Feb 25, 2011

My nose was so stuffy today I just had to go to the doctor. I took a different bus back than I'd used to get there even though it would mean several changes instead of one.

Everyone on the bus was still up in arms about the fact no one had approved bus funding and within the year our services would be drastically reduced. I had plenty to say on the topic, since one of the other riders mentioned that people with money didn't care
what happened to people who had less.

As if to prove his point we heard tires screeching as the bus started to pull out. The driver had to slam on his brakes to evade some truck that apparently didn't want to be behind him. The careless driver floored it to speed past, and I launched into a tirade about him as well.

Feb 26, 2011
There is so much work to get done in this apartment, and today I seem to ache all over. I do most days, but this is different. My neck is getting stiffer and more painful by the minute. Been wracking my brain trying to remember if I tweaked my neck somehow.

I got all the laundry into the basket and cleaned up the kids' room so it is ready for visit. You cannot know how sick to death I am of CPS keeping my kids. If I found a way to sue them for pain and suffering I'd do it in a heartbeat.

Feb 27, 2011
We had to take the bus to Jeffery's mom's house because his sister didn't go over yesterday. Rachel would rather go out all weekend and foist her two girls off on her mother than spend time with her, apparently.

My son wasn't here last night so we never got to play any pinochle at all, but supposedly Rachel will be here by noon today--we'll see.

She was here at three but wanted us to all pack up for the ride home and put me at her place to watch the girls. Hope is twirling in the bedroom and Nancy and I both have out our guitars. I showed her how to try to strum in time instead of radically, and the notes I gave her were G, A, and B so she could try to learn Silent Night by next Christmas, since that's the goal we originally set.

She is doing fairly well, so next I'll be showing her what dotted notes and 8th notes are so she can actually play the phrase as written.

Feb 28, 2011
I just realized why my neck hurts! When the bus driver slammed his breaks I remember flying forward and flinging my left hand out to stop myself, and the pain I am having is in my neck and especially localizing in my left shoulder. Coincidence? I don't think so.

So I ran a search for chiropractors and called a few, but didn't get anywhere. I don't have time to deal with it tomorrow or the next day, I will have my children. Not to mention I have other things to do as well. Maybe it will go away if I just ignore it.

Mar 1, 2011
Today has been madness incarnate. For some reason the gas main exploded at the bus station so the whole transit system is in chaos. And I had to take buses to my payee's office, the bank, CPS office in search of a bus card that wasn't even there, and then over to pay for rental on the tv but not the laptop because Jeffery convinced some woman online to buy him one of his own. We gave it back in exchange for a bed that will arrive on Wednesday afternoon.

But the bedroom looks like the laundry vomited itself out of the basket, and I hurt so much I'd just as soon leave it there but know I won't.

Mar 2, 2011
Visit went fairly well today even though my daughter's nose was leaking all over the place. She also has a bit of a fever so I doubt there will be a visit tomorrow. Also I just learned that from now on only visits cancelled by the driver can be made up, not any we cancel for being ill. That's a crock if I ever heard one. "I'm too sick and don't want to give it to my babies, we'll need to cancel" and I get penalized for doing the right thing? Unbelievable.

Mar 3, 2011
No visit. I attacked the bedroom full force today, took everything that wasn't nailed down out of there and vacuumed, including moving the dresser into a different place. I did this all by myself because I was the only one willing to. But I realized about half way through the endeavor I was going to pay dearly for it--I ran out of painkillers last night and all that's left is aspirin for my heart, so in order to kill this ache I'd need to take half the bottle and I'm not willing to do so. But at least the new bed is here to console me instead of saying "well, it's your own fault" like everyone else wants to do.

I am not looking for sympathy, just acknowledgement. Some validation that the injury exists and hurts and I deserve to be commended for my efforts in spite of it all. Didn't get any, though. As usual.

Mar 4, 2011
I called a chiropractor today and made an appointment to get looked at on Saturday, which is tomorrow. They said I need to tell the bus company what happened and get a case i.d. so they can treat me, but the bus company refused to give me one. The woman stated that they did not want to claim ownership for an incident that may have never happened in the first place, and since I had no witnesses it was likely my bid for help would be denied. How do you like that? That is totally rude!

Mar 5, 2011
The chiropractor did some weird test to show where my muscles tensed and where they were weak, and it is totally bad. So I took it with me to visit my kid and Jeffery's mom, and neither Brock nor Abbie was suitably impressed. Brock actually told me that there was no way to prove that the injuries just happened, and even if they did I couldn't prove how the injury occurred.

