book

 

 

Everyday Psychology

 

 

BY: Dr. GOPAL RAYAPPA KOLEKAR

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dedication

                                                                                                        !!!***!!!

 

This book is dedicated to the human beings.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

© All Rights Reserved

 

Everyday Psychology

Author: Dr. Gopal Rayappa Kolekar

A Book in English.

Under the Indian Copyright Act, all rights of the contents of this book are reserved with the author, Dr. Gopal Rayappa Kolekar. No part of this book, including the name, title, design, or inside matter or photographs, may be reproduced or copied in any form or by any means, in whole or in part, in any language. Breach of any of these conditions is liable to legal action.

All disputes are subject to the jurisdiction of Bangalore courts.

 

First Edition:  November 2024

ISBN

 

 

Published by:

Gopal Rayappa Kolekar

Lane: Patil Galli, Post: Kangrali B.K.

Taluka and District: Belagavi: 590 010

State: Karnataka, India.

Email: gopalkolekar@yahoo.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

AN INTRODUCTION TO Dr. GOPAL KOLEKAR

- a multi-faceted author

Dr. Gopal Rayappa Kolekar, born on August 14, 1972, in the quaint village of Kangrali B.K. in Belagavi, Karnataka, India, is a distinguished author and Mechanical Engineer. His academic journey began in his hometown, where he completed his Primary and High School education. Driven by a passion for engineering, he graduated as a Mechanical Engineer from a college in Belagavi.

Despite English being a foreign language, Dr. Kolekar recognizes its significance in scientific discourse. His literary contributions include six books in English, each delving into diverse realms of knowledge and societal concerns. Notably, he explores the educational landscape in countries like India, contemplating the structure and reforms required in the face of contemporary challenges.

In his works, Dr. Kolekar extends beyond conventional themes. Amidst the backdrop of global issues such as mass terrorism and pervasive hatred leading to endless wars, he articulates his views on the principles that should govern contemporary governance. According to him, a liberal approach, inspired by Christ's message, should guide the central power.

One of his notable publications, "English for Foreign Students," caters to adults who have completed their primary education in their regional language but seek to acquire English proficiency for day-to-day activities. This practical focus aligns with the recognition of English as a vital tool for various professional and personal endeavors.

Dr. Kolekar's literary repertoire includes insightful works such as "Secrets from Gopal," where he unveils scientific mysteries. "The World in 2018," his fifth book, serves as a reflection on the events of that year and proposes strategies for addressing contemporary challenges. Additionally, his sixth book, "In-Diadem World," explores political and social issues at the onset of the 21st century. His seventh book is titled “English Effects on India” and this is his eighth book titled First Love. This book is about - the profound and universal phenomenon of love, focusing particularly on the challenges and complexities of first love. Drawing from personal experience and scientific insights, the author delves into the intricate dynamics of romantic relationships and the lasting impact of first love on individuals' lives. Through heartfelt reflection and practical advice, the author encourages readers to navigate the rollercoaster of emotions associated with first love with grace and resilience.

With a blend of scientific analysis and compassionate wisdom, the book offers guidance on how to cope with the intensity of first love and emerge stronger and wiser. It serves as a compassionate companion for those grappling with the complexities of love, providing valuable insights and support for navigating the journey of first love with courage and self-awareness. The Ninth Book is titled 21st Century’s Mahabharatha, which mentions ongoing wars at the beginning of the 21st century. This is his tenth book.

Top of Form

 

PREFACE

Common psychology refers to the study of human behaviour and mental processes, focusing on aspects that affect individuals in everyday life. It includes understanding how people think, feel, and behave in various situations, and how these behaviours are influenced by biological, social, and environmental factors. Psychology addresses common experiences such as learning, memory, emotions, motivation, and feeling, helping us better understand how we interact with the world around us. It also explores how psychological factors shape the way people react to stress, relationships, and life challenges, providing insights into common struggles and offering strategies for coping and improving mental well-being.

One key area of common psychology is the study of cognition, which includes processes like attention, memory, problem-solving, and decision-making. Our ability to process information and make decisions is essential in daily life, from choosing what to eat to making career decisions. Cognitive psychology examines how we get knowledge, how our brains store and retrieve information, and why we sometimes make irrational decisions. Understanding these cognitive processes can help individuals improve their memory, think more critically, and make better choices in both personal and professional contexts.

Emotions are another critical part of common psychology. How people experience and regulate their emotions influences their relationships, job performance, and overall well-being. Psychological research on emotions explores how feelings like happiness, sadness, fear and anger arise, how they affect behaviour, and how people can manage them. For instance, emotional intelligence, or the ability to understand and manage one’s own emotions and empathise with others, plays a significant role in forming healthy relationships and supporting emotional health.

Social psychology, which studies how individuals are influenced by others, is also a significant aspect of common psychology. It focuses on understanding how social interactions, group dynamics, and societal norms shape behaviour. This field explores topics such as conformity, prejudice, group decision-making, and social influence, helping to explain why people often behave differently in groups or how they are influenced by others. Understanding these dynamics can improve interpersonal relationships, promote empathy, and foster more inclusive environments in both personal and professional settings.

Another critical area is the study of motivation, which delves into what drives people to act in particular ways. Whether it is pursuing career goals, supporting relationships, or engaging in personal growth, motivation is a powerful force that guides human behaviour. Psychologists explore intrinsic motivation (driven by personal satisfaction or interest) and extrinsic motivation (driven by external rewards) to understand why individuals pursue certain goals. This knowledge can help people tap into their intrinsic motivation, overcome procrastination, and achieve long-term satisfaction in life.

Lastly, mental health and well-being are central themes in common psychology. Issues like anxiety, depression, stress, and trauma are experienced by many individuals, making the study of mental health a vital aspect of psychological research. By understanding the factors that contribute to mental health problems, as well as the therapeutic approaches available, psychology offers valuable tools for managing and overcoming mental health challenges. It emphasises the importance of self-care, therapy, and building resilience, aiming to improve individuals’ emotional and psychological well-being.

In summary, common psychology provides a framework for understanding the everyday experiences that shape human behaviour and mental processes. By studying cognition, emotions, motivation, social interactions, and mental health, psychology helps individuals navigate the complexities of life and achieve greater emotional and psychological well-being. Its insights are applicable across various aspects of life, from personal development to improving relationships and coping with challenges.

There are several fundamental concepts that can guide individuals toward a fulfilling and meaningful life. One of the most important is the idea of self-awareness. Understanding oneself — one’s values, desires, strengths, weaknesses, and emotions — is the foundation for making informed decisions and navigating life’s challenges. When individuals are self-aware, they are better equipped to align their actions with their true selves, making choices that reflect their authentic needs and desires. This clarity allows for personal growth and helps to set up a sense of purpose and direction in life.

Another essential concept is resilience, the ability to bounce back from setbacks and adapt to adversity. Life inevitably presents challenges, and resilience enables people to navigate difficulties without being overwhelmed. It involves cultivating a positive mindset, supporting hope in tough situations, and developing coping strategies to handle stress and failure. Resilience does not mean avoiding hardships but rather embracing them as opportunities for growth, learning how to recover from disappointments, and continuing to move forward.

Empathy is also a vital concept to follow in life. Understanding and sharing the feelings of others can foster deeper connections and strengthen relationships, whether personal or professional. Empathy helps individuals navigate social interactions with compassion, offering support and kindness to those around them. It not only builds a sense of community but also enhances one’s emotional intelligence, making it easier to resolve conflicts and support healthy relationships. Living with empathy allows one to contribute positively to society and foster a more inclusive and supportive environment for everyone.

The principle of gratitude is another concept that plays a significant role in promoting happiness and well-being. Practicing gratitude involves recognising and appreciating the positive aspects of life, even during challenging times. Regularly reflecting on what one is thankful for can shift focus away from what is lacking and increase overall life satisfaction. Gratitude fosters a mindset of abundance rather than scarcity, encouraging individuals to celebrate small victories, cultivate optimism, and nurture their sense of contentment.

Closely related to gratitude is the idea of mindfulness, the practice of being fully present in the moment. Mindfulness encourages individuals to focus on the here and now rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. It enhances emotional regulation and helps reduce stress, anxiety, and negative thinking patterns. By living mindfully, people can experience life more fully, savouring experiences, and appreciating the present, which contributes to overall well-being and peace of mind.

Integrity is a fundamental concept for supporting a life of authenticity and trust. Living with integrity means acting in ways that are consistent with one’s values, supporting honesty, and doing what is right even when no one is watching. Integrity builds trust in relationships and fosters a sense of inner peace, as individuals can feel secure in knowing they are true to themselves. It is the cornerstone of ethical behaviour and contributes to personal and professional respect, forming the foundation for long-lasting success.

Lastly, the idea of continuous growth is crucial for living a fulfilling life. This involves the ongoing process of self-improvement and learning, whether through education, self-reflection, or developing new skills. Life is constantly changing, and individuals who embrace growth are better equipped to adapt and thrive in various circumstances. Continuous growth encourages curiosity, challenges individuals to step outside their comfort zones, and fosters a sense of achievement as they evolve personally and professionally.

In sum, concepts such as self-awareness, resilience, empathy, gratitude, mindfulness, integrity, and continuous growth are essential for leading a fulfilling and meaningful life. These principles provide a powerful foundation for making thoughtful decisions, building positive relationships, and supporting well-being, helping individuals live with purpose and satisfaction.

Gopal Rayappa Kolekar

Bangalore

Date: 01 Nov 2024

 

 

Contents

 

Chapter 1         Psychology of Pregnancy

Chapter 2         Psychology of Childhood

Chapter 3         Psychology of Adolescents

Chapter 4         Psychology of Work

Chapter 5         Psychology of Money

Chapter 6         Psychology of/for Marriage and Relationships

Chapter 7          Psychology of Parents

Chapter 8         Psychology for/of forty plus

Chapter 9         Psychology of/of an Old Age (Sixty Plus)

Chapter 10       Psychology for/of a Good Life

Conclusion

 

 

 

Chapter 1
Psychology of Pregnancy

Pregnancy is considered as one of the most beautiful blessings to a woman. The duration of pregnancy for humans lasts for about 280 days or 40 weeks. When a woman finds out that she is expecting, doctors assume 40 weeks and give a tentative delivery date.

These 40 weeks become like a roller coaster for a woman. She goes through immense hormonal imbalances. At times, she herself cannot control her emotions. She may feel anxious about pregnancy or about the baby. The mother may also feel overwhelmed with the new roles and responsibilities about to arrive in her life.

We must also consider that; sleep patterns change for the brand parents when the baby is born. Parents must adjust their sleeping hours based on baby’s sleeping time. Paediatricians suggest that a newborn baby must sleep somewhere between 12 — 16 hours in a day. They do not understand the difference between day and night. Since, babies drink milk often, their sleep patterns keep varying.

Irrespective of religion and ethnicity, pregnancy has always been considered as a blessing because a woman’s life is completely changed. Her heart grows bigger, she gets into her optimum feminine energy. Women are known for their nurturing qualities. Motherhood also signifies nurturing, loving, and caring for her family.

In these modern times, many women are not embracing motherhood as they do not want an extra set of responsibilities. Some women cannot connect deeply for children. Some women are career oriented and love to travel frequently for work or as a favourite activity. That is why, they feel traveling with children is a tough job.

Nowadays, some women are scared to adopt this huge change in their life when it comes to motherhood. Over the decades, pregnancy complications also rose like anything. The number of women embracing motherhood in their early or mid 20s are reducing. Women are more comfortable embracing motherhood in their early 30s. Some are also taking up pregnancy in their late 30s.

In this book, we will refer trimesters for the pregnancy:

• First trimester — conception to 12 weeks
• Second trimester — 13 to 27 weeks
• Third trimester — 28 to 40 weeks

Symptoms of Pregnancy

Every woman’s body is unique, and their symptoms can be unique too. But there are a few common symptoms which we can learn here. Missing the menstruation date is the first and foremost symptom which shows pregnancy. As the sperm and egg comes together and takes the shape of a zygote, it blocks the menstruation.

The amount of blood which comes out every month supports the mother to grow the baby inside her womb for the next 40 weeks. It comes back to normal when the pregnancy is over. The bleeding stays for days to 2 weeks right after delivery of the baby.

Other common symptoms of pregnancy are fatigue, frequent urination, backache, breast changes, and nausea. This nausea appears in the morning, that is why it is called as morning sickness. Some women may nauseate all day long as well. Again, for some women this nausea stays only during the first trimester of the pregnancy, and it reduces as the pregnancy advances.

Biological changes in girls due to pregnancy

Pregnancy is a whole new journey for women. They do not only breathe for themselves, but they also breathe for the baby too. They do not eat for themselves alone. Their diet provides utmost nutrition to the unborn baby. It is suggested to pregnant women to eat frequently. In the olden days, elders used to say that a pregnant woman should eat three times more than their normal portion.

When a woman is expecting, her partner and the family must remember that her body is overworking. So, she needs extra care and support. Medically speaking, the size of heart and lungs in women are smaller than men. During pregnancy, her heart and lungs are working for both.

A healthy heart of a woman beats 78 to 82 per minute. During pregnancy, this increases to 80 to 90 beats per minute because her heart is pumping more blood for herself and the baby.

Many women complain about high blood pressure during their pregnancy. As the heart is over pumping blood, it causes extra stress on her overall body. High blood pressure may also affect the placenta to keep the baby safe inside the womb. This functional issue with the placenta may not provide all the necessary nutrition to the baby. These things are so crucial, that every woman needs to be mindful throughout her pregnancy journey.

Diaphragm and chest muscles increase as the pregnancy advances with time. That is why the breathing patterns change with the trimesters. The large flat muscle inside the chest increases in size and shifts slightly above than the usual. That is how the space for the growing baby takes place and the function of the lungs stay intact. Many women complain of breathing issues during their second and third trimester. At times, they are kept on high-flow oxygen at hospital.

Thoughts generated during pregnancy

As the pregnancy affects overall physical health, mental health also gets equally affected. Mental health does not get a free pass. A little bit of forgetfulness and unmindfulness is quite common during pregnancy. Hormonal imbalances do not allow women to think straight at this point. Critical thinking and decision making may get some hiccups too. This phase is called pregnancy brain fog.

They may also see a shift in their overall attitude. Subconsciously, they may choose less exciting or less adventurous activities to keep their body and mind safe. Too much of excitement will raise the blood pressure.

For some women, the physical change may bring a sense of anxiety and depression. The cause of depression could be several reasons. The change in lifestyle and daily activities can also be considered as the root cause of depression in pregnant girls. Of course, they cannot do the activities they used to do earlier. They need to be more careful when they are outside home.

Many people still are not comfortable talking postpartum depression. It is a real thing. Millions of Indians still feel that this is man-made. But it is a real thing and medical science proved it through various scientific studies. Insomnia, loss of appetite, headache, frequent tears, irritability, not feeling the connection with the baby are some of the common symptoms of postpartum depression. Medical attention and support from the family are highly suggested for such women.

The root cause of anxiety during pregnancy is the new change in their life. Pregnancy and delivering the baby can be very overwhelming. Learning everything about the new baby, taking care of the baby and understanding what he/she needs can be a challenge in the first few days. Women crave for the support from their mothers or mothers-in-law because they can guide them to be better mothers. The older generation’s experience can be a real game changer for the young mothers.

Desire to have food during pregnancy

Food craving is quite common during pregnancy. There is no proven logic that why this happens. But it is said that the hormonal imbalances change the food craving and deeply affects the taste buds. Some may crave for spicy or sour food. Some may lose the appetite during the first trimester. Doctors may prescribe some supplements to balance the dietary requirements for the mother and baby.

Some pregnant women crave for chocolates, ice creams, pickled vegetables, lemons and specific fruits. But if the mother has any type of diabetes, thyroid, PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) or PCOD (polycystic ovarian disease) controlled diet is highly recommended. So, they simply cannot follow the food craving they are getting.

Whenever we eat, all the food converts into glucose which works as a medicine for the brain. Brain sends the signals to all the body organs and cells through neurones for better function. But during pregnancy, the glucose levels need to be in control. Glucose spikes may give them severe foggy brain and crave to eat too much sugary food items, like chocolate and ice cream.

Eating sugary food items after a regular meal is recommended to control severe glucose spikes. On the other hand, pickled vegetables are a good option to enjoy during pregnancy. But make sure to not add too much of salt in it. Sodium chloride may make women dehydrated.

Sex during pregnancy

This is one of the biggest concerns pregnant couples produce. It is also one of the most controversial aspects around us. Having sex during pregnancy is normal as the placenta, amniotic fluid and uterine muscles protect the baby throughout 40 weeks. Unless the woman has some placenta related issues, high blood pressure or preterm labour issues, she is all safe to have sex during pregnancy. But it is always good to consult your healthcare provider before taking the next step.

As the blood flow increases towards the vagina during pregnancy to offer blood supply to the baby, women may feel high sexual desire. It is completely fine and there is nothing uncomfortable about it. As her pregnancy advances, certain sex positions may cause her discomfort. Clear communication with the partner can help in resolving this issue.

• Advantages of having sex during pregnancy

Many research studies concluded that there is no direct link between vaginal sex and preterm labour or premature delivery. But it is possible to have Brixton Hicks (false labour contractions) after orgasms. So, mindful checks about their vaginal muscles are a good thing to keep in mind.

Some women also find oral and anal sex as safe, easy, and pleasurable during the peak of their pregnancy. Blowing air into the vagina should be avoided as this may cause air embolism (air bubble into the blood vessel to restrict blood flow).

Having sex during pregnancy has the following benefits too:

1. Enhanced intimacy with the partner without worrying about any health risks.
2. Couple also do not need to worry about birth control methods as it is safe to have unprotected sex during pregnancy.
3. As the blood flow towards the vagina is high during pregnancy, orgasms can be better and more intense.
4. In terms of having sex, the couple can explore some other positions and ways to pleasure each other too.
5. As the women gain a lot of weight during pregnancy, they may face body-image concerns. Sex during pregnancy may help with reducing body-image issues. Subconsciously, women start thinking that no matter how much of weight they are gaining during pregnancy, they are still attractive to their husbands.
6. Hormonal secretion is like drugs at times. An honest conversation among the couples can become a daily practice. They can open up their thoughts and can plan things before childbirth.
7. Sex during pregnancy can help women with cervical opening and can make vaginal childbirth easy. It eases the pelvic floor and vaginal muscles.
8. Oxytocin (happy hormone in women) occurs right after having sex with their partners. This makes the childbirth easy and hassle-free, specially with the women in their ninth month of pregnancy.
9. Many research studies also showed that sex during pregnancy helps women to keep their anxiety and depression in control. As the happy hormones keep kicking in, there is a good chance of less mental health crisis.

• Disadvantages of having sex during pregnancy

A pregnant couple should also know when not to have sex during pregnancy. If your healthcare provider confirms twins or more than twins, then sex should be avoided by the couple. Cervical opening issues or placenta previa (when the placenta partially or completely covers the cervix and causes issues with the childbirth).

Some pregnant women leak out amniotic fluid. In some cases, if they had a history of miscarriage or any genetic disorder, then they must ignore having sex with their partner. A little of precaution and understanding between the couple may save them. A smooth childbirth should be the topmost priority at this point and should focus on the positive thoughts regarding pregnancy.

Let’s discuss a few disadvantages of having sex during pregnancy. These points were proven during the study by Mayo Clinic, Rochester, USA.

1. If there is a trace of vaginal bleeding or amniotic fluid discharge, then you must consult with your healthcare provider and must not have sex.
2. Let us be honest with you, the number of miscarriages has increased like anything in the present times. If a woman had a history of miscarriage, then she must take precaution. Sex can induce preterm labour and can cause issues with the baby.
3. If a couple had a history of premature delivery with their first child, then there is a high chance of getting it repeated. At this point, cervix and pelvic floor cannot hold the baby in and feels the pressure to come out.
4. If the placenta is covering partially or completely the cervix, then sex can hurt the woman and the baby. The placenta may rupture, and may result in premature delivery.
5. During sex, the cervix may start opening up on its own and may not hold the amniotic fluid inside the womb. This is called cervical incompetence. Consulting your healthcare provider for all these scenarios is very important. In most of the cases, these issues can be detected in the first trimester or the beginning of the second trimester.

Some women go into low sex drive during pregnancy. Because of the hormonal imbalance, they do not feel like having sex with their husbands. This is also completely normal and needs to be clearly communicated to the partner. The husbands don’t have the right to force their pregnant wives for sex. This may cause severe mental health issues to the woman.

Common illnesses during pregnancy

Pregnant women can susceptibly pick many health problems. Their body is quite sensitive during this period.

They may catch cold and cough often. This may also lead to seasonal flu. So, it is always recommended to take diligent care during this period. Flu and cough may cause issues to the growing baby inside the womb too. Let us discuss some of the most common illnesses during pregnancy:

1. Gestational diabetes is one of the most common diseases we see among pregnant women. It is a type of diabetes which occurs only during pregnancy. For most of the women, they do not have a history of diabetes before. The severe glucose spikes happen due to the hormonal imbalance. Blood sugar tests between 24-48 hours is recommended by the healthcare provider. Medications can help the women to deal with it.
2. Anaemia is another common illness which means lack of red blood cells. This leads to sudden decrease in the blood supply to all the body organs. The symptoms can be pale skin colour, fatigue, breathing issues, light headedness, and weakness.
3. Pre-eclampsia usually occurs after 20 weeks of pregnancy and causes due to high blood pressure. It can be fatal to mother and the baby too. At times, it is hard to identify because this is generally identified by swelling in the legs. Swelling is quite common in pregnancy. High blood pressure and protein found in the urine can be the markers for this issue. IV or oral medication can help the mother to carry the pregnancy to the term and deliver the baby safely.
4. Hypertension in pregnancy is quite common. Generally, it happens with men and women after the age of 50. The actual cause of this issue is still unknown in the world of medicine. Some women face kidney function issues or water retention issues, which leads to gestational hypertension. In some cases, pre-existing kidney issues can also lead the way to gestational hypertension. It raises the blood pressure and reduces the blood flow to the placenta, which can be quite dangerous for the baby, if not taken care at the right time.
5. Mothers can pickup various infections during the gestational period. Zika fever, hepatitis, herpes, influenza, vaginal infection and many more. Living carefully and good self-care activities may help the mothers. Body is extremely sensitive so doing anything new may invite some infections. Some women are prone to food allergies or yeast infection too.
6. Placenta previa is another common issue we already discussed earlier in this chapter. It is a condition when the placenta covers the cervix opening and childbirth becomes painful. Mostly, this happens to the women who had a history of uterine fibroid removal or any uterine surgeries. Women who are 35+ must be careful and must consult their doctor for any discomfort in the body. At times, vaginal bleeding in the second trimester can be a sign of placenta previa.
7. Backache in pregnancy is very common and it happens to every woman. Some women get backache since conception till childbirth, whereas some complain of backache after stepping into their second trimester. As the spinal cord holds all the body weight and the baby weight, backache is an often-occurring phenomenon. The muscles and ligaments are taking up extra load of the woman’s body.
8. Urinary tract infection (UTI) during pregnancy happens to almost 1 out of 10 women. The basic symptoms can be stinging pain while passing urine, need to pass urine more often than usual, fever spike or urine leaks. Some blood and urine cultures can confirm if the pregnant woman has UTI. It can be controlled with oral medications and the woman can easily carry the pregnancy to the term.
9. Ectopic pregnancy may also occur in the rarest cases. It happens when the egg is fertilised and forms outside the uterus. This type of pregnancy cannot be carried out till 40 weeks. If the patient decides to continue with ectopic pregnancy, then the fertilised egg can damage the nearby organs and can be life-threatening for the woman. An extremely popular example is Marilyn Monroe, a Hollywood actor. She had three pregnancies which all ended in miscarriages. Her second pregnancy in 1957 was ectopic. In 1956 and 1958 also she had miscarriages all due to endometriosis.

How to cope with pregnancy

The only solution to smooth pregnancy is taking enough rest, deep sleep, and hydration. Internally, a woman’s body is more dehydrated than a man’s. So, drinking enough water is highly beneficial. Avoiding too much of caffeine will be helpful too. Caffeine consumption may dehydrate you and may cause sleep cycle issues.

Even our older generation used to suggest the same when medical science was not so advanced. Eating green vegetables and avoiding heavy food or food which takes longer to digest are recommended. Short naps in the day time may also give enough rest to your body.

Fatigue, shortness of breath and sleeplessness can occur in the later stage of pregnancy. As the belly grows bigger, sleeping posture and breathing issues can cause discomfort. A warm bath and consuming caffeine-free warm beverage before sleeping may calm you down.

Many healthcare practitioners also recommend meditation and yoga to the pregnant women. Meditation is one of the highly effective ways to cope with stress and anxiety. A mother’s body is overworking, so staying calm during pregnancy can be difficult. It also provides good oxygen to the body as meditation includes breathing exercises as well.

National Institute of Health (NIH) in the USA conducted many research studies where they found that pregnant women practising meditation daily are showing signs of happiness and comfort. The level of stress and anxiety was decreasing. Body-image risks are also considerably lower. In the world of spirituality, it is also said that mindful meditation can help women connect with their unborn babies even before their birth. Mother-baby bond gets stronger.

In 2014, Ka Po Chan and team found that prenatal (before childbirth) meditation has positive effect on the newborn babies. This helps to control high temperamental issues or hyper activities in the babies. It is highly recommended for the working pregnant women. Balancing work, pregnancy, and home could be a daunting task. But prenatal meditation can reduce stress and anxiety in those women.

Numerous research studies also showed that yoga during pregnancy has massive positive benefits. It reduces stress, anxiety and women are less prone to fall into depression. It improves quality of sleep, quality of life, body, or joint pain. Kathryn Curtis, et.al published a research paper in the National Library of Medicine, where they concluded that pregnant women who practised yoga throughout their three trimesters, delivered healthy babies and the post-childbirth recovery was faster.

The word “yoga” comes from Sanskrit word “hug” which means “to unite”. So, in spirituality it is said that yoga is a form of exercise to unite body, mind, and soul. It consists of pranayama (breathing exercise), asana (physical postures) and dharana and dhyana (meditation and concentration). There are various schools and levels of yoga, and you can start from the basics and slowly you can go to the next level. As a woman undergoes various physical and psychological changes, practising yoga is considered as the most effective method for them.

All these practices can help the embryo growth process. This can also avoid any major health issues with the baby. In a quasi-experimental study title, “The effect of prenatal yoga on pregnancy-related symptoms,” researchers Ozlem Can Gurkan and Eda Simsek Sahni found that prenatal yoga reduces many health problems and helps women to have a hassle-free pregnancy.

Stress causes various gastrointestinal problems during pregnancy. But with mindfulness, exercises and balanced diet women can do better. This also showed long-term benefits even after childbirth. The healing journey becomes easier after childbirth. Body heals faster and sleep issues are unlikely to appear.

What are the positive thoughts on pregnancy

Positive and happy thoughts during pregnancy is highly recommended. Negative thoughts and use of negative words may cause issues in the future. At around 18 weeks of pregnancy, an unborn baby develops listening skills. They can hear internal body sounds like mother’s heartbeats and lungs. By 27 weeks or (6th month of pregnancy) babies can hear few sounds coming from outside mother’s body.

