The girl with nine toes
Ray wilkins


2
We live in a world where over the last decades
human evolution has taken giant steps. The Computer,
Internet, Video games, iPods and other information and
entertainment tools are an everyday part of our private
and professional lives. Daily stress and the intake of
information is extreme and almost impossible to
assimilate into our normal thinking structure. The media
bombards us with news and views, images that shock and
disturb our inner Balance. Schools are falling apart as they
become fortresses trying to protect our children against
aggression, anger, injury and even death. Many people
have forgotten how it feels to lie down in newly mown
grass, beneath the sun, listening to the birds singing and
the other soothing sounds of life. We have lost contact to
ourselves, to our emotions to our spirit. This is a story
about people finding their way back into the awareness
of feeling whole. It is a story about waking up and having
the courage to look at life within the heart. How often do
you think back to the past and think “if only I had done
that differently!„ Sometimes with regret. Sometimes with
sadness and sometimes even with a feeling of
hopelessness.This is a tale about a man who chose to
change his way of living. Not an easy decision for anyone,
especially when it means swimming against the current
but , what was that saying? Only dead fish swim with the
current. I hope that you, the reader enjoys reading this
book and that you also feel moved to make a change,
because I believe that everybody has the power to make a
change in his or her lives. Just ask yourself - what will
change in the future if I do this differently?

Ray Wilkins FRSA Belgium 2007
3


The girl with nine toes
A NOVEL ABOUT PERSONAL CHANGE


RAY
WILKINS


BAREFOOT BOOKS
4


The girl with nine toes


Copyright © 2006 by Ray Wilkins
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters and
incidents are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to events or
persons living or dead, is entirerly coincidential.


All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in
whole or in part or in any form.


BAREFOOT BOOKS


The Barefoot School: College for coaching, training, art and
complementary medicine. Alte Schule Weisten B-4791 Burg Reuland,
Belgium. www.Thebarefootschool.com

5


For Cordula and the girl with nine toes.


Down there where the Murrumbidgee flows
Beneath the weeping willow trees and gums
There lives a girl with just nine toes
She’s a wild one and lives alone
Among the wallabies under the sun
Unkempt hair from hot winds blown
She knows a lot about them old laws
Set down by the coloured lizard man
Spirits, bunyips and open crocodile jaws
Let her see your eyes and she will look
Into your soul and way beyond
Dreams and things like an open book
The girl with nine toes She knows
She’ll tell you to lay down your guns
And fight for peace with your feet
Running to the sun, now take a seat
Look at the world up there on the stage
The players of jealousy hate and rage
Who forget their song lines?
And that love only finds
Her victims in a world of peace
Free of smoke and grey gun grease
Down their where the Murrumbidgee flows
Beneath the weeping willow trees and gums
There lives a girl with just nine toes
And if you asked her for a hand
She will answer with a sardonic smile
How many toes have an angel’s band?
Do you need to seek that girl?
Down their where the war blood flows
Or can you find that missing toe
In your mind deep within
That gives you the answer
In this world to win
Believe in your power
To love your planet
And yourself
Grab it! Grab it!
Your life I mean
With full ten toes
Down there where you really care
Where your heart beat freely flows,count your toes!


7


Chapter 1


He could hear the rhythmic sound of his running
shoes whispering across the forest floor. The sun shining
through the Gum trees sent shadows of light down to
play their weird games on the narrow path he was jogging
through. He could feel his heart beating faster in his chest
and his breath started to slow down as he felt himself
slipping into the running flow rhythm that he was used
to. Somewhere behind him he could hear the sounds
caused by his two bodyguards, he could hear them
grunting and cursing trying to keep up with him. As he
jogged through the trees enjoying this brief feeling of
freedom his thoughts wandered back to the events of the
day.

The alarm clock started its hysterical screaming at
seven o’clock and didn’t stop till I managed to roll over
and press down the button. I had a headache most
probably caused by the beer that I'd drunk at the
barbecue organised by the Lion's Club last night. I also
felt a dark cloud wrapping around my thoughts, a feeling
that I've had a lot frequently of late, actually since Mary
died two years ago. Immediately I felt the tears coming
into my eyes so I quickly swallowed them down with a
glass of water and three Aspirin. At the breakfast table I
started reading the “Canberra Times„ there was a new
article about me, talking about how weak I was, hanging
8
onto the shirt tails of my friends in America, and basically
informing the public that I was failing the country, and if
something didn’t happen soon Australia would become
the next third world country. Unemployment was rising
and my rate of popularity was sinking. Even my
housekeeper keeps looking at me through hooded eyes,
clouded with disappointment as she cleared up the
breakfast table.
I heard the car horn outside in the driveway, it was
time to go to work and I just wanted to go back to bed.
On the way to Parliament House I fell asleep in the
back seat but when we stopped at the private entrance I
had my eyes open ready to attack the day. Marching into
my office I started going through my agenda for the day,
all the appointments and meetings, pages of information
that I had to read through, but all of a sudden I felt dizzy
and disoriented. Falling into my chair I took some deep
breaths and put my feet up on the desk, and soon began
to feel better and started my days business.
Somehow everyone I talked to appeared boring or
I had the feeling that they were not quite telling the truth
I found myself nodding my head saying the right “yes's,,
“no's„ and “that’s interesting„ at the right places.
Everything my eyes saw appeared colourless and almost
grey and always this feeling of emptiness within my body.
Maybe I should make an appointment to see Doc Weber
before my annual check-up comes up. Anyway I tumbled
through the day without making any grave mistakes and
now here I am on the banks of the Murrumbidgee getting
some exercise and fresh air - trying to find my way back
into a life where I can once again feel good about what I
am doing.
I kept on running, listening to the sounds of the
river and my breathing, when all of a sudden I lost my
9
balance and falling to the ground I felt the earth give way
benath my legs and I started sliding down an
embankment towards the river, hitting my head on a
rock. Everything went black and I heard nothing but
silence.

“John wake up! Its time for a change, open your
eyes!„
I did just that and I was looking into the deepest, blackest
eyes I had ever seen in my entire life. The eyes belonged
to the face of a very old, black man, wrinkled and scarred,
he stood naked in the sun carrying a spear in his right
hand and a Woomera hanging from his shoulder. He
offered me his arm, and standing shakily with the help of
this strange man I said. “Who the hell are you? and what
are you doing here? What happened to me? I have a
terrible headache and my men are probably searching for
me and getting very worried - so if you want to kidnap
me do it right now!„ The stranger looked deeper into my
eyes and passed his right hand slowly in front of my eyes
and whispered in a soft enticing voice
“Let your pain become smoke and your worry a
river mist rising in the dawn.„
“Hey what was that? The headache’s gone and for
the first time in months I feel lighter than a sixteen
wheeler truck!„ The strange man remained silent and
turning into the Tea tree scrub he motioned for me to
follow him. There was a winding path going down to the
river and the air started to get cooler. I could feel a light
breeze that was scented with Wattle. I had no idea where
I was going but at the same time I had a feeling of Deja vu
as if I already knew what was going to happen. Soon we
came to the edge of the river and there, sitting on a large
rock; was a small Aborigine girl singing softly and trailing
10
her hand in the slowly flowing water. The old man looked
into my eyes and said.
“This is the girl with nine toes, she will change
your life.„ and then he simply disappeared. I was shocked
and as if hypnotised I went to the rock and sat opposite
the girl with nine toes.
“Welcome to my home Turawwa - do you want to
live or die?„
I looked at her, seeing a face that was full of wisdom and
purity and at the same time innocent as a small child, she
had the beginning of a smile on her lips. I stuttered.
“Live of course!„
“Okay Turawwa if you really want to live you must
change many things in your life, especially your thoughts
and what you believe in. Your very thoughts create your
reality whether good or bad.„ Her voice sounded like
singing and I could not see her lips moving, her head
bobbed from side to side and her yellow eyes were
shining. Even though I had no idea what was happening,
I could remember the stories that the Aborigines told
about a girl with nine toes. Stories that I never really
believed. I listened, watched and felt what this little girl
with nine toes wanted to tell me.
“You are Turawwa this means leading with the heart.
You were chosen long ago to lead this country into a
future where all people prosper, regardless of there
colour or beliefs. This is your challenge. The way will not
be easy and it will take a long time. But first you must
decide if you are willing to give everything you have, even
your heart, to walk this path. Close your eyes - go inside
and ask your inner self if all parts of you, inside and
outside, conscious and unconscious, of the past, present
and future are willing to fight together at your side
through this life change change life process, always to
11
stand by your side and support you with all that they have
- yes or no?„ I closed my eyes and even though the
instructions were strange, I found myself asking all parts
of my body if they were willing to support me in what
was happening to me - even though I had no idea what it
was. I got a load of yes's and a tingling feeling in my
belly. I said “YES!„ and opened my eyes. She then said;
“There is only one truth and that is the truth that you
yourself believe in. Your first challenge is to learn to trust
your innerself, your intuition, your teacher inside. This
may be difficult - there are people out there who do not
agree with what you say or what you decide. They will
attempt to manipulate you, to force you to make
compromises. They may even try to pressure you with
threats or promises. But whatever they say you must
stand up for your own beliefs and decisions, it does not
matter what the consequences are. If you stand like the
tall Gum tree with your roots firmly planted in the soils
of trust within yourself, the winds of change will do the
rest!„ She then asked me to put my hand on my belly
where I felt the tingling sensation. “This is your centre,
the place of power and certainty, whenever you feel out
of balance or unsure of a decision place your hand here
and feel the warmth. Now imagine forming a connection
between your mind and this place, and allow yourself to
take advice and listen to the voices coming from this part
of you, all answers should come from your centre. With
practise this will become second nature to you.„
I stood up feeling surprisingly awake and looking
down at her feet where for the first time I saw that she
really did have only nine toes! I heard somebody calling
my name. I looked up to the embankment and saw Rick
one of my bodyguards waving his arms frantically
shouting for me to climb out of the gully. I started to say
12
“Wait, I want you to meet the girl with nine toes…!„ but
when I looked back to the water the rock was empty.
I climbed up to where Rick and Joe were waiting for
me telling them how I fell down the embankment and hit
my head. They looked at me in a funny way and Rick said
“But there are no scratches or anything boss and you
were only gone for about two minutes anyway - are you
feeling okay?„
“I feel better than I've felt in a long time boys, lets
go home!„


13


Believe in yourself its worth it!


Chapter 2

14

John opened his front door and called out to his
housekeeper Joan to come into his office. She walked
slowly up to him and said. “Yes sir, dinner is almost
ready.„ In her usual sharp, somewhat detached voice.
John laid his right hand on his belly took a deep breath
and said “Joan wait - I don't know exactly what’s going
on with you, or what you really think of me, but over the
last two years I can't help feeling that you are pissed off
with me about something. I want you to have the courage
to tell me what's bothering you? what have I done to
upset you?„
Joan’s mouth dropped open , she couldn't believe what he
had just said. She had been working for this family for over ten
years and the Boss had never spoken with her with so much
openness and honesty, why he even said pissed off! Woww ! This is
really new, something could be changing at last. She thought as
she slowly closed her mouth and started to speak.
“Does this mean I can say what I really think and
feel, even if it might hurt you sir, and I won't get fired?„
John looked straight into her eyes pressed his hand a little
bit harder to his belly and said not quite as clearly as he
wanted to -
“Yes. My intuition tells me that there's something
about me that you don't like I want to know what that is„
“Okay sir, here I go. As long as I have known you,
you were never a person who said what he thought, I
guess that's why you’re a politician, you are always hiding
your feelings and trying to be bloody diplomatic all the
time. But since Mary… oh sorry I mean Mrs Macmillan
died , I have not seen you show any sadness whatever.
15
Oh sure! at the Funeral, a controlled tear here or there
and a timely nose blow when somebody mentioned her
name. Everyday you get up - have a shower - eat
breakfast go to the Parliament building - work - then you
come home, shut yourself in the office together with Mr
Glenlivet and then you call that a bloody day. I can't
stand it any longer Mr Macmilan I have known you, Sarah
and Caroline now for over ten years .You have stopped
talking to me except for giving orders and asking
questions concerning the house. When was the last time
that you hugged one of your daughters and said that you
loved her? When was the last time you showed any kind
of feeling towards me or your daughters? Sometimes I
have a feeling that this country is being run by a robot,
not a man!„
Her voice was getting louder and her cheeks redder,
she was a thin small woman but at this moment John felt
that she was a giant. A feeling of sadness and joy at the
same time started creeping ever so slowly through his
body, a feeling that he hadn't felt in a very long time. The
tears came slowly at first rolling down his cheeks. He
knew that, what this simple, homely woman was saying
was perfectly true- he had been hiding behind his feelings
afraid to be weak and express his sadness.
“You are right Joan, thanks for saying that but now
please leave me alone for awhile , I need to chew on what
you just said, by the way this time without Mr Glenlivet.„
She turned towards the door without looking back - she
couldn't help smiling seeing her boss behaving like a
human being.
“Maybe there's hope for Australia yet.„ she
whispered to herself.
John sat down with his head hanging down and the
tears falling onto his pants. I feel so lost and cold, he thought to
16
himself, almost as if there's a door inside me that I haven't opened
yet, or that I'm afraid of opening up. I always thought that I had to
protect myself from being hurt and the best way to do that was to
close up. Mary was always telling me to talk about my feelings - she
even sometimes got frustrated beating on my closed doors, and there
were times when I couldn't even hear her knocking. Sarah and
Caroline have even stopped talking to me – apart from such
sentences as “How's it goin' dad?„“Have some more mashed
potatoes!„ or “Dad can I use the car tonight?„
But they never talkd about what was going on inside of
them and I have a feeling that we are drifting apart from each other.
Today like some sort of miracle I meet this strange girl down by the
river who's telling me how to change my life and yeah – its really
funny - but I have this gut feeling that something really important
is happening to me, something I can’t grasp or describe. Im not even
sure if I really believe that she exists.
And yet when I came home everything looked different, stronger
more intensive and when I saw Joan I just could not close the door -
- almost as if a little black hand took hold of the doorknob and
pulled the door open. I simply have no choice or do I?
The tears slowly dried and John, standing up ,
opened the door of his office and went into the kitchen
where dinner was set . In the middle of the table was a
single red rose.


17


An open heart can change the
World


Chapter 3
18

Thin rays of sunlight were struggling to get through
the blinds as John opened his eyes to a new day. I dreamt
about that girl with nine toes almost the whole night. he thought,
looking at the dressing table where the alarm clock said
six thirty. Wowww! I'm even awake before the alarm goes
off, this is going to be a good day - I can feel it in my
toes!
I was sitting alone at the breakfast table when
Sarah and Caroline walked into the dining room, sitting
carefully in their chairs they looked warily at me.
“Mornin' dad!„ they said in unison “Sleep good?„
“Yeah sure! Except for black hands on door
knobs and girls with nine toes I had a great night!„ They
looked at each other half smiling, thinking the same
thing.
“Yeah Joan talked to us last night before we went
to bed.„ said Caroline the oldest of the two.
“And what may I ask did nosey Joan talk to you
about last night?„ I asked.
Sarah piped up.
“She said that you've started to open up doors and
that.. that's great and if we notice your eyes looking a little
bit moist this morning we should keep our mouths shut.„
“Joan might be nosey but she is a very wise woman
and she's right except about keping your mouth's shut.„ I
paused for a second swallowing down my hesitation and
then continued. “As of now I want you two girls to talk
to me - no not just everyday stuff, everything! How
19
school's going? about books your reading? about your
boyfriends?„
“Dad I'm only thirteen I haven't even got my
period yet!„ giggled Sarah.
“I just… I mean… I want us all to talk more with
each other than we have been doing lately. I want to get
closer to you both. I know my work takes up a lot of my
time and I'm often away in another country, but I want to
relate to you both – more - at deeper levels than just
mashed potatoes and car keys.„They both laughed
Caroline looked her father directly in the eyes and said.
“Does this mean that we can even talk with you
about mum?„ Her voice was a little bit shaky and I felt
the corners of my eyes becoming somewhat damp and
answered.
“I think it's about time that we talked about
everything especially your mother. I don't know exactly why
I'm saying all this but I'm going through some sort of
change in my life and the first thing I've learned is to trust
my intuition and to start to believe in myself and stand
behind that what I say. This also means talking to you
gals about subjects that I generally avoid, for example
your mother.„ Sarah and Caroline both stood up, came
over to me, hugging me tight Caroline said
“Welcome back to the land of feeling.”
Sarah said.
“Love you dad! shit! We have to go, or we'll miss
the bus!„ she shrieked. Then they quickly grabbed their
school bags and rushed out the back door.
I sat there alone listening to the birds singing in
the trees in the backyard. Looking out the bay window I
could see the lawn flowing down to the edge of the lake
at the end of the property, a lone swallow flew over the
trees and I thought, We are never alone, as long as I have a
20
memory of someone that brings me feelings of joy and love, I have a
feeling of belonging, belonging to something greater than myself, I
want to call it hope! I wonder what the girl with nine toes would say
to that?
He picked up his briefcase as he heard the car horn in the
driveway.


