Life of Tobias Grass

 

Chapter One - The Bully

Wham! My back slammed against a locker as Billy punched me hard in the stomach. My best friend Nina grabbed Billy's shoulder. He spun around, ready to sock her, until he saw who it was. Not that he normally cared, but Nina was special, because she was the sister of the girl Billy and I both loved.

Nina had her cell phone out, ready to hit the button. Billy grumbled and walked away.

"Are you okay, dude?" Logan asked. He was one of my other friends, and it was his locker that my back had slammed against.

"I've been better," I said, rubbing my head, where a great lump was forming. Just then, the bell rang, and we were forced to get ready to go to our first classes of the day. It was a crisp October day, I was a freshman in high school, and I was still getting thrown around by a guy three times my size.

I was Tobias Grass, the shy guy, the one who wasn't special or especially talented in anything except schoolwork. Straight As. But somehow, in some way, I'd caught the attention of the most beautiful girl in the world, Sophia Martinez, my friend Nina's fraternal twin sister.

Yesterday, after school, I'd gone to the Martinez home and did homework with Nina. While we were working, Sophia walked by with Billy, and said, "Hi, Tobias."

Those two words pretty much sealed my fate. Not that Billy needed a reason to pound me to dust. He just liked to pick on fat guys.

I grabbed my backpack, which had fallen off my shoulder, and went to my first class, Biology I. While Mr. Speck droned on about plant cells, I thought about Sophia. I don't know when exactly it had happened. When I'd fallen in love with her. Maybe it was three years ago, when I first saw her on the first day of sixth grade, or last year, when she came to the Valentine's Day dance in that awesome red dress that made her look like a Spanish model.

Of course, last year, I'd been dating Rouge Frankenstein. Her last name wasn't actually Frankenstein, it was Frankel. She'd been my first real girlfriend, the first one who gave me a chance. Just before the year ended, though, she moved away without telling me, ripping my heart to shreds and making me suffer through my first breakup.

I knew Sophia wouldn't do that. She'd at least give me some warning first. The bell rang, and I copied down the homework in my school-assigned homework planner quickly before heading to Miss Lilly’s classroom. She was a new teacher in her twenties, and she was every guy’s dream girl. Long straight blond hair, tight skirts, stilettos, long legs, and perfectly made-up chartreuse eyes.

Today she wore that tight brown skirt with the faux fur and stripes, and a brown jacket with a beige top underneath. Her shoes made me cringe to look at, but she walked in them perfectly. She was especially fond of me- she called me “the sweet guy”.

Luckily, I had this class with Michael and Logan. Unfortunately, Billy was also in it. How he ever got into an AP English class, I’ll never know. He’s not in the Einstein-brain category, although neither is Michael. He’s only in this class because he cheats.

I sat in the front, despite Michael and Logan gesturing for me to sit with them in the back. I’d be safer up here, where a teacher could see it if Billy tried to murder me.

Just then, my older brother, Tony, poked his head in and said, “Hey, little brother. Teach, could I see you for a second in the hall?”

“Of course,” Miss Lilly said, walking toward him with her hips swinging. I’m fairly certain my pupils dilated when I saw that. I happen to appreciate a nice set of hips. Sophia has nice hips, and so does Nina. But Nina is like one of the guys. She says girls are too catty, and she’s not wrong, with all the things I hear girls say about each other in the hallways.

Michael and Logan came up next to me in the classroom.

“What’s up with you?” Michael asked. He was still sweaty from gym. He played football and basketball and ran track with Logan in the spring.

“If I go back there, Billy will strangle me,” I warned him.

“Big deal. You can take him. You’ve got muscles,” he said. “Doesn’t he have muscles, Carrot Top?”

“Not as many as Billy has, and I told you not to call me that,” Logan frowned. “The color is called red, and carrot tops are green, anyway.”

“I’d say it’s more orange,” Michael argued.

“I’m the expert here, Pike,” Logan told him. “It’s my hair.”

“Don’t you think his hair is orange, Tobias?” Michael asked me.

“I don’t know,” I said. “And look who just walked in.”

Billy saw me and glared, his fists clenched, but he would have to go through Michael and Logan to get to me. Even though both of them were skinny, they both had more muscle than me, and combined, they had about as much muscle as him.

He knew that, they both knew it, and I knew it. They eyed him warily until he stormed to the back of the room. I felt acid in my throat. Feeling sick, I put my head between my knees.

“Dude, are you okay?” Logan asked, his hand on my back.

I didn’t answer him, I just stayed in that position as more kids filed into the room and Miss Lilly came back in as the bell rang. I turned to focus on the teacher’s speech on our latest read, The Taming of the Shrew, and I could feel Billy’s eyes burning into me. I felt something wet hit the back of my head. I didn’t react; that’s what he wanted, a reaction from me.

We moved onto the subject of Bianca, and her multiple suitors. Some snickering ensued, and I strained to hear the subject of said snickering.

“What a slut,” Billy said loudly.

“Oh? Then perhaps you’d care to explain how she’s a slut?” Miss Lilly said to him. “She doesn’t actually sleep with any of them, not until she marries Lucentio.”

“She should just choose one and get on with it,” Billy said.

“But she can’t, Mr. Hank. She is not even allowed to date until Kate is married.”

“Pssh. Lame ass play.”

“Oh, then perhaps you’d like to summarize it for me?”

“Sure. Bianca needs to get laid, but she can’t because her dad has this rule about her sister Kate getting laid first. A guy named Peter-“

“Petruccio,” I automatically corrected.

“Whatever, nerd. A guy named Peter whips Kate’s behind and turns her into his sex slave. Is that summarized enough for you, Lillian?”

Laughter echoed all around, but Miss Lilly’s face was redder than I’d ever seen it.

“Billy Hank, I can’t believe you!” she shouted. “Detention! After school! My classroom!”

She calmed down, and then continued the lesson as normal.

After school, I met my brother at his car, a silver Corolla. He was struggling to open a bag of nuts that he’d no doubt filched from the vending machine. He gave me a toothy grin before using his teeth to open the bag.

“Uncle Bill is a dentist,” I reminded him. “If he saw you doing that, he’d be furious.”

“You don’t see Uncle Bill here, do you, squirt?” Tony said. “Here.” He tossed me a bag of potato chips. I frowned. He knew I was trying to lose weight. I tossed him back the bag, and he spat on the ground and tossed me a bag of peanuts instead.

I tossed my backpack into the backseat and climbed into the front passenger seat. I tuned into Tony’s radio and changed the channel from classic rock to cheesy pop music. That would annoy him greatly. Smiling to myself, I sat back and watched as my brother smoked a cigarette, spoke to a few of his many friends, and flirted with Spring Garcia and Keisha Gardner, two of the hottest girls in school.

Keisha especially was a real beauty. She had this short thick curly hair with blond highlights, and she always wore well-fitting tank tops and capris. Her eyes were a pretty shade of dark brown, that sparkled with intelligence. Her skin was a smooth mocha shade.

Spring herself was pretty as well. She had long straight black hair, dark brown eyes, and skin like caramel. She always wore short skirts and tight shirts, that revealed her long tanned legs. She also happened to be the cousin of the Martinez siblings- that included Sophia, Nina, and Julian, their older brother.

I sat back and finally had enough. I honked the horn, making sure the girls saw me. My brother jumped, and the girls giggled. He turned back and glared at me before kissing Spring on the lips and hugging Keisha.

“Keisha’s prettier than Spring,” I said as he got in.

“But she doesn’t put out,” Tony said. “Spring does. Besides, I can’t resist a Portuguese cutie.”

“Spanish,” I automatically corrected.

“Whatever. The point is, I will score with Spring by the end of the next month.”

“You’re disgusting.”

“Hey, she knows it, too. Everyone knows she lost her virginity at age twelve.”

“That’s twisted.”

“And you changed the channel, you psychotic little-WATCH IT, YOU IDIOT!”

I winced as he cursed out the person in front of us. The girl in front of us went through the sunroof and mouthed “fuck you” at Tony.

“Dumb bitch,” Tony muttered.

“I hate the way you treat women,” I said.

“Hey, she started it.”

“It’s not about that. The way you use them, you go through them like you go through cigarettes. It’s disgusting.”

“Don’t give me your Christian boy act. The rest of our family may be Catholic, but I’m as atheist as it is possible to be.”

“It’s not about being Christian, it’s about being a good person-“

“Save the lecture. Tobias, or I’ll duct tape your mouth shut and tie your hands behind your back like I did when you were ten.”

I sighed. I knew exactly where my brother got his habits from. The man who was supposed to teach and protect us, but who had failed us as a parent. The man who cheated on our mother constantly, who yelled at us and occasionally threw things. The man who had already had one heart attack and was going to have another if he wasn’t careful. Our father.

Chapter Two – My Family Dynamic

When we got home, Mom was already home, but Dad wasn’t. Thank God for small mercies. Tony would have enough time to wipe his mouth clean of the cigarette stink and I would have time to start on homework.

I lugged my backpack inside and got my books out, then put the pack in the coat closet. No reason to risk an explosion. Mom was furiously vacuuming the carpet, and I saw a red spot on it, probably from wine. I started on my favorite subject, Math, first. I was in the most advanced Calculus class for a freshman at Burkhard High School, and I wanted to prove myself.

“How was your day, honey?” Mom asked, shutting off the vacuum.

“It was okay,” I lied. “Nothing out of the ordinary happened. Billy got a detention for saying something that I refuse to repeat.”

She eyed me carefully. I consider my mother to be a beautiful woman. Long straight black hair, hazel eyes, pale skin, and she dresses very fashionably for a woman in her early forties. I suspect that she suspects that I’m getting my butt kicked every day by Billy. She had met him a few times, and he always rubbed her the wrong way, especially after she saw him putting glue in my hair.

She had tried to talk to me about it a couple times, but I always brushed it off as no big deal, because I knew what would happen. She would talk to his parents, and then his dad would beat him, and then he’d beat me even worse.

I focused on homework for a while, and then I heard the garage door open. Was Dad home already? He was. He stumbled through the door, his face red, his shirt exposing his huge belly. His thinning blond hair stuck up in all different places, and he looked stressed. I prepared myself for an interaction.

“How was your day, Tobias?” he asked.

“It was all right. Nothing of importance happened today.” That was a better response than just “It was okay.”

“Did you check on Girlfriend?”

“Not yet. That was my next task.”

“Better do it now. Then finish your homework. I want perfect grades.”

Nervously, I got up to check on my dog. Upon Dad’s insistence, we started leaving her in the bathroom every day while everyone was at work or school. Girlfriend is a collie that I got as a birthday present two years ago after our last dog, Trixie, died. She got her name from Mom. I’d wanted to call her Bella, but Mom started calling her Girlfriend, and the name stuck. She won’t respond to anything else.

Girlfriend shot out of the bathroom and headed for the backyard. I cleaned out her litterbox (yes, a litterbox), and followed her outside, where I dumped her mess into the trash for later. Dad made it clear that if she made any messes that weren’t cleaned up the instant they were spotted, he’d give her back to the shelter.

Girlfriend did her business and I cleaned that up, too, and took her back inside where she laid beside Mom, who was staring at a magazine. I bleached the bathroom floor and refilled her water before bringing her food and water to my room.

Dad and Tony started shouting at each other then.

“WHAT IS THIS MESS?”

“IT’S CALLED A BASKET OF LAUNDRY, YOU OLD COOT!”

“AND IT’S OVERFLOWING! WHY DON’T YOU DO YOUR OWN DAMN LAUNDRY INSTEAD OF RELYING ON US? AND WHAT’S THIS STUFF? INCENSE? THAT’S FOR HIPPIES AND DRUG ADDICTS!”

“GET OUT OF MY ROOM!”

I went to the dining room table and started on homework. The shouting continued, and I started to shake with anger. I hated him. I hated my own father for what he was doing to us. I nearly peed myself every day because of him. And he treated Tony the worst, because Tony is everything Dad hates: a smoker, a womanizer, a lazy ass, and a secret drinker. He’s a miniature version of Dad, basically.

Mom never does or says anything unless it gets physical, which is often. She threatens to call the police, which is usually enough to separate Dad and Tony. The one time she did call them, they dragged Tony off to the big house, even though it was Dad’s fault.

I am perhaps one of the few kids in my school who hopes my father will drop dead one day, and I won’t mourn him.

Girlfriend laid beside me, tail wagging, as I completed my math homework and then moved onto Geography. I wrote down the names of all the state capitals and the states they were in. I also wrote down the national capital of both the United States and Iceland for extra credit, even though I didn’t need it.

Then I wrote down all the National Languages of three countries: Switzerland, the USA, and Ireland. Dad and Tony were still shouting at each other, and I heard Dad threatening to take away my brother’s Xbox and TV. He should really take away Tony’s computer instead: that’s where he meets most of his girlfriends who don’t go to our school.

I finished with Biology and completed a drawing for Art before putting my homework in their own individual folders and labeling them with my name, date, and assignment. I didn’t bother to put it away, as I knew Dad would want to check it over after dinner. If he wasn’t drunk.

“Tobias, put that shit away,” Dad snapped when he came into the dining room. “Your mom’s about to start dinner. Anne!” He snapped his fingers at her. “Do we still have those pork chops from last night?”

“We only have two left,” Mom said.

“What happened to the rest?”

“Obviously, we ate it,” Tony said, rolling his eyes.

“Watch your attitude, boy. Tobias, go take Girlfriend on a walk.”

“Dad-“

“Go! Tony, go somewhere else.”

“No.”

“What did you say?”

“I’m staying. I’m not going to let you hurt her.”

“I’m not going to hurt her, asshole, I’m going to show her the proper behavior of a wife!”

“Joseph-“

“Go to bed, Anne.”

“Joseph-“

“Go!”

I leashed Girlfriend and took her on a forty-five-minute walk. When I returned, Tony’s and Mom’s faces were both red, and Mom had clearly been crying.

Dad was nowhere to be found.

“You know he’s getting drunk right now, right?” Tony asked Mom. “He’s probably getting it on with some whore at a sleazy motel.”

“That’s enough, Tony,” Mom said. “We’ll skip dinner tonight. You can go without food for one night, can’t you?”

“Would you really say that to one of your clients?” Tony asked. Mom’s a social worker. “I don’t think you care about me or Tobias, or even the dog. You only care about him and his needs. Well, I’m done with it. One more night like this, and I’m gone.”

“Tony, that’s an empty threat. You’ve threatened to run away so many times,” Mom said with an aggressive tone.

“Fuck you, Mother. I’m done. I mean it this time. No more abuse. I hope I die in a car wreck, then you can regret how you treated me, but by then it will be too late and you’ll have one less burden.”

Mom started crying, and I went up to my room, where Girlfriend followed me.

“What a mess, girl,” I said. “I’m in love with a girl who barely acknowledges my existence, my father is an abusive a-hole, and Mother is totally on his side. Plus there’s Billy, who hates my guts.”

The next day, everyone was quiet. I woke up with hunger gnawing at my stomach, and Girlfriend scratched the door to be let outside. I opened the door to let her out, and went into the bathroom that I shared with Tony. He was shaving his chin.

“No hot water, little buddy,” he warned. I groaned and relieved myself before washing my hands and studying my chin. When was I going to start growing a beard, I wondered. Tony had started getting hair when he was fifteen, and now he had to shave twice a day.

I glared at myself in the mirror. My belly hung over my waistband and was at least a foot and a half wide. I wondered when that had happened. I didn’t eat that much. When I did, it was usually healthy stuff, like carrots or even celery. Did you know that it takes more energy to digest celery than it provides?

I was fat and hated myself for it. I could have been good-looking otherwise. My hair was short, clean, and dark blond, my eyes were a light brown, my skin clear. I’d never had to deal with oiliness or acne. My nose was straight, my lips “bow-shaped”, as Nina had once described them. My lower lip was slightly fuller than my upper lip, which had a severe dip. My chest was not as flabby as one would expect, but I still had some fullness around the pectorals.

It took me a moment to realize that Tony was squeezing his stomach, pushing it out and sucking it in.

“Are you making fun of me?” I asked.

“No, I’m trying to make a point,” he said. “I’ve got a gut, too, Tobias. So does Dad. So does Uncle Bill.”

“Uncle Bill eats like a horse,” I reminded him. “And Dad’s choice of weight-gain is beer and rum.”

He smirked. He opened his mouth, but before he could say anything-

“WILL ONE OF YOU WORTHLESS COWS GET DOWN HERE AND LET THE DOG OUT?! SHE’S SCRATCHING AT THE DOOR AND IF SHE KEEPS DOING IT I WILL TAKE HER BACK TO THE SHELTER!”

Groaning, I quickly threw on an old shirt and jeans and ran downstairs to let her out.

“What took you so long?” Dad asked, glaring at me.

“I was…” I paused. What was I doing?

“You were doing what?” His eyebrow raised.

“I was getting ready for the day.”

“It’s a Saturday. All you have to do is brush your teeth and get dressed. And didn’t you wear that shirt two days ago? That’s disgusting, Tobias. Don’t you have any decency?”

“He had to let the dog out,” Tony said, coming down in only jeans.

“Put a shirt on, Tony. No one wants to see your girl chest.”

“Joseph,” Mom warned. “Be nice. You’re on thin ice after last night.”

I blinked. This was a first.

“What did you say to me, woman?” Dad stood up, his face turning red and his fists clenched. “The point of a wife is to keep her mouth shut, cook, clean, and take care of the kids. So shut the fuck up and do your job.”

Mom burst into tears, and Tony glared at Dad.

Dad looked around at us, realized he was outnumbered, then grabbed his wallet, phone, and keys and went outside.

“Boys,” Mom said, “There’s something I have to tell you. Your dad got fired from his job as a psychology professor.”

“How?” Tony asked.

We all knew that Dad rarely went to his job, and went he did, he was either drunk or hungover. He was written up for breaking a girl’s cell phone last year. That episode put us in debt, as the girl’s parents sued him.

“It happened last week. He came to the college, drunk and admitted to a room full of students that he slept with the dean’s daughter. It was a lie, but word got back to the dean, and he was fired that day.”

She began crying, hard. Feeling sorry for her, I wrapped my arms around her. She hugged me back, and reached out for Tony. He hesitated, then hugged her back.

“We need to work together to get through this,” Mom said.

“You need to divorce him,” Tony said.

“It’s not that easy. When we married, we didn’t sign a prenuptial agreement. Half the debt will be mine. The only reason why he’s still here is because he’ll be on the streets otherwise. I don’t know what else to do. We’re about to lose the house.”

Tony gave her a disgusted look, and said, “I swear, I will murder him.”

Mom gasped. “Don’t say that!”

“Patricide is not the answer,” I said, although I too, felt that life would be better without him.

“Tony, the reason why he is the way he is is because of us,” Mom said. “You are selfish, spoiled, get bad grades on purpose, treat women terribly, and-“

“Oh, shut up, Mother,” Tony replied. “He is the way he is because of the sauce. He drinks way too much of it. He’s a self-centered, arrogant slimeball who abuses all of us, even you, and you’re too self-centered to see his flaws. He’s going to wind up dead sooner or later, and don’t expect me to grieve for him.”

“Tony Grass, you are grounded for two months!”

“Go ahead. Your punishments don’t matter. His are a lot worse. I’m going to Spring’s house.”

He left, giving Mom the finger.

“Tobias, do your chores,” Mom said, tears spilling out of her eyes. “Pick up the dog poop, do the dishes, rake the leaves, weed the flowers, and start putting away the garden tools.”

“Mom, Tony’s the one who threatened Dad, not me.”

“I’m not punishing you. I want this place to be spotless when Dad comes home. Or…” She swallowed.

So I worked. All day. Not only did I do the dog poop, rake the leaves, weed the flowers, and put away the garden tools, but I also cut the grass, set traps for the moles in the backyard, scared away a neighbor’s cat, weed-whacked the trim, got out paint for the fence, trapped some mice, walked Girlfriend, vacuumed the whole downstairs and upstairs, cleaned my room, cleaned Tony’s room, shampooed the stairs, repaired the TV, cleaned out the refrigerator, and swept and mopped the kitchen and bathroom floors. Just like every Saturday.

Mom did the dishes, vacuumed and dusted the furniture, went grocery shopping, picked up the dry-cleaning, dropped off books at the library, dropped off rented movies that were overdue, got bills ready for next month, cleaned out her dresser and vanity, brushed and bathed the dog, made her and Dad’s bed, did the laundry, researched jobs she could work from home, and made a couple of BLTs for lunch and a big pot of chili for dinner. Just like every Saturday.

All day it was work, work, work. And what did Dad do? Drink and fuck sluts, excuse my language. I walked Girlfriend again before dinner, and right before eight o’clock, that’s when we got the call.

Mom had set out plates of vegetables and bread and bowls of the chili. We were waiting for Dad and Tony when the house phone rang. Mom went to answer it.

“Hello? Yes, this is she. What?! When?! Oh my gosh! Where is he? Yes, right away. I’ll be over in a few minutes.”

Mom ran into the kitchen, tears streaming down her face.

“It’s your father,” she sobbed. “He’s been stabbed!”

My first reaction was shock. Then sadness. Then elation. Then guilt. And shock again. Then guilt. A mixture of emotions.

Two minutes later, we were out the door and heading toward the hospital, my father’s life hanging in the balance. Mom was sobbing while she was driving. I had my cell phone and key to the house with me.

When we got to the hospital, the receptionist knew immediately who we were talking about.

“Joseph Grass,” she said, typing in a few numbers. “He’s in Intensive Care, room 210.”

We made our way to the Intensive Care ward, and went down a few rooms before we found his. He was asleep. His leg was heavily bandaged, his chest and stomach moving up and down. He was breathing hard.

I went to his side and stared at him. Mom was crying, and she immediately wrapped her arms around him.

“I love you, Joseph,” she sobbed. “I love you so much.”

I rolled my eyes, and she shot me a dirty look.

I started to leave, but she said; “Stay, Tobias. Your father needs you.”

“He doesn’t need anyone except himself,” I said. “He’s a selfish, abusive drunk, and you know it. I don’t know why you’re defending him. He treats all of us like crap, he got fired for sleeping with his boss’s daughter, he slept with our school nurse, he cheats on you all the time, he hits Tony, he yells at all of us…he’s a sorry excuse for a man.”

I heard clapping come the other side of the closed curtain, and realized we weren’t alone, with some embarrassment. I opened the curtain, and an old guy with Buddy Holly glasses and a Gordon Lightfoot mustache was clapping.

“Well said,” he said in a high-pitched Southern accent. “Kid, my dad was exactly the same way. Had to deal with him for fifty years, till he got hisself killed while doin’ it with a hottie named Bunny. Bunny was cute, but she belonged to a black guy named Reaper. Reaper’s boys shot my daddy in the back of the head. Splattered his blood all over Bunny’s pretty face. Got some in her hair, too. Lady, if what your boy says is true, one of y’all is gonna wind up dead. I guarantee you that it’ll be the pets first. My daddy shot my sister’s cat after my brother brought it into the house as a prank. Then he strangled the dog for pissing in the yard. Old bastard took his anger out on everyone except himself, even when it was his fault. I’m tellin’ ya now, it’ll be the boy after the dog gets killed. Have some respect for your family, lady. Not that man, if he can be called a man.”

Mom and I were both stunned. I spoke first.

“Well, um, thanks for the advice,” I said, closing the curtain.

Mom walked to the cafeteria to get a cup of coffee after that, and didn’t return for two hours. I opened the curtain again and introduced myself to the old man. His name was actually Billy, too, and he had been shot while pheasant hunting with some friends.

“Always wear a hunter’s orange cap or vest,” he told me. “Pheasant’s mighty tasty, but it’s not worth it to get shot in the leg by your woman while your dog is barking his head off at nothing. Who’s Tony?”

“Tony is my older brother,” I said. “He took off last night, and we can’t find him. He and Dad got into a big fight yesterday, one of their biggest, and, well….”

“You think he shot your daddy? Wouldn’t surprise me one bit.”

He went off on a long tangent about how sometimes animal fathers kill their offspring, and even mothers sometimes do it, too.

“Lions will kill the cubs of other boy lions,” he said. “Mama foxes will kill another mama fox’s kits. Mice and rats sometimes eat their babies. Even cats will sometimes kill or eat kittens they don’t think will make it. I once had a Brittany dog named Giselle-“

Mom came into the room. Her face was makeup-free, and she had tangled hair.

“I’ve made my decision,” she said. “Come on, Tobias. Let’s try to get a hold of your brother.”

Tony was at his friend Chris’ house. When he heard about what had happened, he was silent. He was silent all the way home, and he was silent when we sat at the kitchen table. I let Girlfriend into the house and joined my mother and brother at the table.

“I’ve decided to divorce your father,” she said.

“It’s about time,” Tony said, rudely.

“There are a few rules that we have to follow, though. Number one, don’t bad talk about him to others. Two, I want you to live with me full-time. Three, don’t call the police unless it is absolutely necessary. That is, if he tries to hurt me, either of you, or the dog.”

“Can we fill out a police report for past actions?” I asked.

“Yes,” Mom said. “It won’t make me happy, but if it helps to get us away from him, all the better. I will start packing his stuff.”

Indeed, she went to the bank and got a separate account that day. Then she hired a divorce lawyer and filed the papers at the courthouse. She kept us updated throughout the day as we started fixing things around the house.

First, I took the litterbox out of the bathroom and dumped the whole thing into the trash. Tony took the locks off all the doors and opened them. Then he turned on the TV.

We watched dumb cartoons for the rest of the day, and Mom gave us permission to order a pepperoni pizza. I fed Girlfriend a few bits of crust while we ate in front of the TV.

Mom came back late, loaded down with groceries. Junk food, mostly. Chips, pasta, pizza, ice cream, Shasta, Pepsi, fruit snacks, pudding cups, Jell-O cups, chocolate milk, frozen meals, cake mix, brownie mix, cookie dough, Mountain Dew, all kinds of stuff. We happily put it all away while she discussed her options with her new lawyer.

I slept with the door open for the first time in years that night. I stuffed myself until my pants were tight. I fed Girlfriend on the kitchen floor instead of the bathroom or the bedroom. I asked Mom if we could get a cat, and she said “maybe”. Tony said he’d rather have a turtle. Mom told us that we could have a million pets if we wanted. We’d look at our options tomorrow.

Chapter Three- A New Life

When I got home from school on Monday (Billy was absent), there was a gift waiting for me on the living room coffee table. One the size of a large weasel, with a long tail, gray fur, whiskers, pointed ears, and slitted eyes. She was beautiful.

“Mom, who is this?” I asked, bending down to pet the cat. She stood up and head-butted me.

“Oh, I got her for you. You can name her whatever you want. They called her Sugar at the shelter.”

“Sugar sounds good,” I replied, Tony came in, and his eyes widened at the sight of her…[

“Wow, Mom’s really serious about this,” he said, scratching Sugar’s ears.

“There’s a present for you, too, Tony,” Mom said. “In your room.”

Tony went up the stairs to his room, and I heard, “Can I name him Michelangelo?” two seconds later.

I let Girlfriend in, and she went straight to Sugar, who swatted at her nose. But a few minutes later, while I was doing homework, I saw them curled up together on the floor.

“So your dad’s really gone?” Nina asked, slurping her soda.

“Lucky,” Michael added. I knew that his father expected him to be perfect, too.

“Yeah,” I said, taking a sip of my soda. “And she got a cat, and a turtle for me and Tony. Tony and I, I mean. The cat’s gorgeous. Her name is Sugar.”

“Sugar, Sugar,” Logan sang.

We were at the mall on Saturday, in the food court. Around us, women shopped with their kids, boyfriends and girlfriends endured shopping trips, and elderly people ate their lunch.

We had ordered a large pizza to share. Michael and Logan had already eaten four slices each, Nina had one, and I had two. I noticed Sophia with her friend Maureen Goodman, who was popular. I had always liked Maureen-she was nice to me, even if she wasn’t always nice to other people who were, well, fat. She had called me cute once. I had blushed and stammered like an idiot, and that’s when her mother pulled up in her Mercedes and Maureen left.

Now she and Sophia got in the line at P.F. Chang’s. They each got some rice and sesame chicken, and sat at the next table.

“Hey, Tobias,” Sophia said. “Beloved sister. Boys.”

“Hey, guys,” Maureen said.

“Twin sister. I see you’re still the same bitch, Maureen.”

“And I see you still hang out with nothing but dicks, Nina,” Maureen said, flipping her straight blond hair. “Can’t get enough?”

“Oh, please,” Nina said. “If anyone can’t get enough dick, it’s you. Compared to you, Chloe Portia and Ashley Bryan are saints.”

“Hah! At least I didn’t get kicked off the cheerleading squad!”

“That’s because no one caught you smoking weed in the bathroom!”

“Girls, please, you’re both pretty,” Sophia urged. “Honestly, why do you two fight? You used to be so tight. We were like one big group.”

“I love you, Soph, but your friend is a skank,” Nina replied. Maureen stuck her pierced tongue out at Nina, who stuck her tongue out in response.

Sophia sighed loudly and dug into her chicken.

“Who all are you meeting here?” Logan asked.

“Meredith is coming by later with Jake Abernathy,” Maureen said. “And Chloe will meet us at Hot Topic.”

Meredith was Maureen’s older sister, Jake was her boyfriend.

An hour later, we were still at the mall. The girls had several bags of clothes, shoes, makeup, candles, and accessories, and Michael had bought new basketball shoes. I had bought a new collar and leash for Girlfriend and some toys for Sugar, while Logan had bought nothing.

