Angela Werner
The lost daughter
… and other short stories
Content
The house with the red geranium
The monkey and the gazelles
The falcon
Late Christmas-luck for lottery-gamer
My time between cow-dung and King Thrushbeard
The lost daughter
I don’t let someone hurt me anymore
The prevented men’s night
The house with the red geraniums
On the end of the small village there was a white-painted house, the roof was covered with brown-red bricks. Two windows showed to the street. In front of both windows were flower-boxes arranged; both planted with blossoming red geraniums. Round the house there was a small garden, very well-kept, but no blooming bushes, only well planted beds with tomatoes, lettuce, strawberries, onions, carrots … Behind the house there were also, neatly planted behind the fence, bushes with red and black currants, raspberries and gooseberries.
Here lived, already since many years, a man with his wife. The name of the man was Walter and he was 78 years old. He felt like 78 as well. “I can’t understand the oldies who always claim they would feel 30 years younger”, he once said to his wife Elli. “That’s simply not true. I can’t run up the stairs anymore like a man in the prime of life. I can’t get drunk anymore like a man in the prime of life. Every morning I first need a few minutes to get up from the bed at all. Not to talk about some other things which I can’t remember anyway …”. He more whispered the recent sentence. Thereupon Elli reprehended him not to lament so much and anyway he finally should remove his stamp collection because they are going to have dinner.
Walter left the house. He deeply inhaled the clean air and noted that it was really warm. He didn’t notice that for a long time. In front of the windows the geraniums hang in full flowerage. “It looks like the house would bleed from its eyes”, he thought and digressed his head. He came down the two stone steps in front of the door and went on the paved between the beds behind the house. The sun gave a friendly light to the whole garden; anyway Walter looked sullen to the vegetable patches. Here he kneed day by day and picked strawberries, pulled carrots out of the ground, cut salads, picked snails from the leaves and trampled them down, pinched weeds, picked berries from the bushes and let them scratching his arms, he got back pains and knee pains and sunburn and all this because she wanted it so. Elli loved her garden and it always had to look clean. She picked every fallen leaf from the ground to throw it into the green ton. During the cold season she wrapped her beloved garden gnomes into plastic film that they don’t took any damage. Of course she could not do all this work alone and because her Walter was hardly to get out of the house so he had to work in the garden, on the fresh air. While he came back groaning into the house, she fast ran outside again, to remove his footsteps between the plants with the rake. At least she could teach him to knock off his garden shoes and leave them under the stairs before he came back into the house.
Walter watched a butterfly that set down on the Currant bush. He thought of the many glasses full of jam, preserved carrots and tomatoes – never would they be able to eat all this and every year there came new glasses. In the past Elli gave to the children at least. During every visit they had to take a basket full with self made jam and vegetable. But since two years the kids didn’t come anymore. Elli scared them with her pedantry. A phone call every year for Christmas, that’s all.
Walter walked on around the house. Thereby he regarded not to step on the paved but right through the middle of the beds. He enjoyed to thread down a strawberry plant and viewed the red slush which was forming under his shoe. “Well, today is not harvested!” he thought evil and he already looked forward to step into the house with his dirty shoes. Elli would become crazy. A dirty floor – that was for her as same unimaginable as sleeping in the morning (Every morning she stood up before six to do her gymnastics.), as same unimaginable as putting glasses without mats on the table, as same unimaginable as boiled eggs for breakfast without the crochet chicken over to keep warm.
Walter passed the garden gnomes family while he don’t missed to poke Mrs. Garden Gnome with her floral pinafore and the rake in her hand headfirst in the ground. Then he left the land and banged the dark brown garden gate behind himself. He went along the grape-vines which were in splendid flower; little grapes were to see already. Behind the vine-yard the forest began but Walter would even not walk till there. He felt again a dragging pain in his left breast-half which radiates to his arm. “My heart is no longer with me”, he sullen thought. Still, he had not felt in a long time as well as today. Again he deep inhaled the summer air and thought how long he wasn’t here outside anymore. It was so beautiful – the grape-vines, above the blue sky with a few white clouds, a light breeze that blew over his nearly bald head. He thought briefly that he forgot to fit his hat. Because of the sun. But that was nothing to care about anymore.
Everything was so different came as he envisioned his retirement. He wanted to visit his stamp-friends in France and Slovenia, wanted to show his wife the Portuguese Coast whereof he had read so much. They were never more than to come to the city for the children. Elli doesn’t want to leave the garden alone. “Imagine how it would look here if we leave for some weeks!” she always said. “The people will think since dwell philistines!” It was absurd to explain her that all the people here knew who lived in the house with the garden gnomes.
Walter turned back to the house. The red geraniums already shined from afar. He opened the garden gate and after a short hesitation he let it open. He opened the house door and stepped in with his dirty shoes. Elli lay still there as well as he left her. He wondered if he maybe would have expected she would stand up again to at least remove the bloody stains from the floor. She lay on her stomach, the head turned unnaturally to the side. The large meat knife from the top drawer still stuck in her back. Her beige blouse was colored deep red like the geraniums in front of the windows. Walter stepped with a large pace over her and went to the office room. Very back in the little cupboard where it was him allowed to keep his stamp albums, there was a small hollow and from there he got out the bottle which he had always successfully hided from here once she tilted down a whole bottle of Nordhäuser Doppelkorn (schnapps) in the basin three years ago. Walter took a deep swig satisfied. Then he took the phone and dialed the number of the police.
Later while the two officers, each on one side, leaded him out of the white painted house, he turned a last time and looked to the geraniums. “They will now dry up”, he thought and a satisfied smile began to spread on his face.
The monkey and the gazelles
The boss of the monkeys had become a megalomaniac with time. He wanted to become the disposer over a herd of gazelles and began to build a high border around the place where the gazelles browses. With the help of some other monkeys he built a high wall of stones, wood and brushwood – so high that the gazelles were not able to jump over.
He convinced the gazelles that this border would protect them. He talked to the gazelles about the dangers which would lurk behind the border, about the lions and leopards who seek for their life. Some of the gazelles were thankful for the protection, others were outraged by the restriction of their freedom, but over time, the animals got used to it. For the younger gazelles, which were born within the limits, the life was normal.
But among the animals themselves outside of the gazelles-zone was discontent widespread with time. The lions had to go so far away from their usual resting places to find food. The high fence disfigured the savannah. But most of the animals annoyed the arrogance and megalomania of the Apes. They began to work together with the birds and they let the birds get through secret messages to the trapped gazelles.
The birds talked to the gazelles about the world behind the border – yes, there were also dangers but there also was a vast and unexplored land, many other different animals, flowers, trees ... and finally they all belonged together and they should not be dominated by a herd of arrogant monkeys.
Among the gazelles came more and more protest against the dictatorship of the monkeys. Suddenly they felt a strong desire for freedom and they finally wanted to know the world outside the limits. Because the monkeys did not listen to reason, the herd of gazelles formed a big and strong community and by joining forces, they succeeded in one night and lift with their horns a hole in the fence. It was big enough that one gazelle after the other could slip through to the other side.
