O N E
I'm the type of person who doesn't look like they are not ok. I usually don't get noticed by many people. My dad ignores me, my stepmother ignores me as well, along with most of the people at school. I'm the quiet one if you must know. I don't talk very much, and that's because I don't like letting my walls down. Very few people have gotten past them and those people aren't with me anymore. My mother, and best friend also known as my brother. All gone. I wouldn't blame them for leaving though.
Everyone does.
My mother was murdered. My brother committed suicide.
Right after the murder, the worthless excuse for a man, my father, got remarried to the woman he would have married if mom wasn’t there. Since I was 16 at the time I had no choice but to stay with them, which was the most horrible experience.
My brother. He had commuted suicide after years and years of bullying. When he started high school, he had lost all of his friends, and those people that used to befriend him bullied him.
I was the only one there for him, because no one else thought anything was wrong, not mom nor dad could see.
I was bullied too but not at this level. Yeah it hurt but it was hitting him deeper.
I saw the fake smile and the uneasiness in his voice when he said that he was ok.
He was neck deep in depression, almost drowning in it.
I cared about him more than anyone in the world.
He was my twin after all.
My other half.
It was almost as if I could feel his pain.
When I saw the cuts on his arms, I would sit with him and talk. It always seemed to help, but the amount of scars he had just escalated as did the bullying.
As the bullying got worse, the deeper the cuts were.
I would be called a hypocrite by him, because I did the same thing. Instead of my arm, I did it to my legs. It was so horrible seeing him like that, but like he had said, it’s hard to stop once you start.
I didn't want to lose my best friend.
I can't even count the number of nights I stayed by his side while he poured his heart out, or how I talked him out of suicide.
It worked most of the time.
He would promise me he wouldn't leave me here in this horrid world.
We will not let the world destroy us. Promise me that. We will not cave into their greedy desire to want us gone.
His words exactly.
Then when I came home late from school because I had to finish a quiz, I didn't get greeted at the door by the usual hug from Jamie.
Something felt empty.
I was confused at first and that was until everything hit me like a brick wall.
That very moment time seemed to stop. I had ran as fast as I could up the stairs and to our room.
I can still smell the eerie copper.
Blood.
I remember seeing Jamie on the ground. An empty bottle of pills to his right and a bloody towel to his left.
His arms were gruesome.
They were cut so deep. I couldn't see skin anymore. I could only see deep gashes and blood.
I fell to the floor and held his lifeless body in my arms.
I screamed louder than I had ever before.
I poured all my emotion and all of my pain into the screams.
I remember screaming at him to wake up, knowing he was already gone. It’s just something people try to do to comfort themselves, and tell themselves they are going to get up and they will be fine. It doesn’t work, but I still tried.
The tears never stopped.
From then on I felt like half of me was ripped away.
We were 15. Three days before our 16th birthday.
I never got to say goodbye.
Not even two months later my mother was murdered.
I fell into a deep depression, but I stayed strong.
For Jamie.
He had left me a last note.
I never gathered up enough strength to open it.
Now two years later and I still haven't touched it.
It’s been stuffed in an envelope in the bottom of the box of his things.
I've closed up completely.
I don't let anyone in.
Even though Jamie is gone, he was the only one I trusted, and ever will trust.
°°°
My father had told me to pack up my things. Apparently we are moving.
He had told me weeks before that he and his wife had found a house in NY.
The small house I grew up in, we are leaving to go live in New York. Not the city, a small town in the mountain area.
Obviously I didn't want to leave but I kept to myself, I don’t really talk to him, or anyone for that matter.
He had been really nice about it, which is surprising because he is never usually sensitive to my feelings.
He told me that we would be leaving soon a after I finished packing up the small amount of items I had.
It’s not like he doesn't get me things, it’s just I don't like to have a lot of stuff.
Most of the time I donate the things after a few weeks so he doesn't get suspicious.
I haven't really talked to anyone. Staying silent is better than saying the wrong thing and having everyone turn on you, and for you to get hurt.
I slung my bag over my shoulder and picked up the small box of Jamie's things, my small box I had full of clothes, my favorite pillow, my laptop and long board.
I set my things in the back of the car and sat down in the back, putting my earbuds in so I wouldn't have to listen to their conversations.