Babies start finding mother, father, and rest of the family member’s voices. By the time, the baby is ready to be born, they start listening like adults. Paediatricians conduct auditory skill tests after a few weeks/months of childbirth as well to check the growth of the baby.

Many mental health and life coaches' advice pregnant women to practice daily pregnancy affirmations. You can repeat positive affirmations like:

• My baby is safe and loved.
• I am on a journey, developing, and growing.
• My baby knows all is well.
• I am resilient, brave, and strong.
• I know my baby is the healthiest.
• The universe is constantly protecting and blessing my baby and myself.
• I welcome my healthy and happy baby with love.
• I am blessed with a happy and healthy baby.
• My baby is the centre of my life.
• I accept and appreciate this pregnancy.

In one of his podcast interviews on The Ranveer Show, Dr. Luke Coutinho, a well-known lifestyle expert said that 9 out of 10 pregnancies convert into miscarriages because the women reject or doubt the pregnancy on their mind. Subconscious mind finds this pregnancy as a barrier in their life and miscarriage happens. He said that when a woman is preparing to get pregnant, she must practice positive thinking and affirmation. Conception becomes easy and the overall pregnancy journey goes smoothly.

How to have positive thoughts during pregnancy

Pregnant women must surround themselves with positive minded people. Family and friends should abstain themselves from uttering negative and stressful words. Our older generation says that looking at happy and healthy baby images can help the mothers to think positive and be loved.

Pregnant women should ignore stressful discussions wherever and however they can. We understand that it is a bit of a challenge for working women but there are multiple ways to stay positive during pregnancy.

• Following your favourite hobbies like, reading, writing, painting and listening to music can be very helpful. It can ease the stress levels.
• Practice positive affirmations once or twice a day.
• Practice meditation daily. That can reduce stress and anxiety. Improved sleep quality as well.
• Listen to spiritual audios or audiobooks which you believe in.
• If you have pets at home, spend some quality time with them.
• Spend quality time with your husband at home to bring more oxytocin.
• As a couple, you can arrange home date nights on weekends. This will strengthen your bond and will make you happy.

For some women, they need new hobbies to pursue. They look for new hobbies because they crave for change in their lives. You can take up singing, baking, or cooking classes. Sometimes, book clubs can help you make new friends.

Pregnant couples can join prenatal classes to learn. This trend is extremely popular in western countries, specially among professional couples or couples who live alone without parents/siblings. During these prenatal classes, couples learn to communicate with each other.

• Baby care (diaper change, shower, clothing, napping, etc.)
• Breastfeeding
• Happy and healthy pregnancy process
• Childbirth
• Coping mechanisms during labour
• Exploring and knowing the right birthing positions
• Exercises for smooth childbirth
• Recovery after childbirth
• Pain management methods
• Pregnancy yoga
• Child CPR
• Postpartum management

How to take care of yourself during the entire pregnancy duration

Prenatal care (care before the childbirth) is particularly important. These 40 weeks are crucial. Regular doctor visits, regular scanning and blood tests will ensure that the mother and the baby both are safe. Sometimes, blood tests and scans are more needed to some women who had a history of miscarriage before.

If anyone in the family have some genetic diseases, then it needs to be clarified to the healthcare provider at the time of conception or before the conception. This will help the doctor to take necessary actions.

Smoking, consuming alcohol and drugs should be avoided. Even after childbirth, women cannot start it as they are breastfeeding. These things can also affect the quality of breast milk. Dr. Abby Phillips, one of the foremost liver transplant specialists in India says that women consuming alcohol during pregnancy will affect the child’s growth and may also be born with some disabilities. In such cases, the babies may have liver issues.

The magical thing happens during pregnancy that if mother is suffering from any internal organ issues, the umbilical cord can provide nutrition to the affected organ for further repair. That is why it is suggested that the couple must consult doctors before planning their baby.

• Diet to be followed during pregnancy

Diet is a major factor for smooth pregnancy and growth of the baby. Low-fat dairy products can be helpful. It will provide calcium and strength to both mother and baby. Green vegetables and citrus fruits are beneficial to consume at this point. It will provide enough fibre, vitamin, lean protein, zinc, and magnesium.

In India, majority of the population is vegetarian, so consulting a certified nutritionist is recommended. You can visit the nutritionist with your recent blood results, and they can adjust your diet according to the blood reports and requirements of the body.

During pregnancy, mother needs to eat calcium, frolic acid, and iron rich food. These components provide most of the nutrition. Supplements can also be consumed if mother is not getting enough nutrition through diet. If one is lactose intolerant, consuming yogurt, tofu and tempeh can help in balancing nutrition intake. Beans, legumes and nuts are also beneficial.

Celebrity diet expert, Suman Agarwal says that consuming one handful of nuts everyday can provide lot of nutrients in a go. It is rich in calcium, fibre, and omega fatty acids. Another celebrity diet expert, Shweta Shah says that when you cannot digest anything, then go back to the basics. Start with simple khichdi diet (rice and lentils).

Cricketer, Rishabh Pant met with a disastrous accident and took a few months for his recovery. His overall system was so poor that he was not able to eat anything. Shweta Shah put him on khichdi diet with ghee. Her expertise is on ayurvedic diet, and it helped many other celebrities to maintain their fitness and glow.

Many women cannot digest certain food items during pregnancy which they have been eating/digesting throughout their life. Seafood and red meat are one of them. Many pregnant mothers cannot digest both, better to avoid them and look for other options to get enough nutrition.

Many of you must be thinking now, why folic acid is important? Many research studies showed that consumption of folic acid supplements in the first trimester can reduce the risks of getting neural issues for the baby. When the cell starts forming into a zygote, brain cells and the neural tube starts forming. Folic acid provides the necessary nutrients to strengthen neural tubes and grows baby’s brain.

In many under-developed countries, spina bifida has been found commonly in the newborn babies. Spina bifida is a medical condition when the baby’s spinal cord is underdeveloped during the pregnancy.

Consuming enough water is another important part which cannot be missed out. Exercises with low weights are absolutely normal. Heavy weightlifting can cause damage to the baby. Raw food or seafood with high mercury should be avoided. If you can avoid consuming caffeine and unwashed food, then you are safe.

Role of husband during pregnancy

Pregnancy is one of those stages of life where husbands and wives can experience a major shift in their relationship. They become more responsible and take each other’s care. Before conception, they can be adventurous or can travel often. But once they are pregnant, their entire life revolves around the pregnancy. From sleeping hours to eating hours, everything changes with the blink of an eye.

It is not just about the husbands, but support from the entire family is helpful to the pregnant woman. Since husbands are the most immediate ones, women consider them as their pillar of strength. Here is some advice for the husbands, they can do for and with their wives to support them.

• Educate each other. You can read pregnancy and parenting books together or can watch videos by the experts on YouTube. Many experts around the world post informative videos on their YouTube channels. This helps the couples to educate themselves. You can also eradicate misinformation if you have any.
• Go for walks together. Pick an enjoyable time when both the partners are available. It can be morning or evening or post your dinner. Walking is a great exercise, can help the pregnant women to digest their food. You can also utilise this time to discuss about your day-to-day activities.
• Join the prenatal classes with your wives. You can educate yourself, spend time with your wife, support your wife and you can know more about helping her through the pregnancy. It is suggested to the professional couples or the nuclear couples.
• Stop judging her based on her body-image. Remember, that she is the one who is doing the major job. Childbirth is considered as a second birth for women as the process is very painful. Your act of support and appreciation can truly uplift her. Also remember that she could opt not to be a mother but still she chose to be a mother. So, you have no right to judge her at all.
• Visit the doctor with her. Never miss any of the ultrasound appointments. Who does not enjoy listening to the tiny one’s heartbeats? Ask your concerns to the doctors if you have any. No one is born to be a hands-on parent. Not knowing something is completely normal at this point.
• You can pick baby names together. It is a fun activity. If you know the gender of the baby, then you can pick the names before it’s arrival. In many countries, detection of the gender before the childbirth is banned. In that case, you can simply pick one name for each gender.
• As a husband, you can plan the nursery with your wife. You can pick the crib, toys, onesies, feeding bottles and baby blankets. This will bring more intimacy and help you to understand each other as parents.
• If you have pets at home, some experts suggest letting the pets sniff baby powder and other baby products. This can help you prepare your pets for the baby. It should not be an alien species for them. Sometimes, pets may get jealous seeing the parents caring more for the baby.
• Cook her favourite meal for her. This will be a surprise to her, and she will feel more cared and loved. Do not feed her unhealthy, spicy, and oily food items. But cook something healthy for her.
• Remind her to take medications on time. This is another beautiful act of expressing love to your female partner. Women like these small reminders.
• Listen to your pregnant wives. Women do not need a ‘knight in shinning armour’ all the time. They want to be heard and acknowledged. They can fight their own battles. They are capable enough to deal with childbirth, but by listening to her you can calm her down and support her.
• Help her with heavy or tedious household chores. Managing home is not her only job on earth. Show some respect and help her. If you are clueless about what to do, ask her where she needs you. Get her pantry stuffs.
• By not panicking your wife, you can do a hell of a lot of support to her. Do not give her stressful office and financial discussions. She does not need any of these during this period. All she needs is to relax and give birth to a healthy baby.

Remember, that you do not become parents until your baby is born.  During pregnancy you need to be incredibly careful about caring for your baby is different than caring for the mother.   Husband and wife both need to be overly cautious during the entire pregnancy. Staying in touch with your fertility specialist is always very helpful even before you conceive taking a few suggestions from parents or from grandparents can be helpful but remember that science has progressed a lot since our parents or our grandparents had their children.

The journey of being parents when your child is born is completely different than the journey of a woman when she is pregnant. She needs to be super careful about her diet, mental health, doctor's appointments, and physical health too.

Nowadays there are several couples who are opting not to have children. We must respect their decisions it is OK not to have children.  A clear discussion about having children is absolutely important before you start planning for it.  Talk to your partner and discuss it for multiple days.  Do not discuss it just for a few hours or just for a few days; take some time and think about the pros and cons of having children.  One needs to be sure that they are absolutely prepared when the child is arriving.

Remember that once the baby is born you cannot throw your responsibilities. As a new parent you need to be careful and need to take care of the baby. Indian Academy of Paediatrics (IAP) has published a set of guidelines to guide new parents on how to handle their newborn babies. Here are some of the tips:

• Sanitise your hands before you touch the baby or pick the baby in your arms.
• Do not be in a hurry when you are taking care of your baby.
• When your baby is about to arrive, you need to prepare your hospital bag beforehand.
• Using cloth diapers or disposable diapers are normal. You can clean the cloth diapers and can use those multiple times but make sure to check and change the diapers of the baby.
• Parents must buy a few onesies prior to the birth and carry in the hospital bag.

What is an umbilical cord and its importance?

An umbilical cord is a soft, flexible and tubelike structure which acts as a connector between the foetus and the mother during the pregnancy. It acts as a two-way communication between the mother and the foetus. It allows all the nutrients and oxygen to flow into the baby, on the other hand, it allows the baby to flush away all the toxins out through the umbilical cord.

It connects the baby with the placenta which works as the provider of the nutrients and food. It also carries deoxygenated blood and waste from the baby’s body which is not required for the baby. As the foetus inside the womb, cannot flush out toxins through urine and stool, umbilical cord works as that organ for them.

A baby can pass urine and stool once it’s born. Cleveland Clinic, USA says that an umbilical cord is the lifeline between the foetus and the mother. Experts from Cleveland also says that the number of umbilical cords increase if the mother conceived twins, triplets or multiple babies at the same time. It also does not make a difference whether the twins are identical or fraternal.

Cord blood and umbilical cord preservation

Many common people think the umbilical cord is useless after the birth of the baby. But research at various medical institutions showed that, preserving the umbilical cord and the cord blood is highly beneficial for the mother and the baby in future.

Umbilical cord preservation banks have been setup in many countries under the supervision of the fertility and umbilical cord specialists. Further research is being conducted on more use of the umbilical cord. Umbilical cord blood consists of cells known as hematopoietic stem cells. As per the research, this has been found that, these hematopoietic stem cells can help the babies for further medical treatments like, immunity deficiency, metabolic deficiency, blood diseases and for a few categories of cancer too. They can preserve at the cord blood banks, where it’s kept under the minute supervision of the experts.

Harvard Medical School says that parents must consider preserving the umbilical cord instead of throwing it away. After the birth of the baby, cord blood and the placenta consist special cells which cannot be found in any other body organs of the mother and the baby for further medical use. This can be used in the future for the mother, baby or anyone from the immediate blood connection with both of them.

American Academy of Paediatrics opine that, parents can store these blood cells in the banks for public use if they are a good match. In fact, researchers also found that if the mother or the baby is facing any organ damage during the pregnancy, they can be reversed with these hematopoietic stem cells. In future during organ transplantation, these cells can turn into different blood cells. It is a magical process, gifted by the universe to women. This process is very safe and pain-less, it can be directly controlled right after the delivery of the baby.

The chances of the use of cord blood cells are low in case of the particular baby. But as the diseases are increasing at a higher rate, the chances are high for future use. This can be used by other babies or family members as the cord blood cells can turn into other blood cells matching to the recipient. It is reported that, the use of hematopoietic stem cells at the public banks are 30% higher than private banks. If the family has a history of any known genetic disease then cord blood cells can help in healing the patient faster.

Preserving the cord blood cells at a private bank is expensive, whereas, it is free at the public bank. The bank will contact the parents before any future use. The chances are comparatively low to use from the private banks and the preservation cost is high. The public banks match a prominent level of accreditation; hence the preservation process is more scientific and systematic. Parents can consent for further use as the cells will be viable for the recipient.

Claire McCarthy, MD, a senior faculty editor from Harvard Health Publishing says that, it is advisable to ask or prepare the parents who just conceived. A prior consent can help the medical team to prepare the process well in advance. Still in many countries the umbilical cord and the placenta are being thrown after the baby’s birth. But a prior consent can help the medical team to collect the viable cord blood cells and preserve.

Breast pumps and its advantages

Breast pumps are still a new concept to millions of couples or newbie parents. Breast pumps are mechanical devices for the lactating mothers to attach to their breasts to extract milk for feeding the baby. Nowadays, modern breast pumps can adjust the suction levels and can collect the milk quickly. Some of the pumps can be adjusted based on the baby’s milk drinking intervals.

Hospital-grade pumps are the heavy-duty ones and designed for frequent use. These pumps are beneficial for the mothers with breastfeeding issues or for the premature babies as it covers various pumping options.

Working mothers get the highest benefits out of the breast milk pumps. They can easily collect the milk during pumping and can store in the baby’s feeding bottle for further use. Some brands also offer environmentally friendly and chemicals free packets for the breast milk storage at least for one year.

In 1863, LO Colbin was credited as the inventor of breast pumps by Scientific American. This was the necessity at that time because the paid maternity leave in the USA is one of the shortest in the world. Recently, Pew Research Centre and Forbes conducted a survey and found that the USA has 0 weeks of paid maternity leave, whereas Estonia has the highest till 85 weeks. US Labour Laws approved 12 weeks of unpaid maternity leave. It is the same for paternity leave as well. Since 2002, California is the only state offering paid maternity and paternity leave.

Another wonderful benefit of using breast pump is offering milk to the baby in mother’s absence by the nanny or the caregiver. Jill Lenore, an American historian said that the invention of lactation rooms and breast pumps became popular because of the short unpaid maternity leaves. Company compelled women employees to breastfeed their babies inside the lactation rooms when they are working.

Some mothers find lactation and latching as very complicated. Breast pump comes in handy for them to solve this issue and keeps the baby healthy. If the premature baby is at the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit) then collection of breast milk through pumps can help the baby to be fed at correct intervals.

Over these decades, experts made various progress with the manual and electric breast pumps. This can be used when the mothers are doing their household chores and keep the milk ready for the rest of the day. This offers convenience and comfort for both the mother and the baby. This also comes handy for the mother of twins, triplets, etc. Holding the babies and latching them for longer is difficult.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 2

Psychology of Childhood

Childhood is the phase of human life from infancy to adolescence. But from birth till 2 years, is considered as toddler. That is why childhood is mainly considered from the age 3 to 12. Just like, any other stages of life, childhood is crucial too. Humans learn new languages, latest information, new methods and so on. All their five sense organs come into action along with the brain.

Eyes, ears, tongue, nose, and skin builds the coordination with their brain. That is why childhood is also known as The Wonder Years. They are capable enough to mix their imagination, innocence, and happiness to create new things. They learn to communicate by uttering words. Speech also helps them to express their emotions and requirements. Another name for childhood is development stage of humans. The major development stages are:

1. Early childhood
2. Middle childhood
3. Adolescence

Early childhood

Early childhood is that stage in a human’s life when he/she learns to speak and walk independently. Initially, babies need support to stand and walk but slowly they learn to do it independently on their own.

They start talking by babbling various words. Those words may not make any sense to the adults, but it makes sense for the babies. Admitting the kids to the play school at the age of 3 is beneficial. They learn to make friends and play with them. It brings the sense of leadership and teamwork. They also start learning social etiquette.

Parents must remember that children are fast learners. They can imitate parents' action and behaviour quickly. Nowadays, parents are glued to their phones and other electronic devices. They use slang while talking. Children can learn all of these things faster than your imagination.

Behaving correctly in the presence of children is particularly important and no alternative available for them. We often see parents feeding children by playing cartoons on phones or televisions. At restaurants, parents are talking among themselves, and they keep the babies engaged with their phones. These are very unhealthy.

Sleeping hours during early childhood

Sleeping and resting is essential for the healthy growth of children. Parents need to fix their sleeping routines along with their children. Toddlers (1-2 years) must sleep for 12-14 hours including frequent naps as they get tired.

During the age of 3 and 5 years, a child must sleep for 10-12 hours. They run, walk and talk during this age. So, getting tired is common. Tucking them early into the bed is the right thing to do. Deep sleep will not only provide them energy but will give rest to their conscious brain for further growth.

When your children are in between the age of 6 and 13 years, 9-12 hours of sleep is important. Again, put them early to bed for deep sleep cycle. When they will wake up in the morning, they must feel energetic and fresh for the entire day. If parents go to sleep after 11 pm or so, they must at least put kids to the bed and keep silence around them.

On the other hand, it is advised that, when children see their parents going early to bed, they learn it faster. They understand the importance of early to bed and early to rise. If your child is not getting enough sleep, then they will be tired and will be unable to pay undivided attention at school. Their mental growth gets hampered with bad sleep schedules.

During the early childhood, the primary relationship a baby should develop is with mother. She is her primary caregiver. Right after the birth, babies can find their mothers with her voice and her body smell. Hormonal changes bring a different skin smell for women so babies can find their mothers.

Children also develop a strong emotional bond with their fathers. Fathers need to be soft, patient and calm around their children. In this stage, children are smart enough to learn roles and responsibilities of their mothers and fathers. They can decide whom to go to for their specific requirements.

The active social life during the early childhood are the real qualities to shape up their personalities for the rest of their lives. When a child is sharing its food at school with friends, it teaches them to share and care. This may look like nothing, but it is shaping the personality of the child.

Parents and proper guidance at preschool can imbibe a sense of self-confidence among children. Children are more resilient and empathetic compared to adults as they have no qualms about the rest of the world. No matter how complicated the world is, children make their lives easy with their utmost innocence.

As they learn to play with children of similar age, they learn to bond with them. Strong human relationships help to reduce stress and social anxiety. Parents must also see at what age their children are capable of eating without any support. Many parents prefer to feed their toddlers first and then they eat their food. Since the age of one, parents can allow their children to sit and eat with them. They may take longer to eat but they learn to eat plain home cooked meals.

Psychology of a child is simple. Just pay attention to what they are expressing. If they are bringing you their toys, they are expressing their fondness for you. If their toy is broken and they are crying or expressing anger, address this emotion. The biggest mistake parents usually do is to shut down the negative emotions in children. That is how they forget to express every emotion.

They have all the right to be mad, sad, and hurt. We must have observed many parents asking their children to stop crying in public if they are hurt. Children do not care about the public; they need your attention and care to make them feel better.

Some parents complain that their children are aggressive or adamant. But they fail to follow what made their children aggressive or adamant. It could be lack of attention, often scolding, not playing with them, etc.

Dr. Schweta Gandhi, well-known child psychologist opines that when your children are back from school, do not put them with rules. Just follow your child with his/her activities. If they want to run inside the home, let them run. If they want to play with toys, let them play. Children perceive school as a battleground. They feel they came home after winning a battle.

At school, they already followed tons of rules from teacher to teacher. Right after reaching home, imposing rules by parents or grandparents are frustrating enough for them.

Dr. Riki G. Trivedi is a foremost child trauma expert, who says parents’ toxic behaviour are the pickup ground for children. Beating up children for small issues or scolding children in public can pull down their self-confidence. This creates a sense of fear among children and they withdraw themselves from expressing. They shut down their emotional cathartic abilities.

If parents need to argue about something, they must do it when children are away. Screaming or hitting each other are enough trauma for children. It makes them feel unsafe. Children start crying thinking that their most favourite people (parents) in this world are unhappy. The conscious mind of children is constantly on hyper vigilant mode. They will be scared most of the times. If they have no siblings, then life will be tough for them.

You all must have noticed how people say that playing with your children is important. You also must have asked yourself that why it is important. Let’s see some benefits here.

When you play with your child, it helps them to produce oxytocin. They create bond with parents and grandparents. Talk to them and play with them as often as you can. Give them legos to build models, this helps them to exercise their skills. Of course, make sure to keep Legos away when you are not playing with your kids. They may put the lego pieces into their nose, ears, or mouth.

Playing with your children also improves their cognitive, social, and physical skills with correct coordination. That is why parents or grandparents are encouraged to ask their children to show eyes, ears, nose, etc. It helps them to learn and communicate all the cues.

You can introduce indoor games to your children like, scrabble, dumb charades, musical chair, treasure hunt, legos, dominos, carrom, dice games, Pictionary and so on. This will keep them motivated, energetic and strengthen reasoning.

Middle childhood

Middle childhood is the stage between the age of 9 and 12 which ends with puberty. After this, they enter into adolescence, when parents can observe numerous physical and behavioural changes among children. During middle childhood, children evolve mentally and socially. This stage of childhood is also considered as the foundation of their entire life as they develop skills and logical abilities.

Children of this age become more responsible and highly inspired by their parents, family and peers. It is essential to offer them a safe home and ambience where they can open up and can realise their responsibilities. Parents can also teach them to follow healthy rules. All the behavioural experts say the same. Children learn what they see around them.

Emotional and social changes are the vast variations children imbibe in themselves during middle childhood. Children spend more time away from their parents and family. This is how they learn social behaviour, leadership, communication, kindness, and playfulness.

Middle childhood is different for boys and girls. It hits them differently, just like adolescence and adulthood. Now we will see the difference separately.

During middle childhood, boys show more concern about their physical activity, physical strength, and muscle strength. In this stage, children strengthen their motor skills, cognitive skills, and muscle strength. Dr. Arpit Gupta, a well-known paediatrician in India suggests that any type of physical activity during middle childhood is required.

• Allow your boys to play outside home with other children of similar age group. This is a fantastic physical activity, and children are learning social skills too.
• This is the age when parents are supposed to guide and protect their children. They can guide their children to pick good habits and get disciplined for high-quality life. This is a crucial stage when children can pickup unpleasant habits and bad language from their peers and family.
• Children between the age of 9 and 12 need a lot of motivation to develop a bright personality. While studying and playing with their peers, they may imbibe some negativity in their thought process. Parents also need to work along with the children to dig deeper into their thought patterns.
• During this age, peer pressure is high. It can be about showing off money, luxurious items, electronic devices and so on. They think of reaching a certain point to get accepted among their peers.
• Body-image awareness becomes very prominent among boys and girls of this age group. They work on their public appearances. Thinking about fashion, and hairstyle become an indivisible part for them. Gaining or losing body weight is quite common at this stage. That marks a deep impact on the self-esteem of children.
• Eating habits may also change at this stage. Some children start asking for junk or various other unhealthy food and drinks. Nowadays, children compromise on their nutrition intake to stay slim.
• Middle childhood is a stage when children face more academic challenge and performance pressure. They want to be at the top of their game. Some children find sports as their future career options, some children find the peace and comfort in other disciplines.
• Children from 9 to 12 years old become more independent and responsible. They spend more time away from their parents and grandparents. They communicate more with their friends. They start to form opinions as they gain knowledge about various topics.
• Nowadays, children of this age are highly tech savvy. They spend quite a lot of time on internet and social media. Internet is a fantastic platform for learning. But there are many websites available which transmit wrong and useless information.
• As children see the body changes during this age, parents need to protect them from the exposure to porn/adult content. There are many websites promoted on YouTube or other learning websites/channels.
• Compared to a toddler or a child from early childhood, a child from middle childhood will show more interest and attention in academics and various other things.
• Parents must also keep child safety as a top priority in this age. Make sure your children are wearing helmets and safety gear for riding bicycles or any speeding vehicle with the parents. They must ride vehicles under the supervision of parents.
• Parents can also develop healthy eating habits by introducing them to the benefits of eating green vegetables, fruits, and other healthy food items. Sugar and food items with added sugar can be removed from their diet as it doesn’t serve any purpose to their health.

Marco Del Giudice from University of Trieste says that middle childhood is that stage of human development, when boys explore their masculinity and girls explore their femininity. Body growth slows down but becomes heavily prominent.

He also said that middle childhood is the stage, when children are not so sexually matured but they don’t completely need their parents to explore themselves. During this juvenile stage, children can survive without their parents. This is also a phase of deep learning for the humans and other primates. They practice certain behavioural patterns, social skills, and cognitive skills.

Weisner (1996) said that humans are no exception than other species. Social skills learning is considered as key to evolution and globally they get recognised based on their skills execution or presentation. By the age of 6, the human brain is developed to its complete size, but humans need to keep updating all the information in their brain to store for future use.

Bogin (1997) opined that, cross-culturally, many children learn a few domestic activities during the middle childhood. Learning and practising some domestic habits make them more responsible. These habits are survival skills like cleaning the room, helping mothers in the kitchen, keeping their study table tidy enough, etc., are also habits to imbibe discipline in children.

Adolescence

Many of us may not know that the word “adolescence” is a Greek word which means “to mature.” Adolescence is the transitional stage in humans' life when they evolve physically and psychologically. During the age of 12 – 13 children notice various changes in them. Some may accept it easily, while some may need some time to accept those changes.

Adolescence hits differently for boys. They start growing facial hair and the voice starts changing. The Adam’s apple starts to look prominent in men. Though it exists in girls, but it is visible more in men. Adolescent boys also grow body hair and with the sudden jump in the level of testosterone they start producing sperms. Secondary sexual characteristics also appear during adolescence which are not related to male reproduction.

Adolescence in girls will majorly give them breasts growth, pubic hair and menstruation. Pubic hair growth comes after few months of breast development. The size of the breasts enhances, and the colour of the nipples and areolas become darker. Many people think that during this age, girls start producing eggs from their ovaries. But this is completely wrong information.

Girls start producing eggs from their ovaries since their birth. But this doesn’t form into a foetus because their other reproductive system is not fully functional. With age bracket, the number of eggs decreases and after the age of 45 it is very low.

