Girls edition

"-Mom, where's my hair spray and make-up kit? I can't go to school without them!"

"-Dad, can you give me some money, and your car keys? Thanks, I love you!"

"-Girl, I may be blond and dress only in pink clothes like Barbie, but I am not stupid.
-Really? Than answer this question: Which is the capital of Berlin? (trick question, Berlin is the capital of Germany)
-London?
-Oh, yeah! You're a genius!"

"-Girl, my mother is a tyrant. She said that if I don't get good grades at school, she will take away my cell phone, my laptop, my i-pod and my car keys. It is not fair, I can't live without them!
-Strange, I could not live without air or water."

"-But daddy, I can't get a job! I'm too cute and popular to be seen doing work."

"On the phone: -Hello, darling. Sorry I can't date you tonight, tomorrow is Sunday and my parents forced me to go to church with them. Like, why should I pray to God when I can have fun all night in the clubs and get drunk?!"

"-I wish I was an only child, this way mom would stop making me babysit my little brothers."

"-Girl, you would never guess what happened to me?
-What?
-My boyfriend wants to break up because he said he found another girl, but she's nothing like me, at all! Why would he want her?!
-So? Which guy wouldn't want a girl that is not like you?!

"-I would date you, but you don't have a car nor a good job, which means you can't take me shopping whenever I want!"

"-People that are rock, punk, goth or emo music fans wear only black clothes. And I heard that they pray to Satan. Thank God I'm a Justin Bieber fan!"(go kill yourself b*tch)

Boys edition

"-Man, I like a girl with a big behind, big chest, beautiful face and a big brain. Where could I find one like that?
-In your dreams!"

"-My mother doesn't like my girlfriend, she says that she flirts with other guys, but I think she's jealous of her youth."

"-So, what do you think of my new car?
-It's your dad's old car with a new paint and new body parts.
-Yes, but no one knows except you. And that makes me look cool in front of the ladies."

"-My favorite vegetable is meat.
-But meat is not a vegetable.
-I know, that's why it is my favorite."

"-My dad thought me how to be the man of the house. All you have to do is give orders to the women around you, like he does with my mom and sisters."

"-C'mon baby, let's have sex!
-But we start going out two days ago.
-And what's the problem?"

"-Your having a baby? It isn't mine!"

"-I decided to quit my job 'cuz my boss wanted me to work 8 hour a day. What am I, a slave?"

"-I am letting my girl drink alcohol because this way I can easily convince her to come to my place."

"-A girl is attractive if she doesn't talk too much."

Moms edition

"-Why are you wearing make-up young lady? Do you want to end up pregnant?"

"-You must remain a virgin until you get married. After that you can sleep with how many men you like."

"-Go to school or you'll end up working like a slave as your father and I."

"-Stop speaking English and Romanian in the same time! This way you'll not ruin our country's valuable language."

"-I expect you to eat everything, including the plate, otherwise no desert."

"-Judging from your room, looks like I have a pig instead of a child. Clean it up, 'cuz it won't do it itself!"

"-When I was your age I didn't had a computer nor Internet, but I had a small library. Do you know what it is?
-The place where you keep all our family photos and videos?"

"-Stop running in the house like a stupid football player. Run like a smart teacher or something."

"-Stop eating fast food when the fridge is full of healthy food made by me. Your father likes my cooking and look how fat and healthy he is."

"-What do you mean you want money? Do I look like a bank to you?"

Dads edition

"-You want to go out? What did your mother say?
-She said no.
-Then I'll say no too."

"-What do you mean you failed the test? Are you that stupid?"

"-Dad, can I have some money?
-Go ask your mother."

"-Dad, can I have a pet?
-Go ask your mother."

"-Dad, can you tell me what is 2+2=?
-Go ask your mother."

"-Dad, when can I have a date?
-When you'll be 30."

"-Honey, I'm pregnant.
-Serious woman, what are you? A baby factory? The kids we already have are enough.
-But we have only one child.
-Exactly."

"-Son, my dad bought me a car after I married your mother and I will do the same to you."

"-I don't care if all your friends have cell phones and you don't. If they cut their ears will you do the same? No."

"-Being a husband and a father is very hard for me.
-I know dad, you let mom take care of us and the house while you drink beer and watch T.V."

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 24.06.2012

Alle Rechte vorbehalten

Widmung:
To all the people in my country that make me feel ashamed with them and that makes Romania look bad in front of other countries. I hope this book will open their stupid minds and maybe they will change in a good way. (Small chances!)