A life without my love

saying goodbye
alice screamed and i turned around.paul had just finished burning edward.then alices screams were cut off.i ran over to the pile of ashes and knelt down.paul bolted and emmett ran after him.i looked round.carlisle was hugging esme against his chest,rosalie was looking down at the floor and jasper had his eyes closed.ebhind him,pauls mate tina stood laughing.i ran over and broke her neck.rosalie threw a lighted match onto tina.i bloted into the trees.i didnt know where i was going but i ended up in mine and edwards room.no,just edwards room.we moved away a week after i was changed and the two weeks ago we had moved back.edwards room was arranged exactly the same way as it had been when hed first brought me in here.i ran round the room,tipping everything onto the floor before sitting in the corner of the room crying dry tears.

later when the others got home i tidied everything back up,careful not to break anything.they were edwards belongings and the only thing i had left of my true love.my head whipped up as i smelt burning.it was coming from alice and jasper room.jasper was throwing everyhting of alices into the fire.carlisle ran in and put the fire out with a fire extinguisher.
"its your fault bella.you were standing right next to her.you could of stopped paul,coul of saved alice.didnt she mean anything to you atual?"
"of course she did jasper.they both meant the world to me.she was my sister,my friend.but dont forget i lost edward too."
"you did on purpose.you wanted them to die!"jasper shouted.
i growled at him"sometimes youre so stupid jasper.do you really tink i wanted them dead.that i want to live without them!"i slapped him.his head didnt even move.he pushed me back and we both went ove the top of the upstairs railing.my back hit the floor.jasper pinned me down.
"your a liar isabella swan."
i kicked him off of me and threw him into the wall.carlise and esme were at my sides pulling me back.roslaie and emmett were doing the same with jasper.i gave up and let carlise and esme pull me into the kitchen.i sat on a chair and put my head against the worktop.
"im sorry,"esme was stroking my hair and carlisle gave me a false smile.too worried and upset for it to be a real one.his family was falling apart around him and he couldnt do anything to stop it.
i ra upstairs to edwards room.id been married to him for only thirty years which isnt very long for vampires.i promised to love him and protect him.i couldnt even do that.when he thiught that id died he went to the volturi.thtas what i shall do.go to the volturi and ask to die.if they shall refuse me then i will show myself to the humans.i cant live in a wrold where he dosent exist so i will be with him again.for better or for worse.
i wrote a letter to the cullens

my dearest family,
i can see what me staying is doing to all of you.esmes upset,carlisles the angriest that ive ever seen him.rosalie just sits and does nothing,emmetts lost his spark and jasper hates me.im just starting fights.your better off without me.
ive gone to the volturi.by the time you read this it will probably be too late.dont come looking for me,you know what aro will do if you try and stop him.tell jake goodbye and renesmee sorry and that i love her.you can all move on with your lives now,without me.goodbye and sorry.
bella
******************************************************

the volturi
i left it on the sofa.they would get it but by then it will be too late.i jumped out of the upstairs window and ran.i caught two planes to itlay.taking the exact route that alice and i had taken years ago in our attempt to save edward.we had succeded.

jane was the first one that i saw.she stared at me with her red eyes.
"it wont work jane."
"what are you doing her bella?and withou edward or the cullens.
"id like to consort with aro."jane led me into the jall where all of the main volturi were waiting,along with the guard.aro put his hand out and he took it,allowing him to read my thoughts.
"oh such as shame,"he said letting me go.
"now you know what i have come for."
"indeed,"
"and your answer is?"
"your gift is too valuble to destory.however the offer of joining us is still there."
"i have to decline the offer,"
"oh perhaps your daughter will be intrested."
"no.we have proven that she is no threat.renesmee is happy and in love."
"the matter remians the same we wont destroy you."
"you know it will happen anyway,"
"not without cause,"said demetri
i nodded and walked away.

all afternon i thought of ways to provoke the volturi and why it wasnt a good idea.i made a list:

1)feed on a human-no would let carlisle and edward down

2)kill a human-take a innoccent human lfe.no.

