i still love you jake

prologue
he was still willing to die for me but i wouldnt let him do that anymore.i would die for him.the others werent here yet and i dont think that they'lle get here in time.please alice see me.see that im in trouble and come and rescue jake.please

pure hatred
we travalled the world looking for jake.sounds wierd,vampires actually looking for a werewolf.but i didnt care.all i knew was that jacob was hurting and it was all my fault.the least i could do was was say sorry.jasper didnt really want to look for a werewolf but he didnt want to leave me.he truly knew what it felt like to rely on human blood and then having to stop so suddenly.jasper acted like my shield.overprotective at times but helpful.
we were in australia when edward headr jacobs thoughts.
"hes close."
"lets go then."
"bella he knows our scents.only you can go to him or he will run away."
"fine,where is he."
"down the beach."
"is he still angry?"edward didnt answer so i knew that jacob was.i took my shield down'is it really bad?'
he nodded his head.

i ran to the beach but slowed down when i saw jacob.he looked at me and walked away.suddenly we were both surrounded by vampires.
"get out of here bella,"jake whispered
"never."
jacob was still willing to die for me.even if i was a vampire.i turned arounnd to face him.his clothes were strewn across the floor in tatters.a wolf stared back at me.a vampire grabbed hold of me and tossed me into the sea.i swam back in a matter of milli seconds.but they already had hold of jacob and as soon as i stepped on the beach they had me too.one of them bit me.i hoped that they wouldnt bite jacob.he would rather die than become one of us.i lowered my shiled again.'edward help plea-,'my thoughts were cut off by another shot of venom.then they were pulled off of me.i looked over.alice and edward were just destroying the last one.jasper ran over to me.he ripped off the bottom of his shirt and tied it round my arm.then he walked over to jacob.
"edward said that you might need these.looks like he was right."he gestured to a bag sitting just in the trees.jacob ran off in its direction.
alices face went blank."bella call your mum.its about katie."
i already had my phone in my hand and was dialling the number.
"hello,"
"mum."
"oh bella."
"any news from katie yet?"
"yeah.she came home a few hours ago.we still dont get along so shes going into care."
"no mum,"i looked up at edward and he nodded."she can come and live with me."
"bella youre too young,"
"im nearly 20."i stopped.what i had just told my mum was a lie.i would never be 20.i was frozen at 19."she can come and live with me mum."
"are you sure bella?"
"of course."
"when do you want her?"
next week i suppose,"
i hung up.jasper.edward and alice went home to tell carlisle.jacob came out from the trees.
"im sorry jacob,"
"dont bella.i changed first,"
"suppose you did."
"so,what was the phone call about?"
"do you remember my sister katie?well shes coming to live with me."


katie
we took three cars to the airport.jacob came to.i was in a car with edward and jasper as alice wanted to ride with esme.
katie came running out of the airport and flung her arms round my neck.
"hey katie,"
"hi."
katie looked round at all of the faces.
"oh.this is edwards family.carlisle,esme,alice,rosalie,emmett and jasper."
"hello,"
"oh and this is my frriend jacob black,"jacob was just staring at her.
"hi,"
"jacob.you had to."growled edward.
"what is it?"i asked
"jacob just imprinted."
katie rode in the back of jaspers car with me and jasper.for some reason jasper didnt want to drive so edward volunteered.he looked at katie like he was confused.she didnt notice but i did.i asked edward.'whats up with jazz?'
"confused,"edward whispered.too quiet for katie to hear but easy for me.when we got to the cullen house i tokk katie upstairs to her bedroom.alice had decorated it so i knew it would be over the top.but that was okay.katie was a bit more over the top than me anyway.
"so what do you think?"alice asked.
"i love it!thank you alice,"shouted katie hugging alice.we all had to act like humans around the house now.but the worse part was that if we were in the house at dinner time we had to eat human food.when i was human edward told me that human food tasted like dirt to vampires and he was right.usually me,edward,alice and esme ate dinner with katie.emmett,jasper and rosalie were always out at that time of day and carlisle was lucky enough to be working.after dinner we went into the front room and watched tv.everyone came home then and joined us.then jasper leapt onto his feet.
"stop it.were scaring katie."he shouted.
"im okay jasper."katie whispered.
"right of course you are,"jasper said sitting back down.he put his head in his hands.
"what was that all about?"emmett asked.
"i dont know.it felt like katies mind was controlling me.some of her feelings dont make sense."
"he means the way you act."esme said.
"stop it."yelled katie"i know what you all are.ive worked it out.youre skin is like marble and is as cold as ice,your eyes change colour,you never seem to sleep and you speak like your from different times.none of you are actually the age that you say you are.except bella because shes still a newborn.your vampires,"
"we're not."carlisle said.edward,emmett and jasper suddenly lunged at carlisle.i knocked him out of the way before any of them could hurt him.
"im so sorry carlisle,"edward said.
"its fine."
"ow man that hurts,"complained emmett
"only maria can get inside my head like that.but katies is stronger."
"whats wrong with me?"katie whispered.
"nothing,"i said coming to sit beside her.she put her head in my lap.
"why can she do this?"
"im not sure why or how but she has vampire gifts."
"ive seen.shes been thinking about getting one of us to bite her.she will have three powers.taking someone elses gift,breaking though shields and one that i couldnt see."alice said.
"this is one that you couldnt see.she can get peoples minds and sort of control them.but shes human and she wont be able to control it.it effects me more because i can feel her emotions.and shes trying to do it again now."jasper said wincing as he tried to keep katie out of his head.
"katie."i said
"yh,"when she looked up at me jasper relaxed.
"and it has a more powerful effect on men,"
"but what about carlisle."katie said."i do the same to him as the others but it dosent do anything."
"because his will is stronger."edward said.

