this moment no matter how small it is… Because you know is hard to get it and even though it may far below from your expectation…you need to appreciate it anyway…

Then, when you finally settling down and whoosh…you receive so many offer that widen your choices… It was like you are forced to make a decision… What is it going to be… Are you going to stay in the comfort zone or you daring yourself to accept the kind offer and try to find something new in the unknown zone?

Either way, whatever decision that we make in our life…we just need to suck it up… We have to be responsible for our choices and accept whatever consequences from the decision and try hard and harder to find a way to over come the consequences…

Yeah, easier to be said than done…

I am still working on it… Really, really hard….

DEFENSIVE

When you asked someone why on earth she or he done this or that and they get defensive, you will get the feeling that they are guilty as per your suspected.

Like for example, your family has warned you not to smoke any longer. But, well you know…the temptation gets the better of you… So, sneaking around you took just one cigarette and smoke it Then you realize everyone will realize that you have been smoking… Therefore, you also prepare a stock of mint candy. And you put it on your mouth every time you finished smoking… Your family and friends starting to notice eventually that you have developed this new addiction to eating candies… But actually you try to hide the bad breath after smoking to your family and friends. However someone did know why you have been doing that… And the first thing he did beside asking why you are into minty candies now is to share a story that almost similar with yours. That he or she probably loves to drink and to hide the fact from the family. And this person just wants check you out how much cigarette that you took and you becoming defensive and saying only one…

I think we will start to protect ourselves when we sense of being attacked… In this matter, we know we are doing something forbidden… And surprise enough that someone notice what we have been doing…and even bother to ask for our confirmation… In desperate attempts to keep on hiding what we have done we become defensive. We try to lie to others and ourselves that we have not been doing anything wrong… Or even worse, we try to justify the action that we have taken no matter how wrong it is… To stop others asking about it we are going to stay away from them and shut ourselves…

Little that we realize that when we are being defensive it means we sort of admitted that the thing we have done is without doubt is wrong… And the more we try to convince other that it is not…is only an indirect confirmation that it is wrong and we know exactly about that fact when we were doing it…

But then we were upset because of getting caught in bad action, does our brain can still think clearly? NO? Ahhh, don’t get defensive ;) It is so silly ^___^

DIFFERENT CULTURES

What is the boundary of being polite and a common practice?

Today, I was sitting alone enjoying my coffee at Starbuck. When I arrived I immediately sat at my fave place around the corner of the café. There is this one table and three empty sofas. I occupied one sofa and open my book and start reading. Then suddenly a woman just sat in front of me without saying anything. After a while her friend sat on the other sofa. From their language I learned that they are foreigner.

I was saying on my twitter that how rude these two women just sat on the sofas located near me without even saying anything… Like excuse themselves or something like that… What if I was waiting for a friend who would occupy that seat? Should I simply tell her to go away?

My friend then said that it is a common practice outside Indonesia… So, it was only natural those foreigners assume that it is also applied in Indonesia…

I was thinking like, really? But isn’t that a bit rude? Perhaps because I was sitting at the café which less formal compare to the restaurant? So, sitting at the café like Starbuck is more or less the same like you are having lunch at the food court where strangers usually just share the same table?

So, what is really the boundary then? I am asking because I still thinking they were impolite… Ehm, this is one of signs that I am getting old as I really easily irritated lately… Sighed…

DO NOT OVER DO

When someone I used to hang out with in the university suddenly found herself a lover that was the moment I realized that seeing her was no longer fun anymore…

Aside that I probably was jealous seeing her having boyfriend while I am not…probably one of many reasons, there was this one problem. The real problem was she could not stop talking about her darling boyfriend. I find myself not happy whenever I saw her running and waving her hands at me… Usually I could not wait to see her after classes so we can exchange stories. But after she found her soul mate (quoted exactly from her words), I suddenly could no longer stand being near her. And it turn out, I was not the only one. Whenever my friend started to share her most precious moment with her BF, I saw our other friends and class mates starting to exchange glances and false smile even smirked. And then one by one, we start to come up with excuses just to get the heck out of the boring conversation. We have tried to stir the conversation to another subject that everyone could relate to without success. Again, yeah few of us probably jealous at her but the other merely bored. One of them said, “Okay, we get it… You are happy… You just want to be around him… Spread the happy stories about him to the entire world… You are totally so happy you do not even realize about people around you…”

Come to think of it, I have to admit…that once in a while I also behave exactly like the above story. For example, if I am really into this tv series or hooked up on an actor…I would definitely can not stop talking about it or him. Every conversation I would try to lead it to my currently favorite subject. The intention of course so my friend would get intrigued then of course follow me on liking the movie or the actor. After that we could talk nothing else about it.

If you are into this new environment, or falling for someone, or attracted to a new activity…, or just love whatever you are doing there…then you have this feeling to let everyone around you to join your activity… Well, if you are in love with someone you will probably limit that enthusiasm only by sharing your happiness (obviously you did not want to share the one you like with anyone else…, right?) But if you get hooked on a place, a new activity, a tv show (reality show, tv series, documentary programs, etc) or an actor or more…feel so good to keep on talking about them right?

The problem is when our friend does not share our enthusiasm. Eventually all of us will be running out of ideas on whatever we want to talk about. As your friend want to talk nothing but her favorite activity and since you have no idea what that is and have reached up to the point where you are totally not interested …then what is to talk about anymore? You talked about your life but your friend does not find it fascinating. And while she was talking about her favorite activities you could only muster a polite smile or short response.

When we hooked up on something then sure we can share it to our friends. There is nothing more fun to do and talk something that we all like. But if they are not interest it, then please have mercy and just stop talking about it… Talk anything but that…


ONE OF SO MANY REASONS

Do you want to know why people never just blurted out at you about your stupid on going mistakes?

1. Because they are selfish enough to keep the relationship with you in a long term.
2. They are too coward to get the outburst from you right at the moment they told you about the mistake
3. The scare feeling that you may do something hurtful in return (this is probably because you are joining a killing squad or something bad...)
4. Worry that they do not know to tell you in the right way in order to avoid you getting offended
5. Silently pray in vain hoping that there will be a miracle that will open your eyes so you will realize your mistakes
6. Seeing that this relationship with you will be in a short term and thereofore feel no obligation to tell you about it
7. Enjoy it seeing that you constantly makes that mistakes and have high hope you will never ever be able to change it in the future
8. Can't wait for you to get into troubles for the mistakes you keep on making...

So, do you prefer no 1 - 5? Or the number 6 – 8?


EMOTIONALLY NUTS

I once asked my friend, why the story and dialogues on Indonesian soap operas are all err… annoying?
She then told me that someone has told her the necessity in the dialogue. The keyword is : EMOTION.
Audience does not need to see local soap operas have story lines like American TV series such as House, CSI, Brothers and Sisters, Desperate Housewives…up to Supernatural. No need logical stories, or witty dialogues… Just play with the emotion and you will get number one soap opera around the nation.

Well, I can not argue with that… Come to think of it… The so-called-keyword: Emotion does work to the audience…
Like for example:
The antagonist character is screaming on top of her lungs to the pain-searcher-protagonist character who keep on crying.
Emotion does being capture by the audience. Only there are differences.
The loving fans naturally feel moved by the hopeless situation by the useless heroine and feel anger to the antagonist.
Me? I feel headache by both of the characters and I can already imagine my hand grabbing them and break their neck just to stop the screaming and the crying. Emotion does pouring out of me…only in a different way.


The antagonist character is on the run from the police with her boyfriend. She got shot by the police on her leg. But still manage to run to the hospital. Then insist the doctor to perform surgery to move the bullet. Miraculously, the surgery went well and she asked her boyfriend to take her home immediately. Eventually the police already surrounded the house and she gallantly denied everything. When the police said that they have shot her, she show her leg and OF COURSE there was no wound whatsoever. To add more proofs that she was not the one who got shot, she even DANCE in front of the law enforcement.

Emotion? Well, what else do you expect?
The loving fans of course getting annoyed… Saying wow good things always happen to bad people… How can she escape just like that… In short, they can not wait to see bad thing happen to the bad person.
Me? Oh well… what can I say… I am totally impressed that by the second the surgery finished, the person already able to run and even dancing!

I do however want to give my salute to everyone that has created all those stories as they really do know how to capture the audience’s emotion. They really know how to make best production ever.

SALUTE TO THE EMOTION!


FAVORITE SPOT

If you go to the café to have a cup of coffee or hot chocolate, or whatever…you will probably have a favorite spot to sit, right? I mean, you did not go to that café once a year… You go there almost every week. Either with your friends or just go there alone.