"You were just moving furniture, it could have
happened then."

"But it hurt before that, I just moved the furniture anyway."

"Can't prove it."

Damn, he's right. I'm going to have to just try
another avenue to get rid of the pain, I guess. If I can find the time to do it.

Mar 6, 2011
Rachel got all the clubs and declared a shutout today. While I was interested because I'd never seen one, I was also in so much pain that I was finding it difficult to play at all. But it wasn't just because of my neck, though.

Every time I ate food today I vomited it back up, and my throat didn't just feel tight when I was trying to swallow, it did it on the way out as well. At least I have that swallow study scheduled, although I am not looking forward to eating a bunch of food with barium in it. Whoopee!

Mar 7, 2011
Another monday already? Who cares? I've been feeling decidedly depressed and unloved because nobody cares that I hurt my neck and nobody cares that my food won't stay in and I don't want to go to some stupid case review wherein they're just going to say I'm not good enough anyway. Screw everybody, I need some recognition here. I need some validation, and some consideration, and some help to finish this never-ending supply of house work.

And my cane is missing. How am I supposed to go anywhere without my cane? If I had some painkiller I might try it, but like this? You're f-in' crazy!!!

Mar 8, 2011
Our CPS worker brought over the baby today, and my dishes were not done and Jeffery said he was going to vacuum but then left instead, and for some stupid reason Logan's bottle chose today of all days to get clogged up, and also the knitted slippers I am trying to sell to the guy who ordered them were in a bag on top the desk, and when I removed the bag we discovered a bottle of pills that I had went and got yesterday had not made it into the cupboard but were sitting where Heather could find them, and also there was a bottle of air freshener left on the stand near the door to block out the marijuana smell from next door. I found out it was her last day working at this office and we were about to get a new worker, so I
wished her well and gave her a picture of our kids to bring with her.

Mar 9, 2011
Since our former case worker said the home was cluttered I went on the rampage and cleaned everything in sight, then started putting things we
don't use away and all that. Jeffery had to leave visit slightly early to go do a study that pays in product, and then wait around for some guy who
said he would buy it. So when I was done with my rampage I then decided the bags in the kitchen looked messy and designed a bag-bee for them, which I then started to crochet at light speed for the rest of the evening.

Mar 10, 2011
I called my doctor today trying to make an appointment but had to go to Urgent Care since they were full. They x-rayed my neck and sent me to the
pharmacy to get flexeril and ibuprofen, and while I was there I asked about my other meds. They tried to order them but said it was too soon, so I would have to come back for them another day. My neck was totally straight, though.

I went and ate some lunch and went into the goodwill on my neverending search to find a stepping stool for Heather so she could reach the sink. Nothing there but I found several items of lingerie I thought my honey would enjoy if only I could get them. Sigh!!!

Mar 11, 2011
Brock and the boys came over last night for our weekly game of Shadowrun, but I felt so unwell I went to bed before it was concluded. My belly is aching something fierce, and I really don't feel like going to Abbie's today, especially if they are going to complain that they can't tell when I'm joking again.

So now I'm supposed to laugh at the end of a joke so they know it is one? What's the point in that if you're doing a dead pan the point is you don't laugh--duh. Do I have to educate these people in the art of pretending to be serious? I don't think so.

Mar 12, 2011
We brought over laundry yesterday and doing it made my stomach feel even worse, and I think I have caught Heather's cold. When I coughed really hard I wet myself and had to change, and then I vomited and got those pants wet, too. Seems like any pressure at all and I'm a waterfall. I hate that crap, but what can you do? Speaking of crap, I haven't taken one all week, have I? It's no wonder I feel bad.

Mar 13, 2011
Well, I keep coughing constantly today, and when I was at the computer and coughed really hard, I felt this really gross squidgy thing splurge off to the right side of my innards while making the most disgusting noise I ever heard. Feeling the area I discerned the thing was part of my intestines coming out of a hernia, so now I'm all grossed out about it.

I tried to show it to Rachel when we got to her mom's, but she didn't feel inclined to touch me. And Brock touched the general area but told me he didn't know what he was feeling for so he couldn't help me. I gave up on them guys, where's the point? I'm not stupid, it's obviously a hernia.

Mar 14, 2011
My food still isn't staying down, so today I tried eating only soft things, avoiding the bacon but eating the eggs at breakfast, that sort of thing. I wonder if a hernia in your gullet can make you barf or what? We played pinochle again today, but Abbie was too busy thinking about that guy from her past who found her on the internet to pay attention. He said he still loves her and wants to come be with her
but needs to file for divorce first. Red flag, girl! He's stringing you along.

