Alive, If That's What I Am

“Nessie! Jake will be here in five minutes!” Alice chirped from the first floor.

“I’ll be ready! Five minutes is all I need!” I replied, scampering across my room trying to slip into my jeans and run at the same time. I almost tripped, but I caught myself on the edge of my vanity.

It had been ten years since the Volturi came and “visited” us. Aro’s face had never left my thoughts. His cold, merciless face. I still don’t know if he could sense my feelings. I'd never been afraid before, of anything. Having a vampire family meant I didn't need to fear anything. But to see my mother, my father, so afraid of someone...it forced me to grapple with an emotion I'd never felt before. And confusion. ]

My father, mother, uncle and aunt had such special gifts. My Aunt Alice said it would take a while before I mastered my gift. She said I’d be about fifty by the time I was an expert, but at fifty, I’d look the same. I guess not aging was one of the perks of being half-vampire. Wrinkles never existed in our world. But it was strange and somewhat sad, having family members that would normally be so much older then you, frozen around the same age as you. Even worse, my powers were shoddy at best. I rarely used them nowadays, wanting nothing more than to pretend to be normal. To just...be normal.

Aunt Alice always made my birthdays special, since they’d be the only birthdays my family could celebrate. Esme, Carlisle, Aunt Alice, Aunt Rose, Uncle Emmett, Uncle Jasper, my mother and father, and Jake were all were in between 18 and 30. It was kinda funny, seeing our family out. We could never be close together in public, or go somewhere all at the same time. It would seem too suspicious having a family of about the same ages walking into a mall or just walking. We had to keep a low profile. When I was “five”, I would pretend it was somewhat of a game. Pretending to be a spy, hiding my identity. I remembered asking Aunt Alice, when we got home, if we could play spies. She never said no to me, and I guess that was a good thing. She was the one person I could look to for anything I wanted. If I wanted to play, or if I wanted clothes, I could go to Aunt Alice, and she would find a way. She would never let us wear the same thing more than three times, so getting new clothes was a factor of life in my family. It was normal, getting new clothes every month. My closet always had to be changed anyway since I was growing so fast. I was inches away from my mother’s height, so I knew I’d get even taller.

I knew that I would stop aging around seventeen or eighteen, and I knew that I had the gift of never ever forgetting anything. No matter how much I wanted to. Sure, never forgetting sounds amazing. Never forgetting the moments of your childhood, those precious moments, and family. But hat also meant not forgetting the scary times, the horrible times, and the nightmares of life. The one moment I wish I could scrape off my brain: my birth. Of course, before I was born, I could hear them, on the outside, beyond my mom’s stomach. I could hear everyone talking about things like my mom’s fate and me. I remember feeling my feet and toes. I remember some of the voices outside calling me things like “monster” and “demon”. My mom called me a he and I really wanted to tell her who I really was. I remember moving ever so slightly and hearing my mother in agony. I felt so guilty. I loved her, but I could not tell her that. She had to wait. This frustrated me. I could hear Jacob’s voice, Aunt Rose’s voice, my mother’s, my father’s, and many others who I didn’t know yet. Then, the horrible memories started. I remember a sudden loss of air, and breaking sounds all around me. I heard the shouts of everyone outside. I remember a cold sensation and my father’s hands scooping me up into the world. I could breathe now. His hands were cold, but I wasn’t afraid, knowing his voice. He said my name, and I learned who I was. I blinked for the first time, revealing a bloody scene. Jacob and my father hovered over my mother. She was so lifeless and weak-looking. A skeleton, living only to give birth to me. A wilted flower. He showed me to her, and I could never forget her face. Her mouth, covered in blood, said my name slowly, as her eyes tried to focus on me. She called me beautiful.

My memories made me upset at times, and I would try to stop remembering. My father could read my mind, which sometimes got on my nerves, so he could tell when I was sad. Jacob could see when I became sad, but after tackling him a few times, I felt better. Of course, I would have to tell everyone else that he “let” me win. My father and Jacob would always tell me, “It was never your fault.” I found that hard to believe. I know it was my mother’s choice, but I still killed her. A guilt I'd carry forever.

“You ready?” I heard Jake call from downstairs. I spent most of my time in my family’s big house instead of my parents drag little cottage. It was too small for my taste.

“Hang on! I don’t have perfect hair when I roll out of bed yknow..." I shouted from the bathroom. My hair had never been cut before, courtesy of Aunt Alice. I always had to give it a quick brush and spray. I glanced at the clock as I rushed down the hallway. 8 am, it read. The exactness of the time annoyed me.

I decided to give up on my hair and roll it into a messy bun, my second favorite hairstyle. The strands of hair that had escaped from my hairstyle bounced as I walked down the stars. It was my everyday clothes, nice, but flexible.

“I see Alice in her a little too much,” I heard my father whisper in my mom’s ear..

I smiled, still walking. Jacob couldn’t stop staring at me, which he always seemed to do. I finally reached the bottom, in time to see Alice and Jasper walked through from the dining room. Jacob gave my aunt headaches, and it would become difficult for her to see. Not see in front of her, but see her visions.

“We have to go. I can’t…” Alice said. She looked at Jacob briefly. “Oh, that’s why,” she finished. She put an emphasis on that. She turned to see me walk towards them, and a slight grin crept up on my face. Alice hugged me suddenly.

“You look amazing! Just don’t come home smelling like dog,” she said. Her voice turned low and almost whispery about the ‘dog’ part.

“I’m just wearing my everyday clothes. Amazing is an overstatement.” I said, blushing.

“Overstatements down apply to you, Nessie,” Jake said with a slight grin.

A surge of color again took over my cheeks. My mother shot a quick glance at Jacob. “We’ll be back around…” I began. My voice trailed off, unaware of the timing. Jacob had said the other day that he had a surprise for me.

“Four,” Jake finished.

I looked at him. Four? Two hours later than usual? What was he thinking…?

“We’ll see you then, Renesmee,” my mother said, putting a bit of force on my full name. She never took to ‘Nessie’ as well as I had.

Why was everyone but me in on this surprise? Like my mother, I hated surprises. But I never shot them down.

I sat on the motorcycle and put my helmet on. Jacob had gotten me a helmet, which I never thought I needed. Stone skin, remember? But Jake said, when it came to my safety, he would never cut corners. He never wore a helmet. He never had to worry about helmet hair. Ugh…

Jake raced down the road as fast as he could, as though he was trying to shake the vampire smell off me. Jake’s smell wasn’t perfect either. He smelled like cinnamon and smoke from a campfire, but I always found it appealing. I think the difference in smell has to do with taste all the same. My family can't eat human food, or partake in barbeque.

Every time Jake hit the gas, I held on tighter. I could tell he was laughing, but he stayed quiet, knowing I would punch him later.

We reached La Push around nine. It was cloudy, and the coast was frigid. It was September, so Washington’s cold was at its peak. Jacob didn’t feel it, but I did. When we hopped off the cycle, the only part of me that was warm was my stomach. I hated that I always got cold, even though I was just 1° off Jacob’s temperature. But even though I was warm to everyone else, I was cold on the inside.

“It’s so cold,” I said, placing the helmet on the handlebars before my hands retreated into my armpits. Jacob came over and hugged me. The sudden rush of warmth made my teeth stop shattering.

“Better?” he asked.

“Much.”

“Good. Cause we’ve got something planned that you can’t be cold for.”

“Where’s Seth?” I asked. Jacob wasn’t exactly the best cook in the world, but I was, if I do say so myself. I’d always loved cooking for Jacob, Seth and Nate. Jacob didn’t like it, since he said it was like I was their maid. He said I was better than that, but I saw it as having a special, big sister bond to the pack, even though I was the youngest. Leah would resist my cooking, saying I’d probably poisoned it.

“He’s probably out with Nate on patrol. He’ll be back in time to eat."

“He’s always back in time to eat,” I replied, giggling a little.

I made what I usually made. Eggs, toast, waffles, bacon, sausage, hash browns, and if I had enough batter, I would make pancakes. I know it doesn’t seem usual, but since I had eternity, I could waste as much time as I wanted.

The rush of breakfast smells made Jake’s mouth water. My ears could hear the faint patterns of paws getting closer. Nate and Seth, no question. Jake’s cabin wasn’t far from Sam’s, so we visited often. Suddenly, the paws stopped, now I could hear footsteps. They paused for about thirty seconds, and then they started running. Nate and Seth were about the same age. Two twenty-six year olds, who looked and acted like freshly eighteen idiots, were definitely hard to keep in line. Jake did it, somehow. Seth stormed through the house first, Nate followed.

“What’s on the menu, Nessie?” Seth called as he reached the kitchen.

I placed three platters full of food on the table. Seth dove in, not listening for an answer. Jake followed. I never knew how they could eat so much and not explode. Nate sat down and stuffed his face like the rest. I would laugh my head off, watching them. I’d probably eat two pieces of toast. I could eat human food, but not much. I’d have to be careful. When I was seven, I had too much human food and threw it all up. Toast would suffice.

“My food must have drugs or something in it. Or nobody feeds you guys,” I said, smiling as I reached for Seth’s plate. Licked clean.

“Probably drugs,” Seth replied, happily filled. We both laughed. Nate finished afterwards, then Jake.

“Come on, Jake. You’re last again?” I asked sarcastically.

“I beat them at everything, I think I could at least let them have this one,” Jake said. He punched them both lightly on the shoulders.

“So… What’s the big surprise Jake?” I asked, seeing of my amazing breakfast would make him crack.

“It’s coming,” Jake said with suspense. Nate and Seth laughed quietly. They knew too!

“You guys are so unfair,” I whined. My hands went to work cleaning the dishes; I was fast.

“Guy code. We can’t tell,” Nate said, as though he had repeated something Jake told them.

“Well, ‘guy code’ sucks,” I said. “And it’s not ‘guy code.’ It’s wolf code.”

They laughed, but my surprise was still a secret, and I wasn’t amused. Seth and Nate left the house, telling Jake that they’d be gone for a little while. I caught Jake wink at them, and punched him for it.

“What was that for?” he asked.

“You know I hate surprises.”

“Not this one. Your definitely gonna like this one.”

I rolled my eyes. Of course, I didn’t believe him fully, but hey, I had to give him a chance. So I bet most people would wonder, “What does a half-human, half-vampire and a werewolf do all day?” Well, we usually go hiking, swimming, running, or anything else we can think of. Time doesn’t apply to us.

“So, whatcha wanna do today?” Jake asked.

“Umm…”

I never knew the answer to that. I never found something to be appealing unless Jake suggested it first.

“I got an idea…” Jake said, trailing off as he walked down the hall. I followed, wondering. “We’re going to Sam’s place,” he concluded.

What’s at Sam and Emily’s place? I wondered.

Dinner with Wolves

We reached the small house and were greeted by howls and yelling. The pack all rushed out to meet us; the group was only few. Most of the younger kids were either in school, or had moved on from Forks at this point. Ten years is a long time and many of the Quilluete boys that phased during our standoff with the Volturi had been given permission to move forward with their lives. Some of them moved town, some moved states away to live the normal human life. Ten years... Too long to stick around to the same town with the same nine vampires in it...eight and a half I guess.

“Have you told her yet?” Quil said, unable to contain himself. Paul elbowed him in the ribs.

“No, he hasn’t,” I said, looking up at Jake.

“It’s driving her insane,” Jake said, with a satisfied look on his face.

“You know, every second I don’t know, I’ll be expecting this surprise to be better and better.”

“Yeah, I know.”

Emily came out and hugged me, followed by Leah, who just walked passed me.

“She looks happy,” I said sarcastically.

“Leah needed some…girl time. Oh, and guys, there are donuts on the…” Before Emily could finish, they all rushed inside. Jake looked at me with his puppy-dog stare. “Go,” I permitted, rolling my eyes. He rushed in after them as I continued talking to Emily.

“So, where is this ‘surprise’ at?” I asked hopefully.

“No way. I’m not ruining this. I mean, Jake’s surprised that you don’t remember.”

A sudden rush of guilt came over me. What had I forgotten? Was it important? Was it hurting his feelings?

“It’s not anything to worry about,” Emily assured me. She could probably see the worry and guilt on my face.

“So…” Jake began, still stiffed with muffins. “Guess what we’re gonna do today?”

“What?” I asked bluntly.

“Football,” he replied, sounding out the word. My favorite sport to play with the pack. Football. It was always fun, running, tackling, but most of all, winning. There would always be two teams: My team, and Jacob’s team. Of course, everyone wanted to be on my team. But then again, Jacob’s best friends had to stick by him. Even when they’d lose ten to one.

“Excellent,” I said, with a small, evil grin on my face. The guys followed Seth, who ran out on the field holding the ball. I pulled my hair back, every strand becoming contained. I pulled off my scarf, rolled up my sleeves, and ran onto the field.

“Five on Five.” Jake called.

“Quil, Embry, Leah, Jared.” Jake often teamed with Leah, though I wondered if it was simply to keep her off my back, or give me and her some time to really beat on each other.

The four moved over to Jake’s side.

My turn. “Sam, Paul, Seth, Nate”

The other four moved to my side.

“Think you can handle Jacob, Sam?” I asked.

“With my eyes closed,” Sam winked.

We played the only way I knew how: no rules, no boundaries. Of course, I faked a sprain or two, since everyone usually forgot I was stone solid. Jacob had told me how delicate and fragile I looked when I was still or when I slept. I dodged like a bullet. Embry almost got me, but I managed to rip free and score.

“Lucky, but not enough,” Jacob said as he tackled me. I laughed as Jacob ripped the ball from my hands and was instantly attacked by Paul and Nate. “Priceless,” I howled, wiping the mud off my shirt. I heard Jacob cuss under his breath while Paul got away with the ball. 

 

...

“You better know what you’re doing Jake,” I warned as we got on the motorcycle. Jake drove us back to my house. The evening lights were on, and there was commotion inside the house. There were two different stranger cars in the front, and as I hopped off the seat, Alice walked outside to greet us.

“Nessie, Zafrina and Senna are here!” she said loudly. But she didn’t shout. Her words turned to silver dust whirling around our ears. Alice had the loveliest voice.

I felt my face lighten and a smile stretch. I hugged Alice, and then turned to Jacob. He was smiling as wide as I was, and I hugged him, hard. He laughed a little, but his laughing turn to a huff. I let go, realizing I was hugging too tight. Why was I always embarrassing myself?

I considered Zafrina and Senna my aunts, even though they weren’t related to me. I remembered Zafrina when I was young. She loved me and I showed her what I had seen, and vice versa. It was always so right, having her around. I’d visited many times when I was little. I loved the hunting variety, and seeing a world outside of my house. Of course, Jacob came with us, though he didn’t enjoy the big cats as much as me. Zafrina and Senna were wonderful hostesses, always making sure Jake was as comfortably as they could make him. Jake didn’t hate them as much as every other vampire.

Alice, Jacob and I walked inside. The room was decorated beautifully with silver, dark purple. My mother poked her head around the door, and motioned for us to come. We complied, and walked into the family room. There stood Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Aunt Rose, and Zafrina and Senna! Their sister, Kachiri, had been destroyed only a year before our escape from the Volturi’s grasp. We missed her very much, and though I’d never met her, Carlisle said I would have enjoyed her company immensely.

“Zafrina!” I cried, and ran into her arms. She hugged me back, and even for a vampire, she was warm. She wore a black, furry vest over a brown hide, long-sleeve shirt.

“Renesmee, it’s so good to see you,” she said, hugging me a bit tighter. Her strong, slightly accented voice delighted me. Senna stood by her side, quiet as usual. Senna wasn’t much for speaking and socializing, but I always shook her hand. I felt sad when she was left out from the group. Just then, I couldn’t see anything but the wet rainforest. The tall trees towering over me, the warm air filling my lungs. It was a refreshing, beautiful mirage. I blinked a few times, and found myself standing in front of Zafrina and Senna, with Zafrina holding both of my little, pale hands in her large cat-like ones.

“Oh, Zafrina. That was beautiful,” I said breathlessly. She flashed her bright, white teeth in a smile.

“I’m glad you liked it. It was the most beautiful clearing I’ve ever come upon,” she said. Her dark cherry-colored eyes sparkled proudly.

“Zafrina felt that visiting was the right thing to do before you get even older,” my mother commented.

How could I forget...my own birthday. Tomorrow.

“Think of this as sort of your 'birthday' dinner,” Aunt Rose said, wrapping her arms around me. I’d come to find Rosalie’s concrete, smooth arms a comfort, though humans would find it cold and alarming.

“But you don’t eat,” I said, in somewhat of a question. Rose’s shoulders slump, and she barely spent a twentieth of a second looking at Jacob. She rolled her eyes and darted to Emmett’s side.

“We’ll be out hunting,” said my father, who kissed my forehead. He hissed under his breath, looking to Rosalie in a flash of a second. She smirked a little. Confusion swelled up in me.

“But I know two people here who do,” said Alice. Her cocker her head to the side, looking up oh so innocently. I now noticed everyone was standing close to his/her mate, and everyone was staring at me. I hated being the center. I felt Jake’s glance, and the corner of my mouth twitched in a smile. It was always comforting to know he was watching. Always waiting. Though his devotion was sometimes scary. Like he’d jump in front of me at any moment, for any reason, just to protect me.

I blushed red. Beat red. I was stunned for words, and as I began feeling my fingers and toes thaw, I realized my mouth was opened. I quickly slammed in shut, biting my lip in the process. The pain healed within seconds, and I quickly glanced around shyly. I could hear giggles from the women, smiles from the men, and a slight disgust in my father. Emmett whispered something in Aunt Rose’s ear, and she nudged him. I knew he was trying to irritate me, and it worked to well. My father read his mind, and cringed a little. I smiled a little, mouthing, “It’ll be okay, Daddy. I promise,” as the family began walking outside, evacuating the room.

And there it was. That cinnamon-smoke smell coming from behind me. I turned to see Jake, leaning on the doorframe, smiling his toothy smile. I blushed on the inside, knowing that if he saw my blush, he would laugh. But he laughed quietly anyway. I guess I had not noticed the seating for two at the table when we walked in.

“You planned this?” I asked happily, yet slightly suspiciously.

“Maybe. But if you wanna find out…” he said, reaching out to my hand. I took it willingly, and he led me to the table.

“What happened to you not cooking?” I asked, sitting down in the white chair.

“I still can’t cook, but Esme can,” he said. I blinked a few times. I loved when Jake used my family’s real names, instead of “bloodsucker” and “leech.” My family was trying to learn to be nice about the werewolves. But Rose always had problems with it. She never, ever said or called Jacob by name. It was always either “dog” or “mutt”.

He walked out with two shining silver plates, both of which can chicken, potatoes, and veggies. The only food I could eat all at once.

“One chicken leg, crispy, potatoes, baked, and green beans, green,” he said, setting the plates in front of us. I laughed at his vivid descriptions.

Jake knew I couldn’t eat cooked chicken, but it wasn’t all chicken. Alice injected it with my favorite: donated O negative. Meat, raw or cooked, was like eating road kill set on fire. Disgusting… Blood make Jake queasy, so he never mentioned what was really in the chicken leg. We started eating and laughing, as usual, about stories of Jacob’s pack and my family. He told me about him as a baby, and about my mom. How they spent the summers together and how they came to be best friends. I laughed at the stories so hard my stomach slightly hurt.

“I can't believe its been another year...” I muttered to myself. A small amount of denial sank in my heart like the little lead balls you see in the nail polish bottles.

“What?” he asked. I’d forgotten Jacob’s super hearing.

“I just…wish it could've lasted. You know, my age. I had such a short childhood. My mom said that when I reached maturity, the Volturi would come back and decide again if I live. It hasn't happened yet, but...I mean, may want me to go with them back to Voltaire, and…”

“Nessie,” Jake interrupted sternly. “You’ll be fine. I’ll stay with you until the end. Or beyond…” He paused before continuing. The pause felt like a century. “Alice will see when they decide. We’ll have warning, so don’t worry.”

I smiled, but my thoughts still raced. Jake could see faint traces of my distress, and perked up suddenly. As though he forgot something.

“Hey! This is my surprise, and you will love it. Got it?” he demanded.

“Oh, darn it,” I said sarcastically, regaining my smile.

He handed me a small box, wrapped in green paper and a silver bow. I opened the box, and gasped in awe. A small, sparkling emerald dazzled me. I looked at it for what seemed light hours, but was only a few seconds. Jake lifted the necklace and showed it off a little more.

“Jacob,” I gasped. “Jake, it’s beautiful!” I cried.

“It was my mom’s. She’d want you to take it.”

He wrapped the gorgeous gem around my neck as I still sat there, breathless.

“Jake, I…I don’t know what to say.”

“Yes you do.”

“Thank you doesn‘t even cut it.”

I hugged him, and his warm temperature filled me with this fuzzy feeling. A feeling that we were no longer friends, but something else. Something more precious. More bonded. I retreated to my seat, and Jake ran back to the kitchen. He poked his head around the corner and waved his finger.

“One sec,” he called.

I suddenly smelled it. My second favorite thing to consume in the entire world: chocolate! The smell gave me goose bumps. It felt like I suddenly was jumping up and down in my seat, waiting anxiously for the chocolate to reveal itself. Jake finally walked around the corner, carrying two, little chocolate truffles, carefully wrapped in silver cupcake paper and both on a fancy, silver plate. He sat the chocolates in the middle of the table. By this time, the other plates were gone. I picked my favorite carefully. I smelled the two candies deeply, trying to figure out what was inside them.

“Hmm…Caramel and…um…”

“Nougat,” he answered. “You’re getting good at that.”

“What is nougat, anyway?” I asked.

“I don’t know, but it’s good,” he said, taking the little, chocolate covered nougat piece.

I picked up the caramel candy and bit off a small piece. The caramel whipped across my bottom lip, and I licked it away, blushing a little.

“You do that a lot,” he commented.

“What?”

“You get embarrassed. Why?”

“I don’t know. I don’t want to seem weird, I guess.”

“You live in a family of vampires, you’re a half vampire, half human, and your best friends are werewolves. Weird doesn’t cover it.” I punched him lightly and continued. He just laughed it off.

“But I am. I’m not a human, I’m not a vampire. I can’t be trusted around kids my own age because I inherited my mother’s temper, and I could hurt someone. I can’t go to school. I don’t know what it’s like to be a “normal” teen. Jacob, you’ve been to school. You had friends to go with you and you have a six pack.”

He laughed quietly, kind of embarrassed. Yeah, but I had the last 13 years. You’ve only had ten years, and only four have been adulthood. But that’s not your fault Nessie. I mean, as soon as you start school, you’ll start gaining that freakish amount of graduation tassels in no time.”

I glanced at the ground, and smiled. By now, we were both sitting on the couch. I finished my chocolate, and stared at the dark sky outside. Jake leaned closer and lifted my chin to see my face.

“Jake…” I whispered, smiling friendly. But his face was more intense. It confused me, but also made me happy. He leaned closer, smiling his special smile. Suddenly, I laughed so hard. He tickled my ribs, and I laughed so hard I fell off the couch!

“Jacob!” I shrieked while picking myself off the ground. “You’re such a goof!”

“But you have to like me,” he said, eyebrows raised.

I punched him lightly in the arm, and he still gasped quietly. I guess I didn’t know my own strength. I suddenly smelled a quick, familiar smell. Dad…

“What’s going on?” my father asked. He and my mother returned, with my Aunt Alice and the others trailing close behind.

Love is Red

Jacob hugged me and smelled my hair a little. I smiled when he did. I mean, don’t people have to smell you if they hug you? It’s inevitable, unless you hold your breath, which seems kinda rude. Jacob waved goodbye as he left on his motorcycle.

“Nessie…” my mother said. I turned to find a waiting crowd. All of my family was smiling with that, “Our Little Girl is Growing Up” kind of smile. My father and mother had that frustrated kind of scowl. Except Emmett was smiling in his own way. His “I Know Something You Don’t Know” smile. I boiled inside.

“What?” I asked him. They all turned to my uncle, who received a small slap on the chest by my Aunt Rose.

“Nothing. Nothing at all…” Emmett commented, a small smile creeping up.

“I know, I know. Jake was just being a good friend.” I said. It was in Jake’s defense of course, since I could hear my father’s teeth grinding.

“Yeah, a really good friend,” Emmett commented walking up the stairs. Aunt Rose followed, pushing him a little. I shrugged it off, but my mom came to my side.

“Renesmee, we really need to talk. But, um, Edward?”

My father came forward, kissed my forehead, and went outside. I was confused. What did we need to talk about now?

My mother walked to the couch, sat down, and patted the cushion next to her, motioning for me to sit with her. I sat down, still confused.

“Honey, you’re getting older, and Jacob is going to look…different to you. I know you’ve seen Jacob as a brother," she said. Her eyes flashed with a type of familiar, but her expression was unchanged. "...and your father and I are happy with that. Soon, you’re going to see Jake as…much more. He’ll look more…enhanced, in your eyes.”

“I know mom. I’m already seeing Jacob in a different light. He makes me nervous, and that’s never happened around him before. But it felt like…”

“Butterflies?” she asked.

“Yeah, but like butterflies flying in circles. Like my stomach is a rollercoaster and all the butterflies in the world suddenly want tickets.” I sighed a little, grinning. That crazy rollercoaster was the only thing that reminded me that Jake was more than a brother now.

“I know, but…listen. I want to be honest with you. We don't want you to think you have no other options but Jake."

"Options?..." I paused.

"We're going to Bellingham next year. We'll be moving there to...start fresh. You'll be starting high school with us."

I felt like a stone had just hit me in the chest. Leaving Forks? Already? I thought...

My mother looked at the silver clock on the wall. Midnight. I was another year older.

...

 

I took a shower, laid my head on the soft, silver pillows, and drifted to sleep. I wondered about my future that night, having dreams of Jacob and being in high school. In one dream, I couldn't find any of my classes. I woke with a start, and it was still dark outside. I tried once again to sleep, only to be tangled up in a dream about werewolves attacking the students at a pep rally. I drank human blood in my dreams.

Then, a sudden burst of light outside my room pierced the bottom of the door. I sat upright, shaken awake.

“Alice?” I said, still a little sleepy.

My bed had a wooden frame, and my pillows were cream and silver. My covers were smoky purple, and so were my curtains. My room was my escape, and it had all the fixes. A vanity, with a million lights, a desk and chair, a HUGE walk-in closet, and a window that I could see out of that showed the whole forest. My room had the same theme: fantasy. I guess that’s what my life was all about. Fantasy. But I couldn’t imagine anything else more dazzling.

I wore a cream colored sweater with a black undershirt and dark blue jeans. I brushed my hair, which had grown even longer overnight, and Alice insisted on styling it. She braided my hair on both sides of my head, and pulled them together in the back. My russet hair seemed to always get in the way of whatever I was doing, so I hoped that this style would work. I walked to the mirror with my eyes closed (at Alice’s command) and opened them.

“Don’t grow too fast, okay?” she said softly. Although I looked taller and more...filled out...I seemed about the same. Chocolate colored eyes, red and brown in my hair. She walked towards the door with her hand extended.

“Aunt Rose?” I asked.

“You look beautiful! It’s crazy how much you change on schedule,” she answered happily. I blushed a little, and I remembered: it was technically my birthday today. My real birth date. I ran back upstairs and grabbed the necklace Jake gave me. I clipped it on and walked back down. My mother smiled, but my father stared at the necklace. It would take a few minutes for the Jake smell to get away from the necklace, which was what I thought my father had a problem with. Suddenly, there it was. That burning sensation in the back of my throat. The thirst. My throat burned with dryness, and it felt like I had swallowed sand paper that was set on fire. My throat let out a small hiss, and my mom came to my side. Emmett was on his heels, waiting for it.

“Sorry, I’m a little dry,” I said, obviously embarrassed.

“Well, let’s test out your new strength,” Emmett said on cue.

I learned that Alice, Jasper, Carlisle and Esme had already hunted last night. Everyone else was waiting, wanting to protect and keep tabs on me. That’s why I loved it when Jacob took me away from the house. Having no privacy was getting to me, but I held it back. Right now, all I could think about was the one thing vampires craved. Yes I could eat human food, but I vehemiantly prefered blood. Vegetarian style of course. I looked around anxiously and sprinted out the door into hunting mode.

I could hear my parents, Emmett and Rosalie behind me, but I could only focus on the trees and dirt around me. I searched for signs of prey. I smelled deeply, trying to catch a whiff of my favorite. Thick and carnivorous mountain lion was the best. I knew I needed something more humanlike. Dad had said that carnivores were closer to humans and relieved the thirst longer, but they caused a more intense thirst the next time. I caught something. It wasn’t mountain lion, but as long as it was something edible trustworthy. It was musty and a bit frost bitten, but it's blood was warm and it had just eaten. I ran west, my hunting instinct taking over by the minute. The snow became thicker as I moved closer to a nearby mountain range. The trees were getting thinner and taller. Different kinds of trees. They smelled wonderful, but the creature’s blood was the only thing I could focus on.

I crouched on a thin branch about thirty feet above the smell. The snow on the branches barely shook when I climbed up the tree. It swayed back and forth as I stood frozen. I felt my eyes turn over to my instinct as I calculate my attack. The warmth emitting form the prey was strong, and the creature sat lazily, unaware of my presence. A black bear.

I stared down at the bear, and waiting. I noticed a few hundred yards away, my father was after his own prey. It was comforting to know I hadn’t strayed too far out. But nothing else really connected with me. The burn, the searing pain, took over. It was enough to drive someone to kill. I jumped form the shaky tree limb. I flew through the air, time slowed for me while I jumped. The bear’s bones were crushed under my force, killing him instantly. I never preferred the animal to suffer. My teeth easily slit through the meat so I could get down to the good stuff. When I was “two”, I taught myself how to eat without getting covered in blood. After I was done drinking, I breathed again. The burning ceased. I sighed happily while my father finished off his “meal” of a moose.

My father explained to me that because of my half-human side, I wouldn’t feel the burning that other vampires felt continuously. I would only feel it when I absolutely needed blood. It would come around between one or three weeks, and when it did, it was all I could think about. I wouldn’t be able to see a straight line, I would walk funny. It was awful. But once I hunted, I was back, and I felt like myself again. Jacob was grossed out by blood, but he’d still come along every chance he’d get.

When we got back from hunting, I saw Jacob out in the front yard.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, giving him a hug. My throat stung, but it stopped. Right after hunting, my vampire side would be stronger. And for vampires, werewolves smelled horrible. “Like wet dog,” in Rosalie’s words.

“What, I can’t say happy birthday to you?” he answered sarcastically.

When we hugged, his body heat, again, made my skin revert from cold to normal. I was always getting cold, so I was always glad to have Jake around.

“Well, seriously. It’s kinda early,” I commented.

“I know, but it’s your birthday. You didn’t think all the surprises were over, right?”

“Not before she gets our surprise,” I heard my father say.

“Dad…” I whispered.

He held out a medium sized silver box. I took it and unwrapped the ribbon around it. When I opened it, there was a beautiful black dress with a silver bow on the shoulder.

“Oh, Dad, it’s beautiful!” I said, hugging him.

He smiled. “Alice said you’d say that,” he commented. I laughed, and went back inside to put the dress in my closet. I looked at it some more, awestruck.

When I got back downstairs, I saw Jacob holding another box. This one was smaller, and gold.

“Another gift?” I said, somewhat disappointed.

“Just open it,” he said, shoving the gift in my face.

I opened it, finding a pair of new headphones. The last pair I had were torn apart by some of Seth and Jacob's stupidity. I hadn't been able to listen to music privately in weeks.

"FINALLY!" I squeeled. "Thanks Jake..."

 

Rebels, Rocks and Hard Places

We reached the beach by noon, and for once, the sun was out! Jake said it was because it was my birthday, but I just thought coincidence. We walked along the empty beach.

“So, why are we at the beach?” I asked.

He looked at me, and looked back at the water. My temples suddenly pounded at the tension.

“Nessie, you know how long we’ve known each other.”

