The First Time

Year: depends on the time: right now, 2094
Month: October
Day: Thursday
Time: 1:56 AM-RW

I lay back and again (for the trillionth time) try to remember what happened to me. I stopped trying real hard years ago; probably because it never works. The doctors said that when my soul was transferring to the “Other-Realm” something happened to cause me, at the exact time every twelve hours that it happened the first time, that forces my body to transfer me back to the exact same Realm I went to when I was sleeping(and came back from when I snapped out of the trance my body put me in). Kind of like a duo-life thing. I was young and didn't quite understand everything they told me; but I got the gist of it. I've never spoken of what happens there to anyone and I don't ask anyone to explain to me the pieces I missed so many years ago.

The world got so crazy between between new pandemics new pandemics and a second world Civil War that humans finally started to adapt again. Some people lost debility to fight infections and that killed off some of us.
My theory is that the world started to to scare even our souls because they're came about a new genetic soldier in reaction to dramatic events magic events where your soul would disattach itself from your body and remain in the world of whatever dream state you were in when the traumatic event happened.

The doctors call people like me Night Walkers, mainly because we are only out of the trance our body goes into while we're 'gone' during the daylight hours; as most people sleep during the night. The basic idea of it, from what I've read a couple years ago and what I remember the doctors saying, is this: well, something traumatic happens, we've covered that part. Then we will transfer back to the realm we were in at the exact time when we had the catalyst thing happen to us in this Realm; covered that. But here's the kicker, our body in the Original Realm sort of freezes, or goes into a coma, or sleeps I guess until the soul returns to it 12 hours later.

When I transfer to the “Other Realm” it's always 12 hours later in the day than it was when I passed out. So, say I passed out for the first time in my Realm at 3:15AM, I would always wake up in the “Other Realm” at 3:15 in the afternoon and return to my original Realm in which it will be 3:15PM while passing out in the “Other Realm” at 3:15AM. But I knew that part 'cause it happens to me. And yes, I just so happen to be one of the lovely additions to the “Night Walker” name. They also said that it's in my genes, not that I knew what that was until my mother explained it to me; probably due to me throwing my pants into the recycle bin as soon as we got home that day. But it is some strange mutation of a self-defense gene and area of the brain. So, something happens in your original Realm that causes your sub-conscience to want to protect itself by whatever means it can, in my case, changing Realms.

Just going over that is probably really hard to take in but science has come a long way in a few decades. They showed us in class some of the things that Science and Psychology teachers used to quiz students on; it was, well, quite hysterical. One of the things that's changed is that they used to not know what, like, 80 percent of the brain actually did. Come to find out, the brain holds the soul. Which accounts for “dreams”, the natural reaction to protect your head, and various other things that now seem like simple math compared to what students in the late 1900's probably thought of as alien science or something.  Anyways, dreams, or the time-space-traveling part of life, is kind of hard to explain. The human body is merely a house for a soul. This soul uses the body til it dies while it gathers information, learns, lives; and then leaves it when it does die and finds a new one. This is what I think you must have called “Reincarnation” back in the day.

So, because the body sleeps half of the time it is living, the soul feels un-easy about staying guarded in something that can be easily killed while in such an un-defensive mode. So the souls take this time to travel through the Realms while still leaving a string attached to their body (this string is what we know to be the “sleeping conscious”) so that if/when you should awake, you will be instantly pulled back. The Shifting Mutation in my genes just made it so that my Sleeping Conscious is cut every day at that same time that I first shifted and then reconnected 12 hours later. The details after that are sketchy, but I don't really need to know more than that. I hope.

I check my watch, that I've basically worn for what feels like forever, and it reads 2:01:36; AM. Approximate shift time: 1.5 minutes.

So, what caused me to shift worlds? The only thing that anyone could come up with in the time frame that I first passed out that could possibly cause me to feel endangered was a shooting that happened in the apartment across the street from us about an hour after I had fallen asleep on my living room couch watching projections that Saturday 12 years ago. There was a cop who immediately caught the culprit as he happened to be in the neighborhood, but still; my soul flipped shit without my permission and now, I'm in this ridiculous ganghad... I mean, predicament. You won't get that word for a couple more decades. 2:02:46; I shut my eyes now. If I’d been in my room instead, I may not have heard the shot, and may never have triggered my genetic mishap. Maybe in a past life I had been killed by gunshot and my soul was like “nuh-uh! not again!” and skipped out. Or, well, I don't know. The world of  “if's” serves no purpose though. I hold my breath so I won't feel too much of the fuzziness.

2:03:00. My alarm goes off. If I wasn't laying down already I would have 34 seconds to do so after my alarm went off. My breathing gets louder in my own ears even as it slows. Next, everything goes white, while for normal people when they sleep they see black and then all the dancing colours; I just see white. They get to 'write their own worlds' in different dreams and such while I, have mine kind of written for me, as I always know where I'm going.

It's lonely. And it is always almost dark. And it's..

 

.. here.

My Other-World

 

Year:  ?
Month: October
Day: Thursday
Time: 2:03:36 PM-OR

When I get to the “Other Realm” I sort of fade in, and look like a ghost for a few minutes. I am deaf for longer than I am blind as my vision only takes a few moments to adjust, whereas my hearing takes a few minutes after I completely shift in. I tend to sit still until I can hear but I could move if I'd want to. I don't.

My hearing and vision is sharper here. I read that this is normal because when dreaming (if you're normal) points of view shift and you're aware mostly of things that involve you directly, so when you are completely in the Realm, the things that would be different in a dream state change to just enhance what is normal in your Original Realm. You normally don't smell much in dreams so that sense typically stays the same as it would in my Realm. My sense of touch is thrice what it is in my normal Realm but that is because the sense has always been a sacred thing to me, probably due to my ganghad, and I believe that is the last thing I did when I shifted back the first time: I was touching someone  other than myself or something weird like that. Taste is slightly more intricate than it is in my Realm so normally I can't taste anything for the first few minutes ither. Not that I'll be “waking up” eating something, but, it's just a fact I noticed when I found some bread or berries and things hidden occasionally in a rag near my rock.

I sit very still on the rock I always fade in on and try to think back to the first time I was here; though I know I won't remember much of it.  It had looked like mid-afternoon, as it was 2 PM here, so it was sunny and beams of light shone straight into my eyes. I began talking to myself, saying how I shouldn't be laying down and sleeping in the middle of the day only to wake and blind myself, but then I realized I couldn't hear myself talk. I screamed, completely  forgetting the fact that I couldn't hear myself. And that's the last thing I remember about my first time. But, if you realized that you couldn't hear yourself, wouldn't you react the same?

I started flexing my hands and nonchalantly stretching and trying to get blood flowing  faster when out of the corner of my eye, out of the sunlight came a looming shadow. I abruptly turned and fell off of the two foot tall rock slab as I had tried to run, thinking it may have been an animal. As my hearing faded in I swore I heard laughing so I hid. I grabbed the closest tree to my left side and spun behind it. I peered around the side to see a man staring straight at me. He was, indeed, laughing. I coughed to myself, only to see if I could hear it; not because I was embarrassed or anything. “Girly, what in the Gods' name ahre ya doin'?” He had a thick Irish accent. I wondered if I was in Ireland or if it was just him, or if I still just couldn't hear. I hoped it was the first one. “Well ya can still talk can't ya?” I didn't realize I was staring until he asked me the second question. He had stopped laughing now, and he looked generally concerned. “Can ya? Talk, I mean.”

I guess I must have been staring at his clothes. He wore a black waist coat which covered a crisp white dress shirt with a cravat bow tie, an ice blue vest, breeches and knee-high black riding boots that hadn't been shined probably in over a week. Then again, the ground was dusty, so maybe a couple of days. But I looked at him now and opened my mouth without being entirely sure what would exit my lips. I've been here what  feels like a thousand times and I have never, ever, seen anyone here but myself, a few stragglers and the people who keep to the village. I'm still gaping. I must look like a fish that is gasping for breath. “I, uhm, pardon me but why, uh..” He laughed again as I put a hand to my temple.

 “As long as you can talk, everything else can be figured out in due time.”
 “Yes.” That was all I could come up with.
 “Well nowh, why dontcha come out from behind that tree Deary?” I looked at my clothes and back at his and just felt, well, ridiculously out of place. I had on a white long sleeve shirt and jeans with black boots. The shirt was one of my favorites actually because it fit tight around the waist and the sleeves were flowy from the elbows down with a square neckline. I knew what they wore so I shouldn't feel this odd; though actually being confronted made me feel like an intruder.. even in my own dream and I can't feel normal. Craziness.
 
