Just a Message

Hey guys before you read this book in progress, I would absolutely love if you would give me feedback in the comments on what I can do to improve it and any errors. I know I still have some work to do for it but I would appreciate it very much. Thank you!

Chapter 1.

 

So another day, another boring day at the dreadful school. I say dreadful even though I enjoy school, well, only because it's better than being at home. School still sucks, but it was fun at sometimes. Each day I finished brought me another day closer to being in high school. I was scared for that. Anxious. Nervous. Fearful. Hopefully it will be better than I think.
I started my day off with my boring and painful routine of crawling out of bed. I never wanted to get up but I knew I have to. I threw on some clothes, but do not like how they fit and looked on me so I grabbed another outfit and tried that on. Now what, shoes? I checked the time and grabbed my boots. I stuffed my work in my bag and grabbed a rice crispy treat to eat while I waited for the bus. Shoot, I didn't brush my hair. Oh well. I took one of the hair ties off my wrist and threw my hair into a messy bun. It probably looked horrible because of how my hair does this thing where it bunches up and shows my scalp. It just looked plain bad. Whatever. At this point I could care less, well I acted like it, but really I do care. I care a l o t.
The engine of the bus roared from down the road and I stood alert, wondering how I should look or what I should be doing when it shows up. I just stared at my hands and criticized how bad my nails look. I really needed to stop chewing them. The bus stopped in front of my house, I say my house but we just rent it from some old crazy guy. It wasn't the best situation, but what can you do when you're poor? It's better than being homeless that's for sure, well maybe not. It doesn't really matter. My anxiety rose as I stepped on the bus. Though, it is a normal daily routine I have to go through, I was just scared that everyone is secretly judging me. I mean, why shouldn't they, I judge other people when they get on. Just find a good seat, I told myself, not too close to the front but not in the back with the high schoolers. Thankfully, I found a good seat. I took off my bag and set it next to me and waited for the bus to arrive at the school.

At school once again. I got off the bus and walked into the building, taking a left immediately. That's the way to the middle schoolers wing. I'm in eighth grade. I got to the stairs and took them up to reach my classroom. I shoved my bag in the locker on the way there but kept my binder out. I ended up in the classroom with a good deal of time before school started. "Good morning, Eve," Mr. Jones said as I entered.
"Yep..." I mumbled to myself with an eye roll. For some reason male teachers creeped me out. Half of my teachers were male, and everyone swears the English teacher is a pedophile. He was creepy looking and always had girls sitting closest to his desk, especially the sluttier ones. I couldn't wait until I got away from that class. It sucked because I loved writing and reading, but that teacher ruined it. Oh well... I suppose. "Morning," I replied.
"Ready for school?"
"Am I ever?" I chuckled as I hurriedly walk out of the classroom. I walked down the hall awkwardly and anxiously trying to find a friend to socialize with. I saw Jesse and Em standing together so I joined them. "Hey guys."
"Hey Eve. What's up?" Em asked.
"Eh, the usual. Just wanna get this over and done with, though I'd rather be here than home if you know what I mean."
"What's wrong with home?" Jesse budded in.
"You have no idea..." I mumbled. "So, ready to find out our groups in history?"
"That's today?"
"Yes," I laughed.
"I hope I'm with you guys," Answered Jesse.
"I wish Ashton was in our class. I would love him in our group. He's such a hot dude," Rambled Em.
I laughed. "I'm hoping I'm in a group with Jeremy."
"You still like him?"
"Yeah...I asked him out the other week actually."
"What did he say?" They both asked in anticipation.
I sighed thinking about what he replied. "That he wasn't ready to be in a relationship."
"Aww, boo that sucks." Em tried to comfort me.
"But wait.. What really bothers me is the next day, I overheard him talking to Kyle, that he had a girlfriend."
"Meaning...you?"
"I doubt it. He's dating someone else. I don't have a chance with him anyway. I'm too ugly and stuff." The bell rung as soon as I finished talking.
"Off to home room, see you in a half hour," Em said walking away.
"Gotta go. Bye." Jesse said running off.