3)lift a car over my head-no to obvious.the cullens would hear about it and rush to stop me.

4)attack the volturi-no they might go after my family instead of me

5)walk out into the sun

i couldnt think of a reason not to do number 5.its simple and what edward had tried doing.i quickly changed into a sleeve-less top and shorts.i ran outside and sat on the ground.all i had to do was wait till mid-day.the sun would make my skin shine like diamonds and the humans would surely notice.the volturi would have to act fast and would have no choice but to destroy me.
then the smell of fresh blood caught my attention.
i cant go,i thought.its been three weeks since i hunted,ill kill the girl.but her heartbeat was getting slower.so without even thinking about it i ran to her.she was about 12 years old and dying.i scooped her up in my arms and ran to the hospital.i checked her in
"take her to room 547,"i aid her on the bed and wlaked out.the smell was burning my throat and i didnt know how much longer i could resist.i walked round the corner at human speed and saw carlisle.he was wearing his doctors uniform with a stethascope round his neck.he turned around
"bella!"
i ran over too him,a little bit too quickly and threw my arms around him.
"carlisle,im sorry."he pulled me off of him and looked at me.
"what are you doing here carlisle?"
"we moved here two weeks ago and this is my new job wee old job but.what are you doing here?i thought you went to the volturi to di-"
"they said no,so i was going to provokethem when i smelt blood."carlisle face turned to concern"i didnt hurt her carlisle."
he noddecd and walked into the room where id left the girl.
"this is an animal attack,"he said.i knew what he meant by animal,a vampire.
"whats her name?"carlisle aked looking at me.
"i dont know,"
"its paige."the girl said opening her eyes.then she fell back asleep and carlisle said that we should let her sleep.
"can i see esme.its been a while."
he nodded."its been three weeks.the whole atmosphere has been different without you."he drove me out of the main city and down a hidden road.there were trees either side of us.i gasped when i saw the house.it reminded me of a cottage,but bigger.carlisle went inside the house first.
"esme,emmett,rosalie,emily,youlle never guess whos back,"
emily who is emily?but before i had time to voice my question emmett swung me up into a hug.
"its nice to have you back little sis,"
when he put me back on the ground esme hugged me,delicateley like i was human.even rosalie hugged me.then i noticed the girl sitting on the stairs.she was wearing jeans and a blue shoulder top.her hair was straight,balck and went just past her shoulders.she looked young,young enough even to still be called a child.
"bella this is emily the new addition to the family."
"hi,"
"mum!"renesmee shouted from up the stairs.she ran down and flung her arms round my neck.jacob came down after her at human speed.
"hey jake,"
a look of anger came across his face.
"im sorry."he hugged me.
"dont you ever run off again."
******************************************************

more complicated
i noticed that jasper wasnt here.so when it was just me and emmett in the living room i asked."wheeres jazz?"
"upstairs.second door on the left.make sure you count them cause the firsts mine and roses,"
"is he still mad?"
"hard to say.he never comes out.he hasnt hunted in 4 weeks now."
i knocked on the door.there was no reply so i went in.jasper was sitting on the sofa with his back to me.his room was only half full from all of the things he had burnt.on the floor infront of him were the torn up pictures of alice.which gave me an idea.i ran downstairs.
"esme,did you move my photo album?"
"yes we moved everything of yours and edwards."she went over to a cupboard and pulled out my photo album.i layed it on the table and opened it,searching for the picture.i didnt have many pictures of alice but jasper needed the meomory more than me now.i took it out of the album and ran back up the stairs.i held it out for jasper to take but he didnt so i layed it on the sofa next to him.he picked it up.
"why are you giving me this after ive been so mean to you?"he asked.he still sounded a bit angry and his southern accent came through.
"i understand.at least you didnt go to the volturi."i looked at the floor.
"youre so sad.whats wrong?"
i quickly put my shield up."the vloturi are gonna come after me,arent they."
jasper nodded"we'll protect you,"
"im not worried about mysself.im worried about evryone else.jake,renesmee,my family,emily,she cant be that old and cant fight."
"youre right,"a voice murmured.jasper and me both looked up at the same time.a girl was standing in the corner of the room.her red hair tied back into a neat bun.she looked like a vampire.
"hello bella,jasper.im alisha and the vloturi are the least of our problems.

