The End

“They are really excited to me you. Zelda has talked so much about you.“ Finally the doorbell rings. I sit nervously on my chair and can’t stop dithering. Mom already ran to the door and opens it.

    “Didn’t you tell me your grandmother died?” whispers Norwin in my ear. I have to swallow. I did, as an excuse to leave the hospital with tears in my eyes.

    “Can we talk about that later?” The sound in my voice tells him that I really don’t want to talk about it right now. He nods insightfully and jumps up to welcome my grandparents.

    “Hello Mr. and Ms. Ruthven. It is a pleasure to finally meet you.” He shakes their hands but looks at me. I am not sure if I see a smile on his face or if I just imagine it.

    “Oh, Zelda, what a nice young man you met.” Grandma nudges in my side.

    “But call me Wim, Mr. Ruthven was my father.” says my Grandpa.

    Like a Gentleman. Words can’t describe how much I want to kiss him right now. But not here in front of my grandparents. And I still have that talk. If he wants to kiss me after I survived that, I really deserve it.

    “Save the Sir! Just because I am at least 60 years older than you it doesn’t mean I am an old man.” Norwin looks at Wim surprised, but nods abashed. My Grandmother taps her husband’s shoulder.

    “You have been in better shape. Don’t push it to far, darling.”

“Yea, yea. Whatever the wife says.” My Grandparents both lough and sit down on a couch. I want what they have so badly, but I will probably never get it. Our time lives to fast for the word forever.  I feel how I get a worry line on my forehead. I wipe it away fast. Norwin grabs my hand and pulls me into the living room. The chaos I call my family carries me totally into a family mood.  Even if my six brothers are all over 20 they still act like five year olds when they are together. It makes me happy that they were able to make it today., and they all brought they own little families. I grab my four year nephew and dance with him in the living room.  I laugh about all the old stories like I hear them for the very first time. I forget the talk I have to have until after dinner, when everyone slowly gets to bed. In the end just my brother Finlay, Norwin and I are left. I breathe deep. With a look I signal Finlay that it is time. He nods inconspicuous and says: “Now it is time for me, too.” When he is gone I move down from Norwin's fold. I look in his bright blue-grey eyes. Now there is no way back.

    “I want you to just listen to me. The reason I lied is more than understandable.” A silent nod. Now Zelda just say it. “I have leukemia, better said acute lymphatic leukemia. … On the day we met I just figured it out. … That is the reason my hair gets thinner, that is the reason I get thinner, that is the reason I never have time when you don’t work. I laid all my therapy appointments on days you don’t have to work so we don’t meet by accident. If you want to leave now that is fine for me. I would understand it and wouldn’t even be angry. I wouldn’t be angry if you hate me now and never want to see me again. I just want to let you know that the reason I didn’t tell you is that I really like you. I like you a lot. It has killed me inside not to tell you about it…” I couldn’t move on speaking. Norwin moved while I was talking closer towards me. His face didn’t tell me anything, until the moment his lips touched mine. I felt a tiny smile. For a wonderful kiss it was quiet around us.

    “I could never leave you. Not for something like that. You didn’t break my heart.“ We smiled at each other for a while before tears climbed into my eyes.  

    “So you are not angry?” I ask carefully.

    “How could I. It is not your fault.” He wipes my tears away. “Is everything ok again?” I smile.

“Yes!” and more tears run their way to my chin. This time he kisses them away.

    “I don’t deserve someone like you.”

    “Says the right one.” We laugh again, until one of my nephew come to us.

    “Why are you still awake?” I ask him.

    “You woke me up.” He rubs his eyes.

    “Come on, I’ll bring you back to bed. We are now quiet.” I get up but Norwin holds me back.

    “Mommy and Daddy say the same and then their start all over again.” A chuckle escapes my lips. I really can imagine that for Grant.

    “I’ll do that. Do I see you upstairs?” I nod and go to the other direction.

    “Do you like aunt Zelda as much as Mammy and Daddy like each other?” I hear the little man’s questions. I would love to know Norwin’s answer. But am I sure? A yes would mean he loves me like a god and a no would break my heart.

When I arrive in my room I get ready for bed and hop in it. Prepared to wait for a long time I pull out a book. It is Dr. Sleep by Stephen King and Norwin’s favorite book. As a good girlfriend I should have read it.

    “Preparation”

    Is on the first page, naked in black letters. It begins with an accident in a resort in Colorado in the 1980. But I don’t come any farther, because Norwin enters the room. As fast as I can I hide the book under my pillow.