Other students pass by me as I stand in the hall left in my thoughts. They didn't even try to say I wasn't ugly, that I wasn't right. They don't really care for me do they? I'm just overthinking it. I slowly head down the hallway to home room. Mine as well get some reading done.
I walked into the science classroom which was my homeroom class. "Grade check," Mr. Jones stated loudly.
Wonderful, I thought to myself. I just wanted this time to read, not waste the half hour waiting in some dumb line just to get a three second look at my great grades. But since it was a Monday, it was time to get them checked, not that they even get updated weekly. I grabbed the laptop from the cart and turned it on, logged into the website, and got in line to wait. A few others were in front of me. "What is this?" The teacher practically yelled, "An F? Joey, I thought you were better than that. We just worked on getting your grades up too." I heard some scattered chuckles. I waited longer until it was finally my turn. I unfolded the laptop and woke it up. The computer opened up the browser showing my stellar grades. "Good going, Eve, like always."
"Yeah, heh, thanks," I awkwardly said. My anxiety didn't like conversations normal people would have. I walked over to my seat with the computer in my hands. I sat down and hastily shoved the computer in my book bag. I checked the clock and the time told me I had five more minutes before this class would be over. Wonderful. I didn't have enough to time to read my book so I just fiddled with a pencil. When the bell did go off, I got up and headed to history.
When I had walked into the classroom I had no idea what my fate had chosen, well teacher. Our groups were final for the rest of the year. It was only a month into school. My class sucked so much that we had to get assigned seats, which would also be our group for this project and any others we did for this year. Great. I headed around tables to read the names off sticky notes and see where mine was placed and with who. Each group I passed that I didn't see my name on or Jeremy's or my friends, my anxiety rose and bubbled up. The next table I checked was my group. Jeremy, Eve, Kyle, Jackson I sat down in a chair disappointedly. I got stuck with the worst people. Jeremy was okay but with Kyle they wouldn't get any work done at all and Jackson would get distracted by anything. You could give that kid a pen and he could invent seven new things with it. I didn't know him personally but judging by what I've heard, he isn't the brightest crayon in the box. My other classmates file into class as I sit thinking about what I would say to Jeremy. When he does walk in I shout to him to tell him where he sat, but I did it a little to loudly. Everyone stared at me and I felt my face flush. I'm so fucking stupid, oh my god... I thought to myself. He sits down and I give a soft hey.
"Hi..." He said awkwardly back. After a moment he perked back up when his friends sat down with us. "How was your weekend?"
I smiled and answered, "Oh it was..."
"I wasn't talking to you wierdo," Jeremy interrupts. I shrink down in my seat. I just wanted to disappear.
Kyle starts up on his weekend. "Oh, well, I went swimming again before it gets too cold, also I..." I blocked a lot of it out. I kept thinking back to what Jeremy said to me a minute ago. He called me a wierdo. Am I really that strange? Aren't I like the rest of you? I wished I could go back and fix how I called him over. That probably caused it. I have an issue where I can't control the volume of my voice very easily. Well mainly it happens when I'm anxious and a lot of the time I end up being too loud and boisterous. The second bell finally rang and class started, ending my thoughts. Ms. Morris started up on her good mornings and introductions, briefly summarizing our group work. She gave each group a packet of papers that we had to do together while going through the textbook. We were supposed to split the work up evenly, but I knew straight away I would be the one doing everything. I took a pencil out of my bag and started writing our names on the paper, while the boys discussed a disgusting topic I wish I never heard. I'll spare you the details.
After a few minutes of their nonsensical bullshit I attempted to stop them. "Guys, we have work to do."
"Come on, Eve, don't be a bitch and just do the damn work." I was stunned. Jeremy just said that to me. That's not like him. He was so nice and now...what the hell happened?
"Ha ha ha, nice going Jeremy." Kyle gave him a high five. Really?
"What's your problem?" I ask genuinely confused. I never had done anything to them. I mean yeah, I could be annoying, but I wasn't that bad, was I?
"You," Jackson said, "just do the work so we can get a good grade. At least I'll pass this class with the know-it-all in our group."
