Inhalt

Chapter One

31st December 2007, Didcot Oxfordshire

Michelle Williams had always enjoyed New Year’s Eve. It was one of the few days of the year that the whole family got together to celebrate. There was something comforting about family traditions when all around things were changing.

Her brother, Chris, was just entering into his last year of teacher training. He was a bit older than most new teachers but he had decided on his career choice a bit later than most. She on the other hand had just finished her university course in accounting and would soon be starting a job in a local office. So in a lot of ways this New Year’s Eve marked the new phase in each of their lives.

Michelle awoke in the early morning, as was her habit, and walked down to her lounge. She lived alone in Manor Road in Didcot. The house had once belonged to her great grandparents and had been handed down to her from her grandparents when they had decided to move into a smaller place. Chris had been offered the house first but he had declined, preferring to find somewhere that was his own.

Michelle had a quick glass of water then started the journey to her parent’s house, in Brasenose Road, about five minutes away from hers. She wouldn’t usually go over to the house so early but they were throwing a party to celebrate her and Chris’ new job and she had agreed to help with the preparations.

She had just walked into Brasenose Road when she saw her friend Tracy and waved. At twenty one Tracy was a good three years younger than Michelle but the pair had been friends since childhood. Things had been a bit awkward over the last few weeks, however, ever since Chris’ friend Thomas had spent the night with Tracy and had left before morning. Michelle knew that he hadn’t been Tracy’s first partner but she was still so young and it had upset her terribly and Michelle had felt guilty for introducing the two of them.

“How are you doing?” Michelle asked when they were closer to each other.

“I’m fine” Tracy smiled “a little embarrassed by how I reacted but otherwise I’m all right.”

“You shouldn’t be embarrassed” Michelle murmured softly “I cannot believe Thomas did that to you.”

“Thanks” Tracy smiled awkwardly and looked away.

“What are you doing tonight?” Michelle asked “my mum and dad are throwing a party.”

“Is Tom going?”

Michelle nodded “I think so.”

“Then I think I will leave it” Tracy replied “sorry Chelle, I just don’t want to see him.”

“I understand” Michelle murmured.

“We will meet up soon” Tracy promised before waving goodbye and walking past.

Michelle sighed angrily, she hated that things were awkward now because of Thomas. She continued to her parents’ house arriving in under a minute and let herself in.

“Mum, Dad.” She called

Her mother, Miranda, walked out from the kitchen and smiled “you are early, thank you.”

“It’s all right” Michelle smiled “is my brother up yet? I bet you will be glad to get him out of your hair.”

“We like having him here” Miranda replied with a grin “he is in the lounge.”

Miranda nodded and walked into the lounge, her brother Chris, older by than her by eighteen months, stood as she entered. “Chris.”

“Chelle” he grinned as he hugged her “how have you been? Well done on the job.”

“Thanks you too” Michelle murmured as they both sat down. “Is Maisy expected tonight?”

Maisy Hornbeam was Chris’ girlfriend of two years. She was an all right sort of girl but perhaps not to Michelle’s taste. There was nothing really wrong with her just that their personalities didn’t match. The Hornbeams were close friends with Michelle and Chris’ parents so they had known each other for years. Chris seemed happy enough with her though so that was all that mattered.

“I think so” Chris replied “honestly, I don’t know why they bothered throwing this party I only have Maisy and Tom to invite and you just have Tracy really.”

“Tracy isn’t coming” Michelle grunted “because Thomas is. She is still upset over what happened.”

“That was ages ago” Chris said dismissively “in Tom’s defence she should have known what she was getting herself in for. It isn’t like he keeps his ways a secret.”

“How can you defend him?” Michelle asked “Tracy was supposed to be his friend too. How many times have all of us gone together? He could have at least stayed until breakfast.”

There was a knock at the door and Chris looked out the window “oh and here is the Devil himself.”

Michelle stood up defensively as Thomas Robson, Chris’ best friend since their school days walked in. He had dark brown hair that was slightly too long and clear blue eyes. She had seen woman lose themselves in his crystal pools but to her he would always be the immature idiot who ripped her stuffed dog’s head off while playing with it.

“Thomas” she murmured.

“Chelle, it’s good to see you” Tom grinned with a wink as he sat down “Chris, how are you?”

Michelle sat back down and turned to look out the window. She supposed Tom wasn’t too bad really but she still couldn’t believe that he would be so callous to her friend. She knew that they had all seen him pick up women and discard them but she had assumed that he had been honest with them before taking them to bed. She knew differently now she supposed.

“Chelle, how have you been keeping?” Tom asked.

She turned to him “I’m all right, you know except for the fact that my best friend will hardly speak with me.”

“Which friend?” he asked.

She stared at him in disbelief “are you really that stupid or are you being obtuse?”

Tom laughed “I didn’t mean to upset your friend and I certainly didn’t mean to upset you.”

“Well maybe if you had stayed until breakfast then there wouldn’t have been any upset” Michelle commented “did you really have to just leave her?”

Tom looked at Michelle with curious eyes. How could she be mad at him? Yes, perhaps he had treated Tracy a bit badly and yes he did regret it but he couldn’t change what had happened and what had Tracy expected? He had told her that it would just be a onetime thing and she had seen him in action before. She knew that he wasn’t looking for anything serious, why on earth should he be punished for that?

“Tracy knew where she stood” he murmured.

“She wasn’t just one of your random girls” Michelle argued “we were a foursome and now you have ruined it. I don’t know if our friendship will ever get back to where it was.” “Tracy will be fine” Chris murmured “she is young and will get over it.”

Tom resisted the urge to chuckle as Michelle glared at Chris. He wished he could feel more sympathetic to Chelle’s argument but in truth she didn’t really have a leg to stand on. Tracy was young and in all honestly she was, as with most young people, fickle as well. In a few months she would have forgotten all about him which is more than he could say for her. Most people saw him as a heartless playboy but the truth was he remembered everyone he slept with. He remembered their age, height, hair colour and even their bloody eye colour. It was an odd and peculiar thing but he couldn’t stop himself from remembering and he had no idea why.

It wasn’t like he had been romantically attached to any of the women he had been with, at least not since he had been in school, nor had he wanted to be. They had just been company for the night. He didn’t want to settle down, at least not yet, and he doubted that he would ever have an interest in it.

He enjoyed women and he enjoyed making love with them, what was so wrong about that? Tracy had known the truth about him when she had decided to take him home. Perhaps he should have waited until morning before leaving but in truth he hadn’t really thought about. It was his habit to leave before they woke up, ever since a nasty experience with someone who hadn’t wanted to say goodbye.

He always told them that he would be gone by morning just as he had told Tracy, hadn’t he? He shook his head, blast it he couldn’t remember, even so she knew enough about him to have pre-empted his move.

He looked at Chelle who was still glaring at him as her chest heaved in anger. Damn, he certainly didn’t want to upset her; they had known each other since childhood for Heaven’s sake.

“Chelle, she will be fine” Tom murmured “I don’t know what to say about it.”

Michelle’s mouth dropped open “I cannot believe you Thomas Robson, you could at least apologise.”

“For what?” he shrugged “acting the way I always act with women? The way Tracy has seen me act on numerous occasions. I didn’t want either of you upset but she knew the score but I went home with her and you know that Chelle.” Chris chuckled from beside him “he has got you there, sis.” Michelle stood up and snapped “I’m getting a drink” before walking out of the room.

Chris turned to him with a soft smile “I’m sorry about her, I think things have been a bit awkward between them but it’s not your fault completely.”

Tom frowned, if Chris was saying that things were bad then they must be worse than he thought. Damn he hadn’t wanted to make things awkward between Tracy and Chelle, if anything that had been the last thing he had wanted. It was true what people said, sex between friends was never a good idea. With a sigh he stood up “I had better try to make things right with her.”

He walked out into the kitchen and found her making a cup of tea; he smiled and grabbed a cup out of the cupboard “mind getting me one.”

“Why not get it yourself?” she snapped.

“Chelle, stop this, please” he replied “I will say sorry to Tracy if it makes you feel better.”

She paused then “thank you.”

Something about her tone irritated him; it had had a hint of smugness to it, almost like she had won an argument. “I still think she is overreacting, she has seen my moves enough times to know what to expect, Chelle.”

“Are you saying she is in the wrong?” Michelle asked carefully.

“I’m saying that she should have known what to expect” Tom answered “especially considering I bloody told her what to expect, I can’t be blamed for her false expectations.”

“She was your friend” Michelle murmured “you should have stayed away from her.”

“Yes, perhaps I should have done” Tom grunted “but I didn’t and what’s done is done. Also why do you assume I did the chasing?”

“Please” Michelle scoffed “of course you did, Tracy is a shy person and besides it’s you.”

“What does that mean?” he asked.

“You chase girls Thomas” she murmured “of course you chased Tracy. Why would she pursue you?”

“Women have pursued me before” Tom shot back “it isn’t completely unknown.” “Whatever the case” Michelle argued “even if it was her that did the chasing, you should have said no, I have to go now excuse me.”

Tom watched her walk out of the room, cup of tea in hand, and sagged against the kitchen counter. What had just happened? Surely Michelle wasn’t seriously mad at him? And why did she think that he was the one who had pursued Tracy? If only she knew the truth about the situation.

Tracy had had a crush on him for months but no one had seen it except him. She had started calling him most days and whenever they had gone out she had sat close to him and flirted. The night they had slept together he had told her that he didn’t want commitment and she had said she understood. He had tried to resist for as much as possible but she was attractive and he was only human. Why did it bother Michelle so much anyway? She was a smart girl, surely she knows that it will all blow over soon enough.

He sighed angrily; he didn’t want her mad at him. It bothered him for reasons he couldn’t explain, he would have to make amends at the party later.

Chapter Two

Later that evening Tom circulated the party and watched Michelle as carefully as he could. She was playing the role of daughter of the host wonderfully but he could see tension in her eyes.

They hadn’t spoken much that day as Tom had immediately left the house with Chris but he hadn’t been able to get her out of his mind. She frustrated him for reasons he couldn’t explain, how dare she get annoyed at him for acting like himself?

He didn’t want her to be upset with him but she had to understand that he was not the villain in the situation. Everyone had been let down by circumstance more than anything else.

He walked over to her and placed a hand on her shoulder. She felt warmer than usual and that the heat transferred onto his body. He moved his hand away as if he had been burned as she turned around with a growing glare.