From this day on the gazelles enjoyed their freedom. In leaps and bounds, they explored the savannah. From now on, they always had to be on guard against predators but there was so much new and beautiful to discover, so many different animals to know.
Never again, they could be suppressed by a monkey because freedom is more important than a dubious safety.
The falcon (free by Boccaccio)
Matthias just sat in the shadow in front of his house door and strummed a little bit on his guitar as he saw her upcoming the street. First he thought it was a mental delusion. But it really was Claudia of Eberstein! Matthias stood up and did slide the guitar to the ground. Did she really want to …? In fact – now she waved to him and came smiling to his garden gate. “Hello Matthias” she said and looked a little bit embarrassed. She had dark shadows under her eyes and seemed to be a bit thinner and paler than just a few weeks ago as he random met her. But for Matthias she seemed to be the most beautiful and most elegant woman in the world. Never before he had seen such cocoa brown eyes, than this high forehead, the long and black shining hair and then this figure! He always had loved her, never wanted another woman than her but she always was so inaccessible for him. He did remember that her husband, something like a baron of old German nobility, died two years ago and that she lived alone with her little son since that time. But what should she see in him … because of his compulsive gambling he lost almost everything. This dilapidated house of his grand-parents and some benefit payment was all he had.
Matthias opened the garden gate and let her enter. “Claudia”, he said amazed, “how nice to see you! How are you?” Claudia of Eberstein seemed very unsure what normally was not her way. Her smile was somehow attached. “Can we maybe talk?” she asked and showed in direction of the house. “I know we haven’t met for a long time and I often seemed denying to you. I was married and I don’t wanted you to raise any hopes. But you've still always looked so nice to Kevin. He always had so much fun with your falconry shows.” She looked quickly to the side so Matthias did not notice how her eyes were filled with tears.
Matthias opened the house door and was ashamed of his poverty and disorder immediately. She was certainly much better than usual. In the small living room there was a black leather-couch which he once took from bulky waste. The leather was already cracked on a few positions and it was pretty sat through but he had lay a colorful rug over it and so created some cosines. In front of the couch there was an oblong wooden table, on the wall a Billy –shelf with his reference books about falconry and wild birds, also a few books of adventure stories which he kept from his childhood. On his small commode which was submitted by his grand-parents there stood a CD-player. Matthias quickly took the full ashtray from the table but then he thought differently and asked Claudia “Would you maybe like to smoke?” “No, thanks. I don’t smoke anymore.” He nodded, said “One moment please”, and carried the ashtray together with a pullover and two empty bottles of beer away to the small kitchen. “I have something to offer her …” he thought and suddenly felt completely helpless. “That’s my chance to please her. She finally came to talk with me. With ME!” He quickly opened the door of the fridge. Three bottles of beer, one bottle of mineral water, some bacon, an opened jar herring fillets in tomato sauce, a few eggs … that was all. Despondent, he opened the kitchen cupboard. He saw a pack of noodles with tomato sauce, a few potatoes, cornflakes and a jar with dried mushrooms of whose existence he had known nothing anymore. With trembling hands he stroked his head, took the bottle of mineral water and a bottle of beer and went back to Claudia in the living room. She meantime sat on the outermost edge of the couch and hid her hands between her knees like a little school girl who is sitting in front of the headmaster for the first time.
“Would you like to drink something?” asked Matthias. “I get the same two more glasses. Moment.” When they had both taken a drink Matthias asked about her son Kevin. He knew that he was suffering from an incurable metabolic disease and he had not seen him for a while. Claudia told haltingly that meanwhile Kevin felt very bad and that the doctors told her to expect the worst.
“He is at home now. My mother is with him.” Claudia said and got tears in her eyes. “He really loves you. He often talks about you.” Matthias had to swallow. He very liked this child and not only because he liked his mother. He remembered how often she had treated him arrogant in the past but anyway he picked up all his courage and took her hand. She doesn’t withdraw him but she avoided his gaze. “I feel so sorry”, Matthias said quiet. “You know, I would do everything for you … I …” She withdrew her hand again gently and sat upright. “Could we maybe anywhere … I still haven’t eat anything today …” She smiled somewhat embarrassed. Matthias jumped up. “Oh sorry, yes of course … Please let me cook something for you!” She made a move to get up also but Matthias stopped her. “I’m a bit ashamed of my kitchen, please stay here. I haven’t got a TV but you maybe can turn on music, okay?” On the door he turned again and looked happy to Claudia. “I’m very pleased that you came to me!” He felt that he, despite his over 40 years of life experience something blushed.
In the kitchen mild panic fell on him. He enjoyed cooking in the past and he cooked well but that was all before his financial ruin. So what? One woman like Claudia of Eberstein you could not serve up eggs with bacon! He also wanted to please her. She even maybe should develop romantic feelings for him … Thanks to his garden, there were at least a few herbs. On the window sill he had basil, tarragon, sage and thyme. When he looked thoughtfully to the herbs on the window sill his eyes fell out onto the large aviary where his falcon was sitting on an antler and preened his plumage. “Can you eat hawks anyway?” he thought. He had some years ago roasted partridges, must be similar. He went outside and opened the aviary. He thought briefly that this falcon was because of the shows his only one source of income at the moment but then he did the thoughts aside, took the bird and turned him abruptly the neck over. Cutting off the head and the legs and plucking he directly did outside in the garden. Then he carried him inside, turned on the oven, laid out a baking pan with bacon slices, filled the falcon with dried mushrooms which he had found in his kitchen cupboard and added a few herbs from the window sill. “With this I make slightly fried potatoes”, he thought and soon a delicious fragrance blew through the house. Matthias looked for a white bed sheet, he got one and spread it on the coffee table. It hung pretty down on the sides, but it would work. Luckily he still had got some tea candles which he lighted and spread them everywhere in the living room. Then he applied the food. Claudia watched him fascinated. She felt a bit relaxed and had browse his CD-collection. She finally decided of Elton John and because of the music and the fragrance of the food she felt a wave of relaxation and gratefulness flowing through her. Now she surely could ask him …
They sat on the table and eat and Claudia asserted that since long she had not eaten so well. Matthias repeatedly sought her view and he felt very excited. These brown eyes, these filmy hands … Then he noticed that he still doesn’t know why she came to him today. Claudia noticed his views and put her cutlery down. She turned to him and looked in his eyes. “Matthias, you maybe wonder why I came to you today. I know I was not very nice to you the most time. I’d like to thank you that you spent so much time with Kevin. I should have thank you before.” She briefly had to swallow then she went on talking. “And now I came to you because I want to ask you for a favor. Surely it's rude of me to ask you this … I know about your financial situation. But I am a mother and I have got a critically ill son who still has one big wish in his heart.”
Matthias took her hand again and pet her tenderly. “Claudia, I’d like to do everything for you what I’m able to. I love both of you so much.”
“I know”, Claudia whispered. “Kevin always had so much fun with your shows. I know it is surely impossible for you because you earn your money with him and your heart is in it … maybe I can buy him from you … Kevin only has this big wish. He would love to have your falcon.”
She exhaled in relief and then felt scared how Matthias released her hand and grew stiff.