"hang on.you want to be bitten."i said
katie looked at the floor as she spoke."yes,"
"no.i wont let you,"
"you became one!"
"out of love.anyway you cant.the volturi would kill you."
"the vol-what?"
"the volturi.a bit like the queen.except older.they kill child vampires.think that they will be too risky."
"fine ill wait till im 16 then,"katie grumbled.
"i still wont change you."
"you're not hte only one who can."she muttered,looking round the room.
"no,"carlisle said finally."we all became what we are for a reason.love,hatred,bad luck."
"or a bear,"emmett added grinning."
"katie i know that look.dont even think about it."
"fine.im going to bed."
"night,"i said.
"whatever"she grumbled.


repeat
a new vampire called michael johnson has joined the family.hes 17 and pretty cool.carlisle found him.michael was trying to die because he had hated what he was.hated killing people.he seems happier now.but katie can control him too.so now we watch katies every move.his gift is amazing!he can see peoples pasts.i was thinking that he might be a relative of alices and because i wasnt paying attention edward read my mind.
"oh,"edward whispered.
"what is it?"
"michael went missing in 1925.three years after alice was changed.it has been logged that he was in the same menatl asylum as alice was,at the same time.both put in by the same parents."
"so michael is alices younger brother."i gasped.
"it makes sense.he has no memory of his life before.he can see everyones pasts except alices and his own.all he remembers is looking for a missing girl who was important to him."
"we should tell them."
"no,we cant."edward said.
"edward,they have a right to know,"
"yes byt they shouldnt,"edward growled walking out of the room.
is edward right,should we keep it a secret?no.id wnat to know about katie.
i ran into alices room.she was redecorating for the 5th times this year.
"hi bella,"
"um alice,i need to tell you something."
"what is it?"
"me and edward were curious about michale so we did some research and it turns out that hes related to you.your younger in fact."
alice sat down on the leather sofa.
"i remember.michael johnson brandon.my brother,"
"no they cant.they cant lock him up in here.hes just a child."alice whispered,rocking backwards and forwards with her head in her hands.
"he alright alice.remember."she wouldnt listen to me.so i ran down the stairs and told michael everything.he raced up to see her.she laid her head on his shoulder.looking at them together like this it was obvious that they were family.

