The Invisible Butler

Invisible Butler dressed in black.

Silent he stands

Firm and silent in the back.

Every need and every whim

On call he is;

it's only him.

Always shows

on time and in fashion

Everything he knows.

Keeps his feelings all inside.

Saves his money;

waits and his time does bide.

Life goes byand he gets older.

He gets slower and they yell "Why?"

Then one day he doesn't show.

Finds him 'sleeping' in his attic

and didn't know

When the police came

what he owned or who knew

or if he ever had a dame.

Such a pity

such a shame

that this world's good souls

can have no name.

Dear Misguided Maiden

My temperature raises five degrees.

This wrath, it burns, inside of me.

I'm listening, however,

I wish silence would caress your lips.

 

If this all goes wrong on your account,

let it be your signature by hand your own

that scrawls across my condolence check.

 

Dear Misguided Maiden,

Don't forget,

that you and I

have never truely met.

Would I Really?

 

Take the good times and the bad.

Wonder ‘bout the ones we never had.

Maybe I could go back in time

to save your heart and in turn mine.

 

But if I could go back to the start

would I really have the heart

to go back where it all began

to lose the sunburn and in turn the tan?

 

I wonder if the marks I bear

were worth the pain

‘cause with the bad

good was always gained.

 

If I were to change the past

would it still have gone so fast?

Who would I have loved or lost?

What would our silence have us cost?

 

Where would I be sitting right this minute

and your heart, who would be in it?

I wonder if it’s worth the fear

to have lost you but you still be near;

 

Wondering if I’ll get you back

or if scared I’ll run and pack.

Would I really go back to myself and say

to quickly turn and run away;

 

and would it be worth each day I cry

to have said hello before goodbye?

Terrible Truths

Beautiful Sleeper

Don’t you cry;

Only forever

Will you lie.

 

Gorgeous princes

Don’t ever show.

Unless you’re lucky

Or have skin like snow.

 

Swim freely though

And let your hair down.

Keep a straight face though

‘Cause smiles only can turn down.

 

Dream dances with your monsters,

And steal carpets that fly.

Who’s to stop you?

All but I.

Borrowed Time

Awaiting a moment to call your own

in this place you call a home.

 

This roof you know you don't belong under

as the disaproval resounds like thunder.

 

Planning an escape

just to run to any place

 

after the ninth day of nine;

to a place you can call "mine."

 

You plee for the days that will be yours

not defined and constrained by

they who own you;

we keep waiting.

 

Sitting and shaking in hopefull agony

in the limbo of borrowed time.

Distinctive Description

Talk about not hearing.

Revenge; a taste so sweet.

A humming so loud,

that it blocks out all true sanity.

Just you wait and see.

Blood that pains the cuts my lips bear

begins to change to splenda

as pain worse to pardon

comes to life inside me.

 

It writhes in.

Struggles to find space between

the beating thingsof which keep me alive.

It finds no pity within me

as my body wants it out;

though it and my soul wishes only to yeild;

to keep it in.

 

This wrath is contagious.

It swarms into my blood as a plague.

My body sickens of itself

and starts a war between

the beings of one house for my soul.

 

Fights for standing

Fights for space

Fights to overtake my face

To show the pain I've always seen

Show the things that've never been.

 

Acid eats my walls within.

Slowly, surely crawls within;

destroys my only fortress.

It crys for me to cry distress;

feeds on me as I cry in vain

to turn the circle back again.

 

I only wish to gather strength;

a wish Im sure will bear short length.

Winter: The Love Lost

Frosted over,frozen.

Like a rose in winter.

Once alive and reaching for the sun,

now cowering in darkness;

Like a rose in winter.

Dancing with the winds of summer,

basking in it's sweetness,

now shivering and breathing ice;

Like a rose in winter.

Throwing all else away but the ability to breathe,

to depend on the Sun.

Now lost and caught again in fear.

Love lost;

Like a rose in winter.

Love - The Forbidden Fruit

A contemptuous misconception

of what could maybe, possibly,

one day a solution be.

A harmful longing,

a seed.

One that bears heartache and destruction

as a vine engulfed with thorns.

A terror to the garden within which it resides.

A scorning of what everyone says now to do.

A decisive rebellion against the world.

This is what love is.

For one changes his ways to please another.

Risks one's life for another,

and decides to resist temptation

for a world of limited time,

a world with the one thing

that you decide to let close enough

so that your world can be built or destroyed,

but either way,

it's apparently a world worth fighting for;

a fruit so enticing,

that you risk death

at the possibility of poison.

The poison of forbidden fruit.

The last good thing on Earth.

Drowning

 

Pushing up for air;

I'm drowning.

Reaching for the surface;

just a little further.

 

My lungs compressing;

my heart is beating harder.

Taste the water as I try to breathe.

Reach just a little farther.

 

Why did this happen?

How did I let myself get this deep?

When did the pressure get so great?

Feel the helplesness surround and take,

as the water enters into my lungs.

 

Shove against the added weight

the water now brings into you.

Shut your eyes and gather will,

as the light grows brighter and confuses.

 

Am I dying or am I closer to the surface?

Just..

a little..

further.

 

Break through the surface; conquer.

How did I pull through?

Lie on the sand that burns my skin,

the aftermath attacks.

 

Slowly fades to darkness,

but I know I am awake.

Goodbye - A Love Story

"I know you don't understand,"

I whisper.

As I use all my strength to pull you closer,

bury my face in your neck.

Retrieve the scent I've grown accustomed to;

one I must forget.

 

My heart beats faster yet,

as tears well up behind

my tightly gated eyes.

"But you will soon not need to know,"

'because you must forget me'

my heart adds silently.

 

I pull back and look you in the eyes,

and remember not drown

in the shards of the icy living ocean blue

that dwell beneth those lashes long

and bangs that brush my forehead,

as I try to save this face forever

in a safe and forbidden place.

 

I knot my hands behind your neck,

and kiss you one last time,

letting all the passion I have left

enter to the kiss.

 

"Know that I love you"

I whisper in a begging plee,

as I pull myself from you with force so quick

and ignore you as you say

"why have you forsaken me?"

 

'For your own good'

my heart replies,

shaking and cowering

as I hear your cries.

 

"Goodbye" I whisper

and I let my heart just die.

I Dream of War

I dream of war

under clear blue skys

in lands filled

with teary eyes.

 

I dream of war

with weapons of all shapes and size

including spears,

deceit and lies.

 

I dream of war raging,

coursing, in my veins

as I ride,

pulling on my stallion's reins.

 

I dream of war

is that so bad

or is the living world

more sad?

 

I dream of war

at least in dreams

things can be fixed

and my mind can peacfully be transfixed.

The Gang Leader - Pity or Revenge?

He was angry,

trying to forget.

He took a few of these,

drank a bit of that,

and he was ready;

for anything.

 

He could be angry now

and not care.

Be fearless and stupid.

Take on anyone.

But why did he choose me,

to let loose his rage upon?

 

Because his mother threw him out,

making my sex a factor,

because I was a girl,

he said.

Because i was pretty,

because i was strong,

willful, and my fear didn't show.

Because I stood up to him

and was smaller than he.

Because I was white,

beacause I am me.

(And that means being)

Everything he's not.

 

I wonder if I should pity him,

instead of being angry or hurt,

as I partially am.

He could control it,

I know that.

 

Anyone can control themselves

if they truly wanted,

truly tried.

So he must be scared,

a slacker,

a coward.

 

The deffinition of a gang leader.

A Nostalgic Moment

I remember standing in the rain,

the sleet.

There on that black path

that went in circles.

 

Literally, and figuratively.

I remember having the cold tears

run down my face

 

I smile;

openly receiving the rush

that came from nature's crying.