We stopped walking. Jake looked at the ocean, turning away from. I turned in the direction he was standing. He finally faced me. “But I need to give it to you straight. Nessie, I’m in love with you. I do love you like a best friend, but it’s more than that now."

I got chills. Was this really happening? Did Jacob really felt this way?

“Jake, I…”

Before I could finish, his lips slammed into mine. It was like I was struck by lightning. It was both confusing and wonderful. His mouth felt urgent, but relaxed gradually. I had to stop, reluctantly. I put my hand on his neck, and pulled him away by his hair.

“Jake, I’m... I want to be with you, but…I… I don’t feel right about this. Can I beat you off with a stick for at least a few months?"

"Why?" he protested. "Why wait when I know you-"

"But you don't know," I cut him off. A part of me was angry; why was he pushing this? "I've been alive for ten years. Only ten! And I'm...I might be full grown Jake, but I'm not really grown. I haven't had...experiences. You just took my first kiss!"

"You liked that kiss, don't pretend," he chuckled. I was mad now. Was this a game to him?

"I...I don't know what I liked. But I do know that I have a choice in all this, and I'm not making any choices right now."

"What's so-"

"We're moving. To Bellingham...next year. I'll be going to high school with everyone."

I thought he'd start yelling. Throwing rocks at the water, something. But Jacob was quiet. He turned away from me to watch the water, and mumbled something about "messing things up" while he refused to face me.

"Jake, I...just...just take me home."

...

My father practically ripped Jake from the motorcycle. It hit the dirt it once stood on with a loud thud. Birds in the distance took flight. My Aunt Rose and Alice held me back. “They have to work it out, Nessie,” was their excuse. Emmett was on his heels, waiting to take part in the assault against Jake. Jasper eyed me suspiciously. Jasper was trying to calm me down, but I fought back. I didn’t want to be calm. His emotional control wasn’t welcome.

“How could you kiss her? She’s ten Jacob!” Edward screamed as he held Jacob by the neck. "I don't care how Nahuel grew. I don't care that six years was all it took for him to be full grown. He was able to experience life. I won't have you locking down Renesmee because you're ready!"

My father was almost choking Jake. Why was he not fighting back? By the time my father was really starting to hurt him, I had had enough. I ripped away from my aunts and practically threw myself between them.

“Stop! Dad..I liked the kiss. I just...I need time. You can't hurt him, or you'll hurt me too."

My mother suddenly flinched. Something from her human memories, probably. My father let go, and I put myself in the middle, separating them. I could tell it had turned into a standoff.

“But he…”

“I know. But we've worked it out. I'm not ready and he accepts that. Can't you?"

He looked at Jacob, and started concentrating.

“Are you serious? Do you have to go picking through everyone’s head before taking their word? Or do you just not trust me?” I shrieked. My father never trusted anyone but himself and my mother. They never fully trusted Jacob when it came to my safety. Apparently, “werewolves had no control,” or so Edward thought.

“If you ever touch her again, I’ll kill you,” he whispered. But everyone caught it.

Jake glared at him. The rest of my family stared Jake down, trying to get him to leave. Rose let out a small hiss, unable to hold her anger back. Emmett was breathing fast, trying to calm himself down.

“Jake, I don’t want you to get hurt. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” I said in a quiet voice.

He nodded, and hugged me. My family was ready to send him flying, but he wasn’t intimidated. He left on his bike, glaring at Edward as he drove away. Pushing Edward forcefully out of my way, I raced through the house, up the stairs, and slammed the door in my room. I hated that I could cry. I hated crying. I felt like in meant weakness.

Unfortunately, because of my stupid super hearing, I could still hear my family arguing. Half of them agreeing that I needed space and freedom, half of them saying I needed protection at all times, even if I don’t like it. Eventually, they all quieted down. Some of them went out hunting, others left in cars, trying to get away. I hated it when our family fought, since the phrase “We’ll work it out in the morning” didn’t apply in our house.

Thud! I turned and saw Jacob, standing in front of my window. I hugged him, breathing in deeply to keep myself from crying.

“You came back,” I whispered, almost in disbelief.

“You didn’t think they scared me away, did you?”

I looked at him, and smiled as best I could. He hugged me tighter, so tight, I couldn’t hold in a little, crystal tear that fell off my face. He wiped the tear from my face, and I sat on my bed, thinking.

"How did you..."

"Bella and I had a brief chat. She knows I'm here, and she felt talking with Edward would be easier if they were alone."

We sat in my bed for hours. Talking, making jokes, laughing...it was only afternoon. We talked about Bellingham; Jake was coming too, although he'd have to step down from the pack. Go rogue, in essence. He'd done it before during a time before my birth, but that was out of negative emotions. This time would be different; he was never alone when he was with me. Ultimately however, the only person Jake could trust the pack to who would lead well would be Seth. He was young, but he had the guts, and Leah was too vengeful. And Nate was too egotistical. It would have to be Seth. Could he handle it?

Suddenly, I felt a wave of rebellion. “I want to get a tattoo. Kind of like yours, but not so…obvious.” I meant that in the nicest way. Jake took it well. He was actually kind of flattered, and not at all trying to stop me. Good.

“Paul does tattoos! I know where he is. We could go in the morning and—”

“No no no,” I cut him off. “I want to get it done. Now.”

“You want to sneak out? Hmm…Guess you’re really older now,” he smiled.

He jumped out of the window and landed safely. I’d never jumped from a window before. My dad said my human side might allow me to get hurt, and Rose said it was “uncivilized” and “unladylike”. But now that I’m older, rules had to be broken.

Jake looked up at me, watching me pathetically put my foot out, and pull it back.

“Come on, I got you,” Jake said, holding his arms out.

I jumped out the window like Jake. It felt like the ground was just below my feet, and it didn’t take much. Why would my family not want me to jump out of a window? They did all the time! And besides, it’s not hard, I thought. Jake’s arms supported me as I scrambled to my feet.

We ran east, with Jake in wolf form and me trailing him. We reached Sam’s place in time to see everyone eating dinner, laughing, and of course, acting like animals.

“Where’s the party?” Paul called to us.

Jake huffed quietly. I gave him his shorts and shoes back, and he took them delicately from my hands. He was careful not to cut me with his teeth. He went back behind the house as I greeted everyone. Seth came out to give me a hug.

“You look…different,” he said happily surprised. Then he frowned.

“What?”

“You’re taller than me,” he said, standing next to me, still frowning and comparing with his eyes.

“I’d blame it on the growth spurt, but maybe you’re just naturally short,” I said, patting his head. He shook away from my hand smiling, and his eyes widened.

“Hang on. I’ll be back. There’s chicken wings.” I heard him say as he ran like crazy back through the house.

“What are you guys doing here anyway?” Paul asked obnoxiously as Jake came to my side, human again.

“Guess who wants a tattoo?” he said, pointing to me. I nodded sheepishly as Jake put his arm around my shoulders. For comfort.

Paul laughed, but Quil jabbed him in the arm, in my defense.

“So, you broke free of your chain?” Paul snickered.

Jake and Quil glared at him. Quil went back in the house, elbowing Paul in the shoulder. I glared too. He was really setting himself up for a “dog on a chain” joke, but I held myself back. “Can she get one, or what?” Jake asked, impatient.

“Fine, fine. Come one, I got a station in the garage.”

We followed Paul to the garage. Behind all of Jake’s bike equipment, which he sometimes kept here, there was a bench with a little tattoo station.

“So, what are we getting? A flower? A butterfly?” Paul mocked. Jake growled, but Paul simply laughed.

“Like this,” I said, pointing to Paul’s arm. My finger poked his skin, and it felt like putting the tip of your finger into a candle’s line of fire. I’m sure my stony, cold finger was just as harsh to him. Paul’s temper made him one of the most heated wolves in the pack, Jake was second, Sam third. Somehow Paul being Jake's brother-in-law didn't end in a massacre. “But I want mine to be small, and on my ankle.”

“Why ankle?” Paul grunted. Jake was standing behind Paul, watching protectively.

“It’s less…” I trailed off.

“Noticeable?” he asked. He got it right, I assured with a nod. He chuckled quietly.

Paul put the tattoo needle on the machine and dipped it in black dye. The needle was much bigger than werewolf needles since my skin was a lot harder. I became a little nervous, but Jake came to my side and held my hand.

“It won’t hurt for long,” he assured me. I nervously smiled, and I looked back at my ankle. Paul made a quiet scoff, which didn’t help.

The needle hit my skin like a jackhammer. It hurt at first, like a grinding feeling. But it wasn’t so bad. It took a while, but the tattoo finally set. It was perfect! The small, ping pong sized circle looked perfect on my ankle. The black ink was perfect against my pale, slightly sparkly skin.

“I love it,” I said, staring at it.

“I know. I’m the best,” Paul said.

“For once, your right,” I agreed. He smiled, and I sensed Paul’s friendly side.

“And brightest, and hottest,” Paul added. I rolled my eyes.

“And slowest,” Jake added, tackling him. I laughed aloud as Emily poked her head around the corner.

“How’s it look?” she asked in a sing-song voice. Her good eye was wide and happy. Her slightly sad-looking eye was actually twinkling a little from the happiness.

“Perfect!” I said, standing up. I felt so empowered. My skin formed a hardened layer over the tattoo after it was finished, so now it was like a print trapped in marble. It sparkled a little as the sunlight that glowed against it was slowly sinking away from the sky. My parents had no power over what I had just done, and it felt good knowing I had control this time.

Suddenly, Sam ran in the garage. His expression sucked away my smile. “The Cullens are here,” he said, turning to me. He didn‘t look happy. “Looking for you."

Alone

We ran outside and saw my parents, Alice, and Carlisle waiting. Jacob insisted on carrying me since my ankle still hurt. I told him I could walk just fine, but he wouldn’t take the chance.

“What’s happening? Where is she?” Alice shrieked. She was the last to step out of the two cars. One was Carlisle’s Mercedes. The other, Edward’s Volvo. I could have sworn that Alice’s face was tinted a pale pink in rage.

“I’m right here, Alice. I’m fine,” I called back.

“Renesmee!” she screeched. The wolves cringed at her shrill voice. Jacob set me down and Alice came and hugged me, running through the werewolves to get to me. I hugged her back, but pulled away. She held me face to make sure I was okay.

“Why the hell would you run away like that?” she asked. The other werewolves just held their stare at the others. Carlisle, Bella and Edward stood there. Bella looked to Jake, disappointed. 'What have you done?' I imagined her saying. Carlisle just looked on, calmly, knowing that they’d take me home and everything would be okay. I suddenly felt the icy, familiar stare of my father. His cold eyes hit my ankle.

“You got a tattoo?” my father shouted. He turned to Jacob. I felt my hands ball into fists. My knees buckled, but I didn’t fall. “You brought her hear to get a tattoo?”

“You wouldn’t let her do anything. You think everything in unsafe for her. I’m just as concerned with her safety as you are! At least I brought her here to make her happy. It could be worse,” Jake defended. "She’s completely safe, so we don‘t really need you here to…”

Before Jake could finish, Edward grabbed him by the throat. Jacob threw Edward back and he fell on the grass with a thud, like a cinderblock was dropped. Edward stood up fuming, but the wolves stood in front of Jacob and me. They held Jake back from changing and protected me at the same time. My mother, Carlisle and Alice stood across from us, in a defensive line. I heard hisses from Alice and Edward, but Carlisle was more intent on leaving in peace.

“Renesmee, get in the car,” Edward mumbled. I obeyed, not wanting to cause any more trouble for anyone, and climbed into the car, Edward slamming the door behind me. Alice ran like lightning into the seat next to me, trying to comfort me. She tried to get me to talk as we pulled away from the scene, tried to get me to talk as we drove home, but I wouldn’t. I couldn’t. I ran at vampire speed to my room, trying to shake the embarassment. To leave it downstairs with the rest of my family. But I couldn’t. I drifted to sleep on my bed. My tears helped me fall asleep, I guess.

My nose was filled with the smell. Cinnamon and smoke. Jake! I ran to my door, worried he’d come in.

“Jake! Jake, I really don’t want to talk to you,” I called.

Silence. Dark silence. I was worried. I smelled him, but I couldn’t hear him. Or his heartbeat. I opened my door. The house was filled with fog. I sped down the flight of stairs, ignoring the fog. The front door was open. The smell was still overpowering, but I couldn’t shake my focus. And my slight sense of fear. Fear was never something I’d felt this heavy before. My lungs felt heavy, and pressurized. But I faced all of it, knowing Jake was there. I sped out of the door. The whole wolf pack stood there, motionless. Leah wasn’t glaring. She was staring in fascination. That wasn’t Leah. I stared at them, but they just stared back, even when I waved and tried to call to them. But I couldn’t even speak. Jake suddenly appeared, also unusually fascinated. Fog still controlled the scene.

“Jake, I’m scared,” I breathed, telling the truth.

“What? You don’t trust me with your safety?” he asked smugly and sarcastically. That wasn’t my Jake. Not my Jake.

I suddenly bent over in pain. It felt like someone had punched me after I ate. I suddenly threw up blood. All blood. I still sat where I was on the ground. Usually, blood would create hunger for me, but this blood was disgusting. Revolting. The pack had gone wolf, circling me and Jake, who now stood in front of me, looking down at me, smiling an evil smile. The wolves barked and snapped in anger. The blood pile turned into solid, dark-red marbles, and they all assembled themselves to the center of the puddle. They began grow and creating a mass. The mass got larger and larger. Soon, it was taller than me, even as I stood up, cowering in fear. Soon, the bloody mass went cold and white. It still moved like lifted water, hovering in the air. Fur began to grow. Long legs and five inch claws sprout from the mass, which stood up on all fours and no longer hovered. Jake disappeared, walking into the fog. I was alone. Soon, a large, menacing white wolf with blood red eyes stared down at me, baring its teeth as it lunged for my head.

I woke up in a burst of gasps. Jake was sitting next to me, and reached for my hand as I gasped in shock. He stroked my head, holding it close to his chest to make me stop panicking. I calmed down, but the calmness turned into quiet sobs of fear.

“Shhhh, Ness. I’m here. It’s okay, it was just a dream,” he whispered.

“I don’t know what happened, I…” I stuttered, trying to explain what I didn’t understand.. He hushed me and we rested there. Soon, I found myself lying on Jake’s chest, using it as a pillow. In the silence, my questions grew.

"I had a dream of a wolf-"

"Me?" Jake asked excitedly. I gave him a look and shot him down.

"It was white. With red eyes...and so angry..."

"White wolves are omens," Jake mumbled to me. "Something about the future. But they're usually neutral symbols."

"This was wasn't. It was angry at me...and then you were there," I said, perking his ears up. He lost the smile as I finished my retelling, mentioning the pack and him disappearing.

"How about we get away from here?"

"Where to?"

"You'll see..." he said wisely.

...

We laid out on the grass near the beach; it was too windy to lay in the sand, regardless of the freezing cold. The sunrise was beautiful, eclipsed only by Jacob's calm and strong face and jaw as he stared out towards the ocean. Jacob kept me warm, but the sand was a nuisance. I was wrapped up in my jacket, playing with a flower.

"Being out of the house helps eh?" Jake said with a small smile.

As I ran the blue petals of a daisy threw my fingers, I heard a sudden twig snap. I frowned, but it subsided when fear overcame anger. A huge, light-grey wolf stood in the meadow, growling at me.

“Leah, don’t!” Jake ordered. But she ignored him, still snarling at me. She finally lunged, and before I could blink, Jake’s was in his wolf form, fighting her off. But a quick throw sent him flying into a tree, too far away to stop Leah as she ran after me. I thought I would outrun her, but I realized something. I didn't want to. I wanted to stand my ground and finally duke it out with this girl who'd had so much crap to give me all the time. I'd had it.

I turned on my heel and grapple with Leah's jaws, flipping her over my head and into a tree. She got up still snarling, and began to circle me. Jake finally caught up to us and stared Leah down. I knew they were talking to each other, but I couldn’t hear them. The occasional growl and ears flattening caught my attention. But I could only guess what they were saying. Jake’s eyes suddenly went sad.

Leah and Jake finally parted. We wandered back to my house, Jake on foot and me on his back. He went behind the house to change while I waited by the back door. Jake always had clothes around our house, in case he ever lost his cool. The black rope he wore around his leg had been forgotten so many times, I’d have to start leaving him little notes on his patrol days. He told me to call and remind him, but he’d never pick up.

When Jake returned he looked so…upset. Like he’d done something terrible.

“Jake, I…” I began.

He didn’t speak, but he stopped to look at my hand. I noticed my family, present the moment we arrived was frozen, staring at me. Leah's teeth had really gotten me, my hand was gashed across the palm like a zippered cut. Jake took me inside; Carlisle was preparing sutures in the kitchen. My family was quiet. I expected them to attack Jake for my "wellbeing" or something, but they were all silent. My father had his reading expression on; he knew what happened. Jake went out back, I assume to cool off.

“Dad, what was…”

“Leah’s furious. Seth was injured by passing nomads when Jacob should have been watching him,” my father said, shooting a glance at the back door Jake exited. Edward’s expression was a mixture of disappointment, and attempted comfort. He felt sorry for Jacob.

Once I was stitched up, Carlisle quickly went to his car to get over to the Clearwaters. Tending to Seth would be a big job; werewolf healing was a great and terrible foe. I went outside and set on the stairs with Jake; the sky had turned a hazy grey with the morning fog rolling across the trees in front of us.

He looked at the ground, still trying to forget. But Seth’s battered image from Leah’s head was trapped in Jake. He couldn’t shake the guilt. I rubbed my thumb over his cheek and the corner of his lip. I tried to get him to smile, but I knew my efforts would fall through the floor.

“I was supposed to take care of him. I let him go off on his own for patrol, and he…he got hurt. He’s never…” Jake tried to explain. But he couldn’t. He was too angry at himself and Leah.

“We need to see him,” I finished for him.

Jake nodded, holding my hand as we walked to his motorcycle he'd left in the Cullen's garage this morning. We road all the way to the Clearwater’s without saying a word. It worried me. I knew this kind of silence meant, eventually, it would have to release. The only way for Jake to calm down was the release of rage. And it wouldn’t be pretty.

When we arrived, everyone, Sam and Jake’s packs, stood outside, waiting. Their pained faces looked at Jake, apologetic instead of angry. I was about to speak, but I was cut off before I could. An ear-shriveling scream was heard. When it finally stopped, everyone’s faces were in distress, including mine. Carlisle stepped out of the house, and Jake held my hand tighter as we all waited for the verdict.

“He’ll be alright. A few broken ribs, bruises and cuts. But he’ll recover soon. I’ll be back to set up another drip later,” Carlisle said, shaking Sue Clearwater’s hand. She nodded through her silent tears, glaring at me and Jake. I wanted to growl, but I swallowed sharply instead. Me and Jake turned back to Carlisle, who was talking to us now.

“He’s asking for both of you,” Carlisle directed to me and Jake. We both nodded as Carlisle left. Jake led me inside the house, where we saw Seth. He looked…horrible. Covered in sweat, hooked up to and IV, Seth lay there with a black eye. He was wrapped so tight, my stomach hurt just looking at the bruises and cuts. His cheek adorned a regular Band-Aid, and his breathing was raspy. Jake gulped, I gasped, and Seth smirked.

“Oh, Seth,” I whispered. Tears slipped through security, but I held them in my eyes as long as I could. I couldn’t see Seth completely, but I didn’t care. I kneeled next to him, Jake sat at the foot of his bed. A small tear escaped my eye, but Seth grabbed my hand.

“Don’t make me cry too,” he said sarcastically. I sniffled, wiping the tear away quickly.

“Seth, man, I…” Jake began. He struggled, at first, but he knew he had to be strong in front of a pack member, him being the Alpha and all. “I didn’t... What happened?” he asked.

Seth looked sad for a minute, but wanted to look like the tough cookie he was. He breathed in deeply, then began. “I was going to Sam and Emily’s. I wanted to show them that you trusted me to let me…” he paused, but Jake let it go. He knew this was about Bellingham; the wolves read each other's minds always. Seth knew he was going to lead soon.

Seth continued. “There were only two of them. It looked so easy, but they got me good. I couldn’t even hit them once. Next thing I know, Carlisle’s here sticking needles in me,” he said, trying to be lighthearted. But it seemed like Seth blamed himself. Like he thought it was his fault. I put my hand on his shoulder, and he smiled weakly. Jake stood up, and I copied him. I kissed Seth’s cheek, and left with Jake.

We got outside, and Jacob exploded. He shoved his bike yards away from us with his foot. He breathed heavily with rage. His hands quivered and his spine trembled. He held his hands around the top of his head, holding them there as he breathed violently through his teeth. It was like there was the fire inside him that held his temper, and someone just poured gasoline on it. Quil grabbed my shoulder when I tried to talk to him, but I shook free. I put my hand on Jake’s tense shoulder, calming him momentarily. His skin was noticeably hotter when he was angry. The pack was ready to stop Jake, but I knew they wouldn’t need to.

“Jacob…” I whispered. He turned around, hugging me fast. At first, I flinched, but I was calm, hugging him back. He hugged me tighter, and tighter. But I didn’t care. I kissed his shoulder, and his breathe, though still heavy, flared against my neck. Mint set on fire. He let go of me, and I suddenly realized how cold it truly was. Jake turned so I couldn’t see his face, and I swore he’d said something. “…love you,” was all I heard, before he started running. After he was far enough away, he phased and continued running. He just…kept running.

And I was left alone, by myself, without Jacob.

Finding You

It had been four days since Jake left. He’d only called once, and that was for Sam, who told everyone that Jake would be gone for a week. I didn't know what to do. He’d always been there, and now he’d suddenly run off. I was so scared. I didn't eat, I could barely sleep. Being without him felt wrong. Like a part of your life was taken away somewhere else.

It was torture. I’d close my eyes to sleep, and I’d find painful, stinging memories haunt my mind. I’d wake up, screaming and sweating. Rosalie or Alice would wake me up, and hold me until I fell asleep. Their stone figures were cold, but still surprisingly comforting. I couldn’t fight for sleep. I couldn’t see Jake and hear his voice. I couldn’t say his name without bursting into tears. There was a knock at the door after Rose’s seventh attempt to make me get up and hunt. My eyes were liquid onyx, but I couldn’t move.

Her back stiffened, but allowed the visitors. My room flooded with werewolves. Seth, Embry, Paul, Jarrod, Nate, Quil. Collin and Brady were absent. Seth came forward after they’d all soaked up the scene of a lifeless me. I probably looked like crap, but I couldn’t care anymore. Not that I didn’t. I couldn’t.

“Ness, come with us. Please?” Seth begged. His voice seemed off. Distant. But I agreed thoughtlessly.

“Sure, where?” I muttered. The first few words I'd spoken in days.

“Somewhere that’ll make you feel better,” he said. His breath was cold.

I got up after the werewolves shuffled out to give me privacy. Rose left too. I dressed in a black, long sleeved shirt and blue jeans. A silver butterfly necklace, which I don’t remember having, adored my neck. I walked outside, ignoring my family. I felt guilty for a moment, but overwhelming grief helped it pass. The wolves greeted me outside, all of them in there wolf forms. Only Seth waiting to greet me as a human.

“Ready?”

I nodded reluctantly. He phased was he stepped away from me, and we started running. I didn’t know where. It was a moment of thoughtless, directionless running. The wind blew through my hair, icy and harsh. It felt like claws ripping passed my cheek, tearing at the stone that was my face and arms. It was odd. My arms were covered, and yet, they chilled and hurt. I felt my back stiffen, and my head and hands shudder. I knew this place. We slowed down, and finally stopped. The wolves stood on the rocks, and I walked out into the open. The meadow.

It was covered in a thick layer of snow. The trees looked grey instead of green. The sky turned dark, but still lit enough to see streaks of sun kissed sky. It was a grayish-raspberry, and the ground was dead. Flowers gone, no grass. Death. Pain. My heart felt like it broke in half, and my hands trembled. The wolves just stared at me in confusion. Suddenly, the wolves coward back in fear. Even Seth flattened and scurried away. I looked across the clearing. And my heart splinters jetted out and stabbed my body. Jacob.

He stood there, smiling a hinted smile. He had no shirt, but he looked cold. Not physically, but he looked scary. His smile was almost an in-your-face kind of smile. As though he knew what I was thinking. His face looked devious, almost evil. Then she emerged. A tall, statuesque woman with pale, blonde (almost silver) hair that reach her waist. Her eyes were…red. Brighter than blood. They glowed like fire across the field. My chest burned, and my arms shook violently. Anger, hurt. It all swelled up inside me. A small, approving smile emerged on her pearly pink lips. She was barefoot, wearing a black, flowing dress. She was far more evil-looking than Rosalie, but her hair resembled Rose’s in almost every way. But her eyes. Fixated on me. Flaunting something. But what? Then, the connection was made, and my heart splinters ran to my throat, grinded into my neck, and made my eyes rain across the dead ground . She took Jacob’s hand, whispering into his ear. Her lips were brushing his ear, and I wanted to cry. I debated. Cry? Run? Scream? Attack?

He turned his head just as she began whispering another malicious word. He didn’t take his eyes off me the whole time she was whispering. He maintained the evil grin. He broke the connection between my miserable eyes, and turned to her. She smiled, and their lips collided. The force of it seemed to slap and stab and claw at my face and eyes all at once. I swallowed hard, then hoped that this vampire woman would kill me. That she’d burn me or rip me apart. I wished I‘d die now so no one would ever know. So I didn‘t have to wilt away in my room over the guy that left. Jake smiled after he released her lips, and walked towards me. Her glossy, red nails released Jake’s arm, and crossed in satisfaction. Jake’s evil grin turned into burning scowls of anger. He phased, turning into not his russet, beautiful wolf. It was a mangy, black wolf with piercing crimson eyes and long, white claws. Nothing like Sam. His teeth bared, and his claws were the size of my face. He walked towards me, then started running. He lunged, and the world seemed to slow down. His lunge for my throat slowed down, and even his blinking was slow. I heard his real voice, his real words instead of growls. The last thing he said before he left, and many others. Whispering... My father’s voice, my mother’s, Alice’s. They all whispered to me. Things about Jacob. But Jake’s was the loudest. The world spun as his words, hushed, screamed at me.

“…love you…love you…love you…”

I woke up screaming. My back was covered in sweat, and my breathe gasped the hot air of the room. Alice held my around her arms, rocking me. “Shh, it’s okay Ness. It’s okay,” she whispered. My side hurt, and I burst into tears. I wailed uncontrollably. I felt bad, since I could hear my parents’ distress. But I didn’t care. Jake was gone. And it felt like he’d be gone forever.

...

I spent hours sitting on the black futon, looking out of my window, hoping that Jacob would appear. Or maybe hoping the women from my dreams would appear to kill me. To kill me before unveiling the scene from my dreams. I wished I could see him, just once more. Kind of like a cheesy romance where the guy comes up over the horizon to rescue the one he loved. Or once loved. I couldn’t tell. I didn’t care that my father would stand in the doorway of my room, hearing my thoughts. I didn’t care that he knew now that I was in love with Jacob.

“She’s dying!” I heard Alice say from the living room. I flinched at the word, the most I’d moved all day. I was sore, even from the flinch.

“She’s not dying Alice. She’s depressed,” my mom defended. Crap, I thought. My family thinks I’m depressed. What, now I need a shrink?

“Jacob’s coming back soon. We have to wait Alice,” Edward said. He had a tint of disappointment…Jake would come back. I shuddered at the jumble of words. A hiss left my lips. After more arguing, all went silent. No one said a word. Alice’s scent left the room, and soon, so did the others. The only scent left, and that was getting closer, was Rosalie’s.

My sadness suddenly halted. My eyes felt like they were filling with blood, and angry heat built up in my heart. Like I had swallowed a match after having drunk a gallon of lighter fluid. My eyes burned, and I felt like overthrowing a tank.

“Nessie, sweetheart?” Rose called. I glanced up at her, trying to seem less frightening. I could tell that I looked intimidating, so I tried to look innocent and guilty at the same time. If I was guilty, I’d get pity. It worked.

“Nessie, I want you to come hunting with me and Alice tomorrow. Please?” Rose pleaded.

I nodded silently. Rose spend a few minutes stroking my hair. I fought to stay awake. Rose left after realizing I was uncomfortable, and the house was empty. I felt cold, and for the first time in my life, alone. The house was empty, my heart was empty, my stomach was empty, and my eyes were the only thing filled. I was seeing blue, blurry tears. But my eyes transformed, and my stomach suddenly ached. Suddenly, purple, than red. Why had Jacob left me? What did I do? Why did he leave me so helpless? Why hadn’t he talked to me? Where was he?

I decided to give in to my questions. I wrote out a note, trying my best not to break the paper with my teeth. I wondered if sending my pen through the granite counter was any better. Leaving the note on the counter, I grabbed a small bag of necessities and left for Sam’s. The note read

Dear Family,

Don’t be alarmed that I’m not here. I need to find Jake. No questions, please. And please, don’t come and try to find or stop me. I need to do this on my own. I’m begging, and if you could imagine me begging on my knees, that might help my case a little. Dad, you know a lot more about my thoughts than everyone else, so tell them what you will. Alice, don’t try to look for me, please? I just want to know that there’s no eyes on me this time. I think that I deserve full control this time. Please? I’ll be back in five days, tops.

I love you all, Renesmee

I didn’t care if I had to rip Sam’s arm off, I was going to find out where Jacob was. I reached the house by about seven at night. It was quiet, so I figured they were out on patrols. I could wait. For how long, I wasn’t sure…

Sam and the pack showed up about fifteen minutes after me. They could smell me, of course, but I posed no threat.

“Hey Ness!” I heard Seth call from about ten feet away. Seth had healed enough yesterday to be back outside. Caring for Seth kept me occupied for the first one or two days without Jake, but the feeling was gone once Seth was well enough to leave the house and run with the pack.

I waved and stood up when they all came into view. “She’s been waiting guys,” Emily called from the kitchen.

“Whatcha need?” asked Seth, who led me into the house with a rest of them. Sam kissed Emily affectionately when we came in.

“Sam, I know he called,” I began.

Everyone fell silent. No one wanted to speak, but I didn’t care. I was going to find out.

“Sam?” I asked. “Sam, I need to find him. I don’t care what he told you, I don’t care if he’s across the world. I just want to know. And with or without you, I will find him.”

“So, you’re on a manhunt?” Paul asked sarcastically. I glared at him, and for once, he backed off. His eyes darted to the ground. A huff, probably a laugh, came from the group, but I couldn’t tell who it was.

“He told me to not tell you anything, and that he’d be back in a week.” When Sam told me what Jake had said, it felt like those words came straight from Jake’s mouth. But the words fell short of comforting.

“Sam, if you don’t want to help, I don’t care. I’ll find him anyway. You’re only hurting yourself by not telling me.”

“Okay, fine. Jake went to Montana to stay with his cousins. He said he needed some time to think. Renesmee, he really doesn’t want to see you.”

I flared. Jake didn’t want to see me? WHY? What did I do?

“Well, I really need to see him,” I said, moving to the door.

“Renesmee, he needs time. He just wants…”

“Save the crap, Sam. I’m going to Montana. End of story.”

With those final words I left the wolves to eat. I headed east, hoping I would reach Montana in my timeline. I had, technically, four days left. That’s at least a full day to get back, so I had three days, to talk to Jacob and overcome his stubbornness. I needed more time. But now, I had to focus on finding Jake’s scent. I had to follow a four day old scent, which was going to be close to impossible to track. Close.