But I suppose I'm not one to talk, I'm living with and bearing the children of a man who is still married to another woman. So with that in mind I knew she would point it out if I should try to warn her about the guy. I didn't say a thing, just kept grinning because she is so happy. She's been so depressed lately it's good to see her smile.

Mar 15, 2011
I went to the swallow study and saw what the other guy meant about my neck being straight, no curve at all. The woman conducting the test didn't think it looked abnormal but what does a speech therapist know about how bendy a neck should be anyway? As it turns out, my pharynx is not where the actual difficulty is, it's somewhere in the esophageal sphincter area. Goody, more testing, just what I always dreamed of. No answers and more annoyance. And When Is This Damn Neck Going To Stop Hurting????????????

Mar 16, 2011
No visit today, Logan caught Heather's crud. I guess they are going to start taking him to physical therapy next week to help him learn to sit and to crawl. Ten and a half months old and he isn't doing either, seems like a good idea. I wonder if they'll let us attend the appointments like they were going to do if Heather hadn't started walking when she did?

Mar 17, 2011
I made an appointment for this afternoon after visit to catch up with Erica on all the crap I've been enduring since I last saw her...this ought to be an interesting appointment for her. Appointments with me usually are.

I told her the other day I was a freelance writer and her face just lit up as she said, "Somehow that does not surprise me at all."

I showed Erica my hernia and she showed me another one behind my belly button. Actually, seeing as how the thing has not receded since I had Logan almost a year ago, I should have known what it was already. Duh!

We agree at least one needs repaired so she's sending me for ultrasound to have a better look. Plus she is also sending me to digestive health to check my esophagus. So I will be a busy beaver for the month of April.

Oh, and when I came back from the appointment I found a letter from the bus company denying my claim so can't get any help from there. Hopefully flexeril and my knowledge of appropriate neck and shoulder exercises will be enough. This really sucks!

Mar 18, 2011
I didn't have to go anywhere or do anything today. Naturally I played my guitar, crocheted, looked at knitting patterns online, played on facebook, and made passionate love to my honey periodically throughout the day. Nicey-nice....

Mar 19, 2011
Where in the heck did I put my sister's number??? Been looking all day for Lorrie's number even though it's Cherry I should be trying to call since it's her birthday and Lorrie's isn't until next week. But see, Lorrie is the one who had colon cancer ten years ago, so she is the one I wanted to tell about my belly. How annoying. Brock came to play Shadowrun early but we weren't here on time. Edgar let him in since he stayed the night, so they sat waiting while we twiddled out thumbs at some stupid bus stop.

I'm all out of charity with the management, but I'm trying not to be mad at the drivers. They must be really frustrated with the drastic changes made after the explosion, and nobody can even go near that gas main till next month. Oy vey.

Mar 20, 2011
This is Ostara--my "Easter". I'm supposed to be celebrating the birthing of the new lambs and all that, but instead I'm sitting on the computer
listening to Nancy telling her grandma stories. Jeffery is still in bed and so is Rachel, so it's the perfect time to work on a story except that I left my stupid pin drive at home. C'est la vie!

Oh yeah, last night I chatted with a french woman for over an hour in her own language and we mostly knew what we were saying to each other. That's got to be a good thing.

Rachel went out last night and didn't come back till 5 AM so I doubt we get to play cards. So instead of just sitting here I came up with a story idea.

A woman who works in space has been in hypersleep five times, and after the fifth time you have to return to Earth for a five year break and "find yourself some life to live".

Most sabaticalists typically get together and either they end up with kids and don't go back or they break up and go outbound again or some mixture of the two.

Julie plays the lottery game and gets set up with a cynical man who has done 8 runs and is expected to remain earthbound for good this time. She's not very impressed but goes through the motions anyway.

She also has been given an art studio where she plans to create masterpieces and maybe figure out where her emotions have gone.

She sketches a dogwalker who is out in the park and he sees her. In a thrillingly sexy french accent he wants to know everything about her, and for some reason she wants to tell him....

Mar 21, 2011
I set up both appointments, the one for digestive and the ultrasound, so now I'm sitting around wondering what they will find!!! I get to do the ultrasound Tuesday, but digestive is next month. I went to the review hearing today but we told them that since there was no ISSP we needed to reschedule. My lawyer read me part of a report that said Jeffery was teaching Heather how to say "no", which really torked me up.

"Didn't you ever play keep-away as a kid? That's all he's doing, and the child loves it. I'm quite certain my daughter needs to be able to say no sometimes, like if another kid is trying to tease her into being bad for example. What do these people want from us? Do they expect us not to play with her at all?"