My anger rises. "But if I choose not to?"
"You wouldn't do that. You're a proud smart-ass." He started mimicking me, "'Oh, I'm Eve, if I get lower than a ninety it's the end of the world. Oh, look at my grades, they're better than yours. Hah.'" That gets everyone at my table laughing. I didn't sound like how he made me. My voice wasn't that high or nasally. It probably didn't matter anyway.
"Th...that's not how I sound!"
"Oh, sorry." He then proceeded to mock me in different voices until he found the most annoying one and claimed it was mine.
I had enough. I raised my hand and got Ms. Morris over here and then told her what they were doing. Then Jackson, Jeremy and Kyle started going against me and claimed I was the distraction. I started stumbling over my words. Why was I suddenly hated by them? "Okay...well. Whoever was the distraction needs to stop. Just do your work. This is one of the big projects of the year and will count for a big percentage of this quarters grade." As soon as the teacher waltzed away, they started to annoy me once again.
"God, why do you have to be such a teachers pet?" Kyle asked. I couldn't tell if he was legitimately asking a question.
"I'm not," I said. It was a weak attempt to refute it, but it was better than not at all, or was it?
"Then why did you tell on us?"
"Why do you have to be such jerks? What have I ever done to you?" After a quick pause I start up again. "Jeremy, last year I helped you with so much homework, and even a little this year. Doesn't that mean something?"
"You were born. You shouldn't have been, I mean look at you. The world needs less of that. You're the reason this school is known for being ugly, and you contribute to ninety percent of that."
Jeremy chuckles. "The school isn't known for that." My mouth was still wide open in shock.
"It should be. I mean look at this ugly broad." I just wanted to cry at this point. "You should kill yourself. Spare the world from having to experience the annoyance of you. Look, a window over there, go jump out of it. It's calling for you. If you don't want to, I'll volunteer to push you out." Jackson ends his speech with a smile.
I push tears away from my eyes subtly by pretending I was fixing my glasses. "Going to cry to the teacher again?" Jeremy adds.
I didn't know what to do. I was just in awe, but not a good and wondrous one. These people, who used to actually kind of be my friends, are being complete and utter assholes to me. What did I ever do? I couldn't even look Jeremy in the face. He sits at my table at lunch and at recess, what would I do now? This sucked a lot. Last year was the first year I never got bullied, now I just got told to go kill myself. Sadly, that offer sounded good right now. Wait, what was I thinking. I promised myself. I guess it didn't matter. I grabbed the paper and started up on the work again. "That's a good girl," Kyle taunts. I was so angry, but I couldn't do much. I just held it all back and took their crap. I mean what else could I possibly do? They continued to talk bad about me for the rest of class, but there wasn't anything I could do.
Eventually that class ended and we went to science. I thought that class would be better but it wasn't. We were doing projects that required a poster to be made since the science fair was coming up in October. This class I had planned to start my poster. I actually wasn't there yet, but I didn't have much else to do since my project was on the science of mold and mold takes a while. I needed to cut the cardboard for it. When class started I went to the back room and a few others were back there too to collect materials. I grabbed the x-acto knife and the cardboard I had drawn my measurements onto. I set it on the table and started to carefully cut it up. Devin scoffed and stated "I hope you cut yourself up." I sighed upon hearing that. Others laughed, and agreed. I continued to cut the cardboard while everyone left.
All of a sudden I hear a burst of laughter and someone gets pushed into me. I dropped the knife and turned around to see who that was. Jeremy. "Ew. Gross," he said backing away from me. I looked over at Devin who could not stop laughing. He ran out of the room quickly, being followed by Jeremy, but he slammed the door shut before Jeremy ran out.
"What are they doing?" I mumbled to myself. I guess the teacher wasn't in the room because he would not allow this. I absentmindedly started walking towards Jeremy. I wonder how long the teacher would be gone. I wonder if I could kiss him and get away with it. A lot of thoughts tumbled through my mind at this moment.
Jeremy turned around with a sly smile and smoothly glided over to me. "Eve," he says sweetly, "I hope you know what I said in history was a joke. I have to keep reputation up, you know." I stopped in my tracks.