“Thomas, I don’t wish to speak to you.”

“Five minutes Chelle, please.”

With a heavy sigh she walked out into the empty kitchen as he followed her. He looked down at his hand like it was a foreign object, it was still heated from touching Chelle on the shoulder. What on earth was wrong with him?

“Well, what did you want to say?” She asked.

“Chelle, why are you being like this?”

“You made your feelings on the subject perfectly clear this morning Thomas” she bit back “I have nothing more to add to the matter.”

They stood in silence for a moment as Tom tried to gather his thoughts. He realised he had asked her to speak without knowing what he wanted to say, which was rather embarrassing.

Chelle scoffed at his silence and started to leave but was stopped by Chris who entered the kitchen with a smile. “thank goodness you are here together, you aren’t fighting are you?”

Chelle glanced at Tom “we aren’t doing anything at the moment.”

“I have something to tell you both before I tell everyone else” Chris murmured “I bought a house in Crowmarsh near where I will be doing my last year of teacher training. I will have a job there when my training is finished.”

“Crowmarsh?” Michelle echoed. “Why on earth do you need to move there?”

“Maybe so he is closer to work” Tom quipped.

“It’s under ten miles away” Michelle replied “there is no need for him to move there. How will we be able to go out now?”

“It’s under ten miles away” Tom answered with a smug smile “he can travel here.”

“Will you stay out of this” she shot back “it doesn’t concern you.”

“One could argue that it doesn’t concern you either Chelle” Chris commented.

Michelle turned to them both and grunted something in response. She knew she was being foolish but she didn’t want Chris to move away and leave her on her own. Things were awkward with Tracy and she didn’t have any other real friends.

“What does Maisy have to say about it?”

“She is happy I believe” Chris shrugged “we aren’t moving in with each other just yet.”

Michelle nodded, she wondered how long Chris would make Maisy wait before taking the next step in their relationship. She winced at her thoughts, she certainly had no desire to live with a man after her last boyfriend.

“Chelle, are you really upset?” Chris asked.

Damn, she couldn’t tell him the real reason his moving bothered her, especially with Thomas behind her smiling like a smug idiot. They would both say her worries were misguided. She wasn’t even sure what her worries were, how could she put them into words in a way that would make sense? She just didn’t want Chris to leave. She had known that things would change once they both started their new jobs but she didn’t want them to change completely. She had assumed they would go out just once every two weeks instead of once a week. Truthfully she hadn’t really thought about it in too much detail.

“Of course it doesn’t” she finally murmured when she realised they were still waiting for her to answer “why would it bother me?”

“You just seemed very upset” Chris remarked.

“I was just surprised” she replied wanted to end the discussion as quickly as possible. She felt saddened for reasons she couldn’t explain and she just wanted the feeling to go away. “I need to be getting back, unless you wanted something else from me Thomas?”

Tom looked at her in surprise, he did have more to say to her but he couldn’t do it in front of Chris so instead he shook his head as she left.

Chris sighed “she seems really put out by my moving, do you think she is all right?”

“I’m sure she will be fine” Tom replied but his mind was still on Michelle. There had been more to her reaction than just surprise. “How long as it been since her and her chap split up?”

“Duncan?” Chris mused “about six months.”

Tom nodded “I thought so, we had better be getting back to the party.”

Chris nodded “lead the way my friend.”

Tom walked out of the kitchen and back into the lounge, the main party area, and spotting Michelle talking to an aunt of hers. He needed to finish speaking with her but he would have to wait a while before getting her attention again.

Later on that evening, at around half an hour to midnight, Michelle felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned around and rolled her eyes as she saw Thomas beside her “at which point does this become stalking?”

“Chelle, please just another five minutes.”

She followed him once again into the kitchen and say down at the table. “What can I help you with?”

“I wanted to say sorry” he murmured.

She blinked in surprise “you what?”

“I never meant to upset you” he replied “I was a bit churlish earlier without thinking.”

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“Your chap Duncan” Tom murmured “he left you in the middle of the night didn’t he?”

Michelle jumped up in anger, how dare he use her break up against her? She had told him the details in confidence because he was her friend not so he could throw them back in her face. “What happened between Duncan and I has nothing to do with this as well you know.”

“Chelle, don’t be upset” Tom murmured “I just wanted to say sorry for being so insensitive. I imagine what I did to Tracy brought up bad feelings and I hadn’t meant to hurt you.” he paused before adding “either of you.”

Michelle looked at him as she tried to work out what to say. The whole situation had been blown out of proportion, mainly by her she had to admit, and she just wanted it over now.

“I am sorry for being so hard on you” Michelle murmured “I still think you acted harshly but it’s done now.”

“He was a fool by the way.” Tom commented.

Michelle blinked “Duncan?”

“He should never have left you” he replied.

Michelle laughed “is that a compliment?”

“It is” Tom replied with a smile.

“I don’t get you Tom” Michelle murmured “you treat Tracy like dirt but now here you are being nice to me. Why can’t you be like this all the time?”

“First of all I did not treat Tracy like dirt” Tom snapped “and second of all I was worried about you after earlier.”

“You do not need to worry about me” Michelle shot back “I can look after myself.”

“You’re scared” he murmured “of Chris leaving; you don’t want to be left behind.”

Michelle felt her heart beat faster as she came face to face with the reality of her feelings from earlier than evening. She was scared, how had she not realised it before? Since Duncan, her first real boyfriend, she had clung onto her nights out with Chris, Tom and Tracy. She didn’t want to find anyone else to be with, at least not yet, and it was all she had to ease the loneliness. Now Chris was moving and Tom had made things awkward with Tracy and Michelle was going to be left on her own again. Suddenly her anger flooded back.

“If it hadn’t been for you then I wouldn’t have lost my best friend” she snapped.

“Oh for goodness sake” he replied angrily “if something like this is going to destroy your friendship then you couldn’t have been that close to begin with.”

“It hasn’t been destroyed but it has certainly been strained” she murmured.

“Why must you keep going on and on?” Tom answered in exasperation “I can’t go back and unsleep with her. What do you want me to do? I will apologise to Tracy if it would help but contrary to what you believe she chased me and I told her what to expect going back with her.”

Tom hated how nasty and harsh he sounded but she couldn’t blame him for the break down in hers and Tracy’s friendship completely. They would get over the awkwardness soon enough and everything would go back to how it had once been. Michelle was scared of moving on with life that was why she was so desperate for her weekends out. She didn’t want to find to another boyfriend as she was terrified of getting her again. It was so obvious and yet he was the only who seemed to be able to see it. Duncan had treated her horribly, surely she knew that she deserved better than him. He took a proper look at her for the first time in years. It seemed that while he hadn’t been paying attention she had grown up.

She had long blonde hair that bounced of the kitchen light almost artistically. She was around five foot six, was of medium build and her eyes were a clear blue, which seemed to sparkle like diamonds, how had he not realised before? She was beautiful and God help him he wanted to kiss her.

“You will find someone better than Duncan” he murmured softly as he tried to control himself.

“I don’t want anyone else” she replied angrily, confused at the sudden change of topic.

“Of course you do” Tom answered.

“Thomas, please do not tell me how I feel” She snapped back at him “I don’t want to find anyone else and at least not right now. I don’t see what you hope to gain by pulling out of the party twice purely to argue with me but if it’s all right with you I will make my life choices without your input.”

She started to leave the room but he took her arm, he couldn’t help himself. She looked beautiful and he needed to know what it would be like.

“Is it midnight?” he asked.

“Not yet why?”

“I wanted an excuse to do this.” He replied raggedly before kissing her.

Chapter Three

She didn’t pull away immediately. She wanted to but some Devil inside her wanted to kiss Thomas. It had been months since her last proper kiss and she needed the human contact. She wasn’t sure why he was suddenly kissing her but perhaps that didn’t matter. Perhaps all that mattered was that his hand was doing wicked things to her backside. Tom was experienced and Michelle knew he had the power to turn her legs into jelly if he wanted, the question was did she want it? She wasn’t sure.

She responded to his kiss in earnest, however, anything to prologue the feeling it gave her. She wanted to be wanted, even if it was just by Tom. A person needed to feel good sometimes, needed to feel beautiful.

She wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled him close to her before moving her hands up his back. Suddenly her body became heated and she realised she wanted him too. She wanted him in every way a woman could want a man. She had never felt such passion before and it thrilled her. Surely such a good feeling was worth exploring? It was almost perfect, neither she nor Tom wanted a long term relationship so what was the harm in having a bit of fun? She pulled back slightly as she realised her passion had made a decision that her mind hadn’t yet processed. Could she and Tom have sexual relationship?

“Chelle?” he asked raggedly.

She shook her head, unable to answer him, unsure what the answer was. How had they just been kissing? They had been arguing only ten minutes earlier. Suddenly she heard the clock chime as it hit midnight and all of the party guests cheered.

“It’s midnight. Does that mean I get to kiss you again?” Tom asked.

She smiled as his lips touched hers once more. The gentle friction caused her to shiver as the heat spread down to her midsection. God how could she want him so badly? She had never looked at him in that way before but one kiss and she was ready to ride him like jockey. She blushed at the direction of her thoughts and pulled away again.

“Why did you kiss me?” she asked

“I don’t know” he replied.

She rolled her eyes at his unhelpful answer. She wanted to know what he was feeling, what he wanted. How could she make the best decision if she didn’t have all the facts? Tom was her brother’s best friend, any relationship with him would be dangerous, but she wanted him so badly.

She had realised before just how attractive he was. Suddenly she found that she was losing herself in his blue eyes so she looked at the ground.

“I wish I did know” he continued “you just looked so bloody stunning that I had to kiss you.”

Michelle suppressed a smile, unusually happy at his words, and looked back up at him “Tom, what do we do now?”

Before he had a chance to answer, or even ask a follow up question, Chris entered the kitchen with two glasses of wine “come back to the party guys, it’s new year’s you can finish this later.”

Tom let out a small chuckle and looked at Michelle with a small twinkle in his eye. She sighed softly as she tried to calm down her heated body. In some way he had answered her question but without words. She knew that that night would not be the last time they shared a kiss.

Tom woke up at about ten in the morning, after arriving home from the party at around two. He groaned as the memories of his kiss with Michelle flooded back into his mind, what on earth had he been thinking? Easy answer, he hadn’t been thinking, not with his brain anyway.