So, here are the things that becoming my consideration to make that spot my favorite nest:

1. Sofa
I love sitting on the soft couch or sofa… My favorite sofas located at Starbuck Plaza Senayan. Whenever my friend and I went there, we anxiously look for that sofa. Hoping in vain that nobody sit there… There are two sofas facing each other and separated by a small table. The location is at the corner of the café, near the window glass. Enable you to sit and relax and watching people passing you by.
I love sitting there, and after few minutes I would curl in that sofa…as if it was mine only…

2. Electrical socket (or in Indonesian : stop kontak listrik, please see this link *)
I totally need to be near it to re-charge my gadgets… So, I will be able to have a chit chat with my friends through my BB or do something else with my laptop… And my company is a hot Hazelnut Latte… Ah, that is soo beautiful

3. Hidden space
Often, a café have this kind of hidden spot, which people will not be able to notice if they are a first timer. If I hang out with more than two or three friends, we prefer to sit there. You know very well if there are four women sit together and have a chat, we are not going to have a conversation with low volume. Unless we are talking about someone who is happen to be there as well, but chances are slim. Sitting in the hidden place, will not bother other customers…until they choose to sit near us…

4. At the corner
If I go to the café alone, then I prefer to sit at the corner. Don’t know why but I just like it that way instead of seated in the middle of other tables. I feel comfortable to do my own things. Reading or writing anything that cross my mind…

So, what kind of favorite spot that you have in mind?

*) http://www.proz.com/kudoz/english_to_indonesian/electronics_elect_eng/2474897-convenience_receptacles.html

GETTING OLD

A few days ago I went to watch this movie RED (Retired. Extremely Dangerous). I think it is like another action comedy Hollywood kind of movie. But, what I like this movie talk about a group of retirees government agents.

Have you ever wondered how you are going to spend your old days? Are you going to be in the nursery home for elderly? Will you ever going to have enough saving to live there? We all know that the expenses are not going to be cheap. But then, if you do have a saving to be spent there… what are you going to do in your old days… Well, if you are going to make it there… What are you really going to do?

I saw in that movie how those agents tried hard to adjust with their new life… I could imagine if in their younger days they must be facing endless task not to mention dangerous and adrenalin pumping. But it seems they are those people who simply born with it. And secluded solitude life does not fit them right. They are agitated and always find excuse or reason to back into action.

To tell you the truth I have no idea what I am going to become in my old day…that is if God is willing that I should reaching that age. Now that I am single, I am starting to think to save bit by bit so I can afford the expenses to live in a nursery home. I have nobody that I know is going to take care me in the old age. And I am not expecting anyone will want to do that. Getting old is hard whether we are willing to admit that or not. First we are not as strong as we used to. We get tired easily…and want to have a quick rest from time to time. Our sight not as good as before and worst we probably going to be senile. Forget things and anyone easily.

My Dad once told me about his friends entering the pension period. Most of them passed away shortly as they did not have activities at all. When we said activity it doesn’t have to be heavy physical. They could spend the morning with do a little bit of walk or simple exercise. That is for physical exercise… And for the mind…probably do a little cross word or even Sudoku… And for the heart…surely to have a little bit of chit chat with other people… Like my friend used to say, if she is going to be put in the nursery home for elderly she is going to hunt for a new husband… Hahahaha… She’s nuts.

So, back to our previous topic… What is actually I am going to do in the old age? Really have no idea. Perhaps I am still going to write and write? Gosh, I hope my eyes still allow me to keep on reading and writing… Hopefully already published books so at least I have something to be proud about…

I just hope I don’t end up sick and bored and wish to die to avoid the misery of life… May God still grant me the energy to spend my old days admiring the beauty of nature and my surrounding… Something that youngster use to neglect and suddenly remember about it in the old days…


FEELING?

I am not really a good student. In the learning process I am not a very patient person and therefore often seek easier ways to learn the lesson. Like when I learned English for the first time in Junior High School. There were so many theories (well, for me is a bit much)… Like how to form a sentence using Past Tense, Present Tense, and Future Tense…. I think I was stop dead at Past Perfect Tense or something like that… See? I could not even remember the exact tenses!

Realizing that if I have to limit myself with standard theory (though it is mandatory for future understanding) then there would be big chance that I was going to flunk my studying. So, I decided to memorize more vocabularies, and naturally their form in different tenses. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know… IT IS A WRONG WAY TO STUDY… I was like a butterfly could not get out from its cocoon and decided to get help but in the end…I have no strength to survive… is it correct? Well sort of like that… I sort of depended on the feeling every time I faced English test. I am pretty sure that if I have to sit on official English test it will be a catastrophe.

Anyway, one day our English teacher started to give oral tests to each one of us. Like why this word put it here, or why we have to choose that one to this sentence… And we all managed to answer her questions correctly. However, she was upset to learn that NONE of us knew why this verb should be in this sentence… or how do we know to use that form for this sentence… And most of us answered, “Well Ma’am… we depend on our feeling… “
She was flabbergasted and then almost screaming to the whole class… Obviously she was mad because if we all depending on our so-called-feeling…then she has totally failed to teach us about the correct ENGLISH…

I think I also speak terrible English because well…you know… I have no idea how to write English with proper grammar… Actually…correction… I am just too lazy to find out how to write with correct grammar… And I am just too ignorance to care about grammar when it comes to speaking with foreigners in situation like during vacation or on a trip somewhere. If I have to think…oh no…how should I say this word… Did I say to them correctly? Did they laugh at my stupidity? Oh dear… I would end up not moving forward…
Well, all I am going to say…my ways to learn English probably did me good in the short term but definitely not in the longer term. I am too lazy to learn everything from the bottom again because I am too arrogant thinking that I have known to write and speak English though not perfectly. That’s not a good may to completely able to do things in the most perfect way. You may not going to find out the difficulty now but surely you are going to in the future…

(Note from the writer: If you ask me whether I am going to open my English book again after giving you all lecture…then shamefully the answer is still: NO)

GRAVEL IN YOU LIFE

Have you ever feel pain inside your shoes while you are walking? Then you realized that probably gravel, that tiny little small stone don’t know coming from where has entered your shoes… You tried to ignore it as you think…, oh is only a small stone… I am not going to stop walking because of that… But a few minutes later, the pain is unbearable and finally you are forced to stop and get that gravel out from your shoes…

Sometimes we see one problem as a minor thing in our life… As for example, you notice that there is this small leak from your roof every time rain pouring downs the earth. You check it out and there is this tiny crack on the roof… If you fixed it right away, then the leaking problem will be over. But naturally, we decide that there are more things that need our attention… Beside the water leaking still does not bother anyone in the house… So, naturally you dismissed that and move on to other things… Unfortunately the crack getting bigger and in the end, you will have small leak no more… Instead, you have whole lot of water leaking to probably your room, your guest room, your dining room or to whatever room inside the house… Finally you have to fixed the problem but it has cost you not only your precious time but also money and other damages due to the leaking…

Well, sometimes in life we encountered many problems… It may relate to health, studying, equipment, financial, etc… We have to know which to be prioritized in our life in order to avoid further damages… But then… all problems seem important… Which one that I have to deal first? Or if anything to do with health, sometimes we just scared to find out the truth and decide to postpone the matter… In silent hopes that the matter will go away and clear automatically later.

I have no idea how to set up priority in deal with many problems that sometimes come to me all at once… Usually, I decide which one will give negative impact or bring damage first… I suppose the wrong things that we often do after make priorities is that we forget that even no matter small the problem is…we need to clear it… And don’t just forget about it or pretend not to remember…in silly hope that it will just go away… (Like people with credit card problem who always in denial hoping the debts will just vanish)

I often made that kind of mistakes… Thinking that since this problem will not give me direct impact and can be postponed…I just drop it… Not to be finished later but to be forgotten… Until it bites me later and eventually I have to take time to stop. Noticing the problem, and figuring out what to do with it before it killings me slowly…like gravel in the shoes…


GO WITH A BANG

I just met my friend previously this evening… We chit chat about things in life, and finally she told me about how she often caught up with mouth fight over something simple yet principle. Like she considered that the charges were outrages and therefore she complained. And she get angrier because those people talk very rudely at her…
Then after a while, many people advise her to not getting fussy over pricey charges… According to her, she did not appreciate that they try to give her higher price than usual… That was why she complained… But rather than listening to her they give response the other way rudely and therefore it drove her angrier. Then her brother warned her not get too emotional with any people as they might not go to let it go easily… She confessed me that after the warning from her brother she was a bit scared… Yeah, I know the feeling…

Recently, I have read and heard that many killings were done by employee to their employer over something simple or…well…heavier… There were two cases that still on my mind.
First, this guy brutally murdered his employer… A nagging lady boss and her crippled husband… The husband was okay, but his wife was unbearable. When the police asked, why he didn’t just quit, he said he feel sorry for the husband’s condition and want to take care of him. But his wife was rude and intolerance and always angry at him. Then one day, he decided to butcher the lady boss and he continued to the helpless husband. He said he did not feel any regrets but he do wants to apologize to the children. Unbelievable creepy guy…

The second, this gardener was lazy and the lady of the house told him to work… Not clear whether she told him rudely, but probably not…as the maid describe her employees as a nice old couple. Since the gardener rarely worked and just busy sending text messages, the lady fired him. Unable to accept the fact that he is the guilty party in the first place, he killed the couple… Without thinking, without regrets…

Often, some people really drive you crazy with their stupidity, ignorance, stubbornness, rudeness, and made you feel you can kill them with bear hands… Especially when you are the one who paid them… You are unable to stop angry words from your mouth… And probably they do deserve it… But they do not feel that way… They might realize they were making mistakes… Not only they tried to deny but they won’t accept your disappointment…
Whenever I meet with people with the horrific potential, I keep reminding myself that I will never ever going to use their service again… If you are saying that what I am doing is wrong as it will not help that person learn from their mistakes…well… Some people do not care if they are making mistakes… If you do not like it then just shut up and paid me! If not, then I will kill you tonight since I have got nothing to loose…!

