Prologue - Chapter Nine

 

 

This book is dedicated to Chris for allowing me the use of his name.

Prologue

Nicola Bennett, known to all who chose to know her as Nicky, was a firm romantic. Oh of course she knew that life wasn't all red wine and roses but she held the firm belief that one day she was sure to meet her perfect gentleman. Although Nicky was well aware that he probably wouldn't be perfect, he'd probably be a rambling idiot but that would be perfect for her because she was a rambling idiot too and as long as he loved her and never intentionally hurt her she would be happy.

Of course she knew that not everyone, and indeed rarely anyone, shared this view with her. Nicky's best friend for instance, Eloise Sheffield, had a completely different view on the subject of men and relationships; the pair found themselves discussing this very subject on new year’s eve.

Eloise had arrived at around six o'clock, just after Nicky's family had set off to the party they were going to, and promptly said “You are such an idiot Nicky”

Nicky rolled her eyes and took the bottle of wine off of her friend, she knew what Eloise was referring to so just ignored her and poured two glasses, eventually however the look on her friends faced forced her to answer “I had to break up with him, for the sake of our friendship.”

“There is really something wrong with that whole statement” Eloise accepted the glass of wine and sat down

Nicky signed and sat opposite her friend “I've known Greg since we were both babies, he has seen me at my best and my worst but when it comes down to it I could never give him what he would need, romantically”

Eloise groaned “Nicky, when are you going to learn that life is not one big love story”

“I just know he wasn't the one”

“You really are off your head” Eloise muttered

“You just don't understand” Nicky smiled “For me true love is something I just know will happen, I can't explain why I know, it’s just a feeling I have and Greg was not true love”

“So you would be perfectly happy if he was with someone else” Eloise said cheekily “you wouldn't be overcome with jealousy”

“Of course I wouldn't be jealous” Nicky laughed “it might have taken me six months to realise but I am never going to love him as anything else but a friend”

“So what is true love then?” Eloise asked “how are you going to know?”

“I'll look at him and then I will just know” Nicky sighed dreamily “I will see my heart in his eyes and my soul in his smile and nothing else will matter, it will just be me and him”

Nicky didn't have to see the look on her friend's face to know how crazy she sounded but she couldn't help her feelings, this knowledge that she would find her soul mate was just a part of who she was.

“So what are you going to say when you meet this magnificent person?”

Nicky shrugged “I don't know, I'd just kiss him”

“You'd kiss him?” Eloise almost dropped her wine in shook “Nicky you can't just go around kissing people”

“I know that” Nicky smiled shrugging again “I won't be kissing 'people' I'll be kissing my soul mate. The logic would come after but in that moment, when we first meet, I'm sure I would not be able to stop myself from putting my lips on his and afterwards is when reality would sink in and I'd have to start thinking”

Eloise smiled “You are completely crazy Nicky but I do love you”

Nicky rolled her eyes and smiled “I love you too El”

 

Christopher Williams had never thought of himself as a coward but when he walked into Cherrycombe Secondary School on his first day at work and saw, first the size of the place and then amount of people there he decided to flee. Not because he was scared, okay maybe he was a little, but because he just felt like he needed a few moments of peace before being thrown to the lions.

While most of the school were in their form or their assemblies Chris found himself in an alley way that led from the library to the sixth-form building, in the middle of the alley way there was a small alcove and this is where he was currently hiding, no not hiding he reminded himself just getting a bit of peace. He was holding also a couple of folders which he had decided to bring with him that contained full information from his training, not that he really expected he would need any of them but either way it would be good to have them at his disposal.

At the sound of footsteps Chris pushed himself further back into the alcove, the last thing he wanted was to be caught hiding by either a teacher of a student, maybe if he was lucky they would just walk past and not notice him at all.

It seemed though that fate was not on his side that particular day because as the person in question was walking past the alcove something startled them and sent them crashing into him, which in turn sent his folders crashing down onto the ground.

“Oh dear God I'm so sorry” the person, who he know realised was a woman, cried with a slight blush “this is my fault completely I'm such a day dreaming ditz, I should look where I'm going”

Chris turned to look at her more closely however the moment he saw her face he felt like he had been punched in the gut and he had no idea why, but there was just something about her that made his heart beat faster and his stomach churn. “No harm done” he smiled “besides I shouldn't be hiding”

This young lady smiled and his heart literally skipped a beat, what on earth was wrong with him? “I shouldn't be here at all, in truth I'm being a bit of a bad girl and missing our assembly but in fairness I have been here seven years or so I know what to expect”

She had the most interesting looking hair, almost raven black but not quite, the sort of hair that looked like it should be nice and straight but on her it wasn't, it still looked nice but it had a bit of a wave to it. Chris wanted to reach out and touch it to see if he it felt as soft as it looked but he held back instead murmuring “I really should give you a detention for missing assembly; it is my duty after all”

This magnificent creature smiled again “you're new, please don't give me detention I'm normally a very good student, ask anyone. I'm Nicky by the way, Nicky Bennett”

This teacher smiled “I'm Mr Williams, I'll let you off this time since I'm not quite a full teacher yet, still have one year of training before that privilege”

Nicky nodded wondering why her heart felt like it was beating at triple speed, she went to move slightly but her foot knocked something, looking down she saw what it was, “Oh gosh your folders” she exclaimed as she bent down to get them, while on her knees she looked back at him “I'm truly sorry about this sir I really don't make a habit of bumping into people”

Nicky stood up and as she did so she found herself looking at this man straight in the eye, slowly she handed him his folders back. He smiled his thanks and her legs went straight to water as she realised that she was completely lost. In that moment she saw her heart in his eyes and her soul in his smile and she knew that he was the one and all logic had gone completely from her.

Good God she was beautiful Chris watched as the wonderful Nicky bit her lip in thought, this was serious indeed. He feared he might be falling for the girl. It seemed very silly to him that he would even think it since he had never believed in love at first site but something about her made him reluctant to let her go. Chris had never had this kind of reaction to a woman on just the first meeting; it was fantastic and horrible all at the same time.

“Well I guess I should be going” Nicky murmured, clearly there was still one small logical part of her there.

“Me too” Chris murmured shocked that there was a wrenching feeling in his chest; he had only just met the girl.

They both started to move and in doing so they bumped into each other and Chris' folders fell to the ground again. Nicky started to fall back so Chris grabbed hold of her shoulders to steady her.

“I'm sorry” Nicky murmured “I'll pick up the folders again”

Chris held firm, he knew it was wrong and he knew he shouldn't, but some part of his heart told him that she was special and he needed to kiss her. “Leave them” he whispered.

Nicky's mouth opened slightly oh god he was going to kiss her, there was logic and reason going completely out of the window even her whispered protest of “but sir” was lacking any force.

“Call me Chris”

Mutely she nodded as he brought his lips down to her own. Nicky sighed at his soft tender caress and wrapped her arms around his neck, almost inviting him to her, he responded by pulling her closer to him and running his hand up her leg and under her skirt squeezing her bottom softly, making her let out a contented moan. Chris ran his hands through her hair and lightly traced her sweet lips with his tongue, sucking on her bottom lip slightly. At the sound of a distant laugh Chris reluctantly pulled away.

Nicky walked back slightly “We shouldn't have done that”

“No we shouldn't have” Chris agreed all the while wishing there was a way he could feel her lips again and once he was done feel the rest of her as well.

“I'll go” Nicky walked out of the alcove turning around before she started walking down the rest of the alley “I'll only contact you in an emergency, it probably isn't such a good idea for us to be talking too much. Good luck”

Nicky ran into the toilets trying to ignore the hollow feeling in her heart and the tears in her eyes, she had finally met her soul mate and he was completely unattainable, for the next six months at least. Temporary unattainable wasn't the same as total and the romantic in her refused to give up hope. Nicky knew she had to be logical and sensible but her heart couldn't stop believing. As she put her now tangled hair up into a pony tail she allowed herself a small smile, they would be together Nicky would just have to wait a bit that's all and she had all the time in the world.

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter One

Two Months Later.

 

How was it he was always running completely late? Chris was sure that there was a way to finish of all his work without staying over two hours past school time but apparently he hadn't yet mastered that particular talent since he had managed in the last five consecutive weeks to spend each day doing just that. Most of his colleagues and he was fairly certain all of the students had already gone, what with that day being Friday, but Chris was determined to get the rest of his work done so he wouldn't have to worry about it over the weekend.

Not that he ever really worried much over the weekend on a general basis, usually all he did was drink a little too much wine or beer while trying his best to not think about, even better forget, a certain dark haired beauty that he somehow managed to see every day at his work and each night in his long torturous dreams and he craved for her so badly. What's more it wasn't just physical, it would have been so much easier that way, to say it had been and was just about sex and leave it at that but he couldn't because that was simply not the case. He cared about her and not just for her body, although he certainly wasn't going to deny himself that, but he also wanted her wit, her funny looks and most of all her conversation.

The few words he'd managed to have with her had all been so practised and she had been so careful not to let her true self come through, probably terrified about what she might do or that she’d reveal something she'd regret. Of course she had been true to her word about being a good student and since she wasn't in the classes he was taking over, as part of his student teachering, he rarely had any reason to talk to her at all usually he'd just make up a reason or if one of her teachers needed to pass on a message or give her some homework he'd offer to do it but those moments were so rare that it was never enough. But it was the times he caught her looking at him with the same longing that he felt every day that were most hard since he had to use all of his will power to stop himself from kissing her right there. He glanced up at the clock, 20 past four not bad he'd just finish up and be on his way back home, with any luck he would be home within the hour.

 

Nicky was running late, of course that had more to do with Mr MacDonald, the idiot had forgot to show up to the extra after school maths lesson they had arranged. The old man was always doing it and he was sure to pull her aside on Monday and give her a heartfelt apology but that did little to help her now. Walking through the alleyway, to get to her form room, her skin tingled as she got to the opening of the alcove, the spot where she and Mr Williams had first met two long months ago. As she stopped to remember that sweet and tender moment Nicky felt a hand grab her arm, letting out a surprised gasp she went tumbling into a large form. Could this be her darling Chris?

“Hello my dear”

Nicky's heart sank “hello Kevin”

Kevin Bryant, her ex-boyfriend Greg's father, leered at her “I was very sad to hear about you and Greg breaking up”

Overjoyed was more like it. Nicky had dated Greg for six months and Kevin had spent most of that time looking at her with a very disapproving way that was when he wasn't making inappropriate flirting jokes; however that aside he had always seems an ok sort of guy. She had known him long before dating Greg as he was her father's closest friend and he had never given her any reason to feel uncomfortable, well until now. What was he doing here? Nicky plastered on a fake smile to hide her nervousness “It was for the best we weren't really right for each other. He wasn't what I wanted; he can be a bit childish”

Kevin smiled back “You need someone older and much more mature”

Her heart started beating very fast, Kevin's presence suddenly clear in her mind. He thought she would be with him or at the very least share his bed for a night or two. Well no way, not when a certain blonde haired God had haunted her dreams for the last two months and nearly all of her thoughts, not that she would have if Chris Williams and all his perfection hadn't been working at her school. Kevin was most certainly not her type; she didn't go for perverts who pulled girls into alcoves or her dad's friends for that matter.

“What do you want Kevin?”

He leaned forward “You”

Nicky reached over to slap him but he grabbed her wrist tightly and held firm “how did you know where to find me?”

Kevin pulled her to him and ran a finger along her cheek. “Greg told me you were staying late to do some work”

He leaned in to kiss her, panicking Nicky pushed at him but he was stronger than her and barely moved at all. In fact his grip tightened even more and he had a sick smile on his face as he murmured “play nice my dear and so will I”

As realisation dawned the panic rising in Nicky's chest grew and she did the only thing she could think of, she kneed him in between his legs. Gasping in shock and pain Kevin pushed her away with such force she spun around and hit the wall behind her. She let out a yelp and ran off before Kevin could grab her again.

Nicky ran into the sixth-form building and entered her form room, where she had left some of her belongings earlier, and sat on the table of her usual seat her feet resting on the chair beneath her as she stared blankly at the wall in front of her. She didn’t even notice the blood slowly dripping down the side of her head.

 

After ten minutes of focused work and cleaning Chris was finished, it was only half past four he'd be home by five. He whistled as he tossed his car keys into his pocket and picked up some papers that needed to be dropped into the sixth-form office.

Walking along briskly Chris found himself thinking of what he often thought about these days, the young Nicky. He drove down her road on his way home and he had seen her on several occasions, it was the only time he ever got to see her truly as herself, she never saw him of course the car was gone in a second as far as she was concerned but in that flash Chris was more happy that he could even possibly begin to describe. He got to the reception and dropped off the papers, deciding he might as well cut through the sixth-form building since it was warmer in there than outside in the early March weather.

He wondered what Nicky was doing, God this was irritating he couldn't go more than two minutes without thinking about her, what the hell did that mean? Well of course he knew but he wasn't going to let himself believe it after just one proper encounter with the girl furthermore- he stopped, was someone in that class room? Chris slowly walked back and looked through the window.

Of course it would be Nicky considering he'd just spent the last five minutes thinking about her! “Miss Bennett you know you shouldn’t here this late” he said attempting to sound stern but probably failing,

“I'm sorry” she murmured, her voice without tone and her eyes never leaving the wall.

Chris walked further into the room suddenly confused and worried, he had never seen her like this “why are you here?”

“I needed to pick up some of my stuff”

“And I can see you are doing a good job of it Nicky”

She jumped up, obviously out of whatever trance she had been in “I'm sorry sir I'll just be going”

Chris looked at her as closely as he could, there was something on her face but he couldn't see what it was.

Nicky stopped and look at him “please don't tell anyone about this, I shouldn't be here this late on my own I just got distracted”

Goodness she was bleeding “Nicky what happened? You're cut”

She gasped “Am I?”

His eyes narrowed “Yes didn't you know?”

Nicky looked down, she hadn't noticed her head because she had been in such a daze about Kevin but now that Mr Williams had mentioned it there was quite a sharp pain on her forehead. She lifted her hand up and gingerly touched the spot of pain, whipping it back down she saw the blood on her fingers and let out a small scream in shock, damn Kevin for doing that to her.

“Nicky?” Chris asked looking concerned

“I'll be fine” Nicky said quickly “I just need to get myself to the bus stop so I can go back home”

Hopefully Kevin wouldn’t still be there, if he was then he was sure to be angry and she wasn't sure if she would be able to fight him off again especially since she was starting to feel extremely light headed.

“You've gone white” Chris grabbed her and led her to a chair “I'll sort this cut out for you”

Nicky watched as he searched around for a first aid kit “I'm sure I'll be ok and I can sort it when I get home” even as she said this, however, just the thought of standing up was enough to set her head spinning and she really was beginning to feel a little sick.

“There is absolutely no way that you are going home like that” Chris said as he found the first aid kit and sat down in front of her “It doesn't look too bad you just seem to have lost a bit of blood, how did it happen anyway?”

Oh God did he have to sit so close? Didn't he realise how much she ached for him? Dear Lord she wanted to kiss him again. Nicky looked up at him, he was waiting for her to answer “Oh I just hit my head on a wall”

“Do you do this often?” he asked as he opened an anti-bacterial wipe “this will sting”

He was being so kind to her, he started to clean her wound, Chris had been right it did sting but that wasn't the reason for the tears suddenly welling up in her eyes.

He saw her holding back tears and wanted nothing more than to hug her and tell her it was okay to cry and then maybe he could kiss her again (only if she seemed ok enough to be kissed of course) but he could really do any of that so instead he asked “does it hurt so much?”

Nicky shook her head “no it’s not that, just you're being so nice to me and I just want to kiss you because you are so handsome and lovely and oh God I'm such an idiot”

Desire pulsed through him at the thought of her wanting him “you are certainly not an idiot Nicky” he finished cleaning the wound and held her face in his hands so he could examine her cut.

He felt her nod “I am. I should know better than to go around revealing myself, I'm so stupid, I should have known that something like this was going to happen”

Chris' desires was replaced with pure anger and worry “Something like what would happen?”

Oh no “how’s my head?” she asked desperately trying to change the subject.

“It’s fine” he answered distractedly “Just needs a plaster, what happened?”

Nicky blinked, he sounded angry. Why was he angry? Was he angry at her? He picked up a plaster and carefully placed it on her head. Nicky sighed “It was nothing just some idiot who wouldn't take no for answer”

Anger over took his body and he slammed his fist down hard on the table he was so furious he barely noticed the stinging in his hand.

Nicky started as he hit the table “I'm sorry” she murmured weakly

“What did he do to you?” fury like nothing he had ever felt before raged through him. Someone had hurt Nicky, his Nicky.

“Nothing really” Nicky said urgently, feeling more than a little scared “Just tried to you know have sex with me and when I went to slap him he told me to play nice so I um damaged his genitals”

“Where is the bastard?” Chris stood up, no one hurt his Nicky.

Nicky looked up and saw the look in his eyes. It was like nothing she had ever seen before and it both thrilled her and made her nervous at the same time.

Nicky stood up “I'm sure he's gone now and even if he's not well he's Gregory Bryant's father you can't hurt him”

“But he can hurt you?” Chris almost sounded confused at this injustice.

“Well no” Nicky said walking over and patting his arm. Heat poured through her as he put his hand on hers, their eyes locked and she slowly whispered “Is my head al-right?”

“It will recover” He replied softly “that’s all anyone can do for it now but it will heal soon enough”

Oh god if she spent so much as another minute in Chris Williams' company she was sure to kiss him again “Right” she said briskly “I should be going then, need to get home”

Nicky tried to leave but Chris held firm not wanting to let her slip away from him again so quickly, he wanted to take as much of her company as he could before he had to go back to pretending he saw her as just a normal average student. Unfortunately he was having trouble thinking of a reason for her to stay.

Then she looked at him, those beautiful emerald eyes, which had haunted him for two lonely months, widening in shock “Please sir I need to go”

Then it hit him “I'll drive you” perfect, now he could get more of her wonderful company and make sure that she got home safe it was a win win situation and she wasn't likely to refuse.

“No you can't!”

Chris frowned or maybe she was “Why not?”

“We can't be in the same car together” Nicky said once again trying to leave and not succeeding.

“Why not?”

Nicky blushed “Last time we were in such a confined space we kissed, I don’t know how much longer I can resist you”

Chris leaned down “Then don't resist” he whispered in her ear.

She slowly moved her head so their lips were a mere inch apart, she felt his hand go limp so she quickly moved her hand free “I have to”

Nicky ran out of the classroom more than aware that the fast movement was making her head ache but she knew that if she so much as slowed down she'd walk back and kiss him with all of her newly discovered passion and that was certainly not a very good idea at all. God for one thing Chris was quite a good teacher from what her friends had told her and there was absolutely no way that she was going to ruin his career before it had even took off. She had to wait she knew she did no matter how tempting he was.

Sitting on the bench at the side of the building, knowing full well that Chris wasn't going to find her there unless he went well out of his way, Nicky took some deep breaths. It was times like this that she hated being so unfit.

What had she been thinking? She should have left the moment he had entered the bloody room. At the very least she should have sent him on his way the very second he got the first aid kit for her but no she had let him stay and almost kissed him again! Not her wisest move at all, still at least she had made things right by resisting temptation and running out when she did.

Nicky yawned, God she was tired of course she knew she couldn't sleep where she was but maybe she could rest for a minute or so before she forced herself to go home, she closed her and let out a contented sigh, a minute or two won't matter overly much.

 

Chris stared at the empty space in front of him, he'd been so close and then she had ran of the room and he knew that that was it for them. He knew that she would never let her guard down again and he'd be forced to spend the rest of his life dreaming of what could have been between them.

Sighing he started making his way to the door; it was while he was putting the chairs back that he saw her bag. Chris picked it up, perhaps he could catch up with her, she'd only been gone a minute or so. Quickly coming out of the building he walked towards the alley way with the alcove but it was as he turned to check the door had closed behind him that he saw her sat on a bench with her eyes closed, damn. Chris walked over “This is why I wanted to take you home”

“So you could see me sat on a bench?” She asked dryly not even opening her eyes.

“So I could make sure you actually got home” he returned allowing himself a small smile, he really did love her sharp tongue.

She looked up at him obviously debating whether or not to accept his offer of a lift, Chris had never in his life been so nervous about what someone might say or as relieved when she shrugged and said “Okay then, I really am tired and the thought of going home myself is making me feel even more exhausted”

Sighing with relief he helped lead her to his car. They walked in silence neither of them really knowing what to say to each other, the moment wasn't quite awkward but it also wasn't very comfortable. Somewhere in between really; both of them were scared that if the silence was broken it might not help the situation however as he opened the car door for her he bent down and said quietly “I'm sorry”

Nicky looked up in surprise, so shocked that she had to stop herself from whacking her head on the top of the car door. “Why are you sorry?” she asked as she climbed into the car. He hadn't done anything to be sorry about at all, she was the one leaning on him and getting a lift home when all he was doing was being nice.

Chris entered the driver’s side of the car and turned so he could see her “For the kiss I hate that we have to avoid each other now because of a bad mistake”

Something lodged in her chest, something that felt like almost like a large lump and it hurt so much “Bad mistake?” she echoed hating the slight sadness to her voice.

“What do you want me to say?” he asked starting up the car because he couldn't stand to look at her stricken expression for another moment “Of course the kiss was a mistake but you must realise how much I care for you”

“Actually sir I didn't” Nicky looked down “I suppose that is my fault though, avoiding you and all”

There was silence for a few moments before he said softly “Believe me Nicky I do care, perhaps a bit too much”. Before she had time to properly ponder that statement they pulled up at the top of her road “Well perhaps now we can form a better teacher, student relationship.”

“I think I care too much too” Nicky said patting him on the arm “but I think I can manage getting to know you better as a teacher”

Chris wasn't sure why he wasn't surprised by the rush of desire he felt as Nicky touched his arm but he swallowed and placed his hand over hers “I'm glad. It would be nice to communicate with a decent student for once”

At last a smile broke through “I'm glad I am able to help with your sanity Mr Williams”

He couldn't help himself; Chris leaned forward and gave her a soft kiss and while it wasn't as passionate as their first it also couldn't be called chaste.

Nicky drew her head back and whispered “Two mistakes isn't so bad is it?”

He shook his head unable to find any words, Good God it was just a kiss, it shouldn't be playing this havoc with his mind.

“Well thank you sir” she smiled.

“You're welcome” he replied.

Nicky opened the door and went to leave but he couldn't let her without one more chance. Surely three mistakes wasn't so bad, he called after her and she turned around her expression filled with question and confusion.

“What are you doing tomorrow?”

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter Two

To say that her sanity was a bit impaired was a very large understatement. In fact Nicky was absolutely certain the sane part of her brain had well and truly gone out the window and was not likely to be coming back any time soon. That was surely the only reason to explain why she was currently waiting in a field on the outside of town for someone who could ruin his career if they were even seen together in this kind of capacity. So much for waiting until the time was right.

“Nicky!”

She turned around and saw him smiling at her “Hey Mr Williams, did you manage to get here ok?”

“The directions you gave me were a bit confusing”

“Oh sorry” she looked sheepish “It’s hard to give direction for where you’re born. I always just assume people know what I mean”

He started laughing “What am I going to do with you Miss Bennett?”

She gave him a small smile, the anxiousness of the situation gone from her mind “Well that certainly is the question”

Chris took a step forward “Indeed it is and one with many multiple answers”

She raised her brows “Is that so?”

He nodded “Yes many different answers and no real rule about just choosing one but I believe I will start with a kiss”

Oh thank God, Nicky had spent the last minute trying not to stare at his lips and hoping he would kiss her.

Stepping forward she put her arms around his neck, letting him lean in and give her an affectionate kiss which made all her nerves stand on end. God how she wished they were inside somewhere so she could let him strip off her clothes and take her right there.

Chris moved his hand back and chuckled “You looked flushed.”

Nicky's hand reached up to her face “Oh God, do I?”

He pulled her hands down and lightly kissed each of her cheeks “You look beautiful”. Her cheeks burned even redder making him chuckle again. She really was beautiful especially with her eyes twinkling like they were now. Shining with- he frowned they were shining with barely contained tears “Hey, what's wrong?”

She stepped away “I'm not beautiful”

“Of course you are”

Nicky shook her head “I'm not; I mean I'm cute and I do have some sexy qualities but I am not beautiful”

Chris walked up and spun her around “Listen to me carefully. You, Nicola Bennett are quite possibly the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. You have a cute nose and eyes that shine like emeralds, nothing at all could ever compare to your beauty both in your appearance and in your soul”

She blinked “Wow”

Wow indeed what had possessed him to do that? He had meant every word but surely there had been a better way to say it than the way he had chosen. Good Lord he really must be falling for her.

“No one has ever called me beautiful before”

Chris ran a finger along her cheek “Well, I am very glad to be your first”

Nicky knew he was talking about calling her beautiful but she couldn't stop herself from blushing. She wished he really could be her 'first' but that bridge was crossed long ago.

“You have colour on your cheeks” he smiled “what are you thinking?”

Nicky looked down “Nothing just thinking about normal things”

He laughed “Normal things don't normally make people blush”

“Maybe not normal people”

“Good point”

“Thank you”

Then there was a comfortable silence both looking at each other wondering what they should do now. Nicky was more than aware that they couldn't stay in the field all day but worried that if she mentioned it they would have to part soon and she certainly didn't want that to happen.

As if reading her thoughts he said “We can't really stay here all day”

Nicky nodded trying to ignore the lump in her throat “I know”

Chris opened his mouth to speak then held back, if he asked this and she accepted it could lead to trouble.

“Did you want to say something?” she asked.

Ah, to hell with it they were already in trouble and he wasn't ready to part with her yet “We could always just go back to mine?”

Her eyes widened “We can do that?”

“Well no” he smiled “but we can't really do this”

Nicky smiled “That certainly is true and we are less likely to be spotted at your house”

He hated that so much. That it had to be kept a secret. Chris wanted nothing more than to be able to shout to the world how much he liked her and how wonderful and beautiful she was but he couldn't. Even though he knew that they had to be patient, it would be better if they were patient; it still made his heart ache.

Nodding he grabbed her arm and started leading her out of the field “This won't always have to be a secret”

Nicky stopped “I thought this was just going to be a one off meeting?”

That was what it was supposed to have been, one last chance to talk to her as a proper person, and not just a student. But he didn't want to have just a taste and then give up. He wanted more, he wanted her. “Do you want this to be just a one-time thing?”

Nicky's eyes bugged out “but we said-”

“I know what we said” he interrupted “but what do you want?”

In reply Nicky grabbed the back of his head and gave him a long passionate kiss.

They separated and Chris almost laughed as he realised she was just as dazed from her actions as he was “that is a very good answer”

She blinked still slightly dazed “I thought so”

They left the field and slowly walked over to his car. Chris unlocked it and they both climbed in “Where do you live?” Nicky asked.

“Just about ten minutes away”

“Ah” Nicky nodded and stared out the window.

The rest of the journey was made in silence until they pulled up outside his house “here we are”

They both got out of the car, as soon as Nicky was close enough he grabbed hold of her hand “Mr Williams” she whispered urgently “what if someone sees?”

“”It's Chris” he replied deciding that was a good enough answer.

“Chris” she repeated slowly “I've called it you many times in my thoughts”

“Have you now?” he murmured opening the door and letting her walk in.