 “I don't know that that would be a terribly brilliant idea.” His face softened even more (which is something I didn't think possible at this point) and he held out a hand.
 “Come on Sn-” he coughed “come on, it's alright. No-one's goin' to hurtcha.” 
 “It's not that... I just, I can't. I'm staying here.” and I nodded my head just to confirm the fact that I was set on doing so. Not that he could see that or anything considering I'm still behind a tree and all. I let my forehead fall to rest on the brutally patterned bark. What an idiot I am here.
 “Well, suit yourself. I think I'm going to stay as well. Have a look at the scenery.” He takes a few steps past me and without looking back says “You're welcome to join me if ya feel so inclined.”

I turned so my back was again pressed to the tree and squeezed my eyes shut in frustration. I wanted to follow him but then again I didn't want to be involved here. I don't want to know anyone or be tied to anything here in any way because then I may get to a point where I will never be able to go home. But then again... I hated being here for hours on end, in the dark, alone. Ugh! Fine. I slowly turned around with only a small groan to my possible impending doom. 

I'd heard stories after all (all of us have) and they all flooded me as I stepped over the bushes I'd brushed past whilst running. They were stories of my kind who'd just slipped away one day, never to return. The doctors argued that they lost control of their souls, some said that their bodies couldn't handle the re-acceptance of the soul anymore, other said they died of natural causes and some said they chose to stay. How one can choose something inside of something they didn't choose doesn't make sense to me.

I glanced at him out of my thinking/wandering daze, and seeing as he was still walking (as if my presence altered him none) I let myself slip back into my thoughts.

None of us chose to have our souls freak out and stay in the Other-Realm. So how, honestly how, can one choose to pick one realm or the other? Do you subconsciously tell your body to die or your soul to let go? I was pretty sure that people don't have control over those types of things.

I've never asked anyone, doctors or otherwise, if any of these were true. Maybe because they all have opinions and every one of their opinions is right according to their research; or maybe because I'm scared to know if they've found an answer and what it might be.

I glanced up again. Only, I didn't see him anywhere behind me, so I look to the right,and the to the left of me, and on the small beaten path only a few peddlers use as trade routes in and out of the town, I see him slowly meandering with his hands held loosely at the small of his back where the buttons line up on his waist coat. I started to follow; keeping only to the shady inside of the woods. I didn't bother being quiet but when I caught up to him I held back a few steps so I would keep behind him. I guess 'impending doom' would be the wrong term. If I honestly believed that I wouldn't be getting up to follow him now would I?

 “Ladies aren't required to trail behind as a puppy dog may.” He said after a few minutes of walking 'together'. I could hear the smile in his voice; as if he was proud he could get me to follow.
 “You don't have to be so smug about it.” I mumbled; not really meaning for him to hear. He startled me when he replied
 “I am noht smug, m'lady, just happy in my accomplishment to have let a young lady not spend the night alowne as she would have had I just passed 'er by.” I stopped walking. I was not sure whether I was to be insulted or charmed. He stopped a few paces ahead but didn't turn. “Not meant to be insulting madam, just merely speaking me thoughts. Come along now; I wish to show you something.”
Well, what else was I gunna do? So, I followed; a bit grudgingly I'm afraid. I resisted the urge to mock him, with all my scrunched face glory, and at least took pride in that for the fleeting moment I had it.

As we trudged through the woods I tried to recall all the details I'd read on the few souls that got trapped in their Other-Realms. Of course it was hard to get details from an empty person, but, everyone who was around the 'missing' person had seemed to think it was by choice that they stayed. So, technically, that is not a ganghad that needs to be dominating my thoughts, at least, not right now. I make a mental note to research it later. Still, the thought lingered around me like a haunted conscience. I tried to remember that these were 'documentations' by the scientists whom believed that souls choose and not by a panel of doctors who all con cured on the set fact that such things can happen. No such group of doctors exist; yet. I sort of hope, for my own mental health, that no-one will do so until after I die and leave both these goram worlds behind.

As we went deeper into the forest, the trees started changing by styles and I heard water in the distance: all details that began to temporarily distract me from my thoughts.  Right outside the village there were many Cedar and Redwood trees that always were in bounty and some holly, mistletoe, and raspberry thickets lay around. But we walked further and now Weeping Willows begged to be consoled as their branches swept our shoulders and waists while pines wept with them and let their needles blanket the earth.  The water is obviously running as the sound grows louder and clearer. It must be a waterfall. I can still hear songbirds which hum different tunes of my favorite songs amongst the trees and I revel in their familiarity. It must be a small waterfall, but still, a waterfall.
I love waterfalls, especially with the ledges that wind behind the falls into a cave. I think I could live in one if I had to. Might not be the safest place in the world, but, it has water, shelter, and is hidden. I like hidden.

The woods are starting to thin and it is rather bright for sundown. The Irish Man stops for a moment at some of the last trees on the outskirts of the clearing where the waterfall is for a moment. Without turning around he says “This is where I go when I need to be alowne. If you stay here overnight from wherever you come from, I would sujest a young lady stay here instead of off in the woods where trouble may liye in hongry waiht.” He turns and I move behind a pine. He smiles as I peer out. “I hope you like it here.”

He walks out into the paling light and disappears. I walk cautiously to the edge of the clearing. Before me to my left is a small waterfall; just as I suspected. It was weird because the water didn't look like it came from anywhere besides maybe just up from the ground and through the tiny mountain of rock it fell from. But, the water was as blue as a cloudless sky did not seem as dangerous as one would be in real life. It seems that Other-Realms have their perks. Not a whole lot of things that seem life-threatening is definitely a perk! It was an odd thing though. The small mountain just sort of came from nowhere inside these woods and then the falls fell into a small river sort of thing that went on for a ways, probably thirty feet across, and then went into a giant pool the size of an old time Olympic swimming pool that had small constant waves lapping at the sand on the edge of the pool as if it were coming from and ocean and not a waterfall. The other strange thing was it seemed to be not so deep on one side as it was on the other, like a permanent slant or something. The center seemed really deep though, maybe it was a circuit type water system? That just sounds ridiculous. I will just accept it for what it is, pretty, and leave it alone to be un-figured out; as you must most things here in Other-Realm.

I wanted so badly to adventure into this beautiful side of Other-Realm but, I didn't want Him to suddenly leave if he saw all of me... or what I'm wearing. Not that it's bad or anything; just, not the 1790-1898 styles everyone here is wearing. But, then again, it's not like I want him to stay or be here in the first place anyways. So, here goes nothing I guess. I slowly walked towards the water, staring down only inches in front of my feet and glancing to my left and right in turn. I see Him wandering towards my left; back to me, so I make a dash towards the water and fall to my knees in front of it.

The water was clear as cellophane and reflected my impish face and auburn mess of layered ringlet curls. As I looked past my reflection I saw the sandy bottom of the river-pool and many small colourful fish swam up and down the stream as aimless as a lazy summer day. I leaned down close and a few of them swam just below the surface and swam in circles following my finger as I twirled it through the liquid. They were all really cute, except for one I was going to call Bubbles. He was quite ugly actually. He had what looked like half-full air pockets that floated around his eyes; other than that he was brown and speckled with darker shades of black and gray and brown.
 “What is his name?” The voice startled me but I tried not to show it.
 “Bubbles” I replied quietly. I shivered, letting the small amount of embarrassment seep from my skin and into the air to be whisped away. He chuckled.
 “Quite fitting for such a character.” I nodded. I could feel as he stepped just close enough to lean over me and watch the little fish as I drew it through my refection. “And still you do noht allohw me to see youhr face. Are you deformed?”
 “Of course not!” I exclaimed; rather loudly for such a quiet place. I immediately regretted it. “No-one is deformed anymore where I am from.” I added, so as not to feel so harsh.
 “Very wehll then. My apologies Miss.” He turned and looked to the sky.