 

I remember opening my arms

and spinning slowly;

laughing.

 

I knew you would enjoy this with me,

as you told me

you loved the rain before.

 

I suddenly stop spinning

and look for you;

my arms slowly falling to my sides

as I watch you walk away.

 

I remember wanting to have looked there

and see you watching me,

so that I could ask you to dance with me

in the frozen happy tears.

 

I remember how the moment could have been,

and I wish I could forget

how it really was.

Culture Shock - Preppy VS Goth

Her hair falls

like a blonde waterfall to hell.

Bright red lips of holly;

stomach peirce holds a belly bell.

Diaphonous top

and short-shorts that show her ass

one of which on,

many men have had a pass.

Her body clicks as she walks

and behind her they all fall.

Bubbling nonesence ignorantly

until they hit my wall.

 

Personified Night pops her balloon of pink

with the studs on my wrist

as they rise to greet her smirk

with a finger and a fist.

Heels that bring me to her height

while my presence makes them shiver.

Hair glows of fire, my eyes laugh;

and dark gold glitter.

My lips colored like burgandy wine

curl into a smile.

I turn up my underground beats

laughing thunder-like as I dance away

at how scary little me

nearly made Preppy faint today.

Adorilie

Adorilie, Adorilie,

my one and only girl.

Just her name

makes me wanna cry.

 

There is so much to be said

My Dear,

and I wonder if i oughtnt say,

but this is something you need to hear.

 

Adorilie, Adorilie,

Ive been with you so long,

and yet you wonder why.

Our minds just match so well,

allowed us to stay together for the laughs

and let me catch you when you fell.

 

Adorilie, Adorile,

we've lived together for years,

time gone in a blink of an eye.

We've fought together,

cried together,

why can't you be mine forever?

 

Adorilie, Adorilie,

a name I gave to remind you

how beautiful you are in my eye.

I guess I'll bring it out now,

I love you.

Just please don't ask how.

 

I saw him hurt you

and it all went downhill.

I wanted to save you.

 

Adorilie, Adorilie,

won't you just stay with me,

be my beautiful,

adorible

Adorilie?

Raining Blood

it's nice to think that nature feels with you:

crys when you cry and laughs when you do.

Even though through science,

we know it isn't true.

 

But I swear when i was broken and undead,

Nature tore a cut in the sky

and spilled blood upon the clouds

casting a dark pink, marroon light on the world.

 

I could almost hear her cry in pain

as the liquid love stained

and the gentle rain

shattered the water made of glass.

 

I'm sorry Nature;

but twas by your hand

that made it so I cannot show.

So instead of mine,

it must be your blood to go.

Tears of Acid

"I never thought Nature was so dangerous",

I thought;

as I traced a circle around the slowly

deteriorating circle on my skin

where the acid tear had fallen.

 

It burns and pricks pins and needles

and it hurts.

But I ignore it

and fascinate myself with watching

how slowly I melt away.

 

Another tear fell as he spoke,

and my dress began to fade as well.

He didn't see;

his back is turned.

 

He doesn't care

and that's just fine with me.

At least I save myself the embaressment

of him seeing me die.

 

Love kills slowly;

tis a fact.

Nature has Her ways to kill,

and mine is acid rain.

Standing By the Baby Crib - The Glow of Love You Missed

 

Google eyed sewn characters

ferocious yet somehow cute,

spin clockwise dancing;

to an ancient melody.

 

A song that I once knew

now twirls around me

in an entrancing mother's warmth;

that claims the body to it's beauty.

 

Distracted with images of future times

entangled with the past.

Aura bursting and my eyes aglow,

do you see it now?

 

How it would have been

and what you've missed.

The light appeals now that you see,

you could've shared that glow with me.

 

I know it had to hurt

when you saw me light up that way;

with my eyes showing answers,

and my heart set in the past.

 

I thought I had grown past all the hurt

you left me with that time.

I thought our love was dead

and we could just be friends.

 

The pain and longing in your eyes shone brightly there,

and I knew that I was wrong.

You still thought of me that way, even after her.

I always knew what I wanted.

 

But when I saw that baby's crib,

with the lion in my hand,

everything was dark again;

except that light in your eyes

that were reflecting mine.

 

But that light came and went

and you still walked away.

I wonder if you think back now

and miss the light you saw that day.

Fancy Meeting You Here

'Fancy meeting you here,

on this lovely rainy day...'

No, that just sounds stupid.

I won't say anything at all.

But what to scream out loud is

'Of course you would show up here,

the day after I forgot you.

It couldn't have waited

another year or twenty?'

I suppose only fate could control this,

considering it wasn't planned.

But were we somehow summoned...

"no, shut up"

I whisper to myself.

It wasn't meant to be;

except it,

and keep on walking by.

So that's just what I'm going to..

"hey!" he yells,"Come over here!"

So, of course,

I do.

And what else is he to say,

But "Fancy meeting you here."

Re-Sewing A Masterpiece

 

If everyone pulls on a loose string

of an eloquent design,

shaped and patterned into something once beautiful

now ragged,

it will someday come undone.

 

And my world has unraveled;

just as they all said.

Reality has struck me;

like an apple to the head.

 

Everything they said was right.

Self sabotage intends

for messed up thoughts, fright;

to wear you down to nothing.

 

Once are torn down,

the world can build you up;

slowly fill your livelihood,

like water to an empty cup.

 

He slowly chipped away at every problem,

tried to beat it the easy way.

I would not see it as it was,

and if I did, I wouldn't say.

 

He finally gave in,

and took nearly everything I had away.

He kept me empty so I would believe,

and listen to what he had to say.

 

I was confused as to why he held me

when I broke down and started crying.

If he was leaving why would he care,

especially if he thought I was lying?

 

He said what needed to be said,

then kissed me and let me go.

I begged him not to leave,

but he said it needed to be so.

 

My stomach has a seering pain.

I felt as though I couldn't breathe.

I cannot understand; in him leaving I see no gain.

I can't believe this is happening.

 

I cried for hours;

thought I only had one friend.

I knew that I was beaten.

My childhood was at an end.

 

Later when I fixed nearly everything

he asked me if I would talk.

He asked if I would come back to him,

and I held back in shock.

 

"I didn't leave because I wanted to.

It was all an act.

I did it all for you,

so you could understand...

 

I know you're angry and completely lost.

It hurt so bad to do that Love,

but I knew that waiting had a cost,

and it needed to be done for us."

 

With that being said,

the thread began a new pattern;

leaving the old one dead,

to hopefully start brand new.

 

He said "I still love you

and that will never change."

I hope you do because

I realized that I need you.

 

I'll keep on sewing

if you can show me how.

I'll keep on loving you;

if you'll stay with me now.

I Don't Know Him; But I Call Him "Mine"

     His story is heartbreaking; sad.

No-one ever knew it really was that bad.

We play guessing games that are just great;

but soon they must meet their fate.

 

I wondered if he really is just fine.

I don't know him; but I call him mine.

 

I found my perfect other part.

Both set upon locking up our heart.

He fooled me into letting him in;

but believeing I'm real, to him, is sin.

 

He doesn't sleep so he won't dream.

And avoiding food avoids sickness it would seem.

He is broken and ok,

and yet still has nothing to say.

 

I can tell only sometimes if he is fine.

I don't know him; but I call him mine.

 

I want to be as perfect for him as he is for I,

but when I saw his tears a part of me wanted to die.

I realized I can't do anything but hear;

I cry for Him now; My Love, My Dear.

 

I'll love him till the end, even if nothing will ever mend.

I hope that we both can change.

I love one that I don't know;

how strange.

 

He never seems to have much to say,

and yet I listen anyway.