    “Did you wait long?” I shake my head.

    “No, I just got in bed. It is still cold in here.” With an arch smile he replies: “Give me a minute, and then we can warm it up together.” I bite my lip but nod. Norwin leaves the room and I pull out the book from under my pillow. To be prepared for more surprises I put it in my closet. After a few minutes he returns from the bathroom, just wearing his underpants. I must smile when I see him that naked in front of me.

    “Happy Birthday!”

    “What?” Norwin points at the clock. 0:01

    “Today is your birthday. Don’t tell me you forgot that. Now you can legally drink.” We both have to laugh. “And while we are on that subject.” He pulls out a bottle.

“Dalmore 62? Are you kidding me?” I take the classy drop.

    “Yes, it’s just ice tea.”

    “You are such an idiot.” You put the bottle to the side and punch his arm softly.

    “Hey, what was that for?” He rubs the place I hit him.

    We smile at each other.

    “Come here you!” He grabs my hands and holds them over my head together.

    “Hey!” We just look at each other for a moment. This moment is just perfect. I feel how he lays his arms around my hips and pull me on him. We move on looking at each other until I close my eyes and lay my head on his chest.

    “Being 18 is exhausting.” I feel how his chest vibrates from his laughing before I fall asleep in a dreamless sleep.

    When I wake up on the next morning the bed it empty. I get up on my elbows to have a better view. I look around in the room. Where is Norwin? The clock over my door says we already have after 11. I never sleep that long. Especially not on my birthday. Usually I am way too nervous to sleep at all. I want to get up and dress, when I hear a knock on my door.

    “Yes?” The door opens and my dog Link runs in my room. The fluffy Pomeranian jumps on my bed and licks hearty over my face.

    “Hi Puppy.” I greet him. He lies down on my blanket and wags his tail back and forth. I hear someone whispering behind the door.

    “On three. One, two …”

    “Surprise!” My whole family attacks my room. I have the biggest smile on my face when everyone tries to come in my room. Actually my room is really big, but when 6 brothers, plus wife or girlfriend, plus 7 children and plus parents and grandparents and of course Norwin, well then it is full. Norwin is with the children on top. They start singing and my Grandmother carries a cake with a big 18 in the room.

    “Thank you. Thank you. Thank  you. I don’t know what to say.” Tears of joy run down my cheek. Every one of the children is carrying a present and lay them on my bed.

    “You didn’t have to do that, with a family like you I don’t need any presents.”

    “If you don’t want them, I take them.” Logan sits down and starts to open the first present.

    “No daddy! That are Zelda’s!” his little daughter says.

    “There you heard it. Your daughter says they belong to me.“ I lift her up on my bed. “Do you want to help me to open them?” She nods really fast.

    “Me, too. Me, too.” All the other children yell. Norwin lifts them on my bed.

    “But first you have to blow out the candles.” Wim pushes his wife closer to my bed. I take a deep breath and reflect a wish. Then I blow out the candles.

    “What did you wish for?” all the kids ask.

    “You are not allowed to tell. Or it won’t come true.” blames grandma them. I open the first present, after the children asked me for it the thousands time. I got seven boxes in all colors and shapes. The first is the smallest one. A small ring is in it. I recognize it as my grandma’s engagement ring.

    “I can’t accept that.” I say in tears.

    “Yes you can. Darling, since your mother told us the very first time she is pregnant I wait for this moment. I will not accept a “no!”” She pulls out the ring out of the blue velvet box and puts it on my finger. It fits perfectly. I hug her until the kids force me to open the next present. So I grab on and open it carefully. It is a shoebox. I look at it irritated because it is a shoebox for old-man-shoes. But when I lift up the top, I find a bunch of self-drawn pictures.

    “We made them just for you!” The oldest one says happily. I hug every single one of them and give them a kiss on their forehead. In the other boxes I find stuff like clothes, more jewelry and perfume. When I want to open the last one Norwin stops me.

    “I will not accept a no.” On my face is a big question mark, but without more questions I open it. A small green sea-monster-like stuffed animal is in it.

    “Ah, thank you?” I say puzzled.

    “That is not all. We start in two days!”

    “And what?” I ask him with big eyes.

“If you don’t figure it out by yourself you have to wait!” A huge smile is on his face.

