The beginning...

Many people have asked me to put my blog out in book form - so here goes nothing and everything!!  Here’s hoping you enjoy the ride and come out reasonably normal on the other side!  But there are no guarantees - LoL!

 

I started my blog originally just out of curiosity and to see what it would be like to have a blog. But it very soon morphed into a platform for my frustration and anger at a government that has become so corrupt that it defies logical description. In the collection of blog posts that followed I let the ANC know in no uncertain terms what me and a lot of people like me thought of their governing failures.

I tried to inject my own personal sense of humor into the blog as often as I could otherwise it would quickly become way to depressing to read, and way to much of a task to write.  I have since learned that most people were happy that I had tried to inject some humor into an otherwise helpless situation - The ANC however fails to see the humor in what I write and I have received many threats via e-mail and phone.  If their ability to run this country is anything to go on then I am sure I have nothing to fear and will live to be a ripe old age.

I can honestly say nobody was spared a tongue lashing, when the mood took me to my blog nobody was safe - right wing - left wing and the morons sitting on the fence - everybody is fair game when I feel a rant coming on!  This is one of the reasons I was so surprised when the blog became popular, but hey!  I am certainly not complaining - This blog has made me as many friends as it has made me enemies.

The first entry on the blog was on the 6th of October 2010 and was born out of my frustration at everyone complaining about everything and seriously depressing me about the situation in our country.

 

Reality check!!

 

Come now people it’s time you start dealing with reality!! It is not going to get any better any time soon! The extreme right “whingers” are always going to strut their stuff and threaten to cause all sorts of mass destruction – not that they have the gonads, finance or ability to do anything of consequence? And the ruling party is always going to walk around saying nothing is wrong and if there is it is the fault of apartheid!

Not that most of the big mouths ever even lived under apartheid!! Take note Joulietous Malema, you have lived your entire adult life in the new democratic South Africa?? So if you are not happy you need to take it up with your cronies!

 

As for the rest of you – stop waiting for the day when it starts to get better because it is going to be a very long wait? Rather pride yourself on the fact that you belong to a very exclusive group of people that go about their lives regardless of one of the highest crime rates on the planet. A group of people so resilient that nothing stands in the way of them living their lives!  After all we have to support 20 000 000 unemployed morons who believe we owe them a living? And yet we as a people still find the strength to braai and sokkie and watch the rugby and all sorts of other fun stuff. You may wonder why? It’s easy – we were born and bred right here in Africa and we have the right stuff!!

 

So no matter what they do to us we will adapt and carry on – it’s what we do and I for one believe we deserve a pat on the back!! Most people in these conditions would be running for cover but not us, no – we braai a tjoppie drink a doppie, put up an electric fence load the pump action shot gun and go on with our lives!

 

So right ‘whingers’ unless you actually plan to over throw the government(count me in) then just get on with your life and to the ruling party – you can kiss my natural born white African ass!! I am here to stay!!

 

So really stop waiting for it to get better – this is it? South Africa not a country for sissies! And to all you poor previously oppressed folks – it’s time you wake up and realize that your leaders are padding their own pockets and don’t give a rats ass about you so stop waiting for a hand out and get on with your life.

 

Then came the strikes

The next post was born a couple of days later, as we headed into what has now become known as strike season!  The fact that we even have something called strike season defies logic!!

 

Why do we tolerate these strikes?

 

I mean really why are we tolerating these strikes? let’s just stop and think about this – I saw a bunch of teachers striking outside a school and one was holding a sign that said or was supposed to say – ” if you can read this sign it is because of a teacher” but mind bogglingly enough there were three spelling mistakes in the sign!!! I mean really – you want more money but I need to be happy with the fact that the morons teaching our youth cannot even spell correctly??

 And then there are the nurses? Hellooooo when last did we receive anything even resembling good service at one of our State Hospitals? At this point it is probably safer to go and see a sangoma than expect any form of professionalism at a hospital! Yet they demand more money? I can go on and on but that is simply not the point!