Height spurt and growth of under arm hair are common during adolescence for both girls and boys. Body odour grows intense for both boys and girls, as the puberty hormones hit strongly. Acne on the faces is another feature which is common during adolescence for both the genders. For girls, oestrogen and progesterone are responsible and for boys testosterone are responsible.

Most of the parents are concerned about taking care of adolescent children. Here are a few hacks we can implement:

• Open communication should be encouraged. Boys and girls may have doubts or various questions about their physical and psychological changes. Parents should be available to talk. Instead of scolding or firing their questions, answer them with patience. This practice will improve the communication and emotional bond between children and parents.
• Basic sex education must be practiced so boys and girls will be aware. They should know what to expect and what not to expect. This way, we can reduce the number of teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections and diseases. Lack of proper sex education is responsible for sexually transmitted infections and diseases.
• A basic knowledge of good touch and bad touch parents can teach their adolescent children. Though, this education is a good practice during middle childhood too. Remember, your children spend long hours outside home so they come across many unknown people. A basic knowledge of good and bad touch will keep your children safe.
• As children hit adolescence, they may grow interest in watching porn on the internet. Parents must keep an eye on such internet activities. You can also block such websites on your home network.
• Teach them about self-care and self-love. Because right after this your children may move to universities or hostels. They need a fair sense of disciplined self-care and self-love routine. This will enhance their confidence and they will not be dependent on external validation.

In the next chapter, we will explore the psychology in adolescent children in depth with many scientific research studies.

 

 

 

 

Chapter 3 
Psychology of Adolescents

The word “adolescence” is derived from the Latin word “adolescere”, meaning 'to mature' is a transitional stage of life in an individual when physical and psychological development takes place from puberty to adulthood. Adolescence is usually defined as teenage years, but parents and society may observe physical, psychological or cultural expressions in different forms.

Puberty begins in preadolescence, predominantly in females. Physical growth in males is about their cognitive development which can extend past the teens. Age is a rough marker of various stages of adolescence, and researchers have no fixed definition. Some define adolescence starts at a tender age of 10 and may extend till 30. The World Health Organisation officially designated adolescence as an individual between the ages of 10 and 19.

Psychological development

The extensive study of adolescent psychology started when G. Stanley Hall published his work about adolescence in 1904. Hall was the first president of the American Psychological Association, stated adolescence to be between the ages 14 and 24, and observed it as a time of internal turmoil and emotional upheaval. This detail study of youth was defined by two ways of understanding human behaviour: Freud's psychodynamic theory and Darwin's evolutionary theory.

Sigmund Freud and Charles Darwin both are the forerunners of human existence and studying their physiological and psychological advancements since the inception. Hill opined that adolescence was a representation of our ancestors' phylogenetic shift appeared through our evolution over the centuries.

Social development

• Identity development is the stage in the life cycle of an adolescent where they confront various aspects of their life. Majorly, the curiosity for identity begins during their adolescent years. In this period, adolescents are more open and approachable to try different behavioural patterns and appearances to discover themselves.

To find their identity and discover their real persona, adolescents are likely to bounce upon several personalities to find a suitable one. Maintaining and developing identity in adolescents is a challenging task due to numerous factors like, environment, family life, and social status. Empirical studies found that this process might be precisely described as identity development, than formation, but confirms a standardised process of change in both structure and content of one's thoughts about their self. The two main aspects of identity development are self-esteem and self-clarity.

Researchers at American Psychological Association have used three common approaches to understand identity development: sense of identity, self-concept, and self-esteem. The years of adolescence imbibe more careful group of young adults. Adolescents pay minute attention and invest quality time and effort to their appearance because of physiological development. Unlike children, adolescents put more effort on their appearance.

Cognitive development

Adolescence is a period of rapid cognitive development. Piaget explained adolescence as the stage of life when individuals’ thought process takes an abstract form. The egocentric thoughts reduce drastically, allowing the individuals to involve more in critical thinking and reason in a broader perspective.

A combination of MRI and behavioural studies has shown development of exclusive functions, like, cognitive skills that enable the coordination and control of behaviour and thoughts, which are associated with the prefrontal cortex. The ideas, thoughts, and conceptualisation developed in this stage of life deeply influence one's future life. They play key role in personality and character formation.

Biological development

Puberty is a stage of life when an individual notices rapid physical growth and behavioural changes resulting in culmination of sexual maturity. The average age of puberty ranges between 10 and 11 for girls and 11 and 12 for boys. Every person's individual timetable for puberty is different and influenced by heredity. Although environmental factors play a vital role, exercise and diet, also make some influences. These factors can also bring precocious and delayed puberty.

Some of the most important parts of pubertal development consists of physiological changes in ones' height, body composition, weight, and respiratory and circulatory systems. These changes are influenced by hormonal imbalances. Hormones play a vital role, driving the body to react in a certain way the moment puberty begins. The changes in male and female hormones during adolescence drives physical and behavioural changes.

Cultural development

There are specific characteristics of adolescent development more rooted in culture than in human cognitive structures or their biology. Culture has been stated as the "behavioural and symbolic inheritance received from the past providing a societal framework to value more.

Culture is defined and socially shared, and it impacts every aspect of a human's life. Sexual expression, social responsibilities, and belief system development are the things that are defined by cultural differences. Therefore, distinctive characteristics of youth, formed of music, dress and other uses of media, art, food, employment and beverage choices, recreation, and language, all consists of a youth culture. For these reasons, culture is a powerful presence in the lives of adolescents, and hence, we cannot completely understand modern days’ adolescents without understanding their cultural background.

However, "culture" should not be considered synonymous with ethnicity or nation. Numerous cultures are present within a given country and races or socioeconomic group. Therefore, to ignore ethnocentrism, researchers must be cautious not to say the culture's role in adolescence in terms of their ritualistic cultural beliefs.

Social roles and responsibilities for adolescents

The lifestyle of adolescents is shaped by the roles and responsibilities society believes them to assume. The extent of an adolescent is expected to share family responsibilities is one vital determining factor in normative adolescent behaviour.

For instance, adolescents in specific cultures are expected to contribute to household chores and role responsibilities. Household chores are frequently divided into family-care tasks and self-care tasks. However, specific adolescents’ household responsibilities may vary from culture to culture, family type and adolescent age. Some researchers found that adolescent participation in family routines and responsibilities has a positive influence in the formation of adolescent's feelings of care, self-worth, and concern for others.

Preadolescents

Preadolescence is that stage of human life when middle childhood ends and the individual proceeds towards adolescence. It ends with the initiation of puberty. Preadolescence is defined as between the ages of 9 and 12 ending with the major beginning of puberty. It may also be defined as the 2-years period before the major onset of puberty. Preadolescence can also bring its own anxieties and challenges.

Neurological development

There are neurological changes that appears during preadolescence. White matter of the brain refers to the area of the nervous system communicating to neuronal axons. It forms fibres to convey information through different regions of the brain. On the other hand, grey matter refers to the area of the nervous system corresponding to neural cells, relay and process neuronal signals effectively. White matter volume increases at a rate of about 12% from age 4 through 22, specifically focused on the parietal, frontal and occipital lobes.

Its increases in white matter volume could be correlated to improvements of definite motor performance, auditory processing, and sensory information transfer too between language areas of the brain. In contrast, cortical grey matter advances in preliminary stages, peaks in preadolescence, and reduces through adulthood, except for occipital lobe grey matter. Such as, parietal lobe grey matter reaches to its peak at the age of 12 in boys and 10 in girls, while frontal lobe grey matter peaks at age 12 in boys and 11 in girls.

Psychological and social development

One of the two major socialising agents in adolescents’ lives is the family environment and formal educational institutions. It is the family that teaches primary function to socialise to the children that dominates in the first five years of their lives. Middle childhood is characterised by a child's excitement for school and being self-assured and interested to visit school to make new friends. They start making new friends and exchange their thoughts. Communication skills also improve in this stage.

Preadolescent children have several views about the world than younger children. Typically, preadolescents have more realistic view about life than the unrealistic or fantasy-oriented world of initial childhood. Preadolescents are more mature, sensible with their thoughts and actions. They are better communicators compared to toddlers and children. The most sensible stage of development is when a child is  much less emotional.

They will often have matured sense of intentionality. They wish more to have an impact through perseverance and consistency. They will have a more advanced sense of futurism and seeing impacts of their various actions. This can include more refined job expectations ("I want to be a doctor when I grow up").

Middle children show more interest in controlling over external reality through the acquired competence and knowledge, where they have certain worries. These may be more of fear of sexual assault, kidnappings, and scary social media posts, as opposed to fantasy things (e.g., witches, ghosts, or monsters,).

Development of sexual orientation

During early adolescence, individuals may become more preoccupied with body appearance and privacy, corresponding with physical changes seen during puberty. Early adolescents may bring awareness about their sexuality for the first time, and experience attraction towards other individuals.

Homosexual and heterosexual experimentation is common at this stage. Although we should note that many teens who identify as LGBT do not always do so during their adolescence. On an average, lesbian, gay, and bisexual individuals experience same-sex attraction at age 12. About 4 in 10 gay men, and 2 in 10 lesbian women report this same-sex attraction before age 10.

For adolescents, who begin to experience same-sex attraction, may lack familial support and acceptance in the society among their peers. It could be a challenge for the parents and elders in the family to accept this sudden sexual orientation. Parents can support preadolescents, irrestive of sexual orientation, by setting up an honest conversation about their preferences. Specifically, parents need to be patient enough to invite their preadolescents for an open discussion at home.

If there is a rift in acceptance, then parents must get some type of psychological help to the preadolescents. They may suffer from disorientation to accept their sexual orientation and preferences. Heavy judgements from society creates a huge burden on adolescents to accept themselves. In many regions of India, acceptance of lesbian, gay and bisexual is still considered as a crime. Some orthodox families disown their children at a very young age. They also feel it is a kind of mental illness.

One can trace the same-sex relationships from the history of 15th and 16th centuries. In royal families, these relationships were kept under the wraps, but they existed. Some parents think this is a problem that arose in modern times. But it has come from the historic era. This was also a practice back then and was not a mental illness.

Conservative families force their children to get married with the opposite sex to prove to the society that they are straight. But same-sex relationships are normal as well. They are not abnormal. Same-sex couples need to take medical care as the sexually transmitted diseases or infections may occur.

People can have different perspectives about many attributes, like, intelligence, personality, social status, and even stress. Adolescents of this age group are incapable to handle stress. Psychiatrists found the real cause of stress among adolescents are as follows:

• Stressful environment at home. Parents and elders are constantly bickering over trivial issues instead of sorting them out.
• Stress at school regarding subjects with less interests for them.
• Adolescents take stress for their appearance and how their peers are perceiving them. It is the peak of their personality growth. So, they prefer their peers to accept them without further judgements.
• Any type of sexual abuse raises the stress level among children and they may take some drastic steps. National Institute of Health (NIH) found that almost 28.9% children (below age 18) go through a certain level of sexual assault. In 2020, during the pandemic, 92,105 calls from children were recorded reporting sexual abuse.

According to National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB), almost 65% of the child abuse cases go unreported. In 2022, they found the child abuse is the highest in the states like, Maharashtra, Uttar Pradesh, and Rajasthan. Now, the numbers are rising in states like, West Bengal, Kerala, Madhya Pradesh and Chattisgarh.

Research has shown that preadolescents keep changing their thought patterns in this age. They are not well-trained in controlling their thoughts and analysing the available situation/data with them. They develop analytical skills, hence, at times, parents can notice some misleads among their adolescent children. Moreover, having a growth mindset is highly beneficial to improve the level of their performance in every aspect of their life. A growth mindset refers to the core belief that growth and change are possible under suitable conditions (such as, with right mentoring), no matter when one starts out.

Some scientists, meta-analyses and large heterogeneous correlational studies have showed that mindsets at this stage can create various meanings, at various events (for example, a challenge or a setback at schools) are appraised as having different meaning depending on an individual’s mindset. In a fixed mindset, setbacks, and challenges risk judgments of low ability. By contrast, in a growth mindset, challenges and setbacks are encouraged as vehicles for learning and enhancing different cognitive abilities. It is through these positive appraisals of challenge that the preadolescents can create improved or impaired motivation, and their performances.

Middle adolescence

Teenagers between the age of 15 and 17 are in the stage of middle adolescence where they are starting to leave childhood behind and step into their young adulthood. While late adolescence continues into the early 20s as the brains continue to grow. Late teens in middle adolescence are starting to transform into young adults. Because they are connecting later childhood and initial adulthood, this can be one of the toughest teenage developmental stages.

Numerous changes occur to young individuals during this time. Mostly, teenagers are stepping into the developmental stages of middle adolescence during high school, as they start to explore close relationships and spend less hours at home with their family members.

Middle adolescence can be tricky for teens at times. Physical development, peer pressure, and the desire to fit into the societal norms and differentiate themselves as their own person are a few challenges that teens confront during this developmental stage. Parents of middle teenagers can help by introducing them to healthy choices, good decisions, and by practising social and emotional growth with right guidance. Parents also need to be careful to the warning signs of mental health issues, such as anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, self-harming behaviours, and eating disorders.

Developmental stage of a 15 years old kid

Middle adolescence starts at 15, when kids continue to develop physically, emotionally, and cognitively. During mid-adolescence (between the age of 12 and 14), teens step into puberty, explore new relationships among peers, and test boundaries. By the age of 15, kids are considered teenagers and continue to explore themselves through middle adolescent stage of development.

At this age, teenagers are new to high school and learn a whole new way of socialising among their peers. Romantic relationships start to grow around this age, which can be difficult to accept for both parents and teens to navigate through. Sexual activity is new and exciting for them at this point, but it is important for the parents to provide basic sex education to their teens before it is too late.

Peer pressure is always a tricky part for young people and it raises during this teenage developmental stage. While 13 — 14-year-old children are still young teenagers, as they reach 15, they watch and learn from older kids of similar age group. In general, 15-year-olds want to be accepted as grown up and less childlike. Popularity becomes a huge deal; they want to fit in all the current trends to be that “cool kids.” Therefore, parents of 15-year-old children should watch out for severe change in behaviour, like, experimenting with alcohol or drugs or smoking and getting into intimate sexual relationships before they are completely developed.

Teenage developmental stages for middle adolescents

Teenage developmental characteristics shift every two to three years. Teenagers are evolving drastically. Adolescent stages of development can be categorised into three distinct stages. Middle adolescence, as the name says, is the teenage developmental stage in the middle of this age bracket, which can make it one of the most turbulent.

Teenagers aging between 15 and 17 are no longer considered children but are not yet called as adults. However, they take on more responsibilities at home or at school, such as learning to drive, getting a part-time job, and enjoying more freedom to socialise with friends. They also invest their time in improving fashion and makeup. There are many factors that can develop personalities of teens at this age as they explore their identities, their relationships with themselves and others and their bodies. Mental health challenges play a huge role at this stage. They may end comparing themselves to others and can be stressed for their performance.

There are several teenage developmental milestones that need to be corrected during this stage of development. These include social, physical, cognitive, and behavioural milestones.

Physical changes in middle adolescence

Some children are early bloomers and may step into puberty as quickly as age 9. This stage is also known as pre-teens. Others take a little longer to physically evolve. By middle adolescence, most of the boys are growing facial hair and their voices are changing. Girls continue to grow breasts and begin menstruating. Many teenagers also experience acne and other skin issues. These are all signs of teenage puberty.

This stage of development is often difficult with self-consciousness, body image issues, and a deep desire to fit in. Peer pressure, rumours, mean girl behaviour, teasing, and abuse can be scary for teens. One of the primary things that teens receive criticism about is their appearance. Such as, girls who develop large breasts may experience harassment. Or children might spread rumours about other girls who are more physically developed or more attractive than their peers. The mental health can impact negatively, and children may get more self-conscious.

In addition, there is another level to teenage development at this age that can activate teen mental health issues, particularly isolation, depression, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, and self-harm activities. Teenagers who are transgender, gender-fluid, non-binary, or have other nonconforming gender identities may feel trapped in their body which does not match with their identity. This can be difficult to manage for people to understand, including the teens experiencing it. Parents of teens who do not identify with their sex assigned since their birth can support their LGBTQ children by accepting, understanding, and affirming them and their identity. It is a real issue not a shame.

Late adolescence

This is a stage of life when very little is normative for adolescents. It is a period of frequent changes in their personalities. The exploration that forms many aspects of their life: family, home, work, school, etc. The process of becoming an adult is distinctive than  that of the old times. Young individuals consume longer to achieve economic and psychological advances and early adulthood experiences vary by race, gender, and ethnicity, and social status.

Late adolescence vs. Other stages of life

“Early adolescence” covers from 10-14 years. During this stage, you may notice the beginning of puberty, changes in the intensity and sudden of mood swings, and a rush in their desire for privacy and/or new varieties of experiences.

“Middle adolescence” spans from 14-17 years. You will notice fast physical changes from the full onset of puberty, some elements of even more “mature” or adult-like thinking and perspectives at times. Increased argumentativeness and desire for isolation, and more interest in new friendships and romantic relationships grow in this stage of life.

What to expect in late adolescence?

Even though the 18-year mark is legally considered as adulthood. Technically your child is still an adolescent till their neurological development is complete around the age of 24. The physical and emotional changes in individuals slow down. Late adolescents start taking their education and career a bit seriously. They form their own opinion about certain things. They may also crave for privacy at home and with their phones too.

• Physical

Your teenager will finish their physical development by this stage, and you will see them shape into their adult physical form. Rest of the positive body changes is essential as they navigate through intimate romantic relationships and find independence away from their family. Physical changes are slower than mental health changes in this stage.

• Neurological

Your teen child may surprise you by showing maturity and complex thinking suddenly. Usually, these moments are warm and emotional for parents to accept. When you watch your teen making calmer and steady choices, you see a different side of their personality. At the same time, newly turned late adolescents' freedom may bring bolder choices and the tough challenges in your relationship. For most of the parents, it is a mixture feeling of both.

• Emotional

The unpredictability of your teenager’s moods may seem to abate as they go through late adolescence. You may notice a steady approach in relationships as well, but these years can also have first heartbreaks and changes in friendships as they explore a larger social world. Developing bad lifestyle habits like smoking, drinking and drugs may appear in this age too. Huge changes continue to prevail into your child’s early 20s. Encourage them to develop beautiful and meaningful values as they navigate more complex relationships.

How to support late adolescents?

It may look like that your child has become an adult “suddenly,” and you may experience a moment where it feels like you are done with parenting responsibilities. This can come with a big mix of emotions for parents ranging from pride to stress. The answer, with all parenting, lies somewhere in the middle of everything. Parenting a late adolescent will be like a balancing act of allowing them freedom and space they have never had, while still putting in continuous effort to still be connected in new ways.

If your late adolescent is going to be leaving home for further studies or career, it is recommended to help them setup a productive routine before they leave home. Frequently, parents want to know their children’s whereabouts. Talk with them about what they would like to stay in touch to look like, and any flexibility around this. Just as with the younger years, your involvement in their life continues to be important as they grow but late adolescents prefer to make their own decisions. But now the adults, should have an equal say in creating boundaries of communication.

The big transitions that go with moving to college or living apart from family for the first time can be when mental health concerns starts to show up. A routine of remaining connected with your child can help with connecting to support. Ask them questions about their daily life, diet and peers. This gives parents a detailed idea about their growing children. Substance use can also become an issue for the first time when a late adolescent is living away from family. Explain that you can accept and discuss difficult topics, and you all can sit together to find out solution.

Quick tips to connect with a late adolescent child

1. Late adolescence is more about sharing and caring. Make a note of the things you feel like sharing. Make a list on your phone notes and share with them. Let your child share first and then you share something from your end.
2. Plan your meetings when your child is away from you. This can strengthen the bond between parents and children. Maybe your late adolescent is coming home on a break for few days. Spend some quality time with him/her or take him/her out somewhere they love. But remember, not to interfere in their life too much. They appreciate a bit of privacy as well.
3. When your child is studying at university, they will have good days and bad days. It is not going to be the same. So, it is better to keep a track. You must ask your child to share their day. What did you do today? This question is simple but children feel closer to their parents. They feel they matter to their families. If you have a daughter, then mothers may also help their daughters to track their menstruation cycle. With all the rush in the university or a new workplace, dates may slip from their mind. But this kind gesture can ease them out.
4. Late adolescents think they know lot of things and have gathered a considerable amount of expertise about certain things. Give them opportunities enough to showcase their opinions and problem-solving skills. Let them take the call on their own. Parents must guide them when they are wrong or going in the wrong direction. Just like a GPS. When you ask them to share opinions, they can sense the trust you have in them.
5. Sometimes, share an old funny story with your late adolescents. Reminder of old memories can bring them closer to you. You can also share a few things like, why you admire them. This imbibes a sense of belongingness and confidence that they are still so loved and appreciated by their parents.

When to seek professional help for your late adolescents

Parents and friends can help a late adolescent navigate through many challenges. But there are times when a professional therapist or a coach can bring much-needed support to help your child. When you are in doubt, it is never too late to explore options for therapy. A right counsellor will ask questions and find out about whether the child needs intervention. Here are a few signals that you need to mark for adolescent’s stress as it may be overwhelming than their coping ability:

1. Irritated, depressed or anxious about certain things. Track their basic mood.
2. Parents may also need to track their words. Your child may convey their mental pain through vague words. Your genuine interest can help them to open up rather than feeling uncomfortable.
3. Insomnia or oversleeping both are signs of mental illness. If your child lives with you, tracking them would be easy. If your child lives away from you, subtle questions about their sleeping routine can help you to understand your child’s well-being.
4. If your child is missing college or work, then you need to intervene. This is not a sign of normalcy. This is an alarm and you must take it seriously. At times, parents may receive letters from the college/university to track their child’s academic achievements.
5. If your late adolescent is not comfortable stepping outside home or ignoring meeting or calling friends, then this is also a sign to monitor. Isolation can be the root cause to various mental health problems, which needs to be addressed at the earliest. Too much use of internet and social media can be a reason for social isolation.
6. Late adolescents may find difficulty concentrating. They think about multiple things at the same time. So, concentration becomes an issue. At times, critical thoughts may also pop up on their mind.
7. Unexplained physical issues like, headache, fatigue and stomach aches could be frequent for them. Late adolescents may involve into junk eating at this stage, which can cause the above-mentioned symptoms. Hanging out with friends at different places or at unhealthy places can also cause health issues.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 4 
Psychology of Work

The psychology of work is a sub-category of psychology that we can explain as the scientific and systematic study of human beings in their respective workplace. It shows our relationship with work, it affects on personal wellbeing, and its broader social impact. It is an application of psychological techniques to the behaviour of individuals at workplace and includes aspects of cognitive, social, developmental, and individual psychology. The psychology of work also shows the demands of the corporation and how corporate culture works for its employees.

We spend a large portion of our adult lives at work. Therefore, a detailed psychological examination is required for the employees. It is corporations in the pursuit of economical advantage and profit to carry out investigations into the psychology of work. Organisations may say they care for their workers, whereas their organisational responsibilities are first and foremost to their shareholders. Individuals care about other individuals or their subordinates; however, corporate demands open drive policy. That is why, the true care for the individuals gets neglected. The era of social entrepreneurship may be evolving this to a limited extent. However, it is believed that individual responsibility to take command of our personal well-being rather than be reliant on the entities with ulterior motivations.

The nature of ‘The Performatist’, is concerned with the well-being of the individuals – the human beings. It is not necessarily concerned with the demands of the body corporate. In this prominent article, the focus is about daily work – they receive payments or other monetary compensation for their severe concerns. Therefore, it encompasses a broad variety of professions, including both direct employment and self-employment. We are concerned with work as it establishes a connection to the individual and groups of people and their feelings about it. The aim of the content is to offer you a clearer perspective on relationship with your daily work and its role in a fulfilled and engaged life.

Daily work is a double-edged sword. It has the capacity to pull out the best and the worst in us. We seem to either love it or hate it, and sometimes both because of the state of mind that exists at the same time. We are somehow forced to work, it is a societal imperative, a fundamental duty for social inclusion.

Do not or cannot work? Then you are a dragging based on society, a painful scar on the face of an otherwise functional unit. We will put up with you, but because we want to be socially responsible. Of course, that is not the outward politically correct statement, but it is no less true for people.

“I work to live; I don't live to work.” This should be standard underlying thought process for all the employees. A respondent in a recent study said about the well-being in the workplace put it. Prior to the study, the personal unrealistic opinion had been that many people feel this way. The study results confirmed that opinion for the time being.

Our negative relationship with daily work originates from the idea that self-worth and self-value result from productivity. We have allowed ourselves to become the commodities, mechanisms of production in this large society.

Therefore, the investigations undertaken are to discover the psychology of work as it implies to the individual-at-work. Whether self-employed or working for an organisation, the intent is to help employees form a meaningful relationship with their daily work. This may result in reconnecting with its intrinsic value, and so, derive happiness from it.

Peter Warr, Professor in Work Psychology at the University of Sheffield said that happiness and unhappiness are fundamental to human existence. Happiness is a sense of psychological wellbeing, a deep relationship of work-related wellbeing and job satisfaction. Daily work and our emotions are influenced by broad life satisfaction. Consequently, life and job satisfaction are significantly and profoundly related (Judge & Wantanabe, 1993).

Professor Warr further recommended that daily work is a source of social cohesion, material welfare, and is important to the mental and physical health of the employees.

There are many questions that business leaders are interested in finding the answers to, such as, how do we get the most out of the team members? Are our employees satisfied? How will our workforce react to change and transition?

The most effective managers have a keen understanding of human behaviour. We can all suggest bosses who inspired and motivated their employees, created a positive work culture where the needs were met, and supported to grow. We can all suggest the opposite – and how it made everyone feel.

It is official that happy workers are healthy workers. Modern workplaces understand the logic of adapting business techniques, management styles and environments to boost employee satisfaction and well-being. But why not go deeper – and find further benefits – with a higher level of psychological and human behavioural insight?

Workplace psychology defines to the science of human behaviour to connect with workplace culture. It is also referred to as occupational psychology, or industrial and organisational psychology. That is why, many companies are hiring organisational psychologists to offer counselling and therapies to the employees if they are going through some mental health crisis. This entire process goes confidential between the employee and the psychologist. If the manager needs to be informed about it, the psychologist informs the manager but with confidentiality. Specifically, this process focuses on identifying the behavioural discrepancies of individuals, groups and organisations. It enables the psychologist understanding how the insights drew from these principles can be implied to problem-solving ventures and used to form organisational behaviour.

It is concerned with influencing and enhancing social psychology and behaviour of the employees and businesses alike – resulting in a win-win situation. This can be achieved by improving both the quality of life and the work environment of employees to enhance their performance, productivity, and efficiency.

For business leaders and entrepreneurs, they prefer to hire a workplace psychologist. It is worth examining the many business benefits which focus on organisational psychology can bring. Investing in employees’ mental health and well-being pays figurative, and literal, dividends.

Higher employee satisfaction can lead to:

• High productivity, job satisfaction and motivation to work.
• Interest increases to grow more in their professional lives.
• Companies can keep more happy and satisfied employees if the work environment is satisfactory.
• Some work-related illness happens due to stress. Health issues like, depression, anxiety, headaches, sleeplessness and absenting.
• Employees can deliver high quality work within the deadline.
• The profit rate goes high with high productivity.
• The brand can eventually improve and polish their brand image. It is a win-win situation for both the parties.