Soon after we started driving I had fell asleep to the sound of music blasting in my ears.
°°°
I was shaken awake by my father, who told me we had arrived at our new home. It was dark so I assumed it was late at night or early in the morning.
I nod to him and get out. I rub my eyes slightly and yawn quietly, then I grabbed my things from the back of the car.
I couldn't really see the house, so I decided to check everything out tomorrow.
I sighed and walked into the house behind the two. They told me my room was the last room on the left upstairs.
I was surprised when I saw they had given me a fairly larger room than I had before. It even had a bathroom.
The room was already furnished, it had a queen bed, and the covers were black with white trim. The pillows were white except for the two big ones that had pillow cases on them.
I set my things down, closed and locked my door, and fell onto the bed.
I didn't care how early it was, I was going to sleep.
°°°
I woke up to someone knocking on my door. I slid off the bed and trudged over to the door.
"Sweetie its 2 o'clock, how about you get out of bed and go explore or something, meet the neighbors maybe." Sandra, my step mother, says with a smile.
I don't mind her that much, like she was always nice to me, but I still don't like the fact that dad tried to replace mom after a week.
I roll my eyes and nod slightly before slamming the door in her face. I'm not a morning person per say. Most mornings I get up and want to go do something, but today is not one of those days.
I run my hand though my hair. I had recently dyed my natural red hair black.
I changed most of me because I couldn't stand looking in the mirror and seeing Jamie.
I slip off my hoodie o was currently wearing, and my sweat pants. I went through my box and found a clean T-shirt and some black jeans.
I quickly changed and put my hoodie back on.
I don't usually take it off, I have too many scars and cuts.
That's why I don't wear shorts or shirt sleeve things, is because my legs and arms are covered in slits.
I shrug it off and grab my phone and long board quickly, before exiting my room and going down the steps and out the front door.
As soon as my wheels hit the pavement I was off. It’s been a while since I got to ride. It felt amazing.
See this is what makes me somewhat happy. Riding makes me happy. It makes me feel free from all the worries in the world.
It was the end summertime right now. It was absolutely beautiful.
I rode up and down the road a bit.
While I passed the neighbor’s house I caught a glimpse of someone looking at me through the window upstairs.
He looked like a teenager. His hair was blonde.
I waved slightly and soon after he waved back. I smiles slightly.
He gives me a weak smile back before disappearing from the window.
I ride by there looking for a second until I finally snapped out of my gaze.
I trudge back to my house, not even bothering to ride.
It was 6 now and it was starting to get dark.
I dropped my board at my feet and walked out to the back of our house. I decided to walk around and find somewhere quiet because I know I will most likely get bombarded with questions from my step mother. There was a short little area of wood, and I decided to see where it leads, if it leads anywhere at all.
Soon it was completely dark, but I kept going because I could see a glimpse of light through the trees.
As I walked closer it got brighter, a d soon I stumbled out into a clearing. It was a somewhat small meadow with a lake in the middle.
The moonlight was glistening off of it, and that was the light I had saw.
There was movement by the water. I jumped back a few feet and hid behind the trees.
I watched closely until the thing came into view.
I was surprised when I saw the boy from next door. He picked up a few pebbles in his hand and threw them at the water.
It was silent except for the plops from the pebbles hitting the water.
Soon he ran out of the small pebbles that had formally been in a small pile next to him.
I step back and I hear the echo of the twig snap below my foot. I gasp and cover my mouth with my hand.
The boy looks in my direction, and I stop breathing completely. His gaze met mine, and I just stood there starring.
He stood up and started off to where I was.
Me being me, I stumble back and end up tripping on a rock or something.
I wait for an impact of the floor, but it never came. As cliché as it is, he had caught me and pulled me back up.
“I-I uh...I...” I stumble on my words. I hear him chuckle and pull me all the way to my feet.
“Whatcha doing out here, it’s like 9” I didn’t say anything, because once again I say, I’m not a very talkative person.
As if he read my mind, he chuckles again, “Not a talker, huh?”
“Let’s get out of the woods, there’s spiders over here”
I jump and practically run out. I hate spiders.
I hear him laugh, and follow after me. I shoot him a look, and he just pushes it off.
He continues walking to the lake, and looks back at me. “You coming Girly?”
I squint my eyes at him and start walking after him.