 

The point is that in the last ten years’ service levels in our country have fallen so severely that we are starting to resemble a third world country run by criminals? Why are we even considering giving in to these thugs demands when they never deliver on their responsibilities? Let’s rid ourselves of these hordes who don’t really want to work once and for all!

Yes the economy would take a serious dip but we would survive. There are thousands of unemployed people in this country who would grab at a chance to be gainfully employed, and for the qualified positions like teachers and nurses we could easily import people who would love to come and start over here in Africa. It would be quite a novelty to see brains coming into this country as opposed to the brain drain we have been experiencing so far??

 

Anyway just a thought, as we will as usual just give in to their demands because unlike other countries we don’t hold our people to a higher standard we just accept what is dished out and move on. Sad very sad indeed!

 

 

Violence begets violence

The next blog post sadly comes from a time when I thought that there might actually be some hope that we would make it as country and a people - sadly that ship has sailed.  I no longer believe that this country stands a chance of succeeding while the corrupt ANC is in power. 

 

Violence begets violence

 

So once again we find ourselves at the cross road where it seems violent revolution is around the corner!! What a bunch of crap!! This is the most beautiful country on the planet – trust me I have seen most. There is plenty of food, plenty of space and most of all plenty of people of every race, creed and color that want to and can live together in peace!!

 

Sadly there is always that lower IQ bunch that band together and spout rhetoric at all who will listen and sadly many are caught up by this mob mentality. Well enough is enough I think it is time we start our own party or “third force” – we stand for equality, peace and prosperity. It is time people realize not all Afrikaners hunker after a Hitler type society and not all Africans want to kill white people simply because they are white?

 

I have met Afrikaans people who have real vision for the future of this country and I have met Africans without whom this country will be a very sad place indeed! The problem is that all these beautiful people are bunched together with the racists and morons who want to rule our country purely to enrich themselves and their select little group of brain dead idiots!!

 

Come on guys let’s put an end to the killing and enjoy the fruits of this great country there really is enough for everyone. Let’s focus our anger on the people who will do anything to emerge this country in a violent racially motivated war! Let’s rid ourselves of the white supremacists and the likes of Malema and anyone else that stands in the way of peace and harmony!

 

I think we should take all these criminals and heap them together on Robin island and let them sort each other out? Then we can carry on with our lives and be happy?

Maybe it is time to give every law abiding citizen of this country his own firearm so that he or she can protect their right to live in a crime free South Africa, or at the very least get the police to do their jobs – namely protecting us from criminals!!

 

I for one am not a racist and believe there is good in all the people who make up this beautiful nation but rest assured if you break into my home and threaten the one’s I love I will not hesitate to kill you!! But if you knock on my door and get to know me over a glass of whatever "met eish" – we can be friends and build a better future for all of us.

 

Why do you think I care?

The next entry was purely a rant at my friends who kept asking me to help with their problems, and kept trying to borrow from me – to the point where I was starting to feel like I would be better off without them.

 

WHY DO YOU THINK I CARE???

 

Why is it that the world at large seems to think I give a shit?? I mean really people your financial woes do not interest me in the least – I have my own! And your obscure medical conditions, most of which I am pretty sure don’t really exist! Please don’t share them with me – I am honest when I say that your bodily functions hold no interest to me now or ever will!!

 

So your kids are off the tracks and are driving you crazy? Tough! Why do you think I have no kids?? Not interested!! There is nothing I can do about the fact that your boss is a mean prick!! You on the other hand can find another job?

 

So your husband or wife is fooling around?? Sorry can’t help – my wife is an angel and my marriage is perfect – besides if I was married to your whiney ass I would be fooling around as well!!

And another thing – your car is giving you shit?? It’s called maintenance you dimwitted moron!! Look after the car and it will look after you!! I am not a mechanic and cannot fix your ride!!