Many surveys were conducted in this field earlier with great amount of success rates. HR cloud’s employee engagement statistics found that only 36% of the employees are happy at their respective workplaces. Deeply engaged workplaces increase the productivity and profitability of the employees by 21%. As this survey was conducted in the US, the survey found that employee disengagement costed economy of $450-550 billion each year.

Brands with thriving corporate environment achieve productivity almost 4X revenue growth. 33% of employees resign from their jobs because of boredom and ill treatment from the higher management. Only 29% of the employees are satisfied with the career advancements they receive at workplace. Promotions also motivate employees immensely.

Many modern organisations prefer to hire in-house psychologists as critical members of their human resources functions to serve core employees better. Job and career specialists, define the role of an organisational psychologist – commonly referred to as an occupational psychologist. They focus on how people behave at workplace to increase their productivity, job satisfaction and how they behave with colleagues at the organisation or business. They often serve as a connection between senior leaders and managers and the workforce. They must be skilled in respecting and balancing the motivations and perspectives of both the parties. An organisational psychologist’s job can be wide-ranging, spanning from business to various other needs. Such as:

• Counselling, mentoring and help the employees for personality development.
• Informing and supporting strategic decision-making.
• Reorganising work environments.
• Improving communication gaps between business domains and teams.
• They plan organisational changes and various developments.
• They also assess new candidates before offering them a joining date. This helps the companies to take a call on the hiring process. They may also find that the candidate could be suitable for other jobs in the same company rather than the one he applied for.
• Conduction of the continuing professional development (CPD).
• Quarterly, half yearly or annual performance appraisals play a huge role in motivating employees.

Any workplace environment changes should be supported by statistics and led by psychological insights. The core aspects of psychological work is to assess employees struggle with their mental health. There is no benefit spending time, labour and money implementing strategies which do not meaningfully address the team’s issues.

Let’s take Google as an example here. A worldwide organisation well known for its holistic, nurturing, and positive environments for their employees. As well as exclusive perks such as free health checks, chef-prepared meals, on-site physicians, gym membership, subsidised massages, napping pods, baby care and breastfeeding rooms, free haircuts and recreation activities, Google offers to help their employees achieve better work-life balance. An extensive career development programme, diverse and safe organisational culture, strong leadership which promotes innovation and brainstorming, and fun, inclusive work environments, among many other initiatives.

Group activities came to be very interesting to conduct. Employees will connect more with each other. Sometimes, HR takes the employees out for lunch/dinner or some other entertaining activities.

Some online training programs are helpful too. The programs could be about personality development, work-life balance, stress management and mental health awareness. At times, offline training programs are also organised at offices to bring the employees together for real-time connection and training.

Promotional programs are organised half-yearly or annually at corporates to reward high performing employees. Some awards or certificates are being awarded to the employees for their exclusive contribution.

3 fields of organisational psychology

1. Industrial psychology: selection and evaluation of employees

This field of psychology encompasses job roles description, staff ability to meet the specifications, performance evaluation, training, and the consideration of legal issues concerning discriminating in hiring.

1. Organisational psychology: social dimension at work

This specific branch focuses on the employee relationships impacting business performance. This includes assessing every aspect from employee satisfaction to leadership and organisational structure. This interest in employee relationships and staff well-being results in assessing sensitive subjects such as sexual harassment and workplace violence too.

1. Human factor psychology: workplace design

This terminology is also known as Ergonomics. This can simply be classified as the study of people at their work environment, furthermore it is about how employees react with the tools at work. The team of psychologists' design tools to contribute to staff’s productivity optimisation. The target is to drop workplace discomfort, an ergonomist changes the work to fit the worker and not vice versa.

Utilising the well-defined scientific methods to examine human behaviour in a workplace, a certified psychologist is then able to decide how well teams communicate among themselves, how invested people are in their jobs, as well as the levels of happiness and how that affects productivity and efficiency at the workplace. They then apply psychological methods to further enhance the state of the overall working environment.

Applying and understanding of psychology at the workplace makes the work environment feel safer, employees feel understood and able to share thoughts about the way they feel. It motivates them to be better, perform higher, and help the organisation better. A happy and healthy employee is an efficient employee.

Organisational psychology contributes to the maintenance of a healthy, safe and motivational work environment. It is also a mandatory element in both human and organisational optimisation.

The successful application of psychology at the workplace results in immense levels of employee satisfaction, high overall productivity, and effective communication to cooperate between all the departments at the workplace. This helps all cross-department actions, day-to-day operations within the business too. 

In the conclusion, the application and comprehension of a successful happy workplace culture has immensely evolved over the last few decades. A strict regime of intimidation and inattentiveness has been replaced with recognition and motivation. The concepts brought in light by workplace psychology have switched working environments and has led to happier employees with increased workplace productivity.

One of positive psychology’s key importance is to help individuals, groups, and organisations flourish. And this is especially important, now more than before, as explained above—that is, if you wish to keep your high performing employees happy.

According to the “paradox of influence,” while developed countries are prominently affluent, life satisfaction and mental well-being are not growing (Seligman, 2011; Day et al., 2014).

This phenomenon is particularly genuine at the workplace, where once an employee’s basic needs are met and additional income and benefits do not increase fulfilment, happiness, or meaning (Gallup, 2022b; Day et al., 2014).

The world faces complicated challenges: pandemics, record inflation, war, and working styles, such as employees quitting jobs at high rates. Positive psychology recognises that it is crucial to influence factors that enable individuals, organisations, and communities to thrive safely.

When introduced into the workplace, these factors have the power to support wider business initiatives aiming at the following (Boniwell & Tunariu, 2019; Achor, 2011; Day et al., 2014; Seligman, 2011):

• Enhancing employee engagements and satisfaction by increasing productivity and profitability for the corporate.
• Building an environment of positivity and well-being, leading to lower turnover rates and higher employee retention rates.
• Improving collaboration and communication among teammates, resulting in better problem-solving and decision-making to brainstorm for critical projects.
• Helping leaders and entrepreneurs develop a better adaptable and resilient workforce. They are capable of navigating change and uncertainty.
• Motivating creativity and innovation, leading to new products/services and customer satisfaction.
• Supporting managers develop a more positive and effective leadership style, boosting employee performance and wellbeing.
• Helping organisations build more positive brand image and reputation, leading to brand resonance to attract top talents and improve customer loyalty for future business.
• Reduction in employee stress and burnout, leading to improved physical and mental health and lower absenting and healthcare costs.
• Improving employee well-being, resulting in high job satisfaction and engagement.

Embedding the principles of positive psychology at the workplace can help the organisation to commit to the well-being of its employees, improving employee loyalty and commitment (Achor, 2011).

Positive psychology is more than one-dimensional view of positive mindset and positive emotions; it is concerned on what makes individuals and communities thrive, rather than languish (Boniwell & Tunariu, 2019, p. 2).

There are several key theories influenced by the successful implementation of positive psychology-led interventions at the workplace, including the below mentioned points (Day et al., 2014):

• Broaden-and-build theory: Positive thoughts broaden staff cognitive and social norms, encouraging innovative thoughts and responses and long-term well-being and success.
• Orientations to happiness: Employees can attain happiness through three approaches: engagement, pleasure and meaning.
• Psychological capital: An individual’s level of optimistic approach, hope, self-efficacy, and resilience can lead to better well-being and work performance.
• Sustainable happiness theory: To maintain a level of happiness, employees must focus on social connections, self-care, and meaningful activities.

Such positive psychology approaches have broad-ranging benefits, with research results confirming many benefits to organisations, leaders, and employees, including the following (Day et al., 2014; Martin, 2005; Lupsa et al., 2019):

• Better positive emotions
• Broader creativity
• Better coping strategies
• Higher resilience
• Immense learning, exploration and engagement with colleagues
• Kind and professional behaviour
• Flexibility and inclusivity increase among teammates
• Motivation level is skyrocketing
• Feeling happy and satisfied
• Better physical and mental health
• Less stress and anxiety levels
• Higher staff morale
• Higher range of attention, actions, and thoughts

Honestly, employees engage more in positive psychology-based programs and interventions at workplace and tend to “flourish” more. Flourishing is “a state of mind where employees thrive, prosper, learn, engage, motivate, express themselves, and experience happiness to the core” (Day et al., 2014, p. 56).

Such interventions often result in better employee well-being and business performance outcomes (Achor, 2011).

Several approaches have appeared to apply and embed the core principles of positive psychology in organisations and the workplace.

Psychological capital

Luthans et al. (2015, p. 20) adopted this term “positive organisational behaviour” to mean applying positively to motivate human resource strengths and psychological capacities to “transform and stimulate organisational behaviour, leadership, and Human Resource management.”

Their research study suggests that everyone has “psychological capital” (PSYCAP) that they can build upon learnings, interventions, and training. These four components—referred as an acronym HERO—are as follows:

1. Hope – Positive emotions and motivation based on goal-directed energy
2. (Self-)Efficacy – Self-belief in one’s capability to mobilise motivation, cognitive resources, and actions at work toward something meaningful
3. Resilience – The ability to rebound or bounce back from crisis
4. Optimism – A strong positive outlook or expectancy

While only the elements of positive psychology, PSYCAP and its four components are considered “complementary, renewable, and synergistic” (Luthans et al., 2015, p. The employees can flexibly and adaptively use them to meet the demands of their job while supporting prominent levels of competence and wellbeing.

A literature review of 41 studies in 2019 assured that the importance of PSYCAP is immense. Findings concluded that various interventions to enhance employees’ resources and strengths that gradually improved workplace psychological health and performance (Lupsa et al., 2019).

For example, the US Army may not look like a typical workplace, but it employs millions of people, trains them and enables them to be front-line soldiers to office staff. When Seligman (2019) implemented psychological interventions to increase hope in soldiers deployed on the front line, the effect was astonishing.

It significantly improved relationships with family and positively impacted how they performed under stressful situations during training and deployment.

In fact, in one study of over 6000 US soldiers, who received positive psychological training were more emotionally fit and optimistic, with better coping mechanisms, and showed better resilience (Seligman, 2019).

Strengths-based leadership style

Strengths-based leadership focuses exclusively on finding and developing the strengths of individuals and among teams to improve their well-being and performance. “Effective leaders surround themselves with the right-minded people and build on each other’s strengths” (Rath, 2017, p. 21).

When industry leaders adopt a strengths-based approach, they move all of their focus on the positive aspects of their employees rather than just addressing weaknesses. Such a switch in focus can increase employee engagement and job satisfaction, leading to improved organisational performance.

Strengths-based leadership also offer benefits to organisations by creating a culture of positivity and well-being. When employees feel that their performance is recognised and used for good, they are likely to experience a sense of purpose and satisfaction in their work, leading to high creativity, innovation and improved collaboration and communication among teammates (Rath, 2017).

Several research studies showed that the positive effect of strengths-based leadership on employees’ overall wellness, psychological wellbeing, innovative behaviour, and organisational performance (Ding & Yu, 2022; Rath, 2017).

Here is another example of how such positive psychology interventions can improve organisation’s success and employee satisfaction. When Southwest Airlines implemented this strengths-based training, the goal was to improve employee experience by creating a culture focused on individual strengths and it worked.

Southwest leaders conducting one-on-one and group strengths conversations with their employees have seen increased engagement and better performance, leading to better business outcomes. That is why, there is less staff turnovers and higher productivity, and “employees get the opportunity to do what they love in a way that makes customers feel like family” (Gallup, 2022a, para. 11).

The PERMA model is an advanced framework developed by Martin Seligman (2011), the founder of positive psychology, and it describes the five important elements of well-being:

• Positive emotions – the experience of happy and positive feelings such as joy, contentment, and satisfaction.
• Engagement – the experience of being completely absorbed and focused on an activity, often referred to as “flow “
• Relationships – the quantity and quality of social connections an individual possesses
• Meaning – the sense of direction and purpose an individual has in his/her life
• Accomplishment – the sense of progress and achievement in one’s life

The model is particularly meaningful in the workplace as it highlights the importance of creating a supportive and positive environment that promotes employee well-being and engagement (Kenny, 2018).

By implementing the PERMA model in the workplace, leaders can imbibe an environment that matches with employees’ needs and promote growth mindsets that lead to satisfied and engaged staff (Slavin et al., 2012).

A meta-analysis conducted of over 200 positive psychology research studies found that happy employees are more productive, better performers, show higher sales, take fewer sick days, and are less likely to be burned out (Achor, 2011).

Now as it is clear how essential it is to apply positive psychology at work, let us look at practical implementations.

1. Positive emotions

Motivate feelings such as hope, joy, and gratitude. It sets clear expectations, gives people a voice out in meetings, and support work–life balance. Promote healthy emotions, coping mechanisms, resilience, and a reduction in stressors.

1. Engagement

Feelings of attachment and immersion in tasks can be promoted in an environment to support concentration and focus. Create goals with high values and interests to motivate. Engage in fascinating tasks to encourage the experience of flow.

1. (Positive) relationships

Encourage connection with colleagues, managers, and leaders to promote meaningful collaboration and communication. Communication should be clear and meetings active, where employees can connect and freely interact with each another. Partnerships and collaborations should be promoted and rewarded, while sudden support should be readily available.

1. Meaning

Connect to purpose, values, and promotion of reflection. Continuous reflection on the difference employees make to others within the organisation, their customers, and the vast community, fosters feelings valued and connected to something bigger than themselves. This should heighten beyond “employee of the month” by actively sharing customer reviews and highlighting appreciation for employees going above and beyond.

1. Achievements and accomplishments

Set and work toward goals to include a sense of accomplishment, capability and fulfilment.

Building and supporting each of the attributes mentioned above supports the employees, teams, and organisation as they learn to thrive. What works will vary depending on the individuals and must be tailored accordingly.

Separate approaches, such as building on strengths; encouraging healthy eating, sleep cycle, and physical exercise; and becoming resilient, will also have far-reaching effects on well-being and boost performance (Seligman, 2011; Luthans et al., 2015; Day et al., 2014).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 5
Psychology of Money

Money is a medium of exchange that symbolises perceived value for something. That is why, it is accepted by humans for the payment of goods and services, and for the repayment of various loans. Economies rely on money to ease transactions and to enhance financial growth. Traditionally, it is an economist who defines money, where it comes from, and what is its worth. Here are the multifaceted characteristics of money.

We are all wired adversely. That includes our fears, motivations, dreams, and even how we think about and manage money! This is called the psychology of money, and the more we gain knowledge about it, hassle-free it is to make whatever changes we need to really excel with money.

The psychology of money is the study of our thought patterns and our behaviour towards money. We have been fascinated by the topic of money since we were kids. We have noticed people handling money differently. Some are very cautious about investing and earning money. Some individuals do not even check their bank accounts and keep playing with money. Old philosophers said that money stayed with people who loved and respected money.

Again, we have seen how much our personality traits and past affect our thought patterns and behaviours. Empowering and educating ourselves about money can make the changes we need.

Diving deep into the psychology of money helps us to see our strengths, weaknesses, tendencies, and beliefs —so we can realise where we are coming from and how to reach where we want to be. If you want to reach your financial goals, be on the same page with your spouse about money, spend money without guilt, stop over-spending, good budgeting, or stay away from your money stress, start with the money psychology!

The way you deal with money and think about it, today is affected by your past. That means your upbringing and how your parents dealt with money has shaped major of your money psychology today. This includes several things like:

• How your parents and elders talked about money
• If your parents avoided talking about money in your presence
• Spending habits you observed
• Money fights you have heard or seen
• A stressful or peaceful ambience about household finances

Now, we cannot say that if we have a problem with impulse buying you can blame your parents or other family members. Many of us keep clicking ‘add to cart’ like there is no tomorrow. Following this will get you nowhere.

But as you start to experience your past relates to your present, you can expand and build a better money mindset and a better future!

Psychological tests are easily available these days. You have the Enneagram, DISC, Myers-Briggs tests. But if you are interested to know your money habits better, you need to discover your money personality.

Everyone of us have money personality too! It sounds weird but true. Another part of your money psychology is to learn money tendencies.

1. Spender vs. Saver

Most people find it easy to figure out if they are a spender or a saver. Spenders see so many creative possibilities when it is about money. Whenever we have extra money, it burns a hole in our pocket, and we cannot wait to spend it. But in our defence, spenders are often naturally generous. They love spending money on their loved ones too!

On the other hand, a saver’s basic instinct is to not spend money. They feel much better about money sitting in their bank accounts. Savers are comparatively patient and generous to wait to make a purchase.

What is dangerous for savers and spenders is going to the extremes. As a spender, you will be broken if you spend everything you make. And if savers save everything they make, they will miss a lot of fun and life experiences.

1. Nerd vs. Free Spirit

The next money tendency is all about how you approach budgeting. Nerds prefer on crunching numbers. They look forward to making the budget, talking, and sticking to the budget. It gives them a sense of admiration and satisfaction to notice where their money is going every month and to find diverse ways to make it work. Everything has a neat and clean place, and they love it.

Free spirit people always think they are into party! They are not too engaged in the details, and that makes them enjoy life. If you are a free spirit, just reading the word budget might bring stress to you. Shopping and entertainment categories are your love language. Free spirits like to live life to the fullest.

It is honestly helpful, though frustrating if you are married to one such individual. (I am a free spirit. My husband Winston is a nerd.) Just make sure you have often budget meetings and listen to each other. You have something unique and valuable to bring—so bring it.

1. Safety vs. Status

Here is an honest question about your money psychology: Are you economically motivated by safety or by status? To find the answer, you may have to do some real soul-searching. Be honest with yourself and think through what motivates you when you spend or save.

People who prefer safety, they want the security that money brings. They want to be sure they can withstand job loss, a medical emergency or any sudden crisis in life.

Wanting financial security makes sense. But if you are a safety person, just be careful you do not turn your need for stability into living your life in fear.

If you prefer status, you see money to look successful. A beautiful home, expensive clothes, a fancy car, fantastic vacations—these all tell others that you are successful with money and life. And we just must remind ourselves that the stuff we own does not define us as individuals.

Here are some clarities about money: Owning wonderful things is fine. Just do not let them own you. The underlying thought should be to live a wealthy life, not a rich life. Do not ever risk real financial success and security just to show off.

The truth is that money is a magnifying glass—it makes you more of who you already are. Money is like a reality check for humans. If you have enough money, your life is settled.

If you are kind and generous, you will be kinder and more generous with money. If you are arrogant and self-centred, you will be even more arrogant and self-centred with money. Money is a simple tool: You get to decide what to do with it.

Honestly, if you want to make the most of money you own, you need to budget cleverly. You should not care how you grew up or what your money tendencies were—you need to budget! Make every penny of your money count for something meaningful.

A budget is a guideline for your money. It helps you see your current behaviours with money and make meaningful decisions so you can reach your money goals.

Go ahead and plan your finances. If you are clueless, then talk to a financial expert. There are some free budget apps available online to help the newbies. You will find solutions to make money—and keep—a monthly budget. Spenders and savers. Nerds and free spirits. It is for everyone!

And try to understand how the psychology of money affects you and what you can do to make better habits and better choices! It is worth the work.

Forbes says that no one is entirely rational about money. We do not create and follow a budget or save something every pay check though we believe it would be in our best interest. We know we need a good financial plan but put off the work involved; somehow it is difficult to happen. We spend too much out of recklessness, fear, or exuberance, or too little out of guilt. Our money behaviour often causes us shame.

It is worth thinking about money as the relationship with money is complex. Your money is not your fixed entity nor your identity, rather a complex of data points, opportunities and challenges you circle around, interact with, and have certain thoughts about. You take calls about money that affect your financial situation, and it affects your feelings and future thoughts about finances. And it is a strange relationship that evolves over a lifetime.

Here are three things to know about the psychology of money and how we should manage money:

• Emotion plays an inevitable role.
• Anxiety and avoidance about money create a vicious cycle.
• Psychologically, you cannot completely escape your family and your past money experiences.

Emotion and money

The most important emotion about money are shame, fear, guilt, and envy. It is worth spending more effort to be aware of the emotions that are related to money for you. Without awareness, we will tend to either overspend or override rational thinking and drive your actions.

What is there to be afraid of? The possibilities are as wide as there are individual stories. But the common fears include the fear of not having enough money, the fear of looking like a loser, the fear of provoking envy and the fear of being exposed or humiliated in public. We always think, what others will think about us.

Shame and guilt are not the same emotion. Guilt is feeling bad about a negative impact you have had on others, while shame is a feeling evoked when you humiliate yourself or do not live up to the mark for yourself.

You might feel guilty because you have more money than your friends, or you have not been charitable, or money comes too easily to you.

Shame is a common, and powerful emotion associated with personal finance and money. It is normal to avoid exposure about something you are uncomfortable about.

Here are some of the possible versions of shameful feelings about money:

• I do not have sufficient money.
• I have ignored thinking about finances.
• I have avoided taking care of my finances (creating a budget, planning for retirement, avoiding loans and sensible investment).
• I am ignorant about economic management.
• I spend too much money
• I am a shopaholic. Shopping makes me happy for no reason.

Shame intermingles with avoidance to make a vicious cycle. When you are filled with shame the quickest tendency is to ignore facing things making you uncomfortable. That avoidance itself leads you to more shame and avoidance. Next thing you find out overdue taxes due to bad money management. For years, you planned to see a financial manager, but it is still in your pending task list. You are too lazy to meet him.

Individuals who avoid tackling financial necessities often find themselves as a procrastinator and assume they are just indisciplined. That is too judgmental and not helpful. The psychological thought patterns of avoidance underlie what we tend to call it as procrastination. We are tough wired to deploy various kinds of avoidance manoeuvres when meeting something that is uncomfortable or anxiety provoking. The tricky thing is short run, avoidance leads to reduce temporary anxiety. Because it works, you are inclined to do it again in the same process.

You are thinking to look at your financial situation and making a realistic financial plan. But just feeling about it makes your anxiety goes up, because you are afraid to face the reality. You have not saved enough for your kids’ future education. This anxiety follows you to avoidance. You keep postponing the task and distract yourself with other tasks. At that moment, your anxiety drops suddenly, offering you positive reinforcement for the ignorance. You repeat this cycle again and again. But each drop in anxiety does not bring you back to the earlier baseline level of distress. And over the time, your overall level of anxiety increases.

Compare this pattern with challenging the dreaded task. As the facts become glaring to you, your anxiety interim increases. If you sit with it, however, the overall level of anxiety will gradually decline. You learn to tolerate that short-term increase in distress to receive help from the long-term reduction in anxiety. In the end, the real lesson is to be mindful with money.

Other emotions like envy, over-excitement, greed, and a social psychological phenomenon known as “jumping into the bandwagon.” This literally means following the financial trends what others are following. But remember, following the trends cannot be the right thing to do all the time.

Mental health disorders come because of money

One in every three Americans is experiencing one of the serious mental health problems in their lifetime: alcoholism, chronic depression, bipolar personality disorder or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder or attention deficit disorder. Each of these mental health illnesses can have a prominent effect on personal finance.

Excessive use of alcohol and other substances leads to bad judgment, carelessness to finances, employment risks and secretiveness. Depression can cause career disruption or even unemployment. Depressed people are hard to face financial responsibilities because of lack of confidence or sense of purpose.

Bipolar disorder is quite tricky. Research says that 2.4% of the population suffer from this genetically influenced mental condition. It is possible that many people suffer from the same but are unaware. People with a light expression of bipolar disorder genes can be detectable “hypomanic” mental states which increases energy, decreased inhibitions, exciting plans, can be overstimulated and increase their spending.

Several creative and successful people do very well in these states of mind. But it is an innovative idea to avoid trips to supermarket lest you come home with all the arrangements for the rest of the week to eat at home.

Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD or ADHD) are majorly misunderstood. It is a misnomer. Instead of attention deficit, they often can hyper-focus or pay intense attention to specific things. They can screen out what is overwhelming or mundane. Details and repetitive tasks are boring to them. For such individuals, delegating day to day monetary management is the best course. But they can be good at grand-scale planning. Family and childhood influence never end and can influence an attention deficit disorder person’s emotion about money.

Every family has its own psychology of money. What can be discussed about, who should be in control, what money responsibilities are assigned to what gender, how important money is to them.

On the other hand, there are always stories available about money that are part of a family’s rich identity. An entrepreneur grandfather lost the family business and money, sparking an excessive conservatism in later generations. Or a brilliant parent was seen to have been cheated out of her proper destiny.

You may have experienced underlying pressures to right the wrongs suffered by earlier generations. Or you may feel internally pressured to oppose the family money mentality. If you are the first one in your family to succeed you might want to give money back to your family and neglect your financial needs.

How to harness money emotions

Emotion is not a sad thing to deal with. It tells you what you are passionate and genuinely interested about, what really matters to you. This gives a sense of feeling alive. Anxiety is not all bad either. Mild to moderate levels of anxiety are a source of motivation. Hold them to tackle what you need to face and know that you will be better when you have done so.

The key is self-awareness. Much of our thinking happens in the unconscious and subconscious mind, but accessing it is not difficult if you have clarity about what you are looking for and a plan to explore the thoughts and family narratives that shape your relationship with money.

How to manage money effectively?

Money management is all about maximising what you have. While it may sound straightforward, achieving better financial health often requires knowledge and consistent effort. If you are looking to improve your financial decisions, these tips can guide you.

• Money management encompasses all aspects of handling your finances, including budgeting, spending, saving, investing, using credit, and paying off debt.
• Taking a strategic and informed approach to money management can help you achieve your financial goals.
• Various strategies and tools are available to help you create a budget, check your spending, develop a savings plan, pay off debt, and build healthy credit habits.

• These strategies include structured debt management plans, free credit monitoring tools, and digital features for tracking your finances and more.

1. Create a budget

Creating a budget is an excellent first step toward developing healthier money habits. As the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau (CFPB) explains, budgeting helps you allocate your money effectively, ensuring you can cover your needs and wants while saving for future goals.

You can start with these simple steps:

1. Calculate your monthly income: Include your salary and any additional income sources, such as bonuses, tax refunds, or earnings from side work.
2. Add up your monthly expenses: Cover key categories like housing, food, student loans, and transportation. For variable costs like utilities or entertainment, use an average based on previous months.
3. Determine your balance: Subtract your total expenses from your total income. This difference is your starting point for budgeting. Use any leftover funds to pay down debt or build savings.
4. Treat your budget as flexible: Consider it a living document that you can adjust as needed—such as when you eliminate or add expenses.
5. Track spending

Tracking your spending does not have to be difficult. You can use one of the many apps available online to record your expenses digitally. If you are a Capital One cardholder, you can take advantage of free digital tools to check your finances. Prefer a non-digital approach? A simple notebook works just as well.

Organising your expenses into categories can also be helpful. This allows you to see exactly where your money is going and find areas where you might be overspending.

