Deadly Silence

The beginning

Once there was love,
There was a family,
Where happiness engulfed everyone,
And they were there,
All of them,
Your father,
Your mother,
Your sister,
And so were you.
The world couldn't harm you,
You were secure,
You were safe,
You were content,
But nothing lasts.
Slowly the world fell,
Crushing you,
Sending you into a spiral
Of hatred,
Of misery,
Of loss,
And you could do nothing.
You could only watch,
As each one of them,
Your father,
Your mother,
Your sister,
Were torn from you,
One by one,
They were gone,
But that was the end,
This is the beginning.

The Addiction

What was it like,
Watching them,
Your role models,
Submit themselves to destruction,
As they tried to raise you?
You wonder if they ever really tried,
If they ever really cared,
Or if the bliss,
If the addiction,
Meant more to them than you did.
When you were tiny,
When you were helpless,
When you could do nothing,
That's when it happened,
Or was it before?
You'll never know.
But you remember the smoke,
That always seemed to hang in the air,
And the blank stares they gave you,
That meant they couldn't help you.
So you'd fend for yourself,
Feed yourself,
Teach yourself,
And always hold a grudge in your heart,
For the addiction that took them,
And they themselves,
Because they let it take their love.
You'll never get over it,
No matter how guilty it makes you feel,
Or how much love they showed,
Because in the end,
It was their fault,
And it was your love,
That they lost.

The Baby

The words came as a surprise,
She told you that she was going to have a baby,
But you knew she couldn't handle it.
You were three,
And she couldn't even raise you,
How could she care for a baby?
But it was going to happen,
So you waited.
You were excited when you found out it was a girl.
Right before you turned four,
She was born healthy,
With eyes like yours,
And hair like your moms,
And a smile all her own.
Your mother was always busy,
Or hopless,
And helpless,
So you helpled her out,
You fed the baby,
Changed the baby,
Held her,
And loved her.
You were never jealous,
Because the baby only smiled at you,
Not at anyone else,
Not even your mom.
And you never worried,
Because you knew you would always be there for her,
Whenever she needed you,
And she loved you,
As much as you loved her.

Beaten

It was the year you turned five,
You were smart,
So you went to school,
Hoping to escape,
But at the end of the day,
You always had to return,
To that dreaded place called home.
It was in that year,
On a windy, cold day,
When you came home,
And you saw him,
The one called dad,
With blood on his fists,
And anger in his voice.
You didn't open the door,
But you stared through the window.
You watched in horror,
As she,
The one called mom,
The one who you loved most,
Cowered in a corner.
You didn't want to,
Yet you had to watch,
You just couldn't turn your eyes away,
As he kicked her,
Over and over,
Until she crumpled onto the floor.
His yells shook you to the bone,
His expression was menacing,
And you knew he didn't care,
About what he did to her,
Because you had seen it before.
You'd seen the blood and bruises,
But something about this time was different,
Something felt wrong,
And you knew it would be over soon,
If someone didn't stop him,
But you were helpless,
As he gave one final kick,
Straight to her head,
And stormed out the back door.
You ran to her,
As tears flooded your eyes,
And held her head in your lap,
She reached for your hand with hers,
But had no strength left,
And let it fall to the ground,
So you grabbed it for her,
And sat there.
With her last breath,
She said three words,
"I love you",
And closed her eyes,
You repeated the words,
Practically choking on your tears,
But you knew she didn't hear you,
Her breathing had stopped,
You could do nothing,
She was gone.

Moving On

After she left you,
You had no one,
After he,
Your dad,
Walked out that day,
He never returned,
You went to school the next day,
Hoping for you usual escape,
But couldn't focus,
And broke into tears.
The teacher asked what was wrong,
And you spilled your heart out to her,
Telling her everything,
Because you had to do something,
Or your sister would die,
And so would you,
But the solution she found,
Didn't solve anything at all.
She called some adults,
Who put you in a car,
And drove you away,
You cried for your sister,
And arrived at a gray building,
Where there too many kids.
They also got your sister,
Which made things better,
But they soon got worse.
You moved to a house,
Where there was an old woman,
And an old man.
You never got enough food,
And you usually gave it to your sister,
Because she was smaller,
And getting sicker.
You'll always remember,
The way the lady beat you,
Until your skin turned purple,
And the way the man touched you,
When no one was around,
But you always thought that it was your fault,
And you thought it was better,
That it happened to you,
Because then it didn't happent to your sister.
You lived there for 2 years,
Until the police came,
And took you back to that first gray building,
Where you stayed for a long time,
But you never forgot what they did to you.

Escaping

You had to leave,
You knew you needed to,
And at the age of 13,
You didn't know what else to do.
You weren't in control,
And your life was falling to pieces,
So you packed up what you had,
Woke up your sister,
Broke out a window,
And climbed into the night.
You ran and ran,
With her by your side,
And passed out in a park,
On the soft,green grass,
You awoke to the sound of sirens,
And to the flashing red and blue lights,
And were shoved into a car,
And hauled of to juvenille detention,
While your sister was sent to live with strangers.
You cried at night,
When no one could see you,
Because you couldn't be with her,
Nightmares haunted you,
And you hardly slept,
But during the day you were tough,
No one messed with you,
And soon they released you,
But they never told you what heppened to your sister,
Or where she was,
So you lived without her,
And tried to move on,
But you were still sad,
You tried to fill the void,
Yet you knew you never could.

