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Chapter 1 : Welcome to my life

No, you don't know what its like

When nothing feels alright,

You don't know what its like

To be like me...

To be hurt,

To be lost,

To be left out in the dark

To be on the edge of breaking down

And no one's there to save you

No you don't know what it's like

To be like me...

Welcome to my life!

As the music soothes me down, with the tune almost sedative and giving me the sensation that someone in this big world is there to understand me and my situation. I get up from my bed in a hope of leaving all the negative vibes behind and make my way to my study table. Sighing, I sit down on my chair and pour the chain of my thoughts on my new journal. A sense of déjà vu washes over me, reminding of the times I cried and poured my heart out scribbling on journals after journals to vent out the vehement feelings, to calm my heart which with every second pumped nothing but acid, leaving burning trails behind. But I promise this journal will be something new...

Dear diary,

Beginnings can be difficult. Even worse when the past you have is overwhelming and full of rue and the future? You are never sure what's going to happen.

Ugh!! Well sorry; I won't make this journal like the previous ones too. I need to get this out of my head.

"Cece, think positive"

Whew! Ok so this is my new journal as I said a new chapter but (well yeah there are always buts) the irony of the situation is that the new chapter is just from a story of the past.

Woodsville - a small town yet connected with all the big memories I kept buried, with a promise to never glance at again. Moving out from here was like 5 years ago. The town has changed a lot. Many people moved out for elite lives and many people remained the same. I also moved out of the town because the town where I felt so secured once was then becoming the sole reason of my misery. Well let's not dwell in the past.... So after 6 years, now it's the same town but a different house.

Yippee!! NOT. Any how tomorrow is the first day of my high school. More like hell hole. Its mum's idea of me having fun, making friends and well, what can I do? She has seen enough and has had enough share of misery and I don't want to add more to that. So? I heed to her words to go to school with a smile and try to have a normal life.

Pft!! I must feel proud of myself somewhere along the line of being happy but all I feel is trepidation. That sick feeling at the pit of my stomach is gnawing me inside. Bleh! Sucks to be me. But it's not my fault that my own heart doesn't believe in me when I say "It's going to be fine "

Yep consequence of having the heart not listening to my brain. Blame my heart people not me!

Oops! Midnight already. Good night.

-Cecilia Alison Winston.

The chirping of the tiny birds outside engendered me to flutter my eyes open. With the morning sunlight blazing through the window and the systematic rhythm of the moving curtains due to the gentle wind of the morning enlightened the almost debacle hope within me. Yes indeed the morning had infested hope in me. Well what can I say, that's how I wanted to wake up with the sun blazing ad stuff but nope.

Here I was tangled with my own bed sheet and drool stains and an outrageous urge to snap at my mum who whilst I try to free myself from this deadly trap is shouting yes I repeat shouting at me to get my ass downstairs.

Ugh!! As I graciously *coughs* get out of my bed which includes me stumbling 3 times I can see that its 8:15 already. My mind takes almost 5 minutes to register that I am already 30 minutes late as the school starts at 9:00. I've got almost 25 minutes to get ready.

Well... cancel those 20 minutes now. I rush to the bathroom thanking the lord for giving me the brains of having my outfit ready yesterday. Pft!! Don't think I was all enthusiastic about that. My mom had to lecture me for an hour to get my lazy butt out of the couch and to select a perfect outfit: black skinny jeans and plain white long sleeved tee. "Perfect" I know. Did I mention my hair looks like a bird's nest, all messed up so to make it presentable I quickly comb my hair with none other than my hand into a messy yet presentable ponytail "Cecilia honey? Get down here breakfast is ready"

Whoa what got my mother chirpy all of a sudden? Is she PMSing?

"Yes mum 5 minutes "I screeched rolling my eyes.

Applying thin line of eyeliner and mascara with a tinge of lip-gloss I was ready "taddaa" I sling my bag as I head downstairs I pray to god to help me through the day with a promise that,I too will try be happy and to be that Cecelia again, the one before I changed just for my mum who is keen to start a normal life.

When I hear noises coming from the kitchen curiosity gets the best of me and soon I am heading towards the source of the sound. My mouth formed a "perfect O" seeing the girl beside my mum talking animatedly.

The same girl who accused me of stealing her best friend at the age of 9 which by the way when I think right now is pretty hilarious. On the serious note standing in front of me with gleaming eyes and a goofy grin was my childhood enemy but now my one and only best friend the one who knew my past yet welcomed me with open arms. The most important and influential reason I agreed to be back to town so here I present my frienemy CAROLINE SIMPSON.

Sooner I was out of my breath because of the bone crushing hug I was getting. "Cece, oh god!!!! I missed you. Wait have you got a little tanner over the holidays?? And I seriously love those jeans and god, we are already 16 and first years now like OMFGEE." She squealed. I just rolled my eyes .

I know what you are thinking?? How did we become friends ? Long story short , when I was sucked by the black hole , this enthusiastic Caroline was the one who helped me see the world without the dark clouds . Man she was persistent whew! But I am glad she did what she did.

"Ok girls sorry to cut the reunion short but chop chop," Mum said clapping her hands, "You will get late, hurry now and eat your breakfast."

After devouring the delicious pancakes and almost puking at the sight of Care eating grass oops I mean "salad" we were good to go.

"How are you?" Caroline asked her voice dropping down so my mother couldn't hear her.

"I am coping Care , it's a little difficult but when I have such an over enthusiastic best fried how can I ever be depressed?" I said sighing over dramatically as we headed to her car.

"Puh-lease" she said smacking me playfully.

I poked my tongue out. Yep we are mature as the 5 year olds.

"Wait Care! I forgot something." "Oh god! Cece, quick." I hurried back to the house. My mum looked at me puzzled.

"Cece, what are yo...." I cut her off my plating a kiss o the cheek. "Love you mum." I shouted leaving her speechless.

As I said "A NEW BEGINING."

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

"OMG! Are you Einstein's child? "

"Care stop over reacting." I sighed.

"Oh please! You have taken 5 advanced classes. Are we even allowed to do that?" she asked looking oblivious.

"Nope we are not allowed." I said rolling my eyes.