 

And to all of those broke idiots who want to borrow money, I have decided that I would be willing to give loans to people over the age of 88 years who are accompanied by both biological parents. Then there are the borrowers? The answer is no and will always be no! Buy less crap then you can afford your own stuff and won’t need to borrow? I am so sick of all you weak ass people who can’t seem to fix your lives on your own – grow up and deal with it or do us all a favor and exit this life as you are a waste of oxygen!!!

We are South African

 Now you see what I mean by nobody is safe from my rants, I will nail you even if you are my friend.  Come to think of it that might be why I have so few friends?  The one’s I do have however are friends for life and more importantly – they get me.

The next post was believe it or not born out of my pride in being South African, yup that’s right; even though I am always ranting about this place I truly do love this country and its amazing people.

 

We are South African

 

So the weekend is upon us!!

 

Well if you can avoid being raped, robbed, hi-jacked or murdered then that would be a great start! Drink a dop – braai a chop but most of all enjoy the people you love with everything you have!! Always remember we live in one of the most beautiful countries on the planet and there is so much to see and do, sadly it is also one of the most dangerous countries on the planet and the people you love could be taken from you at any moment?

 

Therefore hiding in the corner of your fortified castle awaiting the worst case scenario is not what you want to do!!  No!!  Get out there and enjoy the bounty that is South Africa – we need to show all these asshole’s who would have us cowering in the corner that you may be able to kill us but you will never destroy our spirit!! We built this country into what it is and we will enjoy it no matter what! So be safe, move around in groups and have fun!! If we all do this, black, white Indian and all other the other amazing groups that make up this amazing country our collective joy will eventually break through the cloud of crime and racial distrust that hangs over our country?

 

So to all the people of this generation please remember – you are not owed a living because your ancestors were oppressed – you are not oppressed!! You live in a free and equal country! And to the others – you are not responsible for the political mistakes of your ancestors, you are not to blame for apartheid!! It is time we all shook off the yolk of the past and stood together against those who want to keep the hatred alive long after its expiry date!! This is our country and it is time we make ourselves heard!! If our leaders are not capable of serving us with honesty and empathy then it is time we get rid of them!!

 

But most of all – it is Friday!! So light up the fire – put the beer on ice and lets all celebrate ourselves because we are amazing!! We can do anything because we are South African!!

 

INTERRACIAL COMMUNICATION

Yup!  Back then I still thought that this country had a future, but sadly the rape, torture and murder of the whites in this country have opened my eyes to who and what the ANC really is.

 

The next post was truly inspired by the people of the country, just sad that they were not seeing what I was seeing.  If we could work together like this on a normal day to day basis we would overcome our corrupt government.

 

INTERRACIAL COMMUNICATION – IT WORKS!!

So I found myself on the highway this past weekend and suddenly I was truly sad!! Why?  Well let me explain – So there we were driving on the highway between Polokwane and Mokopane and the traffic cops were out in full force, probably trying to make up their Christmas bonus or something? But wondrously they were shit out of luck!! Every time you were about five kilometers from a speed trap all the other road users would frantically start flashing their lights at you giving you ample time to slow down and make sure you are buckled up and so forth and in the process saving you a small fortune in fines or bribes!!

 

Well done people!!!! Bravo!!!

 

And the most amazing thing of all was the fact that there was no racial discrimination? Everybody was warning everybody regardless of race creed or color?  We all stood together against something that could hurt us or at least hurt our pockets? Well that was when I started feeling sad! Why can’t we do the same in other aspects of our day to day lives? Why can’t we warn each other about pending crime and corrupt politicians? When we see danger lurking why do we look the other way and thank the gods it is not us? Why not warn everyone in the immediate environment so that the criminals won’t succeed? Why not “flash your lights” at the sight of criminals and corrupt officials so that we can all live in a better and safer South Africa?