we were all in the living room.even i could feel the tention so i could imagine what it was like for jasper.
"who are you and what do you maen?"
"my name is Alisha grey.my family are called the hunters.many years ago we lived happily until the vampire wars.then my kind have sworn not to stop klling until every vampire on earth has benn destroyed.only some of us didnt think this was right.we hid.we call ourselves the good hunters much like you call yourselves vegeterians."
"how many good hunters are there."esme asked
"there were six of us origionally but now only two of us are able to fight."
"what happened to the others?"i couldnt help but ask
"my father is holding me here,so i remain undetected to the other hunters.my mother died.my aunt has been captured.me and my brother are the only true ones left."
"but you said there were six of you."
"there are but the last one remains hidded.she is half hunter half human.well half vampire.my mother died changing her.we hoped that we would never have to call.we wanted her to live like a human and die like one.we swore thta she would only be used as a last hope for both or species."
jasper came over and put his hand om my shoulder."you mean bella dont you."alisha nodded.
"so whos coming after us?"emmett aked a grin back on his face.
"the volturi,hunters and paul."
"ok how do we fight them?"jasper asked
"no.none of you are fighting them."
"why not theyre after us,"
"i nearly revealved myself to the humans so the volturi want to destroy me,im a vampire and i killed pauls mate."
"youre not the only vampire,"
"i will train you to fight my kind,but i cannot help you with the vampires."we all nodded in unison,including jacob.
training will start at 6 ocklock.we all wondered off to do our own thing.i decided to go and see emily.she was curled up on her sofa.if she could cry then she would of been.i walked over and sat beside her.
"whats up?"
"im gonna die arent i."
"no of couse not,"
"bella i dont know how to fight.ive never even been in a war."
"me neither not one like this.dont worry ill protect you."she nodded.
"so how old are you?"she asked changing the subject.
"52,but i look 18.you?"
"16 and a few weeks,"i stoked her hair.
"what happened?im sure you know my story,"
"yeah.i was chasing my little brother through the woods when something moved behind me.i went to investigate thinking it was thomas.well it wasnt.next thing i knew carlisle was talking to me.but i ran off to find my brother.i found him and carried him home.then came the hardest part saying goodbye.you see my parents were useless.they left me to look after thomas.i put him down and promised to come back soon but it will be at least a year."
"how do you know my story?"i asked
"its kinda my gift,"
"what seeing how people changed."
"seeing peoples pasts,i can remember everything about my human life."
******************************************************


training
esme called us down at 8 oclock.carlisle had emptied the garage so nothing would get broken in the living room.we were put against and opponent.carlisle and jacob,esme and rosalie,jasper and emmett,me and renesmee.emily didnt want to join in for a bit.after the first round only me,jasper,rosalie and jacob were still in.then rosalie and jacob were out and i had to fight jasper.he was so quick and within a matter of minutes he had me pinned down on the floor teeth at my throat.jasper laughed and helped me up.
"not fair,"
"well i never cheated."he laughed again.we kept practising all night.jacob fell asleep in emmetts jeep.despite the upcoming danger this was the happiest we'd been in a long time.me and jasper even managed to get emily fighting.partly tot do with the fact that we were winding her up.she wasnt very fast but she was strong.stronger than emmett.but me and jasper had skill on our side.then i realised something.i was falling in love with jasper.i ran out of the room.
about ten minutes later alisha came to find me.
"what would edward think of me now?im in llove with his brother.and alice jasper is her husband."
"alice and edward dont mind bella.as long as your both happy.
"how can you be so sure?"
"i can talk to them.move between different dimensions."
"can i-"
"no.if you had been trained to use your powers from birth they you would be able to."
"teach me something please."
"ok but only something small."she sat dowm next to me."now close you eyes and feel for the enrgy.they when youve found it push it out.try and aim it at a certain part of your body like your hand."as she spoke i found the energy and i focused on pushing it out.
"bella,"alisha whispered"look,"i opened my eyes and looked.my hand now held a blue ball of swirly energy.
"every hunters is a different colour.they change considering on how good or bad you are.yours is a good one."
"what colours yours?"i asked.
"pink."
"whats the scale?"
"they go pink,blue,orange,green,red and black.most hunters are green.except-"
"whta?"
"there is a legend that one day a hunter will go completely bad."