21


This world is very friendly..
Why aren’t we?


22

Chapter 4


„Mr Prime Minister this just does not work !
you cannot punish unemployed people by cutting their
benefits just because they don't like working.„ These
words came from one of his main advisors for Social
Security, they were sitting in the main conference room
discussing the unemployment crisis.
“Mr Norton I will say this only once, this is why we
have an unemployment problem. As long as people are
fed there unemployment benefit checks every month and
at the same time are too lazy to take up a job, whatever it
is, as a garbage man or a cleaning lady then we are just
supporting their patterns of laziness.
I know full well that this is a difficult subject,
both for you and the rest of the party members, as well as
for the people of Australia - but just imagine a nation of
people who really enjoy working, who are willing to take
risks even if it means starting at the bottom of the ladder
again to make there life worth living. Instead of giving
them money, lets give them new opportunities to learn a
new profession, start up there own business. Let's
encourage independance instead of dependance. We have
to teach the people what it's like to feel self - esteem and
self - responsibility , to be able to stand up on their own
two feet and say I want to help make this world a better place to
live in. Instead of suffering from feelings of hopelessness
23
and aggression, that are nothing but the seeds of laziness
and No future consciousness which develops in our young
people looking for jobs when they leave High School ,
let's have the courage to make a change!„ There was dead
silence in the conference room, thirty eight men and
women holding there breath, too surprised to be able to
react. Mr Norton packed up his papers stomped out of
the room with a look of disgust on his face. Some of the
other Members of Parliament stood up and applauded
(most of them women) the rest of the people present
were either too astonished or moved to do anything. That
this man, John Macmilan , normally a reserved yes-man,
was capable of such strength of character - was hard to
digest.
John felt his head getting hot and his face was as
red as a tomato , but inside he felt great! At last he had
said what he thought about a major issue, not caring how
anybody else would react, just following his heart. He
knew that this was just the beginning of a battle - not just
a political battle, no way, this was a personal fight, a fight
to find his own inner truth. He looked up at the gallery
where there were paintings from Australian artists and his
eyes fell on one that he thought must be new because up
till now he hadn't seen it. It was a painting of an
Aborigine standing on a rock pointing in the distance to
the horizon, and he looked suspiciously like the old man
who had led him down to the river.


24


A vision is a path..
A guide to your
dreams.
Dream your vision
everyday
And it will become a
reality


25


Chapter 5


So now Im really curious to see what happens this time when
I jog down to the river. I was thinking, while tying up my
trainers. The two bodyguards as yesterday were also
getting ready to get onto the jogging path. I couldn't help
noticing that they kept looking over there shoulder to see
what I was doing, they looked somewhat suspicious - or
maybe they just thought I was going crazy. I started doing
some stretching exercises and after a few minutes I
started slowly jogging down the path. Once again I could
feel the wind upon my skin drying up the perspiration,
hear the rhythmic sound of my feet and the calling of the
birds in the trees. I could now see the place where I fell
and without thinking I turned off the track and slid down
into the gully.
“Welcome back into the Dreamtime Turawwa!„ said
the old black man “Do you also have headaches today?„
“No I don't old man, but I'd really like to know what
your name is?„
“The people call me Baldwa which means the guide,
but we don't have enough time to talk about names now,
we have to go, she's waiting, follow!„
We went down the same path and I had the same
feeling of temperature change and all sound just simply
vanished. I had a feeling we were walking into a vacuum
26
where time did not exist. Baldwa turned his head and
leaning on his spear he stopped and pointed to the
opening in the bushes where I could see the
Murrumbidgee flowing.
“She is there, go and get a change!„ I blinked and he was
gone.I walked to the river and there she sat on the same
rock in the same position with the same half-smile on her
lips.
“Welcome back Turawwa sit down and listen. You
are walking well on your path and the next challenge
waiting for you will bring you even closer to yourself.
Having a vision is like turning on the light. At this
moment you can see with the eyes of your mind the place
where you want to go to - you call this your dream - your
goal. Holding this vision inside your head will give you
the power to keep going, regardless of the difficulties you
will experience, this is your motor, driving you foreward
into the future. Now close your eyes and see within the
path - leading into the future - notice in which direction it
flows? - is it as a silver river? - or a road leading over the
mountains? As you allow this path in time to become
more clear - imagine being able to see your vision floating
back to where the path ends. Looking back you are able
to see and understand the many, different steps that you
took on this path- in time - to reach this goal, but as well
as this - and even more important – is the need to
recognise the challenge that you faced before reaching
each step ,and how did you do that exactly? What did you
change? What exactly did you win when you made that
step? And what exactly has changed in your life? Asking
these questions brings you closer to your vision and gives
you the answers to questions that you will face in the
future. Be clear about which steps you take and who you
take with you; and notice which inner feelings inside
27
move you the most. Imagine yourself standing on the
bank of a wide river, on the other bank of this river you
can see your vision. Yes! not only can you see it, you can
even hear the noises and voices that go together with this
vision - you can feel it inside yourself - even taste and
smell it - your future, your goal. Now to cross to the
other bank you have to use the stepping stones that you
yourself have laid in the water. Take the first step only
when you know you are ready.„
“I found myself going into something like a trance
listening to the sing-song rhythm of her voice I could
really see the river in my imagination. The colours were
really intense and all noises were incredibly clear. I could
see myself jumping to the first stone and I shouted out
loud Courage! And the girl with nine toes looked up at me
and said “You have now reached your first stepping stone
on your way to true leadership, now go back into your
country and practice what you have learnt!„
“Mr Macmillan, Mr Macmillan sir where are you?„ I
could hear them shouting from up on the jogging path, I
leapt up the embankment almost bumping into Rick
“Here I am men, lets get back to moving the world!„
They both looked at each other with that queer look they
both had and then, shrugging there shoulders ; started
jogging with me back to the car.


28


Have the courage to speak up
and know love


29
Chapter 6


John opened the front door and called out to his
daughters “Sarah, Caroline where are you both?
Come down here I want to talk with you both!„
They sat around the kitchen table, all three looking a little
bit uncomfortable. Joan made everything a little bit
merrier by breezing into the kitchen to make herself a cup
of tea.
“I want to start a new realationship with you both.
Well actually to you three!„ He said looking up at Joan
standing by the stove. I know that I have been closed for
a long time now - even at work its the same, I can
function, I can even make decisions, I can talk to people
but I've forgotten how to show my feelings. It sometimes
feels like there’s a band of steel wrapped around my
heart.„ He felt his eyes getting watery again, damn that girl!
Well to cut a long story short I've decided to have the
courage to start opening up to you all. I don't really know
how to do it but I have met a girl with nine toes whose
showing me how to jump onto stones.„
“Dad! Wait! Wait! What are you talking about girls
with nine stones and jumping on stones ? Hee?„
John took a very deep breath and then started to tell
the three of them all about his visits to the girl at the
river, leaving nothing out. When he'd finished, to his
amazement none of them looked at all disbelieving , Joan
even asked if she could come next time too, maybe
30
Baldwa could cure the warts on her feet and heal her
varicose veins. They all laughed heartily and John felt
lighter than he had ever felt in a long, long time.


31


Live your dreams


32
Chapter 7


Lying in bed listening to the songs of the crickets
outside in the garden his thoughts started slipping back
into the past, he started remembering moments ,both at
work and on a personal level, when he didn't have the
courage to say what he really thought or felt. Looking at
the scenes flashing in front of his eyes he could see how
the decision not to say what he thought, or what his
intuition suggested, brought about a situation where he
felt angry, sad or frustrated. He had a feeling that he
seldom got what he really wanted anyway, being afraid of
hurting somebodie’s feelings, afraid that he might be
wrong or just plain too lazy to open up his mouth. Then
he saw an image in the darkness that looked something
like Mary’s face trying to tell him something - it sounded
like follow your heart. Well that’s almost sure to be
something that the girl with nine toes would have said, he
thought as he slowly drifted off to sleep.


33


Love yourself and the world will
love you


34

Chapter 8


He awoke to the sounds of soft voices and the smell
of a cooking fire. Opening his eyes he could see a low
roof made of what looked like bark and branches. He was
in some kind of hut and somebody was calling out his
name “Turawwa!Turawwa! The sun is waiting! come
outside and see the day!„ He crawled out of the hut to see
a group of Aborigines sitting around a fire drinking tea - a
large black billy can was hanging over the fire. He walked
up to the circle and sat down, the old woman tending the
fire gave him a mug of tea, it tasted sweet and strong but
it went down good. A man with feathers stuck all over his
body said.
“Turawwa you have now reached the second
stone crossing the river, this is the lesson of selftrust.
There is absolutely nobody in this world that you can
trust completely, except yourself. How can you look
inside the heads of others to see if they are telling the
truth or if they carry the spear of integrity? But you can
look inside your own mind and heart to understand the
songs that the ancestors are singing for you. In every
situation where you have to make a decision, even if the
consequences may be dangerous or may hurt somebody
else, even someone you love - you must follow your heart
This is the path of selftrust.„ My eyes started to water this
time because of the smoke of the fire and I answered. “I
35
think I am ready to jump to the second stone but I am
afraid of failing myself as I have often done in the past.„ I
took another swallow of the sweet tea and looked across
the fire to the man with many feathers. He said. “Think
back to a time in the past when you were confronted with
a big problem, where you alone had to make a decision
without help or advice from anybody else. And the
decision that you made was perfect even though difficult
to carry out. How did you feel at this moment of
knowing this is right?„
I was thinking of a time when I had to make a
decision concerning sending troops to Timor. Everybody
was against it but I wanted to fight for peace. As I
imagined myself standing alone and knowing without any
shadow of doubt that the decision was right, I could see,
myself standing up straight with my shoulders relaxed and
a slight smile on my lips. There was a warm deep feeling
in my chest and when I put my hand onto this place the
feeling became stronger. “This is your moment of
selftrust, use this power song every time you have to
decide, if you do not experience it, then the decision is
not right.„ said Mister Feathers.
I opened my eyes to look around at the other
people but to my amazement I was sitting alone at the
fire and all I could see was a flat dusty stretch of earth
dotted with stumpy gnarled bushes and some dried up
patches of grass. I stood up and looked up at the sun it
was hot even though it must have been early in the
morning. I could hear voices coming from the nearby
scrub and two children ran out at me a boy and a girl, the
girl said “The girl with nine toes sent me to give you the
new challenge. To help you on your way I will do all that
I can to assist you, I am on your side!„ Her voice
sounded really soothing and kind, but for some reason
36
she wouldn't look at me directly eye to eye. “My name is
Wootara and this is Yarawwa.„ said the other child, a boy
round about twelve.
“You have to decide which one of us two you can
trust to be your guide – and you have to decide fast!„ he
said, sounding very brusque and impatient and looking
straight into my eyes without a trace of a smile on his
face. I had known this situation very well in my past
when faced with having to decide which person was right
and which one was wrong. Most of the time I was
influenced to believe that the person who is polite and
nice towards me was the person to trust, sometimes it
even went so far that I was afraid of hurting feelings if I
said ‘no’ to someone. I looked at the girl and went inside
to feel what my heart said, she smiled at me and batted
her eyelids. I felt nothing. I looked at the boy he looked
directly at me I put my hand over my heart and it felt
warm and strong “It's you I want Wootara!„ and
Yarawwa disappeared. He turned towards the dessert and
mumbled something that sounded like follow me! And I
followed. It was getting hot and I started to sweat, the
sand squeeked beneath my bare feet and all I could hear
was the silence of the desert but after a while Wootara
stopped in his tracks “Listen Turawwa, leader of the heart
what do you hear?„ I closed my mouth and my eyes and
concentrated on listening. After awhile I could hear very
faint voices coming from a long distance.“These are the
voices of the ancestors connected to your inner voice, of
whom you can ask any question anytime, wherever you
are. Here lies all the information and all the answers you
will ever need to be happy and successfull - but the only
way to be able to hear the voices true is to listen with
your heart.„

37


One smile can move a mountain


38

Chapter 9


I opened my eyes to the light coming through the
curtains. I could see tiny dust devils dancing in the
sunlight. I didn't move a muscle because I was afraid of
forgetting my dream. The images were still strong in my
memory as well as Wootara's voice, and what he had
said. I got out of bed opened the curtains and then the
window, breathing in the fresh morning air feeling deeply
aware of the outside world, something I had not felt since
I was a child running wild around the homestead where I
grew up. I walked out onto the grass my bare feet feeling
the morning dew on the grass. I could smell the freshly
cut grass and somewhere in the Gum trees I could hear a
Kookaburra laughing. I know that I have a lot to learn as
many times in the past I did not listen to my heart. Mary
was always telling me to trust my intuition, to speak
straight from the gut! Actually this was an argument in
our relationship that kept coming up when we had to
make some kind of decision concerning the family. And
at work I hardly ever made a lightning impulsive decision.
Some of my aides even gave me the nickname Macsnail. I
needed tons of information, answers to all the questions,
wait a minute! Isn't that what Wootara said last night in
the dream. The inner voice. Some kind of connection to
the ancestors. I came out of the clearing onto the edge of
the lake my pyjama cuffs started to get heavy and wet but
39
I sat down on the grass anyway, something I would
normally never do unless I first laid out a blanket and
checked for ants. I looked out at the water. The mist was
slowly rising off the still water and I could smell that
mildewy scent of the lake. Looking out onto the water I
noticed the colours changing as the sun rose over the hills
on the other side of the lake. I could feel a strong
connection to the earth, reminding me of what a
beautifull place we live in - and I started humming that
old Loius Armstrong song It's a wonderfull world.
“Mr Macmillan, Mr Mac, breakfast is ready!„ I could
hear Joan shouting from the verandah, so leaving Mr
Armstrong to look after his part of the world I stood up,
stretched my body and walked towards the house to start
to look after my part of the world.