He tries to have a face of stone,

and convinces himself he likes being alone.

 

My hope is dying; I can't break through.

I want us to work, but I don't know what to do.

I love the man he could be,

but also love theboy I see.

 

So many things he could achieve,

but for now he needs to just believe.

I don't wish him to change to a different guy;

just enough to get us by.

 

I know that he really isn't fine.

I don't know him; but I call him mine.

 

I Know I'm Not Invincible

I know I'm not invincible;

but how I wish I was.

I know I can't beat a 6ft wrestler.

I know I can only eat so much,

and that I can only stand so tall.

But I also know that if I do something stupid,

I will fall.

I know I eventually need to sleep,

or my body will beat my retaliation.

I know I need to people to survive,

but no-one said they have to be alive.

I know that my world may fall to peices,

but I'm still alive,

so there must be a way out of this mess.

I know that I am counted on,

and know sometimes

I'll let them down.

No one said I have to smile,

and no-one said I have to lose.

I just can't win and I just cant frown.

Sometimes rebellion doesn't work,

and sometimes it makes you stronger.

I can go without food for two days

and I can live without sleep for a week.

I can carry a football player,

and I can fight with words not fists, and win.

I somehow just missed the lesson

on how to be invincible.

Because obviously,

I'm not.

But how I wish I was.

Still Breathing

Somehow I'm still breathing

though my heart is in my throat.

I'm sobbing as I choke

on the still beating broken thing

stopping my airways.

And somehow I'm still breathing

though my stomach is suddenly sick of itself

and is trying to escape

up through my throat as well.

I'm gasping and sobbing,

and like a cough and a yawn,

they do not mix.

I am a fish out of water

and yet

somehow I'm still breathing.

My arms are around my torso

and knees to my chest.

The aching slowly overrides my body

and all I can do is sit there

and try to get a full breath

as I feel like I'm suffocating

though somehow I'm still breathing.

The pain reaches through my skin,

and touches everything within it's grasp.

Everything suddenly hurts with an sting

that I didn't know I could feel,

that I didn't know could even reach

those places inside me;

but it did,

and somehow I'm still breathing.

I Fear Not A Worldly Death

We speak of death.

We shudder at torture.

We wonder what will come

when the Reaper's timer has gone off.

Will we see the glow of angels

or light from whips of fire?

 

These are not the hauntings of my dreams though.

My nightmares are of worldy loss,

of spiritual diminish

and emotional decay.

 

My personal Hell on Earth is being lost,

alone in this world,

being absolutely ordinary,

opening up to you,

then having you slowly fade away.

 

(It is not a world of silence,

as I can speak.

Yet somehow when you walk through

If your lips are not on mine to keep me silent;

my voice will be silent

but the sound that will be heard

is me shaking for release in the dark

as I only intend to speak

if you intend to hear.)

 

My nightmares hold no demons,

no monsters of foreign soil.

All I fear is loss of me,

loss of you,

loss of love I've never had.

 

Flip the tables,

turn the mirrors,

just do not show my horrors true.

Leave Hell to Satan

as I fear not a worldly death;

I fear loss of you.

I Know What It's Like To Be Dead

Now I know what it's like to be dead.

To have them look through you,

right over your head.

Talk as though you're not there.

I have felt the annoyance;

the heavy atmosphere.

I know now how a ghost feels

when they're stuck here.

To be ignored and looked through,

told you've done something wrong,

when you know you've tried your best

all the time long.

I wish to get through this feeling,

just to get through it all.

I wish to be knocked straight into Hell

or into Heaven fall.

A Bottle Blown

 

Change is a good thing sometimes.

Please, don’t be so hard on yourself.

Accepting is the hardest part of growth.

I understand.

Don’t go so fast that you miss the important things.

I’m standing right here.

 

I tried to play your game.

It doesnt work.

I don't feel the same.

Let's play together not apart.

We can be better;

come back.

This is the point of my letter.

Please.

 

I've finally said most of the things I’ve held inside;

all the things I've had to say.

I told you how I was angry,

and I told you how I cried,

and I told you all the times

that I fear you lied.

 

I told you that I think youre scared,

and that you should believe.

But don’t just believe in anything;

you must believe in me.

 

I told you that you could ignore me

and that I would be just fine.

But you replied

only for me to find

that you think it’s all your fault

and that it really was for me;

you just didn't mention

a notion ridiculous to me;

that you're saving me from you.

 

Why can’t you just accept

the love I give so rare?

Why can’t you love me

and accept that I am there.

Why can’t you understand

that what I say is true:

that all I've ever wanted,

is you.

Writing Our Tragedy

Writing the Tragedy of Us

 

Something full of wisdom

Or something full of pain

Some trivial bullshit

or a story of triumphant gain.

 

What to write about?

And off I wonder to the sky.

My thoughts of you emerge

So, choosing pain, I cry.

 

The words flow free

As if already written

Secrets just for me

But now everyone will know.

 

They’ll hear the rumors

and responsive cries.

They’ll know your deepest secrets.

They’ll know your darkest lies.

 

I’ll show the eyes that read me

All the times you said you hurt

When someone told you of me

And how you talk about me to my friends.

 

I will empty my soul of our photos

And conversations and fights.

I will show them the time I was abandoned

By the Gods and you that one dark night.

 

Then after all of the pain is told

I’ll bring out the worst of it all.

I’ll play back recordings of you

Saying all the things that led me to fall.

 

We’ll hear the echoes of

“I love you"

“Will you marry me"

etc.

 

And they’ll fall in love with you too

And the story and tragedy of us.

 

All I can do after that

Is hope;

that as they cry for me

And us

and all we’ll never be,

Is that one person who sees this

Will know you.

And will tell you of my heartache

and love

And you’ll say you feel it too.

My Fervent Faerie

Dance for me Oh Small One;

little creature of the night.

Learn the way of the fireflys,

and let your radiance glow,

as you teach the twilight ballet.

Gather the cool air with you twirls,

and let it flow to your heart where it will warm,

and let sunbursts find their way out into the world

by dancing through your eyes;

each a rainbow in the dark.

Shatter the stars esteem

as the gold floods to your iris's,

brightening my world

and dimming theirs.

Show the world you beauty,

Little Fervent Faerie.

Show the world how great you are

instead of hiding in the shadows here with me.

I Will Know You - Reincarnation

I look upon your face

to study and to know

everything of irreplace:

your very heart and soul.

 

I want to remember

everything you are.

Every year from now and after

despite how close we ever are.

 

I need to see your inner self

so when we meet again

there will be no question

depsite what face you wear then.

 

Your soul and mine will be imprinted

never to forget

just how close we were

or how close we could get.

 

Ill know you despite differences:

time or face or name.

No matter how you live or look,

I'll love you just the same.

Siren's Tale

With all the trials of the sea,

and being undiine

nothing could haunt Evermore

but the night that ruined Runes.

She walked into the sea that night;

never to return.

She sings her sadness

to sailors that beg for death,

Then gives them their darkest wish

And pretends Runes’ face on theirs.

Never will this satisfy;

Even she knows this.

But ‘til his reincarnate stumbles home

She must satisfy her tastes

with burying sailors on sea foam.

Listen To the Silence

It is silent,

But the speakers are so loud.

The ringing,the pitches,

it is all so loud,

so silent.

 

The pictures i see

rush before my eyes,

where are they to go?

They make such a sound

as they run to those

whose futures they belong to,

but i feel nothing,

hear nothing,

it's silent.

 

There has got to be more

outside my padded walls.

Music outside my head,

words and conversations

I don't share with myself.

I hear all of what could be,

and yet,

it is all so..

so..

silent.