alice told everyone later that night,but edward seemed distracted.
"edward whats wrong?"i asked
"you wont like it."
"i want to know."
"michaels fallen in love with katie,"
"oh,"someone gasper.i spun round and jacob was stood in the doorway,his whole body vibrating.
"esme,keep katie back."i yelled.i looked at jacob.but he was no longer jacob anymore.he was the wolf.he growled and lunged at michael.i stepped in his path.putting myself inbetween him and michael.
"if you want want to get to him then you'lle have to kill me.we will sort this out jake,please."the wolf shook his head.not to say no,to get back his concentrtion.he left the room and reappereared a few inutes later as jacob.
everyone left the room in order for me to talk to katie.
"bella,i love them both."
"but whos do you love more.its not a choice over vaampire or werewolf.its a choice over michael or jacob."
"im in love with jacob.but i think that michael is my true soul mate."
everyone came back in.before anyone had even had a chance to speak michael and jacob were fighting.out of nowhere michaels arm went through the air and hit katie in the chest sending her flying accross the room.she hit her head against the wall.
i ran over to her but she was unconchious.i held my breath because there was a lot of blood.carlisle was at her side in an instant.he was checking her pulse.
"everybody outside."carlisle said.one by one everyone went into the garden.
"bella.go,"edward whispered."ill help carlisle.she will be okay."
i left the room.everyone was spread out across the lawn.
i went over to michael and slapped him round the face.next i did the same to jacob just slightly softer,he was still human.
"YOU IDIOTS.YOU COULD OF KILLED HER!IF EITHER OF YOU TRULY LOVED HER THEN HER SAFETY WOULD COME FIRST NOT WHO SHE WAS WITH."i couldnt control my temper anymore.jasper could feel it and walked over,placing a hand on my shoulder.i let him calm me down slightly.enough so that i wouldnt kill jacob or michael.
"we were stupid im sorry."said jacob.
"go home jake.its getting late and i dont want billy to worry."jacob nodded his head in agreement and ran off through the trees.i sat down on the porch step.my phone rang.
"bella.its katie,"
"whats happened?is she alright?"
"shes in a coma,bella."the phone slid out of my hand and emmett caught it before it hit the floor.my head spun.what if didnt wake up?i would have to make the desicion to kill her.i couldnt.i wouldnt make that choice.she was going to live or michael and jake were going to die.alice took my hand and we ran to the hospital.katie was lying on one of the beds completely motionless.
"carlisle,how bad is it?edward wont tell me.what are the chances of her waking up?"
"theres a 80% chance that she wont."
i hissed and lunged at michael.emmett swept him up into his arms and held him out of my reach.roslaie,alice and esme were desperateley trying to hold me back.i could feel jasper attempting to calm me down again,but this time i blocked him out.
i stormed out of the room.only alice followed me.
"where are you going?"
"to jacobs."
"you cant bella!"
"do you see her waking up alice?"she shook her head.
"but i do see you happy again,"
"shes my sister alice."
"im going to get edward."

i kept on walking.but then edward was in front of me,holding my wrists.i put my head against his chest.giving up my murdurous feelings.
"what if she never wakes up.i have to kill her."
"you wont of killed her,"
"but it will feel that way.i should just bite her,"
"no.bella,you wont have to make that choice.i wont let it come to that."edward promised.
"i want to talk to michael."
"i dont think thats such a good idea,"
"i promise i wont kill him."i went into the waiting room.michael and alice were playing cards."
"carlisle is there somewhere i could talk to michael please."
"my office."carlisle led the way into to his office and shut the door as he left.
"im sorry about what happened-"
"she loves you michael.she says shes not sure but i know she does.do you love her?"
"yes,"
"how can i trust you?how do i know that you'lle never leave her?that you'lle kepp her safe and happy?i dont know what youre tuly like."
"neither did i.until i found alice again.now its clear.ill show you."he put his hands on my shoulders.i was no longer in carlisles office.i was watching a younger michael and alice get taken to the mental asylum.the picture changed to what it was like in the asylum.he was locked up.the only daylight he saw was when the nurses came to give him medecine.there was one final image.he was lost.a dark figure was stalking him.michael cried out in pain as the creature bent over him.then i was back in the office.
"what was that?"
"since i found out who alice was,i can see my entire past,"
"id better go."i said walking out of the room.i needed to talk to someone.not alice or edward though.then i had an idea.'edward can you send jasper to me please.outside the hospital.

jasper walked over to me,a calm feeling washed over me.
"jazz dont.thats not why i wanted you."
jasper looked confused."then why?"
"alice."i mouthed.
he sat down next to me.
"michael showed me his past and alice was in it."
jaspers eyes seemed to get darker."ill kill him!"he shouted,getting up.i grabbed the collar of his shirt.
"dont jasper.it will hurt alice."he stopped struggling when i menchoned alices name.
"you might want to go and see katie.shes worried about something,"
"shes awake?"
he nodded his head.i walked a little too quickly through the hospital and into the room were katie was.she was sat up,looking so breakable.i ghosted over to her.


death for love
"how are you feeling?"
she shrugged"alright."
"she can go home in a few days."carlisle said.i threw my arms around him.he seemed a bit surprised at my action.
"alice wants to go shopping with you."edward said,popping his head round the door.i looked at katie.
"go."she urged"at least i dont have to go shopping for a while."i ran outside.