It was dusk now, almost completely dark and already very cold. Sometimes it gets down to thirty degrees here at night but in the afternoon it's normally between ninety and eighty-five degrees. Normally I would have a hoodie with me or a coat, but today for some reason I didn't have one.
I knew having a second person around would be trouble.
 “Do you wish to accompany me back to the village or will you stay here?” I wanted to stay here, just, just so I could be alone. But, I didn't want to be lost right now; not to mention the next time I  wake up here or I could still be lost!
 “I'll follow you. If that's alright?”
 “Of course Deary. This way.” He began walking back towards the way we came but not before shrugging out of his jacket, covering his eyes, and handing the overcoat to me. I guess I've made looking at me pretty much out of the question. I feel ridiculous, but I feel it more-so when he's looking at me, er, trying to look at me. I can't quite place the oddness though. Yet. I'll work on it later.

I followed him back through the willows in the over-sized coat that flapped against my calves and for a moment thought I was going insane. Guess what happened? It started snowing. He stopped for a moment and I heard him whisper “snowflake” and I knew he was smiling. I wonder why he cherishes that word so dearly. But honestly, I am too afraid to ask.

It was beautiful though. That is one thing I do kind of like, it's almost all the seasons in a day, but somehow this world still has seasons on a yearly rotation as well. Buts just like spring and fall, a grow and a fade, because the winter and summer take place every day. Another thing I gave up on figuring out. I would hate to have to change my clothes three times a day as the weather changes if I lived here though. Would make for a lot of goram laundry!

The walk back was quicker than the walk here. Probably because I wasn't insisting on hiding the whole time. Up ahead I saw the glowing lanterns that indicate the entrance to the village. I stopped once I got back to the rock I faded in on and started to take off the jacket.
 
 “Keep it. I'll come back for it later.” He said. He turned as if he were about to look behind him, but only enough so I could acknowledge that his action was to me, and then bowed as they would have in the olden days. “Sweet night M'lady.” And with that he walked away and through the gates of the village.
 “Goodnight.” I whispered from my rock. I brushed the light dusting of snow off and curled up on my side facing the dully lit village and pretended I was back at the water playing with the fishies. I wondered briefly how he seemed to know I'd not be here later, but, maybe he just assumed I'd be freaked about the encounter and leave anyways. I quickly discarded the thought and went back to lulling myself with retracing in my mind the circles I drew for the fish.

Glitch

 

Year: 2094
Month: October
Day: Thursday
Time: 2:04:58 PM-RW

My eyes flutter open in the half lit room to see my mother's furrowed brow and dark brown eyes that are full of worry as always. She's so worried that one day I won't wake back up so every 'morning' she sets her watch alarm for five minutes before I am supposed to come back and sits in a rocking chair we moved from her room to mine; just to be sure. She's never believed much of anything the doctors say.
“I'm fine Mama.” I say. “Just groggy.”
“Are you sure? No aches or anything?”
“Fine.” I mumble. I'm really tired.
“Where are you?”
“Mama! Seriously? I'm fine.”
“Answer the question Demeter.”
“Why? Can't we just go to sleep now?” Despite the fact that my body has been 'sleeping' for twelve hours, I still feel incredibly tired. Probably because it's empty and not fully functioning so it doesn't charge all the way, or at all... or something. I don't know. I feel like a robot when I say things like that.
“You're late.” I stop complaining and sit up. I press the button on my watch that makes the whole band light up. I am. I'm late. I look at my Mama. I don't know what to think. “I'm taking you back to the lab.” She says. I know how much she hates that place, so, I know how worried she is right now.

This. Sucks.

My Rock

 

Year: 2094
Month: October
Day: Thursday
Time: 3:16 PM-RW

The MedBus pulls up to the house with its sterile stench trailing behind it. I see some of the neighbors peeking through the windows as the look to see if I am being escorted out alive (or not) or asleep. My mother walks as though being court marshaled and I as though this is beyond normal; so normal in fact, that it's boring.

As we step onto the bus and sit down, the Driver gives us the mandatory speech we hear every time I've had to get on this goram bus. “As you know, no personal belongings besides your clothing, overnight basics, and watch if you are a “day walker” are permitted on the bus. If you have any thing not named from above please volunteer it before leaving the premise of your home or it will be permanently confiscated.” He paused giving a chance for a raised hand or short reply. When neither came, he continued but I toned him out. I knew the drill. I traced the rim of the shatter-proof glass cover of my watch as I stared out the MedBus window but instead of seeing nosy neighbors and traffic, I only saw a dark brown pony tail tied in a loose bow of an ice blue ribbon, swaying to and fro against a black waist coat.

I woke up to my mother shaking me as I shuffled my messenger bag onto my shoulder and followed her into the Lab. We scanned my watch at the main desk and waited to be assigned a room. Although, I grumbled to myself, I may as well have a room with my name on the door for how much I'm here. Didn't take long though. “Rapohannock!”  We stood up and followed the voice and the man whose voice it belonged to, down the winding hallways to one of the 60 sleep labs that the Lab is prided for. I sprawled out on the bed as my mother took a seat in one of the office chairs in the opposing corner of the long room. The doctor walked in soon enough, and strangely, I was comforted by the familiar face.

Dr. Constance Marrone entered the room and upon seeing my mother turned to wink at me discreetly before exchanging pleasantries with mi madre.  They sat down and he searched for my files in the database installed in the desk while calling “Demeter, would you mind gracing us with your presence over on this half of the room please?” He enunciated “grace” the jerk. I laughed inside though. He was right about that.

Somehow he always managed to amuse me, even in my most annoyed moments. I wondered often what he was like outside of the Lab, but, assumed I would never know.  I had an slight idea though; after some of the long nights he'd spent with me here; talking or watching old sitcoms on the digital TV walls. He had a funny sarcastic wit about him and seemed too easy going to be a doctor. I think that's why I think of him more like a smart adorable friend than a doctor. The first time  I tried to mention this to the one girl who talks to me after the first “accident” at school, she being my best friend I couldn't be mad at her for trying to look out for me, told me I might have a hero complex for him. I don't think that's relevant considering he didn't save me from anything or magically heal me yet but whatever. I could see where she'd coming from; I guess. I disagree though. He's my charming doctor not-so-boyfriend-friend. I loved when he called my name because it was like a secret between the two of us. I could hear the sweet undertones my mother did not. I wanted to smile like a moron. But I didn't. The floor was too skidish to be concentrating on anything other than walking anyways.

I walked over as gracefully as I could in my Converses, considering I can't wear heels inside in the Lab and my balance is out of sorts as well. I knew that's not what he meant by “grace” but, still, I felt like being spitefully facetious. He caught me in my sarcastic strut as I sat down slowly and folded one knee over the other and hands in my lap while he spun his chair along the U shaped desk so he was facing us instead of the wall to our right as he let out a chuckle. He had that deep, almost evil laugh that rang out... His laugh reminded so much of the lead singer of that old rock band Avenged Sevenfold from like 2021 or something... They're being brought back with a couple of other old bands. But then he starts 'doctor speak' and I lose any sense of distraction he may have previously imposed. 

“You look worried Ms. Rapohannock; did something happen?” He looked from her to me and I looked at the floor rubbing my right shoulder as if I was guilty or something. I felt the doctors gaze on me and almost couldn't help but feel that my mother's anguish was my fault. If I hadn't risked following that man into the woods, would I have returned on time? But then again, could that even mess with my timing though? I mean, I fell asleep way before I was supposed to return home. I briefly remembered wanting to be back playing with the fish, but I'd only wanted that for the time while I was there; and alone. I hadn't wanted to stay longer! Could this really be...
“Demeter!” my mother commanded my attention and I realized she must have tried to call me multiple times. I looked to the doctor and realized he was looking at me hard so I instantly looked down and rubbed my forehead hoping to shield the rose flames creeping along my cheek bones.
 “Yes?” I responded weakly; not daring to even look up to face either of them.
 “Are you alright Ms. Rapohannock?” Doc Marrone asked me. There was an urgency in his voice. I had to douse my urge to laugh, nearly unsuccessfully, due to the fact that he only calls me that when my mother's around.
 “Yeah, Yes, I'm quite alright. Just tired I think.” I tried to smile for him. I think he bought it.
 “Alright. Now, what has happened to bring you in today?” I glanced at my mother as he folded his hands on the table in front of us. She just threw her eyes towards him as if to say that it was me had to tell him. Great.
 “Well, nothing really..” I began. An eye brow went up and a smirk played around the corner of his mouth. “I was, uhm, a tad but late coming home this afternoon.” My voice quieted throughout the remark and I hoped he'd heard me for my not wanting to repeat it. It would seem more true, more real that way. He leaned forward a little bit crouching over the log; his hand curling script onto the newest addition to my file.