Late Christmas-luck for lottery-gamer
She looked so forward to this evening. Today was the second of February and this year it means her 47. birthday. Frank promised to go out with her tonight. He ordered a table by “Josepha” and she has even been to the hairdresser today. It did cost 58 Euro and she was very annoyed about it. Frank had called her earlier and said that he felt very sorry but had to resume the tour of a colleague who had an accident. Frank worked for the German Railway and now during winter there were some colleagues ill anyway so nothing doing. “I arrive home around 3 a.m. and then I will kiss you, you will surely sleep already” he said.
She really should have needed such a night out with her husband in a great restaurant. She felt quite burnet out. First this whole Christmas stress – all was planned so well. They wanted to stay home in peace with the children, not to visit her ill father in the 500-kilometres-away Aschersleben this year; it was her brothers turn this time. Frank’s parents had planned a Christmas-holiday in Allgäu anyway, so nothing against a quiet family celebration. Than everything changed. Frank’s mother called a few days before Christmas. Frank was not at home so she took the phone. His mother cried and was totally hysterical. She told that Frank’s father had a mistress. She surprised him while he said on the mobile phone “I love you”. As she took him to task he said that he has got a girl-friend, already since a few weeks, an old calf love he met again at a class reunion, she was widow since a few years and they felled in love again and now he wants to divorce. After 43 years of marriage, a house, two adult children … Frank’s mother was totally shocked and she felt the same. Then all the plans were changed. Frank went to Berlin and took his mother to spend Christmas with them together. So according to this the Christmas celebration run chaotically inclusive a crying mother-in-law under the Christmas tree.
She felt sorry for the mother-in-law but she also felt sorry for the lost relaxed days. In the new year she had to work soon again. She worked as a secretary in an audit firm, had a choleric boss and some ill colleagues and had to do their work also. Besides there was the worry about her father diseased with Alzheimer’s, who lived so far away. Her son Manuel wanted to spend one school year in the USA. They had very supported him in this decision but it cost much money. And her 12-years-old daughter would love to spend her next holidays at a horse-farm.
She sighed and went for a plate and cutlery in the kitchen. Then she sat to Manuel and Anna for dinner.
“However I’m going to eat with you now” she said. “Dad can’t come. He has to do a tour for a diseased colleague.” The two looked at her apologetically. They knew how much their mother looked forward going out again. Since Manuel decided to spend one school year before the school leaving examination in the USA they always saved money and dispensed with restaurants and even with the recent holiday.
Oh mum don’t be sad!” said Anna. “Let’s have a nice evening. What about a round of Activity?”
She smiled. “But we are only three.”
Manuel stood up. “Well mum, don’t be angry but I have to do on the computer.”
He gave a briefly kiss to his mother and left to his room. She looked at her daughter.
“What about a nice movie? There is also chocolate.”
“Oh yes. Harry Potter and the Halbblutprinz? Oh please … I haven’t seen it so long!”
She sighed. Actual she had no desire now to see “Harry Potter”. Black dressed children always recalled any spells, every few minutes it popped and sparkled, strange creatures flew around, owls brought the post … She felt more like a movie with Hugh Grant and Sandra Bullock … But she obeyed, took the chocolate from the kitchen cupboard, which was absolutely not good for her but it helped her to relax, and it was still a enjoyable evening.
The next day began like every other day also but it should change her life forever.
Frank still slept because he arrived home at night. She prepared a small breakfast for herself and the children and then left the house with them together. Anna and Manuel went to the bus stop; she drove with her car in the opposite direction.
On her office table were already five dictation cassettes. She turned the computer on, quickly got a cup of coffee, clapped the window to let fresh air in and put on the ear-phones. Around noon she left the office to buy a sandwich in the butcher shop over the way. Her mobile phone played music. It was Frank. He apologized again for the lost evening yesterday and promised to catch up everything next Friday inclusive a special head massage for her. She smiled and suddenly felt much lighter. It was a luck that her marriage still worked so well after many years. Like she heard that was no naturalness anymore today.
As she wanted to pay her sandwich in the butcher shop a slip felled from her handbag. She realized the voucher of the “Westgerman Lottery”. As she remembered the drawing has been already around Christmas. She had completely forgotten and about all this chaos with her mother-in-law she had completely not thought to check her numbers although she did it usually in time. She still hoped to win although her family smiled at her. Since six years she played the lottery and always chose the same numbers.
As she finished her lunch she though still to go quickly in the stationary shop where also was a lottery. She still had ten minutes so she quickly went to the shop over the way. The chubby older woman already knew her and friendly greeted her. She handed over her lottery ticket.
“I know, the drawing is finished already. But should I have won anything I still could get it, isn’t it?”
The woman behind the counter typed anything in her computer, then she froze briefly in her movement, deep inhaled and looked quickly around the shop.
“Mrs. Kronen please come in the rear part. Have you got your passport?”
She was confused and followed the woman in the outbuilding where her was offered a seat. Was there anything wrong?
“I don’t have much time you know. I have to go in the office again.”
The shop assistant nodded and smiled.
“Don’t worry. You’ve won!” Then she checked the passport and deep inhaled again. The shop assistant said a number and had to say it again.
She felt that she was dizzy. The shop assistant brought her preventative a glass of water and gave a few papers to her.
“I like to congratulate you from all my heart! We never had here such a big win before. Stay where you are for now and let the message act. I have to go in the shop. Here are some papers what you have to consider and some tips for investments.”
She cautious stood up. “Four millions Euro? That … that can’t be true! I … I can’t understand. Is this really true?”As the shop assistant happy nodded, she hugged her and got tears in her eyes. The shop assistant must have been expecting it, she reciprocated the hug and squeezed her gently back into the chair.
“I have to go back in the shop, Mrs. Kronen. I will be back soon” she said as if she were in a hospital and not in a stationary shop.
Thousand things went through her head but still she could not think straight. Four millions of Euro!! Four millions!! Millions!! She had somehow not a real idea how much money this was. Was it allowed to have such a high sum on a checking account of her bank? And what about the tax office? They desperately needed someone immediately who knew about it. Then she remembered other things. She thought of the children, the mortgage of the house, the ill dad … then she imagined a beach and herself with a cocktail in her hand. She jumped up and noticed that she trembled. She looked for her mobile phone in her handbag and while she was dialing the number of her husband she let out a short cry of joy.
My time between cow dung and King Thrushbeard
All had advised me against this professional education. Above all my mother. What do you want in agriculture, she deridingly asked me. You already fall in panic if you just see a spider. And now it should be cows – really big cows. But I had never seen a cow up close. I only knew the bison from our municipal zoo. You have to stand up very early, my mother said. But you like to sleep in. You have to lift heavy things, you are unaccustomed to that. My mother wished for me a professional education in financial office which seemed obvious because I preferred sitting at a desk in my spare time. She had the idea that in the APC (in former GDR: Agricultural Production Cooperative) only work people who could not find anything better – drunkards, antisocials, hopeless souls without graduation - that I would have probably not necessary. Well, in a way, I found it but the same – that I could not find something better. With a GPA of 2,1 on the Mid-year report of grade 9 I applied for a apprenticeship. With 2,1 I was not very good, the most girls from my class had a better GPA. On the advice of my mother I applied in the just new created Nuclear Power Station as a secretary. This is the future, my mother said, there you’re going to have good opportunities for advancement and later you will get a prefab apartment. I was rejected. Too many better job candidates. That hurt me and I took the decision not to listen to my parents anymore.