After all that he had been through with Tracy one would have thought that he would have left his friends well enough alone. Michelle was different though, he didn’t even know why he had kissed her. She was stunningly beautiful but she also got on his nerves most of the time and she was his best friends sister. Nothing good could come from the two of them being intimate, and yet he wanted her. Despite all of the reasons why they shouldn’t, he couldn’t help but want her and he knew she wasn’t looking for anything too serious. It would have been the perfect situation had it not been for her family connections.

What would Chris say if he found out about them? Assuming there was anything find out about in the first place. For all he knew Michelle might not want to take the kiss further. She was a sensible girl, which at times could be her downfall, she would see that really they couldn’t start anything surely?

Tom groaned as he realised he wanted it to be her that made that decision as he wasn’t sure he would be able to. Damn and blast it, out of all the girls he had to lust after he had to choose Chelle.

Well there hadn’t really been any choosing, one minute they had been arguing and the next he had been overcome by animalistic lust. That was all it was, pure lust, it may have been built on their friendship but he certainly didn’t have feelings for her. It was Michelle for goodness sake.

Not that there was anything wrong with Michelle in general, she was a perfectly lovely lady, but she wasn’t for him. He had known her since they were children. They had been through so much surely if he was going to get feelings he would have got them already?

He raised his eyebrows at the sound of a knock on the door. He knew before he had opened it that was Michelle. She stood with her arms by her sides and her face looked surprised, almost as if she wasn’t sure why she was there. He frowned as he looked at her, why had she put her hair up? He preferred it when it was down and flowing along her shoulders. He blinked, realising he hadn’t given a stuffing about her hair before and wondering why he was bothered now.

“Tom, can I come in?” she asked.

He nodded, remembering his manners, and showed her into the lounge. She sat down on the sofa and he sat next to her on an arm chair.

She looked up the ceiling before saying “I suppose I don’t need to say why I am here.”

He smiled at her words “I suppose you wish to discuss last night?”

She nodded “you never answered my question.”

“Question?” he echoed, he tried to think back but all he could focus on was their passion filled kiss. Good God, a kiss had never been so good before.

“What do we do now?” she asked “I’m not foolish I know you don’t have feelings for me but surely a kiss so fantastic needs to be explored?”

Tom sighed and raked his hands through his hair. It was talking all his will power not to have her right there on his sofa. He needed to make sure it was what she wanted before he did anything too permanent. She had been through an awful ordeal with her ex and he didn’t want her to jump into something she would regret.

Michelle saw the expression on his face and tried her best not to blush. How had she completely misunderstood what he wanted? Surely the passion hadn’t been completely one sided? Oh dear, she must look like such a fool. She stood up quickly “sorry I shouldn’t have come here.”

“Chelle, wait” he took hold of her hand and she felt her heart quicken “what do you want?”

She smiled “I want to know what the end of the kiss is like”

“Really?” he asked raggedly as he pulled her close.

She nodded and licked her lips “I think that we will both regret it if we don’t see.”

She had been thinking about their kiss all morning and she had analysed it from every angle. The only answer was for them to sleep together. She had to know what it was like and truthfully she was gagging for some sexual contact.

She wanted him to make her feel beautiful just as he had the night before. She needed to know that she could be wanted.

“Chelle, once we do this there will be no going back” Tom murmured “are you sure it’s what you want?”

“Isn’t it what you want?” she asked.

She looked at him and saw the passion in his eyes. He let out a small growl and kissed her deeply. They both fell back onto the sofa and she put her hands into his hair. She wanted him and she needed him.

She was only human and despite not wanting to be in a relationship even she had to admit that she missed the sex. She had a high sex drive compared to some people and she wanted it, lots of it.

His hand slid up her leg and she felt herself become damp with need. Good God she had never been turned so quickly, how did he do it? She shook her head, not caring for the answers as long as he didn’t stop.

He moved his lips to her ears and licked softly; she moaned softly and raised her hips. She felt evidence of his arousal and she grounded her hips into his.

He groaned and rolled over so they were both on the floor, he should take her to the bedroom. He knew it was the right thing to do but he honestly wasn’t sure he could make it that far.

He didn’t know what it was about her but God he was turned on. He rolled off her to undress and she did the same while lying on the floor. Within seconds they were kissing again but this time it was skin to skin and he was more worked up than ever.

Michelle ran a hand down his back as he kissed her nipples. She moaned his name softly as she moved her hips so he was positons at her entrance.

“Oh God Chelle” Tom groaned “I don’t think I can’t wait much longer.”

She grinned “and I thought you were a sex God.”

“You don’t know what you’re doing to me Chelle” he replied with a smile “it’s never been like this.”

Michelle blinked at his honest words and put her hand on his cheek “don’t wait any longer.”

He let out a small growl and slowly entered her. She tossed her head back the thrill of it filled her whole body. It had been a long time since she had been intimate with man but that wasn’t the only reason for the pure ecstasy she was feeling. Tom was an amazing lover, she knew it immediately after the first few strokes, and she needed him to bring her to climax.

His body fell into a gentle but hard rhythm as they both became closer to completion. Michelle raised her hips so he was deeper inside her as his mouth came around her nipple once more.

She hadn’t been prepared for the power of her orgasm. She had had orgasms before but with Tom her world quite simply exploded. She called out his name in a half yell, half groan and her hips moved back to the floor as she shot up to the stars.

Tom, sensing that she had reached bliss pounded her one last time before he too reached the stars. He looked down at her in shock as he felt his load leave his body, never had an orgasm been so powerful and thrilling. If this was what he could expect with Chelle then he wanted more of it. She was such a passionate lover and it made the experience all the more enjoyable.

He rolled off her so they were laid side by side and he took hold of her hand. She glanced at him, her eyes still glassy with passion “that was…”

He chuckled at her softly worded half sentence and squeezed her hand “I know.”

Chapter Four

Saturday 2nd August, 2008- eight months later.

Tom smiled as she ran his hand up Michelle’s arm. Over the last eight months they had been seeing each other fairly regularly, at least twice a week if not more, and he loved it. Their relationship wasn’t anything more than sex but their friendship had strengthened since it had started.

She had stayed over the night before, something that neither unusual nor very common. It usually was decided based on whatever mood the two of them were in. He personally liked it when she stayed the night as he liked to watch her sleep. She always looked so peaceful when asleep. He groaned as he saw the light shining from beneath the curtains and sighed. They had Chris’ engagement party that afternoon and he couldn’t say he was looking forward to it.

He didn’t actually think Maisy was a good fit for Chris. She was a lovely girl but somehow it didn’t seem like Chris’ heart was in the relationship. If Tom was to a hazard a guess he would say that Chris’ heart belonged to someone else.

Michelle began to stir in bed and once she was fully awake she grimaced “we have that party today don’t we?”

Tom nodded “I’m afraid so.”

Michelle grimaced again before getting out of bed and dressing “sorry to dash off but I promised mum and dad I would help them set up. Thank goodness he agreed to have the party here and not in that Godforsaken Crowmarsh.”

Tom laughed “it’s not that bad, what are you wearing tonight?”

She smiled secretively “wouldn’t you like to know.”

He walked over to her and pulled her to him “yes, I would actually.”

She kissed him before walking away “you will have to wait and see.”

Tom laughed as he pulled on some clothes and followed her downstairs “maybe I can help you get ready?”

“In my parent’s house?” she smirked “I don’t think so, we don’t want to get caught.”

Tom grunted, the secrecy was starting wear on him a little bit. He knew they had to keep it a secret but even so it bothered him. Chris knew he was seeing someone new and was asking questions and Tom’s reluctance to answer was making him think that Tom had serious feelings for her. He certainly liked Michelle and she was always extremely fun in bed but he didn’t have any feelings for her. At least he didn’t think he did.

“I need to go Tom” Michelle smiled completely oblivious to his stormily confusing thoughts.

“I will see you later.” He smiled.

She nodded and the left house. He sighed and put his hands on his head, what was he going to do about her? It had all started off as a quick fling and now it was eight months later and there was no indication that it would be finishing soon.

It was the longest fling he had ever had but he couldn’t seem to put an end to it. He was drawn to Michelle in ways he couldn’t explain. He didn’t think he had any romantic feelings for her but how did one know? He certainly spent a lot of time thinking about her and he always wanted to be with her.

He blinked as he realised he hadn’t slept with another woman in six months. That wasn’t like him; he usually always had more than woman on the go. It was how he operated.

He sighed, oh God, what was he going to do? He didn’t want to end it but he feared that that might be his only choice. The last thing he needed was to fall in love with Michelle.

Later that evening Michelle welcomed her brother and his new fiancé as they arrived at her parents’ house. She did love Chris so much and she had seldom seen him since his move to Crowmarsh.

“Hiya Chris” she beamed “and Maisy, how great to see you both.”

“Michelle, it is great to see you too” Maisy smiled.

Chris grunted something and smiled “you all right?”

Michelle smiled “very well thank you.”

“Seeing anyone knew yet?” Chris asked.

Michelle resisted the urge to blush, she had been seeing Tom a few days a week for the last eight months. It wasn’t anything more than a sexual relationship but she had to admit she had never been so happy before. She had always scoffed at friends with benefits relationships before but even she had to admit it was fun.

“From your smile it looks like a yes” Maisy grinned “who is the lucky man?”

Michelle looked away “there is no man, I am just happy being on my own.”

They hadn’t told anyone about their relationship, truthfully there wasn’t much to tell, so Michelle had to be careful about what she divulged. It wasn’t that she was ashamed of her actions but if it got out that she was seeing Tom it would cause such a fuss in the family. In all honesty it was hardly worth it when they were just casual and there was no chance of it becoming more than that.

Michelle blinked; did she want more than casual? She didn’t think she did but how did one tell? She spent most nights with Tom and she certainly enjoyed his company. Could it be that they were already in a relationship? She shook her head, no it was just sex that was all. Tom didn’t want any sort of commitment and neither did she.

“How are the wedding plans going?” she asked to change the subject of her thoughts.

“We haven’t really started” Chris replied.

“We will be talking about setting a date soon though” Maisy added.

Michelle looked at Chris with a sad smile, she wished she could say he looked excited at the prospect of marriage but unfortunately something was missing. Truthfully she had never thought Chris and Maisy would get very serious, he had never been overly interested in her. Michelle had always assumed he had dated her because their families were so close. The pair themselves had very much just dithering along until about four months before when they had suddenly moved in together.