“I find it hard to think of you as anything else” she admitted.

Chris nodded and motioned for her to sit down; she did so but very awkwardly deciding to perch on the edge of the sear rather than trying to be comfortable.

Nicky smiled weakly “It's nice here, you are very fortunate to live in this kind of environment”

He sat down next to her, pulling her hand so she was resting against his chest “It has never been as good as it is now”

Nicky looked at him, “why not?”

“I have a beautiful woman sat with me in it”

She blushed “Oh”

He really did love it when he saw colour on her cheeks. Chris vowed right then to try and make her blush whenever possible. “So what do you want to do now?”

Nicky blushed again, pure bliss. “What I want to do now could get you fired”

“I could get fired just for spending this day with you “I know and I hate that too” Nicky paused “Um Sir where do I stand with you?”

Chris blinked “What do you mean?”

She swallowed not sure the best way to ask what she wanted to. “Well is this just about the sex?”

“God no” Chris stood up so quickly that Nicky almost fell to the floor “Is that what you think?”

Nicky tidied her hair after he had messed it standing up “Well I don't know I mean I really like you Chris and I know you like me too but if all this can be is sex then that's ok I still think that would be really special”

He stared at her for a moment as she sat back on the sofa again and looked up at him with her lovely eyes, could this only be about sex? Or could they hope for more? “What do you want?”

“I want you Chris, I always have” Nicky answered “Well when I said 'always' I mean for the last two months because well that's how long I've known you. But it feels like longer than that I mean I feel like I've known you for like my whole life, do you think that's odd?”

“No I don't think that's odd” he smiled, how could he when he had been thinking the very same thing?

“You never answered my question” Nicky pointed out

“I don't want this to be just about sex either” he replied

She sighed with relief, so glad that her worse fear had been soothed. Nicky knew he wasn't the sort to just have sex with her without meaning, she had a sixth sense about people and she knew in her heart he cared for her. But there had still been this doubt in her mind about whether there could truly be any hope for more than that, no matter what her heart was saying. “So what do we do then?”

“I don't know” he admitted “but there must be a way surely?”

Nicky wanted to scream in frustration, here was this kind handsome young man who was actually interested in a mess like her and they couldn't do anything about it, really fate could be most cruel at times. “I think there must be I just don't know what”

“Neither do I” Chris looked so much like a sullen child who had had his favourite toy taken away that Nicky let out a little giggle “what's so funny?”

“Just the way you looked then” she explained “believe me if you had seen it you would have laughed too”

He started pacing the room “What are we going to do?” he needed the answer, if he could find a way to be with her on a long term basis he would probably jump up and down and do a little jig. He wanted to be with her that much. He frowned remembering the business he had back at home, he would probably have to sort that out at some point but it wasn't too urgent it wasn’t likely to get in the way.

“Do we have to think of a way right now?” she asked seeing him frown “can't you just sit here and hold me for a while?”

Chris nodded and sat down beside her. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and she snuggled down and put her head on his chest. God he never wanted this moment to end, he didn't know what he would do when it got to the late evening and she would have to go home, it wasn't enough time but would it ever be enough? He looked down at her resting lightly on his chest with her eyes half closed as she let out a sad wistful sigh and decided that all of their stolen moments wouldn't be enough, they couldn't be enough, but then once the secret was over they could have the rest of their lives.

“Maybe if it was a secret for a little bit” she whispered “and then as soon as we could say the truth we would and secret would be over” she twisted around so she could look up at him “What do you think?”

“I think” he murmured with a smile “that that is perfect”

She smiled back “I thought so too”

 

Several hours later Chris woke up and looked at the beautiful women laid beside him and beamed both on his face and on his soul. Her eyes were still peacefully closed and her chest was rising and falling as she silently slept. He had never been as happy as he was in that moment.

The duvet slipped off her shoulders for a moment so he pulled it back up so her nakedness wasn't exposed, the action caused her to stir slightly and turn over onto her side. Chris wrapped his arm around her and whispered “it's ok, you don't have to wake up yet” of course he hadn't looked at the time but he hoped that was true.

His words did little to sooth her, if anything it made her worse and she slowly woke up and looked at him with a smile “sorry did I fall asleep?”

He nodded “yeah but so did I”

Nicky yawned, looked at the clock and urgently jumped out of bed “Oh gosh its half seven I need to be going”

Chris looked at the clock and swore softly “I didn't realise it had grown so late”

She quickly pulled on her clothing and rushed to the door before he had a chance to even get on his trousers “I'm sorry I really should be going. We have Greg and his dad over for drinks today and they are coming in just over an hour”

A memory triggered in his mind “Greg?”

“Yeah” she said slowly “Gregory Bryant my ex-boyfriend, our families know each other”

“So his father would be the same man who attacked you yesterday?” Chris asked.

She sighed clearly admitting defeat “Yes, but it's ok he won't do anything at my house”

He grabbed her hand and lightly pulled her towards him a little “You can be sure of this?”

Nicky looked down at his hand on hers and swallowed “Well not completely I suppose but he hasn't before and well my parents would be there so I will be safe enough”

Chris knew she was right, her parents wouldn't allow her to get in any danger and he didn't think this man was stupid enough to do anything in such a public way. He had after all waited until she was on her own in a deserted place before attempting his attack the day before but still there was a little worry in his heart “Stay with me tonight”

She snorted “You're crazy, completely insane”

“Why because I'm asking you to stay?” he asked “or because I do not wish to part with your company?”

“Both” she replied “I can't stay here what would I tell my family?”

“Anything you like” he murmured taking another step towards her “just please don’t let me spend all of tomorrow worrying about you”

Nicky took a step back “I can call you tomorrow to let you know I'm ok”

Chris took another step forward “But I will still have all of tonight to worry my heart out and I will be so lonely”

She would have tried to step back further but she was now pressed against the wall “You will?”

He nodded “So terribly lonely”

She raised her brows “how have you been keeping yourself occupied before I came along then?”

“Dreams” he let out a wicked smile “dreams about you”

“Well then you will be quite content without me now”

“No you see now I have had the real thing dreams won't be enough”

Nicky took her wrist from his grasp and jokingly walked backwards away from him however in her mirth she forgot about the bed behind her and fell back down onto it. Chris laughed and quickly pinned her down smiling seductively as he leaned down and kissed her neck whispering “you don't want to make me worry do you?”

Lost for words she shook her head as his lips moved down and kissed the part of her chest exposed from her top. She knew that she needed to be home but she didn’t want to go and she didn't really want to see Kevin again after what had happened. “I want to stay I do its just-”

Chris looked down at her “Just what Nicky?”

“I don't know what to say”

“Say you're with a friend”

Nicky chewed on her lip which made her look so cute that he just had to kiss her again “I suppose I could”

“Do it then” his hand ran up her leg.

“N-now?”

“Later” he whispered in her ear as he pulled her top off, smiling when he noticed in her haste to get dressed she hadn't put her bra back on, his lips lowered down to her nipple.

“Oh gosh” she moaned quietly her back arching slightly as he flicked his tongue over her delicate nipple.

Chris smiled slightly as he sucked, licked and teased both of her nipples. Stopping for a moment he looked down at them, they were flushed and hard from all of his attentions, then he glanced at her face. Her eyes were wide and flaring with passion, her cheeks had turned an adorable shade of pink and red and her hair was hanging down along her shoulders slightly messed from when he had tousled it earlier. Rather amazingly she looked both brazen and innocent all at the same time, he smiled again and then he kissed her once more just because he couldn't resist her for another second.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter Three

“Oh damn!”

Nicky groaned and pulled the duvet over her head, she was tired and didn't have time to worry about whatever whoever it was was moaning about.

“Nicky you need to get up now!”

She closed her eyes tight, the voice was getting louder and more insistent, odd really no one ever told her she needed to get up, they all knew she was quite able to get herself up. She peaked out from under the duvet a bit to see who the offender was and then blinked. Her walls were red not white ah of course she had stayed over at Chris' house again. Her eyes flicked to clock a quarter to eight on... oh bugger what day was it? Her brain clearly wasn't working today. Okay she had met up with him on the Saturday and stayed over two nights that made today- she sat up straight, bloody hell Monday and she was running late she had to be in school in an hour.

“Oh God” she moaned why didn't her phone alarm wake her?

“It’s my fault” Chris explained putting on his tie “I fell asleep after I switched off the alarm”

“You are annoyingly fully dressed” she commented

“It doesn't take me too long and you messing around under the duvet for five minutes”

Sticking her tongue out Nicky quickly got up and dressed. The panicked rush meant that she did it in record timing and she was ready to be out the door in just 10 minutes “The bus I catch comes up here I think, it should only take me a few extra minutes”

“You are coming with me” Chris said quickly

“You know we can't be seen turning up at school together” she said sighing wishing there was a way they could and once again mentally cursing the fact that they were a secret.

“It is true that people would talk” he agreed “but there is no reason why I couldn't have picked you up as you were running late at the bus stop”

Nicky pondered this, it seemed innocent enough and she could always explain that she had had a fright on Friday and Chris had helped her clean up a wound and wanted to make sure she was ok and feeling safe. People would still talk of course but not so much and well anyone with general concern would do the same thing but that did mean going into some form of detail about the attack, however there was no need to say it was Kevin if someone did ask she could just say it was some random tramp or something. “I suppose we could find some way around it sir”

“Good then that is settled” he said gruffly “Don't want you walking around an area you don't know where men can see you and leer over you”

Nicky smiled “all right Mr protective”

He kissed her “I'm just looking out for you cheeky”

“I wonder why” she murmured

“Because I happen to care a great deal about you”

Nicky stuck her tongue out again and walked downstairs “When do we have to be going?” she called up

“Soonish” he replied “five or ten minutes. Do you want some breakfast?”

She shook her head “Nope thanks I don't eat breakfast”

“You should”

“Are you telling me how I should live my life?”

“Nope just making a statement”

Nicky smiled and hit his bum. She really did like teasing him and having tiny little arguments that meant nothing, the last two days had been pure bliss for her, the happiest she had ever had in her life and she hated that she had to leave. It would be hard to leave when it was just so natural that she should be there, it seemed the most simple thing in the world that she would be in this house with this man and just have fun and joke and spend time together. In that moment she truly hated all the reasons they had to keep it a secret and most of all she seriously hated that it was a secret because she knew in her heart that if it was all out in the open then she would probably spend most days in this house with this man.

“What are you thinking so intently about” he asked

Nicky sighed “Nothing really just school and stuff” there was no way she could tell him the truth, he would either think she was insane for thinking it at all or feel guilty about the secrets and Nicky didn't particularly like either option.

“You will be ok pretending everything is normal?” he asked

“I will be fine” she answered “I'm good at acting and well not like we see each other often anyway even with me avoiding you”

He nodding knowing it was true “Well we had better be off then”

Nicky smiled and followed him out the door “Indeed I don’t wish to be late”

“You won't be we still have thirty five minutes”

Nicky sighed a bit sullenly “I could think of better things I could do in thirty five minutes than waiting for school to start”

Chris looked at her as they both got into the car and just laughed.

 

Three hours later after hearing a knock Chris looked up from his work and looked at the door to the classroom he was in. It was Nicky “Hey Sir”

He stood up quickly “Nicky what's wrong?”

She shrugged and walked into the room “Nothing just I had a free period now and Mrs Watson needed to give you these worksheets” she held up her hand to show she was holding numerous papers held together with a paper clip “they weren't that important so I volunteered to take them. I wanted to see you”

Chris smiled he had been thinking about her all morning, they had had to part so quickly when they arrived into school, well in actuality Nicky had got out of the car just around the corner after he had taken a back road short cut but there hadn't been any time for a long kiss and a cuddle. He watched her as she walked in, placed the worksheets on the desk and smiled at him, he could watch her all day she was just simply amazing.

“So how much talking time do you think we can have?” she asked.

“Well you dropped off the worksheets so at least a few minutes” he smiled “Unless you need help with your work”

Nicky smiled and pulled up a chair “My maths could use some work” she said with a wink as she sat down “actually I really do. Mr MacDonald was supposed to help me on Friday but he forgot that’s why I was there so late”

“That’s bad” Chris said moving his head a bit too close to her “still no real harm down and the cut on your head is going away quite nicely”

Nicky nodded “Just the shock and memory that needs to go away now”

He hadn’t realised that she had been so badly affected by what happened. She had seemed so happy and carefree over the weekend that he hadn’t noticed it. Chris was ashamed of himself and he patted her arm lightly “It will, I’ll make sure it does”

“Thank you Chris” she blushed “sorry I mean sir”

He sighed and touched her hand before quickly taking it away “I’m sorry it has to be like this”

“It’s ok” she shrugged “Soon it won’t be right?”

Chris closed his eyes slightly as he once again remembered home, that had to be sorted as soon as possible. Why didn’t he just tell Nicky, she would understand wouldn’t she? She was smart and she knew him well enough to know that none of was intentional just something that happened, on the other hand how well did she know him by now? Yes they had spent basically the whole weekend together but their interactions before that had consisted of two conversations both of which ended in passionate embrace. If he told her the truth and she didn’t know him enough to know that he hadn’t meant it to turn out like this he lost her forever... well that was not an option he liked very much. Instead he just murmured “Yes darling very soon” deciding that he would sort it without her ever knowing, there was no reason to tell her if it could possibly cause her pain, the last thing he wanted to do was hurt her.

Nicky smiled “Good, soon is very good”

“Did you say you needed help with your homework?”

“Oh yes” she reached into her bag to grab her maths work and a pen “you see I don’t quite understand what this is” she pointed at an equation “well I mean I know what it is but I couldn’t quite grasp how to solve it. I’m sure it’s simple and I’m just going to seem like an idiot for not understanding but well can you help?”

Looking down at the equations he smiled “you’re not an idiot I used to struggle with this myself when I was in school”

“All those years ago” she smiled

“Indeed”

“So what do you have to?”

They spent the next half an hour doing intense working going over and over the technique until Nicky got the hang of it and then all of the work she had left was completed. She really had a thirst for knowledge and he wished he taught some of her classes because she was such a delight when she was learning something new really it was rare that someone was so keen and enthusiastic to gain some more knowledge.

“Yes!” Nicky cheered as she completed the last equation on her homework “Thank you so much”

“It was my pleasure” he smiled “You are easy to teach”

“I’ve been told that before”

He put his finger on her cheek but then pulled back when heat shot through his arm down to his mid-section causing his jeans to become increasingly tight. “It’s true” he said softly.

Nicky swallowed and licked her lips, which didn’t help his arousal, and then she stood up awkwardly “I can tell I should go”

Chris stood up after her “No really you can stay for another moment”

She gave him a tight smile “That is a matter open for debate, I can see you are getting quite frustrated with me being here”

“No” he said urgently “I’m not getting annoyed with you, at all.”

She glanced down at his mid-section and blushed “I was talking about a different type of frustrated”

Damn it! He needed to touch her again, he moved his hand up and down her arm “I can’t help it, you affect me this way”

“Well that’s why I thought I should go, so you could calm down” Nicky picked up her bag and started edging towards the door.

“There’s always another way I could calm down” He winked

Her eyes widened “We can’t do that here”

“I know” he sighed “Still would be quite nice”

“It would be” she agreed “but getting caught wouldn’t be fun because you would lose your job”

She was right of course so he took a step back and let her pick up her bag “I’m sorry about even hinting at it”

Nicky looked at him “It is fine the idea had occurred to me too but its best we don’t”

God she was just fantastic, once the secrets were all over he vowed to try and kiss her at every opportunity even if she was as sick as a dog and thought she looked like an ugly bear. Actually in that case he would kiss her extra hard just so she would know that she was still the most beautiful girl in the world.

“Well I had better be going” she said “Thanks for the help”

“It was no problem at all really”

Nicky took a slight step back “Will I be seeing you today?”

Chris laughed “You’re seeing me now”

“You know what I mean cheeky” she scolded “proper seeing you”

“Do you want to?” he asked just to be annoying.

Nicky rolled her eyes “You know I want to dumb-ass”

“Did you just call me a dumb-ass?” Chris tried to look upset but instead just stuck his tongue out.

“Yes” she beamed “You can punish me when you see me later”

 

'Later' turned out to be about 2 hours, Nicky was walking to the bus stop so she could get home when she heard a car beep behind her. Probably some idiots from her class, they were always beeping at her as they drove past. She waited for the stupid shouts and jeers, which always seem to follow the beeping of the car, but none came so she shrugged and carried on walking.

There was another beep closer to her this time they were obviously trying to be clever and try some joke on her since it seemed like they were crawling along the road behind her. Sighing she turned around and said aggressively “Well this is certainly a new one”

“So sorry I thought you would welcome my company”

Nicky burned a bright red “Oh goodness Chris I didn’t realise it was you I thought it was-”

“Those losers from your maths class” he interrupted

“How did you know?”

“I’ve seen them behaving like a bunch six year olds whenever they go past you”

“Well yes indeed” Nicky let out a long breath as another wave of irritation hit her.

“That did not sound like a very good sigh” he commented “You want a lift?”

Nicky shrugged and got into the car. “Good thing you found me here, no one from the school will see us and I can enjoy your company too”

“Hmm half past one” he said tapping the clock “bit early for you to be leaving school isn’t it?”

“I could very well say the same thing to you” she mirrored him and tapped the clock “Aren’t you supposed to stay until the end of school time?”

“In theory I don’t have to” he answered “but I have done for the past five weeks, well actually I’ve been staying until about five o’clock for the past five weeks. So I decided I was allowed to head off a bit early today. Now what’s your excuse?”

Nicky shrugged and ran her hand up his “No lessons, no need to stay there to do work when I can go home and do it”

Chris nodded “What work do you have?”

“Not much really, a bit of English to do and I need to learn this Drama script but nothing that can’t be put off for a few days”

“You shouldn’t put off work until the last minute” he said trying to scold but she knew he knew he wasn’t succeeding.

Nicky smiled and glanced around the car noticing a pile of work on the back seat. No wonder he was always staying way past school time if that was his daily work load, she’d never get sleep if that was the amount of work she had to do each day. She moved her head back and stared out the window. In the distance she saw a small bird flying across the sky making her smile, she loved nature; it was so peaceful and nice. More than anything she wanted to be on the beach right now. Well maybe not at that time of day, a bit later would be nice so she could lay on a blanket and just stare up at the night sky or she could go waist deep in the sea then have someone come up behind her, turn her around and kiss her deeply. The imagine seemed so nice that she let out a contented sigh and closed her eyes.

“You sighed, my lady?”

She opened one of her eyes to look at him “Was thinking about a nice image”

“What image?”

“Me on a beach watching the stars” she smiled again as the image came into her mind.

“That does sound nice” Chris smiled and squeezed her thigh

They both stayed in a state of pure dreaminess and contentment for ten more minutes until the car pulled up outside his house and the two of them was forced back to reality. Nicky glanced around and turned to him with a slightly amused expression “I thought you were going to be taking me home?”

He smiled as he got out of the car causing Nicky's heart to skip a bit “I thought you might like to learn your lines here”

She laughed as she got out of the car and then looked at him “I'm sure you did, I guess I shall have to stay here now”

“Oh, my dear, please don't make it sound like such a chore” he smirked.

Nicky opened her mouth to give him a suitable retort, because well it would be unsuitable for him to beat her in a battle of wits even if she was rather enjoying herself, but then the strangest thing happened. She looked at him and her attention was caught by his eyes, his wonderful sparkling blue eyes, causing her breath to completely leave her body for a moment and her whole heart to jump with emotion.

“Nicky are you ok?” Chris asked.

“Yeah I'm fine” She said distractedly

“Are you sure? You sound rather breathless”

Nicky decided that a quick kiss and a hug was answer enough and besides she couldn't seem to find her voice. She felt like she had just undergone a transformation and the most terrifying thing about it was she had no idea what she had transformed into or what had caused it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter Four

I love you. The words were simple enough, just three tiny simple words that people said to each other every day. Nicky had said them to her mother before she had left for school that morning and to her father the night before but it was different wasn't it? It was easier to say it to your parents and well she was sure they loved her back, sure she would hear the words back, saying it to a lover well that was a different thing altogether.

She'd never said it to anyone herself but she had heard it before, Greg had said it to her before they had broken up, in fact it had been one of the true reasons for the break up, and she remembered all too well the expression on his face when she had been unable to say it back. That look, of pain and rejection that had haunted her for weeks even after knowing that Greg hadn't truly been in love with her, only in love with them being together, and had moved on swiftly enough. He had even told her he had made a mistake and he didn’t love her so there were no hard feelings.

Nicky swallowed as she walked over to the Maths block in her school, she knew there was no mistake for her though and she knew when she told him those three simple words her whole soul would be on the table for him and she had no idea what she would do if he didn't take it. If she had misunderstood the feelings he had for her that would be utterly mortifying.

They had been seeing each other for just over a month and a half and it had been amazing and like nothing she had ever experienced before. It was like the whole world had suddenly been lit up and now she suddenly knew what was important, her and Chris' relationship. Of course it still had to be a secret when they were in school or out in the street after school but once they were at his home they were able to act like a proper couple and that was what kept her strong through the rest of it, the knowledge that in just two months when school was finished and they could be together properly. Then it would always be like that where ever they were.

The maths block loomed in the distance and she slowed down a bit as nerves hit her, what if she told him and he didn't feel the same way? What if he just looked away and said something like “Well you know I'm very fond of you but love is a bit of a large step”? She wouldn't be able to bare it if that happened; she actually thought her heart would break into pieces if he didn't say he loved her back. Nicky wasn't sure why she loved him so much there wasn't really a reason if she was going to be honest. Of course there was all the reason why she liked him, he was kind, caring, attractive, and loving and just generally a very nice person but that wasn't the same reason that she loved him. Her love for him couldn't be explained it was just what it was, a pure raging emotion that ran though her whole body and just became a part of who she was. She was Nicola Bennett and she was totally in love with Christopher Williams for no reason other than that’s just how life should be.

He was a rambling idiot and so was she, he even found her most annoying habits endearing; like the fact that she always said sorry for everything even things she had no control over, like the weather. He was romantic just like her and so they were forever getting dreamy about the slightest thing and discussing the future, not in a weird way just in a “what if..” kind of way. In short, their time together and the prospects for their future time together, were simply perfect.

With this in mind her courage for the situation had been refreshed and Nicky started walking towards the Maths block, almost running if truth be told, she was walking so fast that she didn't notice a woman with short blonde hair until she had barged right into her.

“I'm so sorry” Nicky said quickly feeling like a complete idiot.

“That’s quite alright” the woman smiled “No harm done. I wonder if you can help me.”

“Of course” Nicky replied “It’s the least I can do, what’s wrong?”

“I'm trying to find M4”

Nicky blinked “Mr Peel's classroom?”

“Oh perhaps I'm wrong” she tilted her head trying to remember “Oh yes he did say it was someone else's classroom and he was just using it while training”

Nicky felt something in her chest lurch, Chris was using Mr Peel's classroom for this year before finishing off his full teacher training. This woman looked like she was in her early twenties and was very attractive what did she want with Chris? She put a smile on her face to hide her insecurities “Oh you want Mr Williams?”

“Yes that’s right, can you show me how to get there?”

Nicky nodded and indicated for her to follow “I was just going down to the Maths block anyway, so how long have you known Mr Williams?”

“Oh quite a few years” her eyes narrowed “Why do you ask?”

Nicky smiled tightly, she had been asking because she wanted to know how this woman knew Chris and how well they knew each other but of course she couldn't say that so she just murmured “I'm just nosey I guess, Mr Williams is a great teacher and he helped me out after I had suffered through a bad experience. If you're close with him you should be proud he's really a great person”

“I'm glad to hear he helped you” the woman said “I hope it wasn't too much of a bad experience”

“Oh no, just some tramp attacked me which ended up with me hitting my head quite badly and Mr Williams' helped clean up the wound for me” Nicky blushed slightly “sorry that was rather a lot of information”

“No matter” she smiled as they arrived in front of the Maths block.

“M4 is just down here” Nicky pointed down a corridor “I'll show you, so how do you know Mr Williams? If you don't mind me asking”

“Oh I'm his girlfriend. I have been for about 2 years now. Our families know are close friends I've known him since we were both young children”

Nicky looked ahead her eyes wide with pain “Oh I see” she mumbled knowing that anything more would drive her to tears, the door to M4 loomed and her heart broke a little more with each step.

Chris glanced at the time and smiled with anticipation, Nicky should be there soon and he could barely wait for her. They hadn't seen each other in two days and he was already missing her smile, her wit, her silly hand gestures and well everything from her sparkling eyes to her scent of coconut and apples. Once the secrets were all over he wouldn't have to wait days before seeing her again or have to look both ways before kissing her, he would be able to see and kiss her whenever he wanted and he'd be able to finally make her his in the eyes of the law. Marriage, it was just one simple word and he knew that at some point in the near future he would be using it in the form of a question. As soon as they had spent their first weekend together he had told himself that he was going to marry Nicola Bennett. Maybe not in the next year or even in the next five but at some point in his life he would marry her and he would make sure she was happy and smiling for the rest of her life.

He heard her knock on the door, three long taps, four short ones and then one last long one to round it all off. Chris walked towards the door slowly, careful not to seem too eager even though he knew she knew how eager he truly was, and pulled the door open a jar. He saw her stood looking at him with wide painful eyes, he looked more closely and noticed she was trying hard not to cry. Worry built up within him and he wanted to reach out and hug her but of course he couldn't so he just looked at her and asked what was wrong.

Nicky swallowed “Mr Williams, nothing at all is wrong the wind outside has made my eyes water slightly”

“The wind?” he echoed wondering why she was being so formal.

“Yes sir” she smiled “even the slightest bit of wind makes my eyes water”

Chris smiled back it seemed like things were ok after all and maybe she was just being formal in case anyone was around he decided he had better join in with her otherwise it would look odd “Do you need help with your work?”

Nicky shook her head “No not now sir, I think it’s best if I see you later, you have a guest” she indicated to someone behind her and he opened the door to see who it was, he actually felt the blood drain from his face “Maisy?” he whispered.

Now it all made sense, Nicky's stricken and pained look, her formality and her inability to be able to look him in the eye. Maisy must have told her that they had been dating for two years, if you could call it dating at all, their families were close friends and when he had returned from university two years ago his parents had thrown a party for him and they had invited the Hornbeams who had in turn brought their only daughter along with them. She had been a girl of 20 and he had been 23, they had gone on one date after the party which had gone well enough and they had they proceeded to date and when he left six months later to do some teacher training they had carried on in a long distance relationship but he it hadn't taken him too long to work out that he didn't really love her. He had hoped that once they spent more time together he could fall in love with her so he had carried on with the relationship just because he couldn't be sure and he didn't want to hurt her if he didn't have to but then he had met Nicky and he had realised quite soon that he would never love Maisy, things just weren't the same for them as it was with him and Nicky but over the past month Maisy had been distant and spent most of the time on an extended holiday so he hadn't been able to speak to her about ending their relationship.

He had planned to do it when he went back home for a visit next weekend but it seemed Maisy had beaten him to it and turned up for a visit with him and from her smiling face she obviously didn't have breaking up on her mind.