 

This weekend the traffic cops set out to make some money and we as a people decided to stand together and make sure that they don’t succeed? Well hello people from where I was sitting it most certainly worked!! There was no color, no race, and no culture, just a bunch of average South Africans that stood or should I say drove together and decided to save ourselves and each other – it was magnificent!!! And all it took was for us to stand together? So when the criminals decide to makes this country dangerous lets stand together and say no!! When the politicians decide to line their pockets with our hard earned cash let’s say no!! Come on South Africa – that is all it takes for us to succeed!! We just need to speak with one thunderous voice and say ENOUGH!!!

Why are we so negative?

 The next post was again about people all around me that just complain all the time about absolutely everything!  It was seriously starting to piss me off; little did I know that I would become one of the loudest complainers of them all! LoL

I suppose we all end up doing what we are supposed to be doing, and I was supposed to be complaining loudly for the world to hear!

 

WHY ARE WE SO NEGATIVE??

 

Every time I talk to somebody it seems to me all they do is complain?? When did we as a people become so negative? I mean do you really have such a shitty life? Is it really that hard to be South African?

 

If it is not the politics then it is the weather or your job – there is always something people need to complain about?? Well I for one am getting really tired of it!! So it takes you a while to get to work because of the traffic? Gee!! Poor you that you have to sit there on your soft leather seat while the air con cools you down and the soothing tunes of your latest cd or iPod Playlist keeps you company? My heart really feels for you!! So you hate your job and it is driving you nuts? Well guess what – it is called work! It is not called fun; if it was called fun the millions of unemployed morons in this beautiful country would also be doing it? You may also want to remember that that job you hate so much is what is providing you with that lovely home and comfortable car as well as putting food on your table?

 

Crime seems to be one of the top subjects for discussion? Well that’s why there is so much of it! Because that is all we ever do – talk!! If it bothers you then join the neighborhood watch and if there is none then start one? Do you really think talking about it is going to change anything? Another topic that seems to come up on a regular basis is corrupt officials? Well you have nobody to blame but yourself! Do you really think all these officials would be standing there taking a handout if the general public was not offering one? If South Africans are so upset by corruption then they should stop paying bribes? If nobody was willing to pay bribes then there would be no corruption? We created that market and now we want to complain?

 

If your relationship is a mess, your wife or husband is not up to scratch then maybe you should look in the mirror when seeking the answer? When last did you treat him or her as if they were the most important person in the world? It is a simple case of give and you will receive! My wife treats me like I am a rock star with millions in the bank and a ridiculously large Willy!! But then she is my queen and I treat her as such! It’s really quite simple!

 

Come on people, look around you – you are surrounded by loved ones and you are living in one of the most abundantly fruitful and beautiful countries on the planet! Try it I dare you – see only the good, the beautiful, the amazing and if that does not work and you still see things that make you unhappy then get off your lazy ass and do something about it!! Make the changes you need in your life and then be happy! Because at the end of the day it is all in your hands, so stop complaining and remove that negative filter you have over your eyes and prepare to be astounded!!!

Wisdom

Sometimes I actually have some real inspiration and a blog post is born that is relevant to everybody and anybody – those are the posts that I am usually the proudest of.  The following post is one of them.

 

WHERE TO FIND WISDOM

 

From where all the wisdom?

 

Recently I had the misfortune of over hearing two people argue about who was wiser? They spent the better half of an hour comparing education, certificates, diplomas and degrees and all this was to decide who was wiser?? Therefore I will today attempt to educate you on the subject of wisdom!!

 

Firstly all the education in the world cannot make you wise, it can make you educated and perhaps even clever but sadly wisdom will still elude you! For wisdom cannot be bought, borrowed or taught! No! All the degree’s and diplomas in the world will not make you wise. Wisdom needs to be absorbed – I know that sounds ridiculous but believe me it is true! Let me try to explain – the first time you actually took your mom or dads advice without thinking they were stupid you absorbed some wisdom, the first time you helped someone do something they could not do by themselves without expecting anything in return you absorbed more wisdom!