I saw Chloe before anyone else did. You couldn’t miss her. She always wore low-cut, midriff-baring shirts, super short skirts and tight jeans, and today she wore black fashion boots. Her hair always had some new color or style, and she wore a ton of makeup. Right now her hair was light brown with blond streaks and purple stripes.

“The things young girls do to their bodies,” an older woman said as she passed us. She was eyeing Maureen’s belly shirt and Chloe’s low-cut shirt and purple stripes.

“Hey, boys and girls!” Chloe chimed nasally as she threw an arm around Sophia and took a picture. Sophia smiled just in time. Her perfect white teeth dazzled me. We all went into Hot Topic, and the girls headed straight for the wristbands while us guys checked out the belts and shirts.

“Dude, do you think he’s cute?” That caught my attention. It was asked by Nina, who was talking to Sophia.

“I don’t know. I’ve known him forever. As long as you have. But I’m dating Billy,” Sophia said, holding up a nail polish bottle shaped like a skull.

I quickly hid behind the clothing rack and listened in.

“Tobias likes you,” Nina said. “He’s liked you for a long time.”

“But you like him,” Sophia said. “And you’re his best friend.”

“Yeah, but all we’ll ever be is friends,” Nina said. “He doesn’t like me like that, but he likes you. You’re prettier than me.”

“Totally not true,” Sophia said, rolling her big brown eyes. “You’re just as pretty as I am, Nina.”

“But you have more friends, and you’re still on the squad, and you get better grades.”

“So? You have friends, and get good grades, and so what if you’re not on the squad? It’s a bunch of clique-ish mean girls. I was actually thinking of quitting.”

“Don’t do that, Sophia. Who would keep the mean girls in line?” They giggled, and I swallowed a lump in my throat. My heart was in my stomach. Nina liked me? I hadn’t known. Did Sophia like me as well? She wasn’t clear on that, but she did make it clear that she was with Billy.

When I got home, I immediately looked for Sugar. I found her on Mom’s lap, purring contentedly as Mom read a vampire novel and listened to a Frank Sinatra CD. Mom smiled at me, even though her eyes were sad. She still had bruises on her cheeks and chin, and she wasn’t wearing any makeup.

“We need to discuss something,” Mom said. “Your dad. Do you want him back or not?”

“Not,” I said automatically, petting the cat.

“Okay, because, you know, he’s allergic to cats, and your cousin Julie just lost her own cat, Myrtle, so…”

“Mom, you’re not seriously suggesting we get rid of Sugar, are you? Because if you get rid of her, and bring him back in, that’s it. I’ll leave. I move in with Uncle Bill or Grandma. I’m serious. I’m done with him. And if you just get rid of Sugar, well, I won’t forgive you for that, either. Especially if you bring him back in. He is a danger to all of us, and he’ll kill someone eventually. I don’t care how much you love him, I don’t want him back in this house.”

Mom burst into tears, but she nodded. “I understand. No more Joseph Grass. I get it. I don’t want to lose either you or your brother, Tobias. I’d rather die than lose you.”

I shivered at those words as she silently cried some more. Two hours later, Tony was back, and she had the exact same conversation with him.

Unfortunately, we still had to visit him in the hospital. But today was special. Mom was going to tell him what we had decided. She had called Uncle Bill, and he and Aunt Julie were coming along for support. We met them at the hospital, and I saw Uncle Bill’s Ford Focus before anyone else did.

“There he is,” I said, pointing him out.

“Good boy, little buddy,” Tony said, reaching back and ruffling my hair. My heart was in my throat as Uncle Bill and Aunt Julie stepped out of their car. Aunt Julie was holding her new baby, Suzie, in her arms, and the little ball wriggled and made weird noises at all the new sights and sounds and smells.

“Hello, my boy,” Uncle Bill said, shaking my hand. “I’m proud of Anne for doing this. It’s about time someone told Joseph Grass to fuck off, pardon my French.”

“He’s probably heard worse,” Aunt Julie said, moving her red braid to the side and shifting Suzie to her hip.

My aunt and uncle look like a typical couple in their forties. Uncle Bill has gray hair, a thin beard, and a pathetic mustache. Aunt Julie has dyed red hair, hazel-green eyes, and is working to shed the last of the baby weight.

They produced four children: Julia, Aaron, Marshall, and Susan (nicknamed Suzie), and have three cats and three dogs and a tank full of freshwater fish. Uncle Bill makes plenty of money as the most popular dentist in town, and Aunt Julie is a bestselling novelist, writing women’s fiction, romance, and historical fiction.

They were supporting my mom in her endeavor to rid our family of my father.

Heart pounding, stomach hurting, we all piled into the room. My father was asleep, but he slowly woke up.

“Hey, boys, Anne,” he said. “Bill, what are you doing here with your wife?”

Uncle Bill growled. “At least I respect my wife, Joseph.”

Dad bristled. “What are you saying?”

“I’m s-sorry, Jo-Joseph,” Mom said, tears running down her cheeks. “I want a divorce. It’s over.”

“What?” My father sat up. “You can’t do this to me! I run the house! This is my family!”

“Not anymore, you hopeless bastard,” Tony said.

“What did you call me, you little shit?”

“I called you a hopeless bastard. Mom finally saw sense. You’re done. Out. We’ll pack your stuff, and you won’t have to lift a finger, not that you ever do that anyway.”

“You can’t do this! I am the family! I am the head! I pay the bills, I earn the money, and I even let Tobias get a dog!”

“Goodbye, Joseph,” Mom said, but Dad grabbed her wrist.

“Hold on, you bitch,” he snarled.

“Let go of her,” Tony ordered. Then he grabbed Dad’s bad leg and twisted it. Dad let out a scream that pierced my ears, and he let Mom go. Dad snatched his glass off the table and threw it at Tony. It hit his temple, and blood started running down the side of his face. Mom gasped, and she reached out and touched Tony’s wound. Then she turned and did something that surprised me. She glared at Dad.

“You son of a bitch,” she growled. “How dare you hurt him? How dare you throw a glass at him?! How dare you cause him to bleed? I never thought this would happen, but it has, and now I know for sure that we’re done. Tony, are you all right?”

“Go, Mom,” I muttered. Aunt Julie smiled at me.

Chapter Four - Grade

My stomach tied itself into a knot as I looked at my grade. A giant B+ marked the page. Damn. This was my worst grade ever. I knew that to most people it wouldn't be bad, but with my father...oh, right, he's not there anymore.

Relaxing slightly, I put the English test in my locker and and got out my gym clothes. Gym. The worst class in the history of Burkhard High School. I'd heard the girls complaining about Aerobics, but I guarantee Gym was worse. At Burkhard, guys compared each other's penises and abs and pecs. And since I was fat, I was laughed at. You could barely see my penis because of my huge stomach.

I put my cell phone in my locker, then slammed it shut and locked it. After somebody (three guesses who) put a dead cat-eaten rat in my locker, I keep it locked. The smell still knocked me out when I recalled it. And I was forced to clean it, even though it wasn't my fault.

Unfortunately, Billy was also in my Gym class, along with Logan and Michael. At least they would protect me.

The locker room was extra smelly due to the mildew growing on the shower walls. Billy was scraping some of it off and sticking it on Richard Bach, another unfortunate-looking soul. I won't say where he put the mildew, but the sight made me gag. Billy saw me and grinned cockily, then he grabbed me with his clean hand, letting poor Richard Bach fall to the ground, and shoved his whole disgusting hand into my mouth and down my throat.

I gagged, choked, and vomited all over Billy. He hit me across the face, and then kicked me in the stomach. I fell on my butt, and Michael and Logan helped me back up.

"Not cool, Hank," Michael said. "You made him sick."

"So? He needs to vomit, anyway, or else how will he lose the weight?" Billy laughed like it was the funniest thing he'd ever said. All around me, guys were clucking their tongues and shaking their heads, but I knew none of them would dare stand up to him, except the juniors and seniors.

"Go wash your hands, Billy," Logan said. "You're digusting."

Billy stuck his tongue out at Logan, and then pulled off his shirt. I envied his abs. Despite being a burly guy, Billy had a six-pack.

I washed my face, then got ready for Gym.

"Let's get this over with," I sighed.

Michael patted my back sympathetically. "Good luck, buddy."

Our uniforms, orange t-shirts and black shorts, stood out in the gym as we were suddenly standing next to a mass of girls.

"There's Maureen," Logan said. "Man, I'd like to hit that."

"Get in line," Michael said. "I'm the one who's taking her virginity."

"She's not a virgin, dude. But Sophia Martinez is." He pointed her out. She was standing next to Chloe and Ashley, discussing whatever it was girls discussed with each other in the school gym.

"Man, Ashley's hot," Michael said. "But Chloe's easier."

"I hear Sophia lost her virginity to Billy," Logan said, and my heart sank.

Just then, a wolf-whistle broke through the chatter. All the girls turned toward us guys and half glared, half smiled.

"All right, guys," Coach Wellington said, tossing me a basketball. I caught it easily. "Today we're teaming up with the Aerobics class because Mrs. Night is having pregnancy problems."

Too much information, Coach.

"When I call out your names, separate into groups of six."

Please, please, please.

"Tobias, you're teaming up with Sophia, Billy, Michael, Logan, and Maureen."

I groaned at being teamed up with Billy, but at least I got my friends and the girls. Coach Wellington called out the next group.

"Ashley, Chris, Drake, Reese, Caitlyn, and Hannah. Millie, Ruth, Tom, Gisele, Brody, and Lewis. John, Claire, Lila, Padma, Richard, Jamal. Desirae, Romi, Davica, David, Chester, and Andre."

I wondered if Coach had done that on purpose: set up David with Chester and Andre. Everyone knew David had cheated on Chester with Andre. It was bad enough that they all had four classes together, but David scared me as much as Billy did. He was an immigrant from Australia, coming over to U.S. when he was twelve years old. He beat up a guy the first day he was here. He wore a leather jacket and black jeans, heavy boots, chains and studs, earrings in both ears, eyebrow and lip piercings, had a blond ponytail, and he smoked cigarettes and always smelled like nicotine and weed. He and Tony had a sort of rivalry going on with who could sleep with the most people.

I also sort of liked him, admired him, even. If I were into men, I would be into David. He caught me staring at him and I quickly looked away, blushing. He continued to stare at me, though, and I wondered what was going through his mind.

Coach Wellington brought out a barrel full of basketballs, and I groaned again.

"Okay, ladies and gents, today you're playing basketball. There are six hoops to choose from, so choose wisely. Decide who goes first, then try to get the ball into the basket. You've all done this before. Form a neat line, and no fighting." He looked directly at Billy with the last line. "And David, take out that piercing."

David rolled his blue eyes and took out his fake lip piercing.

Coach tossed basketballs to all the groups, and we met up with our respective circles.

"That hoop's the best," Michael said, pointing to one.

"To basketball stars like you, maybe," Sophia said, smacking her gum. She had her hands on her knees, her brown hair in a ponytail. I liked the way she smelled: like pears and spearmint.

"Let's go, losers," Billy said, taking the ball from me and bonking me on the head with it.

"Billy! That wasn't nice," Sophia chided. "Play fairly."

"Anything for you, Legs."

Sophia blushed and rolled her eyes, and Billy made the first shot. He belted Michael in the gut with the ball next and Michael made another perfect shot. He politely tossed it to Sophia, whose shot bounced off the rim. She shrugged and handed it to Maureen, who landed a good shot. She tossed it to me, and mine also bounced off the rim.

"You're not flicking your wrist the right way," Logan told me. "Really flick it."

I gave the ball to him, and his also bounced off the rim. I gave him a smug look, and he stuck his tongue out at me.

It continued in this vein until Billy got bonked in the head by a stray ball.

"Ow! What the fuck?" he cried. David ran past him like a shot and grabbed the ball. Billy grabbed his shirt. "Just a second, Berkenschiemer. What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

David shrugged. "Playing basketball."

"You hit me on the head!"

"Accidents happen."

"Apologize."

David frowned. "No." I sucked in a breath. Was he stupid or did he have a death wish?

"Excuse me, I said apologize now, or-"

"You'll what? Shove mildew down my throat like you did to Tobias? Or stick it up my ass like Richard? You're full of shit, Billy Hank."

David turned to walk away, but Billy grabbed him, spun him around, and socked him on the nose. David lurched back, then felt his nose. It was bleeding. I saw tears in his eyes. He reared back and punched Billy, and then it became an all-out war.

Left, right, left, right. Kick, punch, slap, hit, throw, kick again. It was brutal. Coach blew his whistle, but that didn't stop the fight. He ordered Michael to get the campus officer down here, and the assistant principal.

To my surprise, David was winning. Billy didn't even really fight him, he just tried and failed to dodge David's attacks. David was shorter than Billy, but still broad-shouldered and extremely muscular. Michael returned shortly with the resource officer, who yelled for both David and Billy to stop. She tried to grab David's shoulders, but he threw her off.

He kept punching, his face getting redder and redder, getting more angry as he kept fighting. To my utter shock, Billy actually looked scared of David. No, not scared. Terrified. David was like a wild animal that couldn't be stopped. Punch, kick, punch, kick. It was pure madness.

By now, everyone was watching, making it worse. A couple of guys cheered for David.

I did something crazy, something I'd never done before. I stopped a fight.

"David! DAVID!"

He stopped and looked at me, then took some deep breaths, and his color returned to normal.

"Sorry," he said. "I got carried away there."

"You're both coming with me," the resource officer said, reaching for David's hand, but he pulled it away from her.

"Don't touch me," he growled.

She looked surprised, then helped Billy up. They both followed her out the door.

"Well, what are you all standing around for?" Coach barked. "Keep playing!"

Frightened by the force in his voice, I grabbed the ball and tossed it into the basket, my first shot of the game.

"That was amazing," Sophia said, sidling up next to me. "I've never seen David stop for anybody."

"Me, neither," Maureen said. "It was incredible. The way you shouted his name, just...wow."

I swelled with pride at the compliments. Finally, I'd done something right.

When the bell rang, I hurried to shower and change. I hated other guys seeing my body, but I hated sweat even more. I also brushed my teeth again and swiped on deodorant.

"Hey, Tobias," Meredith Goodman said in the library, "Maureen says you stopped a fight."

"Well, I..." I blushed. "Yes, I did."

"That's cool. What was the fight about?"

"It was Billy Hank and David Berkenschiemer. David hit Billy on the head with a ball, and, well, you know Billy's temper."

Meredith nodded. "I do. I hang out with Maureen's friends sometimes, the disadvantages of having a little sister. Freshman losers always have to have their boyfriends with them."

"You mean Sophia and Billy?"

"Who else? That girl is crazy for dating that boy. Is it true he stuck mold in Richard Bach's ass?"

"It was mildew." I sighed and continued my work.

When I got home, I got a shock. Dad was home.

"Hey, Dad, what are you doing here?" I asked.

He frowned at me. "I live here."

"No, you don't," Tony said. "Mom kicked you out, remember?"

"Well, boys, she took me back. And this time I'm staying."

"MOM!" Tony shouted.

"Don't yell in the house!"

"Don't tell me what to do, pencil dick!"

"What did you call me?!"

"You heard me! Pencil dick!"

Dad got up and swung at Tony, who dodged his attack and put Dad in a chokehold. Mom ran down the stairs.

"What's going on here?!"

"Pencil dick here tried to hit me again! How could you, woman? You know he's dangerous! He's going to kill one of us!"

"Let go, you little bastard!"

"No! Not until you go!"

"Tony, let go!" Mom tugged on his arms.

Tony let Dad go, and Dad collapsed on the floor.

"How could you?" Tony shouted at Mom.

"He said he'd change!"

"Leopard don't change their spots! He tried to kill me last time, or have you forgotten?"

"Tony, it's your fault too! If you'd just do what he'd say-"

"Oh, shut up, Mom! Would you say that to your clients? No, because you'd get fired! He's cheated on you, he's caused us massive debt, and he threatened to get rid of the dog!"

"Where is the dog, anyway?" I asked, looking around.

Mom hesitated. "I gave the animals to Uncle Bill and Aunt Julie."

"Fuck you, woman!" Tony shouted, heading up the stairs.

I went to my room as well, and slammed the door. Then I collapsed on my bed, and cried myself to sleep.

The next day, everyone was silent at breakfast. I finished my homework quickly, although I didn't do as well as I should have, and avoided looking at my parents. I hated him. I hated him for everything he was worth. Tony was right. He would kill one of us one day, and Mom was okay with that. No, worse, she encouraged it. By not standing up for us and blaming us for his bad temper.

I let a few more tears fall, then texted Uncle Bill to make sure the animals were okay. He confirmed that they were, and he'd hold them until we got rid of Dad once and for all. He said I could come see them anytime.

Chapter Five- The Martinez Sisters

I went to Nina's house and told her what happened. She rubbed my back and told me everything would be fine. I straightened up when Sophia came into the room, giggling, with Billy.

"Oh," she said, her smile fading and then broadening. "We didn't know you were in here. Have fun!"

"Sophia, you know it's not-" I began, but she twirled upstairs. Billy shot me a dirty look, then followed her. A minute later, I heard sounds I didn't want to hear. Jealousy bubbled in my gut, and Nina seemed to sense it. She offered to put in a movie, which I accepted. We watched The Craft while Sophia and Billy did who-knows-what in her bedroom.

After a while, their older brother, Julian, stopped in, seemed to get the wrong idea about us, and went to his room as well.

"He's got an online girlfriend," Nina told me. "He won't say who she is, and Mom and Dad don't know. I doubt she's even real, if you know what I mean."

I assured her that I did, and checked my phone. What I saw soured my stomach. There was a picture of Tony and Spring Garcia on Facebook, her making a duck face and him kissing her cheek. They were Facebook official. Poor, silly girl.

The doorbell sounded, and Nina got up to answer it.

The person who walked in stunned me. It was David.

"Hey, Tobias," he said. "Nina and I are working on this thing for our Biology class. It's dumb, but she wants a good grade, so I'm doing my part."

"Don't you want a good grade?" I asked, surprising myself. He shrugged.

"School doesn't really matter to me. I only go because I rule the dump. And to meet guys."

He sat down beside me, uninvited. "The Craft, huh? That's my sister Daphne's favorite movie."

"It is?"

He nodded. "Yeah. But ever since she got pregnant, all she does is lay on the couch and cry about her boyfriend's deadbeat ass fucking everything with a vagina." He looked at me. "You ever done it?"

"Done what?"

He smiled, showing off his white teeth. "The big it."

"That's-I mean-well, no. I'm a virgin." I blushed.

"That's nothing to be ashamed of. Half the people in our class are still virgins, and the other half are sluts."

"I can name a few people who are neither of those things."

"Very, very, rare. I hear your friend Logan is still a virgin. Think he'd be into me?"

"Er...I don't think Logan likes guys."

"That's cool. I've managed to make a few guys come out of the closet. Even if he's not, no biggie. I never really liked redheads. I prefer blonds." He looked pointedly at me, and I blushed again.

"David, can I ask you something personal?"

"You bet."

"Did...did you really...did you really cheat on Chester Chesterfield with Andre Clements?"

He smiled weakly. "Yeah. I'm not proud of it, though. I hate myself for breaking Chester's heart. He's one of those guys who doesn't think he's worth much, and his self-esteem took a major hit when I dumped him. But Andre is hotter, for one, and for another, he's bigger down there, if you know what I mean."

"I...where's Nina?" I asked, changing the subject.

David shrugged. "She asked if I would like a tuna sandwich. I hate tuna, but she's probably getting it, anyway."

Indeed, it wasn't much later when Nina came back, balancing three glasses of soda and a bowl of chips and dip on a plastic tray. She offered David the first glass, and he took and it and took a big slurp, then burped loudly.

"Excuse me," he said, grinning at me. "I at least try to have manners in front of ladies."

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

Horrified, I turned toward the voice. Billy was standing in the entryway, fists clenched, glaring at David.

"I was invited," David told him. "Nina and I are partners in Biology. It's for school. You know...school? The place where we go five days a week except in the summertime?"

"Kick him out, right now!" Billy shouted at Nina.

"Hold it right there, Hank," David said, standing up. "What gives you the right to shout at a girl like that, much less in her own house? Especially just because you don't like me. Your beef is with me, not Nina."

I thought for sure Billy would slug him, but Sophia put her hands on Billy's shoulders, and steered him toward the front door.

I was amazed at David's bravery. My heart soared, and I felt my admiration for him growing.

When the front door slammed shut, Nina apologized for Billy's behavior and handed me my soda.

David sat down beside me and grinned crookedly at me. "I may not be into girls, but I at least have some respect for women," he said.

"Thank you, David," Nina said. She set the tray down on the sofa and sat on my other side. I felt very awkward sitting next to two people, at least one of whom liked me for sure, but I didn't like her like that. I felt incredibly guilty about the whole thing, as if I were a heartbreaker, which I clearly was not.

I failed to see the attraction I held. I was very plain, nothing about me was special or stuck out. My hair was an ordinary color, and so were my eyes. I was heavyset, and could barely fit into my jeans, let alone look hot in shorts. Yes, I was smart, but most of the girls I knew preferred looks over brains.

I stayed just long enough to give Nina a few pointers on how to make a proper diorama, then headed for home. The Martinez house was two blocks away, but I heard shouting coming from my block.

Of course it was Dad. He was arguing with our neighbor, Mike, about the maple tree in our yard. This particular tree had been a source of distension for years, because technically, it was on both our properties. Dad wanted to cut it down, Mike said no.

I tried to scurry out of the way when I approached, but Dad grabbed my shirt and pulled me back.

"Tobias, one moment!" he shouted, and I could smell the alcohol on his breath. "Who's right in this case, me or Mike?" He didn't elaborate.

"Er...you," I answered, then shook him off and hurried inside.

Mom was sitting on her usual spot on the couch, a vampire novel open in front of her, but her eyes weren't moving across the page.

I went into the bathroom to wash up. I missed Girlfriend-she, at least, could always be counted on to be there for me, but the animals were still at Uncle Bill's.

"ANNE!" The door slammed. "That crazy Mike guy is-WHAT ARE YOU READING?! YOU KNOW I DON'T BELIEVE IN THAT BULLSHIT!"

"Joseph, it's just a book-"

I heard his hand connect with her cheek.

"Don't talk back to me, you dumb bitch! I run this house how I want, and no one can tell me otherwise!"

"Joseph, please-"

"Shut up! Don't speak when I'm speaking!"

I tuned the rest of it out while I turned the shower on hot until it burned my skin and I stepped in. I let the water wash away my anger, frustration, sorrow, and terror, at least for a few minutes. Then I turned the water off and grabbed a towel, then put my clothes away.

I was asleep in bed when Dad barged into my room.

"THE WATER'S COLD!" he shouted. "WHY IS THE WATER COLD?!"

"Dad, it's past midnight-"

"Don't talk back to me, you whoreson! WHY IS THE GODDAMN WATER COLD?!"

"Because four people live in this house, dogbreath!" Tony shouted from his room. Dad pushed Tony, and he pushed back. Dad took a swing at him, but missed, and face-planted on Tony's dresser. Disgusted, Tony kicked Dad's body out the door and slammed it shut. I closed my own door, letting my father lie where he'd fallen.

The next morning, the smells of bacon and coffee woke me up. I groaned. I had a pounding headache, and was extremely dizzy. When I opened the door, Dad was gone, but there was a few spots of blood on the carpet. I'd let Mom take care of that. She deserved it.

But I felt guilty about doing that, so I applied cleaner to the spots and rubbed it with dish detergent and warm water. Tony shook his head in disgust when he saw me cleaning up Dad's blood.

"Freaking jerk," he muttered. "Come on, little buddy. Mom's making breakfast."

Mom was in the kitchen, puttering around, flipping bacon and downing a cup of coffee.

"Hi, boys," she muttered, turning around, and I gasped. She had a black eye, and bruises all along her cheeks and chin. She saw my horror. "They look worse than they feel, Tobias."

Tony shook his head. "Fucking asshole. Why do you keep him around?"

"He has his good points," Mom argued.

"Mom, he beats us all the time. He drinks constantly. He caused you to give our pets away. How can you say he has his good points? Plus, he cheats on you, he always gets fired or quits a job, and the last decent job he had was a college professor, but he screwed that up, too!"

"You should have met him when we were in college ourselves," Mom said, sighing. "He was so romantic. Always gave me flowers."

"Were they the kind that said 'I screwed up?'" Tony asked. Mom said nothing to that.

"Shut up," Mom muttered, turning back to our breakfast. She scowled at the bacon-it was now too burned to eat. She tossed the burned pieces in the trash and started over.

A few minutes later, Dad came in, still dressed in the clothes he wore the night before, including shoes. He laid his head on the table and closed his eyes. A second later, he was snoring.

I was furious with both of my parents, so I told Mom I was going to the library, but before I could walk out the door, Dad woke up.

"STOP RIGHT THERE!" he shouted, holding a hand up. "You two are going to work your asses off today for last night."

"Bullshit," Tony said. "Last night was your fault, Dad."

"Tobias used up the last of the hot water," Dad said, "so he gets to clean the bathrooms and the kitchen from top to bottom. All of them. No brooms or mops-hands and knees. And Tony, you're going to wash my car. Shirtless and pantless. Underwear only."

"Joseph-" Mom began, but Dad silenced her with a look.

"We don't have to put up with this," Tony said. "Four people live in this house, Dad. And no one likes cold water. It's one of those things that happens sometimes in a house."

Dad banged his palm on the table and stood up, face red. "You'll do as I say, or no water for a week!"

"Mom pays the bills," Tony said. "It's her decision."

We all looked at Mom, who turned red.

"Do as your father says, Tony," she said.

"Damn right," Dad growled.

So Tony and I were forced to wash Dad's car, clean the kitchen and bathrooms, mow the lawn, vacuum our bedrooms and the living room, sweep and mop the tile floors, wipe down the walls, clean the breakfast dishes, dust every appliance, clean out the toaster, refrigerator, oven, and microwave, clean out Dad's closet, organize his briefcase, and clean out Mom's car, all by hand and in our underwear. It was humiliating.

My thirteen-year-old neighbor Becca and her friend Vickie stared at Tony's backside while we worked at the car and laughed at my own fat body.

By the time we finished, we were exhausted and wanted to take showers, but Dad refused to let us through the bathroom door.

"Come on, dickhead, I've got to go!" Tony shouted. Dad shook his head and planted his feet firmly on the floor, arms outstretched, blocking the door.

"There's more than one bathroom in this house," Tony said. "Separate, Tobias!"

He ran for Mom and Dad's bathroom while I ran to the downstairs bathroom. I quickly locked the door behind me and relieve myself. Seconds later, Dad started pounding on the door, shouting incoherently.

When I finished washing my hands and opened the door, he grabbed me by the shoulders and threw me onto the couch. Tony came and sat down beside me.

"You two ungrateful wretches need to be more grateful," Dad screamed. "You waste my water and my time with your school, you spend my money, and all you do is waste, waste, waste! That ends today! No showers for two weeks!"

Tony scoffed and rolled his eyes, and Dad backhanded him. Tony scowled and clutched his jaw, looking at our father with hate-filled eyes.

Our dad had forbidden us basic needs before-we had skipped meals before because of his anger. But Tony and I both took pride in our personal hygiene, and this was too much. I wanted to cry, but I bit my lip and fought back tears.

"Aw, is the baby going to cry?" Dad mocked.

Then Tony lost it. Dad didn't see Tony's fist until it connected with his male parts, and then he cried out and fell to the floor in pain, clutching them. Tony and I took the opportunity to escape.

Even though it was already seven o'clock, I dressed quickly and headed out. Tony was already driving away in his car, and he waved at me as he passed.

The Martinez house was as beautiful as ever. And so was Mrs. Martinez when she opened the door.

"Tobias!" she cried when she saw me. "What on earth happened to you?"

"We had a fight," I explained, and she coaxed me inside.

The Martinez family were all sitting around at the dining room table, eating a steak dinner. Mr. Martinez smiled and shook my hand. "Welcome, Tobias," he said in his powerful Spanish accent. "Please, sit down. My beautiful wife has prepared a lovely supper for us. You are welcome to have some as well."

"Thank you," I said, ignoring the curious looks from Nina and Sophia and the scowl from Julian.

"You are dirty," Mrs. Martinez said, brushing away the dirt and sweat with a lint brush. "What happened to you?"

"My father...he has a bad temper. He's very abusive. We worked all day, and now we're not allowed to shower for two weeks!"

Nina and Sophia both looked aghast at my words.

"Hmm," Mr. Martinez rubbed his chin. "I find that hard to believe. Perhaps if you would explain in full?"

"Dear," Mrs. Martinez reproached.

"No, no, you all deserve to know," I said. "Especially Nina and Sophia, since they're friends. And Nina knows some of it, anyway."

I explained about my dad's alcoholism. His abusive behavior. His habits, the way he's always jobless, the way he treated Mom, the way he treated me and Tony. When I finished, Mrs. Martinez was crying, Julian looked sour, Nina looked sorry for me, Sophia was biting her lip, and Mr. Martinez continued to rub his chin.

"I still find it hard to believe," he said. He turned to his wife. "He could be making it up."

"He's not," Nina interjected. "I've seen some of it. He's a horrible man, Mr. Grass."

"Let him stay here tonight," Mrs. Martinez told her husband.