"But then how are you?"

"Care! That was sarcasm genius. I have already got the routine with the advanced classes included. If we are not allowed how would I have gotten it?"

"Umm... maybe you are having an affair with the principal ." she said wiggling her eyebrows.

"Ewwwww!!!" I groaned. Why am I even friends with you??" I said smacking her playfully as we made our way to our first class which with our luck was the same; algebra.

30 minutes later here we were already exhausted. Caroline looked like she was about to sleep. I stifled a laugh.

"You are enjoying my misery aren't you?" she hissed.

"What?" I said feigning innocence.

The sweet bell rang marking the end of the period was like a relief to us. Don't get me wrong I love algebra but learning the same thing again is boring.

"You looked like you understood everything that ugly teacher wrote on that board." She said pointing at me accusingly as if what I did was a crime.

"Care how many times should I say, I love algebra! Remember when I was all depressed, all I did was study. That's how I got 5 advanced classes ."I said tapping my temples to emphasize my intelligence.

"Bleh! I don't think I will see the letter X again in my life. I won't even text someone with a XOXO In the end." She said dramatically.

That got me laughing out so hysterically that I nearly snorted.

"Now shoo!! You sadist girl who enjoys my misery. Go to literature now and tell me out the hot 2nd years. "She said with her eyes twinkling.

"Yep, I can't wait "I said sarcastically.

"Oh god! You and your sarcasm. Go give it a rest."

"Aye aye !! Captain." I said with a mock solute.

"Shoooo!!" she said laughing .

As I made my way to the class self consciousness passed through me. Things like "what will they think, a junior attending advanced literature" and stuff. I kept these silly thoughts aside ad walked inside the aura of confidence surrounding me. Though inside? Was a complete different story.

"Hey chic!!" a senior called out.

I chose to ignore it and made my way to the back of the class. Sitting on the corner I arranged my books and was ready for my favorite subject to start, as the teacher came the whole class fell silent. This gave me the sense that this teacher was strict but soon this perception was lost when he introduced himself with a friendly gesture as Mr. Evans and told us about the class and his syllabus. I took out my notebook and copied the notes. I am a nerd sue me!

"Sorry I'm late."

All the eyes were now fixed on the speaker, to be honest, I was pretty annoyed. I mean seriously he interrupted such a good introduction.

"Ugh..."

I lifted my eyes to see the speaker.

Grinning with no care at all but his looks and demeanor showed that in spite of his appearance he had respect for the teacher. Careless yet respectful, I know it's paradoxical but we'll it's what I saw.

"Malik stop grinning and come in."

****

Chapter 1 : Welcome to my life

Chapter 1

No, you don't know what its like

When nothing feels alright,

You don't know what its like

To be like me...

To be hurt,

To be lost,

To be left out in the dark

To be on the edge of breaking down

And no one's there to save you

No you don't know what it's like

To be like me...

Welcome to my life!

Dear diary,

Beginnings can be difficult. Even worse when the past you have is overwhelming and full of rue and the future? You are never sure what's going to happen.

Ugh!! Well sorry; I won't make this journal like the previous ones too. I need to get this out of my head.

"Cece, think positive"

Whew! Ok so this is my new journal as I said a new chapter but (well yeah there are always buts) the irony of the situation is that the new chapter is just from a story of the past.

Yep consequence of having the heart not listening to my brain. Blame my heart people not me!

Oops! Midnight already. Good night.

-Cecilia Alison Winston.

Whoa what got my mother chirpy all of a sudden? Is she PMSing?

"Yes mum 5 minutes "I screeched rolling my eyes.

"Ok girls sorry to cut the reunion short but chop chop," Mum said clapping her hands, "You will get late, hurry now and eat your breakfast."

After devouring the delicious pancakes and almost puking at the sight of Care eating grass oops I mean "salad" we were good to go.

"How are you?" Caroline asked her voice dropping down so my mother couldn't hear her.

"I am coping Care , it's a little difficult but when I have such an over enthusiastic best fried how can I ever be depressed?" I said sighing over dramatically as we headed to her car.

"Puh-lease" she said smacking me playfully.

I poked my tongue out. Yep we are mature as the 5 year olds.

"Wait Care! I forgot something." "Oh god! Cece, quick." I hurried back to the house. My mum looked at me puzzled.

"Cece, what are yo...." I cut her off my plating a kiss o the cheek. "Love you mum." I shouted leaving her speechless.

As I said "A NEW BEGINING."

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

"OMG! Are you Einstein's child? "

"Care stop over reacting." I sighed.

"Oh please! You have taken 5 advanced classes. Are we even allowed to do that?" she asked looking oblivious.

"Nope we are not allowed." I said rolling my eyes.

"But then how are you?"

"Care! That was sarcasm genius. I have already got the routine with the advanced classes included. If we are not allowed how would I have gotten it?"

"Umm... maybe you are having an affair with the principal ." she said wiggling her eyebrows.

"Ewwwww!!!" I groaned. Why am I even friends with you??" I said smacking her playfully as we made our way to our first class which with our luck was the same; algebra.

30 minutes later here we were already exhausted. Caroline looked like she was about to sleep. I stifled a laugh.

"You are enjoying my misery aren't you?" she hissed.

"What?" I said feigning innocence.

The sweet bell rang marking the end of the period was like a relief to us. Don't get me wrong I love algebra but learning the same thing again is boring.

"You looked like you understood everything that ugly teacher wrote on that board." She said pointing at me accusingly as if what I did was a crime.

"Bleh! I don't think I will see the letter X again in my life. I won't even text someone with a XOXO In the end." She said dramatically.

That got me laughing out so hysterically that I nearly snorted.

"Now shoo!! You sadist girl who enjoys my misery. Go to literature now and tell me out the hot 2nd years. "She said with her eyes twinkling.

"Yep, I can't wait "I said sarcastically.

"Oh god! You and your sarcasm. Go give it a rest."

"Aye aye !! Captain." I said with a mock solute.

"Shoooo!!" she said laughing .

"Hey chic!!" a senior called out.

"Sorry I'm late."

All the eyes were now fixed on the speaker, to be honest, I was pretty annoyed. I mean seriously he interrupted such a good introduction.