I didn't know what to think. It was Jeremy and I wanted to believe him, because I think I loved him. He was so amazing, except for that asshole behavior earlier. If he was telling the truth I could forgive him. Or was this some evil way of twisting my mind? "I know. I understand. It's okay." I found myself saying those words before I agreed with them. I was so nervous and my heart was pounding out of my chest.
"Good. I'm glad we're on the same page." Jeremy kept walking towards me and I was going to back up until he put a hand on my cheek. I smiled. "You know, I could kiss you right now." My breathing got rapid. Was this going to be it? My first kiss? "I think I will." He smiled. I smiled. He put his other hand on my cheek and slowly pulled my face closer. Then he stopped when our noses were about to touch.
"Trying to make the moment last longer?" I giggle, high from happiness.
"You could say that." His hands slid down from my cheeks to my shoulders. Then he did something really unexpected. Thinking back to it now, I should have expected it. He pushed me backward. I fell onto the ground and landed on my side. I stayed there for a moment in shock. "You fucking loser. You thought I changed? You thought I would actually love you? I have a girlfriend you stupid slut. What is wrong with you? Jackson was right. You should take a stroll off a building. The world needs less of your bullshit." It was at that moment I heard the doorknob turn.
"Hey, who locked this door?"
"Yeah. Mr. Jones! Help us, they locked us in here!" Jeremy sounded all innocent. It was hard to believe after what I just saw. I rushed to get up and wiped the tears from my eyes. I quickly got back to what I was doing so it seemed like nothing ever happened.
Mr. Jones walked in and saw both of us. I couldn't see behind me so I just listened. "Why did they do that?"
"I guess they thought it would've been funny. It wasn't though. I have work to do." Jeremy states like nothing ever happened.
I can tell by the long silence that the teacher was skeptical. I would've been too if I was since a boy and a girl were locked in a closet together. I was still really upset by what he said. I was trying my best not to cry. "What were you doing in here?"
I put on my best okay voice. "I just need this cardboard for my poster." I hope that sounded alright.
"Okay..." Mr. Jones states while walking out.
I started shaking. I held the knife as steadily as possible to cut this last line. I was so upset and it was only going to get worse. "No-one will ever believe you," Jeremy whispered in my ear. I jumped and turned around.
"What does that mean?" Jeremy backed out of the room and waved his fingers with a questionable smile.
The rest of science class I spent in silence, ignoring even my best of friends. Thankfully lunch and recess were after this, that way I could get a break. Then I remembered Jeremy was a part of our group of friends. I haven't talked to Anna in a while, maybe I could hang out with her until this blows over, hopefully it does and soon. The bell rings and I headed to lunch.
I made small talk with Anna in the line. We got our lunches and sat down at the table by the exit like they normally did. I wasn't very hungry so I just nibbled on some fries. I brought up my tray, and waited for the rest of lunch to go by kind of blocking every one else out, and trying to figure out my mind. All of a sudden Em came over all wide eyed and hit me on the arm. "Yo, what's wrong with the good girl I knew?"
"What are you talking about?" I snickered.
"Eve, Jeremy told us what you did in science class."
"What?"
"When you were locked in the closet. You gave him a blow job. Girl, I knew you wanted him but that desperate? He has a girlfriend!"
"What are you talking about? I didn't do anything!"
"That's what he told us and everyone else. You begged him to kiss you, or to do something."
"But that's not true. He tried kissing me! He pushed me on the ground then started calling me names! I didn't beg him for anything!" I practically shouted.
"He's made a pretty convincing story. He said you'd react like this since you want to keep your good girl image. If you want I can pretend like you are still one," Em winked. "Though every good girl has a bad side and it looks like yours is finally coming out."
"Woah, Eve, what! She's finally growing up with the rest of us," Anna budded in.
"Anna, Em, I haven't done anything. Who do you believe? Jeremy or me?"
Em laughed. "Eve, I get you're embarrassed but we know. It's okay to not hide it anymore."