 

You see wisdom is all around us and it is free for the taking, you can absorb as much as you want and if you absorb enough you may actually become enlightened. Sadly most of us seem to walk through life wearing a giant condom rendering us unable to absorb anything including wisdom!

 All around you are people who are in need, not always financial need maybe just a smile or a kind word, and by accommodating their needs you will absorb wisdom. The next time you hear someone spouting off about how terrible life is try to show them the many positive and beautiful things in their life and once again you will absorb more wisdom. The next time you are faced by the right way and the wrong way to do something choose the right way no matter how difficult it is and I assure you more wisdom will be absorbed.

 

There is so much wisdom just waiting to be absorbed and it is available to us all! I have met highly educated individuals that were about as wise as a Jell-O sandwich!! And then I have met individuals who have never seen the inside of a classroom with so much wisdom that it rolled of them in waves and affected all around them in a positive way!! So if you want to be wise and I am sure we all do then learn to listen, learn to give freely and be available to provide assistance to anyone freely and with a good heart and wisdom will find you.

 

So go ahead and absorb as much wisdom as you can, because with wisdom comes happiness, tolerance and satisfaction!

 

My blog, my opinion!

 The next blog post was born after I received my first complaint on my blog, I was so pissed off that someone had the audacity to have an opinion about my blog!  LoL!  Man did I have a lot to learn!  But you become very thick skinned and soon realize that you will never please everyone.

 

SO YOU THINK I AM OPINIONATED!

 

So I have been told that I am overly opinionated and that it upsets people? Well from the bottom of my heart I can assure you that I simply don’t care?? Everybody seems to pussyfoot around each other and try their best to blow wind up your ass! Well not me – I am windy enough without your help! I mean what the hell if you can’t deal with the truth then that is your problem not mine?

 

Besides it is your constant complaining and whining that puts you in the firing line of my fully armed opinion? So you are in a dead end job with little or no prospects?  Bullshit!  You are a dead end employee that does the bear minimum and does it with a crappy attitude and therefore you will always be paid the bear minimum and never be seen as a prospect!

And ladies! “Do these pants make my butt look big?” No! It is your enormous rear end that makes your butt look big!  Now you are going to tell me it is still the fat from your pregnancy?  Hello – your kid is a teenager!! That excuse is just not going to cut it anymore, it never has for that matter. I mean did the baby come out of your vagina with a loaded gun and have ever since been forcing you to eat?

So you have tried every diet on the market? Yes I have seen, you shove down a double cheese burger with extra fries and wash it down with a diet coke??? You need to eat less and exercise more!

What you laughing at gentlemen?? You are way worse than the ladies; at least fat women realize that they are fat? You on the other hand seem to think you are still god’s gift to women! Well you most certainly are not – you are a disgrace to the species! Your six packs have morphed into a fully-fledged beer keg! And it is not cute! And please buy some clothes that fit!! The world is tired of seeing your belly peeping out from beneath a shirt that fitted you ten years ago? Your ass it seems can no longer be contained by your pants and therefore we must all be blessed by the image of your flabby ass crack every time you turn around? And dude stop thinking that you can beat everything and everyone into submission because you simply don’t have what it takes anymore and sooner or later some youngster is going to kick your ass and that is just embarrassing.

 

You think your wife will never look around? You smell like stale beer, you look like a train wreck, you think it is cool to scratch your nuts and your personal hygiene leaves much to be desired! Trust me eventually she will realize that there are more evolved specimens out there. Do I hear ladies laughing? Well ladies in case you have not noticed there is a bevy of nubile young things that would happily take possession of your man, not because he is hot stuff but because he earns a decent salary? So ladies and gentlemen – shape up or prepare to see your world crumble!