“We will be sorting it soon” Chris promised.

Michelle smiled politely and excused herself. She walked to the kitchen and poured a glass of wine.

“You look amazing.”

She turned around as Tom walked into the kitchen with a twinkle in his eye. She had worn a tight fitting knee length dress which showed more than a hint of cleavage. She had to admit had chosen the outfit with the hope that he might like it.

“Why thank you” she smiled.

Tom groaned, he had intended to end their fling that evening but she looked so amazing that he just wanted her.

“Are you all right?” she asked “you groaned.”

“You just look so good” he replied

Michelle turned away and smiled before replying “I suppose you don’t look bad either.”

Tom smiled and pulled her close to him, her eyes widened as he gently kissed her. She pulled away and took a sip of her wine “we can’t do that here.”

“Then let’s leave” Tom smiled.

Michelle laughed “we are at my brother’s engagement party, where can we go?”

“Your old room?” he suggested.

Michelle laughed as he pulled her close to him again. He was insane, it was the only explanation. How did he think that they would be able to disappear without anyone noticing? Even so, despite herself, Michelle was very tempted.

It was naughty and dangerous and the thrill of it all made her almost weak with desire. It made her feel powerful knowing that he had to have her, it made her want him even more.

He leaned into her ear and whispered “I want you ‘Chelle, I need you.”

She moved so she could look at him and smiled seductively “perhaps I will see you upstairs in a few minutes then.”

She finished her wine then walked slowly out of the kitchen and made her way upstairs. She let out an excited giggle as she reached her old bedroom, she could scarcely believe what she was doing. Maybe she didn’t need a proper relationship, she was quite content with how things were with Tom and they certainly enjoyed each other’s company. Perhaps she would just see how their affair evolved.

A few minutes later there was a knock at the door and Tom entered the room. Michelle had lain on the bed seductively and he groaned at the sight of her.

“Oh God ‘Chelle, what are you doing to me?”

“I hope something very naughty but nice” she whispered as she stood up and kissed him.

Tom pulled her to him and together they both fell onto the bed as they started pulling off their clothing. He smiled at the naked beauty of her before kissing her once more, after which they were occupied for the best part of half an hour.

Michelle went back to the party first, when asked what had happened to her she said she had had a lie down as she hadn’t been feeling well. Tom was going to say he had returned home to collect something he had forgotten. As he entered the room she looked down with a blush, she could hardly believe that they had had sex while her family were downstairs.

It was naughty and brazen and she had never felt more beautiful. Suddenly she giggled to herself and she realised that she was happy, well and truly, and she couldn’t remember the last time she had felt so good. She looked back at Tom, he made her happy. There was no point in denying it, whatever it had started out as, there were feelings involved. She had feelings for him and she realised that she wanted him to have feelings for her too. She wanted a relationship with him.

She waved as he smiled at her then sat down on the sofa. She would have to tell him but now wasn’t the time, she would have to wait for the right time.

Chapter Five

I love you. The words were simple enough, just three tiny simple words that people said to each other every day. Michelle had said them to both her parents the previous evening, but it was different wasn't it? It was easier to say it to your parents. She was sure they loved her back, and sure she would hear the words back. Saying it to a lover, well that was a different thing altogether.

Michelle and Tom had been seeing each other for just over ten months and she knew that it had turned into love. She wasn’t sure when it had started but it was true. She wasn’t sure what he felt for her but she had planned to tell him her feelings that evening.

They had made plans to stay over in a hotel in Wallingford. It was a move that was a bit of a waste of money but after a near miss at being caught they had decided to stay out of Didcot. It was the perfect time for her to tell him how she felt.

She had no idea if he felt the same way for her though. She hoped he did but he hadn’t given her any clear indication. They hadn’t started out intending to fall in love so she wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t reciprocate her feelings.

She quickly checked into the hotel and dumped her suitcase onto the bed before making her way to the shower. They were due to meet in just over an hour and she wanted to make sure she was ready.

Tom was just about to leave the house when he heard his phone ring. He frowned as he walked over to answer it, it was Chris.

“What’s up mate?” Tom asked.

“I need to see you, are you busy?” Chris asked.

“Actually I was just on my way out to Wallingford” Tom replied in as urgent a tone as he could muster. He was due to meet Michelle in just under an hour and he couldn’t stand her up. There were things that had happened, things that had to be said.

“Meet me there, please” Chris begged “I will be in the market square in twenty minutes.”

With a sigh, Tom agreed to meet him then drove as quickly as he could to Wallingford. He walked briskly to market square, keeping an eye on the time as he did. He was due to meet Chelle in one of the pubs and he wanted to be there before her. They had to discuss important matters and he wanted the mood to be just right.

He spotted Chris straight away and rushed over to him, short when he saw his friend’s face. Something was wrong, very wrong. Chris looked tired and drawn and his eyes had glazed over.

“What’s happened?” Tom asked as he sat down on nearby bench.

Chris sat next to him “I’ve called off the engagement, me and Maisy have broken up.”

“What?”

“I just couldn’t marry her” Chris replied.

Tom let out a heavy sigh, it looked like he was going to be stuck with Chris for a while. He would have to get a message for Chelle as soon as he could. “I know you can’t” he replied “your heart isn’t in it.”

Chris suggested they go to the pub, the same one he was due to meet Chelle in, and Tom agreed. If he could get to the pub then when Chelle arrived he could try to find a quiet moment to let her know what was happening.

They ordered drinks and sat down at a table in the corner. Tom took a sip of his drink and turned to Chris “what happened?”

Chris shook his head “I wanted to love her but, it was never her, not really.”

Tom raised his eyebrows “you mean there was someone else?”

“Nicky” Chris smiled, Tom could see real love and affection in his smile.

“Who is she?” Tom asked.

“I was seeing her for a while when I first moved here” Chris explained “we fell for each other and I planned to end things with Maisy but she visited and Nicky met her. Nicky ended things.”

Tom swore under his breath. Chris had got himself into a right mess, and it was so unlike him to see two girls at once. Chris had always wanted to find someone to settle down with, he had always wanted to find the right woman.

It was for that reason perhaps that he rushed into things with Maisy, someone who had never been suited for him. It wasn’t that there was anything wrong with Maisy but hers and Chris’ personalities just didn’t go together. Chris needed someone with a bit fire inside of her. Maisy would make an excellent wife and partner but for someone else.

“Are you going to see this girl?” Tom asked.

Chris shook his head “I don’t think so, it’s all a bit awkward, besides she is in university now. She was a student for the school.”

“God Chris” Tom murmured “what have you got yourself into you? You know you could get fired if anyone found out.”

“I didn’t intend to fall in love with her” Chris argued “it just happened.”

Tom nodded, he knew just how easy it could happen as well. He looked at his watch again, Michelle would be there soon. Chris finished his drink and walked up to the bar where he started to talking to two women. Tom inwardly groaned, the last thing he needed was Michelle turning up and seeing him with another woman. He was finished with all that, he didn’t want anyone else. It was almost surreal really, Chris had always wanted to settle down and Tom had always been against it. It was odd to think that Chris was now single again while Tom was planning to propose.

How had it all happened? Less than a year ago Michelle had just been a friend and now he wanted to marry her. There was no one else better suited from him, there was no one else he wanted.

He hoped he hadn’t misread her feelings, he didn’t know what he would do if she turned him down.

Chris returned back with the ladies he had been talking to at the bar and introduced them as Abbey and Kate. Tom smiled but in truth he wasn’t even sure which one was which, his mind wasn’t on them. It was on Michelle.

Michelle checked her watch and frowned, where was Tom. They had said they would meet at the hotel hadn’t they? There had been talk about going to a local pub but she was sure they had said to meet at the hotel first.

She glanced at her watch again as she got off the bed, one of them must have got it wrong as he was over thirty minutes late. With another sigh she got off the bed and put her shoes on, with one last glance at her watch she left the hotel.

She walked through Wallingford trying not to worry about what might have happened, surely it had all been a misunderstanding? Surely he wasn’t standing her up? Maybe he had sensed that she wanted things to be more serious and that had scared him off.

Perhaps he was trying to tell her that he didn’t want anything more by standing her up. Michelle shook her head, Tom wouldn’t do something so cruel would he? She knew that he had a habit of leaving before the next morning after sleeping with someone but he would be honest with her surely? They had known each other since they had been children, surely that deserved a bit of honesty?

She arrived at the pub, where they had agreed to to go to and looked around for him. When she couldn’t see him, she quickly purchased a drink and sat in the corner of the pub. Where was he? Maybe something had happened to him while he had been traveling to Wallingford. She had just started thinking of all the possible accidents he could have had when she heard it. Chris’ voice piercing across the air, almost a wind in her heart, then she heard Tom’s laugh.

She stood up and followed the sign of their voices and found them sat in the opposite corner, with two women. She felt the tears in her eyes as they continued talking to the ladies they had obviously picked up.

She knew that she and Tom weren’t exclusive but she had never thought him so callous as to stand her up so he could pick up a woman. How stupid she had been.

Where was Chelle? Tom glanced as his watch while trying to get Abbey of Kate, he hadn’t bothered to work out which was which, off his arm. He didn’t want Chelle to see him practically cuddling with another woman when she showed up, if she showed up. She was over thirty minutes late.

“Come on, why are you fun like your friend?” the girl asked as she clung back to him.

“Tom is fun” Chris joked “sometimes he just likes to take things slow, isn’t that right Tom?”

Tom laughed, unsure what else to do. He could hardly tell Chris that he didn’t want any attention as he was planning to propose to his sister. Chris still didn’t know that they had been seeing each other.

Tom checked his watch again as the girl put her arm around him, as he turned to tell her to leave him alone he saw her, Michelle. She was stood looking at them with wide eyes, she finished her drink and rushed out of the pub.

Tom excused himself and quickly followed her out “Michelle!” he called.

She stopped, almost despite herself, she didn’t want to hear his accuses. She was foolish to think that they could be a proper couple; she was foolish to fall in love again.

She smiled “you had better not leave her waiting, its room twelve in case you want to take her back.”

Tom groaned as she shoved the room key in his hand, how must it have looked to see him with that girl? “You were late” he tried to explain wincing at how it sounded “not that that was why she was there, Chris picked her up not me.”

Chelle snorted “do I look like an idiot? First of all I wasn’t late, we were supposed to meet at the hotel, but I can see now why you were detained. Second of all, Chris would never pick up women; he is engaged for God’s sake.”