"Dear, we have girls in the house-"

"And I trust this boy with both of them. He will not try anything funny, I'm sure of it. Will you, Tobias?"

"No, ma'am. I have no interest in trying anything."

"Good boy. He will stay in Julian's room. He has a futon bed."

"Mom," Julian whined. She flicked his ear.

"It's the right thing to do, Julian. Let him stay in your room tonight. I insist."

"Fine," Julian growled.

"Watch your tone to your mother, boy," Mr. Martinez warned.

Mrs. Martinez handed me a towel and a pair of Julian's old boxers. I showered, letting the water wash over me for a long time before I remembered I was in somebody's else's house. I finished washing up, and then grabbed the fluffy white towel I'd been given by Mrs. Martinez. She had also gotten out a new toothbrush and tube of toothpaste. Even a hair comb. I knew she worked at a hair salon as a lead stylist, because Mom went to her salon to get her hair done, and I went to Morris, the only male employee in that salon.

I dried, brushed, cleaned, and dressed in an old t-shirt and sweatpants of Mr. Martinez's in record time. I came out, and Mrs. Martinez was waiting with a glass of water. She offered me the glass and two pills I recognized as aspirin. I swallowed the pills and gulped down the water, and Mrs. Martinez led me to Julian's room, where she had already pulled out the futon and sheeted it.

I laid in bed, and Mrs. Martinez gave me a last hug before closing the door. I fell asleep immediately.

I was woken up sometime around midnight when Julian came in.

"What do you really want?" he asked. "Tobias! I'm speaking to you!"

He kicked me in the stomach, and I gasped and glared at him, but quailed under his look.

"I asked you a question. What do you really want?"

"A safe home," I responded. "I don't care if you believe me or not; my father is a dangerous man, and he nearly killed us today with his craziness. Tony is crashing at Chris Dawson's house tonight. I came here because I trust your parents and sisters."

"I knew it," he growled. "You just want to fuck Nina, don't you?"

"She wants to date me, not the other way around."

"So which one do you like?"

I was silent.

"Oh, no," he laughed. "No, no, no, no. Sophia? Billy Hank's girlfriend? You're fucking nuts, dude. If you want your guts ripped out, be my guest, but break either of my sisters' hearts, and I'll murder you myself. Got that?"

"Crystal clear."

"Good. Now shut up and go back to sleep."

I followed his advice.

Chapter Six - Down and Dirty

I woke up in a pool of sunlight. My head ached, and so did my neck. Everything hurt. Still, I eased myself up and out of the hard futon bed. Julian was already gone.

I went downstairs, where Mrs. Martinez was already fixing pancakes, and Mr. Martinez was drinking coffee.

"Good morning," Mr. Martinez greeted me. "I hope you slept well."

"I did, thank you."

"I must apologize for Julian's behavior. I don't know what is wrong with that boy."

There was no way I was going to tell him what Julian had accused me of. I sat at the table, and Mrs. Martinez put a glass of milk in front of me. I thanked her and downed the milk.

“What are you going to do today?” Mrs. Martinez asked.

I sighed. “I have to go home sooner or later. I have to confront my dad.”

“No, no,” Mrs. Martinez said. “You must not go back there until your father is gone. We will take care of you for as long as you need.”

“I appreciate that, but I really must go.”

I thanked her again for breakfast, thanked both of them for letting me stay at their house, dressed quickly, and headed home. When I reached my yard, however, something hit me on the side of the head and landed in the yard. I heard malicious laughter, looked up, and saw Billy go by in his Datsun.

“Stay away from my girl, fat boy!” he shouted.

The thing that had hit me was a smoke bomb. Red smoke poured out, creating a hissing noise, and I kept walking into the house, took off my shoes, and sat on the couch. Heart pounding, I listened for my father, but heard nothing. He was probably still asleep. I flipped through one of Tony’s car magazines, and kept my ears open.

Heart pounding, stomach tight, I kept listening. But I heard Tony’s car first. He was back, at least.

He walked in and tossed me a McDonald’s bag with a burger and fries. I scowled at the food. This was why I was fat. But I was still hungry, so I ate it anyway and threw the wrappings into the garbage.

Then I heard the doorbell rang, and I answered it.

“David?” I asked, surprised to see him on my porch.

“Hey, Tobias. Sorry to show up unannounced, but I came to-“

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Tony snapped from behind me.

“I came to see if Tobias was all right, dickhole,” David snapped. “Sophia told me what happened.”

“She did?” My stomach dropped.

“Yeah. I can’t imagine, dude. But of course, the asshole I live with now likes to try to get me to fuck him, but you know, I won’t have sex with anyone who fucks girls too.”

“Who won’t you have sex with?” Tony retorted.

“You’re one to talk. You’ll fuck anything with a vagina, Tony Grass.”

“Come on, guys,” I said, putting my hand on David’s chest. He took my hand and squeezed it briefly, filling my stomach with butterflies. David leaned forward, smelling like cigarettes and coffee and cologne.

“Why would Sophia talk to you?” Tony asked, bringing up a subject I was nervous to broach.

“Because Tobias was good to me once, and anything I can do for him, I will.”

“Oh, and not me?”

“No, I don’t particularly like you.”

“I don’t like you, either.”

Then we heard a woman’s scream from upstairs, and Mom shouting.

Tony ran up the stairs first, followed by me, then David.

“YOU CAN’T DIVORCE ME! I’VE BEEN A FAITHFUL WIFE FOR TWENTY-FIVE YEARS! I’M SMART, RESILIENT, AND A KNOCKOUT!”

“What did you do now?” Tony snapped at Dad.

“Tony!” Dad growled, scowling and gritting his teeth. He grabbed Tony by the throat and shoved him against the wall. I reacted, grabbing Dad’s arm, but he slapped me across the face with it. David was the quickest. He grabbed Dad’s free arm and twisted it behind his back, then wrapped his other arm around Dad’s throat.

“Let him go or I’ll break it,” David threatened. Dad slowly let Tony go, who slid down on the floor. David kept talking. “You are going to pack your shit and get out. Or I’ve got a ratchet in the truck.”

“Is that a threat?” Dad asked.

“It’s a warning,” David told him.

“What’s a ratchet?” I whispered to Tony, who rubbed his throat.

“A gun,” he answered. “Another reason why you shouldn’t get involved with David, Tobias.”

“Now I’m going to count to three and let go,” David said. “One, two, three.” He let Dad go, and Dad roundhoused him with a punch to the face, sending David back a few feet. David said a very bad word that I will not repeat. But basically, he called my father a cheater.

Dad grabbed David around the throat and kneed him in the stomach. Tony grabbed Dad by the pants and pulled, pantsing him in the process. Dad stumbled over his jeans, landing flat on his face, and David jumped on his back, pressing his arm against the back of Dad’s neck.

“Call the cops,” Tony said, tossing me his cell. I typed in the passcode and hit the emergency button.

“Take over, big brother Grass,” David said. “I can’t be here when the cops come. See you, Tobias.” Then, to my surprise, he pecked me on my bruised cheek before leaving. He winced, then opened his mouth, about to say something, then decided against it.

The cops arrived within a few minutes. I recognized them: Officer Sanz and Officer Park. They’d been here before. Officer Park spoke to Tony, while Officer Sanz made Dad pull his pants up and placed him in cuffs. Then Officer Park spoke to me, then Mom. We all told the same story: Dad was in one of his rages, tried to murder Tony, I intervened, we got it under control, then I called the police. I also mentioned the incident the day before, and Officer Park looked surprised. He mentioned child services, which made Mom pale. She works for child services, overseeing all the social workers and their charges.

“You understand, Mrs. Grass, that I have to report this?” he gently asked. Mom burst into tears and nodded.

They hauled Dad away, and I heard Tony make a noise of disgust in the kitchen.

“Look at this, Tobias,” he said, rummaging through the trash. “Beer bottle, beer bottle, beer bottle. I think seven in all. And look! A bottle of red wine, all gone.” He scoffed. “I’m taking this as evidence.”

I took a long, hot, fulfilling shower, then crawled into bed. I was still tired. I had slept fitfully at best, combined with Julian’s unrequited hate and the excitement of the day, I was bushed. But then my phone dinged. It was a number I didn’t recognize.

How over the top was Tony today? Lol

Me: I’m sorry, who is this?

David: David B. How did it go?

Me: We called the cops, reported my father, left you out of the story, got him hauled away.

David: Thank you for leaving me out of it. I deal with enough shit on a daily basis. Do you want to talk about it?

Me: Yes, I do.

And I did. I talked about having to give our pets to family, about the constant overwork, the physical, mental, emotional, and verbal abuse, about how he’d driven away all our family except for Uncle Bill and his wife, about how my parents met (he was her professor in college), about how he floated from job to job, how he’d gotten Mom fired at least five or six times, about how we had to move houses once because he fell asleep with a lit cigarette, and another time he threatened to kill our previous dog because I forgot to scoop her poop.

I told David about all the hurt, the pain, all in one text conversation, and he had all the appropriate reactions. Horror, disgust, fear for my life, fear for my animals’ and my brother’s life, fear for my mother’s life, and fear for my dad’s life, even though I felt like he didn’t deserve to live anymore. The drunkenness. The constant fighting. Blaming, verbal assault, having to call the cops every day. Finding beer bottles in the trash every morning.

David was careful not to mention anything about his own life, he just let me vent.

We talked for hours, and I had to keep my phone on a charger eventually, and when I was ready to take a break, he let me go without argument.

After a short nap, I took a random book off my bookshelf…but when I opened it up, there were scribbles inside of the pages. I looked through it. All the pages were like that. Then I tried another. Same thing. I went through all the books on my bookshelf, and all of them were scribbled on and marked to death. One page even had the word “nerd” in it.

I felt like crying, so I threw the book across the room.

“Whoa, Tobias, what’s the matter?” Tony asked.

“Look at this!” I shouted, showing him the pages.

“That’s low, man,” he said. “Sick bastard. We’ll get rid of him, Tobias, don’t worry. I’ve got a plan.”

Chapter Seven – Heartbreak

The next day was filled with frustration. First, Billy tripped me going to class, then he hit me in the face with a textbook when Miss Lilly wasn’t looking, then he dumped milk on my head at lunch. I was grateful for gym, which I had with Sophia and David.

The milk from lunch had turned my hair crusty and smelled odd, to say the least. My face was still sore from his big book assault and from Dad’s assault the day before.

Heart pounding, I watched as Billy gave Richard an atomic wedgie and then gave me an evil grin. But my hero stepped in front of him in time.

“Back off, Hank,” David snapped. “Leave Tobias alone for once, won’t you?”

“Oh, look, the little homo is in love,” Billy teased. “What about you, Grass? Do you like the homo? Do you? Do you?”

“Shut the hell up, Billy,” David said. “Tobias, come on.”

We left our locker room right as the girls were getting out of theirs. My stomach flip-flopped when I saw Sophia. She’d braided her hair and added some sort of sparkly makeup to her skin. She was beautiful. She saw me and waved, catching Nina’s and Billy’s attention.

Nina scowled, but waved at me as well. Billy grabbed my arm and was about to hit me when he suddenly screeched. David had given Billy an atomic wedgie. Guys and girls both laughed and pointed as Billy turned to face David, who stuck his tongue out at Billy.

“All right, boys and girls,” Coach Wellington said, “We have a lot to get done today. I need you all to be in your best shape for the next Presidential Fitness Test.” I could have sworn he looked directly at me. “So I want you to run three times around the length of the gym. When you’re finished, come back here and I’ll hand out some jump ropes.”

I groaned mentally. Running hated me, and I hated it. Especially when Billy stopped me halfway through the first run and lifted up my shirt, exposing my belly and tickling it. He got knocked upside the head by David, who ran past him.

“Twerp!” Billy shouted. “You broke my neck!”

He chased after David, who, despite being shorter and stockier, ran faster.

“Don’t let Billy get to you,” Sophia said, who was on her second run-around. She paused and jogged in place. “Do you need me to run with you?”

“Er, no, you go ahead.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

“All right, then.” She strode on. I started again, but this time, Billy pulled my pants down. I blushed as I tripped and Coach blew his whistle.

“Billy Hank, detention Saturday! Tobias, you can stop now.”

Grateful, yet embarrassed, I sloped back to the group. David rubbed my shoulder briefly, then stood with his hands on his knees.

Coach Wellington gave us enough jump rope for one between three of us. I was paired with David and Sophia. I jumped first, tangling up in the second jump. I stumbled, and David caught me.

For a moment, we looked into each other’s eyes, and I felt my stomach tighten. What was wrong with me? I liked girls, not guys.

Do I really, though?

My heart squeezed as I took over David’s position and he took over for Sophia, who started jumping. She was a flyer on the cheerleading squad, so jumping came easily to her.

Then it was David’s turn. He jumped the fastest and easiest.

Then I felt someone grab the back of my pants, and pull them up.

“Billy! Let him go!” Sophia shouted, catching the coach’s attention.

“Billy, go to the office,” the Coach said, exasperated.

When gym was over, David led me back to the locker rooms, my rear end still smarting.

Later after school was over, Sophia caught up to me.

“I’m sorry about Billy,” she said. “If it makes you feel any better, I dumped the jerk today.”

My throat tightened. Now he’d go after me for sure. Sophia saw my frightened look and laughed. “I wouldn’t worry about him,” she said. “He’s really a big teddy bear in rough skin.”

“More like a grizzly bear,” I told her, and she laughed again.

“True. Well, you’ve got plenty of protection, don’t you? Me, and Nina, and Michael, and Logan, and David. Have a good night, Tobias.”

Butterflies attacked me as she left. Screw whatever was happening with David. Sophia was the one I was meant to be with, not him.

My heart fluttered as I watched Tony smoke a cigarette and talk to Spring and Keisha. I didn’t understand him. Keisha was nicer, prettier, and smarter than Spring. Maybe my brother preferred the crazy and mean girls.

Tony stomped on his cigarette and threw his arms around the Garcia girl. He kissed her messily and furiously. Keisha politely looked away, while I stared, disgusted. My brother was a mess, but I loved him anyway.

I heard a knock at my window. It was Nina.

“How was it today?” she asked.

“You witnessed the humiliation, you tell me.”

“Yeah, it was bad,” she agreed. “Well, Sophia dumped him, so be prepared for the worst. You’ve got to tell Mr. Aste.”

“No, the principal has enough on her mind,” I said. “With the lack of funding, and the drama with the PTA, and the news station wanting to document us…”

“This is more important than money or a fight over husbands,” Nina said. “He’s terrorizing you, Tobias. You’ve got to tell the police.”

I knew she no longer meant Billy Hank.

“The police already know about my father, Nina. They were over the other night and told Mom they’d have to tell child services. If it weren’t for David, Tony might be dead now.”

“I know, but…”

“I’ve got it under control. Trust me.”

“I know you do.” Then she leaned forward and kissed me. This wasn’t a friendly kiss, this was a carefully planned, “I’m-in-love-with-you” kiss.

“Nina, I-“

“I know, Tobias, you like Sophia. I understand perfectly if you just want to stay friends.” She kissed me on the cheek and then went to Julian’s car. He was glaring at me as though all the problems in the world were my fault.

“Buzz off, Julian!” Tony shouted.

Julian flipped us off, ignored a teacher shouting at him, and rolled out of the parking lot, nearly hitting Ruth Prentiss.

Before we got home, Tony sped through Burger King, ordering enough food for a small army. He paid in cash, and I wondered where he got that kind of money. I asked him, and he said “Ask no questions, and I’ll tell you no lies, little brother.”

That made me nervous. What made me even more nervous was the sight of a familiar car in the driveway. Dad was home. Crap.

The instant we walked through the door, I expected him to start shouting, but he didn’t. He was sitting at the kitchen table with mom, looking dejected. Tony set his fast food on the counter and joined us.

“Hello, boys,” Dad said dryly. “First of all, I apologize for my recent behavior. It was unforgivable. I’ve been drinking, and losing my job, and now that you two are growing up…”

“I fail to see how any of that is our problem,” Tony snapped, sitting beside me. “No more excuses, Dad. I’m sick of the excuses. You treat us like shit because you can, that’s all there is to it.”

Dad bit his lip, and I could tell he was trying not to cry in front of us.

“I’m moving out.”

Hah. We’d heard this song and dance before. Mom threw Dad out, then always took him back a day later. Tony and I both knew this, Mom knew this, and Dad knew this.

“I’m serious,” Dad said. “I’ll be out of your hair for good. I’m staying with a friend. Everything is already packed up and I’m ready to go. I just needed to say goodbye to you two.”

“Goodbye, jerk,” Tony snapped. Dad scowled, then turned to me.

“Tobias?”

“Bye, Dad.”

“Thank you for not calling me a jerk.”

“He should have,” Tony said.

“Be quiet, Tony,” Mom said hoarsely, and I realized she’d been drinking. This was destroying her, I realized. She was sad to see Dad go. They’d been together for twenty-five years, and now he was leaving, hopefully for good this time.

Dad’s friend soon came by. It was the Burkhard High School nurse. I knew she was one of Dad’s flirty friends, but to actually see her with him hurt like the dickens. She waved at me and Tony, but we just ignored her.

Tony texted his friends, while I thought about what was going to happen next. Dad was finally leaving, of his own accord, and hopefully he stayed away. Heart pounding, I texted Nina, telling her what was going on.

“Dude,” Tony said, chuckling. “Delilah Pretty just texted me.”

“Why is that important?” I asked.

“She totally wants to bang me.”

“Ew.”

Unlike Tony, I had only one girl in mind. Sophia. I thought about her soft long brown hair, her large brown eyes, her tanned skin, her hourglass figure. But then something invaded my mind. A pair of blue eyes and long blond hair.

You are not gay. You are not in love with David Berkenschiemer. You do not like guys!

I knew exactly what my parents would say if I started crushing on a guy. Dad would disown me, probably beat me, too, and Mom would let him. Tony wouldn’t care one way or the other-one of his best friends was gay.

You are not gay! You are not gay! You are not gay!

Heart still beating hard, I waited until Dad was gone, then went to the kitchen and poured myself a glass of milk. Mom only bought whole milk, which contributed to my weight issues-milk is four percent fat. And vitamin D milk was even more fattening.

I took out required reading, Macbeth, and read until my eyes burned. By then, afternoon had set in, and I was hungry again. Mom was still in her room, and Tony was God-knows-where, so I was left to my own devices.

I found a bag of unsalted oyster crackers, and heated up some leftover chili. Then I switched on the news.

“A minor was arrested for attacking another minor with a knife. Both boys go to Burkhard High School, and both are freshmen. The unnamed boys apparently disputed over a scuffle earlier in the year involving another boy who goes to the same school. One of the boys is a known bully who is always in detention for picking on the other boys. The other apparently defended one of the victims and, as a result, was stabbed in the abdomen today.”

I paused, spoon halfway to my mouth. That sounded like David and Billy. Victim…was that me?

I checked social media, and what I saw made my heart drop into my gut.

Prayers for David Berkenschiemer.

David Berkenschiemer, we hope you’re okay!

And most nerve-wracking of all: Apparently, BillyMofo Hank stabbed David Berkenschiemer. David is okay, he’s at St. Peter’s Hospital, in room 212 if anyone wants to see him.

David…was this my fault? Did I cause this?

Chapter Eight- Hospital

I hated hospitals. I hated the smell, the feel, the germs, the unknown fluids that had been bleached out on the walls and the floor, the pressure, the sadness.

David was asleep when I spotted him. I’d convinced Tony to take me to him under threat of telling Spring about Delilah.

David slowly woke up and snorted.

“Hmm? Shit…” He rubbed his eyes, then spotted me. He smiled. “Hey, Tobias. I wasn’t expecting you.”

“What happened?” I demanded.

“Sophia’s boyfriend stabbed me in the gut with a fucking box cutter. Do you know how many germs are on those things? They’re used for opening fucking boxes.”

“Are you okay?”

“I will be. It’s not the first time I’ve been stabbed.” I was alarmed at that news. David laughed at my look. “Don’t worry, I’m a tough guy. I’ve dealt with worse injuries than this. Now had he stabbed me in the chest, I’d most likely be dead now. Luckily the damn thing missed any vital organs or veins.”

“David, I’m sorry…”

“For what? You didn’t stab me with a fucking box cutter. This isn’t your fault, Tobias. Billy’s an asshole and a criminal. So am I, but I don’t go around stabbing people or sticking mold up their asses.”

“David, you’re not a criminal.”

He looked at me. “Tobias, I carry a gun, and I don’t have a permit or license. I’m sixteen, and I drive a truck without a full license. I smoke meth and weed. My sister’s addicted to coke and she’s eight months pregnant. Who do you think pays her dealer? I do.”

I realized I was reaching for him, and then looked down at our hands. His was large and tanned, mine small and pale.

“You’re sixteen?” I asked. I hadn’t known that.

“Yeah, when I came to America I skipped a year of school, so I’m officially sixteen. I just didn’t go.”

“You didn’t go to school?” I was amazed.

“No, I was too depressed to really do anything that year after my parents died. I watched them get murdered, actually.” I stared at him. He smiled wistfully. “Ah, yes, I remember it like it was yesterday. My mom, snorting krokodil, her bones sticking out but she was too high to care. Krokodil is a flesh-eating drug, so her bones were literally showing. She was half-crying and half shouting, hallucinating that I was being attacked. My dad was trying to catch a mouse in the corner. We had lots of mice in our house. Rats, too, and maybe even snakes. I remember getting bitten once and nearly dying. I still have the scar on my wrist.

“Suddenly, two masked dudes dressed in black burst through the door. One of them shouted ‘Where is my money? Where is my money?’ He shot Mom first. She died instantly. Daphne screamed and ran, while I stood between the two intruders and my father. They kicked me down, and then started attacking Dad. I kept shouting ‘Dad! Dad!’, but it was no use. They rammed his head against a table, then shot him too. I remember sitting there, feeling numb, until the police showed up to clean up the mess hours later. They did a full investigation, but they never found out who it was. My parents owed money to so many people. For my mother it was getting away from her crappy poor life. For Dad it was the highs and lows. They were both addicted. When I was born, I was born addicted to coke. Daphne had Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. She’s still a little messed up due to Mom drowning herself in alcohol when she was pregnant with her.”

“I…I’m sorry, David.” I didn’t know what else to say.

“Don’t be. It’s my shitty past. Do you think I’m proud or ashamed? I’m neither. I’ve simply accepted it.”

I said nothing as he sighed and closed his eyes. He looked so peaceful under the hospital lights, laying on his back…no! I couldn’t think that way! He was good-looking yes, but we were both guys. I have nothing against members of the LGBTQAPI community, but it’s different when it’s you or your family.

Swallowing, I looked around the room. Someone had left a vase of peach and apple blossoms on the table, which gave the room a soft fruity/floral scent. A TV remote had been left beside him on the tray, and he was drinking a bottle of Pepsi.

“What are you doing here?”

I turned around, to see Chester Chesterfield. The boy with the same first and last name glared at me, a red rose in his hand.

“I just came to see if he was all right,” I told Chester.

“Well, he is. Now go!”

“What? No!”

I was furious. Who was he to tell me what to do? He was even lower than me on the popularity scale, twice as shy, except when it came to David. He worshipped the ground that my joint-smoking, long-haired, Australian male crush walked on. Male crush?

I swallowed. It was time to admit it. I was developing a crush on David Berkenschiemer. Crap.

I fast-walked out of the room and found Tony flirting with a cute blond nurse and nursing a hot coffee.

“We have an emergency,” I told him.

He was alarmed. “Why, what’s wrong? Is it Mom?”

“NO, it’s me!”

“Excuse me, Nurse,” Tony said sweetly, smiling fleetingly at her. She blushed and giggled like a schoolgirl.

We reached his car in minutes.

“What’s the matter, Tobias?”

“I think I might be attracted to guys!”

He looked surprised. “Wow, really? I thought you liked girls.”

“I did, I mean, I still do, but I’m developing a crush on…” I paused and looked at him. His eyes widened.

“No. No, no, no, no! Him?! David?! Dickhead David? He’s a fucking player, Tobias! He cheated on Chester, he cheated on Marcus, he cheated on Reese, he cheated on Tyler, he cheated on Andre…all he thinks about is getting as much dick as he can. Don’t fall in love with him, Tobias, I’m warning you now. You’ll only get hurt.”

He was right, of course. I couldn’t fall in love with David. It would only cause us both pain. I’d read enough novels to know that denying chemistry was a big mistake and a waste of time…unless it was toxic. And David was very toxic.

When I got home, I was immediately greeted by a ball of fluff.

“Girlfriend!” I cried. “What’s she doing here, Mom?” I pet my dog furiously.

“I was keeping your animals away for my own selfish reasons,” Mom said. “She’s good for you, Tobias. I also got the cat back and Tony’s turtle. Sugar’s around here somewhere.”

I smiled and hugged Mom. She smiled brightly and hugged me back. When Tony stepped through the door, he was greeted next.

“Hey, Fluffy Butt,” he greeted. “It’s good to see you, dog!” But he looked at Mom suspiciously.

“I know, I know,” she said. “I was dumb to give them up and to keep him around. But I can’t stand him anymore, even though I still love him. So I gave him two choices: leave of his own free will or I would force him to leave. He chose the former. So now we’re almost a family again.”

Tony sighed. “Mom, I saw the pregnancy test.”

Stunned was not the right word. Neither was shocked, nor alarmed, nor any of those words. Mom felt the same way. She reeled and then her mouth opened a tiny bit. Then she spoke.

“How?”

“Mom, I was looking for…well, I was in your bathroom. I happened to look down and saw the thing and the box it came in.”

Mom burst into tears. She covered her face and started to cry.

“It’s my fault,” she sobbed. “I shouldn’t have let him stay. I thought he would change…but it’s been twenty-five years. He’ll never change. And now…now I have a reason.”

Tony frowned at that, and so did I. Weren’t we reason enough to leave Dad?

“How far along are you?” I asked.

“Ten weeks,” she sobbed. Two and a half months. Damn.

I was instantly furious at both her and Dad. How dare he get her pregnant? And how dare she use this as an excuse to finally make him go?

I’d never seen something snap behind someone’s eyes before, but when I looked at Tony, he was a different person. A different man. A different brother and son.

He went up to his room, and seconds later, I heard him raging. I played on the floor with Girlfriend for a few hours, then found Sugar under my bed. She came out and headbutted my ankles like cats do and sniffed me. Her mouth opened slightly, tongue out, which I found odd and cute. Later research would tell me that cats have two holes in the roof of their mouths that take in pheromones called a Jacobson’s organ. This would be important, especially now that Mom was pregnant.

Tobias Anthony Grass, you are in over your head.

I needed a break from my life. I texted Nina, Michael, and Logan in our group chat, telling them that I’d seen David in the hospital and he was all right. I left out his story, Chester’s appearance, and the deal with Mom’s pregnancy, but I told them the animals were back. Nina was thrilled for me, Logan was ecstatic, and Michael gave me four thumbs up. I’d told them about Dad leaving.

Chapter Nine – The Only Thing Predictable About Life is its Unpredictability

David was back at school on Tuesday morning. Billy had not been caught by the cops, but he kept his distance from David…and me, which was a shock. He hadn’t left me alone once since the sixth grade.

However, that didn’t stop him from making other people’s lives miserable. He punched Richard Bach in the balls, causing Richard to double over and let out a huge fart at the same time, which caused all the guys in the locker room to react in disgust, slammed Chester Chesterfield’s head against a locker and made him slip on a book, and tried to start a fight with Andre by calling him the N-word.

There was nothing that could be done, though, because no one would complain, and he did all of this without any teachers or faculty seeing. If they did hear about it, it would be considered hearsay, a rumor, and just like in a real-life court system, there was nothing that could be done about a rumor.

He sang “I’ll Make Love to You” to Maureen Goodman and Sophia Martinez, who walked faster to their next class as he approached them.

However, like I said earlier, he steered clear of David. David emulated power, even more than Billy Hank had. Unfortunately, my strange day turned into a nightmare towards the end.

Now, one thing you should know about me, is that I am deathly afraid of spiders. When I was eight, I was bitten by a brown recluse and almost died. That was just one of my many horror stories with spiders. (Another is that my grandmother smuggled in two aggressive tarantulas from Mexico and let them run loose in her house. She tried to breed them, but the female ate the male.)

So it came as a total surprise to me when I felt something with many legs hit me on the head and scurry down my neck. I screamed, trying to get it, while Billy laughed his head off. Luckily, Sophia was better with spiders than I was. She caught it and let it go.

“It was just a daddy longlegs,” she assured, putting her hand on my shoulder while I caught my breath.

“That was a dick move, Billy,” Michael chided, scowling at him. Billy threw a punch at Michael, but was thwarted by…you guessed it…David. He grabbed Billy’s fist, spun him around, and twisted his arm behind his back.

“Ow, ow, ow! Let me go!”

“Stop picking on people!” David shouted, kicking Billy in the rump and pushing him into the dirt. David picked up the poor spider and dropped it on the back of Billy’s head. Billy was the one screaming now, grabbing it and throwing it on the ground. The spider scurried away before anyone else could throw it on somebody.

I hurried to Tony’s car. My brother was watching the whole scene while smoking, as usual.

“Thanks for the support,” I grumbled.

“Aw, you can take him. You just can’t find it in yourself to hurt another living thing, even if it is just a spider or someone like Billy. He gets beaten around by his dad, you know. That’s why he’s such an ass. David was there, anyway, wasn’t he?”

