Chapter One

I felt numb. All my feelings had died – just like her. They were never coming back. What was the point of caring about anything? What was the point of living when we’re all going to die anyways? All around me people were crying and sobbing hysterically. There was no point to crying. It wouldn’t bring her back. She was gone forever.

 

I should have been sad. I should have been angry. Heck, I should have felt something. But no. I had lost the ability to feel.

 

“... She was a hard worker and always tried her best at all her subjects...”

 

“...We used to talk at school, we were very close...”

 

“...She had such a bright future in front of her...”

 

“...She’ll be missed dearly...”

 

It seemed that everyone had something to say.

 

‘Funny when you’re dead how people start listening.’

 

 I never realized the truth behind those lyrics until now. These people were all frauds. They had never once given her a second glance – and now when she was dead, she’s automatically everyone’s best friend. No one knew her like I did – no one.

 

Now there was a hole in my heart that no one could fill.

 

As I looked down at her tombstone, numbness coursed through me again. How had this happened? Why didn’t I stop her? Why didn’t she tell me?

 

Hesitantly, I turned and walked away from her grave.

 

‘I walk these empty streets on the Boulevard of Broken Dreams... I walk alone.’

 

-----

 

“Mara! Get up now! You’re going back to school today!”

 

Groaning in frustration, I freshened up and got ready for school. I hadn’t even bothered to go to school for the past month. There was no point – I was just going to be surrounded by people who would pity me. I did not want nor did I need pity.

 

“Mum! Can I get a ride to school?” I called.

 

“I’m leaving right now so you better get down now!”

 

Pulling my hoodie over my head, I grabbed my things, sprinted downstairs and jumped into my mum’s car.

 

“You’re lucky I didn’t leave.” She said as she pulled out of the driveway.

 

“You wouldn’t have left me anyway. I’m too special.” I said half-heartedly attempting a joke.

 

“You are too delusional young lady.” She replied laughing.

 

“Oh yea, Mum, can you drop me off at - ” A wave of sadness hit me with the force of a thousand rhinos. I was just about to mention her. Why couldn’t I forget? I needed to forget.

 

I felt like I was stuck in a reoccurring nightmare. How could I forget sixteen years worth of friendship?

The atmosphere in the car had gone tense and awkward. My mother didn’t even bother to break the tension; instead she let me wallow in my guilt and pain up until we reached school.

 

------

 

“Bye.” I mumbled as I got out and nervously walked into the school.

 

As soon as I walked through the corridor, whispers and stares immediately started.

 

“...I heard she’s messed up...”

 

“...Eww she looks like a Goth – she probably cuts...”

 

“...I feel sorry for her...”

 

“...Leave her; she probably just wants our pity...”

 

Class was a million miles away. I couldn’t get there fast enough.

 

As soon as I got into my Astronomy class, everything went silent. Internally, I groaned. I was already regretting coming to school today.

 

“W-welcome Miss Buchanan.” Mr Jones said uncertainly as I walked into the room.

 

Instead of hollering back at him, I silently walked to the back of class and sat down in isolation. Eyes were glued to me shamelessly with apprehension and curiosity. What was with these people? Why can’t they just mind their own businesses?

 

Class dragged on pain-stakingly slow. By the time I had the nerve to spare a glance at the clock, I was filled with disappointment. I still had at least thirty minutes left until the end of class. Sighing quietly I resumed my daydreaming. I was so caught up in my own thoughts that I didn’t realize that someone had entered the classroom.

 

“Class, this is our new student, Austin Parks. Be sure to make him feel welcome. Take a seat Austin.”

 

Immediately, Mr Jones introduced him, the popular girls, sluts and geeks alike began to check their appearance and fix their make-up. The jocks stiffened and shifted intimidating. I had yet to look at him but I could tell he must have been really attractive.

 

My body visibly stiffened when I felt someone settle down next to me.

 

“Hey, I’m Austin.” Said a deep, masculine voice from next to me.

 

It almost sounded like he was talking to me. Was he? No. I was kidding myself. Why would anyone want to talk to someone like me?

 

He definitely must have been talking to someone else – probably a slut. So instead of replying, I began doodling mindlessly on a blank page in my book.

 

Suddenly, I felt a light tap on my shoulder, making me jerk up in surprise.