“Well here you are Miss” Nicky said smiling despite her clear upset “Well I had better be off; Mr MacDonald wanted to speak to me. I'll see you later sir”

She started walking towards Mr MacDonald’s classroom, quickly telling Maisy to wait in the classroom for him, he called her name and waited as she stopped and turned around “Nicky please let me explain” he said quietly as he walked towards her.

“There's nothing to explain sir” she mumbled looking down “I understand perfectly, I was a nice bit of fun for you while you waited for you girlfriend to show up”

His mouth dropped open “You think that?”

Nicky sighed “No I don't think that, I think you were in a difficult situation and you were just trying to find a time to end things with her. Your families are friends so I'm sure that made it harder. It just came as a big eye opener that’s all. I thought you knew me but I must have been wrong”

“I do know you” Chris said urgently fear creeping into his heart “please let me sort this out and then we will be together properly, well you know things can go back to how they were”

Nicky shook her head “No we can't you don't understand. I'm not angry or upset because you have a girlfriend; I'm upset because you didn't tell me. I thought you knew me well enough to know I would understand, I thought you would trust me enough. I'm sorry sir but if you don't then there's nothing we can work on. I'm sorry”

Oh why didn't he just tell her? He thought about it in detail numerous times over the past month and a half. Why hadn't he just told her the truth? “Nicky I-”

“I know” she said finally looking up at him her eyes flaring with anger and pain “you're sorry but it doesn't mean anything to me now. The person I thought I knew would have known me and trusted me well enough to tell me the truth. I'm sorry you think I'm just some stupid little child who can't understand something like this.”

She turned around to leave “Nicky please”

Nicky turned back around, overcome with anger, frustration and pain and said in a low voice “Look sir as far as I'm concerned we no longer have any sort of a personal relationship, every time I come to see you from now on it will be in the capacity of a student to her teacher and even that will be as an absolute last resort. Hopefully the next two months we will see each other as little as possible and then after that not at all” she took two steps away and then walked back “And as far as I'm concerned anything I might have been coming here to tell you is now unimportant, the person I thought I loved would have told me”

As Chris was pondering that statement she walked off and ran into the nearest toilets before bursting into tears. She could feel her heart ripping into pieces and she just couldn't stop crying. He had a girlfriend. She had just spent the last month and half being with someone, spending most afternoons with them, kissing them, sharing their bed and through all of it he had had a girlfriend waiting back home for him.

She hadn't lied to him, she really did understand how something like that could have happened especially as their relationship had started off quite spontaneously but how could he not have told her? How could he have not trusted her enough or maybe she was just over reacting, maybe she should have let him explain? She still loved him with all her heart, she would have listened to him and forgave him if he had just said the truth and she would have been happy to wait. For him she could wait forever but if he didn't know her well enough to know that then what was the point in it all?

What Nicky really needed was time to process the news properly, maybe once she had she would be able to talk to him about what to do now, there was sure to be a reason why he didn't tell her and surely that Maisy woman wouldn't be around to long not if he had been trying to break up with her.

Her heart was still shattering to pieces however so for the time being she was just going to be upset with him until a time came where she could approach the subject without her eyes welling up with tears. Once that woman was truly gone then she could start to mend her heart and then maybe it would be mended enough for her to once again offer it to Chris. If not, well she would just have to get over him and accept the knowledge that they must not be suited for each other.

 

Chris blinked back tears and walked into his classroom, she loved him. Nicky Bennett loved him and God he loved her too, so much. How could he have been so stupid? He'd had two choices and he'd chosen the wrong one. At first it was because he had been afraid she wouldn't understand because they barely knew each other and she might not have let him explain but he knew that this wore thin after a while and he had no suitable reason not to have told her later once they had been spending nearly every day in each other’s company. She would have understood then.

He had been an idiot, a total idiot, and now he had lost the true love of his life, it had never been the same with anyone else before her and he knew that no one else after her would ever compare but Nicky had made it perfectly clear that there was no future for them now. At least not until she was over her anger and pain but there was only two months before she left school and he could imagine it would take her far longer to get into a more rational frame of mind when it came to him and once she left how could he find her again? He knew she was planning to go to university but he had no idea which one and the thought of going over to interrogate her parents was not an appealing one.

“Chris?”

He looked up at Maisy, standing there smiling at him and looking like she should have been perfect. She was always a pretty little thing even when she was ten years old and spent her time sat under a tree reading a book and trying to avoid the other children throwing mud around. She would be joined every so often by a friend and they would proceed to talk in the way young children do and have pretend tea parties. Yes she had always been quite adorable and cute but she had never been the kind of person he could fall completely in love with.

“Maisy, what brings you here?” he asked

She shrugged “Wanted to come see you, I hope that girl's ok she looked quite upset”

“Just had a bit upset about something that happened a while back” he answered,

Maisy nodded and walked towards him “She told me about how you helped her; well done you I'm so proud”

“It was nothing really” he answered quite honestly in his opinion.

“Nonsense I'm sure you did a lot for her”

Chris nodded and walked over to the window, Maisy wasn't so bad really and he might not ever be completely in love with her but maybe he could fall for her just a little bit. Of course it wouldn't be with the same intensity that he felt for Nicky but there was nothing he could do about that. Maisy was here and willing, Nicky was not, Nicky was off somewhere hurt and angry because she thought he didn't know her well enough to fully trust her intelligence and understanding. In any case she wasn't likely to forgive him soon and once she had left school and he never saw her again she would become more of a dream from the past. Maisy was here right now and she truly cared and loved him and he did care for her too, if there was truly no chance of any kind of future with Nicky would it be so bad to see if he could form some sort of love for Maisy that went further than friendship? He knew it wouldn't be the same but there was no reason he couldn't love someone romantically enough to form a decent future with them and if he didn't fall in love with Maisy then he would end things but she deserved for him to give her and the relationship a proper chance first.

Chris knew in his heart and soul that he would never love someone as much as he loved Nicky, wouldn't have the same emotion or passion with anyone else, but there was every chance he could have happiness with someone else.

“I was wondering if I could stay with you.” Maisy asked.

“Of course” Chris replied turning around “stay as long as you like”

He walked over and kissed her quickly trying to ignore the fact that the rush of heat and emotion, that had become so familiar to him the last few weeks with the slightest touch, didn't come tingling across his skin

 

 

Chapter Five.

The next two months began to become unbearable for Nicky. Not only was her heart well and truly breaking but she was forced to spend five days of the week in the work place of the man responsible and she was always bumping into him everywhere.

Chris had decided to stay with Maisy, every week Nicky saw them bashing lips on Friday when she came to meet him and to really add insult to injury two weeks after what had happened Nicky’s teacher Mr Danby had suffered a minor heart attack so had to take the rest of the school year off and now Chris had taken over teaching his class. She then had to spend two hours a week sitting and staring at the man who had crushed her soul. At least she had managed to move to the back of the classroom.

The end of the school year didn’t come quickly enough, in fact for Nicky it seemed like it went on for years, but eventually it came to her last week of school. To completely end the school year there was the leaver’s ball to be held at the end of the week Nicky was going of course and so was Chris, he was taking his girlfriend. They were going to be happy and laughing and by the end of the night Nicky was sure that she was going to be close to being dead inside.

It had already started happening to her, she had grown spiteful in her pain and she had been making horrible comments as she saw Chris. A few weeks ago she had been going past him and Maisy kissing outside the school gates and muttered “Careful sir you’ve got something horrible on your face” she had felt terrible as soon as the words had left her mouth and thanked God that it didn’t seem like either of them had heard her.

Eloise and Greg had noticed her change in attitude as well, two days before the ball they had all met up at Greg’s house to share a bottle of wine and celebrate the end of school together. After about fifteen minutes Eloise turned to her and said “What is wrong with you these days Nicky?”

Nicky took a sip of wine “What do you mean?”

“You have been walking around like a wet weekend for weeks now” Eloise said “What happened?”

Nicky hesitated before answering “Just nervous about the end of school”

“If you say so” Eloise murmured “but I personally think a man is involved”

A car door slamming from outside made Nicky flinch, Kevin wouldn't be coming back that evening she knew that, Greg had told her when he had asked her round. She wouldn't have agreed to come otherwise, the memories of that day were still too strong and every so often she would close her eyes and see the evil smile on his face. It also didn't help that that day had basically been the start of her relationship with Chris.

“God, Nicky, are you crying?” Greg was looking at her intently.

Eloise too had noticed the tears and within fifteen seconds Nicky had been pulled out of her chair, into the next room and then pushed down onto a different chair. Nicky stared up at her best friend and was almost pained by the serious and worried expression on her face. Nicky had never kept a secret from her in their friendship until about four months ago when she had been almost raped and then started her relationship with Chris. HA relationship that was almost like a cruel joke now, the most she had had was an affair, still she had felt overwhelming guilt for keeping everything from her friends but what choice did she have? Telling the truth about Kevin would have caused a big scandal and she didn't want to put the people she cared about through that and telling the truth about Chris would have caused an even bigger scandal and he would have lost his job. He might have broken her heart but he wasn't a bad person and he certainly didn't deserve to be disqualified from teaching because she was stupid enough to fall in love with him.

“Nicky I want the truth from you now” Eloise sat beside her “someone broke your heart didn't they?”

Nicky nodded, she needed to tell Eloise something even if it wasn't the whole story “I started seeing this guy, you don't know him. He was visiting someone here. Well we started seeing each other and I fell madly in love with him and then his girlfriend turned up”

Eloise's eyes flashed with anger “That bastard, who, is he?”

Shaking her head Nicky stood up “he's really not too bad, just I realised we weren't really suited but it’s really hit me hard”

Eloise gave her a hug “Don't worry babe you're be heading off to university soon and then you'll find someone better”

Nicky nodded and followed Eloise back into the kitchen. It was true that there was every chance that at university she could meet someone more suitable but Chris had seemed so perfect. Resisting the urge to shake her head Nicky finished her wine, how could the man have been perfect if he had a girlfriend? She still believed him to be a good person so what would he be doing dallying around with her when he was in love with someone else?

Maybe he thought he didn't love Maisy, which is why he started something with Nicky, but then when she popped up again he realised how much feeling he had for her. Whatever the case it didn't matter and it did nothing to ease her heartache.

A few hours later Nicky waved goodbye to her two friends and started the ten minute walk to her house. It had just gone nine o'clock but thankfully due to it being mid-year it was only just getting dark. She started singing lightly to herself to keep her mind occupied, all too often she found herself thinking about Chris and it only led to pain. Life was suddenly getting harder for her and she hated it, university was getting closer and for the first time in months she didn’t feel scared. This was the start of her life, her new adult life where there were no student teachers around who could make her fall in love with them and then cruelly smash her heart to pieces with a giant mallet.

“Nicky!”

Her heart lurched sharply; surely fate could not be so cruel? She unsuccessfully tried to swallow the lump in her throat. Kevin Bryant, obviously on his way home a day early, was stood right in front of her, damn she hadn't been paying attention and now it was too late to avoid him. She glanced to the left and saw a garden restaurant across the road with several people outside to enjoy the warm weather. She was quite safe but even so she couldn't quite stop the uneasy feeling in her stomach that the fear caused.

“Hi Kevin” she mumbled.

“You seem quite covered up for this kind of weather”

She winced as a fresh wave of upset over took her, she had been keeping herself covered up since her break up with Chris, her numerous skirts and low cut tops held too many memories. “I don't see how that is your concern” she said coldly

Kevin slowly ran a finger down her cheek. Nicky flinched and moved away causing him to smile. “It's not, well until we end up in bed together anyway”

Nicky took a step back “Why would we end up in bed together?”

“Because you want me”

Nicky laughed “Oh yeah, that was so obvious last time you made your advances”

He leaned forward slightly “If you truly didn't want me you would have told someone what happened”

The fear and upset in her heart turned to anger “The reason I haven't told anyone about you is because I don't want to my parents to feel guilty for letting me come into contact with a sick bastard like you and I don't want my best friend to learn that his role model is a sick messed up rapist. I didn't tell anyone to protect them; there is no way I will ever go to bed with you now if you'll excuse me I need to get home.”

While Kevin stood dumbstruck Nicky walked around him and quickly power walked to her house. Once inside she saw a note on the kitchen counter.

 

Nicky,

We have gone to the pub be back later, feel free to join us.

Love Mum xx

 

Nicky scrunched up the note in her hand and threw it away as she walked up to her bedroom, she felt more alone than she ever had before. For a split second she contemplated going out just to find someone to be with but she quickly shook her head to get rid of the idea and, feeling utterly disgusted with herself, she went to bed

Nicky didn't intend of the tears to come but once they were there she found she couldn't stop them,

 

As soon as he pulled into the car park he saw her, she was sat alone in the computer room working intently. Every so often she would stop and look off into space with a terribly sad look on her face. Chris couldn't leave it like this, that night was the leaver's ball and after that they weren't likely to see each other again and he didn't want there to be bad feeling.

He knocked on the door and almost winced as the smile on her face quickly disappeared, it couldn't have been easy for her to see him with Maisy.

“Hello Sir” she said curtly “I'm allowed to be in here by the way”

Chris inwardly groaned at her sharp tone “I'm sure you are. What are you doing?”

“Last minute coursework to go in today, as this is the last day of school” she pressed the mouse and the printer sounded “did you need me for something Mr Williams?”

“Damn it Nicky” he burst out her cold tone cutting into his heart “You know I don't need you for anything, I'm here to make things right, I want us to be okay”

Nicky's eyes widened and for the longest moment she didn't say anything and all he could do was stare helplessly at the lurking pain in her eyes, pain that he had caused. After what felt like hours she said “tough”.

“Tough?” he echoed

“You broke my heart” she said matter of factly “So no we're not okay, that's just how it is”

“As I remember the facts correctly, you were the one to end things” Chris replied his guilt over her words turning to anger.

Nicky stood up so suddenly her chair almost fell over “and as I remember correctly you had a girlfriend. Anyway I did you a favour surely, you know, since you seem so happy”

He flinched it was true that he was at least contented with Maisy. He might not be as happy as he had been with Nicky but when it boiled down to it he honestly thought they could be happy for the long term.

Nicky scoffed at his silence and walked over to retrieve her work “I am happy Nicky” Chris murmured “but you had no right to just end things, you don't get to be the only one involved in that decision”

Nicky stuffed the coursework into her bag and walked over to Chris so they were mere inches apart “And you don't get to be the most wonderful person in the world and then have a girlfriend”

Chris signed his guilt building fast “You're right it was unfair”

“I'll tell you what's unfair” she said her voice breaking softly “What's unfair is when you go through the greatest transition of your life, when you decide that you are ready to give yourself to someone fully and then once you've gone through all that you don't get to have the person at the end of it. That is what is unfair Chris, so unless you need me for anything I need to go”

Not giving him a chance to answer, Nicky signed out of the computer, picked up her bag and walked right past him out of the room, the door slamming slightly in the process. Chris groaned and sat down, that hadn't gone very well she would never forgive him now, he had hurt her too badly that much was clear from just a close glance at her.

Nicky was a proud person, she would never let someone see how upset she was but then he knew her too well and could read her like a book, it was one of the reasons they had worked so well. Sighing slightly he stood up and left the room. He should have realised this was going to be a fruitless endeavour but he had this need to make her feel better, to make her feel happy. Now it was clear in his mind that that could never happen again. After all how could he make her feel better when he was reason for the upset? He walked to the car and got out his brief case, just one more day and then she would be gone he just hoped it would be as easy for his guilt to go away.

 

She came wearing a long while dress, a bit formal perhaps but Nicky didn't care; it was one of the few things she had left from her brief relationship with Chris. They had been on a weekend trip in Kent and there had been a market stall out on the Saturday and she had seen it, a magnificent white dress with a triple layer skirt, thick straps and a lace bodice, and had immediately fallen in love with it.

“Go on then, buy it” Chris had said to her.

That was all the persuasion she had needed, she had bought the dress and worn it out to dinner that evening. She blushed as the memory of her being slowly stripped out of it that night skipped through her mind. When she had got home after her break up and had seen it hanging on her wardrobe door a small part of her heart had jolted painfully but she had decided that she shouldn't let her heartbreak stop her from wearing it, like it had with so many of her other outfits, so there she was at her leavers ball wearing her new favourite dress.

“Nicky!” Eloise screamed from across the room as she dodged people while running across to her, Greg in hand “Fabulous dress”

Nicky looked up and down her dress “Thanks, I like it anyway”

Eloise nodded to over her shoulder “Oh look Dominic Hill is giving you the eye, maybe you should go chat to him”

Nicky scoffed and turned around but as she did so she saw Chris and Maisy sat together laughing about something. He looked fantastic in a nice black suit and she looked annoyingly pretty in her blue evening gown. At that moment Chris looked away and their eyes locked for a second before Nicky turned back to Eloise and Greg “Come on I want to get absolutely drunk tonight”

About an hour or so later Nicky sat down in the chair she had claimed, in the back of the ballroom so that she could spy on everyone and get some time for herself when the constant presence of Chris and Maisy looking lovingly at each other became too much. Greg came over and joined her “So what's going on with you?”

“What you mean?”

“You skulking in the back of the room” he smiled “Who you hiding from?”

Nicky's head snapped up “No one, I'm fine but you know how people get sometimes and I'm not really in the mood for long goodbyes”

“Eloise told me about the guy you were seeing” Greg commented

“She had no right to do that” Nicky replied a little too furiously “I told her in confidence”

“We're supposed to be friends too, Nicky. Why didn't you tell me?” he asked

Nicky sighed “Because I didn't want to get him in trouble and I was ashamed of myself for getting myself so emotionally invested in him”

“That's nothing to be ashamed of; it's a good thing to let yourself love someone”

Nicky glanced across the room and nodded towards Eloise, who was talking to one of the teachers “You told Eloise that that you love her then?”

Greg shrugged “Is there any point?”

Nicky, who didn't feel a need to answer, leaned back in her chair. Greg and Eloise had started a 'No Strings Attached' sexual relationship a month earlier however Greg had fallen in love with her. After a minute of silence Nicky asked “Where you heading off to first on your travels?”

“Russia” Greg replied before standing up “hello, look, here comes that new teacher Mr Williams and his sexy girlfriend”

Nicky jumped up in panic and glanced around urgently but it was no use there wasn't any chance of escape. “Hello” Maisy smiled “It's my tour guide”

“Nicola Bennett” Chris murmured sounding so formal she wanted to cry “and Greg Bryant”

Nicky glanced down at the floor “Hi Maisy, Mr Williams”

“Speak up girl” Maisy beamed “you off to university now need to get some confidence”

“I'm sorry” Nicky said looking up “actually I'm a bit hot in here I'm going to get some air”

Striding past them Nicky walked out of the building and slumped down on a bench just outside the entrance. A lone tear touched her cheek but she quickly wiped it away she had already wasted enough tears on this whole situation.

“Nicky what are you doing out here on your own?” Eloise had followed her out of the building and was now sat beside her

Nicky shrugged “Felt like some air”

Another tear must have started in her eye because Eloise quickly hugged her “That guy missed out on something special with you Nicky”

“Maybe he will realise that” Nicky muttered.

Eloise looked behind her “Oh Mr Griffin wants our attention”

Nicky stood up and smiled “This is probably the whole 'you have all grown while here with our helping hands' speech”

She only made it to the front entrance before she heard what her headmaster was saying; he was stood with Chris and Maisy on a small stage platform and was saying proudly about how the pair had got engaged. At that moment Nicky was sure her heart had been ripped out, her wide eyes watering as she stared at the man she loved happy with his intended bride. Chris saw her and for a moment he almost looked heartbroken at her heartbreak but then someone spoke to him and the moment was over.

“Oh gosh” Eloise exclaimed “That's fantastic, I need to congratulate them”

“I'll be there in a second” Nicky called as her friend ran into the building but she just couldn't, this was too much she needed to get out of that place. Running out of the gate she barged into a man, who looked nearly forty years old.

“I'm sorry” she blurted out eyeing the man up “I'm escaping, fancy hiding me? We could get a drink”

“Of course dear” the man muttered “I would be happy to oblige”

Nicky took his hand “Fantastic” she said as they walked off together, thus the next chapter of her life had begun.

Chapter Six

Four years later.

 

 

He didn't usually take that way home but he had been avoiding his usual pub since he had spotted several students in there. He might spend every weekend in there getting drunk out of his face but he could at least avoid letting his students see him in an unfit state. That explained how Chris managed to be walking past a side road at the exact same time a woman let out a high pitched scream, Chris ran into the side road and found the location of the scream. There were a gang of three people surrounding a woman who was trying to back away from them but she had managed to back herself into a wall.

“Leave me alone” she was saying “I told you I'm engaged”

“Why did you flirt with us then you big tease?” replied the man stood directly in front of her, who was obviously the leader of the gang “I think you just need some persuading”

Suddenly the woman kneed the man in the groin “Shut up you dirty bastard, you think you're the only one to make an advance on me?”

Another man stepped in front of her and slapped her across the face “Shut up, you stupid cow”

Chris had had enough, his first thought was that it might have been a bit of spat, something that would sort itself out but now it was obvious that these men wanted to cause this young woman harm. He step forward and spun the new man around “She said to leave her alone, maybe you should do that”

The girl's eyes widened and she mouthed “Thank you”

The third man came and pushed him away “Get lost mate this isn't your fight”

Chris came back and punched him in the face “That's for me to decide not you”

The first man was still on the floor groaning from his injury and the third man was holding his eye after being punched so all that was left was the second man who was still leering over the young woman. Chris tried to take as much of a look at her as he could, what with most of her face being shielded by the dark, there was something so familiar about her but he couldn't put his finger on what it was. It was while he was staring at the woman that the second man punched him hard causing him to fall down and graze his face on the ground.

“Ha that taught you didn't it” the man jeered “perhaps next time you will think before trying to play the good guy”

Suddenly the woman lunged and elbowed the second man in the back causing him to yelp with pain “Leave him alone you big bullies” she shouted

The third man stepped up and pushed her back to the wall “shut up girlie”

The first man, who had been on the ground watching the situation, slowly stood up and said to his mates “Come on guys this is too much hassle, let’s get out of here”

His two friends followed him as he limped out of the side road, their destination unknown. Chris stood up and once again tried to give the young woman a proper look but still couldn't see her very well because of the darkness of the shadows. They stood there for a moment neither of them saying anything to each other just staring, after a minute or so he put his hand into a wave sign and started to walk off.

“Thank you” she said stopping him in his tracks “for helping it was really nice”

He was sure he knew her from somewhere, her voice seemed so familiar but then she might just sound like a local. “It's ok” he answered walking back “I'm sure anyone would have done it”

From in the shadows he saw her shrug “It was still an amazing thing to do” her head moved forward slightly “You're cut, on your forehead”

He reached up and touched his head, he hadn't even noticed but now that she had mentioned it there was some pain there “I'm sure it's nothing”

“It looks quite bad” she said in response “come back to my house if you want, I will sort it out for you. It's just down the end of this road. Please it's the least I can do”

“Ok” he smiled “if you insist”

Again her head moved forward “I know you don't I? Oh gosh, it's you. Chris Williams”

“And do I know you?”

“You should remember me” she stepped out of the shadows and smiled “Bennett, Nicola Bennett”

 

Nicky didn't usually go out in the evening but that day she had felt so bored in the house on her own that she had the strangest thought that if she spent one more day in the house on her own then she would slowly start to go insane. So she had decided to go out just for one drink. Then she had started to talking to Arnold who then had introduced her to his two friends Craig and Robert. She must have flirted a bit with them, not much of course she didn't just flirt with everyone any more, that part of her life was over. She hadn't meant to lead them on so when she got up to leave she had been shocked that they had been so angry at her.

Nicky had ran as fast as she could but they quickly caught up with her, she had never been good at running, they had pinned her up against the back wall and had told her that she shouldn't have led them on. Then this amazing man and come to help her, Arnold must have got a bit fed up with the interruptions and decided even she wasn't worth the hassle so he had called his gang and left. Leaving Nicky and her mystery hero alone staring at each other, she knew he looked familiar and he had seemed familiar when he had helped her; there was something about his voice that made her inside shiver. It wasn't until he agreed to let her clean up his wound that she realised who he was. Christopher Williams the love of her life, the ex-love of her life, he had helped her once again. She was smiling at him but her insides were going crazy, four years of university and separation from this man still hadn't prepared her for this moment. In fact she hadn't even considered that she might bump into him again. She had thought that even if he was still in that area he lived on the other side of town so there was still no way of them even bumping into each other, quite obviously that was wrong.

“Nicky” Chris murmured his eyes wide with shock “How have you been?”

“Come on we can walk and talk” they started walking side by side “I've been good, how are you?”

“I'm good too, just on my weekend binge” Chris answered somewhat sheepishly. “It has become somewhat of a weekly thing”

As they left the side street onto a main housing estate they were both lit up by street lights. Nicky took a good look at him; he looked a bit rough, like the last four years hadn't been kind to him. It was the kind of look she had seen in herself before, the look of constant upset and loneliness. Nicky thought back to the last time he had seen him, stood up on that platform with Maisy as Mr Griffin announced the engagement. “Doesn't your wife mind these weekly benders?”

Chris stopped and looked at her “Nicky, I don't have a wife”

“Oh I'm sorry” she said a bit stiffly deciding that his tone had been a bit too sharp for her taste “considering you had just got engaged when I last saw you I didn't think it was that much of a bad assumption to make”

“I know” Chris sighed “It was when she was trying to pick a date for the wedding I realised I couldn't go through with it. I thought we could be happy but I was deluding myself, I just wanted us to be happy because it would make everything easier but that's no way to live. I realised too late that in life you have to do what you know will make you happy not what you hope will just cause it was easier. If you have to hope that you will be happy it’s not going to work”

Nicky's mind was buzzing, Chris had ended the engagement? She didn't know what to think. The same thing kept popping into her mind why didn't he call me? But of course she knew the answer to that, he had tried to make amends and she had thrown it back in his face. Why didn't she ever say what she was thinking? She could have explained at the time how much it hurt, how she though they might have been able to have made it work but then Maisy stayed around so she assumed he realised he just didn't really love her as much as he thought. Oh god why hadn't she just said any of that? Because even though she hadn't yet mastered the art of shutting up she also hadn't quite come to grips with saying what was truly in her heart.

“Did I hear you correctly back there?” Chris asked stopping behind Nicky as she opened the door to her house “Are you really engaged?”

Stalling for time Nicky led him into the lounge and rushed into the kitchen to grab the first aid kit. She had to stand on a chair to reach it, since it was kept on top of the cupboard, when getting down she decided to try a fancy jump off and ended up losing her balance and falling onto the kitchen floor.

“Ouch” she muttered to herself “No wonder Boris said I should probably stop doing that”

“Is he the famous fiancé then?” asked a voice from the door way

Nicky sat up on the kitchen floor “Yeah, we met while I was still in university”

Chris shrugged and sat beside her “where he is?”

“Away on business” Nicky opened up the first aid kit and then closed it back up a bit “I don't think you need much from here, it doesn't look to bad now in the light. Apparently I grazed my knee for no reason”

“At least give me a plaster” Chris smiled sticking out his tongue.

“I think you might just get a plaster” Nicky smiled back taking out a plaster and carefully placing it on his forehead “So you going off home now then?”