"Ugh..."

I lifted my eyes to see the speaker.

"Malik stop grinning and come in."

****

Chapter 2 : "Would you care to explain what the hotty was talking about?"

Chapter 2 : "Would you care to explain what the hotty was talking about?"

"So class before I continue, I would like to ask u all a question." The teacher announced.

We all nodded.

"In your opinion, what does reading a story mean to you?"

"To explore life."

"To explore life in a better way."

I and a guy said that in unison.

I was a bit shocked and looked and behind to see the same guy who had come late, mirroring my own expression. Mr. Evans chuckled.

"So Ms. Winston would u care to explain how a book helps you explore life?"

"Well umm..."I said shifting uncomfortably as the whole class attention was on me. But when I began to speak all the hesitation was left behind.

"Well, reading a book gives me bliss of knowing someone else's life, pain and happiness in their perception. It helps me to connect the character. The heart racing mysteries, the profound love, astounding friendship helps me to um.." I hesitated to find out the right word.

"Reflect?" the same guy questioned.

My eyes flickered and met his. A smile slipped my lips.

"Yes, exactly reflect upon our lives which help to explore it in a better way."

"Good, I think you and Zayn share the same perception. Well before I forget, class this lady here," he said pointing at me," is Cecelia Winston. She is a junior and as you can see her deep thoughts as led to this class."

"Good." He repeated again looking at me.

Mr. Evans was beaming at me. I on the other hand wished that I had not tied my hair and left it open so I could use it as a shield from all the looks I was getting.

"Anyways, so the story..."

Mr. Evans droned on whilst I started taking notes, trying to avoid the people's stare.

After 45 minutes of pure bliss the bell rang.

"So class before you leave, I have a quick announcement. You guys have a project that you should work on."

The whole class groaned, me on the other hand was performing a mental happy dance." The project includes you and your partner. You guys have to know about your partner's life, their story and write a character sketch on them. You have a month to complete and I want you all to be present with it that day. Now dismiss."

The whole class rushed seeking for partners and here I was looking like a lost puppy. I started packing my stuffs and slowly in a hope that someone could approach me.

"Ahem"

Someone cleared his throat. I looked up to see a smiling Zayn. " Yeah?" I asked.

"Umm..would you like to pair up for the project? I mean we share the same perception "he said quoting Mr. Evans. I was more than obliged, so I replied smiling, "okay, by the way thanks for the help earlier.

"It was just a reflex you know. I actually didn't mean to say it out loud." He said chuckling." But it's nice to know it was useful. Anyways I am Zayn." He said bringing his hand forward.

"Cecelia." I said shaking hands.

"Okay, see you later, gotta go. You better run else you'll be late." he said.

"Kay, bye."

I took my routine out to see that I had History. "Ugh..." Cursing I headed to the most boring class of man's existence. It was my luck that the class was just down the hall and I wasn't late.

45 minutes of cursing, yawning and doodling finally led me to the most awaited hour. LUNCH.

I hastily picked my bag as I made to the door when someone pulled me to the side.

"What the hell!" I screeched snatching my arms away.

"Oooh, Cece, what got your panties on twist?"

"Ugh..Care, never do that again."

Okay, okay, anyways let's go, my friends are dying to meet you.

I narrowed my eyes. "Friends, as in?"

"You stupid girl, what do you think ? A hot girl like me will be a loner?"

"Pft" I said rolling my eyes.

"Bravado, I love your modesty." I said clapping my hands. "Now shall we go?"

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

"The hell is this supposed to be?" I said examining the slice of something that was meant to look like a pizza.

"Welcome to Woodsville High,Princess." Sam said chuckling. In response I did the most mature thing; stuck my tongue out. He just mimicked my action. Psh, Copy cat.

So here we were in the buzzing cafeteria with Caroline's oops my friends. The little group of hers invited me with warm smiles. Sam was the most easy going, Matt and Ann was in their own lala land and Kate was the chirpy one. All in all the lunch break was going on pretty smoothly, giving me a sense of comfort that I hadn't felt for so long like at least somewhere I belonged.

"Cecelia?" somebody said tapping my shoulder. I turned around confused as no one in school knew my name. My confusion was changed to shock when I saw Zayn standing in front.

"Huh, Ah Zayn." I said trying to hide my shock. Our table was silent. Everyone looked at either me or Zayn with bewildered looks. Zayn seemed to notice that.

"Hey guys, I'll steal Cecelia for a quick moment." He said cheerfully addressing them all. A murmur of heys,okays and hellos aroused from our table as we went to a corner.

"So I was thinking that we should start with out project so that in the later days even if we procrastinate our project won't get affected. Whatcha think?"

"Sure, so today?" I said excited. Don't get me wrong, projects assignment always spark my interest.

"Okay, today at 3 at the VS café ?"

" Um sure." I said hoping my mom wouldn't oppose the idea. Okay, who am I kidding, she would be exhilarated to know that I am socializing, right?

"Okay, see you then, here's my number, if you want the direction or something."

With that he went to the table somewhere at the centre of the cafeteria. The table was surrounded by at least a dozen of girls swoon, literally swoon when Zayn made his way. I noticed that seated on the table were other four guys, one was blonde, other two were chatting animatedly but the curly haired was the one who caught my attention. He was talking on the phone with someone and laughing out loud with a dimple forming on his cheek. A smile formed on my lips seeing those dimples.

"Hmm, so Cece would you care to explain what the hotty was talking about? By the way the guys you are gazing and smiling at, is Harry Styles. He is cute, eh? " Caroline said nudging playfully as I made my way towards our table.

"Firstly, the curly haired guy is cute but well bleh! And I am smiling cuz he just reminds me of someone I know. Secondly, Zayn and I met in literature class and he is my assignment partner." I said trying to eat the "yummy" not pizza. Yuck!

"OHHH you are lucky. He is such a hot shot." Kate said.

"God change the topic please else I'll be puking ." Sam said over dramatically. Kate just poked her tongue out .

"Zayn is a nice guy, I guess."

"Whatever." Sam said.

"Stop being jealous Sammie." Care said teasingly. The two of them bickered till the bell rang.