Quite frankly, I am proud that Heather is able to assert herself instead of being walked all over. It is not for us to say "never say no" but rather to teach her when "no" is appropriate and when it is not.

So they're going to tell me they have my kids because I was once stuck living in a crappy unsafe mobile that I dumped just for them, and now they want to see how clean and safe I keep this place, and also because we taught Heather how to say no???? Is this really a case? Can they really win a case just based on that? WTF is this world coming to?

Mar 22, 2011
Visit went well, but Heather still isn't feeling good. We had a guy driver today and Heather was freaking out because she had no idea who he was or
where they were going till they got here. I managed to calm her down.

Logan did not want to go to sleep because he finally got a tooth and now the other ones are vying to be second. Poor little guy. But today he goes to physical therapy. Hope he does well. The ultrasound revealed four significant hernias and a few smaller ones. The tech wanted to know if I had been somebody's target practice, and I told her I'd been beaten down by two former husbands but that I was currently with the most wonderful man in the world. Sigh!!!!

Then I texted Jeffery after I left the x-ray office and he was all "why don't they fix those right now? Don't they have to take out some of your intestines or something to fix that? What do they do next?" Good questions, all.

I told him I'd just wait on digestive health unless the pain gets worse. Wondering if it will.

Mar 23, 2011
We had a driver named Rachel today, seems nice enough, and couldn't figure out why CPS was on us about our home when it was baby-proofed and looked
just a little bit lived in. I completely agreed with her. Then I started looking for anything that seemed "lived in" and put it away until she told me to stop it.

We both laughed and watched a Barbie movie with Heather that Jeffery kept complaining about the whole time.

"No! I've watched the same movie every Tuesday and Wednesday for a whole month! Help! I'm being tortured!"

"No, daddy! It's Barbie!" Heather insisted with a big grin.

"I bet that's what they mean by teaching her 'no'" I interjected.

"But we're just playing," he protested.

"Exactly" I agreed.

Mar 24, 2011
Jeffery and I went to a bookstore we love, but that is going out of business soon. We were there most of day looking at books. I brought my sketch book and drew animals from some of them, then we got guitar books and discussed music theory and such, while I also browsed one about writing your own songs and lyrics that I really wanted to buy if we'd had money.

I also want Book in a Month, and when we did come home I ran a search for it and put it on my amazon wishlist. After that I went to a Harry Potter fanfic site and found a titillating partially written story involving Hermione Granger and Lord Voldemort. It's put me in the mood to write some fanfic too so I intend to go back and join that site later.

Mar 25, 2011
I am dead. Well, at least my wimpy character is in Shadowrun. Brock said I can think about creating another one to join the rest of the mission, so I have been thinking up different ideas. Jeffery wants me to be at least six feet tall, which means either a troll or an orc, but I wanted to be pretty. All the males pointed out you can be tall and pretty, but I've always equated pretty with a petite woman with large, bright eyes, a snub of a nose, dimples, and adequate cleavage.

I just can't see how a 6 foot tall, red-haired orc female would come across in the same way as my 5 foot
tall, voluptuous, flowing-haired human (usually elf but I got talked into human for story effect) with a ready smile and charisma in spades. Can an orc woman, who has big teeth coming out of her mouth, feel the same confidence as a woman without them? Or I suppose she could have those ones out to help her look good? Or would that make her look stupid since she's supposed to be an orc? Who knows. I left those guys to play the rest of their mission while I caught up on some facebook games.

Mar 26, 2011
I wasn't sure I wanted to go over to Abbie's today because my son told me they'd been complaining about me in my absence, and it ticked me off. How dared they think they could tell me how to talk, how to walk, what to eat, what to wear, what I should weigh, whether or not I was in pain, how if I wore mismatched clothes I'd never get my children back--and who knows what else???

But I'm here now and so far they have refrained. Instead she and I kept gossiping about guys and I told her a way to attract them by doing a thing called mirroring.

In mirroring, the one wishing to attract mimicks what the other person does to make them feel at ease. Continued mirroring makes them feel like the two of you are compatible and all that.

Then I explained that you could also train someone to know your cues, for example if each time you ask for a drink you rub your throat, after a while just rubbing your throat will tell your partner you are thirsty. She thought it was really cool.

Mar 27, 2011
Lorrie's birthday and I didn't even get to talk to her. Bummer. With all the crap I've been through, it would be quite a conversation. And I think I need to go to bed.

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 10.04.2011

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