40


Hate is a feeling that stems from
fear


41
Chapter 10


I now invite all citizens of this country to take their own
future into their own hands. This government believes in self -
responsibility and the Power of Hope. As of this day all social
benefits for people unemployed will be reduced by forty per cent.
Every person regardless of gender or colour, or religion is now able
legally to work as an independant agent in their own business even if
they are presently employed. All otherwise unemployed persons will
now work at least six hours per day in a social/medical area. For
example in hospitals, homes for the aged, meals on wheels,
community care centers, environmental projects, feeding the disabled,
building roads in the outback, caring for the animals and the land
in which we live. If we all work together and give all that we have
then and only then do we have a chance to turn the course of this
country from a failing democracy based on dependance and social
instability toward a vision where we can be proud to be able to call
ourselves Australian. I couldn't help thinking about what
the girl with nine toes would say to this statement, as Mrs
Simmons my secretary asked me if that was the end of
the public statement, as she needed to finish typing it up
to be able to send out the copies to the House of
Representatives and it was almost four o'clock. I looked
at her face and for the first time in five years of working
together with her noticed that she had incredibly warm
deep green eyes and a small scar above her left eyebrow,
42
she was smiling. “Why are you smiling Mrs Simmons?„ I
asked.
“Sir, if I may be so bold, I have been working in the
public service for many years and I have seldom heard
such a bold challenging statement concerning
employment as this. I don't know how Mr Norton or the
rest of the Cabinet will react but I just want to say sir that
I think its great!„ She lifted her ample body out of the
chair, closed her laptop and walked out of my office
leaving behind that scent of lavender and old roses that
always used to remind me of Mary's mother. I leaned
back into my chair thinking about the difficulties in
changing the Laws and Regulations concerning the
measures for improving employment when all of a
sudden I realised what I had just said. Laws and
Regulations concerning the measures for improving
employment. In political and public language this was called
the Laws governing unemployment. Saying this positively,
turning it around as something motivating, at least at a
semantic level it changed the meaning completely - Miss
nine toes again I guessed. The red light on my telephone
was blinking on my private line I picked up the receiver
“John? Here's Brian how about coming out to Red
Hill tonight for dinner? haven't seen you in a long time
mate, do you have time?“
“Brian! great to hear you, sounds good! round about
eight okay for you? I'll bring a bottle of red with me if
you do the steaks.“
“No probs my friend then uh… see ya later
alligator.„He hung up. I couldn't help smiling thinking
how a man who is the chief of Financial Affairs with
years of experience in handling huge banks and mega
business corporations - could be so corny.
43
I didn't have time to go jogging but I had a feeling
that it was important to meet Brian as we hadn't seen
each other in a long time, and the girl with nine toes
apparently had other ways of changing my thoughts
anyway .
Getting home I quickly showered and changed,
meeting Sarah and Caroline in between putting on my
shoes and going down to the cellar to get a bottle of
Barossa Valley red wine I couldn't help thinking about
how they had changed - -they seemed so grown up all of a
sudden or was it the other way round?


44


Life is to be enjoyed
With every day
With every smile
With every tear


45

Chapter 11


I drove up into the driveway once again as always
amazed at the beauty of this house and the surrounding
gardens. Old Chestnut trees shaded the drive up to the
house. Wattle trees and Banksias were planted at strategic
spots, apparently following the Chinese philosophie of
Feng Shui as Consuela, Brian's wife once said. The grass
was natural bush grass mixed with Dandelions and Red
Poppies, and I could see a group of Ghost Gums behind
the Chestnut trees. The whole landscape looked and
smelled like well controlled Australian bush country. The
house was a renovated Homestead with an outside
terrace on all four sides, old red roof tiles and Hortensia
vines clinging to the walls, I was really looking foreward
to dinner with one of my best friends.
“John! Great to see you mate- come out to the back
I've got the Barby going and the steaks are already on the
grill.„ I saw his blue eyes glinting in the evening sun and
with much backslapping and shacking of hands I gave
him the bottle of wine and followed him through the hall
into the backyard.
“Can I help you Brian? Where's Consuela?„
“I sent her out to ladies night at the club so that we
two could be alone, yeah! go and get the baked potatoes
out of the Aga in the kitchen, you know where everything
is!„ We sat down and started loading salad onto our
46
plates, the smell of baked potatoes with fresh Sage and
Thyme was making my mouth water. He poured out the
wine and said “Bottoms up!„ I laughed for about the
tenth time and we started getting tucked in to our dinner.
He looked at me seriously for a change and said “John
I've been hearing some funny things about you.„
“From our friend James Norton, am I right?„
“Yeah that's right! but you know how he is, he’s
sometimes loud and belligerent but his heart and wallet's
in the right place. Anyway he said that somehow youv'e
changed, that you're more - how did he say it now, um….
more philosophical…. talking about forcing people to
work and only paying people who want to work - - - you
know how he is. He hangs onto the old laws and doesn't
like changing his spots. He also said that your'e more
decisive, well he even called you a little Hitler!„
I laughed, almost spilling my wine onto the white
linen table cloth that Consuela insists we use even if we
are just enjoying a barbecue. “Yes Brian, he’s right I am
changing, I'm beginning to realise a lot of mistakes that
I've made in the past. I think that since Mary died a part
of myself died with her and because of this I've become
lazy and not caring in my job. I've become almost
dependant on the decisions and ideas of my Aides and
Assistents. I have lost some of my self-esteem. I know,
you've known me now since High School and you know
that I was always a good leader, remember our rugby
team, when I used to be the captain and you played left
wing? Anyway to get back to the subject, to be a good
leader I had to learn to push down my feelings to be
disassociated from emotions, over the years of being a
politician , somewhere along the line I lost contact with
myself – with my innerself, do ya know what I mean?„
47
“Oh no John! Don't tell me your going to be one
of those Osho followers and start wearing orange
overalls!„ He laughed. I felt angry and misunderstood.
“Jesus Brian! for once in your life be serious and
listen to what I'm saying, will you!„ I was pissed “I am
being manipulated inside my own house, people are using
me for there own political goals, the country is falling
apart and I'm still mourning my wife instead of doing
what I do best - lead! I noticed that he wasn’t drinking
anymore and at least he now looked a little bit more
serious and attentive to what I was saying. “And I have
also met someone - the girl with nine toes!„ He coughed
into his glass this time spilling wine onto the white
tablecloth. The drops looked like rubies tossed carelessly
onto the table.
“John you're not telling me you have a girlfriend
and that she's responsible for your psychological
cleansing! Who is she? What's her name? No! Its not Mrs
Simmons is it?„
“Brian. Please. Listen very closely. This girl is not a
girl, she's like a teacher and she has an uncanny way of
getting inside my head and not inside my trousers! Let me
try to explain.„ So for the second time and what will not
be the last time I explained to a person I loved what I was
experiencing, leaving nothing out, I even told him about
my nightly dream challenge path. I looked over at him and
could see two small tears pushing there way out of the
corners of his eyes, he stared at me after I'd finished and
after a few minutes of silence he started to speak.
“Absolutly, bloody amazing John! Unbelievable! Do you
think she knows anything about the Stock exchange?
Struth! there I go again everytime I get emotional I start
making jokes. No! seriously as your best friend I have
noticed you changing over the last few years. I won't say
48
Mary's death is solely responsible. You were never a
person who showed much of his feelings but since then
you have been more withdrawn and subdued I was even
going to advise you to go back to that Psychotherapist
who helped you over the initial mourning phase. But it
looks like the girl with nine toes beat me to it. I can't say that
I understand what it's really all about but I do know that
you are changing for the good, just the fact that you
shouted at me when I wasn't listening to you is a good
sign. But tell me now, what are you and this girl planning
for Australia?„
“I went through all the ideas with him that I had
inside my head. Lowering the social benefits. Decreasing
taxes for new and small businesses as well as for big
enterprises so that they had more money to employ more
people. The new ideas and innovation programm. Equal
rights Bill and the environmental projects, everything,
every vision that I've ever had since becoming a
politician, at the end I felt completly drained but at the
same time elated , especially when my old friend who
knew so much about money and politics agreed with
everything I said.
“John this vision will change the face of Australia!
and I will do all I can to support you even if it means
kicking Norton in his rearend. Let’s have a drink and
cheers to that girl waiting for you on the banks of the
Murrumbidgee, and a new future for the country!„ We
clicked our glasses together, hugged each other like two
bears who had just caught and eaten a giant salmon,
proud, defiant and boys!
We walked towards my car where the driver was
leaning on the hood smoking a cigarette.The air was still
and the only sound was the chirping of the crickets and
49
our footsteps on the gravel, opening the passenger door I
turned to him and said “I love you my friend!„
He said “Now don't go all gushy on me John!„ I laughed
and thought back to what he must have said a thousand
times in the past about himself “Whenever I get emotional I
make jokes.„


50


Trust yourself and your world
will change


51

Chapter 12


The moment my head touched the pillow I fell
asleep and the first thing I saw was Wootara's small wiry
body crouched under the shade of a Coolibah tree.
“Turawwa there you are, we have been waiting for
you!„ Sitting beside him was a small scraggy bush dog
that looked suspiciously like a cross between a Dingo and
a Fox Terrier.
“This is Bongo he will help us today!„ With that he
jumped up, motioned for me to take the lead and off we
went into the burning country. Everything was yellow,
orange or white, broken only by the brown/black colour
caused by the shadows of a rock or a tree. The land was
flat and hot, full of dust, sand, and the occasional
Kangaroo. I soon realised that I could walk and at the
same time close my eyes and listen to my new inner voices.
You are the leader but also the healer - believing in yourself
will give you the strength to know which direction to take, your
intuition is your inner teacher.Your challenge is to bring this boy
and his friend back to his family who dwell behind the great Red
Rock - - follow the path of your heart. All of a sudden I turned
to the west and started running, looking back to make
sure Wootara and Bongo were following me.Then all I
did was to follow my intuition , turning when I knew that
it was right, slowing down or running faster or sometimes
even stopping to let the other two catch up with me.
52
Every now and then I stroked Bongo’s dried up ears and
asked him if I was on the right track. If he licked my hand
I knew I was right, and I wondered if he would bite my
hand if I was wrong .
We seemed to be running for hours, when, all of a
sudden high on the horizon ,I could see a huge red rock
sitting all alone. Then I knew I was bringing my two
friends back to the right place – their home. Behind the
rock was a small camp with a few scattered bark and
wattle lean-tos, a fire, and a man sitting next to the fire
who stood up and waved his arms - it was the Feathered
Man. “Turawwa you have jumped the second stone!„ He
shouted.
As I ran up to the fire Wootara pulled on my
shirt-tail so that I had to turn around.Taking my hands
into his small boney hands, and looking deep into my
eyes he said
“Thank you for bringing me home„
“But you said you were my guide, but you and Bongo
followed me the whole time„
“We simply guided you to lead with your intuition
and you found the right path using trust.„ he answered in
his gruff, impatient voice. “Now I give you over to my
Father.„
I took a step towards the fire where Mr Feathers
clapped his hands once and I opened my eyes hearing
somewhere in the distance a dog barking.


53


Have the courage to be different


54

Chapter 13


I lay still and somewhat tired on the bed, once again
remembering every second of the living dream. And
knowing deep within myself that what I was learning was
more than just learning. This was knowing. Knowing
myself, and every step I took was a step nearer to my
spirit, the part of me that I had forgotten and the part
that I remember Mary mentioning many years ago when
she said “The part of you that I love the most is your spirit and
one day you will get to know this part of you then you will know
that you are going home.„
Too many times, especially in the relationship to
Mary, I had never really said what I felt, honesty was a
rarity only to be enjoyed when I was sure that I would
not hurt anybody and also not be hurt myself. I
remember reading somewhere about the idea of Hard love,
this means saying what you think or feel even if it's going
to hurt someone. All of a sudden I had the urge to drive
down to the river, I needed to talk with that girl.


55


Love is a state of reality, not a
goal


56

Chapter 14


Baldwa was waiting for me. Taking my hand he led
me down the path to the river. Looking at me with those
piercing black eyes he said “Enjoy the change!„ And, as
usual , disappeared.
“Ah Turawwa come and sit down, you have been
learning a lot, as I have heard from the dreamtime people.
Come - sit and listen - I want to talk about your next
jumping stone. This is the Stone of Love, but not as you
know love. Real love that survives is based on the belief
that the only true realationship is the realationship to
yourself. To be able to really love another person is only
possible when you first love yourself. Many people feel
weak or not whole in there lives and are always on the
hunt for someone to make them strong, to make them
whole again, and consequently always seek out those
partners who fullfill this pattern. This is not love, this is
slavery, this is dependance. When two people meet who
already feel whole and strong within themselves, and
know that they are their own leaders and decision makers
,and if these two people rise in love with each other, their
realationship is then based on freedom and independence.
This is true love. If you look at the forest you will see
many different trees living together Gum trees,
Jacarandahs, Wattle, Ironbark, Banksias and the Tea-tree.
All these trees are different and every root system is
57
independant from the other roots. Every tree stands
alone, only the branches and leaves touch each other,
dancing together in the wind and enjoying the freedom of
self responsibility. So go and jump to your next stone
Turawwa and change to enjoy!„
I wanted to ask her a hundred questions but she
looked at me and with a small impatient wave of her hand
she signalled me to be on my way. I turned around and
there stood Baldwa waiting to lead me once again onto
that now familiar path up the ravine to the track going
back to where I parked the car. I drove home slowly,
taking care to stay on the main roads avoiding any
contact with people. I felt like a kid smoking his first
cigarette behind the back fence , hidden from the
windows of the homestead so my parents couldn't see
me. I know that being out alone without my bodyguards
was dangerous but at the same time I was enjoying myself
for a change. As I climbed out of the car I looked at my
watch - it was still early so I had time to sit down to
breakfast with the girls.
“Dad have you been out without the boys?„ said
Sarah with a twinkle in her eye and a smile on her face.
“Mind your own business kid!„ I returned
roughing up her pitch black hair that was shining in the
morning sun. Caroline came out of the kitchen onto the
terrace wearing jeans and a t-shirt that used to belong to
her Mother I couldn't help thinking how much she
looked like Mary, the same eyes, the same hair, the same
body build, I felt that tight feeling around my heart that I
have whenever I think about her.
“Hi Dad! Rick and Joe are really pissed off that you
went out on your own- they want you to phone them
when you get in.„
58
“Yeah I'll speak to them later, but now, to get back
to you two darlings, you have to put up with me for the
whole day so what do you want to do to stop the day
being boring, go for a swim? play tennis? Go for a drive
to Mt Stromlo and see the observatory? Of course
together with my two brawny friends, or just stay here
and - how do you say it Caroline ….. uhm chill out?„
“How about we just spend a day in the past talking
about you and Mum; and what happened between you
two, and all that stuff. Lets just hang out together and
exchange war stories like you and Brian say you always
do.„
Sarah nodded her head and said.
“This is the first time in a long time that we've been
together as a family - I don't know if I can handle it.„
“I could see her eyes starting to get misty , but then
she jutted out her chin, squared her little shoulders and
started buttering a piece of toast.
After breakfast we walked together down to the
lake and sat down on the cool grass. Looking out at the
water I could see bubbles rising to the surface, I
wandered if it was a fish or a yabbie lurking below the
surface. Caroline said. “Dad tell us again about what
happened between you and Mum, nobody really told us
the real truth, you didn't talk much anway, mum was
always jumping between hating your guts or sticking up
for you and Joan just kept saying everything will be
alright- - - but what really happened?“
“I felt myself withdrawing into that space where I
felt like closing all the doors against the past but also
against the future , when all of a sudden I heard that
strange soft sing-song voice belonging to the girl with
nine toes “follow your heart and trust.„
59
“Well girls what I'm going to tell you now might be
upsetting for you , but I believe that it is well past the
time for you both to know how things happened, then
maybe you can learn something that you can use in your
own realationships so that you don't make the same
mistakes.„
I could see how they looked at each other, each
involved in her own thoughts, I had a feeling that they
were afraid and uplifted at the same time. I went on
talking. “I was busy putting together a new cabinet and
was also often travelling at that time to New York for the
UN meetings concerning Iran. If you remember, it was
about 4 years ago, I was hardly ever at home. Anyway
your mother and I started arguing a lot, well not really
arguing - more like she was angry and frustrated and told
me in no uncertain terms what she felt, and I suffered in
silence. I guess that's what most men do when
confronted with a relationship crisis.„ He closed his eyes
and going back into the misty past he started to put the
story together as he experienced it, trying to put himself
into Mary’s mind as well as his own. The images returned,
images that he had blacked out over the last two years,
images that still pained him, and hurt him even more
because he hadn't up till now had the courage to look at
them.