"Ok guys see you then. Does anyone have advanced chemistry right now?" I said crossing my fingers. Caroline started laughing hysterically.

"Tch! My naïve Cece , we barely pass chemistry and you think we might be taking advanced classes? Sometimes I really wonder how people say you are smart!" she said trying to pull a serious look.

I smacked her playfully,"Yeah yeah whatever. Bye guys."

I headed towards the class and sat at the third row. Getting everything ready I waited for the teacher whilst my eyes scanned the faces of the class mates. Yep I was that bored . A loud laugh caught my attention and I tilted my head to see the person . A sense of nostalgia rushed over me when I saw the pair of dimples .I saw in the lunch.

The curly headed guy was still talking on the phone but more than that fact I was confused . Why does this stranger remind me of someone?

"Pft this thing that I have for dimples always gets me." I murmured to myself.

"Hello, class I am Mr. sexton." the teacher said addressing the class and interrupting my thoughts.

I had to stifle my laugh at the choice of his name I know it's rude but more than that it was funny.

"Sir why aren't you teaching biology? Mr. Sexton teaching about sex . That would be great." someone said from behind. The whole class doubled with laughter

."Silence people." Mr. Sexton said turning red. "Ahem! So yes I would like to tell you about the course. We will have practical classes quite often because I believe in practical studies but it will start from tomorrow only. Today I will choose a partner for each of you."

The whole class groaned.

"No ughs and stuff I am selecting partners and that's final, if you have some problems talk to me personally." He added sternly and the class groaned again.

I on the other hand was on cloud 9. First I get chemistry practical lesson which I love, second he selects a partner which gives me the freedom of having the burden to select one. Whew, thank god.

"Paula Benson and Ashley Greene...

Summer Benson and Vanessa Hudgens....

Juliet Jenson and Chace William...

Cecelia Winston and Alex Stewart"

The teacher called out and that's when I noticed that he had already started calling out names.

Alex raised his hands indicating that he was my partner. I just smiled at him and he nodded his head.

"Now you have been separated and the class starts from tomorrow, so if you have any problem, talk to me beforehand." The teacher announced.

"Today we'll be learning....."He started teaching and I instantly began to take notes.

Whew, I let out a sigh. School had been over five minutes ago and here I was eagerly waiting for the next day I mean c'mon we have chemistry practical classes.

Well, now I was here in the parking lot searching for Care.

"There you are." I said finally spotting her.

"Yup, so how your day?" Care asked with a zing on her face even after this tiring day.

"It was umm... nice, to be honest." I replied.

"Great, okay listen, so this weekend we have this party the seniors are throwing for us and we ought to go!" she squealed

"Oye, calm your horses woman. First of all, I don't do parties secondly my mom won't allow and thirdly I can't argue about this right now I've somewhere else to be." I said checking my watch.

Care looked at me as if I had grown an extra head or something.

"What?" I demanded.

"Firstly," she said imitating me, "you said you'd start out new, secondly your mom will be more than willing to send you to the party and lastly where are you going, anyway? Got a date already, eh?" she said with mischief twinkling in her eyes.

"You are insane, I think I'll make Ann my best friend. She doesn't even talk much." I said teasing Caroline.

"Yeah yeah and you'll get Matt as a licking toy, you how they are always sucking their faces off?" she pointed out.

"Eww Care! Okay, change the topic."

"Sooo," she said drawing the word, "where are you going?"

"VS café." I stated.

"Hmm, good choice. With whom? I hope you didn't make a new best friend." she said raising one of her eyebrow.

"You and your drama, Care. Remember I told you, I have a literature assignment? So I am meeting Zayn this afternoon to discuss about it." I said nonchalantly.

"Ohh Zayn!" she squealed," Have fun then, doing the project work." she said it in such a way as if she meant it otherwise.

"What do you mean?" I said narrowing my eyes.

Caroline burst out laughing. "Just kidding. Ok you better hurry then. When are you meeting him?"

"At 3."

"Ok , so let's go."

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

15 minutes later Caroline pulled her car at my house.

"Thanks driver, now pick me up at 8:45 tomorrow." I demanded haughtily moving out of the car."

"Anything you say milady."Caroline said with an over dramatic "knee touching "bow.

"Ok ok I get it you respect me, now get your ass-head up ad drive away. I've got enough of you today."

And with that we started laughing like hyenas .

"Ok I better hurry, see ya!"

"Cece!" Caroline called out.

"Hm?" I said looking at her. The blue eyes which were filled with fun was now filled with worry.

"Ummm....." she said playing with the seat-belt.

"Care, get it out of your shitty mouth." I said trying to lighten the mood.

"Yeah yeah,its just that umm.... Zayn is sort of ...OK he is a player. Just be careful kay?"

I was shocked I my defence, who wouldn't? I didn't see this coming .

Then I snorted with laughter because that was totally unexpected.

"Aww Care, I didn't.... think... Zayn....that..."I said in between my laughers.

After I got hold of myself I said, "Care, I don't see Zayn that way. So its really unnecessary of you to worry kay?"

"Okie dokie love." She said all chirpy.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

I scanned the faces of the various people which were filled with excitement, happiness, joy, sadness, envy and all the paradoxical feelings.

Yep some were in a chirpy mood, some sulking In the corner whereas some in their own wonderland; indeed the café was buzzing with all aspects of life. That's when my eyes met the brown ones.

"Hey Lia! You are 55 seconds late eh?

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Chapter 3 : One word, four letters, HOPE

Chapter 3 : One word, four letters, HOPE

I looked at Zayn like he was from another planet.

"Seriously?"

He just clicked his tongue.

"Ugh! you are so annoying i am never late."

"But you are today ."he pointed out.

" As if " I said poking my tongue out making him bubble with laughter .

"Hush it child it wasn't even funny, by the way I'm Cecilia."

Zayn stopped laughing ,now it was his turn to look at me like I was an alien .

"I know your name is Cecilia." he said chuckling .

"Yes Cecilia not Lia." I said in a matter of fact tone.

"Weellll......" He said drawing the word."For me, you are Lia. Cecilia just seems too foreign to this tongue ." he said winking. I rolled my eyes at his cheekiness .