I ran to the exact spot Jacob was standing before he ran off. My heartstrings snapped when I remembered that moment. But I tied them back up and moved on. I followed the faded, dry cinnamon smell across hundreds of miles. It took a lot of climbing, swimming, and the occasional avoidance of hikers, but I managed to stay on track. I passed Idaho and reached Montana in good time. I probably covered 500 miles within two and a half days. I finally reached Placid Lake State Park, and by now, the place wreaked of wolf. And not all of it was my wolf…

I followed the smell beyond the woods to a small, two-story house in the middle of nowhere. The house was wooden, and worn down, but still had an old white color to it that made it look like home. A little girl was outside, swinging on a tire swing. I walked over quietly, worrying I’d scare her. If this was where Jake had gone, I knew a vampire wouldn’t be welcome. I walked up and waved warmly. The little girl seemed nervous, but not as one would be around a vampire. Nervous as in shy, like I was just another stranger visiting.

The little girl had dark brown hair, and light brown eyes. She wore a blue polo shirt, and black shorts. She had little, pink flip-flops on, and they had little pink butterflies on the front of them. Her mouth was small, and her lips were thin. Her skin was a reddish color, the same as Jacob’s. Her eyes had small circles of dark brown in them, and she looked about six years old.

“Hello. I’m Renesmee,” I said softly, crouching down to her eye level.

You are my Place

“I’m Jaime,” she said shyly. The little girl, Jaime, with her dark hair braided down the back and her twinkling, high-pitched voice reminded me of Claire. Claire was Quil’s imprint, though she was more his charge than his love. Me and Claire became fast friends when we were little. We were the same age for a short time, but since I’d outgrown her, we were still sister close. She was about thirteen now, and although I've got seven years on her maturity-wise, she was still my very good friend. Quil was still her overprotective, much-abused “brother”, but one day, he may be more to her. May be...

“Hi Jaime. Is your mother home?” I asked as politely as possibly. I didn’t want her to be scared. I may be part human, but I could still…shock.

“No, but Mimi is,” she said happily. She grabbed my hand as she hopped off the tire swing. She didn’t even flinch at my hard skin while she grabbed onto my hand and led me in the house. My whole body was dangerously cold, but I’d be alright. For the trip back… I wasn’t so sure.

It was quiet, besides the noises in the kitchen. The whole house had that smell of cinnamon and smoke. Could I have been wrong? Could this just be another packs house, and I was intruding on their turf? My jaw locked. I was so determined to find Jake I didn’t think of the possibility of walking into the wrong territory. What if I’d gotten Jake’s scent confused with another wolf? If I did, that would take days of backtracking, and who knows how I’ll get out of what I’m in now?

“Mimi! There’s a girl that wants to see you!” Jaime called. The house was dark, and there was wood carvings everywhere. The walls had pictures and paintings of what looked like old Quileute villages.

A tall, slender girl with pitch black hair and brown eyes turned around. Her jaw was small, and her hair was long, braided down the back. I was surprised, since the girl reminded me of Leah, but her hair was not cut as intensely as Leah’s. Both Jaime and this girl looked a bit similar, so I was given the impression they were sisters. But the taller, older sister didn’t exactly welcome me with open arms.

“Jaime! Who is she? What’s she doing here!” the girl shrieked. She had a slight tint of foreign accent in her voice. Her back stiffened when she saw me. “I told you not to talk to strangers! Ela e uma assassina! Um frio!”

The girl took Jaime and her hand was ripped from mine. I tried to explain, but she wouldn’t listen. She pulled out a small, wooden whistle and blew on it. It was quiet. I couldn’t hear anything, but her face turned red from the pressure of the whistle. She stopped, and soon, the smell of cinnamon and smoke hit me like a ton of bricks. Coming from the north. Four of them.

I ran outside. I guess she thought I was trying to run away; she blew the whistle again. Three huge, gray wolves bounded from the woods and surrounded me. They all growled and barked at me from all angles. Two had light grey fur and intense, brown eyes. They were almost identical, but one wolf had black-tipped grey fur, while the other had completely grey fur. The other one of the three was a dark brown wolf, with piercing dark green eyes. He was much bigger and taller than the others. The Alpha of this pack, I suspected. But then, there was another. This other wolf was just as tall as the supposed Alpha of this pack. A reddish-brown wolf, with the brown eyes I could look into and see the universe. My portals. The brown eyes that were always watching and protecting me.

“Jacob?” I whispered. My voice cracked with pain as the words rolled off. The wolf stared at me, then stood and protected me. He growled at the others, then stood silent in conversation. My heart pounding every waiting second. The others reluctantly moved along, glaring at me. They all went to the garage. The field we stood in was brown, dead grass, surrounded by green pine trees. It was like an arena surrounding the house. The only opening in the tree arena was the road to town attached to the garage. I heard three guys in the garage, complaining of my presence. Jacob turned to face me, still in his wolf form, and smiled. I could tell he was smiling. It was kind of like when you look at a dog and you just know their smiling at you.

“Jake, I…I just wanted to see you again. I don’t care if you’re mad, I don’t care if you don’t want me here, I just…”

I stumbled over my words until Jake nudged me with his nose. He put his head under my limp hand and I rubbed his head. I hugged his neck, and it felt like he was hugging me back, even though he was on all fours. The others came back, staring.

“So, who’s the chick?” one of the guys said. He was the tallest, but more slender than strong. I could tell. His hair was cut like Jake’s , but he had dark brown hair instead of black. His eyes were a mix of dark brown and green, and his wide smile reminded me of Paul. Paul was an obnoxious goof, but he was a good guy who was nice when he needed to be. I missed that. Being alone for days didn’t help with my sudden homesickness.

Jake huffed, and the guy was quiet. Jake walked past them, glaring. You could tell he was trying to tell them to be nice. Jacob disappeared inside the garage. And I was left alone with three, unknown werewolves. Not the most settling feeling…

“I’m Renesmee,” I said with a small smile.

“I’m Mathew,” said one of the guys. Mathew was medium height with black hair and chiseled facial features. He looked about a year or two older than Jake, and his teeth were chalk white. He had a grin and was much friendlier then the others.

“So, you’re the girl,” said Daniel. He was the tall one who had spoken to me before. He seemed a bit defensive, but I could tell he was looking at me when I looked away.

“No, she’s my girl,” I heard Jake call. He said it with authority, almost like he was claiming me as his own. He was walking towards me casually, but he had no idea how much I wanted to run to him and give him a hug. I guess I wanted the moment to be as dramatic as possible. He wore kaki cargo shorts and his usual sneakers. He reached my side, and gave me a hug. He breathed in deeply when he hugged me.

“I missed you,” I whispered. “Sam didn’t want me to come.”

“I knew you’d come anyway.”

Mathew cleared his throat and we both looked at him.

“Oh, right. Renesmee, these are my boys. Matty, my cousin, and his friends, Daniel and Chris,” Jacob said. “Boys, this is my imprint, Renesmee.”

They all looked at me with a mixture of fascination and predictability, like they knew who I was. Jacob must have talked about me fondly, since Daniel’s grin was all too uncomfortable. But I was suddenly burning. Not from the thirst. My eyes felt like they were bursting into fire. We needed to settle things.

“We need to talk. Like, now,” I pushed Jake. I had to practically pull him in the house. I’d forgotten about Jaime and the girl. The girl held Jaime behind her as they sat in the corner, cowering.

“Miya, it’s okay. This is Renesmee,” Jacob explained. The girl slowly stood up and in a flash, she ran into her room and slammed the door. Jaime, the little girl, came to Jacob and hugged him. “Jakey, can she come play with me?“ the girl begged. She pulled at my hand and took me into her room to show me her toys before Jake could answer. I wanted to go anyway. Even though I wanted to talk to Jake more than anything, I couldn’t say no to this sweet little girl. I suddenly forgot about talking with Jake and played with Jaime for almost an hour. Once Jaime fell asleep, I put her in her bed and walked back out to the living room.

“Back from Candy land?” Jake asked.

“I had fun playing with her. She’s cute,” I defended myself. Jake just laughed, but I still scowled at him. I saw Miya walk out of the front door to a waiting car. Probably one of her friends. “Sanguijuela estupido,” she muttered as she shut the door.

“Sorry about Miya, she’s a little skittish. When she was five, her family had an ‘accident’.”

“Accident?” I asked.

“Yeah, see… her mom was killed by a vampire right in front of her. She’s always been hostile since...can't blame her either."

My eyes bugged out for a moment, than I took out my mask and tried to veer away from the details of such a horrific story. “Why was her mother attacked?”

“Her father was the chief in a pack kinda like ours. They originated south of the border, but came here a few hundred years ago. The Malto tribe. One of the oldest spirit walker tribes, besides the Quileutes of course,” Jacob began. “He destroyed a vampire that killed four of their hunters. He could see that she’d done it, since her eyes were the worst shade of red. After her destruction, her mate took his revenge by destroying the chief’s human mate. Poleya never had a chance against the leech.” Jake’s teeth ground together.

I flinched.

Jacob knew I hated the term “bloodsucker”, but he was right in this case. I felt so bad for scaring Miya like that, even though I didn’t know. But I had to break his angry thoughts. His hands began to shiver. Tremble, even.

“When I walked in, she said something. She spoke, like, Spanish or something, and I couldn’t understand her. She said something…cold, I think.”

“Yeah, her grandma is from Portugal. Whenever she panics or gets angry, she starts speaking frantic Portuguese. She’s not exactly a thrill to be around when she’s calm though. She’s like Leah, but she has Mathew. Mathew’s her brother, and he keeps her…happy. At times. Unlike Leah, who couldn’t be happy even if you handed her an elk bone on a silver platter.”

I huffed a laugh, but felt sympathy for Leah instead.

Jake looked guilty, and happy. Happy that I was there, guilty that…well…he left. He shouldn’t have left. But why? Why had he chosen to leave me?

“Jake, why? Why did you leave?”

He looked at me, lost for words for a second. He looked like he was in pain.

“I…needed some time.”

“For what? For leaving me all alone? For making me feel like, for the first time in my life, I was scared and that it was my fault?”

I realized I was starting to go off on him, so I settled down. I knew what would happen if he got too upset. Emily was living evidence. But it wasn’t fear of Jake’s temper that calmed me down. It was fear of making him feel guilty forever.

“Jake, please. Don’t leave me again..."

“Nessie, when Seth got hurt, I thought that what happened to him could happen to you. I couldn’t live with myself if you got hurt. Or worse. I wouldn’t live with myself. I wouldn’t live at all.”

“Jake, you left Seth alone to be with me. I know you, and I know you wouldn’t leave my side. But for the past few days, I’ve been wrong.”

He looked down at the ground, embarrassed. But I put my hand on his face, and he looked up.

“Jake, you can’t be afraid of what might happen, or you spend your life in fear. Or let me spend my life without you in it.”

He looked at me in his own, curious way. “I’m not scared of life. I‘m scared of what I‘ll do in life.”

“Jake, don’t leave me like that ever again. Or I will positively hurt you,” I said, punching him lightly, though there was force behind it. He smiled, and hugged me tightly.

“I will never leave you again. I promise,” he replied, flashing his special, Jacob-y smile. Daniel walked through the hallway, and poked his head in the room.

“Jake, we’re all going to Thom's place. You in?”

Jake looked at me, and smiled.

“We’re in,” he answered. He looked at me, smiling. But I was confused. As usual.

“We? As in, me too?

“Can you handle it?” I heard Chris add in. I couldn’t see him, so he was probably in the kitchen.

“Yeah, I mean…I think so.”

Jake smiled, and looked at me again. This time, it was an overlook.

“Did you bring clothes that are…not so tattered?” he joked. The shoe was on the other foot for once.

“Yes, I did, thank you very much. I’ll be right back.”

“Which means, give her like thirty minutes,” Jake said, and laughed.

“Shut up,” I called from the bathroom. I suddenly realized that, by tomorrow, I’d only have one day to get back.

“Jake, I can’t,” I said, leaving the bathroom without changing.

“Why not?” he asked, more concerned than upset.

“I told my family I’d be back in five days. This is my fourth day. I’d have to leave by tonight if I’m ever going to make it.”

“How about this. You go with us to Thom's, and we’ll go home by airplane tomorrow.”

“Okay,” I agreed. My voice was a little high, but that was only because of the excitement.

“She does eat, right?” I heard Daniel say through the walls. They must have been talking about me.

“Of course she eats!” Jacob defended.

“Well, I just wanted to know. After all, people are gonna notice a little, pale girl in a group of big, tan wolves.” More like body guards, I thought.

“You’re flattering yourself a little too much, Danny,” Chris said.

I heard a thud, and I figured Jake punched Daniel. But it couldn’t have been one of Jake’s face crushing punches. He was just playing around. I put on a dark blue tee shirt and black jeans. I added little, black gem earrings. I had to have something that sparkled. I brushed my hair out quickly, making sure to get all the twigs and things out of it. When I got outside, Jake was sitting on a borrowed motorcycle, ready to go. He was always waiting for me, which made me feel guilty sometimes. I never liked it when people had to wait for me. I didn’t feel it was really fair.

“You look…wow,” was what I think he said. It seemed like he was tripping over his tongue.

“Thanks. You look wow, too.”

He smiled, embarrassed, as I hopped on the bike. Matt was a mechanic geek too, just like Jake. So he let us borrow his bike. It was much sleeker than Jacob’s work.

“So, where is Thom's?” I asked.

“It’s really cool. It’s where a lot of us though. Just to warn you.”

“Warn?” I asked sarcastically.

“I just want you to be careful. The guys that are there…aren’t just guys…”

“Werewolf guys?” I asked.

Jake scoffed a little. “Yeah,” he admitted. "Almost forty of them actually..."

I felt my breath retreat into my mouth. It sounded like a gasp.

“I’m not leaving your side,” he assured. I sighed, feeling instantly warmer.

“I’d be offended if you did,” I smiled, and hugged him tighter as we sped down the road. After about ten minutes, I caught a smell in the air. Water.

“What is that?” I asked, pointing to a small, glowing house in the distance.

“That’s Thom's house,” Jake replied.

We pulled up just when the sun disappeared and the moon started rising. There were about thirty or forty heartbeats I could hear. I suddenly felt nervous, but Jake held my hand. Tight.

“It’s okay. They won’t bite,” he assured me. I cocked my head to the side and raised my eyebrows.

“Hey, Jacob!”

One of the guys from the house ran outside to meet us. He paused a few feet away, noticing me standing behind Jake. I was actually, kind of, scared. He slowed his tread, kind of unsure. He walked cautiously, which made me feel a bit guilty. But I had to remind myself, I’m different here.

He was much taller than Jake, but had the same muscle tone. His hair was dark brown, long and in a bun, and his skin was a lighter shade of Jacob’s. He had piercing, almost neon green eyes. But his smile made him less intimidating. More friendly.

“Renesmee, this is Thom. Thom, this is Nessie,” Jacob introduced.

“Hi Renesmee,” Thom said, smiling as best he could. “So, Jake? She’s…uh…”

“Yeah. I’m the half-vampire girl,” I answered for him.

“Sorry Renesmee, I just…”

“No, I get it. And you can just call me Nessie. Jake says my full name is too long.”

Jake smiled along with Thom. “Well, come on in guys, there’s plenty of room.” I took only two steps before Jacob reeled me back to his side.

“Nessie,” he whispered. “If you get too uncomfortable, just squeeze my hand, okay?”

“Sure Jake. Does that come with a kid‘s meal?” I asked sarcastically.

He smiled, but he turned a little serious for a second. “Nessie, I just want to be careful.”

“Jake, I’m fine. Please, just don’t worry. Promise me you won’t?” I asked.

“Nessie, let the record show, I can never promise to be calm about your safety. Ever.” His voice was stone serious.

I smiled annoyingly, but I accepted. “Fine,” I allowed.

We walked in through the house. It was dark, with strobe lights and glowing lanterns everywhere. Everyone looked kind of similar, dark hair and russet skin, like Jacob. They all looked at me as we walked. Of course, the one pale girl with chocolate eyes and an abnormal heart rhythm is obviously gonna stand out. I wondered how many were werewolves, and how many were human. The wolves had some girlfriends here and there, but the smell of wolf stink was overwhelming. I knew Leah was the only female werewolf in history, so I figured most of the girls, if not all, weren’t werewolves. I was somewhat scared, and walked slightly tilted to Jake. He chuckled.

“People are staring,” I whispered.

“No. That guy…oh, never minded,” he said. I rolled my eyes at Jake’s teasing, but he was funny. I couldn’t help but at least giggled once or twice at his humor.

We moved out to the lakeside. There was sand, which surprised me. I was expecting rocks and dirt. But there was dark, gray colored sand, like the sand back at La Push. It reminded me of home, the way the sand was so cool at night and the way the waves flowed on to the sand. There was a porch outside with lights attached to the roof, and there were about twenty or thirty people dancing to the music. We sat down right in front of the water.

“Hey guys! You coming?” they called.

Suddenly, that painfully familiar strong sting hit me. The back of my throat screamed at me, but I held back the instinctive hiss. I lurched forward, and a little crystal tear fell off my face. Jake put his hand on my back as I coughed violently. He tried to comfort me, but the pain was beyond what he could control. Or comfort.

“Jake, I’m so…I’m sorry. I haven’t hunted in a while, that’s all. I’ll be…” I had to pause and lurch out another cough. “Fine,” I finished dryly. Of course, that last cough had convicted me.

“No way. Come one, let’s go with them,” Jake encouraged He stood up, pulling my up my hands. I followed him, kind of clueless about where we were going. The thirst made me so oblivious to the obvious.

“Where are they going?”

“Well, a bunch of us were going out hunting. Wolves like raw meat just as much as regular food. Besides, it’s perfect for you. I know when you’re on empty, you can’t even see straight Nessie.”

I smiled at him. I hated the thirst. It hurt so much. The pain was always so intense. It was like nails being hammered to the inside of your throat and every time you inhaled, another nail would be added on. We ran up the beach to meet up with the guys. We sometimes turn it into a race, but it’s just for fun. I won of course.

“So, where are we going?” I asked as happily as I could.

“Down Finley Creek. There’s an elk heard on its way to Yellowstone. We could catch some now if we left tonight,” Matthew replied.

“Will we be back in time?” I asked Jake, hesitant to go.

“Definitely. Besides, we wouldn’t want you drinking someone on the plane, would we?” he replied. I laughed awkwardly. I hardly wanted to think about the plane ride. Vampire on a plane. Worse than snakes…

“Come one, let’s get going. It’s almost midnight,” Chris said. The guys ran into the woods and phased. I heard the others move ahead. Jake walked into the moonlight from the shadow concealed forest, and his padded paws squished against the sand. His ears rotated toward me, and his eyes smiled at me. He shook his fur side to side, shaking off some dirt form his coat. I stood up from where I’d sat down on rock. Focusing my eyes was getting difficult. He nudged me, and we started out, catching up to the guys in minutes.

Hunting, then Home

We ran west. The cold wind snapped at my face, but thirst helped me ignore it. The wolves hunting instincts were more developed then mine, so I just followed them. We reached the edge of Finley creek. The rocks right next to the water were covered in a thin layer of ice. The elk herd stood there, drinking and eating freely. I sometimes felt guilty, destroying and killing animals for food. But it was better than killing innocent people. I wish I could hear the wolves’ thoughts, hear their strategy for the hunt. I had mine. Attack, bite, drink. I probably wouldn’t even follow a strategy since blood was all my fidgeting senses could comprehend right now. I collected myself when the wolves went into stealth mode. We all watched carefully from the bushes. I felt Jake’s warm, wet nose nudge my arm as we waited. I looked in his almond-shaped, brown eyes, as though we were speaking. I couldn’t hear words. I couldn’t hear noise. But we somehow communicated.

“The far left,” I answered. I practically breathed my answer, more than whispered it. He slowly nodded, and turned back to the herd. He growled lowly. He barely breathed the growl, but he did so just enough so I could hear it.

We moved slowly towards the heard. A faint huff from the bull signaled the chase. The elk ran, bellowing the alarm to others who may not understand what was going on. We followed. The elk had no chance of escape, but who hasn’t played with their food once in a while? My hunting instinct took over and I took down a female without flinching. The blood was almost soothing down my throat. For a vampire, warm, fresh blood was the only cure. Like aloe on a sunburn.

When I was done, Chris devoured the carcass. The wolves preferred the meat over blood anyway. Once I finished off with a little more elk, I regained my civility. My eyes went from onyx to gold, and my sight came back to its full capacity.

 

We got back to Mathew’s house at three. I was so tired, and fell asleep on the couch, instantly. I could still hear and feel, but my eyes refused to open. I felt Jake picking me up, but I had no idea where we were going. I was placed gently on a bed and lost all consciousness, but not before I felt Jacob‘s furry head under my hand. He was sleeping on the floor next to me, wolf and all. But something didn’t feel right, like someone was staring at me. I couldn’t force my eyes open, but they flickered. Enough to see a shimmering, dark figure standing in the doorway. His yellow eyes stared at me, but I couldn’t fight myself to move. Whether it be out of terror or exhaustion, I couldn’t force myself to get up. But Jacob didn’t move, or growl, or even look. I guess he knew there was no danger. Or maybe he was just as tired as I was. Or he was already asleep.

I woke up to bright flashes of sunlight seeping from the windows. The room was dull, grey sheets, white walls, white pillows. It was quiet. I looked around the room, searching for that big lump of fur. Jake wasn’t here. I got up out of bed, still wondering where he was. His smell was still here, but it was stale. He’d been gone for a while. My feet were cold when they came in contact with the wood floor. I rubbed my eyes before standing. The air was cold, like there was a window open. I grabbed my sweatshirt and walked down the hallway. The kitchen was to the left of the hallway, the living room was to the right, and the front door was at the end of the hallway. I turned to the living room. Jaime was asleep in her room, Miya was sleeping in her room, and, on the couch, was Jake. He was sound asleep, snoring like a chainsaw. I touched his face while he slept, and gave him a good thought. His mouth made a small smile, and I laughed quietly. I walked outside, needing some fresh morning air. I breathed in heavily, but my feet were freezing. I shivered, going back inside. I went into the kitchen, getting breakfast. I figured it was the least I could do for Miya and Jaime, who opened their home to me. I made eggs, bacon, toast, waffles, fruit salad and cinnamon buns. Jake couldn’t get enough cinnamon buns, and I suppose he’d earned them.

After I was finished, I heard a disturbance on the couch. I didn’t look, knowing it was probably just Jake rolling over. But as I walked toward the couch, still curious, a sudden rush of warmth wrapped around my legs and back, and Jake picked me up from behind. My feet unfroze, and I was relieved.

“Morning sunshine,” I said, running my hand through his messy hair.

“Do I smell cinnamon buns?” was his first question.

“Yes, you do. But save some for the others,” I replied as he put me down and grabbed three of the dozen I’d made. I had some scramble eggs, but not much. After last night, I was full. Jaime and Miya followed, as well as Mathew and the others, who had just come back from patrols.

“Wow!” Mathew exclaimed, looking at my buffet.

“I cook in record time too,” I said, nibbling off of an orange.

Everyone dug in. I smiled, seeing that wolves here weren’t so different from the wolves back home. They ate. A LOT.

“So…” Jake began, his mouth still full of waffles.

“Chew your food,” I commanded, laughing and closing his mouth with my hand. He swallowed uncomfortably, then looked up.

“We’ll take the first flight out to Forks at noon.”

“Good. Uh, Jake, could I ask you something?” I asked gently as we sat back on the couch. Everyone was still eating in the kitchen. I sat towards Jake, who was sitting up on the couch. I put my feet across his lap, since they were cold again. He put his hands on my soft feet, and it was relief.

“Hmm?” he said, wanting to know my question.

“Did you notice anything strange when you moved to the couch from where I was sleeping?”

“No, why?” he asked, a small amount of worry in his voice.

“I just…before I went to sleep, I thought I saw…" I paused. I didn’t want him to know, in case he’d want to stay here to investigate. I wanted to go home, with him, back to Forks.

“What was it?” he asked, more interested.

“I don’t know. It was tall, and looked kind of like a person. It was probably just Mathew checking on us or something,” I reasoned.

“Or something?” he asked. He knew I was lying. I was like my mom, always bad at lying.

“Well, I didn’t really know what it was. I was just tired. You know, seeing things and going crazy,” I said, laughing awkwardly. He smiled, but was still skeptical. “Anyway, it’s almost ten-thirty. We should get ready to go,” I said, turning away from the previous subject.

He agreed and moved my feet to the floor. I got up and got ready to go, brushing my brownish-red hair. There were so many knots in my hair. I left it down, washed my face, brushed my teeth, and ran over my lashes with some brown mascara. I wore a plum colored, V-neck long sleeve shirt, dark blue jeans, and a black, puffy vest. I packed up my bag and walked outside to meet Jake, already ready and wearing his backpack. He wore a black, long sleeve shirt, jeans and sneakers. He never got cold, so what was the reason for wearing long sleeves? Oh right. Looking normal was essential. I’d never been out in public much before, so I wasn’t really used to looking the part of “normal” just yet.

“So, are we going to the airport by wolf back?” I asked sarcastically.

He laughing and shook his head. A white truck pulled up the driveway, and Mathew hopped out of it.

“You guys ready?” he called.

“Yeah,” Jake said, taking my bag into the truck.

I hopped into the backseat. Jake smiled and shut the door, running to the other side to sit next to me. I wave to Jaime as we pulled away onto the road. Miya just glared at me, glad I was gone. We drove for about an hour to the airport, which was busy for a Tuesday. I’d never been to an airport before. Quite the adventure for me. So many smells, so many…humans. It was uncomfortable, but I was able to swallow and hold my cool. Jake held my hand the whole way to the door of the airplane. We walked down the aisle and sat in our seats.

“How high are we going to go?” I asked nervously. He laughed, and I glared at him.

“About forty thousand feet. It’s not so bad,” he said, smiling tauntingly. I shut my eyes as tight as I could when the plane moved, and Jake laughed to himself. I had to let go of Jake’s hand, since my feelings of terror started to spin. My visualizations would go straight to Jake’s mind, had I kept my grip on him. And there’s no way I’m scaring him too. I looked out the window. There were so many people on the ground. So many cars, buildings and clouds. It was amazing! But I fell asleep on Jake’s shoulder before I could tell him about it. I was awoken, but remained quiet, keeping my eyes closed so I could sleep again. I was awake enough to hear a conversation between Jake and a flight attendant.

“So, she’s your sister?” the woman asked hopefully. She had to be desperate. Even a five year old could tell we were unrelated. Look at us! Giant tan guy with muscles, skinny pale girl with copper colored hair. It made me angry to think she’d even look at Jacob like that. I felt a hiss coming, but I tried to sink it into my sleep. It worked, and I stayed silent and still.

“No. She’s my girl,” Jake replied, looking at me. “My girl” wasn’t specific, but I’d hoped she take the hint. I could sense when I was being looked at. And his eyes were the warmest feeling. She shot a jealous glance at me, then turned to Jake.

“Can I get you anything?” she asked him. You can get me a large Never Talk to Him Again, I thought to myself. I prevented my instinctual growl from being heard and eagerly listening for Jake’s answer.

“No thanks. But when she wakes up, could I get a ginger ale for her? Please?” he asked, flashing his perfect smile. The women’s feet shook. I heard her breathing speed up. Jake took no notice, and continued to speak. “She’ll probably have a headache when she gets up.” I noticed he said when I get up, not when I wake up. Did he know I was awake? I tried not to think about it. I focused on how Ms. Nosy was feeling. Jake’s grin was mesmerizing, to everything and everyone. I sensed the flight attendant’s nervous and dazed nod and she walked off. It wasn’t cool when Jake did that. He always charmed people, and they had no control. I had experience with that myself.

I felt a small nudge on my shoulder.

“Nessie? Ness, wake up,” Jake whispered. I finally, unwillingly, opened my eyes. I saw Jake, holding a long delayed ginger ale. I had a moment of fear that he’d caught me, but no indication of that surfaced. I felt my shoulders lower a little in relaxation.

“We’re landing in about fifteen minutes. Here,” he said, giving the cup to me. I drank it all, not really thinking about it. The ginger ale was surprisingly not flat. The bubbles felt good in my stomach. I suddenly wanted to blow my cover. Maybe give Jake the hint that I was smarter than he thought.

“So, what else did Ms. No…flight attendant want?” I asked. He smiled, saying she’d asked a few questions, flirted a little, and left dissatisfied. I believed him, and we landed. I gripped Jake’s arm to the point of pain while the wheels of the airplane bounced back to the planet. I let go of his arm, leaving little, barely there bruises. “Sorry,” I said, kissing his cheek. He grinned, and the bruises faded instantly. My watch read 3:28. Just enough time to get home and make sure mom doesn’t panic. We got off the plane and walked down the long terminal. As we walked, the smells became more familiar. Pine trees and camping. Smoke from fires and water from the rain. There were less people here. It was more comforting than the Missoula airport. We walked through the sliding doors. Suddenly, we stopped in our tracks. The spiky, black hair, the glowing, golden eyes, and the stone white skin was what stopped us short. Alice.

Welcome Home

 

“Renesmee! You’re safe!” she practically screamed, running to hug me. Her stone hard body hit me like a ton of bricks, but I was glad to see her. I hugged her back, kind of irritated, but glad to see her. She let go of me, smiling. Her angelic features seemed to savor the long-waited relief to see me. She sighed, exhaling the scent of lavender and vanilla all around us. Even Jacob awakened a bit. We were both tired, but only I had slept on the plane. That was Jake’s thing. He saw that he could only sleep knowing I was comfortable and safe.

“Of course. I told you not to look for me Alice,” I said sternly. She apologized, since she knew just what I was talking about. Jake had no idea, raising an eyebrow at me. I waved him down, but as I reconnected my eyes with Alice, her fox face was now searing as she glared at Jake.

“You!”

I held Alice’s shoulder. Stone hard, I could still feel her muscles tighten. She looked at me, angry, but understanding. We climbed in the Volvo and drove to our house. The car was quiet, and me and Jake exchanged glances, knowing what was coming. When we reached home, our welcoming committee was less then pleased. I squeezed Jake’s hand, and we separated out of the car. The cold air smacked against my face as we walked across the stretch to the door. The loss of his heat gripping my hand almost frightened me. Alice walked to me, separating me from Jake’s side.

So many thing that I hadn’t thought of raced through my mind in a sixteenth of a millisecond. I wondered if Jake would be pardoned. Again. I begged to my dad, who I knew was listening, “Please Daddy! Please be nice! Please!” I tried to apologize in my mind, but I felt like a lemon being squeezed. I noted my eyes were blurry. The “lemon juice” fell from my eyes. Jake squeezed my hand this time.

“Renesmee, you’re okay!” my mother exclaimed, hugging me.

“I’m fine mom.” I sniffled up the tears and shook my head once. Good. My father’s mask took over.

“Why the hell would you run off like that?” Bella asked, awaiting an answer. How many times have I heard that question? I thought.

“Mom, I…I had to see him. I had to know he was okay,” I said, turning to Jake. He wanted to smile, but I shot him a glance, and he complied.

They all stared at me. My aunts and my mom were more engrossed in asking if I was hurt. My answer was no, every time. My father came over and kissed my forehead, then made me stand with my aunts as he took a step towards Jake. His eyes that looked through me before he stepped away were angry. Furious. A new kind of angry. Like hell reflected off his face. I wanted to move. I wanted to run and protect Jacob. But I couldn’t, and the cold vises that gripped my arms grew tighter and tighter. My aunts held me firm as Edward walked up to Jake. I felt Jake’s eyes try to make Edward burst into flames.

“You left my daughter without saying why, you left her unprotected and endangered, and then you let her walk over 500 miles, just to pretend everything is okay,” my father said, almost in a whisper. Jake looked at him, confused.

“I didn’t force her to do anything.” Jake’s tone was dead.

“The hell you didn’t! You knew she’d go searching anyway! And put her in danger! Jacob, you need to stay away. We’re done here,” Edward concluded. We’re? I don’t think so. When did I become a we?

“No, you’re done!” I screamed, fighting back tears. I jolted from my aunts and ran to Jake. I held up my arms, but not in defeat. “I’ve had enough! You can’t decide for me anymore!”