Yeah, I might just another coward…but then I still like to keep on wishing that I will die peacefully in my bed…and definitely not with the BANG!

NEVER SATIESFIED

I remembered when I was still longing to have a laptop… I could only look with envy, desire and wishing and dreaming to others people who bring their laptop. I could not afford because the price was really expensive…

Then year after year, finally I have the chance to buy my very first laptop. My cousin told me to start to think what kind of laptop that I would want to buy… Since I am a totally moron when it comes to technical details…I told him I would need nothing else as long as I can use the laptop to type… Standard programs like MS Word and Excel. He looked me exasperated and said, “You sure about that? I have accompanied many people buying their first laptop… All have said the exact same words as you… Then a few months later, they came to me and asked why their laptop becoming so slow in processing of almost about everything… I checked… It turn out they install so many games or programs… “

So, he continued that he did not want me to have a laptop with minimalist capability and little storing capacity…and later I will regret that I have bought it and want something else… Not a problem if money is not an issue and we both know I have limited budget… So, after discussing with him and my other cousin I finally bought my first laptop. My other cousin asked me if that laptop was not too heavy for me to carry around… And the idiot me said, “Oh, I think I will be using a lot more at home… I can use it at the living room or outside… I do not think I dare enough to bring it out of the house…”

Then, a few months later I try to bring my laptop to the mall and boom! The reality hit me that my laptop is so heavy I almost want to throw them out of the bus! As per your guessing, I start to dream to have another new laptop… The one that I can carry around the city without have to break my arm…

We are always like that in life… When we do not have the thing that we want…we sort of pray that hopefully someday it will be in our possession… The simplest version of it will be enough to make us happy… Then after we have it, we no longer satisfied with it and want something more… We never happy with what we have… Always able to see any flaws or what that thing missing of… But, when we do not have it…we become obsessed by it… Hoping that someday we can have it and promise that would be the last thing that we want on earth… After that we want nothing else… or should we say we want a lot more…

I guess it is just the way of the most of us… We always want something more (usually something we can’t have or…not yet)… But we hardly look at the thing that we have at this moment… I want, me want, want, want, want… Wondering if we have been given the world…perhaps we are going to ask a garden in heaven.

HARK WHO’S TALKING

I remember the time when I was still studying in high school. At that time, I was listening to my teacher explained did-not-remember-what. I started to listen to her when she suddenly told us about her experience meeting a guy in public transportation. Of course up to now I have no idea why she decided to share the story. But anyway, while shuddering she said that was the most hairy guy she has ever seen in her life. As if not enough, she then animatedly describes more about that hairy guy in front of the class. I was sighing and looked the other way getting bored when finally my eyes met with my class mate. He stared at me smiling widely then his eyes looking at the teacher then back at me. And then he imitated the way our teacher telling the story while also mouthing silently, “Hark who’s talking…”

That’s when I suddenly realized that actually our teacher…could be say a female version of a hairy kind of people. She has this sort of like moustache and beard, but of course not as thick as men. And of course those on her arms also a bit thick from a far she looked almost tanned. As for her legs, I do not think I need to continue to explain about her condition.

Of course remembering that, I realized that we always successfully able to spot other people’s weaknesses or flaws or mistakes. But when it comes to our own, we hardly even see it. Wondering why… Perhaps it has been attached to us for as long as we can remember and therefore we never really thought about it? Or we always find excuses for every mistake that we have made? Amazingly always manage to create reasons for every inappropriate action that we have taken towards other people. Having too over confident about ourselves; which is actually very good but not when we laugh about other people being size 12 while we wearing size 14. And when people reminded us that we are no better than them, we will nonchalantly retort back,” But of course, I am! I am much more than her…”


I always wondering about those people who enjoying laugh at other people while we can find lots to laugh at as well on them. But then again, we just simply human who find that is a relieving that other people are having worst condition compare to ours. Feeling like, oh Thanks God I am totally not like her. Pfff, I am so grateful I am nothing like him. Makes us feel that we are a better person. Hopefully can cheer our boring and miserable life…

(psst, I confess. I still do that too sometimes. Still try to reduce this bad habit)


IRKSOME

I know that everybody is different and clearly not always in an agreement about something. I also understand that people sometimes can be defensive when we ask them about certain things… Or try to help them by suggesting a better way to do something… If they are being defensive by it, I can understand. Maybe I did not say it in acceptable words so that’s how they react to it… Or they prefer to do it with their own way as for them is more comfortable that way… Okay, I admit… I used find it hard why they can’t understand that I just want them to think or do in the right way… But, later I realized that my way is not always right for other people… So, I let it pass…

Then suddenly those exact same people who were defensive and offended by my suggestion have changed their mind. They started to follow the way that I have once suggested to them or agree with the opinion that I have shares with them ages ago. At first I was like…wow… I did a poor job convincing them in the past… Just look at them now! They are now doing and think and act all the things that I have suggested to them in the past… Okay…

But what irk me when they start to suggest me to do the same thing that I have once suggest them to do… Like for example, your friend usually put two spoons of sugar in their coffee. And you suggest that she better take just one spoon to avoid diabetic problem in the future. Plus, the coffee won’t be tasted too sweet. Naturally, she became defensive and saying that she like her coffee that way. And offended as she feel she was not fat (from health suggestion could go over the board with weight problem) so she has nothing to worry about getting diabetic. OKAY… Right now, who knows she got her influence but good for her anyway. Then everyday she irks you by saying that you should take just one spoon of sugar to your coffee to keep the bitter taste and to avoid diabetic. Will you be looking at her thinking whether is this a payback time or she just want to joke around by imitating you? Or she simply feel overwhelmed by this new (BUT OLD) information and therefore try to share the same feeling but fail to notice that you have done that ages ago? HELLO?

I really wish to say in front of their faces some thing like, “I do not want to gloat but do you even remember that I AM THE ONE who ADVISE you to do this in the first place? Do you? Do You? DO YOU?”

TWO DIFFERENT POINT OF VIEWS

A friend of mine once told me about her maid. How she drove my friend crazy and finally led to her decision to let her go.

Big city like Jakarta, with so many bad people who always try to find a way to deceive and getting advantage from you…make us hard and not trusting people easily. There are so many ruse that these bad people use to trick other people…

Anyway, my friend told me her irritation on her maid who always easily talking with strangers in the neighborhood or elsewhere…
“If she is still teenagers or twenty something, I can understand it…, “ she said to me. “But she is fifty, for heaven sakes!”

What made my friend feel irritated because according to her, this maid could draw bad people to her easily. Her maid seems to think that everyone is nice and all of those strangers surely come from her hometown just because they speak in her language. While we know only too well, that language can be learnt.

“Whenever stranger greets her, she greets back. And when they were asking around about us, her employee…she told them almost about everything, “ she continued still irritated. “What if later the stranger turns out to be a robber and break in to our house?”

To her maid, her worries considered over reacting. While to my friend, her maid considered under delusion.

I sometimes think that if we used to live around people who always try to take advantage and trick us, we will be trained to be alert. And our instinct will order us to not easily try anyone especially someone that we hardly know. While the maid, probably used to hang out with people just as simple as she is… Being nice in order to try to steal something or taking advantage is beyond her thinking…

Due to the above reasons, I completely understand why both parties were frustrated to each other and agreed to let go one another without further delay.