There were mainly three reasons why I applied for an apprenticeship as a “zoo-technician” (which means nothing else as milker) at the “Nationally Owned Property” in Billberge. First it means to stay in a boarding house, away from home. Second I counted on many masculine fellows. Third I always loved to take care of animals although my experiences were limited to cats and budgies. I was accepted. That made me proud. Someone wanted me!
Some weeks later I watched together with my parents a reportage on TV. It was about two girls who decided for a professional education as zoo-technician. They completed an internship at the APC “Progress” at a tiny village with 50 inhabitants by guess in Mecklenburg. They lived together in a cooperative apartment composed of two rooms and a kitchenette parted through a drape. Cooking was done on a two-burner camping stove with propane gas. There was a small washbasin where they had to wash themselves and their crockery and clothes. In front of the door stood dirty gumboots and there was a jakes in a hovel behind the house. Their job in the cowshed started at 4 in the morning while all was still black and cold outside. The sparse lighting of the village street shined to muddy paths and only a distant mooing of the cow barn was suggested to living beings in this place. The reporter of the TV-show interviewed the girls and asked about their motivation. They talked about blebs on their hands at the begin and backaches, about stupid chat-up line of the other APC-farmers, about loneliness but that they liked it meanwhile. They felt needed. Young people don’t want to the country anymore, they told, but all want to eat and that’s why their job is important. No way without farmers. And it becomes better. The cooperative organizes a disco once in a month and they promised to build small houses in the village to rent. So there would be the chance to start a family and well – maybe one of them will take the leadership of the dairy farm anytime.
My parents expected that I would undo my decision for this profession after the TV-reportage. This reportage but had the opposite effect in me. All what I had watched in this show was new and strange for me and all new and strange could only be good.
I came to Billberge and the village seemed to be the same like in the TV-reportage. Only the boarding house was bigger, it consisted of two long buildings which were probably owned by a landowner in the past (before the communistic expropriation). Right next the stables. My education should not only consist in the “production” of cows but also of horses and pigs. In the rooms were dormitory bunks, a table with three chairs, simple boards. The distribution of the rooms had been arranged by the education managers in advance. It had been probably meant well because they did the girls together who already knew each other from school. For me it was more of a disaster. I came together with Christine, Susan and Yvonne to the same room. I still didn’t know Susan but I knew the others from school and I knew that they seemed to be more masculine than female. They often were involved in school fights and smuggled alcohol in the school disco. I was the daughter of the hateful chemistry teacher; I was into the bargain always still and shy and stayed out of all. Accordingly, they were not thrilled to have to share a room with me. The first what Christine did was opening the window and sit on the window sill. She distributed generously cigarettes but not to me. I would have refused anyway. The stench drafted across the room immediately despite of the open window. I looked reproachful to the others but said nothing. “Ey Richter”, said Christine. “If you grass on us than we will give you what-for, understand!” I hated it if someone addresses me with the surname but because the most did it I got used to it. I nodded and sorted my stuff more muted in the closet. Yvonne looked into my bag, pulled a pink nightdress and held it piqued to her chest. “Oh shit!” she just said and threw it with a disgusted view on the floor. The others laughed approbatory. Quietly the suspicion crept over me that my mother maybe was right regarding the clientele for this education. On the first view I could see many more girls than boys and with a few exceptions you could see somehow that these girls were completely below my level. I even saw two girls who were highly visible pregnant. My suspicions were confirmed further during the dinner in the cafeteria as I could watch some girls and also boys dropping little slices of sausage in the tea cups of the others while passing and playing Frisbee across the room with sandwiches. I was appalled and the two years of the education just began.
After one week of theoretic introduction where we mainly learned why a cow gives milk and how to get it from her we already have been divided for the practical part. There were six or seven different establishments that could be divided, either alone or in small groups, in early-, daily-, late- or night shift. For two-weeks than was changed. I should stay in Billberge during my first both practical weeks and work in the stable. Well, I was not one of this generation “horse poster”, my first experiences in horse-riding in the age of 9 finished with a complicate broken arm but I saw horses somehow as beautiful animals. Also this division had the plus that I would stay alone in our four-bed-room during the next two weeks because the other establishments were except the piggery outside of Billberge.
I was happy and so was in good spirits at my service the next morning at 6.00 am in the stable. I had specially cleaned my gumboots again, made me a ponytail (how suitable!) and lashed mascara of course. In front of the first stable stood a figure in a gray cotton jacket and I could only after a longer look realize that she was female. She just opened the gate. She only looked unfriendly to me. “Are you the sowpen?” Later I heard that they so called the newcomers of the apprentices. So I shrugged and told her my name. “Okay, short introduction. First, the horses are brought to the paddock, than mucked. I muck, you push the cart away. The manure pile is back there. Always ran tight tilt, later lay higher with the fork. Then, watering and feeding. This afternoon have straw bales are stacked in the barn.” I nodded keen. “And how is your name?” I asked her. “Silke.” “Are you in the second year of apprenticeship?” She only nodded shortly and opened the first horse stall. “Listen, it’s my very first time in a stable” I tried go on talking, then I felt a penetrating pain in my left foot which nearly made me faint. “Go on the side finally!” Silke flied in my face. The brown horse which stepped on my foot while passing me seemed to be gigantic. I stepped back a few steps now in awe and watched from a save distant how the big brown and black animals left their stalls one after another. They turned left immediately, ran by itself to coupling which was situated directly behind the stables. The pain in my feet subsided slowly but I was sure it was bruised but was afraid to take off my boot to look. The girl from the second year of apprenticeship seemed to be bad tempered today. “Are you here to work or what?” she snapped me already up again. “Over there is the dung cart!” I looked around and noticed a few dirty carts on the side of the barn. I had been moved only once in our garden wheelbarrow but this one here seemed double big and double heavy. I pushed the cart in front of the stall where Silke was working with the fork. It took less than five minutes than my cart was full filled. I lifted it, marveled at the weight and just wanted back out of the stall but Silke called me back and I saw her smiling the first time. “We here make our dung carts full!” she instructed me with the accent of “full”. There still followed a few forks full of steaming, strictly smelling manure than I could go finally. I could barely lift the dung cart yet but with clenched teeth I pushed it out of the stall door. My arms trembled and by the fluctuation a part of the cargo slipped back down. “Rats!” I heard Silke screaming. “Watch it!” I already fight back the tears but said nothing and went on bravely a felt kilometer to the gigantic dung pile. Dumping the full cart was also more difficult than I’d imagined. Meanwhile the sun came out and the stench here in front of that pile was terrible. I turned my back on again which was already painful and I thought with horror that this was only the first stall which we had mucked out. Well, back with the cart. Silke already waited impatient. “Could you please charge a bit less?” I asked meek. “I think it’s too heavy for me.” Silke only grinned deridingly. “Over time you get used to it.” With the following carts I played a famous song of FGY (Free German Youth – socialistic organization in the former GDR) in my head.
“Build, build, build, build
Free German Youth – build!