“I’m Kian, by the way” He mutters, and runs a hand through his hair.
I nod in response.
“You gonna tell me yours?” He asks with a smile.
I playfully shake my head no.
“Hmm. Well then you need a nickname if you’re not gonna tell me.”
He then starts blurting out nicknames, which by the choices he made, made me giggle.
“It’s Jess” I say quietly and look to the ground.
“Jessica, pretty name, but… I’m gonna call you Fraizer,” He smiles really wide. “Boom new nickname”
I roll my eyes and chuckle slightly.
“Well new neighbor and friend, it’s getting late, you should head home”
I shrug and we both get up from where we were sitting by the water.
With that we both go our separate ways, but before I lost sight of him, he yells out, “See you tomorrow!!”
T W O
I had somehow made my way back to my house in one piece. I was a bit jumpy and when ever a leaf hit my arm I would jump and think it was a spider or snake of some sort.
When I got home my father was still at work, and of course like I had predicted earlier, Sandra bombarded me with questions like, where were you, did you meet the neighbors, etc.
I muttered a few no’s and a few yes’s, and I mentioned Kian before I knew what my mind and mouth was doing. She smiled and told me that she was glad I was trying to make friends.
I give her a weak smile and tell her that I was gonna head to bed.
What surprised me next was that she gave me a hug. It was short but sweet.
She ushered me off towards the stairs and had a warm smile plastered on her face.
See Sandra isn’t all that bad. I think to myself as I near the top of the stairs.
The rest was a blur until about four am. I didn’t even sleep for most of the time, I was just up thinking; like most nights I would not be able to go to sleep while these thoughts were running through my mind.
I thought about what would happen when school starts. Would Kian be there? It would be nice if I had at least one friend there, if you want to call him that.
My mind became fuzzy after that, and before I knew it the sun rose, and was shining into my window.
I hear shuffling below me and figure it was my father getting ready for work, and just like I had said, I heard his car pull out of the driveway.
With a sigh I sit up. I wasn’t even tired for some reason, even though I didn’t sleep. I felt refreshed, like I usually do in the mornings.
I pop up from where I was currently sitting and shuffle over to my closet. I was thinking about going back down to the meadow today, seeing how it would most likely be more pretty during the day where I can see the flowers. Oh I can bring my sketch book, maybe sit and draw a few of them or something. That was also another thing that made me moderately happy.
I open up the sliding door. I see that Sandra had put away my things.
Note to self, thank her later.
I quickly pull out a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, along with one of my hoodies.
I throw them down on to the bed, and walked towards my bathroom.
I see once in there that Sandra also put my shampoo and stuff in here. I smile to myself and quickly close the door. I start the shower and wait for it to get warm and then soon after I striped and got in.
The bathroom was soon filled with the smell of raspberries from my body wash.
Showers aren’t that interesting so I soon got out after washing my hair.
I pulled a towel and wrapped it around my body, and then soon after I grabbed another to wrap my hair in.
Shortly after I had managed to get dressed without taking my hair down from the towel it as currently folded in.
I flipped my head down and pulled the towel off just enough to let the ring curls fall. I started to dry the messy curls with the towel and when I felt as if they were dry enough I flipped back up.
I went into my bathroom once again and threw the towels and clothes in the hamper before leaving it and shutting the door.
I searched around my room for a while until I finally came across my familiar satchel bag which contained my notebooks and my sketch book, along with a variety of different pencils and pens.
I slung the bag over my shoulder and headed out of my room and down the staircase. At the bottom of the stairs there was this bit of railing, so I slid on it until I popped down at the end.
I was in a really good mood for some odd reason and I had no idea why.
Sandra was in the family room watching one of her shows when I walked past t the back door.
I told her I would be out and she said not to stay out too late.
With a happy smile on my face I nodded and walked to the back door, opening it and stepping outside.
The air was much cooler today than it was yesterday. You could tell it was getting to be around fall time, which also meant school would be starting sooner than expected.
I sigh sadly, but then pushed the thoughts away before heading down the small trail you had taken the night before. It didn’t seem as scary as it did last night, and so I was at ease for most of my way through the small wood.
I was the familiar glisten of light through the trees, and soon made your way to the clearing.
Just as I predicted. Beautiful.