"Anyways lets start our assignment now shall we ?" I said taking my notebook and pen out .

"Well lets order something shall we ?"he said mocking me.

I just chuckled and nodded my head.

" I'll have a strawberry milkshake ."I said giving a sweet smile.

"Two strawberry milkshakes, please." Zayn said addressing the waiter .

"Okay, lets get started ."we said together .

We looked at each other and burst into laughter.

"So? Um I'll ask first?" I said with a little bit of hesitance .

"Sure!"

"So, okay I have actually prepared a questionnaire so I'll be asking from there kay?

He just nodded his head. Not even a slightest surprise was seen on his face .

"Name?"

"Zayn!" he said smirking

"I know that dumb-ass, opps I meant dumb um um guy! yeah dumb guy. I-I um wanted to know the full name." I said stuttering.

I mean I cant just curse at someone new, that's rude . Moreover I didn't want to scare Zayn off .

Okay okay I know I'm being melodramatic but whatever .

" Aww Lia, cursing is allowed." he said in a baby voice . I mean I know pretty bad words myself like di..."

" Okay okay I get it ." I said interrupting him whilst my hands reflexly flew over my ears .

"Oh.. My...God ! Aha you are so funny . " he said in between his laughter.

" Yeah yeah enjoy my misery, I'll be the one laughing when I name my project as the DUMBASS SADIST ZAYN VAIN Malik ! for my topic. "I said waving my hand as if the topic was written on a banner up in the imaginary air.

"My will be , ' I THINK ASS IS A PRETTY BIG WORD LIA." he said teasingly .

I just poked my tongue out in response. ( I tend to do this a lot these days )

"Very mature eh ? Anyway my full name is Zayn Javaad Malik." I immediately jotted it down .

"Birthday?"

" Jan 12 ."

"Where are you from?"

" Bradford, London."

" Ah! British lad, I see.

"Favourite colour ?"

" Pink!" he said nonchalantly. "No! Wait actually its hot pink."

"Hot pink?" I stated raising one eyebrow.

And with that he started laughing .

"Gosh! your face was priceless ."

"Oh!" I said realization dawning in. "I took that seriously for a second ." I said chuckling at my stupidity.

"Electric blue."

"Woah, peculiar choice umm... Favourite hobbies? "

"Okay behold now, cuz I have plenty ,firstly singing its more like a passion, writing songs, poem, sketching and umm reading books."

My jaws dropped "Singing?" I asked in disbelief. "You can sing ? Wow! that's awesome ." I said shaking my head.

"What you don't think I can sing ?" he said pouting,"We actually have a band . It's weird you havent heard about us we are pretty popular ."he said teasingly with a tinge hint of amusement twinkling in those orbs.

"Very modest of you vaalik."

"Vaalik ?"

"Yep! vaalik as in a hybrid combo of javaad and malik .

"More like a weird combo ." he said with a lopsided grin .

"Ouch! my creativity is hurt ." I said faking a gasp .

"As if there was any creativity to start with ." He said teasingly.

"Ouch! Again "I said clutching my heart.

"Drama queen"

" As if! Okay back on track . Um tell me about the band ?"

"Well firstly we are known as One Direction. There are five of us Louis, Liam, Niall, Harry and the hottest one me."

" Woah! you are good?"

" Gosh! Lia get out of that sceptic bubble that is surrounding you and yes we can sing. We are far better than "a good"." He said making air quotes followed by an eye roll.

"Anyway, Lia are you coming to the party this weekend ?"

"Ummm...." I said taping my chin, " I am not much of a party girl you know! " Just as I said that my phone buzzed in my pocket indicating I got a message from someone.

"Wait a sec, kay?" I told Zayn and opened my message.

In the mean time the waiter brought us our milkshakes.

"Woah! that was quick NOT ." Zayn muttered beside me.

I nudged him and with a sweet smile acknowledged the waiter.

Tomorrow after school we are going to Tiffany for shopping.

Ps I asked your mom already. No arguments. Period!

Xoxo

"Ugh! I groaned. Caroline and her persistent self.

"Who was that ?"Zayn asked relishing his milkshake .

I took a sip of mine .

" Well! cancel what I said earlier I have to come to the party." I said sighing.

"You say it like its a bad thing. By the way what do you mean by have to?"

" Of course its a bad thing. I mean firstly Caroline, a friend of mine is abusing her power of being my close friend and is forcing me to go there!" I said appalled, "Moreover tomorrow I have to go shopping albeit I don't want to, I have to! And lastly my weekend got wasted and ruined."

"Oh gosh! poor you."he said sarcastically, "Come on, this party will be fun moreover we are performing and I'll be there to accompany you if your friend ditches you." he added with a wink.

" Yeah yeah like that's gonna make it any better."

" You're such a pooper."

" You're such a dork."

" Whimp."

" Potato."

" Lady finger."

" Pumpkin."

And with that we burst out laughing.

After few more giggles and a little time which took us for sobering, I looked at my watch.

"Holy cheese cakes! we have been here for over an hour. I have to go." I said gathering up my things.

"But I haven't even asked you questions yet." Zayn exclaimed.

"Psh! We have a month." I said waving him off.

"Wow such a procrastinator."

I just elbowed him.

"Ow!"

"Serves you ." I said grinning likes Kid on Christmas morning. "Okay um... I'll leave then. It was fun today ." I said getting up from whilst searching my purse to take out the money.

"Ms Lia, I am a fun guy. Your time with me will be a hella good roller coaster ride and nope today is my treat so lady keep that money inside." he said pointing at my purse.

"No no, that's something I don't appreciate."

" See Lia i don't have a curfew like you so i can argue about this for a long time but you in the other hand.. "

"Okay I get it but I'm leaving the money anyway." I cut him off realizing he was right.

"Aren't you stubborn ? Think of it as a treat for our new friendship please." he said making a puppy face .

"Damn you! I said stuffing the money inside and sprinting as fast as i could.

At a distance I could hear his laughter ringing.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

"I am home, mom!"

"Hey honey" she said smiling,"What took you so long?"

"VS coffee shop" i replied all chubby.