For a better future
We build our homeland!”
That helped me to go on and not to let me fall into the dung pile which seemed very tempting to me. I imagined all the “rubble women” (women who helped to clear away debris in Germany after World War II) after the war. They surely had also pushed wheelbarrows with stones and stones were maybe more heavy than wet dung.
On the end of my first work day in the stable I had terrible backaches, my left foot was colored green-blue and in both palms I had bled which were partial burst. Besides I felt the whole day to do everything wrong and to know nothing. I learned with amazement that horses are very sensitive animals and that even the cobblestone in front of their stalls has always to be perfectly clean - even the last straw had yet to be swept away. On the end of this day I had to admit that this profession is maybe not the right profession for me and at most I felt angry because my mother was now righter after all. In no case I wanted to bellyache that I want to go away from here. So I swear at this evening to bear up and not to bellyache. Two years are finally not eternity! While I was lying crying in my bed and blew to my hurt palms I imagined different people who are doing much worse than me. Prisoners, Hungering in the third world, myself as my father took me from a disco and gave me a smack in front of the others because I didn’t tell him about my 5 in physics … so I finally felled asleep.
But it should come worse.
I realized that the theoretic school was easy for me and I even liked it. It was always easy for me to learn something by heart; it doesn’t matter if it was food for cows or civics. I don’t thought much about “why” and “for what” – I just learned it and soon I was the best pupil with a GDA of 1,1 which made me very proud and strengthened my belief that I was too good for this professional education. Because I stayed away from any student strike or subordination of the others and because I advised the others to do more for school I was hated by many of them. Also they realized that I was not as good in the practical establishments. I preferred to work in the big modern complexes where everything was tiled and the many animals stood on slatted floor where you only need to wash down with a hose. I didn’t like straw and dung.
It happened one evening. I early laid down in the pupil’s barrack of the big dairy cattle complex. I still read a little bit in a novel and just tried to fall asleep. The other three beds in the room were still empty. I knew, the others were still in the cafeteria to smoke, drink beer and bawled. I did not care. I was happy to be alone. Suddenly I felt something wet slapped on my face (later I realized it was a slice of bread with mustard) and before I could realize what happened I was dragged out of bed and got a punch in the face. I recognized by voices Christine, Ines and Carola – three of the worst girls who should have been boys actual. I laid on the floor, put my knees and tried to make me small. In the meantime I felt another punch in the face, followed by kicks – in the face, in the side, on the legs. My face burned like fire and I felt muzzy, could neither run away nor cry. I tried to guard my face with my hands but they pulled them away again and again so that they could kick again. “Defend yourself, will you?” I heard crying one of them. Finally they let me go. I took the chance to stand up while all hurt and run crying to the cloakroom. While loud sobbing I tried to wash off the mustard from my face and at once to cool my blains. I realized how much my hands trembled. Shortly I looked in the mirror – my face was full of red and blue spots. I don’t recognized myself. After a while I sat on the green tiled floor. I was absolutely alone in the cloakroom, seemed nobody heard anything. I could not stop crying and I wished for the first time of my life to go home as soon as possible. Luckily this was our last evening today. Tomorrow morning we should go home by bus and would have three days off.
I don’t know how long I sat there in the cloakroom. Finally I got up in pain and went back to my room. I felt great fear abound the others but they seemed to sleep already. I laid in my bed carefully, put my blanket till under my eyes and felled asleep anytime.
As I woke up the other morning I was alone in the room. It seemed the others were gone already – I could not see their stuff anymore. I realized I could open my left eye only half and I felt this burning pain again in my face. As I took off my jammies I saw a big blue spot on my waist, also on my thigh. I could not understand that this happened just me. I took my clothes on, took my bag and left the room. The whole pupil’s barrack seemed to be empty, nobody to see but I looked on my watch and knew I had not missed the bus yet. The others stood on the bus stop. As Christine saw me she came to me. I stood there scared and twitched back as she carefully touched my cheek. But she doesn’t looked angry anymore just compassionate. “You really got something. You have to cool.” She just said.
At home my father opened the door. I could see in his view that I looked terrible. I tried to smile and told him about the fight. He twisted his eyebrows and steered me to the sofa. “Why you didn’t defend?” he asked angry. “I could not.” I said meek. “Do you need anything, anything cool maybe?” He seemed somehow helpless and I asked for a cold facecloth. Then he touched my nose carefully and said it’s not broken probably.
My mother arrived a half hour later. She took off her jacket and called joyfully: “Hello sweetheart! Have you finally off?” Then she saw me and was shocked. “What’s going on with you? Do you had an accident?” She came worried closer and put her hands on my temples. I started crying and felt so glad to be home again. As I told her everything I felt that she became more and more angry. First to my father. “Why you didn’t anything? That will not do!” She took my hand and gave me my jacket. “Come on, we go to the police.”
I felt very uncomfortable. “Mum, I’m sure they will come back to roost if I reveal their names.” But she assured me that this girls have to punished. I could not see any pity in the eyes of the police man. He even asked me why the others were so angry against me. My mother said these are rowdies but he answered fights between young people from the country are quite normal. At least he shoot an ad and advised to complain at the head of education.
My mother wrote a letter to the head of education and the three girls got a verbal warning which had no further consequences. But they haven’t done anything to me anymore. Some girls said I deserved a pounding but this was a bit too hard.
My wounds healed and I changed. I learned like the others to smoke and to curse but most of all I learned to pay attention what the others say and to be interested in the others. I also learned that some persons are not right always only because they are more than 30 years old. I even found friendship und I learned how important it is sometimes to hold together.
I was taken a little bit like the princess in the fairy tale of King Thrushbeard. It needed hard things to break my arrogance and my ignorance against the others.
The lost daughter
Even as a child Julia was different than me. I still hear our mother how she said: How can it be that you are so different? While I as a child preferred to lie on a meadow and to read a book or watch insects in the grass my sister Julia preferred to stand in front of the mirror, test new hairstyles on her long sand-colored hair again and again and change clothes three times a day. She knew exactly to say which necklace fits perfect to which neckline, which earrings definitely not go, how long the pant legs have to be (and how wide respectively tight) and all such things I don’t cared for. I loved nature, my favorite subject at school was biology and from begin on I wanted to follow the footsteps of my parents.
In the 70s my parents began to complete the market garden of my father. Because of their neat and diligent economic activities (I remember that in my childhood we have been only once at holidays – in the Black Forest) they could successful expand the business. Meanwhile the “Gardening and fruits Löffler” includes two shops in the city centre, a vineyard and two large fruit-meadows.
My parents had only both of us – Julia and me, we are binocular twins, means Julia was the older one, born 30 minutes before me. My mother had always insisted don’t know why. Anyhow we were very different like I said. When we came into puberty I also began to be interested in boys. Of course Julia already talked about her first kiss a half year before. But I was very shy and the only one boy who seemed to be interesting for me, well, he only seemed to be interested in his books. Julia soon had a really boy-friend who took her with his moped and they went together to disco Saturday night. I was not that interested in particularly the whole preparation procedure before such a disco bugged me. Julia once tried to take me with and to style me before. She knew that. “Black eyelid line is very important, Claudia!” she said. She fiddled me with a kind of pencil around my eyes and I only could blink. “Now some glitter on the cheekbones … well … now the pink lipstick … tell me you don’t really want to wear these shoes do you?” It was terrible and it took almost two hours till be both were finished.