“He broke up with Maisy” Tom explained “he wanted to see me and I met him quickly. He brought these girls over, I thought we were meeting here, I’m sorry Chelle.”

It all seemed so innocent but she didn’t believe him, why couldn’t she believe him? She shook her head “you had your arm around her.”

“She had her arm around me” Tom corrected “I was waiting for you.”

Michelle smiled sadly “I was waiting for you in the hotel and all this time you were on the pull with Chris. I’m not sure why I am surprised.”

“I was not on the pull” Tom argued.

“It doesn’t matter really” Michelle replied “you will always be this way. Look you stay in the hotel tonight, you paid for most of it anyway. I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”

Tom blinked, what had happened? When had he suddenly lost control of the situation? When he had he lost her? “Chelle it was innocent I assure you.”

“I know” she replied “but it just made me realise that I can’t do this anymore, I can’t explain but suddenly I don’t think we would make a good couple.”

“Couple?” He echoed.

She smiled again “a silly thought I had, but it was foolish. It wouldn’t work, I know that now.”

He took her hold of her hand “no Chelle, please don’t say that. let’s go somewhere and talk please.”

She shook her head “I can’t explain it, I’m sorry, there is nothing to talk about.”

“Chelle, please” he begged.

“Tom, let me go, please” she whispered.

He did let her go, not because he wanted to, because he didn’t. He watched her walk away without calling her name. Not because he wanted to, but because he loved her so much that he had to give her want she needed.

Chapter Six

Saturday 20th June 2009 – eight months later

“Come on, just one more.”

Tom sighed as Chris put his hands together to convey mock begging “fine just one, then I need to be going.”

Chris walked up to the bar and Tom stared at the “staff only” door that was located opposite him. Whatever he did that night, he had to make sure he went home alone. He had always been a womaniser but since his break up with Michelle he had been almost on over drive. In all honestly he couldn’t remember the last time he had spent the night on his own.

Despite being with a fair share of women Tom had had always appreciated time to himself. He had often said that helped him catch up on his own life. He would catch up with his work or watch an old film, drink what he wanted without potentially judging eyes. It had been wonderful.

That was until Michelle had dumped him and now whenever he was on his own he would think of her. He would think of how wonderful she was, how much he had loved her and how the pain would never go away. He had moved to Crowmarsh soon after the break up, he had said it was to help Chris but he knew the real reason. He couldn’t stand the idea of bumping into Chelle.

He loved her, he still loved her, and maybe he always would love her. He had been going to propose to her, a man who enjoyed single life the way he had did not make such a choice lightly.

“Here you are” Chris murmured “sorry I was delayed, I saw Chelle and we had a chat.”

“Chelle?” Tom asked “is she here?”

It wasn’t unusual that she was there, both Tom and Chris had elected to spend the weekend in Didcot. Tom was trying his best to integrate Chris back to his family. There had been tension on both sides after Chris’ engagement had ended and Chris had seldom seen them since.

“Yeah around the other side” Chris replied.

“Did she want to join us?” Tom asked despite himself. A night with her would be tortuous but also wonderfully refreshing. He could sneak a few proper bit of conversation in, something he wasn’t able to do when they met up in a group.

“No she is with some bloke” Chris replied “good for Chelle, it’s been a while since she has dated, I think she was single all of last year.”

If only Chris knew the truth about how unsingle his sister had been the last year. Tom smiled and did his best to appear calm, who was the bloke she was seeing? How could Tom be sure he was good enough for her?

“What did he look like?” Tom asked.

“I didn’t see him, why are you so bothered about Chelle’s date anyway?” Chris asked.

Tom shrugged and looked past Chris’ shoulder “I’m not, just glad to see she is getting out there again.”

“Do I have competition?”

Michelle blinked as she arrived back at her table “I beg your pardon?”

“The young man at the bar” her date, Paul, clarified.

“Oh, no” Michelle replied quickly “that’s my brother Chris, I heard he was back in town. He lives in Crowmarsh but is visiting.”

“Well that is a relief” Paul replied with a grin “I was never too good at competitions” she smiled politely as he continued “when did you last see him?”

“Chris? Must have been a few months now” Michelle replied “I popped up there in March.”

Paul, a gentleman she had been talking with for a few months, was three years older than her. He worked for an estate agent and had short black hair and brown eyes. He was handsome enough and they seemed to get on well.

She had first met him at the local supermarket. They had both seemed to do their shopping at the same as such a conversation had sparked. She wasn’t sure why she had accepted his date, after Tom she had promised herself she wouldn’t date again. Unfortunately she missed the male company, and she missed being in love.

If she gave up on it all then surely she was letting those who treated her badly win? Paul was a nice man, he was friendly and he made her laugh. She could worse for herself and in all honestly she could see herself falling for him.

“What does he do?” Paul asked.

“He’s a teacher” she replied “he moved to Crowmarsh about a year ago, he was engaged for a while but they broke it off.”

“Were you upset?”

Michelle blinked at the question, she hadn’t ever considered whether she had been upset or not. Truthfully she hadn’t felt like it was her place to upset one way or the other, it hadn’t been her engagement. She had been consumed by her own, secret, break up that she hadn’t thought much about Chris’.

Was she upset though? No she didn’t think she was, she had always thought that Maisy and Chris were something of an odd match. Something about Chris had been odd as well, near the end, he had been somewhat distant.

“No, I can’t say I was” she replied, “can you excuse me a second?”

“Of course” Paul smiled.

She stood and walked towards the toilets, which were located around the corner where Chris and Tom were sitting, of course. She quickly used the toilet and started to make her way back to her date.

“Chelle?”

She turned around slowly, why had he called out to her? She didn’t want to speak with him but with Chris around she could hardly ignore him completely. She noted that Chris wasn’t at the table and smiled softly “Thomas, where is Chris?”

“Just gone out for some air” Tom replied “do you want to sit down?”

She did sit, because she wanted to be friendly “I can’t be too long I am with someone.”

“I heard” Tom replied “what is he like?”

“He is lovely” Michelle replied, “not that it is any of your business one way or the other. He is an estate agent, very funny, very friendly.”

“Safe” Tom replied flippantly, hating himself the moment the word came out of his mouth. He had no right to be commenting on her love life, no matter what they had been, they had finished. He knew that and yet he couldn’t help himself. He wanted her to see how much he cared for her, he wanted her to see that side of him, not the unreliable side she had convinced herself of.

He wanted to banish the memory she had of him sat with a girl while she thought she had been stood up. If ever a misunderstanding needed clearing up.

The look on her face confirmed how out of place his comment had been and she stood up “there is nothing wrong with safe, perhaps that is where you have been going wrong.”

“Chelle, I’m sorry” Tom murmured.

She nodded but her eyes darted back to her date “I need to go, speak to you soon.”

He watched her walk away as Chris joined him back at table “what did she want?”

“Oh just to say hello” Tom lied.

“Right, you wanted to go home after one more didn’t you?”

Tom sighed, that had been his plan but seeing Michelle had completely knocked him. He looked around the bar and spotted a young lady with her dirty blonde hair. She caught him looking at her and gave him a smile, he smiled back as he picked up the glasses “maybe just one more.”

A week later Michelle walked along Manor road with Paul. They had met at the Queens Arms, on their third date, and had promptly decided to take a stroll and enjoy the weather.

She had been enjoying his company immensely and she knew that she was falling deeply for him. Some long lost feelings had been awakened and she loved it. “I live right by here.”

“Do you?” he asked.

“Would you like to see it?” She asked “no pressure or promises of course, just somewhere private we can chat.”

Paul nodded “of course, let’s go.”

They walked to her house in silence. She had said no promises but she couldn’t help herself thinking about being with Paul. She had been out of the dating world for so long she didn’t know at which point it was socially acceptable to be intimate. Was the third date all right? She had no clue, she really liked Paul and she didn’t want to scare him away.

“Here we are” she smiled as she let them both into the house. She walked into the kitchen, which also homed her dining room table, and gestured for him to sit down.

He did so and waited for her to walk over with some water “thank you.”

“I have stronger drinks but I thought it best to start off with water” she murmured.

He nodded but she noticed his attention was caught by something on the wall. She followed his line of vision and smiled to herself, he was looking at small brown, blackish mark on the wall.

“That’s where the table used to be, way back when before I was born” she explained “it was moved after someone was killed there.”

He choked on his drink and turned to her “pardon?”

“I usually say someone was murdered that way my house sounds very cool” she laughed “but the truth is someone committed suicide here.”

“How awful” Paul grimaced.

“I don’t know” Michelle smiled fondly “it’s quite nice to have a ninety year old stain, makes my house kind of historic, don’t you think?”

“Ninety?” Paul echoed.

“Or so the story goes” Michelle replied “according to my grandfather, she said that when my great grandparents were first married an old work mate of my great grandfather stalked them. Then he took my great grandmother, her sister and a family friend hostage, they talked the guy down but then he shot himself while sat at the table. My grandfather says that my great grandmother swore blind that the young man was suffering from shell shock.”

“How many times have you heard that story?”

She shrugged “oddly not too many, there are quite a few wild stories from my great grandmother’s side of the family.”

“I’m not sure if I should be worried or impressed” he smiled “my family seem very boring in comparison, would you like to tell me another?”

Michelle grinned “well, there was the time my great grand aunt Vi helped someone run out of their wedding so my great grand uncle Simon could marry her instead.”

“Sounds interesting and romantic” Paul grinned.

“Well, basically it happened like this…”

Chapter Seven

Saturday 27th March – Nine Months later.

Tom paced up and down Chris’ parent’s lounge as he waited for him to get ready. What was he doing? Had he lost complete and utter control of all his sense? There was no other way he could explain what he was doing that evening.

How had Chris managed to talk him into it anyway? Surely he could have found a reasonable way of saying no? Tom wracked his brain once more to recall the actual conversation. Chris had laid out some very convincing arguments all of which Tom had been unable to refute.

This was why he was currently dressed and pressed while waiting for his friend so they could go to Michelle’s fiancé’s stag do. Yes someone, somewhere, was having a joke at his expense.

Oh God, why had he agreed to go? Chris had told him that Paul, the fellow in question, did not have many friends. Paul had insisted that Tom go as well to bulk up the numbers and besides Tom always seemed to be the life of the party.

Paul surely couldn’t know about Tom’s past with Michelle could he? If he did then perhaps it was all some sort of revenge.