Chris stood up and offered his hand for Nicky “I suppose I should”

“You know you don't have to” Nicky said, not wanting to end her time with him yet “Stay here, it’s the least I can do”

Chris looked around the kitchen, he was obviously trying to decide whether he should or not. He looked almost surprised that she wasn't angry at him. To be fair perhaps she should be but the last four years had given her some sort closure on the whole thing, plus it was rather hard for her to be angry with him when he had just saved her from being raped. There were of course things they had to discuss but there was no need to discuss it now, she was wanted to be his friend for now, the serious talk could come tomorrow.

“Please stay” she persisted deciding to use her trump card “You'll be doing me a favour, I'm still shaken up after what happened” It wasn't strictly a lie, she was rather emotional still and it would do wonders for her sleep that night if he was there.

He sighed “You always did know how to wear me down didn't you? Ok I'll stay tonight”

Nicky clapped her hands together and hugged him “Thank you, we don't have a spare bed so I guess you will have to share with me, after you helped me and got punched I'd feel like such a cow if I made you sleep on the sofa. That wouldn't be awkward would it?” Nicky knew she was playing with fire but she just wanted him close that night, one night wasn't a crime and nothing was going to happen between them.

Chris shrugged clearly lost for words.

“Great” Nicky yawned “bed soon I guess”

Obviously deciding that 'soon' meant within the next ten minutes Nicky started walking upstairs. Chris followed her looking at her carefully; the years obviously hadn't been very kind to her. There was something about her now, like a part of her had died he wasn't sure what it was but there was something about her that didn't fit. He should have called her when his engagement broke but he couldn't find the courage, after months of lying to himself he felt so ashamed and had convinced himself that he didn't deserve her but now stood right behind her and knowing he would be sleeping next to her that night, it was too much for him to bare.

The regrets had flooded in the moment he saw it was Nicky he had just saved. Memories of their time together had taunted him for four lonely years, every so often he would go home with some random stranger but it wasn't the same, it never could be. There was no magic and there was no fireworks with each kiss and Chris knew somewhere deep in his heart that Nicky was marrying the wrong person. That she would never have fully got over their time together just like he hadn't, if only he could find a way to prove it.

He used the toilet and spent time washing his hands as he tried to pull his feelings together, he loved her. He always had done, the attraction had been there since they first met when she bumped him into him and it had stayed, even when she had tried to avoid him there had still been a longing there on both sides and now it was here again. They still had their jokey nature and their spark was still there.

As he walked towards the room he could hear her crying, when he looked inside she was looking at a picture. He coughed quietly; she looked up, wiped her eyes quickly and shoved the picture in a cabinet next to her.

“It was a family photo” she explained “of mine and Greg's family”

Chris nodded and put his arm around her “It's ok to be emotional, I'm sure tonight brought back memories”

“He died” Nicky said tonelessly “Testicular cancer”

“When was that?” Chris asked

“Two years ago” she let out a hollow harsh laugh that cut through his heart “I was there when it happened. It was really painful. He turned to me once when everyone else was out of the room and asked if I was happy now that he was dying. I just said I didn't care enough to feel happy”

“It must be better now that he is dead” Chris said quietly not sure how to respond.

Nicky shrugged and stood up “I suppose in some way it is. I don't have to find ways to avoid being with him, it was something my parents had always found odd, but it doesn't make what happened less hurtful. It wasn't just about the attempted rape it went deeper than that. Kevin had been like an uncle to me, a bit of a weird slightly perverted uncle yes but still an uncle. My whole illusion of him was shattered when I realised he wasn't just trying it on with me, that he was actually going to rape me if I didn't come willingly.”

Tears stung at her eyes as the memory washed over her again, at the time all she had felt was fear it wasn't until she had got home and seen her family laughing together as they had retold this joke, a joke he had told them, that she had felt the full impact on what had happened. At first she had felt like crying and telling everyone, then they could have known what to do and supported her but then she realised that if she did that then they would feel as let down as she did and it would be worse for them because they'd feel guilty for letting her come into contact with him. Kevin and her dad Matthew had been friends since university what would it have achieved to ruin his friendship?

Nicky wiped her eyes again and turned to Chris with a smile “The memory will never go away but when he died it made carrying the secret much easier to deal with”

The conversation subsided after that and they both eventually went to bed and fell into an easy steady sleep. At about three o'clock in the morning Nicky's arm unconsciously wrapped itself around Chris' upper body and she snuggled up to his warm body it wasn't for another ten minutes when her eyes slowly opened she realised what she had done and quickly grabbed her arm back and turned over. As she drifted back to sleep she realised that she wouldn't have done that, in her sleep or not, if she hadn't know that Chris was the one sleeping next to her, Boris wasn't one for hugging and cuddling especially at night so she had got into the habit of keeping to her side of the bed, the fact that her subconscious mind could throw her usual routine out of the window because of this man terrified her.

 

The next morning Chris woke up and found an empty space next to him, he glanced at the clock and saw it was only 9 o'clock so he decided to call her name but got no answer. He heaved himself up and walked downstairs where he found a note pinned onto the front door he picked it up and slowly read.

 

 

Chris.

Sorry I had to go out shopping

Thank you so much for helping me last night and staying the night. Maybe see you again sometime.

Nicky.

 

 

He left the house slamming the door behind him, was the thought of waking up next to him so terrible that she had to leave at goodness knows what time just to avoid him? He still loved her, well he thought he did anyway. It had been four years but he still had a strong need to protect her and after her confession about the attempted rape all those years before he knew that he had to be her confident as well. Nobody should have to spend their life without anyone to talk to.

Then he remembered; she already had a confident and someone to look after her. She had a fiancé now but he had a feeling that wouldn't go, a feeling that this man she was with wasn't right for her. Chris had been engaged himself and had believed with a passion it was the right thing to do but it hadn't been, not when everyday all he had been able to think about was Nicky.

Chris shook his head, his mind had been going round and round in circles since the night before and he still didn't have a clear solution about what to do, all he knew was that he couldn't let Nicky go again.

 

She had just put water onto to boil when she heard the knock on the door. None of her family was coming to visit today and Boris wouldn't be back for another three hours and he would have a key anyway.

The knocking persisted so Nicky put her knife down and quickly ran to answer the door, putting on a polite smile as she did so. The smile slowly faded; as well as the colour in her cheeks, when she saw Chris Williams stood in front of her.

“Hi Nicky” he murmured.

Her heart started beating uncontrollably, she had hoped that when she'd gone out that morning that that had been the end of it. She would never see him again regardless of what she had written in her note, she certainly hadn't hoped to see him again. Well not really, she obviously had a great deal of affection and kindness for him and they shared a bond that she felt reluctant to let go but the fact was that this man did strange things to her and she didn't need him as a distraction in her life. There were a lot of unresolved feelings that were much easier to hide away in a little box when he wasn't around.

“Do you want to come in?” she asked weakly

Without waiting for him to answer she stepped away from the door and into the kitchen to carry on cutting up vegetables. She heard the door slam and turned around to greet Chris as he entered the kitchen, taking a deep breath as she did so.

“What you doing?” he asked.

“Cooking” she answered “Boris called and now I need to cook a meal”

“Why?”

Nicky turned back to her cutting “Because some new executive or something or other is coming over here tonight with his wife, Mitzy or something or other, for a dinner so now I have to cook a three course meal in the space of a couple of hours but still life goes on as they say”

She hadn't meant to sound resentful, oh how she hadn't meant to, but she had because quite frankly she was resentful. After two months away she had rather hoped he would want to spent some time alone with her, what with the added fact that their wedding was in two weeks’ time, but no it seemed instead she was expected to cook a three course meal in the space of hours and then get ready to impress some new work partner and his wife.

“Aren't you happy?” Chris asked.

“Of course I am” Nicky quickly replied. She knew her life was far from perfect and nothing like the fairy tales she had dreamed up in her head when she was a teenager but she when had thought that she had found the perfect existence she had had all of those dreams shattered.

She was older now and not a stupid teenager, she was willing to choose a less than perfect life since it was more likely to be the most realistic lifestyle for her, she wasn't supposed to have great passion, she was the sort who was supposed to lead a scheduled, if slightly boring, life.

“How long has he been away?”

“Two months, I said he couldn't stay any longer than up to two weeks before the wedding”

Chris' eyes widened “If I had been away from you for two months I would not be making you cook dinner, I would be taking you upstairs and making love to you for hours”

“Well you haven't seen me in four years and you've managed to control yourself” Nicky said dryly “Besides it Saturday today, it’s not a sex day”

“What?!” Chris exclaimed totally shocked “You have days that are set aside for sex?”

Nicky shrugged “Monday, Wednesday and Friday”

Chris stared in total opened mouthed shock “What has happened to the Nicola Bennett I knew, the one who would never have settled for anything less than perfect?”

Nicky wanted to stab him with the knife “She realised that the perfect life was just a myth and decided to venture on just a tiny bit of happiness”

Chris snorted “This isn't happiness, it's safety”

Nicky spun around to face him “Who the hell do you think you are saying things like that? What makes you think that you of all people have the right to make judgements on whether I'm happy or not? I'm in love Christopher and I'm going to get married in two weeks. This may not be the life I dreamed of when I was a child but I am happy”

Chris moved towards her, she decided to put the knife down in case she really did stab him “I have a right to make a judgement because at one point we had a relationship and I know what makes you happy and it isn't this. You want to be out doing something with yourself Nicky not playing the dutiful housewife and I know that someone with your kind of passion would never be happy having restrictions on when you can let it out”

“Me and Boris base our relationship on more than just sex” Nicky retorted “and our relationship was nothing more than a dirty and sordid secret when it comes right down to it”

“You don't believe that” Chris whispered “you know it was more than that”

Nicky sighed guiltily “I'm sorry, that was unfair but the fact is Chris you broke my heart into a billion pieces, you were the dream and it nearly destroyed me when it was pulled from under me. At least with Boris I know that won't happen, the dream isn't real and I really thought I loved you but the truth is when you think about it we just had a really good passion between us and it might have turned into something fantastic and wonderful but there were too many secrets”

Neither of them knew what to say after that so they both just looked at each other the silence almost killing them both. Nicky wanted to fling herself into his arms and hug him close; it had been so long since she had felt such closeness. She wanted him to know how much she cared about him and how much their time together had meant to her and that she had loved him and that's why it hurt so much when it all blew up. That even though she knew her marriage wouldn't be the perfect fairy-tale that she had dreamed of she really did love Boris and there could be a certain degree of happiness there. It might not be as much as she could have felt with him but there would be something. Most of all she wanted him to just hold her and be there for her. Sometimes things were just so overwhelming that she just really needed a friend but both Greg and Eloise had gone off, Greg was still travelling the world like he had been doing since school and Eloise had stayed in the town of her university. They all still kept in contact but no one was there when Nicky just wanted a hug and she had needed them at increasing rates recently.

Chris finally coughed and said “maybe I should be going”

Nicky nodded “yeah maybe, I need to finish cooking and stuff”

“See you again maybe?”

“Yeah sure” Nicky answered “you still at the same address?”

“Yeah” Chris nodded “didn't see the point in moving”

“Well maybe I'll pop round sometime”

Chris nodded again and left the house. That hadn't gone as well as he had expected, the Nicky Bennett he had fallen in love with had been squashed down into this almost robot like creature and he didn't like it. There was still that spark in her and it seemed to pop out when she was angry but the rest of the time she just seemed like a shell, what could he do to make her see she was making the wrong choice? How could he get through to her? So many questions were pounding in his brain but the one that kept coming around was what had happened to her? What could have made her choose this life? Something terrible must have happened for her to decide to live a boring life that was nothing like herself; nothing like the type of life she would have ever considered living. The worst part was she didn't see anything wrong with it, somewhere along the line she had convinced herself that this was what she wanted for some reason. If he found out how and why she had done that then he could work out a way to convince her not to get married but unfortunately for him he had a deadline of two weeks so he would need to act fast. It wasn't just about winning her back any more it was about protecting her from making the same mistake he almost did. At least he had realised he couldn't marry Maisy before anything had got too serious, Nicky was still in the delusion that she was happy when he could see quite easily it was the security she wanted and not her fiancé, he knew her too well to be fooled into believing she could actually like this lifestyle and he loved her too much to let her get married to someone who would in the end crush her spirit, intentional or not, to the point that she just became a total shell of herself. That passion was still in there somewhere and it gave Chris hope, he would stop her from getting married first and then he would win her back.

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter Seven

Why was it that he always left her in the lurch? Just before Nicky had gone to get washed and ready, Boris had called and told her that he might be later than expected, it was now just before the dinner guests were due to arrive and he wasn't there.

It has happened numerous times before but it had never bothered her so much in the past, perhaps it was because her conversation with Chris was still fresh in her mind. How dare he say that she wasn't happy? She was happy, well most of the time. She wasn't unhappy anyway.

However at that very moment, immediately after hear the first knock on the door, she felt like she had been ditched by the so called love of her life. Another knock followed so she put on a smile and went to open the door.

And immediately felt like she had been punched in the stomach. Matthew Garner the new executive stood in front of her and next to him was his wife, a young woman with shoulder length light blood hair who was more than just a familiar face to Nicky.

“Hello” Nicky beamed, hoping her smile wouldn't wobble “Matthew hi nice to meet you” she shook his outstretched hand and then turned to face his wife “Maisy isn't it?”

“How did you know?” she asked

“You used to date one of my teachers” Nicky answered “Christopher Williams, I helped you find him once”

Maisy smiled “Oh yes my tour guide. It’s nice to see you again”

“You too” Nicky shook her hand and led them into the lounge “I'm afraid Boris is running a little late so you'll have to put up with my company for the time being”

Nicky went out to get drinks and paused for a moment in the kitchen as all the old emotions from her last two months in school came flooding back to her. She had felt so lonely then and she couldn't help feeling lonely at that moment. With Boris being late and the memories of her conversation with Chris kept playing in her mind. She had regretted telling him about her 'sex days' the moment it had escaped her lips, it was obvious Chris was going to say something about it, after all they had never restricted that side of things themselves, but then their relationship had just been about passion really.

Of course there had been some proper emotion there too that's why it had hurt her so much when it had all blown up but from the very start it had always been about the passion that was there between them. She and Boris might not have the same passion but it didn't mean that their love was any less whole because of it and she really did love him with her heart if maybe not in the exact same way.

Suddenly the front door opened “Nicola I'm back”

Nicky poured another glass of wine and walked back to the lounge handing out the drinks, Boris leaned over and kissed her on the cheek “Hello darling”

She turned and looked at him, hoping to God that her heart would leap or the skin where he had kissed her would tingle or do something but it didn't, however her heart had leapt the night before when she had seen Chris and her skin just tingled at the thought of what they would get up to and all the different places he would kiss her.

“Nicola, are you ok?” Maisy asked “You're look rather red”

Nicky lightly fanned herself “Sorry must be a bit hot”

They sat making idle chatter until the timer went off to let them know the first course was ready at which point they went into the dining room while Nicky got into her role as the server. She was absolutely mortified that the thought of something that had happened four years ago could still make her blush; maybe Chris was right she did still have some passion in her. She’d just have to bring the passion out of Boris but first she'd have to get through that evening looking and conversing with someone who just reminded her of when she had felt at her lowest.

 

The next morning Nicky was feeling particularly low after the dinner. Not that anything particularly bad happened oh no it had all gone swimmingly well and everyone enjoyed themselves except for her of course who managed to feel like she had been stabbed in the heart every time she so much as glanced at Maisy. It was a terrible shame really because Maisy really was a nice person and under any other circumstances Nicky could see them getting on quite well but as it was the woman just made her feel completely lonely and upset.

So the following morning after Nicky had risen herself out of bed, giving a moment to look at the empty space beside her with a sigh, she went to find her intended husband. It didn't take too long to find him in the study, well in theory it wasn't a study just the spare room which he had turned into a study. Nicky knew that he didn't like to be disturbed when he was working but damn it he'd been gone for 2 months and it was thirteen days before her wedding surely he could spare her five minutes. She poked her head round the door “Am I disturbing?”

While he didn't exactly say “yes you are actually I am busy” he did make a big fuss about looking up from his work, he even managed a small sigh “Not at all Nicola what do you want?”

Nicky rolled her eyes “It's about last night”

“Oh yes” Boris smiled “It went very well, we'll have those round again sometime”

“Well that's what I wanted to talk to you about” Nicky hesitated slightly “I was wondering if we could not have them over”

“That's not really an option” Boris said “We have to”

“I'm not saying we won't have anyone from your work over” Nicky tried to explain “just those two. It's just that woman, Maisy, well it wasn't her fault but I started seeing someone and it turned out she was actually his girlfriend. I mean it was all sorted out and I never had any bad feeling towards who I was seeing and I've laid it to rest but last night every time I saw her it just brought back all this old feeling and I just felt so upset”

“I'm sorry to hear that” Boris stood up and for a moment Nicky thought he might actually hug her, she really wanted a hug, but instead he just patted her on the arm “I don't wish for you to be sad at all but unfortunately we have to have them round again”

Nicky's upset suddenly churned up inside her “Why? Why do we have to have them round for dinner if it upsets me so much? I don't understand. I've never complained about anything before when I probably had a right to. Like yesterday you calling and giving me a moment’s notice to cook a whole three course meal. All I'm asking for is this one thing, if you can give me a proper reason why we have to have them round then fine I will drop the subject”

Boris stared at her dumbstruck finally mumbling “Because it’s polite”

Nicky scoffed suddenly not wanting to be in his company any further “I don't even complain when you want to work every moment of the day rather than see me” she murmured before leaving the room, however she decided that wasn't good enough so she grabbed her jacket and quickly left the house, slamming the door for good measure.

Once Nicky had left the house she realised she had nowhere to go, Greg and Eloise were coming in for the wedding but that wasn't for another week yet and she couldn't go to her family. They had no idea that she had begun to feel resentful about her life heck until about twenty four hours ago she herself hadn't even realised it, and if her run in with Kevin all those years ago had taught her anything it was that she wasn't one for burdening her family with what happened in her life, not if they didn't need to know.

Pulling on her jacket she just decided to walk around, avoiding the alley way from the other night, she walked down road after road until she found herself passing her old school. She paused slightly and went round the back to where there was a small play area. Nicky walked in and sat down on a bench, it was just for a bit of peace and quiet, it was Sunday morning so there wasn't anyone out yet not that the play area was used very much anyway, she certainly hadn't meant to bump into anyone…

 

Chris had to get out of the house, everything smelled and reminded him of Nicky. It was so silly really she hadn't been in there for four years so how could anything smell like her for goodness sake. He'd also had something of a restless night every time he closed his eyes he had managed to see memories of his time together with Nicky but his subconscious had been very selective about what memories it choose to show him.

So all night he had been teased with the pictures of slowly stripping her and laying on top of her, kissing her passionately with one hand running up her leg, his lips and tongue teasing her nipples slowly. It had been utter torture and he had woken up frustrated and hard and since everything in his home seemed to make everything worse, his sexual frustration and his loneliness, he decided to go for an early morning stroll.

He decided to walk to the local small play area about forty five minutes away from his house, he could have a bit of a rest there before the walk back and maybe clear his head a bit. For Christ's sake he was supposed to be finding a way to convince her she was marrying the wrong person not spending every moment of his free time lusting after her.

The fact was though he didn't have any idea how to go about doing that, his blunt honesty the day before had just got her riled. He needed to show her how much she had changed but that would prove difficult too if she really depended on the security from her fiancé. As he entered the park he saw a dark haired woman sat on the bench, he knew even before he saw her face that it was Nicky there was always a spark when she was around.

“Are you stalking me?” he asked as he entered the park.

She looked around and beamed at him “What are you doing here?”

Well he couldn't very well say he'd gone out for a walk to avoid thinking about her so he just made a casual comment “Gone out for a walk, what are you doing here?”

Nicky shrugged as he sat down beside her “Same really; I needed some space”

“I'm surprised you're not spending the day with your man”

“So am I” she muttered “He's working today, well doing work related things in his study”

“So you're all on your lonesome today then?” he asked.

“Looks like it, shame I have nowhere to go”

Chris looked at her and smiled “Spend the day with me if you like, I've got nothing to do”

“I wouldn't want to be bothersome”

“You won't be” this was what he wanted, a chance to spend some time with her properly. He had missed her so much and it was a perfect chance to convince her about her engagement and remind her of the person she really was, the person he fell in love with.

“All right then” She stood up “lets walk”

He followed her out of the play area “How are you feeling today?”

Nicky shrugged “I'm ok I suppose”

The slight hint of sadness in her voice pulled at his heart and made him want to protect her, how could she not notice that this was turning her into a robot of a person?

Suddenly she stopped “Oh by the way your ex did well for herself”

“What do you mean?”

“She was the wife of the executive we had round for dinner last night”

Chris wanted to hug her “That must have been tough for you”

She turned to him with large honest emerald eyes full of pain and longing. It reminded him of the last day of school when he had tried to make amends with her and she had just stared at him for a moment looking like such a young child that he had just wanted to hold her. Then with the drop of a hat the moment was gone and she was back to staring in front of her as she slowly walked forward “Boris might get worried if I'm out all day”

“Then why did you go out?” Chris asked.

Nicky shrugged and let out a sigh “I was fed up I suppose, I suddenly saw everything for how it was and I got frustrated”

Chris clung onto this like an eager puppy with a bone “So you are thinking about leaving him then?”

“Of course not” Nicky replied quickly “I love him and I intend to marry him but there will be one or two things we discuss and if he insists on having those two round again then I shall insist on having a constant headache on those occasions”

So the old Nicky was coming back slowly but surely after all, but the wedding was in thirteen days and unless he could spend every day with her he doubted very much she would realise her mistake before it was too late, and it was a mistake surely? It was true that he hoped for a reunion with Nicky and he still loved her but that didn't mean his judgement was clouded did it? No of course not, he shook his head for ever doubting himself, she was quite clearly a shell of her former self and if she did get married she would end up unhappy for the rest of her life.

“I'm sure he will understand” Chris murmured “If you just explain to him”

“Yeah” Nicky sighed again but this time it stung his heart “so did I”

They walked in silence again, so she had told this Boris who Maisy was and he hadn't understood, this could help his cause massively. The real problem was that Nicky had lost her passion and that was what made her who she was how could he get her to remember? Perhaps he should start with her 'sex days' “So who decided you would only have sex three times a week?”

“It was a mutual decision” Nicky replied “it just kind of happened”

“Don't you miss the passion?” he asked carefully remembering her last reaction when he brought the topic up “You were always quite passionate”

“Got it all out of my system” Nicky let out a breath “first with you and then at university before I met Boris”

“You don't just get passion out of your system though” Chris persisted “When you have it you keep it and if you do think you've lost it then maybe that's because you're with the wrong person and you need to be with someone who pulls it out of you”

Nicky stumbled slightly “That's not true; I've lost that passion completely”

Chris took her hand and turned her to face him, he could feel the heat pouring through him and he had to take a slow breath “I know that's not true, I know you feel that passion when you see me, I can feel it in the air. You always did feel it with me”

Nicky snatched her hand back as if it had been burned “I hate you right now” she whispered before running as fast as she could away from him.

Chris stood still, he could have probably caught up with her but he had to make her see it for herself. If he tried to pressure her then she would run away from him and not listen and he needed to keep her on side. She had felt the passion of his touch the same way he had, it was obvious in the way she had jerked her hand back and ran off. She had felt it and it scared her. This was a good sign soon she would realise that she wasn't supposed to get married to this man.

The following Saturday Nicky once again replayed the conversation she had had with Chris six days before. He had been right she had felt the passion simmer up her arm when he had touched her, all she had wanted to do was kiss him and she probably would have done as well if the idiot hadn't told her exactly what she was thinking.

For the last six days all she had done was relive that moment and each time she almost cried her eyes out. Was it wrong to have that sort of passion with someone who was not her intended husband? And was it more wrong to have that passion with someone else when she did not have it with Boris? Nicky wasn't sure what exactly had happened to the passion in her relationship or exactly when it had it disappeared. All she remembered was getting into a pattern of making love whenever Boris initiated it and that turned into just making love on those certain days of the week. Still, Nicky mused as she pulled out one of her old baby doll nighties, no one said she couldn't initiate it. She quickly got changed and laid as seductively as she could on the bed. If she could feel passion from a single touch with Chris then she must be able to get it with Boris too, after all he was the one she was marrying. She just needed help to bring the passion out of him that was all.

Boris came into the room and looked at her his face blank but not in a confused way, it was just the way he always looked at her before bed on a Saturday and it was always the same expression and he would always do the same thing.

First he would come in and see her, then he would smile slightly with a wink after that he would walk over to the bed and kiss her on the cheek, well ok to be absolutely fair and honest it was the side of the lip, and finally he would say goodnight and try to get to sleep, which is exactly what he did then. Every day that wasn't set aside for sex always ended like this, so Nicky had been stupid for hoping that that day would be any different. After the failed seduction attempt she had even tried to talk to him for a moment about the wedding but he had just murmured something too quiet for her to hear and rolled over.

Trying not to disturb, she slowly got out of bed and went downstairs. Collapsing on the sofa she started to softly cry, she remembered the last time she had worn that outfit, it was on that weekend away she had had with Chris. When he had walked in and seen her in it his eyes had bugged out then he had kissed her passionately and had slowly taken her out of it. The tenderness he had shown her on such occasions and the time he would spend holding her after made her ache inside. Suddenly it became absolutely necessary to feel that sort of passion again and all the things that came with it, her relationship with Chris was over and the passion is just what had been left over from it. There was certainly no love there as far as she was aware but that didn't mean he couldn't be her friend and give her a hug and hold her. She really wanted to be held, to feel secure and safe and to know that she had finally found a stable place in life. She had found it of course but a hug would be wonderful.

Just a hug, the passion would simmer through her and she would feel it again but she wouldn't act on it, she would just let him hug her until it all went away and then he could be her friend and be her support network, someone to confide in.

That was what she told herself when she grabbed her coat and left, that she just wanted a hug and friend, nothing would happen. It never even crossed her mind as she did up her coat that she was practically naked underneath.

She walked as fast as she could across town until she was stood outside his house, one of the two places she had felt truly safe four years ago. Walking slowly up the front garden she once again reminded herself that she was just there for his friendship but then she started to wonder if maybe she was trying to convince herself rather than just reminding herself. There was no more feeling there she was certain of that but the passion was and she had already almost kissed him.

Confusion bubbled around in her head as she stood at his front door trying to decide whether to knock or not, yes there was a chance that she would kiss him but she was engaged and she took commitments rather seriously. It could go either way but she had always prided herself on doing the right thing.

The fact was her fiancé was at home sleeping having made no reaction to her planned seduction and she felt rejected and ugly, well maybe not ugly but there was a certain degree of rejection there. Perhaps if Chris had ever turned her down when they were together then she wouldn’t have felt so rejected of course she would have put so much more effort into it if it had been for him. She always had done with him because that side of their relationship had been so active; they had tried different things together. With Boris things were so scheduled that she had hoped the baby doll would have been enough.

Nicky shook her head as she realised she had digressed. Yes she might want to kiss Chris but more importantly she just wanted a friend and someone to talk to. She needed it at that very moment, she needed a friend. No she needed him. Then why couldn't she bring herself to knock? She went to turn away, she went to leave his house with the thought that he would never know she'd been there. She had to do the right thing, but then the door opened.

“Nicky?”

She looked up into his eyes and suddenly the confusion was gone “Don't read too much into this” she said in a low voice.