The two days are over way too fast. With packed suitcases and still no idea where we are going I jump in Norwin’s car. The engine purrs and we drive to the airport. With closed eyes and ears he brings me through the security checks. After a short while we finally arrive in our plane and of course he takes the window seat and closes the curtain right away. Jerk, is my first thought. It is my first time one the airplane and I can’t look out of the window. While Norwin falls asleep after 20 minutes, I can’t believe how he can miss this adventure. After three hours and at least hundreds failed tries to look out of the window we finally land. But this time Norwin is not trying to cover my ears.

    “Lady’s and Gentelmen, welcome to Scotland. We have nice 22°C outside, which are about 72°F. The local time is 16:30. Please stay buckled up until the fasten seatbelt signs are off. I hope you had a nice flight and will travel again with British Airways.” Is the announcement through the speakers.

    “Scotland? You took me to Scotland?” In my face are too many emotions to count them all, but I am sure enthusiasm is one of them.

    “The best Haggis in the world, baby!” he replies. I just skew my eyes.

    “Without me.” After hours of waiting in all the lines we arrive in our hotel. Well, palace would describe it better.  The wall outside is out of grey bricks and the windows big and white. A red dressed page brings us to our suite. He opens the door and brings our suitcases in it.

    “Is there anything else you need, sir?” I nearly don’t hear him. My eyes look at the stunning view out of our window. I nearly don’t even hear his ridiculous accent.

    “No thank you.” I hear Norwin’s voice behind me. Then I hear the rustle of money. The door falls in its look and we are alone. Far away from home. I feel how Norwin comes closer to me and lays his arms around me.

    “Happy Birthday!” he whispers in my ear. I feel his hot breath on my ear. How his lips kiss the skin behind my ear.

    “Let’s go and have dinner.” Even if the hotel is really modern, it is very welcoming. In the hotel own restaurant we sit down and of course Norwin orders Haggis. I skew my eyes disgusted, when the bowels mix is brought to our table. On my plate a fish looks at me really stupid, but here I know what I have on my plate. After dinner we go back to our room and fall asleep right away.

    Our vacation is way too fast over. When I am back home mom tells me that the doctor called and really wants to talk to me. I have to swallow. That doesn’t sound good. On the same evening I call him, but the only thing he tells me is that I should come to his office. Although I swore to Norwin that I am going to tell him everything I will not tell him this. My appointment is three days later. I drive with my parents to the hospital. When we arrive there we can get to the doctor right away. Without any waiting. Another bad sign.

    “Good Morning Miss Ruthven.” I take his hand and shake it. Then he takes my parents hands and shakes them to.

    “Good Morning Dr. Smith.” I answer. I am so nervous I can barely talk.

    “We got your test results…” He makes a pause a deep breath. “To get a positive result with the therapy the cancer has to go back at least 25%. I am afraid I have to tell you we didn’t get that for your results. Your cancer didn’t reply to the therapy. There is nothing we can do for you anymore. I am really sorry.” With these words my world breaks into little pieces. Tears run down my face. Is that my death sentence? “When you’re lucky,… If there is anything you want to do in your life, do it now.” I take my hand down from my face and look at my parents. They are crying as much as I do. Even Dr. Smith seems to be touched.

    I have no idea how I got home, but when my parents bring me through the door, I see my whole family in front of me. Even my parent’s siblings and their children. They are all waiting for me in the living room. They just came for me. I am not sure if the tears I am crying are tears of joy or grief, probably a mix out of both. I see Norwin standing in a corner, just by himself and silently crying. I stay in the door, unsure what to say or to do. I clear my throat.

    “I am sure, everyone here knows the reason we are here today. But I am not afraid. Not if you have a family like me. No one of us knows the reason god wants to take me this early, but I am sure he has his reason. I don’t want to cry tonight, never again for the rest of my life. I want to celebrate. I want to celebrate the life I have left and don’t cry about the part I don’t. We are all going to celebrate the time we have left. I don’t want to cry. I don’t to see anyone crying tonight. I know it is hard, but I want that the last thing I do is to celebrate life and to not cry for it. I grab a glass next to me, and I hope that the substance is alcohol. “So raise you glass with me and drink for the life! Cheers!”

“Cheers” everyone repeats. The night is long and when Norwin forces me to go to bed I am not tired at all. We cuddle the whole night and talk. Not about me, him or us. We just talk. When the sun comes up and kisses the horizon we both lost our fear. He gives me a kiss on my forehead und moves down to my nose to my mouth. With my last breath I die on his lips.

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 14.01.2014

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