"Ohh, so i guess you have made some friend then, am I right?"

"Yep." I said popping the p.

"Go change and let's have dinner, kay?"

"Sure, mom"I mumbled as I made my way to my heaven upstairs. I plopped down on my bed resting my tired head on my soft fluffy pillow.

"Whew!" I breathed out puffing the air. I got up and removed my long sleeved tee before I get too lazy and let my eyes droop. Looking at myself in the mirror the reality dawned in the faint pink thin line just on the right shoulder blade, making me realize how selfish I had been the whole day. Drowning my happiness, I had not even for once thought about the happiness I had taken away from the person that meant so much to me, he still means but all through out the day I had not spared even a second in his rememberance. Slowly tears rolled down my cheeks as I felt my nerves stiffening trying hard to refrain the whimper which only made it even harder at my chest. Shivering I touched the gruesome mark and suddenly the horror and the dread of that day dawned in making my knees so weak I had to sit down on the floor leaning against the bed.

"Lia, calm down, its fine." I tried to assure myself whispering. Slowly I got up and took out a quarter sleeved tshirt in order to hide the mark. Not that it was that visible, it was just a faint line but for me this mark was like a tatoo encarved deep in my soul which could never be removed.

"Honey..." my mom said in a soft voice entering my room.

"Hm.." I whispered, though it was barely audible, turning at the direction of the door and the moment I saw her I was engulfed in a bone crushing hug. And as if the tears were just waiting for it, I couldn't help but cry out loud letting all the pain that I had bottled up for over a year now slipping out.

"Sh...It'll be all right, it was not your fault sh.."was all my mother said after some time.

"Mom, am I supposed to be happy? Am i supposed to move on? Will this guilt ever stop to haunt me?" I said in a low quivering voice.

At this my mother started crying,"Oh honey, of course you deserve to be happy more than happy actually. Now shh.."

We remained there hugging each other for a long time when my mum's stomach growled loudly.

"Way to kill the mood." I said teasingly letting out a small chuckle.

"Now lets go and eat."

Dear diary,

I wouldn't have been more wrong. I thought I could plaster a smile and make my way through it, pretend like everything's okay but this is all just an illusion, like love is like belonging nothing but a sheer imagination, a delusional hope. One word, four letters, HOPE, this is the epitome of my survival. I am clinging to it with all my might. Its like my heart keeps telling me to give up on the idea of giving up with every beat but my mind tells me to stop being unrealistic and face the world where hope is nothing but a four letter word and when I realise I will be broken beyond repair, people say that things will change and I will change, but when we have problems which we have to cope to us, we have only two options either to swim or let the sorrow drown us. I read somewhere that if the white keys in a piano represent the happiness in life and the the black keys represent sorrows, both the keys are meant to play music. The hope I have, gives me the strength to swim but the past I have tells me, to drown is the easier way out. They say that time heals everything but that's complete bullshit but i have to stay strong not for me but for my mom I can't see her break down again night.

Cecilia

I kept aside my diary and walked up to the window and opened it, the cool zephyr brushing away my hair softly and eventually drying up my tears. Thats when I hear my phone buzz and I unlocked it to see what I had just received.

Lia!

This is Zayn. Save my number. Btw I made a jk wanna hear it ?

"How the hell did he get my number?" I muttered to myself whilst saving his number under the name Vaalik.

To Vaalik:

I know even if I say "no" you'll tell your joke anyway. So do it quickly. -_-

A minute later my phone buzzed again.

From Vaalik:

You got that right ;) ok here it is-

Knock knock!

To Vaalik:

Who's there?

From Vaalik:

"Zayn Malik"

To Vaalik:

???

From Vaalik:

That's the joke! Hahaha ;)

To Vaalik :

Oh gwad! You can't get even more lame. Bie!

From Vaalik:

Night to you too, Lia.

After reading the message I went to my bed and laid down pulling the blanket tightly. As I closed my eyes I couldn't help but let a smile slip off!

Chapter 4 : She is so not a good influence for my mum.

Chapter 4 : She is so not a good influence for my mum.

1) Legs tangled to the bed sheet. Checked

2) Drool stains. Checked

3) Hair like a bird's nest. Checked

4) Mum shouting her ass off. Checked

5) Late for school. Checked

6) Getting ready in ten minutes. Checked

7) Caroline eating grass. Checked

"Whew overall it was a normal Tuesday morning",I thought, as I sat at the table, eating my pancakes.

"So Ms. Winston, you know it's held every year and this is the 75th year! Can you imagine? I mean oh my god! Like every year there will be this pageant organized and the best part is we can participate as we're 16!! Oh Gwad I love being 16! Dances! Dresses! Parade! Party! So much excitement! This means shopping, yay!!!" Caroline squealed doing a small happy dance.

I just rolled my eyes. Caroline and my mum were talking about "Woodsville Day" (aka the day this town was found or something. It's celebrated every year, there is charity event, parties and all those "fun" stuff) with so much enthusiasm like it was their wedding day with all squealing, jumping and laughing like maniacs.

I just chose to ignore then and turned all my attention towards the mouthwatering pancakes. Hmmm..... I closed my eyes as I savored every bit.

"Today we are going for the party shopping and umm... tomorrow we will go for the gown shopping! Oh gwad! Mrs. Winston, this is so exciting! I always wanted to take part in a pageant and here is my chance! Cece and I will have so much fun."

I instantly opened my eyes. "What?" I said turning pale.

"Cece, close your mouth, I can see all the chewed pancakes. Gross!" My mum said in disgust.

I immediately closed my mouth and gulped the food. "But Ma! You know I don't do gowns and dances and wait! Who taught you to say gross! Oh god you are to much under the influence of Care." I said terrified.

"Tch tch, too late I already signed up your name for the pageant. Now let's hurry or we will be late!" Caroline said nonchalantly.

"You what? Who the hell gave you the permission? Oh my god, way to kill my mood," I hissed leaning back in the chair," I am doing no such on sense work. It's a waste of time, money, energy and umm all the valuable things. Two word. UTTER WASTE!"

"Honey, please do it for me." My mum said with a somewhat worried expression on her face, and I stand up turning my back towards her.