I frowned at Tony.

I looked at David. He was already walking back to his truck, keys in one hand, his other hand in a fist. Heart pounding, I looked at Sophia, who was gossiping away with Maureen and Ashley and some of the other girls. Then I knew what to do.

I stepped out of Tony’s car, even though he’d already turned it on, and approached Sophia. I tapped her on the shoulder.

“May I speak to you alone?” I asked.

Her large eyes were wide. “Of course.”

I led her to the old oak tree where my mom and her high school sweetheart Eric had carved their initials into the tree. A+E.

“Sophia,” I began. “Would you like to go out with me this weekend?”

She smiled. “Yes, I would. I have plans Friday, and I have church on Sunday, but I’m free on Saturday.”

“Cool,” I said, nodding and smiling nervously. “Um, maybe I should get your number?”

“Totally.” She rattled off her number so fast that I had to ask her to repeat it. She said it again, much more slowly, as if I had comprehension problems.

Don’t be sour, I told myself. This is a good thing. She’s finally going out with you.

Sophia Martinez was finally going out with me. This Saturday. Crap, I had to plan a date. I’d planned dates before, but we never did anything special. When I dated Rouge Frankel, we ate out at fast food restaurants a lot, which only contributed to my current weight issues.

The ride home was silent. Tony didn’t say anything to me, and I didn’t say anything to him.

“What the fuck’s going on?” he broke the silence with.

“What do you-“ Then I saw it. Nurse Blume was at our front door, pounding on it and screaming “You bitch! Get out here!”

Tony opened his door first. “Stay here, little brother.” Then, while standing straight up, he shouted, “Hey! Blume! Why are you harassing Mom?”

“Bitch texted Joe!”

Chapter Ten – Divorce

It was Saturday, and it was usually chore day, but today, nothing was going to get done except my homework. I had no other plans, except maybe catch up with Girlfriend and Sugar. I played with Girlfriend for a few hours, tossing her ball, playing with a rope toy, and pulling out a laser pointer for Sugar to chase. Girlfriend liked it, too.

Tony texted his girlfriends and his friends and illegally downloaded music on his computer while beating me in Mortal Kombat. Hey, Rain has a tendency to blow people up, and being Reptile didn’t save me from that fate, despite the fact that he’s one of the strongest characters.

Finally, it came time for my date with Sophia. I wore a black polo shirt and my usual jeans and belt.

I really need to buy some new clothes, I thought, trying to get the polo to cover my stomach. But I hadn’t gotten any money that Dad hadn’t taken from me in years. When I did try to keep it from him, I got bitched at for being “selfish”. But Tony had managed to procure some money from God-knows-where, and he gave me a few tenners for my date when I asked him, and I promised to pay him back.

“Don’t worry about it, little brother,” he said. “You deserve to have fun for once.”

He winked at me, and I stuck my tongue out at him. He pretended to make a grab for it, and we wound up wrestling and giggling on the floor. (He pinned me.) I hadn’t wrestled with Tony in years, not since Mom and Dad’s nineteenth wedding anniversary, when Dad yelled at us for messing up the carpet. Tony defended me and got a hit in the jaw for his cheek. That was the first time I called the cops. Mom and Dad lost custody of both of us for a few months while we stayed with Uncle Bill and his family.

Mom offered to drive me to the mall. This surprised me, since I wasn’t sure if she even cared about at all. I kept my mouth shut, though, and agreed. Heart pounding, wallet chain attached to my belt loop, I kept silent. Mom asked once how school was going, and I lied and said it was okay.

Mom wanted to walk me in, but I begged her not to, and she agreed to stay in the car. I found the Coffee Bar in record time, and Sophia was already at a table, sipping a drink that had more sugar and fat that coffee should have.

I ordered a latte for myself, and sat across from her.

“Hey, Tobias,” she said. “Glad you made it.”

“I’d never ghost you,” I said, smiling nervously.

“Meaning you’d ghost someone else?” she asked, frowning. I paled and stuttered, and she laughed. “I’m messing with you, Tobias. You’re so serious all the time. You need to lighten up. When’s the last time you went to a party?”

“I’ve never been to a high school party,” I admitted, blushing.

“Well, that just gives me an excuse to take you to Maureen Goodman’s house tonight. You know Meredith Goodman, right? Her parties are epic. Last year, a guy almost drowned in his own vomit!” She laughed, but I didn’t find that tidbit funny. Still, I cracked an awkward smile.

“Any other good parties this year?” I asked. “Or last year?”

“Okay, well, you know there’s always sex at these parties, right?” She said this sentence loudly, which caught the attention of the couple next to us, who happened to be my neighbors. “Ashley and Chloe always score big time, and two parties ago, Chloe hooked up with Chris Hatherford!”

My jaw dropped. Chris Hatherford was a senior. He was on the varsity basketball team with Tony.

“And you know Marcus Fjord? He and David B hooked up last year for the first time at one of Meredith’s parties.”

That was news to me. My thoughts turned to David.

“Anyway,” Sophia took a sip of her drink, “It’s not like anyone actually cares about anyone they hook up with at these parties.”

She looked over to the register and giggled. “Wow, Ruth and Richard?”

I glanced over. It was indeed Richard Bach and Ruth Stevenson. Two pimply-faced, glasses-wearing dorks. Okay, that was a little mean, but that’s what everyone saw them as. Outcasts. Geeks. Ruth had mousy brown hair and wore her hair in two braids, thick glasses, braces, and had rosacea acne. Richard was no better off. He had the same thick glasses, was lanky and weak, and couldn’t communicate worth a damn. He had a voice, but he stuttered.

Everyone always picked on them, because they were easy targets, especially Ruth.

Ruth and Richard took the table next to us, and started talking.

“Ugh, geeks,” Sophia scoffed. I looked at her, and she turned red and giggled. “Okay, that was a little mean, I know.”

“How is Nina?” I asked, to change the subject.

“How should I know? I don’t pay attention to my sister.”

“But she’s your twin.”

“Yeah. Did you know she’s like, in love with you?”

I stared at her. “She is?” Of course, I already knew this.

“Yeah. It’ll totally mess with her head if she saw us together. It’ll be hilarious!” She laughed loudly, catching the attention of Richard and Ruth next to us. “Seriously, though, all she hangs out with are boys. I mean, boys are cool, but people might get the wrong idea, you know? And Julian is all protective and shit because he’s the older brother. I’m sorry for how he treated you that one night. He can be a real jerk.”

I was confused. This was not the Sophia I knew. Or I thought I knew. I was starting to realize that she was not who she appeared to be. Just like David.

Sophia looked around, sighing. “There’s some cool shops here, if you want to take me shopping. That’s a possibility.”

“O-okay,” I said. “I have a few dollars.”

“Only a few?” Her nose scrunched up in disgust.

“A-a few ten-dollar bills, I meant.”

“That’s better.”

She led me to the first shop, the Gap. She bought herself a bunch of new clothes there. Next, Bath and Body Works. I was uncomfortable here. I shouldn’t have been, but I was. I bought her some perfume and scented candles and some soap.

Next, Wet Seal.

“Daddy gave me my own credit card,” she explained. I watched the numbers on the register climb higher and higher with each new item. My eyes widened. The girl could afford to spend that much on clothes? And here I was trying to keep my fat stomach covered.

I bought us both some soft pretzels, hers with extra cheese, and we ate them while she passed her bags to me. Next was Victoria’s Secret. I didn’t go in there. She came out with three bags full of makeup and underwear and a couple new hoodies.

When we reached the bookstore, Sophia went straight to the magazines, while I browsed the new science fiction releases.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t Tobias Grass,” said a sarcastic female voice. I looked up and saw Maureen Goodman, smiling at me. “How’s your date going with Sophia?”

“How did you-“ But then it hit me. Of course Sophia would have told Maureen about our date. They were best friends. Maureen flipped her long platinum blonde hair, raising her arm above her head and revealing a belly button ring.

“How are you doing?” Maureen asked. “Sophia told you about my party tonight, right? Well, I’m officially inviting you. Tony can come, too, if he wants. I don’t care. Anyway, this bookstore is like a maze. I can’t find the new Oprah book club pick. Anyway, come to my house at seven tonight. See you, Tobias!”

She flounced away, and I found my eyes trailing down to her pert hips. Damn, Maureen was hot. But I was with Sophia now. Sophia, not Maureen, and certainly not Nina or David.

After the bookstore, Sophia said she needed to go home and change for the party. I was confused, since the party was still a few hours away, but maybe there’s something about female grooming that I don’t know.

Tony was coming, of course. He was going with Spring, Keisha, and Nick Fargo.

It would be crowded in his car.

And it was.

I was seated on the very end, Spring in the middle, Keisha on the other end, Nick in the passenger seat, and Tony, of course, was driving.

Maureen’s house was in a wealthy part of town. Burkhard isn’t too big, but it’s not too small, either. We have about thirty thousand residents. My heart pounded as we reached the Goodman home. Multiple cars were parked in the driveway and in front of the neighbors’ houses. Even on their lawns. I knew that would be a problem.

There was a kiddie pool in the front yard, and a much bigger in-ground pool in the backyard. People were conversing, diving, playing in the pool, smoking, drinking, flirting, arguing, and I even saw one guy running around with a tomahawk and another guy chasing him with a hunting knife.

“Someone’s going to get hurt,” I muttered.

“Aw, don’t be a sourpuss!” Nick Fargo slapped me on the back. “Here, have a beer.”

“No thanks, I don’t drink,” I said, handing the red Solo cup back to him.

He laughed. “God, you’re even more pathetic than I thought. At least David’s here tonight.” He winked at me, and a heavy rock dropped into my stomach. What did he mean by that? Was Nick just being Nick, or did he know something I didn’t?

There was karaoke in the living room. I’m an awful baritone, and I was too shy to sing in front of other people, anyway, so I didn’t bother with that. My heart continued to pound as I weaved through the crowds. I saw Nina chatting with Michael, and I edged closer to them.

“I don’t care,” Nina was saying, “I don’t like you like that, Michael. I like Tobias. I’m sorry.”

My throat tightened. I shouldn’t have heard this. I went to the kitchen instead, but I saw Billy shoving his face with hotdogs, which made my stomach turn, and I headed toward the stairs. The Goodman house was huge. A humungous living room, filled with people, a spacious kitchen, and a gigantic backyard. I wondered what the rest of the house was like.

“Hey, Tobias,” Maureen said, coming up beside me. “Are you having fun?”

“Yes,” I lied, forcing a smile.

She leaned in toward my ear. “I know something that’s even more fun than the food and the pool. Follow me.”

She went up the stairs, and I stupidly followed her, not knowing what else to do.

She led me to a winding hallway, where I saw a huge line of people waiting for the bathroom, and I heard strange noises coming from the different rooms.

We went into a large bedroom, with a white comforter and sheets and a spacious closet. On one side was a huge vanity covered in various products, and on the other was a gigantic television and stereo. The carpet was red. By the closet was a life-size mannequin, with Maureen’s shape and size, wearing a hot pink taffeta dress with a long train in the back and a short skirt in front. Beside the dress was a pair of hot pink heels and jewelry displayed on a silicone neck and hand.

I don’t know anything about fashion, but I could tell Maureen loved it.

I spent so much time admiring the room (including the glass chandelier), that I hadn’t even noticed that Maureen had disappeared.

“Maureen?” I asked. “Where did you go?”

“I’m right here,” a sultry voice purred. I turned toward the closet, and my eyes bugged out. Maureen was wearing nothing but a silk yellow bra and panties. My jaw dropped.

“I knew you’d approve,” she said, edging closer to me. I swallowed.

“This…this isn’t right,” I said, my voice shaking. She giggled.

“Oh, please. It’s only sex. Everyone does it. Tony has done it. David has done it. Even Sophia has done it.”

“She-she’s your friend!” I stuttered.

“So? Friends lie to each other all the time. Do you think Sophia doesn’t know about this? I told her I was going to do it. She said ‘Go ahead, he’s fair game.’”

“She wouldn’t do that!”

A lump formed in my throat.

“Oh, but she did. Come here, Tobias Grass.” She made a “come hither” gesture with her finger, still smiling. “Come on. You don’t want to be labeled a faggot, do you? Everyone knows you like David. It was nice of you, stopping that fight with Billy Hank. Or was it more than nice?”

“Maureen, I’m not gay, and I don’t want to have sex with you. I’m done here.”

I tried to leave, but she blocked my way. “Fine. But just one drink before you go?”

“Oh, fine. One drink.”

She reached into the mini fridge beside her vanity and got out a soda. She popped the top and handed it to me. It sounded extra fizzy to me, but that didn’t occur to me at the time. It should have.

I was halfway down the stairs when I started to feel faint. My heart was beating fast, my eyesight blurry. My brain felt fuzzy.

When I woke up, I was in a bed, completely naked. Something wasn’t right.

“Tony?” I called out, then clutched my throat, which was as dry as a desert. Then I realized this wasn’t my room.

I found my clothes on the floor, and pulled them on. I found Tony asleep in one of the other rooms, his arms around Keisha.

“Wake up,” I said, shaking him.

“Hmm…what? What time is it?”

“It’s morning, you idiot. Come on, we both passed out.”

“Oh, shiiiiiiiiit.” He rubbed his eyes and sat up. “Fuck, my head is killing me.”

“Come on, Tony. Take me home.”

“What? Why? What happened?”

“I don’t know, but all I know is that Maureen wanted to have sex with me, but I said no-“

“You said no to sex with Maureen Goodman? Wow.”

“But I think we had sex anyway.”

“Shit. I sold-“ He looked at me and blushed. “Oh, fuck. So that’s why she wanted them. It’s my fault. Okay, yeah, I’ll take you to the hospital first. Shit, this is completely my fault.”

“What do you mean, Tony?”

“I’ll explain in the car.”

He pulled his clothes on, kissed Keisha on the cheek, and drove me to the hospital first. The receptionist looked up. She noted our tired eyes and messed up clothing.

“He needs to be tested for…” He paused and looked at me. He whispered in the nurse’s ear. Her eyes went wide, and she went straight for a doctor. The doctor came rushing out.

“Where is she?” the doctor asked, looking around.

“He’s right there,” the nurse said, gesturing to me.

“Oh!” The doctor put her hand over her heart. “It’s so rare that we see a boy. Come with me. What’s your name, son?”

“Tobias Grass.”

“Hello, Tobias. And you are-?”

“I’m his brother,” Tony said. “I’m Tony.”

“Hello, Tony, I’m Dr. Gold. Come with me, Tobias. Do you want your brother there, too?”

“Depends. What are we doing?”

Dr. Gold looked strangely at me, then Tony.

“He doesn’t know, yet,” he said.

Dr. Gold sighed. “All right. Do you have a number for your mother or father?”

“I can call Mom,” Tony said.

I was taken into a room and my blood was drawn. Then I was given an exam. My private parts were examined and photographed, and then I was questioned about what happened. I told the truth to the police officer, telling her that I’d said no to sex, but yes to the drink. And I started to realize what had happened. I’d been roofied.

Chapter Eleven – Revenge

I cried to myself all night that night. I couldn’t even brush my dog or play with the cat because I was too upset. I thought it would never happen to me. I’m a guy, for the Lord’s sake! And Maureen was a girl! A hot girl, but still, a girl. I never thought she could be so evil.

Tony was keeping secrets of his own. He kept saying it was his fault, his fault, but he wouldn’t tell me why.

The only thing that kept me sane was thinking about David. When I thought about Sophia, I thought about her friendship with the bitch, and when I thought about Nina, I thought about her words to Michael.

I skipped school for a week. Now we were in November, and that Halloween party would go down in history as the first and hopefully last high school party I would go to.

Tony asked around, and learned that Maureen had been questioned, but not formally charged with anything. I knew she’d get away with it. And she only made things worse when she told her friends that I’d cussed her out and told her I was in love with David, which I only found out about because I overheard Tony talking to Keisha on the phone.

This was my own fault. I shouldn’t have gone upstairs, or accepted the drink. I really was pathetic, just like Nick Fargo said.

When I went back to school a week later, I heard whispers and giggling. I was even more of an outcast now than I was before. It didn’t help that Billy called me a faggot every chance he got, and loudly shouted that the other guys should watch out, or I might take them.

“Very funny, Billy,” Logan said. “Shut the fuck up.”

Billy punched Logan in the face, giving him a bloody nose.

“I’m sorry,” I said, helping Logan to his feet.

“Aw, forget about it. He’s a bully,” Logan said. “I didn’t believe those rumors, by the way. You’re not the type to cuss out anyone, especially a girl.”

“Thanks, Logan. You don’t believe I’m in love with David Berkenschiemer, do you?”

Logan opened his mouth, then closed it, and bent down to tie his shoes. A lump formed in my throat, and I fought back tears as we headed out. Billy kicked my rear end as we left the locker room. Coach Wellington spotted that, though, and gave Billy detention. When Coach wasn’t looking, Billy wrapped an arm around my throat and pretended to strangle me.

“Today we’re going to go over the rules of wrestling,” Coach Wellington said. Billy let out a whoop. “Quiet, Hank. Anyone can join, the sign-up sheets are in my office. Sign up before Thanksgiving, and you’re good. Any questions?”

“Yeah, can we kick the other guy’s balls?” Billy inquired.

Coach sighed. “No, Billy, you cannot kick the other person in any private area. No kicking at all, actually.”

And then he grabbed a dodgeball out of the barrel and tossed it at Richard, who fumbled it. People laughed.

“Gear up, boys and girls. I’m going to divide you into two teams.” And he did. Logan and Nina and Sophia were on my team, and David and Billy were on the other team. So was Chester Chesterfield. He glared at me as he took a ball, and the game begin.

One thing I am amazingly good at, is dodgeball. I hit the mark every time. But it only took two minutes before Billy belted me in the gut with a ball. David bonked him on the head as retaliation. Sophia got hit, soon, too, and she sat beside me.

“I’ve been meaning to talk to you,” she said, taking my hand. “I’m sorry about Maureen last week. She can’t handle rejection well. I don’t think you spoke to her that way.”

“Thanks, you’re one of the few,” I said.

She smiled gently at me. “I don’t think so. She’s kind of known for spreading all sorts of rumors. No one really does it as much as she says they do. It’s totally overblown. I know she hurt you, and I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry for Billy, too. I don’t know why he picks on you. But it looks like you have a few friends who will watch your back, including my sister.”

She pointed at Nina, who swung around and landed a shot right in Billy’s midsection, a little higher than she’d intended to aim. He flipped her the bird in response. He slomped over to the side, where he glared at me from a distance.

“Ignore him,” Sophia said, her hand on my shoulder. I smiled weakly at her.

David was amazing, and so was Nina. Soon, it was just those two, and of course, David won.

Back in the locker room, somebody slapped my butt, and I yelped.

“Nice, Billy Hank,” David said sarcastically. “Quit being a bully.”

“Why don’t you go fuck yourself, David?”

“I do, every night.” Guys around the locker room chuckled at that.

Billy suddenly threw his fist toward the back of David’s head. Without thinking, I jumped in front of Billy’s fist.

“Woah!”

“Billy!”

“Are you all right, Tobias?”

No, I wasn’t. I had hit my head hard on the floor and was now laying on my back, my vision blurred. I tried to get up, but Billy stepped on my stomach and twisted my head to the side. He put a wet finger in my ear a moment later. Laughter rang around me.

Then I was rescued. David pushed Billy, hard.

“Leave him alone, dickhead!”

Billy threw a punch at David, who ducked. I started to sit up, but somebody stepped on my crotch, and I was suddenly dealing with the worst pain imaginable. Logan helped me up, and I saw that David and Billy were fighting again.

Left, right, left, right. David was throwing punches like nobody’s business.

The commotion brough Coach Wellington into the room, and both Billy and David were brought into the office, after they dressed, to deal with their issues.

I finished dressing myself and went to my next class, American History. Finally, something I was good at.

Later that night, my heart pounded as my fingers were splayed over the keyboard. “I Write Sins Not Tragedies” by Panic! At the Disco was blaring from my computer speakers. Girlfriend laid by my feet, her chin on my toes. Finally, I worked up the courage to type out a message.

Tobias Grass: Did you get in a lot of trouble today?

David is typing…

David Berkenschiemer: Three days in school suspension. Nothing I haven’t done before.

Tobias is typing…

Tobias Grass: I’m sorry I got you in trouble.

David is typing…

David Berkenschiemer: Nah, it wasn’t you. It’s that asshole Billy Hank. He can’t stop being a dick to everyone. Do you know why he picks on you?

Tobias Grass: No, why?

David Berkenschiemer: He’s jealous of your good looks (wink wink)

Was David flirting? Only one way to find out.

Tobias Grass: Are you flirting with me right now?

David Berkenschiemer: Yeah, I am. Face it, Tobias, you’re hot for me.

Tobias Grass: I’m sorry

David Berkenschiemer: For what? Liking me? Don’t be. Most men find me irresistible.

Tobias Grass: I’m not gay

David Berkenschiemer: I figured you weren’t, by the way you look at Sophia Martinez. There’s more than just gay and straight, you know.

Tobias Grass: I know, I know.

David Berkenschiemer: Admit it, Tobias Grass. You are falling in love with me.

Tobias Grass has signed off.

He was wrong. I wasn’t falling in love with him. There was no way. It wasn’t…no, I couldn’t say it wasn’t right, because being gay is right for a lot of people. But I wasn’t gay, was I? I liked Sophia. Sophia.

But she’d proven to be a different person than I thought she was. But the only way to prove everyone wrong was to date a girl. But I couldn’t date Nina, because I didn’t like her like that. And besides, I’d asked Sophia out. I could just ask out her sister, that would make me the world’s biggest jerk.

Everyone has flaws.

I sighed and rubbed my face. I needed a good book, something funny. I chose something from my shelf and started reading until it was time for dinner.

“How was school today?” Mom asked. She’d been making an effort since she filed for divorce from Dad and told us she was pregnant.

“It was okay,” I said, moving the zucchini noodles around on my plate.

“There was a fight in the locker room,” Tony said. “Tobias was the reason.”

“Tony!”

“Tobias, is this true?” Mom asked me, her eyes narrowing.

“Billy was picking on me again, and David stood up for me. That’s all. They both got in-school suspension. That’s it.”

“Who is David, again?”

“He’s the guy who saved my ass from Paternal Parent,” Tony said.

“Does he have long blond hair?”

“Oh, yeah. Personally, I think it makes him look like a girl.”

“I think it’s okay,” I said. Mom and Tony both looked at me. “Oh, come on, don’t look at me like that. I’ve been losing a lot of friends lately because of Billy and Maureen, and he’s one of the few who sticks up for me.”

It was true. I was never Mr. Popular, but I had Nina, Michael, Logan, Sophia, Maureen, and Rouge. And since Rouge broke my heart last year, she was out. And Maureen had done something terrible to me, and Nina and I were drifting apart, Michael and Logan were both afraid of Billy, despite the fact that Logan, at least, had stuck by me, and David was becoming a new friend fast, despite the danger level associated with him.

And he was right: I was quickly falling in love with him.

Shortly after my revelation, I offered to do the dishes so Mom could have a rest. But all it did was give me more time to think about my problems. I didn’t see any way out. I was in love with David Berkenschiemer. What everyone said about me and him was true.

The next day, Tony came into my room, looking pale.

“Don’t go outside, brother,” he said.

“Why not?” I asked, reaching for a hairbrush.

“Because there’s a dead cat on our front lawn.”

I stared at him, stunned. “It’s not Sugar, is it?”

“No, no, it’s not her. But someone killed it. Slit its throat. Mom has already called the police.”

I got dressed and ready for the day, feeling queasy. I tried to force down some bacon and eggs, but I just threw it back up. Two police officers named Cruz and Peterson came to talk to me. A news crew was already on our lawn, which made me want to stay inside even more.

“A residential home took a fright this morning when a dead cat was found on their lawn,” the anchorwoman would say later on the news. “The Grass residence, which includes Anne Grass and her two sons, a junior and a freshman at Burkhard High, is now contaminated and the dead cat will be removed by city officials. If you are missing a cat, please contact police and provide a picture. Mrs. Grass says that the reason that the cat is on her lawn was a vicious prank on either her or her younger son, who has been a victim of a lot of bullying lately. Please speak to your children about bullying, and encourage them to be kind instead of cruel to one another. Another possibly is Mrs. Grass’ ex-husband, who is abusive and an violent alcoholic.”

When I arrived at school, everybody seemed to be talking about the dead cat. I know Tony told his friends and girlfriends, and I told Nina and Logan when I saw them before school. Logan shuddered and told me to forget about it, and Nina looked thoughtful.

I later learned that someone had taken a picture of the dead cat on my lawn and was spreading it around. Two guesses who. If you guessed Billy, you’re right. I knew it was him, but I had no proof, so I couldn’t confront him. There’s nothing that makes me angrier than when people are cruel to animals, especially cats and dogs.

I got my chance in Biology. Billy took a seat beside me, shoving Logan out of the chair, and showed me the picture.

“It’s a good look, eh, Grass?” he chuckled.

“No, not really,” I said. “It’s really a bad look on you. People tend to have a low view of people who kill cats for fun. The poor thing probably was so frightened by your hideous face, it didn’t have a chance to scream before you slit its throat.”

Logan guffawed before quickly turning it into a fake cough. I saw Michael give me a thumbs up from a couple seats away. My heart pounded. Did I really just call Billy ugly to his face? I did, didn’t I? He didn’t like that. He snarled at me, but before he could pummel me, the teacher walked into the room and began his lecture. Logan sat beside Michael on his other side, and I wasn’t worried, until I felt something rub against my leg on the side with Billy on it. I looked down.

He had a freaking knife. He was rubbing it against my leg, teasingly. I tried to make eye contact with Michael or Logan, and finally caught Logan’s eye. He mouthed What? to me, and I pointed down. His eyes widened when he saw the knife, and he got Michael’s attention, pointing it out.

When class ended, Michael and Logan cornered me.

“You have to tell somebody,” Logan said.

“I can’t,” I said. “What if he hurts my brother or my mom next? Or my dog or my cat?”

“Good point,” Michael said. “Well, there’s nothing he can do to me. He can’t get away with threatening you like that.”

“Please don’t, Michael,” I begged. “He’ll only go after you next.”

“I can defend myself,” he argued. “No offense, Tobias, but I’m a lot stronger than you are.”

“No offense taken. It’s just a fact of life.” I sighed. “Please, Michael, let me deal with Billy.”

“Okay,” he said after a moment, “But if he hurts you for real, I’m not holding back, and neither will Logan.”

“Thanks, guys,” I said, and we headed for our next classes.

I heard a chorus of “faggot” when I entered my next class, Freshman Math. Unfortunately, I had this class with Jake Abernathy, and he was one of Billy’s so-called friends. He was equally as big and dumb, but a lot better-looking than Billy was.

Unfortunately, the seats were also assigned in this class, and my seat happened to be next to his.

“Hey, faggot,” he said. “Seen your boyfriend lately? He had a bloody nose last time I saw him. Where do you think he got it from? I bet he got it from Sophia Martinez over you. Why would a girl like that want you, anyway? What could she possibly see in you?”

I tried to ignore him, but a couple things stuck out. First, David had a bloody nose? I wondered what happened. Secondly, what could Sophia possibly see in me?

I suppose was okay looking. I certainly didn’t make people’s faces melt when they saw me, but I wasn’t downright gorgeous.

Gym was different today. Billy was nowhere to be found. Also, David didn’t speak to me, or even look at me. He nodded at me when I acknowledged him, but that was it. That hurt like the dickens.

Billy showed up halfway through Gym and spoke to Coach Wellington. Coach pointed to the bench where Billy sat, glaring at me throughout dodgeball. I was so distracted by Billy’s malice and David’s nonchalance that I didn’t notice when he and I were the only ones left on our teams.

David swung his arm, ready to throw the ball, but stopped when he saw it was me. Then he tossed it to me, and I easily caught it. His teammates groaned. Had he done that on purpose? Lose so I would win, or did he not want to hit me with the ball?

Billy confronted David in the locker room.

“You lost!”

“And?” David was pulling on his jeans.

“You let the Bible-thumper win!”

“I wouldn’t insult him like that if I were you.”

“Why do you care so damn much? You’re not really still hot for him, are you? Not after the warning I gave you, you damned gubba?”

I didn’t know what that meant, but David didn’t like it. He threw a punch at Billy, but I grabbed his fist in time.

“Don’t!” I said. “He’s not worth getting expelled over!”

David slowly focused on me. Then he grabbed my face in his hands.

“Forgive me,” he said. Then he pressed his lips against mine.

He tasted like cigarettes and spearmint, and damn if he wasn’t the best thing I’d ever tasted. I deepened the kiss, forgetting that we were being watched, that all the other guys would tease me forever, forgetting about Sophia, Nina, anything and everything except David.

Slowly, though, he pulled away, and I whimpered a little.

“Gross.”

“That’s fucking disgusting.”

“Have they fucked each other yet?”

“I wonder how long they’ve been going out?”

The words around me suddenly hit me, and I turned a thousand shades of red before I finished getting dressed at top speed, David doing the same thing. Billy looked from me to him, fists clenched, and then he stormed out of the locker room.

At lunch, I sat by myself, until David sat across from me.

“What do you want?” I asked, before he even opened his mouth. “And what did Billy mean by him warning you? Did he warn you to stay away from me?”