there was a growl from the next room.i ran to see.jacob was a wolf and everyone was crouch ready to attack a human looking boy in the doorway.alisha ran in front of him.
"everyone calm down,this is mt little brother ben."everyone seemed to relax at once.jacob went out of the room to change and everyone else spread out across the room.ben walked up to me
"so your isabella,thought i could smell magic."
alisha turned to be"when will they arrive?"
"tomorrow as planned."
emmett walked over and ruffled my hair."so wha you doing?"
"cant you hear us?"
"nope neither of you three have said a word.
"WHAT!"i shouted.everyone turned to me
"well heard that."emmett said
"we were talking telepathically."alisha explained speaking outloud.
"so what we you talking about?"
"we fight tomorrow evening,"i informed him."they will arrived at about the same time.
"whos the strongest volturi?"
"jane,shes not the strongest but the most deadly.only i will be able to fight her,"i whispered.she nodded her head and began another conversation with her brother.i blocked it.talking like this gave me a headache.carlisle stood in the centre of the room.
"i think we should all be prepared for the worst.there will be casualties and possibly deaths."we all moved round the room saying goodbye to each other.emmett bear hugged me.esme and carlisle gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek.rosalie hugged me tighty like emmett.jacob walked over and put his hand out.i knocked it away and hugged hi."dont be so formal."emily kissed my forehead and then renesmee ran over to me."i love you mum,"
"i love you too."then everyone wandered off.spending the last few hours with their soul mates.i went off with jasper.he sat me on his lap.i sighed and he leaned in a kissed me on the lips.his kiss brought with it passion.when we drew back he tucked a stray hair behind my ear.
"i think im in love with you bella."
"me too,"iwhispered,pulling his body closer to mine.our lips met again and i felt no regret for what i was doing.his scent was even stronger than edwards had been.id never been this close to jasper to notice before.i stroked his cheek with the back of my thumb.he looked down
"whats the matter?"
"thinking about tomorrow,"
"you'lle be okay.youre a good fighter jasper."
"but what if you dont survive?"
"it'll be alright,"i whispered,dodging the question.he looked up.his golden eyes full of desperation.i layed my head on his chest.he played with a strand of my hair.
"we should tell the others."i told him
"after the fight."i nodded.id been doing that a lot lately.
"jazz,"
"mmm,"
"how can you love me when im not really anything,"i mumbled
"you are.youre just unique.i stroked his cheek.
"jasper will you do something for me?"
"anything."
"if i die before the end of the battle,protect emily.shes scared jasper and shes still just a child,"he just nodded
******************************************************


battle
the morning came too quicly,bringing back with it the reality that some of us will die in the battle.my family were going to die for something i did and for what i was.we all lined up outside the house.me and jasper were in the front line with jacob just behind us.i could hear them all coming,the volturi,the hunters,and paul with his coven.there was no way we could win this.about 126 creatures longed for our deaths.i looked at emily,if she could cry then she would of been.