1. Save for retirement

Retirement accounts are a fantastic way to save for the future. Here are some types of accounts you may want to explore:

• 401(k) Plan: Offered by many employers, a 401(k) allows you to contribute pretax dollars directly from your pay check. According to Beth Sabin, an executive at Capital One, if your employer offers a match, aim to contribute enough to take full advantage of it. She also suggests increasing your contribution by 1% to see if it fits your budget and gradually raising it further to boost your savings.
• 403(b) Plan: Like a 401(k), this plan is available to employees of public schools and certain tax-exempt organisations. Contributions to traditional 403(b) plans are tax-deferred, meaning you will not pay taxes on your contributions or earnings until you withdraw the funds.
• Individual Retirement Account (IRA): A traditional IRA is typically self-directed and not employer sponsored. Contributions are tax-deferred, and withdrawals during retirement are taxed at your regular income tax rate.
• Roth IRA: Unlike a traditional IRA, contributions to a Roth IRA are made with after-tax dollars. However, qualified withdrawals during retirement are tax-free, making it a valuable possibility for long-term tax planning.

1. Create an emergency fund

Here are some tips to help you start saving for unexpected expenses, such as buying a new car or covering major home repairs.

• Compare interest rates: Interest rates can vary, so it is worth shopping around for a savings account. A higher rate can help your savings grow faster over time. Some banks even offer high-yield savings accounts.
• Save extra income: Consider depositing windfalls like tax refunds or work bonuses into your savings account to quickly build your emergency fund.

• Automate your savings: If your employer offers direct deposit, set up a part of your pay check to go directly into your savings account. This keeps the money accessible for emergencies while reducing the temptation to spend it on nonessentials.
•  Manage debt

There are several ways to tackle debt. Here are three effective debt management strategies.

• Snowball Method: The snowball method involves paying off your smallest debts first. You continue making minimum payments on all your debts, using any extra funds to pay down the smallest balance. Once it is paid off, you apply that money to the next smallest debt, and so on. However, keep in mind that higher-interest debts may take longer to pay off, potentially costing you more over time.
• Debt Avalanche Method: Also known as the highest-interest-rate method, this strategy priorities debts based on their interest rates, starting with the highest. You focus on paying off the debt with the highest interest first, then use the freed-up funds to tackle the next highest-interest debt. Minimum payments are still made on all debts.

• Debt Consolidation: Debt consolidation involves combining multiple debts into one account, simplifying your payments and potentially lowering your interest rate. However, be aware of fees, and remember that it does not cut your debt or necessarily reduce the total cost.
• Build your credit

Credit plays a significant role in your financial health, and improving your credit scores can help pave the way for a stronger financial future.

Lenders often use your credit scores to decide whether to approve you for credit and what terms to offer. Your credit scores can also affect other areas, such as renting an apartment or even applying for a job.

Here are a few good credit habits.

• Pay your bills on time: Consistently paying your bills on time is essential, as late payments can hurt your credit scores and result in late fees or penalty APRs.
• Avoid reaching your credit limits: The CFPB recommends keeping your credit utilization ratio below 30% to help maintain good credit health.
• Build a long credit history: Focus on establishing a lengthy credit history. Before closing any accounts, consider how it might impact your credit scores.
• Only apply for necessary credit: Each new credit application can trigger a hard inquiry, which can lower your scores. Multiple hard inquiries in a short period can have an even more significant negative impact.

1. Monitor your credit

Regularly checking your credit is crucial for keeping good credit health. CreditWise from Capital One offers an effortless way to access your TransUnion® credit report and VantageScore® 3.0 credit score without affecting your credit scores.

With the CreditWise Credit Score Simulator, you can even see how financial decisions, like taking out an auto loan, could affect your score before you make them. CreditWise is free for everyone, whether you are a Capital One customer or not.

Achieving your financial goals requires time and consistency, but practices like planning, budgeting, and using credit responsibly can help you get there.

Forgive Your Past Financial Mistakes

No one is perfect, and it is likely that you have made some financial missteps over the years. You overspent on rent because you fell in love with a beautiful house, or went on too many shopping sprees, leaving your credit cards maxed out. Whatever mistakes you have made are in the past. While you may still be feeling their effects, there is no need to keep dwelling on them. Money can be complicated, and many people learn how to manage it through trial and error. The key is to learn from your mistakes and forgive yourself.

Instead of dwelling on past decisions, try to shift your perspective. If you have debt, think about the experiences it helped fund—the nights out with friends, the vacations, or the education you invested in. While it is important not to romanticise your debt, recognise that it served a purpose and created memories. It is not your enemy or a burden you can never overcome. It was there when you needed it, and now you can pay it down and build a brighter financial future.

Understand Your Thoughts and Emotions Surrounding Money

You might think you have a good grasp of your financial mindset, but taking a deeper look could reveal some valuable insights. Try this exercise: for one entire day, pause after each purchase or financial decision and write down your thoughts and emotions. What is going through your mind? How do you feel about it? Be honest and detailed. At the end of the day, review your notes with an open mind. You may discover that certain financial aspects are causing more stress than you realized, or that a purchase you expected to bring happiness led to temporary joy followed by guilt. While you should not feel guilty for treating yourself occasionally, it’s helpful to reflect on how your spending habits are affecting your mental health and emotions.

Realise That Comparing Yourself to Others is a Losing Game

Comparing yourself to others is one of the most harmful things you can do, especially when it comes to finances. Primarily, comparisons are never correct. The perspective is always skewed. You know everything about your own life, but when you compare yourself to someone on social media, a celebrity, or a fictional character, you are comparing yourself to someone you know almost nothing about. Social media often presents a distorted picture, showing only the highlights of someone’s life and financial journey, while leaving out the struggles. For example, you might see someone posting about extravagant vacations, designer clothes, and a beautiful home, but you have no idea how much debt they are carrying, whether they are behind on payments, or if they owe money to family members. They will not share those parts of their story, but you are constantly exposed to the darker side of your own. So, comparing your whole life to their curated highlights is not only misleading but dangerous.

Even when comparing yourself to friends or family, you are still in the same situation. You can never know as much about their life and financial decisions as you do about your own. You do not know the challenges they face or the sacrifices they have made, and that makes comparisons unfair. What is more, when you compare yourself and feel like you are falling short, it can be discouraging. Instead of focusing on what is going well, you fixate on what is wrong. This mindset can make your goals seem impossible and lead you to focus on your flaws instead of recognising how far you have come. These negative thoughts can hold you back and even lead to worse financial decisions in the future.

Work on Forming Good Habits

Do not avoid your finances. Instead, make time each week to review your bills, budget, and spending habits. Find the areas that need improvement and take a moment to acknowledge the progress you have made. Ignoring financial issues will not make them disappear; face them directly, putting any fears aside.

Set realistic goals for yourself and reward your progress in small ways when you reach them. Your finances did not get out of control overnight, and your success will not happen all at once either. That is why it is important to set achievable, smaller goals and celebrate each positive step you take.

Create a Budget That Brings You Joy

Budgets often make people anxious because they are seen as restrictive, but that does not have to be the case. A flexible budget can help you stay within your spending limits while still giving you the freedom to enjoy occasional treats. A simple guideline is to distribute half of your monthly income to bills and necessities, 20% toward paying off debt or saving, and the remaining 30% for discretionary spending. If you are struggling to stick to this breakdown, it might be time to review your monthly bills and see if there are any expenses you can reduce or eliminate.

Remember to be Thankful

Be grateful for what you have. While it may not be everything you want, it is what you have right now, and that is worth celebrating. Appreciate the roof over your head, the job that provides your income, the car that gets you where you need to go, the food in your fridge, and so much more. There’s always time to earn more and build a better life, but true fulfilment comes when you learn to appreciate what you have with a grateful heart. Money should not dominate your thoughts or control you. Instead, focus on shifting your mindset around money, and you will find that it becomes easier to manage your finances. Use these tips to get started and watch how your positive perspective on money can improve your life.

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 6

Psychology of/for Marriage and Relationships

Marriage and divorce are major life events that can deeply affect one’s mental health and overall well-being.

While marriage often brings joy, companionship, fulfilment, and love, divorce can be a difficult and emotional experience, often accompanied by feelings of sadness, loss, and even depression.

A practitioner with over 35 years of experience as a family law attorney and mediator with psychological training, has been guiding individuals through the key elements that contribute to a healthy marriage and the complex issues that can lead to divorce.

The Psychology of Marriage

Marriage is a complex social institution shaped by various psychological factors. From his experience as a legally trained professional with a medical background, some key factors that contribute to a successful marriage include:

Communication

Effective communication is essential for the success of any relationship, including marriage. When couples engage in open, honest, and respectful dialogue, it fosters trust, helps resolve conflicts, and strengthens their emotional connection.

Commitment

Marriage demands a strong commitment from both partners. Couples who are dedicated to one another are more likely to overcome challenges and sustain a healthy, long-lasting relationship.

Compatibility

Couples who share similar values, interests, and goals are more likely to experience a successful marriage. When partners are compatible, they better understand and support one another, fostering a deeper emotional connection.

Emotional Support

Emotional support is a crucial element in a successful marriage. When partners feel supported and valued by each other, they are more likely to experience happiness and satisfaction in their relationship.

Intimacy

Intimacy is a vital aspect of a healthy marriage. Couples who keep physical closeness are more likely to feel connected and emotionally fulfilled.

Human society uses based on norms and rules designed to protect individual rights and keep harmony. Marriage is one of these norms, requiring responsibility and commitment from both partners. While couples enter this relationship with shared responsibilities, it is important to acknowledge that either partner can choose to walk away from their commitments at any time.

Marriage as an institution:

Marriage is a social institution with moral responsibilities, which can vary across different societies. The primary purpose of this institution is to fulfil an individual’s emotional, psychological, and physical needs. It was set up to allow people to procreate, care for children, and ensure their education, socialisation, and regulation of family lineage.

In simple words, marriage is a committed relationship between two individuals who are ready to share their life, needs (physical, emotional, psychological) social, and economic status for a lifetime. Also, give importance to each other’s family members and their needs.

Marriage in present scenario:

In today’s world, marriage is often viewed as a pleasure-seeking commitment between two individuals, accompanied by certain responsibilities. However, grand expectations are distorting the true essence of this institution. Rituals, such as dowries and the emphasis on treating guests well, are increasingly becoming deal-breakers. For the sake of money and reputation, people sometimes deceive one another, and families place more importance on status than on the well-being of individuals.

In summary, while marriages still function within society, the true meaning of marriage is gradually being eroded. Instead of focusing on personal values, behaviour, and attitude, the focus has shifted towards appearance, wealth, and status.

Expectations vs. Reality – Many people assume that after marriage, life will be smooth sailing. They expect to find a partner who will stand by their side through all of life’s challenges, and that all their desires for happiness and fulfilment will be met. However, the reality of marriage is much more complex. It involves stepping out of your comfort zone—whether that means leaving home or adjusting to a new roommate—forming close bonds and sharing responsibilities with someone new, facing rising expectations, and much more.

What is a happy marriage?

A happy marriage is subjective, but most would agree that it is built on mutual respect, loyalty, and taking responsibility for one another, as well as for the family and children, all while nurturing the relationship with love.

Signs of a happy marriage:

1. Both partners are always willing to support each other, regardless of the circumstances, showing deep devotion.
2. They celebrate each other’s successes in major life areas—family, work, and social life.
3. They prioritise each other’s needs, even when it is not the most exciting task.
4. They respect each other’s personal space and support loyalty.
5. Love is the foundation of their marriage, giving each partner strength and security.
6. They are compatible, balancing each other’s feelings and attitudes, with each partner bringing something the other may lack, making them a talented team.
7. They stay patient and understanding during challenging times.
8. Disagreements do not last long. While they argue, they do so with the intention of understanding each other’s perspectives, negotiating, or respecting each other’s views.

These are some signs of a happy marriage:

A happy marriage is not a fixed destination; it’s an ongoing process. Every day, in every new situation, you’ll discover different sides of your partner. It’s about continually discovering each other while maintaining harmony and mutual respect.

What are the red flags in any relationship?

1. When your partner treats you as a choice, making it hard to feel valued. We all seek care, attention, and importance.
2. When there’s excessive dishonesty or jealousy.
3. When one or both partners fantasise about leaving the relationship.
4. When a partner neglects your emotional, physical, or psychological needs to the point where it affects your well-being and personal life.
5. A lack of physical and emotional intimacy.
6. When one partner constantly blames the other for all the problems in the relationship.
7. When one partner is abusive or indifferent to the other’s pain.
8. When one partner constantly feels they deserve someone better.

 

While any of these issues might arise temporarily in a marriage, if they persist over time, they should be taken seriously.

The Foundation of Happy Marriages

Happy marriages are built on a set of principles and values. Here are some key principles that contribute to a strong and fulfilling relationship:

1. Respecting and Understanding Individuality: Accepting each other’s uniqueness, letting go of unrealistic expectations, and being open to personal differences.
2. Unconditional Support: Being there for each other during tough times, offering unwavering support when it is needed
3. Empathetic Relationship: Understanding and empathising with each other’s struggles, challenges, and emotions.
4. Respecting Each Other: Showing respect, even during disagreements. This means avoiding personal attacks and not taking hurtful comments to heart.
5. Understanding Each Other’s Needs: Being attuned to each other’s needs and making a conscious effort to fulfil them.
6. Treating with Dignity: In social or family settings, treating your partner in a way that reflects the value and importance of their role in your life.
7. Value for Money and Time: Being mindful of how you spend money and time. Many relationships face challenges due to financial stress or neglecting each other’s time.

Marriage is about growing and evolving together. While difficult days are inevitable, they fade with time, and love eventually outweighs the pain. A happy marriage is a balance between self-love and love for your partner. Sometimes, taking short breaks from each other can help restore joy and bring a sense of renewal in the relationship.

There is encouraging news when it comes to marriage. In the U.S. and parts of England, divorce rates are on the decline (Wood, 2018). Younger individuals are not avoiding marriage but are choosing to delay it. Many are waiting until they have completed their education and secured financial stability before getting married.

One significant advantage of marriage is its positive impact on health and longevity (Eaker et al., 2007). If you are interested in insights from marriage psychology, keep reading for more valuable information.

Researchers from various fields are delving into the dynamics of marriage. From an evolutionary standpoint, marriage is seen to strengthen and sustain the species. From a sociological perspective, marriage fosters connections between individuals and groups, contributing to the success of those communities.

Marriage psychology, however, zeroes in on the couple. Researchers explore every scenario related to marriage, such as:

• What draws two people together?
• What sustains their connection over time?
• What causes them to drift apart?
• How does their relationship impact their well-being, health, and happiness?
• Is monogamy a natural expectation for couples?
• How do children shape the bond between partners?
• What role do government policies play in the stability of marriage?
• How does stress influence the dynamics of a relationship?
• How does a lack of intimacy affect a couple’s connection?
• How does a person’s upbringing shape their romantic relationships?

Relationships can be complex, and this is especially true within a marriage. Aside from ourselves, no one else in our lives has as much influence on our health and well-being as our spouse (Robles et al., 2014). Our partner, due to their constant presence, comes to know us better than anyone else—our quirks, our habits, and our moods. Over time, this closeness allows us to uplift and support each other in ways that are hard to replicate through other forms of social support (Holt-Lunstad et al., 2008).

However, when things are not going well, the impact can be significant. Arguments or unresolved conflicts can create lasting hurt and strain the relationship. Marriage psychology delves into the behaviours, expectations, and norms that shape these dynamics, providing valuable insights and a solid foundation for addressing issues in a marriage through counselling or therapy.

Psychological Theories of Marriage

There are several psychological theories that look to explain the dynamics of marriage. Below are brief summaries of some prominent theories:

Social Exchange Theory

Social exchange theory suggests that individuals weigh the costs and benefits of potential interactions. They assess each situation to determine the risks and rewards involved. In the context of marriage, this theory focuses on the “cyclical patterns of transactions” that occur between partners, where both tangible and intangible resources are exchanged, and each transaction carries associated rewards or costs (Nakonezny & Denton, 2008, p. 403).

8 Elements of Intimacy

When exploring the psychology of marriage, researchers often examine how couples build and sustain intimacy. But what exactly constitutes “intimacy”?

Waring (1988) found eight key dimensions of intimacy that contribute to this deep connection within a relationship.

8 Dimensions of Intimacy:

1. Conflict Resolution: The ability of couples to resolve differences of opinion and find mutual solutions.
2. Affection: The level of emotional closeness and affection expressed between partners.
3. Cohesion: The sense of commitment both partners feel towards the marriage.
4. Sexuality: The extent to which sexual needs are communicated and fulfilled within the relationship.
5. Identity: The couple’s individual and collective self-confidence and self-esteem.
6. Compatibility: The ability of partners to work together and enjoy shared activities.
7. Autonomy: The degree to which couples establish independence from their families of origin and children.
8. Expressiveness: The extent to which thoughts, beliefs, attitudes, and emotions are openly shared between partners.

Duplex Theory of Love

The Duplex Theory of Love, developed by Robert J. Sternberg, combines two key elements to explain the complexities of love in relationships.

The first element involves three components: intimacy, passion, and decision/commitment. Intimacy is the closeness, connection, and emotional bond between partners, often referred to as the “warm and fuzzy” feeling. Passion includes the romantic attraction, physical desire, and sexual connection.

The final part, decision/commitment, is more cognitive and can exist independently of the other two. A person may choose to love someone without necessarily seeking a long-term commitment, or they may commit to a relationship without openly acknowledging love.

Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love

Sternberg’s (n.d.) triangular model of love illustrates the different balances between the three key components of love: intimacy, passion, and commitment. When these components are in perfect balance, they form an equilateral triangle, representing a healthy, well-rounded relationship.

The Gottman Method

John Gottman (2015) and his wife have conducted extensive research on relationships over the past 30 years. Their Sound Relationship House Theory suggests that every couple’s relationship is built upon seven levels, all surrounded by trust and commitment, which act as the “insulation.” These levels are:

1. Build Love Maps – Take the time to understand your partner’s inner and outer world. Know their dreams, values, and goals. Ask open-ended questions to deepen your connection.
2. Share Fondness and Admiration – Regularly express affection and respect for your partner, even in small ways.
3. Turn Toward, Not Away – Respond to each other’s bids for attention. When your partner shares something, acknowledge it; turning toward is when you engage, while turning away is when you ignore.
4. The Positive Perspective – Cultivate an optimistic outlook that overrides negative moments, which can only happen when the first three levels are functioning well. This positive perspective helps buffer irritability and emotional distance.
5. Manage Conflict – A strong friendship is key to resolving conflicts. Couples with a solid foundation of the first three principles tend to handle disagreements with humour and affection. While 69% of conflicts are perpetual and unresolved, master couples learn to manage these ongoing issues through communication and compromise.
6. Make Life Dreams Come True – Successful couples understand and support each other’s deeper dreams, which often lie at the heart of conflicts. They respect and honour these dreams to maintain a sense of connection.
7. Create Shared Meaning – Couples create a sense of purpose and meaning together, whether through shared roles in the relationship or by aligning their individual goals and values.

 

The Five Love Languages

Dr. Gary Chapman (1992) developed the concept of the five love languages after years of marriage counselling. While his focus was on fostering healthy romantic relationships, Chapman notes that these love languages can also apply to other relationships. He identified five key behaviours that contribute to a successful, long-lasting marriage:

• Love and affirmation
• Handling failures through forgiveness and apology
• Managing anger
• Learning to listen
• Accepting and laughing about minor irritations

The five love languages are:

1. Words of Affirmation – Simple acts of saying “please” and “thank you” can go a long way. Positive words, praise, and encouragement from those we love are vital to feeling appreciated in a relationship.
2. Gifts – Thoughtful gifts, no matter how small or inexpensive, show that you are thinking of your partner. It is the thought and meaning behind the gift that counts, not the price.
3. Acts of Service – This includes doing things like household chores or running errands for your partner. Performing these actions without being asked shows love through helpfulness and consideration.
4. Quality Time – Spending focused, uninterrupted time together—talking, listening, and connecting—strengthens the bond between partners. This means turning off distractions like phones and TV and giving each other your full attention.
5. Physical Touch – Physical expressions of love, such as holding hands, kissing, hugging, and intimacy, create a strong emotional connection.

Chapman (1992) explains that each person has a primary love language, and understanding yours and your partner’s can lead to a deeper connection.

What Are the Different Types of Marriage?

Marriage can be classified in several ways. One common distinction is between civil and religious partnerships. Civil unions can include a religious element, though it is not needed. Many religions also recognise civil marriages, while religious marriages are often acknowledged by the state, though a legal license may still be necessary. This basic distinction covers most forms of marriage.

There are also other ways to define marriage types, often based on the couple’s relationship dynamics or marriage style. From a sociological perspective, there are four primary types of marriage:

1. Polygyny – One man married to multiple women. This can be further divided into:

• Sororal Polygyny: The wives are sisters.
• Non-Sororal Polygyny: The wives are not related.

1. Polyandry – One woman married to multiple men. This includes:

• Fraternal Polyandry: The husbands are brothers.
• Non-Fraternal Polyandry: The husbands are not related.

Both polygyny and polyandry are forms of polygamy.

1. Group Marriage – Two or more individuals marry as a collective group, with shared responsibilities, including the upbringing of children who belong to the group as a whole.
2. Monogamy – A marriage between two individuals. This can be further broken down into:

• Straight Monogamy: No remarriage is allowed following the death or divorce of a spouse.
• Serial Monogamy: Involves having multiple marriages over a lifetime, typically due to divorce or widowhood.

1. Open Marriage – This type allows one or both spouses to engage in relationships outside the marriage. It is not considered infidelity by the couple and may include activities like “swinging,” where both partners take part in sexual relationships with others together or separately.

Each of these marriage types reflects unfamiliar cultural, religious, and personal beliefs, offering a wide range of relationship structures.

Some might argue that added categories of marriage exist, but these are among the most common. Same-sex marriages can be categorised within these types, much like heterosexual marriages.

Psychologists also analyse marriages based on the dynamics of the couple’s interactions, which can vary depending on the theoretical framework used by the psychologist or therapist. For example, the Gottman Institute (n.d.) finds five distinct types of marriages. Of these, three are categorized as “happy” types, each with its own advantages and challenges.

• Conflict Avoiders: These couples focus on areas of agreement and maintain independence in other aspects of their lives. They avoid persuasion or negotiation, relying instead on established boundaries and separate interests.
• Volatile Couples: Characterized by emotional intensity, these couples engage in debates and persuasion but maintain mutual respect. Their arguments often include humour, showcasing a strong emotional connection.
• Validating Couples: A blend of the previous two types, these couples practice empathy and perspective-taking. They carefully choose their battles and often compromise after disagreements, though they are less emotionally expressive than volatile couples.
• Hostile Couples: Marked by frequent defensiveness and criticism, these couples show little empathy or perspective-taking and often express contempt, making conflict resolution difficult.
• Hostile-Detached Couples: Emotionally distant and disengaged, these couples have reached a state of detachment and stalemate. With minimal interaction and no effort to resolve issues, this relationship often ends in divorce.

Interesting psychological facts about marriage

How Do People Decide to Get Married?

What factors influence the decision to marry? The Pew Research Centre (Geiger & Livingston, 2019) has explored this question over the years, revealing key insights:

1. Shared Interests: 64% of Americans believe that having shared interests is essential for a lasting marriage.
2. Satisfying Sexual Relationship: 61% of respondents think that a fulfilling sexual relationship is crucial to a successful marriage.
3. Cohabitation Trends: Cohabitation is becoming increasingly common in the U.S., with the fastest growth occurring among individuals aged 50 and older.
4. Remarriage Rates: Fewer previously married women remarry compared to men. In 2014, 54% of women expressed that they didn’t want to remarry.
5. Interracial Marriages: In 2015, 17% of newlyweds married someone of a different race or ethnicity—a significant increase from just 3% in 1967.
6. Religious vs. Political Compatibility: While many people marry across religious lines, political alignment remains important. Most Republicans (77%) and Democrats marry someone who shares their political views.

Modern day relationships also go through a lot of challenges. Definition of modern-day relationships are also evolving. Some people still follow the traditional methods of committed and steady relationships. Some people believe in the story of soulmates. Here are some problems we see in relationships nowadays:

• Lack of time devoted by partners.
• Lack of clear and healthy communication.
• Pretentious fake relationships.
• Taking boyfriend/girlfriend for granted.
• Monetary insecurities.
• Trust issues with your partner.
• Delegating responsibilities.
• Too much or too less focused on career.
• Lack of appreciation towards your partner.
• Mismatched sex preferences and various other choices.
• Partners are jealous of each other.
• Over possessive mindset of the partner.
• Personal choices about parenthood to plan future.
• Unrealistic expectations from partner and humiliation.
• Extra-marital affairs
• Lack of patience to devote to your partner.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 7
 Psychology of Parents

Raising children comes with its share of challenges, especially when deciding the best parenting approach. Whether parenting solo or with a partner, every parent strives to make decisions that help their child, often leading to anxiety about which parenting style to adopt. While individual parenting approaches can vary, researchers have found a few main categories over the years.

In the 1960s, psychologist Diana Baumrind categorised three primary parenting styles: authoritarian, authoritative, and permissive. In the 1980s, Stanford researchers Eleanor Maccoby and John Martin introduced a fourth style: neglectful. Baumrind later published an entire book highlighting the benefits of the authoritative parenting style, which she considered the most effective. However, all four categories continue to be widely recognised today. Below is an overview of these parenting styles.

The impact of parenting styles on child development—and how these effects carry into adulthood—is still a significant topic of debate within the psychology community. Measuring these effects can be challenging, as they are often difficult to quantify. However, there are some widely acknowledged outcomes associated with each parenting style. Below, we will delve deeper into the four main parenting styles and examine their potential effects on children and the adults they become.

1. Authoritarian parenting style

The first of the four parenting styles is Authoritarian. Often characterised as rigid and controlling, this style emphasises strict rules and unquestioning obedience. Parents with an authoritarian approach typically respond to questions with phrases like, “Because I said so!” They enforce rules without room for discussion, compromise, or interpretation, and punishments for breaking these rules are often severe. Children in these households are rarely given a say in their own lives and are expected to comply without question. Punishments are frequently used to enforce compliance, while displays of affection are limited or absent.

This parenting style can have long-lasting negative effects on children, often persisting into adulthood. According to therapist and author Alyson Schafer, some potential consequences include:

• Developing a “follower” mentality, leading to difficulty making independent decisions.
• Struggling to discern right from wrong without guidance from an authority figure.
• Experiencing low self-esteem and seeking external validation to feel worthy.

Additionally, authoritarian parenting tends to fall short in teaching meaningful lessons. Children may comply while the parent is present but are more likely to rebel or act out when left unsupervised. They may also seek guidance and validation from sources outside their parental relationship.

1. Authoritative parenting style

One of the most beneficial parenting styles found by Diana Baumrind is Authoritative. Widely regarded as the most effective approach, this style strikes a balance between structure and independence, allowing children to grow within clear boundaries while fostering their ability to explore and develop their potential. Authoritative parents set lofty standards for their children but pair those expectations with emotional support and an environment of trust. Often described as “tough but fair” or “firm but nurturing,” this style encourages children to learn from their mistakes without fear of harsh judgment, all within a framework that offers guidance and support.

Baumrind characterised authoritative parents as:

“They are assertive, but not intrusive or restrictive. Their disciplinary methods are supportive rather than punitive. They aim to raise children who are both assertive and socially responsible, as well as self-regulated and cooperative.”

This parenting style has been shown to help children:

• Develop self-confidence and self-assurance.
• Learn how to handle responsibility effectively.
• Build resilience and find ways to overcome challenges.
• Trust their own judgment and decision-making abilities.