“Nah, I caught him doing something else and he bloodied my nose. Listen, Tobias, I’m sorry, but I had to do it. The only way to deal with the rumors is to either prove them wrong or prove them right. Denying does nothing. And since we’re crazy about each other…you are crazy about me, right?”

I didn’t say anything.

“Exactly. No one expects Dickhead David to actually fall in love with someone, but sweet, innocent Tobias probably will. I’ll protect you until the end, even if it means I lose a finger or two.” I stared at him. He smiled wryly. “I have a bad past, Tobias, and it’s caught up with me from time to time. It’s affected both me and Daphne more than you can ever imagine. I still miss my parents like the dickens, even though they were trashy people. My mom would have died within the year, anyway, because of the krokodil, and Dad would have been alone and depressed, and he was one of those people that doesn’t handle depression well. In a way, I’m glad they died, because Daphne deserves better. I always feel like I’m the one who has to protect her, even though she’s older than me.” He sighed.

“What I didn’t tell you was that it’s my fault they died. I led those two idiots to our house. I told them where I lived, who my parents were, everything.”

He sniffed, and I realized he was trying not to cry.

“David, I…I don’t know what to say.”

“Then don’t say anything. Just being with you is all I need. You’re what I need, Tobias Anthony Grass.”

I stared at him. “How do you know my middle name?”

“It’s not hard to find out. With the school directory, and the Internet, finding anything is possible. I researched you. I hope you don’t think I’m creepy.” He blushed, the first time I’d ever seen him do so.

“David, I-“

“David, Tobias,” said a voice behind me. I turned around. It was our principal, Mrs. Kramer. “Please come with me. You can finish your lunch in my office.”

David and I looked at each other, then followed the principal to her office. Mrs. Kramer always made me nervous. She was an uptight woman with a black tightly-wound bun secured with a clip, thin glasses, and she always wore pantsuits.

“Sit,” she said, gesturing to the chairs in the front office. “Please wait here.”

I was nervous. I’d never gotten a detention before, and I didn’t plan to now. David had spent plenty of time in detention, however, and I knew he wasn’t afraid. He looked sick, though, with his head between his knees and his hands folded in front of him.

Someone left the office-Richard Bach. He blushed when he saw us, and quickly left.

“Come into my office,” Mrs. Kramer said, holding the door for us. I went in first, followed by David. “Sit.” We did. “Now, I hear there was an incident in the locker room. Care to explain, gentlemen?”

At first, we said nothing. Mrs. Kramer waited patiently. Then David spoke.

“It was just a kiss, Mrs. Kramer. I will take full responsibility for it. I assume you’ve heard the rumors swirling around?”

Mrs. Kramer nodded. “I have, but I only know a small portion. I’d like to understand, so I can help. What made you decide to kiss Tobias in the locker room?”

“Billy was being a jerk again,” I said. Mrs. Kramer looked at me. “Billy called me a Bible-thumper and David a slur that I don’t know, and earlier this month, Maureen Goodman tried to have sex with me, but I refused, so she started a rumor that David and I are in love.”

“I see.” Mrs. Kramer seemed to think for a moment. “It seems that everybody in this school seems to take sex lightly. But why would she want to have sex with you in the first place?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “I mean, I’m no Frank Sinatra.”

Mrs. Kramer smiled gently at the reference. “I see. I also heard there was a knife incident earlier?”

“It was Billy, too,” I said. “He was picking on me, and I called him ugly to his face. He started rubbing the knife blade against my leg.”

Mrs. Kramer sighed. “I will ask Mr. Taffer if he saw it. I will also talk to Mr. Hank and Miss Goodman. I heard that Billy is a tremendous bully, and I believe it. I will write letters to all the staff and your mother, Tobias, and your guardian, David. Unfortunately, you’ll still have to be punished for the blatant display of affection. Since it wasn’t you who initiated it, Tobias, you’re free to go. Unfortunately, David, this means out-of-school suspension for you. I know you’re a good kid, and I hate doing this, but I have to follow protocol. The rules are there for a reason, and they’re for everyone’s safety. You may finish your lunch. I’ll send an e-mail to your teachers, telling them you were with me.”

I tried to finish my lunch back in the cafeteria, but I had no more appetite. I felt like crying.

I went straight to Tony’s car after school and grew impatient with him when he spent longer than usual talking to Spring and Keisha. I honked the horn, making him jump, and he glared at me and said goodbye to the girls.

“I heard you got called into the principal’s office,” my brother said, turning the key in the ignition.

“Yes,” I said. “Because of Billy.”

“Or David’s kiss?”

I looked at him. He grinned toothily at me. “I know all about it, little brother. I know you like him. Anyone with eyes could see that. So, tell me what Mrs. Kramer said.”

I did, and he listened without interrupting or asking any questions. I also told him what Billy had said and done, including the knife incident. I could tell that made Tony angry, but he kept his cool until we got home. The dead cat was gone, and Mom’s car was gone.

Tony used his key to get us in, and I immediately greeted the animals.

I sat on the couch and turned on the news, which was covering the cat incident again. I sighed and watched the news until it was time to do homework.

Chapter Twelve – The World Does Not Belong to You

Mom came home with tears in her eyes.

“I’m so sorry, boys,” she said. “Daddy’s gone.”

“Gone? What do you mean, gone?” Tony demanded.

“I mean he’s dead, honey. He had a drink and he was driving too fast…” She trailed off and started sobbing again.

No, no, it can’t be true. She’s lying. He can’t be…dead.

Tears blurred my vision. Tony rubbed my back, and Girlfriend seemed to sense my distress, because she laid her paw on my knee.

I ran up to my room and slammed the door. Girlfriend whined and scratched at the door, so I let her in. I sat in my computer chair and sobbed. Dad…dead. My father…gone.

I messaged Michael, Logan, Nina, David, and Sophia, telling them that my father had died and I would be attending his funeral. My heart was shattered into a million little tiny pieces. Despite the fact that he was a majorly abusive jerk, I didn’t want him dead.

Tony didn’t come out of his room for hours. I heard him cursing and yelling at somebody on the phone or Xbox-I wasn’t sure which. My heart pounded when he slammed his door. I hid in my room for the rest of the night, and the next day, nobody bothered to fix breakfast. I wasn’t sure what else to do, so I just wrote in my notebooks. One thing I haven’t told anyone, is my secret desire to be a writer. I was currently writing a short story on how a dog witnesses a murder with no other humans around.

I was angry, sad, depressed, furious…all those mixed emotions about killed me. I took a hot shower to compensate, burning my skin in the process. Then I stared at the drawer in my nightstand. I hadn’t opened it in weeks, not since my phone charger stopped working and I had to get a spare one. I knew what was inside could change my life forever, if I wished. It could also end it, if I so chose.

I carefully opened the drawer, my hands shaking, and I produced the knife. It was a simple paring knife, very small, very sharp. Used for cutting small vegetables and cheese. It’s black handle shone as I stared at it.

“Tobias?” Tony knocked on my door. “Can you come out here for a second?”

I looked at the door. “Sure, just let me put some pants on first.” I put the knife away and pulled on some sweatpants and a casual shirt.

I found Tony in his gaming chair, beating somebody at Grand Theft Auto IV.

“Play a few rounds?” he asked.

“Sure.”

He handed me his second controller and he put me on his team.

“That guy’s our friend, Tobias!” he said when I killed the wrong guy by accident. “Wow, you’re hopeless at games.”

“I know, I know.”

He turned off the Xbox. “Bathroom break.” He headed into the bathroom that we shared. I sighed and looked around. Nothing had really changed in Tony’s room in a few years. He still had the same twin bed, same blue comforter, same plaid sheets, same TV from 2006, same bookshelf full of CDs and DVDs and games and comic books and magazines. But something new caught my eye. A small black safe.

What would he need a safe for? Surely he wasn’t into anything illegal. He could be a jerk at times, but I highly doubted…I had my suspicions the instant I saw the safe. I remembered his words after Maureen had drugged me: “It’s my fault. It’s my fault. I gave her the stuff.”

Checking to make sure Tony wasn’t coming back any second, I grabbed the combination lock and turned it. Most people used their birthdays as combinations, and Tony’s birthday was December seventeenth. Given that he was seventeen, his birth year…click. The first match proved I was right. Click. Click.

The safe opened, and what I saw made my jaw drop. A gun.

My brother had a freaking gun in a safe in his room. Beside a baggie of white pills and bullets. I realized what they were instantly. I’d been roofied. From pills that Maureen bought from my own brother.

Beside the gun and the pills was a pair of leather gloves. I found this odd, because I recognized them as women’s gloves. And Tony does not have small hands by any means. A gun, roofies, leather gloves…and a pair of wire cutters.

I heard Tony come back, and I ran out of his room like a coward, grabbed my phone, pulled my shoes on, and told Mom I was going to see Nina.

“Be back by bedtime,” she said, and I promised her I would be.

“Tobias, wait.”

The blood drained from my face. I turned around and looked at my brother.

“Let’s talk for a minute,” he said.

“Uh, no,” I said. “I don’t know why you have those things, but I want no part of it. I’m leaving, okay? I’ll be back tonight.”

I heard Mom ask Tony what I meant by that, and I heard him tell her it was nothing.

I left, but I didn’t go to Nina’s. I didn’t go to Michael’s or Logan’s house, either.

The person I was seeking lived in a poorer part of town, I knew from the school directory (I’d checked it the day before), and I knew it was quite a walk.

My heart continued to pound as I got closer to his home. He lived in a shabby two-bedroom house with his sister and guardian, a man called Ken.

David was smoking a cigarette on the porch when I approached. His eyes widened when he saw me, and he stood up and stepped on the cancer stick.

“Tobias, what happened?” I just threw my arms around him and shook violently. David held me, making soothing noises. “Baby, tell me what happened. Was it your mother? Is it your dad? I got your text, and I’m sorry that happened.”

“Hold me,” I demanded. His arms tightened around me.

“I won’t let you go.”

Tears entered my eyes, and I couldn’t stop them from falling. David noticed. He pulled away from me. I whined and reached out for him, but he looked me straight in the eye.

“Tobias. Calmly, tell me what happened.”

I tried to speak, but my voice didn’t come out. David hummed while I tried and failed to speak.

“Come inside. I’ll get you some water. Do you like chocolate milk? My sister just bought three gallons worth.”

I let him lead me inside, where a man, I assumed Ken, was laying on the couch and snoring with a half-empty bottle of whiskey. I stared at Ken, until David ushered me into the kitchen, where a tall, heavily pregnant girl with strawberry-blonde hair and the same blue eyes as David was eating a bowl of chocolate rice cereal.

“Tobias, Daphne, Daphne, Tobias,” David introduced.

“Oh, so this is Tobias?” the girl asked in an Australian accent, eyeing me. “I thought you said he always dressed like he went to church.”

“Be nice, Daphne,” David hissed. “Something’s happened. I want you to behave while he’s here.”

“When have I ever not behaved?”

David pointed to her belly. “That’s not the child of a guy anywhere close to your age.”

“Fuck you, David.”

“No, thanks. That’s incest.”

Daphne stood up and threw the bowl of cereal at the wall. The glass shattered and milk and cereal spilled everywhere. I jumped, and I heard the man in the other room give a grunt and say “Huh?”

Daphne was red in the face now. I’d never seen anyone turn so red, except for my father.

“Go to your room!” she shouted, pointing down the hall.

“You’re not the boss of me, Daphne,” David said.

“Go to bed!”

“No!”

They glared at each other for a minute, then Daphne threw her hands up and stormed out of the room.

“I’m sorry about that, Tobias,” David said. “That’s what coke does to your brain, it screws you up.”

“She does coke and she’s pregnant?”

“Yep. She also does meth and dabbles with LSD. I probably don’t make things any easier with my bad temper, either. Last month I found bottles of wine in her room. And this wasn’t the occasional drink, either, this was full-on binge-drinking kind of wine bottles.”

“And she’s pregnant?”

“What, you’ve never heard of a pregnant woman drinking before?”

“Well, I know my Aunt Julie had one or two glasses when she was pregnant with Suzie, but to do all those drugs too?”

“My life is a mess, Tobias. Where I come from, nobody lives for long, unless you are extremely lucky or become a kingpin.”

He went down the hall, and I followed him. The room he led me to was a small bedroom, with only a twin bed, a dresser, and an old bookshelf full of CDs and books.

“What do you read?” I asked.

He shrugged. “Mostly sci-fi. I also like fantasy and authors like Richard Adams. Watership Down is my favorite book. I also like Mark Twain and Lovecraft, even though he was a racist.”

“Have you read The Call of Cthulu?”

“Yep. I also like H.G. Wells and Sylvia Plath. She was one heck of a woman. It sucks, the way she died.”

“Yeah. When did you start getting into reading?”

“When I was about five, and I read my first Elvira Woodruff book. She writes time-traveling books for kids, so you can imagine how that would affect me now. I also read the Fudge books by Judy Blume, which are some other favorites. I lost my book collection when my parents died, but when I lived with them, I used to save up whatever money I could so I could buy books. I didn’t care about TV or Nintendo like the other boys; I only wanted books for Christmas and my birthday.

“My Grandma Berkenschiemer sent me books every year until my parents died. They made fun of me for it, and Daphne still does, but it’s one of my favorite hobbies.”

“I like all of those, too,” I admitted. “I also like mysteries and general fiction for teens.”

“Read anything good lately?”

“Well, there was one…by Benjamin Alire Saenz, I don’t know if you know him?”

“Wasn’t he the guy who wrote Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe?”

“That’s the book I’m thinking about! That was really good.”

David smirked, and I didn’t know what he was planning to do, until… “I don’t need the rain. I need you.”

His quote took me by surprise. He had read that book, too? He kept surprising me. “There are worse things in the world than a boy who likes to kiss other boys.”

“David, I-“

He broke me off with another kiss. This one was softer, subtle, sweet. This one was more loving, full of passion. Eventually I needed to breathe, and pulled away.

“I love you, Tobias. I always have, from the moment I saw you. I know that’s cliché, but it’s the damned truth.”

“David…” I put my head against his chest, and he held me for a long time. Finally, he spoke up.

“Are you German, too?”

“What?” I looked up at him.

He smiled. “You can trace my roots to Germany and Scotland. What about you?”

“Italian and English,” I informed him.

“Italian? Really? I don’t see it.”

“You see it more in my mom’s side of the family. Her maiden name is Ricci. She has a brother, my uncle Bill, who is married with four kids. The youngest baby they have now is named Suzie, the oldest is named Julia, after Aunt Julie. I also have a Grandma Ricci, but she lives in a retirement village and I haven’t seen her in months, not since last Christmas. That’s mostly because of my dad. She couldn’t bear to see him mistreating us, so she gave my mom an ultimatum. Lose the jerk, or lose Grandma. Mom chose the jerk, so Grandma called the police to do a welfare check. Mom and Dad were both warned not to be abusive anymore, or they’d lose us. Well, you were there the last time the cops were called, and they told Mom that she would lose custody of me and Tony the next time they were called.”

It felt good to get some of the weight off my chest. David nodded for me to continue, so I did.

“Well…the reason I came over here is because I found some things in Tony’s room. A gun, some roofies, some leather gloves, bullets, and a pair of wire cutters. All in a safe on his bookshelf.”

“He had roofies?”

“Yeah. He’s the one who sold them to Maureen, who used them to take advantage of me that night I rejected her.”

David’s face was now as red as Daphne’s. “Did he know she would use them on you?”

“No! He had no idea. He kept saying how it was his fault, and he’s responsible.”

“Well, it is his fault!”

“David, he didn’t know!”

“It doesn’t matter! He provided the weapon! If a man sells a gun to a man who uses it to kill another man, he’s responsible!”

I cowered under David’s rage. He looked at me and his eyes widened.

“Come here, baby,” he said, holding out his arms. I went to him and let him hold me. “I didn’t mean to scare you, Tobias. I swear. I’m just livid at Tony and Maureen. How could he be so careless and selfish?”

“He didn’t put the pills in my drink!”

“Tobias, I love you, but this is one thing we’ll have to disagree on. I promise you, I’ll make sure Maureen Goodman gets punished for her actions.”

“But her dad’s the mayor of the town!”

“She’s related to him? Shit. It’ll take some thinking. I promise you, I’ll get revenge for you.”

“You’re not going to kill her, are you?”

“No, just make sure she’s locked up. If I’m locked up for murder, I wouldn’t get to see you as often, possibly ever again. I can’t promise I’ll follow the law, though.”

“David, please…”

“I’m serious. You’re my soulmate, Tobias. I’m fucking crazy about you.”

“I love you too, David.”

He squeezed me tighter. “Are you hungry? I can whip up some eggs or pancakes.”

“You cook?”

“Pretty decently, too. I’m about the only one who uses the kitchen for anything other than a place to keep chips and chocolate milk in. Since that’s about all my sister eats, that leaves me free to cook anything for myself or Ken. Ken doesn’t cook much-he burns bacon, gets eggs stuck to the pan, and his pancake batter is way too thick. He can’t even stir spaghetti noodles properly and always lets the water boil over.”

“Are you related to Ken?” I asked.

“Huh? Oh, he’s like a third cousin once removed or something. He took me and my sister in when the courts were finished with us, so that was that. Truthfully, I think he’s only in it for the check.”

“Very funny, boy.”

David glared at the man in the doorway. Ken was tall and had a brown goatee and brown hair styled into a shark’s fin. His eyes were red and he was scowling at David. I found it odd that he spoke with an American accent.

“So this is the boy you’ve been waiting for, huh? He’s not much to look at,” Ken said. I blushed and bowed my head.

“Go away, dickwad,” David said.

Ken laughed. “Touchy, aren’t we? Well, I like ‘em young, anyway. What do you say, boy? You, me, and David, all together. Are you a virgin?”

I wanted to get away, but he was blocking the doorway. David clenched his fists and stepped toward Ken threateningly. “Shut up, douchebag.”

“Come on, Berkenschiemer. You and me have done it together. And we both know that’s my baby inside of Daphne.”

“Shut up, you idiot.”

Ken paused, then cocked back his fist and aimed for David’s face. Just before he connected, I jumped in front of David and Ken’s fist connected with my nose.

“Tobias!” David kneeled over me, as I was now on the floor. I smelled and tasted blood. “Tobias, baby, are you okay? Ken, you asshole!”

Ken laughed. “You’re bastards, both of you. I didn’t mean to hit him. I was aiming for you, so technically, it’s your fault he’s hurt.”

“You threw the punch!”

“Come on, David, let’s fuck already. You did it with Marcus, and Andre, and Chester, and now you’re cheating on Tobias with that other guy…what’s his name? Shane?”

“SHUT UP!”

Suddenly, the punch didn’t matter anymore. The fact that he’d called me a bastard didn’t matter. Shane mattered. Who was he? As I thought about the rival I never knew I had, David leaned over me.

“Tobias?” His blue eyes were full of concern. “Tobias, it’s not true. He’s just riling me up.”

“Then what were those noises I heard last night?”

David belted Ken in the groin. Ken doubled over and fell to the floor, calling David all sorts of names I wouldn’t dare to repeat even to Billy.

I don’t remember the walk home. I just remember David’s voice, his words running together to form one long word.

When I got home, I knocked on the door, and Mom let me in. She gasped when she saw my face, but I ignored her concern and went straight up to my room, where I kicked off my shoes and fell onto the bed. I didn’t bother to close the bedroom door.

I slept for a long time. Fourteen hours, to be exact. I woke up the next morning with my face still buried in the pillow, blood spilled on the pillowcase and sheets.

I checked my phone. Twenty-five texts, all from Tony or David. I also had several calls from both of them. I must have slept hard.

My stomach felt like an empty sac, so I went downstairs without bothering to shower or change clothes and drank milk directly from the carton.

That made me think of chocolate milk, which made me think of Daphne, which made me think of David. Which, of course, made me think of Shane, whoever he was. I wanted to curl up and die. The pain in my chest became an empty hole, so I curled up there on the kitchen floor and wept.

My relationship was over before it began. I needed an outlet. I ignored Girlfriend and Sugar, who sniffed and licked at my face. Girlfriend whined and went to find Mom, who let out a little gasp when she saw me on the floor. She sat down on the floor and pulled my head into her lap. She stroked my hair and started singing to me.

Her voice was lovely and clear. It soothed me a little bit. Then she began crying, and then I started crying, and we were both crying and holding each other. Sugar put her paws up on my knee, so I scooped her up and added her to the hug circle. Then Girlfriend wanted in. Then Tony came in from outside, and he hugged both of us, tears falling down his cheeks.

We all held each other for a long time, then Mom spoke first.

“The funeral is the day after tomorrow,” she informed us. “You don’t have to come if you don’t want to.”

“He ruined our lives,” Tony said. “He was an abusive dick, treated you like shit, and treated me and Tobias even worse. He deserved to die.”

Mom and I looked at Tony in shock.

“You don’t mean that, honey.”

“No, I do. I’m glad he’s dead. It takes care of one problem.”

The funeral was small and cheap. Since he left us nothing but debt and pain, Mom had to ask for a loan from the bank to pay for the funeral. Uncle Bill and Aunt Julia were there, along with Grandma Ricci, who hugged me and Tony.

“Are you okay, Tobias?” my short grandmother asked me.

“I don’t know,” I told her truthfully. She nodded like she understood. But I noticed her lipstick was pink-her happy color. Her moods could be read by her lipstick color. If she was feeling sad, she wore black lipstick. Most of the time, though, her lipstick was cherry red. But her hair was as white as ever and her outfit was very solemn-a long black floral dress.

After the funeral, we all went out for Chinese. Dad hated Chinese food. In fact, from the way he talked about them, he hated people who weren’t white and Christian. One of his many horrendous qualities.

My phone dinged in the middle of eating my lo mein, so I took a quick peek. It was Nina, asking if I wanted to meet her at the pet store. She and Sophia were thinking about getting a dog, she said.

I knew this was fake, because Mrs. Martinez had mentioned to me one time that she was allergic to dogs. Still, I agreed to meet her there.

The moment I said goodbye to Grandma Ricci, I asked Mom to take me to the mall. She reluctantly agreed, even letting me drive with my learner’s permit.

Mom went to the bank to settle some assets with her lawyer while I looked for the pet store in the mall. I knew they sold puppies, small dogs, cats and kittens, rabbits, ferrets, birds, fish, reptiles and amphibians, spiders, and rodents such as guinea pigs and hamsters and rats and mice.

According to Logan, who worked there briefly, a lot of the dogs had kennel cough, proof that they got the dogs from puppy mills. That irked me a bit, since I don’t trust puppy mills. They’re crowded and dirty and hot/cold and the dogs don’t get enough water or food. Plus, a lot of the bitches have destroyed uteruses by the time they’ve stopped having pups.

Irritated already, I found the store and went in. I immediately went over to the puppies for a better look. A little pug wagged her tail and put her paws on the plexiglass, licking it furiously. My heart ached for her.

“Cute, isn’t it?” Nina said, coming up beside me.

“Adorable,” I affirmed.

“I was thinking of maybe getting a rabbit,” she said. “Or a ferret. What do you think?”

“I don’t know anything about rabbits or ferrets,” I admitted. “Other than what I’ve read in Watership Down.” That made me think of David, which felt like a needle going through my heart. I fought back tears as Nina put a hand on my shoulder. “Why did you want me to meet you here?”

“I wanted to tell you something.” She bit her lip, and I noticed that she had torn skin around her lip. She rarely ever wore makeup, which I liked. Unlike Sophia, who never went out of the house without eyeliner and mascara and foundation and lip gloss. It smeared when she sweated a lot in gym.

Nina was now biting her nails, which were short and unpainted. I realized I was comparing her to Sophia, and ordered myself to stop that at once, but I found myself wishing her hair was a little bit longer, and a bit lighter, like Sophia’s. They both had dark brown hair, but Nina’s was closer to black to Sophia’s was. I knew their mom had lighter hair than she dyed it-I’d seen her roots before.

They both had brown eyes, but Sophia’s eyes were larger, but Nina’s lashes were fuller. She continued to bite her nails as she pondered how to say what she wanted to say to me.

“It’s about Sophia,” she finally blurted out.

“What about your twin?” I asked.

“She’s using you.”

“Huh? Why would she use me?”

“For a practical joke. She and Maureen had a bet to see who could sleep with you first. Because you’re, well…” She lowered her eyes.

“Because I’m a loser.” And I knew that what she said was true. Why else would Maureen want to have sex with me? And Sophia…who was I, to think I’d have a chance with a girl like that? But I still didn’t want to believe Nina, so I told her exactly what I thought. “You’re lying.”

“No,” she told me. “I wish I was. I care about you, Tobias…a lot, which is why I thought you should know.”

“I know how you feel about me,” I said. Her eyebrows shot up and she looked at me in fear.

“H-how did you…?”

“I overheard you talking to Sophia and Michael. He’s crazy about you, Nina, which is why I think you should give him a chance. He’s better than me in a myriad of ways.”

“I do like Michael…but Michael also likes Michael a little too much. You’re more humble and sweet. I’ve liked you for a long time, Tobias.”

“I’m sorry, but…I’m in love with David.”

“Berkenschiemer? Tobias, are you gay?”

“I think I might be bi or pan. Either way, it’s David I’m in love with. Maureen and Billy were right.”

She lowered her face, and I could tell she was trying to conceal her tears.

Home was quiet. We all did our own thing. Mom was still talking with the bank and her lawyer, and Tony was playing games in his room. I was trying to focus on a book, but I couldn’t. I kept thinking about Nina. My heart broke for her. Why couldn’t I just like her? She’d been my friend since the second grade, ever since Billy pushed me down and kicked me in the rear.

While I’d been fighting tears, I heard a small “Are you okay?” It was Nina Martinez. I didn’t know much about her, other than she had a twin named Sophia who was very pretty. I had taken her hand and let her pull me up, then she asked me if I wanted to go on the swings.

That sparked a years-long friendship which was now on the verge of collapsing because I was a dork.

I left Nina and the pet store with a heavy heart. I decided to get a coffee at the coffee shop. But once I entered the shop, I saw Daphne in line, so I left. I started to walk home. But then Tony pulled up in his car.

“Get in,” he said, opening the passenger door. I did as he said.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

“What, I can’t spend time with my brother?”

“After what you did? No.”

He gave me a stunned look and sighed. “I know, Tobias. I know that I screwed up. Crazy bitch. She’s going to get away with it.”

Or is she? I thought, remembering David’s promise. “Tony, have you ever been in love?” I asked.

“Does Keisha Gardner count?”

“Yes.”

“Then yes. I am in love with Keisha.”

That had to be a first. Tony had never acted like he was in love before.

“Have you ever been so in love with someone, but it was impossible to be together?”

“It’s not impossible if it’s meant to be, Tobias. I thought it was impossible to be with Keisha because she’s friends with Spring, you know? But Spring has been cool about it. It’s odd.”

That was odd. I told Tony what Nina had said, and he said he wasn’t surprised. He never trusted Sophia, since she was Maureen’s best friend.

I didn’t want to believe it. Sophia was not that cruel. She couldn’t be. She was kind to me, even though I had chosen her over her sister.

Chapter Thirteen- The World is Cruel

“Tobias!” Logan ran up to me, breathing hard. “Turn around and go back home!”

“What do you mean?” I asked, walking around him up to the school. He grabbed my arm.

“Tobias, I’m serious. Call in sick, play hooky, pretend you’ve moved to Japan!”

“But Tony’s already inside.”

But Tony ran out seconds later. “Tobias, go get in the car, now!”

“What are you two going on about?”

“Nothing!” Logan shouted.

“It doesn’t sound like nothing!”

I heard laughter coming from the parking lot.

Billy walked by, guffawing. “Hey, Grass, like my artwork?”

“What are you talking about, Billy?”

“He hasn’t seen it yet! This is priceless!”

Billy laughed even harder and shoved a piece of paper in front of me. Logan made a grab for it, but I put it out of his reach and looked. Then paled.

It was me and David, kissing. Next to it was a picture of me in the locker room, half-naked with devil horns and a mustache and goatee on my face, and a face drawn on my naked belly. David had a male organ drawn on his face, next to his lips, and next to that was the words Boonga cracker. My heart broke for him.

Fat Boy and Dick-Muncher have awesome monkey sex!

I ran to Tony’s car, dropping the paper, and climbed into the passenger seat. Tony and Logan were both shouting at Billy, who held up his hands in surrender and gave them a Who, me? look.

Jake Abernathy ran up and pushed Logan to the ground. Logan got up and swung at Jake, who blocked him.

I fought back tears, but they came anyway, full-force. Fifteen-year-old guys do not cry over being bullied!

I pulled myself together and climbed out of my brother’s car. I needed to face it like a man.

I took a deep breath and shoved Billy out of my way, who shoved me back. I landed on my funny bone, hard.

I got up and swung at Billy, who dodged me. He grabbed my arm and twisted it behind my back. With my other arm, I grabbed his head and bounced it off the back of my skull. While he was dazed, I kicked him where it really hurts. He fell over, cursing me for kicking him there and I ran into the school, stopping when I realized the entire place was covered in that same damn picture. Crap.

I endured relentless teasing through homeroom, first period, and second period. Billy was in English, Biology, and Gym. Sophia was only in Gym, and she wasn’t at school today. David, when I saw him, avoided looking at me or speaking to me.

The teachers did what they could. They asked me if I knew who had distributed the “artwork”. I lied and said I didn’t. I knew they didn’t believe me (I’ve always been a terrible liar), but they didn’t bug me about it.