"Nope." I said pouting with my hands folded in front.

"But please!" Both of them whined.

"No means no." I said turning to look at my mom with a stern face," I am not....."

I stopped in mid sentence as right in front of me my mum was giving me the expression which she knows I can't resist.

"Ugh! Mom, who taught you to make such puppy dog face?"

I looked at Caroline with narrowed eyes whilst she played the innocent card. "You....." I pointed my finger accusingly at her. "Traitor", I muttered.

After a lot of groaning and mumbling with my mum and Caroline trying the puppy dog faces I finally gave in knowing I'm gonna be regretting this later.

"Okay okay, I'll do this, but promise me, no more such surprises again. Clear?" I barked .

They nodded and squealed in unison followed by multiple hi-5s and hugs and a happy dance. Psh.

"Yep" Caroline uttered.

She is so not a good influence for my mum.

***

Chapter 5 : "So who the hell is my partner?"

Chapter 5 : "So who the hell is my partner?"

"I am going to kill you and now I even have two legit reasons!" I whisper yelled at Caroline.

"Oh puhlease, you were being such a drama queen and FYI I even told you we were being late but no you were all I-am-going-to-argue mood." Caroline whispered back as we made our way to our classes left.

Why are we whispering? Dunno, because we are late?

Hmmm

"Okay, here we depart." Caroline said in an army like voice," Take care of yourself, captain. And try not to get detention for arriving late we have some shopping to do." She said squealing.

"Yeah I can't wait." I muttered looking at the other side," Now shoo!"

Ugh! I hurried to my class muttering curses at Caroline. Because of her I was late in the 2nd day of school moreover to my Chemistry class! Damn!

I wiped my sweaty palms and turned the knob of the door. Woosh! Every head inside the classroom turned in my direction. I could die!!

"Umm... May I come in sir?" I stuttered feeling the stare of almost all the people in the class. He just sighed and motioned me to come inside.

"Ummm... Sir.." I started.

"Save the trouble, Ms.Winston. Just don't be late the next time." He said smiling, something I was not really expecting.

Whew! I exhaled the breath I didn't even know I was holding."Thank you sir, I won't be a disappointment next time." Saying that I made my way to the seat.

I stopped in my tracks and looked at Alex, my chem lab partner in confusion. He was sitting with another girl who I guessed was his partner now.

"So who the hell is my partner?" I muttered. And just as in cue, Alex motioned me to sit in the third row from the back. My eyes followed towards the direction he motioned and I saw a guy doing something with the test tube there but couldn't make out who he was.

"Anything wrong, Ms.Winston? " Mr. Sexton called out.

"No, nothing sir." I said and hurried to the place.

I arranged my books and quickly sat down. My partner on the other hand was still concentrated on something we were supposed to be doing as a classwork maybe. The others were busy talking and Mr. Sexton was giving instructions to whoever cared to listen.

I quickly understood that we were doing the sure test of ammonia as I let my eyes wander around the class because my partner here was busy fiddling on his own and blocking me from seeing his procedure with his hair.

"Ahem ahem." I cleared my throat in order to get his attention.

I was bluntly ignored.

"Excuse me?" I tried again. And as expected no answer.

I waited for a few more minutes but nope. He was till fiddling with the equipment, with the curly hair covering his face.

Wait! Curly? Is this....

Just at that moment he brushed his hair off his face and looked at me with dimples popping on his cheeks.

"Harry Styles.." I thought, remembering the words of Caroline in the cafeteria last time.

"Yep" he said cheerfully.

Woops, did I said that out loud?

"So um.. are you working on preparation of some-"

"Ammonia." He stated, completing my sentence.

"Okay.." I just muttered in response.

I watched him mix some chemicals required for the preparation. He fixed the hard test tube in the stand and turned to look at me. "So, you know I'm Harry, and you are?" He asked casually and again turned his attention towards the equipments.

"Cecilia." I uttered," Actually, Zayn had told me about you.." I said trying to explain how I knew his name.

"Oh so you know Zayn?" He said.

"Yep he is my lit assignment partner." I replied

"Kay so you are the girl." He muttered looking quite interested. I just raised my eyebrow for further elaboration.

"Would you kindly.." I started to ask what did that mean but I was cut off.

"The next step, Mr. Styles? The teacher called out.

"Nh4Cl is formed." Harry said casually as the white fume formed when he brought the glass rod near gas jar. The teacher seemed a bit taken aback. He thought Harry wouldn't be able to answer correctly.

"Er.. Good" he said flustered. I on the other hand was having a hard time stifling my laugh.

"The teacher just got out smarted." I sang under my breath.

"Yep, Mr.Sexton is just like that." he said chuckling.

"So um.." I questioned looking around the class.

"Yeah?"

"How come you finished this reaction so early?"

"This? Oh it was a piece of cake. I am really good at chemistry you know." He said playfully putting the glass rod back into its place.

"Wow very modest of you, Anyways how come you are my partner? I was paired with Alex, wasn't I ?" I said a bit bewildered.

"Actually what happened was umm..,"He started as he turned off the burner, looking at me, "How shall I put it in a "modest" way.." He said pretending to stroke his chin.

"Oh god! And here I thought Zayn is the drama queen."

"My ego is hurt."

I just chuckled at his childishness.

"Anywho, OK I am not bragging OK. Actually I am quite a humble lad but then if I take the humble route then it will be me beating bout the bush..."

"OK OK stop the rant and start the brag." I said chuckling.

"Um..Well this whole class is full of girls who want to date me, you know." Harry said, and the seriousness in his face couldn't stop but make me start laughing.

Oh god!!! And now I was choking on my own spit which made me cough.

"Oh god, she is dying!" Harry shouted earning looks.

I looked at him with watery eyes.

"A little water would be appreciated." I croaked.

"Here" he handed me a bottle, and I could see that face trying to stifle the laughter.

"Thanks." I managed and tried not to frown looking at his expression.

"See, that's why you should not laugh at others misery." Harry pointed out.

"Pft! Whatever, go on." I replied putting the bottle on the table.

