Kay im not done. But tell me if it sucks or if you want me to do more.

prolouge:

i was running.
away from everything. from , from school, from life.
ahead of me was, well, just blank. it's for me to create. Iadd trees and some lush green grass. the sun is streaking through a small clearing. I add jeydon. he is lying there, waiting for me. what would I do without him? I put my pencil down and look at my wrists. they were highlighted with swollen slashes of deep cuts from the past, and the present. I wonder if Jeydon is emo. he looks emo, but i never saw his wrists before.

chapter one
River

i sighed and closed my notebook. in it, it held my poems ,drawings, songs, stories, almost everything that comes to mind. i look over at Jeydon. he's looking down and writing something. he's about 3 tables away from me in science . I crane my neck to see what he's writing. not close enough. RIIGNNG! the bell blares in my ear. great, time to go to hell. science isn't that bad, because Jeydon's in there and not so many idiots occupy that room. but all the rest of my periods are exactly the opposite. i pack my things, carrying my notebook.
when i get to math class, i take the seat furthest in the back, hoping no one will notice me. it's never actually happed yet. as i walk down the long row of seats, i hear things like "hey, emo girl!!" and cutting yourself again???" I tell them all to shove it, and take my seat.

as math drones on, I draw more of my fantasy. I erase myself running and put me right next to Jeydon. I could almost feel the warmth of is skin next to mine. i was in love, and Jeydon didn’t know I existed.

When math was over, I walked out into the monstrous hallway and the first thing I did was trip. My notebook went flying beneath a sea of people .I knew it was a bad idea to take it to school. I scrambled to get it but I was too late. Some idiot has already gotten it. I pulled myself half-off the floor, with a feeling of pure dread. When I looked up I was startled to to see pure, bright green eyes, a perfectly shaped face, snakebites in just the right place, and pale, beautiful skin formed to make my love, Jeydon. He pulled me up and handed me my notebook. Just when I was about to thank him, he smiled quickly and turned away into the crowd of people. My hart just about stopped. A million thoughts ran through my head. Did he like me back? Has he been loving me , weeping silently like I have? After my hope-fog cleared up with the realisation that I was ugly, I just wanted to get home. What could be worse then having be taunted by someone you love, but could never love you?

* * *
When I got home, I went straight to my room. I didn’t want to have to face my dad, he is always signing me up for interventions I ditch. I lock myself up in my room and fish out my cleverly placed razor, between my bookshelf and bed. For the next 15 minutes, I just let it all out.


Chapter 2
Jeydon

I stare at her all
The time does she really love
Me too? If only…

I crumple up the paper and I look over to her again. So perfect, she is. I don’t know what life would be without having her to keep me here alive. Why wont she look over at me? Why wont she love me? I just don’t know what to do. When the bell rang, I watched her walk to her next class. If I could just get her attention..the problem is, I can’t.I put in my earbuds and turn my ipod volume on loud. I gather my stuff and take the back door out of school,then cross the street to the apartments. I cross over the parking lot to go to my house. My dad will be passed out on the couch, with a bottle in his hand. As I let myself in, I can’t help thinking about what River thinks of me. Yesterday, when I helped her up (the only physical contact we’ve had in our lives) I couldn’t help but notice, when our eyes met, she looked so hopeful, for something. I coundt figure out if it was…me, or something else. I grabbed my book and strode down to the park. The first thing I noticed was…her. She was sitting on a swing, all alone. She was crying. My first thaught was go over and comfort her, because in my mind I knew her so well. And I was about to. But then, as my mind faded abck to reality, I realized that I never even spoke a word to her.I was about to turn around, but she already noticed me. She called me over, then coverd her mouth, like she was embarrassed. As I walked over, she wiped her tears away and looked at me sheepishly. I looked back, with the same expression on my face. “hi” I said. She blinked twice. “hi.” “uuhh, why are you crying?” I asked, trying to sound casual. This was the perfect combination of aukward and sight, like it was just meant to be. She smiled and said “I don’t know.” “well, do you want to go for a walk?” “sure” we stood up from the swings and went down the path. After we walked a little, she led me off the path. “where are we going?” I asked. She just said “follow me”. so I did.


Chapter 3

River

I led him twards the path that I made. He’s the first person I brang there, and I cant figure out why I trust him so much, like I knew him all my life. I was sure he could feel the stong bond between us already. When we got to my spot, I sat down and beckoned him to sit next to me. We were so close, I could feel his body heat. I was sortof half-sitting half-laying down, and he was sitting next to me. It was cozy, me and him on a big tree root in a little cave type-thing,all alone. It felt so right, here with him. I just really hope I wasn’t making a fool of myself, he probably things I’m a freak. I look over at him, and I could see his bright, piercing green eyes even in the dark.I smile and hope he can help me. One second I’m looking up at him and the next his lips come crashing down on mine.we stay in that position, our tounges entwining and wrapping our arms around each other. We must’ve been there for an hour or so, because when we came out it was dark. “I should go” I say to him. “can I ask you something?” he asked me. “yes?” “ okay, well…there’s no easy way to say this, but uh, I’ve been loving you for, like, two years now. And I’ve bever even had the courage to talk to you. But now, I don’t know. It’s like we knew each other forever. I want to stay with you for the rest of my life.will you…be mine? I answer him by wrapping my arms around him once more and pressing my lips against his. I could feel him smiling against the passionate kiss we held. “what time is it?” I asked him “oh, its like six, is that a problem? She thought back to what her dad had said. “can I meet you back here at around seven? “of course.” I looked at his wrists, his shirt was pulled up to the elbows. There was a series if cuts and scars along his wrists. He notices me looking at them, so I quickly turn away. I got up and pulled my sweatshirt up so it was like his, then showed him my scars. He got wide-eyed for a second, then fished around in his pockets to pull out a blood-stained razor. I sit back down next to him, after I pull out mine. We kiss passionately one more time, then I take his razor and throw them both on the ground. “looks like we don’t need them anymore, if wer’e going to be together.” “that’s right” he said, and pulled me in for another kiss. When it was over, he walked me home. We had the last kiss of the day, and I couldn’t fall asleep because I was thinking of him and how exiting it was.that’s why I stayed up the whole night.

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 23.08.2011

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