My dad looked surprised. “You’ve given me no choice, Nessie,” he said softly. He thought he’d win this fight, which is why he didn’t yell. When did I give you a choice? When have you ever given me a choice? This shouldn’t be your choice, I thought, knowing he could hear me. I had to turn to Jake. I didn’t want to see Edward’s face. If he saw me cry, he would definitely win,

“Jake, please. Please, don’t go,” I asked him. I wrapped my arms around him as tight as I could. His muscles tightened in response, but he tried to hide his pain. Esme walked over, and set her hand on my shoulder. I released Jake, expecting to be dragged back to my room by my shoulders. Kicking, screaming. Thrown back into my room. My cell, I should say. But Esme’s icy hand was soft. Compassionate.

“I agree with you and Jake. Edward,” Esme said. Her warm, honey eyes were insistent. Her rosy, unnaturally red lips were solid, and stern. “Jacob should be able to see Renesmee. You know what will happen if they're ripped apart.” My jaw dropped slightly. Out of shock, and thankfulness. My gramma was the best.

Edward looked at Jake, then back to Esme. But not to me.

“But, Esme…” Edward opposed. His arms tightened, and his lips twitched. Fatherly instinct was more powerful than respect for a parent or superior. My mother came to my defense as well. My eyes sparkled. I felt the little crystal glitter swimming in the honey of my eyes. I wasn’t alone in my quest for Jacob.

“Edward, when you left, I tried to harm myself so I could see you again. Do you really want that to happen to your daughter? Night terrors, addiction to adrenaline, weight loss, physical and emotional pain continuously…” My mother blinked her candle-gold eyes, trying to get Edward to understand. His expression stayed hard, but it was a weak barrier. Carlisle came to our side as well. I was finally breathing again.

“I won’t lose my granddaughter, Edward,” he said calmly. We now had Jake, Carlisle, Bella, Esme and myself on our side. Opposing, was Alice, Jasper, Rose, Emmett, and Edward. Tie.

“Daddy,” I whispered. “Please?”

There was no point in begging the others. Jasper was a stone wall when it came to what he believed. Emmett was…impossible to persuade. Rose was…Rose. Let’s just say that and move right along. Alice was my best friend. How could she?

He sighed heavily. “Don’t screw up again Jake. Or else.” Edward went back inside, not waiting for Bella or anyone else.

I hugged Jake in triumph. I could sense he was smiling, and I flicked his shoulder. My family wouldn’t want to see triumph in Jacob’s face. Rose huffed, but I dismissed it. My mother sighed, familiar with Edward’s bleak attitude when it came to me and Jake. Esme hugged me and went inside, with Carlisle following her. I looked at Jake, who looked worried.

“What? Aren’t you happy?” I asked.

“Yeah. But on the plane, I was thinking about that thing you were telling me about this morning. Do you think it could have been…” Once he said my father’s name, I promised myself, Give no answer. Jake found my silence was an answer in itself.
...
I went up to my room to try and shake my horribly mysterious thoughts. Of course there was relief, that I could see Jacob again. But the mystery of the figure submerged my thoughts. “Who was it that was in that house?” I kept asking myself. I grabbed my brush and sat on my futon. I brushed through my hair, listening to my family conversations downstairs. The house was divided. Half wanted me and Jake to be allowed to see each other (as friends), but the other half wanted us to separate, claiming I’d get over it, go to school in a couple years, and meet someone else. They wanted to stop us, or at least that’s what I heard. Stop us from what? I ignored the question and continued listening. I was mostly calm. But the one thing I hated was that my family was deciding my fate. My fate.

And what hurt me most, was that Alice, my best friend, was against me and Jake. So was Rose, Emmett, Jasper, and (secretly), my father. But he kept quiet, standing by and supporting my mom, who was on my side. I tried to ignore everyone, so I figured taking a bath might help. The water was nice, but I couldn’t spend more than 10 minutes before I had to get out. I didn’t want them arguing, but I did want to know what they were saying. I slipped into a red silk nightgown, which I only wore in times of stress. It stretched down to my knees. I only wore it occasionally, when I would be alone for a while. I didn’t like being seen in it. It was too revealing. I wrote in my little, purple diary that I hid in a secret place. Not even Jake knew about my book. I kept everything in it. Secrets, feelings, thoughts…all of it I wrote in this book. It was the material version of my inner self.

A thump caused me to slide the book underneath me. I was lying on my stomach, feet crossed. I looked up to see Jake, standing there, a little embarrassed. I grabbed a blanket and tried to cover myself and my book, but I toppled and fell off my bed.

“Privacy means nothing to you,” I said, wrapped up in my blanket like a burrito. It was so tight, I couldn’t get free without help.

“Apparently not. And it wasn’t like I knew you wore something…like that,” he said.

“Oh, ha ha. Well, I thought I’d be alone. I should lock that window,” I teased. But the comment made Jake growl instinctively. The idea of being away from me was unbearably frustrating to him. I walked over to the bathroom and wrapped a robe around myself. But I couldn’t find my book! I looked and shook my clothes. Nothing. Then, I heard a page flip. Jake! I sprinted from the bathroom, almost slipping on the bathroom mat.

“Jake! Don’t you dare!” I said, grabbing the book. We both held onto it, and I tackled him for the book. That book was the most private thing I had in this house, and I was not about to let it be exposed. I pushed his face away with my left hand, as my right held tightly on my book, which he wouldn’t let go of! I ripped the book from his hands and ran for the bathroom, but he grabbed my foot! I tripped and fell onto the carpet, shaking my foot. I was laughing, he was laughing. If the world saw us, they’d be laughing.

“Let go!” I shrieked through the giggles. He let go, and I crawled to the bathroom. Hiding my book, I returned to find Jake on the floor.

“You can get up now,” I said. He scrambled to his feet, trying to seem cool.

“I still can’t believe everyone is fighting over my future. Isn’t that my job?” I said, laying down on my futon at the end of my bed. Jake sat at the foot of the futon, smiling.

“Technically, your future is my future, so it’s my job too,” he said, messing with strands of my hair, which was now messy again.

"Promise me you won't have discussions with my family under my nose?" I asked firmly.

“Deal. But now you have to promise me something.”

“Depends on what it is,” I replied, smiling at my quick thinking.

“Okay, well, you have to promise me that you’ll be sleeping at my house for Christmas.”

“Deal,” I said, without contemplation. We made our promises, and we shook on it. I always spent Christmas with my family, so this would be a change. I needed change. And since it was December now, Christmas would come soon enough.

 

Preparing for the Holiday

 5 days before Christmas…

“Nessie, where’s the pink sparkly ornaments?” Rose called from the living room. She was decorating the tree, and she had to add pink.

It was a week before Christmas, the happiest week of our “lives.” Our family was never more together then at Christmas time. We always felt more human at Christmas time. It was Rosalie’s favorite time of year.

“There in the closet Rose. Next to the tinsel,” I called from the kitchen. Rose was getting all of our decorations out, her second favorite thing to do. Of course, she and Alice always had to fight over the decorations, but during this time, no one stayed angry at anyone. It was amazing. Emmett brought the tree into the house. It was huge, as always. We always picked our own tree from the woods every year. As Rose hung decorations, me and my mother made a ton of cookies for the wolves. They were the only ones that ate them, after all. Obviously, I couldn’t leave the wooden spoon unattended, so that was my job. While I licked the dough covered spoon, Emmett locked the tree in place and Rose began decorating. Rosalie’s favorite thing to do, above all else, was baking and cooking. That’s probably the only reason she tolerates the wolves presence at Christmas. She said cooking and baking made her feel motherly. Happy.

“Ooh! Ooh! Let me do the tinsel for the tree! Please?” Alice begged Rose. Rosalie smiled warmly (which was a nice change) at her childish voice, and nodded. She squealed and grabbed the tinsel with her lightning speed, covering the tree it the strips of shiny plastic. Rose began placing every ornament ever so delicately on the tree. My father played on his piano at Christmas time. He said the time of year was his “inspirational atmosphere.” Musicians…

Esme, Alice and Rose continued covering the tree in everything they could. Me and my mother finished our sixth batch of a dozen cookies. Carlisle spent a lot of time at the hospital, attending to the holiday injuries. I wondered what could happen at a hospital during Christmas, besides expectant mothers giving birth.

“I smell cookies!” I heard Seth yell from outside. Jake, Seth and Nate came inside. Seth and Nate dove right in, biting the still soft cookies that had not yet cooled. Their eyes suddenly widened, and they rushed to the sink. The cookies were still really hot. Jake came to give me a hug, but I couldn’t help but laugh and Seth and Nate’s foolishness.

“Of course. We make cookies, you come running,” I said to Jake. He rolled his eyes.

“I got you something,” he said, holding out a little charm. It looked like a bracelet charm. It was an ornament shape, with the little metal top that connected with one of the links that attach to a chain. It was a jewel, sparkling and clear. It reminded me of a vampire’s skin.

“I love it,” I said quietly, almost speechless.

“It’s to commemorate your first Christmas with us,” he said, smiling.

I was boiling over in happiness, but Rose was unfortunately listening. She almost dropped the ornament she was holding. But with vampire agility, she placed the ornament back in the box and rushed to the kitchen where we stood. She eyed Jake with flames.

“What do you mean, with us?” she asked promptly. Jake and I looked at each other. Dammit, I’m sure we both thought at the same time.

“I made a promise to Jake. And that promise involved me, spending the night on Christmas Eve, and…uh…his house,” I cringed at the last part, speaking the last words through my teeth. I scratched my head uncomfortably.

Rosalie hissed in anger. Emmett was at her side in a flash, keeping her civil.

“But…you always spend Christmas with us Ness,” Emmett said. I couldn’t tell…was he trying to make me feel guilty, or was he really disappointed?

“I know. But I made a promise, and I think some change would be good. Besides, I’ll come home on Christmas day. I promise.”

Rose huffed and walked away. Emmett shrugged, telling me not to worry. But that’s what he always said. Jake put his hand on my shoulder as my father walked in. My muscles tightened as he turned to face me. Jake’s arm suddenly thickened with pressure.

“Why are you going to his house?” Edward asked calmly.

“I thought it was would be a nice change. You know, something different. Besides, I promised.”

He looked down, upset. But he looked up and smiled. “Just come home safe, okay?”

I ran over and hugged him tightly. “I will dad,” I whispered.

Jake had grabbed a cookie from the kitchen, after they’d cooled. Unfortunately, Seth couldn’t wait. But it was still funny. I laughed, and then coughed violently. Jake asked if I was okay, and I replied with yes. My dad smirked, knowing I was lying. But a quick angry glance kept him quiet.

For the past few days, I’d been coughed violently, and having a sore throat. I figured it was a simple cold, or allergies, since my human side could still be susceptible to illnesses. I was probably right anyway. It would pass…right?

We finished decorating the tree and the house. All around the roof and the porch, lights dazzled the place. I loved the lit house, and just looking at it made my heart go aflutter. Everyone was wearing regular, any day clothes, even though it was snowing. So I felt kind of dumb, me being the only one needing three jackets. I suddenly felt a cold blow to the back of my head. It went numb, and then turned to water in my hair. A snowball!

“Seth!” I screamed. He laughed at my red face, burning with a mix of embarrassment and anger. The snow melted off my hair, but I couldn’t let that go. My cheeks still filled with blood, burning against my skin.

“Aw, come on! Can’t take the heat!”

“No, can’t take the cold!” I yelled, throwing a snowball at him. It hit him right in the gut, but he was unscathed. The snowball turned to water, almost immediately evaporating. I through it like a baseball player, only 100 times more powerful. And yet, he simply smirked at my feeble attempt. Stupid werewolf perks…

Jake threw another snowball right at Seth. But Seth was quick this time, dodging the ball of hard fluff and sending it flying past him. We all froze as the snowball smashed into Edward’s face. He wiped the frozen slush off his face, and a smile grew across his face. He sent a snowball right into Jake’s face, and soon, everyone joined in. Snowballs flew everywhere at lightning speeds. The slush only melted on the werewolves’ faces, which I loved, since I hated wet. Our skin was too cold to make the ice melt. My core was warm, but my outer shell, my skin, was cold. As I got older, I became more vampire-like, what with my eyes changing to honey and my skin turning to ice. If I came in contact with warmth, I’d become warm on the outside too. But not for very long. The cold was always biting at me.

When we were finally done, Alice was quick to redecorate, since our glass-shattering snowballs had ruined many of our outdoor lights. Of course, her lecture of safety and respect for décor slipped away from us. I lay down on the couch, exhausted. Jake sat down next to me, tired as well. But something was off. Not right. He asked if I felt okay, but I shook my head. He sat up, assessing what I looked like. I suddenly lurched up, about to run to the bathroom. I felt as though little ice shards were stabbing my feet, legs, and stomach. But as I did, I plummeted to the ground. I couldn’t move my feet, and Jake was by my side in a matter of milliseconds. Air had retreated, and I gasped loudly.

“Nessie! Nessie, what’s wrong?” he demanded to know. I kicked off my boots to reveal blue, almost black, frozen feet beneath my socks. I shook in fear of my own feet. Alice shrieked, whether it be in disgust or fear for me.

“I…I can’t feel my feet!” I cried. And I couldn’t. I tried to move my toes. Nothing. I tried to stand, but I stumbled back down, as though the floor was made of ice. Would I lose my feet? What even brought this on? I tried to jump up again, but I fell backwards. Jake caught my head before it could slam onto the black, hardwood floor.

My sight was fading as Jasper and Emmett came to Jake’s side. Emmett carried me upstairs, and Carlisle brought the needles. I hate needles…

Carlisle began poking me with all kinds of syringes, filled with clear fluids and blue fluids and whatever else! I flinched at every poke, but Jake held my hand tight. It was the only part of my body that was warm. I couldn’t keep my eyes open, and sudden exhaustion overcame me. I suddenly saw black, but my eyes were still cold. Still open. But I couldn’t see. I realized my eyes were probably rolling. The darkness covered, and I fell asleep, feeling Jake’s fiery hand try to shake me awake.

Development

2 days before Christmas…

I shook uncomfortably. My head spun, even when my eyes were still closed tight. Once I finally willed them, my eyes flickered up to Jake, asleep, but still holding my hand. My fingers were sweating, burning even. But I didn’t pull away. Instead, I reached and grabbed my phone from the table next to me, and saw the two tubes attached to my arm. I tried to pull them out, but Jake grabbed my wrist before I could get a good grip on the neck of the plastic tube. A beeping sound was in the background, though I ignored it.

“Don’t do that,” he warned. “Liquid “you” will spill all over the place, and I can’t fight all of your family at one time.” He was smiling, but serious at the same time.

I laid my head back, looking at my phone. “Three days,” I said weakly, in disbelief. “And it’s already one-thirty?”

“You like to sleep. It‘s the best time for us to listen to your every thought,” he said. I glared at him, worried about what they heard. My mom’s human nature, sleep talking, was so annoying. Thanks mom… But I turned more panicked when the idea of tubes in me came to light.

“Jacob, what happened?”

“Carlisle said that your so-called “cold” was actually extreme hypothermia. You’ve been freezing from the inside out for about two weeks. And it finally caught up with you. He said I should stay, in case you need anything.”

“My feet?”

“Pink again,” he said, sighing happily. I wiggled my pink-again toes. I sighed along with him. Jake stayed, though Rose was not the greatest hostess. Their bickering only made me laugh, though I’d tell them once or twice to knock it off.

“So, when can I get out of these leashes?” I asked, holding up a few of the tubes attached to my arm.

“In about three hours. Carlisle said the clock starts after you wake up.”

He handed me a mirror, and I couldn’t believe how much better I looked. I had rosy lips again, my pale, pink flush was back, and my eyes were brighter and the brownish gold color they radiated appeared like dark caramel.

“Wow, I look great!” I said. He laughed, and I blushed a little.

“You do,” he agreed. At first, I thought he was being funny, asking instead of saying. But he really did say I looked good. And that was nice to hear.

Finally, less than an hour later, Carlisle removed my plastic tubes and helped me up. He said that I should be fine, but in case I wasn’t feeling well again, I should say so. I nodded, and Jake hugged me tightly when I stood up. His body wasn’t as warm, and I worried.

“Why are you cold?” I asked.

“Oh, yeah, that. Seth and I were just outside. I don’t feel cold though.”

“Of course you don’t.”

“It’s a wolf thing,” he said, grinning.

“No, it’s not. It’s another Jacob thing,” I replied, wiping the melted snow off his face.

“Another?”

“Stubbornness is your most prominent feature of course,” I said, walking out of the room. The house was dazzling, even better than before I was sick. It was beautiful, and Alice claimed responsibility happily. Jasper rolled his eyes, mouthing, “We helped.” I nodded secretly, and smiled all the same. Emmett came and hugged me, picking me up off the ground, swirling me around.

“You’re just as bad as your mom! So sensitive, even to the cold,” Emmett said, his booming laughter echoing through the house. I was surprised that our gigantic glass window-walls hadn’t broken yet from Emmett’s laughter. He finally put me down, and Rose came to lightly hug me. I sat on the couch, regaining my strength.

“I have something to show you,” Jacob said. I looked at him quizzicly until he held up his arm above us. A small, three leaf bundle of mistletoe hung by the doorframe. I smiled, looking back at Jake.

This kiss, I wanted.

He came closer, cupping my icy cheek with his hand. Holding me tighter, our lips collided gently. My cold lips and his warm lips intertwined perfectly, maintaining the most amazing temperature ever. I was awestruck, and couldn’t help but kiss him again.

Rose interupted us with a loud throat clearing, and we pulled apart quickly. She was holding a beautiful silver star. It sparkled and was the size of a steering wheel. “We wanted to wait so you could put the tree topper on,” Rose said to me. She cringed when she smelled the small but strong werewolf scent on me. Rose always described the smell as musty and dirty. I could smell it too. But to me, it smelled like cinnamon buns baking around the room. Suddenly, Jake’s smell changed. It went from slightly smoky and campfire burning, to all cinnamon. It smelled so good, I had to hold myself back from hugging Jake, just to smell him.

I smiled insincerely at Rose, giving her the impression to please, for God’s sake, be quiet. She could smell the scent of hormone raged werewolf all around me, but she cemented her voice. I took the tree topper delicately from Rose, who smiled. I flinched at her, realizing her true genuineness in the smile. Emmett easily picked me up, placing me on his shoulder with one arm holding me in place. I felt like I was in a highchair or standing on a parade float. I put the tree topper gently on the tree.

“So…” Jake began, coming up behind me, laying his chin on my shoulder. I flinched at first, but then I relaxed completely. “We have absolutely no decorations at my place.”

I gasped loud and dramatically, busting out in laugher afterwards. He laughed too, and then looked to Edward. Edward was disgusted for some reason. Jacob’s mind, no doubt…I looked to Edward who nodded reluctantly in permission. I smiled widely, flashing my white teeth as I ran up to my room, grabbing my bag, and ran back to Jake’s side in less than five seconds. Jake was smiling in victory towards Edward, flashing back to his memory of our kiss. Edward cringed as Jake’s memory of him claiming me raced in his head, and I finally nudged Jacob on the shoulder. He shifted back to me, asking if I was ready. I nodded and we walked outside. A took one last glance at our beautiful house. I hugged my family goodbye one by one. Emmett swirled me around again, but then, very seriously, he whispered, “Be careful.” I couldn’t tell if he was ordering me, or asking me. I didn’t respond. Bella hugged me, sighing a “We‘ll miss you” sigh. Edward kissed my cheek, cupping it in his hand. His cold, hard hands were still soft to me, comforting even. Staring into my honey glazed eyes, he tried for a smile. I raised an eyebrow and huffed a laugh to myself. “Listen to Emmett,” Edward breathed as I walked down the steps to Jake’s bike. I wondered why my family acted like it would be the last time they saw me. I feared… my family may never let me go.

We got to Jake’s house around three. Seth greeted us, taking my bags inside. I went into the guest room, where I usually slept. But as I looked around, my bed was gone! All there was in the room was a computer on a big desk, with a leather chair in front of it. The walls were grayish-purple, like I’d painted them. But they were also covered in pictures. Pictures of my family, Jake’s family, me and Jake, Bella and Edwards wedding photos. It was nice, but I had nowhere to sleep now.

“Uh, Jake?” I called from the room. He sailed over to my side, but relaxed.

“We gave your bed to Seth. So he could stay here instead of living with his mom. They’re not exactly…close, anymore.”

I turned to him, surprised. Seth was always sweet to everyone, but his mom was…harsh. She never liked the Cullens,. She didn’t like what me and Jake were to each other. She thought that two worlds were never meant to collide, and ours was crash landing. But no one believed her.

“So…I’m supposed to sleep….?” I began asking, hoping Jake would answer.

“You sleep in my room,” he said, opening the door in the back of the hallway. Blood rushed to my face as I entered Jacob’s room. It was a pale, cold gray wall color. Surprising, Jake’s room looking like my family’s skin color. He had drawers overflowing with clothes, and another door connected to a bathroom. Everything was everywhere. It was somewhat irritating, having no order in the room. Jake’s bed was beautiful though. It had a dark wooden headboard and frame, and had white sheets. Over the sheets was a burgundy comforter and four black pillows, neatly placed in a perfect line against the headboard. Why did his bedroom look so bad, yet he kept perfect tabs on his bed? I blinked a few times. He had a small, hand-woven dream catcher above his bed, and its beads drifted along with the hot air that blew from the house’s heater. The heater was attached to the ceiling, on only one side of the bed. I guess that’s where I’ll sleep.

“You’re bad at keeping house,” I commented. His laughed, and picked up some of his clothes frantically. He took out all the clothes from two of the drawers and packed them away in plastic storage tubs, putting them in the hall closet. “You can use these for your…clothes,” he choked. He’d seen my “sleepwear” before, and it made him nervous. Excited and nervous. I promised myself, no see through, Victoria secret, silky, cool….where was I going with this? Oh yeah, I’d promised myself I’d never where that in Jake’s house. A house full of male animals. Wonderful.

I spent about two hours cleaning all the nooks and crannies of Jake’s room. Dust was everywhere, clothes needed to be washed, and the bathroom was covered in all different kinds of films of shampoos, soaps, hair gel, and toothpaste! I scrubbed and washed and folded, the boys just sat back and watched in amazement. But I couldn’t let them just sit back and enjoy the show. I threw Seth a mop, Nate a trash bag, and I told Jake to go get a tree, since they didn’t even have one yet! Four days before Christmas, ugh… so much to do.

“Seth, mop the kitchen and bathrooms. Nate, you take all the food that’s expired from the fridge and throw it into the bag. Same thing with trash around the house. And I know there is plenty of food that’s gone bad. We can all smell it,” I ordered. Each of them inhaled deeply, and then coughed hard.

“Is that milk or tacos?” Nate asked, his face looking miserable and sour. Probably both, I thought. Thank God the hallway was carpet, and surprisingly clean!

“I don’t know, but it was nice knowing you,” Seth said, patting Nate on the shoulder as he moved closer to the fridge. I laughed, returning to my workings. It took us until about five-thirty to clean the whole house. Jake returned with the tree just as we finished. The boys plopped on the couch, faking their exhaustion. But it wasn’t over yet.

“Okay, guys. I’ll make you a deal. We finish decorating tonight, and I’ll make my special marshmallow chocolate-chip cookies,” I bargained. Their eyes lit up and they shot from their seats, racing to the garage. Jake smiled, locking the tree in place and holding my waist from behind.

“You know, those boys would work a lot harder around here if you could cook,” I teased. He laughed. I shuttered slightly at the feel of his breathe. The heat felt like a hairdryer on my neck. Seth and Nate came back, forcing Jake to release me and begin decorating. Seth and Nate kept dropping the glass ornaments, so I enlisted them in putting lights on the outside of the house, where they could punch as many rocks and topple as many trees as they wished.

“Jake,” I began. He looked up at me, holding a sparkly, red circular ornament. He put it on the tree, not caring where it was. He sat on the couch, and I sat next to him. I held my breath, against my instincts. But I was anxious, and didn’t want Jake to catch on.

“I can’t be away from you. I can’t even think of going twenty-four hours without hugging you or at least feeling your hand on my shoulder. I don't know why my hormones are…” I stopped.

“Your what?” he asked, wide eyed. Oh no...the one time he actually listened, it was something I didn’t really want him to understand...

“My…uh…”

I was saved. Seth and Nate came back inside, covered in snow. Seth’s hand was bleeding, so I shot from the couch to assist. Crimson blood covered the counter. I breathed deeply and cleaned his hand, which was healed in a matter of minutes. He said that he and Nate were just goofing off until he fell and his hand landed on something sharp. He held up a sharp, perfectly white tooth. I immediately knew what it was, and froze.

“Seth, this is a vampire tooth,” I said, a little fear in my voice.

“No bloodsuckers have been through the border in weeks,” Nate commented. Jake shot him a warning glance. I glared at Nate, who had a grin. The word ‘bloodsucker’ was what I considered the most offensive thing people could call me. Nate was so sure of himself. So sure that nothing had gotten through the border.

“This tooth is still sharp,” Jake observed. “And small.”

I looked at the tooth even more closely. I noticed that the tooth was smaller than mine. Not by much, but still visibly smaller. This vampire must have only been fourteen, maybe even younger, when they were changed. I looked at Jake, then went back to the tooth.

“Only newborns have this sharp of teeth. Their teeth are unusually sharper, and dull down slightly when they get older. Vampire teeth become more and more human-like if we eat animals, but a diet of human makes the teeth visible sharper. The perfect hunter. And if this is a young newborn, this close to Forks, it could be anywhere. And judging by the tooth, this newborn looks young, meaning still has its hormonal human tissues. Dangerous,” I told Jake, who was listening intently.

“Ness, we shouldn’t focus on this. This tooth might have just been a vampire that we already got. We should focus on Christmas,” Seth said. I nodded reluctantly, and Jacob tried to muster up a smile. I smiled too, more genuine, continuing with the decorations. We both were happier by the end of the day. We all came outside to see the glittering glory we had set up. Jake put his arm around me, Seth stared in awe, and Nate shrugged. But the one thing that made me happy was that this would be the first night I stayed here. With Jake. In his bed.

We ate take out. Jake said I’d done enough with the house, and cooking wasn’t necessary. I shrugged it off. Jake was too worried. He should be happier.

“The house smells so much better!” I yelled from the bathroom. I was changing, and Alice had switched a few things.

“Uh, Jake? Can I borrow a shirt?”

“Alice get into your luggage again?” he asked. He laughed aloud, but I simply repeated my question.

“Jake, please, just give me a shirt.”

He grabbed a shirt from his drawer and walked over to the door. I slid my hand through the partially open door, grabbing the shirt and retreating hastily. He just laughed to himself. So he found other’s embarrassment funny. Real nice…

The shirt was still short, but its long sleeves would keep me warm. Jake’s only long-sleeve shirt made me feel…special. I showered and shaved, putting my hair up into a bun. After I got out, I brushed my hair, letting it down from a tight bun. I brushed my teeth thoroughly, and slipped lip balm over my lips. I slipped the shirt on, and took a deep breath in the mirror. Jacob’s scent rushed up my nose, making my stomach flutter. Luckily, the shirt was black, covering my undergarments safely. I slowly opened the door, but Jake wasn’t there. I walked over, and then jumped when I heard a flush. The bathroom door down the hall opened, and Jake walked out. I walked back to the bed, and crawled on the dark red comforter. I fixed the black pillow that had fallen over on Jacob’s side when he came through the door.

“Sorry, the shirt doesn’t fit right,” I said.

“Fits perfect to me,” Jake said, with a mischievous grin. Blood rushed to my face, and I lay down. But before I could, I hit my head on the headboard of the bed. Stupid, stupid, stupid!

Jake rushed to me the second I sat up and held my head. I blinked, and shook for a second. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, fine. Just clumsy.”

I’d never really talked about that with Bella, but she had told me. She told me anything I asked about. She said I had the right to know what I asked to know. She told me that Jake had fallen in love with her (or so he thought) after she came back to Forks, around the time she met Edward. Jake wouldn’t give up, but he finally did when Edward married Bella. After I was born, Jacob wasn't confused by false love or infatuations. He’d never endured true imprinting until he’d made eye contact with me that day. My birth day.

But now...I could hardly focus. Jake was too…beautiful. He had on his beige cargo shorts, no shoes, no shirt. I started shivering, but I wasn’t cold. I was awestruck. His dark brown eyes looked at me, as though I was a goddess. How I deserved his perfection, his soul, I did not know. He laid down next to be, and I lay on his chest, perfectly warm. His chest was firm, but warm and velvet to touch. I could hardly stay awake, being in perfect union with my bodily temperature. Jacob twirled my hair, lifting it every now and then to smell. He said I always smelled the same: lavender and vanilla. He reached down and softly kissed my head. That kiss was the last leaf that fell from my conscious tree, and I fell deeply asleep.

The next day, I woke up with Jake’s arms tight around me. His snoring was deep, and he was so asleep, I made my escape without disturbing him. I crept back down through the living room. Nate went home, and Seth was sound asleep. I could hear him sleep talking, about some girl he’d met in school. I giggled, and went back into spy mode, making my way to the tree. I glanced at the kitchen clock. 10:30, it read. Christmas Eve. But since Jake had just gotten a tree, I had some planning to do. The wolves would wake up at twelve, so I had just that much time to go and get their gifts. I wondered…where could I hide Christmas gifts from werewolves? Hmm…

It was about twelve-thirty when I returned. Shopping was brutal during Christmas time, but I still managed to get a few things. It was strange, being around humans now, even more then I had been. It was uncomfortable, but I could easily blend. I could blend much better than my family, because of my more human-like features, like my warm skin and rosy complexion.

Seth was watching TV in the living room when I burst through the door.

“Don’t look!” I yelled, hauling the gifts through the house.

“Why?” Seth asked, already intrigued. He was about to turn, but I through a magazine at him.

I stuffed my Christmas secrets in the hall closet, and then walked back to the living room. “Do you ever listen?” I asked.

“Only to me,” I heard Jake call. Before I knew it, he scooped me up and twirled me around in his arms. “So, whatcha get me?”

“Not until Christmas. And don’t sneak around trying to find them,” I said, slipping out of his arms.

“Jake, we’re still going on patrol, remember?” Seth reminded. Jake sighed loudly, and I looked at him in confusion. Then, a scowl clouded my expressions.

“We’re going patrolling for the vampire that left the tooth. She could be anywhere, but I doubt she went into town. She’s probably going after hikers,” Jake explained. A rush of shivers went down my back. Those poor people, being hunted like animals. I shot a glance of fear at Jake. He hugged me tight, whispering in my ear, “I’ll be back before 4:00, I promise.” He kissed the top of my head and he and Seth ran out of the door. Nate met up with them just as they walked outside, Leah following. She shot me an angry glare as she phased and ran off. “Stay safe,” I whispered. Jake winked at me, and phased. His eyes were the same in wolf form: caring and calm. He walked to the trail, growling at Leah before sprinting ahead, with the others following loyally. I started on those marshmallow chocolate-chip cookies I promised Seth I’d make, though my mind was a thousand miles away while doing so.

I looked in the mirror of the bathroom. It was about 2:00 pm now, and Jake was going to come back soon. The girl who looked back at me didn’t look exactly like me. I blinked my eyes, and there she was. There I was. My hair was the same, but my face was a little bit different. My lips were a little plumper, and my chin was a little bit broader. My waist was tighter, and I was about three inches taller. It was a pleasant, unexpected surprise. I grew, again, in such a short manner of time...

Jake and the others returned at exactly 4 pm. I changed into a white tee-shirt, white ballet flats, and dark blue jeans. I put on a dark red scarf from some holiday style. I made all kinds of Christmassy foods. Fruitcake, cookies, chocolate cherry cake. Vampire speed helped.

They burst through the door, laughing and hollering. Leah walked through, gloomily and quiet. Not a new sight. Her mood was all too familiar. Jake came through the door last, smiling at he leaned against the doorframe, even wider taking in my slightly changed form. He moved his finger, motioning for me to come. I walked over, smiling as though I was waiting for something.