Julia loved, like mentioned, fashion and such stuff. Everything what was “in” at the moment. Of course this included smoking with 14 and drinking beer and once she admitted that she smoked marihuana with Steffen und Susanne. Of course I didn’t tell our parents, that’s not me.
Surely my parents worried a bit of her but they always were so busy with their business that there was not much time for other things. Besides they had me. They proudly noticed that I was more and more interested in the garden business. After school I started in the family business as an apprentice. I made an additional training in viticulture that was especially interesting for me. Julia finished school with worse marks then me but she had an apprenticeship as a hairdresser in prospect. My parents bewailed it but they appreciated that Julia was not interested in garden and agriculture and they left it up to her decision about their future. But Julia didn’t even think to take this apprenticeship as hairdresser. She wanted to go abroad to become a fashion designer and at most she wanted to New York. After discussions and fights for days with our parents she had gotten them to pay her the inheritance. She absolute wanted to go to New York to find her luck there. Already since years she had a pen friend there where she could stay for the first time and then she wanted to look for a job in the fashion business. My parents let her go and I didn’t care. We had inwardly away more and more from each other. But I was a little bit envious of that much money what she had now without doing anything for it.
In the following time we’ve got post from Julia from time to time, sometimes she phoned but only talked with my parents. I noticed that things were not looking up with Julia. Anytime there were no news anymore from her.
We not often talked about Julia because it was so much work. Besides my mother each time started crying if we talked about her.
Business was excellent. Beside my education in viniculture and fruit I also finished my exams for accounting because of my knowledge we could increase sales. Last year at the wine-fair our Riesling Meunier got a prize. However, my personal life was quite on track. I always said to myself you still have enough time to find a man but the years gone and I stayed alone and lived at a small annex of my parents property.
One evening I just arrived from the orchard where I helped to cut the cherry trees. I parked my Opel Corsa at the court and got off. I immediately felt a change. From my parents house came loud music and laughing. I saw Inge, who keeps our premises clean, coming out of the door.
“Inge” I called her. “What’s going on here? Is something to celebrate?”
“Oh Claudia!” She shined over her whole face. “Imagine, your sister is back!”
“What?” I scared stiff.
„Yes, she came this morning. I don’t know much but your parents asked me to call the party service and to align a welcome party. But I have to go now. Your uncle and your aunt arrived and still a few more people.” She went to her car.
The mind was racing in my head and I felt jealousy. When did my parents ever give a party for me? I was always on their side, I worked and I studied and I dispensed on any private life. I always wanted to make everything right for them, I fight for their love and recognition. And my sister? She leaves you alone – with the money of my parents – she enforces egoistic her interests and does not answer for years!
A door banged. I saw my mother who just came down the stairs.
“Claudia! There you are. Imagine, Julia is back again!”
She came to me and hugged me. Then she noticed my repellent expression.
“What’s the matter with you? Are you not happy?”
I felt tears in my eyes.
“Mum, that’s so inequitable! I work the whole time for you, do everything and you never gave such a party for me. With party service! Why she came home now? Why she did not answer?”
My mother pulled me down to the step, sat beside me and took my hand.
“Julia goofed much up, Claudia. There is also nothing left of the money. She bought a small shop and planned to sell second-hand-clothes and self made clothes. But all this was not that easy she imagined. She took more and more drugs, became ill … it must have been a bad time for her. She was ashamed to get in touch with us. A friend helped her and even gave money to her for a flight to Germany. Julia wanted home and wants to work here with us. She is ashamed so much.”
My mother now also had tears in her eyes.
“And you, Claudia – everything here is yours. We owe so much to you. But now you should think more of yourself. We only want to see you happy.”
She stood up. “Come now and welcome your sister.”
I nodded and we went in together. It was a real party atmosphere. Even old friends from school came. I nodded to a few people and then I saw Julia. She came to me and hugged me. She became thin and looked palish and was not dressed that stylish anymore.
“How nice that you are back again.” I said and I mined it honestly.
My mother lifted up her glass of champagne and called around:
“Our daughter was dead and is alive again! She was lost and is found!”
I will not let someone hurt me anymore
She thought of last night while she was hanging laundry in the bath room. Frank had spanned a cord cross through the small room. She swallowed her tears while she fixed the little blue bib with a clip on the cord.
Last night it has been particularly bad as it was actually particularly bad during the last few months since Frank was unemployed. She even asked him to look after the vacuum cleaner which makes strange noises already since a few days. They could not afford a new one at the moment. She meek added that he now has time for such things, would be more meaningful then to walk through the park the whole afternoon. Then he went ballistic. He screamed and then he had slapped her. She should have known. He was so easily upset.
Gently, she ran a finger across her cheek. It still hurt a bit. Her little son came in and snatched her out of ideas. “Mummy, I need to go.” That children always had to announce it before … She took a step to the side that he could use the toilet. “What is Susi doing?” “Cooking!” “What?” She run scared to the kitchen. The 4-years-old Susi had taken a stool for better reaching the stovetop. She had put a pot on the stove and just poured a bit from the big vinegar bottle in the pot. Katrin immediately noticed with relief that the stove was not on. She took her daughter from the stool. “What is this? Go playing!” Her voice was louder than she wanted and Susi started crying. Little Stefan called from the toilet: “Mummy!! Wipe butt!” Katrin pushed her daughter out of the kitchen and run to the bathroom to help Stefan. She remembered that there came a load of coal this morning which had been brought to the basement. Where the hell remained Frank? He just wanted to the employment center and then home but probably he useless walked through the park again like he did almost every day. She felt her anger grow again.
„Kids, come on! You have to help mummy!” With four small buckets they went down in front of the house door. The goal consignment was canted directly in front of the door like always and had to carried five steps down in the basement. Katrin shoveled a few goals in the buckets of the children. “Watch at the steps!” Then she carried her own full goal buckets down in the basement. It was an arduous and dirty job. Katrin cursed inwardly her husband who would have to help her. She just thought to leave the coal pile for him. But then she remembered the old Karusseit from the third floor who had always something to claim about. The recent time she had also complained that the street was not swept thoroughly after the coals had been in the basement. And when she left the coals for Frank he would be surely angry again.
Meanwhile it was half past five. The children had lost interest and threw in the basement with cinder. Katrin poured out the last bucket in the basement and rubbed her aching back. She took a coarse broom and returned the black dust from the footpath to the road. On the opposite side of the street she saw a woman who already often catch her eye. She didn’t know her name only had nodded her briefly to salute. The woman wore a gray knee-length dress and had her blonde hair in an elaborate knot. Under her arm she carried a briefcase and on her feet high white shoes. Katrin thought she might directly come from work. The woman seemed to be in the same age like Katrin; however, she had never seen a child with her. Katrin stopped and brushed with her dirty fingers a strand of hair out of her face. She longed painful also to be dressed like this woman one day and to come from work where somebody had pad her on the back and said how indispensable she was for the business. Whether this woman was happy there?
