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Summary of

While You Were Out

Summary of

Meg Kissinger’s book

An Intimate Family Portrait

of Mental Illness in an Era of Silence

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Summary of While You Were Out by Meg Kissinger: An Intimate Family Portrait of Mental Illness in an Era of Silence

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NOTE TO READERS

This is an unofficial summary & analysis of Meg Kissinger’s “While You Were Out: An Intimate Family Portrait of Mental Illness in an Era of Silence” designed to enrich your reading experience.

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Author’s Note

The author shares a personal story of their family's traumatic experiences, revealing their family's willingness to help others and share their humor as a coping mechanism. The author, an investigative reporter and journalism professor, relies on a variety of sources to provide accurate information. The author interviewed various individuals, including doctors, social workers, family friends, neighbors, relatives, and lawyers. However, the author acknowledges that even the most vivid memories can be fuzzy due to the chaotic family life and the effects of trauma. The author uses quotes from documents or taped interviews, while those from memory or family stories are included without quotation marks. The author also mentions their brother Billy's participation in a basketball contest, but no demands are made.

PART I

Loving What Is Mortal

The Tiger Pit

When the author and their sister Patty were young, they would pretend that ferocious tigers lurked between their twin beds, waiting to rip them to shreds. Their mother, Jean Kissinger, spent her days rubbing ointment on babies' blistered bottoms, wiping snot off their faces, plastering cowlicks with her spit, and dripping warm medicine into their infected ear canals. Her father, Bill Kissinger (who we called Holmer), sold advertising space to companies that manufactured tranquilizers and other ethical pharmaceuticals to harried mothers of the baby boom.

The Catholic Marriage Manual warned against choosing a small family as their way of life, as it was seen as expressing ambition for material luxury rather than spiritual pleasures. The author's mother did not do anything to contradict these single men telling her how many children she should have and how to raise them. She and Holmer gamely produced five girls and three boys from 1952 to 1964, each one feistier than the last. Their favorite game was Teddy Bear, where one kid jumps on top of another on the playroom floor until someone farts or begins to turn blue.

Mary Kay, the oldest member of the family, was famous for her avant-garde fashions and refused to go on annual ski trips because she said her vacation was getting a week away from all of them. The author sometimes slept in the spare twin bed in her bedroom, hoping some of Mary Kay's swank would transfer to the author by osmosis.

In 1953, Nancy and Mary Kay were glamorous and took beauty seriously in high school. They modeled and preened their hair before school, and Nancy and Ellen won the school's eighth-grade science fair for their project on extrasensory perception. Nancy also tried to lighten her hair with Clairol Summer Blonde dye, but the author's dark hair turned orange.

Jake was an observer/inventor who made impossible-to-prove pronouncements about modern culture. He brought a backpack full of maps, almanacs, and notebooks with him, making pronouncements about modern culture that were impossible to prove. When Jake was in seventh grade, kids beat him up on the St. Francis playground, and the author was bitterly disappointed for being so weak.

In 1957, the author's bedrooms were full, and they slept in a bassinet by the front door. The author's left side of their face was swollen, and they had plaster casts on both legs and baby shoes affixed to a metal bar to keep them straight. The pediatrician examined the child, and it was determined that she would probably be okay socially.

Patty was the author's wingman, who worked hard to please them and everyone else. She was named editor of her first-grade newspaper, The Happy Times, and maintained a strict policy of not reporting anything that might embarrass anyone or hurt their feelings. By May, Patty abandoned journalism altogether and settled on a career in nursing.

In 1961, Billy was a smart, funny, handsome, athletic, and rascal who was often compared to his namesake, Holmer. In 1963, Danny was born on Billy's second birthday, and the family was drawn to him for his sweet disposition and sweet nature. However, the family was concerned about Danny's potential trouble.

In 1964, Molly was born, but the family decided to keep her in the maternity ward due to her exhaustion from having children. The mother took the Pill, which was prescribed by her doctor, a Catholic father of ten, as she believed it would be against the natural order of God. Official Catholic doctrine held that all birth control went against the natural order of God, and any woman who took the Pill would be committing a mortal sin.

As the news broke that oral contraceptives were "intrinsically wrong," Pope Paul VI declared that they could not be used as a means of regulating the number of children in a family. The mother was desperate to have more children, fearing what might happen if she had to keep having them. She pleaded with Father Welsh, the young associate, to grant her the dispensation, but the priest conceded the point and granted her the dispensation.

The story highlights the struggles faced by the family during this time, including the mother's mental health issues, the impact of the Pill on her family, and the challenges faced by women in their faith. The story highlights the importance of understanding and respecting the unique experiences and challenges faced by women in their lives, as well as the importance of maintaining a strong connection with one's faith and beliefs.

The text describes the struggles of a family with depression and anxiety, as well as the efforts of their mother and father to maintain a happy home life. The mother would start each morning strong, singing to Tippy, their beagle, and canary, and would take care of the children at St. Francis Xavier School. She would also deliver breast milk for the La Leche League and care packages for the CordiMarian Society.

The mother would also take the children to basketball games, play practices, and scout meetings, where she would lead them in fitness badges. She would also buy them ice cream cones for a nickel apiece, and her mother would mix her first martini at 5 p.m. sharp. After the dishes were done, she would kneel, take a deep breath, and bow her head, declaring herself happy to be in bed.