I wondered what he was writing, but, then again I wanted everything but to know what was being hammered down on the journal screen. He seemed as though he couldn't write it down fast enough. Without even glancing up at me he began interrogating me:

 “How late were you exactly?”
 “One minute and fourteen seconds late” my mother responded.
 “Did she look pale or seem to have trouble during the transfer?” He asked, now looking at my mother. 
 “No, I didn't see anything resembling struggle..” Her voice trailed off and her forehead furrowed as if trying to squint into the past.
 “Demeter, did you feel any pain or have trouble breathing, or anything out of the ordinary feelings or otherwise when you came back?” I didn't miss the fact that he called me by name. I knew he cared about all his patients, but, sometimes I wonder... “Demeter!”
 “Uhm, just, let me think!” trying to cover for my hesitation, but he had a desperation in his voice that led me to feel rushed and scared at the same time. “No.” I said quickly. “I only remember feeling really tired. But I always feel that way when I transfer.” I looked into his eyes now searching for answers I wasn't sure would be there. “But, that's normal.... right?”

He looked at me closely. Squinting even. I don't think he believed me but at the moment that wasn't a ganghad I had at the top of my list; at this point though, it wasn't even on my list! I had come home late. And that rock that must have been floating, unbeknownst to me, in my stomach just dropped again. I felt as though some thread in my life plan just got cut and now the whole thing was going to unravel right in front of my very eyes.

He made a few notes in my file, pushed a few buttons on the electronic file pad, cursed a few times when he had to re put in a password and every move he made seemed so slow. There suddenly seemed to be a clock inside my head just ticking softly in the back of my subconscious; just counting down until the thing that would change, or end, my life.

 “Ok, so, no pain or nausea or dizziness just felt sleep deprivation which patient claims is normal. One minute and fourteen seconds late. Patient has all normal visible functions. Balance is normal.” My mother huffed a chuckle at that one. I mean, how could you not? Dr. Marrone walked around the desk and motioned for me to stand, sit, stand again and a couple of other ridiculous movements then listened to my heart and asked me a few questions about my past; “for mental purposes” he said. He sat back down and muttered down his notes.
Finally, he let out a deep sigh, as though glad to finally be done with something. He folded his hands once more over the file then swiveled his chair back over to us, looking at me until I squirmed in the leather arm chair.

 “You're sure you can't remember anything else that may be of use to me Mrs. Rapohannock?” Dr. Marrone asked while still staring hard at me. I don't know this because I was staring back, it was just so hard that I could 'feel' it in my skull.
 “I'm sure” she said, although, she didn't sound it. She just sounded... scared.
 “Ms. Rapohannock, would you please step outside and let me have a word with your daughter?”
He asked, but really, it sounded more like an order. An order she obeyed gracefully. It wasn't like she was unused to being asked to forsake her presence in the room but I don't think it was easy or that she didn't mind; she just knew there were some things best accomplished through solitude. Or, in this case, by the doctor and myself; only. Either way, she left willingly enough. Then, he stared.

 He asked no questions, gave no answers, nothing. Just. Stared. He stared until I wanted to fidget down to the least touched aspects deep within my body. Still, he stared. He was waiting for me to admit it. Whatever it is I've done to have made my mother worry enough to bring me here. We, Doctor Marrone and I, both know how it makes her feel. He says 'unbearably worried' but I say she probably feels cursed. We've argued this to a stalemate many times.

 He still waits as I try to replace my mind into times when we've been sitting in these very seats but when we were laughing or ignoring the possibly possible feeling emanating between us. He would call it “natural compulsion” or some doctorly term. I like to think that if something like what I imagine I feel between us sometimes as some thing more along the lines of... chemistry. Then again, if you had to be in the same room with someone of the opposing sex with a likeness to you, many times for many years, would you not just somewhat have to think yourself attracted to them? I didn't really like the thought of it being somehow fake or made up in my mind; this feeling that probably wasn't even there, but, it most likely was so I decided I'd stare back into the face of my doctor friend until he gave up and just asked instead of trying to make me feel bad about something that is most definitely not my fault.

 He was still waiting. But, finally, there was the smallest frown in the corner of his mouth; on the right side where it always was. I knew I was winning the silence fight. It took everything I had not to smirk. Mother had to be worried about now, but, this was more important at the moment. I needed to hear it. Whatever it is I did wrong, and how it made HIM feel; not my mother. I knew how she felt.

 He had been leaning back in his chair, hands folded in his lap. Now he sighed and his shoulders drooped forward as he let out a sigh and dropped his hands putting them quickly on the desk folding themselves over and over in front of him and leaning forward. I didn't move. “Demeter...” he began and his voice trailed off. “Demeter, I,” he tried again. He threw a hand quickly down his face and over his eyes as if his head hurt and restarted as he stood beside the desk now. “Would you tell me, Demeter, if you wanted to stay in that world?” He sat down again but pulled as close to the desk as he could so he could speak softer. “So I could... ” I blinked at him. And blinked again. I was speechless. “Demeter?”

 “I thought that was a rumour...” I choked out. “I didn't think that man actually wanted to stay there!” I stood up and started pacing the room while Dr. Marrone folded his hands and looked rather stone like. He knew what was coming. “Is that really true? Honestly? Can Night Walkers do that? How would I choose to do that? Why would I want to? I didn't come back late on purpose! I didn't! I swear..”
I choked. Tears were coming.. or threatening to. I could only hope he didn't touch me. Whenever I'm touched this close to tears I lose it. Plus, doctors aren't supposed to be nice enough to do that anyway.    I looked at him; every fear in the world being lined up on his next words and expressions. He knew it too. His brows knitted in a deep carefulness so as not to shatter my world completely and brutally; just as gently as possible. I could tell. This was not going to be good. My chest heaved and I let my nails sink into my arms as I pressed the crossed limbs into my stomach to ease the pain there.
 
 We just sat there like that for an unruly amount of time. I sat there; looking at him with eyes full of tears and heavy breathing and lips that, if parted, would let loose terrible sobs. And he sat there; staring at his hands, thinking, unable to figure out what to do or say. Then he got up and walked around the desk very, very slowly. I could feel his hand hovering above my shoulder, debating. He didn't actually touch me but he stood behind me. Close enough for me to feel him. Far enough so he wasn't crowding.
 
 “Demeter, those stories aren't.. just stories. People who can transfer into a dream they find more suitable than this life, can, well, they can choose to stay. If you get attached to something or someone, your soul feels safer there and it lingers longer and longer until you just, don't... don't transfer over again.” He paused for what seemed like hours and began walking around the room “But, that can't be proven; of course. That, is what I've been told by the Day Walkers that have passed through here and supposedly figured it out for themselves. Or we've figured out as they tell us things about their experiences there. That man you heard of, his name was Mekiiel Vonderbelt. He told me on some of the days he was in here about the adventures he had, the wonders, and... and a girl of whom he was beginning to love.” He looked right at me then; as if questioning, but not expecting an answer. My eyes closed then, unwillingly, and unreasonably filled with hurt. “I can't  know if he truly loved her, and chose to stay, or if his body simply couldn't take the change and the shifting anymore. Either way, he left us. So, yes, Demeter. It is possible. Or, I believe it is.” He looked at me then with an expression I can't begin to decipher or explain and left a long horrid pause there for me to fill my fearful thoughts with. He had crouched down and turned my chair so I would be facing him. “So, Demeter, would you tell me if you choose to stay there; as early on as you may decide?”  I opened my eyes and looked at him through the glassy tears as one rolled down my cheek.

 I felt so lost and out of control that it was nearly unbearable.

 I stared at him for a moment. I looked deep within the eyes that pleaded me to answer whatever unspoken question lingered there.. I looked past the formality and the logic and I found a glimpse of what I was looking for. And then, I gave up. I threw my arms around him and cried.
 
 I felt like I couldn't breathe anymore. I didn't want to stay in that world. If I could find a way out of it I would. If I could stay here and play this shitty hand of cards as best I could to not have to even consider the fact that I would one day not come home and never see Constance again and never get looked at like I was a freak again or that anything else that I loved or hated might be lost. I cried all of these things into his shoulder for at least an hour until my pathetic sobs came down to shuddering breaths and all he had to say as he held me there was an almost untraceable whisper “I'd miss you too” and I started crying soft tears for a loss I may or may not have.