The cries of the children ripped her from her thoughts. Stefan had stumbled on the wooden shelf and she saw it would become another bruise. Besides both children were over with pulverized coal. She got angry again. “Come up with me and immediately take off and in the bathtub! I still have to prepare dinner! How am I supposed to make it all the time?” Her voice had taken on a whiny tone.
As she opened the apartment door she saw that there has spread a large puddle on the floor. “Oh no!” The children right rushed past her. Stefan slipped on the wet floor and now was also wet. Wet and dirty. Katrin run in the bath room. She had supposed right. Her son should have forgotten to turn off the faucet. The sink had overflowed and the floor in the bath room was already flooded. Now she really started to cry. For a short moment she felt paralyzed, then she turned off the faucet, took the children and simply put them – wet and dirty how they were – in the bathtub. “You stay there till I’m coming! Is that clear!” she shouted and hastily took one of the coal buckets to draw the water from the floor. Her heart raced with fear. “Oh God, surely it dropped in the lower apartment … how we shell pay all this? Frank is unemployed!” Stefan started crying. “Mummy it’s cold!” “Shut up!” Katrin shouted and clapped a wiping cloth on the floor. “Look, what you have done! Holy shit!!”
Finally the water was wiped up and the children were cleaned, fed and in bed. From the lower apartment had still nobody reported. Frank still had not arrived home. Katrin sat on the table with the rests of the dinner and gazed to the box with the slices of sausage. She thought of the water damage, of the debt of the account, of the coals in the basement, of the woman from the opposite street, of Frank and the smack … Suddenly she felt a complete emptiness in herself. Without a second thought she took the kitchen-knife and cut deep in her forearm. As she saw the much blood she fainted.
Frank walked the whole afternoon through the park like he mostly had done the recent days. At the employment center they told him today that there will be a free job at Wageck & Co from next month and he would have quite good chances. First he wanted to run straight home to tell Katrin the good news. But then he said to himself prefer to wait till it’s sure with the job. He already was many times disappointed the recent months. Katrin mostly tried to embolden him, said to him soon it works, you will see. But that only made him angrier. What kind of family father he was? Simply a laughingstock! From the nice and bright three-rooms-apartment they had to move in this desolate area! And he was simply unable to help at home to make it easier for Katrin. The children simply bugged him. They romp through the apartment, leave mess everywhere and if he bawled at them they started loud crying. Katrin always assisted them and reproached him. He simply felt useless at home. He should go to work in the morning and earn money to make it nice for his family – exactly what would be his job.
Frank kicked angry against a stone which was on the way in front of him. He should finally go home now.
He turned into the Mozart street. In front of the house door he even not noticed that the coals were away. As he opened the apartment door he suddenly felt strange. Something happened! He hung up his jacket and went to the living room. Katrin was lying with her head on the table in between the dishes, blood dropped from the tablecloth. Frank reacted very quickly. He tear off the dishcloth from the hook and kinked it upstream the wound around her arm. He briefly felt her pulse on the neck and then run to the telephone. He only told the PSAP that his wife is going to bleed to death. Then he went back to the table and took Katrin in his arms. She recovered consciousness and started trembling. “What have you done?” he lamented. “What have you done?” He tried to think clearly. She had tried to kill herself! But why? How could she do that to him? What should he do now? As he heard the diaphones of the ambulance he got a idea. He took a big glass-vase and battered it. A big jagged shard he besmeared with some blood. Now he could tell the ambulance men it has been an accident.
As the ambulance with Katrin was away Frank briefly called his mother and asked her to stay with the children. He just told her that Katrin had a bad laceration and his mother doesn’t ask for more. Then he bagged his bicycle and drove to the hospital.
He could directly to her. Katrin felt a bit better. One arm was bandaged, in the other stacked a hollow needle which was combined with a drip. Katrin only faced him. She was very pale. Frank sat carefully to the edge of the bed. “What have you done?” he whispered. There were still two other women in the sickroom who looked curious in their direction. Katrin just kept silent and faced him. Frank carefully took her intact hand. “Katrin, I love you. Everything will be fine. I’m going to apply at Wageck’s there is a free job for an engineer. This time it will work for sure!”
Katrin silent nodded. “He doesn’t ask”, she thought. She turned her head and looked past him out the window. Inside of her she took a decision. She did not want to die really. But from now on she would change her life. Everything would become different. First the children. “I really need kindergarten places”, she thought. “Then I’m going to look for a job. Maybe I will go to a school again. I will not let hurt me anymore.”
She looked now in the eyes of her husband and finally started smiling.
The prevented men’s night
„It’s gotten cold“, Thomas thinks while he’s opening the car-door and getting out. Up here is always a strong wind. Thomas closes the zip of his black anorak uppermost and presses his chin under the warming fabric. He walks to the kindergarten and as he opens the door he already hears the sound of joyous shouts of children; between the warning voice of the kindergarten teacher. It’s warm here and his glasses heat tinting so that he has to take off his glasses first to clean them that he can even see anything. Nicolas detected him. “Daddy!” Thomas fields the little Blondie in his arms and thinks like every day: “My God, you became so thin.” He pets his hair and touches like every day the bulging cicatrice on his head. He looks quizzically at Susanne, the teacher of Nicolas’ group. She nods smiling which means “all right, no special events”. Thomas always feels assuaged with her smile. Maybe he should ask Susanne if she would like to have dinner with him occasionally. He remembers that he even don’t know if Susanne is married.
It was not always so uncomplicated to pick up Nicolas. He remembers days when Susanne called him in the office because Nicolas had to be sick although as per the children’s doctor everything was well with his stomach. Or he cried the whole time or became abrasive and hit other children. Thomas never concealed the occasional bruises at his son in contrast to Ramona. It has been difficult to assure the Youth Welfare Office and the court that it was not him who abused his little son. For a long time he was treated with hostility and distrust from other parents and the kindergarten teachers but since Ramona’s public outburst of fury in June last year this was fortunately over. Nobody thought it’s possible that a mother could do something to her three-years-old son. But because there were many witnesses who saw how Thomas saved his son the distrust against him decreased and he got deep sympathy. Three strong men were needed to hold Ramona until the two ambulances came – one for Nikolas and one for Ramona.
Nikolas is fidgeting with joy while getting in the car. He belts on by himself and it always makes him proud when he hears the locking snapping. “When do we go?” he asks exited. “Soon, little mouse. Grandma has already packed everything and as soon as we will be home we’re going.” Nikolas very looks forward to the weekend with grandma and grandpa. They take him to the Europe-Park included an overnight stay in a fairytale-castle – that was his birthday-present and Nikolas can’t wait. Thomas feels happy for Nikolas but he also looks forward to a quiet weekend, alone in his parent’s house where he is living with Nikolas since the bad events of last summer. He even borrowed a video “Transporter – the mission” and invited his fellow Max for this evening. He looks forward to a men’s night with beer and pizza and much action on the TV-monitor. Tomorrow he will sleep in and following go for a run maybe or, if the weather will be too bad, maybe a repair-hour in the basement. A vacuum cleaner, a CD-player, three or four cars of Nikolas and a twenty-cm high Tyrannosaurus Rex, who can’t roar anymore, are waiting for him.