60


Be the mountain
Be the ocean
Be the tree
Be happy
Be the light
Be the shadow
Be the rain
Be you
Be


61

Chapter 15


“John, I know what sort of pressure you are
under you don't have to tell me ; and by the way I'm no
stranger to stress and pressure either, I'm just asking you
to take a look at what's happening to our relationship.
You and me and the family. When was the last time you
did something together with the girls? When was the last
time that we went out together? Now don't start arguing
about security sanctions and all that shit that didn't
bother you in the past, sneaking out with me to some
dark Italian restaurant incognito or driving up to Lake
Eucumbene to do some clandestine fishing at our
loghouse. When was the last time we slept with each
other?„
I felt terrible even though I know she was right, how
can I change how I feel? It's like theres's a wall between
her and me, I can hear her voice, I can see her talking, I
can even smell that scent that normally drives me crazy
but I can't tell her what's going on inside of me, damned if
I even know what's going on inside of me!
“Mary listen, I know what your feeling, I really do!“
“Oh! so now your'e not only the Prime Minister of
Australia - your'e also a mind reader!„
“No I'm only trying to tell you how I feel about the
situation,„
62
“Then talk about your own emotions not mine!„ she
shouted. I could see the look in her eyes and the way her
lips became hard and narrow. I knew that this was
escalating and getting worse .I looked at my watch and
saw that I was late for the next appointment and that, of
course, tipped the scales.
“Okay, okay! I can take a hint John, you don't have
any time for me! Well, maybe I just don't have enough
time for you either - have a great day!“ As she turned
towards the door I felt her hair brushing my face. She
slammed the door to my office and I heard her high heels
receding down the corridor. I closed my eyes and tried to
pull myself together to be ready for the next
Parliamentary meeting.

Mary walked out to her car , and after unlocking the
door she sat in the driver's seat and took some slow, deep
breaths trying to relax with the exhale, an exercise she
learnt many years ago when she used to teach Aikido. But
it didn't seem to be working she thought. probably works for
everbody else just not for me. Why doesn't he understand whats
going on? I love him so and I'm sure that he loves me too but he's so
stuck in his work cycle and doesnt do anything to climb out.Yeah
okay he was always a little bit heavy, on one side such a fantastic
Politician, successfull, loved by the people, a real mover and on the
other side stuck in his feelings or should I say non-feelings. I often
see him being manipulated by some of his advisors and Cabinet
Members, and instead of trusting his own intuition and believing in
himself, he allows himself to be manipulated. I know that he's also
suffering because of this distance between us but I'm not his
therapist and I need all my energy to run our home, get the kids to
school and at the same time get my work done at the office. But its
no use complaining I've got work to do!
63
She drove onto the main road, driving in the
direction of the Law Offices of Grant and Garvey where
she worked as an associate partner in Corporate Law.
As she walked into her office Sharon her personal
secretary called out to her „Mary! Mr Garvey wants to see
you in his office right away.„ Mary turned right and
knocked on the heavy oak door of her bosses office.
“Mary how's it going? Everything hunky dory?„ She
moaned, she loved her boss, but there was one thing she
couldn't stand about him, and that was his use of slang.
“Fine, thanks Tom and how are you?„
“Everything up to scratch Mary. I guess you are
wondering why I wanted to speak with you. It's like this,
we have a proposition to make to you. As you know old
Patrick is going into retirement next month and you
know that we are on the lookout for a new partner,.
Anyway ,to cut a long story short ; we want to offer you a
full partnership in the firm with all fringe benifits of
course. You don't have to sign away your life straight
away - think about it, talk to John about it, and tell me
tomorrow morning what your decision is. And now get
back to your office and earn us some dollars!„
I walked into my office and fell into my chair feeling
speechless and elated.
John said“ Mary that's fantastic! I hope your'e going
to say yes.„
“To be honest John I don't really know if I have
enough energy and time. Especially with the girls, they
really need the quality time that I give them now and
being a partner means more working hours. Some of it I
can do at home in my home - office , but there are always
so many conferences and meetings that I’ll have to be
present at.„
64
“Maybe we can talk to Consuela, she really likes
looking after the girls, she thinks of them as her own half
daughters - and you know, she and Brian aren't able to
have any children of their own. She might really like to do
some mothering on the side!„
“John! always the politician,0kay I'll ring Consuela
and if she's willing to spend more time with Sarah and
Caroline and if Sarah and Caroline agree, I'll do it“
John’s voice sounded softer as he continued telling
his two daughter’s the story about how their Mother
became so successfull in her work. And the price that he
and she paid was the price of distance and acceptance of
the situation , even if that meant that their time and love
for each other was getting less and less.
“Our arguments became even more frequent and
louder ,and inside I knew that we were sliding towards
disaster. I also knew deep within my heart what it would
take to change the situation. If we could have just put
aside the blame bit and the fear that we both felt, and
looked through new eyes, aware of what we were creating
we could have discovered solutions to all the problems
we had.
Everytime I came home I could see you two trying
to be brave and not show your feelings. Your Mother
doing everything she possibly could to hold everything
together, and all I could think about was saving Australia
from financial doom.„ John looked at the two sitting on
the grass watching him with moist eyes, he could see the
sadness but also felt the anger behind the tears -
something that he was never able to feel in the past. He
looked out at the ripples on the water and continued
talking.
“Your mother started losing weight and was often
complaining about feeling really exhausted . During her
65
annual medical check - up they found the lump in her left
breast - and this little lump changed our lives. We tried
to shield you both from what was going on, the word
‘cancer’ was forbidden , never to be articulated in your
presence.We even coached Joan, who’s not used to
keeping her mouth shut, not to tell you two anything. All
we said was that your Mum was ill but everything will be
alright. This worked till her hair started falling out as a
result of the Chemotherapy, then you Caroline knew
what was going on. Do you remember what you said
when you realised what was really happening?„
“I think I said something like Mum please don't
leave us alone with Dad.„
“Yeah thats right honey and that hurt me, (I think)
more than I could say. The thought that your Mum could
die and that you, Sarah and I would keep living without
her, without hearing her voice, without seeing her
running down to the lake, was unbearable. Lying alone in
bed without feeling the warmth of her body, but also the
thought that you and Sarah were afraid of being alone
with me, was devestating..„
“Dad no! thats not right! I wasn't afraid of being
alone with you, it was just the thought that both saving
the world and looking after Sarah and me , was too much
for you. You got it all wrong!„ John looked at his older
daughter and felt terrible.
“And I thought all this time that you thought that
I wasn't capable of looking after you and that you were
afraid of me for some reason.Why didn't you tell me this
earlier?„
“We couln't talk to you normally Dad , you were
always busy or tired or all closed up, Sarah and I felt lost
and alone. Yeah sure Joan was always there but she's not
our Dad is she?„ John thought back to other times in the
66
past when he hadn´t really listened or understood what
his daughters were trying to tell him and also the
situations when he hadn’t listened to Mary.


67


E – motions move the world


68

Chapter 16


Mary was lying alone in her bed in the Cancer
Clinic in Sydney. She was hooked up to the
Chemotherapy infusion, she was angry, sad and lonely all
at the same time. He's done it again! She thought to herself.
Every time he comes in I try to talk to him about the future, what
he should prepare himself for if I die, all the feelngs that I have and
what I want to tell him about what’s going on in my mind, and
what does he do? He turns himself off and pours powdered sugar
over the pile of shit so that he doesn't have to look at what's really
going on. I love him so much but I feel so helpless, and when I look
at his face and see that he's too afraid to look inside at his own
feelings and take responsibility for the changes going, on I wish to
God that he could learn to find himself again. He looks like a tired
broken man, but when I see him on TV giving interviews he simply
gives the impression that he has everything under control. She felt
tired, closing her eyes she soon fell asleep
“Mary! Mary! open your eyes, open your eyes!„ Mary
opened her eyes and found herself sitting on a rock at the
bank of a river it looked like the Murumbidgee where she
and John used to go fishing together. Sitting beside her
was a young Aborigine girl with strange eyes and a half-
smile on her face “I am the girl with nine toes and I'm
here to help you. You know that you will soon step over
the border into Dream country , and I know that you are
afraid about what will happen to your husband and
69
children in the future when you are no longer in the land
of light.„ Mary was amazed that this small strange
creature who called herself the girl with nine toes knew so
much about her innermost thoughts, and she couldn’t
help looking down at her feet to see if it was really true
and (then) she remembered what she and John talked
about years ago in Coober Pedy.
“I will bring your husband back to the spirit. This
will take some time and he must pass though many
challenges, but because of these changes in his Belief
System his realationship to your two daughters will
become deeper and more loving. In fact he will become
more aware of his power to love and will have the
courage to show his feelings. Before we of the
Dreamland start teaching him, we need you to forgive
John for the pain he caused you, this does not mean that
he is absolved or innocent, all it means is that you let go
of your anger and frustration so that you are able to feel
the lightness of the eagle flying, enabling you to fly to the
other side in freedom and purity. Above all, know we will
be there to give John all the support he needs to become
the Leader of Hearts. We also ask you to hold this dream
inside your heart without telling John. Be free, Be the
light, Be the joy!„
Mary could hear the soft beeping sound of the
Infusomat running her medication, she was trying to
understand the meaning of what she had just heard when
she turned her head slowly towards the door to see John
walking in. He sat down in the plastic chair by her bed
and took her hand in his.
“John I want to talk with you and I want you to
listen to what I say, no arguments, no defending yourself,
no threatening silences - okay?„
70
“Okay Mary I will do my best„ he said this in a
somewhat shaky voice.
“We have to face up to the facts John , this is the
third Chemophase and I still have Metastasis in the Liver
and Lymphatic System. I weigh forty six kilos, when I go
to the toilet I bleed, my immune system is destroyed, I'm
dying. When I die you will be alone with two girls aged
eleven and sixteen . Now I know that you have a lot of
work to do and because you have national and
international responsibilities there will be times when you
will not be at home, so I hope that Consuela and Joan
will help you. I have asked them both, and they want to
do all that they can to support you, Sarah and Caroline.
All this is taken care of and I feel safe in saying that they
are in good and loving hands. What I am worried about is
you...„
“You dont have to worry love I can look after
myself.„ he said, a little bit too fast and somewhat
unconvincingly.
“Darling I know that you can look after yourself,
you know how to cook, you can drive a car, you know
how to tie your tie - but this is not what I'm talking
about.„ She stopped talking and took a deep breath. She
looked out of the window where she could see the water
shining silver out on the bay. She could see the golden
beach of Bondi and could almost hear the people
laughing and shouting so free and happy .She continued:
“John, you remember all those years ago when we were
so young travelling around Australia enjoying each other
and enjoying life, do you remember when we were at
Coober Pedy that special evening looking out at the flat
desert so red and orange in the setting sun? There was
this silence where you felt you could almost hear the
71
earth breathing, we felt so near to each other and so near
to our spirit, do you remember what we talked about?„
John cleared his throat and said. “Yeah, I think we
talked about how important it is to express our feelings,
to be honest with each other even if it sometimes hurt .If
I remember rightly we also talked about how important it
is to respect each other, and be willing to forgive if one
of us did something harmful - something like that
anyway.„
“Well John, this is exactly where we are now. Over
the last years we have grown apart from each other. On
one side I feel guilty about taking on the partnership at
the firm, but on the other side we hardly speak with each
other - - and to the girls you have become almost a
stranger. Yes, I feel hurt and angry .There are times
when I want to punch you in the mouth and times when
I feel like taking you into my arms to say everything will
be alright. Even now ,during my fight against cancer,
there were times when I really needed you, and you
wern't there ! 0h Yes !, in body maybe but not in heart
and spirit. Sometimes I felt resentment, even hate
,towards you but there was also a little light in my head
that said I love you and this light never went out. Anyway
what I wanted to say to you is something that I learned in
a dream last night.„ John swallowed back the tears as well
as the impulse to interrupt her. “I forgive you for hurting
me John. This does not mean that now all is forgotten
and that I understand why you closed up your love to me.
I still do not know why, but it is not important anymore
.All I want to do is to let go of the anger and the hardness
that has been hanging around my heart for so long , so
that you and I can once again show each other that we
are in love.„
72
“Darling, I dont know what to say, I feel so sad
that we let it all get so hard and difficult - if only you
hadn't taken on the partnership maybe things would have
been different.„ Mary shouted “Thats exactly what I
mean , you don't look at your part in this system. It's
always me whose reponsible and you are an innocent little
bastard, Jesus, I'm so pissed off with you!„ She lay back
on her pillow fighting for breath, her lips were turning
blue and there were tears in her eyes, the alarm on one of
the monitors was flashing red, John grabbed for the
nurses bell and pressed down on the button he shouted
for help and just couldn't stop crying.


73


Fight to win
Fight for peace
Fight so that you….
Will never have to fight
again


74

Chapter 16


“And I haven't stopped crying inside since, I
just haven't taken enough time to listen to what the tears
have been trying to tell me. I blamed myself for your
Mum dying like that, screaming at me, using her very last
breath trying to teach me something about myself.„
All three were silent caught up in there own
thoughts, there were no answers in the air, no excuses or
explanations it was just how it was and nobody could
change it. The rest of the day was mainly filled with
talking about the past, clearing up the misunderstandings
that everybody had. It was a very special day for the
whole family, learning for the first time to be honest and
open with each other, holding back nothing, except
blame, giving everything they had to walk closer to each
other. Each knew that this was just the beginning and
somehow all three had the same feeling - that Mary was
with them and that the sun shined down on their little
world the whole day.

He lay in bed awake, thinking about the day together with
his children, he smiled at that moment when Joan came
sailing down to the water where they were sitting.
Looking around at all three of us she said, “Well all I can
say is, it's about bloody time and maybe we can now start
to get on with really living instead of being stuck in the
75
past and just talking about living. I just finished baking a
plate full of Lamingtons with whipped cream anybody
interested?„ We all laughed maybe a little bit too loud - it
was almost as if the air around us wasn't yet quite used to
hearing really happy voices. Then we walked together
back to the house we called home.