And then she was kissing him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter Eight

His hands were everywhere. First they started on her hip and then they moved to her back, one voluntarily found its way to her hair. This was fantastic, Chris was aching with need in seconds, and his body felt like it had been set on fire. Everything was just how he remembered, the curve of her tender skin, the softness of her hair and the fantastic feel of her in his arms while in passionate embrace.

He didn't want to let her go. He had no idea why she had come to him or even why she was kissing him but at that moment he didn't care, at that moment he just wanted to kiss her back. He had been dreaming and longing for this woman for the past four years and at that moment, with her in his arms making him feel loved, wanted and far less lonely than he had been at late, he just wanted to savour the moment since he knew it could not last for ever. All he wanted was one taste, one feel, one moment before her had to let her go. All he wanted was her.

Somehow her coat got shrugged off and Chris saw what she was wearing underneath, he growled slightly as memories of the last time he had seen her in that particular outfit came flooding to him, very vivid memories and ones he was quite eager to repeat. He let out a small satisfied moan as his hand lightly squeezed her breast; his other cupped her bottom as he pulled her more closely to him.

Chris slowly pushed her up against the wall, his lips finding her neck as she gave a soft moan. Chris let out a contented groan as he carried on kissing her. He loved her and he wanted to show her just how much he loved her, he wanted her to feel loved again. “I want you” he whispered

The moment was lost; she stiffened in his arms and moved away from him. He watched as Nicky paced the room, her lips swollen, her eyes still alight with passion and her cheeks bright red. She looked beautiful, he decided to voice the opinion after all it couldn't make the situation any worse. “You really are beautiful”

Nicky stopped and looked at him “Don't say that”

Chris went to hug her but she shrugged him off “Nicky what is wrong? What is all this about?”

“I don't know” she shrugged looking lost and helpless “I wish I could tell you but I honestly don't know, I don't know anything anymore.”

Chris, desperately grabbing onto her words like they were all he had to live, took hold of her by the shoulders “What do you mean?”

He felt her shrug before she moved away “I don't know why I'm here, I don't know why I have been doing anything for the past week”

“What happened tonight?” He asked softly

She scoffed and leaned against a wall “I dressed like this for Boris; he just turned around and went to sleep. He didn’t even notice me. I just left the house; I wanted to feel passion again”

Chris kissed her forcefully, she started to kiss back but her alerts must have been up because soon after she pushed him off “Nicky if you have no passion then you can't marry him”

Nicky looked pained for a second, so pained that he wanted to fling his arms around her and protect her. He had tried to once before but had failed in that regard, he had made the mistake of protecting her from everyone else who could cause her pain but hadn't stopped to consider that he might be the one she needed protection from.

“I can't believe I just kissed you” she whispered

“It's what you wanted” he said softly

“I'm engaged” Nicky cried out making his heart give a small jolt, a jolt he was sure was caused by his guilt “I'm not supposed to be doing this anymore”

“Doing what?” he asked quietly taking a step towards her.

“Kissing people, making a move on people” Nicky sniffed slightly as she sunk down to the floor “not after university”

Chris walked over and sat beside her “What happened at university?”

With a shrug she wiped away a tear from her eye “Actually it all started before university, the night of the leavers ball actually. After you got engaged I ran out and went off with this guy I can't remember his name but he must have been about forty if not older. We out for a drink and then back to his place. Most of my nights were spent like that, going in and out of random people's beds.”

Chris stared in shock, he felt like he had been punched in the stomach, the pain and guilt he felt was so strong. He was looking deeply in her eyes and all that kept going through his mind was it was my fault. He had hurt her, he had got engaged right in front of her and he had caused her to be so unhappy. He wanted to say sorry, he wanted to hug her and tell her it was all okay but how could he? Chris couldn't guarantee that he could make everything all right but he did know that he loved her, that he wanted to make amends with her and start again.

“Then I went off to university” Nicky continued with a sigh “and it carried on there, I didn't want to be alone. I didn't want to be left with my thoughts. They circled round in my head all the time when I was alone, thoughts of you and Maisy together and then me and you. Perhaps you could call it a coping mechanism, whenever I thought about our time together I just felt cheated and dirty.”

Chris put his arm around her shoulders, he was worried she might resist but instead she let herself rest against him however she still felt stiff in his arms. “You weren't dirty Nicky”

Nicky looked at him with watery eyes “but I was cheated wasn't I?”

He declined to answer; he didn't think it was necessary.

“I feel like such an idiot” Nicky wept “because now it's me that's cheating Boris isn't it. I'm here doing what I swore I would never do again”

“You're not a bad person Nicky” Chris murmured

“I am” she sobbed “I hurt people, I used to be a good person and then I changed. My heartbreak changed me and I turned into a whore. That's what I used to hear people say about me, but then when I met Boris he made me feel special like the way you did and I do love him for that and no it might not be as passionate and wonderful and well even as much as what I feel for you but don't you understand I have to marry him. I will hurt you Chris I know I will, I hurt everyone but I know I won't hurt Boris he can't be hurt by me and I know I can't be hurt by him”

“You're just scared of being hurt” Chris whispered wondering if she realised that she had referenced their love in present tense.

“No I'm not” Nicky wiped her eyes again “I've thought about that over the past two years but I know it's not that. I'm with him because I make him happy and I do love him in some way and he makes me happy and maybe not completely and truly happy but contented”

“You'd settle for just being contented?”

She looked at him with a surprised look “Of course, I have no other choice”

“Of course you have choices” Chris replied a bit too sharply than he had intended “I'm a choice, I'm here asking for another chance.”

Nicky stood slowly and paced the room again “You won't want me after what I've done”

He hugged her tightly and whispered in her ear “I don't care about what you've done I just care about you and what my heart says”

Chris hadn't intended to try and make her his that night but hell he hadn't expected to have her show up on his doorstep either, she was like a wounded child and he wanted to get things back on track. He wanted them to be how they were before and of course there would be a lot of things to work through before that happened but he knew they could be completely happy together if only she would take the first step closer to him. If only she could find the courage to do what her heart wanted.

Nicky looked up at him, was he serious? Did he really want to be with her? She had suspected that he wanted her but wanting someone and wanting to be with someone was very different. If he knew the person she was now he wouldn't want to be with her.

The day of Kevin's funeral she had hurt someone, someone who had cared for her very much and who she had not wanted to hurt, his name had been Edward. They had slept together the first night of university and had stayed friends but it had always been obvious that he had wanted more, not that he loved her but maybe wanted to see if they could have more, he had a crush on her she supposed. Kevin's funeral had been horrible, she’d had to sit in the pews of the church listening to everyone say about how much of a nice and kind man he was and how he would never hurt a fly and she had just been bursting in her seat wanting to shout out that they were wrong and what had happened to her but of course she didn't.

Afterwards she had made her way back to university but she had wanted to see a friendly face, for a change she hadn't intended on finding someone to have sex with that night all she had wanted was a chat with someone and perhaps a hug. When she arrived back Nicky immediately went to find Edward when she arrived at his rooms however he wasn't there, his roommate James had let her in and told her she could wait for Eddie to get back. It took only five minutes before Nicky had made her move, before she had kissed him and pulled her top over her head, the sex hadn't lasted much longer, it rarely did, but almost straight after they had heard Edward come back home and even though she had got dressed and quickly ran back into the social area he knew what she had been up to. He had told her that she should leave and they didn't speak again but the look in his eyes had haunted her for months afterwards and she knew that something he thought of her had died the moment she had ran out of James' room.

Edward had thought that she was a wonderful and good person and in that moment when he looked at her hurt she saw that part die and she knew she was a bad person and she would carry on being a bad person if she didn't change and find someone real with whom she could share her life with.

Later while she had been laid in bed is when she decided to do find someone who she could love. The next week she had met Boris and had begun to love him. Nicky had thought that she had found her old self again but she had quite obviously been wrong since here she was again up to her old tricks.

Chris' arms were still wrapped around her but she knew he was waiting for her to answer him “You don't really want me or even if you do it doesn't matter because I can't be with you”

He pushed her away, gently but she could still feel the depth of his pain “Why can't you be with me?”

“I would hurt you” Nicky whispered “I'm hurting you now; I hurt you before all I do is hurt people”

“So you're not going to be with me because you don't want to hurt me?”

Nicky shrugged “I can't keep hurting people, if I marry Boris you will eventually get over me and us and you will find someone who will make you happy, maybe not as happy as you think you can be with me but happy enough to have an amazing life, and I'll be content with Boris and he will be happy and I won't be hurting anyone any more. It will be hard to think of you with someone else I know that much but at least I can feel warm with the knowledge that you're happy”

“You can make me happy” he whispered “I want you, I don't want anyone else”

“You will” Nicky said shakily knowing if she didn't keep strong then she would burst into tears “You will realise all the things that's wrong with me and find yourself someone better”

“Don't say that.” Chris snapped and Nicky realised he wasn't being aggressive he was just so badly hurt; “Don't you ever say that. You are the most wonderful, kind, enchanting and beautiful woman I have ever known, there is no one more perfect than you. I made a mistake with Maisy thinking that I would be able to settle for second best, for something that wasn't quite perfection, I realised before it was too late. Please don't make the same mistake I almost did”

He was looking at her with such an intensity that Nicky almost broke down at that moment, the hope in his eyes was so strong that it took all of her strength and will power to stop herself from bursting into tears and letting him look after her. She had to leave; she stood up suddenly quickly putting on her coat as she did so. Chris stood up after her and grabbed her hand, the touch felt electric.

“Nicky please don't do this” Chris begged “we belong together you know we do”

“Chris I'm not sure you even know who I am any more” Nicky murmured “Well I mean I know you know I'm Nicola Bennett but the person I was four years ago is gone, this is who I am now and I'm going to marry Boris and then I'll be Nicola Blackwell. It's the best solution for everyone, you included even if you don't know it yet”

She really did think it was for the best, Nicky had changed since her and Chris had first met but Boris knew who she was now, knew who she had been during her dark days at university, which was who she might very well still be given current circumstances, but he loved her anyway and he wanted to marry her. Chris was in love with an illusion, a memory from the past that wouldn't go away, it was best to leave him with his memory than to show him the reality and watch as he slowly came to realise his mistake. Still that didn't explain why her heart felt like it had been smashed.

“Please leave me to get married to him Chris” Nicky said shakily as she left the house “and I'll do my very best to disappear from your life so that you can properly get over me”

Chris stared as she walked out of the house, he had truly lost her this time, his heart was breaking, well and truly breaking, and it was like nothing he had ever known before. His soul felt ripped and shattered, tears silently rolled down his cheek, he wanted to go out to her and tell her that she was wrong, tell her that they belonged together and not let her leave until she realised it but for some reason his feet were glued to ground.

He wanted more than anything to try and make her see sense but his feet would not move and he could not work out why or maybe he could but just didn't want to believe it. Chris wanted to go out and kiss her and tell her that she was his and always would be but that wasn't true, she had been his and he had ruined it. He had hurt her and broken her heart, she needed him to leave her now. She had all but begged him. He had let her down once before and he wasn't about to do the same thing again, if he did chase after her it wouldn't do any good now and if she wanted to let him be content with someone else than that was his fault for letting her get away in the first place. So he decided to let her get rid of whatever guilt she seemed to feel by letting her walk away even though his own heart was breaking.

He would have to break his own heart so that her heart could be protected from all the hurt and pain she had felt over the years, which he knew was largely due to how he had behaved towards her. So instead of running after her his feet were glued to the ground as she ran further away from his house, from him and from his life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter Nine

It was all going wrong. First the food had been completely ruined so now her mum was rushing around at the last moment trying to put something else together. To make things worse when Nicky had asked about the circumstances in which the food had been ruined she had been told to finish getting ready as none of it was her concern, which she would have argued with since it was her wedding which meant that the missing food was her concern but she was already being pulled back into her room.

After that situation she had walked in on Eloise and the best man, who just happened to be Boris' only true close friend and was married to someone Nicky held in quite high esteem, in one of the cupboards doing things that were not of an innocent nature. Then while she was quickly departing the scene Nicky got her dress caught on something and it ripped, just a tiny bit but that still took some work to be covered.

However the thing that was really going to ruin her day was Greg, he had been delayed in whatever country he was currently travelling but he had promised he would be in town for her wedding but hadn't yet showed up. Nicky wasn't sure she could get through it without Greg, he had known her since she had been born, they had been through so much together as friends and there was no way in this world or the next that Nicky was going to get married without him there.

Nicky sighed and sank into a chair, perhaps she was just looking for a reason not to go through with it. Since she left Chris' house the previous week all of her reasons for going through with the wedding were slowly losing whatever it was that had made them make sense at the time and her heart was simply aching. Chris had said he loved her and that they belonged together, the romantic in her was wanting to through caution to the wind and run out of the room she was getting ready in, find Chris and kiss him senseless.

Nicky probably would've done this if it wasn't for the fact that the romantic in her was currently too stomped down, first of all from when she had learned the truth about Chris and Maisy and then from the months that had followed.

Four years ago Nicky would have listened to her romantic side but now she just wasn't sure if it could be trusted and her heart was tired of the pain. She had to think with the logical side of her, the side that said she did love Boris, even if it wasn't as much as she loved Chris, and she knew that they could be happy together or at the very least content and surely that would have to be enough?

Nicky looked around as she heard the door open, it was Eloise slowly coming into the room looking like a guilty puppy.

“Nicky?” she said quietly “Are you all right?”

“Is Greg here yet?” Nicky asked.

“No he called though to say he was on his way from the airport” Eloise replied

“When was this?”

Eloise tilted her hair in thought “About an hour ago, right before I met Ross and then my time was occupied”

Nicky let out a sigh and stood up “I remember”

Eloise looked at her closely, more closely that Nicky was comfortable with. “What's up with you?”

Nicky, still not at ease with her best friends intense staring, turned around “I don't understand what you mean”

“What I mean” Eloise murmured walking towards her “is that if this was my wedding day then I wouldn't be looking like a wet weekend”

“I didn't realise you were planning to married” Nicky snapped.

“I'm not right now” Eloise snapped “but when I do decide to get married I will be damn well happy about it”

“I am happy” Nicky smiled feeling guilty for being so mean to her friend “I'm sorry Eloise I shouldn't have snapped at you, I'm just nervous I guess”

“Nicky Bennett is nervous?” said a voice from the doorway “Have I entered an alternative universe”

Both girls turned around to look as Greg Bryant, looking slightly older than his twenty two years, walked towards them. He was slightly tanned from his travels which was making his hair seem even more jet black. Nicky studied him closely, he was trying to look confident but his eyes were lacking something, she quickly glanced at Eloise who had just finished examining herself in the mirror.

“Nicky I better go see if they sorted out the food” Eloise said suddenly and then with an awkward nod to Greg she left the room.

Greg looked at the door “She hasn't changed much”

“No, she's still the same as ever” Nicky agreed “I found her with the best man forty minutes ago”

Greg began to look like he had been punched “I didn't realise she was still doing that”

“As far as I'm aware” Nicky sighed without thinking, then the penny dropped “Oh my gosh, do you still love her?”

Greg playfully hit her in the arm “No Nicky, I'm way over her”

“Greg I can see it in your eyes” She murmured softly, how could she not have realised? She had seen him at the funeral and for Christmas the year after and Eloise had been there on both occasions, had Greg given her the same longing looks then? The ones Nicky had seen when they were still in school, too subtle for anyone else but for her they stood out a mile. They were bound to; she had caught herself giving the same looks to Chris.

“It doesn't matter how I feel” Greg shrugged and sat down “she won't feel the same way”

“Please tell her Greg” Nicky urged “Don't make the same mistake I did”

Greg looked up sharply “The same mistake as you?”

Nicky stood up and quickly paced the room “I just know what it's like when you love someone and you wait too long to tell them or you're scared to show your true feelings so you let them walk away and at some point you lose them completely”

“You haven't lost Boris?”

Nicky stopped pacing and said softly “it wasn't Boris”

Greg stood up and looked her in the eye “Nicky do you love someone else?”

She felt the tears roll down her face slowly “I think I might but I need to marry Boris. I love him too, I know I do”

“Love him more than the other bloke?” Greg asked.

Nicky was silent for a long while and then with tears streaming down her face she violently shook her head and began to sob. Greg put his arms around her as she sobbed silently into his chest, she had come to terms with the fact that her feelings for Chris would always be there but with Greg in front of her asking her the very same thing it made her feel completely terrible.

“I'm not sure if it's the man I love or the memory” Nicky mumbled when the tears subsided. “Who is this guy?” Greg asked softly

“The one I was seeing before we left school” Nicky muttered

Greg started to walk out “I couldn't give you an opinion one way of the other Nicky as I never met him but you have twenty minutes until you go to say your vows so if I were you'd I think hard about it”

As he left Nicky wiped her eyes and sat down heavily on her chair. That was not much help as she had been doing little else for the last two weeks and she very much doubted the next twenty minutes were going to suddenly make everything clear. Still there was little else to do so with a sigh she once again relived her last conversation with Chris in vain hope that this time it might give her the answer.

 

“Go away”

For a moment the knocking stopped and Chris let himself believe that Tom, his only true friend, had finally given up. It was such a lovely moment, full of peace and promises however it was not to be an everlasting one as after about 30 seconds he heard the letter box open “Come on Chris you cannot wallow in there all day”

“Tom just leave me be please” he shouted back

“I just want to make sure you are ok”

Right enough really was enough, since it was apparent that Tom was not and had no plans to be departing the scene, Chris walked over and wrenched the door open, only smiling slightly when Tom fell in the doorway.

Chris helped him up “I'm fine Tom I just want to be alone”

“You don't want to be alone” his friend countered “you want to be here all loved up with that girl”

Chris felt his heart slam in his chest; it had been one week since he had decided to give up his own happiness for her, so she could feel good about herself, but it in no way made him feel any better. Each time he glanced at the clock he could imagine things that she would be doing at that moment, the worst thing was he had no idea as to the time frame of the wedding so the images were always one painful film in his mind. First she would be getting ready and laughing with her friends then it would move onto her walking down the aisle after that there would be the vows and then just to really kick him down he would see her kissing her new husband marking the end of the ceremony.

He turned his head so he was facing Tom “I want to be alone Tom, please go”

“She has married someone else Chris” Tom said rather unnecessarily “Let her go or at least let me take you out for a drink”

Chris knew that going for a drink was most certainly not the best idea in the world. When he was drinking it usually led to him going home with a random girl and while that might have been a good notion before, he had lost the feeling for that sort of behaviour now. It wasn't him at all and when he really thought about it he didn't know why he had done it so often. After his engagement had ended he hadn't been able to get Nicky out of his mind, their time together (the good and the bad times) had played over in his head and he found he couldn't stop his thoughts. He had been too ashamed of himself to try and find a way to contact her and he had decided that she would surely have found someone else, which of course caused more awful images to swim around in his mind. So in the end it was easier to go out and have a few too many drinks and when that didn't do the trick he would decide that he needed company, so he wouldn't be left alone with his awful thoughts.

Chris sat down and looked at his friend, hoping the lack of energy he felt didn't show too much in his face and then with a resigned sigh he stood up and walked over to his coat stand “Is there any chance you will just leave?”

Tom smiled “None at all”

“One drink” Chris said as he pulled on his coat “One drink only and then I'm coming home.”

They walked slowly to the pub, neither saying anything. Chris realised that his friend could sense that he needed some time to his own thoughts and for this he was extremely grateful. Chris had known that this day was not going to be easy but at least now he could start to move on like she had asked, maybe he could find someone who would make him contented who could really say what would happen in the future?

“So what was so great about this girl?” Tom asked when they arrived at the pub

Chris paused as they walked in and sat down “She was just perfect” leaving Tom to digest this Chris went up to get their drinks, he hadn't been expecting such a serious talk and wasn't sure he was ready for one.

As he turned around with the drinks he saw Tom talking to some woman and rolled his eyes. Tom would never be satisfied unless he had some girl on his arm. The two of them had met in university within the first week and had become friends straight away. After Chris had ended things with Maisy, Tom had got a job near him and had moved closer so most of his weekend binges had been with Tom at his side, well until Tom found a girl to be with and he always found a girl to be with.

Chris sat down and smiled knowingly “I see you have made a friend”

The woman in question stuck her arm out and shook his hand “I'm Cindy, Tom says you're a teacher”

Chris raised an eyebrow and looked at his friend “Did he?”

Tom smiled wickedly “He did”

“I used to love being at school” Cindy said with a tight smile, obviously annoyed at the conversation being turned away from her “I would have loved it more if I had had a nice good looking teacher like you there”

Chris smiled at her, she was trying to make a move on him and he knew that he was going to let her. When he had come out he had been adamant that he would not go off with any girl but he decided he could not be alone that night, not with the knowledge that Nicky would be married and in arms of another. Tomorrow he would turn over a new leaf and start to find someone he could picture a lifetime with but he couldn't just then, his pain was just too much and the thought too hard. So instead of politely knocking her advances Chris found himself smiling as he murmured “I would have loved teaching you”

 

Nicky's heart started beating the moment she heard the music play, images kept playing around in her mind, bad images, images of her and Chris getting married, she could even imagine him smiling as he saw her for the first time.

“Nicky, you ready?”

Nicky turned around and smiled at her dad “I have to be ready now”

“It's ok to be nervous” her dad soothed “I was”

Nicky looked at him sharply, “You had second thoughts?”

“I said I was nervous” her dad said “not that I had second thoughts”

She nodded slightly, was it nerves or was she having second thoughts? Nicky knew that she had doubts but she also knew that she had to marry Boris, she knew what to expect with him and while she might not be as happy as she could be she knew she was safe and could depend on him. He would never hurt her and she would never hurt him.

That's what she kept thinking as she walked down the aisle getting closer and closer to the man she was soon going to be married too, she looked around and saw Greg and Eloise sat together, her dad followed her line of vision and murmured “It's a shame Kevin isn't here”

Nicky smiled weakly and kept looking forward, it was most certainly not a shame that Kevin wasn't there. Nicky was glad he was dead, glad that she would not have to see the look on his face at times like this, she had never told Boris what he had done to her, somehow it had never seemed important. She had met Boris after Kevin had died so it wasn't like the pair were ever likely to meet and she had never felt like she could tell him, every time she had decided to tell him something had made her change her mind. Maybe she knew deep down that he would just dismiss her and not truly listen and that would convince her of something she wasn't sure she wanted to believe.

Soon Nicky found herself stood next to Boris, she looked up at him hopefully but her heart did not skip a beat, her stomach did not flip, and the smile Boris gave her wasn't one filled with love and happiness. It was a smile of someone who was proud not someone so desperately in love.

Nicky felt the blood drain from her face as the Vicar started the ceremony, she was about to marry someone who did not love her. Nicky knew she didn't love Boris as much as she could but she had convinced herself that he loved her that he truly loved her and he could have pure happiness. Now looking at him she could see he was not in love with her and he would never feel more than the contentment that she was destined to feel but why was he marrying her? Probably because he thought he loved her, the same why she had been sure she was totally in love with him until two weeks ago.

Chris' face floated in her mind again, he had truly loved her. Nicky had been able to tell, she remembered that weekend they had spent in Kent, when he had seen her before they were due to head off and his whole face had broken out into the most wide grin she had ever seen and Nicky had been almost sure that it was because he thought she was his soul mate the same thing she had been sure of since they first met.

Her attention was brought back to the here and now as she realised that Boris had finished his wedding vows and now everyone was looking at her expectantly, she opened her mouth but no words came out.

“Repeat after me” the vicar said

If she was asked about this later Nicky would never be able to say what it was that went through her head before the single word burst from her mouth. “No!”

She had never known that a collective gasp could sound so loud “No I can't repeat after you” Nicky said to vicar before turning to Boris “I'm sorry”

Boris turned to look at her, the look wasn't one of heartbreak or one of pain, more of confusion and when he spoke he didn't sound upset just perplexed “Nicola what do you mean 'no'?”

“I can't marry you” Nicky whispered before turning to the guests and repeating herself louder “I'm sorry I can't marry him”

“Why?” someone, probably Boris' mum, snapped at her.

Nicky turned back to Boris “I can't marry you, how can I? You just promised to protect me but how can you when you don't know what it is I need protecting from? I can't promise to obey you when you are never here. I don't love you Boris and I know that you don't love me either, at least not in the way a husband should love a wife and how a wife should love a husband”

Nicky turned back to the guests and said again “I'm sorry” before running out of the church. She had no idea where it was she was heading off too but she didn't really care much, tears were burning her eyes and she couldn,t tell if they were from sadness or happiness.

Nicky could not believe she had been so stupid, she didn't love Boris and how could she not have seen he didn't love her either? She almost subjected herself to a loveless marriage where her soul would be slowly crushed until she was nothing but a shell. Chris was who she wanted, the only person she ever wanted and ever would want. She had to see him; she just hoped she hadn't blown her chance completely.

Nicky ran until she got to the end of his road and then started walking to his house, she would just have to pray he returned the sentiment still. She had been so selfish to him and she knew it was wrong of her to just show up out of the blue now and ask for another chance but she had been so confused and she had really thought she was doing the right thing, he would understand right?

Nicky stopped as she saw him walking the down the street, she heard his laugh and smiled; she wanted to make him laugh every day for the rest of her life. She was just about to start walking again when she saw him turn around to talk to someone, was it a friend? Nicky moved into the shadows a bit and looked closely it was a woman, he was with a woman.

Nicky felt the tears roll down her cheeks, she had lost her chance, and he had met someone else her heart was breaking even more. For four years she'd been living in pain and it had been her own fault, a week ago she had had happiness at her feet and she had rejected it and if he had found someone else that was her own fault.

Still this reasoning didn't make it any easier when he kissed her or when she wrapped her arm around his back and squeezed his backside, luckily her vision had started to get blurred from the tears in her eyes. With a heavy sigh and short bursting sobs Nicky slowly made her way to her parents’ house.

 

“Nicola Bennett is that you?”

Nicky cringed at her mum's voice and wiped her eyes, the last thing she wanted was for her parents to see her weeping especially when they were bound to be angry with her for running out of the wedding.

Slowly she walked into the lounge and saw her parents staring at her “Where's Anthony and Penny?” Nicky asked weakly, noting with interest that her two siblings were not there.

Her father crossed her arms “They have gone home, where we expected you would be going tonight as well”

Nicky looked down at the floor “I'm sorry” she mumbled

“Do you know how embarrassed we were?” her mum piped in.

There was nothing like a scolding by one's parents to make one feel like a six year old child and when this was added to her pain, Nicky was not sure how much she could take.

“What have you got to say girl?” Her dad snapped at her silence.

Her parents were so angry at her; she hadn't intended to make anyone angry, if anything she thought they would at least try to understand. Everything was starting to become overwhelming and she could feel her resolve slipping, everything within her was coming to near bursting point.

“Geoff stop for the moment” came her mums voice soft and gentle “can't you see the girl is near tears”

“I am sorry, I know the two of you need to know what happened” Nicky finally murmured “but please can I tell after I have had a lay down, I feel exhausted”

“You feel exhausted?” her dad echoed “What about us? We were the ones left to clean up your nasty mess; I'm surprised Boris wasn't more upset”

“I'm not” Nicky muttered

“I beg your pardon?”