 

Upon, looking up, I came face to face with the richest brown eyes I had ever seen, a lightly tanned face and extremely handsome features. Hair that was almost black as night, a jaw that was chiselled to perfection, and a pierced lip that could only be described as drool worthy.

 

He was clad in a black, sleeveless leather jacket, a Black Veil Brides white sleeveless top that showed off a tattoo of a gorgeous scorpion that wove around his bicep and black jeans.

 

But the thing that made me catch my breath was the smile that was being sent my way.

 

It wasn’t a mocking smirk nor was it contemptuous. It was a genuine smile. I felt something inside me grow warm. This was the first time in the last few months that someone had authentically smiled at me. It almost made me feel normal again. 

 

“Hey – again. I was talking to you, you know.” He said teasingly.

 

My eyes widened in surprise. So he was really talking to me after all!

 

“Um... Hi.” I said quietly.

 

“I’m Austin.” He said, ignoring my empty tone and introducing himself again.

 

“Mara.” I replied bluntly.

 

His eyes widened a fraction before his initial shock was masked with his cool facade.

 

 Oh great. I can imagine all the rumours that he would have heard of me already.

 

“Oh so you’re Mara. I’ve heard loads about you, and I’ve only been in this school one day.” He said going straight to the point.

 

A small smile grazed my lips. I liked people who go straight to the point.

 

Wait – what did he say? My body went cold when I had processed what he had said.

 

“Things like what?” I asked, ice lacing my tone.

 

He studied me vigilantly before answering.

 

“Well, a little birdie – no scratch that – a little whore told me that I should stay away from you, that you’re depressed, you’re  a geek, you’re an emotional wreck and lastly, you’re a loner.” he said with his eyebrows raised, studying my reaction.

 

“Isn’t this your que to call me a freak, call me ugly and walk away, never to speak to me again?” I asked expectantly.

 

His lips curled into a perfect smile.

 

“Nope.” He said popping the ‘p’.

 

My heart leapt into my throat. Did I just hear him right?

 

“W- What?” I asked flabbergasted.

 

“I’m serious. You seem different. You’re not like everyone else, and I like that. You have a mysterious aura that draws everybody in, and believe it or not, all those people who are whispering behind your back, are just enticed by you.” He said lightly.

 

Although he said all of that in a breezy tone, I could tell that he meant every word.

 

But I couldn’t have any friends. Not yet. I wasn’t emotionally stable yet. I couldn’t let myself to get close to anybody.

 

“Yes you can.” I heard his deep voice say.

 

Did I just say that out loud?

 

“Yes you did, and you just said that out loud as well.” Austin said, with an amused tone.

 

“Oh sorry,” I said, my face burning with embarrassment “I’m just – not... right.”

 

He looked at me confusedly, urging me to go on.

 

 “Trust me; you don’t want to get involved with me. I’m messed up and – I don’t think I could ever be happy again.” I said, adding the last bit as a whisper.

 

His eyes bore into mine searchingly. His brown orbs were stripping me bare and I was scared. I was scared because he seemed like a curious person – a person that would soon learn about what I did...

 

Chapter Two

Chapter Two;

 

--Austin’s POV--;

 

For the duration of that day, Mara and I hung out. For some reason, I was as enticed in her. Maybe it was because of her wavy, really dark purple – obviously dyed - hair or her beautiful, sharp yet delicate features or even her icy blue eyes. From the moment I set foot in the school, I had automatically heard her name. She was the talk of the school yet she was so quiet.

 

As soon as I stepped into the school that morning, I was attacked by a group of girls. Well not technically attacked... more like rugby tackled. But as I tried to escape them, I caught sight of a petite figure, with her head down speeding along the hallway. Ever since then I had been curious as to who that was.

 

------

 

“C’mon, let’s go to lunch.” I said as I grabbed Mara’s hand. Tingles shot up my arm as her hand clasped mine but I ignored it. For now, I just wanted to be her friend. She looked like she needed someone and also, we had just met.

 

All eyes turned on us and all conversation ceased as we walked into the cafeteria together. Mara squirmed under their gazes and shuffled behind me timidly. Obviously she wasn’t comfortable under their scrutinizing looks.

 

 Confidently, I walked towards the lunch line with her behind me. After we had gotten our food, we walked to an empty table at the back of the cafeteria and began eating and conversing.

 

“Hello. It’s Austin isn’t it?” I heard a high pitched, squeaky voice from behind me.