Thomas parks the Renault directly on the road. He wants to take his parents and Nikolas to the station. It seems, his dad had hear his car because he directly opens the door and comes out with two small bags, behind him his mother who still buttons up her coat while walking and sticks her brown handbag under her arm. “Hi little sparrow!” she calls in the car in Nikolas’ direction and then sits beside of him. Thomas helps his father to put the luggage away then they get in and go. After the arrival on the station Thomas notices that there are still twenty minutes till the departure of the train. His father always afraids to be late and prefers starting to grow roots. Thomas still buys a bottle Fanta and a candy bar for Nikolas and a journal for his mother in the travel-shop. Then Nikolas satisfied him that he absolute still needs the new “Petterson & Findus”-journal, this one with the twinkle fishing rod in front. As the train arrives, Thomas hugs his parents and lifts Nikolas to give him a kiss in his face. “Bye, little mouse. Have much fun!” Thomas feels a lump in his throat. It feels strange – like he would see Nikolas now for the very last time. It doesn’t seems the same for Nikolas. He enters the train and cheerfully waves his daddy while his grandma is petting him loving over the hair.
Thomas opens the house door and lays the two pizza boxes down at the kitchen table. He pauses and noses in the air. Something disturbs him, something strange happens. He takes off his shoes and goes through the house. Everything seems still and empty. On his way back to the kitchen he steps with his foot on a small gum-ball which Nikolas left there. It makes a squeaky noise and he dismays. “Nerves” he says to himself. “It’s time to relax.” He puts some bottles of beer in the fridge, turns the radio on and looks at the watch. Max should be here in a half hour. The pizza is still very hot. One beer now would be great, he thinks.
“Here the last news of the region”, he hears the radio host saying. “Two of the escaped women from the prison of the Psychiatric Clinic in Homburg are caught again. The third woman is still on the run. Like we already reported this morning in detail, last night three women escaped from the prison and seriously hurt a male nurse. The 35-years-old man still hovers in mortal danger. The woman who is still on the run is the following 31-years-old Ramona Siebert. She is in urgent need of medication and violent. She has blond …”
Clang!! The beer-bottle breaks on the paving tiles and ponds. Thomas stands stunned and he feels like a little freezing hand would creep over his back and grab him in the neck. Ramona escaped!! Now he also suddenly realized what felt that strange as he came in the house. It’s this quite light fragrance of “Kamillan”- hand crème. Nobody in this house uses “Kamillan”-hand crème because it always would remember of Ramona. She was crazy for it. All two hours she put lotion in her hands. She once said on the age of the hands you could realize the age of the woman. Only a woman like Ramona would even during her escape from Psychiatric Clinic use her hand crème, thinks Thomas.
She is here!! Here in the house!! He forces himself to stay calm. The telephone is in the living room. Just a few steps. But suddenly, as he leaves the kitchen, she stands in front of him. Thomas scared backs off. How she looks! It seems she lost some pounds in the last months. Her hair hangs lank along her cheeks. On the left temple she has a long bloody scar and her eyes seem darker than before. She looks at him with a cold view and Thomas realizes that in one hand she holds the big carving knife from the top drawer. “Hello fat asshole!” she welcomes him and her voice seems kind of raspy. “You thought you’d be rid of me. That you can burly fuck your colleague … you expect visit?” She shows to the two pizza boxes which are lying in the kitchen. Thomas wonders feverishly what to do but has no idea. She has a big knife in her hand and he is sure that her hate is mainly against him and that she will not hesitate to use it. He tries to look quiet and friendly to her. “Ramona … how are you? Do they good care for you? … You know your jealousy was always baseless.” He puts forth his hand to her. “Come on, give me the knife before you hurt yourself. I always loved only you – you know that.” Ramona looks interested to him but shows no reaction to any of his words. “Where is my child, asshole?” she asks. In this moment it rings on the door. Both get frightened. “After all a beloved!” she whispered and it flashes angry in her eyes. “No!” is Thomas still calling but Ramona is on the door already, rips opens the door and jabs the knife in the visitor’s breast. Thomas still can see the surprised view in the eyes of his colleague Max, then Max falls on his knees and is dead. Totally shocked Thomas slowly sat down; his view fixed his colleague and the pool of blood spreading under him. He feels a noise in his ears and forces himself not to faint. She simply killed him; he thinks again and again. She simply cold-blooded killed him! He feels that he starts trembling over the whole body. Except of total missing complexion she doesn’t shows that she just killed a person. She seems to be quiet while closing the door again, climbed over the lifeless body and opens one of the pizza boxes on the kitchen-table. She tears off avaricious a piece of pizza and puts it in her mouth. While chewing she looks to Thomas. “Also one?”
Thomas can’t hold the sickness back as fast as comes over him. He throws up on the floor.
Still he is trembling over the whole body. He looks up to his divorced wife who he loved once and got tears in the eyes. “Ramona, what have you done? What has become of you?” Then he remembers something and takes a bit courage again. “They are looking for you! They will think that you came here. Ramona, the police is coming soon!”
Ramona nods and sits beside Thomas on the floor. Almost tender she touches his face. “I want my old life back. Just tell me where Nikolas is. He is gone with your parents, isn’t it?”
“I never will tell you where Nikolas is. Do you realize what you have done to him?”
“He did not listen.” Ramona says quiet and looks lost in thought to Thomas. “Never anybody listened to me. Daddy also never listened when I said NO. He simply doesn’t listen. … And mum knew everything.” Thomas aghast looks to Ramona. Then he looks to the knife in her hand and he carefully tries to take it from her. Ramona reacts as quick as a flash. Thomas not immediately feels the pain as the blade encroaches his leg but then he sees the blood gushing trough his trousers. He gives a groan. “Are you crazy?”
Ramona jumps up. “You all want to deceive me – that was always the same! But I don’t put up with everything anymore. My parents also thought it can go on this way for all time. But I found a solution! It was not that difficult and the police nothing realized. It was a simply car-accident!” Then she starts crying. “And now tell me finally – where is my son?”
As Thomas not reacts she runs over to the office and rakes up the papers. Not long and she finds what she was looking for. The calendar of Thomas’ father. “Europe-Park with Nikolas” she can read. Ramona starts laughing. It’s more like a rasping sound. She runs over to the corridor and rakes up Thomas’ togs.
Thomas bovine stands up. He tries to ignore the pain and tries to hold Ramona on the arm but he slips and falls directly in the broken pieces of glass of the beer-bottle on the floor. He cries out full of pain but immediately sees that there is no essential blood vessel involved. Ramona only looked shortly to him. She has found the car-keys, again looks shortly to her bleeding ex-husband; then she climbs over the dead Max and leaves the house. The knife is with her.
Thomas was able to phone. Ten minutes later police and ambulance are there. “My son …” says Thomas all the time as the ambulance men makeshift vet him and lay him on the barrow.
The already older chief inspector anodyne touches his hand. “Don’t worry” he says with a serious view. “We’ve got the license number. The Europe-Park is informed. Your ex-wife comes not far. And nothing will happen to your son – I promise.”
Impressum
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 08.03.2013
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