Nicky looked her dad in the eye “I'm not surprised at all that he was barely upset, standing in the church I could see he didn't truly love me the way he should and I don't love him either. I have only ever loved one person and that was not Boris, It was Chris Williams and I still love him and if it wasn't for the fact that I am a complete idiot I would have been with him now”

“Nicky?” her mum walked over and put her arm around Nicky's shoulders “who is this man?”

“It doesn't matter” Nicky started to sob “I ruined everything and now I've lost the only person I can really open up to”

Geoffrey Bennett looked at his youngest daughter with shock “You can open up to us”

Nicky shook her head “I can't, you're my parents how can I tell you when something truly serious happens?”

“Like what?” her mum asked.

Nicky shook her head again but this time with more vigour, she could not tell them, she knew she couldn't tell them what had happened but for some reason her mouth opened and she said the words anyway. Maybe it was because she didn't want anything else to be a secret or maybe because her barriers were down, whatever the reason Nicky heard herself say “Four years ago the thing that brought Chris and I together was because he helped me when I was almost raped. He was a student teacher and he found me in a classroom and I had blood pouring down my head. I'm sorry I let you down today but I just could not marry Boris” Nicky turned to her mum with a pleading look in her eye “I never told him”

Nicky's mother and father however were just staring at her with shock “You were almost raped?” her mum whispered

“I'm sorry” Nicky mumbled

“Don't be sorry” Nicky's dad boomed “Who did it?”

“No” Nicky felt her eyes well up and tears roll down her face for what felt like the hundredth time that day “please don't make me tell you who it was, he's not around anymore and he can't hurt me again”

There was silence for moment and Nicky let herself believe her secret had been kept but then she heard a sound beside her and turned to see her mother crying and when she looked back at her dad she saw he that looked ready to lunge “Tell me who hurt you Nicola” he said in a warning tone

“I can't” Nicky wailed “You don't want to know”

“Tell me” he roared

Nicky looked up at her father, her eyes glistening with tears as she put her soul out completely bared, and whispered “Kevin”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter Ten and Eleven

Chapter Ten

 

Chris woke up the next morning with a headache that had nothing to do with the alcohol he had consumed the night before. First there had been the situation with Cindy, he had taken her home but the moment he closed the door and he just knew couldn't go through with it. He had asked her to leave at which point he had decided that a bit of a binge drink was necessary. He drank until he fell asleep, at which point he had been taunted with dreams about Nicky and her husband, horridly vivid dreams.

So the next morning when he woke up with a headache he would have loved to have blamed it on the booze but the truth was he knew it was just a stress headache. With this in mind, he quickly got dressed and went out for a walk; this helped but did not get rid of the pain completely. What had he been thinking? On his first day as a reformed man, he breaks his rule and takes home a random stranger. He was nearly thirty; he should have better resistance than that.

His walk did not take him far because as soon as he got to the end of his road he felt the twinges of hunger kicking in. There were some shops quite close by, so he thought that would be just as good as place as any to walk to. Maybe some of his headache would turn out to be a hangover and a bacon sandwich and fried egg would do some help. Chris started strolling slowly and thought about Nicky (honestly he was not helping himself at all that day.) She was probably lying in bed with her new husband now.

As he left the shop, he was so busy day dreaming he almost barged straight into someone, luckily she darted out of the way just in time and avoided any mishap. This was really not good, what had been the point in letting Nicky go if he was just going to spend the rest of his days pining over her like a love sick puppy? He needed to get a grip and start to move on, otherwise all the pain would be for nothing.

“Chris”

He turned around to see who had called him. Standing just next to the shop doorway, wearing leggings and a long t-shirt, was Nicky. She had her hair tied up in a bun and her eyes looked tired and drawn, he almost dropped his shopping in the shock of seeing her. “Nicky” he murmured “what are you going here?”

She shrugged “I walked a bit further than I had intended.”

Chris looked at her closely, her voice, which had been trying to sound casual, was at odds with her tense body language, slowly he walked over to her “are you okay?”

Again she shrugged “I'm okay, just needed to go for a walk. Sorry I didn't mean to disturb your morning, it's just when you almost barged into me I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“Shouldn't you be on your honeymoon?”

“Oh, that” Nicky murmured. “It got cancelled, that's what happens when the bride walks out of the wedding.”

Chris walked over to a park bench and sat down “You walked out of the wedding?”

Nicky walked over to him “I realised I couldn't marry him, he did not love me the way I thought he did. I knew I did not love him as much as I could but when I looked at him and saw nothing in his eyes, I knew that we could never have a proper marriage. I should have listened to you.”

He looked at her again, if she did not go through with the wedding then that meant there was still a chance he could win her back, and unlike before there was no time limit so he could work slowly “Why are you out so early?”

Nicky's gaze shifted and she stood up “I'm avoiding my parents.”

“Surely they can't be that angry that you walked out of the wedding?” Chris asked noting her odd reaction. “Just explain that you didn't love him.”

“I did” Nicky replied, her eyes still darting in every direction, looking at everything except his face. “I told them that I had strong feelings for someone else and that I could never love Boris the same way.”

There was something she wasn't telling him, he could sense it “what else happened?”

Sighing Nicky sat down and swallowed “I told them about Kevin so now I'm avoiding them.”

Chris wanted to put her arm around her or hold her hand or even just pat her on the shoulder, but he knew he shouldn't, so instead he asked quietly “what happened?”

“They stood there and looked me for a moment” she answered softly. “My mum had already been crying so she was still sobbing. I looked at my dad and he was looking at me, neither of us saying anything, then he told me to go to my room, I did and that was that.”

“Why did you tell them?”

“I'm not sure really, it just slipped out as I was trying to explain to them why I couldn't marry Boris.”

“How do you feel?”

Nicky looked at him and smiled slightly “I feel tired but good. I'm being a coward by hiding, I know that, but I just needed some time, a moment to think before properly speaking with my parents.” Her smile got wider “I think I'm starting to feel a bit more like me again. I've had that secret for four years and it feels like a massive weight has finally been lifted. It's the start of a new chapter.”

“I'm very glad” Chris smiled.

Nicky stood up again “I suppose I should let you get home with your shopping. Thank you for the chat, I hope things aren't too awkward between us after last week. I'm sorry I messed you around like that, I didn't know where my head was.”

“It's okay, Nicky, I understand” Chris stood up and smiled at her, inside he felt giddy. He had been handed another chance and he was not going to mess it up this time. He knew she still needed time but inside he was sure they were meant to be together and that they would be soon.

“I suppose I better go home” she started to walk away but stopped herself. “Oh, by the way, I saw you with that girl yesterday, I'm happy for you. I guess it's still early days but you never know what might happen.”

Chris noted the slight twinge of sadness in her voice despite her best efforts to sound cheerful. He wanted to tell her the girl meant nothing to him and she was the only one he cared about but instead he held his tongue, she didn't need to know what had happened the day before. The fact that she had tried to find him after leaving her wedding gave him even more hope that they could be together again properly.

“Maybe, just have to see where it goes” Chris said, as he realised Nicky was waiting for him to reply “I don't foresee a future though.”

“Oh I'm sorry”.

“Don't need to be” Chris assured her “sometimes in life things just don't work out.”

Nicky smiled “Well I really had better go now, see you around, maybe.”

As she walked off Chris felt a surge of relief and happiness flood through him, she was single and rediscovering herself. He knew that this time, he would have to give her space but he did not mind waiting, he knew it would be worth the wait if they could be together. As he walked home the giddy feeling in his chest got bigger, this was the second chance they both needed and he was going to make sure that they both ended up happy, he was not going to mess things up again.

 

Nicky had always considered her childhood home as her safe haven. There was always someone there to protect her, comfort her or even just talk to her, whatever it was she needed. Even after the incident with Kevin she had always felt safe and protected in her home. There was always a part of her that knew if she was there nothing bad would happen and nowhere else had ever compared to that. However that morning when she had woken up, all she had wanted to do was escape. She knew it was cowardice and she knew she would eventually have to come home and face the music but it hadn't mattered. Nicky had stood fully dressed in the lounge all alone and had suddenly felt terrified, her safe haven no longer felt safe, so instead she had left.

She arrived home during the mid-morning and could see the shadows of her parents through the window, with a heavy sign she let himself in, there was no putting it off any longer. Seeing Chris had helped her realise what she truly wanted in life, to be happy. Maybe once the dust had settled they could give things another go but first she would need to work out her own issues and she couldn't do that without speaking with her parents first.

“Nicky is that you?” Her mum came out of the kitchen.

“Hi mum” she murmured “did you get my note?”

“Yes we got it thank you” Nicky found herself being ushered into the lounge “now sit down so we can talk.”

Nicky' stomach tightened and her chest felt very hollow, the urge to flee was coming back but she knew she couldn't. She had to face the music so she could put the whole episode behind her and move on, this was the first step to happiness and she couldn't back down now. She looked up and saw both of her parents staring at her, she swallowed “I suppose you both have a lot of questions.”

Geoffrey, her father, was quick to answer “You're damn right, we have some questions!”

Nicky blinked at her father's hostility; surely he was not angry at her? It had not been her fault. Then it clicked, he must be angry that she had never said something, this she had been expecting “If you're wondering why I never said anything-”

“I am wondering why you said anything at all” Geoffrey cut in. “Why, would you say it was Kevin?”

Nicky looked at her father with shock, how could he not believe her? She stood up “I told you the truth, Kevin attacked me, he tried to rape me, why do you think I would make it up?”

This time her mum answered “We don't think you made it up, just maybe misunderstood.”

“Kevin would never do anything to hurt you” Geoffrey added “he was my best friend.”

“Oh, but I could just go and make a load of stuff up?” Nicky shot back, anger building inside her “I'm your daughter!”

“Nicola, do not take that tone with me” her father snapped “this is serious.”

Nicky stood dumbstruck, they were treating her like she was a child who had just broken something and tried to blame the dog. How could they think she would make something like this up? Or that she would misunderstand his intentions? “I'm not a liar; I am more than aware how serious this is. I'm the victim here; I cannot believe you are taking his side.”

Neither of her parents said anything, just exchanged glances. Nicky snorted and walked into the kitchen, her mum followed her in “Nicky, you don't have to be like this.”

Nicky spun around to face her mother. Again, she was being spoken to like she was a child and she had never felt more like an adult. “You are the one calling me a liar; tell me, what should I be like?”

“I never called you a liar Nicky” her mum retorted “I just think maybe you misunderstood.”

“He tried to rape me” Nicky said disdainfully “that is not the kind of thing one misunderstands.”

They stood in silence for a moment then they heard the door slam as Geoffrey left the house. Nicky let out a soft sigh “maybe, some part of me can understand why dad is unwilling to believe it, Kevin was his best friend after all but you? Why don't you believe me?”

“Nicky you never told anyone” her mum replied softly “perhaps deep down you know you just misunderstood his intentions and that is why you kept it to yourself. Just think about it, surely you would have told someone if he had truly tried to hurt you?”

Nicky stared at her mother, first with shock and then with sadness, it had never occurred to her that her parents would not believe her. She had been prepared to give an explanation as to why she had kept it a secret for so long. She had even expected her father to be extremely shocked and maybe a tiny bit doubtful, but her mother? Ingrid Bennett, her mother, would have no reason to doubt her at all. Kevin had never been anything more than a friend of a friend to her. “I never told anyone” Nicky finally replied “because it had no purpose, Greg would have realised what kind of man his father was and dad would have lost a friend. I was going to tell you the day it happened, but I got back you were all laughing about something he had said and I just couldn't, it was easier to keep it a secret. I didn't want there to be any bad feelings and most of all I didn't want there to be any guilt, from you or dad, for letting me come into contact with him. I'm sorry you don't believe me but I know what happened and I know what his intentions were. He grabbed my arm and told me to play nice and so would he, I know what he meant to do and I'm not sure how else to say it so that you believe me.”

They looked at each other for a moment and then Nicky was being hugged, it was only at this point she realised that she tears in her eyes. Ingrid, also sobbing, murmured “I'm sorry you poor girl, I'm so sorry.”

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter Eleven

 

Chris was whistling to himself as he arrived home, he hadn't felt this happy in years. Things were finally on the verge of working themselves out. His headache was now nearly completely gone and all that remained were the slight twinges brought on by his hangover.

It was getting for mid-morning by the time he got back and he could see Tom waiting for him with a big smile on his face, as Chris got close the smile on his best friends face got wider.

“You stayed at her house last night then?” Tom called with a smirk.

Chris walked up to his front door and got out his keys “No” he grunted “I stayed here on my own.”

“Oh, gave you the boot in the end did she?” Tom's smirk got even wider “poor Christopher losing at the last hurdle.”

Chris allowed himself a small smile as he opened the front door and walked into the house. “If you must know, I was the one that told her to leave.”

Tom shrugged “Ah well, maybe you’re better off without her anyway.” Tom sat down and watched as Chris unpacked his shopping. “She was a beauty though, why did I let you have her anyway? I should have just left you to your broken heart.”

If only he knew Chris thought with a smile. “Don't tell me the great Thomas Robson went home alone yesterday?”

Tom smiled wickedly and shrugged again. “I don't kiss and tell you know that.”

Chris chuckled; it was quite odd that he and Tom would be such good friends as they absolutely nothing in common. Tom had always been the play boy who wanted to go out and find a different girl each night while Chris had been more occupied with looking for someone long term who he could have quiet nights with. The way one met people, however, was by going out, which did mean that more often than not he would find himself being dragged along with Tom to the nightclubs and pubs.

“Anyway” Tom murmured “you seem to be in a good mood. This time yesterday you were like a wet weekend and now you sound like you just won the lottery, care to explain?”

Chris stopped slightly, not sure if he wanted to share his news with his friend. “She didn't get married” he said finally.

After all, Tom was his closest friend and he knew when he had to be serious, despite his constant act as clown. Tom chose to be the joker usually to put any situation at ease, it made himself feel more comfortable as well. Chris knew this better than anyone and he also knew that in most situations Tom was being more serious than he liked to let people believe. Tom raised his eyebrows and replied “Oh you have been a busy boy, did you go round her house first thing?”

Chris smiled tightly and sat down “No I saw her while I was out.”

“And she told you?” Tom asked with a smile that Chris could not read.

Chris shrugged “I asked why she wasn't on her honeymoon, she wasn't going to lie. She said she was feeling more herself now.”

Tom must have read something in Chris' face because his smile faded and his eyes went to stone. “Please don't tell me you are going to chase this one again?”

Chris frowned “I don't see why I shouldn't.”

“Just don't do anything too rash Chris, please” Tom had a look on his face, one that was not usual for him. It wasn't quite pleading but there was some sort of question in there. It was enough to make him worry, maybe Tom was right and he shouldn't rush into anything. After all, Nicky will need some time to clear her head and he wouldn't mind a bit of space to work out how to go about things. They had a lot of history; it wasn't going to be as simple as going up and asking her on a date “Ok, I won't rush into anything.”

Tom nodded but his eyes still held this look, then in a blink off an eye it was good and he was back to being the joker “The last thing I want is for you to go all sad on me again.”

Despite the tone of voice, which had been as light and fluffy as a tone can be, Chris understood the message behind it. Tom did not want to see him hurt again; Tom did not want him as sad as he had been the previous day. The urgent plea to take time was because Tom didn't want him to rush into anything and end up broken hearted. It showed Chris that his friend really did know him, and knew the extent of his feelings for Nicky. When he had gone to Tom and told him he couldn’t marry Maisy, Tom had not asked him if he was sure and Tom hadn't got upset (like most of Chris’ family did), instead Tom had looked at him and said “I know you can't, your heart isn't in it”

Chris nodded again, because if Tom was telling him not be rash then he knew he shouldn't, which meant that he had to get away. If Nicky was just around the corner then he wouldn't be able to stop himself from going to her. It was half term week so he could sneak off for a few days, but where to? Perhaps his sister's house, she was expecting a baby, it was probably due around now.

Chris knew he had been told the date at some point; it hadn't stuck in his mind but he knew it was sometime soon “I'm going to see Michelle for a few days.”

Tom raised his eyebrows and nodded “She is about to drop soon is she not?”

“Yeah” Chris replied “it would be a good to see her for a bit, it has been a while.”

Tom smiled knowingly, “Last Christmas?”

“Something like that” Chris murmured, his family had not been happy when he had decided to break up with Maisy. They did not disown him or openly express their disappointment but he had seen it in their eyes. His parents were especially upset as they had known Maisy's parents for such a long time. They had hoped for the marriage more that Maisy did. This made it somewhat awkward when he went to see them and as Michelle lived so close to them, he just usually avoided everyone, this would have to stop. He supposed he would have to go to his parents as well. If he planned to make a go of things with Nicky he would have to make sure they weren't going to treat her, even subconsciously, as a replacement to Maisy. He would not have her treated that way.

He looked at Tom “Things aren't always the best there.”

Tom nodded “You will remember that I was there to witness the aftermath of your break up.”

“That is what I will do” Chris murmured “and while I'm away I will try and work out what to say to Nicky.”

Tom stood and walked towards towards the door “You truly love her don't you?”

“I do” Chris answered.

“And she loves you?”

“Yes I believe she does.”

Tom's eyes became serious once again “Just be careful, Chris. If you get hurt again I might have to seek her out and give her a peace of my mind.”

It was, Chris thought as Tom let himself out, possibly the only way Tom would express how much he cared for him. With breakfast out of his mind Chris ran upstairs to pack a bag.

 

After speaking with her mum, Nicky began to feel better. Her worries had truly been lifted and deep down she knew her father would come around eventually, he would know she was telling the truth. So after a small crying session, which was really to be expected after the last few days, Nicky decided it was time she found Eloise and told her the truth, about everything.

Of course, she knew why she was electing to tell Eloise now; she was putting off having to tell Greg about Kevin. Gosh telling her father had been bad enough, goodness knows what will happen when she finally tells Greg, and she would have to tell him, too many people knew now that she could not keep it a secret, and besides that she didn’t want to keep it a secret. If this was first step to happiness she would just have to put her head down and push through.

As she arrived at Eloise's parent's house , where she was staying for the duration of the wedding -the wedding that never happened- Nicky slowed down a bit suddenly unsure of how Eloise would take the news. Eloise had been intimate with Greg for a while before they had finished school, what if Kevin had mentioned something to her. An icy chill ran down Nicky's spine, what if Kevin had done something to her. Nicky felt her heart speed up, if something had happened to Eloise she was not sure if she could forgive herself for not mentioning anything earlier.

Nicky sighed impatiently at herself, as she realised her mind was getting ahead of herself again. She didn’t know that something had even happened yet and even if it had, it wouldn’t have been her fault. Yes she should have told someone before but she didn't and there was nothing she could do about it now. Besides Kevin was the villain in the piece not her.

Nicky rang the doorbell, she hoped Eloise would understand and listen to her; perhaps she might even have some advice on how to tell Greg.

“Nicola Bennett, I could just kill you.”

Nicky turned to Eloise with a dry look “Not what I expected from my best friend.”

“I'll give you 'best friend'” Eloise snapped grabbing her by the collar and pulling her into the house. “I should clout you one after your disappearing act yesterday.”

Nicky could see that Eloise was trying to be stern but there was something lacking in her voice “What are you talking about?”

Before answering Eloise pulled her into the kitchen and pushed her into a chair, Greg was sat on the other side of the table. Drat she wasn’t ready to tell him yet; she wanted to tell El first. She was at least owed that much.

“What were you doing yesterday?” El demanded.

Nicky smiled softly “I was choosing not to ruin my life and end up in a loveless marriage.”

“Do you think you could have come up with decision before walking down the aisle?”

“No I don't think I could have” Nicky replied quite honestly “besides, it could have been worse. At least I left before saying my vows.”

Greg let out a snort of laughter causing El to glare at him; he shrugged. “You cannot force her to marry someone she does not love.”

El seemed not to like this answer but could not really say much in the way of an argument so instead mumbled something under her breath and sat down next to Greg. Nicky watched the whole thing with interest, comical interest of course but interest nonetheless, it had been a long time since the three of them had been together and she hardly ever got to see any sort of friendly interaction. This would have to change, she decided.

“Nicky!”

She became aware of El's voice in her ear “I'm sorry did you say something?”

Eloise rolled her eyes “I was merely asking if you were ok?”

“Oh yeah I am fine” Nicky answered “truly I am more happy than I have been in years however-” she paused, how could she ask Greg to leave without sounding rude. More to point, how could she ask him to leave without him getting insanely curious and demanding that he should stay, since friends – especially ones that have been friends since the cradle- don’t have secrets.

“However” she continued deciding she might as well risk it “I was hoping to have a word with you on your own El.”

Eloise looked from Nicky to Greg and then back again. Nicky looked at Greg with a pleading look in her eye, Greg must have seen it because he stood up and said “El, did you say you needed things from the shop.”

El jumped up “Yes I did” as she got the money out and wrote a quick list. Nicky looked at Greg- she looked at him closely-she looked at his demeanour, which seemed a little less sure than usual, she listened to the tone of his voice, which seemed to have an extra warmth that she could not recognise but most of all she looked at his face, which held a longing she could recognise. It was longing for someone you loved dearly, someone who you believed to be your soul mate. Nicky remembered that look from when he would see Eloise from across the room when they were in school, it made her feel ashamed for not seeing it over the last four years.

Greg left to go to the shop and Eloise sat back down “Ok, what did you want to tell me?”

Nicky's heart started beating, how could she say what she needed to? With her parents she had just blurted it out in an emotional outburst and then she had been forced to explain, but now she would have to actually say what happened in a calmer frame of mind.

“I need to tell you something.”

El smiled “You said that.”

Nicky stood up and paced the room “El, you were with Greg for a while before we left school right?”

El stood up with her, a worried expression on her face “Yes, a couple of months, but it was just sex I mean if you want to get back together with him then don't-”

“Oh no, it’s nothing like that” Nicky replied urgently, good Lord no. They had tried before to make their friendship more than it was. She did not want to try again and more to the point she was fairly certain she knew who her soul mate was. “It's just well, how were things with Kevin?”

Eloise shrugged “Never really saw him to be honest, he was away a lot, and when I did see him he was always quite nice. Why?”

Nicky stopped pacing for a moment, not sure how to proceed “So he always treated you well?”

Eloise walked up to her “Yes I never had any problems, why are you asking me anyway? I mean even if he had a problem with you, Nic, well he's not here anymore is he?”

Nicky swallowed “Was he ever overly friendly too you?”

El laughed “Well I guess, on occasion, he would flirt a little, but that was just Kevin wasn't it I mean he was always-” but then she must have seen something in Nicky's face because she slowly sat back down and her own face drained of colour “Oh my God, Nicky, what are you trying to tell me?”

Nicky sat back down and grabbed hold of her friend’s hands “Four years ago” she whispered, unable to reach a higher volume “he waited for me after school and he wanted to have sex with me, however he was not willing to take no for an answer.”

Eloise's eyes became misty “You poor thing, why didn't you tell me?”

Nicky shrugged, this is what she had always asked herself too. She didn't want to cause hostility between her parents and Kevin or Greg and Kevin but she could have told El, she would not have told Greg or her parents not if Nicky had asked her not to. “I got home that day and when I saw my family, they were so happy and I just couldn't tell them what had happened.”

Eloise hugged Nicky tight “You foolish girl” she murmured. “If you had told me I could have helped.” She pulled back but still held Nicky's shoulders “did you tell anyone?”

Nicky started to shake her head but stopped herself, she had told one person. “Yes, I told Mr Williams.”

Eloise blinked and moved her hands back to her sides “The student teacher? Why would you tell him?”

“Because he helped me just after it happened” Nicky replied “as I was running away I hurt my head, he helped clean the wound”

El still looked confused “But he never told anyone, isn't that the kind of thing teachers are supposed to tell?”

“For any other student he would have done” Nicky replied “but I asked him not to. Well actually I stopped him from going out and ripping Kevin's head off.”

Eloise opened her mouth to reply but suddenly gasped “Does this mean Greg doesn't know?”

Nicky shook her head “I will be telling him after you.”

“Oh poor Greg” El murmured “I hope he doesn't run, I hope he lets us help him.”

Nicky caught a glimpse of something in Eloise's eye that she could not place but before she could question it further El turned back to her. “What did you mean when you said for any other student he would have?”

“Well just that things were different between us that's all” Nicky replied quickly, she had intended to tell Eloise the truth about everything, this included her relationship with Chris, however now it had been brought into the conversations the words would not come out. “I saw him on his first day, well actually I bumped into him on his first day, we were friendly. At the time Chris had wanted to kill Kevin, I begged him not to do or say anything.”

“Chris!!” Eloise echoed “Nicky there is something else you aren't telling me.”

Nicky shrugged “We had a relationship of sorts”

Eloise looked at her in opened mouthed shock, finally saying “but he had a girlfriend, Greg used to eye her up every time she came to the school. I remember. She had blonde hair and he took her to ball.” Eloise's voice suddenly lacked conviction as something dawned on her. “He had a girlfriend that suddenly appeared out of nowhere around the time you started looking like a wet weekend.”

Nicky nodded but didn't say anything; she didn't see the need to.

Eloise stood up “He got engaged to her right in front of us, Mr Griffin announced it at the ball. Is that why you left?”

Nicky nodded again “It doesn't matter about all of that now, I've got over it. We have cleared the air and talked through it all.”

“When did this happen?” Eloise asked looking completely perplexed.

“Over the last two weeks” Nicky stood up and looked her friend in the eye “It's a bit of a long story, just bumping into him helped me realise I couldn't marry Boris. I don't know what will happen with me and Chris right now but I do know that I couldn't marry Boris when I know I could not love him as much as I could love Chris. Furthermore Boris doesn't love me, not really.”

El nodded “I'm glad you never married him Nic, I haven't seen you like this in years.”

“Like what?”

“Yourself” El replied with a smile “I just can't believe Mr Williams though, dating you while all the time he had a girlfriend of his own.”

“It was all a misunderstanding” Nicky murmured.

“What about the fact that he was a teacher?” El replied “he should have done the right thing and not started anything from you.”

Nicky laughed, El really was sweet when she was defending her friends, she placed a hand on Eloise's arm “I was seventeen, nearly eighteen, when I met him. At the time I was so sure I had met my true soul mate. Our first kiss was wanted by me just as much him and then we both tried to stay away from each other. Then, after Kevin's attack, he helped me and our feelings got the better of us. I agree that he should have told me about his girlfriend but I think a relationship would have started sooner or later. Hell, I was planning to wait until I left school so I could be with him that is how much I believed he was my true love, some part of me still does. I know you couldn't possibly understand El, I know you always say I'm crazy but one day you will fall for someone and you know that feeling but please don't think Chris abused his power because really we were just two people who fell for each other.”

Eloise blinked and sat down “You're not crazy” she whispered.

Nicky looked at her friend, she had the same look in her eye like before, she still couldn't place it. Then something struck her, it was the same look Greg had had before he left for the shop, it was the same look she had had when she used to see Chris from a distance. Eloise was madly in love with someone herself. Suddenly things started to fit into place, the way El had been so concerned about Greg letting them help him after the truth about Kevin came out. The way she always made sure she was looking ok when he was in the room and the way she had teased Nicky about him finding another woman after they had broken up, all those years ago. Eloise Sheffield was in love and she was in love with Greg, how Nicky had never noticed before she couldn't say, there were lots of things that had hinted to it. Nicky swallowed “El is it Greg?”