1. Permissive parenting style

The third of the four parenting styles is Permissive. This style is the opposite of authoritarian parenting. Permissive parents allow their children to do as they please, avoiding rules or structure that might disappoint or upset them. Often, these parents take on the role of a peer or friend rather than a traditional parental figure, quickly giving in to their child’s desires. This approach may stem from their own experiences growing up in a strict, authoritarian household and wanting to provide a different environment for their children.

While being attentive to a child’s needs is important, the lack of boundaries and structure in permissive parenting can lead to long-term negative effects. According to Schafer, “You end up with either a child who’s entitled or incredibly anxious because there’s no one running the ship.”

• Some potential consequences of overly permissive parenting include:
• Difficulty regulating emotions
• Increased defiance and rebellious behaviour when expectations aren’t met
• A tendency to give up when faced with challenges
• Risk of engaging in harmful behaviours, such as substance abuse

1. Neglectful parenting style

The fourth and final parenting style is Neglectful. As the name suggests, neglectful parents have minimal involvement with their children. They provide little to no rules, structure, or affection, leaving their children to fend for themselves. When taken to the extreme, this parenting style can put children at serious risk, potentially leading to intervention by authorities and removal from the home. This approach is also commonly referred to as “uninvolved parenting.”

Neglectful parents typically do not engage in conversations or interactions with their children, attend their activities or events, or make efforts to build emotional connections. Even when not physically harmful, the psychological consequences of this style are profound, often leaving children to struggle with long-term challenges such as:

• Depression
• Difficulty forming close relationships
• Struggles with maintaining healthy relationships in adulthood
• Engaging in delinquent or hostile behavior
• Withdrawing and isolating themselves from others

“Neglectful parents raise kids who have attachment difficulties because the bond between child and parent is so fleeting,” explains Fran Walfish, a psychotherapist specialising in child, parenting, and relationship issues.

A parent’s role

Parents have a considerable influence on their children’s lives, from encouraging academic work and extracurricular activities to modelling values as children grow. (Remember, children learn by example, not just instruction!) However, parents are not the only influential figures in a child’s life, especially once they start school and interact with the broader world.

While most parents strive to provide the best possible start for their children, it’s essential to remember that children are born with their own temperaments, personalities, and aspirations. While parents may have ideas about the path their child should take, their primary role is to serve as a guide to help children navigate the world and become independent, capable of pursuing their own goals.

In today’s fast-paced world, parenting styles can shift with trends, and in some circles, it has even become competitive. However, the core needs of child development, as understood through science, remain constant: safety, structure, support, and love.

How to be a good parent?

Effective parenting goes beyond simply avoiding obvious pitfalls like abuse, neglect, or overindulgence. According to the National Academy of Sciences, parents have four key responsibilities: ensuring children’s health and safety, fostering their emotional well-being, teaching social skills, and supporting intellectual development.

Research shows that the most well-adjusted children are raised by parents who balance warmth and sensitivity with clear behavioural expectations. A useful framework for achieving this balance is the Four C’s: care (providing acceptance and affection), consistency (creating a stable environment), choices (allowing the child to build autonomy), and consequences (enforcing the outcomes of their choices, both positive and negative).

What are unhealthy parenting styles?

Not all parenting styles serve a child’s best interests. Over parenting can hinder children as they grow into adulthood, leaving them unable to handle even minor challenges. Two common forms of over parenting are “helicopter parenting,” where children are constantly checked and sheltered from harm, and “snowplow parenting,” where obstacles are removed from their path. Both styles can have long-term negative effects on a child’s independence, mental health, and self-esteem.

On the other hand, insufficient parenting can also be harmful. Research shows that a lack of parental involvement often leads to poor behavioural outcomes in children, possibly because it pushes them to rely too heavily on peer influence. Interestingly, overly strict, or authoritarian parenting can produce related results.

In the end, the best approach is for parents to be loving yet firm, giving children the freedom to develop their own interests, explore their independence, and face failure.

Problems faced by modern parents

Parents today face a variety of challenges. The most common include balancing work and family life, managing stress, and raising children in the digital age. There are also practical concerns like budgeting for a household, teaching children about money, and ensuring their safety online.

So, how can you navigate these obstacles and become an empowered parent? In this guide, we will explore some of the biggest parenting challenges and offer solutions, along with key tips to help you thrive as a successful and fulfilled parent.

• Balancing family and work

One of the biggest challenges parents face today is finding a balance between work and family life. This often means juggling multiple responsibilities, such as caring for children, meeting work deadlines, and keeping up with household tasks like cooking, cleaning, and grocery shopping. Many parents value both their career and family life but achieving a healthy work-life balance while being available for personal needs can be difficult.

To manage this challenge, it is crucial to set clear priorities, delegate tasks when possible, and schedule time for self-care. For instance, you might consider bringing your kids to work on a lighter day or hiring a cleaning service to handle some household chores. It is also important to keep open communication with your partner and family members about your responsibilities, so you can work together to support one another.

• Stressful life of parents

In addition to balancing work and family life, another significant challenge for modern parents is managing stress. Whether it is related to work or simply the weight of everyday responsibilities, many parents find it difficult to stay calm and manage their emotions. For instance, during the pandemic, stress levels skyrocketed as parents worried about the health of their children, family, and friends.

To cope with stress, it is essential to prioritise self-care by eating well, getting enough sleep, and practicing relaxation techniques such as meditation or yoga. Find activities that help you unwind—if time is limited, consider making a hot bath a non-negotiable part of your routine a few times a week.

Time management is another helpful strategy. Using a task management app or setting reminders for key responsibilities can help you stay organised. And most importantly, do not hesitate to reach out for support when needed, whether from family and friends or a professional like a parenting coach.

• Impact of digital era on parenting

The rise of digital devices and social media has introduced new challenges for parents. Many struggle to set healthy limits on screen time for their children, and as kids become increasingly tech-savvy, parents often feel like they are constantly playing catch-up.

To navigate these challenges, it is crucial to have open conversations with your children about the risks and benefits of technology, while setting up clear rules for device use. This could include limiting smartphone and tablet use for younger children or creating a family media contract to set guidelines around technology use.

It is also important to stay updated on the latest trends and apps so you can guide your children effectively. Lastly, remember to model healthy tech habits yourself, such as limiting your own screen time and setting boundaries for device use. In short, to thrive as a parent in today’s digital age, stay informed, set clear limits, and lead by example.

• Managing budget when everything is expensive

As a parent, managing the household budget effectively is one of your biggest challenges. With inflation, rising living costs, and increasing expenses for housing, healthcare, childcare, and education, it can often feel like there’s not enough money to go around.

A key strategy to address this challenge is to understand your current spending habits so you can show areas to cut back. For example, you might reduce eating out or takeout, pack your lunch instead of buying it, or shop around for more affordable insurance options.

Additionally, be proactive about lowering household expenses. This could involve negotiating a lower utility bill, investing in energy-efficient appliances, or taking advantage of sales rather than paying full price.

Remember, saving money does not have to mean sacrificing quality or convenience. You can still enjoy life’s little luxuries if you stay within your budget. In short, managing your household budget does not have to be stressful or overwhelming. With planning and discipline, you can meet your financial goals and secure a stable future for your family.

• Money lessons to children

Raising children in today’s world comes with many challenges, especially when it comes to teaching them about money. As discussed earlier, managing a household budget is a wonderful opportunity to lead by example. Practicing smart financial habits yourself can help reinforce these lessons for your children.

It is also essential to have open conversations about money and teach them the importance of saving and spending wisely. For younger children, start with simple concepts like earning and saving money, or how money is used to buy the things they want.

As they grow older, introduce more advanced topics such as budgeting, investing, and the power of compound interest. Encourage them to set financial goals, plan for purchases, and think critically about their spending.

Instructing your children about money is one of the most valuable gifts you can give. By equipping them with strong financial knowledge and habits, you are helping to set them up for a secure and successful future.

• Protecting children online

As a parent, keeping your children safe is a top priority—but in today’s digital world, this task has become increasingly challenging. The internet presents many risks, including cyberbullying, exposure to inappropriate content, and identity theft.

To address these dangers, it is essential to start conversations about internet safety early and teach your children how to protect themselves online. Encourage open communication and equip them with the knowledge they need to stay safe on their devices and at home.

Practical steps include setting up parental controls, regularly checking your child’s online activity, and setting up age-appropriate boundaries for device usage. Additionally, be mindful of your own online behaviour, as children often model what they see from their parents.

By taking these proactive measures, you can help your children navigate the digital world safely, empowering them to enjoy the benefits of technology while minimising its risks.

Parenting comes with its fair share of challenges and responsibilities. From managing a household budget to tutoring your children about money and ensuring their online safety, parents often juggle many tasks at once.

However, by staying mindful of these challenges and proactively addressing them, you can successfully navigate your parenting journey. Start by setting clear goals and priorities and be realistic about what you can carry out each day.

Additionally, building a dedicated support system is essential. Whether it is a supportive partner, family members, or a community of like-minded parents, having people to rely on can make the challenges of parenting much more manageable.

Problems faced by single parents

1 out of 100 Indian marriages are ending up in divorce. It is a real concern for the single parents. Everyone cannot be Sushmita Sen who is a single mother to two beautiful, adopted daughters. There are many single parents who are struggling with various issues. Their ex-partners are not paying alimony on time. Let us check out some real problems here:

• Lack of Financial Support

Financial challenges are among the most significant issues single parents face, especially single mothers. They must manage household chores, work to cover expenses, and care for their children, often without any financial aid. Balancing these responsibilities alone can be overwhelming, leaving little room for rest or self-care.

• Lack of Social Support

Single parents often experience a lack of social support and are often viewed as needing sympathy or help, particularly single mothers. Society tends to stigmatise them, creating added emotional burdens. Without a reliable support network, single parents must rely entirely on themselves, often feeling isolated in the process.

• Pressure to Remarry

Social pressure to remarry is another challenge faced by many single parents. Relatives and acquaintances often push them to consider remarriage as a solution to their challenges, often presenting endless reasons to justify it. This pressure can leave single parents questioning their choices and wondering if remarriage might be the right path, even if it is not something they want.

• Proposals and Indecision

As a single parent, you may often receive proposals for remarriage, leaving you in a constant state of indecision. You might find yourself torn between conflicting thoughts—wondering whether accepting a proposal is the right choice or if it aligns with your own needs and your child’s well-being. This mental tug-of-war can be emotionally exhausting and challenging to navigate.

• Lack of Quality Time with Your Child

One of the most significant challenges single parents' faces is the struggle to spend quality time with their children. With many responsibilities on their shoulders, single parents often feel guilty about not being able to dedicate enough time to nurture their relationship with their child. This guilt is compounded by worries about their child’s ability to develop confidence, resilience, and the strength needed to face societal pressures. Balancing work, responsibilities, and parenting can leave little room for the meaningful moments they long to share.

• Handling Legal Documents

Single parents, especially mothers, often meet difficulties when dealing with legal documents for their children. In many cases—such as in India—legal paperwork often requires the father’s details, leading to extra formalities and challenges for single parents. These bureaucratic hurdles can be time-consuming and emotionally draining, making legal processes one of the toughest challenges for single mothers to manage.

• Dealing with a Stereotypical Society

Single parents often face harsh judgment from society, especially women. They meet a multitude of challenges in a world rife with stereotypes and biases. Instead of offering support or understanding, society often creates added hurdles—treating them unfairly, making them feel inadequate, and perpetuating harmful narratives. Despite these obstacles, single mothers show immense strength and resilience, navigating a path that is far from easy. They are remarkable individuals who handle their struggles with grace and determination. Society must shift its perspective, offering compassion and support rather than criticism, to better understand and address the challenges single parents face.

• Children Facing Psychological Challenges

Single parenting can take an emotional toll not just on parents but on children as well. Children of single parents are often at higher risk of psychological issues such as depression, anxiety, loneliness, and a lack of confidence. They may struggle to interact with peers, fear social situations, or face emotional distress when questioned about their absent parent. Consulting a child counsellor can be beneficial to address these challenges and support the child’s emotional well-being. Early intervention can help children build confidence, manage their emotions, and foster healthier relationships.

• Children Engaging in Risky Behaviours

The many responsibilities single parents juggle can sometimes result in less supervision, increasing the likelihood of children engaging in risky behaviours such as drug or alcohol use. A lack of quality time and guidance may also lead to poor academic performance or even dropping out of school. To address this, seeking support from counsellors or mentors can help steer children away from harmful activities. Providing consistent emotional support and fostering open communication can also play a critical role in keeping children on a positive path.

• Difficulty Trusting Others

Single parents often face the challenge of balancing work, household responsibilities, and childcare. This may require entrusting their child to someone else’s care, which can be a daunting task in a world where not everyone has genuine intentions. Many people may appear trustworthy but may harbour ulterior motives, making it difficult for single parents to place their trust in others. This lack of trust becomes a significant concern for single parents striving to ensure their child’s safety and well-being.

Coping Strategies for Single Parents

Here are some practical steps single parents can take to navigate challenges and create a happy, balanced life:

1. Avoid Projecting a Missing Partner onto Your Child

It’s important for single parents to refrain from seeking the emotional presence of their absent partner in their child. This can lead to emotional vulnerability for both the parent and the child, creating feelings of loneliness or dependency. Instead, focus on building a positive, independent relationship with your child.

1. Foster a Close Bond with Your Child

Maintaining a strong connection with your child is crucial. Take time to engage in fun activities and share quality moments together. At the same time, balance affection with discipline to guide them effectively. Being a supportive yet firm parent helps ensure that your child feels loved while staying on the right path.

1. Encourage Your Children Actively

It is important for single parents to actively encourage their children to focus on their studies and take part in extracurricular activities. These activities not only keep children engaged but also help them develop new skills, build confidence, and lead a more fulfilling life. Encouragement from a parent can go a long way in helping children overcome feelings of loneliness and stay motivated.

1. Stay Engaged in Your Child’s Daily Life

Make it a habit to ask your children about their day, including how they spent their time, what happened at school, and whether they are facing any challenges or stress. Open communication ensures your children feel heard and supported, and it allows you to address any problems they might meet in school or with peers. As a single parent, taking an active interest in their daily experiences is a crucial part of understanding and guiding them through life’s challenges.

Importance of mothers in children’s lives

A mother’s love for her child is the purest form of unconditional love, a bond that words often struggle to capture. While we may excel at expressing emotions through language, describing the depth of a mother’s affection stays a challenge. To a mother, her child is always her baby—whether they are 6 or 60, a tycoon, a leader, or a thinker. A mother’s unwavering love transcends all phases of life and circumstances, making it an enduring and cherished gift. This steadfast devotion is what makes mothers so extraordinary in the eyes of their children.

A child’s learning journey begins right from birth, or even earlier. It is well-known that during pregnancy, mothers are encouraged to read uplifting books and listen to soothing music. This is because, even before entering the world, a baby forms a connection to it through its mother. After birth, the mother becomes the child’s first guide to the world, gradually introducing them to new experiences before others step in.

No matter the language, culture, or custom, a baby’s first word is always directed at their mother— “Mother,” “Maa,” “Amma.” A mother imparts everything she knows to her child, from the basics of walking and talking to the values and skills needed for a fulfilling life. She also plays a key role in shaping her child’s discipline and education, equipping them to thrive in the world.

In this journey, a mother herself becomes a learner once again, continuously seeking knowledge to better guide and support her child. From waking up to bedtime, a mother’s teachings stay an integral part of a child’s growth and development.

Without mothers, the world would feel a lot less hopeful. Life is filled with difficulties, and from the very beginning, children are exposed to challenges. However, it is the mother’s unwavering love, care, and comfort that reassure them that, in the end, good will prevail. Through her nurturing eyes and confidence, a child always finds hope, even in the darkest moments. Whether facing exams, competitions, or life’s difficulties, children instinctively turn to their mothers for guidance and support first.

For a mother, her child is like an open book, and no one knows her child better than she does. She understands every feeling, thought, and emotion, with nothing staying hidden from her. As the most correct judge of her child’s personality, she ensures they are treated and guided in ways that suit their individual needs. Recognising her child’s interests and aspirations, a mother adapts and introduces new opportunities to foster growth and development. Whether it is enrolling the child in activities like swimming, dancing, or drawing, or making changes like switching schools or adjusting learning styles, a mother always strives to enhance her child’s well-being and future.

We all need someone we can rely on during times of crisis, especially emotional ones. What better refuge than a mother’s embrace, where all worries, insecurities, and negative emotions can find peace? A child always seeks their mother’s support, no matter the stage of life—whether it is starting school, getting married, or becoming a parent. She is the unwavering pillar of strength on which her child can always depend.

We can never truly repay a mother for all that she has done and continues to do for us. The best we can do is show her the same love and affection she gives so selflessly. While a mother never expects anything in return for her care, love, and protection, we can still make her feel cherished through small, thoughtful gestures. If you are looking to make her, feel special, use occasions like Mother’s Day or her birthday as the perfect opportunity to express how much she means to you. A heartfelt gift, like Mother’s Day flowers, is sure to make her feel loved and appreciated.

Importance of fathers in children’s lives

Fathers play a crucial role in their children’s well-being by staying consistently involved in their upbringing. Research shows that children who perform well academically and are well-adjusted often have fathers who provide a supportive and encouraging presence. According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, fathers who actively take part in their children’s lives contribute to their emotional health, social development, self-esteem, and overall wellness. In addition, engaged fathering during infancy and early childhood helps foster emotional security and enhances skills in areas like math and verbal communication.

Fathers play a unique and vital role in the development of their children. They help shape how their kids respond to challenges by teaching them self-control and providing a model for handling awkward situations. Research shows that fathers who respond lovingly and calmly when their children misbehave or become upset tend to raise boys who are less aggressive and girls who are more positive in their friendships.

For infants, fathers who engage in their babies’ care—by responding to their cries, offering frequent hugs, and taking part in tasks like feeding and diaper changes—help build their children’s self-confidence and positive behaviour. As children grow, those with fathers who offer praise, physical affection, and emotional support when they are sad or scared are more likely to excel academically.

This trend continues into adolescence, where praise from fathers, especially for significant achievements, stays a strong factor in fostering success. Studies show that children who live with or spend substantial time with their biological fathers experience many benefits, including improved emotional well-being and development. Even when fathers do not live in the same household, their active involvement can still have a lasting, positive impact on their children’s lives.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 8
Psychology for/of forty plus

Middle age is typically defined as the period between the ages of forty and sixty. This phase is characterised by both physical and mental changes, marking a transition from earlier adulthood. While many individuals now experience these changes later than in the past, the traditional age range is still widely recognised. At sixty, many people experience a decline in physical energy, often accompanied by a decrease in mental sharpness. Additionally, the trend towards retiring at sixty, rather than sixty-five, has reinforced the idea that sixty stands for the boundary between middle and old age.

Since middle age spans a lengthy period, it is often divided into two stages: early middle age, from forty to fifty, and advanced middle age, from fifty to sixty. During advanced middle age, physical and psychological changes that began in the early forties become more pronounced.

The age at which these changes occur can vary significantly among individuals. There are two main philosophies about how people should approach middle age: one suggests staying active and youthful, while the other advocates for a more relaxed pace, embracing the idea of aging gracefully and slowing down—a perspective often referred to as the “rocking-chair” philosophy. Middle-class individuals tend to favour the first philosophy, while those from lower-income backgrounds lean toward the second. Among the upper class, there is a more even split between the two approaches. Women, on average, are more likely to adopt the “rocking-chair” philosophy than men.

Freud once said, “Life is not the same at forty-five as at twenty-five; nor are we the same kind of people.” Middle age, like every stage of life, has its own distinctive characteristics that set it apart.

After old age, middle age is often regarded as the most feared stage of life, one that adults often deny until the passing of time and the changes in their appearance force them to confront it. As Desmond saw, “Americans slump into middle age grudgingly, sadly, and with a tinge of fear.”

The negative stereotypes associated with middle age, combined with traditional beliefs about the physical and mental decline thought to occur after the end of reproductive years, contribute to an adult’s reluctance to embrace this phase. In cultures that place greater value on youth, as opposed to the reverence for age seen in other societies, middle age is often viewed with unease. As this stage approaches, many adults become nostalgic for their younger years, dreading the changes that come with it.

Just as puberty marks the transition from childhood to adolescence and adulthood, middle age is a time when individuals move away from the physical and behavioural traits of earlier adulthood into a period where new characteristics appear. Eventually, every adult must confront the physical changes of middle age and recognise that the behaviours of their younger years need significant revision.

Adjusting to these changes is often more difficult than accepting the physical transformations. Men, for instance, must adapt to the realities of aging, including the impending retirement and shifts in their work life due to physical changes. Women, on the other hand, often face the challenge of transitioning from the role of homemaker to a worker in business or industry or even dealing with the solitude of an empty nest.

These adjustments, coupled with physical changes, can disrupt an individual’s physical and psychological equilibrium. Many women experience this disruption during their forties, often due to menopause and the departure of their last child, requiring significant life adjustments. For men, this period typically comes later, in their fifties, when the prospect of retirement and the accompanying role changes loom large.

The term “dangerous age” is often used to describe a man who seeks a final adventure, especially in terms of his sex life, before aging catches up with him. However, middle age can be dangerous in other ways as well. It is a time when individuals may experience physical breakdowns due to overwork, stress, or unhealthy lifestyles. Mental illness rates rise during middle age for both men and women, and suicide rates also peak, particularly among men. These issues will be explored further.

The challenges that make middle age difficult are heightened by gender differences in the timing of physical and psychological changes. Middle age can be a time of “unfortunate synchronisation” between a woman’s life transition and a man’s midlife crisis, which can strain relationships, sometimes leading to separation or divorce. These stresses can also increase the likelihood of physical and mental health problems, substance abuse, and even suicide.

Just as adolescence is neither childhood nor adulthood, middle age is neither young nor old. As Franzblau put it, the middle-aged person “stands between the younger ‘Rebel Generation’ and the ‘Senior Citizen Generation’ — both of which are continuously in the spotlight,” enduring the discomforts and challenges associated with both age groups.

The desire for inconspicuousness in middle age is often reflected in how individuals dress. Most middle-aged people opt for conservative clothing choices while still adhering to current styles. This preference for conservatism also extends to material possessions, such as homes and cars, and their social behaviours—whether in how they entertain or dance. The more they blend in, the less they feel out of place in a society that glorifies youth.

Erikson suggests that middle age is a critical period, marked by a choice between “generativity” and “stagnation.” Individuals either become more accomplished or stagnate. For those with a strong drive to succeed, middle age can be a peak period, bringing the rewards of years of preparation and hard work. This phase is typically one of financial and social success, as well as a time to gain authority and prestige. Many men reach their peak between the ages of forty and fifty, after which they often enjoy the fruits of their labor until their early sixties, when they may be considered “too old” and replaced by younger, more energetic individuals. Earnings typically reach their height during this period.

Middle age is also when leadership roles in business, industry, and community organisations are often granted as a result of earlier accomplishments. Many organisations, particularly older ones, elect individuals in their fifties or older to leadership positions. This is also the age when individuals often receive recognition from professional societies.

Neugarten has explained that successful middle-aged individuals often see themselves as no longer being “driven,” but instead as the “driver”—in control and leading their lives with authority.

Since middle age is typically the time when individuals reach the peak of their careers, it is also when they evaluate their achievements against their earlier goals and the expectations of others, particularly family and friends. As Archer notes, commitments to careers and marriages are often made in the twenties, and it is common for people to reflect on those commitments during their late thirties and early forties.

Many middle-aged individuals, both men and women, experience boredom in their late thirties and forties. Men may feel disillusioned by the monotony of work and family life that no longer excites them, while women who have spent much of their adult lives caring for the home and raising children often wonder what to do with the next twenty or thirty years. Even unmarried women who have focused on careers may feel bored for similar reasons.

Categories of stress in middle-aged individuals

• Somatic Stress: Caused by the physical signs of aging.
• Cultural Stress: Arises from society’s emphasis on youth, vitality, and success.
• Economic Stress: The financial strain of supporting children’s education and maintaining status symbols for the family.
• Psychological Stress: Resulting from personal losses, such as the death of a spouse, children leaving home, marital boredom, or feelings of lost youth and the inevitability of aging.

Developmental tasks of middle-aged individuals

• Tasks Related to Physical Changes

These involve accepting and adapting to the physical changes that typically occur during middle age.

• Tasks Related to Changed Interests

During middle age, individuals often take on civic and social responsibilities and shift their focus to adult-oriented leisure activities, replacing the family-oriented activities that dominated their earlier years.

• Tasks Related to Vocational Adjustments

These tasks focus on showing and keeping a stable standard of living through career and financial decisions.

• Tasks Related to Family Life

Key tasks in this area include building a meaningful relationship with one’s spouse as a partner, adjusting to the needs of aging parents, and helping teenage children transition into responsible and happy adulthood.

Adjustments to changes with body and appearance

One of the most challenging adjustments for middle-aged men and women is coming to terms with changes in their appearance. They must acknowledge that their bodies are no longer functioning as they once did and may be deteriorating in certain vital areas. This includes accepting the decline in reproductive role, as well as the potential loss of sex drive and sexual attractiveness. Just as a young child must adjust to the reality of their appearance, moving from an idealised vision to reality, middle-aged individuals must also adapt to changes they often dislike, which serve as obvious signs of aging.

This adjustment is made even more difficult by the fact that societal attitudes toward aging are often negative, further intensifying the individual’s own unfavourable feelings toward these physical changes.

Changes of interests in middle-age

As people age, their interests tend to become more focused rather than expanded.

• There is often a shift in emphasis on existing interests, such as choosing clothing that creates a more youthful appearance, and a tendency towards more solitary activities like hobbies.
• Middle-aged individuals may develop a stronger interest in cultural activities, such as reading, painting, or attending lectures.
• The gap between male and female interests narrows, with men showing less interest in sports and increasingly engaging in activities traditionally associated with women, like reading or going to concerts.
• There is a growing interest in self-improvement activities, such as attending lectures or taking courses, while interests in purely recreational activities, such as dancing or playing cards, tend to decrease.

Status symbols of middle-age

Middle-aged individuals often see themselves as part of the “command generation”—the group with the most influence and power—and as a result, they want material possessions that signal their social status. As Packard notes, “Status arises from the evaluations many people make, often subconsciously, regarding the social worth of possessions such as address, home, and other status symbols.”

While most middle-aged people have long understood the importance of status symbols in how others perceive them, many were unable to afford these symbols earlier in life due to limited income and the financial burden of raising children.

As the financial pressures of early adulthood ease, middle-aged individuals often become more focused on buying status symbols. While any valuable material possession can serve as a status symbol, a home, a car, and clothing are particularly significant because they are the most visible. Among these, a home is usually regarded as the most important status symbol, as its cost tends to leave a stronger impression on others than the price of a car or clothing. If the home is in a desirable area, its status value is further elevated. Additionally, a home provides opportunities to highlight other symbols of status, such as expensive furniture, antiques, and art pieces.

For those eager to climb the social ladder, status symbols become even more crucial. When a socially mobile individual relocates to a new neighbourhood or community, they are often judged by their neighbours and business associates based on their visible status symbols before being fully accepted. The more status symbols they own, especially those that are highly visible, the greater their chances of gaining acceptance.