the volturi ran up first.we charged at them taking some of the easier ones down without breaking stride.then i faced jane.she was smilng at me.i didnt know why.she knew that her gift didnt work on me.something hit me from behind.my head hit the floor.demetri dragged me up and held me infront of him.jacob appeared out of nowhere and killed jane and demetri instantly.
"thanks jake,"he nodded his head.i hadnt relised before but we were surrounded by the hunters and pauls coven.half of them were newborns obviously created for this purpose and this purpose alone.i felt sorry for them.even if they survived the battle they would be destroyed.they had no choice on the matter,die in battle or die after.emily screamed.i looked round and paul was biting her repeatedly on the arm.i ran over and pushed him away from her,sliding into a crouch.
"protective are we,"he laughed
"since you killed my husbend,yes extremely."
"i had no choice on the matter,it was himor me.you on the other hand didnt have to kill tebina."
"you didnt have to kill alice,"
"suppose not.guess she was just at the wrong place at the wrong time."
i growled at him."how can you see killing as fun?"
"not fun,necessary,"i lunged at him and he dodged my attack,i swung him round.i bit into his neck and ripped him apart.setting him on fire as i walked away.

i looked across the battle field.we were losing.everyone was fighting more than they could.we were fighting an unwinnable battle.but there was a way.alisha and ben were too weak to use their powers but i wasnt.i ran over to ben and alisha.
"give me the power,"
"no bella,its too powerful.you could die."
"and my whole family is going to die if i dont do this."
"are you sure bella?"ben asked
"utterly sure.please,"
alisha and ben held there glowing power balls.they blew them at me and i could feel the power.
******************************************************


death is the gift of life
i turned to face the battle.i summoned my power,but it was no longer blue.it had gone completely black.
"FOUL CREATURES WHO FREATEN MY FAMILY I SEND YOU BACK TO WERE YOU CAME FROM.YOU CAN NEVER RETURN OR I WILL SHOW YOU NO MERCY.THIS IS YOUR FINAL WARNING!"everything spun and i fell against the cool grass.i was dying and i welcomed it.no more would i feel the torture of edward and alices deaths.i would be with them.the rest of my family would be alright,they had each other.jasper had promised to look affter emily.esme and rosallie had there soul mates and renesmee had jacob.theybwould survive and one day be happy again.

people were calling my name over and over again.someone was holding my hand.i knew that i wasnt on the grass anymore because it wasnt damp.all the voices were mixed up so i listened more carefully.
"please wake up bella,please.carlisle whats wrong with her?"
"i dont know.theres no reason.no physical injuries,"
"of course not the power ccomes from her mind,"
someone stroked my cheek and someone else was crying.i heard jasper stand up and then there was a loud crash.then i realised something.my family needed me.i let my eyes flutter open and esme was immedialtley at my side.
"bella honey,are you alright?"
i nodded,taking in the scene around me.renesmee was in jacobs arms sobbing.esme and carlisle had the same upset expression,rosalie crushed herself against emmetts chest.jasper had his head against the wall and alisha and ben stood in the corner of the room,there faces filled with concern.i sat up.my head hurt.what was going on?im a vampire.
"yes but your a hunter too.and hunters can get hurt."alisha said
"what you can hear my thoughts!"
"weve always been able to read your thoughts bella."
emmett walked over to me and gasped."youre eyes are black!"
"do you need to hunt?"
"no,"i shook my head"what happened?"
"you were floating,surrounded in this swirly black stuff.you were shouting in some weird sick language."emmett laughed
"but i was speaking in english,"
"we didnt hear any english bella."
"its the lost language of the hunter."ben whispered.even alisha looked confused
"in the legend of the council of hunters it was said that they only ever spoke one launguage.when vampires destroyed them the language was lost.they were the only ones who knew it,"
"lay off the history,"alisha mumbled
"so how did i speak it when the language died out?"
"have no idea."
renesmee walked over to me and i hugged her.she was truly scared.she put her hand on my cheek in order for me to read her thoughts.she showed me floating with the magic and power floaing around me.i was shouting in a different language just as emmett said i had been.i shivered and the image stopped.
i brought my power out and it was blue again.i held it in my had staring at it.renesmee reached out and touched it,then recoiled her hand back.
"ouch,thats hot bella,how can you keep that on your hand?"
"it dosent hurt me,"i shrugged then let it go again.the magic dissappeared.
"everyone i have to tell you something important."alisha said."alice knew that edward and her were going to die and she told him.they couldnt tell you but instead wrote these and asked me to give them to you after,"she said handing out letters.
i got two.one from alice and another from edward.i opened alices first,hoping it would be less painfull,i was wrong.