Eloise laughed but not before Nicky saw something pass along her face “Is what Greg?”

Nicky resisted the urge to smile, it was almost too perfect, Greg loved her and she loved Greg, why El was trying to hide it, Nicky wasn't sure. “Are you in love with Greg?”

“Of course no-” El started but then she saw Nicky's face and shrugged admitting defeat, her face twisting slightly. “Ok, maybe I do love him, but it doesn't matter. I know he wouldn't feel the same way.”

“What makes you say that?” Nicky asked, she wanted so much to tell El the truth, but Greg had forbidden her to. A promise was a promise after all and Nicky had never broken one that she had made to a friend, no matter how much she wanted to.

“Look at me Nicky” El scoffed “No one likes used goods; I've been with more men than I like to think about, who would love someone like that?” El let out a short breath, almost a laugh but not quite “the funny thing is that the only reason I started to be like this was because I liked Greg for so long and then you and him started something and I was so sure you would make a go of it. I know that sounds stupid but if I couldn't be with him then I didn't want anyone, at least not for the long term” this time she did let out a laugh “and now because of that I have made myself completely unlovable in his eyes.”

Nicky was silent for a long time, not quite sure what to say to Eloise, she wanted to say something to make it better but none of the words would form, finally she murmured “you are so sure he wouldn't love you?”

“I'm sure he can't” El retorted.

“We can both tell him together” Nicky answered excitedly “I'll go with you and you can tell him that you love him.”

“No I can't tell him, I won't” Eloise cried “and you must promise not to tell him either.”

Nicky almost cried in frustration, she had two people saying that they loved each other and both had sworn her to secrecy. A smile spread across her face as a plan began to form, a perfect way to make both of her friends happy, she turned to El “Tell me” she murmured slowly “what would you do if your two best friends told you that they loved each other, but both of them made you promise not to tell the other person. Would you let them both stay alone and unhappy or would you break your promise and tell the truth so they could be happy?”

Eloise didn't understand at first then she let out a small smile “Are you saying that Greg is in love with me?”

“No I'm not saying that, I could never say that” Nicky said shaking her head “but I am asking you to please let me tell Greg that you love him.”

Eloise's smile spread into a full beam and Nicky could tell that for the first time in years her friend truly felt amazingly happy. Nicky hugged her and quickly said goodbye and left the house, now it was time for the hard bit, now it was time to tell Greg.

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Twelve

 

It wasn't until he had finished packing that Chris realised he couldn't really go to Michelle's for the first time in months without bringing little something for her and the baby. As such he found himself out and shopping for the second time that day. Unfortunately due to his eagerness to get away from the area and clear his head he still hadn't had any breakfast so his stomach was making the most horrible noises.

He really should eat before going to Michelle’s. It would hardly be polite for him to show up out of the blue and ask for a meal. He hoped she would let him stay for a few days, despite the slight tension between him and his parents he had always got on very well with Michelle

She was younger than him but only by eighteen months so they were extremely close. When she was twenty two she had met Paul Foster and fallen madly in love with him, they had married 2 years later and now she was expecting their first child. Chris got on well enough with Paul. He wouldn’t say that they were good friends but Paul made Michelle happy so that was all that mattered to Chris.

He quickly stopped in the shop and grabbed a teddy for the new baby and a box of chocolates for Michelle. This done he decided to grab himself a hot snack for his lunch as he was starting to get pains in his stomach from the hunger.

Since that morning he was starting to like the idea of going away more and more. After Tom had left, Chris realised that he not only needed to work out how to win Nicky back but also that he had to make amends with his family. It was silly really that there was a rift there at all, even if it was just a small one. Chris rather suspected it was more a matter of pride than anything else that had caused it to last so long.

When he had broken up with Maisy and his parents had spoken out about their disappointment he had been tempted to tell them the truth. Once he had played it out in his mind, however, he realised just how badly he had behaved, towards everyone. It was true that when he had decided to give Maisy another chance it had all made sense in his mind and when he had proposed he had honestly thought that he was happy and that they would happy too.

Of course once he realised properly what he had done, that he had dated and then proposed to Maisy, while deep down knowing that his heart would always belong to someone else, he had been so ashamed of his behaviour that he hadn’t been able to tell his parents the truth. Instead he had suffered the disappointment and had chosen to keep his distance from them. From their end he always thought that they had decided to remain civil, they always saw each other on birthdays and special occasions and they were never rude but there was always this underlining tension. Chris knew it was because he felt like he had let them down. His parents had brought him up to behave better than how he had. He had let everyone down dreadfully and he would always have to live with that. He had been glad when Nicky had told him that Maisy had moved on and met someone else, he was glad that she had found what he had never been able to give her.

As for his parents, well he would go to see him and clear the air properly. It was something that was more than well overdue and maybe they would be ashamed of him, and maybe they wouldn't welcome Nicky straight away, but at least they would know the truth. Chris stopped to cross the road and then he saw her, Nicky, his heart tingled and he felt himself smiling.

She was scanning the street, looking for someone or something, with a concerned look on her face. Then she was looking at him, her mouth open in surprise, she gave him a little wave and then started to smile, he waved back and started to cross the road, calling a greeting as he got closer to her.

“Hi” she murmured back once he was beside her. “It’s nice to see you again so soon.”

“Indeed” Chris replied feeling terribly pleased with her cheerfully honest words “I’ve just been doing some shopping.”

“Anything nice?” she asked, looking over his shoulder slightly.

He moved his head so he was back in her line of vision. “Just some things for my sister” he smiled raising the flowers slightly “I'm going to visit her for a few days”

“Oh I see” she replied, he couldn't be certain but he thought she sounded disappointed “any particular reason?”

He couldn't very well tell her that he needed a break to work out how exactly he planned to win her back so instead he decided on a half-truth “I haven't seen her for a while and she is about to give birth, so, I thought I would stick my head in.”

“I imagine that would be quite awkward” Nicky joked “to stick your head in while she is giving birth”

It was exactly the type of thing she would have said before; he couldn't stop himself from smiling. This was the Nicky he knew, the Nicky that could say anything and lace it with sarcasm so much that instead of being angry you just had to laugh. This is the Nicky he had fallen in love with. “I don't intend to be there for the birth” he said still smiling “I just think it’s time we had a catch up”

Nicky nodded “When did you last see her?”

“I believe it was Christmas just gone”

“Oh that is an awfully long time” Nicky said “I would hate it if I didn't see Penny and Ant for five months, sometimes I think they are all that keep me sane”

“Well I don't intend to stay away for as long in the future” Chris bit off, hating himself for snapping but the guilt he felt from avoiding his sister always made him sharp. It was not been her fault that he felt awkward around their parents. He should have tried to maintain a relationship with her.

Nicky blinked, his tone had been so sharp but she could see it was more to do with his feelings than because of her so she just smiled cheerfully and murmured “Well I hope so, you will be an uncle soon. I hope you realise that is a very serious job, you have a role like no one else”

Her smile was infectious and he found himself beaming in the return “Believe me I will take my duties as an uncle very seriously”

“Very good” she replied “I have a nephew and you can be sure I am an extremely good aunt”

“I imagine you are” Chris murmured with complete honesty “Which one of your siblings has a baby?”

“Anthony” Nicky smiled “I do love him to bits.”

“Anthony, or your nephew?” Chris could not help asking

“Both” Nicky laughed “anyway I was supposed to be looking for Greg, El sent him out on some errand so I could speak with her alone but now I need to speak with him”

Chris wondered if she noticed that her face had changed, it wasn't the most noticeable of changes but he knew her well enough to detect it. Her eyes dimmed slightly and her mouth tightened, her whole face became slightly more pensive and he wanted to reach out but he held back sensing that that was not what she needed.

She let out a little sigh and shrugged “It's time he knew the truth about Kevin, I suppose I should have told him long ago” she let out a little laugh “I should have told a lot of people long ago.”

Chris just nodded not sure what to say to this, instead he reached out and gave her arm a quick squeeze, as he did her eyes flashed with something that made his whole body warm. He took a step back aware that if he didn't he would grab her and kiss her senseless right there. She did not need that right now, he needed to give her space so that when he did tell her how much he loved her she would be ready and willing to hear it. To do that she needed to get over her own demons, which Chris was sorry to realise he had not even noticed she had possessed.

“I will let you go to find him then” he murmured with a small wave .

“Oh, okay, no problem” Nicky let out a small sigh.

“I will see you soon” Chris promised.

“You will?”

Chris nodded “perhaps once I am back we can go out and catch up.”

“That would be nice” Nicky's face irrupted into a full beam, “I would enjoy that very much.”

“So would I” Chris smiled then with a final wave he started walking in the direction of home. Nicky was looking much better than she had been that morning, she looked refreshed and much more like herself. He, however, was beginning to feel pangs of guilt not realising sooner the weight that she had had on her shoulders. When Kevin had first attacked her he had been so furious that someone had hurt her that he had never bothered to think of how it might have affected her, then they had started seeing each other and even though she mentioned that she had never told her family the truth he had decided not to push the matter.

Of course he had said then that she could see the police about the attack, he had mentioned she could keep it from her family until she had to tell them but she had just said she didn't want to cause trouble. So he had let the subject drop, after all Nicky was a smart girl and he had thought when she was over her shock and it wasn't all quite so fresh she would realise what the right thing to do was and he could help her then, but it had never seemed to bother her. Oh, he knew that whenever Kevin was at her house she hated it and usually went out for a walk or to a friend's house but other than that it never seemed to have any effect on her.

But then she had had him to confide in, how foolish he had been not to consider how lonely and horrible keeping the secret must have been after they had broken up. Nicky had had four years for it to slowly build up inside of her without any outlet and for two of those the man who had caused the trouble would still have been a part of her life. At least now the secret was out, she would have plenty of people to talk to about it, he just hoped he would carry on being one of those people.

 

As she watched Chris walk away Nicky let out a small smile. Something strange had happened when she had been speaking with him, she had begun to feel tingly, tingly. It was the most bizarre feeling. Nicky wasn't sure when it had started but when he had been talking about his sister, her stomach had suddenly decided that it had a life of its own and started to flip, then her heart had joined in by beating a mile a minute and when Chris had mentioned seeing her again her whole body felt like it was radiating. What on earth was happening? She had never felt this way before ever, even the last time she had never felt this way, it had been so rushed and passionate that that was all she felt. Now everything was different, they didn’t need to keep it a secret and they could take things as slowly as they liked.

She saw Greg walking across the street and waved at him “Greg, can we talk?”

He stopped next to her and glanced in the direction Chris had left “were you just talking to Mr Williams from school?”

She shrugged “we are friends, listen Greg I need to talk to you.”

“What’s up?” he replied.

“It’s about your father.” As she told him, she could see his face become distorted with rage and his fists clenching and when she was finished he didn’t say a word.

“Greg,” she whispered “please say something.”

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Thirteen

 

Nicky wasn’t sure how long they spent looking at each other. It felt like hours, days even, but she it couldn’t have been more than a few seconds. Her mind was racing, trying to work out every possible outcome, most of which ended with Greg being angry at her.

She tried to reach out to him but he flinched back, the rejection of his action stung deep in her heart. They had known each other since they were babies and she had hoped that out of everyone he would understand. Kevin was his father but she was his best friend, practically his sister, and she had thought that he would see it from her side. She couldn’t lose anyone else.

“Greg, please say something” she repeated.

Her words seemed to break him out of whatever trance he was in but instead of speaking, he turned around and ran down the street. She took off after him as fast as she could, once again mentally berating herself for never being good at anything sporty. She needed him to listen to her; surely he would give her a chance to explain why she hadn’t told him. Surely he wouldn’t hate her forever. She started to think about her dad, she hoped he wouldn’t hate her forever either. Nicky was sure that eventually her father would believe her, she just needed to wait for the initial shock to be over.

“Greg!” she yelled, or at least tried to, her lungs were hurting from running and she had a stitch in her side, forcing herself to slowdown she watched as he ran further away from her. She narrowed her eyes, where was he running to? She couldn’t think of anything in that direction that would be of any interest, then she realised. He was running to the cemetery.

 

“I’m coming.”

At the sound of his sister’s voice, Chris stopped knocking and took a step away from the front door.

He didn’t know what to say to her, it had been so long since they had spent any time together. He knew that he would need to apologise but he wasn’t sure that he knew how.

The door opened and his sister’s very large framed consumed his vision. She was a very petit person naturally and her pregnant stomach caused her to look twice her normal size.

She regarded him with surprise “Christopher, what on earth are doing here?”

He held up his bags “Thought I’d pop by for a day or two. I brought something for the baby.”

“You really do pick your moments” she sighed “All right come in if you must.”

He followed her into the house and sat down in her lounge. Something was wrong. He could sense it in the tone of her voice, she sounded generally annoyed at him for turning up, which was odd as Michelle was usually so welcoming to family. Their third cousin once removed could show up out of the blue and she would still invite them in for a chat.

He glanced around the house and noticed that the shelves were looking empty “have you been robbed?” he asked jokingly.

She laughed “you know just making room for the baby. What are you doing here?”

He raised his eyebrows “I told you, just needed a break and wanted to see you. That’s okay isn’t it?”

“Of course it is.”

He looked down and noticed that she was rubbing her hands together nervously. Something was on her mind that much was clear; ever since they were children she had had that nervous habit. She always rubbed her hands together when she had something big weighing on her mind.

“Chelle what’s going on?”

She looked up sharply “nothing is going on” she snapped “other than you turning up out of the blue like this. I haven’t heard anything from you in months and now you think you can just waltz in here as and when you please. Where were you when we needed you? When I needed you?”

Chris lurched back at her sudden outburst, had he really been so absent from her life? He always tried to call her at least once a week but now that he thought about it, it had been a while since he had got around to it. Well he had turned over a new leaf and would make sure that he called her twice a week from now on, but why was she in such a state? “What do you mean, when you needed me?”

She shook her head “It’s nothing Chris; forget I said anything, what’s on your mind?”

“Chelle, I am your older brother”

She snorted “by eighteen months.”

He carried on as if he had not heard her “and as your older brother, if something is bothering you then I want to know what it is.”

She sighed and sat back in her chair “you have to promise to stay calm.”

He nodded “What’s wrong?”

“Paul and I are getting divorced” she answered “he left me for someone else.”

 

Nicky ran as fast as she could to the cemetery but once she arrived she couldn’t see Greg anywhere. Oh dear, she must have been wrong and she certainly wouldn’t be able to catch up with him now. She should have taken him back to El’s and told him there, at least then El could have held him down and stopped him from running off.

She sat down on a bench and sighed softly, everything was going topsy turvy and she couldn’t stop it from happening. Her dad wasn’t talking to her and Greg had disappeared and she hadn’t even told Ant and Penny yet. At least she had Eloise and her mother on her side, thank goodness.

She glanced around at the gravestones behind her, Kevin was buried somewhere here. She didn’t remember where exactly, it had been years since she had been to his grave, but he was there somewhere, rotting in the earth.

She walked into the cemetery and ran her fingers along the top of the gravestones as she walked up the path. Prickles of memory began to form and she found that she knew exactly where she was going; she knew how to get to Kevin. She wanted to turn around and go home but her legs weren’t listening to her brain and they carried on moving towards Kevin’s grave. She realised that she needed to see him, to put it behind her, she had to talk to him too, even if it was via a slab of stone.

As she got closer she began to hear shouting from the direction of the grave and almost turned back, if someone was not happy she didn’t want to interrupt them, then she realised she knew who it was.

She ran up the path and saw Greg stomping on the ground around the gravestone. She rushed to him and pulled him away. “What are you doing?”

“You should have told me” Greg thundered “you should have told me when he was alive.”

She blinked “You’re upset with me.”

“With him” he bellowed “not with you, with him. How could he do that? He was your father’s best friend, you were basically his niece. How could he do that to you?” He was shaking so she took hold of his hand and squeezed “I should have told you.”

He nodded statically “I would have flogged the bastard. To think the whole time we were dating, he was looking at you in that way. My own father.” His eyes widened “what about Eloise? Did anything happen to her?”

Nicky shook her head “I just asked her, he didn’t try anything.”

“That goodness for that.” he murmured, his anger had seemingly subsided however it had been replaced with sorrow and guilt “I should have known”

Nicky realised that there were tears in his eyes and realised that her own were watery “how could you have known?”

“I should have guessed” he cried “you never wanted to come to the house and when you did you always made sure he was out. I just assumed that the two of you had had a fight, I didn’t know that he had tried to do that, why didn’t I know?”

“I didn’t tell you.” She replied, stiffing back tears.

“I have no one left now.” he sobbed “mum left before I could remember her and dad was a sick pervert. I’m all alone.”

She snorted, how could he think that?, they had been friends since infancy and he had Eloise. Of course, he didn’t know about Eloise yet.

“You have me” Nicky answered sharply “and my family and El. She loves you very much.”

Greg scoffed “as a friend.”

“No as more than a friend.” Nicky insisted “she just finished telling me how much she loves you.”

Greg blinked “she loves me?”

She nodded “Yes and now you have to tell her so you can be together.”

“I’ll go see her now” he answered eagerly, his sorrow and guilt replaced with hope and love, “you coming?”

She looked back at the grave and shook her head, she had things to do first “I’ll stay here.” She sat down on the ground “Thank you for believing me.”

He shrugged “Of course.”

She glanced back at the grave and saw the mess that had been made. Earth had been brought up and flowers had been crushed and thrown everywhere. “You didn’t need to make so much mess.”

“It was like that before I got here.” Greg shrugged as he began to walk away.

Nicky watched him leave and smiled, maybe things were looking up after all. If Greg and El managed to sort themselves out then at least she could say some good came out ofit. She turned back and ran her fingers alone the inscription of Kevin’s name. She needed to talk to him, to let out her feelings, but she had no idea where to start.

 

“What do you mean he’s left you?”

“You promised to remain calm” Chelle reminded him “this is not calm.”

Chris let out a slow breath, Chelle was right, he wasn’t behaving calmly. He had shot up and made a beeline for the door as soon as she had told him. He couldn’t help it. She was his sister; he needed to look out for her. Slowly he walked back to his seat and sat back down “When did this happen?”

“A couple of weeks ago” she sighed “I came home and they were both waiting for me. He said that he didn’t love me anymore and that he was going.”

“The bastard” he snarled “why didn’t you call me?”

She shrugged “I guess the longer I waited to tell someone the longer I could pretend that it wasn’t happening.”

“Ah Chelle” he moved over and hugged her shoulders “I’m here now.”

She nodded and buried her head against his chest “Don’t leave it so long next time.”

He nodded against her head; he had no intention of leaving it so long in future. The thought that she had been on her own for weeks hit him hard. He had never felt like more of a let-down.

She moved away and looked at him “So, what’s the real reason for the unexpected visit?”

Chris grinned “Well, there’s this girl.”

“Start at the beginning.” She ordered.

“It’s a long story.” He warned her but he did start at the beginning and he didn’t leave anything out.

Chapter Fourteen

 

Chapter Fourteen

 

“You need to speak with mum and dad” Chelle replied once he had finished telling her his story.

Chris tried not to scoff at the obvious response, of course he needed to speak with his parents but where would he begin? He didn’t want them to lose faith in him or to think less of him.

He had been raised to live his life with integrity and respect but he hadn’t acted that way with Nicky or Maisy. He had treated them both abominably, how could he explain that to his parents?

The news about Chelle’s husband had shaken him up even more; his guilt had managed to make him push away everyone who mattered to him. His family deserved more from him, it was time for him to step up and be a man. It was time for him to admit to his mistakes and get over them like a proper adult.

He turned to Chelle and smiled “we can go to see them tomorrow evening if you want?”

“What about this evening?” Chelle asked.

Chris thought for a moment, the sooner he spoke to his parents the sooner he could get back to Nicky. It was more than appealing “I suppose you have much to say to them as well.”

She moved in her seat “maybe I should wait for a little before telling them.”

He eyed her closely “Chelle, what’s wrong?”

“My husband just left me” she replied “I feel enough of a failure already without having to tell mum and dad, besides you need to speak with them.”

“You aren’t a failure” he murmured.

She shook her head “I am. I knew I shouldn’t have married him but I did anyway. Oh, Chris, you can’t believe how proud I am that you didn’t make the mistake that I did. I am so happy that you didn’t marry Maisy.”

He blinked, what was she talking about? She had married Paul because loved him, why shouldn’t she have done? “Chelle, it’s just the hormones talking.”

“I was told that I shouldn’t marry him” she answered “by an ex-boyfriend of sorts. He said that it would end this way and I should have listened.” Chris sat aghast for a moment, not knowing what to say or what to do, why hadn’t she told him all of this before? Why had she been warned against marrying him? “You loved Paul.”

She shrugged “I thought I did, but now I don’t know, maybe we were both kidding ourselves. He obviously didn’t think much of me.”

Chris stood and put his arm around her, holding her close to his body. He didn’t know what she was talking about or why she thought that she shouldn’t have married Paul but none of it mattered. She was his sister and she needed comfort and he wouldn’t let her down again.

“We will both to talk to mum and dad together” he whispered “we will support each other.”

She nodded “that sounds good.”

 

Later that evening Chris and Michelle made the short five minute walk to their parents’ house. Over the afternoon he had managed to get some information out of Chelle regarding her marriage.

It seemed that before meeting Paul she had been involved in a love affair which had ended badly and suddenly. She had met Paul a few months later and had thrown all of herself into the relationship. She had fallen for him but before the wedding the ex-partner had come back told her that it would be a mistake as Paul wasn’t who she wanted. Chris had been amazed at the startling similarities between her relationship and the one he had had with Nicky.

She hadn’t given him the full details of the relationship or what had happened exactly but she had seemed very upset over the whole thing.

She hadn’t mentioned if she still had feelings for her ex-boyfriend or not but she did feel that her marriage had been doomed from the start.

They arrived at their parents’ a little after five and let themselves in. “Mum” Chelle called “dad.”

Chris’ parents, Miranda and Timothy walked into the hall way to greet them, stopping in motion once they saw him “Hello mum, dad.”

“Christopher!” Timothy greeted reaching out to shake his hand “we weren’t expecting you until Christmas, what a lovely surprise.”

“I came by for an unexpected trip” he replied.

“He needs to speak with you” Chelle added.

Chris glowered at her as they followed his parents into the lounge. The walls were scattered with pictures of him and Michelle from throughout the years. He noticed that there weren’t many new picture of him since he had broken up with Maisy. He had never felt more determined to make change.

“I have met someone” he finally murmured.

Miranda clasped her hand together “that’s wonderful news, where did you meet her?”

“Well I met her at work” Chris replied “she’s from Crowmarsh.”

“Ah well” his dad replied “we won’t hold that against her.”

Chris grinned at the joke, both his parents had been born and raised in Didcot and always joked about people from the surrounding villages, all in jest of course.

“So, is she a teacher?” his mother asked.

“Well no” Chris admitted “she is a former student.”

Silence descended onto the room as his parents looked from him to Michelle and back again. Chris tried to read what they were thinking but he came up blank.

“I see” his father finally replied “how long have you known her?”

“About four years” he replied “but we have only just got back into contact.” He told his parents the story of him and Nicky. He gave details of their relationship four years earlier and explained what happened when Maisy had come to visit him. He told them why he hadn’t been able to marry Maisy then relayed the story of his reunion with Nicky.

“That’s all there is to know” he finished.

“Well, she sounds lovely” Miranda replied “why didn’t you mention her before?”

“I was ashamed” Chris admitted “for the way I had behaved towards them both.”

“Bah, everyone makes mistakes my boy” his father smiled “we would love to meet her.”

Chris let out a relieved breath. That had gone better than he had expected. “I will keep you updated, and I’m going to visit more as well.”

“See that you do boy” his father murmured “it’s not like we’re far away.”

Chris nodded and put his hand in Michelle’s. All he needed was the love and support of his family, with that he could do anything. He looked around the lounge once again; maybe it would be worth moving back to Didcot. It would be nice to live near family and he did miss the place. His family had lived in Didcot for generations, on his mother’s side at least, and it would be nice to go back to his routes. He looked at Michelle and smiled encouragingly, giving her hand a squeeze.

She coughed and turned to her parents “actually, I have something I need to say too.”

 

Nicky sighed and hugged her arms to her chest. She wasn’t sure how long she had been sat at Kevin’s grave but the sky had started to darken. She glanced at the graves next to her and caught sight of her great, great grandparents’ shared grave.

She stood and walked over to it. The grave had long since been forgotten about by most of the family but she always tried to visit when she could.

She ran her hand along the inscription, which, being over a century old was only just visible.

 

Here lies Major Raymond Alexander Mannering

Born: 11th October 1845

Died 16th November 1929

And also his wife Mrs Frances Maria Mannering

Born 27th March 1851

Died 29th April 1884

 

She wondered what her relatives had been like; according to her grandfather they had enjoyed playing practical jokes on each other. One story that her grandfather had told her was how his grandfather, Major Mannering, and all of his sons had clubbed together to trick his daughter.

From what she remembered of the story, the sister in question had had a secret fiancé and the father found out and introduced to her an unflattering suitor to try and make her admit the truth.

Nicky chuckled at the story, it sounded like something that would happen between her and her siblings. They too had been practical jokers when growing up. That had been before Anthony had got married and Penny had moved out, though if Nicky was honest, she had stopped pulling pranks four years earlier, after Kevin’s attack.

She shivered as the trees next to her rustled in the wind, almost reminding her of what her actual agenda was that afternoon. She stood and kissed the top of the grave before walking back to Kevin.

She sat back down and looked at his gravestone; it was brightly decorated and had, until the recent attack on it, been looked after quite well in the two years since his death.

Nicky let out a small breath “Kevin, I bet you didn’t expect me to visit you.” She let out an involuntary laugh, was she really talking to a slab of stone? She wasn’t even sure she believed in the afterlife, but she had to get her words out, she had kept them bottled up for too long.

“I don’t know why you did what you did” she murmured softly “and I don’t know why you choose me as a target.”

She picked up a broken flower and placed it near the gravestone “you made me change how I saw myself. Every day I wonder what would have happened if I hadn’t got away, who I would have been if you had got your way.

“The person I had been, before your attack, wasn’t who I was after. I only just realised that myself. I had always been so confident but you took some of that from me. I would be scared to go to your house; I would avoid seeing my own family and friends for fear of running into you.”

Nicky ran her hand along the upturned mud “I’m not sure why I’m saying any of this, it’s not like you can do anything now you’re dead.” She let out a nervous laugh “I need to say it, after four years I need to let it out, you hurt me Kevin. You were like an uncle to me, I trusted you and you let me down and I think that that made me lose my faith in people. I won’t let you win anymore, you were a sick person and the world is better now that you can’t hurt people.”

She stayed at the graveyard for a while longer, looking the the mess of the grave. Flowers had been thrown around and mud had been kicked up, she supposed that she should make some effort to clean it, but she didn’t really want to.

She had realised over the last few days that since the attack she had begun to put people on a one time trust list. If someone let her down then she no longer saw them as someone worthy of trust, in some ways this was good philosophy, but in others it was bad. She never allowed people any mistakes, and she knew more than anyone that people made mistakes.

She hoped that one day she would go back to her old self, the one who cared for all people, and the one that was confident and strong. She didn’t feel very strong at the moment but she felt like she was on her way there.