 I don't know how long we'd been like that: knees on the floor and my arms thrown around his neck, his white lab coat drenched in tears. But slowly he stood now, and pulled me up with him, not untangling his arms from me. “Demeter, I hate to do this to you, but we must let your mother back in now. If you like, I can tell her that you fell asleep and to come back in a few hours.. but I cannot keep you over night. You would have to have come back late twice as to decipher an anomaly from an patterned dis-return in order for me to have bounds to keep you over-night. I nodded into his chest. I was actually dreading pulling my head away from him for reasons of what I feared my eyes and face looked like: which I'm sure was terrible. But I had to.

 I took a deep breath and rubbed my eyes. His hands dropped to his sides and then crossed over his chest like he didn't know what to do with them anymore. It kind of made me smile. I looked up at him with all the strength I had to face him and hoped we wouldn't become awkward now. I think I did care and I think he might care too. He was rambling enough … haha. But I had to say something. Make up my mind. If I stayed here for an hour or two I knew full well I wouldn't sleep and that he wouldn't stay in the room as I'm sure he has other patients. “No, that's alright.. But I need to tell you something first.” I put my hand up on my opposing shoulder as I did when I was nervous and tried to drop it to keep at my side but I was too self conscious to do so. I fidgeted and I could tell he was getting nervous.
“I did meet someone..” I looked up at him “But I don't like him or anything 'cause I think I like you but I've only seen him once and I followed him to this cool waterfall and saw these pretty fish and then I followed him back to the village entrance and fell asleep on my rock at least a few hours before I was due back. I didn't want to stay there I only thought about the fishies and...” I was having trouble breathing again. “and... I didn't mean to I swear!” A tear rolled down again.
 His mouth was parted slightly and I knew I'd stunned him. “I'm sorry, I had to say something. I just, I just needed to tell you that before I left.”
 
 I dared a glance at him and although I saw a departed look in his eyes as he swept the tear that was tracing my cheekbone away and said softly “It's ok. I.. I know. Uhm, let me escort you out. We're not done with this conversation though.” He said as he straightened up and laid his jacket in his chair as he walked me to the door.  “Mrs. Rapohannock, I will need to see her again tomorrow. Just to give her another check up and in case something happens again tomorrow afternoon. Will that be alright?” My mother had taken my hand as soon as she had seen my eyes. Not that I cry much but still, she knew. I listened to Constance's voice as if it were a buoy in the ocean.
 
 “Yes, that will be fine. I appreciate your help Dr. Marrone. Thank you so much!” She turned to start toward the door and Constance signaled for someone to call a MedBus. He looked at me then and nodded. I'm not sure what it meant, but, as I looked forward again I somehow felt like things might be ok; like tomorrow might be certain. If he believed it was, then so would I.

 I tried to hold to that.  But, really it was hard to hold to anything when thinking of your impending doom. I wish the terms “sleepless nights” could apply to me but no matter what I do, I'm forced to sleep. Maybe sleeping pills would have the opposing effect on me.. or not. Probably the latter. There's so many options for everyone else and none for me. Not even a life. My life was built the moment that gun went off. Or, probably before that. It was in my genes after all. But either way, I have a schedule that can not be changed or altered which makes everything, including school, dating, and mischief awfully hard to do.
 
I really, really, do not want to go to Sleep tonight. But, honestly, can you blame me?

 I glance over at my mother and nearly start crying all over again. I make a vow not to look her way again until the bus trip is over with. She doesn't seem to thrilled with the outcome of the visit. We didn't really find anything out anyways. And what I personally learned, I'm not all too thrilled about either. But, he made it seem like I could choose to stay or not; which I guess is good news. The downside is that it's just not credible to me.. the staying part yes, but the choosing part no. Because I didn't want to stay in the Other-Realm where I was always alone and still weird, but mostly just alone. Why would I want to stay there? I mean I really don't. And yet, I came back late. I don't want to stay... Do I?

Chapter 6

 

Year:  ?
Month: October
Day: Friday
Time: 2:03:36 PM-OR

I felt the rock before I heard anything, this is normal, but I guess it sort of had a finality to it. Like, I could have been just in a mid-sleep stage or something where there's really nothing there; no sound, no touch, no colour; like the beginning of a day dream. But the rock was a touch, no longer a suggestion of dreams, I knew where I was and that was that. I couldn't help but feel the rock in my stomach as it quickly sank and filled me with an unmistakeable dread because the outcome of the night/day would tell me of my future; my impending doom per say.

I sat there; as still as I think I'd ever been, eyes crushed shut, wishing myself away. I knew I couldn't. But I could hope right? Maybe I'd be the next famous patient of Doctor Marrone. I'd be the one who beat the genetics of our time. Then maybe he wouldn't be so worried about doctor/patient conflicts and he would come out and tell me how he really feels because I'd be famous. Being famous helps with things like that. I sighed. I could hope, but, I won't. The mind is too complicated yet. I pulled my knees up to my chest and hugged them close. The afternoon sun had left the rock warm but the cold was creeping in fast and low. I haven't open my eyes; as that would be an even more final finality than the rock itself. The sun was nice though.

I wonder if I ought to move spaces. I mean, I've stayed here because it is where I fade in and I guess I always just assumed I had to leave from here too. Somehow I'm beginning to doubt that though. I may have been lucky up til now with wild animals and, up til yesterday, townsfolk. Normally they keep to themselves which is what made yesterday's encounter odd. The cocky bastard had an air about him that puzzled me: a cockiness as though he knew something I did not, and the way he answered me before I asked things while at the same time as he seemed as though he was oblivious to things he oughtn’t be.

I took a deep breath and slowly opened my eyes. Somehow I kind of expected to see the Irish Man again, but he was no where to be found. Just the town with its stone entrance way and the forest in the other direction. I released the anxiety in my breath I took in with a slight relaxation come to my shoulders in relief. I stood slowly to do a 360 just in case. Everything looked just fine and dandy until I glanced at my rock and saw something folded and brown. I finished my 360 and when everything else looked alright I turned back to the rock with the brown thing. I knew what it was. It was simply trouble.
So why did trouble make me want to smile and cry at the same time?

I hesitated and tried not to bite my lip as I reached for it. I didn't want to have anything to do with it but I'm naturally a very curious person. I knew what the thing was of course, but what I did not know was why the coat was left for me. It was such a sweet gesture that I didn't know how to feel. So I stood there staring at it like an idiot. I wanted to hope that it meant he wouldn't be here today, but it also meant other things. It meant he's caring, and he cares for me. It meant that maybe he knew I was always here; which sort of scared me in a way but I still couldn't quite feel stalked. Something about it seemed right. But then again, anything that I do could hold me here. And that is the thought that brought the sadness. And I'm still staring at the coat. I wanted to put it on so badly. I mean, after all, it was getting cold rather quickly tonight and to let such a sweet gesture go to waste... It's not like I'm talking to the man or anything. I'm just keeping myself warm. Yeah, that can't be too bad. And I don't have one of my own today. I wonder why? A small sarcastic laugh went off in the back of my mind but for my sanity I decided to ignore that. I stared at the coat. It did look warm. And I was wearing  a white pirate style shirt with the tight wrists and shoulders but loose around the rest of the arm covered by a brown vest paired with some black skinny jeans and brown and white saddle shoes. Apparently I have good taste in my dreams except for the warmth part. Screw it, I was already late one day. This really can't hurt me that much. I haven't heard anyone so I grab for the jacket before I can change my mind. It was soft and thick. As I unfolded it I found it was the same sort of style as the one he wore yesterday. Double breasted peacoat sort of jacket. I threw it around my self and the heaviness was adorned with a sort of woodsy smell: soft tobacco, vanilla, Cedar, Pine and coffee I think. It looked as though it had huge pockets, which is awesome, 'cause I love pockets so I stuffed my hands in them. My right hand though made a crunching, rustling sound when I buried my hands deep inside. I pulled out a folded sheet of parchment. Manners told me that I should respect the man's privacy but curiosity said he probably wouldn't give me a coat that had something he wouldn't want me to see. So figuring my day was just doomed anyway I unfolded it. The paper was sort of faded in an off white way and crisp in a way that regular paper wasn't. I was sort of nervous as I undid the last fold and spread the strange paper on my rock.