76


Live with passion


77

Charter 17


John closed his eyes.
He was standing alone in the middle of the scrub,
no shoes on his feet, naked except for a cloth tied around
his middle. It was hot and still. He had a spear in one
hand and a round flat stone in the other. He was standing
perfectly still, waiting. He could see the lizard walking
lazily up the track towards him , its head swaying from
side to side , its blue tinged forked tongue flashing in and
out tasting the air. He slowly raised the arm clutching the
stone, holding his breath as if at this moment the world
would stop turning. He aimed without any doubt of
missing and launched the stone, it hit the lizard in the
head and at the same instant John threw the spear it
pierced the thick skin of the reptile’s neck and in an
instant it fell dead to the dusty ground. John walked up to
the dead creature, kneeling down he put two fingers into
the blood streaming from the neck of his prey and
painted two stripes onto his forehead, then he muttered a
small prayer of thanks to the soul of the lizard. He looked
up and saw standing in front of him the Feathered man.
“Turawwa welcome back to the country!
“John shook his head as if to clear away cobwebs, and
looking at the lizard said. “What did I just do, I have
never killed a living thing in my life, I consider myself a
78
pacifist and yet I just killed a poor helpless lizard without
blinking an eye.„
The feathered man lifted the Goanna from the
ground by the tail it must have been about three feet long
he looked at it and then at John “This is your next lesson
Turawwa to learn that souls that die keep the warrior
alive so that he can go on fighting for freedom and justice
for the people he loves. A warrior knows no borders .
You have already learned to trust your innerself, to
believe in your own power , and to have the courage to
express your feelings, but a warrior goes even further.
Being connected to your past brings you the knowledge
and dreams to create your life, just as now you were able
to hunt and kill the Goanna spirit even though you have
never thrown a spear. A warrior lives in eternal peace, he
knows no war, no battles, no hate, no descrimination, no
anger, Yet he posesses the ultimate weapon - the power
of passion!
When passion is ignited it never stops burning , but
it not only burns it also brings in light to where it is dark
,and gives warmth where there is cold. You have turned
off your passion in the past because you were afraid of
hurting someone, this is your experience but it is not the
reality. In fact it is the direct opposite, when passion is
not shown you are not able to give of yourself and
,through not giving, you are creating emptiness and pain
within your loved ones. A warrior does not know the
meaning of surrender, at that moment when he
recognises his vision , all his life force, feelings, thoughts
and emotions are directed to achieving his goal and no
power on earth can deter him.
But probably the most strongest weapon that a
warrior posesses is the power to love, you have learnt a
lot about love and you will, later in your quest, learn
79
more about what love really is but now it is important
only to know that the love of life is the force that feeds
you, the light that guides you and the army that fights
besides you.„
John heard a noise that sounded like thunder and in
an instant the Feathered man and the Goanna
disappeared. Once again John stood alone in a strange
country.
“Hey Turawwa are you ready to learn how to throw
the spear or do you want to lie down in the sun and work
on getting brown!„ John turned around and there
standing beside a giant anthill was Wootarra carrying two
spears and a Woomera under his arm. John stared at the
boy not quiet believing his ears.
“Wootara good to see you again my boy!„
“Im not your boy, I’m your teacher! so just shut up
your mouth and listen to your next lesson. A spear can
only kill if it is thrown right, not only must your aim be
true but also your timing. Your eye is the direct line from
you to your target - your spear is the extension of your
hand and the Woomera is the extension of your arm -
you must use your breath and count your heart beats, so
watch closely.„
Wootara took the piece of wood from under his
arm. John could now see that it was shaped like a long
oval with a small notch at one end and undeneath a place
where you could hold the Woomera in your hand. He
fitted one spear into the notch and let it lie straight on the
surface, he then took hold of the grip, and drew back his
arm aiming at the tea tree standing about twenty meters
away. Wootara took a deep breath, then with a loud
exhale launched the spear, it left the Woomera true and
straight and struck the trunk of the tree quivering in the
hot air. “Throwing a spear is the same as making a point
80
when you are speaking to your tribe. Your first step is to
know your exact target and what you want to be
understood , and then to hold this in your mind, in your
heart and in your eyes. The next step is to be perfectly
focused and still, take a deep breath , count your heart
beats, and breathe deep after you have counted ten heart
beats. Let your word spear fly and breathe your life-force
out in the same direction as your spear, follow through
with your body until you once again come to rest on both
feet with your weight placed slightly more on your right
foot.A warrior expresses himself through the language of
his body, what he is feeling, and this must be in balance
with his mind and spirit and fly true, otherwise his spear
will not be accepted by his partner and the heart will not
be pierced - and the heart is the place where you must
always aim and never miss.
John understood perfectly what this boy was
teaching him and couldn't help being impressed by the
wiseness and clarity of the message. He walked up to
where his little teacher was standing and took the other
spear and the Woomera from his small scarred hands. He
closed his eyes making an image of the tree inside his
mind, opening his eyes he placed the end of the spear in
the notch of the Woomera , drew back his arm holding
the Spearlauncher and without too much pressure he
aimed the tip of the spear at the tree, took a deep breath
and on the tenth beat of his heart he released the missile
with a mighty cry. The spear landed three meters to the
right of the tree and struck a rock. “Turawwa.„ said
Wootara in an unusually, polite tone. “Your aim was
good, your breath and heart were perfectly in balance and
your body danced the way of the warrior, this time you
did not pierce the heart but with time and practice you
will hit your target. You have learnt how to throw the
81
spear.„ Wootara's voice was becoming fainter and fainter
and John noticed that the landscape was changing,
everything was starting to turn into a misty yellow and
the last words that he heard were “...in the next dream
the warriors path will continue.„

John could smell the scent of fresh coffee wafting
up the stairs coming from the kitchen. He sat up and
once again as before, went through the dream he
remembered - - every image and every word. He even
had a feeling that his shoulder felt sore caused by the
unusual movements needed to throw spears.


82


Prosperity without love is like a
tree without roots


83
Charter 18


He enjoyed his breakfast with the girls . They asked
him some more questions about the past, but strangely
enough he had the feeling that they wanted to know
more about him, and what kind of person he used to be
,and less about how Mary passed away. Sadly he also
noticed that he had never before talked this way about
himself to his children, open, honest, and to the point.

John walked out to the car and for the first time in
years did not feel like going to his office.
As he walked into the admin area Mrs Simmons
stood up from behind her desk and smiled... “Good
morning sir, before you start your agenda for today I
would like to…to give you something.„ She seemed very
nervous and unsure of herself , something that John had
never witnessed before during the years that they had
been working together. She reached down into one of her
immense drawers and took out a small cushion which
was embroidered with a golden heart and underneath the
words Courage to lead. “This is for you sir, I made it
myself. I have up till now never felt the need to give you
a present but over the last weeks I've noticed the change
in you, so that over the weekend I had this urge to make
this for you, I hope you like it.„ She pushed the small red
cushion into his hands, sat down again and started
84
tapping rapidly on her computer keyboard, her face
almost as red as the cushion.
“Uhm… thank you Miss Simmons, its pretty and it
will have pride of place in my study so that everytime I
look at it I will think of you.”
Mrs Simmons became even redder and John
opened the door into his office. He sat down and started
taking notes preparing himself for the meeting he had
called together with all his aides, assistants and other
people who worked for him inside Parliament House. He
had a goal, a goal to clean up the whole administration
structure and he knew that there would be resistence and
maybe even some aggression, but to be honest he thought to
himself I'm just sick and tired of the dishonesty, intrigue and lack
of unity inside this system. I want to bring the heart into my way of
running this country. Why can't we be more honest and open with
each other, talk about the problems and difficulties that we have, not
only with the organisation but also our own feelings of not doing
enough, feeling inadequate or feelings of unsurity and yes! maybe
even sometimes feelings of hopelessness. Feedback is the breakfast of
champions! We need a spirit of working together, free of envy,
jealousy, hate or misunderstandinsg. Yes! of course this means more
communication, more exchanges of ideas but also creating the space
and freedom where people can express and create new ideas and
innovations to improve the quality of life on this continent. John
paused for a moment and took a few minutes to imagine
what things would be like in the future if these ideals
were implemented. He saw people becoming more self –
reliant, creating new businesses and jobs for themselves.
He saw the return of micro businesses and shops where
people could sell there ideas and products on a more
human level, free of shopping complexes and multi-
conglomerates. He saw the state of health improving
because people started to heal themselves through
85
Complementary or Natural Medicine and the power of
mind. He saw a hospital system run as a business where
managers and workers could work hand in hand to create
a place where healing was paramount and not illness. A
place where normal medicine existed together with
natural/eastern medicine. He saw a country full of
windmills, solar energy projects and other energy
producing centers that did not poison the atmosphere
with Carbon Dioxide. He saw a land healing its rivers,
beaches and forests so that nature once again could
flourish in a balanced way . He saw Aborigines and other
minority groups working and living together with
everyone else in a state of harmony. He saw a country full
of people who were happy and proud to call themselves
Australian.

John went into his change meeting feeling light and sure
about his proposals he spent four hours talking and
debating with his people. There was strong resistence
and fear of change. But in the end there was a feeling of
hope and unity among his people, but the price he paid
was high . He had to let go of several members of his
cabinet, some of these people he used to call friends ,
but now they were unhappy, angry ex - employees. John
thought to himself ; Three weeks ago I would never have thought
that I would lead my people like this, its like fighting a battle
against an invisible army and the only way to win is through being
consistent, without any compromising or half promises, an approach
that goes against all the laws of diplomacy or political strategies,
what the girl with nine toes would call hard love. He closed his
office door and was looking foreward to once again walk
down to the river.


86


Friendship is a tree that gives
shade
when the sun is too strong
Food when we hunger
Strength when the wind becomes a
storm
And silence when confusion
reigns


87
Chapter 19


“Now is the time to jump to the next stone
Turawwa this is the stone of Friendship.” John was
staring out at the water listening to the girl’s strange voice
and wandering where she gets all this wisdom from. His
concentration went back to what she was saying.
“Friendship is a very special key that you need, to be able
to open doors to new worlds of experience. A friend at
your side is like a mirror reflecting that what you do or
say, back into your conscious way of thinking . Beware of
a friend that's always paying you compliments, for this is
exactly what he is doing - paying you to be nice back to
him. A friend is the best critique giver you will ever find.
He knows you in and out and has enough courage to tell
you what he thinks. In some ways a friendship is a more
important realationship than a loving realationship
between man and woman. There is no jealousy, no envy
and no divorce proceedings if they separate. You are now
standing at the junction of the track, your way will now
become more difficult, many people will try to roll stones
onto your path, some will even attempt to hurt you
through thoughts, feelings and actions. Even though you
must walk this path alone you will need energy, support
and minds that will guide you to succeed. This is the time
to bring your friends together .Some of them have felt
neglected in the past, during that time when you were
closed up. But they are still there waiting patiently for you
88
to invite them into your future , all you have to do is to
call them by name. Remember, Turawwa , friends are the
water and nourishment that you need to grow your vision
tree - without them the roots will become dry and
neglected. Friendship is a two way track, giving and
taking in balance. Where there are no demands or
obligations, the spiritual tie is through the heart and that
is what we call love. Where freedom, trust and believing
in each other are the heart strings that create true
friendship.„
John looked at the small figure sitting on the rock,
she was smiling and waving her hand to say goodbye. He
turned up to the track leading onto the jogging path
thinking very deeply about what she had said, on one side
he felt very positive and hopefull on the other side he felt
unsure and in doubt. As soon as he got up to the path he
closed his eyes and searched for the place inside that was
now his most important guide. Immedietly he felt more
in balance and found himself standing on his right foot
on the side of his body that felt more sure, safe and
positive.“How did I know that?„ he said to himself.
“She's probably using her brain waves again to
manipulate me, that little beast!”
The two men on duty ran up to him one of them
said, “Sorry boss we lost you for about two minutes in
the undergrowth, time to go home?„ John nodded, and
followed his men back to the car.


89


The world is a playground
So let’s go and play
Instead of going to war


90

Chapter 20


A week later John was sitting in his office
thinking about all the things that had happened since he
had last spoken to that girl. On Tuesday he had
organised a meeting together with Brian, John Catterall-
Minister for Foreign Affairs, Peter Billingham -Minister
for Industry, Tourism and Resources; and Geoff Brown
- Minister for Education, Science and Training. These
were men that he had known for many years, men that he
could trust with his life, men that he called friends.
“John” said Peter Billingham “ we don't quite know
what's been happening to you over the last few weeks ,
but to be honest with you, for a time, we lost our trust in
you. Over the years you have changed. You used to be
like a bull in a china shop. Full of spit and guts - we
respected you. Yeah! you were sometimes doing your
lone wolf thing , but at least we knew what your goals
and visions were. Somewhere along the line, and I know
I've said this many times over the past three years or so ,
we lost you, or you lost us.„
The other men except for Brian nodded there heads
as Peter spoke. Geoff puffing on his German pipe. John
starring down at his hands. Brian looking gruffly through
his hooded bushy eyebrows. “We've tried to steer this
leaky boat through a recession, a small war and mounting
unemployment rates, at times we felt alone in our Senate
91
and State offices, and even though our captain wasn't
always standing on the bridge I think we've done a fair
job. John , we can see what your'e going through Mary
dying, you losing your self confidence and the trouble
that you've had at home. But if we are going to stop this
bloody boat from sinking, a lot of things will have to
change. The memos that you're putting out and the
unforgettable Advisory meeting last week, as well as your
speeches in Parliament, remind me of the John I used to
know, the changes you suggested are radical and for me
personally I can also see you changing radically . I can't
say exactly what it is - but I like it.„
Brian smiled knowingly and sipped his tea.“Jesus
John! why can't you take that bloody cork out of yer
mouth and speak normally„ laughed Geoff “We've
known each other for almost twenty years and your
talking to John as if he's the Prime Minister of Australia
and not our dearest friend.„ John turned a deep shade of
red and closed his mouth. “You've been a bastard over
the las tfew years, you hardly talk to us, the only
communication we have is through official
communiques. . You look like something the cat dragged
in and your diplomatic prowess is on slowmo. John, I
love and respect you and I can't say how happy I am to
see that you've taken the ball into your own hands once
again and that your'e running instead of crawling. I also
don't know what your'e doing, undergoing
Psychotherapy? Become enlightened? Or you've seen the
Holy Ghost! All I know is that it's bloody great to be
with you again, by the way anybody for a beer?„ He
reached into his very large, old and battered briefcase and
passed the bottles around. Everybody laughed and
cheered. John told his friends the whole story, Brian filled
in on all the parts that he'd missed out. Everybody
92
listened intently to the story, the only interuption was
when the cook from the canteen brought in a large plate
of fish and chips with tomato sauce and mayonaise that
Brian had apparently pre -ordered . When John finished
telling them about what the girl had said about friendship
they all just couldn't hold out any longer. “Cheers to
friends!„ shouted John , and they all laughed together
once again clicking their bottles together. Even though all
five friends felt light and cheery inside their hearts, they
all knew without a shadow of doubt that they had an
ongoing battle coming up, a battle against the opposition,
the cynics, old and new enemies.
“I can't tell you how thankfull I feel for your
friendship and support, all four of you are for me like
brothers. Brothers joined together to change this country.
When I first met that girl, she said that I must learn to
lead with the heart now I have the feeling that you four
are my heartstrings, leading my heart to beat the rhythm
of a united Australia…„
“Jesus mate ,cut it out will ya„ said Geoff, “We're
not here to hold ya bloody hand and listen to your
enlightened speeches about changing the world, we are
here to fight together and whatever happens, I personally
know that in a battle the best person to have on your side
is a friend, and you’ve got four of these now sitting in
your office drinking beer and putting tomato sauce stains
on your genuine Merino wool carpet - so let's do what
your girl down by the river said we should do and have
some damn fun at the same time!„ Everybody laughed
and the sun went down behind Black Mountain marking
the end of a very special day.

That evening after a great dinner with the girls
John went to bed early, closing his eyes his thoughts went
93
back to his four friends he could hear their voices and
almost smell there bodies as his mind drifted into another
space in another time.