“Jake,” Leah said, ruining our moment. “Tell her.”

Leah wasn’t always this way. Jake told me of how she used to be nice. Even fun! But after the Sam and Emily thing, she turned bitter. She’s always risen to certain occasions to be nice, but only when the situation absolutely demands it.

I turned back to Jake. “What?” I asked.

“We chased down the vampire, but she won’t be back for a while,” Jake said. “She’s just like you said. Dangerous, newborn and young. Only about fourteen. She had reddish-blonde hair and red eyes. She kind of looks like…”

“Like, what?”

“Like…Victoria.”

I froze. Victoria? That’s impossible! Victoria is dead. Her body was burned in front of Edward’s eyes. Bella told me so.

“What do you mean by she ‘kind of’ looks like Victoria?”

“She has reddish-blonde hair, not bright red hair. She’s smaller and her hair is straight instead of curly and puffy,” Jake described. I was shocked. Bella had shown me what Victoria looked like. She was scary, but like all vampires, she was also very pretty. How could this happen? Victoria’s been dead for years.

“It’s impossible right? I mean, Victoria can’t come back to life.”

Leah huffed. “Don’t freak out. You start hyperventilating. It gets annoying.”

Jake shot an angry glance, but I ignored Leah. I was too scared about Victoria. The thought of her return rattled me. She tried to kill Bella. James, her mate, was after Bella for no reason but his own sick games. The way I see it, a murderer (James) was after my mom, they killed him, and then another murderer (Victoria) was trying to avenge the first. It’s confusing…I know. But more petrifying through my eyes.

“Nessie, we got it. There’s nothing to be afraid of,” Seth attempted to assure me. Jake touched me shoulder, and I realized just how scared I appeared. I was shaking slightly, but Jake’s grip on my shoulder make the shaking stop.

“You’re safe,” Jake whispered.

I nodded, and everyone started eating. I lay on the couch, and just as my head touched the pillow, the pain and burn of my throat seared into me. My lungs filled with flame, and I held my breath. Jake came from the kitchen, and looked down at me. My amber eyes filled with darkness, and my skin lost its rosy sheen, turning pale white.

“Thirsty?” he asked sarcastically. I nodded innocently, and I got up from the couch. I went to the door, but Jake grabbed my wrist that gripped the doorknob.

“Jake, I’ll be fine. It’s not like I’m defenseless,” I said, insistence in my voice. Jake’s grip loosened, but he didn’t let go.

“I can’t let you go by yourself,” he said. Seth jumped up, ready for the task.

“Jake, I’m fine. I’ve hunted by myself before,” I lied slyly, “so I can do this.”

He let go of my wrist, but was nervous as I slid out of the house. I sensed his hands trembling on instinct. The protective urge to shield your imprint.

Unfriendly

I ran north, inhaling the fire, searching for relief. I smelled mountain lion up further north, near the snow covered edges of the border between Washington and Canada. I ran for about an hour before the smell was strong enough for my hunting instinct to take over. I ran to the smell, perching in the tree, waiting. The mountain lion walked calmly, not even noticing my smell. My hungry eyes scanned it’s body, searching for the right moment. I pounced, killing it with a quick swipe. Thick redness flowed down my throat, sealing away the pain. After I was done, I started for home, knowing Jake would be worried. I ran, but suddenly, I felt the need to stop. I looked around, thinking that something was following me or watching me.

“Who’s there?” I called out, sensing staring eyes. Silence. The smell of cherry blossoms and blood tainted my nose. I was repulsed and delighted at the same time. My arms quivered, but I controlled my thirst. Even right after you hunt, the thirst is never quenched. If you were a vegetarian, the thirst was even harder to control if you smelled human blood. But what were the cherry blossoms about? I turned to the left, and there was a girl. Younger than me, reddish-blonde hair, red eyes. It was her!

“Victoria,” I whispered to myself. She looked at me, confused at what I was. She stood solid, without fear. I asked her who she was and demanded she leave. She took a step towards me, but I took one back. She paused, knowing now that I was afraid.

“I’m Kila,” she said. Her voice was happy, cheery. But tainted with venom. Untrustworthy was the only word that came to mind. “What are you?” she asked, genuinely intrigued. She could hear my heart beat rhythmically, and smell the blood that ran through my veins. But she could see the immortality in me. Her curiosity was intimidating, and she looked at me as though she was going to dissect me like a lab frog. She cocked her head to the side, and sprouted a small, smile. It looked like she was attempting to look friendly. But her attempt failed, disturbingly. I felt a shiver shake me, and I bolted. I raced through the pine and mint scents, and the occasionally animal hit my nose. I’d hoped that maybe she‘d stop to hunt, be she kept running. I jumped off the tree trunks, but she mimicked me perfectly. When I smelled the rust and wood sign, I recognized where we were. In this direction, I would lead her directly to Forks. I paused, and turned to see her handing onto a tree, staring at me. She smiled triumphantly, and I wanted to finish her now. But I’d need help. Dismantling a vampire on my own would be dangerous.

“Stay away from me!” I screamed at her. She didn’t listen, and jumped down from the tree. I ran west, and she followed. What did she want? Why was she so curious? I ran to Sam’s house, which was closest, and ran past the yard straight to the door. I knocked frantically, and Embry answered.

“Nessie, what’s going on?” he asked, opening the screen door.

“Vampire, chasing, help,” I panted, breathless, running behind him. He was confused until the vampire, Kila, came into view. She looked so sure of herself, so sure that she was going to get me and I was going to tell her anything she wanted to know. Newborns were so annoying, always cocky. Paul came to Embry’s side, and Emily grabbed my arm. She pulled me into the house as the rest of the wolves moved towards Kila, already phased, baring their teeth. At first she wasn’t scared, but once the wolves encircled her, she turned into a coward, running away as Sam and the others ran after her.

“I’ll call Jacob to come and get you,” Emily said, motioning for me to sit on the couch.

“Emily, that’s nice of you, but I have to show Jake that I hunted by myself,” I said firmly, still standing. Emily nodded, saying that the wolves would take care of Kila.

I left the house, glancing at the clock before I left. It was about nine o’clock, so I could imagine what Jake would be thinking: She’s lost! She’s dead! She’s a danger magnet! and blah blah blah. I walked through the door. All was quiet. Scary.

“Jacob?” I called. I kind of wanted him to be asleep so that I wouldn’t have to explain.

“Renesmee?!”

Jake came running down the hall. He scooped me up and twirled me around, as though I’d been gone for weeks.

“Jake! What’s wrong?” I asked, still being twirled around.

“You’re okay!” he cheered.

“Yes, I’m fine, why?”

“It’s been like seven hours! I thought you might have been in trouble!”

“I’m fine! Really.”

He let me down, and stared at me. I felt the side of my face, worried there was something on it. But when there wasn’t, I was confused.

“Did she hurt you?”

“Who?” I asked, lying badly. He looked at me with the “Don’t lie to me” look.

“No, she didn’t,” I said bluntly, laying down on the couch as angrily as I could.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because, Jacob. You would have done exactly what you’re doing now…overreacting.”

He flinched, then looked at me, focusing hard, trying to understand. “What are you talking about?”

“Jacob, you overreact about everything. I know my safety is always going to be an issue for you, but it’s something you have to let go of. I’m not defenseless. I’m not human.”

“Well, you’re still…”

“No. I’m not,” I said firmly. I didn’t know what he was going to say, but I didn’t care. He wasn’t going to make me apologize. I was just glad we weren’t yelling.

“Sorry,” he mumbled. It didn’t sound like he really meant it, so I just continued looking ahead of me, trying to focus on nothingness. He sat down next to my feet. I looked up at him, skeptical. He looked back with the same seriousness, and I knew he meant it. I nudged him with my foot, getting his attention away from our serious conversation. Which was almost an argument.

“Your almost as bad as Edward,” I commented, which made him laugh.

“Edward? So, you’re on a first-name basis now?”

“Well, I don’t call them that, but I have to practice. I mean, I have to go to school with them in the fall next year, so I figure getting on a first name kind of thing now, will help.”

Seth came down the hall, trying to look as casual as possible. But we could tell how happy he was.

“I’ll be back by eleven,” he assured Jacob.

“Where are you going?” I asked inquisitively.

“I’ve got a date,” he replied triumphantly.

“With Vanessa?” I asked sarcastically. A faint grin shot across his face, and left as fast as it came. He tried to seem uninterested, but that was impossible. He shrugged, grabbed the keys to his car, and left. I rolled my eyes.

“Who’s Vanessa?” Jake asked skeptically.

“You’d have to pay attention when Seth sleeps to get the full story,” I said, flipping through the channels. But I couldn’t pay attention to the TV. Jake’s breathe was too warm and inviting to ignore. It felt as though he was sitting next to me, whispering in my ear. Like I could almost feel his lips touching my ear, hear his voice so closely. I shuddered at the thought. A pleasant shudder. But instead of showing my interest, I had to yawn instead.

“You tired?” he asked. His voice sounded so perfect, and his words sounded like raindrops on a roof. Comforting and perfect.

“Just a little. Being out and about is wearing on me.”

“It’s a nice look on you,” he said sarcastically. I wanted to punch him, but his smile wouldn’t let me. He got up and brought a little, dark-blue box from underneath the tree.

“It’s still Christmas Eve,” he said, “I think I could sneak you this one.”

I opened the box with no hesitation. There, sitting delicately on the small pillow, was a ring. A beautiful, dusty rose colored stone with small, white pearls around the edges.

“Jacob,” I whispered.

“It’s not real pearls, but the rock is real,” he said proudly. “The fortune tell…Alice, picked it out, but I wanted the pinkish color. It’s more girly. More you…right?” I ignored Jake’s nicknames for my family. He was going to call Alice fortune teller, but I didn’t notice. This was so sweet. And beautiful, and thoughtful. And his search for my approval. I never thought he’d want my opinion for something he gave me. It was so…gentlemanly of him.

The ring’s engraving read: To My Nessie, From Yours Forever, Jacob

“Jake, it couldn’t be more beautiful…I can’t remember why I deserve you,”

He looked at me, almost blushing. It was hard to tell, his russet skin was much darker than mine. But I could smell the blood cluster in his face.

“And for once, I’m not the one that’s blushing! IT’S A MIRACLE!” I said dramatically. He pushed my arm, trying not to laugh. I slid the ring on my finger. Perfect fit. “You know, you’re starting to make me look bad. After all, I didn’t get you a sparkly ring.” I smelled the blood again, and he laughed his nervous, cute laugh. I giggled quickly, but as cut off by a yawn.

“You’re tired. I can sense it,” he said. He stood up, and I stretched my arms out to him. He smiled, then his eyebrows raised in thought. “I can think of almost a thousand reasons why you deserve me.” He picked me up easily. “And I can think of, maybe, ten reasons I deserve you. Most of those are imprinting reasons.” I flicked his shoulder with my limp hand. It felt like I was gliding across the floor in his ridiculously huge arms. I’d always asked if I was heavy, but because of super strength, he compared my weight to that of an empty plastic tub.

“By the way, you can’t sense tiredness. I just yawned,” I informed him. He smiled, and his skin almost glimmered against the hall lights. Maybe vampires and werewolves had one thing in common after all. He put me down on his bed. I kicked off my sweats, but lost all energy before I could grab a my pajamas. I wasn’t self-conscious around Jake anymore, which made me feel weird and relieved. I didn’t have to hide anything anymore. Jake fell asleep at will, but I could sense his stare as I faked sleep, keeping my eyes closed. His eyes flowed over me, and I felt his warm, soft hand on my head. He kissed my shoulder before he fell asleep too. And before I really slipped into sleep, since I’d been faking it, I whispered, “I love you Jacob,” to him. My voice was dreamlike, but real. I felt his warm cheek stretch, reaching my back. He was smiling. I heard him whisper back, in his sweet, brave tone, “Love you too, Renesmee.” And he meant it.

Christmas with Vampires

I woke up around eight o’clock. I felt Jacob’s arms around me, one around my waist, one around my shoulders. It felt like I was strapped to the bed. I wiggled and wiggled, but Jacob’s grip was too strong.

“Jake? Jake?” I whispered, nudging him hard. He mumbled, but he wouldn’t let go. After a while of useless struggling, I huffed aloud and gave up. But before I tried to go back to sleep again, one of Jake’s eyelids popped open.

“You already gave up?” he asked, obviously amused.

“Just let me stand up,” I said. He heeded to my wish and released me. I looked in the mirror of the bathroom to make sure I didn’t look ridiculous. I noticed a long, thick stripe of red across my chest. It was the exact pattern of where Jake had been holding me. It was bright red, and hot to the touch. I pulled on a white, long-sleeve shirt and grey sweats. I grabbed my dark blue sweater and ran back out to find Jake, sound asleep, on the floor. Typical… I thought. I walked over to him and kicked his foot. He opened one of his eyes reluctantly.

“I’m not carrying you,” I said, nudging his shoulder with my foot.

“I’m tired though,” he said, turning over. I bent down to feel his forehead. His eyes looked at my hand the whole time.

“Yeah, your fine. Now get up!” I commanded playfully. He finally stood up, and I was reminded of how tall he was. The top of my head reached his chin. He grinned slyly, looking down at me.

“Yes, I’m short, I know,” I said. He just grinned back. His eyes were fixated on mine, and it was such a safe feeling. I couldn’t feel more impervious.

“Alright, fine. Come on,” he said, practically pulling me by the hand into the living room. Of course, I’d heard Jacob get up in the middle of the night. Probably to set up gifts of his own for everyone. But I kept that to myself. Let him think he’s good at being sneaky.

Seth was already out in the living room, but he’s refrained from ripping the paper off the gifts. Seth was sitting on the couch with his back to us. Seth wasn’t a complete child I suppose. But I liked the childish side of him. It reminded me that life wasn’t all about responsibility. Mostly, but not entirely.

“Merry Christmas!” I yelled, wrapping my arms around Seth’s neck. He visibly jumped, and turned to Jacob. I looked to, and rolled my eyes.

“Go ahead,” I permitted. Seth and Nate, who’d just entered the room, dove for the tree like kids.

I grabbed Jake’s hand, and dragged him closer to the tree. I held my hand in front of me.

“Well?” I asked slowly. He smiled, picking one up.

“To Jake, from Nessie,” he read aloud. He ripped the paper carelessly, and underneath the paper was a toolkit I’d bought him. Every single tool Jake had in the garage was covered in rust. The shiny, chrome-colored tools that lined the red box made Jake’s eyes light up.

“Renesmee, this is awesome! Thank you,” he said cheerfully. He took a large, foot long wrench out of the box while Seth shifted the gifts under the tree.

“Here,” Seth said, handing me a medium sized gift.

“It’s from me. I made it myself,” he said, with a hint of pride.

“Oh boy,” I said sarcastically. “It’s not gonna blow up right?”

“Just open it,” he urged. His warm smile made me smiled back. I was more delicate, taking off the tape and slipping the box within out carefully. Jake laughed at my precision.

A smaller box was inside the larger box. I opened the smaller box, hoping no more surprises lay ahead. In the box, lay a small dream catcher. Jake looked at Seth and huffed a chuckled under his breath.

“Jake said you talk in your sleep, so this might help,” Seth said. I shot a glare at Jake, who shrugged it off. “It helps with peaceful dreams.”

“You know, you could use one of these Seth,” I suggested sarcastically. He shrugged, but I really mean it, whether or not he caught the clue.

The rest of the morning played out with irritating normality. Jake got Seth and Nate paintball guns, to my distress. I got Nate a cute, pink kitty sweater, which gained me a glare. Seth bent over in hysterical laughter, which completely wiped the glare off my memory. I got Seth a picture from when the pack went down to the falls. The picture took me back. While hunting with Jacob and Seth, I had found a huge waterfall that went from the top of the cliffs, and fell into the ocean with frightening force. All the guys from Sam’s pack joined in as we set up a bonfire each time there was a hot summer day. Yes, even in Forks, there were days like that. Once there was five days of the week that remained hot and sunny. The fire would be lit before dark, and in the meantime, all the boys cliff dived. The shale layers of rock created natural platforms the boys could stand on. The water made it a little slippery, but Seth said it was nothing they couldn’t handle. Still, Embry had fallen once and dislocated his shoulder. After popping it painfully back into place, he healed quickly. But diving and flipping off of slippery into a freezing ocean didn’t sound like a carnival ride. It was scary to watch my friends, my brothers, jump. I knew they’d be okay, but the feeling they’d get hurt was always there.

It was almost 3 pm, and we’d have to get ready. I wasn’t staying away from my family on Christmas. I promised. And I’d gotten them gifts, after all.

I pulled out a dark red sweater, and black jeans. I pulled off my shirt, throwing it to the pile of clothes on the floor. I’d get to that later. Jake leaned on the doorframe of the entrance to his room, soaking in the scene of me. I tried not to look at him, a fear of overestimating my self-control. He was too beautiful to leave alone. Besides, my cheeks would probably glow red if I watched him watch me.

“Are you gonna spend all your time watch me get dressed, or are you going to get ready?” I asked, slightly playful. He grinned, almost evilly.

“I’m still debating,” he said. I felt the cold of the room soak into my skin again. The lack of Jake’s warm contact was making me a bit sad. Even knowing he was still standing there, I was afraid. Afraid that something could happen. Without him by my side, I felt like we were both so vulnerable to the world’s terrors. A thousand danger possibilities clouded my head. What if he gets hit with something sharp? Or falls off a cliff? What if the roof caved in? Then again, he was in the doorway. If the roof caved it, I’d be the only one hurt. Good. One down, 999 possibilities to go.

“Well, debate faster,” I said, untying the string around my sweats. I hesitated for a second, and looked back to Jake. I was embarrassed? Why? Was he doing that? Making me nervous?

He raised his eyebrows oh so innocently, and I flashed a small, almost unnoticeable frown. He smiled widely, walking to the bathroom. I got on my black jeans, but I couldn’t slip them on all the way. I pulled and pulled, but even with vampire strength, the denim was defeating me. I felt winded. Jacob’s presence was memorizing.

I felt suddenly warmth around my waist. My belt straps around my jeans lifted, slipping me easily into them. I sighed aloud as I came back down to earth.

“Not fair…” I said, giggling as little as I could.

“Hey, I’m just helping,” he responded quickly.

Jake twirled me around to face him. I quickly, delicate place a kiss on his jaw, and gently pushed him away to get ready. For a second, I could have sworn he was the one who was distracted. It felt good to be on the winning side for once.

We were finally ready. I never like to wear much makeup. It felt heavy on my face. But it was Christmas, a special time. I just lightly spread red tinted lip balm on my lips, dabbed some sparkling, black eye shadow on, and some brown mascara. I slipped into my red converse and walked out into the living room. I found Jacob, ready and waiting. He looked… amazing. He wore a black button-up shirt, and light gray jeans. He wore his black shoes, still caked with dried mud and grass. Just how he’d always been. I walked up to him, and his warm rays still shown through his shirt. I stretched my legs, balancing on the balls of my feet to kiss him. I wasn’t standing on tippy toes, and I would never admit that. I wasn’t short. At least, I was taller than my mom and Alice. That counts for something, right? Yeah, I’m definitely not short.

“It’s a vampire Christmas. That could be movie, you know,” he teased. I leaned against him, letting him keep me up. He secured his hands to my sides to balance me.

“Are you kidding? All we’ve gone through, my family, you and I. Our lives could be a movie. Imagine, everyone watching us. All the girls would be after you.” I cringed after the words slithered from my mouth. I couldn’t bear the thought…then again, Jacob could have any girl in the world. But I didn’t think about that. I simply reminded myself that Jake had imprinted on me. And only me. And that anchored him to me forever. I hid my sudden reaction to Jake, who just laughed in incredibility to my statement. I had happily been born with Edward’s ability to put on a mask. I was hard to decipher…well, I hoped to be anyway.

“Well, even with all the girls after me, none of them would be half-vampire girls. Or half as beautiful.”

I smiled, trying to keep the conversation from running too deep. I push him away to the other side of the car. I didn’t know much about cars, but from what I’ve heard him go on and on about, it was an old Volkswagen from 1986. Jake had finished the car a few months back. Every now and then, he’d insist I drive the car, but I refused. He worked so hard on it, I was afraid I would wreck it. I learned to drive when I was “fourteen”, but Edward insisted I wait until of legal age to drive everywhere. I think he was just worried I’d wreck the Volvo. But now I was getting stale at the whole driving thing, so I was hoping to get my license soon.

Jacob drove us through the woods, turning carefully at every curve in the rode. I refused to look over the edge of the rode, knowing how steep this part of the bend was. It would flatten out very soon, but I still preferred to talk to Jacob. He was talking about Paul and his sister Rachael’s upcoming wedding. Jake didn’t seem excited about the event, but there wasn’t anything he could do. I was excited, secretly, about the wedding. Rachael and I had developed a friendship. I was helping her shop for wedding dresses in August, and after about a thousand hours of shopping, we’d found the perfect one. It was strapless, and the top of it was lined with pearls. They’d be getting married in February, and were nice enough to invite the entire Cullen family. Sure, it might get awkward, but Rachael was making me a bridesmaid. I couldn’t pass that up. Jake was excited I was in the wedding. I was worried about the dancing part of it, but tried to keep in out of mind.

 

We reached my house at 4:30. Alice walked out to greet us, and took my hand. I flashed a smile, my white teeth gleaming in the sun. Alice motioned for Jake, who stepped out of the car to follow. The house was adorned the same way I’d left it. Shining and snow-glazed. We walked up the long stretch of stairs, Alice practically dragging me up every step.

“Wait up!” I heard Jake call from another story.

“You’re getting old Jake!” I called down the case.

He climbed up to the room, and I was reminded of how tall he was compared to me. His bulk and my slenderness made our figures look more opposite then the colors black and white. His grabbed my hand and gently squeezed. I heard Edward instinctively hiss. Fatherly instinct, which I can‘t blame him for. Bella touched his shoulder, and he was quiet. I squeezed Jake’s hand, and he grinned. The flash of his white teeth peaked through his lips as he looked down at me. I was shorter than him, almost by six inches. But I was getting taller, and I hoped that one day, maybe I could kiss him without straining my foot muscles.

Emmett came to Rosalie’s side, wrapping his heavy-looking arms around her waist. That’s when I noticed Rose’s glare at Jake. She hated him. More so, now that we were coming together. She looked back at me, with a disappointed, almost sad expression. A desperate expression. She wanted her family’s baby back. But that only brought on more of her anger. She continued her dark stare at Jake, until Emmett’s whispering begged her to come outside with him. She complied, walking gracefully to the door. I heard Carlisle sigh with worry, but he hid it well. His crooked smile allowed me to breathe a little more. Carlisle was always helping, whether he knew it or not. Esme and Alice smiled with almost glowing happiness.

“Merry Christmas!” chirped Alice, breaking our family’s awkward connection. Sometimes, we all just stood, communicating in ways that were almost invisible to others. Jake blinked for a bit, kind of awkwardly not knowing what to do with himself. I felt his jump when Alice spoke so loudly! Despite her little figure and angelic looks, Alice could be quite loud. Rose would sometimes snap back at her when she was too loud. I caught Edward staring at my hand that wrap around Jacob’s. He saw the jewel of the ring I’d slipped on my finger, and I heard the faint clack of his teeth lock together. I had super hearing, or at least that’s what Alice said. I had better hearing than most vampires. Which surprised me. Being half human, you expect to be an over-the-top human, and a below-average vampire. More than a human, but less than a vampire. Jake squeezed my hand again, this time, more tenderly. I couldn’t help but spark a smile.

“Renesmee, sit,” Esme said, insistence evident in her voice. I sat on the white couch, and before I could motion for Jake, Alice shot down next to me, and Bella plunged down on my other side. Jake sat across from me, sitting in one of the two black cushioned, circular chairs. Edward sat in the chair next to him. I paused my breathing for a moment, but Edward’s eyes were calm, and I eased another breath out of me. Esme and Carlisle stood, and I realized something. Where was Jasper? But I kept quiet.

“This is from Esme and Carlisle,” Alice squeaked.

I looked at the small, navy-blue box. The color reminded me of Alice’s gift, and my teeth instantly clenched. But I took a small, quiet breath, and took off the ribbon. I felt my nails brush against the box, and it felt like a velvety cube. I opened the box to find a small, white square with a pink cap on the top. The bottle read in fancy lettering: Palace.

Palace? Oh, a perfume. I turn to Carlisle and Esme, thanking them.

“Smell it,” Carlisle insisted. “Then I’ll know you really like it.”

And I did. It smelled like a mix of roses and mint. I mean, I knew the real smells of these ingredients, so the perfume wasn’t exactly right by comparison. But the mix of it was wonderful. I spritzed the perfume lightly on my neck, and Edward smiled. Having a super sense of smell reminded us of what it was like to be human. Familiar smells of home, eating food. Memories they’d all but remembered. Edward immediately focused in on Jacob, who was smiling plainly.

“I know right,” Edward said with superficial, taunting cheerfulness. He sprouted a small, almost unseen smile. Jake made him smile?

“Well, I think it’s pretty,” I said, my words slightly quieter. Jake caught my discouragement.

“It’s pretty Nessie. Really, it is,” he insisted, his words more genuine now. Alice smile triumphantly. Obviously, she’d done some mind research. A small smile grew on my face from Jake’s words, and suddenly, Edward scowled. Jacob’s mind wasn’t exactly a great thing to listen to when he’s in love with your daughter.. Then again, no one’s mind is ever truly clean.

“Open this one next,” Bella said. She pulled out a medium sized black box with a silver ribbon around it. I opened many more presents after that, almost feeling spoiled. But then Jake brought out the gifts that I’d brought everyone. I felt better knowing everyone hadn’t just given me gifts.

I gave Alice a shiny, knew pin for her collection. She’d started collecting all different kinds of shining, sparkling pins a few months ago, and she was very into it. I got Edward one of the few CD’s he didn’t already have. It was an assembly of music from my parent’s wedding. I was surprised he didn’t have it. I gave Bella a necklace that she’d secretly told me she loved. My mother was way too lucky, being the only person Edward couldn’t hear. It was a sterling silver chain and a chunk of smooth, diamond-shaped quartz dangling from the bottom. Emmett and Rosalie still hadn’t returned…but I think it’s for the best. Rose never like Jake. She didn’t hate him all the time, only when he really got on her frozen nerves. But, like he always did, Jake ignored her. Over time, I’ve learned to as well. I loved her, like a sister. But you have to ignore even your family sometimes. And Jake and Rose always bickered like brother and sister. Ignore family when you need to, love them always, and keep them close while you ignore them.

As my family thanked me for the gifts, Alice brought a pearly, white box out and set it neatly on Jake’s lap. He’d been reclining in his chair, and it took him by surprise. He sat up with a confused look on his face.

“Bella and…Bella thought you’d like this,” Alice chimed. Bella and Edward, she meant.

Jake unwrapped the gift. He was ripping and tearing at the paper. Bella and I giggled, but Alice cringed. Edward was slightly grinning. I’m sure she was thinking of her beautiful wrapping paper, torn to shreds. Jake opened the box and found a brand new pair of the same shoes he always wore. But these looked so different from his horrible, old shoes. These were perfectly clean, and brighter than ever.

“Wow! I thought they never sold these anymore!” he said, overcome with excitement.

“I thought you might need some new ones,” Alice said, obviously tormented at the thought of Jake’s dirty, beat up old shoes walking across the clean, cold floor. But she kept her happy, Christmas cheer. I always thought Santa could use a vampire for an elf. Alice was the best at wrapping, shopping, decorating, cooking. She’d probably overthrow the North Pole in a week.

I went over and hugged Alice, and me and Jake thanked her at the same time. As he marveled at his new shoes, I followed Alice into the kitchen. She was disposing of all the wrapping paper. I finally spoke after a long stare of inner thinking.

“Alice?” She turned to face me. The ends of her mouth were tilted up, like they always were. It gave her the illusion that she was smiling.

“What?”

“Where’s Jasper?”

“Oh, he’s…” She blinked a few times, about to speak. But her voice was unheard.

Her eyes bugged out, her mouth sank, and she dropped the bag of paper. Vampires don’t trip or drop things on accident. I felt my heart jump up and down in my chest, as Alice stared into space. She was seeing something, and it wasn’t good.

“Carlisle! Esme!” I began to get out. The other names stayed lodged in my throat, but I didn’t need them. Everyone ran to the kitchen, Jake pulled me from Alice’s side, and Edward gripped Bella’s hand.

“It’s Jasper,” Alice whispered, her voice both terrified and shaky. “He’s...He’s…” She couldn’t finish

Encouters

I practically pulled Jake through the back door to follow Bella and Edward. They bounded over the river and kept running. I let go of Jake’s hand, and he phased. I was anxious, then I froze. I couldn’t move. I suddenly felt the urge to ask Alice. Jake’s huge wolf head perked up, and he nudged me toward the house.

“You’ll wait?” I asked. I noted the desperateness in my voice.

He nodded, growling lowly at my sadness. He wasn’t mad at me, he was mad at the situation. He said that when he growled, it meant he was mad that something was making me feel sad or angry. I tussled his head, and he shook away playfully. His tale whipped side to side, indicating anxiousness. I ran inside to find Alice still frozen in the same place. She wasn’t seeing her visions anymore, she was just staring into space. She looked almost sick, and she was holding the kitchen counter to keep herself steady. I moved to her, and touched her shoulder. She sigh deeply, but quietly.

“Alice. What did his surroundings look like?”

She was still frozen I had to rephrase the question, since we could easily just follow Jasper’s scent.

“Alice, who was there? Was it just Jasper?” I asked slowly. She shook were head swiftly.

“What did they look like?” I asked.

“She…had…red hair and eyes. And…and she was…smiling right…at me,” Alice choked out. Her voice was cracking. It was as though someone was invisibly strangling her.

“Kila,” I whispered.

Alice lurched up. “You know her?” she asked. Her voice was stronger now. Her eyes went from dull and lifeless, to bright and almost smoldering at me. Like I’d betrayed her…

“She attacked me... I know who she is,” I informed Alice. I restrained my voice when I noted the small amount of hostility. I suddenly felt like I really had venom-coated teeth, and my words were meaner then I intended them to be. Alice was in too much pain for me to be cruel to her.

Alice‘s eyes dulled down, and I moved closer to her. Comforting was a strong suit, I‘ll admit that. Her eyes were empty. My best friend was gone, replaced by a hollow look-alike. “Ness, don’t get hurt,” she whispered. Her songbird voice was gone.

I nodded, silently hugged her, and walked out to Jacob. She was so petrified for Jasper; she couldn’t even hug me back. I ran to Jake, who was waiting. I couldn’t tell who he was waiting for, me or someone else. He was staring into the forest, trying to hear beyond the trees. Nothing. I walked up, feeling defeated even though nothing had challenged me. Jake was concerned, but he kept quiet. I hoped on his back, and we were off. Sure, I could be running. But me and Jake had special bonding times. Even if they were short. I remember being a kid and riding on his back almost everywhere, just because I wanted to. Being so close to Jake in his wolf form made me feel like I was part of both his worlds.

I felt his russet fur under my fingers. I could feel his tense muscles underneath the fur, which stretched back and forth, as he ran. He followed Bella and Edward’s scents carefully, making sure we stayed on course. We were behind by about two minutes, and we needed to hurry. Two minutes in normal time goes by much faster in vampire time.

We found an empty clearing. There was quite a scene waiting for us. Jasper was lying on the ground, his head resting in Bella’s lap. There was a giant pile of boulders behind them, and we could hear rustled and stumbling behind the pile. Jake let me down as I raced to Jasper. Vampires were never still, unless they were…well, I don’t want to think about it.

Bella held Jasper’s head steady. His eyes were staring, straight into the air. She looked up at me in a frown, and her eyes were silently sobbing, thought her face remained tearless. Vampires couldn’t cry. Jasper’s head was cracked from the top to the side of his forehead. It was healing slowly. The only way to injure a vampire is by hitting them so hard their skin cracks like stone. When it happens, the vampire is paralyzed, unable to move until the crack healed. This process could take minutes, or hours. As we stared down at Jasper, paralyzed, Bella took my shoulder.