He hadn’t had that much to do with Paul but they had met on several occasions at family gatherings and Tom had to admit he was a good bloke. He annoyingly attractive, smart, caring, and he seemed to make Chelle happy.

He was almost perfect for her, only almost mind, Tom was certain her whole heart wasn’t into it. He didn’t doubt that she loved him but there was something missing in her eyes.

Tom remembered every woman he slept with, he remembered their hair, their eyes, their shape, their height and just about everything there was to remember. The main thing he remembered, however, was how they looked afterwards. Most were sleepy; the others satisfied, but Chelle had been different to most.

She had had craving in her eyes, whenever they had finished she had looked at him and he had seen it in her eyes. A longing for more, she loved making love and she was passionate.

He would see it whenever he saw her, and he knew it hadn’t been there before. It was the kind of look that you got once the passion had been inflamed.

Now she was with Paul, and the glint had vanished. Tom didn’t doubt that they had made love, and he didn’t doubt that it had been satisfying, but he knew that something was missing. Chelle might not even realise it, but something was.

“Speech, speech!”

Michelle inwardly cringed as Tracy tapped at her glass. She didn’t want to make a speech; she wanted a nice, simple and quiet hen night. Unfortunately she worried that too much wine and vodka had been passed around for that, most of it she had drank herself. She put on a smile as she attempted to stand up, which confirmed her suspicions that it was time to move the party back to her house, and looked out at her friends. Tracy was there, of course, and a few odd school and work friends that she had wanted.

“Right, so, as you know, next week I am getting married” she started as the girls cheered. She shot an apologetic smile to the bar staff and continued. “No longer will I be Michelle Williams, I am going to be a wife, and isn’t he wonderful? He is so loving and kind and I know he loves me. I can’t wait to marry him.”

“Chelle, are you all right?” Tracy asked.

Michelle nodded, even though standing up had made her feel a little tipsy “I’m fine, fine, I just can’t wait for this wedding. Who would have guessed that it would have come around so soon and I love him so much, and I love you all so much, thank you for being part of my special day.”

“We love you Chelle” Helen, her work friend, shouted out “we wouldn’t miss it.”

Michelle nodded as she thought about the next week, suddenly her mind started listing what needed to be done so she shook her head. She didn’t want to think about tasks right then, she wanted to enjoy herself and think of her future husband.

“You all know I love him, don’t you?” Michelle asked, as he friends nodded enthusiastically she continued “I do, with all my heart, and this time next week I will be Michelle Robson.”

Everyone went quiet, all of her friends just looked at her with blank expressions. It took her alcohol fuelled mind a second to realise what she had done. She clasped her hand over her mouth and giggled “oh goodness, he isn’t Robson is he? Michelle Forster, I will be Michelle Forster, God what an idiot I am.”

She laughed again at her error and watched as everyone else joined in with her. God what a blunder and a half that had been, why had she said Robson? That was Tom’s surname and she hadn’t thought about him in months. Well that wasn’t strictly true but she hadn’t thought about him more than fleetingly in months. It was because she knew he was in Didcot, at her own fiancé’s stag do no less, such a thing would muddle her surely?

She was drunk; she was bound to get things muddled. Everyone did it. Surely it didn’t mean anything, it couldn’t mean anything she was due to marry someone else in a week.

She shook her head and looked at her friends, all of whom had an amused expression, with the exception of Tracy. Oh dear, Tracy knew, Michelle could see it in her face, Tracy was the only one who knew both Tom and Michelle well enough to work it out. Oh God, what would she say to her?

She let out an awkward laugh “come on gals, let’s move this back to mine.”

Together they finished their drinks and made their way back to Michelle’s house. Michelle made sure she kept at least two people between her and Tracy and all times. She knew that an interrogation would happen but at least she could do whatever possible to delay it.

As soon as they arrived at Michelle’s house, however, Tracy grabbed her arm and steered her into the kitchen, under the pretence of getting more drinks. Michelle stood next to the oven and sighed softly “Trace.”

“You slept with Tom didn’t you?” Tracy asked.

Michelle held her stomach, which had started to knot, and nodded “we saw each other for a few months, we never told anyone. I fell in love with him and it didn’t work out.”

“Was he seeing someone else?” Tracy asked.

“He said he wasn’t” Michelle replied.

“You don’t believe him?”

Michelle sighed, the annoying thing as that she did believe him. She had been stubborn, foolish and in pain. She hadn’t been thinking clearly, maybe if she had that she would have listened to him. Michelle shook her head, none of that mattered now, it was finished, there was nothing more to say.

“Chelle, do you still love him?” Tracy asked.

She paused before replied “I’m marrying Paul next week Trace, me and Tom are over.”

Tracy nodded “let’s go back.”

“So, what is your favourite thing about Michelle?”

Tom cringed as Paul actually thought about the question, which had been asked by some horrid work friend. Why would anyone need to think about it? There was no one thing about Michelle that made her perfect, but if Tom had had to have picked he would have said her wit. She had a truly sarcastic sense of humour.

“I think her smile” Paul answered.

“Oh, get lost mate” the work friend replied “she has great tits.”

Tom coughed “perhaps we should change the subject, her brother is here after all.”

The work friend, whose name Tom had quickly forgotten, grinned “he is at the bar, come on be honest, you must have noticed her tits.”

Tom looked at Paul, expecting him to step in and defend Michelle, instead he was laughing with another work friend. What kind of man let someone speak about their woman like that?

“I think I would rather change the conversation” Tom replied “Michelle is a good friend of mine.”

Paul nodded “let’s drop it now.”

Tom stood and excused himself as Chris arrived back from the bar. Tom walked to the notice board and started to read it, something to keep his mind off that blasted work friend.

Suddenly there was a tap on his shoulder, he turned and saw the friend in question.

“I’m sorry” the work friend replied “I didn’t know she was a friend of yours.” Tom nodded sharply but didn’t reply, he barely had time before the friend added “maybe I could be good friends with her too, do you think she would would be the kind to cheat on her husband? I’d love to know what it is like.”

Tom barely knew what he was doing, he grabbed hold of the man by his shirt and pushed him against the wall.

“Don’t you ever speak of her like that again” he shouted “she would never go near you, she is good and kind hearted. Don’t ever try to get your hands on her, she is too good for you.”

Everyone in the bar went quiet and Tom noticed the barman looking at him with annoyance. He let go of Paul’s friend and smiled softly “just a small disagreement, nothing to worry about, I’m going to get going” he turned to Chris “you stay, I want some time on my own.”

Chris nodded and Tom left the pub and started the short walk back to his parent’s house. He decided to take a longer way that usual to clear his mind, what had happened, how could he have acted like that? What if people worked out the truth about him and Michelle?

“Thomas?”

He turned around and saw Tracy “hi Trace, how have you been?”

“All right, I’m just walked home after Michelle’s hen do, you were at the stag right?”

“Yeah, it’s still going on, I left early” he paused “there an altercation.”

“Oh dear” Tracy laughed.

“One of Paul’s friends were making not very nice remarks about Michelle” Tom explained “I stepped in and probably went a bit too far.”

Something crossed over Tracy’s face and Tom realised that she knew. Chelle must have told her.

“Did you love her?” Tracy asked.

“I still love her” Tom replied.

Tracy nodded and bit her lip “I perhaps shouldn’t tell you this, but, well I think she might still love you too. Something was said today, I just thought you should know.”

“I see, thank you, are you all right on your own?”

Tracy smiled “yes, thanks for asking, I only live round the corner.”

Tom nodded “all right good, see you Tracy.”

She walked off, leaving him alone with his thoughts, if Michelle still loved him maybe there was hope. Maybe he could still win her back.

Chapter Eight

Michelle had never been one of those girls who would spend hours dreaming of her wedding day. She liked weddings as much as the next person but she always thought that when it was her wedding everything would just fall into place.

She had kept it all relatively simple, one bridesmaid, Tracy, limited guest list, basic catering. Everything was just how she would have wanted it.

So, why then, was there this nagging doubt in her mind? The thought that something was wrong? She couldn’t put her finger on what it was but it bothered her. She looked up at the clock and sighed, she couldn’t ask if something was wrong again. They are going to start thinking that she had lost her mind.

She was marrying Paul, the food was fine, the guests were fine, and everything else was fine. She had nothing to worry about. So why did she feel so unsettled? She sat down and let out a small breath. She had changed into her dress far too early, the wedding wasn’t for another hour, and she was starting to feel hot. No wonder she felt something was off.

Oh God, she put her hand on her chest as it started beating uncontrollably, what on Earth was wrong with her? She should be happy and she was. At least she thought she was.

She slumped down on a chair and tried to work out her mind. She did want to marry Paul didn’t she? After her name slip up the week before she had been finding it hard to not think about Tom. Was she doing the wrong thing? Had she rushed into things with Paul to get over her feelings for Tom?

There had been that day, right at the start of her and Paul’s relationship, where she had seen Tom in the pub. She knew deep down it had awakened feelings, had she pushed forward in her relationship with Paul to prove that she was over Tom?

Oh God, when had everything become so muddled, maybe it was just pre – wedding nerves. Surely that was all it was? She didn’t want to be with Tom. She wanted to marry Paul.

There was a knock at the door and Tracy entered the room and smiled. “How are you feeling?”

“I think I’m all right” Michelle replied.

“You think?” Tracy echoed “does this have anything to do with last week?”

“If you mean my name slip, no it doesn’t” Michelle lied “I’m just nervous, that’s all.”

Tracy nodded and looked to the side “would you be all right to take a visitor?”

Michelle blinked at the oddly worded question “I suppose so, who is it?”

“Me” answered a voice behind her. She turned around and saw Tom stood there. Tracy glanced at them both before leaving the room.

“You look beautiful” Tom smiled.

Michelle looked away from him and walked to the other side of the room. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to speak to you?” he replied softly.

“And it couldn’t wait until after I got married?”

“No, it couldn’t” she heard him walk closer to her “I don’t think you should get married.”

She turned around quickly and let out a short breath as she realised how close he was. They were close enough to kiss if they wanted, and good God her traitorous heart did want. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Yes you do” he urged as he grabbed her hand, she pulled it away quickly “I know what happened last week, I know you still think about me.”

“Thomas, it’s my wedding day” Michelle snapped “it is not the time or the place.”

“I would argue that it is exactly the time and the place” Tom snapped back “if you don’t love him then you shouldn’t marry him.”