IT IS NOT THAT EASY

You know that once I posted about when sometimes we were so tired try to give advice to your friends in order for them to get out from not so healthy relationship…? Or about when people disagree with us does not mean they dislike us…

Someone gave response to me that it is easy for me to say such things because at that time I was not in the same situation like those people… If I have not been in the same experience then it will be easy for me to give many logical advices…
It is true…when related about a relationship. I currently not in a relationship or being intoxicated with someone… Therefore how in the heck I understand what my friend has been going through with her companion? But, actually I do know that desperate feeling on being sure that this relationship has a meaning… That we against all odds wish that this relationship does not come apart… And since we know the agony of that broken dream, we do not want our friends waste anymore times with unhealthy relationship. How do we know is unhealthy? Well, if she keeps on crying all the times with us about her relationship…do you think is still healthy? But, of course I know that at that time we do not need someone that give advice against our will… In the end, again is up to us… what action should we take…no matter what people said to us…

The other one…well, this is a bit funny… Yeah, yeah… I know I was the one who said if people disagree with us then it does not mean they hate us…
Last week I made a review (in Indonesian) about Eclipse. I dislike the Bella character but I enjoyed reading the book… I think Stephenie Meyer did a great job… So, I just wrote the outline and in the end I said…I like seeing that movie just to see Taylor Lautner… Then I have a response from 19 years old boy who said that he did not understand why people so into TWILIGHT SAGA as they all are bad movies with poor acting’s quality… As for me, I never see those movies as something to be taken so serious… So, we finally end up in (silly…IMHO) argument until I decided to stop answering his response… What made smile in the end, why I got the feeling that he hate me because I merely WATCHED the movie? Did he has any expectation that I will not see that movie? Even just to see the male characters? Maybe I am not mature enough to handle argument so I get the feeling that he dislike me just because he disagree with me?
Hehehehe…

Again… It is easier to give advice than do it yourself…

Now, I know the feeling ^___^


KEEP HOLDING ON

Yesterday when I was making this posting for a story with friends, I stumble to this song by Avril Lavigne…: Keep Holding On…

The song is about someone giving support to her acquaintance to keep holding on in their most unbearable moments. Moments when we sometimes think that there is no way out, everything we have tried failed, it seems we fighting in that road all alone with nobody beside us.

Sometimes I feel like that someone in that song. When we find ourselves in trouble often we can’t just find someone to help us… There are things that we have to deal on our own because hey… we are not the only one who has problem in this world… Can we really just share our entire burden to everybody in a desperate attempt so they will help us? No we can not just do that… The problem is ours and nobody else’s.

Since we can not speak to just anyone about our problem, we try to seek the solution by ourselves… We try to deal with the entire problem and the hazards by ourselves… However, in the end we find that all our efforts have given us nothing… The problem is still there, there are additional problems due to the first unsolved problem… One disappointment hit you following by another… Since you have nobody to talk with your mind seems dead and can’t give you anything more to help you get out from your problem….

I wondered whether people committed suicide for feeling so helpless and do not have clear mind to see that tomorrow will be better… Day after day, they are facing reality that their problem is going worst and nobody can lend a hand to do something about it…

You know, no matter how much we say that we are introvert and prefer to be alone, unable to communicate with other people and other lame excuses, we can’t deny ourselves that it is nice and such a relief to have friend. Friend who stand beside us, supporting us either with comforting words or giving solution…

It is nice to know that someone will be there supporting you all the way and keep on reminding that there is something bigger in this life… It will not end just like that even in our most desperate moments… Once in a while, we need one or two friends who reminding us that our life is meant for something… We should never give up hope no matter how deep our trouble is…

Let us keep holding on


KID VS ANIMAL

I remembered few lines from a movie, about a guy who wants to have kid. And his friend was shock because he is not the fatherly-type-kind of guy… And to express his amazement, his friend said something more or less like this,” You want to have a kid? You do realize that is a human being, right? Is not like a dog that you can just throw away once you are bored with it…”

Hahaha…
You know what; call me crazy or insensitive I did think that when a person cannot handle their pet then they probably just forget to have a kid… But of course along the way, I have changed my mind…

But first of all, why did I even think that a person who can’t take care an animal will be automatically can’t handle a baby or infant or children? Well, first of all… they sort of the same at the beginning, right? Can any of you understand how to communicate with a baby with adult language? Seriously? At the beginning? I am sure you cannot… You often confuse why in the heck your baby is crying all the time… Is she or he thirsty or hungry? Or worst…probably fallen ill? Animal will do exactly the same… If is a dog, it will bark and bark and drive you and your neighbor gone nuts… You do not know the cause of it and therefore you cannot make them to stay calm. Baby human and animal both need total attention and affection. Through your touch and your words, they can sense your loving and tenderness… Plus, you have to know what to feed them, how to feed them, how to ensure they are happy, aware when they are not feeling well… Now, don’t you think that if you cannot handle a puppy or a kitten…then how in the heck you are going to handle a baby?

Then, I also notice that people do not like children but able to show affection to animal. I saw many elderly have cats or dogs to accompany them day after day… Why? Those animals just love them back unconditionally. These kind of people probably feel they can’t get that kind of devotion from human. Or simply they just do not know how to communicate with other human being and find it such a hassle.
Other not care about animal at all but love their children to death… They will do anything to ensure the wellbeing of their kids…

But, I think is sad that people think they can just throw away an animal when they are bored with it… Or worse, their own children…

If you have chosen to have pet or kids, then you have to deal with all the hassle in raising them up. All the noises, the expenses, the total attention and devotion and dried you up as you seem have no time for your own… As to have something or someone alive who able to love you back with their own way, is the greatest gift in the world that we can have.

LIE YOU MAY, BUT NOT TOO MUCH

I am the type of person who often avoids arguments and disagreement by simply produce a lie whenever necessary.

Like for example, when I was younger my Mom always the one who choose what kind of clothes I should wear. I have no problem with that until I entered Senior High School. I dislike her preference for me. But every time I opened my mouth to let out my disagreement she became upset. And therefore to avoid any argument between us, I always agree to all the clothes that she bought for me. Since I did not like them, I hardly wear it unless I have to go out with her. I have never really into fashion, but wearing something that I do not like always makes me uncomfortable. Of course, she finally noticed that I hardly wear the clothes… And that made her even more upset.

From that I learned, that for some cases…it would be better if we just be honest. If we have disagreement on something that we think is necessary for us to be spoken out loud then we should do it. Of course, what we have to think is how to express that disagreement in order to achieve something that both parties would approve. If only I kept on insist that I dislike the dress my Mom bought for me, she probably would only be a little upset. Okay, it would be a catastrophe. But, if she bought the dress anyway thinking that I like it too and then finding out I never wear it, imagine how she feel about it? Not only she wasted money on thing that would be useless but also that I lied about it. Being my Mom she probably going to let that pass. But being a friend or an acquaintance, I am not so sure… We will not like that kind of situation and eventually worst thing might happen…

So, yeah…once in a while…lie you may… But try not to do that too often…
(and this advice come from a person who prefer lying in the name of comfort)





You who all have been reading my diary online must have known with my fascination with lie, right?

Anyway, even though I spent my entire life just being a small time clerk… I never thought of lying about it just to make it sound so important. So every people will think that I was this big shot in this company where I have been working for ages. So every people will feel envy at me because I have facilities from the office such as house, car, etc, etc.

Once my Mom asked me is it true that my office give the above facilities to their employee. The reason she asked as someone that she know was telling everybody that her son got all of that. She told them her son working in the same office with me, but probably in another department as his name does not ring a bell. When I told my Mom that the office where I have been working do not give that kind of facilities, she keep on insisting.

“Maybe because you are still a clerk?”

Well, that hit a button, alright.

“Mom, the office will never ever going to give their employee a house, a car… To any staffs in any kind of positions… They do however give out loans that we HAVE TO pay with interest…” I replied irritated.

I have no idea which one who was lying. Either way, I was thinking what if I did not work there. They could keep on bragging on and on…and everybody would have just bought it because they do not know the real situation.

Of course I cannot judge those people who want to sound so important in front of others. I have to admit that I too not too proud with myself and my work. But I simply just do not want to talk much about it. And not give all the crap about how I get free house, free cars as I am someone important. As for me, if someone else then break out the truth to the people I lied to… wouldn’t that be embarrassing? And worse, people that I lied to would have their laugh until the end of time… Other possibilities, they will not believe to anything we tell them…

Embarrassed may be…, idiot yes probably…, but better have a long thinking before lying almost about everything…

LIFE IS UNFAIR…NOT

I was reading this article about cybercrime when suddenly I saw something interesting in that article. A well-known blogger wrote how she lost her accounts (email, Facebook, blog) after being held by her husband who knew all her passwords. He said that he will return all the accounts if this writer drops her demand for divorce. I was wondering who this writer is when I saw the name of her books and blog…and I was stunned… She was someone that I used to envy a lot.

Well, yeah… I know envy and jealousy is not good for the soul… And yet, in my darkest mood I will see these people as the living proof that life is so unfair. Can you imagine that she has nothing to do but shop, shop, and shop and never drop? Well, I am not fashionista but I would not mind being in her position…well, at least like the one she shares on her blog and books. She has been raised from a wealthy family that allows her to go anywhere not just for traveling but also to spend and spend a lot of money. As if there was nothing else she does in this world. I remembered being jealous to her, I decided not going to buy her second book and not even her third book. I bought the first one because I was curious to see how she wrote the shopping journey from her life. But after I read it, I was like…oh dear… Why should I buy her books and make her even richer to go shop…, again? Naturally, I was shock to find out that her life is not as smooth as I thought before… All I can say that she has some problems with her husband and things turn out for the worst in the end of their marriage.