 

And in parting one more thing – please stop indulging your kids!! They do not need to own everything they see? You are not doing them any favors; you are simply turning them into the next generation of losers who can’t do anything for themselves.

 

Social networks

 Well that one did not win me any popularity competitions!  LoL!  The next post sprung to mind when I was invited to a friend’s house for a visit and ended up watching them catch up on their social network sites.  I was not impressed!

  

A WEEKEND WITHOUT FACEBOOK AND OTHER APPLICATIONS

 

So the weekend is upon us, but sadly instead of living most of us will be hiding behind a PC screen “living” through Facebook and various other networking applications. Now don’t get me wrong these are all enjoyable and I make use of them myself – the problem is that most people don’t know where to draw the line and have lost themselves somewhere in cyberspace!

 

So this weekend try to recover the real you? Trust me your Farmville animals will be fine without you for a couple of days so why not potter around in your real garden? If you gave it half as much attention as you do your virtual one then you would be living in a veritable Garden of Eden! And if you are worried about your Mafia then trust me you are wasting your time, the Mafia consists of criminals who don’t really give a shit about you anyway! Whether they are real or virtual they remain a bunch of hoodlums who don’t really give a shit about you. Maybe you should spend some time defending and protecting your real family from all the real evil out there?

 

If it is vampire wars you are worried about then I have news for you – your vampire is already dead!! It is sort of a requirement for vampires, being dead and all! Besides I am sure all your vampire cronies will provide your vampire with plenty of blood for one weekend? And if world wars are your thing then just turn on the telly and take note of the real thing, there are people all over the world being slaughtered in the name of some war or the other – not so cool when it is real?

 

Don’t forget the hearts and smiles brigade! Trust me all the virtual hearts and smiles you send out will not achieve anywhere near what a real smile or genuine affection will achieve, it warms the cockles of your heart and might even get you laid? So please before you send somebody a virtual cocktail or drink do yourself a favor and grab a real bottle of wine or whatever takes your fancy and go and share it with somebody – make some real memories! Believe me the headache is worth it!

 

In short – let’s walk away from the PC, TV, PlayStation or x – box and interact with each other for a change? Let’s allow our bodies, minds and souls to absorb real experiences for a change, trust me when I say all your “stuff” in the virtual world will still be there on Monday! Please! Do it on your bosses time not your family and friends time!

 

But most of all – ENJOY

Time to slow down

The next entry was made out of pure desperation, I had been spending way too much time with my friends and it was one non-stop party that I realized I needed a break from.

 

TIME TO SLOW DOWN!!

So the weekend has come to an end! And as usual most of us need a couple of days to recover from the weekend? You either drank too much, entertained too much, traveled too much but you can rest assured you did something to much? It seems you always plan to rest, kick off your shoes lay on the couch and watch some DVDs? The most effort you were planning to expend involved absent mindedly scratching your nuts or sleepwalking to the kitchen for the next cup of coffee? But amazingly that never seems to happen! There is always somebody who wants their pound of flesh!

 

I am not sure how much more love and friendship my body can take? Yet we will do it all again next weekend? It’s like we are gluttons for punishment! I mean when last did you arrive at the office on Monday and think – “Bring it on!” I didn’t think so! My first thought on Monday is usually – “Roll on Friday” it’s no wonder there are burnt out executives who are barely 35 years old? Sooner or later something has got to give? We seriously need to slow down and smell the roses! Surely our friends and families will understand that we need to rest and recharge? It seems we live in a culture that values quantity over quality.

 

Surely if I let you miss me for a while we will enjoy each other so much more next time? Surely we will have more to talk about? Besides maybe if we have rested out properly and are raring to go on Monday then we will do our jobs so much better that we will get that promotion or increase we have been wanting for so long? Or is it that our personal relationships are so weak that we are afraid to be alone with our partners for long periods of time- that we need our friends to act as a buffer between us and our loved ones? Maybe it is time to stay home and spend some time with your wife and kids, play with dog for a while?