“I do love him” Michelle insisted “what would you know about it anyway, all you do is go from one conquest to the other, what would you know about being in a proper relationship?”

Tom ignored the immediate anger that fuelled his body at her arrogant comments and continued “I know I love you that is enough to tell me that what I am doing is right.”

“Why now?” she asked.

Tom couldn’t answer her as he had so satisfactory answer. He should have tried to win her back sooner, he knew that, but he couldn’t let her get married without trying.

He needed her and he loved her, he knew deep down that she loved him too, how could he make her see it?

“I can’t let you marry him” he finally answered.

“You can’t?” she echoed “I forgot when this became your choice.”

“Michelle, can you honestly say that you don’t love me?” Tom urged as he moved closer to her “can you honestly say that you don’t feel the heat between us? That you don’t want me?”

Michelle felt her resolve slipping as she moved a step closer to him, the worst thing was that he was right. She did feel the heat between them, she wanted to explore that heat again.

Tom smiled as she moved closer to him and moved a step closer to her. He reached out and took her hand and gently tugged her to him. Suddenly he was transported back two years and nothing bad had happened between them. He kissed her softly on the lips and enjoyed her soft taste.

She wrapped her arms around him as the kiss deepened. He put his hand in her hair as he pulled her closer. He needed her and he loved her.

Slowly she pulled away from him and walked to the other side of the room. He could feel her anguish and it made him ache. How could he convince her that they belonged together?

“Tom, I think you should go” she murmured.

“Don’t say that” he pleaded “I know you feel the same way as I do, I know you love me.”

Michelle bit her lip “I shouldn’t have kissed you, I’m sorry, but I love Paul.”

“Please ‘Chelle.” He begged.

“I can’t talk about this anymore” she replied, but there was a catch in her voice “please leave.”

Tom nodded and left the room, she had made her choice. At least he had tried to stop her from marrying Paul, at least he had done his best to win her back.

Tom stood, along with the rest of the wedding guests, as Michelle walked in. She looked just as radiant as she had when they had spoken. He noticed her give him a fleeting glance before looking ahead at her intended husband. He looked happy and she looked, well she looked like she really wanted to be happy.

The wedding started and Michelle looked calmed until they asked if anyone objected. At this point Tom noticed her tense up and glance to the side, perhaps she was worried he would speak out? He didn’t though, he wanted her to come to him willingly, not because he had objected to her wedding. Soon the moment was over and the ceremony was completed.

He stood and shook Paul’s hand and gave Michelle a hug, but he knew he couldn’t handle the reception. It would be too much. He quickly found Chris and made the excuse that he wasn’t feeling well then left.

He travelled home quickly, stopping to get some beers and vodka on the way, and slumped down on his sofa once he got there. What had happened to him? When had his feelings for her over taken his life choices?

He opened a beer and took a swig out of it. She was married now, he would have to get over his love for her and move on. It was a Saturday night for Heaven’s sake, there was a time he would have been out chatting up women. Now he was alone, wallowing in self-pity, it would have to stop.

He took another swig from his beer and placed it on the table. He would always love her, he knew that, but maybe he could find happiness somewhere else. Part of him missed the person he had been before their relationship.

He smiled as he rested his head back on the sofa. At least now he could start to get over her.

Michelle sighed as she looked at herself in the mirror. It had been a long day but she had come out of it relatively unscathed. Even with her conversation with Tom still looming over her head she had managed to enjoy herself.

She glanced over at her new husband, who was busy getting ready for bed, she did love him. She knew she did.

Seeing Tom had bought up a lot of unresolved feelings but she knew that she couldn’t go back to him again. Deep down she didn’t think they were good for each other. They were too alike and too hot headed, things that rarely worked well together.

She had loved Tom and perhaps if things had been different they would still been together but it wasn’t meant to be.

“Are you all right?”

She looked at Paul and smiled “just thinking about everything, that’s all.”

“Do you want me to help you out of the dress?”

She nodded and felt his warm hands on her shoulders as he undid her dress. She frowned, something was wrong but she couldn’t put her finger on what it was.

She leaned back and gave him a kiss on the cheek, expecting to feel warmth but instead she felt nothing. What was happening?

He finished undoing the buttons on her dress and walked away so she could get undressed.

“You looked amazing today” he murmured.

She nodded “thank you, so did you.”

So did Tom as well, she couldn’t help but think, she had always liked him in a suit. She shook her head to get thought of Tom out and lay down in bed.

Paul soon joined her and put his arm around her as they cuddled up together. She loved him, and she wanted to make love to him, but suddenly there was no heat.

He had always turned her on, and he still did she supposed, but it wasn’t the same. The spark that had always been there was gone.

She shook her head again, she was just tired that was all. It had been a long day.

That was the last thought she had before Paul kissed her. She hoped it was because of the long day, otherwise it might be that the spark had never truly existed in the first place.

Chapter Nine

31st December 2010, - 9 months later.

“Do you have to see your family?”

Chris rolled his eyes at Tom “Christmas and new year are about the only time they see me these days. How can I get out of that?”

“Tell them you are sick?” Tom suggested.

Chris chuckled at the suggestion. “Why aren’t you seeing your family tonight?”

Tom sighed, if he saw his family then that would mean he would have to travel into Didcot. If he did that then he would be too tempted to go to Chris’ family’s New Year’s Eve party, where Michelle and her new husband would be. He did not want that, he had been successfully avoiding Chelle since the wedding and he wanted to continue doing so.

He couldn’t really say all of this to Chris however so he simply shrugged and said nothing. Maybe it was better for him to be on his own anyway, he didn’t like how Chris had started acting up. It had been a small change at first, an extra drink here and there but it seemed to to be becoming a bad habit. Tom knew he had something on his mind but he wouldn’t say what it was. Chris’ engagement to Maisy had ended so quickly nothing had really been discussed. Tom had known that Chris hadn’t loved Maisy but other than that nothing had been said.

Had there been someone else? And if there had why wasn’t he with that person?

Tom had always been a womaniser and Chris had always been the one who wanted to settle down. It seemed that recently their roles had shifted; Chris went home with more women than Tom did. It was more than concerning, not because it was impossible for people to change, but because the change in question was so unnatural.

At least with Chris in Didcot over the New Year, Tom could go out without worrying about him. Besides he hadn’t forgotten that it had been two years since his first kiss with Chelle. Their stupid fight in the kitchen, what had he been thinking? He should never have kissed her, no that wasn’t true, he should have told everyone the truth about them at the time. If he had then they wouldn’t have broken up, but it was too late for what ifs, Chelle was married and that was that.

“I can’t change your mind?” Chris asked.

Tom shook his head, and against his better judgement murmured “give Chelle my love.”

Michelle looked out at the children playing in the local park as she walked home from the gym. She smiled softly and patted her pathetically thin stomach. She hated going to the gym, it just reminded her of how slim she was. Not that being slim was a bad thing, generally it was what people wanted. It was usually what she wanted, but not so much anymore. What Chelle really wanted now was a baby, was that too much to ask?

She sighed angrily to herself as walked into the town centre. It seemed like it was too much to ask of her husband, who insisted they were still too newlywed, but she wanted a baby.

She didn’t care that social conventions says that they should wait or that she was still quite young. She wanted a baby so much, she felt like she had been ready for years. Paul said he didn’t know when, if ever, he would want a child. Perhaps it’s something that they should have discussed before getting married.

She hadn’t been too bothered when they had got married but it had suddenly hit her a few months back like a thunderbolt. She wanted a baby, she couldn’t explain why. There was no point discussing with Paul though, she knew he wouldn’t be interested. They had had more than one argument about it. She couldn’t be bothered to keep having the same fight.

Maybe she was being unfair to Paul, just because she was ready for a child it didn’t mean that he had to be as well. She was only twenty six; there was lots of time for her to have a child.

She popped into the supermarket and grabbed a few bottles of wine for that evening. She was going to her parents’ house as was tradition but she always tried to bring something with her. She groaned as she caught her reflection in the shop window, she looked terrible. She wasn’t sure when it had happened but since getting married she didn’t seem to take as much notice of her appearance. She knew didn’t look dreadful but there was a certain flare to her that had gone. Why she was so bothered about it nine months after getting married she had no idea.

Michelle paused to look at herself again, or maybe she did have an idea but didn’t want to admit it. She hadn’t seen Tom more than briefly since the wedding but he was probably going to be there that night. He always came to her family’s New Year’s Eve parties.

She thought back to three years before where they had had their first kiss and smiled. She had never felt passion like it with anyone else, not even with Paul. She shook her head, knowing she was being unfair, and walked the rest of the way home.

Hours later the party was in full swing, Michelle had done herself up better than she had in months and she was feeling good. She sat down next to Chris and looked at the clock with a frown, it was getting late, when would Tom get there? There wouldn’t be much of the party left if he was much later.

“What are you looking at?” Chris asked.

She snapped her attention to him and tried to act causal “just wondering if Tom is all right, he should have been here by now.”

Chris raised his eyebrows “I thought you knew, he isn’t coming tonight.”

Michelle blinked “he isn’t, but he always comes.”

“I don’t know what to say” Chris shrugged “he said he didn’t want to come. Why are you so bothered anyway? I didn’t know you were close friends.”

Michelle smiled “well, we aren’t really, I was just thrown as he comes every year.”

“Well, I guess he is getting older now, he needs to do his own thing” Chris murmured with a shrug before walking to speak to a friend.

Michelle turned to look at the clock again, how could Tom not be coming? She had been looking forward to clearing the air. She missed the old friendship they used to have and she wanted to find a way back to it. Tom had been part of her life for so long it felt odd for them not to be speaking.

“What you doing skulking in the corner?”

She looked up and smiled at Paul as he sat down beside her “I’m not skulking just thinking.”

He sighed “is this about the baby?”

“I didn’t know there was one” Michelle replied angrily as she stood and walked to the kitchen.

Paul followed her “you know what I mean, we have discussed it over and over.”

“Then why do you need to bring it up again?” she snapped “I want one, you don’t, what else is there to say?”

Paul sighed “I just don’t understand your urgency.”

“I just want a baby, a child, that’s all” Michelle sighed “I can’t explain it, I just need it.”

Paul sighed again, “well, why don’t we start trying and see what happens.”