alice was standing by my car."hope you dont mind driving."
"course not."i got into the drivers seat.alice sat in the passanger and jasper behind her.
"so where are we going?"
"seattle,"
i started driving.like edward i no longer needed to pay much attention to the road.my reflexes were quicker than humans. i pulled over at a service station.alice jumped out of the car to pay for the petrol.
"have you told her about what michael showed me?"
"no."
"me neither."
"is that why youre worried?"
"partly,"
"i would help but that would probably end with a headache."jasper laughed.but the sound of his laughter made me remember my question.one that i couldnt ask anyone else because they would lie to keep me happy.
"jazz,"
"mmm,"
"do you prefer me now as a vampire or a human?"my question caught him off guard.
"well,i like not wanting to kill you.as a vampire you seem to get in even more etrouble than before,"
i laughed"is that even possible?"
"whats wrong now?"jasper asked.feeling my worry get worse.i didnt reply.
"katie,"he guesses.i nodded.
"do they both really love her jasper?i wont let them break her heart,"
"its similiar to you,jacob and ed.except katie loves them both."
"if its like me then she'll end up being a vampire,"i mumbled.i jumped out of the car and ran to the hospital.i didnt realise it but jasper was running behind me and alice was in the car,driving it home.i went round the back of the hospital and jumped through the third floor window.jasper appeared a sew seconds after me.
"that wasnt clever
bella,"i complained.
"nobody saw."
everyone else in the room was just watching us.michael and jake were either side of katie.aal of the others were standing round the room in twos or three's.alice walked in the room.her face blank and empty.
"bella,get katie out of here now,"
"whats wrong alice?"
"the volturi.they know about katie.the gifts she will aquire once a vampire.they want to change her.make her part of the guard."
katie gasped.i sat on the bed and wrapped my arm round her shoulder.
"i wont let them get you,"i whispered.
"with some practise katie could help you protect her.she could use her power on felix and demetri.i dont think it will work on alec."jasper said
"she should learn.but im not planning to let them get that close."i turned to katie."i know your tired.but please try.make them attack me."
"how?"
"i hate you.your not my sister anymore.i should just let aro have you."i could see the anger on her face.then jasper and michael leapt at me from behind.emmett caught my arm and edward caught my other.the were all growling at me.jacob was suddenly growling at me too.but he didnt change into a werewolf.
"enough."carlisle said.katie dropped her eyes and the boys were back to normal.
"i dont think you should wind me up anymore,"katie said
"please dont,"jasper commented.
"what the heck is going on?"jacob shouted.
"right.katie has a vampire ability even though shes human.it only works on men.shes trying to learn to control it.and the volturi are coming after her."i said.
jacob smiled,"so whats the plan,"
"i dont want you to get involved jacob.theres no guarntee that any of us will survive,that you'lle survive."
jacobs voice sounded a bit rougher than before."whats the plan?"
"bella will go somewhere safe with katie and the rest of us will meet the the volturi guard.it might turn into a fight.bella will be the last defense."edward announced.i glared at him.this was the first id heard of the plan.when he married me he said that wed always do everything together.i wasnt going to hide when my husband and family were fighting.
"no,"
"bella dont argue."
"im not hiding while you take all of the risks again.let me fight with you.
he shook his head"ill fight with you."
i turned to jacob"i need you to stay here and protect forks.charlie and billy,"he nodded.
"alice run katie home so that she can pack a bag.we'll meet you at the airport in 20 mins,"said carlisle.alice grabbed katie and jumped out of the window.we all followed her but went the opposite way.

we ran to the airport.using the trees for cover.lucky that it was rarely sunny in forks.edward booked us three flights to southampton.suddenly alice appeared at my side,alice set her on the floor.katie looked truly frightened.
"where are we going?"she asked,her voice breaking at the end.
"southampton,"
"the flight to southampton is now boarding."
esme pulled me in for a hug.so did emmett."please dont do anyhting silly.not till you get back.
alice kissed me on the cheek.jasper said."dont worry,we'll protect her.carlisle wished us good luck and surprisingly rosalie hugged me.


survival
southampton was a good place for vampires.it rained a lot.
"theyre coming."edward whispered.he was speaking from alices mind.he had tried jaspers but his brain was ticking at such speeds that made edward dizzy."theres 20 of them.only six i know.chelsea,renata,demetri,alec but no jane."then edward froze.
"what is it?"
"i cant hear them anymore.all of their minds have gone blank."