 

So in parting I leave you with a small piece of free advice – slow down, rest and give those closest to you the attention they need and deserve!

The biscuit

 The post you are about to read is about one of the strangest and most enjoyable experiences I have ever had and still remember it fondly!  I do not however advocate people abusing drugs!  Whatever floats your boat do it in moderation.

 

BEWARE THE BISCUIT!!!

 

So I thought I would take the time to warn you about “the biscuit” yup I know what you are thinking – what could be more innocent than a biscuit? Well somebody gave me some biscuits to take home (you know who you are!!) I was told they were health biscuits with all kinds of vitamins and herbs in them? Herbs – indeed! At first the only thing I noticed was how tasty they were, lovely crunchy taste with just a hint of honey! But about half an hour later things started to change drastically! My thoughts were disconcertingly loud in my head, and I seemed to find this very funny indeed. Trust me seeing a very large hairy man giggle is not something you want to do!

 

A while later, my neighbor knocked on the door and asked me to put the music softer??? Fuck - I did not even know it was on! The neighbor did also not appreciate being told he looked funny but not to worry I liked him anyway? I had this warm fuzzy feeling all over my body that was actually quite nice – I was feeling quite pretty! Then I was suddenly attacked by the need to feed!!

I proceeded to open the fridge, but the act of opening the fridge door amused me so much that I think I may have worn out the hinges. The little light inside the fridge provided me with endless entertainment! But then it was there again – the need to eat absolutely anything!

 

I proceeded to munch down on everything that, that fascinating fridge door had been hiding from me, considering I am diabetic not the greatest idea! And I am pretty sure I may have sampled some items that weren’t meant for eating! I can report however they all tasted equally orgasmic!! Shortly after the hunger came the itching, I started itching in the strangest places, no not there!! On my head, my bum, my arms and the palms of my hands and scratching the itch translated to something almost as good as sex!! At one stage I was rolling around on the carpet in the hope of scratching them all at the same time – much to the amusement of my sausage dog who proceeded to join me giving rise to a whole new bout of the giggles!!

 

Somehow and I am sure it could not have been easy, my wonderful wife finally got me as far as the bedroom where I decided it was time to show her that I was actually “Don Juan lover Extraordinaire” in disguise!! Well sadly I have no idea how that worked out as the next thing I remember is waking up the next morning after the best night’s sleep I have had in years!! Maybe the biscuits put me to sleep or maybe the little women knocked me out – I honestly don’t know?

 

What I do know is that a biscuit is not always just a biscuit!! So beware what you put in your mouth, you never know what might happen? You could find yourself in a very compromising situation! Now where did I leave the rest of those biscuits……….

Name changes

 My next blog post was a rant about name changes and how much money this moronic government is wasting trying to erase the past.  My wife works in the surveying and draughting industry so I get to see firsthand how much this stupid practice costs the country. I have no problem with changing the names of places once you have solved the hunger and homeless problem that 85% of our people face on a daily basis.

 

NAME CHANGES?? WTF!!

 

So what is with all these name changes? Is the ANC government so insecure that they have to change all names that are not of African descent? Shame that is so sad! I have lived in towns across this country with African names and it never bothered me in the slightest. At the risk of stating the obvious changing the name does not change the town?

 

What about the cost involved? All the maps, plans and documentation that has to be changed runs into hundreds of millions of rand’s, does nobody in the ruling party stop to think how many houses could have been built for the millions of poor south Africans on who’s back they rose to power in the first place?

 How many burned down schools could have been replaced and derelict hospitals could have been upgraded to state of the art health care facilities? But then our children’s education and our nation’s health is nowhere near as important as place names! Some towns can barely be reached because the roads that lead to them resemble something out of a sci-fi movie with potholes that resemble moon craters, yet there is no money to repair them, however if that town was named after some obscure Afrikaans chap they will spend millions changing the name?