It was a map; and a hand drawn one at that!  There was an 'X' in the center of the paper labeled 'you'. To the right of the 'X' was an clover shaped space labeled Esthra underneath. It seemed to be split into five pieces. A circle in the center labeled 'Market' around which seemed to be four different villages. The one at the top left of the circle had a bunch of small upside down V's which I assumed were houses and a larger one near the back of the section. It was called Govern Royale. There was also a small circle near the bottom of the division. I have no idea what the out of place shapes meant though. The top right held a bunch of V's as well, but there was a large space that stretched out the shape upwards with a bunch of straight lines in different directions and a rectangle in the center labeled 'mills'. That one was called Sun Valley. That portion was bigger than the others. The bottom left section held more V's, but they were arranged around a center of it's own wherein lay a circle labeled 'jail' inside of a dotted area named “hang man's square”. This one was appropriately named Justice. In this section also lay a square labeled 'surgeon doctor', and in the back of that section a square labeled  'witch doctor'. The bottom right section of Esthra had, you guessed it, more V's. Nothing seemed to different about that space except it seemed to be gated off for some reason and it had no special shapes inside. This one was called Avalon.

I looked up from the map towards the stone gate to my right and figured that this must be the entrance to Esthra. It seemed a lot smaller from where I am but the land is very flat and there is a lot of forest so I can't even see the beginning of the place. I shook my head and looked down at the map again. Along the North and around the top of Esthra was a river that wound South-East and off the map named 'Cotton River'. Also to the North of the village, above the Sun Valley and across the river, was a dotted section labeled 'mines'. To the North-West of my 'X' was a dotted area named 'Cascade' with a simple depiction of my waterfall. Way off to the west, the whole left corner of the map had tiny dots over which was written 'ocean'. To the South of my waterfall a ways was another dotted line section named 'New Beginnings'. I wasn't sure how I felt about that name or what it may entail so I decided not to wonder on that one too much.

Aside from the village, the waterfall area and anything that had a label really was a gray colour, so I decided it was probably forest. Which actually was helpful. He described not only the area but the land around me with his simple sketches and cursive notes and somehow I felt safer here. The rest of the paper was blank all along the bottom so I didn't think he'd actually finished it, but it was brilliant all the same. I looked up and around to make sure I was still alone. I was, but my knees and feet were starting to fall asleep from sitting the way that I was. I stood slowly wriggling my ankles and wrists to get my blood moving again and I felt the full weight of the coat again which wasn't quite heavy, but it made me feel small; in a comfortable cozy way. As I did this though, I stared down at the map not so much looking at it but seeing the map as a whole, as a thing, a very thoughtful gift. I wonder why he'd go through the trouble of drawing this for me. It had to be a bit time consuming. It really wasn't any use wondering about it though. I wouldn't know and I doubted I'd see him anytime soon and if I did, would I remember to ask? Somehow I doubted I would. The sky was a bit darker than it was so I guessed I'd used an hour or two by now. I still had ten or so to go. I faintly heard the chirps of the chorus to “World Spins Madly On” that the birds echoed from the woods. They seem to be quite ironic at times and I appreciated their funny irony.

To stay or to wander is now the question. I picked up the map and looked over it again. The ocean seemed like days of a journey on foot which is unfortunate because I love the ocean. I looked over to left at the mess of pines and cedars; I wouldn't mind to see Bubbles again... Ugh, the sleeves were too long! I dropped the map to feet and rolled them over so I could bare my hands enough to hold the map without ripping it accidentally and then stooped to retrieve it again. It can't be that dangerous to venture could it?

Constance made it seem like it was human interaction that messed with the timing of the transfer, so, as long as I didn't talk to anyone I should be alright to wander and I'll just be sure to get back to my rock by transfer time. I glanced at the map and the at the village. I did want to see what it was like but after yesterday's adventures I wouldn't dare risk it. Too much was at stake. 

I needed to figure it out and stop waging this internal war on myself so I would quit standing in the middle of the road like this. Out in the open as I was, I didn't figure anyone would be here. Well, except maybe the Irish Man. Was it bad that I wondered his name? I hoped not. I needed to stop thinking about this, about him, but the gift had shifted something deep within me that even the thought put a stupid, thankful grin on my face. I did a left face and started meandering towards the waterfall and Bubbles with my nose in the map, studying it like Disney's Belle in her books.

I wished there was such a skill as to memorize tinier details than our bodies allow. I keep falling over stumps and fallen tree limbs that I didn't remember until after I tripped over them. Such is life I suppose. Whether or not you can call this a life is rather up to the person inside of it. As for me, well, I don't really know. I haven't thought about it actually. I mean, I 'live' in two different worlds, and in each one what do I do the whole time? Hide and try to do what's best, which normally entails keeping quiet and to myself which makes for a very boring time in this world; eh, these worlds. Emphasis on that last s there. Then again, ow branch, I am breathing and I have thoughts and feelings and I'm doing things (however small and or boring they may be) so this could be called a life too. I guess, for people like me, this is considered more of a dream than a life. A very long and semi-permanent dream. But, it is very much a part of your life because it's still time being spent, it just isn't all in the same dimension... Ugh, I don't know. 

As I was walking through the woods, I headed in the general direction, and somehow I felt like I knew exactly where I was going; though I'd only been there once. Maybe I have subconscious memory or something. I mean everyone does, but I hardly had to look up and yesterday I was tripping over everything as he made all these unexpected turns and everything. What's up with that?  Well, it is my dream after all, maybe I should know it better than I think I do. Maybe I was just scared and my subconscious couldn't get through or something.

I got to where the willows started to thin out the pines and redwoods so I looked up from the map and folded it up and shoved it in one of the Irish Man's pockets so  I could push through the embraces of the willow trees. I went to the same spot I had yesterday and plopped down facing the waterfall as I spread my map out on the ground in front of me. I traced the outline of New Beginnings absent mindedly. Why was I so intrigued with it? I really can't say. But something is still bothering me, it's like tugging at something locked up somewhere deep inside my mind, and I just, I don't know what it is or have any idea how to get to it.  It just seems like somewhere to avoid. I set my mind that it will be somewhere I avoid. For however long I can stand anyways... One could only concentrate so long on such mind boggling things so I folded the map and shoved it back in it's pocket.

I turned my attention to the stream part of the falls and peeked over the sandy edge. There was my ugly little duckling fish. Swimming there hovering with its disgusting eye ball pods or whatever just waggling its little tail like a dog. It almost looked like it was smiling. I couldn't help but smile back. It was just so ugly it was almost adorable. “Hello Bubbles” I whispered and I reached out to draw shapes for him to follow. I touched the surface and drew a circle and he came all the way to the top to rub against my finger. He was an animated thing and wasn't much longer than my middle finger, which may have been part of what made him so cute, but then you noticed his eyes were bigger than my thumb nail each and you just wanted to die laughing at the little guy. I did start laughing and maybe he took it personally or just was hungry or something because he rubbed against my hand again and swam away downstream. I flipped over to my back and looked up in to the darkening sky. The sun was setting and it would probably snow soon.

As I watched the clouds I thought about Constance and about Irish Man (who seriously needs a name). I wondered what Constance would do if he were in my shoes. Would he have taken the risk of talking to the guy? Would he have taken the coat even though it was cold? Is he thinking about me too? And why would Irish Man be so kind as to leave a coat and hand write a map for a person he doesn't know and has hardly even seen the face of? Ugh. I don't have the answers to my own goram questions! I turned my wrist as I dragged my hands over my face to see the time and how much longer I had in this place and I almost shrieked. I don't have my watch! I sat up and felt my wrist frantically to see if it's invisible or something although, plain as day, it wasn't there. I clawed my hands into my hair and stared at the ground with my head in my hands as I searched the grains of sand for any memories of having or not having my watch while being here. I couldn't remember. I never had any need for time or any sense of it. I slept through most of it so time didn't matter. It never has here. Which, might be a blessing to some who have busy lives while not in their Other-Realm, but my life depends on time; revolves around it even. Every second matters. So why couldn't I remember? Oh Gods, this isn't good.

My head snapped up as I heard a twig snap somewhere to my left. I scanned the woods quickly and didn't see anyone, but I definitely heard something... I don't think I can blame squirrels for that one. So, I ran. All the way back to my rock. I decided I'm staying here for the rest of the night. So I curled up against my rock and stuffed my hands inside the opposing sleeves, pulling my knees inside the waist and listened to a chirpy version of ole man Billy Idol til I fell asleep.

Prior Patients

Year: 2094
Month: October
Day: Thursday
Time: 2:04:58 PM-RW

As soon as my eyes opened into the afternoon sun pouring into my room, I sat up all too quickly and looked to my mother who sat in her rocking chair with her eyes closed and head back against the chair. Her brown hair was still wet as it hung loose just over her shoulders.