From that article I learned two things…

First, be very careful with all passwords of all your accounts on the internet… If we are the kind of person who lazy to change our password then at the least we should not be giving it away to just anyone… Usually people like to share it with their spouse or family as to prove that they have nothing to hide. But if this knowledge will bite each of you later then perhaps there is nothing wrong to keep it as a secret?

Second, there is no use in getting jealous with other people’s life. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know this already. I have been reminding myself from time to time… But always, I failed to execute it whenever I was frustrated with my life. We will never know the bitter facts that those people hiding behind their smile. Nobody like to storytelling about how bad their life actually in one aspect. As we all know, not all people willing to help sincerely after hearing someone share their misfortune. Others probably will turn away or worse make it as gossip material with their family and friends. Like my friend who always constantly reminding me that every person has their own life and destiny. We can’t be like them and they will not live like us.

Everybody has their own happiness and bitterness…

LIP SERVICE

When I was still in the university, I have this class mate who also working as a model and an actress of several soap operas.

She, without a doubt is very beautiful. She even looks more beautiful when you see her in person. She has this beautiful soft and radiant skin. Her long hair makes her look more gorgeous. She was tall and slim… Well, a perfect picture.

I did not pay too much attention. If that famous person was a male, maybe I would not be able to take my eyes off him. She attended a class together with me. And one day, she sat next beside me. I was coughing from catching a cold. She noticed that and then suddenly she informed about a traditional medicine to cure the coughing. I was surprised and felt a bit embarrassed. Previously I thought she was probably a snob and here she offering her help. And I was not even asked her help.

Then a few days later, she sat not beside me but still close. She borrowed a pen from me for writing something. And you know what…after that…she looked up and asked around,” Eh, whose pencil is this?”
Again, I was like…WHAT? So, you just being nice or doing lip service? You did not want everybody stamped you as being snob since you are an actress. So, you smile a lot and talked nice… But, actually you pay attention to nobody but yourself.

Years later, I read in the newspaper she managed to enter the parliament and now is a member there. Wondering what the heck she does actually? Flashing her big smile to anyone and probably doing nothing? Then again, she has that ability to talk in front of many people without a slight of nervousness. Smile that megawatt smile of hers to others. She knew how to make people listen to her otherwise they would not choose her, right? In the end, I am not surprise anymore she even make it to that position.

I just hope she really does her work and not become another faces in that position.

MOCKERS

Do you have an acquaintance that is so annoying once in a while? I am sure you have. We cannot avoid these kinds of people. Hey, who knows… we probably annoying other people as well… ;)

This someone loves borrowing things from me but after she or he saw the things that I have they will mock me like this….

“Oh dear, I was expecting that you have that perfume instead of this perfume… This perfume is so not me…”
And of course I was like thinking…, then why didn’t you just buy it yourself instead of asking for mine? Do I have to provide every perfume to anyone who wants to ask for a few drops?

Or we take these kind of people out for lovely dinner… Well, actually we did not want to take them in the first place. Our intention is to take out our parents for a nice dinner out there… Darn these people happen to come by and we have no choice but to take them along… When they find out where was the place, they started that annoying laugh and said, “Oh so here is the place? I thought we are going to something fancier…”

GGRRHHH

Don’t you just want to kill them on the spot?

Now I think they actually try to hide their insecurities… I mean, they probably do not have enough to buy their own perfume or other things in life…(clothes, shoes, gadget and many more)… Well, obviously they can’t afford it otherwise they would not borrow it from other people, right? But to hide that jealousy for not being able to have that thing, they mocked other people’s belongings… They are angry because to use that thing that have to borrow from other people… Even worst that they probably borrow it from people who they really envy for years… So, to not loose their dignity they feel the need to mock.

Annoying? Yeah, sure… But then…just let it by… Better you are the one who able to lend those things rather than being the borrower who keep on mocking other people…

Like we use to said in Indonesia, jealousy is a sign of incapability.

LOUD

What first thing that cross your mind when hearing someone talk too loud or almost categorized as shouting in public place… I think before we jump into a wild conclusion why people talking too loud…I will try to see it from myself..
I think I speak too loud while in the public place with my friends then the reasons are :
1. My surrounding is full with people talking loudly or the café realizing that me and my friends have been sitting there too long…therefore they started to play loud music…with high volume :D
While we all insisting to keep on talking…there would be no other way than to raise our voices as well…
2. When I was talking about something that made me angry … I often not realizing that my voice suddenly keep on rising until the highest volume…. Kidding…
3. When I was talking about something that made me happy or excited… I get animated when I talked about something exciting… And soon, my voice suddenly already need to be muted… Usually my friends patted me in the back…and I sort of calm down a bit…

If other people who talk too loud, then I (as usual) just assume that they :
1. Try to get other people’s attention…as they love when people started to staring at them…
2. Have inherited this ethnic’s gen who usually speak loudly wherever…whenever…
3. Rude because obviously this person think everybody is deaf and unable to hear whatever come out from his or her mouth…
4. Want everyone in the whole world know whatever they are doing (not a perfect candidate to be a spy as unable to keep a low profile)
5. Have limited ability to control their emotion and therefore the volume of their voices as well.
6. Just a habit that they have ever since they are born… (well, probaly?)

Anyone care to add? ;)

LOOSING MY TRUST

One day in the church the priest once told us something interesting.

People who have been trusted by the other members of the church and join to help the priest to serve people often act as if they are the righteous people on earth. They demand respect from the people that they should have been guiding. During the mass, they even sat in front of the people as if they are in this respective board of committee who has power above others.

Funny thing about those bunch of people who should represent the people but demand a lot like to be respected, addressed as if they are from royal family. They probably have a fantasy that they are really a royal family. Whenever they come out from their nest, there are dozens of people around them. Those people include assistant, assistant, private assistant, secretary, bodyguards. They feel important to use expensive car being guarded by the police. They enjoy the feeling of being important. They truly forget the real reason people chose them. And that is to represent the people’s need. To serve the people as they are the shepherd to guide us the lambs to the right way that our Lord teach us.

Whenever I read the newspaper about their behavior such as not attending important meetings, or sleeping all the way through the meeting, or chatting on the phone, browsing the internet, I often wondered…we really have been fooling ourselves. Thinking those people would do their job and pay attention to what is the need of the people.

In the old days, reporters are not as free as today. So I suppose this kind of behavior has been going on for ages. But since we have never known about it, we hardly care. Beside, as I could recall…life was better. We have good exchange rate against USD, all prices not as high as today (like the price of gasoline, rice and other needs).

But now, reading all those stories about how our representative behave like people who have no shame at all…getting me wonder… What’s the point knowing all of that? Is not that they are going to realize how degrading their behavior are but they are going to dismiss those facts. As if we the people overreact about them. That they have acted based on the law without even bother that people might get hurt. We are dying here and you use all that money to have fun in the name of compare studying? Seriously?

You may sit in that soft high position right now… But let us see how long you are going to sit there… Eventually you are going to get old and have no power whatsoever. You will also becoming the people who could watch in vain how their representative having a blast while others are vanishing due to the pain they have to endure.

NIGHTMARE IN THE REAL WORLD

You would think that by working in the office, people will have manner… Well, not really… After all, do not judge the book by its cover… They may look dashing, gorgeous; have high education (by meaning high, it means they graduated from abroad)…dress fashionably… It does not matter… You will shock to see what they really look like…especially if they have power to do so…

Someone I know once told me about her boss who always manage to find discouraging words every time his subordinates made mistakes:
“You are such a moron… How on earth you get a job here?”
“You graduated from university? Hah! I do not believe you… You are such an idiot…”
“How stupid can you get? Are you really that airhead?”

Other told me about his supervisor who always screaming every time they encountered a problem. She did not try to clear up the mess but wasting time to try who is the guilty perpetrator in the first place. Not to mention she is easily panic on almost about everything. When she was mad, she would scream at the guilty person while her forefinger keeps on pointing. She could spend those valuable seconds to be angry rather than try to fix the problem first. Well, if after that she wants to hang the guilty person it would be another story…

Another told me about horrific story about her crazy old manager with her psycho thirty something supervisor. They were arguing about something then the argument escalated into yelling contest and heated up more with throwing things at each other’s. Things that they throw started from calculator, books, stapler and anything near them. Nobody tried to separate them apart fear they might get hit with the things that they kept on throwing at each other…

What about me? Oh, surely I have one… Probably I did this to myself because I know I am really a difficult person to handle with. She made my first working year miserable. I remembered crying in the bathroom (yeah, yeah, I am such a cry baby)… Wishing I could just quit but I need the job… She loves screaming at me (or at anyone else for that matter) if I made mistakes… When she gave out papers she sort of throw them away… I realized I have to have two-faces in dealing with her. Sadly, that was the fact that I have to deal with.