 

I felt Mara tense as I turned around. Upon turning, I came face to face with a Dorito. No lie. Standing behind me was a girl with far too much make-up and too tight clothes. Her tan was so much that it made her look absolutely ridiculous. She looked like a cross between Mick Jagger and Crusty the Clown – trust me, that’s not a nice combination.

 

“Umm... Yea.”  I replied nonchalantly.

 

“I’m Leah.” She said, trying to smile seductively at me. Well that was a fail.

 

“Hmph.” I couldn’t be bothered to give her a full reply. She was annoying me already.

 

“Here,” She said, pulling out a small card from inside her – extremely padded - bra,  “You can have my number. Call me up if you want some... better company.”

 

I didn’t miss the glare that she sent towards Mara.

 

“Nah, I don’t want it.” I said waving her off dismissively. I heard a gasp of frustration and the click of heels as Leah walked away.

 

I watched Mara relax as a small, barely noticeable smile graced her lips. That was the first time I had seen her smile. And it made me unbelievably happy.

 

------

+++ 2 Weeks later +++

 

“Twix.”

 

“No, Mars.”

 

“Twix.”

 

It was the end of school and Mara and I were currently having a useless argument about chocolate.

 

“Mars, because it makes you smarter, it makes you better looking – trust me, you need it.”

 

“Are you implying that I’m ugly?” I asked feigning annoyance.

 

“Of course.” Mara replied with a smirk.

 

Before, I could reply, I felt hands slide around my waist and squeeze me tightly.

 What the hell? 

I glanced up to see Mara’s smile fade as she began to walk away.

I repeat: What the hell?

 

“Wait! Mara? Where are you going?” I called out as I tried to get away from whoever was behind me.

 

She didn’t look back as she replied.

 

“Home. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

I sighed in frustration. Who was this annoying person?

Turning around, I came face to face with none other than...  a clown.

Leah.

 

“Hey babes.” She said in that annoying I’m-trying-too-hard-to-be-sexy voice.

 

“What do you want?” I asked, venom lacing my tone.

 

“Aww, don’t be like that. Anyways, ain’t you happy that I saved you from that... freak?”

 

Oh hell no. Did she just call Mara a freak? Now I was pissed.

 

“Look yeah, I don’t care who you are or who in the hell you think you are - but you sure ain’t it. Don’t you dare call Mara a freak.”

 

“Hasn’t she told you?” Leah asked.

 

“Told me what?”

 

“About Molly. Her ex-bestfriend.”

 

Who was Molly?

 

“I would tell you... but I need something in return.” She said running her hands down my chest seductively. I raised an eyebrow. Who does this girl think I am? I don’t do hoes.

 

“Nah, I’m good. If she wants to tell me then she will.”

 

The look on Leah’s face was priceless. I could tell that she wasn’t used to being rejected. What did guys even see in this girl? She was annoying, annoying and... annoying. They should make her into the Oxford dictionary definition of annoying.

 

“What the hell is your problem? Don’t you want this?” She said gesturing to herself.

“Is it that freak girl Mara? Coz you can do so much better than that.”

 

Oh, and she was conceited too.

 

“Look, I haven’t got the time to be wasting my life with bugs like you.” I said and walked away.

 

Bugs? Was thet the best insult I could come up with?

 

“Wait... did you just call me a bug? OMG! That is so rude.” She squeaked.

 

I didn’t reply to her. My mind was elsewhere.

Who was Molly?

 

------

 

The next day, I made my way to the library. Mara would be there. She went there any time we had free period. It took me ages to spot her but I couldn’t miss that Indigo coloured hair. But she was concentrated on a book. Hmm...

 

Sneaking up behind her, I snaked my arms around her waist and threw her up in the air.

 

“What the – Oh my gosh Austin it’s you,” She said sighing in relief. “What did you do that for you twat?”

 

I laughed. She was so hot when she was angry.

 

“I wanted to ask you something actually.” I scratched the back of my head nervously.

 

“Who’s Molly?”

 

Immediately I said that, her eyes began to water. Aw shit.

 

“Hey, I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to make you cry.” I said awkwardly. I wasn’t good in these situations.

 

--Mara’s POV--;

 

When he said her name, I broke down. I hadn’t told anyone my side of the story yet. Now the tears were flowing freely. How could this boy leave me so defenceless? But he needed to know. He would find out anyway.