"But I'm not..." I got interrupted by the outside doors opening which signaled recess was starting. Em and Anna bolted out the door. I got up and started sluggishly walking there. I had no idea what to do. I just wanted to go home. I just didn't want to be here. Jackson's offer was sounding even better right now. I look next to me and Jeremy caught my eye and winked. I sighed. Could this day get any worse? Probably.
I sat outside by the doorway by myself. I couldn't handle anybody right now. I could barely handle myself. My thoughts were swinging every which way. I spent the twenty minutes ignoring screaming children and tried to figure out what to do. I finally had decided to tell Betty what Jeremy did. Betty was that lady who gave write-ups and detentions. I don't know her actual title, but it doesn't really matter. I was nervous about going up there and talking but I had to. Besides, I was always nervous and anxious for everything. When the teacher blew the whistle, I got up and headed for Betty's office. When I got there, I peaked inside then went in. "Hi, so...I need to report an issue."
"Oh, Eve. What's been going on?" Betty asks. She pulled out her pad of paper, but there was already writing on the page she flipped open to.
"So, today during history, Jeremy, Jackson and Kyle were bullying me. Jackson told me to go jump out a window and if I didn't want to he'd push me." She nodded along with my words as she was taking notes. "During science Devin locked me and Jeremy in the back room and Jeremy pushed me to the ground and called me a slut after he forcibly tried to kiss me. Now he's starting rumors that I gave him a blowjob in the back room, but I didn't. I'm not that type of person...like...God." I sighed.
"Did anything happen during lunch?" Betty asked me without looking up.
"Well, that's when I heard about the rumor he made up. Em told me about it."
She looked up and rested her arms on the table. "Why didn't you come up during lunch when you found that out? Or even before since all of this was a big deal?"
Her questions shocked me. Does it even matter? "Well, I needed time for all this to settle. I mean getting told to end your life is something shocking. The teacher never believed me when I told her what they were doing during history."
"Were you aware that Jeremy came up here and reported you during lunch?"
What? I was so shocked. Did he try twisting this story so he was the victim. I didn't do anything wrong. Why was he so mean this year? Last year he was such a good friend and we had fun. He never said a bad word to me. Wait, was he saying things behind my back? "What did he say? I had no idea."
"He told me that during history you were being rude to Jackson, Kyle and him, saying things like what you told me. He also said that you locked him in the back room in science and you forcibly begged him for a kiss then pinned him down and gave him head. That's rape. Do you know how serious this is?"
"But that's a lie! I did no such thing! I'm telling the truth!" I started shaking. I swear to god if his story goes through over mine....
"He came up first, directly after the incident shaking and practically crying. If your story was true you wouldn't have needed all this time to think it over, would you?"
"But he's lying! Ask Em! She told me about the rumor. If that's true than mine has to be, right?"
"Not unless he has more people backing his side up. But Em is your best friend...so you could convince her to side with you."
I wanted to scream. "But so is Kyle and Jackson!"
She sighed, clearly frustrated with me. "Look, I'll investigate it and have the principle join too. We'll see where we're at by the end of the week, okay? So who else were witnesses, I have Em, Jeremy, you, Kyle and Jackson."
"Well at lunch Jeremy was sitting with Jesse and Matt along with Em. When Em came over and told me Anna was there too. Also, Ms. Morris and Mr. Jones."
"Alright," she sighed, writing them down. The bell for next class rang. "I'll do what I can. What class are you going to so I can give you a note?"
"Math with Ms. Ballard, but for now could you separate Jeremy and I?"
"I'll see what I can do. I can't promise anything." She hands me the note. As soon as I walked out of the room I started bawling. I ran down the hall letting my emotions take over. I hide in one of the bathrooms to sob wishing this would disappear. If they believe Jeremy's story my parents would kill me. I didn't know what to do. I guess I'll wait until Friday and see but the anticipation would kill me until then. I force myself to calm down so I could head to math.
I walked into the classroom and immediately searched for the teacher so I could give her the note. Then she shows me my seat, which happened to be next to Jeremy. Wonderful, I thought to myself as I took the seat next to him. "Hey bitch," He whispered to me as I sat down. I sighed. This was going to be a long class.