What is the best way to deal with them? Sadly I cannot give any advice as I have chosen the safest way. I just say yes to whatever she asked in order to avoid listening her screaming. I talked nice, I acted nice… Wondering though until now what would happen if I just quit… But, I did not…
So, my advice is…just ask yourself whether the job is worth with your pride… If you think the environment is not healthy and you are ready to take risk… then I think you should quit. Heck, the first year in the office will be the year that make us what we are now. Either we become good or bad person… It is all up to us…

ONE STEP AT A TIME

My Dad jokes with me about my writing on the magazine the other day. He asked whether I have written many articles or at least a book.


Embarrassedly, I admitted to him that I have not written another article or even for a book. I am still working on it until now. And feel that I have reached this so-called writer’s block. Only it has taken longer times than I have expected. And that drive me a bit frustrated. I also told him about my manuscript that has been rejected for the third time by publisher.

Then my Dad said to me that it does not matter about me still stuck here or got rejected few times. He said that it would be better that way. I have to go through the process one step at a time. Maybe through rejections, getting nowhere in my writing as I have run out of ideas, getting small payment for my creation.

“All of that processes are necessary for you… I would rather you went through many difficulties at first then enjoy your success later, “ said my father to me.

According to my Dad, often people do not appreciate what they have if they are able to have it in such a short time. He is probably right. I have seen so many people easily get important position and they think that life has been great for them and there are no such things as difficulties and problems. They tends to look down on other people around them who already been in that place for a long time but still have the same position.


I also remember when I was younger in high school. My parents always say to me that if I want that new Walkman (well, sorry… We did not have technologies such as IPOD in the 80’s) then I have to study hard for my exams… Before I get good grades, my parents would never give anything that I want just like that. If you think that it was sounds like a bribe…well, let’s think positive. At least I studied harder in order to get what I want… The good grades, mind you ;) Walkman is just a bonus.


Imagine if my parents just gave it to me that walkman… I would probably have lost it, or tossed it, or lend it or even accidentally destroyed it. Why? There is no attachment to it as I got it so easily. So, I lack of appreciation to it as I would think…why bother? I would just get another one within seconds.

Plus, because I am getting it so easy…I never think of any chance that I might not going to get it another time… So, when I lost what is currently mine…I am also falling to a condition that makes me unable to get it again… Will I be able to recover and struggle to get it again? Maybe I can. But the hurt of falling down from higher place is more painful and I might get desperate…

“Better you climbing one step at a time to get to the top rather than you find a way to the top sooner but then you fall down really fast afterwards… The higher you fall it will be a lot harder for you to climb back..”


Oh well, but I do really need to remind myself to not get stuck in the middle of my climbing process… Wish me luck all ;)

OUR APPEARANCE

Have you seen reality show like HOW DO I LOOK or other shows about people requested help from the fashion expert about how they should dress up?

First of all, we probably say indignantly like…what’s wrong with our appearance? Why we have to so busy thinking about how we should appear in front anybody? They have no right to judge me just from my appearance. They should get to know me better rather than busy pointing out what should I wear and such.
Sadly, appearance does something that people look for getting that first impression. Naturally, after a while we can separate those are gorgeous but shallow from plain simple but brilliant. However, if you want people to attract with what you are selling or opinion then yes, appearance does becoming number one priority.

The show once gave example about a woman who dress…let us just say inappropriate for public display especially in front of children. This woman has great idea about sport program from kids. At first, the audience has not seen this woman. So the idea was presented by someone else. When the audience asked whether they like the idea and agree that their children would be participated…most of them say yes. But when that woman presented to the audience most of them change their mind. As they said they were not comfortable with the way she dress up and do not want their children hanging out with this woman. Pity, right? They have not known her very well and already judge her by her clothes.
The only people who able to tolerate us is only our friends as they have known us inside and outside. And they are also the one who know we are not as horrific as we look from our appearance.

Opposite from the above, I once took my parents dining out together in this fancy restaurant. At first we were excited with the meal because they were decorated so beautifully and tastefully. We have this some kind of imagination that when we start to put this food on our mouth we will have this exciting feeling… It turn out, the meals were not as good as their appearance. My Dad even commented that this is how people do nowadays. They are so busy with their appearance only. With the meal, the appearance was appealing but the taste was disappointing. They do not care about what’s important inside. What would you feel after that? You feel cheated, right? And probably would never want to go there anymore. Same with people, I suppose. We attracted to beautiful people but when we found out how gruesome they really are…we will extracted ourselves and would not want to have anything to do with them.

I think yes we should be bothered with our experience especially when our life depends on it. But let us not forget the beauty that comes from inside that is our personality. When we are able to combine them both, it will be perfection.

Easy to say rather than being done… Let’s try it together, shall we? ;)

THE PAST

My friend and I were chatting about her boss last night. She told me that her boss always think that he is the right, never did something wrong, do not want to hear other people’s opinion, not caring other people’s need and in short sort of a kind of person who think only about himself… (I am not judging, just telling the story… ^__^ )

Anyway, I joked with her saying that hopefully one day when we becoming supervisor of other people or have to manage other people, we will not be like her boss…being utterly obnoxious to other people… She then laughed and said maybe her boss totally forgot her past when he was still a small time clerk who try climbing the ladder to success…

Come to think of it… why people do not want to be reminded of their life in the past? Well, we can think of so many reasons…
Probably shame of their previous life? Maybe they have done something wrong or not as per moral society demand them to do… So, they do not like to be reminded about it as it would have embarrassed them.

Probably they try to forget… Forget the pain when they are still stuck down under… When they still have to take order from other people… When they have to give their respect to someone that they consider not worth it… The funny thing is, when they finally reach to the top they are acting exactly the same like the people they previously hate.

Try to denial that to have their current position or success because of the help from other people… They do not like the fact that the help is unavoidable and therefore when they finally reach the success moment they act as if there was no such help ever given to them… They want to convince everybody and everyone else that they got it through their own struggle.


We often forget sometimes in the process, that no matter how hard we try to hide things, live in denial, sooner or later the thing that we try to hide and denied will come out… And if that happen, things will turn from good to ugly…. Which most certainly at that time embarrass is only the small thing that we have deal with it… I guess, our past has made us what we are right now… And even we are being secretive about it…, it will shown in every course of actions that we take…

Hmmm, wondering if I am going to be a dragon monster if I do become the leader of so many people… *impossible mode is on*

RISK AVOIDER: A POEM


Oh, how much I want to try to swim in the river..
But wait…I don’t know how to swim…
Maybe I should try to learn it?
But what if I get drown while in the learning process?

Oh, those islands look so beautiful…
How I want to visit those places…
Enjoy the beauty with my own eyes…
But wait…to go there I have to go by plane…
What if the plane crashed?
If I go by the ship, what if the ship is sinking to the bottom of the sea?

Oh, that man is so handsome…
If only he know how much I love him
Maybe I should send him a sign or something…?
But wait…what if he thinks that sign as a joke?
Or worse, he does not like me and breakup the friendship?

Oh, someone offer me a job….
How I want to take it…
But wait…what if this job gives me little satisfaction?
What if I get lay off?
What if the situation is the same with the current job?

Oh, life is so hard…
Maybe I should just die?
But wait…what if the dying process is painful?
What if after all the pain, I am not die anyway?

Oh, dying is so frightening…
Maybe I should keep on living…?
But wait…what if I can’t find something to support my life?
What if life just playing games on me?
What if life is not going be another torture to me?

What should I do?
What should I do?

***thoughts from the risk avoider***

RULES

Does rules made to be broken? Well, probably that’s not the first intention when people break the rule… There are various reasons though…

My friend once told me how her parents forbid her to play with matches as they worry she may set the house on fire. She did not understand at first and since she was still a kid she played with it anyway. Not to worry, she does not burn the house. However, she hurt her hands while playing with fire. You do remember how beautiful that faint light given from the matches… And we have this urge just to touch it with our hands… Not to mention that we are wondering why can’t we play with this beautiful thing who only able to light for a few seconds? Of course after hurt her hand, it was enough for her not to disobey her parents warning anymore. I mean anything related with matches and fire.

On public places like mall, nowadays we see many signs near a chair or toilets or rooms that especially being provided for people who have disability or mothers with infants. Inside that room, mothers will be able to breastfeeding their infants without being looked at by other people. Note: If you wonder why people still glaring to mothers who busy breastfeeding…do not ask me.
Toilets for people with wheelchairs are created with bigger space. The big space is enough to put two people inside along with the wheelchairs.
There are corners near the restrooms provided to mothers who probably wish to change diapers of their infants or just sit down there to wait for others from restroom.

Usually, people probably would not enter rooms for mothers…but for the other two…don’t say to me that you have not even once used them though you have no infants or disability.
I admit, sometimes I just went it to the toilets with bigger space because I can’t hold it much longer… And the cleaning lady inside did nothing to prevent me as there is no other people that will use it anyway at that time… Oh, yes sometimes they will ask you nicely not to use it. I once saw a teen just sat in a chair for mothers with infants at the mall. One of the cleaning ladies politely asked her to get up as this chair is not meant for her.