“Help Edward,” she whispered. I couldn’t tell if it was an order, or a cry for Edward.

Suddenly, a boulder tipped over. Something from the other side of it had knocked it down from the pile. I stood up, punching the boulder into pieces seconds before it hit us. Jacob had run around the pile of rocks that was still hiding the violent scene. I heard an “Uff!” from Edward, and I feared he was hurt. I ran over the boulders faster than I’ve ever tried. Jake was suddenly smacked in the muzzle as I came, flying passed the rocks to the ground. I landed with a loud thud, but unharmed, fuming.

And there she was. Kila, just as I’d suspected. She stood with her arm in the air. She had pushed Jacob too easily to care about his existence. But he just snarled, and his padded paws thudded on the ground as he rose. He bolted, running for her throat. Edward was trying to grab her face, but she kept shoving him yards away. Like he was a simple human. That’s when I saw her eyes. Bright red. Too red to be an older vampire. Even those who drink human blood have more dark red eyes then bright red. She had to be a newborn. Especially with the way she fought so easily. Her newborn strength surpassed all of us.

I was done. I was done with this vampire who continued to haunt me like a ghost. She had gone too far, attacking my family. My Jacob. And why? To know what I was? To try and destroy a whole coven, eight (and a half) strong? She was overestimating herself. Even one vampire couldn’t destroy all of us. We’d proved that so many times. And you wouldn’t need to prove that to someone who had common sense. But to a girl with no hope, with no mate or family or home, I suppose being killed by a coven is better than going all the way to Voltara, just to be denied the death you begged for.

I ran up a spruce tree, climbing and clawing up the trunk. The bark seemed to strip away willingly as I climbed. It motivated me to think that Kila was standing at the top of the tree, waiting. I reached one of the top branches. I felt the tree sway a little as I crouched. I looked down to Kila. She was holding Jake’s ears back as he snapped at her face. Her expression was intense and animal-like. More than Jake, who technically was one right now. Just as she threw Jake away a sudden rumble of vibrations shook my throat. An angry growl erupted, and it felt like my eyes were suddenly snake-like, even though I didn’t have a mirror to see them. I jumped, positioning my feet to my target. Her face.

Kila looked up at the exact second I landed. My shoes hit her face. Hard. My legs and feet shook, then they ached. But I ignored the pain and landed, one leg extended, the other crouched, ready to spring in case she attacked me. But as I crouched there, I recapped. When I hit her face, I felt a pop beneath my feet. Like I caused a sidewalk crack. I looked up, still breathing heavily. Jake was lying on the ground, whining. I wanted to run to him. But I stood my ground, making sure Kila wouldn’t take another step. Edward stood defensively to Jake’s left side. I pretended it was to defend Jacob, but I knew it was just the spot he ended up in, and nothing more. Edward wouldn’t defend Jake. Jacob had to take care of himself, in Edward’s presence at least.

Kila stood where she was, but she was wide eyed and frozen. I realized what I’d left. A huge crack that trailed from her head to the bottom of her nose. She fell back, landing like a fallen marble pillar. Jake moved to his feet, ears flattened, still whining. He limped over to me as Edward cautiously moved toward the Kila’s frozen figure. Her face was trapped in the same expression as when I hit her. I fell to my knees, holding up Jacob’s paw. His paw was rough and padded, but swollen. I felt the bone delicately, moving over his wrist and toes. He winced every now and then, which gave me a better indicator of how he was hurt.

“She’s stunned. Nessie…” Edward warned. Jake shoved my face into his chest, and I held on to a tuft of his fur. The grinding, breaking sound of Kila’s joints made me grip Jake tighter. His muzzle came down over my back, trying his best to comfort me. After it was done, Edward threw a lighter onto Kila’s remains, and it ignited against her clothes. I sighed, and continued seeing about Jake’s paw. I thought his wrist was broken, but no permanent damage had taken place. Carlisle was a good teacher.

“Come on, let’s get Jasper home.”

Edward ran to Bella, but I helped Jake around the boulders. It would be painful, the ankle healing, only to have it re-broken later. His limp was heavy, but I kept him steady all the way home. We got home, the sky indicating that even though we’d only been gone a few minutes, it had to have been at least seven in the evening.. Jake phased back, but his hand was still killing him. We got Jasper, who was still frozen, inside and placed him on the couch. Alice almost burst into tearless sobbing if Esme hadn’t been there to comfort her. Carlisle assessed Jake’s hand.

I walked outside, placing my hands on the railing of the porch. I stared down the hill, across the river into the darkness. Snow covered the ground in a thin layer, and the trees were decorated with ice sickles. No matter how beautiful this scene was, I saw fire. Fire destroying the delicate ice. Fire destroying the snow lined river. But I realized that this fire only raged in my eyes. It was my eyes that were burning everything to the ground. The only thing I could think of to put out the fire was cry. I felt the freezing, almost comforting tears fall from my face. They landed in the snow, freezing instantly. My hair was twirled by the wind as I breathed heavily. Soaking in the smells of my family. Sandalwood, rosebuds, seawater, cotton. And cinnamon. How could this one girl, that was destroyed, make me reflect this way? Why had the feeling of loss suddenly flare up in me? I hadn’t lost anyone. And yet, a sudden pain overwhelmed my senses. I shivered, not knowing if it meant I was cold or if I was scared. The shake brought Bella to my side.

“Jasper’s going to be fine. He’ll be up in an hour or two.”

I nodded, trying to give my mom a glimmer of approval in her words. I couldn’t.

“But that’s not why your upset, is it?” Bella asked rhetorically.

I held my breath, contemplating my story. I didn’t even know what or why I was upset. The words what and why flashed through my head in all forms, in all sizes of font and color.

“It’s just Christmas. You know, the thankful, fuzzy feeling you get,” I implied. She looked at me, skeptical.

“I know the thankful fuzzy feeling. I felt it this morning, and this afternoon. But you don’t feel it now. Neither do I,” she assured.

“Mom,” I began, “Jasper’s going to be okay, Jake’s fine. But…why did she…” I choked, but reassembled myself. “What was her goal and why was she…” I stopped. I couldn’t even formulate words. Wherever the now dead Kila was now, it was too good for her.

“Carlisle and Jake were talking. Jake’s going to be round the clock, working with Sam. And we’re going to be watching. Alice is going to look.”

I froze.

“Mom,” I whispered. “Is there more?”

“Jacob didn’t tell you. He didn’t want to scare you.” She looked out into the frozen, quiet night, trying not to mean my gaze of anger. She was smart. My eyes burned. Jacob didn’t tell me?

“What?” I hissed, trying not to set my tough on fire.

“Jacob’s pack caught at least three different scents on their patrol. They chased at least three vampires off their land.”

I suddenly found myself thinking of Seth. Of how he had been hurt. My eyes practically bulged out of my head when the thought came to me. Was Kila involved in Seth’s attack? I sucked my eyes back in, looking to Bella to see if she had seen. She was looking into the darkness.

“Three,” I choked.

“Two males, one female. Red hair…” Bella shuddered at those last words. “They keep coming back. We don’t know what they want. And Ness… Alice thinks there’s more of them.”

“Are we looking at…an army?” I asked cautiously.

“Alice thinks no, but she does think that those three came from some sort of...other group.”

I stared into the night. What had I done? Was it me they were after? Or something else?

But I couldn’t focus on that right now. Jake had returned from his agonizing re-breaking. No tears Renesmee. And no shaking! I thought. My hands ceased their annoying tremble just as Jake wrapped me in a hug. His warmth illuminated my fingertips, flushing them with pink. The rest of my body following, practically glowing to life. I realized how cold I truly was.

“Merry Christmas, right?” he said sarcastically. I laughed.

“When will you be better?” I asked in an almost childlike voice. But more tender than child.

“Eh, about an hour. It doesn’t hurt much. Kinda like a paper cut.”

“Well, I have one more surprise for you. So get better!” I commanded his hand. He laughed, then I caught Alice in the doorway. I flinched at what I had just done. Alice was standing there, listening to me telling Jake about my “big surprise”, that I hadn’t really thought about fully. But I’d told Jacob.

“Alice!” I shrieked. She giggled, and the life that was once in her eyes regained. Like a rock against another, sparking the blazes of golden fire in her eyes.

“He’s awake,” she explained.

A New Plan

We walked inside, Jacob holding my hand, to see Jasper. He was up and running, finishing off a glass of O negative. After Emmett and Edward held him where he sat, waiting for the blood urge to go away, Jasper was his normal self. He rushed to Alice’s side. He didn’t kiss her. He didn’t hug her. They just stared at each other in a connection that no one could ever understand. The moment felt so private between them, I looked away.

“Well, we got to go,” Bella and Edward agreed. They left, and Jacob spoke up. “We do too.”

Rosalie was livid with objections. “What! But…but you spent last night at Jacob’s! Come home Nessie! Please?”

“Well…I…” I started to give. Jake squeezed my hand. “I…I have all my stuff back at Jacob’s. I’ll just stay one more night.”

Rose’s shoulders slumped in disappointment. Emmett came up behind her and start tickling her. She laughed carelessly, like a child even. Carlisle smiled, and left with Esme. Jake practically pulled me into his car, and we drove down the road. It was cold, but I kept close to Jake’s side most of the time. I felt his warmth radiating. My heart pounded, uncomfortably.

“It’s happening again,” he said victoriously.

“What?” I was skeptical.

“Your nervous heartbeat. It sounds like a bird hitting a wall over and over. Refusing to give up.”

“Poor bird,” I said. His face widened in a grin. Then sunk.

“Are you afraid of me Ness?”

I was stunned silent. Pain closed in on my heart. My mind fell into a dark abyss of memories. It was spring, and I was almost eight. Seth and I made it down to the meadow in time to catch a herd of whitetail deer that had wandered onto the territory. Our pounces led to little success. We howled with laughter (Seth literally howled) at our attempt. It was a bright, sunny morning. Unusual for Washington in the spring. Jacob suddenly bounded through the wilderness, pinning Seth to the ground snarling at him. I doubt he knew I was there; his aggression was at dangerous levels. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but as I tried to reason with Jacob, he snapped at me. His teeth bared, I fell on the ground, crying quietly. Jake suddenly jumped off Seth, who huffed in annoyance. Jake’s rules were always too much for Seth to obey every day. Jake came over to nudge me, and for the first and only time in my life, I lurched away, shaking. For a whole week, Edward demanded Jacob leave me be. After the first two days, I recovered, begging to see Jake. But Edward was firm. It was the longest week of our lives. Jacob was especially irritable, I was informed. Seth was happily updating me over the phone, making me laugh. But when that receiver clicked, I burst into tears, wanted Jacob back. After the week was up, which felt like prison, Jacob was the remorseful, happy person I’d known before. And now, his question that I realized I hadn’t answered yet, seemed silly.

“Jacob, no. I’m not scared of you. And you couldn’t scare me away now,” I said, pecking his cheek. His muscles softened, and his jaw unlocked in a mouth-closed drop.

“I could try.”

My heart turned to putty in Jacob’s hand. He really did want me the way I wanted him. More than a friend, more than a boyfriend. Boyfriend was not the right word. Soul mate. That’s better.

As we passed town, I watched delicately. The faces of the town never faded. Everyone was the same, though I hadn’t been out much. After you get so big, people ask what’s up. The café had tons of people inside, restaurants were filled, and movie theaters were lit with color and light. We pulled up to the convenience store, to my bewilderment. Embry and Quil waited for us, smiling casually. I’d remembered I hadn’t seen them in weeks.

“Hey Jacob! Hey N—”

Quil stopped up short as I stepped out of the Volkswagen. I glanced at a small section of ice laid neatly on the concrete. My image on the ice seemed from another dimension. My face reminded me of a poem Rose wrote. She’d read it to me to try and cheer me up while I lay in my painful depression. She’d said I had the appearance of a statue that reluctantly came to this world.

Jake’s arm tightened around my waist as we walked. He sucked in a quick, sharp breath. His warm hand that was wrapped around me shook. I flicked him, and he seemed to calm down.

“It’s me Quil. So you were kind of asking for that,” I assured as he laughed off Jake’s punch. Jake rolled his eyes at Quil, who was still giggling a little.

“You look so different! Your all grown up!” Embry said cheerfully. He hugged me with his giant arms than covered my shoulders and back. I was so small compared to the wolves. My little hands wrapped around him in a tight grip. I never realized how opposite I was compared to the wolves. Embry smelled like cinnamon too, but with a chlorine smell that soured my face. Embry chuckled a little. I was confused until I looked at Jake, who was now standing behind Embry and facing me.

Jake’s muscles tightened on instinct. I couldn’t blame him, it was a natural thing for a wolf to get edgy when their imprint was being touched in any way by another wolf. I released my hug.

“So…” I began as Embry set me down. “Why are you two here? Where’s Sam?” I retreated to Jacob’s side, which helped him relax. Real wolves are always guarding their mates, making sure no competition of any kind arises. It’s the same with werewolves.

“He and Emily are on vacation.”

“Wolves take vacations?” I asked skeptically.

“Still part human,” Jake said, turning away to lean against the run-down convenience store. I rolled my eyes sarcastically and sat on the stone bench attached to the side of the building, listening to Embry intently.

“Well, he left Paul in charge,” Embry griped.

“Anyway, we came across another scent.”

If Jake was in his wolf form, he’s ears would have perked up from the information. He growled as a substitute.

“The two males are back. They keep sneaking across, but we’ve been chasing them off. But, you guys should see this.”

Quil handed us a newspaper, headlined:

“Two Hikers killed by Unknown Animal”

It sent a shudder through my spine. The vampires had already killed people? On Sam’s watch!

“Why hasn’t Sam done anything?” Jake said through his teeth.

“He’s…doing his best,” Embry struggled to say. He was forced to say those words. Alpha’s orders. Ugh.

“Right…” I mumbled to myself. Quil wanted to growl, but he swallowed hard instead.

“These vampires are different. One of them tried to rip Jarrod apart. He got away unscathed, but these bloodsuckers are more daring than I’ve ever seen. Their careful, in the most standard way. Besides the basic safety, they’ll do anything. Like kids.”

“Almost worse than you guys,” I said, nudging Jake. He shot me a warning glare. He was in pack mode. Business mode.

“Red eyes?” I asked. Embry nodded angrily. Another growl slipped through Jake’s clenched jaw.

“I’ve got an idea,” I spoke up. They all looked at me. Embry and Quil were excited to hear, but Jacob was…concerned. Or suspicious, either one. I filled in Quil and Embry of our daily events, with exact detail on Kila. Embry and Quil paid close attention, grinning when I described Kila’s final destruction.

“So, my idea was this. I go hunting on my own, and lead the vampires onto the reservation. It’s a win-win. I give you your vampires, you give me the peace of mind.”

They laughed at my last words, but agreed with my plan. Of course, Jacob’s objection was inevitable.

“No,” was his only reasonable argument. It was the coldest, hardest “no” I’ve ever heard.

“Yes, Jake,” I contradicted. “It’s the only way. I’m the only one that can go between the rez and my family’s territory.”

“We can go on your land,” he informed me coldly.

“Not in your wolf forms. Your powerless on our turf and we’re not even allowed on yours.”

He frowned at my obviously right information. Jacob’s pout was so cute, it was hard to stay mad. But I stomped on my left foot using my right foot, keeping my hard skin tough.

“Jake, your scent will give you away,” I reasoned, my voice more thoughtful and soft.

“No,” was his only response. I frowned this time. My eyes begged him, but he simply focused on his breathing. His hands had a faint tremble, and I knew he was thinking of those vampires. He couldn’t stop me. I wasn’t going to let people get hurt.

‘Don’t you mean his stench?” Embry asked sarcastically. Quil laughed with him.

I walked over and buried my face in Jacob’s neck, inhaling. “Nope. He smells like cinnamon,” I said happily. Call it a bribe, showing off Jacob’s manliness in exchange for my plan to go to use. Jake was stunned for a moment, but his ego kept him quiet. He smirked. In his mind, “Alpha’s the man.” Embry and Quil looked lost for words, but Jake grinned triumphantly. I flicked his shoulder.

“But to everyone else, he stinks,” I shrugged, happy to admit.

The men continued their strategy talks before parting ways. We went back to Jake's house while the September winds began to batter the powerlines. The car was plenty warm as we parked.

Jake stared into the darkness beyond the house’s lights. I opened my mouth to speak, but my vocal cords stayed silent.

“I couldn’t live with myself if you got hurt. It wouldn’t just be you getting killed Nessie. You don’t know what I’d do. I don’t know what I’d do.”

“I know what you’d do,” I said, running my fingers through his hair. His spiky, black hair was sifted by the wind, but his head was still warm. His face lowered at the thought. I couldn’t imagine my life without Jake. It would be hard, but suicide has never been a topic in my mind. I tried to push away the horrible thought.

“Come on, let’s go inside,” I said, kissing his cheek. We got out, rushing to the door. He grinned his signature and opened the front door. The house was unusually empty.

“Where…?”

“Seth’s at his mom’s trying to fix things. Meaning, he’s gonna come home feeling crappy. Leah’s at her mom’s place too, and Nate is back down at La Push.”

“What’s he…?”

“Nate met some girl. He thinks she’s the one. I’ve been telling my dad, there is no way that imprinting is rare.” Jake smiled, as though he already knew he was right.

“So, who’s the girl?” I asked, kicking off my shoes.

“Gemma. Gemma Crayson. She’s a boogie boarder he met down at La Push.”

“I didn’t know he was the surfer type,” I said sarcastically. I really didn’t know much about Nate. All I knew was that he was like Leah…but louder and more talkative.

“Neither did he. He’s bringing Gemma to the next bonfire. Knowing his taste, she’s probably just as quiet and depressing as he is.”

“You haven’t met her yet though. Opposites attract,” I informed. He hadn’t met this girl yet and he was already making assumptions. Jake sat on the end of his bed while I put the presents off to the side. “After all, our relationship is proof of that.”

He looked at me funny, and one of his black brows furrowed.

“What?”

“Nothing. Just…the ‘R’ word kind of…surprised me.”

“The R word? You mean…relationship?”

“It’s more complicated than that Ness, isn’t it?”

“I guess…” I paused. The silence of the room laughed in my face. “Oh! Wait, stay here,” I said. I didn’t want to feel the thick blanket of awkward that saturated the air. Alice’s gift was on my mind. But this conversation will surface again, I swore secretly.

We brushed our teeth and changed for bed. It felt very...routine. In a good way. I hopped into bed next to Jake, who was already drifting out of consciousness.

“Goodnight Jake,” I said. His eyes met mine as I pulled away. Jake grinned slightly, then went to sleep, holding me in his arms. It was the first time I truly believed we were in love. Seeing it in the movies ad on TV wasn’t the same. Vampires and werewolves weren’t real to the world, but even though I knew the truth, I was jealous that the world knew about love. They knew about this kind of happiness when I didn’t. I suddenly wished that I could have traded secrets. To know love, before vampires and werewolves. But now I knew all the secrets. I thought…

Troublemakers

 

I woke up listening to birds. I could hear little flakes of snow hit the glass of the windows. My eyes blinked open to Jake’s left arm, pulsing with heat, wrapped around my stomach. I pushed his arm off, letting his hand slide onto his chest. He stirred, but kept his eyes closed. I grabbed my phone to check the time. 6:39 am. Perfect. I crawled out of bed, taking a quick, quiet shower to wash away the sweat I’d emitted while asleep. After I got out and dressed in my black jeans, blue long sleeve shirt, and grey sweatshirt, I fed Pilly. She scarfed the food down. Her manners almost as bad as Jake’s. My phone rang, as if on cue. I pulled it to my ear, already knowing the caller.

“You ready Quil?” I asked.

“Are you sure? I mean, what if he wakes up early, or…” I could hear Quil’s stammering excuses, but I tuned it out. I slipped my phone to the other ear while I washed my hand in the sink, slipping off my ring. I’d slept with it on. My heart hurt when I slid the silver band off, and placed it gently on the windowsill. After touching the smooth, sparkly pink stone one more time, I finally listened to Quil’s continual excuses.

“He’s knocked out,” I interrupted, glancing down the hall to Jake’s room. I could hear him still snoring. “Come on Quil, please?” My voice mimicked a child begging for a toy. I slid on my black mountain boots, tucking the phone between my ear and shoulder.

“Fine,” he said, defeated. “Meet us at Sam’s. And cover your tracks,” he said. The phone clicked and I pressed the red button, sealing the deal. I walked out the front door, and covered the bottom of my shoes in a thick, clear liquid. It was a special chemical agent that masked scents. It made my sour at its smell. The fact that it smelled like…blankness, made me uncomfortable, even with me pouring it. It made you question your sense of smell. Jake used it when he needed to stay hidden from vampires. He didn’t want to bring his work home with him.

I decided to go on foot, since I could have a better chance at getting a start on things. But the fish wouldn’t bite, so I ended up at Sam’s empty-handed. I guess going over a plan would be better. Quil, Embry, Jarrod and Brady were outside waiting.

“Where’s the fire?” Brady asked, grinning. Collin and Brady were closer to my age. Collin was seventeen, Brady was eighteen, but Brady was only two months ahead. I didn’t understand Brady’s question until I realized how fast I was running, and how fast I was breathing. I sucked up the air, stopping my pant. Brady chuckled.

“Are we doing this, or what?” Jarrod asked, excitement in his voice.

“Tell me what I need to do,” I asked Quil. He seemed hesitant at first, but eventually, he evened out. I understood why. Jake was his best friend. He didn’t want to put his best friend’s mate in danger. But I’d take the heat, so he shouldn’t worry, I assured him. He nodded and told me the plan, though his nod was like a “Riiiiight….” nod. Totally unbelieving.

“We need you to lure the leeches this way. We going to let you hunt on your own for a while and we’re not going to follow until you call,” he said. He held out a small, wooden carving. I took it, obvious. “It’s a ‘spirit call’. It’s like a dog whistle. Once you find them, don’t call us yet. Get them to follow you as close to La Push as possible. Blow it once you’ve hit the border. We’ll be there, waiting. Basically, do exactly what you did with that other bloodsucker, but now bring back two of them.”

“Now the party can start!” said a loud, booming voice. Paul, Seth and Collin approached, happily tugging along a reluctant Leah. Her scowl was lighter today. More excited. To see me get hurt, or to kill some vampires, I wasn’t sure.

“We’ve gone over the instructions,” Embry informed.

“No one really reads the Terms and Conditions, Quil,” Seth said. Everyone was lighter now, but I think my distress was a little more evident. It was strange, seeing everyone happy and together. Without Jacob…

“Ready Ness?” Collin asked. Collin was a closer friend to me then I think some people knew.

I nodded to his question, and went south toward my usual hunting ground. But I ran a little East, toward the trails this time. These vampires would definitely be closer to humans than animals. The wolves stayed on the border of La Push, circling and waiting. Paul was the most impatient of them.

I knew I was alone. The feeling was strong. The wolves smelled like smoke and cinnamon, like Jacob had. And since the smell was gone, it was more lonely than I’d imagined. The trees whispered to each other, and the birds gossiped in a language known only to them. Water trickled from streams, and clouds decorated the smoky blue sky. I watch the blurred, fuzzy images of trees pass me. The smells of fresh and stale animal tracks layered the ground. Nature was at its center. The calm before the storm.

I ran to a clearing on the east side of a mountain. There was human blood smeared on a few blades of grass. I stopped to smell, trying to get my hunting instinct to take over. I needed to be as fast and as rabid as possible if I was going to lure curious, dangerously ill-trained vampires.

I stood there in the silence. The wind kissed my cheek, and a sudden shudder rippled through me. The smells of death, two of them, entered my range. Two men, both looking of twenty years, walked causally into the clearing. The trees couldn’t hide their glowing red eyes. They looked hard as stone, and they were exceptionally muscular. Big. It might have felt better to have Emmett here. But I held my ground, knowing that I was tough. I could take them. Then I panicked on the inside. No, I couldn’t. I’d get killed. Then I finally calmed myself down. You don’t have to take them Renesmee. Just get them to Quil and the wolves and they’ll take care of it.

The two smiled at the same time, and I froze. I was intimidated, but I stood firm, covering myself in my mask. One of them bolted from where he stood, and a rush of panic tainted my bloodstream. The vampire stood at the opposite side of the field, staring at his accomplice. He was standing behind me, and I felt uneasy. I turned to face them both, standing sideways and facing an empty part of the field. A welcoming to run. But a voice broke my planning.

“Kila was right, Your pretty freaky-looking,” one of their voices hissed.

“I should say the same about you,” I snapped back.

He grinned evilly. His friend, the one standing to the left of my awkward stance, eyed me up and down. His grin grew, and I growled. The second I did, I ran forward. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t completely comprehend what I was doing, but I knew they’d follow me. Newborns were attracted to fear, even if I wasn’t really afraid. The appearance was all I needed.

I raced across the soft land. I could hear nature silence around me, watching and waiting for me to be ambushed. The birds flocked away, the sounds ceased, and it seemed that even the sun hid in fear of the scene that may unfold. I tried my best to ignore the lack of noise. I tried to imagine music in my head. But the only music that would come to mind would be edgy or action-movie-like. The trees that passed me swished in my path. I heard the faint huffs of the vampires that followed me. The trees cracked behind me, and I expected them to be jumping from tree to tree.

I ran through the woods until I saw in the distance, a brush of chocolate brown fur. Quil! Finally! It’s about time! I thought. I hadn’t realized how much my legs hurt until I saw Quil in the distance.

I stumbled over a log, and felt my leg tighten at the ankle. I was shaken into the air, finally starting to scream. Embry and Quil bit down on the other vampire who was fighting them off. Leah and Paul saved me, tearing the other vampire off of my ankle. I felt a sudden pop, but as I looked down, there was no blood. But my foot wouldn’t move, no matter how much I willed it. I was scared, and limped behind a tree. The tearing and shredding of stone and metal sounds rang through the woods. I breathed quickly, and was extremely tired. I suddenly felt so heavy, I couldn’t stand. My feet would slip off the mud every time I’d attempt to stand. Cinnamon and smoke suddenly stung my nose. I looked up, exhausted, to see Seth in a pair of black shorts lifting me into his arms. I could barely lock my hands around his neck to see around me. The tearing sounds still shot through the atmosphere. It felt like nails on a chalkboard. I shivered, and Seth tightened his grip on me and he walked steadily back to Sam’s. Seth sharply breathed in, and it almost sounded like a gasp. I looked up from his arms, to find a fuming steam-roller walking towards us. But this was worse. This big, tan tractor on two legs (surprising since he was so mad I expected four legs), and his face seemed intent on yelling. His hands were balled up in fists, and I looked up at Seth with enough strength to mutter, “If he kills you, please don’t get blood on my shirt.”

Seth grinned and chuckled before I felt thicker, tighter hand grab me. I was transferred into his arms, and I almost smacked my head into his chest. His heart beat faster than a mouse, and the heat radiating off of him was startling. I looked up into his deep brown eyes, and though he was mad, he half smiled.

“Suspicions confirmed,” I whispered. His face was still angry, but he looked more disappointed than mad. And I wished he was mad instead.

“You’re in a hell of a lot of trouble,” he said. I felt the bounce of his step as he carried me into the house.

“Crap,” I muttered, fluttering my eyes in exhaustion. I heard Jake laugh, but I couldn’t stay awake long enough to see if Seth would live through Jake’s yelling and anger. Frankly, I didn’t care at the moment. I wanted sleep. And Jacob. And sleep…

Jake set me down on Emily’s couch. I shivered, and as Jake looked around slowly (tortuously) for a blanket for me, I motioned for him to come and lay down next to me. He came and lifted me up. Sitting down on the couch, he cradling my like a baby. But then, still half asleep, I felt his warm, soft lips against mine. I moved mine nervously, waiting for his response to my recklessness. I put my hand on his chest, and he pulled back slightly. His chin sat on my head as I huddled closer to his chest. I tucked myself into a ball, and Jake’s arms wrapped around my entire body. I felt so small, nuzzled up to him like that. But I was too tired to care. My heart, which beat a million times a minute, began to slow to a normal pace, and I began to breathe. Jake’s cinnamon smell made me thirsty, but I ignored food. I was still in trouble.

“Trying to walk and chew gum Ness?” Sam’s booming voice shouted from outside. He sounded mad. But Jake just held me tighter. Bracing me. I shut my eyes.

“Sam, she was helping. We got the bloodsuckers didn’t we?” Jake said softly. He knew not to scare me with his rage and defensiveness, which was obviously welling up inside. He was on Sam’s side, thinking “What the hell were you doing?’, but he’d never tell Sam that. With me sitting on his lap, all helpless looking, he couldn’t get too angry.

“That doesn’t make the point. She got hurt,” Sam said angrily.

“Well, I’ve told her, she’s in a hell of a lot of trouble,” Jake said. I felt his gaze on me, but I just kept quiet. I moved my fisted hand, and Jake sighed. Then I flashed back. I was “four” and it had only been two months since the Volturi’s “visit”. I was at home, racing around the backyard, my hands cupped and ready to catch the floating seeds and winged butterflies. Alice sat outside, soaking in the sun. Pretending it would show. I would grabbed little stones and squeeze them as hard as I possibly could, but only a few little grains would be juiced from the rock. My mother called to me, and we’d sit on the green grass outside, looking around and sharing. Bella had shown me the rock exercise, to test my strength. She said that I’d do it in my sleep. She and Jake would watch me sleep at times, and they’d see my palm and fingers open and close. I had no recollection, but the conversation with my mother wasn’t forgotten.

“You better have a great excuse for the Cullens,” Sam whispered before stomping away. I couldn’t tell which one of us he was talking to, but I simply stayed quiet. I felt Jake’s chin again rest again on my head. He sigh.

“So, how did you plan this out? Get killed in time for me not to find out?” he whispered angrily.

“I planned to be home in time for lunch,” I said, talking in a normal tone. I sat up, laying my legs over Jake’s lap.

“Not funny.”

“Maybe a little,” I said as I pinched my fingers together, representing littleness. I looked at my ankle, which was now swollen. “Ouch,” I grumbled, rubbing my ankle.

“That’s why it’s not funny,” Jake said, staring to the floor in front of him. He put his hand on my ankle, sending a surge of comforting heat through the painful veins. I sighed thankfully.

“You know how stupid you can be. How dangerous the situation was? Dammit, Nessie, you could’ve been killed!”

I wanted to laugh. Like it was a joke. But Jake’s face was a red alert not to laugh or joke at all.

“Jake, I’m not a little defenseless human. I knew the stakes I was up against, and I was aware of the danger,” I said, slowly slipping off of his lap to put my feet on the floor. Pain began swelling in my foot, but I tried to focus on speaking. “I knew what I was doing. I needed to do this to make sure my family would be safe. And they could’ve killed more people. We stopped them.”

“Stop playing super hero Nessie,” Jake mumbled. His hands began to shake, but so were mine.

“Why? So you can?” I hissed before walking out to the yard. I didn’t care that my ankle throbbed in agony. I didn’t want to have to sit there while Jake walks away, making me feel guilty.

“What are you talking about now?” he yelled, walking outside with me.

“It’s always about keeping me safe and protected! Did you ever, even once, think I might want to protect myself! I just don’t want to be taken care of like a child anymore! I…I just don’t care. I’m just gonna go out there and kill something!” I screamed, ranting around, pacing in circles. Jake tried to stop my spinning, especially on my broken foot. I needed air, and Jake was taking it.

“Stop, Nessie,” he commanded. No response for him. “Please, stop? Renesmee? Please?”

“Stop telling me that. I’m not going to kill anything,” I said with tears streaming down my face. I slumped to crisscross my legs on the soft dirt. My foot hurt like hell.

“Ness…?” Jake asked quietly. He sat down next to me.

“I just want to be helpful. I’m sorry Jacob, but I’m not a cheerleader. I don’t think I could ever be,” I wept.