dear bella,
if you are reading this then you ahve either won the battle or alisha has given you the letter to early.ever way this means that im dead.dont feel sorry for me because it had to be done.if i had survived then you wouldnt of won.i cant explain so just trust me.you are my sister and i love you.the only thing that i would of changed was your fashion sense.alisha showed me the future,that you and jazz are in love.i dont mind bella.she also showed me my past.keep reading if you want to know it.
goodbye sister,take care of jasper
alice
i had a normal childhood until i was 12 years old.we moved house and i had no idea why.when i would ask my father about it he would shout.but then one day these men came into our house.they were carrying guns and knives.5 shots were fired killing both my parents instantly.me and my sister cynthia were tied up and tortured.the police fiund us later and gave custardy over us to our grandparents.a month later i started seeing visions.me grandmother put me in a mental assylum and i never saw my little sister again.

i wiped a dry tear from my eye.the tradgaties of alices past upset me more than my own.i opened edwards letter next.

my deares wife,
bella,alice has told me that me and her are going to die.dont feel sad for me.i love you more then youlle ever know,more then antone has ever loved anyone before.alice has told me that your in love with jasper and i dont care as long as youre happy.everything will work out in the end.please dont do anything stupid and look after are daughter,she needs you.isabella marie swan cullen i love you and i will forever.
your husband edward

his letter was short but sweet.i looked up and jaspers expression frightened me.he was so angry but upset at the same time.i felt it slowly consume me.i grabbed his hand and pulled him onto the sofa with me.i pu my head on his chest and slowly the emotions in the room all turneed calm.
"what did yours say?"he asked.
"why they died,alices past,that edward loved me and that they were both okay about me and you.what about yours?"
"pretty much the same,"
i looked at the letters in my hand before tearing them up.jasper caught my hands.
"what are you doing?"
"this isnt them.i dont want to remember them like this.i cant.i want to remember the happy times.when i first met edward,when alice would drag me out to go shopping.okay that wasnt happy for me but alice was."jasper nodded ,letting my hands go.i threw the ripped up letters into the fire.i watched the paper crumple and slowly turn to ash.
"i could bring them back.cant hunters travel to the dead?i could bring them back."
"are you sure that is what you wish bella?"
"of course its what i wish alisha,"
"very well."she said gently touching my head.
******************************************************


true realisation
everything was white now as i looked around the room.until i spotted alice black spiky hair.i smashed into her.pulling my arms round her neck.
"alice youre so stuoid you know."i shouted at her.
"i didnt see this coming,"she laughed.i let her go and hugged edward instead.
"youre stupis as well,"i mumbled.edward kissed my cheek,my forhead,but never my lips
"you belong to jasper now,"he explained
"edward,alice,i can only stat for a minute before i get pulled back.but if you take my hands then you can live too,"they both shook their heads at the same time.
"bella,even if we wanted to go back,the moment we were alive again time would reverse itself to before the battle.but it would be different.me and edward would be in the fight which would mean you had never met alisha and ben.our whole family would be dead bella," i hugged alice tightly and kissed edward.then i let go and was brought crashing back down into reality.

Impressum

Texte: all the characters belong to stephanie meyer except paul,his coven,alisha,ben,emily and the hunters are mine
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 03.10.2010

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