Other reasons for breaking rules? Plenty. Probably we are in a hurry and decide to take a short cut even if we know is breaking the law. Or we wear a very short skirt to school though our headmaster forbidden us to do that. If we can get away with it, we can show it to other people…feeling proud that there was no punishment laid upon us for breaking the rule… As if we are brave to do that and nothing can stop us. Maybe next time we will do it again and escalate the risk of getting catch in the act. Just for the fun of it.

Then again, sometimes certain rules were made long time ago. And those rules are not adequate with current situation. Eventually, people will break them before finally revised adjusting with nowadays situation. So, I suppose breaking the rules does not mean bad all the times…, right? 

NOTHING IS FREE IN THIS WORLD

Recently I saw on TV a mother crying for her lost teen daughter. She said that by information from friends of her daughter, she went to see a guy she knew from Facebook. The guy promised to give her daughter handphone and Blackberry. And he also promised to give her money every week. When she showed up on television it was informed that her daughter already missing for about two weeks.

When her mother crying to share her sadness on tv with the reporter, she said to her missing daughter that she will not be angry again with her. It seems her daughter has this habit to ran off from home every time she scolded by her mother. I feel sad watching that her mother feel the need to apologize in such a way. She probably fear for the worst that her daughter already been sold as prostitute in foreign country. Looking at her picture, the 13 years old girl is very pretty and looks a lot mature from her real age.

Anyway, only few days after the mother being interviewed on tv and showed the picture of her daughter…guess what…? The police successfully get the proprietor along with the girl… Well, a girl being lost in space with a lot older guy for two weeks… I am sure you can already imagine what has happened to that poor girl. However, since she went voluntarily with that guy the police only charged him with having indecent relationship with underage girl. They could not charge him with kidnapping because it was the girl who asked that guy to pick her up since she was running away from home.

We may say anything like what in the heck she see in that ugly older guy? Oh, by the way just for information… That guy edited his photo so he look more handsome (please teach me how to do that! (Kidding) and easy to lure his victim. Well, surely after meet him face to face that girl should wake up and hear the music, right? Nope. She went with him anyway. Since it is not his look that she wants then we could only assume this guy is sweet with words…

Many times we as an outsider saw unhealthy relationship because the guy cheated or violent with his girlfriend. But the girl just keeps holding on to the relationship. I suppose he really know how to sweep her over the heels. He controls them by keep on saying sweet words to them… It was his way to lure her in the first time (that and the fake photo making him look drop dead gorgeous). Then after she saw him for real he still manages to keep her stay with him. And may I add, not by force but simply by seducing her with more words to make her fly to the moon. She did not realize that her future already half ruin. The other half is depending on her family whether they will be able to support her and love her still.

It will not be easy to advise younger girl that THERE IS NO WAY A STRANGER WANTS TO GIVE EVERYTHING FOR FREE… And that we could not just spend the rest of our life consuming empty words for short term comfort. After all, can we say to ourselves that we are not going to be moved by appraising gentle words?

SEE AND LISTEN

People often said, you have to know how to listen instead of just hear… Or learn how to see rather than just watch…
I suppose those words means that we have to pay attention on our surrounding… or when people tell a story to you…or during the year of being a student.

Just think about it. You are in the class and you watch your teacher standing there and hear her explaining Math on the white board. What you did not see is your teacher is wearing a Band-Aid on her forehead and definitely did not listen to whatever she was explaining about…
So, when people I asked you like, “Hey, what’s on Mrs X’s forehead? And can you explain to me what she was talking about?” You could probably look at that person blankly as you have no idea what is it about…

Just the same like professional photographer saying to the model, “You look pretty but your eyes were empty on this photo…”
And you look at the photo and watch and thinking hard… I have not seen anything wrong with this photo… The model looks drop dead gorgeous… What’s about those eyes with empty staring? She is not dead…
That’s because we can not see it the real expression… They said, that when you are happy you do not have to show it with too overly wide smile stuck on your face. Your eyes will speak the word without need a single word or smile. Sure, we can say we have no experience with that kind of observation. WHICH is why we should be learning to see, right?

Your friend poured her broken heart story for almost 3 hours… If you do care, you will listen to every word she said and get a headache at home… While listening carefully and keep it in your memory, it sort of drain your energy… As your friend moving her negative thinking and energy through her story to you… But, if you bored and think 1 hour of listening is enough…you probably just hear her moaning, crying, whining, but have no memory whatsoever on whatever she told you. The good thing for you, you will be able to deny perfectly if other people ask about your friend’s story in detail. The bad news is, if your friend asked, “Do you remember him? The one I told you the other night?” And you just give that pretending blank expression, again… :D

Paying attention will allow you to absorb the information and processed it in our mind… I suppose by seeing more thoroughly or listening more carefully, we will be able to notice something different in the way people talk or walk, or see the beauty of the painting that others can’t seems to find it…

Yeah, need to say no more… It is a hard task and I do wish I will be able to do so… My ears usually start to block hearing things that makes me dizzy or bored or sleepy… Things that I do not understand will bore me to death… Which is a pity… I just shut myself to learn a lot more…

SEEK AND ASK AND FIND

I have a very close friend who always asking me words in English from Indonesian. Though I like being asked by her, sometimes I like to joke her around by asking, “You know… It would be easy if you just google them…” And as always she will reply, “Nahhh, it would be easier if I just ask you…”

My cousin also told me about her daughters who prefer asking her about the meaning of words in English rather than try to find it on dictionary… or even on the internet… If my cousin with irritated feeling asked her daughters why they are not trying to find it on their own they would say, “Oh come on, Mom… We do not have all day to open that thick dictionary to find the words… Asking you will get quicker result…”

I like being asked by my friend about some information as that will mean they trust that information from me. And they know I have the capability to give the right information to them. Even if I do not know to answer the question, I will immediately google for the answer on the internet. With that way, I will also know the answer from her question and so both of us will have that knowledge. I can use as a brainstorming for my thick head…
Anyway, as per the answer from my friend and my nieces, they find that asking to the right person will give them an answer in the easier way and of course quicker.

I have to agree with this. You know how irritating that is when you want to find information…let say about traveling…? You try to type the keywords and finally you type longer sentences to emphasize the information that you need… After a few hours and still no luck you will find yourself emotionally exhausted… And then, finally you give up and just ask randomly to anyone that you know… To your surprise, one of them knows the answer and give you information in details…in such a short time.

Of course, to people who used to find information by themselves this kind of action could be considered as lazy and just want to get it in easy way. I guess there is really no problem in that. I mean, if about traveling…those people probably just ask how to get this visa? How much is it going to cost? What should I prepare? What procedure that I should follow? I suppose people do not want to waste longer time by making mistakes and that’s why they would ask first.

For me, I am in between. For several things, I like to find the answer by myself. There is this satisfied feeling inside if I manage to get the answer by myself. Nobody help me. So, I could probably brag to anyone who ask…oh, is so easy! I could find the way and do it by myself. But another time, after long hours spent to look for the information and still failed to find it, I would ask anyone who can help me… And hopefully they would not mind me asking. Or just simply answered to me, find it yourself. I can manage to find it by myself so I am sure you will be able to. *Sobs*

So, anybody want to ask me about anything? Feel free to do so… I may have the answer or may not have one… And definitely can’t give you any if you asking me about recipes.

Sentimental values

Do you have old things that other people look at them as garbage but for you is a valuable treasure?
Not because the thing is worth million bucks or something…but the value behind that garbage thing makes you (including me) unable to let the thing go…

I have this doll, a Teddy Bear… It is so old, if I hold it too tight I think the doll will loose it’s hand immediately. But I love that doll. My Dad gave it to me when I was a kid, lying in the hospital. Feeling so sad because I stayed in the room where my parents were not allowed to be with me. So, if the visiting hour has passed I have to pass the night all by myself. My Dad gave me the doll so I would always remember that my parents were around.
That is why I decided to keep that doll up ‘till now. I was wondering where I can fix my Teddy …but have not found the place yet….

Some of us are a bit sentimental. And therefore we like to keep old stuffs just for the sentimental reason. Like me and my Teddy bear. Through things often we were reminded that people gave us that thing to express their love, or affection. Sometimes we need old clothes from people that has passed away to be reminded the good times that we have spent with them. Or perhaps bad moments, but who would want to remember bad times anyway?

Your parents maybe give you that old camera for your graduation. Every time you use it, you will remember them… Or your husband gave you that ugly necklace. It’s not a diamond or gold, but you keep it anyway. Because he gave it to you while both of you were still dating. Your son gave it a hideous tie. You wear it anyway and keep it, because that was a gift on Fathers Day. Your friend gave you a friendship ring when you both finished high school. So you can be friends forever…

Again, is not the nominal value of the stuff…but the memory that we try to hold on.