By the time Gym rolled around, I had been tripped, had my butt squeezed, been called several gay and lesbian slurs, and been called to speak to Mrs. Kramer yet again. She asked me if I knew who made the artwork, and I said no. She asked me if I was continuing to be bullied, and if I needed to speak to a guidance counselor. Yes and no.

“Look out, here comes the fat fag!” Billy shouted, and all the guys laughed and a few started chanting the two words. I fought tears as I changed into my gym clothes. Coach Wellington showed up sometime during the change and told everybody in the locker room to shut up, or he’d start handing out detentions.

Gym class was no better. Billy tripped me during the running workout every chance he got, and David said and did nothing. I assumed that meant he hated me now. When Coach wasn’t looking, Billy pretended to strangle me. Logan was the one who rescued me.

I began thinking of ways to get out of this predicament. I couldn’t think of any, other than using a weapon.

Tony did what he could, but the junior and freshman halls were so far apart, it would take a miracle for him to help me at school.

When gym ended, some guys cornered me and shoved my head into a toilet full of urine. Michael and Logan both rescued me that time. I wound up spitting some on Jake Abernathy. He didn’t like that, and threw a punch at me, but Logan stopped him in time.

Everything hurt. My heart, my stomach, my head, everything. I’d never been bullied by the whole class until now. I knew it was my own fault. I should not have antagonized Billy or rejected Maureen. What kind of guy rejects a hot chick like Maureen Goodman?

I was a loser. A nerd, a dork, a geek. And now that David wasn’t speaking to me, I had no reason to go back to school, so I begged Mom for a week off.

“You’ve already missed so much,” she told me, looking tired. “And I can’t afford to miss any work. I’ve been fired from my job at social services because of how many times the cops have been called to my house because of him. I have to find another job within the week, or we’ll lose the house.”

I didn’t know this. Neither did Tony. But he tried to help.

“Mom, Tobias is miserable. He’s picked on every day. He’s been called names, punched, tripped, lost friends, even had his head put in a toilet bowl full of pee.”

Mom burst into tears. “I know, but we can’t switch schools now. It’s been nice having you two go to the same school, and it’s your junior year. You’ll be going off to college in a couple years.”

“Mom, you can’t afford to pay for college, and neither can I.”

“We can get loans and grants.”

“Mom, I’m not going to risk you going further into debt because of me. I can wait for college.”

Mom’s lip quivered. Then she leaned forward and hugged Tony tightly. “I love you boys. Don’t ever change.”

Dinner was a subdued affair. Mom had cooked some steaks, but we barely ate them. I asked Mom how the pregnancy was going, she mentioned that the baby seemed to be healthy, and she thought it might be a boy, but that it hadn’t been confirmed yet.

Before I took my nightly shower, I checked my text messages. One from David.

David: Hey, baby, it’s me. I just wanted to say I’m sorry for not defending you today. I was hoping to ease off so Billy would leave you alone, but I was clearly wrong. Please forgive me. I still love you and want to be with you.

I felt physically ill. I threw up into the toilet several times. I took a shower and cleaned my mouth. David needed me more than ever. This was affecting him, too.

I didn’t bother to get out of bed the next morning, and Mom called the school, telling them I was sick. I spent the whole morning in bed, and spent the afternoon reading. When I checked my social media, I saw that Billy had sent me a friend request. I denied it, of course. I had several messages from him and Jake Abernathy. Same old thing, calling me names and telling me I was a worthless bastard and no girl would ever want me. The fact that they were right hurt.

I logged off of Facebook and reorganized my bookshelves by genre, author, and series. I thought about the easiest way out. I could do it. I could kill myself and all my problems would go away. But if I died, it would destroy Mom and Tony. I couldn’t do that to them, especially not Tony, since he’d been there for me more than anyone else.

This wasn’t the first time I considered suicide. I’d contemplated it before, after Rouge broke my heart and several times after a Bad Dad Night.

I threw up into the toilet several more times and heaved until my stomach was empty. Then I laid down in bed and moped.

Chapter Fourteen – Life Sucks

I paused where I was. I had no idea what I was doing here, let alone why. He’d betrayed me. He hurt me. He didn’t defend me when I couldn’t defend myself. My heart pounded like the dickens, my head hurting.

I knocked on the door. Ken was the one to open it. He grinned at me, showing meth teeth.

“If it isn’t David’s boyfriend. You know, he hasn’t slept with me since he’s been with you. That’s a first. Why do you think that is?”

“Ken, shut up and go away!”

David shoved his adopted father out of the way.

“Tobias, what’s wrong? Why are you here?”

I just threw my arms around him and breathed hard, my heart cracked in two. He hugged me back just as tightly.

“Baby, I promise you I’ll be there for you,” he said.

We let each other go and I looked at him, sighing. His eyes were bloodshot, his nose crooked as if he’d been punched. One eye was black, the other red.

“What happened to you?” I asked.

He rolled his eyes. “Ken and Daphne. Fought one night, Ken tried to assault her, I got in the middle. I’m okay now. How are you?”

“David, I think you know. Why me?”

“Billy’s a jerk, Tobias. You know that.”

“I know. The least you could have done is stop him.”

He barked out a laugh. “Me, against Billy? I’d be expelled! But you’re right, I should have defended you.”

“You just said two contradictory things! You either will defend me or you won’t.”

“You’re stronger than you think, Tobias. You could have taken him.”

“After years of my father’s abuse? Not likely!”

David looked furious. “Tobias, you need to learn how to stand up for yourself!”

“I tried that, but the bullying got worse!”

“Keep trying. I know you can do it.”

“David, stop being so stupid. I’m a weakling! I can’t even handle it when my mother is upset!”

“I watched my mother die, Tobias! I’m still hurting. Do you think I’ll ever get over that? You’re heartless.”

“I didn’t say anything like that!”

“You may as well have! It’s no wonder Billy picks on you. You’re an easy target.”

“Screw you, David!”

“Right back at you!”

A few minutes later, a video showed up online of the fight with David, titled “Two Gay Guys Fighting”. David unfriended me on Facebook and I deleted his number. If he wouldn’t defend me, then I’d forget about him.

I texted Sophia, but she said she was busy. I texted Michael. He was also busy. I didn’t bother to text Nina or Logan. Girlfriend seemed to sense my distress and cuddled up next to me. I thought for a moment. I hadn’t seen Sugar in a few days, and that got me to worrying. I hoped she was okay.

I found Tony in his room, playing his video games. When he saw me, he offered me a controller, and I took it. We played Grand Theft Auto until it was time for dinner.

The next week was much of the same thing. I was jeered at, ignored, tripped, had my head stuffed into toilets, and generally abused by my peers, mostly the other guys. A couple of girls asked me if I would be their shopping buddy. I told them I hated shopping, and one of them asked what was the point of being gay if I hated shopping?

My friends ignored me, and so did David. Even Logan and Nina.

When I got home, I saw a horrifying sight. Another dead cat. This one had its fur and skin removed. I vomited on the side of the road while Tony called the police and Mom.

I had a feeling that this dead cat was my missing cat, but I didn’t know for sure. I ran into my room and cried.

Then I got a surprise. Billy and some of his friends had taken a picture of me changing in the locker room. Sent to me by an anonymous number. This was too much for me. Then a picture of the dead cat in the yard, with a text saying “Like my surprise, you little bitch?”

This was too much. I showed the text and photos to Tony, who showed them to my mother. I heard her crying in her room all night. Tony fixed dinner himself. Macaroni and cheese. I didn’t bother eating it.

I dreamed that I was flying over the ocean, invisible and light. Then something grabbed my ankle. It was a giant sea monster with Billy’s face on it. He dragged me under the water, and I drowned in the dream.

I had never been to a therapist’s office. I knew that Aunt Julie and Uncle Bill saw one for marriage counseling when they were going through a rough patch last year. Mom sat beside me, Tony on my other side, reading a magazine.

“Grass family,” said a tall skinny man with dark curly hair and glasses. We followed Dr. Graves into his office.

His office was full of inspirational posters and sayings, including a kitten dangling from a tree saying “Hang in there!” He had plants all around, lush and green, and his office smelled like coffee and English Leather.

“I’ll start with an introduction,” he said, closing the door. “I am Flynn Graves. I have degrees in psychology and mathematics, and I’ve been a therapist for five years, working here for two. I assume you are Anne Grass?”

Mom nodded. “Yes.”

“All right. And you two?”

“I’m Tony, and this is Tobias,” Tony introduced. “We’ve been having some problems. Actually, we’ve been having problems for years.”

“I’d like to hear about them.

“My husband was abusive,” Mom said. “He drank a lot, and it made his temper worse. I was a student of his in college, he was my psychology professor. It was because of him that I was able to get a job at social services. But he began to show his true colors after Tony was born. When Tony was three, he spanked him multiple times, often for minor infractions or mistakes. He did the same to Tobias when he was a toddler. You probably don’t remember it, Tobias.”

“I don’t,” I admitted.

“My husband would refuse to let the boys shower and made them work like slaves. The whole house had to be spotless. We could only eat what he wanted, even if we hated it. Tony’s allergic to mussels, but he had to eat them several times when we were in California for a vacation or my husband would hit him. He had problems that whole week, and Joseph blamed me for it. When Tobias got his first dog, Joseph wouldn’t let her in the house and threatened to kill her several times. When she died, he said some heartless things to Tobias.

“When Tobias got the dog he has now, Joseph wouldn’t let her anywhere in the house except the bathroom and Tobias’ room. He even made her use a litterbox. He was controlling and evil, and when we found out I was pregnant, I had a long discussion with him. I told him either he had to leave, or I’d file a restraining order against him. He chose to leave. A few days later, he died to getting in a car wreck after drinking and the brakes failed. Now he’s gone, and things are still bad, because he left us with a load of debt and three broken hearts.”

“I see.” Flynn studied my mother. “I can tell you’ve been waiting for a long time to get this off of your chest, Ms. Grass. How far along are you?”

“Almost five months.”

“That’s a good amount of time. I’d like to hear from Tony and Tobias about their father.” He looked at us.

“What can I say? Guy was an asshole,” Tony said. “He cheated on Mom, abused all of us, drank himself to death, and I’m glad he’s dead. That’s one less problem for us to deal with.”

“Tony!” Mom cried.

“It’s good that you’re being honest, Tony,” Flynn said. “What about you, Tobias?”

I shrugged.

“Tobias is being bullied at school,” Mom told the doctor.

“How so?”

“I…I’m bisexual,” I told him. “I’ve been bullied for years by Billy Hank, but it’s gotten a lot worse lately. Billy and I both like the same girl, but she lost her virginity to him. And then I started hanging out with David, and things got worse.”

“Who is David, may I ask?”

“David Berkenschiemer. I don’t know if you could call him my boyfriend or not, but the point is, I fell in love with him. And Billy took a picture of us kissing in the locker room and spread it all around school.”

Tony produced a piece of paper from his pocket. I blushed when I realized what it was. The therapist’s eyes went wide when he saw the picture.

“Did this Billy make this?”

“Yes,” Tony said. “But things really took off when Tobias rejected Maureen Goodman after she asked him to have sex with her.”

Flynn looked at me. “What happened, Tobias?”

“I was…” Tears filled my eyes. “I was roofied. By her. And then I don’t know what happened, but the next thing I knew, I was naked and Maureen told everyone I cussed her out and told her I loved David.”

“I’m sorry that happened to you. Was it reported?”

“I took him to the hospital, but I don’t know if anything was done,” Tony said. “Someone also left two dead cats in our yard, one of which I think was ours. And then someone caught Tobias on video arguing with David and posted it online. Tobias can’t even go on Facebook anymore, because he’s so badly insulted and threatened online, too. They even got his number and sent him a message.”

I showed Flynn the message.

“Have you considered reporting this bullying to the police?” he asked.

“The police know who we are by this point,” Tony said. “They can’t do anything because they can’t prove who is bullying Tobias. They also didn’t do anything when Dad was alive. I don’t see the point anymore.”

Flynn turned to me. “Tobias, how do you feel about what he’s saying?”

“He’s right,” I said. “My brother is pretty much the only one I can rely on right now. Even my friends aren’t speaking to me. My friend Nina is Sophia’s twin, and she said that Sophia and Maureen had a bet to see who could sleep with me first. She said that Maureen cheated by drugging me. She also got a lot of money, I think.”

“I see.” The doctor looked at us for a long moment. “What else?”

“I’m fat,” I said. “That’s why Billy hates me. I also liked Sophia.”

“You realize Billy doesn’t know who his real father is, right?” Tony asked me.

“I thought he was with his real father?” I asked.

“Mike is the guy who married his mother,” Tony corrected. “She was murdered by a woman who wanted the baby while she was pregnant with Billy’s sister. Before she died, she told Mike that Billy wasn’t his real son.”

“How do you know this?” I demanded.

“I know Jared Hank,” he said. “Billy’s older brother, the one who dropped out in the middle of his senior year? Apparently, Mike has a real Irish temper and doesn’t like Billy because he’s not his real son. So he beats him on a daily basis.”

“I can’t say I feel sorry for him.”

“I didn’t think you would. But anyways, Billy doesn’t have a mother, sister, or father anymore.”

“There’s something else you two should know,” Mom said. We looked at her. She sighed and took a deep breath. “I’m going to law school. And I’ve been seeing someone, even before your father died.”

We stared at her. She continued. “His name is Thomas Nesbitt. I knew him in senior year of high school and college.”

Our therapy session cost Mom a hundred dollars and she paid in cash.

When we got home, David was on the porch, smoking a cigarette.

“What’s he doing here?” Tony griped. David stepped on his cigarette and walked up to me, throwing his arms around me.

“Let me go, David,” I growled.

“Tobias, look at me,” he said. “I’m sorry for everything. It was my fault. I know you probably don’t believe me, but it’s the damn truth.”

I bit my lip and felt tears enter my eyes. Then I hugged him.

“I’m sorry too, David,” I said.

“Don’t be, baby. Like I said, it was my fault.”

I buried my face in his chest. “I don’t know what to do, David. I’ve tried everything.”

“Leave it to me.”

“What? What do you mean?” I asked him.

“You’ll find out.”

His words made me pause. I didn’t trust him.

“David, please tell me.”

“No, just trust me. I’ll take care of everything.”

Chapter Fifteen – David’s Plan

I found out what he meant at school. The first thing I noticed was the bike. A motorcycle, actually. It was huge, black, polished, and looked expensive. Sitting on the motorcycle was the biggest man I’d ever seen. He had long dark red hair in a ponytail, bulging muscles, legs like tree trunks, and a small goatee. His chest and stomach were extremely broad.

He turned to look at me and Tony, and his eyes were green.

“Hey, you Tobias?” he asked, twirling a cigarette in his fingers.

“Y-yes, t-t-that’s m-me,” I said nervously. He chuckled.

“Don’t be nervous. David sent me. He explained everything. My name’s Gale. I’ll take care of Billy for you.”

“You’re not going to beat him up, are you?”

He laughed. “No, I’d get arrested for that. Of course, I still might get arrested, but I’d do anything for David. He’s like a little brother to me.”

Billy appeared then, walking up to us. Gale got off his motorcycle. For once, I saw something…fear…in Billy’s eyes when he saw the big guy.

Gale grabbed the front of Billy’s shirt and leaned low to face him.

“I’m saying this only once,” he said. “Stay away from Tobias.”

Then Gale got back on his motorcycle and rode away.

Billy left me alone until Thanksgiving break. Then he gave me a wedgie right before school. I yelped, and Billy smushed dirt into my hair.

“Lose some weight, fatass,” Billy chuckled.

“Watch it, penishead,” David said, grabbing Billy by the collar. “I thought you were supposed to leave Tobias alone.”

“I knew it was you who sent that guy,” Billy growled. “Guess what, Dickhead David? I’m not changing.”

“What do you have against me?” I demanded.

“You’re fat, you’re a loser, you stole my girl, you’re a faggot, you’re a nerd, you’re a doofus-“

“Shut up.”

Even I was surprised at the words coming out of my mouth. I continued.

“It’s the same damn thing every day. You insult me, you put bugs in my hair, you beat me up, you ruin my clothes, you ruin my friendships, and you ruin the one good relationship I have left. Fuck off and leave me alone, Billy Hank.”

He was speechless. So was everyone else. I saw Tony give me a thumbs-up, and David looked impressed.

Chapter Sixteen – Changes

Tonight’s dinner was McDonald’s. Mom didn’t have time to go to the store with her new classes, so she picked up fast food. Dad would have had a coronary. I picked at my French fries, while Tony scarfed down three burgers and downed his large soda in two minutes.

“Why the long face, little buddy?” he asked. “You should be proud of yourself.” He burped loudly, and Mom shouted “Manners!”

“I can’t help but wonder…what’s he going to do next?”

“Hey, don’t worry about the future. Worry about now. You have some relationships to fix.”

He was right, of course. Older brothers usually are, even mine.

David was picking me up at seven. He pulled up in his rusty, dusty red pick-up truck and honked the horn.

“I’ll be back,” I said.

“Wer u gonin?” Tony asked, his mouth full of food.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” I chided him. “I’m going with David.”

He swallowed his burger. “Tobias, David is dangerous. Stay away from him.”

“You are not the boss of me.”

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

David was smoking a cigarette when I climbed into his truck. It smelled like him-cigarettes and weed. But there was also an earthy, minty undertone, which I realized was the scent of some dried herbs he’d taped to the underside of the dash.

“Hey, David,” I said.

He smiled at me. “Hello, lover. Forgive me for the smell; I just had a joint. What do you want to do?”

“Let’s go to the park,” I said.

“All right, fine with me.”

He drove to a nearby park where wild roses flourished and a fountain of a half-naked Venus stood in the middle. Children played on the playground, dog owners walked their canines, and David and I sat on the grass near the fountain.

For a long while I just stared at him. He was so beautiful. His blue eyes were bright and shining, his platinum hair shining as brightly and healthily. He exuded radiance.

He closed his eyes and faced the sun. His skin was clear, if a bit marked by the occasional blemish. He said nothing and I purred as I continued to watch him. But someone was watching us. Or several someones.

A group of teenage girls had spotted us. They were giggling and gesturing to David, who ignored them.

“He’s cute,” one of them said.

“Go talk to him.”

“But that chubby boy is sitting with him; do you think they’re a couple?”

“Ew, no, they’re probably just friends. Who’d date a fat guy like that?”

That hurt. David heard them, too. He opened his eyes and glared in their direction. Then he grabbed me by the shirt and pulled me toward him. He smushed his lips against mine. He made a loud smacking sound when he pulled away.

Some of the girls laughed, others reacted in disgust or hurt.

“Tobias is my boyfriend,” David said. “Leave us alone, you harpies.”

They glared at him and left, still chattering about us.

“You didn’t need to call them harpies,” I told him.

“They called you fat and chubby.”

“But I am, David. It’s a fact of my pathetic life. I’m used to all kinds of verbal abuse.”

“You don’t need to put up with bullies, Tobias. You need to stand up for yourself. I won’t always be around to help you out. And you can’t rely on your mother.”

“I know,” I sighed. “Tony does what he can, though.”

“But the freshman and junior halls are too far apart,” David argued. “He can’t defend you if he’s two halls over. Besides, he won’t always be around, either. He’s always dating two or three girls at once.” He scoffed. “And they call me a player.”

“David, I love you, but you’re wrong about Tony. He’s around more often than you think. And he’s not dating more than one girl at a time.”

“You’re wearing rose-colored glasses, Tobias. He’s fucking Keisha Gardner, Spring Garcia, and Delilah what’s-her-last-name right now.”

“Not everything is about sex, David.”

“Tobias, you’re one of the few virgins at our school…” He trailed off. “Okay, forget that I said that. Almost everyone in our grade has already done it. You should hear the girls in the locker room talking about it. It seems like all of them have fucked somebody, or want to fuck somebody, or are fucking somebody. Why do you think Maureen and Sophia are friends? They’re both sluts.”

“Sophia’s nice to me,” I whispered.

“I hate to tell you this, but she’s only pretending to be your friend. She wants your homework answers.”

“That’s not true! She’s one of the few friends I have left.”

He shrugged. “Okay. It’s your delusion. But if she messes with you, she’s dead.”

“David! Be nice.”

“Tobias, I can’t possibly be nice to someone as fake as Sophia Martinez. Sorry, baby.”

“I’ll prove you wrong,” I told him.

“Trust me. She’s not your friend.”

I bit my lip.

“Shut up, David!”

He held up his hands in surrender. “Whoa! Down, boy! I know it’s hard to accept. I lost friends and family when my parents died. I can’t go back to Australia. Not until everything’s settled. But there seems to be just as much danger here, if not more. You still have poisonous snakes and spiders, and you have things like bears and wolves. Not to mention the people, which are mostly selfish and greedy and vain. Heck, New Jersey alone, the many dangers…but I’m not leaving anytime soon, so don’t you worry.”

“David, the most selfish and vain person I ever knew was my father.”

He chuckled. “I don’t blame you for hating him, then. But everyone’s selfish and greedy, including you.”

“David, I am not a bad person!”

“I’m not saying you are. I’m just saying, everyone has those traits, some more than others. You need attention and friendship of others, therefore, you’re greedy and selfish.”

“It’s a basic human need. And you’re one to talk about selfishness!”

“Tobias, I’m not trying to upset you. I’m just being honest.”

I gave him a disgusted look and stood up. I pulled my pants up before storming away.

“Hey, wait up!” I ignored him. He grabbed my arm and pulled me around to face him. “Tobias, I’m sorry. That was stupid. I’ll buy you a drink. What say you?”

“Leave me alone, David. You’re just like all the rest of them.”

“No, I’m really not. I am the most real person you know, Tobias Anthony Grass. I love you.”

“You love my weakness.”

“You are not weak.”

For a moment we just scowled at each other. Then David spoke again. “Tobias, I love you because you’re smart, and you’re real, and you’re stronger than you know. I knew someone who went through exactly what you’ve gone through, and he committed suicide when he was fourteen. You’re still alive at fifteen. Doesn’t that speak volumes about you?”

“The only reason why I’m still alive is because it would kill Tony if I were to kill myself.”

David went silent at that. “Forgive me,” he said at last. “I thought you were stronger than that. You have so many reasons to live.”

“Screw you, David.”

“I would love that, but not right now. Let’s just walk.”

“No. I’m done right now.”

“Well, I’m not. This is another example of selfishness, Tobias.”

I reacted before I thought. I smacked him. Seconds later, I was on the ground, bleeding.

“Oh my god,” someone breathed. “Tobias, I’m so sorry!”

Fighting tears, I got up and walked. I didn’t look back. Finally, I ran out of breath. I’d only walked two blocks before I had to stop. David drove by in his truck. He parked and got out.

“Tobias, I’m sorry I hit you,” he said. “I wasn’t thinking. I just reacted. I won’t hurt you ever again, I swear it.”

I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face in his chest. I started crying, although I tried to hide it from him. I think he knew, though.

Damn it, I loved David. But he’d gone too far this time. But at the same time, I wanted to forgive him. I knew I couldn’t tell Mom or Tony about this. They’d keep him away from me. I climbed into the cab of David’s truck, and he drove. He drove past my house, past his house, not stopping until we reached the edge of Burkhard.

I saw a large hidden lake with a dock over the water. David took my hand and walked me to the dock, where he sat down. I sat beside him. He offered me a cigarette. I took it. He lit it, and I tried to copy his actions as he drew on it and smoked.

It had a minty undertone, like the smell of David’s truck. I breathed in and out. The cigarette turned to ash. David flicked his butt out into the water, where it was promptly eaten by a turtle, who spit it out after.

“I’m sorry, Tobias,” David said. “My problems are not your fault, and I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that. It was abusive, and it won’t happen again. I also won’t ever hit you again, even if you hit me first.”

“I didn’t mean to hit you,” I said. “It just sort of happened.”

“I know that. My sister has a bad temper, and she hits me and Ken all the time. When she gives birth, she’ll probably hit the baby, too.”

“That’s not good.”

“No, but what can I do? She’s still a minor by United States law, and she’ll kill me if I call somebody. They’ll also take us away from Ken, and she won’t leave Ken. She loves the bastard.”

“I thought he was your cousin?”

“He’s like our third cousin twice removed. So he’s still technically related to us. I have a disgusting sister, don’t I?”

“Why can’t you get away?”

“Who would take me? A weed-smoking, cigarette-smoking orphan from Australia who does meth and occasionally drinks? And I’m driving without a license. No, I’m better off with Ken and Daphne.”

“David, I…” I didn’t know what to say. “David, come stay with us.”

He smirked. “No. Your mom’s got enough on her plate. Besides, I doubt you asked her. And your brother hates my guts.”

“He doesn’t hate you.”

“You’re too sweet. Yes, Tobias, Tony hates me. I hate him too, come to that.”

“David!”

“Tobias, you hate Ken.”

He had a point there.

“Well, well, well, isn’t this sweet?”

Crap!”

I turned around. Billy was standing there, smirking. David flicked his cigarette into the water again, and I noticed the knife Billy had.

“Catch a fish,” Billy said. A goon appeared behind him-Brandon Long. Brandon waded into the water and easily caught a large fish. “Grab him.”

Two other goons-Jake Abernathy and Tom Ford-grabbed me while Gus Kelfer and Charlie Cook grabbed David.

“Are you filming this?” Billy called out.

“Totally,” said a familiar female voice. Maureen! Bitch. I saw her come out of the trees, phone in hand.

“Throw the fish down his throat,” Billy told Brandon. Brandon walked over to me, making sure the camera had a good view, and I clamped my mouth shut. Brandon stomped on my foot and I opened my mouth, only to have a fish head thrown in.

“It’s too big!” Brandon shouted.

“Well, then, get another one!”

Brandon tossed the poor fish back into the water, where it floated stilly on the water, and grabbed a smaller minnow. He forced my mouth open and shoved it in. The fish was slimy and wiggly, and I wanted throw up.

“Swallow it, or else,” Billy said, holding the knife up to David’s throat. I swallowed it. They all laughed. I felt like crying. I felt onto the deck, my stomach wiggling around from the fish.

I threw up on Brandon Long’s shoes. He kicked me in the mouth, then held my head underwater for a minute as a revenge.

“We can’t kill him,” Jake Abernathy said.

“Someday, but not today,” Billy sighed.

Charlie and Gus let David go, while Tom and Jake let me go.

An hour later, I was back home. David drove in silence, and I wanted to die. After they’d let me go, they cut the now-dead fish’s head off and threw it back into the water. Laughing, they all left, except for Billy.

“That’s for everything,” he smirked, then left as well.

We reached my house. I opened it in silence. Now David would never talk to me again. I had no friends.

David didn’t say anything as Tony came out, smiling, but his face fell when he saw me.

“What did you do?!” he shouted at David.

“Why do you always assume it was me?” David snapped. “It’s not my damn fault! Tobias got himself into this mess. Tobias, don’t text me.”

I went upstairs and turned the shower on. I ran it freezing cold and took a long shower, then I used a new toothbrush to brush my teeth. I was running out of toothbrushes.

Later, I learned that the video had been uploaded onto YouTube and then reported by dozens of people. But it was also posted on all sorts of websites like Facebook, TikTok, Twitter, even the school website. Tony showed Mom, who ranted and raved about Billy and his friends. She begged me to talk to her, but I couldn’t. And things were about to get better.

Chapter Seventeen – Father

Billy’s adopted father, Mike, was short, but imposing. He was broad in the shoulder and had a patchy beard and wore a cheap insurance suit. Billy sat across from me, his eyes filled with hate. The Principal, Mrs. Kramer, looked serious with her hair tied back in a severe bun and a grey suit. David, Tony, Nina, Michael, and Logan were there as witnesses.

“What has my son done this time?” Mr. Hank asked. “Other than the obvious. I promise you he’s already been punished severely and made to take that damned video down.”

“Thank you for being here, everyone,” Mrs. Kramer said. “For reference, I am Mrs. Kramer, the principal of Burkhard High School, to my left is Mr. Calvin, the assistant principal, the guidance counselor, Mr. Hu, and to my right is Ms. Lilly, who teaches English, Mr. Donatello, who teaches American History, Mrs. Klein, who is the study hall teacher, Mr. Garr, who teaches Biology, and Mr. Barry, who teaches Geometry.

“The reason why we are all here is because Billy Hank has been bothering Tobias Grass for some time now. He-“

“Is this true?” Mr. Hank looked at Billy. Billy mumbled under his breath. “Answer me, boy!” Mr. Hank shouted, shaking Billy’s shoulder.

“Ow! Fine, yes!”

“Mr. Hank, please! Billy has apparently bullied Tobias for years, but this year it has gotten much worse. Two dead cats were found on the Grass’ front lawn, their own cat went missing, Billy pushed Tobias into a set of lockers, a bet was made as to which girl would take Tobias’ virginity first, Tobias was drugged by an unknown person at a party and later found naked the next morning, Tobias has lost friends, been tripped and insulted, called names, and been outed as being gay despite not being that way. There may be more, but this is all we have at the moment.”

As she spoke, Mr. Hank’s face got redder and redder. Finally, he turned to look at Billy, then me.

“I assure you, son,” he said to me, his teeth clenched, “That whatever Billy has done to you, I will do to him tenfold. As for you, Billy, my house will be the cleanest it’s ever been, and you are going to do it all. And then you are going to go to the shelter to get a new cat for this young man, and then you are going to volunteer there every day for the rest of your life. I know you’re behind on homework, too, and your grades are abysmal. I also know you’ve been bullying more people than young Tobias here.