94


The past is the gateway to
changing the future


95

Chapter 21


This time the bush was much denser and all he
could see was trees and thick Banksia bushes with their
deep red Bottlebrush flowers and Wattle trees fighting for
the sunlight that was streaming weakly onto the forest
floor. The light was somehow not quite there, but he
could still see clearly all around in every direction. He
could see the deep colours of the bush, madder red,
amber and that red brown colour that sometimes almost
turns to black. He could see the patterns on the ground
changing, depending on the light, turning into circles or
curling snakes, always moving and turning , transforming
the earth into a kaleidoscope of dancing forms as if
drawing him into their magic circle. He felt himself
becoming hypnotised by the never ending patterns
changing and swirling on the ground until all of a sudden
the ground opened up and he fell into blackness.
He felt himself falling, deeper and deeper his
clothes flapping in the wind, he closed his eyes preparing
himself to die and then, just as he started thinking about
what Caroline and Sarah would do without him when he
died he felt his descent slowing down- presently he felt
solid ground under his feet.
“John where have you been? I've been waiting for
ages the film's about to start.„
96
I gasped, hearing the voice of Mary, I then saw her
standing under the red and blue lights of the Civic
Cinema , where we used to go when we first met, mainly
to come together secretly and less to see the films.
“Sorry darling I got caught up in the traffic on
Wentworth Avenue, lets go get our tickets before it
starts.„ We walked hand in hand to the ticket counter I
paid for two tickets for the balcony . .On the way we
stopped at the refreshments counter and bought a box of
Toffifees and two Cokes . After finding our seats I put
my arm longingly around her shoulder, scenting her
perfume I whispered into her ear, “Mary, I will love you
forever.„ She whispered back.
“I will love you even longer.„
The film was one of those arty French films about Milky
Wood or something similar, but for Mary and me the film
was unimportant , all that mattered was that we were
together and not more than ten centimeters away from
each other. As we walked back to the car we talked about
the daily happenings at the University, about my Mother
who was planning on either murdering my Father or
divorcing him, and on which day we wanted to get
married. The night was warm , it had just rained , and you
could smell that familiar smell of wet ashphalt as the
steam rose off the road giving the night that Humphrey
Bogart feeling that Mary really loved. I could feel our
bodies touching each other as we walked arm in arm to
the carpark.
“John where would you like to go for our
honeymoon?„ Her sultry voice pulled me out of my
daydream back into reality.
“How about Coober Pedy?„ I said, without even
thinking.
97
“Yes that’s a great idea! Then you can show me the
place where you grew up, the homestead, the school you
went to , and Cooper Pedy's such a beautifull place - and
full of Opal shops!„
I smiled. “Okay my love I'll start organising it, maybe we
can stay in one of those underground hotels?„
“No fear mate!„ she answered shaking her head
vigorously , and her long blond hair waved in the wind.
“You forget that I get claustrophobia when I sleep in
closed up spaces, how about a camper? My Dad knows a
place where we can get a good price, then we can take
our time driving up and stay wherever we want and… its
so romantic! And that’s very important for a honeymoon
or do you think otherwise? John Raymond Macmillan ?„
I felt my face getting red and looking down into
her deep blue eyes I mumbled. “Who am I to resist your
womanly charms.„ She looked back at me, then took me
into her arms and kissed me passionately standing in the
middle of the downtown Civic Center.
The next few weeks flew by very quickly, I received
my Bachelor of Politics and Commerce from the
National university , Mary and I got married at All Saints
church, my mother filed for divorce , and we were ready
to drive up to Coober Pedy in our rented, small but
romantic camper. On the morning of our departure we
rose early. Looking out the kitchen window I could see
the sun coming up over mount Ainslie and I knew it was
going to be a fantastic day, full of sunshine and
excitement .“John, have you packed the camera and film?
what about the reserve water canister? and the new maps
I bought last week, are they in the glove box?„
“ My darling everything is packed and organised.
Relax, put your feet, up and fasten your seat belt, South
Australia here we come!„ I backed slowly out of the
98
driveway not yet used to the size of the vehicle, she put
her hand on my thigh and with the other hand she
opened up the road map.
“Relax? How can I relax with your sense of
direction, I have to even give you driving directions
when we go to Cotter Dam for a day.„ she laughed.
When we got onto the highway my mind started
wandering , thinking back to the past, to the place where
I lived my childhood. We owned a small homestead
standing outside the opal fields. I remember the animals
we had, the chickens, the sheep that I helped my father
shear every spring, and our dog Frosty - a rather
cantankerous Samoyed who never quite got used to
swallowing dry yellow dust instead of freshly fallen snow.
I remember the Aborigine camp where a lot of my
friends lived. The taste of my first Witchity grubs and
learning to play the Didgeridoo.
But mostly I remember Waraala, dressed in feathers
and painted with ochre mud, who taught me how to use
the Woomera and Boomerang - the stories he used to
tell us about the Dreamtime and the earthy smell of his
skin. We drove the whole day and towards evening when
I started thinking again about my childhood Mary's voice
brought me back to the present.
“John, you turn right at the next exit, then keep
driving for 25 miles until we reach a bridge - maybe we
can stop there by the river and take a rest.„
“That’s a good idea my love I'm starting to feel
tired and we still have a good two hundred miles to go.„
It was an old wooden bridge leaning over a small
unknown river that was dry anyway.There were three
Weeping Willow trees struggling to survive the heat on
one side of the river , and on the other side there was a
small flat area where we parked the camper.“This looks
99
great!„ I said, looking up and down the dried up river
bed. I could see nothing but sand and rocks and a few
trees and bushes struggling for life, competing with the
willow trees to survive. Mary walked up beside me and
put her arm around my waist.
“Isn’t it beautifull? so much space and freedom,
unspoiled and pure - magical.„
“Is that the lawyer speaking or the Poet? But you
are right this is like standing at the beginning of time
.This is the country untouched by human hands,
unchanged, it almost seems like the Earth is holding her
breath to keep back time. I remember the colours and
shapes as a boy , walking barefoot across our land you
could see people and animal forms in the rocks and
termite hills , and when the wind came up you could
almost hear the spirits singing. The older Aborigines used
to talk about a very special spirit who could change lives,
they used to call her the girl with nine toes. The old people
used to say that she came whenever a great change was
going to happen in the country , and spoke always with
the elders - with the leaders of the tribes, teaching them
how to make the right decisions by listening to their
heart.„
“That girl I would like to meet, but I would
probably have to become the first female Prime Minister
of Australia to attract her attention.„
“Who knows what the future holds said the girl
with nine toes.„ We both laughed aloud at my corny joke
and the Galahs sitting in the Willow trees flew up to the
steel blue sky.
We made ourselves a small fire and boiled up a billy
full of tea. As the sun went down we sat by the fire
talking into the night. We stayed overnight beside this
old dried up river and before I fell asleep I listened for a
100
long time to the noises outside, the crickets chirping their
relentless melodies, the rustle of the spinnafex rolling
across the plain driven by the hot dry wind, and in the
early morning light the laugh of a Kookaburra waking us
up to remind us about where we were bound. We hit the
road at seven, to drive the last two hundred miles to our
destination.
“John, tell me why haven’t you mentioned the
story about the girl with nine toes before, you have talked
about all those other Dreamtime stories that you heard as
a kid around the campfire with your aborigine friends ,
but never this one - - why's that?„
“No idea love, it seems just to have escaped my
mind ,and it popped up again in my memory recently ;
and anyway its one of those special ones that has it own
songlines and nobody seems to know what it really
means. Waraala used to say that she could cross the
bridge between reality and the dreamtime - that's like
thinking with your conscious mind and your
subconscious at the same time. Like setting up a dialogue
so that you can create your own future with what you
know, what you knew , and what you will know in an
instant. Through this reality you were able to change the
future before it even happened. It all sounds rather
complicated , maybe that’s why I've put it in the back of
my mind over all these years.„ I looked over at Mary and
she had a really weird look on her face, she smiled, “John
do you know why I love you?„
“No darling, you tell me„
“Because whatever you do and however long you
try, you just can't hide behind your feelings, and the part of
you that I love the most is your spirit - and one day you will get to
know this part of you, and then you will know that you are going
home John ! Watch out there's a snake on the road!„
101
I quickly steered in the other direction and soon
had the van once again under my control .“Now why did
that make me lose my concentration, this girl with the
missing toe seems to be coming a part of our
honeymoon, hope she's not moved into the back of the
camper.„
We soon arrived at the Coober Pedy camping site,
turning into the driveway I could see the other campers
and caravans, people all over the place, the souvenir
shop. Everything was built for the comfort of the
customers ,even down to the “Opal café„ where you
could sit under rainbow coloured sun umbrellas and drink
tea or beer. I looked at Mary seeing in her expression
exactly what I was thinking. I turned the camper around
and drove back onto the road. “No way, Mary, I'm sorry
I didn’t realise that it was so modern . I remember a more
natural camping site with trees and bushes instead of
plastic and beer tables, and there used to be a little creek
at the back that sometimes even had water in it.„ Mary
just laughed.
“Ah! John don’t worry about it, lets just drive out into
the bush maybe near there where you lived, there should
be some place where we can make camp, and if we need
to get some water or load up the battery then we'll just
drive into town”. It had been fifteen years now since I
had left for Canberra ,but it felt like fifteen days, the
roads were the same, the shops and pubs and the opal
seller’s shops were the same, the only thing that seemed
to have changed was the camping site. As I drove down
the main road, I felt somehow as if I was coming home
,and at the same time had the feeling of being a stranger
in a strange land. It was almost as if I had left something
here and had to come back and take it away with me so
as to complete a circle - something that would help me in
102
the future. Soon we came to a large flat plain stretching
out to the horizon, dotted here and there with those
typical conical hills of the opal mines . I turned off the
motor and all we could hear was silence, a perfect silence,
deep and profound the silence of Kupa Piti the aboriginal
name meaning white man in a hole. “This takes my breath
away, I can vaguely remember how quiet it was here,
nothing distracts you from your thinking, its like the bush
is teaching you to go inside and listen, do you know what
I mean?„
“What?.... what did you say darling? Sorry I was just
so deeply taken away by the landscape and stillness, I
didn’t hear everything you said.It’s amazing, look how the
land touches the sky at the horizon, red on red, I can't
tell where the land ends and the sky begins. I can smell
the dust and something else that smells almost like Sage .
This silence is like being inside an immense cathedral ,a
spirit place, yes that’s what I'd call it - The place of the
spirits.„
We climbed out of the camper and started looking
around for wood to make a fire.Everything was so dry
and still, warm to the touch, even though the sun was
melting into the Earth on a line thousands of miles away.
We soon had a good fire going and sitting on a blanket
we looked toward the sunset, watching the orange, red
and yellow curtains of fading light fall down to the
burning soil.
“You know when we sit here, I can't help thinking
about the past, its not all quite clear in my mind, there
were so many influences from so many different sides.
0n one side working on the farm together with my father
and brothers, my father was very strict and our daily lives
were full of rules, duties and responsibilities, and on the
other side the old people and Waraala, sitting down on
103
the warm earth listening to his voice and the stories and
metaphors about the Dreamtime, the songlines , and not
forgetting the girl with nine toes. You remember I told
you when I was twelve I almost died of an infectious
heart disease and how Waraala came to our house feeding
me obnoxious tea and leading me into trance states to
meet the spirit healers ? And then after three weeks, I
opened my eyes to a new day, where the sun was shining
and I wasn’t burning with fever. All these memories are
somehow confusing, flowing into each other like a
tapestry of the past woven together with threads of reality
and imagination. I can see the whole picture , but there
are a lot of holes where I sometimes go swimming. Its
like becoming a part of the Earth - I feel this strong
connection to a power that I can't describe, but a power
that gives me strength and clarity , teaching me to trust
my emotions and intuition, to believe in myself and the
love within my heart. But being in Canberra somehow
has drawn me away from this state of being. Now I
seldom go swimming within the songlines, and everyday
life is filled with lectures, exams and reality. Then I notice
how I'm changing, I become restless and lazy and start
feeling guilty , or start blaming, rationalising everything
with my brain instead of my heart. Coming back here has
reminded me about my home and where my roots are ,
and being here with you is like introducing you to my
parents, to the place where I grew up, wondering if you
also love this place , whether or not you also feel the
connection , and at the same time afraid that you might
think that I'm crazy or suffering from sunstroke.„
“No John I know what this place means to you.
This is your place of birth and I feel that you learnt much
wisdom and knowledge here .Some of what you say I
understand , and the rest is like…like looking inside a
104
mirror trying to find out what's behind the glass - I can
see the reflections but I am still standing outside. And
about you being crazy? I know you are- that’s why I love
you so much.„ She smiled her magic smile and I threw
another piece of wood onto the fire. “I also sense a kind
of power radiating from the Earth. Something like
vibrations that you can feel in the air, but you know me, I
react from the mind, I have to actually hold something
in my hand before I can say that I know what it is – I'm a
realist and you're a dreamer, but that's probably why we
get on so well with each other.„ She leaned her head on
my shoulder and I could smell the smoke mingled with
the scent of shampoo in her hair.We kept talking,
watching the red sun disappear, talking about our
realationship, about love and expressing our emotions
even if it could hurt each other. Soon we sat only in
silence enjoying each other in the stillness. I was looking
through the fire and could see what looked like white
dust gathering up into a form that appeared almost like a
human, sitting cross legged arms akimbo. A voice floated
through the flames .“Welcome home John it has been a
long time since these old and tired eyes saw you last.„
“Waraala!„ I shouted, looking quickly at Mary to
make sure she hadn't fainted. I went over to my old
friend, I hugged him quickly feeling his frail pointy bones
sticking through the baggy shirt he was wearing he patted
me lightly on the back.
“John - my son I am hear for a reason. There is
something that I must teach you, it is something that you
will forget in the future, but it will come back to you like
the Boomerang ,at that time in your life when you stand
at the crossroads of failure or success.„ He called Mary
over to sit next to him.
105
“You my daughter are also a part of this tapestry,
without you we would have no thread and with no thread
we would not know in which direction to weave our
story. We knew that you were coming back today and we
have waited for many years to give you what I will give
you tonight. A man is born in three parts - the body, the
heart, and the spirit. The body moves him through the
world and protects and nourishes him. The spirit guides
him to the Lizard and Snake man in the sky and the earth
, and the heart teaches him to live in love. Love means to
have the courage to show all feelings and emotions
wherever you are and whoever is with you. The old way is
by many forgotten but when you were a boy I saw that
your heart was very strong and the song within your
heartstrings told of your future. It is not allowed that I
tell you exactly what will happen in your life, my mission
is only to give you one helping hand to show you which
direction to take. I am your past, and the past reflects
onto the future. Walking our life path we may come to
situations and crises where we fail to see the sun. Instead
we tend to bask in the shadows of despair and failure.
Standing in the dark you cannot see the path back into
the sun, here you have to turn around and look back at
where your footsteps have led you to. In your future both
of you will meet the girl with nine toes and she will be
your guide, listen to her and you will change, just as the
colours of the giant rock change from dawn to sundown.
John, this is the gift that the circle of the wise asked me
to give you.” He reached into the dilly bag hanging on
his shoulder and pulled out a white feather. “This is the
feather that connects you to your home . It used to
belong to a spirit man who, a long time ago, led his
people to peace, teaching them to live a life where an
open heart opened doors. This feather will open the
106
doors that you will need to walk through into the future.„
He laid the feather in my hand, lifting his arms up
towards the fading light

. A wind blew across the desert turning everything to
dust. I felt my body slowly turning around and around
in circles, I had a sensation of being lifted up off the
warm earth, and opening my eyes I could see the the
weak sun shining into my bedroom window I opened my
hand and saw a white feather fluttering in the breeze that
was whispering through the open window. I closed my
hand around it and laid it down in the top drawer of my
dresser knowing that some day soon I would be needing
it.