What can I say, I am that sentimental person ( or perhaps I just too lazy to clean up my drawer…)

p.s. this post is dedicated to my (once) handphone… A white sliding Nokia…able to produce beautiful picture like the one that I attached here… The only reason I have to let my dearest handphone go due to the screen problem. It often went dead for several hours…and I became unable to check any text message. The memorable moment was the handphone did not have any problem when I was about to sell it. The girl on the store keep on checking it for almost an hour. They want to make sure the handphone still in good condition before they agree to buy it. I think is incredible that it did not went off like it used to be… Still sad to think about it.... (yeah, I know…ridiculous…)

FIRST TIMER

All my life I only has been in abroad twice… The first time was in Singapore and the second time ages after that was in Korea.

Since I have spending too much time in my own country, I seriously have no idea about living in another country. How they behave, or what kind of food that they eat daily, and anything like that…

When I was arriving in Singapore I was surprised to find that there is such thing as Chinese Tea… (oh dear… Now you must have given a big loud sigh). I was annoyed that every times I ordered to have tea, they always served me tea with milk! Come to think of it, why should I be annoyed? I should have just enjoyed because going to another place meaning to try something new, right? Well, not really…at that time… One of many things that I remember when we went to the restaurant that only serves Chinese tea and like an idiot I asked for sugar. The waitress looked at me as if I come from other planet and said shortly, “ Miss, that is a Chinese tea so no sugar needed…” And I looked back at her with disbelief look. I remembered complained that to my Mother, saying that tea feel so bitter. And it turn out, nowadays I enjoyed just fine…Chinese Tea, Japanese Tea, Korean Tea… all without sugar… Sighed…


Meal was another problem for us at first. Because names for several meals are the same with meals in Indonesia, I just assume the meal will exactly look the same, the taste will also not going to be the same… Which was of course not… All our imagination were completely crushed when the meal arrived and we ate in disappointment. Sometimes we lied to the owner saying that we already full and that’s why we were unable to finish the meal. But the actual reason, we dislike the taste but did not have the heart to tell it to them. I meant, well it was our fault thinking that everything would be the same like at home.


I also surprised that there are breakfast menu in Mc D. If we went there early in the morning, then they would not serve anything else beside the breakfast menu. Should I continue this tacky behavior of mine?

Additionally, I remembered my friend said that she and her family brought chilly sauces whenever they went on a trip out of our country. I thought she was being ridiculous. And yeah she was not being exaggerated. The taste of the chilly is so much different… I could not describe it because I dislike it very much. And yet, I managed to survive without chilly whenever we went out for a meal.

Another time, I ran out of tissue and looking around for street vendors… Thinking that they are there just like in Jakarta… Of course I could not find any and sighing I have to go to the mall and look for department store to buy a big pack of tissue… I learned that I have to remember bring anything that I might need before strolling around the city. I could not expect that there will street vendors or single sellers walking around offering their merchandise.

Of course I do realize now that the point of traveling is to find something new and just enjoy it… If you do not like it, then write it down why you do not like it and what is your expectation? And if we do not like surprises but due to our job we have to go abroad…then it will not kill us if we find information on the internet what we will face on the spot.

Last but not least, please do not ever expect that everything will be the same just like home… There are no such things!

I WANNA BE

What is the standard of being beautiful? Do we all have the same standard all every person have their own?

In South East Asian countries whereas the people usually have darker or tanned skin, having a lighter glowing skin are really to die for. Just take example from adds on local tv station here in Indonesia. The tag line were sort of saying : IF YOU ARE NOT YOUNG LOOKING WITH WHITE SKIN AND HAVE NO LONG SOFT GORGEOUS HAIR THEN NO MEN WOULD WANT TO DATE YOU.
Or
IF YOU LOOK DARK, OLD, TIRED, THEN YOUR HUSBAND WILL TURN TO ANOTHER WOMEN.


I still remember a former class mate of mine in the university. She is actually Chinese descendant however she has tan skin. And she lives in East Java for a long time and speaks with local accent. Obviously we thought she is an indigenous and surprise to find that she is not. She was probably tried to say that she is actually Chinese and when there was this add about whitening lotion she quickly bought it. I have no idea about that until one day she asked me whether she look brighter than usual. Sensing that she must be using a beauty product and need to know the result, I quickly lied and said yes. That was when she told me she has been using the whitening product and glad it has worked out for her. I really speechless because I was wondering whether she was embarrassed being known as a native Indonesian or she simply want her skin to become lighter than before. Of course none of us really buying that add. If the add probably emphasized that by using their product our skin will be healthier and we will look radiant…then probably we are going to buy it. But to change our dark skin into light smooth like Chinese or Korean or Japanese…, come on? Do you think we are really that idiot?


My friend and I once offered to buy cosmetic made from ginseng in Korea. Saying that is the secret recipe of Korean women for being beautiful. My friend and I both sniggered and whispering to each other, that we are sure Korean women look like that because it is in their genes. And yeah, if we take that ginseng powder ever since we are little…then healthy skin surely is something that we are going to get. But not changing the color of our skin…, right?


If most of us Indonesian are dying to have skin like people in the East Asian countries, then as far as I know people in Japan are dying to have tan skin. Sighed. You know, if I am God who created human I will surely have a headache. I read that they are going to beauty parlor to get their skin tanned regularly from time to time. I also read that women from East Asian countries dying to have eyelids and therefore most of them have plastic surgery to get that. I saw it myself when I was in high school. Two of my classmate went to have plastic surgery to have eyelids. One becoming more gorgeous…the other…well…nothing really changed…IMHO.


I could go on and making a list about what women in other countries wants. If you read EMBROIDERY by Marjane Satrapi then you will know what Iranian women want to make them more beautiful and not hesitate to get plastic surgery to get it. But, you get what I mean… Sometimes, we just let the dissatisfaction rule our life and we just never have enough with everything we have.


We can have every plastic surgery to boost our confidence but (like I also keep on reminding myself) if we feel confidence about ourselves then we could look attractive for others… Of course for me there is nothing wrong to find something to make us look beautiful. Just hopefully we all can be reasonable… And not forget to have our inner beauty glowing…

INITIATION PROCESS AKA HAZING

When I was a lot younger, I love corresponding and collecting stamps. Postal office often published a complete series of lovely stamps which were cool for collection. So, there I was with my mother asking one of the staff to provide me with the stamps. The staff seems a new guy as I have never seen him before. He seems agitated and nervous especially seeing me (a high school kid) looking at him as if he was a total moron. My Mom nudged me then she whispered that I need to be patient. After that guy went to the other room in that post office to get my stamps, my Mom told me that I should not be impatient with him.

“But why?” I asked my Mom not satisfied. “He works here in the post office …he should have known whatever I ask about…”


My Mom looking at the other staffs behind the counter,” Pay more attention… Look…, that gentleman usually the one who helped you, right? Now, he and the others seem to let that new guy to handle the entire requests… The senior staffs always do that to the new recruits… They love watching the newbie get snapped by the customers…”


I started to look more closely. Yeah, my Mom was right. Those people who just sit there were usually the one who handle my stamps order. Now, they were smirking at each other looking at the newbie sweat with me…a school girl. Who asked a lot of stamps series which he has no clue about? After a while, the new guy brought all the stamps series that I have asked…and looked so relieved when I bought them all. A month later, there was no trace of nervousness in that new staff. He looked calm listening to all my requests and spent few minutes only.


Starting from school until we entered working place, there unofficial thing called the initiation or if escalated into something worst, we know them as hazing process.

I remembered when I entered Junior and Senior High School up to the university. We have to bring vegetables in ridiculous form (like you have to bring a couple of bananas no longer than 35 centimeters or something crazy like that). We have to do whatever our senior told us to do. One time they told us to bring any kind of chocolates and they assure us that the chocolate will be eaten by all of us. It turn out they put all the chocolates under the blazing sun so all of them were melted. After that they told us to put blinds covering our eyes then we have to give the chocolate to each other. You can imagine what a mess all our faces were…covered with melted chocolates.

In the university, the initiation taken in two places, in the university’s building and previously we all have to go camping. Lots of newbie begged their parents to send sick letters to the university so they do not have to go. That was my first and last experience on camping, because…well…I am just not a camping-type of person. We have to get up early in the morning, joined the morning exercises. But the most torturing moment was the water so terribly dirty. Even though I took shower every after noon with my friends, I still got rash all over my body after finished that crazy camping trip.

The senior always loves making everything a bit hard with the newbie. Why? Because they feel…hey, I have to go through this process as well… So, how on earth you want to skip this process? We want you to respect us, the senior. Seniority is important otherwise you will have no manner. Besides, this is the chance for you to make bond with your friends because you are all in this together…

Bleh… From my point of view…that process is a completely waste of times. We have no respect whatsoever to the senior. And since we are unable to take revenge for the worst things they did upon us, we took our vengeance to the newbie. And they will repeat the vicious circle to another newbie and so on… Even until they are entering the adult’s world…

We just creating next generation fill with anger and hatred and the need to lash that out to someone else…

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 07.04.2011

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