 “What happened over there yesterday?” she asked me in a small voice.

 I closed my eyes and willed myself not to hurt inside. I was late. Again. Or, rather, I guess on time now that I've fucked up my whole system. Damn that Irish Man, why the hell did he have to find me? On the bright side, I guess I wasn't home any later than yesterday, so my little adventure to the water didn't phase anything. I really didn't know how to answer her questions because I'd never told her, or anyone besides Constance (kind of), anything about my world over There. How could I make someone understand a story that has no setting and no named characters?  I'm not sure how that story would end, besides with a confused set of receiving ears. I really don't want to start telling her stuff because then she'll ask all the time. This is one of those things you just know because she's your mom; ya know? That would be a never ending ganghad I don't feel like feeding for the rest of, well, however long I have.

 “Nothing happened Mom. Really. Nothing went wrong, I just did something by accident that I'd never done before and I guess it messed something up. I won't be doing it again; I assure you. But that could not even be what happened. Maybe this is normal for my kind.” I glanced at her. She looked kind of scared, in a girlish sort of way, and it made me want to spill. She gave me this look that said 'I know you're hiding something' that quickly dumped sarcasm all over the fear that was there a moment before.

I opened my mouth but it quickly shut. No words were there. What could one say when there was no way to tell her one part of a huge story that you don't want to tell? Well, there isn't anything. So I just looked at her helplessly. She crossed her arms. This wasn't over. She wanted answers. Who could blame her really? After looking after me, a freak of nature who is gone half the time like a mental patient, whom she works all the time to care for, really who could blame her to want to know what's happening in said child's world that hurts things in her world? Nobody.

 “What did Dr. Marrone say?” Ah, at last, a question I could answer.

 “He didn't say much. He took a lot of notes about my health and such. Details on how I came back, if there were any problems or anything; which there weren't.” I looked pointedly at her as I said that last part. “And I don't think he figured anything out since he wants me back today.”

 I hated sounding so sassy, but I was done with this goram conversation. She looked like she wanted to say more but didn't know which one to let out first.

 “Why were you crying in there?” Now I looked down. I couldn't answer this one honestly ither.
 “I was scared. Why else?” Still sassy. Oh well. She threw her hands up in the air.
 “Fine. Don't tell me anything. But there'd better be a good goram reason for it!” I winced as a door slammed from somewhere upstairs. Its better this way. If she doesn't know anything and I do get stuck there one day, she won't think I chose it, and to be away from her. I will never choose that.
The MedBus pulled up about an hour later. My mother didn't say much so I didn't ither. What was there to say really, when you couldn't talk about your days because they were repetitive? Hers was work and watching me 'sleep' and mine was, well, I'm not telling her so it's pretty much a dead end conversation there as well. Normally we'd talk right before I fall out so that I could tell her the newest things happening with my best friend or maybe something funny Constance said (not that I call him that in front of her) or whatever because my days are rather short lived. No pun intended. We sat next to each other and listened to the drone of the “don't do this speech” we always hear; but this time, I really wanted to yell at the guy to shut up because we know it practically by heart after all these goram years of finding ourselves seated on this bus.

This time when we arrived, Constance was awaiting us in the lobby. Something about that just made my stomach crawl. I almost felt sick. I scanned my watch quickly and then approached Dr. Marrone with a held breath.

 “Come,” he said “I have news.”

His stride was urgent but his voice was steady. As we paced him uneasily, I noticed it was the first time I couldn't  even guess what he was feeling. For whatever reason, I felt extremely closed off by that realization. He opened the door for us and we nervously sat down in front of the desk. He had file folders everywhere over the desk and the bookshelf by the door, and the wall screen TV was paused on someone in the middle of a sentence. When I looked back in front of me I found Constance rooting through the growth of paper on his desk for something. A note pad, apparently, as when he found it he started flipping through it and muttering to himself. He was seriously making me nervous now, although, I was beginning to think it wasn't bad. He would be more sullen and grave in the face; probably not so flustered. That at least, gave me a spark of hope. I watched him closely as a cowlick he normally keeps brushed back fell onto his forehead from his dark, military style, short cropped hairline.
His eyebrows furrowed in the most attractive way and a small dimple formed between them giving him a somehow light look of innocence. I know I should be scared to death right now and freaking out over my future, and I was, but I was so focused on the man in front of me that I wasn't quite aware of it anymore. He always has had that effect on me though. Constance has been my one un-changing hope, my safe guard, my constant. I always pretended his name was chosen for that reason: to symbolize him being my rock, my constant.

 He finally stopped rummaging around and looked at us both in turn. He took a deep breath and then looked down at the things piled on his desk again. “I've been going through files of my older patients and have asked around for other files of patients who have had this happen to them in their course of being in record with us.” He looked at me with a slight pointedness. I took this as a note to listen down and keep my mouth shut. “This has happened to many patients before when something seems to have changed within the Other-Realm they are co-inhabiting. Only a small percentage of them have had any further changes after the first time.” He looked at my mother now, and spoke to her as if I weren't anywhere near here. “I don't see a high chance that Ms. Rapohannock will have any more time changes. I can not promise you this, so don't mistake me when I say these things.”

He had his hands folded and he was leaned towards her slightly, his stance comforting and promising and believable. However, I knew better. He was keeping something from her. I would find out within the evening. I heard her let out a breath and she grabbed my hand and held it tightly. I squeezed back. I love her; and I really hope she never has to know what happens to me when I'm not here with her.

“ I have done what research I can with what little we have for me to access. I hope this will at least comfort you for now.” He sounded so sincere that I almost believed him. I wish I could. I dared a look at my mother and she looked like she was about to cry as she shook her head in a yes gesture. He looked at me now, as her eyes were to her lap, and said “I would, however, like to keep a watch on her tonight just to see if I can observe anything else that may be of use to us.”

Her hand tightened on mine for a moment. I know she hates leaving me. She looked at me and I tried to give her a reassuring smile. It must have been convincing enough because I received a small smile in return.

 “Go do something for yourself  Mom; I'll be alright here. I always am. Plus, the doctors are all here to help me if I need anything. It's kind of like a sleepover.” She chuckled at that. So did Constance actually.

 “Except it's easy to win pillow fights with an unconscious person!” I smirked and laughed myself because I could totally see him doing something like that to me when I'm  Asleep. I looked at my mother again and she was nodding though her laughter.

 “I'll have to try that sometime!” she laughed. She got up and stooped to hug me. “Alright BedBug, I'll come get you tomorrow afternoon okay?” I nodded and she shook hands with the doctor. After one last look before shutting the door she left.

The sound of the door shutting echoed through my head. I did not like the implications it brought life to inside my head. I kind of felt locked up and my eyes lingered on the door as I debated going to open it, just to make sure it still would open. I glanced at Constance whose eyes were down at the notebook again and then back to the door. I felt nervous and my heel started beating the floor in rapid taps for a moment until I noticed it and planted my feet to the ground and my eyes to the opposing ceiling corner.

 “Have you told her anything?” He asked softly. I shook my head.

 “I only said that I did something out of the ordinary and that may have been what caused the time lapse but we have no idea for sure. I had to say something.” I bit my lip just thinking about it. “She gave me the death glare.” I fumbled with my intertwined fingers as I shoved them between my thighs so as not to mess with my lips anymore than I could help. Constance got up and wheeled his chair over next to me. I was still kind of distant looking into the past through the help of blatant staring into the ceiling corner until I felt a soft brush over my lips. I instantly turned and my canines released the tender spot I always manage to bite down on. I felt the bewildered colour spread across my cheeks.
 
 “Now that I have your attention” he chuckled softly; and his voice trailed off as I walked across the room to a chair next to the bed.

 “That's not funny Constance.” Honestly, it hurt. Did I make a mistake in telling him how I felt, albeit accidentally, and not completely but still? Is he going to use that against me now? Really? I folded my arms across my chest and looked at the person paused on the wall in front of me. “Who is this?” I asked; not even bothering to give any more to the question as he knew I was trying to change the topic and would follow my thoughts to the wall. I heard the roller chair move towards me. I tried to look past him as he pulled right up in front of me to where our knees touched like when we thumb wrestled sometimes. I couldn't help it. The touch brought my eyes to his. I blinked a few times to be sure the pricks of tears got pushed away. He just looked at me, searching my face, or studying it, I can't tell which. I looked back into the blue and brown eyes I've come to know so well and couldn't find regret or harm there so  I decided not to give him too much heat for the gesture. I mean, he's done it before, like maybe twice. But he didn't have to pull something like that so soon after I've told him things like it was a joke or something. That really hurt more than I was ready for.