“Nessie, you’re the most important person in my world. You can be whatever you want to be. You’re the sun,” he said, wiping his warm hand across my hot, wet face.

“And you’re the moon,” I whispered. I couldn’t stand us fighting. It emotionally, and physically hurt me. My chest burned and my heart bruised when we fought. I’ll admit, I gave up. I pressed my lips against Jacob’s. He was surprise, but found it a pleasant surprise. I broke away (reluctantly) and stroked Jake’s head. He looked at me, more lovingly than ever before.

“I love you,” he whispered. The faint feeling of his breath sent a tremble down my spine.

“I love you, Jacob,” I repeated back to him. With a wide smile, he lifted me up and carried me through the woods. The howls in the distance soothed the pale, grayish-blue sky. Jake was the only warm thing around us in the October air, so I clung to him for warmth. My ankle still seared in pain, but not thinking about it was pretty easy. Jake told me stories about the tribe. Though after being at the bonfire/Council meetings, I’d memorized every single one.

“Jake, tell me the one about the story. The Put…Put…” I struggled to pronounce the difficult word. The tribe always had fancy words lying around.

“Puwotya ,” he corrected. I rolled my eyes and continued laying my head on his chest, listening intently.

“Well, the Puwotya were a tribe in Canada. For hundreds of years, they lived in fear of everything outside of their village. One day, they stumbled upon a great shell, of blue like the sky, and orange like the fruits of the trees,” he said whimsically. I always loved the deep concentration in his voice when he told these stories. It made him seem so wise, even though Jake was usually…well…yeah…

“So the Puwotya took the shell and began trying to figure out how it worked. After many days and nights of testing and attempting to reveal the purpose of the shell, one man named Pio picked up the shell and blew it like a horn. The birds flew high above the trees, and our people, the Quileutes, in their spirit forms, followed the velvet tone of the shell. The Puwotya thought that they’d been given this shell to summon wolf slaves, so they began whipping the wolves and using them for work. The Quileutes tried to take the shell,, but the chief, Pio, kept the shell hidden. One night, the only wolf left in the village that wasn’t enslaved went to the tent that hid the shell. The wolf smashed the shell with its teeth, but then, great spirits burst from the shell, awaking the village. The spirits, in their booming voices, commanded that the sacred shells remains be used as whistles to summon the wolves in times of crisis involving the Cold Ones. They also silenced the village of the Puwotya, and all its inhabitants, for enslaving the spirit walkers. The wolves were given one special ability for their sufferings. This ability had since then faded from the genes,” he said. I was puzzled. I’d only heard the story up to the point where the spirits destroyed the village. What was this about a gift?

“Gift?” I asked.

“The gift of the spirit water. Or, in our today terms, venom,” Jake whispered. I gasped quietly. He continued bitterly.

“The venom allowed other people of the Quileutes to become werewolves. Soon, after proving their worthiness, the men of the tribe would undergo the painful transformation. Numbers of the pack grew. Leah’s ancestor was the only female ever bitten, and that was by accident. Her husband got angry and bit her, giving her the power of the spirit walkers. She left him and her home village, and began a small tribe of her own a few miles off the border of Canada. That’s how Leah came to be…” he paused and smirked. “Fun, isn’t she?”

“Thrilling,” I mumbled, still staring intently at Jacob’s lips. I was listening, and longing for a kiss the whole time.

“Most of the gene has faded. Only three great chiefs held the gene that still made it through to today. Ram Kosay, Thomas Leek, and…”

“And?” I said, braking Jake’s painful pause.

“Ephraim Black.”

My jaw dropped.

“You’re…”

He shot me a look. A look that said not to say it, that he already knew. But I did anyway.

“…venomous,” I finished boldly. He looked where he stepped, paying close attention to the ground.

“It’s not something I needed,” he said softly. “It makes you feel different, knowing that you’re the barrier between someone’s normal life and a life like this.”

“Jake?”

“Hmm?” he asked dreamily in thought.

“I’ve told you. About how I never wanted to become a vampire. What if I—”

“No way. Hell no!” he shouted. He set me down on my feet. I leaned against a pine tree for balance on one foot.

“Jake, it’s something that would solve everything!”

“The hell it is! What could possibly be wrong with being you!” he barked. I wanted to add a joke to the barking, but my confusion and desperation for this new option was too great. I could be like Jacob, if it came down to it.

“But Jake, if I were to…I don’t know…if I were to need it, would you—”

“No.” He was stone cold now. Hard, menacing. He was already shaking violently. He held his head between his fists for stability. “I don’t even want to talk about this right now,” he hissed.

“Jake I need to know. Would you do it? If I needed it, and being a vampire was the only other option. I can’t be one of them. Would you do it Jacob?” I asked. My ankle burned, but I focused my eyes on Jacob, melting away his anger.

“NO.” He said again. My heart broke halfway from the top. It was Jake’s choice, I know, but the fact that he wouldn’t save me from a life of cold and bloodthirsty murder pained me.

“Let’s just…go home,” he said, calming at every moment.

“I’ll rather walk,” I spit.

“Fine,” he shrugged. He started walking and whistling. How could he be so comfortable after the fact that he just broke a little piece of my heart off? I limped along as angrily as I could.

“You really should get off that leg,” he shouted from far away. I finally realized how far I’d fell behind.

“When your nice again, I‘ll let you carry me. Ouch!” I shouted back. I pulled a little splitter out of my already swollen ankle. No blood. Phew.

I could hear Jacob’s thundering laughter from here. I felt his warm hands, like he’d been standing next to me the whole time, scoop me up. My legs hung over his right arm as he carried me, supporting my back with his left.

“You’re a jerk, you know that?” I asked. He rolled his eyes.

“Well, I still care,” he defended.

“Do you?’ I asked quietly.

“Your still in trouble,” he whispered.

“The hell I am,” I mumbled, feeling drowsy from the warmth.

“Hey, at least we’re in the same boat. And if I’m going to get in trouble, I might as well be carrying you. Imagine Edward’s delight at the fact that I let his crippled daughter walk on her own,” he said in a faux fancy voice. I rolled my eyes again. A suddenly gleam in the distance made me shiver as I shrank in Jake’s arms.

“Almost home,” he whispered in my ear as he walked across the log that went across the river.

“My stuff’s still at your house,” I said, trying to forget that once we were across the river, my family could hear us. And trying to forget our heated conversation.

“Don’t think I won’t be back.”

I smiled, filling up with warmth and happiness. In Jake’s arms, there was nothing but safety. The world’s dangers didn’t exist, and if they did, we were untouchable.

“It seems like I’m always bringing you home broken and Carlisle has to fix it,” Jake admitted, guilt tinting his perfect face. I kissed his cheek.

“All it takes is a little glue and duct tape,” I giggle. He laughs to himself, keeping quiet since we both know what’s coming.

Crippled

As expected, Alice and Rosalie raced outside to my voice and heartbeat. Shouts and chirps, like angry songbirds, hit Jacob’s ears and mine. Rose shouted at Jacob, calling him a mix of every insult she’d ever had. Alice simply shook her head as Jake set me down. Her smile was almost glad. Rose’s yelling continued, though Jacob just rolled his eyes. Both me and Alice giggled. Alice took me up in her arms and carried me toward the house. It always surprised me, how dainty Alice looked, yet how strong she was. She always seemed so breakable, even as a vampire. Jake followed, still being shouted at by a fuming Rosalie. You could almost see the burning red color in her smooth, white face.

Alice set me down on the white couch in the second living room that overlooked the outside scenery. You could see the river, and the giant trees running down the small hill our house (I usually called it mansion-sized. It had four stories and a garage in the basement.) Jake brought me a black blanket. I asked him to sit with me, but he said that him lying next to me without a shirt might not be the best impression for my family. I agreed, huddling under the thin blanket. He walked out of the room, and I closed my eyes, focusing instead on my hearing.

“How could you endanger her like that! I should just kill you now dog!” Rose bellowed. The kitchen counter squeaked. I figured Jake was leaning on it casually. I was surprised at his coolness.

“Relax, Blondie. She left the house early, I came down to La Push to look for her, and there she was in Seth’s arms. Swollen ankle, exhausted, limp. I told her—”

“Well, I want to see it from her,” Alice’s voice chimed calmly. I shut my eyes and focused on the memory. I felt Alice’s cold, stone hand against my forehead. She gasped, but she wasn’t scared. Alice never got scared. Except for when it came to family.

“He’s right,” she said, almost happily proving Rose wrong.

“It wasn’t his fault Rose,” I said hoarsely. Wow, my foot hurt.

“Mutt,” she spitted before stomping away. I smirked on the inside.

“Jacob, could you fetch…bring me Carlisle’s bag from upstairs?” Alice asked. Quiet. Probably Jake’s nod, I couldn’t tell. My eyes were shut, and I was trying to appear to be sleeping. Alice’s next few words confirmed my suspicion. “Thank you,“ she chimed. I laughed inside. Jake knew Alice didn’t mean it, so he silently walked down the hall. His footsteps faded into the background. A sudden stony poke sent my silence away with a yelp.

“Ouch!” I rubbed my arm. Not a hard pinch, but since Alice’s fingers were like sharp ice picks, it left a small, red mark.

“You’re a bad actor, but Jacob bought it,” Alice said softly. She sat next to my head and ran her fingers through my hair.

“My God Renesmee! Your hair is a mess! You need a makeover after this. Look at your hair! All unkempt and afrizz!” Jake’s footsteps faintly returned.

“Alice, ‘afrizz’ isn’t a word,” I reminded, cringing when she caught a knot. Then again, how could she avoid one? My hair was messy.

“Well, it is now, thanks to you,” she said, picking up a few strands of hair and dropping them back into place. I huffed a laugh as Jake tossed the pack on the couch. It hit with a thump! and the whole couch shifted.

“Where is she?” Edward shouted. His voice shattered Alice’s laugh, and all calm, happy feelings escaped me, running for cover under the couch. Jake held onto my hand. I held to his like a grappling hook on Mt. Everest. Edward sped through the house, grabbing Jake by the neck. Our hands released with a jerk as Jake grabbed Edward’s throat too. Jake punched Edward in the mouth, and they both back away into corners of the room, growling at each other like animals.

“Stop it! Your acting like idiots!” I screamed. My father glared at me, and I glared back in the same intensity. The next thing I did, I wasn’t even thinking. But I did it. I stood up and stomped on my bad foot. A crack rippled through the floor, and I collapsed. I screamed in a shrill torment. My foot felt like I’d just stuck it into a pit of fire, then stabbed it with a bunch of splinters.

Jake, Alice and Edward surrounded me, picking me up. They began ranting in my ear. Words of, “Why the hell would you do that?” and “You’re your mother’s daughter,” surrounded me. My foot ached like hell, but I ignored it and let my audience get to work on my foot. Over the pants of pain, I managed a hissing voice to Jake. “Now you have to get along.” He rolled his eyes while everyone else scattered around the room. I figured out, afterwards, that I broke my whole foot. Shattered it to pieces, actually. But it was so that everyone to work together. To stop fighting as just get along, even for a short time. Focusing on anything but their anger was my goal. Even fourth graders can manage that. And I think it helped, since no one focused on the previous subject. After poking me with all kinds of needles, Edward let Jake sit by my bedside. I was laying the hospital bed, the center of Carlisle’s in-home medical room. Of course, with my clumsiness, I was a regular in this room. Jake held my hand while Alice pressed the button on the mini x-ray machine. The blue hologram line slid over my foot. The pain was lesser now, thanks to a bag of morphine attached to me by IV.

After passing in and out of consciousness, thanks to a blue bag of liquid Edward attached to my IV tube, I finally woke up. My eyelids felt dead, but I willed them open. A little, silver box next to me blipped and beeped like music. But after I laid there a minute, I noticed it was bleeping to my heart pattern. Great, another needle in me. I glanced around the room. Light, because of the giant window that let in the Washington winter sun. The room had silver tile and light grey wall paint. A black dining table was in the far left corner, covered in books and a home computer. There was light colored, wooden beams going up and down the ceiling, and other hospital equipment was neatly organized in a large, black-paneled closet. I was so absent in the head, I hadn’t even noticed Jake’s hulk-sized hands encasing mine. I was beginning to overheat.

“You’re pretty dumb, you know that?” he asked in his bemused voice. I ignored the too-warm feeling in my arm. I was so glad to see him. The room lightened a little once I heard his voice. My eyes before felt dull. I’d need to hunt soon.

“I’m pretty. Let’s pretend dumb wasn’t in there, so I don’t have to hurt you,” I whispered. My throat was dry and sore, but no thirst. Surprising…

Jake’s hand, filled with heat, brushed my freezing face. I shifted in my bed, trying to sit up. It surprised me how limp I felt. Jake stood up, walked behind me, and repositioned my pillows. He then wrapped his hands around my small frame and pulled me up to sit.

“Thanks,” I said, pulling and tugging at my blankets.

“I think it deserves a kiss,” he replied humbly, tapping his cheek. I kissed his cheek, then rubbed my chapped lips.

“What?” he asked, almost offended.

“Dude, shave,” I said. His face had little, poky stubbles all over.

“Here,” he said, pulling my chin to guide me. His lips were much smoother than his face, and my lips suddenly felt much better.

“Better,” I said. He held up his head dramatically, eyes closed, smiling. “Loose the grin though,” I said, throwing a little cotton ball from the jar next to me at his face.

“How are you feeling?” Alice asked thoughtfully. My back straightened as she walked in. So did Jake’s .

“Better. Hungry,” I commented, rubbing my noisy tummy. Though I hadn’t “eaten” in weeks, my thirst was under control. Every now and then, I wanted real human food.

“Anything in specifics?” Alice asked. Our house always had real food, since Jacob always came around.

“Jacob?” I asked. I didn’t really know what I wanted until Jake picked something out. His suggestions were always good, though his meat obsession was annoying at times. Cooked meat… unless it’s bloodied, yuck.

“Let’s try a cheese and ham, egg-white omelet. No garlic, out of respect,” Jake said. I chuckle. That’s a new one.

“Mkay, and to drink?” Alice asked after the giggling had stopped from both me and her. She suddenly reminded me of a waitress.

“OJ?” Jake asked, wondering if he’d got it right.

“How bout OJ for him, and a Blushy for me?” I asked Alice. She nodded and skipped away to the kitchen. Blushies were my favorite thing in the world. Jake would sometimes bring home animal blood in a jar, for when I was sick and I couldn’t hunt. Alice got a need idea. She put ice in a blender and added the red stuff, and presto! Blood slushy. Gross to some, delicious to others. Imagine cherry-flavoring, I’d tell Jake, who would always shudder and gag at the site.

“Those are so nasty,” he commented, moving to the chair next to where I sat.

“Steak in a cup,” I said, flipping through my phone’s apps. Jake rolled his eyes. I imagined we’d talk and laugh, but watching Jake as he tried to smack away a fly was funnier. He knocked over everything, just to kill that stupid fly. I laughed, though I felt guilty when someone (Alice) had to clean up the mess. Bella was a speedy cook, and the best of the best. Everyone in the family had a hobby. Cooking had been something that Bells took up. Half because it connected her to her old human life, cooking for Grampa Charlie, and half because of my appetite. Being picky added to my mom’s specific cooking ideas.

“Here we go, egg-white ham and cheese omelet, no garlic. OJ for Jacob,” Bella said, setting the glass of tangy juice next to Jake. “And a Blushy for Renesmee.” The tall glass, equipped with a slushy spoon-straw, dripped with ice and blood. I thanked my mom, sipping at it like a child. I felt my eyes bug at the taste. Animal instinct always made you feel like you were on some sort of crazy-feeling drug. A rush really. Call it a buzz. My vision lightened a little, and I looked in the mirror across the room. My eyes were still a little dull, but they were much better than before. It was the cold blood. Warm blood was always much better. I set the glass on the table and cut the eggs gently with a fork. It took forever to break off a little piece. Jake always laughed in his sleeve, watching my struggle with the cooked eggs. Jake always ate ravenously. Bottomless.

After we’d finished eating, and Jake having finally killed that stupid fly, Edward called Jacob into the other room. I almost got up, but Jake told me not to worry. Now he sounded like Emmett…

I sat there, trying hard to listen. But my foot was so painful, it was too hard to focus on much else. I stood up anyway, not even noticing the heavy black brace that constricted my foot. I dragged it along, curving through the hallways, trying to find something to do. I knew Jacob was right. He’d be fine talking with Edward. Alone. With no witnesses. And my angry vampire father. I shuddered.

“Alice?” I called. Nothing. “Mom?”

Silence that enveloped the house made me pinch myself. Twice. No Renesmee. Your awake, I assured myself. I moved across the halls, glancing in and out of each room. Alice’s room, decorated in black butterflies and purple, satin curtains was my favorite. Shelves were filled with books. Mostly on languages or fashion magazines. As quietly as my brace allowed, I slipped in to grab the one she’d been reading. The cover read Vogue. I flipped the magazine over to the back, which in little white letter, read 1978. Alice’s older taste was reflected in her reading. I put the magazine back, and hobbled out of the room. Alice’s room also had one of the world’s largest closets, accompanied by a whole spa attached to the closet by a large, white door. Her bed had a white and black color scheme. Jasper shared her room, but Alice’s personality destroyed Jasper’s chance of storing anything in the room. He didn’t mind though. Another black door led out to the hallway. I walked down the halls to the other rooms, which I can proudly say I did not snoop through. Rose’s room was, unsurprisingly, covered in mirrors and pink. But she also had shelves of photos along the back wall. Rosalie’s room had the largest window, which covered two of the four walls that made up the room.

I continued down the hall. The stairs stopped my trek, and I thumped down them. The house seemed unusually empty for the fact of my injury. I walked through the house, which was still empty. The only exception, I noted, was the faint, mutter-sounding words that Edward and Jacob spoke. I looked outside the window, caressing the white wooden frame with my fingers. My family was outside, beyond my view. Hunting. Their scents were evident on the grass. I sighed.

A sudden rush of wonder overcame me. What were human families like? Where they didn’t hunt or have super abilities or mind-reading fathers. What was is like? Was it boring, or exciting? What would a normal teenage girl be doing now? I could answer that one. She’d be texting her friends, calling her boyfriend, studying for tomorrow’s algebra exam, or be assembling party plans. But I had no friends. I didn’t have algebra to study for. But I had Jake. And even though he was everything I’d ever need, and everything I could ever ask for…I hated to say it. The words made tears fall from the corners of my eyes. Jacob was everything I’d ever need…but not everything I ever wanted. I wanted to experience things. I didn’t know what to expect from the things I wanted, but for some unexplainable reason, I wanted them. Just to say “I did that!” or know what something outside of my world was like. Whether humans knew it or not, there were two worlds on this planet.

I ran my fingers across the window one last time before I sat down on the couch. Flipping mindlessly through channels, I found something on the news that intrigued me. The news made me feel more connected to the normal world. I wasn’t wishing to be normal. But I wanted to at least have a free trial. The headline, in blue background and white letters, read: Serial Killer Walks the Streets of Yakama. I watched intently to the grizzly scene being filmed. Bodies covered in sheets being carried one by one into waiting vans. The moving words at the bottom of the screen read:

Eight found dead in an alleyway between two of the busiest streets in Yakama. Newly found bodies bring the death toll to 12. The four other bodies were found earlier in the week on Tuesday, when the Manchester family was found in their home after the alarm was triggered. For giving police details on this matter…

I stopped reading. A serial killer? I stumbled to the computer set in the hospital room. I grabbed the mouse with a shaky hand. After typing and clicking over a thousand times, I finally came across an article that helped. It gave details on the killings. The third paragraph read: Deaths were attributed to immense loss of blood and bruises throughout the bodies. The victims were possibly beaten to death, though the blood lost from the victims was never found in the crime scene.

I wanted to break the computer. Blood loss, beaten up. This pointed to many possibilities, but only one in my mind. I clicked the red button as fast as I could and pressed the power button. I sat on the couch, turning the TV through different channels. Why would any vampire be risking their “lives” by feeding so openly? The Volturi would definitely stop them, so why were they— My thoughts were cut off by Jacob and Edward walking down the stairs. For some odd, and strangely scary reason, they were smiling. Edward patted Jacob’s shoulder before running out of the sliding glass door that led outside to the trees. I looked at Jacob, a mixture of worry and confusion overcoming my face.

“Should I be happy, embarrassed or scared?” I asked, hauling my brace onto the couch. Jake chuckled.

“Happy. I’m alive, aren’t I?” he said, sitting next to my leg. The couch was an L-shape, so Jacob sat at the curved part, and I sat across the longer side. We stared at each other,

Trespassers

The December air bit my face as we walked across the dirt. Jake held me close, my waist wrapped in his arm. I was freezing, and though the numbness of my toes was evident, I couldn’t be more excited. Another bonfire! The Elders had said there would be a new story told tonight. Some new material to memorize, I thought happily. Embry, Collin and Brady sat on a huge fallen tree log, swallowing hamburgers like they were the last ones on earth. Emily’s barbequing was the best. Jarrod and Kim snuggled up next to each other. Kim laughed at Jarrod’s stumbling over his own words. Her laughter reminded me of a wind chime. Kim was a nice girl; quiet, but always laughing at Jarrod’s unfunny jokes. She was a genuinely nice, warm person to be around. We were friends, though we were not very close, still friends.

New Year’s was nice. Lots of celebrating and kisses. Jake and I caught the most yuck noises of all the couple. But it was a simple holiday. Here and gone. Not something my family looked at, since we’d have hundreds more soon enough.

Quil had Claire dressed up as what looked like a marshmallow, but of course, Quil had wrapped Claire up to avoid her getting cold. She was climbing around the rocks, which Quil visibly frowned about. Claire was the more adventurous, dangerous type, the type that sent most caretakers running. But Quil always stepped up.

“Hey Quil!” Jake called. Claire’s head snapped up from the rock she was balancing on, and she jumped from her four foot mountain before Quil could respond. She charged Jake, hugging him around the waist. He let go of me to hug her. But her hug was only about three seconds long, since she jumped to me next. Her little hands grabbed my legs and waist, and she screamed “NESSIE!”

I laughed, and was surprised to find it so loud. I swept her up onto my shoulders, grabbed Jake’s hand, and grabbed her hand to give her support. As we walked, I glance around the forest. It was extremely dark, and yet, I could see everything. Little birds nestling down for the night, the occasional fox or skunk sniffing around the forest floor. The forest was more alive at night than a lot of people knew.

“Having fun watching Claire climb mountains Quil?” I asked, swinging Claire down from my shoulders.

“She’s a daredevil,” Quil said, grabbing Claire before she could start climbing the boulders again. He swung her up on his shoulders. She squirmed and giggled while Jacob grabbed two hotdogs off the table that would soon be empty. I nibbled on the hotdog bun, but I gave Claire more than half of it. I wasn’t going to eat it anyway. I’d need to go hunting tomorrow, I reminded myself. My throat had a strange, scratchy feeling that would soon spark.

Seth and Leah had yet to arrive, but I saved them both a spot. Nate had Gemma were cuddled in the corner, talking and laughing. Imprints were so connected, and even though I was one, it really was puke-inducing sometimes. Seeing the lovey-dovey stuff was cute though. It reminded me of the love me and Jacob shared. We were sitting on a giant slab of stone that was laid across two others, forming a natural bench. Jake had his arm locked around me, keeping me warm. I laid my head on his shoulder. He layered his chin on my head. My feet were still numb, but I didn’t care anymore. It felt nice, being here with Jake. Unfortunately, out of respect for the Elders, kissing was frowned upon. So my lips remained chapped tonight. The fire crackled as Sam and Emily finally settled on the grass, which had three blankets sprawled out for seating. Paul and Rachel sat on another set of blanket, while the Elders sat in lawn chairs. Everyone was eating, talking and laughing. Jake and I remained quiet, enjoying each other’s company, but my shoulders would move to my laughter when Quil trying to reel in Claire. She was always the best entertainment. Seth and Leah arrived, though both seemed exhausted. Leah’s eyes, usually dark and sunken in depression, were more than livid. Her eyes looked swollen, red and puffy. Seth looked awful. Swollen eyes, red face. His hands looked like they’d fall off from all the shaking. He sat next to me, and Leah sat on the grass next to her brother. They refrained from touching each other. I touched Jake’s chest, and he looked into my face. He nodded stiffly as I moved over to Seth’s side to rub his back and lean on his shoulder. Jacob stiffened, his eyes locked on me, though I didn’t look. Imprints were always protective and jealous messes. Even though Seth was simply like a brother to me, Jake couldn’t help his instincts that told him to rip me away from the other wolf and hold me close. But wrapping my arm around Seth, rubbing his back and keeping him calm was the right thing. Keep in mind, everyone is laughing as having fun and eating. But we four were silent. Seth was quiet, though his head leaned over to me. I was relieved that he took my comfort in a supportive way. Jake was still tense, though Claire kept him busy.

The whistle blew, and we all sat straight up. Everyone was perked up to listen, placing their full attention on the Elders. Seth tried his best to sit up, but he shook. I shushed him, and his head sank again. I continued leaning on him, like a mother caring for her ill child, while the Elders began. Jake sat closer to me now, but he kept his arm at bay. Leah hadn’t looked at her brother the whole time. I looked at Jake for a split second, and caught a glimpse of a nod. I wanted to believe he wasn’t answering my question, but imprints just know. We both knew Leah and Seth had been crying, we both knew they were hurt inside. And we both knew that mommy dearest was to blame.

Seth and Leah’s mother, Sue, always regretted the day she discovered Leah and Seth’s heritage. She had always wished they weren’t werewolves. She said she hated how complicated it made things. Sue, though I hate to say it, was a very selfish person. Though loving and polite, she wasn’t there for Seth. And with Leah, she hated Leah. Sue and Leah had a scarred relationship that would never be fixed. Sue and my Grampa Charlie had a thing, which made me so mad. Grampa Charlie should know better. Then again, he didn’t really know anything. So, again, he could not be blamed. And we go right back to Ms. Sue G. Clearwater. I loved Seth like a brother, and Leah too, though with her…more so like a stepsister. Because of the pack telepathy thing, it was impossible for Seth and Leah to hide it. She’d always pretend everything in their lives were great. But it was just an act for everyone else. Sue would always yell at them, telling Leah she wished Leah wasn’t her daughter. Telling Seth that he’ll always be nothing. Telling lies that Seth and Leah shed tears for, and believed afterwards. Sometimes, Sue made me mad as hell.

Seth shuddered every now and then as the Elders began a familiar story first, before the new story began. I kept my arm around him while they spoke, though everyone was listening intently. Seth touched the top of my hand with the bottom of his, and I released my maternal hold on him. He held his head up again, and let his elbows rest on his knees. I pulled away, letting Jake’s arms entangle me again. He rubbed my shoulder with his huge hand, letting his smell cover me. He lean his head against the top of mine while we listened. Billy was beginning.

“This is the story of Nyju, the Blank One,” Billy said in his husk voice. I felt Jake sit up even straighter, leaning in a little to listen. Everyone else followed.

Since I don’t want to totally confuse you, I’ll dumb the story down a little. I usually do that in my head while I listen anyway. Keep in mind, this is right after that story about the Puwotya , and the venom gift thing. Right now, all the wolves have venom. But over the years, it deteriorated. Anyway, the story. Nyju was a great spirit warrior. He was possible the greatest in history. But the Elders refused his request to turn his son into a warrior. His son was about fourteen, a man in their time, and he’d wanted his son to become a great warrior as well. He asked why they’d refused him. They said that he had too much pride, and his son would grow to be a dark soul. He grew angry with the Elders, and began slaughtering the animals of nature, with no intent to eat. The Elders grew angry that there was less food because of Nyju, so they decided to allow his son to become a spirit walker. But the consequence for his father’s actions was a painful, slow transformation. Life-threatening. But Nyju took the offer happily, bragging to the village of how well his son would go through the transformation, and how wrong the Elders would be. The ceremony began, and standing in front of the whole tribe, he bit his son’s arm, coursing the venom through his son’s veins. His son screamed in agony, a first for anyone, and dropped to the ground. After a few long, painful minutes, his son died from the venom, unable to survive the torture. Nyju mourned his son, and no one ever bit their children again. So the venom gene faded into history, and only a few spirit walkers (and givers) exist today.

The fire was stronger now, and no one had touched it. We all sat in a thick, uncomfortable silence. Most of us knew what Jacob’s genes spelled out, but I’m glad no one cared. If Jacob’s lineage was as the Elders believed, that means Jake would be equipped with venom. But it was never confirmed, so I just went on and forgot about it.
Everyone started up again, with their usual selves bubbling over. Paul and Rachel laughed while Paul threw his last burger at Embry’s head. Quil held an unconscious, snoring Claire, while still trying to kiss up to Jacob. Jake was still pissed about the whole chase and bait thing, but it worked didn’t it? I elbowed him in the ribs, and he grunted in pain.

“Be nice,” I warned. I looked over to Seth. His jaw was tightened as he watched the roaring flames that were only two feet from his face. He was still in the same position. Leah was crisscrossed on the ground. Her long neck and thin arms were more tense than usual. Her eyes were still a little puffy, and every now and then, I’d hear her sniffle. Then again, I’m pretty sure we all heard with our extra sensitivity. Werewolves and vampires. Together. Intriguing that I finally thought of this.

I soon found myself dozing on Jake’s shoulder. The warmth was just to inviting. My wavy, coppery-red hair hung in my face at I blinked slowly. It felt like my eyelids had to be pulled back up once I pushed them down. Jake rubbed my back, and the corner of my mouth perked. I felt a little finger poke my cheek. I almost slapped it away. Luckily, I looked before swatting. Claire had gotten into Jake’s lap. She stood with her knees resting on Jake’s knee, facing me. She continue poking at me face. I counted the seconds. One, Two, Three, Poke, One, Two, Three, Poke.

“Is she dead?” Claire asked Jake in a bubbly voice. She sounded genuinely curious.

“Not completely,” he said, poking my face just like Claire had. With some added warmth of course.

I chuckled under my breath.

My eyes burst awake, and I poked Claire in her ribs. She giggled at the tickling, and she fell back into Jake’s lap. My eyelids again wavered, but I blinked a few times and rubbed them. I knew I’d portably smudged my brown mascara, but I didn’t care. I leaned against Jake, cuddling up in a soft, fleece blanket Emily had brought for anyone to use. I kindly obliged. Jake was still wrestling with Claire, but his left shoulder, the one I leaned against, was surprisingly steady.

“Sleeping Beauty,” a voice chimed in my ear. Brady’s voice. “Wakey Wakey Nessie.” I felt a poke in the ribs, and squirmed.

“Take a hike Brady,” I muttered under stiff lips.

“Not likely.”

I didn’t understand until I felt Brady’s shorter-than-Jake’s arms around me. His arms were big like the others, but only came up to my shoulder and hip. Jake’s cradled me, almost wrapping completely around me. But Brady’s are much different. Wait, why was Brady even carrying me?

“Wait, stop,” I said. I touched Brady’s black t-shirt. I felt a jolt as Brady halted.

“Where am I?” I demanded. I could feel the vibrations in Brady’s core as he chuckled.

“Jake’s place. You crashed, and Jake couldn’t leave yet, so they let me take you home,” Brady said, continuing his usual gate. I felt the heat Brady emitted, but it wasn’t the same heat that Jacob had. I missed him already…

Brady had joined the pack a few months before I was born. I suddenly remembered there was two Bradys. The Brady from Montana, and my Brady. I laughed to myself, quietly. I was surprised to hear my laugh was like a wind chime. I was so tired, I was laughing to myself. But what I remembered was that there was a distinct difference to the two Bradys. My Brady was a huge klutz. He was always tripping or falling over his own two, or four, feet. Sam would always lose his patience when it came to Brady’s coordination. Brady would laugh at himself sometimes, and when he did, you couldn’t help but laugh with him. Not at him, with him. He was a crack up too. Always making people around him feel good.