"Yeah as you see," He began as if he had been explaining me some difficult theory,"It's creepy to have a partner who looks as if she wants to get into you pants and eye rapes you all the time." He said shuddering.

Psh, arrogant. Albeit I had to bite my bottom lip to stop myself from laughing like a maniac, hearing his words.

"Tch tch." I said lightly patting his shoulder whilst failing miserably to suppress my building laughter.

"Moreover, it was horrendous to find out that I was paired up with Summer. That girl, oh god," He said shaking his head, "She is um... I can't even find a word to describe her. She is mental. No offense though." He said apologetically.

"So I asked my dear friend, Alex, to swap partners. He told you were new or something. So we asked Mr. Sexton and being the gullible self he agreed." He explained.

"Woah! I said looking at Summer who was gazing at Harry as if noticing his every movement of the muscles and quickly looked away when she saw me looking at her direction, but not before frowning at me.

I cringed.

"You know by reading Summer's expression I can tell she is halfway done with you." I giggled.

"Shut up, Cecilia I am trying to ignore her." He closed his eyes pressing his fingers between his eyebrows.

I just laughed out keeping my voice low as the teacher was still in class.

"Shut up."

"Harry and Summer sitting on a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G." I sang kinda enjoying his reaction.

"Mr. Styles and Ms.Winston! I have stayed quiet doesn't mean you can cross the boundaries," Mr Sexton boomed loudly,"If you have finished the work; solve the question on page 22. Let the others do their work in peace."

"Oops", Harry and I said in unison, slowly sunk to our seats, trying to keep a straight face.

****

Chapter 6 : "And why do you need to see my expression?"

Chapter 6 : "And why do you need to see my expression?"

"Care! Shut up, my ears are bleeding."

"Yeah, I can see that." she said sarcastically as we made our way to our afternoon classes. Ugh!

"No Cece, why aren't you excited? In less than 2 hours we will be shopping a terrific dress for the party! "

"Yeah yeah, I am so excited! Instead of sleeping or reading a novel I get to waste.. I mean spend my time doing such a wonderful thing with the person who has her blabbering switch always on. Man! Can't wait!" I ranted rolling my eyes in the end.

"I am so not talking with you." And with that she stomped away with a frown on her face.

"Okay Care sorry!" I called out.

She turned around to look at me with a stern look. " Ms Cece don't you dare think that just because I am angry, we are not going for shopping. Cuz I repeat, plans are still on. And a strawberry sundae will turn my frown into a cute smile. Kay?"

I just sighed realizing I can do nothing else now but to agree with her.

"Now bye."

And with that she was off swaying her hips in a exaggerate way.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Vas happening!"

"Geez, don't sneak on me like that" I said a bit startled and shifted a little to my left on the bench, making space for Zayn to sit down.

"My my so strong headed you can be, eh?" Zayn said chuckling, making himself comfortable.

"You really are enjoying my misery." I said giving a short glance at him and looking infront, adjusting my right hand on the table and placing the palm under my chin.

"Nope I am not at all enjoying the memory of the I-just-saw-a -ghost expression you had a few minutes ago."

"Screw you" I mumbled staring at the empty space on the ground.

"Well that reminds me of our assignment and how I didn't get to ask you questions." He said pouting.

I just chuckled. "Yeah about that, you will not get the answers till Friday." I replied turning towards him.

"Friday? But why?" He asked confused.

"Well the thing is today you have my 'dress shopping' for the party and tomorrow again, I have my 'gown shopping' day," I explained him the thing that I had been thinking about a few minutes ago, "So basically my awesome two days is going down the drain. And I'll just be free on Friday."

"Aw poor Lia–bear." he cooed pinching my cheeks.

"Hands off me, Vaalik." I said swatting his arms away.

"Ouch! That was painful." he said melodramatically. "Anyway on a serious note when should we meet? I mean we only have a month to finish this and with the upcoming events it's gonna be difficult. I have band practices for that day. Man!"

"You are performing? Wow that's sick! I mean this day is like important right? And you get to perform? "

"Tch! Lia didn't I tell you we were good." He said clicking his tongue.

"Yah yah and didn't I roll my eyes and said, let me quote it 'very modest of you' Vaalik? "

"Ah Whatever. So what about the project?"

"Hmm.. Somebody is eager... "I said singing the last word.

"Aha! You wish."

"Ummm... Well Alexander Graham Bell invented this stuff called phone. So you can call me maybe?" I said teasing him.

"But this phone thingy won't let me see your expression, genius."

"And why do you need to see my expression? " I asked furrowing my eyebrows.

"Cuz...."

"Good afternoon class." And yet again we were interrupted by Mr. Evans.

"Lia! Lia." Somebody whispered breaking my concentration.

"Hmm..." I said looking to my right where Zayn smiled and passed me a paper.

I opened it cautiously so the teacher wouldn't notice. Zayn snickered beside me.

"What?" I whisper shouted.

He just shook his head sideways in response. Raising an eyebrow, I ignored him and read what was in the paper he gave.

I got an awesome idea! We can Skype. This way I even get to see your expression and we can do it anytime. 'Zayn-malik1d' add me.

I turned the paper and wrote my reply.

Good idea, though I still don't get your obsession with my expression.

I folded the paper and sneakily passed it to him. Well what can I say I am really a scardy cat whilst doing such 'illegal' stuff.

I looked at him if he had any reply to that but he actually just gave a quick wink to me and I, being me just poked my tongue out earning an amused look in return.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

"It was your fault." I said accusingly to Zayn as we made our way out of the class.

"My fault?" He replied with a poker face and within seconds burst out laughing, "You should have seen your expression when Mr Evans told you to stop poking your tongue out." And with that he started laughing again.

"Ugh! Zayn Malik, stop laughing."

But this made him laugh even harder.

"You are nothing but trouble, Vaalik." And with that I literally started to run to my class so I didn't have to cope to Zayn's annoying laughter.

"I am trouble? Wait till you attend the advance bio when you see my whole band there." Zayn called out ending it with his booming laughter.

I just cursed myself cuz Tuesday's last period was none other then Advanced Bio, though I had this giddy feeling inside thinking that I am going to be meeting all the members of the band.

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 01.05.2015

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