 

“No, no. You deserve to know. I mean, you’re the only one in the school that doesn’t know.” I took in a big breath and began my story.

 

“Molly and I were best friends. In fact, we were inseparable. We had been best friends since we could walk. You see, Molly was always the popular one, the pretty one, the one that everyone liked. But me. I was the quiet one, the one that no one took notice of or liked. When we would come to school, I’d leave her so she could go to her popular friends like Leah and her posse. I thought she was happy. I mean, she had the popularity. But she wasn’t... she was depressed. And I knew nothing about it. Not until that day.”  I went quiet. The tears were unstoppable now.

 

Austin grabbed me and pulled me into a hug. For some reason, I liked it – I really liked it.

 

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

 

“No, I can do this.” I said determined. “It was only two months ago and I remember it like it was just yesterday. Molly and I had an argument. She was supposed to get me afterschool but she had gone off with her other friends. I had waited in the rain for over an hour. That night, she came to my house and acted as if nothing happened – but I was angry. How could she ditch me, in the rain, and then act as if it was nothing. Me being the idiot I am couldn’t let it go, so I shouted at her. She left my house that night, but I could never forget what she said before she left.

‘You’re just like the others, you just don’t understand.’

At that time I didn’t make anything of it so I let her leave. But later that night I felt guilty so I called her phone. But I got no answer. It was weird. No matter how pissed off she was at me, she always picked up her phone – always. So I tried it again and again.

Soon I was fed up so I went to her house. Her mum let me in and I went up to her room.”

 

My heart was beating erratically and I was shaking. All the memories that I had tried to forget were flooding back.

 

“But she wasn’t in there. I called for her but she didn’t answer. I noticed two small notes on her bed. It was addressed to me and her family. I read the first one and in that note was an apology about what he had done and her depression. She hadn’t told me abot her being depressed and I felt betrayed. But as I reached the end of the note, I noticed that something was off. There were teardrops on the sheet and the last sentence was;

‘Bye, I’ll miss you forever Mara, P.S. Don’t blame yourself. It wasn’t your fault.’

 That’s when I noticed that there was water seeping out of the bathroom door. I was confused. Why would she write such a letter and why would she flood her bathroom?

And then it hit me like a tonne of bricks. I ran as fast as I could and flung the bathroom door open. The only thing that was running through my brain that moment was ‘Please don’t tell me she did that. Please.’

But she did.”

 

My breath caught in my throat and I began sobbing again. Austin held me close and soothed me. But the memories were just too bad.

 

“You can stop if you want to.” H e said quietly.

 

“No. I can’t. I have to finish.” Taking a deep breath I proceeded to finish my story.

“I found her in the bathtub. She was underwater and the water was blood red. I reached in and pulled her up... but it was too late. She had slit her wrists. She was dead. I held her in my arms. I cried and screamed until her parents and older brother – Mark - ran up stairs. Her mother and father ran to call the ambulance. Mark grabbed me and tried to sooth me but there were tears running down his face too. And that’s how we stayed – crying in each other’s arms – until the ambulance and my parents came.”

 

 

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 (A/N) I'm so sorry for not posting earlier but I had some MAJOR writer's block. Anyways here's the chapter. I hope you enjoyed it. It is a bit deep but I just had to tell her story. Please Heart and Comment xxx

Chapter Three

Chapter 3;

 

--Austin’s POV--;

 

My heart broke for her.

 

Did I console with her? Yes.

 

Did I make her feel better? Yes.

 

But did I say I was sorry?

 

No.

 

I had nothing to be sorry about and if I did say it, I wouldn’t have meant it. I hated it as well when people said it to me.

 

Sure, Mara had gone through a lot by losing her closest friend – but in all honesty, her story wasn’t that bad compared to... others.

 

She had trusted me enough to tell me her story. But was I ready to re-open closed scars – to a girl that I had met just a little while ago?

 

Before, my answer would’ve been ‘No’ without a doubt but now... I wasn’t so sure.

 

--Mara’s POV--;

 

It took me a while, but I had finally calmed down. To be honest, it was a bit nice to tell someone my story. It made me feel like a whole load of weight had been lifted off my shoulders. One of the things I liked about telling Austin my story was that he didn’t apologise.

 

Most people would’ve said ‘I’m so sorry’.

 

I hated that.

 

They were empty words.

 

Looking up, I caught Austin looking at me. No, more like gazing. There was a weird emotion in his eyes that I couldn’t decipher.