Brady wanted to put me to sleep on the couch, but I assured him I could walk to bed. After a hug, he ran into the darkness. Back home, or back to the fire, I don’t know. I walked lazily through the house, searching for one of Jake’s shirts that was obviously in his dresser. And yet, I still found myself wandering aimlessly through the house. As I crossed through the dining room, connected to the kitchen, I caught the smell of something. Something…foreign. This scent was of an intruder. I darted to the smell, not caring whether the intruder was still here or not. I ran my fingers across the linoleum of the counter in the kitchen. It was smooth, but not as much as my own skin. I could feel each and every little scratch and crack in the counter. The smell burned hotter as I walked up to the window. Looking out, I could see the darkness of the night tinted lavender purple, which allowed me to look past the trees. I took note of the six-count elk herd a few miles out. I’d need that later. But I couldn’t see over two miles away, so I gave up for fear of eye strain.

I realized I hadn’t been to Jake’s in a whole week. Not since I played chase with two vampires. We’d spent New Year’s at Sam’s, since my family went about it as a casual, boring day.

I flashed my eyes over the counter. Nothing unusual. I questioned myself. Why are you in the kitchen Renesmee? Still, I wandered across the cold tile, barefoot. I must’ve taken my shoes off and not even noticed. Or I forgot. The cream colored counter, the white, noisy fridge behind me, the off-white windowpane glowing against the bright light that clung to the ceiling. Besides the fridge and the old creaks of the house, all was quiet. I sighed. Maybe my nose was all messed up from me being tired, I reasoned. As I turned to walk out, a sudden chill of anger and fear rushed up my spine. I breathed in loudly, feeling my teeth vibrate from the snarl that ripped through. Wide-eyed and shocked, I turned on the balls of my feet, slowly, to the windowsill. My ring. Where was my ring? 

 Paralyzed. That was the exact feeling in my gut. My stomach had curled up into a ball, and I followed. I placed my back to the fridge, hoping the cold would soothe me. It didn’t.

Were they still here? The trespassers? The smell of bleach and blood was evident. They must have just left. But if I could easily smell them now, could they easily smell me? Could they find me here, alone? Jacob couldn’t have moved my ring. There was no scent of him. Just my stale scent from when I placed the ring there, and the white hot scent of vampire. The smell was too potent to be one vampire, even if the scent was fresh. No, it had to have been a group. Could they still be here in the house? Were they lying in wait, hoping for me to flee so they could have a good chase? A hopeless chase, for me…

I couldn’t process everything right away, so I stated facts in my head to keep me grounded. Fact one: vampires came into Jacob’s home…my home… and had taken something important to me. Important to both me and Jacob. Fact two: Nomads trespassing on a coven’s territory would mean they were either passing through, or wanted the territory for themselves. Of course, we had the Quileutes on our side, and they’d never allow feral vampires near Forks. So close to people…

How many people were already dead? Imagine, Forks, a small town with a population of a mere 400. If someone dies, almost everyone grieves. It’s just not right. It’s murder. And it must be stopped.

Which brought me to fact three: we had to wage battle with these nomads. They didn’t seem to be going anytime soon, which wasn’t okay. Carlisle would surely want to make contact with them, so at least we might be able to coaxed them off our land with words. But even then, simple words didn’t register well with human blood drinkers. Those who drank human blood had worse tempers and less self-control then us “vegetarians”. Which meant a fight. As I ran through the possibility of losing, I hadn’t really registered the fear. It hadn’t sunk in. Because as I just started to pick at the possibility of deaths, I was broken from my strange trance by Jake.

“Renesmee? Renesmee! What’s wrong? Renesmee?”

I sat up, realizing I was lying on the hard tile. All I could manage into words was, “Jacob…they were here,” and pointed at the counter where my ring had once sat. I hadn’t really broken my fear filled trance yet, because I hadn’t registered that with Jacob here, there surely weren’t any vampires in the house. We were safe. For now…

Jake smelled the counter. He winced and stepped back a bit when he got to where my ring had been, and growled a low, territorial growl.

“We’re getting you out of here. Now,” he said, scooping me up. He got a blanket for me, loosely tossing it over me as he placed me delicately in his car. He got out his phone before entering the car himself.

“Leah? Round up Nate and Seth. We got a problem. There was…”

I ignored the explanation of our predicament. These wasn’t just a problem for vampires. It was a werewolf violation of territory. A violation that could not go unpunished.

“Yeah…yes…we’ll regroup at the Cullens,” Jake said as he flipped his phone and cancelled the call. He was… unreadable. And this uncertainty of my mate frightened me. I sat as still as I could when Jake entered the car. He drove as fast as we could to my family’s house. I could smell the tires burning as we screeched around each and every curve of the road. There was nothing but silence.

As though they were waiting for us, Bella and Edward darted out to the car. Edward scooped me up like I was five years old and carried me in the house at human speed. Which was never a good sign.

He placed me gently on the couch, and Alice sat there as well. She rubbed my back while we waited for everyone to arrive.

I lost track of time. I lost a lot in my mind while it wandered. I didn’t know the plan, I didn’t know how many we’d face or even who we’d face. But I couldn’t focus much. I faded in an out, acknowledging only a few things. Leah, Seth, and Nate had arrived minutes after Carlisle and Esme had returned from hunting.

The werewolves’ treaty with Sam and Jacob’s packs were a bit different now. Jacob insisted that if the Cullens were in trouble, he would be there to protect me. He didn’t even trust my own family to fully shield me, but I took no offense. When there’s danger, you can never have too much help.

“…and Sam won’t agree. You know how…”

“…if he did, maybe we’d have just enough…”

“…but if we’re outnumbered, there’ll be nothing to do but break our necks,” Leah puts in. They’ve been talking strategy for almost 2 hours, and already, I can tell they won’t agree on anything.

I stood up and walked up the stairs. Everyone was quiet. Probably wondering what I was doing. But I knew what I was going to do. I couldn’t allow these vampires to kill more people, or harass my family. I pulled on some black jeans, and black leather boots. Just as I slipped my arms through my sweatshirt, I heard Jake walking up the stairs. I knew it was him, just by the smell.

“What the hell are you doing?” he asked inquisitively. He was calm, almost skeptical. But I had no patience for questions.

“I’m getting my ring back,” I said, pulling on the dark blue sweatshirt and walking towards the door. But as expected, Jake’s humongous arm came swinging in my way. He held onto the doorframe, expecting a better answer.

“You’re not stopping me,” I said, not backing down.

“I’m not. But I want in. And I wanna know what your doing so you don’t get killed,” he said, putting his hand on my shoulder. I turned around and sat on the floor crisscross.

“Bella? Block me out?” I asked loudly.

“No!” Edward objected. But I could feel Bella shielding my mind. I always got a small, ticklish feeling in the back of my head whenever I knew she was mentally shielding me.

“Jake, I’m not going to sit by while everyone coordinates and decide whether to call in reinforcements or not. I can’t just wait around. I have to end this, now.”

“Tonight?”

“I don’t see a better night any time soon. On the night of my birth, the wolves and my family fought it out on our front lawn. I’m not letting the fight come to us.”

“Well, they won’t let you go. You know that right? And we can’t just take them on by ourselves. The pack’s not large enough. And Sam won’t help without Carlisle’s involvement.”

“Then don’t help. I’m going either way,” I said, readying myself to stand.

“No Ness. It’s way too dangerous. You have no clue how many of them there are,” Jacob warned.

“All I know is I’m sick of living in constant caution of these vampires. And I’m gonna flush the bastards out. You in or not?”

He sighed, stood up, and held out his hand. “You know I’m obligated to always be in.”

I smiled, took his hand to help me up, and then went out to face my family.

“Well, who wants to go out and kill some vampires?”

“I’m in,” Emmett called from across the room. “Why are we afraid? There can’t be more then fie of these guys, right? We’re the ones everybody’s afraid of. Now let’s show ‘em why.” Emmett grinned mischievously, and Rose glared at him.

“I guess I’m in too. Might as well since Emmett can’t be left unattended,” Rosalie pointed out, adding a hinted smile afterwards.

“I think you’re all stupid and irrational,” Edward spoke up. I frowned, but he smiled. “And I’m in too. I can’t let you do this by yourself and we do need to stake our claim. Or ‘turf’ as Emmett calls it.”

And after that, everyone kind of jumped in. Except Alice, who I noticed was now absent since my ascend upstairs.

“Alice?” I asked.

“She’s got one of her headaches again. She’s been getting them for the past few—”

“Carlisle!”

We all froze. Jasper entered the room, holding Alice’s hand. Alice seemed alright, physically. But in her eyes, you could see, she was a thousand miles away.

“Alice?” I asked, waving my hand in front of her face. Not even a blink.

“She’s just been frozen like this for the past two minutes. She’s blind to the present,” Jasper said coldly.

“I can’t make it stop. I can’t see any of you right now. Just an empty field of nothing. I can’t turn it off!” Alice panicked.

“Edward?” Bella asked, going to Alice’s left and holding her hand.

“I can’t read Alice’s thoughts. Bella, are you blocking me?”

“No, not at all,” Bella said.

Jake was holding my hand, but released me and went over to the window. Both realization and a bold, fierceness overtakes his features as he looks out into the dark. I felt…a sudden dread.

“You know what you said about bringing the battle to them?” Jake asked, a cold seriousness to his tone. I could feel the pain of fear building up in my chest.

“Yeah?” I asked, moving to the window. I caught a few glimpses of shadows, dancing around in the front of the house. They were jumping from tree to tree in the forest in front of our house, and I froze with fear.

“Looks like they’re one step ahead,” Jake said, rushing out the door to phase.

“Jacob!” I screamed, running after him. Others shouted my name, following me. But I didn’t stop, not for them. I had to go after Jacob. He was gonna get himself killed. I ran outside, confused.

 

Flames

I smelled smoke. There’s flickering lights of yellow and orange in the distance, and I could see wolves and vampires jumping everywhere. A wolf I believed to be Leah was mercilessly pinning a vampire beneath her giant paws as he held her back by the ears. And that was just one scene. The rest was absolute chaos.

I counted them in my head. Four wolves, five rogue vampires, and six of my family. All but Alice and Jasper are battling it out, right on our front lawn. It seems everyone had their own vampires to focus on. Bella and Edward cornered a blonde male, who was obviously a raging newborn. Carlisle and Esme fought a crafty-looking brunette girl. Emmett and Rose taunted with another boy with straight black hair and crazed red eyes. Leah was fighting another blonde haired boy, who looked pretty tough for his crazed state. Nate was battling it out with a blonde girl who seems to be way too fast for him. Seth, with Jake’s help, fought against a smaller looking vampire girl, probably turned when she was young. They all seemed like newborns. I was caught with a bout of confusion; until I was snapped awake by a black haired, amber-eyed girl leaping her way towards me. I jumped out of the way with lightning speed. The girl hissed at me, crouching into her hunting position. For a moment, I felt like helpless prey. But once I noticed the glint of crystal on her finger, I turned into the predator. I leaped at her, holding her arm up and pushing her face back with my foot. I bent down, and yanked the ring from her finger. It’s still perfect, even after being worn by this snake.

“Hey! Gimme that back! Its mine!” she shrieked. She squirmed around, shrieking like a banshee. But my grip remained firm.

“Wrong. It’s mine. And you made a big mistake stealing it from me,” I hissed back at her. She suddenly ceased her constant flailing.

“Wait. Your face,” she said. As she stared into the sky behind my face, I caught something that rung a bell. That distant look, that black, short hair. Besides the slightly reddish eyes and rounded face, this girl resembled…Alice. A younger, smaller Alice.

“You’re the vampire hybrid! The one who killed Kila!” she screamed.

Right when she said Kila, I felt a sudden weight on my back. I released the smaller girl, and caught a glimpse of straight, dark red hair. I flailed around and screamed, but I didn’t really start screaming until I felt the slice of flesh in my neck. I gripped the girl’s head and pulled as hard as I could, throwing her off me and watch as Nate violently attacked her. I shrieked in agony. The scent of blood and bleach filled my nose as I lie on the ground. I pulled over my mask, keeping my face as a wall of no emotion. But the agony raged within me. When I froze my face, my eyes remained open. I could see the trees around me turn to yellow and orange flames. Forest fire.

What was happening? With all of this? The girl who resembled Alice, the many vampires that are trying to lay waist to our family, this consuming forest fire? Where did it all come from? Who started the fire? I could feel the flames around me giving off hot air that I breathed in painfully, along with the dust and ash of the air.

But nothing compared to the burning in my brain.

The pain radiated from my neck. It felt as though if your hand were to waver around the spot, you’d feel it burning like a campfire. I could feel the burning start to consume my head, filling it with venom. I could feel everything in my head, down to the very synapsis of my brain, be slowly razed to ash. I dare not scream, but simply remain a frozen body. Every inkling of cool is gone. I can feel the venom begin to coarse through me, and a feel a tear begin to form in my eye. If I break my mask, I would shriek and thrash in agony. And that won’t help me. It’ll simply leave my family confused and vulnerable.

As my brain turned to dust, and my eyes turned to ash, I began to think of my family. Of after all they’d been through, all this hell and torment, I’d die like this. Murdered by flames of both kinds. After all Jake has gone through, since the day he and Bella met, up to this point, it would all be for nothing. What will Jake do after I’m gone? Will he go on? Or will he give in and…no. I can’t think of what he might do. He’s told me, he refuses to live without me.

I would look into his eyes, and everything was okay. There was no pain, no suffering, no stress. It all just fell off my shoulders like snow falling off a roof. It seemed like his gaze could go on forever, and I wished it would. But reality had to come creeping back. I never knew if it had to come or if I wanted to make sure it was still there. But when it was, I was glad to see he was still in it. He was my best friend, my other half. My Jacob. He would always be my Jacob. I loved him. But as I searched for his eyes, my own eyes burned from the dry, crackling smoke.

The flames around me soon fade after time. They’re what helped me keep in mind, I’ve not yet died. Although my face had probably been scorched and blackened, unrecognizable. The burning had slowly creped down to my fingertips, and I continued to lie in agony and torture. It felt like being ripped apart, sliced up, burned with a fire poker, hit by a train, and pushed off a cliff. Ten times over.

The flames around me that had flickered orange and red before, had turned to grey clouds of smoke and ash. Had we won? Or are there remains? Am I the only one left? Will I be turned into a vampire out of all this?

But I believed we had truly won. Because soon, although I couldn’t see any faces since I’m just looking straight up into the air, I heard voices. Familiar voices, out of all the razing torment. Carlisle, Esme. Edward. And Jacob. He was still alive. They’re alive.

I could feel Jake’s warm hand brush away the ashes that stuck to my face and hair. In the heat around us, his hand felt cooler for once. I felt a cold, almost soothing water droplet hit my cheek. It was a tear. But it wasn’t mine. Jake was trying his best, but it wasn’t enough. It was hopeless. I couldn’t move. I was trapped within my own heart, pounding on the cage bars, screaming. But in reality, I was silent. Cold. My words were stolen by numbness and pain.

“Jake, you have to do it. If any of us try, we’ll kill her.”

“But…isn’t there some other way? Can’t we just—“

“Jake,” Carlisle interjected. “It’s the only way she’ll survive. Unless you want her to be a vampire.”

I heard nothing. A quick pause, followed by, “Alright, I’ll do it.”

What’s he doing? What is this life-saving thing Jake has to do? There’s nothing anyone can do. It’s venom. It’s unstoppable.

I could feel Jake hovering near me. He was bending closer to my face. I could feel him glide the back of his hand against my face.

“I’m so sorry.”

What was going on? As I lay there, petrified by pain and fear, my neck felt a sensation of both pressure and pain. Like someone was…biting into me.

Of course. The others would kill me. Only Jake could do it. He had to suck out the venom. By sucking out my poisoned blood.

I wanted to cry for him. Jake always had extreme squeamishness around blood. And now he has to taste it, to be as close to it as one could get to it, to save me.

“Remember Jacob, don’t swallow it. Vampire venom is an automatic death sentence to werewolves.”

“Oh, I wasn’t planning on swallowing it,” Jacob replied as he wretched to the side, spitting and coughing out the blood. It takes what feel s like an eternity, but slowly, I felt the coolness of my normal body temperature return to me. But the pressure and pain of Jake’s bites, the burning, searing pain within my head and neck, and my massive bloodless, has left me so weak. I have to push through. I have to see another day. If not for me, for him. For Jacob.

Soon, it all went black, and Jake’s face, his lips red with my blood, was the last thing I saw as the pain within me, devoured.

Cold Again

 

I woke up in the dark, feeling weak and battered. I couldn’t even raise my arms; they burned with remnants of venom. I was in a hospital bed, with three tubes attached to my right hand and one on my left. I felt a bandage on my eyebrow, and my lips were dry and cracked. In the hours it took me to adjust to the light, I fiddled with the cold sheets. The soft cotton felt nice between my fingers. I allowed my mind to wander…

What happened? Well, I was still alive. Somehow. But what about the others? Had we all survived, or were there only a few that made it? Why was I hospitalized? Wait, hospital? No, no I couldn’t be in the hospital! They’d know what I was!

I panicked. I started to try and sit up, but I couldn’t move my arms let alone my whole body. Every movement led to the feeling of small beads of venom bubbling and popping beneath my skin. It wasn’t a wince worthy feeling. It was a reminder of the searing pain before, and it brought a terrifying ache to my whole body. My body feared the venom. I couldn’t feel the venom when I sat still. Slowly, over time, I began to process where I was.

I was at home, thank God. The hospital bed I laid in was moved into my room. My huge window was covered with black sheets, which left the room completely blackened. My furniture had been cleared out of the room, and only two chairs were left. And the many mechanical devises that monitored everything going on inside me. It had been about six hours before I saw light. A ray of light, from the bottom of the door, glowed brightly against the blackness of the room. The door cracked open, sending a flash of light right for my eyes. I blinked several times before the light faded. And soon, a cold head stroked my head. Mom…

“Bella?” I asked. My voice was raspy and dry, and I coughed. Bella handed me a glass of water, which I gladly drank.

‘Hey Renesmee,” she said, holding my hand. Her marble hand felt nice against my hot skin.

“I probably look like hell, huh?” I asked. My voice was more of a broken whisper now, but Bella could still hear it.

“Very hellish,” she said with a wind chime laugh. I smiled, since facial expressions were all I could bare. My insides felt torn up and bruised.

“How is he?” I asked. Bella smiled with confusion.

“You went to the brink of death and back, and you want to know how Jacob is after drinking a quart of blood? You are my daughter,” she said, smiling before kissing my forehead. “I’ll call him in.” Bella pulled the curtains back, revealing a rainy and cloudy Forks afternoon.

“How long have I been out?” I asked. Bella came over and pulled me up. I sat up, with support from at least ten pillows behind me.

‘Since last night. You passed out before Jacob was done, and we had to bring you back for a blood transfusion.”

“What time is it now?” I asked, looking around for a clock. My neck was sore, and no matter how much I licked my lips, they remained chapped and painful.

“About five. Here,” she said, handing me some chap stick. I went over my lips twice, and it gave me instant relief. I finally had to ask.

“So, I suppose getting all the answers from you would be easiest.”

“You supposed correctly,” she said, pulling a chair up to my bed and explaining.

Apparently, a few of the vampires were gifted. Three of them were anyway, and they created a last minute newborn army. But not like one the Cullens had seen before. These were all teenagers. Kids from twelve to sixteen turned to vampires and told to destroy. One vampire was elementally gifted, like Benjamin, a vampire from the Egyptian coven. This vampire however, only controlled one element. Fire. Why? No one has a clue. Bella said the family spent most of the night waiting to hear about me, and to speculate on our latest encounter. A lot of ideas were tossed around, but there’s no telling the real reasoning of our enemies. Another vampire, a younger looking one, was gifted like Alice. She was blocking Alice out. She was a mental shield, using images to block out other’s gifts and take control of them for herself. Bella was locked in a mind power war with her. Alice has since returned to normal, but the reasoning behind the entire attack. All the newborns were killed, including the one that attacked me. But not all the vampires were destroyed. Two made their escape. The younger girl, whom I had pinned and planned to kill, and the fire girl. I suddenly felt the anger boiling within me. I wanted that girl dead. She’s a no good, murderous rat. And she stole my ring from right under my nose!

I glanced down at my hand. There was my ring, smudged with ash. My hand was almost transparent. Ghostly white, with ash and dust clumped beneath my nails.

“Bella, could I get a shower?”

“Sure, come on.”

Bella helped me up, but after a while, it was clear I wasn’t standing up any time soon. She simply picked me up and took me to my bathroom. . I quickly glanced into a mirror before getting in the tub, and boy was I a sight. Giant, dark circles, limp, oily hair, and ash covering me in a thin layer everywhere. I really did resemble some sort of creature from hell. My eyebrow adorned a butterfly stitch, and my bottom lip was cracked open and scabbing. My neck was rapped as tight as possible, only allowing me to breath.

“Did anyone clean the…” I trailed off. I couldn’t say it. Bite mark…

“Carlisle clean up your neck, sewed you up, and wrapped you tight. We will change the bandage in about a week,” Bella explained, running her hand under the water.

It was soothing, but lying in the water trying not to move wasn’t exactly fun. Bella explained that although Jake got the venom out of my blood, there were still remnants of it in the small, microscopic cavities of my bones, and the small molecules of fiery torture that remained would have to be worked out of my system over time.

I was helped out and dressed by Bella. Jeans were torturous, so we resorted to a long sleeved, very short grey dress that Alice provided. I only caught a glimpse of Alice, who darted in and out, but I could tell she was better. She had her bright, cheery smile that she always had when things were good. Things were good again. They truly were.

With no shoes, I was carried back to my grey hospital room and hooked up o only one IV this time. With painkillers and water, I lay in my bed, wordless. Bella left, and soon, I was greeted by the only person I really wanted to see.

“Hey Ness,” Jacob said in a soothing whisper. Instead of grabbing a chair, he just walked up to me and kneeled at my bedside.

“You saved me,” I said. My voice was still weak, and Carlisle came in earlier to put me on oxygen. Clean, fresh air felt good.

“Wouldn’t be the first time,” he said, brushing my hair out of my face. I was just gaining the ability to move my hands and wrists without pain, and I overturned my flat hand to show my palm. Jake held my hand tight, and I took into account how bad he looked too.

A bandage on his forehead and a black eye was the least of it. The worst was his right arm, wrapped up in a sling around his neck. He had a couple blue patches on his arms, and one on his neck.

“You look like hell,” I pointed out, smiling. He looked down and laughed.

“Oh please. You can’t even see the rest under the wraps,” he said, standing up and lifting his shirt. His entire abdomen is wrapped in white gauze. His chest is a little bruised, but the wrapped area is what I’m worried about the most.

‘How bad is it?” I asked worriedly. He rolled his eyes.

“Just a couple ribs, nothing big. I was mostly thinking about you,” he said, pulling his shirt down and walking around my bed. He pushed my covers closer to me and climbed in the bed with me. He sat on top of the sheets with his good arm around me. I tucked me head beneath his chin, and there we sat. It felt as though everything slowed down. Everything froze, just for this moment. Just for us.

“You did that for me,” I said, still amazed with him.

“I couldn’t lose you forever. And I like the way you smell. I wouldn’t wreck it and turn you into a walking bleach bottle,” he replied, playing with my hair. I still had dark circles, but my hair and skin was clean and my lips absorbed the Chap Stick. I added more, just to help with the cracks in my bottom lip.

“Thanks,” I said, laughing. He chuckled, and tightened his arm around me. I looked up at him. Under the bandages and bruises was my Jacob. His perfect face, chocolate brown eyes, pitch black hair and perfect russet skin. His giant hands that seemed to perfectly cradle mine. And his giant heart of gold.

“I love you,” I said. He smiled, and kissed my forehead.

We laid there for a while. Jacob’s heat felt nice; it warmed up my covers and helped with my soreness. We watched the rain out of my window as it stormed outside. The sky was a very bright grey, and the rain poured. In silence, we simply embraced each other. Appreciating the fact that we were both alive, and would soon be well.

Over the next few weeks, I had plenty of visitors. The wolves, including Sam and his pack, all came to see me. Jared and Embry both brought me a bunch of flowers. Emily brought me a plate of her best muffins, which I could never turn down. Poppy seed muffins were my favorite. Nate gave me a “get well” kiss on the cheek, which was meant to agitate Jake. He succeeded, but he really did want me to get better. I sensed his sincerity.

Even Leah came to check up on me. She justified it by stating Seth had dragged her along, but while Seth was still there, he whispered in my ear, “She really did want to come and make sure you were alright, she just wants to seem tough.” I was skeptical, but it seemed Leah was less cold than she usually was. She seemed…lighter. Less dark and conflicted-looking. She wasn’t happy, but she wasn’t sad or angry. She was…neutral.

Jake stayed with me through it all. The gigantic needles used to get through my rock hard skin, the IV tubes, the physical therapy I needed to work the venom out. What many didn’t know about my anatomy is that although I had a tough shell, my whole inner body was completely human. My vampire genes were only skin deep. Jacob held my hand through thick and thin. He usually stayed in my bed with me, except for when Carlisle would come in to inject me with something. He’d usually stand up for that. Needles were like blood with Jacob. Gross.

Although, in Edward’s mind, things were much different. In Edward’s opinion, Jake was taking advantage of all of this. But he only thought so because there was someone sitting and sleeping in his daughter’s room, constantly eating out of the fridge, and kissing me every chance he got. But Jacob wasn’t taking advantage. He was there for me. To listen to my ranting or just to listen as I spoke meaningless blabber. Anything that popped up in my head, I’d tell Jake. And the kissing thing…well, I wasn’t complaining. Jake would kiss me constantly, whenever we were alone. It was like beating away a dog with a stick, no pun intended. Although I gave plenty of slack with our making outs and what not, I was always wary of my father. He would, more than occasionally, walk past my bedroom to keep tabs on us. Whenever Jacob’s mind would begin to run rampant, Edward would be there to stop it. Of course, he could only look in Jake’s head.

There was a new house rule, which I greatly appreciated: Edward was not to look in my head. No one was allowed to use their gifts on me anymore, unless deemed absolutely necessary. It gave me a new, and much needed, sense of freedom.

It took about two weeks for me to get better. I felt fine after one, but Edward and Bella insisted on one more week, just to be sure. During those weeks, on one day, Alice got me a new laptop to keep me from getting bored. Jacob’s company was all but boring, with him always trying to entertain me, whether it was with his lips or with his words. However, the laptop did help a little. It gave me a better connection with the outside world.

Finally, the day came where I could go out on my own again. I was desperate to hunt, and my eyes had gone totally charcoal black. Jake said I looked like a freak show, and I’ll admit, the black had me a little wary of mirrors as well. I’d only gone without blood for so long maybe once or twice before, so the black darkness of my eyes was something I never got used to. But first was the real question: Could I even run, let alone hunt?

“Maybe we should wait another week,” Jake suggested. Again.

“Jake, come on, I’m thirsty,” I complained as Alice and Bella moved towards me to lift me up by my arms. My legs were firm, but my feet felt a little flimsy. I felt the venom start to release itself. Now it was only cringe worthy, but it still stung.

“Bella, you sure you got her? You’re sure?” Jake asked for the thousandth time.

“Yes Jacob! God, you’re worse than him,” Bella said, gesturing to Edward. He smiled, a bit proud with himself. Jake was standing up in the corner, arms crossed, much more on edge than anyone in the room.

“It’s fine Jake, really,” I said, putting on my best innocent smile for him. I needed to get some persuasion into him. My throat burned with the power of ten forest fires plus two. And I missed the chilled air and sunlight of the outside. I hadn’t stepped outside in almost three weeks. Hadn’t smelled anything but the scents of my family and Jake. My nose itched for something new. Or at least, something different from what I’d been enduring.

I struggled to force my feet to grip the ground. I took a few steps, stretching out my joints. My toes twitched a little from the soreness. My knees quivered a bit. But after walking around the room a few times, they felt as sturdy as before. I jogged over to Jake.

“Wanna try and catch me?” I asked playfully. With very serious eyes, clenched jaw, and crossed arms, I managed to coax a smile out of him. I walked towards my window. His arms dropped and he followed me over, opening it for me.

“Such a gentleman,” I commented. He laughed.

“Just jump out the window. You won’t think I’m much of a gentleman when I win,” he said. I giggled, and grabbed the window pane. Pulling myself up onto the windowsill, I looked down at the green grass below me. Even though I’d made this jump a thousand times, it seemed higher above the ground than ever. Like I was jumping from twenty stories instead of two. I breathed in deeply, and stepped off.

Although I laded perfectly, my legs trembled a bit, like they do if I run for too long. I started running at a human pace, slowly adding on speed as I got closer and closer to the forest. The woods engulfed me in all its wonderful, natural scents as I flashed through the trees. A flock of birds flew up in a cloud of blue and white, bunnies scurried away, and squirrels ran for cover. My hair bounced and felt as though it came back to life. The cold bit at my face, but I liked it. It wasn’t raining, and snow still lined tree trunks and rocks. I smelled the pine and air and animals around me. And of course, the unmistakable scent of cinnamon that followed not far behind me.

As I ran through the woods, remaining clueless to direction or pace, I let my mind wander. Though this wondrous calm has waved over me, and everyone I think, I knew this happy time would not last. It was peaceful in my mind, but there was always calm before the storm. I felt as though we haven’t seen the end of the two vampires. And the girl that reminded me so much of Alice…she’d be back. The Volturi still lingered in the back of my mind, but they remained locked away. I wasn’t concerned with them. They knew we were as much a threat as they were. Equals. Although these enemies clouded the future for me, for us, I aloud tranquility to consume me instead. Why should I worry when everyone else sees that as their job? No, this is a time to be happy. Be content with one another. Be at peace.

I’ve just started to think about me and Jake’s future when I realized where I was running. I stopped. The trees about three yards ahead of me have stopped. I walk at a slow pace towards the edge of the tree line. I see more trees on the other side of the clearing, and I stop. My heart sinks, my breathing turns faster, and I’m filled with grief. My meadow, covered in a thin layer of snow. Just like in my dream. My dream when Jacob left. I haven’t returned to the meadow since.

I heard Jacob coming up from behind me. His gate was human, so he must’ve phased back. Wearing nothing but dark green cargo shorts, he came up next to me, wrapping an arm around my waste. The sky remained light and grey, nothing like the purple color from my dream. And the forest was alive with birds. A few sun beams flash through the clouds, and I slowly move onto the plain. The snow cracked beneath my boots, and I cupped my elbows as I tread lightly. I stopped once I felt the warmth of the sunbeam on my back. And then more warmth. Jacob.

“Hey,” he said, moving in front of me. He lifted my chin with his fingers, and I looked into his eyes. His face was soft, and his hands engulfed my neck, stroking my cheeks with his thumbs. His fingers brushed over the bite mark, which I could see reflecting light brighter than the rest of my skin. He traced the crescent, frowning a bit.

“Will it ever be over Jake?” I asked him. He stopped looking at the crescent on my neck and his brown eyes bored into mine.

“I hope not,” he said, before pressing my lips to his.

This is what I live for. The warmth of his body, hugging me and sharing the heat with me. His lips keeping mine warm and soft. His hands, holding me tight and making me feel so safe that I never want him to let go. This kiss, right here, in the beam of the sun and the sparkle of the snow around us, suddenly flashes every kiss into my mind. From the first one, on the beach, to the kiss on the forehead when he told me he loved me. To the little kisses, to the love bites and the hugs. To the laughter, to the feelings of safety and happiness. It all flows through me as I grip his neck with my palms, sending it all flashing through his head as well. His head pulls back slowly, and he looks at me with the most love-filled, most cherishing eyes I’ve ever seen on him.

“Renesmee,” he says, breathing heavily. He smiles, bright and exuberant, and kisses me again. And although this kiss would be the same to an onlooker, it feels even better than the last.

Impressum

Texte: Alyssa B
Korrektorat: Alyssa B
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 28.11.2011

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