Religion in middle-age

Middle-aged individuals often show a greater interest in church and church-related activities than they did in their younger years, though this interest may be driven by factors beyond religion itself. Many middle-aged people, particularly women, who have more free time and fewer family responsibilities, find that religious activities serve their needs, whether spiritual or social. This increased interest in religion can also appear after the death of a close family member or friend.

For many middle-aged men and women, religion becomes a more significant source of comfort and happiness than it was in their youth. Overall, they are less troubled by religious questions, less rigid in their beliefs, and less convinced that there is only one true religion. They tend to be more skeptical about concepts like the devil, hell, and miracles than younger generations, such as college students. At this stage in life, middle-aged individuals are more tolerant of other religions and are less likely to be disturbed by religious uncertainties.

Community tasks for middle-age

Middle-aged men and women, who often feel in control of both their personal lives and professional responsibilities, see this stage of life as an opportunity for service. With their careers well-established and, for many women, fewer home responsibilities, they have more time to contribute to community affairs. This might include serving on committees, church, or professional boards, or taking on leadership roles in various organisations. Additionally, many middle-aged individuals are now financially able to join clubs and lodges.

At this stage, people may engage in formal community groups for several reasons: to enjoy themselves, serve their communities, help others, or advance culturally and professionally. For instance, they might serve on school boards, become active in their churches or the Red Cross, or take part in recreational activities at places like the YMCA or local lodges.

Vocational adjustments in middle-age

Adjustments related to work and family in middle age are often more challenging than personal and social changes, as discussed in the earlier chapter. For example, supporting a comfortable standard of living has become increasingly difficult in recent years. With the rise of automation and the trend of small companies merging with larger ones, many middle-aged individuals find themselves out of work.

Middle-aged individuals may find that the jobs for which their training and experience had previously prepared them no longer exist, and they lack the necessary qualifications for unoccupied positions. As a result, they may face unemployment.

Adjusting to changes in family life is similarly challenging. Transitioning to the role of adviser to adult or adult children, after years of caring for and supervising them, can be difficult. These adjustments become even more complicated when parents need to financially support their children’s early marriages or extended education.

In addition to these changes, middle-aged individuals must also confront the looming challenge of aging. Like other life transitions for which there is no prior experience, this adjustment often brings about significant emotional strain.

Family pattern changes in middle-age

• Physical Changes

The physical and psychological challenges associated with menopause in women and the male climacteric often worsen other adjustment issues during middle age, creating a cycle where each difficulty heightens the impact of the other.

• Loss of Parental Role

Shifting from a life focused on home and children is difficult, as this role becomes a deeply ingrained habit. However, middle-aged individuals who find fulfilling activities to occupy their time are better equipped to adjust to the loss of the parental role.

• Lack of Preparation

While many middle-aged people expect and prepare for the physical changes that come with aging, few anticipate the role changes that affect their family and professional lives. These challenges become more overwhelming when physical and role changes occur simultaneously.

• Feelings of Failure

Middle-aged individuals who experience dissatisfaction in their marriage or feel their children have not lived up to expectations may struggle with feelings of failure, often blaming themselves for unmet hopes.

• Feelings of Uselessness

When parental responsibilities fade or end, especially in homes that were once child-centred, middle-aged individuals may feel a sense of uselessness or lack of purpose.

• Disenchantment with Marriage

Unforeseen shifts in the marital dynamic, such as job loss, lack of success, or children failing to meet parental expectations, can lead to feelings of disenchantment within the marriage.

• Care of Elderly Relatives

Many middle-aged individuals resent the responsibility of caring for aging relatives. They may feel trapped by the demands, fearing it will strain relationships with a spouse or adolescent children, and disrupt their newfound freedom.

• Sexual Adjustments

Studies have shown that women can find enjoyment in sex during middle age, even without orgasm, potentially more so than in the earlier years of marriage.

Although poor sexual adjustment does not always result in marital unhappiness or divorce, it is often a significant contributing factor to the disenchantment with marriage that many experience in middle age. As such, poor sexual adjustment can seriously hinder overall marital satisfaction.

One of the key factors contributing to poor sexual adjustment in middle age is the disparity in the timing of the sex drive between men and women. Research shows that men’s sex drive peaks earlier, typically in adolescence, while women’s sexual interest tends to increase as they approach middle age. This mismatch in sexual development stages, combined with differing levels of sexual interest, can lead to marital discord.

Additionally, poor sexual adjustment often arises when men become concerned about their sexual vitality. Some may feel inadequate or, conversely, seek sexual experiences with younger women to affirm their virility. On the other hand, many women in their forties and early fifties experience a surge in sexual desire, which may conflict with their husband’s declining interest in sex. This can lead to sexual dissatisfaction for the woman, leaving her unhappy in the marriage.

Some middle-aged women, aware that time is running out, may decide to have a child, which can complicate their relationship with their husband. The husband may be reluctant to take on the responsibilities of parenthood again, especially if they had been enjoying newfound freedom or feel embarrassed by the prospect of having a baby at an older age.

When a woman feels little satisfaction from intercourse or believes her husband no longer finds it necessary or interesting, she may take the initiative to stop engaging in it. This reinforces feelings of being unwanted or unnecessary, which can contribute to dissatisfaction and hinder positive marital adjustments.

Despite these challenges, many middle-aged men and women successfully adjust sexually, contributing to their overall marital happiness. For women, a decline in sexual satisfaction is often linked to their husband’s attitudes and behaviour, while for men, it tends to stem more from internal factors.

Challenges in adjusting with children’s spouses

• The middle-aged couple’s expectation of maintaining the same relationship with their children as they had before marriage, and assuming their relationship with a son- or daughter-in-law will mirror that of their own children
• The need for married children to live with their parents or in-laws
• The tendency of middle-aged parents to offer excessive advice to their son- or daughter-in-law
• Differences in socio-cultural backgrounds between in-laws, leading to criticisms and strained relationships
• Elopement, which causes parental embarrassment and resentment
• Residential proximity, which fosters frequent contact and may lead to overprotectiveness and interference from parents
• A married daughter’s psychological dependency on her parents, which can cause tension and resentment from her husband.
• The absence of grandchildren can be a source of disappointment for middle-aged parents. It may also allow married children greater independence, potentially leading them to neglect their parents, which can intensify feelings of parental resentment.

Adjustment to care for aging parents

Role Reversal

Elderly parents often struggle to relinquish the authority and independence they once had, particularly when dealing with grown children or in-laws, making the adjustment process challenging for both parties.

Place of Residence

Caring for elderly parents becomes less burdensome if they can remain in their own homes and receive financial support from their children rather than moving in with them or being placed in a care facility.

Degree of Responsibility

Middle-aged individuals may feel resentment if caring for elderly parents imposes a significant financial strain or heavily limits their personal freedom and activities.

Relationship of Aging Parent to Middle-aged Individual

Tensions are higher when the care involves an in-law rather than a direct parent, with wives often bearing the greater share of responsibility and, so, more resentment.

Role Played by Elderly Parent

Adjustment is smoother when the elderly parent is physically capable of contributing to household tasks and does not disrupt the family dynamic, compared to a parent who requires constant care and interferes in family matters.

Sex of Elderly Parent

Male elderly parents tend to cause less work and interfere less with household routines, regardless of whose home they live in.

Earlier Experiences with Elderly Parent

Those who have had positive past experiences with their parents or in-laws adapt better to the caregiving role than those whose earlier interactions were negative.

Attitude toward Elderly Parent

The ease of adjustment depends on the middle-aged individual’s attitude toward the elderly parent, which can range from love to resentment, shaped by past experiences and the parent’s current behaviour.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 9
Psychology of/of an Old Age (Sixty Plus)

The global population is ageing rapidly. In 2020, there were one billion people aged 60 and older worldwide. By 2030, this number is projected to rise to 1.4 billion, equating to one in six people globally. By 2050, the population of those aged 60 and over will double, reaching 2.1 billion. Additionally, the number of individuals aged 80 and above is expected to triple, growing from 2020’s figures to 426 million by 2050.

Older adults play vital roles in society as family members, community participants, volunteers, and workers. While many support good health, others face increased risks of mental health conditions such as depression and anxiety. They may also experience reduced mobility, chronic pain, frailty, dementia, or other health challenges, often requiring long-term care. With age, it becomes more common to manage multiple health conditions simultaneously.

Approximately 14% of adults aged 60 and older live with a mental health disorder. According to the Global Health Estimates (GHE) 2019, these conditions contribute to 10.6% of the total disability burden among older adults, measured in disability-adjusted life years (DALYs). Depression and anxiety are the most common mental health issues in this age group.

The GHE 2019 data also reveals that older adults account for about 27.2% of global suicide deaths, highlighting the significant impact of mental health conditions. However, these issues are often under-recognised and underrated, with stigma often discouraging individuals from seeking the help they need.

In later life, mental health is influenced not only by physical and social environments but also by the cumulative effects of past experiences and stressors associated with ageing. Factors such as exposure to adversity, significant losses in physical capacity, and declining functional ability can contribute to psychological distress.

Older adults often face challenges such as bereavement, reduced income, and a diminished sense of purpose after retirement. Despite their many contributions to society, they are often subjected to ageism, which can profoundly change mental health. Social isolation and loneliness, affecting about one-quarter of older people, are significant risk factors for mental health conditions in later life.

Abuse of older adults is another genuine issue, encompassing physical, verbal, psychological, sexual, or financial abuse, as well as neglect. One in six older adults experiences abuse, often at the hands of their caregivers. Such abuse can have severe consequences, including depression and anxiety.

Many older people also take on caregiving roles for spouses with chronic health conditions like dementia. These responsibilities can be overwhelming, negatively affecting the caregiver’s mental health.

Certain groups of older adults are at higher risk of depression and anxiety due to factors like poor living conditions, physical health issues, or limited access to support and services. This includes those in humanitarian settings, as well as individuals living with chronic illnesses (e.g., heart disease, cancer, or stroke), neurological conditions like dementia, or substance use problems.

Promoting mental health and preventing mental health issues in older adults focuses on fostering healthy ageing. This involves creating physical and social environments that support well-being and empower individuals to pursue meaningful activities, even as their abilities change.

Key strategies for promoting mental health and preventing issues among older adults include:

• Reducing financial insecurity and income inequality through targeted policies and programs.
• Ensuring safe and accessible living environments, including housing, public buildings, and transportation.
• Providing social support for older adults and their caregivers.
• Encouraging healthy behaviours, such as maintaining a balanced diet, staying physically active, avoiding tobacco, and moderating alcohol consumption.
• Offering targeted health and social programs for vulnerable groups, such as those living alone, in remote areas, or with chronic health conditions.

Social connections are particularly important at this stage of life, as they help mitigate the risks of isolation and loneliness. Engaging in meaningful social activities can enhance mental health, life satisfaction, and quality of life, while also reducing depressive symptoms. Effective interventions include befriending initiatives, community and support groups, social skills training, creative arts programs, leisure and educational activities, and volunteering opportunities.

Protection from ageism and abuse is equally critical. This can be addressed through anti-discrimination policies and laws, public education campaigns, and intergenerational activities. For caregivers, interventions such as respite care, advice and education, financial help, and psychological care can help support healthy and positive caregiving relationships, reducing the risk of elder abuse.

Prompt recognition and treatment of mental health conditions, along with associated neurological and substance use disorders, are crucial for older adults. Care should align with standards for integrated care, emphasising community-based approaches that address both long-term mental health conditions and declines in intrinsic role. This approach also involves education, training, and support for caregivers.

Effective care typically combines a range of mental health interventions with added supports to meet the individual’s health, personal care, and social needs. Dementia is a significant concern, as it can profoundly affect mental health by causing symptoms such as psychosis and depression. Addressing dementia requires access to high-quality mental health care tailored to these challenges.

Equally important is addressing the abuse of older adults. Promising interventions include mandatory reporting systems, self-help groups, helplines, emergency shelters, psychological programs for perpetrators, and training for healthcare providers. Supporting caregivers through targeted interventions also plays a vital role in preventing abuse and ensuring the well-being of older adults.

The World Health Organisation (WHO) collaborates with diverse partners to help governments address the mental health needs of older adults through strategies, programs, and tools.

One key initiative is the Decade of Healthy Ageing (2021–2030), a global effort led by WHO to improve the well-being of older people, their families, and communities. Additionally, WHO Member States have endorsed the Comprehensive Mental Health Action Plan 2013–2030, which promotes improved mental health and care for all, including older adults.

The Mental Health Gap Action Programme (mhGAP) offers evidence-based clinical guidelines for assessing, managing, and following up on priority mental, neurological, and substance use conditions—such as depression and dementia—in non-specialised settings. The mhGAP intervention guide includes practical advice for working with older adults.

During the COVID-19 pandemic, WHO and the Inter-Agency Standing Committee (IASC) launched the Living with the Times toolkit, a set of illustrated posters designed to help older adults support mental health and well-being.

Other WHO efforts to support older adults’ mental health include developing scalable psychological interventions for depression and anxiety, conducting research and providing guidance on reducing social isolation and loneliness, and finding cost-effective measures to prevent elder abuse.

The global increase in the number of older adults, coupled with rising life expectancy, has brought greater attention to the psychological aspects of ageing. Evidence suggests that successful ageing is a multidimensional process that encompasses psychological, physical, and social well-being.

As populations age, the field of geropsychology is gaining importance. This specialty focuses on understanding, treating, and enhancing the mental health of older adults. However, many seniors with mental health challenges may not receive proper treatment.

Prompt recognition and intervention are essential for addressing mental health concerns in older adults. Effective approaches typically combine psychosocial interventions with proper medical treatments to support overall well-being.

Mental health and physiological changes in elderly population

Mental health and well-being are just as crucial in older age as they are at any other stage of life. Mental and neurological disorders contribute to 6.6% of the total disability burden (measured in DALYs) among older adults, with approximately 15% of people aged 60 and older experiencing a mental disorder.

Common psychosocial challenges in older age include:

• Difficulty adjusting to role changes.
• Difficulty adapting to lifestyle changes.
• Problems in family relationships.
• Experiences of grief.
• Low self-esteem.
• Anxiety and depression.
• Aggressive behaviour.

Addressing these issues is essential to ensure healthy and fulfilling ageing.

Older adults face many of the same life stressors as people of all ages but often meet added challenges unique to ageing. These include significant and ongoing losses in physical role and functional ability. Common health issues such as reduced mobility, chronic pain, frailty, diabetes, hearing loss, and osteoarthritis often cause long-term care.

Older adults are also more likely to experience major life events such as bereavement or a decline in socioeconomic status due to retirement. These stressors can lead to isolation, loneliness, and psychological distress.

Mental and physical health are closely interconnected. For example, older adults with physical conditions like heart disease are more likely to experience depression than those without such conditions. Furthermore, untreated depression can worsen outcomes for physical health conditions, such as heart disease, highlighting the importance of addressing mental health in holistic care.

In general rehabilitation settings, addressing complex emotions is crucial, as these emotions significantly influence a person’s engagement and participation in treatment. While many treatments for mental health challenges are like those used for physical health issues in other client groups, the approach must be tailored to meet the individual’s specific health needs.

Patience and empathy are essential, along with strong listening and counselling skills when working with both clients and their carers. Equally important is helping individuals reorient to their environment and developing an understanding of their behaviour to provide effective and compassionate support.

Elder abuse refers to a single or repeated act, or the failure to take proper action, within any relationship where trust is expected, and that causes harm or distress to an older person. This form of violence is a violation of human rights. Older adults are vulnerable to distinct types of abuse, including:

• Physical, verbal, psychological, financial, or sexual abuse
• Abandonment
• Neglect
• Significant losses of dignity and respect

Current evidence shows that one in six older adults experiences elder abuse. The consequences of such abuse can be severe, affecting physical and mental health, financial stability, and social well-being. These effects may include physical injuries, premature death, depression, cognitive decline, financial ruin, and forced placement in care facilities.

The most common mental and neurological disorders in older adults are dementia and depression, which affect approximately 5% and 7% of the global older population, respectively.

1. Depression can cause significant distress and impair daily functioning. It is often under-diagnosed and under-treated in primary care settings, as its symptoms are often overlooked or misattributed to other issues common among older adults. Older individuals with depression tend to function worse than those with chronic medical conditions such as lung disease, hypertension, or diabetes. Depression also contributes to a greater belief of poor health, higher healthcare use, and increased costs.
2. Dementia is an umbrella term for a range of symptoms characterised by progressive and irreversible impairments in intellect, memory, and personality. While dementia primarily affects older adults, it is not a normal part of ageing. An estimated 50 million people globally are living with dementia, with 60% living in low- and middle-income countries. The number of people with dementia is expected to rise to 82 million by 2030 and 152 million by 2050.

As people age, the likelihood of experiencing bereavement increases. Grief is a natural response to the death of a loved one and is commonly met in clinical practice with older adults. Typically, acute grief evolves over time into integrated grief, but in some cases, it can become prolonged, severe, and impair functioning. This failure to adapt to grief is known as Prolonged Grief Disorder (PGD), which was recently added to the ICD-11. The key feature of PGD is an intense longing for or persistent preoccupation with the deceased, lasting longer than six months after the loss.

Unfortunately, older adults may be reluctant to discuss their mental health or grief with family members, GPs, or other care providers, leading to grief going undetected and untreated.

Older adults who have lost a partner are up to four times more likely to experience depression compared to those who have not experienced such a loss.

When addressing the psychological impact of adjusting to physiological changes that result in disability, several factors must be considered:

1. Stroke: A stroke may require lifestyle adjustments, such as moving a bed downstairs, which can lead to a loss of privacy, or giving up driving, which can result in social isolation.
2. Major disability: A significant disability can alter a person’s role or status within the family. For instance, a shift from being a caregiver to being cared for can negatively affect self-esteem.

Healthcare professionals often focus primarily on addressing the physical aspects of a disability, which may cause the psychological challenges to be overlooked. However, if physiotherapists are aware of the potential psychological consequences, they can refer patients to other specialists and ensure that a holistic, person-centred approach to care is supported.

While much of the focus in the field of life extension and successful ageing has been on physical factors such as exercise, diet, sleep, and genetics, it is important to expand our understanding of how psychology, physical activity, and health interact. Specifically, we need to explore the positive impact of physical activity on psychological health in older adults.

Being active is beneficial for mental health. Exercise stimulates the release of chemicals in the brain that enhance well-being, such as boosting self-esteem, improving concentration, and promoting better sleep. This is an area where physiotherapists can play a key role, as our ability is particularly valuable. Educating individuals about the mental health benefits of physical activity is an essential starting point.

It is a common misconception that all older adults are alike. There is a wide diversity within this age group, with differences often greater than those seen in other age groups.

While most older adults today are White, significant changes are expected in the next two decades, leading to a more culturally diverse population. Between 2010 and 2030, the White population aged 65 and older is projected to increase by 59%, compared to a 160% increase for older minorities. Among these, older Latinos will see the largest growth. By 2030, they are expected to make up 22% of the older population, up from 8% today. Additionally, the number of older immigrants in the U.S. has grown by 70% in the past 20 years, rising from 2.7 million to 4.6 million.

Cognitive and mental health related issues to be addressed

• For most older adults, age-related changes in cognition (thinking) are mild and do not significantly affect daily functioning.
• Older adults can learn new skills even in later life, though the process may take longer than for younger individuals.
• Short-term memory tends to change more noticeably with age, while long-term memory declines at a slower rate.
• Some cognitive changes, such as slower reaction times and reduced problem-solving abilities, are normal with age. The speed at which information is processed, stored, and retrieved also slows down. However, many older adults perform better than younger individuals on intelligence tests that rely on accumulated knowledge and experience.
• Wisdom and creativity often persist throughout life.
• Personality traits stay stable. For example, individuals who were outgoing in young adulthood are likely to support that trait in later life.
• Most older adults report good mental health, experiencing fewer mental health issues than younger age groups. However, one in four older adults faces mental health challenges such as depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, or dementia.
• The suicide rate for men over 85 is higher than for any other age group.
• The number of older adults with substance abuse problems is expected to double to five million by 2020.
• Dementia, including Alzheimer’s disease (the most common type), is not a normal part of aging. Around 5% of individuals aged 71-79 and 37% of those over 90 are affected.
• As they age, people report higher life satisfaction and greater optimism about growing older.

How to make aging a reality yet smooth?

Older adults who rate their health as good are twice as satisfied with life as those who rate their health as poor. To increase your chances of aging well, consider taking the following steps:

• Exercise: Even moderate daily activity can help you stay active, independent, and support a positive mood. It can strengthen even the frailest older adults and improve overall fitness.
• Maintain a healthy lifestyle: Continue to follow a healthy lifestyle and adjust as needed for changes in your physical function (e.g., hearing, vision, flexibility, or strength).
• Stay up to date with preventive health care: Keep up with regular health behaviours such as getting flu and pneumonia vaccinations.
• Advocate for yourself: In health care settings, speak up for yourself and your family, or bring a knowledgeable representative with you. Do not hesitate to ask questions or seek a second opinion.
• Seek help if needed: If you feel anxious, depressed, or rely on alcohol or drugs to cope with your mood, seek support. Untreated mental health issues can lead to poor physical health outcomes, including increased disability, illness, and reduced quality of life.
• Stay engaged: Remain curious about developments in the arts, sciences, politics, and other areas of cultural and social interest.
• Engage in meaningful activities: Be involved in something that matters to you, something you care deeply about, to stay connected and passionate.

The elderly population is large and continues to grow, due to advancements in healthcare and education. As they age, older adults face many physical, psychological, and social changes that challenge their sense of self and their ability to live fulfilling lives. Many experience loneliness and depression, often due to living alone, a lack of close family connections, or weakened ties to their culture of origin, which limits their ability to engage in community activities. As people grow older, they may inevitably lose touch with their social networks, finding it more difficult to form new friendships or integrate into new social circles. This study aims to explore the relationships between depression, loneliness, and sociability among elderly individuals.

Aging is a continuous process that begins with birth and progresses throughout the life cycle. It marks the final stage of life, during which individuals reflect on their past, take pride in their achievements, and begin to wrap up their life journey. Adapting to the changes that come with old age requires flexibility and the development of new coping skills to manage the usual challenges of this stage of life (Warnick, 1995).

The definition of “health” in old age is a topic of debate. While there is agreement that health in older adults cannot simply be defined as the absence of disease—given the high prevalence of diagnosable conditions in this population—health is viewed as a multifaceted concept. It involves not only the diagnosis of disease but also the assessment of symptoms (such as pain), the potential life-threatening nature of conditions, the consequences of treatments (e.g., medication side effects), functional capacity, and subjective evaluations of health (Borchelt et al., 1999). Rowe and Khan (1987) also suggested that the health of older adults be assessed in relation to age and cohort norms.

Increasing evidence suggests that psychological and sociological factors play a significant role in how well individuals age. Research has shown that factors such as religious beliefs, social relationships, perceived health, self-efficacy, socioeconomic status, and coping skills are positively correlated with successful aging.

Depression is a prevalent condition among older adults, significantly affecting their well-being and quality of life. Research has consistently shown that the prevalence of depressive symptoms increases with age (Kennedy, 1996). These symptoms not only reflect psychological well-being but are also important indicators of functional health and longevity. Longitudinal studies reveal that higher levels of depressive symptoms are intricately linked to greater difficulties in performing daily activities (Penninx et al., 1998). Additionally, community-based research shows that older adults with major depressive disorders face an increased risk of mortality (Bruce, 1994). There is also evidence suggesting that depressive disorders may contribute to cognitive decline (Speck et al., 1995).

Although it is commonly believed that depression is an inevitable part of aging, recent research challenges this misconception. Depression is linked to various social, physical, and psychological issues, many of which become more prominent in older adulthood, increasing the risk of depression. However, depression is not an unavoidable outcome of these issues. Studies have found that age is not always strongly correlated with the severity of depression, and the oldest individuals may even develop better coping strategies, leading to more common but less severe depressive symptoms compared to younger populations.

When depression arises earlier in life, it is often associated with genetic, personality, and life experience factors. In contrast, depression that develops later in life is typically connected to physical health problems. Older adults in good physical health are at a minimal risk for depression. Physical health issues are a major contributor to depression in later life, due to factors such as the psychological impact of chronic illness and disability, the effects of chronic pain, the biological consequences of certain conditions and medications that can alter brain chemistry, and the social limitations imposed by illness, which can lead to isolation and loneliness.

There is substantial evidence showing that depression significantly increases the risk of mortality in adults, particularly from unnatural causes and cardiovascular disease (Wulsin et al., 1999). While some population-based studies have found a clear, independent relationship between depression and increased risk of death in later life, others have not.

Loneliness is a negative, subjective feeling resulting from perceived deficiencies in social relationships. Two causal models commonly explain it: one focuses on external factors, such as a lack of social network, while the other emphasises internal factors, including personality traits and psychological factors.

Loneliness can have serious health consequences. It is one of the three main contributors to depression (Green et al., 1992) and is a significant risk factor for suicide and suicide attempts. A study by Hansson et al. (1987) found that loneliness was associated with poor psychological adjustment and dissatisfaction with family and social relationships.

As people age, the likelihood of experiencing age-related losses increases. These losses may hinder the ability to support or form new relationships, leading to higher levels of loneliness. Many older adults experience loneliness due to living alone, lack of close family ties, reduced connections to their culture of origin, or difficulty engaging in community activities. When combined with physical disability, loneliness often leads to demoralisation and depression. Researchers, such as Heikkinen et al. (1995), have reported the detrimental impact of loneliness on health in older age. Major life changes, such as the death of a spouse or friends, or social disengagement after retirement or moving away from a familiar neighbourhood, contribute to feelings of loneliness in older adults. Those in the oldest age cohort are particularly likely to experience high rates of loneliness, as they face an increased likelihood of such losses.

A study by Max et al. (2005) showed that perceived loneliness significantly amplified the effect of depression on mortality. For the oldest individuals, depression is associated with an increased risk of death primarily when loneliness is present. Depression often accompanies loneliness, with symptoms such as withdrawal, anxiety, lack of motivation, and sadness sometimes masking the signs of loneliness itself.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 10
 Psychology for/of a Good Life

For decades, this has been a long-debated topic. What is a good life? How to attain a good life? How to die without any regrets? How to live a guilt-free life? How to forgive ourselves? How to be grateful?

These questions keep coming into our minds every now and then. Some people think about these questions at a very tender age; some think about them when they are retired. And some people spend their entire life without thinking about them. We have several categories of people around us. This quest keeps us questioning our existence and help us to spiritually transform ourselves. The first step of spiritual awakening starts with a basic question. What is my purpose in this universe?

With over 8 billion people on the planet, there are just as many perspectives on what constitutes the “good life.” Positive psychology appeared as a field dedicated to understanding human flourishing, aiming to set up a science of well-being and deepen our insight into what makes life meaningful (Lopez & Snyder, 2011).

This article begins by exploring various definitions of the good life, followed by a brief overview of philosophical theories that have shaped our understanding of it. Next, we will examine key psychological theories of the good life and methods for assessing quality of life. Finally, we will discuss practical ways to apply these theories to cultivate a more fulfilling and meaningful existence.

The concept of “the good life” varies from person to person. However, there are certain aspects that many people would agree define a fulfilling life, such as:

• Material comfort
• Personal well-being
• Engagement in meaningful activities or work
• Loving relationships with partners, family, and friends
• A sense of belonging to a community.