Many snarky comments happened that class but I tuned them out as best as I could. I was still too upset from what Betty had told me. Today was the worst day of my life, and it was barely past one.
I checked the clock again to count down the minutes until class was over. Five... four...three... two... one...then the bell went off. I had English after and that teacher scared me. I think he scared all the girls. I walked out of the room and down to the English classroom. It was downstairs on the main floor. Once I got in the room I sat in my assigned seat near the middle. At least Jeremy doesn't sit near me in this one.
Once everyone had filed in, Mr. Price announced we were starting book groups today. "Okay, I'm going to be choosing popsicle sticks out of this box. I have to your names written on them. There will be four people to a group and one group of three. Okay let's start." I blocked out the names until I heard mine called. "Group three is... Eve, Winter," Good, a quiet girl who would do work. Who next? "Em," Cool, one of my good friends. She wasn't really a worker but I can deal with that. "Last but not least for this group, Jeremy." I can just tell that Jeremy had a huge grin upon his face when he heard that. Fate was not favoring me today. Hopefully it was just today, but I have a feeling it won't be. Everyone moved into there assigned groups when Mr. Price was done naming them off. Jeremy sat across from me, Em next to me and Winter across from Em. At the end of class, I was definitely talking to Mr. Price about this setup.
It was awkward silence between us all until the teacher dropped the books in front of us. "Read up to chapter five and then write a summary of what happened in each chapter and about the characters on a google document."
I grabbed a book from the pile. Winter and Em copied that motion. Jeremy sat in his seat unamused. "So how should we read? Individually or as a group?" I asked.
"I prefer by myself because that way I can read at my own pace," Em answered.
Winter shrugged and uttered out a quiet, "Doesn't matter."
"Well definitely alone so I don't have to hear that stupid voice of yours." Jeremy smirked in my direction. I just sighed and started to read. During that time Jeremy kept kicking my leg and was just being annoying. I also kept checking up on him to see if he had read and was reading and he wasn't, just as I thought. He had the book in his hand, probably at a random page, and would turn chunks at a time pretending to make progress. I sighed and continued to read. Once I was finished I wanted for everybody else to then we started discussing.
We each hopped on to the google document Winter had made for the group and each chose a chapter to summarize, except Jeremy of course. Jeremy kept whispering to Winter distracting her as she would listen and mutter replies back. I could just tell they were talking about me. "Hey, guys," I sighed clearly agitated, "We have work to do."
Winter looked stunned then quickly calmed down. She nodded. "Right. Jeremy stop, do your own part," She said quietly but loud enough so we all could hear.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Jeremy scoffed. I'm pretty sure he rolled his eyes too.
I didn't bother telling him what he should be doing. I knew he wouldn't do it anyway. Winter, Em and I finished up the summaries while Jeremy sat twiddling his thumbs. Mr. Price came over and checked our work. Once all that was done and settled with we had about ten minutes left in class and the teacher explained our homework, which was to read the next three chapters. The bell rang and I walked over to his desk preparing what I was going to say. "Hey, so about my group..." I trailed off.
"Everything alright with the setup?" He asks.
"Well, no. Me and Jeremy have some issues."
"Jeremy and I, Eve," Mr. Price corrected.
"Right, Jeremy and I. Um, can you switch me into another group or him out of my group. We can't really work together."
"In life you won't get to chose who you work with and you have to get along with others even if you don't like them." Great, another lecture about that.
"I understand that but he bullies me kinda badly. It's kind of hard to work when he's being mean and rude to me."
"Well like I said before, even if you work in an office building and have a group project, let's say making a movie poster. You will be working with some people who share the same goal, but who might not like you, or someone else. You just have to deal with it. Luckily this isn't permanent. In a couple weeks you will change groups, so just hang on until then."