Not Always Apparent On The Outside

Have you ever known someone

you swear wasn't born from light?

Have you ever stayed up late,

just listening to your parents fight?

 

Have you seen a father's face so red and mad,

have you ever seen a mother's face so sad?

Have you ever had your sibling's taken

but saved them while your hands were shakin;

full of rage.

 

Have you ever seen a girl so stubborn to be tough

all because at one time she had it rough?

Have you ever seen a girl who never crys

because it means weakness

in her father's eyes?

 

Have you ever seen such evil plans,

made by once so innocent hands?

Have you ever seen a hero change to villian prime

in less than but an hours time?

 

Have you ever wished someone would die

so youd feel safe,and no longer have to lie?

Have you eer been so emotion thrown,

that even in your dreams you're left alone?

 

Although there are so many

worse off than you,

have you ever seen what things like this

can do to you?

 

It may not be you who kicked em,

but make sure you know,

you may not always see the victim.

 

Now that i've shown you my life unfurled,

I ask you,

have you ever seen the inside of my world?

For He-Whose-Name I Never Speak

Awake to bright lights,

steadilybeating down.

Mumble to the doctors;

inquire what is wrong.

"Lie still,"

they insist.

"Keep breathing,That's it."

They feather through charts,

confused.

 

Then it hits me,

hard.

It feels as if boiling water

was just dumped upon my heart.

The flash-backs roll behind my lids;

I thrash.

Attempt to scream in agony,

but my lips wont move.

Doctors bustle rapidly,

as my machines go wild.

No-one knows what's wrong,

just me.

 

Suddenly,

it's quiet and calm.

Blissful relief.

I wonder if anyone will find my cause of death

was just a lonely, broken heart?

And if so,

will they ever find a cure for those

who don't find this lovely end?

 

As vision fades,

I slowly count to ten;

and my thoughts reside

with He-Who's-Name

o'er I shall never weep again.

Lift The Veil, I Beg of You

Lift the Veil, I beg you.

See the way that no-one else does.

See as i see.

Let me show you the faces of my people,

of those who invisible before.

Let me show you how we dance,

how we celebrate,

how we are sublime,

and how we hid from you

all this time.

Lift the veil and see me,

and not just who i,

who we,

pretend to be;

inside this game that humans call

Reality.

Cross My Heart and Hope To Live

I cross my heart with hopes of life.

Blinded by lights

flashing across the sky.

Close my eyes and hope to dream,

as I watch the sun fall arc-like

through the sky.

Open my eyes

and hope that I'm awake;

alive.

Eyes That Hold The World

Her eyes hold the whole world

and yet everyone thinks she's blind.

 

The sun shines into the swirling honey

making them glow.

Only gold when she's happy,

her eyes hold inside them the sun.

 

When she's angry

her eyes turn dark green.

Like the shadow of grass in a storm,

glimmering as wet dinosaur scales.

 

When she's confused,

dark grey with purple highlights.

Inhabiting her eyes are thunder clouds;

threatening a storm.

 

When she's sad,

the iris' turn green and blue.

Refelctions of summer

replaying inside the midnight dew.

 

When she's calm,

her mood reflects solidity; like stone.

Her eyes are brown like the soil.

Her eyes, they hold the earth.

 

Her eyes hold the whole world,

you see.

So if you cannot, ask not you,

but she.

I Am The Guardian: Fear Not

Fear not

wether you know me you or don't.

My aquaintences

my friends,

my baby,

fear not.

 

I will not be wearing all white.

My face will not be perfect.

I will glare at random people,

only because they want to hurt you.

So if you see me,

fear not.

 

I will blend in.

I will never leave you,

if I swore to protect you.

I will save to the best of my ability,

although,

some of you may never know.

Fear not.

 

I know you may not know me.

Some of you may never see me.

Some of you will see me

as I turn about my corners.

Some of you will be caught by me,

and some of you will love me.

 

I am The Guardian.

Fear not.

So Much To Consider

I'm scared to run away

at the same time as

I am afraid to stay.

I've lost my wits about me

obvious,

for everyone to see.

There's nowhere to go

nowhere to hide

nobody that I know.

There's so much to consider

There's so much to know

and so much I wish I didnt.

So many corners

and so many circles

so much space to get lost in.

So many people lined up

who could be lost

as they stand

on the edge in front of you.

Who will fall and who will be pushed?

Who will beg and who will jump?

Will any be left?

Where will you go?

What will you do?

Who will you be?

There's just so much to consider....

Ghost Town

-You see,

it's really lonely here.

I'm walking 'round

but the people here don't see me.

It's light outside

but just like me to them,

they're invisible.

 

-It's a ghost town

without you here.

Nothing's moving

no-one's alive.

Especially,

me.

Somewhere between alive and dead,

this is the life I lead;

what kind of life is it, really,

living in a ghost town?

 

-The forecast is foggy,

grey.

Who needs the killer heat ball anyway?

The stars are just fine,

at least they were

when you were mine.

Now they're boring (dull) too.

Just like everything that's here

in this abandoned place.-

 

-It's a ghost town

without you here.

Nothing's moving

no-one's alive.

Especially,

me.

Somewhere between alive and dead,

this is the life I lead;

what kind of life is it, really,

living in a ghost town?

 

-It'll stay this way,

I'm afraid,

'til you come back to stay.

You were the life of this town,

the spark of the day

that lit up the stars

when the world turns upside down.

You kept me alive

so why don't you come do,

what you were born to do,

and liven up this ghost town?

 

-'Cause what kind of life is it,

really,

living in a ghost town?

Bi-Polar

 Stars of momentary awe

that fall with burning, melting illusion

cause hopefull thoughts

that only end with electric shock.

The birds that sing in winter

never sing in spring.

I wonder why they have all the talents.

They are pretty;

they can fly and sing.

While I am stuck here

with only the things of fear.

It's cold

and the pressure is the greatest

of all the places in the atmosphere.

Earthly things intrigue the sences

as they were meant to do;

and yet we ban these things

that make us feel good

as if we were supposed to.

We associate happiness with bright colors,

yet they are the ones that nature uses

to show us they are evil, harmful.

Then again,

the Lifeforce of the Universe

is the brightest thing

in our solar system, wide.

Either we have everything wrong,

or the earth is literally bipolar.

 

Scream - Inspired by Tokio Hotel's song Scream

Run to the woods in twilight

where no-one can hear you.

Your nearing the end of this fight,

you are ready to surrender.

You don't want an injury as you run

breathless through the wood.

You would break the tree you cling to,

if only you knew you could.

You dont a broken wrist,

but you need to let loose all the energy

packed into your fist.

You need to, but how?

Scream until the pain is out.

Let out all you've wanted

Let out all your loss and doubt,

and of all you've held inside.

I know you don't want to cry,

but it's bound to happen.

I promise you won't die,

as all the pain renders your body helpless.

Let the leaves comfort you with quiet whispering

as your now hollow sobs grow quiet.

Let your screams blow 'way with the breeze

so when you wake at dawn

you can smile

and everyone will buy it.

Burn This Letter If

Burn this letter if:

you know me no longer,

if you think that I'm unsure,

if you never think of me at night,

or think you're not the only one

in my range of sight.

 

Burn this letter if:

you don't believe me any longer,

wish for me to not hold on so tight,

wish for me to let you go

even if it takes all my might.

 

Burn this letter if:

my little habits annoy you now,

you always want to start some fight,

if you cant stand that i call you every day,

if you pray "I love you"

is a phrase

you never again wish to hear me say.

Remembering Flight

Walking the misty path,

feeling the tiniest droplets hit my face.

Looking up to the top of the pines;

wanting to stretch my wings in the open space.