 

My eyes trailed down from his warm, dark brown eyes to his pink, inviting lips. I really wanted him to kiss me...

 

Subliminally, we both began to move closer to each other...

 

“Eh - em.”

 

We sprang away from each other. I blushed furiously – I couldn’t bring myself to look at Austin. But did I regret what we were about to do?

 

No.

 

I turned to look at who had interrupted us and I came face to face with... The Librarian. She was a short, stumpy woman that always reminded me of a Hobbit. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was Bilbo Baggins’ mother.

 

 “I will not allow any forms of PDA in my library. Now get out.” She said in her old, nasal voice.

 

Throwing her my harshest glare, I grabbed my things with Austin following close at my heels. Well this was going to be awkward.

 

“C’mon, let me take you home.” He said as he walked past me.

 

What? Was he just going to act like nothing just happened?

 

“Well, Mara, are you just going to stand there looking lost? Or are you going to get into the car?”

 

If he was going to act indifferently, then I would too.

 

------

 

Channing Tatum was walking towards me in all his half-naked glory.

 

Poke.

 

I began to walk towards him too. Nothing could destroy this moment.

 

Poke.

 

Poke.

 

His hands circled my waist.

 He then leaned down and said...

 

“OH MY GOSH! THERES A SPIDER CRAWLING UP YOUR NOSE!”

 

Screaming and batting at my face in panic, I did a very uncoordinated ninja roll off my bed. But instead of landing on my feet like the gracious ballerina I was, I landed on my arse – on the ground.

 

*Major Facepalm.*

 

Who was the beast that dared wake me up from my amazing dream you ask. None other than annoying, stupid, despicable, infuriating Austin Parks.

 

The glare I gave him could’ve killed him, sent him six feet under, resurrected and then killed him again.

 

“Woah, woah, calm down tiger.” Austin said playfully.

 

Did he seriously think that this was a joke?

 

Oh hell no.

 

“What do you mean calm down you twat!? Why did you wake me up!? Shall I dash you? How did you get into my house!? Oh my gosh I am going to kill you!” I ranted angrily.

 

Austin burst out laughing. Well that wasn’t the reaction that I expected.

 

To be honest, his laugh was contagious and before long, I found myself laughing along with him.

 

“Oh wow, remind me never to wake you up in the morning ever again.” He said inbetween laughs.

 

“Yes, yes, whatever. Now get out of my room. I need to freshen up.”

 

------

 

It was a Saturday, so Austin and I stayed indoors and mostly pigged out on junk food whilst watching action movies.

 

I don’t know what made me think of it, but I suddenly realised that I had never heard Austin talk about his family. Come to think of it, I didn’t even know where he lived. Did he have any siblings? What are his parents like? Did we live close to each other?

 

“Ay Mara, what’s wrong? You’re awfully quiet.” He asked, worry lacing his tone.

 

“Just wondering...” I replied thoughtfully.

 

“About what?”

 

I don’t know why I felt nervous, but I did. Something about the issue was making me uneasy. I almost didn’t ask him, but my curiosity got the best of me.

 

“Why don’t you ever talk about your family?” I blurted out.

 

He tensed up and clenched his fists tightly. His face was devoid of any emotion.

 

“Nothing.” He replied bluntly. His tone surprised me. He sounded strained and defeated.

 

A wave of guilt hit me with full force. Why did I have to ask him? His family was obviously a touchy subject.

 

I touched his arm soothingly.

 

“Austin, it’s alright. You don’t have to tell me. I’m sorry I asked.” I said quietly.

 

He sighed loudly before looking me in the eye. His eyes were filled with sadness, grief and worst of all, loneliness. He was broken. Even more broken than me.

 

What had this boy gone through?

 

“Look, Mara. I will tell you. I promise. But right now, I don’t think I’m ready to be honest,” He grabbed my hands, “But I do promise you, I will open up to you one day.”

 

“Just not now.”

 

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Eek!  Long time no see. I'm so sorry that I haven't been updating much. Anyways, NEW CHAPTER!!! YAY! Negl, it was a bit hard to write this chapter cause I couldnt decide what to write. But here it is. 

-Comment and Heart pleaseeee. 

What do you guys think of Austin? Do you think he's being a wimp for not opening up to Mara when she told him her story or do you think he was right? I wanna hear what you guys think. 

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 04.08.2014

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