I silently sighed. "Thanks anyway." I walked away and to my final class. Health. Luckily for me, Jeremy didn't have this class. Once that class was over, I got on the bus and rode home. Once I got home I immediately crawled into bed and started bawling. Today was horrible but I knew that wasn't gonna be the last of it. I couldn't wait until Friday came. I hoped my story was taken over Jeremy's. Who could I confide in right now, in my time of need. I didn't have any true and real friends. All of them have turned on me at one point or another. I could talk to my sister, but who knows if she'd tell. Siblings never have a great relationship. I mean they do have an unspoken bond as relatives, but you never know how it could go. And she always picked on me, in a sisterly way. We've been through a lot together, but separated. I just laid in bed and prayed for this to end.

The rest of the week was a blur. Sleep, school, and more sleep. With bullying in between. I tried to block out the comments, but it was hard since I value others opinions above my own, and more so since I have issues with self confidence. As the week kept dragging on I sunk lower and lower with each passing comment. By the time Friday came along, I didn't even want to show up. I knew I had to though. For the results of the investigation. I had a feeling I knew what they were going to be. Even though throughout the week I brought short voice clips of Jeremy insulting me. I secretly took them in history when he was being rude to me, for proof. Even with those, things were not in my favor.
Friday afternoon in health class, I got pulled out to meet privately with Betty for the results. "I'm sure you know why you are here," She started off with.
"Yeah," I quietly muttered. I just wanted to know the results and if I was in trouble.
"So, I had the principal go and ask people you and Jeremy associate with to see if there was any similarities between how you and Jeremy treat other students, and each other. We found that more students say that Jeremy is kinder to others, whereas you seem to have a more rude tone and just inflection. Jeremy hasn't had any other reports made against him, but you have. That time when you punched another student, if you recall."
"That was an accident!" I interrupted.
"Doesn't matter. A report was made and you were guilty. Punishment was given. Anyway, the conclusion we came up with was, Eve, you are the one who is lying. Jeremy's story was taken as the truth."
I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. I started to have an anxiety attack. I wanted to cry but I held it back. I started to shake and my heart pounded. "W-what does that mean for me?" I managed to say.
"Well, a week of suspension and a restraining order from Jeremy to start. But... we're going to probably need to take it to court since it is rape."
"But I didn't rape him!" I started to cry. "I'm not lying! He is! I don't do things like this! I haven't even had my first kiss! I haven't had a boyfriend! Why would...." I fell down to my knees and covered my face with my hands.
"I'm sorry Eevee, but it's protocol."
"Don't call me that."
"Sorry, Eve." I continued to sob. "We'll be calling your parents Monday to explain what happened. This is a huge offense. I'm sorry Eve but there's nothing I can do. This is really serious. Just go back to class."
I slowly got up and wiped tears from my eyes. That was useless since I couldn't stop crying. I walked out of the room, but not towards my classroom, I went into the nearest bathroom and locked myself in a stall. I was feeling so much and it all swirled inside me. I didn't know what to do, how to feel. I was angry from the results, perturbed from what would happen next, depressed, annoyed, so many emotions heavily weighed on me. I was sobbing noisily, shaking. My heart was pounding so hard I felt it in my head. The pressure pierced my skull, like a needle was stabbing my brain each time my heart jolted inside of me. The anxiety made me sick to my stomach. It was like stage fright, but so much worse, instead of being frozen, and not knowing what to say, you were shaking with fear, with sadness, with pain. It was like feeling your heart get broken and it keeps breaking. The feeling of unease coursing through me as if it was my blood. All of this and my thoughts, contained in my mind was a nightmare. I fell to the floor and stayed there shaking with noiseless sobs. The tears stopped too. But the sadness didn't. My body ached with the pain of sorrow. My life was ruined. Once my parents got the call...wait. I sat up quickly and realized once my parents got the call they'd understand it wasn't me. They knew how good of a girl I was and that I wouldn't do anything like that, right? They'd have to. I hope. There was still the whole court thing though with the restraining order and shit. Hopefully it'd get worked out. My anxiety eased a little when I thought of that. The final bell of the day rang.