The One

At 15 you met him,
He told you he loved you,
He let you live with him,
And promised to take care of you.
You loved him back,
With all your heart,
Because he was there,
When no one else was.
You thought he was the one,
He was 18,
Yet age was but a number,
Soon you were pregnant,
And he was making money,
Enough to have a family.
You thought things were going great,
Until he went too far,
He fell into an old habit,
And turned into someone else.
You had to get out soon,
But he caught you before you leave,
And he hit you,
Not your face,
But your stomach,
You weren't far along,
But he could harm the baby.
You burst into tears,
And run out the door,
You shiver in the cold night air,
And he stands in the doorway,
You run to the corner and try to hail a cab,
He calls after you,
"I'm sorry" he yells,
You heart yearns to walk back,
But you know yo can't
A cab pulls up to the corner,
The driver sees your tears,
And she offers to take you anywhere free,
You ask for the hospital,
And she drives away,
Taking you away from yet another home,
Away from love,
And into the unknown.

9 Long Months

9 long months,
Full of love,
A shared bond,
That can't be broken,
Two unseperable beings,
Growing together,
Learning together,
Learning,
Living together,

9 long months,
With days of sickness,
Days of tempers,
And days of exhaustion,
Of waiting,
Of longing to meet,
When they've already shared
9 long months,

One day,
After 9 long months,
With pain,
And expectation,
Of happiness,
And hope,
One last push,

One final minute,
After one long day,
And 9 long months,
One minute,
Full of love,
Of relief,
Of expecting new life,

One horrible second,
Of the word 'death',
Being heard,
And one horrible second,
Of holding her,
Dead,
After 9 long months.

Reunion

The day after you lost your baby,
You wanted to die,
How could you go on,
She was the only thing you had left,
Your heart was dead,
It was the last time you wanted to be hurt,
But then something happened,
As you lay in the hospital bed,
Someone ran in,
Her eyes were like yours,
Her hair was like your mothers,
And her face lit up when she saw you,
With a smile all her own,
She ran up to you,
And took you into a hug,
That warmed you to your soul,
At 13 she had changed your life,
She turned your life around,
And for awhile you were happy,
You got to live with her,
Even though you had to live with strangers,
At least they fed and clothed you,
For awhile you let yourself be happy,
You let yourself love,
But nothing ever lasts,
And soon you were better,
But your sister got worse,
She was battered by peer pressure,
And couldn't seem to find her true self,
She sank into depression,
And refused to talk for days,
She fell into a dark abyss,
Of sadness and pain,
Hurting herself,
Cutting herself,
Starving herself,
Nothing could help her,
Not even your love.

Lost

You can’t see the blood,
No,
Only the scar,
The one that was left,
When all other evidence was gone.

You can’t seem to help,
No,
There’s nothing you can do,
You’ve never been through it,
There’re no words you can say.

You want to help,
Oh,
How badly you want to,
But all you can give is love,
Which is not always the answer.

You need her to live,
Yes,
She’s your friend in need,
And she has to go on,
Cause without her you’re lost.

Deadly Silence

No!
The word has already left your lips,
Not said,
But screamed,
You say it again,
Louder,
Trying to make it all go away,
You drop to your knees,
And remind yourself to breath,
You don't want to believe it,
So you close your eyes,
But the same terrible horror,
Awaits you when you open them,
Then tears overcome you,
You try to stop them,
But they bubble forth,
And you cry,
For what seems like hours,
After awhile you try to sit,
In the cold, dark silence,
Because you have no tears left,
You try to compose yourself,
You stand up,
Hardly stable,
You take a stumbling step,
And walk forward,
Until you reach it,
You lay your head on her chest,
With a hope that never began,
You listen,
To the silence,
You knew when you saw,
You didn't want to,
But now you force yourself,
To accept it,
You pick her up,
She lies limp in your arms,
You carry her to her bed,
While her blood drips to the floor,
You lay her down gently,
And leave her there,
In the deadly silence.

The End

You stand,
Motionless,
The wind whipping your hair,
Your lungs icy from the altitude,
Thinking,
Contemplating,
Wishing it was all over,
You don't understand,
How you can go on,
Since they're all gone,
You want to be with them,
But you know you can't,
So you've decided to end it.

You stand,
Motionless,
Trying the gather the courage,
For what you are about to do,
You swirl doubts around in your head,
But push them aside,
Clearing all thought from your mind,
Because thinking doesn't help anymore,
You slow your racing heartbeat,
Until it barely makes a sound,
You take a deep breath,
Step forward,
And throw yourself off.

You fall,
For an eternity,
You hear nothing,
Except the sound of the air,
As it rushes past you,
You see the rocks,
That jut upward from the ground,
And realize your fate,
For the first time,
You've chosen this path,
There's no turning back,
So you accept it gracefully,
And give yourself over,
To the hands of death.

Impressum

Texte: Juniper Lee
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 06.11.2011

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Widmung:
To all of those out there who have lost someone, anyone. To all of those out there who have come close to losing someone. To all of those out there who haven't lost someone yet. This is for you.