107


Follow your dreams and they
will follow you


108

Chapter 21


“Mr Prime minister you cannot be serious, this
is a joke. How can you possibly believe that our
indigenous population can survive if we don’t provide
shelters, homes and places for them where they can live
in houses like every other human being? Now you are
saying that you want to give them back there land so that
they can live as they lived in the past. Not only that, you
also want to give them money so that they can start there
own businesses making and selling their spears and
boomerangs and giving didgeridoo lessons. Up till now
you were quiet happy with the aid programmes for
Aborigines keeping them safe and controlled. Now you
want to set them free!„
“Mr Norton we cannot turn the indigenous race of
this country free because they are not prisoners or slaves.
They are a free people just like you and me , and I feel
that it is high time that this government treated them as
such. We have been playing the role of the coloniser for
over two hundred and fifty years - these people do not
feel free. We demand that they assimilate into our culture
live in houses, drive cars and work for money. Some of
the new generation do just that, they go to universities
and take there rightful place in the community. But I'm
talking about the other side. The ones , who can't cope
and simply just do not understand our way of living. Who
109
become alcoholics, unemployed and desperate - and why?
I will tell you why Mr Norton, these human beings have
lost there homes, their heritage and their spirit. I say let's
give the indigenous people of Australia back their land
where they can once again be what they trully are –
Australians.!”
He went back to his seat feeling the angry glare
not only of Mr Norton but also of others in the hall. He
also could see the shining eyes of his supporters and this
gave him strength.
“Ladies and Gentlemen of this Government. I
and every member of my party support Mr Prime
Minister in his vision of racial equality. We also believe
that it is high time for this country to have the courage to
take radical steps towards change , even if some among
us still live in fear of being invaded my a black holocaust
of spear throwing heathens.„
“Mr Billingham if that statement is referring to me
then I ask you to cease your provocations or there will be
consequences!„ shouted Mr Norton.
My friend Peter continued.
“ Whatever you want to believe Mr Norton the map
is not the territory. We are not fighting against you, we are
not trying to defame you. We are merely trying to lift this
country onto a higher plane of integrity, where truth and
the courage to be different are everday qualities of life
instead of a rarity!„ Geoff, Brian and John stood up in
unison clapping there hands and ,smiling , many other
members of Parliament also stood up and applauded, I
looked up at the wall where that painting was hanging
and thought I could see a trace of a smile on that grim
face of the lone aborigine holding his spear.


110


Decide to live
Not suffer


111

Chapter 22


I was driving on the road out to Coopers Crossing,
once again enjoying my freedom without having my two
shadows following me. I could see a small white delivery
van behind me flashing his headlights trying to overtake
me, I braked, the van drove by, then all of a sudden it
steered into my path I braked hard coming to a standstill
with the smell of burning rubber. Two men wearing ski
masks jumped out of the van, I reached into the glove
box to get out my revolver but I was too late they ripped
open the door, dragged me out of the car and pulled me
over to where the van was standing with the motor
running. I could see a third man sitting behind the
steering wheel. Throwing open the rear door, one man
pushed me into the back of the van and put a cloth over
my mouth and nose. I struggled and could smell that
almond, pungent scent of Chloroform, the world turned
black.
I could hear what sounded like the noise of a small
plane in flight, my head felt terrible and I wanted to be
sick- but I took in some deep breaths and tried to relax
and get myself oriented. My eyes were bound up tight I
couldn’t see a thing. It was hot inside the plane and I
could sense one or two other people sitting beside me.
“Mr Macmilian can ya hear me?„ said a deep, rough
voice.
112
“Yes I can, where are we? What do you want ? Do
you want money? How much?„
“Just keep ya mouth shut mate, an everythin' will be
alright„
I felt my sense of reality fading again, I closed my eyes
and slipped once again into that cool black world of
unconsciousness.
We must have landed, I could hear the sound of the
planes motor getting slower and slower, the plane
stopped and I felt two strong hands gripping my arms
pulling me out of my seat onto the dusty ground.
Deep rough voice said “ keep on walkin' till I tell
you to stop.„
I could smell the dust of the outback, the sun burning
relentlessly down onto my head and neck, I still felt
groggy and weak but by taking deep breaths and
concentrating on that place of balance within, I started to
take stock of my situation. My hands were tied tight
behind my back . I couldn’t feel my fingers. I was
blindfolded and had no idea where we were. I was
outnumbered by at least three to one. I'd left my mobile
telephone in the car and I was an absolute bloody fool for
going out without my bodyguards.
“Climb up into the jeep mate! it wont be long now
and you'll get a beer and some tucker!„ His laughing
reminding me of a hyena with hiccoughs. It took about
half an hour to get to our destination. The jeep braked, I
was once again dragged across the ground into what felt
like a house, it smelt of stale sweat and beer. I heard a
door being opened, then I was pushed into a room,
somebody untied my hands and I felt pain and an
unbearable tingling sensation in both my arms. The
blindfold was ripped off my head, I blinked my tear -
filled eyes trying to see into the blinding light. I heard
113
footsteps behind my back and the sound of a door
closing and being locked from the outside. After a few
minutes my eyesight started coming back and I could
make out shapes within the room, a bed two chairs and a
small table under a window that was boarded up with
plywood. I sat down on the bed and going once again
inside I listened for my spirit voices. I felt a sensation of
calmness and strength slowly spreading throughout my
body. I placed my hand on my breast at that place where
I knew from my talks with the girl unconsciously triggered
a state of clarity and inner strength. Somehow I knew that
the men who kidnapped me did not want me to stay alive
for a very long time. Looking around the room again I
noticed a small cassette player on the table under the
boarded up window, there was a piece of paper lying
beside it that said play me I pressed the play button.
“Good evening Mr MacMilan.„ The voice was
slow and high pitched “Welcome to my hideway out in
the country. Now you might be asking yourself what do
these people want from you ? I can assure you that it is
not money. We are part of a society whose aim it is to
keep Australia pure and clean - we believe in the
pureblood Australian. We have noticed that you have
started new reforms for the Blacks and you especially
should know how dangerous these animals are to our
white community.
We have tried and judged you ; and find you guilty
of treason against our fair country . Your sentence is the
penalty of death. You may have sensed coming in, we are
deep in the outback, in fact the next living person lives
over 200 miles away. This is the desert Mr Prime Minister
outside the temperature rages from thirty – forty five
degrees there is nothing but sand, rocks and death. Quite
soon one of my friends will come and take you for a
114
short drive - he will bring you to a very special place and
leave you there alone. There is absolutely no possibility
that you will survive more than twenty four hours- even
your black friends have left this part of the country. Mr
Macmilan, I want to take this opportunity to wish you an
uplifting walk in the valley of death where you will
without doubt die.„ The recording ended and
immediately the door opened and two of the men came
into the room and pulled me off the chair. I was once
again blindfolded as they took me outside to the jeep
strapping me into the seat the man with the hyena laugh
whispered into my ear
“Go to hell you bastard!„ His breath smelled like garlic
and stale beer and I was more than glad when the jeep
started up and drove away. The track was first of all very
rough and bumpy but after awhile I had a feeling that we
were driving over smooth sand . It seemed like a very
long time before the jeep stopped, I was pulled roughly
out of my seat and thrown to the ground. As they drove
away I could hear the hyena laughing between his
hiccoughs. I ripped off the bag that they’d put over my
head and opening my eyes I experienced a deep and
desperate sensation of schock. I could see nothing but
sand and rocks reaching out far into the horizon. I turned
around in a circle and nothing changed. Looking down at
my shoes I noticed that I was still wearing my office
shoes. I knew that they would keep out the heat for a
while but how long would they last? Turawwa follow the
spirit lines they will show you the way. Well at least my inner
voices are still working I thought as I started walking
through the blazing heat. As I walked I started thinking
back to the past seeing the faces of Waralla, Mary, the girl
with nine toes, my daughters and my friends. I was now
on automatic pilot trusting my intuition and the spirit
115
lines , but I became very tired in a very short time. I could
feel the saliva drying up in my mouth. I put a small
pebble into my mouth and started sucking on it knowing
that this would stimulate the flow of saliva but I did not
know for how long. I noticed the sky becoming a deeper
shade of blue and my shadow longer - I had to find
water soon. Looking ahead I focussed on finding a place
where the the ground appeared deeper remembering the
old way of finding water. I was searching for a depression
in the sand where I knew if I could dig deep enough and
was lucky I would find water. Some way ahead I could
see some stunted Mulga scrub- this was sometimes a sign
of a place where water could be found. It felt like hours
till I reached the small clump of bushes, but I could see a
small gully in front of the scrub throwing shadows where
it seemed to get deeper. I broke off one of the branches
of the nearest tree and started digging at the deepest part
of the small gully, the perspiration poured down off my
body and I felt dizzy with exhaustion but I kept on
digging. I dug down to the depth of about one meter
when I noticed the sand becoming darker and moist. I
croaked as loud as I could with joy when I saw a small
puddle of water forming at the bottom of the hole. The
water was dirty and tasted salty and stale but I felt my
tongue and throat greedily sucking in the moisture giving
my body some of its energy back. I lay down under the
meagre shade of the Mulga scrub and closed my eyes. I
woke up startled, not knowing where I was. Everything
was black as night and I felt cold and hungry. I reached
down into the hole and drunk a few hand fulls of water I
felt better.
Looking down at the roots of the Mulga scrub I
remembered that honey ants sometimes build their nests
beneath the roots of Mulga. I started digging frantically, I
116
hadn’t eaten for at least twenty four hours, and then I
found them, big black ants with their amber coloured
pouches glued to the rear of their bodies. I found a twig
and turning over one of the ants I picked him up between
two fingers and bit of the honey filled sac it tasted
wonderfull. I hadn’t tasted anything as wonderfull in my
whole life, with all the digestive juices inside my mouth
my tongue sizzled on overload. I ate about ten of the
honey globules and I felt much better. I was now
confronted with the problem of how to carry the water. I
knew that I had to keep going and that during the night
was the best time to walk, avoiding the energy sapping
heat of the sun. I took off my shirt and soaked it in the
waterhole. Putting it back on I thought that I would at
least have some moisture on my skin for the next few
hours . I started dog-trotting, walking quickly for a few
minutes then slowly for the same length of time. The
time was difficult to judge as my watch had been taken
away when I was unconscious. The sky was filled with
diamonds, I could see the Southern Cross and judging by
the stars I was going in a South Easterly direction.
Sometimes I would stop still, asking myself if the
direction I was going was still right. I wished that Bongo
was here to help me decide. I noticed the vegetation
slowly changing , there was less sand and more stones on
the ground. I also noticed that my feet were hurting like
hell , I was feeling thirsty and hungry again, and my shirt
was bone dry. I could see the horizon slowly becoming
lighter - a yellow orange haze was forming on the sharp
ridge of rocks that I could just see in the distance. My
second day in the desert was beginning and I needed to
find some shade, and that ridge of rocks looked just like
the right place. When I got to the rocks the sun had risen
I could see steam rising from the stones drying off the
117
early morning dew. Straight away I bent down, feeling
under the edge of the largest rock. I was looking for a
hole that might lead me to Tiddalik the water holding frog.
Waraala used to tell us children that these frogs could
save our lives. When it rained in the desert they soak up a
tremendous amount of water in and around their skin
then they burrow themselves into the sand under rocks
and wait for the next rains. Yes! there it was - a hole
under a large stone. I started digging with my hands and
even though they were scratched and bleeding I did not
stop until I felt the slimy cool mass. I closed both my
hands around the large frog and slowly lifted him out of
the hole. He was brown and red in colour his eyes were
closed he felt heavy in my hands. I tried to remember
what Waralla said about these givers of life and then I
remembered. I held him above my mouth and squeezed
his body gently, the pouch of water around his body
broke and the sweet clear water flowed into my mouth. I
let the rest of the water flow onto my shirt , wrapped it
up tight and pushed it under the rocks where it was cool
and shady. I let the frog crawl back into the sand
thanking God that he had created this wonderful, ugly
looking saviour. I was hungry and I knew that I needed to
eat to keep up my strength. Tiddalik was not edible so I
started searching around the rocks and under the
spinnafex grass for something to eat. Except for dried out
beetle husks and seeds I found nothing. All of a sudden I
started to cry , letting out all the anger and frustration
that I had been holding in up till now. I was even pissed
off with all the spirits and the girl with nine toes; Where
were they all now I asked myself? Where were the
miracles and magical dreamtime stories that would
transport me instantly back to Canberra and safety? I
cried until all tears dried up under the relentless sun, then
118
I curled up into a ball under the shade of the rocks and
spinnafex grass and went to sleep.
Waking up I thought that I had died. I felt
exhausted and dried out. I could not feel my hands or
feet and my head felt like it was going to explode. The
first thing that I did was pull my shirt out from under the
rock and it was still moist with water. I started sucking on
the cloth feeling my life energy slowly returning. It was
early evening and looking around I saw something green
behind a large clump of spinnafex . Walking over I saw
that it was an Emu Bush . I cried out with relief and
grabbing a handful of the leaves I saw the yellow
succulent bodies of the Emu Bush grub clinging to the
underside of the scimiter shaped leaves. I ate ten of them
trying to imagine that they were Sushi but my imagination
wasn’t working up to scratch and they tasted oily and
bitter but I knew that they contained lots of protein so I
swallowed them down. Soon the diamonds began to
twinkle in the blue, black velvet sky and once again I
started walking. My legs and feet were aching and even
though I had rubbed some of the healing sap of the Emu
Bush into my hands they were swollen and red. I walked,
still knowing when to turn and when to go straight ahead.
Otherwise I had lost all contact to my inner spirit songs,
all I could hear was the scuffing sound of my shoes as
they carried me wearily across the desert floor. I had been
walking for a long time , there was no more moisture in
my shirt to suck - my mouth was dry and blistered and all
I wanted to do was sit down and go to sleep I felt an
almost overwhelming, inviting desire to surrender to my
fate and then I remembered those first words she said
“Do you want to live or die?„
“I want to live!„ I whispered to myself “I want to
live!„
119
I closed my eyes and walked.
I closed my eyes and heard.
I closed my eyes and felt.
I closed my eyes and lived.

I felt my body being lifted up and opening my eyes I
could see Baldwa's face looking into my eyes.He said.
“Your pain will flow along the rivers of time to the place
where memories are nothing but footsteps in the sand on
a peaceful beach.„


120


If that what you do, does not
work,
Then do something else


121

Chapter 23


“Dad! Dad!„ They shouted as I walked up the
steps to the house, Sarah crying with all her heart and
Caroline doing all she could not to cry - but not quite
succeeding. I hugged them both tight and we only let go
when Joan complained that if we didn’t shut the door the
house would be full of blood-sucking reporters inside five
minutes.
“Its good to be home„ I said
“Dad we were so happy to hear your voice when you
phoned yesterday We thought … we thought we would
never see you again.„
“Joan's been driving us nuts doing tarot cards every
five minutes and screaming blue murder everytime she
turns over the hanged man card.„
“Uncle Brian and Auntie Connie came over
yesterday . I think I saw uncle Brian crying when you
rung up but I bet he'll deny it and say something like - big
boys don’t cry!„
I bathed in their joy and passion. Feeling so relieved
to see their shining eyes and hear their angel voices. The
bell rang, and I heard Joan giggling like a schoolgirl and I
knew that that could only be Brian. I looked up to see not
only Brian but also John, Peter and Geoff. Geoff carried
a case of Fosters under his arm and Brian carried a smile
122
on his face that could have made the sun shine in the
middle of a storm.
“Hey you stupid bugger, getting lost in the
desert!„shouted Peter putting his arms around me.
“I knew all the time that you'd make it back!„said
John
“Yeah he even laid down some bets with his
advisors and won a small fortune!„
“You and your big mouth Geoff, but if I
remember rightly didn’t I see you putting a ten dollar bill
into your wallet that Ray MacNamara put into your hand
as you both were standing outside in the carpark this
mornin ?.„
Brian came over and almost broke my ribs giving
me a bear hug, then he punched me in the arm and said
“Good to see ya again mate, I've been scared stiff the last
three days.„
John pulled us apart and gave me a sloppy kiss on
the cheek and said absolutly nothing - which I thought
very unusual.
They all sat around the table opening up bottles of
beer while Joan hurried over to bring glasses that nobody
noticed. Caroline and Sarah excused themselves and
hurried away upstairs.
“Did John tell you that we found the bastards.„
Said Brian.
“One of the Aborigines that found you, I think his
name was Baldy or something like that, put two rangers
onto the right track leading up to the place where they
were holding you. It was raided six hours ago. They
found all kinds of right- wing propaganda, weapons and
artillery , and five men who won't be out of jail until their
hearts stop beating.„ We all cheered and then I started to
tell my dearest friends how I survived those three days in
123
the desert , getting interrupted every now and again by
Brian telling jokes about bush grub, Frogs that could bite
your toes off and other attempts to hide his feelings. John
told us that the statistics state that the survival time in
that part of the desert was between six to twelve hours. I
knew that I was lucky but I also knew that if I hadn't
heard those stories many years ago and if I had not met
that girl with nine toes then I would surely have perished
out there beneath a merciless sun. I soon started feeling
really exhausted even though the Flying Doctors had
given me an infusion and something for the pain in my
hands and feet. I knew that I would need a few days to
get my strength back. I walked my friends to the front
door and I watched them walk over to their cars. Coming
back into the house Joan called me into the kitchen – she
had made fresh lamingtons. Sarah and Caroline were
already there filling there mouths with coconut and
chocolate covered cake. Caroline swallowed down her
cake, stood up, and coming over to me, slapped me
solidly in the face. “I want you to promise me right here
and now that you will never, ever go anywhere without
your bodyguards now at this moment swear on your life.„
My cheek was burning and my eyes filled with frog
water. I could see her glistening eyes and her lips
quivering. Sarah was standing behind her with her hands
on her hips staring at me the same way Mary used to
when she was angry. I said “I swear on my life that I will
never go anywhere without my bodyguards - but only if
you swear never to sleep with a boy without using a
condom.„ They both screamed and hugged me at the
same time. Then we all three broke down and cried our
hearts out and Joan put the kettle on for a fresh cup of
tea.

