Chapter 1

Entertainment is something I did for a living, it’s not who I am. I’d like to think that I’m pretty normal sometimes, I laugh, I cry, I hurt, I think guys suck sometimes, but when you’re in the spotlight, everything seems good. Sometimes, I feel like I have it worst, because I’ve always got to keep my guard up, I don’t know who to trust, I don’t know who wants to date me for who I am, or who wants to be my friend for who I really am. That is why I am here, starting a new life, trying to sort my life out, trying to get away from all the stress, and to leave my past behind. So if you have a moment or two, I’ll tell you about my journey.

My name is Sweetie Hamilton. I have lived on this earth for nineteen, nearly twenty years. I grew up in the ‘smoke’ – on the violent, gritty dangerous streets of South London, where my bastard of a father walked out, and left his family to face the wrath of the tough London life. Not being able to cope, my mother had a nervous breakdown, and just gave up. She started leaving me and my big brother alone at different times of the night, drinking, bringing home lots of different men, some would even beat her up – but she would still bring them home, and sometimes, for the whole day, she would just lay in bed, completely knocked out – and wouldn’t bother to get up to have a bath, or even to feed herself, let alone us.

What she is normally good at is to argue with my big brother Danny. So at those times- which was most of them time, my big brother-Danny, would go out and try to get us something to eat. I hated seeing my mum like this, I hated living like this. I remember I used to sit in my bedroom, drawing pictures of my fantasy house, and my mum with a big smile on her face. I actually believed that this day would come along- silly me, I should have known that it would never happen.

So, as I grew older, still living with my so called good mum, she got worse- not seeing her for weeks. Danny got a lot bigger, and started to stay out late, with his friends. It seemed like overnight, he had changed into an aggressive person. He came in one night, burst through the door, went straight to the kitchen and worked out with a sharp knife. I was frightened so I was pretending to be asleep on the sofa when he slammed the front door shut behind him, I got up and looked through the window and witnessed him stab a man to death. It was horrible, scary and disgusting.

Eventually, I had to learn how to survive on the streets on my own, seeing as my mum was out of the question- practically dead, she just hibernates herself inside, or disappear off somewhere, for days, weeks or sometimes even months. Danny? He tries to be there, but he’s always “at work”, so he says or he is “taking care of some business.”

Chapter 2

Friday 13th of October – my 16th birthday, I woke up that morning- surprised to see my mum cooking in the kitchen, and have actually remembered my birthday. She gave me a huge kiss on my cheek; I was thinking that it was going to be a good day. The only thing was that Danny wasn’t there, didn't know where he was. But that morning was the only time I remember spending with my mum. Well, I decided I was going to get dressed up, and go out with a few of my mates. It took me hours to get ready.

As i got out the hot bath, I wiped the steamed mirror, and looked into my eyes, telling myself that this will be a night to remember. I wrapped the towel around my body; strolling into my bedroom. After I had moisturised my body, I began to apply my make-up; slapping on my foundation, making sure I had the perfect touch, I dipped my brush into the brown golden bronzer and swirled it onto my cheeks. I decided to wear jade green eye shadow, I wanted to stand out. I then changed my mind to a black, glittery grey, to get that smoky look.

8pm, out with my mates, we all got into a nightclub, it was the most fun I had in ages. I met a really cute guy he was tall, light skinned, soft hair, and had the most gorgeous hazel eyes, he was 19, so I told him I was 18: seeing as I did look it, well I do have a baby face but at the same time I am tall and I have a body to die for. I don’t really remember his name, but I knew for sure that it started with a ‘D’; he was really nice to me and he even bought me and my friends some drink. As the night was coming to an end, it’s almost 2am.

Most of my friend has already gone home apart from – Whitney and Chanel. ‘D’ offered to take me home in his car. I would have said no but he was such a gentleman so it was hard to. He paid for a taxi to get Whitney and Chanel home safely, I was feeling a bit tipsy, so I agreed to get in the car with him and I fell asleep in the back of the car.

Waking up, I did not smell the aroma of my musky abode. Instead I woke up to what I could only describe has a spread in a ‘home’ magazine, or even a 5 star hotel. I sat up in the bed and brushed my hair out of my face. I gathered the silk duvet to my chest, and sat with my chin in my knees. I didn’t know what to do or think. My memory at this stage was very vague. I reached out for my phone, to find that I had 15 missed calls from Whitney and 2 missed calls from Danny. I couldn’t think straight, I had a bad headache.

The first person that I thought of was my mum. But then at the same time there was no point in thinking about my mum because I probably wasn’t on hers. I have been out all night and she probably hasn’t noticed that I’m gone.
I was just about to give Danny a call but I have a huge urge to use the toilet. As I slowly shifted off the bed, into the room came the guy I had met last night, wrapped in a red towel. I suddenly felt embarrassed and speechless, that I froze where I was. He looked at me. But the look made me uncomfortable, I couldn’t look back at him, then the silence broke, he said:

“Sweet cheeks, right?”

I looked up and, adjusting the covers around me I said confidently:

“No, it’s Sweetie”.