 

I felt a twist of nostalgia

from somewhere underneath my skin.

I remembered how it felt.

Is longing for that feeling such a sin?

 

Why this guilt?

Why is this feeling so strong?

This powerful urge from time ago

has never made me question myself this long.

 

To feel my wings streching

and the wind that lifts me high:

a joy I haven't felt this life.

Gods, I love to fly.

Haunted Hallways

 

Spirits that sing the moans of the mourning

linger and echo down the abandoned halls.

The darkness settled upon this place

The moment the first doomed patient entered;

yet the fluorescents still beam

and the living still enter.

 

It’s no wonder the auras of such places

live on long past the time when the building crumbles;

the amount of saddening and overly joyous moments

are so strong that they leave their remnants behind.

Such beings attach themselves to the place

that they felt the strongest.

 

Ghosts of time and emotion will forever linger here

in the hallways between life and death.

The saviors in scrubs will be their guides

in the Purgatory On Earth;

the mess of haunted hallways.

Standing by the baby's crib - card version

 

Google eyed sewn characters

ferocious yet somehow cute,

spin clockwise dancing;

to an ancient melody.

 

A song that I once knew

now twirls around me

in an entrancing mother's warmth;

that claims the body to it's beauty.

 

Waiting for that little creature,

that innocent, loving, needing thing

with anxious, apprenhensive joy.

Worry not;

your bundle of joy will arrive soon enough!

Dread the Dream or the Waking from the Dream?

 

Past

My past keeps haunting.

The voices keep raving.

They have lust, fire, regret,

repentance in their craving.

They whisper and linger

The wait and caress

my dreams with cold fingers.

Hands of ice and sometimes fire,

they toy with my ever waking desires

and laugh as I die or enjoy my wake.

No matter what I’m at their mercy,

no chance for revenge

for when I'm asleep it’s their world; not mine.

I beg and pleed,

do all but kiss their feet;

for they feed my confusion.

I know not if I cry for what was past

or if I cry for what I know is to come

or if I cry of habit forlorn.

I know not if I want what was,

or if I dread waking because even though it hurts

it's better than what I have before me when I'm awoke.

I know not what revenge my mind pursues

or if it’s just my aching heart let loose;

but ither way I feel dead once again.

Usless,

tired,

un-wanted.

My past has killed me both in life and dreams

in past and future,

in love and in hate,

in breath and in death.

The Raven and the Porch Swing

 

He flew away at once he saw me

And went hopping tree to tree.

All the while I stood watch.

The Raven being Freedom

And the porch swing being Me.

Swinging and swaying back and forth

in the image of uncertainty.

He now sits in a tree

The colour of the hair and blood of Me.

Turning Back on They Who Made Me

 

The wind whispers and whimpers

In remoursful moans

As I turn my face :Shamefully, regretfully,

From the Moon.

I wonder if I dare look back

At my true love

From over my shoulder

As I walk into the consuming grey.

“You can come back ” it calls.

But His cries fall on covered ears.

His tears hurt me

And are all I feel

As I cup them in my hands.

 

I see my reflection

But not the face of the person there.

I see two beings fighting

To be prevelent,

To be whole.

Both wrong

And both at fault :But one moreso.

As to who will win, I know not.

For if she wins I will not remember.

And if win,

Well,I don’t know.

But I do know

That He cries for me.

Unsure

 

Humbly I fall

In line beside you.

Distantly my mind

Is all around you.

Distinctly my eyes

Are all inside you.

Seperately my body

Calls in longing to you.

Desperately my heart

Yearns and begs for you.

Uncontrollably my hand

Reaches out for you.

Unknowlingly I

Have been waiting for you.

The one thing I’m sure of,

Though I know you not,

Is that I’ve loved you all along.

The Unseen One

 

As I see replies

Typed upon the white

My heart flutters

And my mind starts to fight.

 

The rationale of this dream of ours

Is quite uncanny and strange

But because of you my thoughts

Have quite expanded in type and range.

 

We’ve never met before

But I can feel you through the screen

I’m hoping you’re for real

And that every word you mean.

 

I have this longing for you

That I can not explain.

I hope I have your heart as well

Or else mine will fill with pain.

Oh Unseen Man of Mine,

I’ll exchange you words of merry.

Walk this madness with me

And I’ll be your Little Faerie.

Stories on Skin

 

I want to write my life on my skin,

Just so all the questions would quit.

 

Why don’t you talk

And why wont you sit?

Why so lost?

Where have you been?

 

I could save myself the pains of loss

If I were to put my flaws on my skin.

I could save the explanations

Save the torture of sin.

 

If I were to write my hopes and love

All over my shoulder

I wonder if it would warm hearts

Or force mine to grow colder.

 

I’d put my virtues

in places you wouldn’t see

And my fears probably

on my knees or tummy.

 

My feet and shoulders bear my trial

All the hurt and defiles

Wrap around my legs ;

Wrap around my ankles.

 

My face would be blank

Because in the end

People will see what they want to see

not the person I wish to be.

Poseidon's Daughter

 

Poseidon goes by many names;

Most of which she knew to be.

Poseidon, Triton, Brother of Zeus

And Father of the Sea.

 

He tried so hard to tell her.

Set shoes for her on the beach,

waved through people of mer,

Made the sea come alive to please her.

 

He tried to reach her through her dreams.

Showed himself through waves.

But nothing is to work it seems.

So he tried one last thing.

 

He whispered an idea to a painter

Of a girl with auburn hair

Covered in seaweed

And sea shells here and there.

 

Well, the daughter found the peice.

Twas entitled Poseidon’s Daughter.

The feeling of rightness and peace

crashed over her in waves.

 

I wandered to the water that night.

I said “Father, I’m here.”

And the sea burst into delight;

the moon smiled through his tears.

Golden Eyes - My shot at a sonnet

 

I sit here in the dark

with but a single candle.

Trying to avoid a mark.

Bearing all the heat that I can handle.

 

I stay warm

by this glow upon my face

though in my eyes there’s a storm;

of which no-one sees a trace.

 

The only thing you’d see

is the gold of my eyes

dancing with entrancing beauty

that seem young, yet speak wise.

 

My eyes and soul burn for you like this candle here;

but can you get past this darkness surrounding me, my fear?

Yours and Mine

 

My dreams are redundant,

because you’re off chasing yours.

Your deepest secret is that you love me;

and mine is that I wish you’d let it show.

 

Raised different than your brother,

you’ve had everything your way.

Raised in chains and dark

I’ve always been alone.

 

When you brought up forever

I begged you to come back down to Earth.

Finally I accepted

and then you pushed me below the Earth.

 

Buried me in my hopes and faults

while smothering your own.

I can’t see our likenesses right now;

but our differences are clear.

 

You avoid things you want

because you can’t accept the trial.

And I hold them closer

because I’m not in denial.

Our Vows

 

Sitting together in the car

just parked somewhere in nowhere

discussing wedding day,

we decided we needed an un-copied, un-overdone vow,

a promise only ours.

To be said in turn and unison we created

“We live, love, pillage and plunder, to be content, and then we die.”

These are our marriage vows.

Our simple perfection against everyone’s rejection.

But this is our reflection of when we learned to say “I love you.”

Smiling til we start to cry

holding to each other til the world tears us apart,

joking til the people hurt and chase us away;

Then we feel complete and now our life is over.

Complete with it’s own catch phrase

“We live, love, pillage and plunder, to be content, and then we die.”

These are our marriage vows.

Our simple perfection against everyone’s rejection.

But this is our reflection of when we learned to say “I love you.”

How much more perfect could this promise be,

to bind us in our insanity?

How much more reflective could it be of you and me?

How much more could it show how our life is planned to go?