124


The heart feels
The mind thinks
And the body follows


125

Chapter 24


I could hear Bongo barking and smell the fires
before I could see the people sitting down around the
campfire. Watoora came running up to me and threw his
arms around my legs and Bongo nipped playfully at my
ankles. I walked into the circle and they were all there
Waraala, Baldwa the Feathered One and the other faces
that I remembered seeing last time I was here. I sat down
and the same old lady came over to me and gave me a
mug of bush coffee - she smiled through her toothless
gums.
“Turawwa, this is the last time that you will sit in
this circle. We have guided you through challenges that
will change your life. You have learnt to trust yourself
and to believe in your intuition. You have learnt to see
the spirit within people to know who is with you and who
is against you. You have learnt about love. You have
learnt how to throw the spear of clarity teaching you to
speak with your heart. You have learnt about the
strongest love between people – friendship. You have
found once again your courage that you once lost. You
now know how to make your vision a reality.
In the past you were locked within the walls of self
pity and the addiction to suffering. Your ears were closed
to the words of your loved ones and your spirit turned to
the moon instead of the sun. We did not help you when
126
you walked through the Fire Snake desert as we knew
that you must survive with your own wisdom and
knowledge – alone. Now that you have started walking
on the path of the leader that leads with the heart you will
never stand still and , moving forward, the songlines will
change just as you have changed. The true warrior knows
only love and passion and these two brothers will walk at
your side as of today and will never leave you. My last
lesson for you, my son, is mirrored in my dress, I am the
feathered one and a feather is so light that it can even fly.
But even when it floats on the winds of the past it will
always return to the earth that exists only in the time of
now. The feather will heal you of your guilt so that you
can enjoy a life of lightness and fly in innocence.„
I could see the wrinkles around his eyes getting
deeper as he smiled a crooked smile. Then he came up to
me, took both my hands into his gnarled sandpaper - dry
hands, and in utter silence turned into smoke. Looking
around at the others, I could see them all waving there
hands to say goodbye. Then the smoke of the fire swept
over the meeting place and my friends returned one by
one back to the dreamtime. I sat down on the empty
ground and opening my right hand I saw the white
feather lying there ,fluttering in the breeze. I closed my
eyes and going deep inside I heard her voice calling me.
“John. My love are you now ready to listen?„ I
opened my eyes and I could just make out what looked
like her face in the flames of the fire. “We have been
allowed to speak with each other ,but just this one time
my darling. This is a time for forgiving. A part of my soul
still feels the hurt of your words but at the same time I
know that you have paid the price over the years. My
heart lives on within the breast of our two daughters and
also in the memory of you. Remember me as the person
127
who loved you more than anything else in the world. Life
must go on, knowing that behind every tragedy there is a
message to understand. And my message to you is the
reality, that giving for love means taking for love and
when two independent hearts are open for each other
then love will live forever and when they are not open, a
part of this love will die. Listen to the girl with nine toes!„
The fire went out and I sat alone filled with the voice of
Mary and the words turned to ashes.


128


Stand up stand up
And show your face to the
sun
Wake up wake up
And open your eyes to the
truth
That the truth is you


129
Chapter 25


I walked over to the dresser and opening the
drawer I saw that the feather was gone. I walked out of
my bedroom, along the corridor to the kitchen smelling
the coffee and yesterday's Lamingtons, and went out the
back door. When I got outside onto the grass I took off
my shoes and walked down to the water. I needed time to
think and get myself sorted. The intensity of last night’s
dream was still lingering within my body. Looking down
at my hands I suddenly realised that all the blisters and
sores had disappeared. The work of those old gnarled
sadpaper - dry hands I guess. I had a feeling deep inside that
I would not see my friends of the Dreamtime ever again.
Friends that changed my life and guided me back to that
what I really am. Faces. Smiles. Voices. Smells. Words
and Visions that showed me which path to take.
Whispers within the night of the past. Butterfly wings
touching my soul. The smoke of knowledge blowing in
the winds of reality. Filling my sails with hope, trust and
joy.
But above all the most passionate gift of all, Love
without guilt, love without fear, love without anger. I will
never forget you.


130


When you have reached a
goal
begin a new one


131
Chapter 16


Twelve Months later:

Walking into my office, I felt lighter and stronger
than I had ever felt in my life. The colours and shades of
light were so intense and in focus that I had a feeling as if
I was living in a new world.
Mrs Simmons was looking like a slightly overweight
Greta Garbo as she looked up at me, smiled and chirped
“Good morning Mr Prime Minister!„
I opened the door to my office to see my four friends
and a surprise guest Mr Norton, accompanied by his
personal assistent David Hopkins, all seated in front of
my desk. They all stood up and clapped there hands as I
edged around to my seat, I sat down feeling a little bit
embarassed.
Brian started “John, I am proud and moved to
present to you the results and goals achieved by our
government since the reformation process that you
yourself personally instigated. Because of a changing
consciousness of self responsibility in the citizens of
Australia, our economic debt has decreased by thirty five
percent. Over fifty two percent of the population is self –
employed. Fifty five percent are women. Unemployment
rate has sunk to three point two percent and is sinking
continually. Over ninety percent of all Australia products
132
are now made on our own soil instead of using cheap
labour in poorer countries. The people of our country are
learning, slowly but surely, what it means to achieve
prosperity awareness. People are even organising credit
card burning demonstrations, to show that they no longer
wish to live a life in financial debt, and the fear of not
having enough money. Almost everybody pays cash when
they buy products and the credit card companies have
been transformed to ‘Coaching for Prosperity’
Companies teaching people how to earn and manage
their own finances. Gentlemen, this country has changed
from a country on the verge of national poverty into a
land of prosperity, where almost everybody believes that
he has more than enough instead of never enough.„
I squirmed uncomfortably in my seat taking, the
folder that Brian presented to me over my desk. We
shook hands and I could almost read his mind searching
for some sort of suitable joke but, for once, he was silent
and I could see his eyes shining.
“Thank you Brian, and John what about you?„
“Well our Foreign Policy reform is in full swing
John. Our relationships to third world countries has been
doubled. Because of our use your own hands projects where
we teach the people of poor countries how to build and
purify there own water resources, farm the land and
organise fair trade agricultural organisations, the quality
of life has risen. We have also built up, together with local
governments, branches of The Flying Doctor Service
enabling medical support teams to go into isolated
regions to treat Malaria, Leprosy and AIDS. As well as
this we have trained teams of medical assistents to work
as Barefoot doctors in all areas where poverty and
malnutrition reigns. We still have much to do but we are
winning. As well as this our relationships to Middle East
133
countries has intensified, especially since you introduced
the Australian Muslim integration programme. We work
hand in hand together with Europe and America on
international standards for protecting and healing the
world of Global Pollution. All in all, I would say we are
making friends!„ He smiled at me and winked as he put
his coffee stained folder into my hands.
“Okay Peter, how's it with you?„
“You know me John I dont like talking too much
so I will be short and to the point. Industrial production
has increased by thirty percent ! At the same time,
because of the use of alternative energy programmes,
emission rates have fallen forty percent. Your Green
Tourist Programme, encouraging people of other
countries to experience the Outback, the Queensland rain
forests and other protected areas that exist on a level of
harmony with nature to learn how to be ecologically
aware is booming. We have discovered new sources of
natural gas in South Australia and Tasmania and because
of this our need for fossilised fuel has fallen thirty
percent. The rest is in here.„
He handed me such a thick folder I had to to take
it with two hands, it was very heavy.
“Thanks John!„ Geoff was next.
“ Well John , a lot has changed over the last twelve
months in the area of Education. We have finally realised
that children are human beings and not sheep. We have
taken down all the bricks in the wall and are now building
schools without walls. Schools where children and young
people can learn in an atmosphere of support and
understanding instead of fear and pressure. Since you
created the teacher, teach yourself programme, training
teachers to understand their own hidden negative belief
systems and to develop personal clarity especially in the
134
field of communication, Schools and universities have
become gardens of learning. Aggression and drug abuse
has decreased by sixty five percent. Children now feel
safe and secure when they go to school. Our Science and
Innovation reform has skyrocketed into unbelievable
realms of new ideas and discoveries, because of the new
research centers that are open for anybody with a good
idea. All I can say is its bloody incredible!„ He gave me
his folder and punched me playfully on the chin.
Then James Norton stood up.
“Sir, I am not one of your personal friends, at least
not yet! But I would like to take this opportunity to
personally thank you for what you have done over the
last twelve months. Australia has changed her course
radically! I want to congratulate you on what you haver
done to improve the rights and life qualities of the people
especially those of the Aborigines. I admit I was very
sceptical about the sudden changes that you brought
forward, and was also very wary about your personal
change. I even considered you were using mood
enhancing drugs, Marijuana and even Scientology. I even
heard some vague rumour about a new girlfriend who
lives near the Murrumbidgee river. Anyway, to cut a long
story short, Mr Macmilan , I got you wrong! and I now
stand one hundred percent behind your new reform
policies. I thank you from the bottom of my heart,
personally and in the name of the people living in this
country.
Everyone clapped and there was much
backslapping I even saw Brian sneaking in a hug with
Jame Norton. I was deeply moved and felt like walking
out the back door. Watching these powerful and
emotional men talking with each other made me think
135
back into the past to the last time I visited the girl with
nine toes.


136


Be a shepherd
Not one of the sheep


137
Chapter 25


I walked slowly along the ridge, Rick and his
partner were following close behund me. I had told them
both what I wanted to do, and even though they were
very suspicious, they agreed to wait for me on the jogging
path. I found the place and slid down into the gully. I
heard the silence and I could feel the intensity in the air
as I came down to the river,.Baldwa was not there to
meet me - but I wasn’t surprised. Walking out into the
light I saw her sitting there on that same rock, with that
same smile, with that same charisma of innocence and
wisdom.
“Oh Turawwa there you are, come to me, sit down,
look at the river and notice the many currents flowing
here and there. Much like your life turning around,
moving against the stream, always in motion. Change
your mind and change your life., as you have done in your
quest to find your heart once again, to lead. You know,
you have experienced nothing new. You have also not
gained any new wisdom. Your path was the everyday
normal path of every human being on this planet. Many
have wandered away from this path, others are still trying
to find it, and many will never ever find it. But the people
who walk this path will change the world, sometimes in
big ways , but also sometimes in small ways. I will leave
you soon and you will not see me again in your lifetime.
138
But before we depart I want to tell you a few more
songlines for you to contemplate .. Fear is just a four
letter word and is not an emotion. Fear is only a figment
of your imagination and is not the reality. So whatever
happens in your future, look behind the fear and there
you will find freedom. Believe in yourself and know the
beauty within. You are a wonderfull shining star in the
firmament of life. Show your light and let the shadows
disappear. Love your fellow man as you love yourself,
but at the same time always look for the darkness and
confusion within his negative belief systems, for this is
not what he really is, this is only a collection of pain and
insecurity experienced in the water of the past that flows
beneath the bridges of knowledge connecting the past
with the nowtime. We can learn from our past mistakes -
but only if we have the courage to open our eyes and
hearts. You are now strong, Turawwa ,and you are a
leader who leads with the heart. But your lessons and
challenges have not yet ended. They will only end at that
time when you cross over to the Dreamtime. There will
be times when you stand alone, not quite sure about
which direction to take, you will rely on your vision ,
intuition, and body triggers . But even then – mistakes
will you make. But these mistakes are the golden
opportunities to walk further on the path of life. We
know that all brothers and sisters are united, and that
only envy and fear stands between war and world peace
.You, in your lifetime, will see an Earth free of mass
destruction and racial prejudice - a planet that will be
healed of global pollution and animal extinction. And we
of the Dreamtime will stand at the side of the other
leaders of this world and teach them to lead with the heart!„
139
I could see the mist rising from the river swallowing
up her small, black body, and the girl with nine toes left
my life forever.

“John! John! did you hear me? We all want to go
outside into the park and watch the sun going down on
this wonderfull day . . . come on mate let's go!„
The five men walked out of Parliament House onto
the hill above the lake, and looking towards where the
sun was going down, they saw the red, orange, fire of the
sun filling the sky with Hope.


140


Into your soul and way
beyond


141


The Canberra Times January 22/20..

Our Prime Minister Mister Macmillan has done it again!
Changing the laws governing the rights of our indigenous
people. As of now every Aborigine have exactly the same rights
as his white brother. Any person violating this right will be
prosecuted. All lands connected with the spiritual beliefs of the
Aborigines now belong to the aboriginal race and they alone
decide how it will be used. Interesting for us is to see the
results of his black and white integration programme. Which
carries the belief that no Aborigine should ever be forced to
live in a house or a city if he does not wish to. Areas outside
major cities have been relegated to the Aborigines where they
can live in their natural surroundings and at the same time be
connected to the city these areas are governed by the people
themselves. At the same time it is now a part of the education
programme of every child in Australia to live for three months
with the Aborigines, experiencing their culture, the dreamtime
legends and natural healing. This is only one part of the
awesome change that has uplifted our country in recent times.
Australia is proud of its son Mr John Macmillan who carries
the tribal name Turawwa and whose skin is also as black as
the darkest night.


Walter Krikowa upi
142


The Beginning


143


Acknowledgements

First of all I would like to apologise to the indigenous
people of Australia for the imaginative use of your
language as well as the legends of the Dreamtime. My
second apology goes to the Australian Government.
Some of the Ministerial names as well as the workings of
Parliament and how the Prime Minister lives and works
are figments of my imagination. I would like to thank my
partner Cordula for supporting me in writing this book.
For her inspiration and her neverending love. Thanks
also go to Sandra Meder for the translation. I know that it
is not easy to translate that what I write and at the same
time get the message across, she did it!

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 13.07.2011

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