A moment of Dejah vu happened as I saw movement at the lake.
I couldn’t help the smile form on my face as you see it was Kian laying on the small dock that I didn’t notice last night. He was throwing pebbles at the water again, but this time he had more of the small rocks.
I slowly made my way through the grass and to the lake. Kian was facing the water, and I don’t think he noticed me. I cautiously walk up behind him and take a seat right next to him on the dock.
He looked over to me with the biggest smile.
“Heyyy Fraizer” He says as he turns his attention back to the water, throwing one more small rock in.
I say nothing like usual and look down at the water. There were small fish that swam by every now and then, and I could see that Kian was trying to avoid the spots with the most guppies.
I look over to Kian and see him looking down at the water with curious eyes. I followed his gaze and see that he was staring at a small turtle swimming around below the dock.
I giggle slightly, he looked like a small child interested in something new.
He looked up. “What you laughing about girly?” He asks with a chuckle. I shrug in response and look back down to the water.
I get an idea from the scene in front of me and pull out my sketch book and one of my thick leaded pencils.
I quickly started to sketch out Kian, the dock and the water below us.
I drew him as a cartoon and made the water look animated, as well as some guppies, and the turtle.
Kian finally noticed me drawing and looked down at what I was doing.
He moved his positon so that he was facing me. He put his hands to his face like a kid would normally do when they were curious.
I finished some small details and then flipped the book over to Kian.
“Oh my gosh this is really cool” He says and reaches for the book.
I pulled it away.
“Nope, mine.” I say playfully.
“Hmm, what do you want for the drawing?” He asks with a serious look on his face, his brown eyes squinted slightly.
“A blue flower with a yellow middle. Find me that flower in the field and you shall receive the picture.” I giggle, but then remember this is serious. I put on a straight face and looked to him.
I hear him chuckle. He leaned back and plucked one from the grass nearby. His sleeve rode up a tad bit in doing so and I saw something that made me want to cry.
The small scars and cuts. Older scars faded in and out to new ones, and I honestly had to look away.
I brought my gaze back to the water, and see the small turtle was at the surface.
It got my mind off of what I just saw, but I still smiled down with a few tears in my eyes.
The beautiful blue flower pope dint my vision as well as the hand that belonged to Kian.
“For you” He says, and I can hear the smile in his voice.
I grab the stem between my fingers, and twirled it around.
I smiled and grabbed my book, quickly signing the doodle with my name and then a small heart along with the date.
I always do that with drawings.
I see him smile even more as I hand it to him.
“Yay, I will treasure it forever.”
With that we were left in silence, with only a few sounds of the pebbles hitting the water as Kian threw them.
“So… How about I get to know you” He suggests, trying to break the silence.
“How old are you?” That was the typical first question people usually ask besides your name.
“17, 18 in November” I mutter out.
“I’m 18 in September” He chuckles.
It was now my turn to ask a question.
“Do you have one more year of school? Or are you finished?” I ask nervously. I hope he says one more because I don’t want to be alone at a new school.
He sucked in a breath before answering.
“One more year.” I let out a deep breath causing him to laugh slightly.
“You ok there girly?”
I nod. “I’m just glad I won’t be alone this school year,” I start and take a breath in. “Cause you know, new school, new people who have known each other for years, and I would most likely not make any friends.” I ramble out. That has been the most I’ve talked in the past two months.
“Don’t worry, you got me, I don’t have very many friends either, but no one really bothers me so it’s fine.” He says with a warm, sweet smile.
It goes quiet for a moment until I feel Kian start to mess with my hair.
I giggle and ask what he was doing.
“Playing with your hair, what does it look like I’m doing” He says with a smirk.
“Smart ass, I mean why” I laugh.
“Because I can” He says and continues playing with it.
I chuckle.
The silence this time wasn’t awkward, it was one of those comfortable silences that rarely happen.
We just sat here, him still messing around with my ringlets and me enjoying the company for a newly found friend.
I smiled and let the words slip from my mouth.
“Thank you”
Hey Guys!
so i9 will be posting the next chapter in a few days, so yeah sorry i havent updaten in a while, it kept deleting :[
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Texte: me
Bildmaterialien: WHOM EVER MADE IT
Lektorat: me
Übersetzung: me
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 12.01.2016
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