It says all it needs to say.

Even if we’re the only ones to understand the phrase,

it’s ok.

It wasn’t meant for them anyway.

Is All Fair in Love and War?

 

“A kiss is a kiss is a kiss” he said;

as he tried to reel me in

with the logic in his head.

You’re not married or even engaged.

There is no lock;

you’re not en-caged.

I wish to know you;

to kiss you,

to hold you.

“What he won’t know won’t hurt” he pleaded.

“I know it’s wrong,

but I want this so bad. I feel defeated.”

“I miss having a girl and I’ve wanted you.

Show me a kindness

and kiss me too.”

I hated the thought of even considering this.

But the words echoed

“A kiss is a kiss is a kiss.”

I am but so young,

and have limited time

but I held my tongue.

I have morals that I need to keep lasting

so I will not be a liar or a cheat;

I’d rather on love be fasting.

“I won’t push you till you break.

I just wish you’d find

a kiss for me to take.”

I looked at him knowing he’s a lost little pup.

Cute; but as much as you want to,

you couldn’t keep up.

The minutes passed and “A kiss is a kiss is a kiss”

are the stupid tempting words

he left me with.

An Empty Snowglobe

 

Un-stained glass; an empty snow-globe.

I’m thirteen and painting.

Remember the time,

for blood stained stars;

that lit the decade and counting years

of incredulous, misconceived silence.

New colors added to the pallet

as each person walks away.

Color the glass with bruised tears of black and blue despise,

angry fists that bleed a golden rusty red,

infectious shades of entangling ivy envy

followed up by memories of lilac laced with royal lust

blinded by pure brilliance of glaring white light.

Mix the colors while you close your eyes.

Open them to see the swirling depths you painted;

that grace the glass in honesty not lies.

See the line of white from where it all began.

Watch the colors swirl and rage within each-other

fighting to be prevalent in your memory

within your past written on the glass.

The homing device

The lights dim;

an inside joke.

Eyes are so bright

that you can feel them smiling back at him.

Why this attachment,

this link,

this connection

exists no-one knows.

A homing device

that sends electric static through their body;

makes their blood pulse so thickly,

making you aware of things your own body makes you feel

that you would never feel before.

I see that the lights are still on,

and I am always aware.

What makes it so that everyone else has these feelings

only when I’m around?

This device, this signal,

knows no sex, no age, no race.

Knows not wealth

or wagers for a pretty face.

It keeps calling and they keep coming.

I wish I could turn it off.

Sirens do not exist and yet,

in a metaphor,

do they now depict their song as mine?

One final attempt

 

I’m not sure how to tell you,

all the things I should

in this short amount of time

or even if I could.

 

Yes I did some things,

and i didnt tell you.

It was a game for him,

it wasn’t meant for you.

 

I debated you being hurt like this,

or you thinking I was cruel.

I hoped if it came down to this,

you’d give me a moment to explain.

 

I can be evil,

this you know.

But this time instead of staying in my head,

I let it show.

 

He had hurt me,

and I never let it go.

I guess I thought that if I got revenge,

only he would know.

 

But I was wrong

and it hurt you.

The one thing in particular

that it wasn’t supposed to do.

 

I don’t know how to say I’m sorry.

I don’t know what he told you.

But if this is enough to give me hope,

I’ll be waiting for a call from you

Non Believer

 

It shouldn’t be this way.

This all is wrong.

I shouldn’t be on my friends bathroom floor

shaking as hard as i was before.

I shouldn’t be here holding to the wall

because it’s the only way that I won’t fall.

You told me the one thing I feared the most.

And then you asked that breathe normally.

How in the world could you ask that of me?

Don’t you know what you’ve just done to me?

You broke my heart and showed it to me broke;

and my whole world just went up in smoke.

Does this make you happy?

Or are you faking it again?

I don’t believe it; I refuse.

This time my heart holds a crack not a bruise.

I searched your eyes for what I knew was there.

My lungs couldn’t find a hint of air.

“Please God, Please fix it!” I yelled to the sky.

and my car felt even emptier after my cries.

I don’t know where to go, what to think.

As I cry I feel my body shrink.

The next day holds no prevail.

I still feel dead, alone, and empty.

He promised he wouldn’t do this again.

I look to the sky and it mocks me with rain.

My only hope coils within a lie.

 

Please. Let me be right or I’ll surely die.

slip the ring back on my finger and it comforts

though I know this can’t be true; even as it stares me in the face.

New house; not new home

 

The name doesn’t hurt anymore

of the man who’s face is still so potently painful.

I cannot explain

exactly what it is that haunts this face.

 

Something hurt and something broken,

Something not giving and something un-open.

 

Something once mine and something never to be owned

Someone never to be cloned.

 

A soul so warm trying to heat a heart so cold;

trying to heal habits so old.

 

I healed all that; once upon a time.

I was the only one he wanted at one time.

 

There was a place that we called home together

Twas left behind and we both didn’t know wether

the next place would be the same again

didn’t know the future, didn’t see all the pain.

 

But the house came like a storm

bitter cold not loving warm.

Arguments and cold shoulders

a love to never grow older.

Little did I know

 

little did i know

that i was sending you away to leave me.

and little did i know

that that last kiss was actually a kiss goodye.

i thought that you were coming back

but I guess you changed you mind.

I guess that last night together

was the last time you were mine.

Perhaps somehow I knew,

somehow I knew that that would be the last time I’d hold you,

the last time i’d have you look at me in love,

the last time i’d really kiss you,

the last time you’d hold me while we slept,

the last night you’d comfort me,

the last night you would want me,

the last night you would need me.

I knew those tears weren’t only tears of waiting and forlong,

but tears of loss, and tears of fear,

because I somehow knew that you would be coming back;

but you wouldn’t be back for me.

I felt I was giving you up, but I knew I could'nt fight you.

I knew the air was wrong;

and not just because I couldn’t breathe.

I knew at the time you would miss me,

as you told me hours later that you did;

but little did I know,

that wouldn’t last.

I thought back on when you asked to keep me,

and I said “I hope you will forever”

and you joked and said “only for a couple weeks”

I know you didn’t mean it then;

but little did I know,

that’s exactly what would happen.

I knew that you were leaving,

but little did I know,

that you were completely leaving me.

knew I loved you,

and I knew you loved me first,

and I knew our love was true;

just little did I know

yours wasn’t enough to get us through.

My tower of dreams

 

My knight in shining armour

still so far away.

Thoughts and memories so far gone;

the past is still not back today.

I cant chase dreams of dragonflies,

and monster-drunk, sad good-byes.

The miles and space grow longer yet,

as silence grows deeper and louder set.

All this talk of dreams drives me insane.

Cause dreams don’t happen, it’s all mundane.

Real life could call us to

and show us what we’re meant to do.

Until that day shows there is no power,

and i’ll dream away inside my tower.

Green to Gold to Gone

 

The leaves were bright,

and full of colour.

The grass seemed so green

and now it’s suddenly duller.

I knew our time

would be here and past.

I knew from the start

that it wouldn’t last.

I cherished every second,

even the time you slept.

I made sure to be with you

with every step you stepped.

A touch, no matter how small

was enough this time

because something is better

than nothing at all.

I regret more than anything

not kissing you goodbye.

But I promised myself that this time,

you wouldn’t see me cry.

Not to say I didn’t cry

the moment I had to leave you,

but you had things to concentrate on;

things you had to do.

That night I cried myself to sleep.

That night was so cold.

I fear it’ll be too long before

I have you back to hold.

I’ll always wait for you.

I promise you this.

But I’m begging that you know

it’s only you I miss.

The colour has gone now

from the mountains and scene.

And I’m still waiting and love you;

just as it’s always been.