He replied sarcastically: “well Sweet cakes, thanks for the night and all, but it’s time for you to go”. Shocked by his reply, I couldn’t get my clothes on fast enough, I even forgot about using the toilet. Now I know what it feels like to be used, guess that was my Friday the 13th bad luck.

Chapter 3

A week later, still couldn’t confess to my friends what I had done, I know this much- they would have disapproved but hey, sometimes a girl got to make her own decisions. I haven’t seen Danny in over a week, my mum’s disappeared again; no surprise there, as usual. I suppose it’s another night out with the girls.

Monday morning, sitting in the head teacher’s office, he says he has his concerns, asking loads of questions and that he has been trying to contact my mum because of my lack of attendance and poor grades. My excuse was that my mum was ill; there I go, covering her back again.

So, there you have it, at then ruthless age of sixteen, I did nothing but party, stay out late, drink, and fail my GCSE’s. I even took up smoking because it looked cool. It was inevitable; Danny’s gone and got himself locked up, so I won’t be seeing him for the next eight years, so it’s just me and mum.

Two years later, I’m now established; Sweetie, the top performer at Venus. The girls and I have got a stag do on; you know what that means- extra bonuses because I’m only on the game for the money. I’m going to be somebody, and get of this dump. I’ve already got at least three grand saved.

I saw that supposedly mate of mine- Whitney, up the high streets, she totally ignored me, stupid cow, wag wanna be- she claims that she works for Ralph Lauran from when we done work experience in year 10. Our friendship just died out, we both went our separate ways.

I’ve arrived at Venus, it was packed, and it was like being in a zoo, all the whistling, hooting and howling. God! I hate my job. 11 ‘o’ clock, Selina had finished her performance; it was my turn for my solo performance.

I sensed a bad vibe tonight, a sick feeling in my stomach. I gulped down a shot of vodka, and the last drag on my cigarette. Here I am twisting and turning like a gymnast… To me the crowd looks like ghouls and devils chanting. I wanted to throw up, the music got louder and louder, I wanted it all to stop. I don’t want to do this neither do I want to chicken out. In that second, I heard a husky voice:

“Over here gorgeous.”

I turned to the direction of where the voice is coming from and saw a middle-aged man. He raised his eyebrows and beckoned me, I looked back to see if Smith was there to protect me from punters like him becausen they weren’t allowed to touch us but he wasn’t. I took the chance to listen to him when he invited me to his table. He seemed like the business type; expensive clothing plus the way he speaks… definitely a business man.

I thought this could be my ‘pretty woman’ moment. I sat and spoke with him by this time another dancer has already taken the stage. I felt there was something familiar about him, but I just couldn’t put my finger on it. At the end of our conversation, he slipped a £50 note in my hand and said:

“I’ll see you next time sunshine.”

Then he got up and left. I remember my Dad calling me sunshine. This is one of the few memories of him I kept to myself. Anyways I dismissed all the thoughts of my Dad because he’s a betrayal.

Chapter 4

I was the last to leave the club that night, as I promised Smith I would help clear up- anything to get a few more bob, and I noticed Smith had been drinking a lot more than usual. I was wiping down the bar top, then all of a sudden, Smith breaks down- starts crying, he starts blabbering on about his wife leaving him: “and she took the kids, what am I gonna do Sweetie?”

I didn’t know what to say, so instead, I went over to him and gave him a hug, and then he started to hold onto me tighter. I tried to pull away, but he slammed me against the bar, I felt helpless, I think I’ve hurt my back, I shouted.

“Smith, what are you doing? This isn’t you!” He snarled at me: “Oh, I’ve got nothing else to lose, c’mon Sweetie, make me happy tonight!!” As he ripped my top buttons apart. I tried to wrestle with him, to let me free, but he got more and more violent, he slammed me head to the floor. The next thing I know, I looked up, and saw him zipping up his trousers, and he said to me: “this will be our little secret, don’t want the other girls getting jealous now do we?” with a smirk on his face, he walked off into his office and left me, spread out on the floor. I got up as quick as I could, tears falling down my face and I rushed out of the building.

I will never forget that night, Smith was like a big brother to me, I thought he was my friend, how can I trust anyone now.

A few days later, I plucked up the courage to go into work, my mum was doing my head in, she’s got yet another new boyfriend, and I needed the money. When I arrived at work, Smith tried to apologize to me, it was hard for me to accept it, so I shrugged my shoulders, and decided I was never going to speak to him again, it’s time for me to move on.

So tonight, I done my shift, said my goodbye’s to the girls, as I was leaving I saw that old familiar friend of mine, you know the business type, I was about to walk through the door, when I felt someone tug my arm, I turned around, it was him, he had the biggest, possible smile on his face; “you alright, Sunshine” he said. Shrugging my shoulders I replied:

“I suppose.”

“Where are you off to?”

“Anywhere, but here.”

“Fancy a drive; I don’t see anything that interests me in here.”
The comment made me smile, but I hesitated, “is this another trap?” I asked myself. But there was something about him, a kind of warmth, a connection, so I thought to myself, how much worse can this get, and followed him to his car, I didn’t ask what his name was.

I’m in his black, Astin Martin, its beautiful, and smell of leather.

“By the way, what’s your name?”

“Just call me, Mr H.”

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 16.01.2012

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