"it means we've won,"a child like voice announced.
"i criuched infront of katie."felix,theyre here."
felix walked in,he was wearin the same grey robe as last time.
"how did you find us?"i asked
"demetri,"edward hissed.
"and a little help from your friend.the dog,"i gasped.
"you better not of hurt him!"
"afraid not.aro wanted all of you alive including the mongruel."
"put these on and come with us."felix said,throwing two red cloaks at us.i pulled it on over the top of my clothes.katie took my hand and i pulled her closer to my side,further away from felix.it was pointless fighting because we would lose and katie would have no chance.they put us on a plane.but they split ed and me up.felix sat with edward and jane with me and katie.
"where are the others?"
"with aro.theres nine of you now.where does this new boy fit in?"jane asked,the curiosity burning in her eyes.
"at first not at all.but then we found out that he is alices brother."
"intriguing."
"what does aro want with us.i know his plans for katie but why keep everyone else alive?"
"he plans to offer you,edward,carlisle,jasper and alice a place on his guard.i dont approve,"
"what about the others?"
"dont know."she said"i think i liked you better when you were human,you asked less questions,"
i was quiet then.i made a promise that i would get katie out no matter what the sacrafice.then katie whispered.
"if something happens to me just get yourself out.dont start a fight."

aro greeted us as we walked into the room.he took my hand and edward nodded at me.i dropped my shiled in order to let aro read my thoughts.when he let go i stepped back.the rest of my family were against the back wall,some standing others sitting.each of their faces held a different type of concern.jasper was rubbing absently at his right arm.
"what happened to jasper?"i asked
"stupid boy.he started a fight with them."jane laughed."he was lucky i wasnt here,"
"why?"katie asked
"you'lle see.hope it works on you unlike your sister,"
"wheres jacob?"
"im here,"he said walking into the room and throwing his arms around me.i noticed that aro had taken a step back when jacob had come over.
"may i try?"he asked me,gesturing at katie.
"ask her,"
"of course.katie may i see if your an exception to my gifts as your sister was?"
she nodded and held her hand out.
"mmmm.you wish to become a vampire.so i think my proposal would be perfect for you.we will change you into a vampire if you will join the guard."
"shes not yet 16.she'll be underage."
"we will make an exception,"
"no thank you,"katie said quietly.
"shame.now you know too much and have to diisapear from the picture.felix,"
i stepped infront of katie.felix took a step forward and i slid further into my crouch.all of the cullens ran over.forming a protective circle around katie.jacob was stood next to her in the centre.all of the guard and some of the volturi were using their gifts against us now.jasper fell to the floor as he met janes gaze.then it was my turn.my shield was round katie and for the first time i me the full force that is jane.she was burning me from the inside.demetri took advantage of this and threw me against the back wall.i waited.frozen.any second now would be my last.demeti would kill me.edward would make sure katie got out alive for me.
i looked up and carlisle stood infront of me his hand out.i took it and got up.then then was a sickining snapping sound and one of the heatr beats in the room cut off.jacobs.i turned around and he was lying on the floor,his body unmoving.i ran over to him.katie wandered over too.pure anger and hate ran across her face.
"what did you do?"she shouted,walking towards alec.i grabbed her wrist and spun her round to face me.her eyes were red.not like a vampires but with power.she smiled as alec flew up into the air.then ran back over to jacob and knelt beside him.i sat beside her.katie was shaking.edward came over.
"look after her for a minute,"i whispered.running over to alec.
"you really dont remember what its like to be human do you?to be able to die."
"i cant im a vampire,"
"no you choose not to."
then i walked over to aro."i want to go home.am i allowed."
"go go,"he urged.
i took katies hand and walked out.edward picked up jacobs body and took it with us.


goodbye jake
i put the bracelet on that jacob gave me for graduation.the one with the carved wolf charm.
"bella,were gonna be late.we cant run you know,"edward said from down the stairs.
"coming,"i called.although i was already there.he was wearing a suit,which made his beauty stand out.alice insisted that me and katie wore a dresses.i left my hair loose but katie had pulled it up into a sloppy ponytail.
"esme can i ride with you?2she asked
"of course,"esme said,looking at me.i nodded.recently katie had been avoiding me.i dont know why.maybe it was just her way of mourning.i got in the car with alice edward and jasper.i left my shield down.letting edward read all the unanswered questions in my mind.
"okay,i dont know the answer to that one.you'lle have to ask jasper,"edward said.
"ask me what?"jasper said,looking round at me.
"why did her eys go red when she was angry,"
jasper became very serious."its because shes not a vampire.the power is slowly killing her.no human was ever meant to have that sort of power."
"so my sister dies or becomes a vampire.either way im gonna lose her.so much happy ever after,"

the hole was filled in and my jacob was gone forever.everyone else was told that he ran out into the road.its not a fair story.it makes it seem like suicide not a heroic deed.edward kissed me on my lips.somehow things would get better.i knew they would in time,as everything does.but how do i stop the pain now?

or do i even want it to go?

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 15.09.2010

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