The first tear to fall

 

It’s the damndest thing,

that stupid give-away.

The telltale sign that your soul is pain.

That cold liquid sphere

that draws shining lines

strewn across your face.

The first showing that your body has given up.

All of the emotion can no longer be contained.

Preemptive, current, or past

the mind holds pieces of the soul

that then passes through this library

and is overwhelmed.

Results, times, and amount may vary

but this first tattler,

the first tear to fall

will always seem the biggest,

bring the most sadness to your face

of any or them all.

To save myself for you

 You said there was one thing

that could make you stay with me.

I non-chalantly promised

“Anything.”

as traitorous tear

sthreaded their revenge down my face.

“Save you for you, and save you for me”

he said.

“Yes, I’ll do it”

I said.

So he kissed me and left.

 

I crumpled; confused.

I can do what he asked.

I know I can.

It took hours of broken thoughts,

of empty, hollow rivers in my vains

,the fear of total loss,

and dark, impossible hope of redemptionbut finally,

in his absence and my realizations of self,

I saved me for me, and in turn saved me for him.

 

He spoke to me a short time later;

inquired to my state of mind.Coldy I replied

“Horrid, broken, but I saved me for me.”

I said.

“Good. That’s all I wanted. Now please come back to me;

I love you.”

He still loves me.

He did this for me.

He showed me he had no other way to make me see

what needed to change inside of me

for me to heal and us to work.

I fell back to him saying

I love you too.

“I saved us because I saved me for Me,

and Me saved me for him.

My Avalon

 
Cotton grass and dandelion clouds

in a place where it’s autumn all the time there.

Flowers made of amber honey

glow under the twilight sky.

Stars whisper stories to us

and the sirens sing along;

to make a perfect lullaby

just for My Love and I.

 

Running from my monsters in this world

and the sunlight of another countless day.

Maybe i can sleep it all away til he comes home.

I’ll create a world inside my head.

Maybe I can dream a place where there are

 

Cotton grass and dandelion clouds

in a place where it’s autumn all the time there.

Flowers made of amber honey

glow under the twilight sky.

Stars whisper stories to us

and the sirens sing along;

to make a perfect lullaby

just for My Love and I.

It’s perfect,

maybe I can stay here

‘til he wakes me from my sleep

to tell me that he’s home.

 

Maybe I can take him with me

to my dreamland where there are

Cotton grass and dandelion clouds

in a place where it’s autumn all the time there.

Flowers made of amber honey

glow under the twilight sky.

Stars whisper stories to us

and the sirens sing along;

to make a perfect lullaby

just for My Love and I.

 

Just he and I

here in my dreamland

where we’ll lay on cotton grass in autumn

under dandelion clouds.

The Frozen Hour

 
When the clock strikes

the first second after midnight,

and all teh world’s asleep,

sometimes time will stop

for a period we call The Frozen Hour.

All the water stops its rushing rythem,

and all teh fireflys will halt in midair like tiny stars.

Then the Small Ones will gather

dressed in their finest spider webs,

to walk along the bank,

to dance along the weaves of the water,

and kiss among the midnight petals along the creek.

We will never hear the tiny flutes

and lyrics of the Siren Songs,

but just remember

on the days you feel you over-slept,

you probably were paused in slumber

for a Faerie Masquerade.

Fighting the stairs

 

I feel myself begin to fall once again;

such a short time after I finally began

to find my way up the stairs I knew were in front of me

though it’s still almost completely dark.

I had started up those god-damned stairs

with a broken heart and nothing left to lose.

Heading towards the light

of something that I can not see.

Now I fall back down with what I’ve started gathering again

tumbling from my hands.

I’ve begun to feel around the stairs,

slowly moving down,

gathering the broken shards that I wanted to leave behind.

But I can’t stay this broken.

I must be fixed.

I pick up each old sharp peice

and put it in its place.

Now I’m just as broken as I was before;

what’s a girl to do?

I hang my head in agony

then turn it towards the light,

that had gotten dimmer as I fell.

I curse at it for being perfect, whole and new.

I curse at it for being everything I never knew.

When I’m finally done shouting

I grab the first jagged, rocky stair

and look across the room

to the dropoff and utter dark;

somewhat longingly and then blow it off

remembering that there’s a light up at the top.

Running

 
Running

I saw him for the first time

In what felt like a long time.

Wasn’t sure it was you

Wasn’t sure what to do

Oh what could I do

What could I say

Since youve forgotten me

Forever ago plus one day.

I stopped right in my tracks

 

Hoping you’d cone running

Praying you’d come running

Begging you’d come running

To me.

 

Pleasantries were said

Old activities shared

But yet it wasn’t enough

You weren’t close enough

So I took off, running.

I dared myself not to turn around

 

Hoping he’d come running

Praying he’d cone running

Begging he’d come

Running after me.

Running running running

Oh running running

After me

oh

running after me.

Last Moments

 
Last Moments

How much longer

must this torture last?

As the air pushes from between closed lips,

can only exit but so fast.

echoing the beating

of a heart so slow,

how much longer

we could never know.

Holding on for something

that we don’t know.

everyone’s here;

Just let go.

Just a whisper

 
Just A Whisper

Everything was once a whisper;

a thought,

a dare.

Nothing was sure.

Not too strong.

But still, there it was.

I had a dream I met you once.

Many years ago I saw your face.

But it was only a whisper of what was to come.

It was a tease.

A maybe.

A chance.

Now, I know though.

Nothing’s for sure.

Possibilities are never that strong.

Not set in stone.

Not perfect.

An outline.

Just a whisper though,

that’s all it takes

For something to begin.

It’s the thought that counts.

And even JUST a whisper,

well, it still exists;

even if you didn’t hear it…. right?

Horrid Story line

 
Horrid Story - Line

The minute hand hasn’t moved in hours

And I keep thinking of them :

The one I want and the one I love

And the self I could condemn.

 

I see them in my dreams at night.

One is selfless and tender love

And the other alternately

feeds love and fight.

 

OHow is one to bear the opposites?

There’s so much history and time,

No documents have had sign.

I belong to not one but both.

 

I wish heathenly that both be mine.

For Sake

 
For Sake

For the sake of the Gods m'love

Don’t make me plee any longer.

For my Parents’ ears

Can only be so much stronger.

 

For the sake of my heart m'love

Don’t leave it broke and forlorn.

I draw close to the death of hope

With a curse I don’t wish to adorn.

 

For the sake of your conscience m'love,

don’t leave thy secrets in my breast;

Don’t walk away from your dream,

And don’t think me alone is best.

 

For the sake of a unity unchallenged m'love,

Reconsider what you’ve done.

Unlike you I wont find another;

Not when I’ve found my one.

In the future of the war

 
In the future of the war

In the heat of a war

Not yet waged I pause to look around.

Preemptively planning

Every move every outcome.

With every life there is a death.

At every turn there is another.

At every cliff there is a bottom

And every mountain there’s a peak.

A sword in hand and a bow on my back.

My troops are simply falling.

I swing my sword in a circular motion.

It doesn’t matter who dies anymore.

I must kill anyone

Who comes too close.

I was born for this.

To see the blood and feel the tears

To hear the blade ring

and taste the last breath of those who die.

Then finally ill fall upon my sword.

I open my eyes from meditation

There on steed with a face still clean

Take a breath and charge ahead.

In the future of the war,

The war was already won;

It just wasn’t won by me.

They say memories never fade

 

I can pretend it didn’t happen

And pretend it doesn’t hurt.

I can almost blur your face,

You voice and laughs now only echo.

I can avoid the places we used to be

And there’s a few people I try not to see.