The father, Holmer, tried his best to help the family, helping coach Little League baseball and football, and presided as the lector at Sunday mass. He served as president of the parish school board and taught religious instruction to high school students. However, Holmer was fidgety and could not keep the names straight, and he would spit out names when flustered. His mother had hit him, so he hit the children, using spontaneous actions like jabs, smacks, punches, and belt cracks.

Sundays were the worst, especially if he was hungover and the Chicago Bears had lost another football game. The family struggled to cope with the chaos and the constant pressure from their parents.

Holmer, a football fan, would sneak his children into Bears games and pretend to be fumbling for tickets, but the team disappointed him more often than not. He would also shout "Look out!" when he was in a hurry to get out of the house, often looking ashamed. The family's tense environment and their mother's melancholia made them feel vulnerable and unprotected. As they grew older, they added rituals to their bedtime routines to help them sleep. They tried to train each other to shut up and sleep tight, but it rarely worked.

One day, the tigers came, and they were just as ferocious and deadly as the beasts they imagined. They scratched and clawed until they made mincemeat of everyone, causing some to be devoured and others to be snatched. Those who tried to hide were relentlessly attacked, and no one escaped unscathed.

In time, the family learned that if they were to survive, they had to figure out a way to fight back, wrestle the beasts to the ground, and pound them into submission once and for all. If not, they would surely come back and get them too.

Get Out of Jail Free

The author's mother was afraid of what might happen if she married her son, Bill, and tried to call off their wedding just weeks before the ceremony. She was worried about her father's hyperactivity and how it would affect him. The author's mother also worried about what Holmer would think if he knew the truth about her.

The parents were fixed up on a blind date in 1950 by Grandma, who knew about the family from Bill Dorward, her new son-in-law. The Gutenkunst family, a prominent family in Milwaukee, had a summer house on nearby Pine Lake, a Rolls-Royce, and a live-in maid during the Great Depression. The author's mother and two of her brothers attended private schools and took lessons in ballroom dancing, tennis, archery, horseback riding, and golf.

Holmer's family was hard up for cash, with his father dropping out of school after sixth grade to help make ends meet. When Holmer was six years old, he begged for a navy-blue sailor suit from Schuster's department store. His joy was short-lived, as his grandma made him fold up the uniform and return it to the store for a full refund.

The author's mother's fear of what might happen if she married Bill led her to try to cancel their engagement. The author's mother's fear of her son's behavior and the family's financial struggles ultimately led to their marriage.

Grandma set a trap for her son, Holmer, by buying him a red convertible and hoping that it would catch his mother's eye. Holmer had jet-black hair, brown eyes, a square jaw, and chiseled looks, which made him a successful modeling job. His mother was a prize, a Junior Leaguer with a pilot's license, speaking French and studying English literature at Carleton College.

Holmer nicknamed her mother "Maude" after an old battleax who worked the counter at the Milwaukee County Courthouse. Her mother was terrified of losing her mother, Chloe, who was dying of breast cancer. In the dead of winter, the mother spent her evenings cleaning out her mother's closets and writing thank-you notes to the funeral guests while her father refilled his martini glass.

The parents discovered that they had a lot in common. Holmer was not just a party boy in search of an easy payday, and the mother was more than a well-mannered trust fund baby looking to laugh her way out of her grief. They were both stuck in a bad situation, eager for a fresh start. They longed for someone who knew how it felt to have their life sailing along in one direction and suddenly turn around so completely that you didn't know where you were heading anymore.

Holmer's brother, John Matthew Kissinger, died in World War II, and the family barely spoke about him. The story of Jack's death was told each night as the family bowed their heads for the blessing of the meal and recited the eerie coda: Eternal rest grant unto him, oh Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon him.

Jack, a junior year history student at St. Norbert College, was drafted into the army in March 1943. He was stationed in Stamford, Texas, training to be a pilot when he learned that his father had suffered a heart attack back home in Milwaukee. Jack and his grandfather had always been close, but Grandma resented their closeness. Despite the war, Jack managed to get a compassionate leave to go back to Milwaukee to say goodbye to his dying father.

Grandpa's condition improved, and Jack returned to Texas to make up for lost training time. He needed just fifteen more hours of flying to be promoted, but would have to hustle to avoid being flunked by his supervisors. Jack knew that if he mastered his flying skills, he might become a commercial pilot someday.

On the last flight of the night, Jack was declared dead at the scene. His family, including his brother Holmer, misinterpreted a telegram and thought Jack was still alive. The Aircraft Accident Board acknowledged that Jack should have been supervised more closely and warned him about the dangers of flying so low. They charged Jack with safety violations, but he wasn't around to face the charges.

The army issued gold stars to the parents of soldiers killed in battle, but they were left to absorb their grief with the humiliation that their boy was dead because he screwed up. Jack was one of nearly fifteen thousand American men who died in flight training during World War II, never having left American soil. His broken body arrived home in a steel casket, and his family followed Jack's coffin to the altar.

In 1943, Holmer Gutenkunst enlisted in the navy, hoping to become a pilot like his brother. His mother, Chloe Gutenkunst, was devastated when she discovered her baby was on the way. The year had already been a mess, with World War II, a car crash, and heavy drinking. Chloe broke her neck and had to wear a body cast for the rest

Impressum

Verlag: BookRix GmbH & Co. KG

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 18.09.2023
ISBN: 978-3-7554-5355-0

Widmung:
Meg Kissinger's memoir, While You Were Out, chronicles a Chicago family grappling with mental illness, highlighting the harsh realities of a heavily medicated mother, violent father, and children with bipolar disorder and depression.

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