She looked down on the ground and noticed a card that had been ripped; it was the only one that had been destroyed. She picked up and tried to read the contents of it. She let the card fall out of her hands; the card had been from her father, which meant he was probably the one who had destroyed the gravesite as well.

Nicky smiled, so he wasn’t as mad at her as he made out, she would speak to him once she got home. She picked up the only flower she could find that wasn’t broken and walked over to great great grandparents’ grave and placed the flower on top of it. With renewed energy she began the short walk home, mentally preparing what she would say to her father.

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Fifteen

 

As they left their parent’s house Chris put his arm around Michelle. All in all that had gone rather well, she had told them about Paul but, while shocked at first, they had to admit that they were not overly surprised. It seemed that in Chris’ absence everyone else had seen something in his sister’s marriage that he had missed, yet another one of his failings.

He shook his head; he wasn’t going to think about that, he had spent too long with his head in the past, now it was time to look onto the future.

As they walked towards Manor Road, where Michelle lived, Chris found himself looking at the surrounding houses. The idea of moving back to Didcot was becoming more appealing with each step. He would have to see what happened with Nicky first but it was most certainly an option.

Michelle turned to him “thank you for being there today Chris, I wouldn’t have had the courage to do it without you.”

“You don’t need me Chelle” he replied.

She broke away from him and silence descended over them for a few minutes. He had always done his best to protect Michelle when they had been growing up. He was her older brother and he had taken the responsibility seriously, but as she got older he had realised that she didn’t need him any longer. His once younger sister had become his equal.

“Everyone needs their family Chris” she murmured “you need us as well; I wish you had never left.”

Part of him wished he hadn’t either; the only good thing about his move to Crowmarsh was meeting Nicky. The rest had been tainted by his behaviour towards her and the alienation of his family which had followed.

Nicky’s face swam in his mind and he smiled, he had never been much of a romantic before but something about her brought out that side of him.

They arrived at Michelle’s house and she let them both in. She walked into the lounge and sat heavily into an arm chair. Chris followed and sat opposite her “I might move back home.”

Her face erupted into a beam “Oh, Chris that would be excellent, we all miss you here. Gary was asking about you the other day.” Gary was their third cousin on their mother’s side, they shared the same great, great grandparents. As they were quite close in age Gary and Chris had spent most their childhood together but had drifted apart as they got older.

“How is he doing?” Chris asked.

“Really well I think” Chelle answered “he is still single but just got a promotion. He works in Reading now.”

Chris nodded, he would have to try and see Gary before he left at the end of the week. Family was beginning to take on a new meaning and he wanted to have as many of his around as possible.

“Is he still in the same place?” he asked.

“Yeah” she nodded and stood up “right I had better be going to bed, I feel so tired.” Chris helped her up the stairs and then made his way to the guest bedroom. The clock told him it was far too early for him to get any sleep so he decided to go for a walk instead.

He decided to go to the Prince of Wales pub, just opposite the railway station. As he walked along Manor Road and Lydall’s Road, he basked in the glow of familiarity; it was amazing how quickly one regressed to childhood. He had enjoyed going to Prince of Wales when he had been fresh out of school. Whenever he was home from university he was usually always found in there.

He arrived at the pub, bought himself a drink and sat down at a small table in the corner. It was fun to watch everyone else interact with their family and friends.

As he was finished his drink he heard a familiar voice ring out among the crowd. He looked over and saw Paul, Michelle’s estranged husband, sat with his friends.

Usually he was not one to cause problems but for some reasons he felt a need to speak with Paul. Chris stood and walked to his brother in law, slamming his glass on the table. Paul looked up and smiled “Chris, what you doing here?” How could he act like everything was normal? Wasn’t this the same man who had left his sister? “I’m visiting Michelle, you know, your wife.”

Paul sighed “I assume she told you what happened then.” “How could you leave her like that?” Chris demanded “she is about to give birth to your child.”

Paul stood up “whether she is or isn’t, I can’t help it if I don’t love her.”

Something about Paul’s soft tone angered Chris more, “outside” he shouted.

Paul followed him outside, and tried to reason with him “Chris, I could not help how I felt.”

Chris grabbed him by his shirt “you bastard.”

Paul pushed him away “she was unhappy too” he shouted “if you had been around then you would have seen it for yourself.” Chris felt a pang of guilt hit him, what was he doing? Hadn’t Michelle said that she was better now? Paul was right, he should have been around more, and then he would have seen it all for himself.

Chris held his hand out “I’m sorry.”

Paul shook it “so am I, I did try with Chelle you know, but nothing would have worked. We weren’t right for each other.”

Chris nodded; he knew that feeling well “I will leave you to get back to your drinks.”

He started to walk away but as he did his phone starting ringing. It was Michelle.

“Hiya, Chelle.” He answered.

His sister’s screaming on the other end of the phone made Paul rush back to him. “What’s happening?” he asked.

Before Chris had a chance to ask, Michelle shouted down the phone “Chris, get back now.”

“What’s wrong?” Chris asked urgently.

“I’m in labour, you idiot!”

 

When Nicky arrived home later that evening she took a moment for herself before entering. The last few days had been a whirlwind of emotion and she didn’t know which way to turn.

She knew she had to speak to her father but she had no idea how to broach the subject. From a child’s birth the parents are the first adult figures they know. A father’s duty was to look after his children, to show them what kind of people they should be and to protect them. So far her father had not let her down in any regard; he had supported her in everything she had wanted to.

Nicky had always got on well with her father, they shared common interests and as the baby of the family he tended to dote on her more, especially since her two siblings had left home. The incident with Kevin was something that had the power to make or break their closeness. It seemed that, no matter how long she had thought about it, not even she could have predicted the impact it could have on them.

With a slow breath she entered the house and walked into the kitchen, her mother was sat at the table with a cup of tea. It was hard to believe only that morning they had been crying together. So much had happened since then.

“Where’s dad?” Nicky asked.

Ingrid looked up with guilt in her eyes, Nicky knew that she felt awful for not believing her “he is in his man cave.” She answered.

Nicky nodded and walked towards her father’s room. It was actually a room that had been converted into a study for her father; her mother always called it his man cave.

She knocked lightly on the door and walked into the room. He was watching the television but turned at the sound of the door opening. His eyes looked tired and drawn “Nicky.” He greeted.

She walked into the room and closed the door behind her “what are you watching?”

“I don’t know” he admitted “my film finished a while ago, I just hadn’t turned it off.”

She sat down on the sofa next to him and stared ahead at the television. She recognised the show as a reality programme. “I went to the grave today.”

Geoffrey stiffened but didn’t reply. Nicky desperately tried to work out what he was thinking. She sighed “Greg had rushed off there after I told him what had happened, the grave had been almost destroyed. There was mud and flowers everywhere.”

He sighed “so you came to me?”

“Was it you?” Nicky asked.

Geoffrey stood up and paced the room “what do you want me to say? I went out for a walk and I happened to go past and something overpowered me. It wasn’t until I had finished that I realised what I’d done.”

“Why did you do it?” “Because I was angry” he snapped “you come out saying all these things and I don’t know what to think or what to do. I don’t know what’s true anymore.” Nicky stayed calm, she knew that her father needed time to process the news she had given him. She had had years to come to terms with what happened but he had had less than twenty four hours. She sat patiently while he composed himself and then spoke “I know it is a shock dad, I was shocked when it happened, but it did happen.”

Geoffrey didn’t speak but the look he gave her spoke volumes. His eyes were tortured and she could see the confusion that he was feeling inside. She couldn’t imagine how hard it must all be for him.

“I know why you don’t want to believe it” she continued “Kevin was your best friend, of course you don’t want to think he could do something like that. I didn’t want to believe it myself.”

He sat next to her again and she saw that he had tears in his eyes “Nicky, I don’t know what to say.”

She shook her head as she battled against her own tears. “I know you got angry with me because there was no one else to be angry at. Can we just not talk about it? For the last four years all I’ve done is carry this around with me, I just want to move on now. Please don’t be angry with me. I just want my daddy back.”

He took all of her and hugged her close to his body; she felt his tears fall onto her head but made no attempt to move away. She just enjoyed his embrace; she hugged him closer and felt his warmth spread throughout her body.

He would always be her protector. She had realised over the last week how much her parents meant to her. No matter how old she was or whatever happened in the future, deep down she knew that she would always need her mum and dad.

 

Chapter Sixteen

 

Chapter Sixteen

 

Two days later, Chris packed his bag ready to make his way home. After receiving Michelle’s phone call, both he and Paul had rushed back to the house. They had found her in bed and buckled over in the pain. Chris had then taken her to the hospital, Paul following closely behind, where after a long fourteen hour labour, they had welcomed Mark Timothy Foster to the world.

Before he had left for Chelle’s Nicky had told him that being an uncle was a great responsibility. He had known what she meant the second he had held his nephew. Love had washed over him like nothing he had ever experienced before.

As Mark got older it would be Chris’ job to help Michelle and Paul. During the tricky teenage years, Chris knew that he would have to act as the peacemaker when Mark and his sister fought.

After seeing the interactions between Chelle and Paul, he had had to admit that he was not surprised that they had broken up. While he didn’t like the way Paul had chosen to end things, Chris had to admit that it was obvious they no longer loved each other.

Having a bit of time before he was due to leave for Crowmarsh, and with his sister resting in bed, Chris decided to take a walk around the area.

After about twenty minutes of slow walking, he found himself by the Ladygrove Lakes. He sat down on a bench nearby and watched as people went about their daily routine. He was already feeling lighter being back in Didcot and he knew that he would never be able to leave it so long before visiting again.

About fifteen minutes after he had sat down Chris heard someone call his name. He turned around and saw Gary, his third cousin, walking towards him.

“I thought that was you.” Gary smiled as he sat down “what brings you here?” “Visiting Chelle” Chris replied “she had her baby yesterday.”

“Well congrats to her” Gary smiled “I saw her only the other day and she looked ready to burst then.” Chris smiled; his cousin had a rather abrupt way of putting things, something he found refreshing “I hear you just got promoted, the job going well?” Gary nodded “I’m working in Reading now, I should probably move there but, you know, we have roots here.” “Where are you living now?”

“Dart Drive” he replied “It’s a nice house.”

“I’m thinking of moving back here myself” Chris murmured “just need to sort some things out in Crowmarsh.”

Gary sighed and stood up “well I had better be off; I will see you soon I’m sure.”

It could have been his imagination but Chris was sure he saw Gary scanning the park as he left. He shook his head, sure that he was just imagining things, and then stood up.

It was time for him to start making the right choices in his life.

 

Nicky smiled as saw Greg, the two of them had arranged to meet so they could discuss what to do about Eloise. Greg had already decided to cancel the rest of his travel plans, and luckily he had not yet paid anything for them so no money was lost.

Eloise, who already had some idea about Greg’s feelings, had confided in Nicky that she, too, planned to move back home. It seemed that she had already put in a transfer request with her work before Nicky’s wedding, the sneaky minx.

Greg arrived at the café and sat down opposite Nicky. They had decided to meet in Wallingford, about one mile from Crowmarsh, mainly to avoid bumping into Eloise but also to get a change of scenery. Nicky had spent so much of the last week in turmoil that she had needed to get out of Crowmarsh, even if it was just a mile out.

She had managed to talk things through with her dad and she finally felt like she was putting the past behind her. In some ways this was good but in others is had been a curse, it meant that she now had to think about the future. As such she had spent two days overthinking and overanalysing her relationship with Chris.

There was still feeling there, she knew that, but was it based on current love or past? They hadn’t had any closure, which alone would lead to unsolved feelings. She didn’t want to spend more of her life with the wrong person; on the other hand she had known that she wanted to be with Chris since she had first laid eyes on him.

She knew that she would always care for him and that he would always have a place in her heart but was it all enough? Everything about their relationship previously had been set to fail; maybe they just weren’t right for each other.

“Nicky?”

She blinked her vision back into focus and smiled “sorry, I was day dreaming.”

“How have you been?” he asked.

“As well as to be expected” she replied “I’m seeing Boris later to pick up the rest of my things.”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

She shook her head “I will be fine, besides we digress. When are you going to tell Eloise how you feel?”

“I don’t know” he replied “I want her to know how serious I am, I need a gesture.”

Something in his eyes scared her “Greg, what are you planning?”

He shrugged “I was thinking about proposing.”

Nicky’s mouth fell open “You will scare the poor girl, listen just take things slow all right, tell her how you feel and go from there.”

Greg nodded “maybe that is the better plan.”

 

About two hours later, Chris arrived home feeling more refresh and relaxed than when he left. He sat down in the lounge and glanced at the familiar surroundings. The house had never been much of a home to him; he had rarely spent any time there. It had been blanketed with loneliness after his break up with Nicky and he always tried to find a reason to be out of it.

The weekends had always been spent in the pub and the weekdays had usually been with Tom, when he hadn’t been available Chris had gone the café or the library. It hadn’t really mattered as long as he hadn’t been at home. He had barely been back for ten minutes before he heard a knock at the door. It was Tom.

Chris showed him into the lounge and sat back down, Tom sat opposite him and smiled “here he is, the weary traveller. How is Michelle?”

Chris raised his eyebrows at the question “she gave birth yesterday.”

“Well that is lovely.” Tom beamed “I bet she was happy with that.”

“She is separated from Paul” Chris continued “they will probably get divorced.”

Something flashed over Tom’s face “that is terrible, I am very sorry for her.”

Chris blinked, he didn’t seem very surprised by the news but then it wasn’t like Tom and Michelle were overly close. His lack of surprise was more than likely just disinterest in the topic.

“What brings you my way?” he asked.

Tom shrugged “I saw your car in the drive and thought I’d be a bother, fancy a walk?”

Chris grinned and stood up “you are never a bother, and I would love one.”

They walked in silence for a few moments, Chris was glad to be left to his own thoughts. He now knew what he wanted but had no idea how to get it. There was much history between him and Nicky that he had no idea where to start from. He wanted to be with her for the rest of his life, he knew that much at least, but he couldn’t jump in all guns blazing. She had just come out of a lengthy engagement and he did not want to scare her with his intentions.

The best course of action would be to invite her for a drink, nothing too serious, just to catch up and get to know each other again. Four years was a long time and he had no doubt that they were both different people now.

“So are you still in love with this girl?” Tom asked as they entered a nearby field.

“I think I will ask her to join me for a drink” Chris replied “I saw her before visiting Michelle; she seemed to be very refreshed.”

Tom nodded “as long as you are sure.”

Chris smiled “more than sure, she’s the one.”

They turned a corner in the field and stood for a moment. Like Chris, Tom was also a people watcher and they eyed the crowd in silence.

That was when he saw her, Nicky, walking along a path in the field, quite obviously looking for someone. He nudged Tom, who immediately knew what was afoot, and they watched her together.

 

Nicky had rushed to the field as soon as she had got El’s text message but once she arrived she found it hard to find her. Curiosity could not describe what was going through her body. She knew that Greg planned to tell El how he felt but that should hardly lead to a frantic message. It wasn’t like El wasn’t a little aware of his feelings already.

When she eventually found them, huddled in some small corner under a tree, she found that she didn’t know what to say. They were in each other’s arms, kissing passionately, and very nearly making love right where they were.

She coughed and they both turned to her, and that was when she noticed the ring box, she turned to Greg “I thought I told you not to propose?”

Eloise smiled “he didn’t, I did.”

“You did?”

“But I refused” Greg announced.

Nicky blinked, when she had lost the thread of the conversation? She was usually one step ahead of her friends not three steps back. “You refused?”

“And then I proposed” Greg replied.

“And I accepted” El beamed “isn’t it wonderful?”

Nicky looked into the distance, not quite sure what had happened or what to say, but she did know one thing. Her two best friends were happy.

She smiled, that was all she really wanted so did it matter how it had all happen? It was while she was turning back to them that she saw Chris, with a friend, looking in her direction. She knew he had seen her so she waved.

“I’ll be back in a moment” she murmured before walking over to him. “Good afternoon how was your sister?” Chris smiled “she gave birth and I have a lovely baby nephew now.”

Something about his voice, full of love and compassion, warmed her insides. She felt closer to him than she ever had before, for reasons she couldn’t explain, and she knew she wanted more of his warmth.

Reluctantly she pulled her face away from Chris and to his friend, who had been watching with interested “I’m Nicky Bennett” she smiled.

“Tom Robson” the friend replied.

The name rang a bell in her head, Chris had told her about him before. Tom was his oldest and closest friend and would surely know everything about their relationship. Awkwardness and shame washed over her as her past behaviour hit her like a brick wall but she knew she couldn’t, and shouldn’t, focus on that. She had started to look to the future and she would be damned if she turned back to the past. Besides everyone made mistakes.

“Well I am glad you’re back.” She smiled, turning back to Chris.

“Would you like to meet for a drink later?” Chris asked “we could meet at the Bell?”

Nicky felt her cheeks go warm and her insides started to do summersaults. She nodded “that would be lovely, what time?”

“Eight?”

She nodded again “sounds perfect.”

Chapter Seventeen and Epilogue

Chapter Seventeen

 

“Well she certainly seemed nice” Tom remarked as they walked back to Chris’ “I can see why you like her.”

“I love her” Chris corrected.

“What are you going to say to her tonight?”

Chris sighed, he had no idea. He was almost certain that she still felt the same way but he didn’t want to rush her into a decision. She was probably still temperamental after ended her engagement and he had no wish had any extra stress onto her shoulders. In a lot of ways this would be there first real date, which meant there was so much ground to cover. They had to catch up properly and get to know each other and then they could proceed.

“I will just be honest” he finally replied. Honesty was something they both needed. He knew that if he had been honest with her four years ago then they would still have been together.

They arrived back at his house and he let them both in. They walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table. Chris watched as Tom drifted off into his own thoughts and frowned. Something was different about Tom, he seemed older somehow, perhaps just more mature. His usual jokey demeanour had become more serious and concentrated. He had first noticed it when they had been talking to Nicky in the field. By nature Tom was a flirt but he hadn’t been that way towards Nicky. Chris would have liked to think that was because of how much she meant to him but he knew it wasn’t. Tom flirted not because he was trying to get someone into bed but because that was who he was. Except for that day it seemed.

“Why are you looking at me?” Tom asked.

Chris blinked “I’m not, I was just day dreaming.”

“Ah” Tom replied “right I better be going, I have people to see, let me know how tonight goes.”

Chris stood to see him out “I will.”

 

Nicky let out a small breath in an attempt to calm her nerves. She knew what she had to do but couldn’t quite get the strength to do it.

She hadn’t seen Boris since she had left the wedding and she had no idea what to say to him. She turned back to her father, who was waiting in the car, and his supportive smile gave her the courage that she needed. She had made her bed and it was time to lay in it.

She knocked on the front door and waited for Boris to answer. A few moments later the door swung open and she was greeted by her ex fiancé. She walked into the house and looked around at her surroundings, she had lived there for two years and yet she felt no connection to the place. It had never been her home and she had never felt secure there. She had never realised how much she had truly wanted to escape from the place.

The only time she had felt it properly was the night she had reunited with Chris, she had been sat in the house looking at her reflection and all she had wanted to do was run and never come back.

Of course, the sensible side of her had told that that was impossible and so she had chosen to go to the pub instead. Who knew such a small decision would change her life forever?

“Good afternoon, Boris” she murmured, not knowing what to say but determined to be as nice as possible. He hadn’t deserved any of the trouble she had caused him.

“Hello” he greeted “I have already boxed some things up for you.” “Thank you” she replied “I will gather everything else and be out as quickly as possible.”

He nodded and walked back in the direction of his study. The action, she realised, was an appropriate reminder of the life they had led together. She walked into upstairs to the bedroom and started to put her things into a suitcase. She opened the wardrobe and found it empty of her belonging except for her long white dress. The one she had worn to her leavers’ ball. She took it out and folded it neatly into her suitcase.

Within thirty minutes everything was packed in her dad’s car and she was ready to start the rest of her life. She walked to Boris’ study and knocked on the door before walking inside.

“I’m all packed” she murmured.

He nodded but didn’t reply.

She took of her engagement ring and placed it on the desk. She turned to leave but some devil inside of her forced her to turn back. “I’m sorry” she said before she could stop herself “for everything I did. I should not have waited until I did to end things.”

He looked up “I have been thinking about what you said, about how I don’t love you.” She swallowed and focused on looking calm. She had almost forgotten that she had said that.

“I honestly asked you to marry me because I loved you” he continued “I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.”

She shuffled slightly “that is why I accepted.”

He looked at her for what must have been the longest minute of her life then stood “Do you remember what happened three weeks ago?”

Nicky blinked at the sudden change in subject and shook her head helplessly.

“You came to me and asked for a favour” he murmured “some people you didn’t want to have back for dinner due to a bad experience.”

The memory flooded back to her. The day after Maisy and her husband had come over, had that really only been three weeks ago? So much had happened since then.

“I dismissed it without asking any more details” he said “if I had loved you I wouldn’t have been so thoughtless to your feelings. You did the right thing on Saturday by not marrying me, I don’t think it would have been a long marriage.”

She nodded and held out her hand “thank you Boris, I needed to hear that.” He shook her hand and stepped back “have a good life, Nicky.”

She walked out to her dad in the car and smiled. That was the first time Boris had ever called her Nicky, despite her saying it was how she preferred to be called. It had always been Nicola since the moment they had met. Perhaps she was finally becoming Nicky Bennett again.

 

Later that day, Nicky was in her room trying to decide what to wear for her date with Chris. There first proper date as a maybe couple. She felt nervous beyond relief and she had no idea what to say to him. She still wasn’t sure if she still loved him the way she used to or if they would work out in the long run.

She picked up the boxes from her floor and started to unpack them. After about ten minutes she found a box that was different the others, it looked older and was a different shape. She sat down next to it and started to look through it. She picked out a few pictures, picture of her and Chris, some books and some tops. It was her break up box, where she had put all of the things that reminded her of Chris. She looked deeper and found a CD, she frowned it was a collection of love songs. She put the CD on and waited for the first track to play, within seconds Rick Astley’s “Never gonna give you up” played out the room. Nicky felt her insides fill with happiness as she remembered why she had put the CD in the box. She laughed to herself at the memory.

She had had a fight with Anthony, she couldn’t remember what about but it had put her in a foul mood. She had gone to Oxford that day and had found the CD, there were a few tracks she liked on it so she had bought it.

When she arrived back in Crowmarsh, she had bumped into Chris and, still in a bad mood, had gone back to his house. She had told him what had happened with Anthony and he had put the CD on. Rick Astley had played out and Chris had danced and sang to the whole thing, purely to make her laugh. It was at that point that she realised she loved him and wanted to be with him forever.

Not just in the romantic way that she had always known it but in logical way as well. Everything had pointed to love and she hadn’t wanted it to end.

She realised that that feeling was still inside of her and in that moment all of her doubts vanished.

 

Chris wiggled impatiently in his seat and glanced out the window, desperate for a glance of Nicky. He had been so eager to meet her that he had arrived at the pub thirty minutes early. As the hands of the clock moved closer to eight he found that he became more fidgety and nervous. What was wrong with him? This was Nicky for goodness sake, they had spent time alone together before and if he got what he wanted then they would again. There was no need to be nervous.

At about ten to eight he saw her walk into the pub. He sat up straighter and waved at her, trying not to feel too giddy at the smile of affection she gave him back. She walked over and sat opposite him.

Chris took a long look at her, she was nervous as well, he could sense it, but there was something else in her eyes. Something bright and sparkling that took his breath away. He had never seen her look so happy before.

“It’s good to see you” she smiled.

He nodded, unable to find the words he needed. Something about her was so enchanting and it was taking his breath away. He had a thousand things to say to her but had no idea where to start.

“How have you been?” he asked.

“I saw Boris today” she replied “it went better than I expected. He seems to agree that we weren’t really right for each other, I’m so glad that I ended things before we were actually married, now we can both focus on finding who we should be with.”

Something about her words, so sure and self-confident, elevated his heart. He could see in her eyes that she knew who and what she wanted.

“I went home and started looking through all my things” she continued “I had stuff that I had completely forgotten about.”

“That must have been nice for you” he murmured.

She nodded “I found somethings from when we were seeing each other, you know, before.”

“Oh?” he asked.

“It made me realise what I really want” she smiled “I realised that I don’t want to date you.”

Chris felt his heart twist and he suddenly got a pain in his chest. How could he have been so wrong? He was certain that she felt the same way as he did and now he had been made to look like a fool. He stood up “I had better go.”

She blinked in confusion then stood up quickly “Oh, no, you don’t understand.”

He nodded “I understand perfectly.”

Nicky let out a sigh of frustration, she had completely blundered again “please let me explain.”

“You don’t need to explain” he said quickly, as he began to walk out of the pub. He needed to be away from her and away from his own embarrassment. He had gone there intending to declare his love for her and she had stomped all over it.

“Chris, wait.” She called from behind him “let me finish what I was saying.”

“I don’t need to hear anymore.” He shouted back.

“Oh, for God’s sake” she bellowed “I love you!”

He stopped and turned around, just in time to see her stop in front of him. She took a moment to get her breath back, he had been walking fast and she had never been too fit.

“You love me?” he asked, desperate to make sure he heard her correctly.

“Yes, I love you” she replied “I loved you four years ago and I love you know. I am in love with you.”

He shook his head and pointed to the pub “but I don’t understand, you said-”

She winced “I said it wrong; I meant I don’t just want to date you, I want to marry you.”

He blinked “you what?”

“We are past the dating stage” she answered “I don’t want to spend hours in a pub with you trying to work out if we will suit. I have known we were meant for each other since the moment we met so why bother dating? Will you marry me?”

Chris looked at her and smiled. In that moment he saw his heart in her eyes and his soul in her smile and he knew there was only one answer he could give her. “Yes, I will marry you.”

He took her in his arms and they kissed for longest minute and once they were finished they both laughed. After four years they had managed to find the happiness they needed in each other and Chris would hold on to it forever.

 

 

 

Epilogue

Twelve months later

 

Nicky picked at her dress impatiently. It was nearly time for the best day of her life and she could hardly wait. Twelve months of planning and she still felt like there was something she had forgotten.

Since that wonderful moment when she had told Chris how she felt everything had been smooth sailing. With Boris she had been left to plan everything on her own, something she had particularly liked, but Chris had taken an active hand in the wedding arrangements.

Her parent’s had been shocked when she announced that she was engaged again, less than a week after walking out of her wedding, but after meeting Chris they had given their blessing. El had been overjoyed too but had insisted that they wait until after her and Greg’s wedding before getting married. They had done but only just, El and Greg had been married for only a month.

Nicky glanced up at the clock, ten to two, and felt her heart beat a bit faster. Soon she would stop being Nicola Bennett of Crowmarsh and become Nicola Williams of Didcot.

Chris had told her that he wanted to move back to Didcot the night they had got engaged. She had been unsure at first but then she realised the move would be the fresh start that she needed. They had found a house together, quite close to his sister, and were moving in after the honeymoon.

There was a knock on the door and her father entered the room “You ready Nicky?”

She nodded “as ready as I will ever be.”

“You won’t run out of this one?” he joked.

She smiled “no chance. This is what I want, and what I have always wanted. I’m not letting him get away again.”

 

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Texte: Sophie J Brian
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 01.05.2017

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