I try to hold onto our memories

But each time you remember

It’s only a memory of what you remembered,

And it gets dimmer every time.

So maybe eventually I qon’t quite see you,

Won’t be able hear your voice so clearly,

Maybe itll be fuzzy soon:

Like a dream.

And maybe one day I’ll wake up

Thinking that’s all you ever were.

To be loved by a demon

 

To be loved by a demon

is to seek within yourself

the piece of you he’s found

that makes him need and feel

the things he can not on his own:

protective, loving, soulful.

He has a purpose for which to live

and a focus to put his morals to.

He has a reason to live.

That reason,

that focus,

that push and shove,

that will to be better

is you.

To be loved by a demon

is to find this piece he seeks before he does

so you can decide,

when he comes to ask so sweetly for said piece,

if you can give it to him.

You must gather th strength within yourself

to feed the piece for the both of you,

keep it filled with happiness and hope.

You must decide to allow him

to have the privledge

of having worth, hope, pride and love

in which to spark his own.

Must decide to allow him to keep these things

in the extension of himself

that he can protect and love and claim his own,

for you are not just his, but he is yours.

A contract if you will.

To be loved by a demon

is to be one with your opposing nature.

Is to accept this opposite side of yourself as yourself.

Is to be owned and own as one in the same.

It is to be forever bound in knots

that will never be undone;

For once a demon chooses love

and to place his love in you,

your choice is a finality.

To be loved by a demon

is to taste his feelings

is to feel his thoughts

is to change as he does

is to be one in the same.

To be loved by a demon

is a choice and not.

For once he chooses you,

it’s almost impossible to resist.

He’s almost always your other half

and will so always be.

To be loved by a demon

is to finally become yourself,

a whole being,

and to give yourself entirely to another

so as to complete the both of you.

To be loved by a demon

is my blessing and my curse,

for he is my everything;

for better or for worse.

Sorry

 
Sorry

I feel so small.

Out here beneath the clouds

Beaten by the wind

Buried in the things I’ve done.

 

The promises I make seem empty

Because they were before

Forcing the new ones now

To resound a false echo of the past.

 

I’ve changed I swear I have.

But I’m too late and ill admit

Its no other’s fault but mine.

At least I’ve grown that much.

 

I’m sorry that I’ve let you down.

I’m sorry that I massacured

Any chance I had with you.

And any hope you had left for females.

 

Were all cunning and cruel.

We all need things you don’t have.

Were all the same.

All lies.

 

I wish I could’ve proven you wrong.

The Gods know I tried.

But I slipped and confirmed

Every fear you had in mind.

 

I became what I said I was too late.

I became what I thought I was too late.

I became what you needed too late.

How can I even hope I’m not too late?

 

You’ve given up on me being better.

You’re settling for what I was.

You don’t see my progress.

And ill never be able to heal your pain.

 

Mine will be forever with me.

A subtle reminder of how I failed you.

A pain that will never heal.

A forever guilt that will never leave.

 

The question is not whether I deserve you,

Cause I don’t,

But whether you’re better or worse

without me.

 

We both have things to fix

And problems to solve in eachother

But the question of worth remains.

Could we live with the unchangeable?

 

“Sorry” doesn’t fill the hole.

My promise will never be unshattered.

My words will only have half a meaning.

And you will never trust me.

 

I will always be wary of you.

And your distant thoughts will worry me.

I will always be slightly afraid of you

And our chips cannot be filled.

 

We might always tread on tiptoe

To save our bleeding hearts.

We may find a way to be together

But we will always be kinda apart.

A Cowards Scolding

"Why dost thou tremble

When it was thou who hath started what's begun?

"Where art though modesty

which thou proclaimed so rashly?

"Where art though rage

with which thou promised me a duel?

"How false must one be

to cower behind thy father's name?

"Not even a boy could be such a disgrace;

such a shame."

Differences

He's everything I thought I could believe in you;

everything I knew you could be.

He's everything I saw you bury;

everything I saw you hide from me.

You said it was to keep me from hurting

but expected me to show you everything;

saying it was for my better good.

 

He's the one who pushed me away first

when first you pulled me closer.

He's the one who waited and forgave me

while you couldn't forgive yourself and left me.

He's the one who thought he'd never love again

while you thought you could love me.

 

He's the one who's here now.

He's the one who isn't afraid to love me.

 

He treats me as a person should be treated.

He loves me as only some could dream about.

Forgiveness comes so easily to him.

He has so few flaws and so many great attributes.

He's a great father and lover and my best friend.

 

So why are you still in my dreams?

Why do you still haunt my thoughts?

Why won't you let my songs once again be mine?

Why are the differences between you and he so great:

the differences that have me with him

and you not with me?

 

Why do I still feel so empty and miserable without you,

in my darker moments when I'm alone,

when I should be so content and happy?

 

 

I want to be.

 

The Book That Never Closes

This story has no end;

tragedy or otherwise;

just a bandaid to to the heartbreak

of unforgotten eyes.

 

Three new loves

replace one not yet forgot

and the one thing wanted

is one that can't be caught.

 

How can you expect someone to love you fully

when you can't give them all of you?

As hard as you try and think you succeed

your dreams still betray you.

 

I want to love those whom love me

and not those who can't be strong

while the ones I need to love are still around;

because they won't be around for long.

 

How do you close a never ending story?

How do you end a story with no plot?

How do you forget

what refuses to be forgot?

Resistance

 I let the urge 

Persist and want to hurl.

I resist the urge

And my heart curls

Up in anger and distress.

 

Why can't both my heart

and head be content? 

They fight to the death

Against my consent;

No matter how much I plee.

Forbidden

 Forbidden is a taste

Quite hard to unsavor.

It only takes one time

To be addicted to the flavor.

 

One always wants 

What they shan't recieve.

And your lusting thoughts

You can't deceive.

 

"Just once more

And ne'er again"

Will never shake

The want or pain.

 

Crave is a word

Full of darkened wonder.

A world in which

My thoughts do plunder.

 

Forbidden places

With seduction calling;

This wrong perfection

Is my falling.

The Taste of Forbidden

 

Why is Forbidden such an alluring taste?

 

Is it the primal lust for power

Or shere masculinity

In acquiring that which you desire

That has ancient blood raging in our veins?

 

Is the triumph after the kill

What feeds this addiction

Or is it game of seduction itself

That leads us on?

 

Is it the face of domination we feel

At the first sign of them resigning to your will

Or the proof of the world bending to your whim

As your magick comes full circle with your wishes in tow?

 

Why is what we don't have the sweetest

And everything you didn't know you wanted

And in just the teasing fancy

Right on time to remind you

 

Of what you'll never have?

Unseen

 

Sometimes I still look back
And wonder how you didn't know,
Didn't see,
Or maybe the question is
why you chose not to.

Did I remind you too much of yourself
And that's why u confronted me w anger?
Did my feelings scare you?
Did my depression make you feel
that u might have made a bad decision?

Did you just choose to overlook it
Because the choice of helping me
Would ruin your new dream,
Would show a weakness on your part,
your self image as the perfect parent?

I barely remember any of those 11 mo
But I survived that time.
I honestly can't say how.
I see the remnants of the damage still.
But wonder still if you saw it at all?

Counting

 

Counting

I don't want to end up being one of your stories
I want to be your daydream the second you're alone
I want to be in your top three favorite things
I want to be the confidence, assurance, and love you look four
I want to be the fifth and last to claim you as my own
I want to be the call on your six o clock drive home
I want you to know it took me seven seconds to fall for you
And I hope to draw eight letters from your lips one day
I want to see you through your nineties.
And I wish these tens of hundreds of miles would disappear.
And I wish these hundreds of times I think of you would someday come true.

 

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 07.07.2014

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