I rushed home quickly after that, though I had to ride the bus, I wished it'd go faster. I stared out the window and watched as we left town, making stops every few houses. The trees were shedding leaves with colors ranging from red to brown. The bus passed a beautiful house a few miles away from mine. I always would imagine what the inside looked like. It was a Victorian styled house painted a light mint green with white accents by the window frames. The roof was made up of black shingles. I always liked to imagine the furniture inside was Victorian era too. I dreamed of owning a house like that, though in reality I'd probably get stuck with something else. In the yard was a tall weeping willow tree and an iron fence. The entrance didn't have a gate, it was just an open space where there was no fencing. A stone path lead to the door. My mind slowly eased away from my daydream and back to reality. Betty told me the call wouldn't happen until Monday. I hoped when I got home mom would be in a good mood so I could convince her to not be mad. The bus turned onto my road. I grabbed my backpack and put it on, preparing to get off on my stop. When I did get off I raced up my driveway to the house. "Mom!" I shouted when I walked through the door.
"In my room." By the time she finished her sentence, I was in front of her bedroom door. I had raced up the stairs two at a time. I knocked on the door waiting for approval to enter. I had learned from previous experiences to knock before I entered her room. I'd get scolded or yelled at or even slapped depending on the severity of what I had seen from entering too soon.
"Mom," I started to say once I had entered, "Something happened at school."
She looked up from the magazine she was reading. "Oh?" She cocked her head to the side.
"I...um...got bullied."
"Aww, sweetie, what happened?"
I sat down on her bed. "Yeah. It's been happening for a while. It just wasn't very bad, until now." My heart started racing. "During science I got locked in the back room with Jeremy. He's been the one who bullies me the most." As I got closer to telling her what really happened my hands started to shake. I felt faint. "And when we were locked back there he pushed me to the ground and called me a slut." Oh god, "And lunch was next so I figured after that I'd report what happened, but when I did, apparently Jeremy had been there before I was. He lied and said that I forced myself on him when we were locked in the room together. But I didn't, I would never do anything like that. He's repulsive." I sighed. "That's not all either. Betty and the principle decided that Jeremy's story was more believable and now I'm getting in trouble for something I would never do. They told me they were going to call you Monday about it." I looked away from her.
I heard her take a deep breath. "When did this happen?"
My whole body started shaking and I felt tears in my eyes. "Monday. She told me they'd investigate it and tell me the results Friday. I didn't want you to get mad." I could feel the lump in my throat.
"Why would I get mad?" I couldn't help it. I started to bawl. Sobs wracked my body. My anxiety was tearing me apart. "Aww, Eevee, it's okay. I promise."
"How can you promise that?" It was a mere whisper. My voice sounded stressed and broken. For what seemed like an eternity I sat there crying while mom comforted me. I stared at the pale pink wall imagining how much worse life could get. The tears blurred my vision. The paintings and pictures that were hung up blurred together. Just a swirl of colors. My body ached. All of the emotions I felt were buried beneath my skin, fighting to get free. It was a terrible feeling that wouldn't stop once I stopped crying. It was like a monster inside me, clawing to get free. I didn't know how to free it. This was such a new sensation, the pain, it was torturous. The tears finally stopped. I stared at the wall trying to sort out all the events that took place this week. "What are you gonna do?"
She sighed. "I don't know, I mean I'm on your side of course, but Jesus. How did you let this happen, Eve? I know you didn't mean too but still. Why would they do this to you?"
"They hate me. I'm not very likable."
"It's only Friday. We still have a couple days to figure this out, so I'll think about it and when I get the call, what happens happens I guess."
"Yeah," I said half heartedly. I got up and went to my room. What was I going to do about this? What was going to happen to me? To my life because of this? Why did everybody hate me all of a sudden...? I didn't know the answers to any of those questions and it scared me so much. My body ached for answers, and so did my mind. I laid down in bed, hoping answers would suddenly appear. My body was exhausted with the pain of anxiety and stress. I decided to sleep.

 

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 27.09.2017

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Widmung:
I want to just take a moment to thank my close friends and boyfriend for helping me with my struggle. This story is based on my life and struggle I have had with anxiety and depresssion. I still do. But I am a lot better thanks to those people. YOU CAN DO THIS! If you or anyone you know struggles like I have and many other, please seek help.