 “I'm sorry.” he said finally. “I didn't expect it to hurt you.” I knew he was being honest with me. “And I didn't mean it as a joke; if that's what you're thinking. I wouldn't hurt you purposely Demeter.” Did he really have to use my name in that tone of voice? It was too, I don't know, nice. I looked away now; down at my folded arms.

 “Do you really not think of me like that at all?” I didn't even really mean to say it. But I wanted to know. I had to know. I felt the heat slip onto my face but I looked at him anyways. He had to know I was serious and that I wasn't playing games.

 “Demeter, I've been around you for years. I've watched you grow older and I've seen you through many things. We've helped each other with many things. But, at the end of the day you are my patient and I won't compromise that. I will keep my distance as I have obviously been getting to lenient with you. My apologies.” He pushed back a foot or so from me as he said this.

 Now I was hurting and it was starting to upset me. “That's just it! Patient or not, there either is or isn't something there. And I just need to know if you are my friend or something more because of how close we are, and how much time we've spent together, here in this very room even! I bet I know you better than anyone of those girls you've told me about. And believe it or not, in my short ridiculous life, so far, I've found that there are things that are worth the loss of other things.”

The look on his face told a lot of things: sadness, anger, remorse, confusion. Which one was more prevalent, and how long I could wait to find out, were two things I didn't know. But, now, I almost didn't want to know. What if it wasn't the answer I'd wanted to hear? But then again, it, kind of had to be the answer I want because I don't see how he doesn't care for me. So he tells me he doesn't and either he's lying or he doesn't and, good or bad, I'm sure it wont be hard to tell. I looked and was still looking when -

 

Meeting Emma

 

Meeting Emma

As I came to, I blindly fumbled for the jacket I knew was left there. I've become accustomed to the strange weather here and have gladly decided to derail all my suspicions of why the jacket is left for me every day and just accept it as a necessary thing. My fingers raked the tweed bound thing and pulled it to my chest; holding it there. I quickly found myself bored and wondering what I should do, now that I have had the maddening sense to actually leave my rock instead of just sleeping off my whole time here like a bad dream. The abnormality of the thought still hits me though. Before, this decision wouldn't even have been a decision. There was no decision to be made. But, again, there's this small sense of.. boredom? Excitement? Maybe im just bored of being bored. One can only ignore the facts for so long.

Fact one: Im stuck here for 12 hours every day.
Fact two: I'm bored out of my mind.
Fact three: for whatever reason, name, hasn't been around. (Though it might be better that way?)

He has such a weird way about him. One day he's here showing me around and the next, he just leaves things for me; nowhere to be found. Oh well, more adventures for me! Not like I need him anyway. Ya know what? I'll go see my fishy. I'm sure the ugly little thing is just as bored as me. We'll be bored together; it'll be great!
I jumped off my rock and hung the jacket over my shoulders like a fashionable cloak and started off walking in a meandering way, taking in all the scenery and my wardrobe (which, by the way, rocks here). Today I was endorsed with black slipon shoes, and dark faded skinny jeans paired with a tank top that fit on the stop and then became a flowy loose set of waves at the bottom in the prettiest dark blue you've ever seen.
As I trudged along, I picked up a walking stick and ripped the stray branches from it to make it smoother. Once I was happy with the little knobby stick I started making shapes in the pine encrusted forest floor in all sorts of random patterns. Making my path of shapes amused me all the way up to the edge where the clearing started and the forest 'ended'. I make a note to erase them on my way back; should anyone find them and ruin the secret of my place here.
I am just about to finish my final shape at the edge of the clearing when I hear something abnormal for this place. It sounded, like someone was throwing rocks into the pool at the end of the waterfall river or jumping in or something. I hold my stick to my chest and pull the jacket so the neckline is resting just above my forehead to cover the red of my hair and the blue of my top.
Peering around the edge of a bush I saw a hooded figure by the edge of the pond; the side of the human facing my direction. The person was wearing a body length blue cloak. The same exact colour as my shirt! This really sucks. I thought he said no-one comes here? This was our place, er, my place and now it's apparently ruined. I try to forestall my disappointment. I peek back out from the hole inbetween the bush and the tree only to see a floating ball in mid air above the pond. It looks fragile, and not completely, whole? Suddenly, it drops to the water with a loud splash. Ohkay... that's the splashing sound alright, but it's source, I must say rather creeps me out. Yet, it intruiges me at the same time. I tried to lean closer through the break in the treeline that served as my hiding place to see how this water ball was being formed and levitated as the next one emerged from the water's surface. I couldn't see anything so I looked to the person. I swear I heard a female voice say "bubbles". I must be losing it. All I saw were outstreched hands (obvioiusly female) seeming to hold something invisible. Is she... controlling it?
I decided to try to get closer and see if what my eyes were showing true was actually the truth. I stepped around the tree, stick in my hand, and jacket on my shoulders. Eyes on the water ball, I started creeping towards the hooded woman but no sooner than five steps later I stepped on a twig which made a sound seeming to echo through the whole clearing. The ball instantly dropped and the figure snapped around to face me. Dropping all caution, I ran over to make sure Bubbles was ok; he was swimming around in circles as if in joy with his ugly little face smiling. Once assured, I turned to face my new opponent and wonder how I didn't notice immediately.
My lips parted in a gasp. She looked almost exactly like me; except, she had larger than normal emerald green eyes and dark brown, almost black, hair. Straight wisps whipped around her face as she stared back at me. Something flashed behind her eyes, like a realization, and somehow her eyes widened into an almost frightened expression; one that stayed in her eyes and didn't spread to the rest of her face. We stood this way for a moment; her with that expression I will never be able to put words to and myself in a defensive and intrigued state of mind, just staring at each-other. I wanted to push my fingers out in front of me, in her direction, just to see if she would mimic the action and show that there was some sort of trick mirror or something between us making me feel crazy and like I've never seen myself before. The blue cloak made her eyes seem to sparkle in dark glittery way beneath her hood giving her an almost primal and mysterious look as the shadows hid in all the right places on her face to portray her sharp beauty and display the representation of how much I really knew at this moment.
Her lips parted and I heard a whisper, so soft and airy, I'm not sure I heard it at all. “My mirror” is all I heard. Which, frankly, seems to be appropriate but it makes no sense. She looked me over once more and suddenly turned to flee the scene without so much as an interrogation as to why I was there, a threat for telling anyone what I've just seen, or an explanation as to her cryptic commentary.

“Wait!” I shouted after her as I dropped my stick and started into a run but Name's jacket fell off and tripped me. By the time I looked up and shook my head she was gone. I rubbed my eyes and looked around seeing no trace of her so I grabbed the jacket and tried to dust it off as best I could while trying to make sense of what I just saw.
Im not putting it past this place to have things like magick or unicorns hidden away somewhere in it's corners, but the girl, that's what throws me.

The whole time I've been here I've never seen a mirror. Not that I've ever gone anywhere that may have one, but, that's not the point. Maybe she just meant I look like her. Which, would be very true... minus her huge eyes and difference in the eye and hair color but I know I'm just disecting it now; trying to understand my urge to reach out and grab her hand.

"Why hello there Dearie! What brings you ouwt this whey?" I have no idea how long I'd been standing here like this.

"Uhm, when did you get here and who was that?"

He starts laughing. "Ih don't knowh who yer speakin of Dearie, but it's just me and you here. I but only jest arrived."

"Don't call me 'Dearie'" I say, looking around and seeing it must have been a bit of time because the sky has darkened.   "I thought you said no-one knew about this place!"

"No-one except me and you. And I'd call you by yer nahme, but I haven't got one fer you do Ih?" The smirk in his voice makes something coil deep in my stomach.

"Maybe I don't want you to know it."

"Then I'll just keep yer name as Dearie, Dearie."

I huffed. What if him knowing my name makes me stay here longer? How am I supposed to know these things? There's no manual; no Guidebook For DayWalkers.... I'll just draw it out a bit. "Well, I don't know yours either."

"Salvadore; if it please the lady. Salvadore Eric Vitorre DeSilva."

 

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 02.09.2016

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