A sense of fulfilment across these and other areas of life often leads individuals to flourish and view life as meaningful and worthwhile (VanderWeele, 2017).

The question, “What is the good life?” has been explored for centuries, with its roots tracing back to philosophical inquiry.

This complex question has captivated philosophers since the time of the ancient Greeks, as it delves into the nature of values, ethics, and the principles of living a good and meaningful life.

Interestingly, the ancient Greek philosopher Socrates never recorded his teachings. Instead, his student Plato documented Socratic dialogues that illustrate the Socratic method. Central to Socrates’ concept of the good life was his famous assertion that “the unexamined life is not worth living” (Apology 38a, as cited in West, 1979, p. 25).

Socrates believed that simply going through the motions of daily life—working, enjoying leisure, and fulfilling routine obligations—without reflecting on one’s values or purpose made life devoid of meaning. However, he also supported that philosophical reflection alone was insufficient for a profoundly good life. According to Socrates, the good life required self-mastery over primal desires, fostering inner peace and contributing to the stability of the wider community.

Plato’s perspective on the good life, as outlined in The Republic (380–375 BCE/2007), builds upon the teachings of his mentor, Socrates. In this work, Plato explores virtue, philosophy, community, and the role of the state in fostering conditions for living well.

In the dialogue, Socrates is asked why one should strive to be genuinely virtuous to live a good life rather than merely appear virtuous to gain a favourable reputation. Socrates responds that the good life is not about external beliefs but the state of an individual’s soul.

Philosophy plays a vital role in this process because it trains individuals to use reason to master their primal desires, shaping noble characters who contribute to a harmonious and just society. In contrast, those who do not regulate their behaviour become unstable, leading to personal suffering and societal disorder.

Thus, for Socrates and Plato, educated reasoning is vital for cultivating virtuous behaviour. Rational reflection on the consequences of one’s actions minimises suffering and ensures a life of inner harmony and outward contribution. Virtuous conduct, grounded in reason, is fundamental to achieving the good life for both individuals and society.

For Aristotle, a student of Plato, the highest good was achieved through the development of both intellectual and moral virtues, a state he called eudaemonia, often translated as happiness or flourishing (Nicomachean Ethics, 350 BCE/2004). Aristotle argued that eudaemonia is realised when a person embodies all virtues, but reaching this state requires more than individual effort—it also depends on favourable external conditions.

Aristotle emphasised that a well-ordered state plays a crucial role in enabling individuals to live virtuously. He believed it was the responsibility of legislators to set up laws that foster the moral character of citizens, guiding them from vice toward virtue.

Cultivating virtue, according to Aristotle, requires reason to discern and choose between good and unruly behaviour. This rational ability helps individuals navigate the spectrum of character development, moving progressively toward a virtuous life supported by a society designed to promote ethical living.

Immanuel Kant, a Prussian-born German philosopher of the late 18th-century Enlightenment, is renowned for his groundbreaking work in ethics, moral philosophy, and metaphysics (Scruton, 2001). For Kant, the ability for virtue is uniquely human, rooted in our ability to resist bodily desires through the exercise of reason. He believed that reason not only guides us to virtue but also makes us worthy of happiness (Kant, 1785/2012).

Kant’s philosophy centres on the relationship between morality, reason, and freedom. A necessary condition for moral action is free choice, which exists only when actions are guided by reason rather than impulses like hunger, lust, or fear, or external pressures such as rewards and punishments.

Central to Kant’s ethical framework is the categorical imperative, a principle saying that one should act only in ways that could be universally justified. He argued that all decisions and behaviours should be tested against this imperative, and any action failing the test should be rejected as inconsistent with moral demands (Kant, 1785/2012).

To live virtuously, individuals must use reason to find principles aligned with the categorical imperative and act accordingly. However, Kant emphasised that reason develops only within a civilised society that provides the necessary conditions for virtue.

For instance, individuals living under constant threat of punishment or death lack the freedom needed to cultivate virtue, making authoritarian societies inherently incapable of producing virtuous citizens. Similarly, poverty undermines freedom by forcing individuals to focus solely on survival, leaving little room for the pursuit of moral principles.

Dr. Martin Seligman, widely recognised as a pioneer of positive psychology, defines the good life as one in which individuals use their character strengths to fully engage in activities that bring intrinsic fulfilment. This sense of engagement applies across all aspects of life, including work, leisure, and relationships.

Dr. Seligman, in collaboration with Christopher Peterson, developed the VIA classification of signature strengths (Peterson & Seligman, 2004). By applying these strengths to daily activities, individuals can cultivate the virtues necessary for achieving the good life—a life marked by positive emotions, a state of flow, and a deep sense of meaning.

Theories for good-quality life

There are many theories about what defines the good life and how to achieve it. This section will explore some of the latest psychological theories on the factors that contribute to living a fulfilling life.

• Set-point theory

Set-point theory suggests that while individuals experience varying responses to significant life events, such as marriage, buying a new home, losing a loved one, or developing a chronic illness, they return to their baseline level of subjective well-being (SWB) after a few years (Diener et al., 1999). This baseline, or “set point,” is decided by genetics and personality traits.

People with higher levels of neuroticism tend to lean toward pessimism and negative interpretations of events, while those who are more extroverted and open to new experiences are more likely to adopt an optimistic outlook. According to this theory, efforts to achieve life goals have minimal long-term impact on a person’s SWB because individuals have their own inherent “happiness set point” (Lyubomirsky, 2007).

Set-point theory also suggests that individuals who go through tough experiences, like losing a spouse or job, will eventually adapt and return to their earlier SWB level. This raises questions about whether helping professionals can truly enhance long-term SWB, or if their efforts are misguided.

However, other research shows that achieving life goals can indeed have a positive, lasting effect on overall contentment (Sheldon & Lyubomirsky, 2021). Pursuing non-competitive goals, such as building a family, fostering friendships, helping others, and engaging in social justice, can enhance well-being. In contrast, the pursuit of competitive goals like career advancement and financial success often detracts from SWB. For proponents of set-point theory, the good life is more influenced by intrinsic personality traits than by education or external factors.

• Life satisfaction theory

Life satisfaction typically refers to a broad evaluation of what makes life worth living, rather than focusing on success in one specific area, such as a career or intimate relationship, or the temporary pleasure often associated with happiness (Suikkanen, 2011). There are two dominant theories that explain what drives life satisfaction: bottom-up theories and top-down theories.

Bottom-up theories suggest that life satisfaction results from a sense of success across highly valued life domains. These domains vary from person to person. For instance, a professional athlete might place high value on sporting achievements, while a committed parent may prioritise a strong partnership and stable family life (Suikkanen, 2011). While these domains may differ, they are not mutually exclusive. For most people, satisfaction in multiple life areas contributes to a global sense of life satisfaction.

Top-down theories, on the other hand, argue that a person’s happiness set-point—shaped by their personality—plays a greater role in life satisfaction than achieving goals. According to this perspective, traits like optimism tend to enhance life satisfaction, regardless of external circumstances, while neuroticism may hinder contentment.

The debate continues, suggesting that life satisfaction is influenced by a combination of inherent traits and external factors, much like other areas of psychology (Suikkanen, 2011).

While life satisfaction is intricately linked to living a good life, it does not necessarily correlate with education, the exercise of reason, or the cultivation of virtues, as proposed by philosophers. For example, a successful financial criminal may experience high life satisfaction, but by philosophical standards, they would be considered morally corrupt.

• Hedonic treadmill

The concept of the hedonic treadmill suggests that, regardless of life events—whether positive or negative—a person will eventually return to their baseline emotional state. For instance, whether someone gets married, moves to a new home, receives a promotion, loses a job, or experiences a severe injury, they will revert to their innate set point (Sheldon & Lyubomirsky, 2012).

This idea is also known as hedonic adaptation theory (Diener et al., 2006), which posits that no matter how much we pursue happiness or try to avoid suffering, our natural tendencies toward optimism or pessimism will bring us back to our baseline level of either contentment or discontent (Lyubomirsky et al., 2005).

If you tend to view the glass as half empty rather than half full, do not be discouraged. Recent research by Sheldon and Lyubomirsky (2021) acknowledges that, while we each have a happiness set point, there are ways to cultivate greater happiness.

Assess the quality of your life

The definition of a high quality of life varies from person to person, as it is shaped by everyone's unique values and priorities. Nonetheless, evaluating quality of life has sparked extensive international research, leading to the development of various quality of life indicators (QoLs) through scales and questionnaires (Zheng et al., 2021). In the mid-1990s, Gill and Feinstein found at least 150 QoL assessment tools (Gill & Feinstein, 1994). Since then, these scales have been refined to assess quality of life in relation to specific health conditions, life events, and demographic factors such as age, ethnicity, and socioeconomic status (Zheng et al., 2021).

How to live a fantastic life?

How can each of us live the good life today, given our unique differences? Here are five steps to help you clarify what the good life means to you and how you can use your strengths to set meaningful goals that lead to greater fulfilment:

1. Clarify Your Values

Understanding what matters most to you gives your life direction and purpose. Everyone’s direction and purpose of life are different. Do not expect everyone to understand or support you.

1. Show Valued Life Domains

Engaging in activities within your valued life domains brings intrinsic reward. Keep pursuing your hobbies. Reading, writing, traveling, music, fitness, cooking, etc., there are so many hobbies available around you. Start pursuing any one of these with dedication.

1. Invest in Your Strengths

Discover your character strengths through self-assessment. Leveraging your strengths helps you tackle challenges and achieve your goals, leading to higher life satisfaction. Everyone is unique, they all have some or the other qualities to pursue or highlight.

1. Set Valued Goals

Setting clear, practical goals aligned with your values leads to greater fulfilment. Personal and professional goals should help you to grow in life. Some people take too much of stress while setting valued goals. This should come organically to everyone.

1. Ensure High-Quality Relationships

Healthy relationships with family, friends, partners, and colleagues are essential for living the good life. Relationships make you feel safe and comfortable about yourself. If someone is making you feel insecure then understand it is not a high-quality relationship worth investing for.

Establishing healthy boundaries helps you flourish in all life areas, while poor boundaries can leave you feeling unfulfilled.

In summary, engaging in values-driven activities and cultivating healthy, boundaries relationships provide the foundation for human flourishing and what is often called the good life.

We all aspire to live the good life, though what that means can vary from person to person. This idea has captivated humanity for centuries. If you are currently facing struggles, as we all do at various times, we encourage you to explore some of the science-backed strategies outlined above to help navigate through those challenges.

The evidence shared here proves that you can enhance your life satisfaction and overall wellbeing by aligning your actions with your values. But first, it is essential to clearly define what truly matters to you.

If you are currently facing struggles, as we all do at various times, we encourage you to explore some of the science-backed strategies outlined above to help navigate through those challenges.

The evidence shared here proves that you can enhance your life satisfaction and overall wellbeing by aligning your actions with your values. But first, it is essential to clearly define what truly matters to you.

Living by your values brings deeper meaning and purpose to your life and is a fundamental part of living the good life.

The Pleasant Life is realised when we learn to savour and appreciate basic pleasures such as companionship, nature, and fulfilling our bodily needs. We may find contentment at this stage, or we can move on to the Good Life, which is achieved by discovering and creatively using our unique virtues and strengths to enhance our lives. According to modern theories of self-esteem, life is truly satisfying only when we find value within ourselves. However, one of the best ways to uncover this value is by nurturing our strengths and using them to contribute to the happiness of others. The final stage, the Meaningful Life, is found when we experience deep fulfilment by applying our strengths toward a purpose greater than ourselves. Dr. Seligman’s theory brilliantly reconciles two opposing views of happiness: the individualistic approach, which focuses on self-care and personal strength, and the altruistic approach, which emphasises sacrifice for a greater cause.

Some critics have argued that Positive Psychology overlooks harsh realities. While Seligman’s research into positive emotions touches on pleasure and gratification, his work goes far beyond this. In exploring the Good Life (cultivating strengths and virtues) and the Meaningful Life (developing meaning and purpose), Positive Psychology aims to equip people with the skills necessary to engage with life’s challenges in increasingly profound and effective ways.

Each type of happiness is associated with positive emotions, but as showed in his quote, Seligman sees a progression. It starts with the happiness of pleasure and gratification, then moves to the development of strengths and virtues, and culminates in finding meaning and purpose.

Seligman (2002) argues that positive emotion, when detached from the exercise of character, leads to emptiness, inauthenticity, and depression, resulting in the unsettling realisation, especially as we age, that we are merely passing time until death. In this view, Seligman suggests that there are no shortcuts to genuine happiness. While the pleasant life may increase positive emotions, true and lasting happiness requires exploring the realm of meaning. Without applying one’s unique strengths and developing virtues toward a purpose greater than oneself, life becomes an empty pursuit of fleeting pleasures. Seligman builds on the work of his colleague Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi’s concept of “flow” to explain that engaging deeply in creative work fosters a greater sense of meaning and, in turn, a more profound sense of happiness.

The practice of kindness is a gratification, distinct from mere pleasure. As a gratification, it calls upon your strengths to rise to a challenge, particularly when serving others.

How can we use our strengths and virtues to create a meaningful life? Consider a talented martial artist who initially finds immense pleasure in perfecting her karate skills and winning tournament prizes. However, she later discovers that one of her autistic students is making considerable progress. This fills her with a deep sense of fulfilment, prompting her to open a class for children with special needs.

Witnessing these children overcome their challenges brings her even greater happiness. Eventually, she becomes so immersed in their joy and progress that her own happiness fades into the background. In this way, she enriches the lives of others while engaging her own strengths and virtues, creating a life of deeper meaning.

A life of happiness is often marked by pleasure, stability, and comfort, with a focus on minimising pain, instability, and discomfort. While everyone finds happiness in their own way, research consistently highlights the importance of close relationships in contributing to this vision of a good life. For instance, a recent study found that participants rated hosting a party as the activity most likely to bring them happiness. This idea is also reflected in Elizabeth Gilbert’s bestselling memoir Eat, Pray, Love, where her pursuit of happiness in Italy centred around the simple pleasure of enjoying exquisite food. If we aim to prioritise happiness in our lives, it can be helpful to repeatedly ask ourselves, “What would I most enjoy?”

A good life is one that involves the pursuit of meaning, defined by purpose, coherence, and significance. In contrast, a life lacking meaning tends to be marked by aimlessness, fragmentation, and insignificance. Those living a meaningful life often feel that they are contributing to making the world a better place. Religious and spiritual practices often play a key role in this. For example, in Eat, Pray, Love, Elizabeth Gilbert pursued a life of devotion through yoga and meditation in India. To focus on this vision of the good life, we can repeatedly ask ourselves, “What would be most meaningful?”

Psychologists increasingly discuss a third vision of the good life: a psychologically rich life. This type of life is marked by a variety of interesting experiences that lead to shifts in perspective. In contrast, a life lacking psychological richness may be characterized by monotony, boredom, and stagnation. Research shows that experiences like studying abroad can increase feelings of psychological richness, and live music, in-person art, and other stimulating activities can play a significant role in nurturing this type of life. For those of us looking to cultivate a psychologically rich life, it might be helpful to repeatedly ask ourselves, “What would be most interesting?”

The vision of the good life that we prioritise can influence various aspects of society. For example, a community college offering primarily online courses may prioritise happiness by making education convenient and flexible, helping students earn degrees and secure well-paying jobs. On the other hand, a small liberal arts college that encourages questioning, curiosity, and experiential learning—requiring students to live on campus, take field trips, and study abroad—might be seen as emphasising psychological richness.

When asked, most people say they prefer a life focused on happiness. However, many of us, like me, may find all three visions—happiness, meaning, and psychological richness—appealing. If this is true, the good life can be viewed as a balance of all three. The question, then, becomes: “What have I neglected during the pandemic—happiness, meaning, or psychological richness?” And “What should I prioritise next?”

 

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Conclusion

There is no set rule to live a good and happy life. We all want to be surrounded by kind and friendly people. Nobody deserves to live a secluded life with no one in their life. Life has always something beautiful to offer us.

As an absurdist, Camus believed that, like Sisyphus, none of our actions are inherently significant because life itself lacks inherent meaning. We are all simply pushing boulders up our own hills. However, he argued that we have the power to create meaning in our lives. For existentialists, meaning is not something that is given to us—it is something we choose. When we dedicate ourselves to a task, we imbue it with meaning through our own values and commitment.

The idea that there could be one specific “best” life for all seems paradoxical. If there is a best life for humans, does that mean it is the best life for everyone, regardless of individual traits or preferences? In this view, lives are like appearances: there may be an ideal way for each person to look, but the best way for you to look might not, unfortunately, align with your ideal. Some philosophers argue that this does not make sense—how can a certain way of life be considered better for you if you could not enjoy, appreciate, or even relate to that life while still being true to yourself?

One common approach is to appeal to human psychology, focusing on what people genuinely care about. Classical utilitarians argued that humans are driven by two basic desires: the pursuit of pleasure and the avoidance of pain. Therefore, the best life would be one that maximises the balance of pleasure over pain. Other philosophers suggest that the goodness of a life depends on how many desires are fulfilled and how strong those desires are. However, the content and intensity of our desires may be shaped by limited knowledge or imagination. As a result, some philosophers have proposed an idealised version of this view: the good life is the one you would choose if you had perfect knowledge and the ability to reflect imaginatively on your desires.

Life and society are deeply interconnected, with each influencing the other in profound ways. Society provides the framework within which individuals live, work, and interact. It shapes our values, norms, and expectations, influencing how we see ourselves and others. Social structures, such as family, education, and government, help organise human activities and provide a sense of belonging and purpose.

At the same time, individuals contribute to society by shaping its culture, innovation, and social progress. Each person’s actions, beliefs, and choices can ripple through society, influencing collective behaviour and social norms. The relationship between life and society is dynamic, with society constantly evolving in response to changes in technology, politics, and human experience.

Life is not lived in isolation; it is a shared experience that is shaped by the communities we belong to and, in turn, shapes those communities. The balance between individual freedom and social responsibility is a key element in the ongoing conversation about what constitutes a good and meaningful life.

Living a guilt-free life begins with understanding the nature of guilt itself. Guilt often arises when we perceive ourselves as having violated our values or the expectations of others. It can also stem from societal pressures or unrealistic standards we set for ourselves. However, to live without unnecessary guilt, it is crucial to distinguish between guilt that serves a purpose—such as prompting us to make amends or learn from a mistake—and guilt that is irrational or rooted in perfectionism. Guilt that holds no constructive value can be crippling and prevent personal growth, so the first step is acknowledging it without letting it define you.

Self-forgiveness plays a vital role in living guilt-free. Everyone makes mistakes, and it is part of being human. Rather than dwelling on past actions, it is important to reflect on what you can learn from them and how you can improve going forward. Holding onto guilt only keeps you tethered to the past and prevents you from moving forward. By embracing self-forgiveness, you release the emotional weight of guilt and create space for self-compassion and growth. This does not mean excusing harmful behaviour but rather recognising that you are allowed to be imperfect and capable of making changes.

Equally important is setting healthy boundaries. Many of us feel guilty because we overextend ourselves or sacrifice our needs for others, leading to resentment or burnout. Learning to say no when necessary and prioritising self-care is not selfish—it is an essential part of supporting a healthy balance in life. Setting boundaries helps you avoid situations that might trigger unnecessary guilt, as it allows you to act from a place of self-respect and consideration for your well-being. When you respect your own limits, you can give more to others without the burden of guilt.

Perfectionism is another significant source of guilt. Many people feel guilty because they believe they must meet impossible standards, whether in their career, relationships, or personal life. Recognising that perfection is unattainable and that mistakes are an inevitable part of growth helps release the grip of guilt. Embracing imperfection and celebrating progress, no matter how small, fosters a mindset that reduces feelings of inadequacy and guilt. When you accept that you do not need to be perfect to be worthy, you free yourself from the constant pressure to meet unrealistic expectations.

Living a guilt-free life also involves aligning your actions with your core values. When you are clear about what truly matters to you, decisions become easier, and you are less likely to feel guilty about them. Living authentically, with intention, and in a way that is consistent with your beliefs, can reduce feelings of guilt. It is important to acknowledge when you are acting out of alignment with your values, but instead of wallowing in guilt, use it as a guide to adjust your behaviour and make choices that reflect your true self.

Ultimately, creating a guilt-free life involves a combination of self-reflection, self-forgiveness, and boundary-setting. It is about learning from past experiences, letting go of perfectionism, and prioritising your own well-being while living in alignment with your values. By practicing self-compassion and letting go of unproductive guilt, you can cultivate a life that is freer, more fulfilling, and less weighed down by unnecessary emotional burdens.

The ideal life for men, like for anyone, is deeply personal and shaped by individual desires, values, and aspirations. However, there are common threads that many men might consider when envisioning an ideal life. At the core, an ideal life for men involves finding a balance between personal fulfilment, meaningful relationships, and contributing to society in ways that align with one’s values and passions. It is not defined by societal standards of success alone, but by a sense of purpose, authenticity, and well-being.

Primarily, an ideal life for men involves cultivating an intense sense of self-awareness and purpose. This means taking the time to understand one’s own values, strengths, and goals. A man who is clear about what he values—whether it is family, career, health, or personal growth—can shape his life around those priorities. Instead of being driven solely by external pressures or expectations, he can pursue goals that bring him fulfilment and allow him to grow as a person. This might involve a career that challenges him, hobbies that nourish his creativity, or a lifelong quest for learning and self-improvement.

Equally important is the idea of healthy, meaningful relationships. No man can thrive in isolation; the connections he builds with family, friends, and romantic partners play a crucial role in his well-being. In an ideal life, men invest time and energy into nurturing these relationships, seeking both emotional intimacy and support. Healthy relationships are rooted in respect, trust, and communication, and they provide a sense of belonging and emotional fulfilment. A man who fosters these connections is more likely to experience a life that feels rich and satisfying.

Physical and mental health also play pivotal roles in an ideal life. A strong, healthy body and a resilient, balanced mind are foundations for achieving success in any area of life. Maintaining physical health through regular exercise, a nutritious diet, and adequate rest not only boosts energy levels but also contributes to a positive self-image. Mental health, too, is vital. Men should prioritise emotional well-being by engaging in practices that reduce stress, foster mental clarity, and build emotional resilience. This could involve meditation, therapy, journaling, or simply setting aside time for relaxation and reflection.

An ideal life for men also includes contributing to the greater good. This can take many forms, such as being an active participant in one’s community, mentoring others, or using one’s skills to make a positive impact. Whether through charity, volunteering, or simply offering support to others in need, meaningful contributions can provide a profound sense of purpose and satisfaction. Helping others and being part of something bigger than oneself adds depth and richness to life.

Lastly, a key element of the ideal life for men is financial stability, though it is important to note that this does not necessarily equate to extreme wealth. Financial independence allows for freedom, security, and the ability to pursue passions and interests without the burden of constant worry. However, the focus should be on aligning financial success with broader life goals, ensuring that money is a tool to enhance life rather than the aim.

The ideal life for men is a balance of self-awareness, meaningful relationships, physical and mental health, purpose, and financial stability. It is a life lived authentically, where personal values and goals shape the decisions made, and where men find both joy and fulfilment in their experiences. It is not a static destination but a continual journey of growth, contribution, and living in alignment with one’s true self.

The ideal life for women, much like for anyone, is subjective and deeply rooted in individual values, experiences, and aspirations. However, there are certain universal themes that many women might consider when thinking about an ideal life. At its core, an ideal life for women revolves around a sense of personal fulfilment, self-expression, and balance. It is not just about achieving external success, but about living authentically, nurturing meaningful relationships, and making a positive impact in the world.

A crucial aspect of the ideal life for women is cultivating an intense sense of self-worth and confidence. This begins with understanding who they are, what they value, and what brings them true happiness. For many women, this might involve a career that aligns with their passions, a pursuit of personal growth through education or hobbies, or a commitment to living a life that reflects their values. By focusing on their own development—whether intellectual, emotional, or creative—women can find a sense of purpose and fulfilment that transcends societal expectations and external approval.

Equally important is the role of meaningful relationships in an ideal life. Women often thrive when they are surrounded by supportive, loving relationships with family, friends, and romantic partners. These connections provide emotional support, fulfilment, and a sense of belonging. In an ideal life, women can nurture these relationships by prioritising communication, trust, and mutual respect. A strong social network can offer a foundation of support during challenging times, and provide opportunities for joy, companionship, and shared growth.

Health and well-being are also fundamental to living an ideal life. For many women, physical and mental health are intricately connected, and both need attention to live fully. A healthy lifestyle, which includes regular exercise, proper nutrition, and sufficient rest, helps women feel empowered, energetic, and confident. Equally important is mental health, which may involve cultivating mindfulness, engaging in therapy, practicing self-compassion, and managing stress. A balanced approach to health allows women to show up fully for themselves and for others, and to navigate the challenges of life with resilience.

An ideal life for women also involves a sense of autonomy and freedom, which can be achieved through financial independence, career success, and personal agency. Having control over one’s own decisions—whether in the workplace, at home, or in personal pursuits—can provide a sense of security and empowerment. Financial independence enables women to live life on their own terms, pursue their passions, and ensure stability for themselves and their loved ones. It is not about wealth but about having the resources to create opportunities and make choices that align with one’s life goals.

For many women, the ideal life is also one in which they contribute to the well-being of others and make a positive impact on the world. This can take many forms—whether through activism, mentoring, community service, or raising a family. Women who find ways to contribute to causes they care about often experience a deep sense of fulfilment and purpose. Being part of something greater than oneself provides meaning and reinforces the belief that life is about more than personal success—it is about making the world a better place.

 

Finally, an ideal life for women includes embracing and celebrating their individuality. This means not only striving for personal achievements but also enjoying life’s pleasures, whether they come from hobbies, travel, art, or spending time in nature. Embracing self-care, self-expression, and joy are key elements of an ideal life. Women who make space for fun and pleasure can recharge, reduce stress, and cultivate a sense of gratitude and satisfaction.

The ideal life for women is about finding balance. It is about aligning personal goals with authentic values, nurturing relationships that support growth and joy, supporting health and well-being, achieving financial and personal independence, and contributing to the broader community. It is not about perfection, but about the continual journey toward living a life of purpose, connection, and self-expression. An ideal life for women is a life in which they feel fulfilled, empowered, and able to make a positive impact in the world while honouring their own needs and desires.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Impressum

Texte: Gopal Koleakr
Bildmaterialien: Gopal Kolekar
Cover: Gopal Kolekar
Lektorat: Gopal Kolekar
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 06.12.2024

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Widmung:
PREFACE Common psychology refers to the study of human behaviour and mental processes, focusing on aspects that affect individuals in everyday life. It includes understanding how people think, feel, and behave in various situations, and how these behaviours are influenced by biological, social, and environmental factors. Psychology addresses common experiences such as learning, memory, emotions, motivation, and feeling, helping us better understand how we interact with the world around us. It also explores how psychological factors shape the way people react to stress, relationships, and life challenges, providing insights into common struggles and offering strategies for coping and improving mental well-being. One key area of common psychology is the study of cognition, which includes processes like attention, memory, problem-solving, and decision-making. Our ability to process information and make decisions is essential in daily life, from choosing what to eat to making career decisi