Michelle knew she should be happy, it was what she wanted and yet she couldn’t shake the feeling that he was doing it for her. What if they had a child and Paul didn’t want anything to do with it? What if he abandoned her or resented her for pushing him into a decision he wasn’t ready for.

“Are you sure?” She asked.

Paul nodded “all I want is for you to be happy.”

Tom looked around the pub as he tried to find the right woman to pick up. He had been there for way over an hour but no one had really stuck out to him yet. Maybe he just wasn’t that interested deep down. He couldn’t get his mind of Chelle.

Was she asking about him? Was she upset that he hadn’t gone to the party? Could he still get there?

Well he knew the answer to the last one, had had way too much to drink to drink and he didn’t think there was a bus.

He sighed, he should have just gone to the party, and they could have cleared the air and moved on. So he had declared his love and she had shot him down, maybe they could go back to being friends.

As he turned back to the bar a girl took his eye, she was sat alone with a bottle of wine but there was only one glass.

She had black hair that looked soft but was slightly out of place. He imagined that she always had trouble keeping it from falling out. She looked up and caught him looking at her, damn he would have to go over now. He waved and walked over to her.

“Mind if I join you?” he asked “hard to find a table, it’s a bit cramped.”

She smiled “you didn’t seem to mind for the hour or so you have been here, but all right.”

He raised his eyebrows as he sat down “well done.”

She licked her teeth “I know the game you are playing, should I be happy that I won?”

He laughed, there was some spark this girl. “what’s your name?”

“Do you care?” she asked “surely I will be just a forgotten face tomorrow?”

Tom knew she was joking but he couldn’t get the serious note from his voice as he replied “I never forget a face.”

She heard the tone in his voice and replied “likewise.” It was just one word but there was a world of history behind it.

“I’m Tom Robson” he murmured.

She blinked “have we met before? I swear I know the name.”

“I would have remembered” he smiled.

She smiled back “yes, I suppose I would have to.”

He grinned as he sat back in his chair “so what brings you out on your own today?”

“Honestly, I didn’t want to be at home, my parents are upset about a friend of theirs, who passed a few months back” she replied “I did not like him, so I had to escape.”

Again there was a world of history behind her words “and what is your name?”

She flashed a smile “wouldn’t you like to know, so what brings you out tonight?”

“I was invited to a party that I didn’t want to go to” he answered “well I didn’t want to see some of the people who would be going.”

She raised her eyebrows and murmured “someone you love?”

Tom smiled weakly, he hadn’t been prepared for a long discussion about his love life. He had only sat down with her to try and take her home; he didn’t want a deep conversation.

“Sorry” she murmured “I could tell by your words, there is someone I wouldn’t want to see either.”

“So, who do you love?” he asked.

“Loved” she replied “well at least I think it’s past tense, it was years ago at least, how long have you loved her?”

“Years as well” he answered “what will you do with the rest of your evening?”

She shrugged “I will have to go home at some point, don’t want my parent’s worrying.”

“Can’t tempt you to keep me company then?” He had to ask, even though he knew her answer.

She smiled and stood up “I had better not, see you around maybe Mr. Robson.”

He watched her leave, finished his pint and slowly walked home. He spent the rest of the evening alone with a bottle of whiskey.

Chapter Ten

24th October 2011, 10 months later

Tom looked at his watch and sighed, Chris was late again. That made it the sixth Sunday in a row where Chris had been late to meet him. Usually it wouldn’t be worth commenting on except that Chris tended to be freakishly early. Truthfully he had been worried about Chris for a while now, his drinking had increased drastically.

Chris had always been the sensible one and Tom had been wild, now the roles seemed to have reversed. Chris had been on a slow decline since ending his engagement three years prior but Tom hadn’t really noticed it too much until now.

There was something Chris wasn’t saying, Tom knew there was but he could only question so much. The engagement to Maisy had been years in the making and its abrupt end was puzzling. There had been some talk of someone in Crowmarsh but Chris hadn’t been overly forth coming.

Tom watched as the door of the café opened and Chris stumbled in. Tom watched with equal parts horror and amusement as Chris fumbled his way to the table and sat down.

“Sorry I’m a bit late, got held up” he remarked.

“Oh?” Tom asked as he reached into his pocket and pulled out some mints “here you go, your breath is rank.”

Chris smiled and took a mint “have you been waiting long?”

“Well however late you are is how long I have been waiting” Tom answered “how are things? Have you spoken to Michelle?”

Chris raised his eyebrows “you have been asking about her a lot lately.”

Damn and double damn, he didn’t want his friend to work out why he was so interested in Michelle. He had heard that she was trying for a baby and had an unusual interest in how it was going. Once she had a baby she would never leave her husband. He had tried to move on from her, he had even tried dating again for the first time since his teenage years, but he couldn’t.

She would always be the one for him, there was no denying that, and he would always hope that one day they could be together. The longer she was married though the smaller that hope got.

If she had a baby with him then it would very nearly diminish completely. Why was she so insistent on having a baby anyway? She was still young, there was loads of time for that.

“I’m just curious” Tom finally replied “we did all used to be friends at one time.”

“She is very despondent at the moment” Chris replied “she has had no success with her quest for a child, she feels Paul isn’t really that interested. She could probably do with a friend.”

“What about Trace?” Tom asked, they had been friends since childhood.

“Trace is there but you know how it is” Chris replied “there are things you don’t tell your best friend, you don’t want to bombard them with all your secrets, I’m sure there are things you don’t tell me.”

Tom nodded, there was one thing in particular that he had no intention of telling Chris, his affair with Michelle. Tom dreaded to think what would happen if and when that did come out.

Perhaps if they had told people at the start though things would have been different. The day in the pub, when Michelle had left him, that could have been easily avoided had the truth been known.

“Secrets can be harmful though” Tom remarked.

“Don’t I know it” Chris replied, Tom heard a hint of a story in his tone of voice.

“You have personal experience?” Tom asked.

Chris sighed and glanced out the window. It was a sad sigh and Tom realised he was looking at a memory of the past. Suddenly he turned back and smiled “I don’t wish to discuss it.”

Tom sat back in his chair and didn’t question his friend any further. Chris had said something interesting though, maybe it was worth paying Michelle a visit. They had been friends long ago, maybe it was time to renew the friendship.

Michelle groaned and threw the pregnancy test across the room. Another negative result, what was wrong with her? Why couldn’t she get pregnant?

She knew she was being irrational, she had only been trying for nine months but she had hoped that she would be lucky. She had hoped that she would conceive immediately.

The longer it took the more it seemed that Paul was changing his mind. She had had to really convince him to have a child in the first place, what if he realised he didn’t want one yet? She sighed softly as she picked the test up and put it in the bin. She couldn’t really have a child with a man who didn’t want one. It would be unfair to everyone involved, but what if Paul never wanted a child?

Michelle would have a proper talk with him that night to make sure they were both on the same page. If Paul said he didn’t want children then they would deal with it then.

As Michelle walked into her lounge she glanced at picture of her and Tom. It had been taken at Chris and Maisy’s engagement party. She wondered what would have happened if they had stayed together. Would they be married? Would they have children? Somehow the thought seemed traitorously appealing.

She walked into her kitchen and poured a glass of wine. She knew it was early but she needed something to take her mind off Tom. She glanced at the blood stain on the wall and smiled. She wondered if her ancestors had the same problems she had.

From what she knew her mother’s side of the family had been large. Her great grand mother had had 5 siblings, most of whom had had many children themselves. A lot of them have since spread across the country but she kept in touch with as many as she could.

Her third cousin, Gary, still lived in Didcot so they caught up with each other when they could. He was thirty one that year but thus far he didn’t seem ready to settle down.

She blinked at the sound of her front door and walked over to open it. To her surprise it was Tom stood on the other side. Also to her surprise she didn’t want to tell him to leave.

“Can I come in?” he asked.

She nodded and let him walk into the house “is Chris with you?”

“No, I wanted to see you” he replied “Chris mentioned you were feeling low at the moment.”

“Well, of course” she murmured “my life is just one big discussion subject.”

She hated the thought of Tom and Chris talking about her personal life and marriage. Tom was too much of an ex for her to want him to know too much. They were friends, of sorts, but still she didn’t want him to know everything.

“It isn’t like that” Tom assured her “I wanted to know how it was going and he mentioned you were feeling low. Don’t worry ‘Chelle, you will have a baby, it just takes time.”

Something about his soft tone made her want to open up “I don’t even know if Paul wants a child.”

Tom sat down “of course he does, who wouldn’t want a child with you?”

She blinked at his words “what do you mean?”

“You are amazing and you will make an amazing mother” he answered “anyone who would want to build a life with you would want you to have children.”

“You sound like you have thought about it.”

“I have” he replied softly as she sat down.

She sighed, unsure what to say and sat down “it seems like so long ago and yet it wasn’t.”

“I know” Tom replied “we used to be good friends.”

Michelle looked away, she hated that she was so vulnerable around him. She wanted him to see her as confident and happy, the way she had always been with him.

She hated that Paul made her doubt herself and what she wanted in life. She hated knowing that deep down they would always be on different wave lengths. Most of all she hated that with each month they tried and failed to get pregnant Michelle wondered if she had made a mistake.

It was one that was easy to rectify at that point. If she decided that maybe her and Paul weren’t meant for each other then they could get divorced relatively easily. If she had a child with him it would make the whole thing more complicated.

What was she doing? Did she really want to through away her whole marriage over a small doubt due to not conceiving?

“I could do with a friend” she admitted.

“Perhaps we could be friend again?” he murmured slowly “I miss you ‘Chelle.”

She smiled “I miss you too.”

It was true, they had known each other for so long, and even when they had been together they had been close friends. To lose that suddenly with no warning had been a shock to her. It had seemed the right thing at the time, somehow looking back she wasn’t so sure now.

She was older now, wiser, and had a firmer grasp on her emotions. Why was it that the things which are so blurred at the time become so much clearer way after the fact?

She could have let him explain, she could have trusted him. It was the strangest thing, as a friend she trusted him almost completely, but as a lover and a partner it had been her struggle. Well at least it had been after seeing in the pub with that girl.

God she had been a right fool, she knew it deep down, but she had made her choice and she did love Paul.

She looked at Tom and took his hand, trying to ignore the sparks that shot across her body at his touch. She wanted to be his friend again and somehow she suddenly needed it.

“Welcome back old friend” she smiled.

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 12.06.2018

Widmung:
This book is dedicated to Rachel Brain; thanks for being an amazing sister.

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