Chapter 1

People often say they wanna be a little kid again. If you ask them why, most will say because those times were easier, or because you had more fun with simple things. If you were to ask me why I want to be a little kid again, I would tell you a lie. I would probably say because it was more fun. Thats not a complete lie, its just not the real reason. The truth; I want to be the little girl I used to be. The tough, confident, fearless little girl. The joyful, full of life, and beautiful soul that used to be me. I always had a twinkle and a shine in my eyes, not because they were glazed over with tears, but because I was constantly smiling from ear to ear, I was always laughing, and I always was having my own fun. I wasn't afraid to be happy or love. I wasnt scared to stand up for what i believed in, or tell people what i actually liked. I didnt have this bad of social anxiety. I hardly ever got depressed. I wasnt scared to be myself. I never even thought about not wanting to be alive. I didnt worry as much about what other people thought of me. It was a little easier, but i still had a lot of problems. I would hardly ever show it though. If it was something super bad, I would cry, but not until I was at home and alone in my room so nobody would see me at a weak point. I would cry for a maximum of 5 minutes. I miss all of that. I miss being able to stay strong and happy endlessly. Over the years things just got worse. If anything started to go good or was good in my life, it went away. Ive been brought to my knees. Ive been pushed right past the point of breaking and i couldnt take it. I became broken and nothing ever could put me back together. I tried holding on to the things that made me happy again, because it wasnt supposed to leave, but it always has, which made me more broken. I get a taste of the pure happiness i used to have, and then just when i think it will stay, it leaves me even more broken than i was before. My social anxiety has gotten so bad i cant control it. Im not sure if happiness will come or not, but with how my life has been going for many years now, i dont see it happening, atleast not anytime soon. I try to stay positive but its hard when things just keep repeatedly happening, and not good things. People say they are sorry, and try to help; i appreciate it, but it doesnt help because its all so temporary, whereas when i am sad or something, thats all from built up temporary things that became long term. I can hardly focus on anything. I feel like everyone secretly hates me. I try

Impressum

Verlag: BookRix GmbH & Co. KG

Texte: Faith Harrington
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 15.01.2017
ISBN: 978-3-7396-9306-4

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This book is dedicated to everyone who ever felt like living just wasnt worth it anymore. You are strong and have a beautiful soul. You arent the only one scared, its okay. I love each and every one of you...stay strong and keep going ;