“Ma’am,” he said, turning to Mom, “How much does an animal like this cost? I’m afraid I don’t know, as I’m allergic to cats.”

“Sugar’s adoption fee was a hundred dollars,” Mom said. “But it can go higher depending on the age of the cat.”

“Pay her,” Mr. Hank said to Billy. “Now.”

Billy dug out his wallet and handed Mom a fistful of cash. She handed it to me.

“What kind of punishment are we talking about here?” Mr. Hank asked Mrs. Kramer.

“We’re talking expulsion,” Mr. Hu told him. “Billy has gotten physical with both Tobias and David, along with several other students, even putting mold in a student’s rectum.”

Magenta was not Mike Hank’s color. He grabbed Billy by the back of the neck and squeezed.

“Mr. Hank, please,” Mrs. Kramer begged. “We still have to hear witnesses-“

“I’ve heard enough. Pack your shit, boy. We’re leaving today.”

He forced Billy out of his chair and threw him out the door, heading toward the freshman hall.

“Tobias! Wait up!”

It was David.

“Go away,” I growled.

“No! Tobias!”

“STAY AWAY FROM ME!”

He fell back like I’d hit him again.

I fought back tears and stomped away.

Home was empty and bare without Dad and Sugar. Without life. Life was empty without my friends or David. I wanted to die.

Nina called me twelve times, Logan eight, and Michael three times. I also got a call from an unknown number, which I ignored. My heart was broken.

I couldn’t control my eyes anymore. I started crying. I felt weak and pathetic. I didn’t even feel like reading, so I just laid on my bed staring at the ceiling. My heart pounded in my chest. The doorbell rang, making me jump, and Girlfriend started barking.

“What the fuck?” Tony’s words surprised and worried me. “What the fuck is this?”

I got up and went down to see what the fuss was about.

A pink carnation lay on the front porch, with a piece of paper with my name written on it.

“Another insult,” I muttered.

“No, honey, it’s not supposed to be an insult,” Mom said, picking up the flower. “It’s an apology.”

“Three guesses from who.” Tony smirked.

I stared at the flower and sat at the dining room table. I twirled the flower in my fingers, petting the pink petals. I’ve never really cared for pink, but today it was the most beautiful color in the world.

Chapter Eighteen– New Start

I took a long drink of my Diet coke as Michael came back with a whole pizza and Logan took a seat beside him. After I’d finally called Michael and Logan back, on a group call, apologies were made all around, and now we were just waiting for Nina.

“Where is she?” I asked, taking a slice of cheese.

“She said something about a sale at Plato’s Closet,” Michael said. She’d finally accepted his invitation to date.

“Since when is Nina into clothes?”

“She said she needed some new jeans.”

“Huh.”

“Have you spoken to David?” Logan asked, taking a bite of crust.

“No, but he keeps leaving me flowers. Like yesterday, he gave me this pretty white vase full of pink roses. Mom thinks they’re sweet. I told her she can have them. I don’t even know if I want to keep seeing David.”

“Well, I don’t know much about dating gay guys, since I’m not gay or bi, but I can read between the lines. He misses you,” Logan told me. “Do you miss him?”

“So freaking much. But he hurt me, Logan. And he’s hot and cold. I can’t date someone who can’t decided whether he likes me or not.”

“I get that. That’s what I said to Jenna Gordon. She couldn’t decide whether she liked me or Jake Abernathy more, and I’m sorry, but I can’t date anyone who thinks a guy who picks on my buddy is hot.”

“Thanks, Logan.”

“Sure.”

I sighed. “I just wish I knew where Sugar was.”

“I feel for you, I do. When Sasha went missing, I was devastated. She’s a pug, and it was summertime, so she can’t handle the heat. Imagine my surprise when I found her digging in my neighbor’s garden. Old Man Jenks pulled me into his backyard and literally said ‘I believe this belongs to you?’”

“But cats have more predators than dogs do. Owls and eagles and coyotes and foxes and wolves…”

“When was the last time you saw a wolf around here?”

“It’s possible.”

“A dat iz al da pradors,” Michael said, his mouth full of pizza. I gave him a disgusted look while Logan said, “What’s that, Michael?”

Michael swallowed his food, making an obnoxious gulping sound, and said, “Those are all dog predators, too. Little ones, at least.”

I poked at my food and sighed. I missed David. Logan poked my ribs.

“Hey, forget about him,” he said, reading my mind. “He doesn’t deserve a good guy like you.”

“I know, Logan, but I still love him.”

“David?” Michael inquired. “Carrot Top is right, Tobias. David’s a jerk. It’s no wonder they call him Dickhead David.”

“Everyone in our class has had sex, except Nina,” I said. “Why does everyone pick on the gay guys?”

“Not all the gay guys, just you and David.”

“Thanks, Michael. And I’m not gay.”

“If you say so.”

“I’m not! I like girls, too!”

“How do you know?”

“How do you know you’re straight? Picture yourself with…um, Andre. What do you think about getting close to him?”

Michael made a disgusted face. “No, thank you. Andre scares me.”

“David used to scare me, too, but damn it, that changed, but I can’t trust him now. What if he leaves me when I need him most?”

“Speaking of which,” Michael said, looking past Logan’s shoulder. Logan and I turned our heads. David was walking into the men’s room. Seconds later, a couple of guys dressed in all black followed him.

“Shit,” I said. “Something’s not right.”

“Don’t get involved, Tobias,” Logan warned, putting his hand on my arm.

“But David could be in danger.”

“They’re just a couple of creepy guys, Tobias. They won’t do anything except pee.”

“But David-“ I heard a scuffle from his general direction. My heart pounding, I followed the sound.

“Tobias, don’t!”

Ignoring Logan, I headed for the bathroom just as the two guys ran out. One of them was holding a bloody knife. My heart leaped into my throat. I ran inside.

David was on the floor, hands over his stomach, grimacing.

“Son of a bitch,” he groaned.

“David!” I knelt beside him. Well, I tried. My huge stomach got in the way and I had to sit instead.

“Tobias, what are you doing here? Get out of here!”

“David, what happened?”

“They just took my wallet. It’s just a flesh wound, Tobias. It’s not that bad.”

“You’re bleeding profusely and groaning in pain!”

“Don’t worry about me. Get out of here. They’ll be back for my life.”

“I’m not going to leave you!”

“Goddammit, Tobias, get out of here! Leave me!”

“What’s going on in here?”

Logan and Michael had entered the room. Logan spoke first.

“Shit…go get an employee, or security, or somebody, Michael!”

“I’m fine,” David groaned.

“No, you’re not,” Logan said. “Did he stab you?”

David nodded.

“Okay, Tobias, apply pressure to the wound. Michael should be back soon. Use something to cushion his head.”

I took off my jacket and pressed the fabric against David’s stomach. Logan took off his own jacket and used it as a pillow for him. We forced him to lay down. A man came in, saw David, then ran back out. I heard him shouting, “A kid’s been hurt!”

“At least this may take some pounds off,” David joked weakly. “I’ve been meaning to lose weight.”

“Since when are you concerned about your weight?”

“Since the scale told me I weighed more than Daphne. Isn’t that hilarious? I weigh more than my extremely pregnant sister.”

“David, stop trying to be funny. This is serious!”

“I told you, I’m fine. Everyone’s making a big fuss over nothing.”

“It doesn’t look like nothing!”

Michael and the man from earlier came in with an employee from the taco counter and a security guard.

“I’ll take over, from here, boys,” the security guard said. He pointed at the employee. “You call the cops. I’ll pull the tapes to see what happened.”

“They took my wallet,” David said.

“What did they look like?”

“White guys, dark hair, one had green eyes, the other had greenish-brown eyes, more hazel. Both dressed in black, one had tennis shoes, the other had boots. They used a knife.”

“Well, he’s talking, at least,” the employee said, already on the phone with a dispatcher.

“I’m a doctor,” the extra man said. I’d forgotten he was there. He kneeled down. “What’s your name, son?”

“David.”

“Is there anyone we can call, David?”

“My parents are dead.”

“Do you have an adult sibling or a guardian?”

“Yes, I have a guardian. His name’s Ken, but he’s a drunk. He’s probably passed out on the couch.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. I’m Thomas Maxwell. Focus on me.”

“I’m his boyfriend,” I said. David smiled at me.

“I’m glad you’ve forgiven me.”

“Shut up, David.”

“That’s the Tobias I know and love.”

“Tobias, do you have a parent who can come get you?”

“I can’t stay with David?”

Thomas Maxwell bit his lip. “I’m not sure yet. The ambulance will be here soon, and they may have rules. But of course I’m okay with it.”

“David?” I turned to him. “David, talk to me.”

“Tobias, I’m all right. You’re fussing over nothing,” David insisted. “I’ve had worse.”

“That scares me,” Thomas Maxwell said. “What injuries have you had in the past?”

“Both my legs, my right arm, my ribs have all been broken.”

Two paramedics arrived shortly and lifted him onto a stretcher.

“I’ll stay with you,” I said.

“No,” David said. “Go home, Tobias. I’ll be all right, I promise. I’ve had much worse injuries than this.”

A crowd had gathered outside the bathrooms. Several people gasped when they saw David. I saw my friends at the front of the crowd.

“He’ll survive,” I announced. “He doesn’t want me to go with him. He claims he’s had worse.”

Nina hugged me wordlessly. Michael hugged me, and Logan patted me on the back.

I noticed Maureen, Sophia, Ashley, Chloe, and their clique of popular girls nearby, whispering to each other. Why was Sophia still talking to Maureen? She knew she’d hurt me.

Tony got me from the mall, and I asked him to follow the ambulance. He gave me a strange look, until I told him what had happened. He reluctantly followed it, despite hating the person inside. Isn’t he a great brother?

Michael, Nina, and Logan sat in the backseat, chattering about what had happened. They asked me what had happened, and I told him. David was stabbed and had his wallet stolen.

 

When we got to the hospital, though, I was told that David didn’t want any visitors. Heartbroken, I went back to my brother’s car. When I told Tony, he looked furious.

“Damn bastard,” he said. “He treats you like dog shit, Tobias.”

I hated to admit it, but my brother was right. David did treat me like dog shit-like almost everyone else I knew. My own father hated me and abused me and Tony daily. My mother refused to do anything about it until she got pregnant a third time.

Didn’t I deserve better? I wasn’t sure anymore.

I laid in bed, curled up and staring at the door. Girlfriend began to whine, so I let her in, and she proceeded to give me doggie kisses. I felt acid curdling in my belly. I looked at my social media. More insults came my way from Billy and his gang. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to live anymore or not.

I knocked on Tony’s door. He gestured for me to enter, eyes glued to the TV screen.

“What’s up, bro?”

“Tony…what if I’m wrong about David?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, what if he’s just using me, like a toy or something?”

Tony paused his game and smiled at me. “I’m sorry, Tobias, but that’s just what he does. He plays with people like they’re toys. Remember, he cheated on Chester with Andre, and he cheated on Andre with Marcus, and he cheated on Marcus, then Shane, and you.”

That name again. “Who’s Shane?”

“Shane Taylor. Skateboarder. Black hair. Wears eyeliner and skinny jeans. A lot of guys and girls both like him, but he likes guys.”

I had to find this Shane Taylor. “What skate park does he go to?”

Tony told me, and I asked him if I could borrow his car.

“You’re not going to kill him, are you?” he asked seriously. “Because that would seriously screw up your life even more.”

“Of course not. Just talk to him.”

He tossed me his keys, and I left. I’d driven Tony’s car before, when he’d given me driving lessons around the abandoned mall parking lot.

I found the skate park, the acid still curdling inside me. I felt like I was going to throw up. I recognized him immediately. He was handsome. Too handsome. He did have black hair, but it was clearly dyed, and his bangs hung in his eyes. He’d added gel, and he did wear eyeliner, a lot of it. He wore black clothes. Skinny jeans, a studded belt, skate sneakers, earrings in both ears, bracelets, a chain necklace, and he even had a wallet chain.

I opened the door. “Shane Taylor?”

He turned and looked at me suspiciously. “Who the hell are you?” He had stronger Jersey accent than mine. I barely had any accent at all.

“I’m David’s boyfriend.”

He scowled and turned away. He started to put his skateboard on the edge of the skating dip, but I spoke up.

“Wait! I want to talk.”

“We have nothing to talk about,” he said, turning to look at me. “You want David? You can have him.”

“I’m Tobias.”

“Oh, so you’re Tobias. I don’t know what he ever saw in you.” Ouch.

“David’s hurt,” I said. “Badly.” He waited. “He was stabbed in the abdomen. They stole his wallet.”

“I knew something would happen eventually. He’ll either wind up dead or in jail. Get out while you still can.”

“Wait, you hinted that you already knew about me. How?”

“Why the fuck do you think? He talked about you nonstop! Tobias this, and Tobias that. ‘Tobias is so damn cute. Tobias is so damn smart. I’ll wait for Tobias.’ Yip-di-fucking-doo for you.”

“He’s in danger,” I said. “By just knowing me. There’s a video-“

“I saw that video. My sister showed it to me. She said ‘Isn’t that David?’ I couldn’t take my eyes off him. I was afraid they’d shove a fish down his throat next!”

I blushed. “That’s why I need your help. I need you to help me with a bully problem.”

“Forget about it. It’s not my problem. I’m staying out of it. Even though it’s David.” But I could see the pain in Shane’s eyes.

“But you still love him!”

“He don’t love me! He’s got you now, Victim Boy. Whether he dies for knowing you or not is no longer my issue. And you’re wrong. I don’t love him. I hate him!”

“I thought the same thing, too! But I can’t get him out of my mind.”

Shane paused. His scowl softened. “Neither can I. Damn it, you’re right, I do still love him. I worshipped and adored him. He cheated on me with you. He’ll cheat on you next.”

I knew he was right. I turned around, and got a punch to the face. I fell over backwards, feeling dizzy. My head cracked against the hard pavement, and I heard sickening laughter.

“Good one, Billy!”

“Got you that time, faggot! That’s for tattling on me to my father!”

“Hey! That wasn’t necessary or nice.”

“Who are you?”

“I’m Shane. What are you hitting him for?”

“Because he’s a fat gay nerd. You want to be next?”

“Touch me and I’ll send your nose through your brain!”

“Looks like we got us another faggot here, boys. What do you say we teach him a lesson?”

My vision cleared, and I slowly sat up, only to get a boot to my chest. Billy stepped on my ribs, pushing me down.

“Let him go, Billy.”

I didn’t see the voice, only heard him…and recognized him. It wasn’t David, it was Andre. He grabbed Billy’s shoulder. For once, Billy looked scared. No, not scared. I was shocked at the genuine look of terror on Billy’s face. Suddenly, Jake kicked Andre between the legs from behind. Andre went down, holding his privates.

Shane grabbed Jake in a chokehold, and I quickly sat up, feeling ill. Someone grabbed my hand.

I looked up. “What are you doing here?”

“Getting you out of this,” Tony answered. He helped me up and rushed me to his car.

“How’d you get here?” I asked.

“Walked. And thank God I did. What are you going to do if I’m not around to save your ass next time?”

“What about Andre and Shane?”

“Andre’s a big boy. He can take care of himself.”

“We’re not leaving him!”

“Fine! Andre! Get your black butt over here!”

Andre glared at him. “That’s how you thank me, Tony? I just saved Tobias!”

“I will always be grateful for that, but look!”

Jake had a gun out and was pointing it at Shane. My heart dropped into my stomach.

Shane was frozen, being held up by two of Jake and Billy’s cronies. Jake cocked the gun. He smiled a slow, evil smile, and even Billy looked afraid.

“Jake,” Billy said slowly, “Put the gun down, man.”

“No, I don’t think I will,” Jake said.

But then, salvation. Two cop cars appeared with their lights flashing, and four officers got out with their guns drawn.

“Put down your weapon!” one of them shouted.

Jake turned red, and held up his hands. He dropped the gun.

We were all taken separately and questioned. They wanted to know what we were doing here today, why we met, what happened to make Jake point his gun at Shane.

I detailed my whole day to the officer, who took notes in her notepad. She let me go when I finished, and after a few more minutes, my brother was released, and took me home.

Chapter Nineteen – Start Again

I went to the hospital where David was being held. He looked so content, asleep in the hospital bed. He was beautiful, he really was. My heart pounded in my chest for him.

“David,” I said, “I met Shane. I guess he’s okay. I mean, I get it if you want to leave me for him. He’s better looking than me. Things really got out of control the other day when you were stabbed, because Billy and Jake and their group showed up at the skate park.”

“Did Shane live?” he asked, opening one eye. I stared at him, stunned.

“I thought you were asleep.”

“I was resting my eyes. Is Shane all right? More importantly, are you all right?”

“Yeah, the cops took Jake and Billy away for assault and attempted assault with a deadly weapon. But Shane’s…he’s…and Andre was there…”

“My ex Andre?”

“Yeah, he saved my butt. I should thank him. But anyway, Tony was there, too, and he saved both my and Andre’s butts.”

“Good. I couldn’t live with myself if anything happened to you. Do you really think I’d choose Shane over you?”

“I mean, he seems more your type-“

“I’m tired of boys like that, Tobias. I want you. You’re sweet and intelligent. I love you, Tobias.”

“But you don’t really like me enough to stay with me when it gets tough.”

“Forgive me, I’m a coward. A fucking coward. I’m fucking crazy about you, Tobias Anthony Grass.”

I leaned over and kissed him. He smelled like weed. My lover. My David.

“Damn it, stop charming me,” David said amusedly.

Chapter Twenty– You’re Going to Die

I was asleep, dreaming about my love, when I was shaken awake.

“Tobias, wake up!”

“Wait, what…?” I opened my eyes. “Maureen? What are you doing in my room?”

“No time, we have to hurry! They have David!”

“What?” She dragged me out of bed and ran downstairs, past Tony, who was still half-asleep. So was I, come to that.

She dragged me out into the front yard. Dead cats were everywhere, including Sugar and the dead cats previously left on my lawn. In the center, lay the body of my David.

“David! No!” I ran to him. “Baby, please don’t do this to me! Please be alive!”

He didn’t wake up, and his neck was twisted at an unnatural angle. I looked up, and there were monsters with my enemies’ faces. Billy, and Jake, and Maureen, and their crew. Even Sophia. I even saw Rouge Frankel, my ex-girlfriend. They all had long red nails and yellow eyes with slit pupils and vampire teeth.

Billy pounced on me, slashing me. I prayed for death, but it didn’t come. Blood poured out of my stomach and chest. I couldn’t imagine how my face looked. Then I saw Tony standing there on the lawn with a rifle. He cocked it, then pulled the trigger. Maureen went down. Then Sophia. He kept shooting, until I blacked out.

I shot up in bed with tears in my eyes. I was cold all over. Then I realized I’d kicked the blankets off. I got up and put them back on my bed, “assisted” by Girlfriend, who used her nose to push them towards the bed. Then I heard a meow and felt something brush against my leg. I looked down.

“Sugar?” I breathed. The cat purred and headbutted me the way cats do when they’re saying they love you. Did you know that cats have scent glands in their cheeks? Rubbing their cheeks against things is also their way of marking their territory.

I looked at the time. It was six in the morning. Christmas was a week away. School break had already begun.

I sat up in bed and stared out the window as snow fell gently to the ground. Sugar, meanwhile, crawled into my lap and purred. That’s when I noticed blood on her nose.

“What happened to you?” I asked, getting a wet washcloth from the bathroom. Sugar protested and moved her head as I tried to clean her up. I looked at the scale. I doubted I’d lost any weight, but it was worth a shot. I weighed myself. I’d actually gained weight. I groaned and went back out. Mom was coming out of her bedroom.

“Hi, love, how are you?” she asked, ruffling my hair as if I were a little kid.

“Sugar’s back,” I said.

Her eyes widened. “Really?”

“She’s right behind you.”

She spun around. “Sugar, you naughty kitty, where have you been? You had us worried sick! Did you know you caused all kinds of mayhem?”

Sugar ignored her and continued purring as if she was innocent.

“By the way,” I said, “I have to talk to some guy named Thomas Maxwell because he helped David the other day when he was mugged.”

Mom paused. “What was that name again?” she whispered.

“Thomas Maxwell,” I said. “Why? Do you know him?”

“Know him? I used to date him! Dark hair, blue eyes?”

“Complete with five o’clock shadow and an expensive French suit.”

“That’s him! Oh, Tobias, you really met Thomas Maxwell?”

“Like I said, he helped David when he was mugged in the mall.”

Later, I was sitting by David while he was sleeping. I reached out and took his pale hand. He had a bit of stubble on his cheeks and chin.

“I love you,” I said. “I really do.”

His brows furrowed. “You shouldn’t,” he said, opening his eyes to look at me. “I’m not right for you, Tobias. I’m a bad choice.”

“Shut up,” I said.

“I’m serious. I’m poor, and I’m fat, and I like boys.”

“I’m all of those things too!”

“But you’re a decent person. I’m not. You should stay away from me, even if I can’t stay away from you. I’m a bad fit.”

“Stop talking!”

“I can’t even use a fucking urinal without getting stabbed. Those two guys targeted me because they knew I’d fight back. You need a strong lover who can take care of you, not one who can’t even stop a knife from going into his guts.”

I covered his mouth. He licked my palm. Disgusted, I wiped my hand off on my jacket and frowned at him. He smirked.

“Damn it, David, stop saying those bad things about yourself! You’re strong, and smart, and you defended me when no one else would! Except Tony, of course, but he’s my brother. I was afraid of you. Terrified, actually. I can’t believe you got suspended on my behalf.”

“Tobias, I defended you because I knew none of those idiots would protect you and you couldn’t protect yourself. No offense, but your muscles are pretty pathetic.”

“None taken.”

He chucked out a laugh. “Goddammit, you’re so fucking pathetic.”

I scowled at him, hurt that he would say that.

“I defended you because I wanted you to say something in defense of yourself. Instead, you just told me and Shitface to stop fucking fighting! Like that would stop us!”

“It did, though.”

“Yeah, I…keep tell…oh shit, I can’t be mean to you.”

“But you have been in the past, and you were just now.”

“I’m sorry, baby. I’ve got a hole in my belly, all right?”

He sat up and grabbed me by the back hair and yanked me forward, pressing our lips together roughly. He tasted like weed and smelled of booze. That irked me, given my past dealings with alcohol.

He pulled away. I blinked. “Did you get new earrings?”

“What? Oh, yeah, Gale did them. You like?”

I really didn’t. One was shaped like a shark tooth, and the other had a guitar pick on the wire. In his other ear were three gold hoops and two gold studs.

“Did you ever consider getting a belly ring?” I asked.

He laughed. “I’m not a chick, Tobias.” He looked into my eyes. “I’m more dangerous than Billy, Tobias. Much more dangerous. You should stay away from me.”

“Shut up.”

“I’m serious.” His hand slid under my shirt, palm on my belly, his nose burying itself in my neck. “Goddammit, you. Why are you so fucking beautiful?”

He stepped away from me. “Go home, Tobias.” Then he walked away, his ponytail swinging.

The next few days were rainy and lonely without David. Until Billy threatened me online. I was on Facebook when he showed up on my newsfeed, holding a bottle of hot sauce with a caption that said Revenge will be hot.

I swallowed nervously. I can’t even handle jalapenos, let alone hot sauce. My mouth would be on fire and I’d be peeing blood for days.

As it turned out, I had to wait another week for that revenge. David was finally out of the hospital, and I missed him terribly. I hadn’t seen him or Billy for days, but I was prepared.

Finally, the next Monday, I was walking to school from home because Tony was sick when Billy and his cronies pulled up beside me. I turned to walk the other way, but Billy grabbed my backpack.

“I’ve been suspended again,” Billy said darkly. “It’s all because of you, dick muncher. Go ahead. Suck his dick.” Jake stood in front of me, unzipping his pants. Another crony pushed me down onto my knees. I kept my lips firmly clamped shut.

“Make him suck my dick,” Jake growled. “Come on, Tobias, you know you want to.” I said nothing. Jake smirked. “Administer the hot sauce.”

Two of the cronies grabbed my arms while two others grabbed my legs. Billy sat on top of me and tried to force my mouth open.

“Open up, fat boy,” he crooned. I kept my lips shut. Billy snarled. “Turn him over.”

I silently cursed while Jake pulled my pants down. And then someone grabbed Jake from behind and tossed him behind. It was Gale. Billy took one look at the huge man and started to run away, but Gale grabbed him by his jacket.

“Not so fast, Billy-boy,” Gale said. He pointed to me. “Help him up.”

Billy grabbed my hand and pulled me up. Then I saw why Billy was so afraid…Gale had a gun on his waistband. I was confused. Guns didn’t scare Billy. Why was he so afraid of Gale? Billy looked truly terrified as Gale took the bottle of hot sauce and read the label.

“Devil’s Ass,” he read. He opened up the top and took a swig of the sauce, then handed the bottle to Billy. “Drink it.”

Billy looked like he might actually start crying. Then he did something I did not expect; he pulled out Gale’s pants and stuck the bottle in neck first. Gale screamed while Billy took off running. Gale took the bottle and smashed it on the ground, spilling the deadly sauce everywhere.

“Fucking twit,” he growled.

“Why did you do that?” I asked.

“Because he’s a fucking bully,” Gale said. “Besides, David saw that post on Facebook and wanted me to check in on you from time to time, and thank the gods he did.”

“Why is Billy afraid of you?”

Gale showed me his arm. I looked at it. I saw nothing unusual other than a bunch of tattoos and crisscrossed scars. One of the tattoos was a heart with a dagger going through it. Another was a name…Christina. Yet another was a tic-tac-toe design, and another was a pin-up boy. Another was a nightingale in full color with the name Gale under it, and another was a bluejay with the name Jay under it. Another tattoo was of a green skull and crossbones with a black lightning-shaped crack in the cranium and a gold tooth.

“Don’t look at the tattoos,” Gale said. “Look at the scars.” He was right. There were scars. Scars in the shape of Xs, crosses, letters, and even a big one going up his forearm.

“You were a cutter?” I asked.

Gale nodded. “Even tried to kill myself a few times. If it weren’t for her-“ -he pointed to Christina- “I would be six feet under right about now. But because of him-“ -he pointed to Jay- “she’s the one whose six feet underground right about now. And damn it if I didn’t blame myself more than I blame him for her death.”

“Was she a lover?”

“No, my sister. My older sister. She’s the reason why I’m still alive, why I fought to stay alive even after they burned our house down and tried to kill our parents.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. You weren’t even ten years old when it happened. Maybe I’ll tell you the full story another time, but right now, you’ve got to get away from here. Hop on my bike.”

Gale got me situated on his motorcycle, then we rode off to Burkhard High School, my arms around his waist. When we reached the high school, however, there were protestors in front. Students were standing around and milling, and some were already leaving. I was confused.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” Gale said. He parked his motorcycle and helped me off. I looked around and spotted Nina. I walked over to her.

“What’s happening?” I asked.

“Apparently, they found out that we don’t expel bullies for shoving fish down people’s throats,” she said sarcastically.

I was touched. I was the only one who’d had a fish shoved down my throat. But something told me she was lying.

“What’s really going on?” I asked.

She pointed to the front doors of the school. Someone had spraypainted a bunch of male genitalia on them.

“Half the students here are gay,” she said. “And we also have the highest rate of teen pregnancy in the state.”

I blinked. “They’re protesting sex?”

“Yes, and LGBTQ students,” she said. “Damn Christians.”

“You’re Christian,” I reminded her, not bothering to get offended for myself.

“Whatever.”

I questioned that response as I spotted Sophia across the parking lot. She was filming the protestors on her phone.

Stomach roiling, I searched for David. I didn’t see him at first, until I finally saw him drive in the pick-up. He parked and stepped out, looking confused. He saw me and immediately turned and went back into his truck. I half-ran over to him. I stopped him just before he drove away.

“David,” I said. “Why didn’t you call me? I could have used you this morning.”

David looked sick. “Did Gale do his job?”

“You did send him!”

“I had to. I had to be sure you were safe. With you, I never know. Damn it, why can’t you just stay safe?”

“David, why are there protestors here?”

“The school expelled Billy.”

I felt cold all over. Crap. I was screwed. I felt faint. I gripped the door, clutching my stomach.

“Tobias?”

David opened the door and stepped out. He wrapped his arms around me.

“They’re anti-gay protestors,” I realized. “Somehow, they found out about me and you.”

Tears stung my eyes. “I really am a danger to you. Let me go, David.”

“Why does your brain make these leaps of logic?” David asked. “No one really knows what they’re protesting, Tobias, so calm down.”

“Faggots!” someone shouted. David gave him the finger without looking away from me.

I closed my eyes and fought back the cereal that was going back up my throat.

I couldn’t stop it. I turned away from David just in time to lose my breakfast.

“Tobias?” His hand was on my back. “Tobias, baby, are you okay?”

I didn’t answer. I fought back another wave of nausea before grasping his shirt and easing myself up. I leaned against him, my head on his chest. He kissed my hair, his arms around me. He stroked my chin.

“Damn it, I wish I could have protected you better,” he said. “I should have. This isn’t your fault, Tobias.”

“David, I-“

“No, no. No guilt. Billy and Jake and their gang are assholes to everyone, including all the gay guys, even Marcus and Andre.”

“David, what’s going on with you?” I demanded. “Tell me!”

He sighed. “I…damn it, Tobias, why do you make this so hard? You know I can’t tell you.” He stroked my hair. “I love you too much. I actually love you.”

“David, I love you more than anything.”

“Don’t say that!” He looked at me, wide-eyed. “At least love your family more than me.”

“Who?” I asked. “My abusive father who got himself killed in a car accident? My mother who didn’t protect me? The grandparents who abandoned me? The only family worth keeping at this point is Tony, unless you count Uncle Bill and Aunt Julie.”

He put his head on my shoulder. David’s a short guy, but I’m even shorter. It’s one of my many flaws. Short girls are cute, but short guys just get picked on and rejected.

Just then, I spotted Richard Bach. He was struggling to keep his glasses on his nose and his shirt pulled down. His family didn’t have a lot of money, like mine, and he was picked on just as much as I was, except where I was fat, he was skinny. So skinny you could count his ribs, actually.

What’s more, he was running toward us.

“Tobias, David!”

“What is it, Richard?” David asked, annoyed.

“Billy got expelled! Can you believe it?”

“We already know,” David growled.

“But that’s the thing,” Richard said. “No one was supposed to know. You know his father’s got a lot of money and he’s got all these older brothers…rumor has it, he’s looking for you, Tobias. He said something about a dead scorpion up your nose, but other than that, no one really knows anything.”

I paled. I hate scorpions, even more than I hate spiders. They’re creepy with their pincers and weird mouth claws and their freaky tails. I’d encountered one when we went to Mexico once. Almost sat on the thing. If it weren’t for Tony shouting for me not to put my big butt on the chair, I’d have had a scorpion tail in my right butt cheek.

Unfortunately, Dad caught a few scorpions. Dinner was not a pleasant affair that night. My stomach was queasy at the thought. Heart beating fast, David caught me as I fell.

“Tobias, baby, what’s wrong?” he demanded.

“I need to leave,” I said, taking off in the direction I’d come by Gale’s motorcycle.

“Tobias, don’t be stupid! Stop right there! Hey! I’m talking to you!” He ran to catch up to me. “Goddamn it, Tobias, stop when I tell you to!”

“You are not the boss of me!”

“Don’t you understand? Leaving is more dangerous than staying!”

“No! I’m not putting you or Nina in danger!”

“Tobias Anthony Grass, stop walking right now or we’ll both be single in two seconds.”

I stopped. David put both his hands on my shoulders and spun me around to face him.

“I love you, Tobias. I’m not letting you die for me. If anyone deserves to die, it’s me.”

“Don’t say that!”

“Don’t you understand, Tobias? I am part of a dangerous crowd. I have killed people. I caused my parents’ deaths for a bit of money. Daphne may not even be my sister. I would rather die now than have you die for me.”

He tore his shirt sleeve back. His arms, always covered, were dotted with the same kind of scars as Gale’s.

The words bastard murderer were carved into his left arm. I was stricken.

“Do you know how I met Gale and Shane? We’re all gay, yes, but we’re also rogues. We’ve all killed people, Tobias. We got our revenge for our loved ones’ deaths.”

“Stop talking!” Tears streamed down my cheeks. “Stop it right now!”

“Goddammit, Tobias, stop crying! Run away from me! Curse me, break up with me, shatter my heart into a million pieces again, just do it now before I fucking lose it!”

“Why did you all lose family?” I asked.

“For me, it was for drugs and money. For Gale, it was because he was gay. He grew up in a strict conservative community who shunned outsiders and weirdos of every kind. Shane lost his mother and younger brother to a car crash. They were killed when a drunk driver hit their car. We were forced to live together for a short while because the American government forced us to. Gale was eighteen before he got out, that’s when he made his first kill. Shane strangled the son of the driver who killed his mother and brother. He was Shane’s age, and had a younger brother and two younger sisters.”

“Who did you kill?” I asked.

He sighed. “No one yet. Not on purpose. But it was my greed for money that revealed my parents’ location to my mother’s dealer. There hasn’t a day gone by where I haven’t wanted to kill myself. But then I was put with Gale and Shane. They told me what they’d done, and I began to plan and to plot. But then I was put with Daphne and fucking Ken. And then I saw you that first day of high school. I may have started a year late, but damn it if I’m not a sap for romance.”

“A year late?” I squeaked. “You mean you’re sixteen now?”

He nodded.

“You fucking twat-face son of a jackal!”

My brother’s voice boomed across the parking lot. Heads turned to look at us.

Tony reared back and punched David in the jaw, sending my lover down to the ground. He stepped on David’s still tender stomach next.

“Don’t move, or I’ll fucking bust your gut open again, David,” Tony hissed, pulling out a hunting knife. “Or is that really your name?”

“Tony-“ David choked, then he cried out as Tony dug his boot in.

“Tony, get off him!” I pleaded.

My brother looked at me. He pointed to David. “You stay, Ponytail.”

Tony turned to me. “Tobias, please, take my advice. Dump him.”

“I can’t!”

“You mean you won’t. I found it hard to dump both Meredith Goodman and Spring Garcia this morning, but I did for you. Considering how hot Spring looked in those jeans, I did an unselfish thing by dumping Nina and Sophia’s cousin and Maureen’s hot older sister.”

My eyes widened. Spring Garcia. The cousin of Nina and Sophia Martinez. My stomach jolted, did a three-sixty, and then I collapsed on the ground. How could I have been so stupid? Sophia was one of them. A Burkhard High bully and queen bee.

How could I have ever loved that? More though, how could I have started loving David so much if I cared about popularity? The truth was I wouldn’t mind being a bit more popular, but not enough to hurt somebody else. That was what Sophia had done. I’d told Nina, she’d told Sophia, who told Billy and Maureen, my whereabouts. This was completely my own fault.

Billy targeted me because I was smart, fat, unpopular, and bisexual. David was targeted because he was my lover.

I started walking.

“Tobias!” Tony caught up with me. “Where are you going?”

“I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know? David, don’t you dare.”

“Tony, please, let me be with him!”

“Screw you, Blondie.”

“You’re blond too, you idiot!”

Tony threw his fist at David’s face, who ducked in time and belted Tony in the gut in retaliation.

“You son of a bitch!”

“Don’t insult my mother, Tony Grass!”

I watched in horror as Tony threw another punch, but David headbutted him, sending him back a few feet. Tony pushed David, hard, and David staggered before roundhousing a kick and landing on the side of Tony’s head.

Tony dropped, blood dripping from him, Suddenly, I saw a gleam of a knife. Tony had pulled out a hunting knife! He was going to kill David!

“Stop!” I screamed. “Stop!”

Tony ignored me and grabbed David’s ponytail. I realized what he planned to do when he pressed the blade against David’s hair and started cutting.

I turned and ran. I kept running until I reached the Brandy Bridge between my house and the school. I paused and looked down into the cold water. It was probably below freezing down there. I’d die on impact. Good. I wanted to die.

But then I felt someone’s arms around me.

“Let me go, Tony,” I snapped.

“It’s not Tony,” he said.

My eyes widened and I turned around. “Gale?”

Chapter Twenty-One – Gale

Gale nodded, and he let me go. His eyes were sad. “It’s not worth it, Tobias. Besides, it will kill David, and we all love David.”

“He said you’ve killed people.”

His eyes widened, and he swallowed. “Yes and no. I planned to, but I never went through with it. Shane hasn’t, either. But we all planned to. That’s one of the reasons why we stuck together. We all lost someone because of someone else, and we planned to kill those people, but we promised each other we wouldn’t.”

“Why would he lie about that?”

“Trying to scare you away from him. He loves you, adores you, worships you even, but he knows that he can’t stay with you forever. He’s too dangerous, for one, and for another, he’s not who he says he is. He’s going to go back to Australia as soon as his parents’ killers are caught.”

My heart dropped into my stomach, and a lump formed in my throat. “He’s not staying?” I didn’t care about who he was, I loved him for who he was, whatever his name was.

I got home with a heavy heart and trudged through the door without bothering to wipe my shoes or take them off. Sugar wound her little kitty self around my legs, purring, and Girlfriend came to greet me, tail wagging.

“Not now, girls,” I said. I took my backpack off and set it on the kitchen table.

I turned on the TV and settled for some news. I sat on the couch and put my feet up. Mom was still at work and Tony was still not here.

I felt tears sting my eyes. I couldn’t hold it in. David. I needed him.

I fell asleep shortly after, and stayed asleep until I heard the key turning in the lock. Tony came in-I recognized him by the footsteps and the whistling. He sat on my feet and scratched Sugar under the chin.

“Get off me, Tony.”

“Not until you stop acting like a dolt.”

“I get it, okay? He’s no good for me.”

“That’s a good boy.” He got off my feet and took my shoes off.

I got up and looked out the kitchen window. A truck pulled up. David’s truck.

“What does he want?” I growled.

“Who?” Tony asked, getting up, looking outside, and frowning. He shook his head. “No. No fucking way am I going to let him in this house again.”

I squinted. “He’s beckoning me.”

“Don’t go, Tobias. I swear to god, if you go out to talk to him-“

“You’ll what? Tattle on me?”

For a few moments, he and I just stood there, glaring at each other.

“I swear I won’t talk to you for two whole days,” Tony said.

“Big deal. I’ve dealt with worse.”

I pulled my shoes back on and went outside to meet him.

“Why are you parked across the street?” I asked as I approached him.

“Tony hates my guts,” David replied. “Simple as that. Get in, lover.”

I went over to the passenger side and made sure I’d brought my cell phone before I got in. I didn’t want anything bad to happen to me or David tonight. No, screw me. It was David I was worried about.

He drove to the park, where he and I sat on the bench, him with his arm around my shoulders, and watched the kids and the dogs playing with their parents.

“I should have brought my dog,” I said aloud.

“I’m glad you didn’t,” David said. “I wanted it to be just you and me. No one else. No mistakes.”

“Mistakes? What are you-“ He cut me off with a kiss.

Someone called out “Faggots!” David gave them the finger. David and I slowly pulled apart, knowing we were in public. My stomach, always filled with butterflies when he was around, now felt queasy. I’d kissed him in public. Who knew what the repercussions would be if this got back to Billy or Mom?

I pulled away from him, but he pulled me closer, and since he was stronger than me, he won.

“Don’t be embarrassed,” he whispered. “Anyone who cares is narrow-minded and close-minded. I love you more than life itself, Tobias, and I don’t care who knows.”

“Kiss again!” a girl shouted.

“Yeah, kiss!”

“Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!”

Pretty soon, a whole bunch of people were chanting “Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” around me and David. How humiliating!

I buried my face in my jacket, hoping that if I pretended the crowd wasn’t there, they’d go away. Unfortunately, David’s a lot braver than I am.

“Come here,” he said. “They want a show, we’ll give them a show.”

“Don’t you dare-“ He cut me off again with another kiss. This time he actually pushed me into the bench while we kissed. I heard the telltale sound of a video camera being turned on, and my face burned with embarrassment.

Finally, David pulled away, his blue eyes boring into my brown ones.

“Oh my god,” he said. “I’m so sorry, Tobias. That was my fault. It won’t happen again.”

“KISS HIM AGAIN!”

David lifted his head and shouted, “FUCK OFF!”

The disappointed girls left, but not before making smooching noises and a couple giving David the finger.

“Take me home,” I said.

“Fine,” he growled. “Get in my truck.”

I crawled into the passenger seat of his truck, avoiding his gaze the whole way there. But…we didn’t go back to my house. Instead, we headed to the sketchier part of town, where he lived.

“David, what are you doing?”

“Just trust me.”

“That tells me nothing.”

“Tobias, do me a favor, and keep quiet. This won’t take long.”

He drove out to a duck pond in the middle between two bad neighborhoods, one of which was his.

“David, are you freaking nuts? This area isn’t safe at all!”

“Do you really think I’d purposely put your life in danger? I sure hope you don’t, that you trust me an inch.”

“After what just happened? I barely trust you at all.”

“Damn it, Tobias, will you just trust me already?!”

He slammed on the brakes, and I was flung forward. David threw his arm out, catching me in the chest and throwing me back into the seat. I finally looked at him properly, and to my surprise, his face was tomato red. He seemed to be breathing heavily and clenching the steering wheel with tight fists.

He got out, slammed the door, and went to the pond where a guy stepped out from behind the trees. They slapped hands together and I saw David slip him some green paper out from his hand. The other guy handed him a baggie of white powder.

Crap. Was my David doing drugs? Was he a meth addict?

Then suddenly, something hit my window, cracking it. David and the other guy jumped, and I heard David shout, “Tobias! Duck!” I ducked.

Green and purple smoke started emitting from whatever the thing was that hit my window. Then I heard firecrackers go off underneath the truck. I crawled over to the driver’s side door and jumped onto the ground just as the engine burst into flames.

“My god!” David rushed over to me and hugged me. Then he ran over to his truck, grabbed a gallon of water out of the cab, and started putting the fire out.

“Shouldn’t we call the fire department?” I asked.

“I swear, kid, if you call 911, I’ll pop your brains out!” shouted the other guy. He kicked me hard in the stomach.

I realized something. David had just put me in danger. If he cared so little…the thought killed me.

“Tobias!” David rolled me over. His eyes were wide with worry. “Are you okay?”

“Is the fire out?”

“Yes, the fucking fire’s out! God, you could have been killed! I swear, when I find out who did this…”

“Take me home for real.”

“I’d love to, but I can’t; my truck is toast.”

“I’m calling Tony, then.”

He nodded. “Let me do it. You’re still hurt.”

A few minutes later, I was sitting on a bench by the duck pond, the other guy was gone, and Tony was pulling in with his car.

He got out and headed straight for David. He saw the truck, and his jaw dropped.

“David, what did you do?” he accused.

“It wasn’t his fault,” I chimed in. “Someone threw a firecracker underneath his truck while I was sitting in it-“

David was making a chopping motion, but it was too late. Tony got the gist of the story.

“And what’s this?” he said, showing us a video. It was of me and David kissing in the park, titled, “Gay Guys Kissing.”

I groaned. “My life is over.”

“No, his life is over,” Tony said, glaring at David. “It’s all his fault.”

“You’re right, Tony, it is my fault,” David agreed. “Tobias is going to need protection twenty-four-seven.”

“From you, definitely,” Tony said.

“Tony, you can’t keep me from seeing him,” I argued.

“Oh, I can’t? I already showed Mom the video. She’s waiting for you.”

“Tony!”

I was dead.

Chapter Twenty-Two - More News

When I got home, Tony and I were not speaking to each other, but we saw Mom at the table with a guy who looked familiar.

“Hello, boys,” he said, smiling.

“Tobias, Tony, you remember Thomas Maxwell,” Mom said, smiling. And it was an actual smile, not a forced one. “He helped David after he was stabbed in the mall.”

“That’s right,” I said. “You saved his life.”

“Glad to help,” he said, nodding. “How is he, by the way?”

Neither Tony nor I said anything.

“Thomas and I are dating,” Mom said, smiling. “He and I knew each other in high school and we just got back together. This is a new opportunity, a chance to heal from everything he did to us.”

“You mean Joseph?” Tony said. Mom’s face fell.

“Er, yes. Joseph. Your father.”

“You should respect your mother more, Tony,” Thomas said. “It may not be my place, but she gave birth to you.”

“You’re right-it’s not your place.”

Tony went upstairs.

“I’m sorry about him,” I said. “He’s always in a bad mood.”

“Understandable,” Thomas said. “I’m a psychologist, and I specialize in teenage boys. Teenage boys often have problems when their mother dates a man who is not their father.”

“Not our father,” I said. “As long as you’re not anything like he was, I’m cool with it.”

“Thank you, Tobias. That means a lot.”

I went upstairs to talk to Tony. He was sitting on his bed, sulking.

“What’s the real problem?” I asked him.

“He’ll just be another Joseph,” Tony said.

“He won’t be like Dad. I know he won’t.”

“Because he rescued David.”

“David had been stabbed, Tony. He needed help.”

“I don’t know what you see in him.”

“I know you have problems with him-“

“He’s an asshole, Tobias. He treats you like shit and you let him!”

“He also takes responsibility for his actions, apologizes, and stands up for me when Billy becomes a problem.”

Tony scoffed. “So you think he’s a hero.”

“How did we go from Thomas Maxwell to my boyfriend?”

“They’re…” He trailed off. “Maybe I’m not being fair to Thomas Maxwell.”

He sighed. “I’m so stressed right now. Keisha and Spring are not talking to me right now, I’m failing Calculus, American History, and Chemistry, and Mom’s pregnant, Dad’s dead, and no one is buying from me anymore. Plus, you’re dating Dickhead David.”

“I love David. Just like you love Keisha.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.”

It was true. I adored David. I loved his bravery, his intelligence, his beauty. My David. My phone rang. It was Nina.

“Tobias,” she said.

“What’s wrong?” I asked. She sounded tearful.

“It’s…I…I need to talk to you.”

“Do you want to meet me someplace?”

“At Burkhard Park. Next to the zoo entrance.”

“I’ll be there in half an hour.” I didn’t want to ask Tony for a ride.

Chapter Twenty-Three – Nina

When I stepped off the city bus, I saw Nina looking bruised and beaten.

“What happened to you?” I demanded.

“Maureen and Ashley and Chloe, they…they…”

“They did this to you?” She had a black eye, a cut lip, and a bent nose. She nodded, then winced. “Why would they do this to you?”

“I suppose…because of you.”

“Me? What did I do?”

“Because you’re my friend, and you’re not exactly Mr. Popular right now, no offense.”

“None taken. Do you want me to talk to them?”

“No! Maureen will only send Billy after you!”

“Nina, this isn’t okay. This has gone beyond the realm of acceptability. You can do whatever you want to me, just leave my friends and family alone.”

“Don’t say that! It’s not just you, either. Maureen hates me because I’m not popular or pretty.”

“Are you kidding? You’re much prettier than she is.”

“Thank you, Tobias,” she said, giving me a small, pained smile.

I sat beside her and put my head between my knees, sighing. I felt her arms around me. She tipped my head up, and leaned forward. Suspicious, I pulled away, and she looked hurt. Finally, she spoke up again.

“I’m in love with you, Tobias.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I just don’t feel the same way. I see you more like a good friend or a sister. I wish I reciprocated your feelings.” I wasn’t lying, either. If I was normal, straight, maybe the school bullies wouldn’t pick on me or her so much.

I looked up, sensing a presence, and saw Sophia.

“What do you want?” I asked.

She frowned. “Can’t I just say hi to you?”

“Beat it, sister,” Nina growled. Sophia held up her hands.

“Neen, you know I had nothing to do with what Maureen did to you. I think she’s a bitch for what she did, and I would have pounded her to pieces if I’d known. As much as she’s my friend, you’re my sister, and sisters come first.”

“Now you tell me.”

“Maureen and I won’t be friends after this,” Sophia said.

“You know, I used to be in love with you,” I said.

She cocked her head prettily. “Really? I thought you were gay?”

“I’m bisexual, which I only just realized. I fell in love with David after he beat up Billy for me. Your boyfriend.”

“Tobias, Billy and I haven’t been dating in weeks. He’s an asshole and a jerkazoid. Yes, I realize it’s my fault for bringing him around, but I can’t control what he does to you.”

“What did I ever do to him?”

“It’s not what you did, it’s what you didn’t do. Or rather, what your dad didn’t do.”

“My dad?” Then I remembered. “Oh. Billy thinks my dad is also his dad.”

“Yes and no. Your dad had an affair with his mom, and she committed suicide after he refused to help raise Billy.”

“Wouldn’t that make Billy my half-brother? Why me, though?”

“Because you’re an easy target. You were raised by him.”

“Barely.”

I put my head between my knees. Sophia sat on my other side, and I was distracted by her presence. And her perfume, which was stronger than I remembered.

I said nothing more, just thought. How could I get rid of Billy?

“Tobias?”

“David?” I looked up. There he was, a joint in his hand. I stood up and wrapped my arms around his waist. He hugged me back.

“I’m sorry, baby,” he said.

“David, I love you.”

“I love you, too. I’ve never loved anyone else, and I never thought I would.”

I kissed him.

“Look girls, it’s the faggots,” a sneering voice said. I groaned. Maureen.

“Buzz off, bitches,” Sophia said.

Maureen flipped her blonde hair. “Why are you on their side, Sophia? You used to be one of us.”

“Used to be. I’m not a whore anymore.”

“Screw you, Sophia.” Maureen turned to me and David. “Dickhead David and the fat nerd. What could be more romantic?”

“Maureen, I think I know why you’re such a bitch,” I said, realizing after I said the words that saying them was a very bad idea.

“Oh? Why am I such a bitch, oh fat one?”

“You’re popular because you started fucking guys when you were ten,” I began, “But now you can’t stand to look at yourself in the mirror because all you see is a sperm-eating slut.”

David clapped his hand over my mouth. I moved it and started again. “I know what you did to me. You roofied me and then raped me. I can’t say anything though because I’m a guy and no one will believe that a girl of your size can hurt a guy of my size. I don’t care if you’re the most beautiful girl in school on the outside; on the inside, you’re a green hook-nosed wart-faced old hog.”

David groaned, and Nina was laughing. Maureen stared at me, mouth open, then her hand headed toward my cheek with force. David grabbed her wrist before she could hit me, and she looked at him with actual fear in her eyes.

“I won’t let you hit him,” David said. “If you were a man, I’d beat your ass. But since you’re a woman, I’ll give you a chance to scram before I let Sophia and Nina have some fun. I’m going to let go of your arm, and then I’m going to count to three.” He let her go, and she took off before he even started counting.

“David,” I breathed. He turned to me and glared.

“Are you trying to get killed?” he demanded.

“Is that what you’re worried about? I’m not afraid of death.”

“Tobias Anthony Grass! Do I have to tie your ass to a chair and tape your mouth shut?!” He sighed. “I can’t live with myself if you died, Tobias. On top of that, it would be my fault since I didn’t protect you.”

“Hey, if Billy kills me, it’s not your fault, David. It would be mine.”

“Hey, you’re forgetting about me,” Nina said. “I’ll protect you, Tobias.”

“You can count on me,” Sophia added.

Yeah, whatever.

I leaned forward and pecked David’s lips. He tightened his grip as I pulled away.

“David?”

“Stay,” he ordered. “Stay with me.”

“David, I’m not going anywhere.”

“I’m not taking any chances.” He pulled my head into his chest and buried his nose in my hair.

David and I stayed there in the park, even after the Martinez sisters left. David closed his eyes and breathed in the air, and he finally lit a cigarette and smoked. When he was done with that, he flicked it into the trash can. Then he pulled a joint out of his pocket.

“Really, David?” I said.

“Quiet, you,” he said, lighting up and taking a drag. He turned his head and blew out the smoke. The smell of marijuana hit my nose, and I nearly lost my lunch.

Then a truck pulled up in front of us and stopped. David stood up and put out the joint.

“Tobias, call Tony,” he said.

“David, what’s going on?” I asked.

“Do it!”

The fear in his voice nearly made me urinate myself. I called Tony and put him on speakerphone.

“Hello?” Tony asked.

“Tony, it’s me,” I said.

“I know, brother. I have caller ID.”

“Haha. Listen, a truck just pulled up and David told me to call you-whoa, he’s got a gun!”

“Where are you?” Tony demanded, and I told him.

Meanwhile, two guys got out, one carrying a chain, the other one a pistol. Tall, broad, and dark-haired, I recognized them as two of Billy’s older brothers-Jack and Tommy.

“What’s going on, guys?” I asked, unable to keep the fear out of my voice. They said nothing, but Tommy, the one with the chain, stretched out the chain from arm to arm and then threw it. It wrapped around my ankle, and I was dragged onto my back.

Shit, I thought. This is the end.

David had pulled out a gun of his own and pointed it at Tommy, while Jack pointed his gun at David.

Tommy dragged me over to him and stepped on my stomach. I held my hands up in surrender.

Suddenly, Tony’s car appeared behind the truck, and he pulled out his own weapon of choice-a Glock.

“Let my brother go,” he commanded.

Tommy picked me up by my shirt and pulled a gun out of his waistband. He pointed it at my chest.

“Why are you targeting him?” Tony asked.

“He got Billy expelled,” Jack said in a thick Jersey accent.

“Billy got himself expelled,” David said. “And threatened to kill his cat, and shoved a live fish down his throat, and gave him countless wedgies, and put a spider in his hair, and shoved his fist up Richard’s ass, and punched and beat Tobias daily, and his accomplices Jake and Maureen helped, too. I’m sure I’m forgetting some things.”

Jack lowered his gun, but Tommy didn’t. Something came into Jack’s eyes…remorse, maybe? Sorrow?

Tommy sneered. “His dad is also Billy’s dad,” Tommy said. “You don’t know what it’s like living with our dad. He’s an asshole.”

“So was our dad,” Tony said. “Seriously, he treated us like shit. He micromanaged us, yelled, threw things, threatened us, killed our fish because I forgot to take out the garbage, beat me daily, cheated on Mom, drank himself to excess, threatened to kill our dog, controlled our lives, forced us to work like slaves-“

“Who fucking cares?” Tommy shouted. “Who fucking cares? Our dad does the same things! He actually did kill our dog. He killed Billy’s cat because I brought her into the house when she wasn’t supposed to be! He’s a heavy drinker and a heavy hitter, and I don’t fucking care!”

He put his finger on the trigger, and I closed my eyes, preparing for death.

“Wait!” David shouted. “Kill me instead.”

“What?!” I cried. “David, no!”

“Shut it, Tobias. Kill me instead, Tommy. You wanted a proxy, well, here I am. I know what the real problem is. You want to kill your father. Well, so did Tony and Tobias. The bastard killed himself after drinking until he was ready to pop. Your father isn’t going to die anytime soon. Kill me instead.”

“Drop your gun.”

David dropped the gun.

“Kick it towards me.”

He followed Tommy’s directions.

David and I locked eyes, and my eyesight became blurry. I realized I had tears in my eyes. Someone was going to die today.

Chapter Twenty-Four

The stand-off continued. By now, someone had called the police, and police cars surrounded us.

“Drop your weapon!” someone shouted through a megaphone. “Sir, drop your weapon!”

A female officer slowly approached us. She had a bulletproof vest on and chestnut hair in an updo. Someone had also called Mom and her friend Thomas.

“Tobias!” she shouted. “Tony! Put that gun away!”

“He’s got my brother, Mom,” Tony said.

Her eyes shined with tears.

By now, Tommy was inching closer to David. David slowly inched closer to him. I noticed cameras rolling and news crews arriving. Even Billy and his stepfather arrived, both looking grim.

David suddenly grabbed me and shoved me out of the way. I landed hard on my ass. Tommy grabbed David by the ponytail and pulled him close, gun in his belly.

The female officer took the opportunity to help me up and push me over to Mom, who hugged me like my life had been in danger, which it was.

“Glad you’re okay, kid,” Thomas said, patting my shoulder.

No, I wasn’t okay. My boyfriend was in danger. Tony kept his gun pointed at Tommy, who grimaced, showing white teeth, and I bit my lip and leaned over the barricade. I ignored the camera who panned over to me.

It occurred to me that this could be a ploy for suicide by cop, or Tommy would have killed either me or David already. He didn’t expect my brother to actually pull the trigger. He was afraid he wouldn’t.

Tears rolled down my cheeks as Tommy shoved the gun further into David’s midsection.

David smiled at me. Then he reached down and wrapped his fingers around the butt of the gun. I saw one of his fingers go over the trigger, and he pulled.

It was a disaster to clean up. Tommy was dead, and David was severely injured. The cops questioned all of us. I gave my version as close to the truth as possible, omitting a few facts like David had gotten mixed up in some shady people. But I told them about Gale and Shane, and of course I told them about Billy and my father.

I told them what Tommy said Mr. Hank had done. Ken and Daphne were arrested for dealing drugs, and Tony was arrested as well. Mr. Hank was investigated and it was discovered he was embezzling money from his firm partners and money laundering. He was also questioned about the bodies of several dead animals found on his property and his dead wife. He remained firm that his wife committed suicide and the animals died of natural causes, but three dogs and two cats were found with bullet wounds.

Billy was arrested for everything he’d done to me and more, including the slaying of several pet cats around his neighborhood and conspiracy to commit rape. That was me. Maureen was also arrested for her part in my rape, including providing roofies. She didn’t do the actual raping herself, she got one of her guy friends to do it.

David got away with a bullet wound in his belly. The actual bullet had gone into Tommy, but it passed through David first. He risked his life to save mine. I’ll always love him for that. I’ll always love him, period.

A few weeks later, we celebrated Christmas. We put up a tree for the first time in years, only to have Sugar and Girlfriend both knock it down. They’re becoming fast friends. We had dinner with my maternal grandparents and Uncle Bill and Aunt Julie and their kids.

Mom has started to show. You can definitely tell she’s pregnant now.

She and Thomas have been taking things slow, getting to know each other. It’s been twenty-five years since they dated.

Keisha Gardner broke up with Tony. It broke his heart. He started working out more, and he’s actually gotten a flatter stomach because of it. Me, I’ve been working out with him. I’m still obese, but I plan to lose every extra pound before my sophomore year.

After the holidays were over and school started again, David came back. He and I decided to give each other a little space and take things slow. David has his own issues he needs to work out. He started living with Gale, who acts like an older brother to him.

He won’t tell me anymore than what he’s told me already of his parents’ deaths or this group he hangs out with sometimes. I worry for him.

We may grow apart, we may become distant, but we will always love each other.

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 06.06.2023

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Widmung:
To everyone who supported me through this process.