 

Does the ANC not realize that the people would rather have their lives upgraded than their town names changed? Our police don’t have the fuel or equipment to do their jobs correctly but thank the gods they are living in towns with African names!! I am sure that is much more important than the ability to do their jobs safely? Our education system is turning into a joke? But I am sure our kids don’t mind that they will never amount to anything because they have the privilege of living in towns and cities with African names?

Crime has reached epidemic proportions but hey, we don’t mind because we have the rare privilege of being raped, robbed and murdered in towns and cities with African names!

 

Come now Mr. Zuma, I know that none of the many maladies that affect this country have any effect on you as you and your band of merry men and women earn more than any other members of parliament in the history of this country, I do however think it is time you stopped hiding behind the shattered fragments of your self-esteem and start focusing on things that matter like poverty, crime, education and healthcare? Once you have achieved that, we as a people would really not care if you named all the towns and cities after your imaginary childhood friends?

 

I for one am so tired of seeing my tax money spent on crap that I could puke!! Get over yourselves and start looking after the people who pay your ridiculous salary!!

The written word

A short while later a lot of young people started sending me messages on Facebook or sms messages that to say the least I could not understand, and having no intention of learning to write like an idiot, Suffice to say they received the next angry rant on my blog.

 

THE RAPE AND MURDER OF THE WRITTEN WORD!

 

What is it with the youth of today that they no longer know how to use the written language? I mean at some point in our past very, very long ago when we were teenagers we also adopted various slang terms, like “cool” and “kiff” and over used them into oblivion!! But it was just a hip way of talking; we would not have dared attack the actual written word? Well today’s teenagers can no longer write, whether in English or Afrikaans?

 

Yup seems to me all you parents are wasting your money when you pay school fees, as these kids are in high school already and still cannot spell the most basic words? Or is that why the school fees are so high now? It seems you are paying to have your children passed whether they have learnt anything or not? Personally I don’t mind the abbreviations like “LoL” and ” WTF” as the letters still represent whole words. But what is being done to the written language by these under educated little shits is just plain wrong! They have taken the written word and raped it!! And then handed it over to their equally uneducated friends to be further gangbanged into oblivion. Half of the time you need to switch off your brain just to try and make sense of what they have written or typed?

 

I mean – hu Ga di MI ju – is supposed to read hoe gaan dit met jou? And – how R U be see you l8tr – is supposed to read how are you? Be seeing you later. Come on children they are not the same!! It is like chalk and cheese and I don’t eat chalk! If you can’t actually write in English or Afrikaans then please refrain! If we could learn to use, love and respect the written word then so can you, when you disrespect the language we were educated in then you disrespect us all. You all want to act like adults, smoking and drinking and being way to intimate with your boyfriends and girlfriends but when you write it is in some kind of baby language? Well guess what? It is not cute, it just proves that you are still babies that should not be allowed out on their own and definitely should not be allowed to make any kind of decisions for yourselves.

 

The fact that you disrespect your parents and educators is sad enough and makes us fear for the future, but please refrain from abusing an art form that has worked for us for hundreds of years without which civilization as we know it would have been lost forever.

My Daschie

 Well to say the least – after that little tantrum I stopped receiving messages from teenagers, not that I am complaining or that I miss them.  I am only too happy that I no longer have to try and decipher their messages.  A short while later a couple of my friends suggested that I spoil my dog, which while being true, pissed me off no end!  Which led to the next blog post.

 

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MY DASCHIE AND YOUR TEENAGER!!

 

I am so tired of people telling me that I spoil and over indulge my little daschund! But these are the same people with out of control teenagers? So let’s take a moment and look at the difference between my doggie and your children and then we will see who is over indulging?

 

Ok – so her name is bokkie and she is a veritable princess! She loves us unconditionally all the time unlike your kids who hate you half the time simply because you exist. She cannot stand to be away from us unlike your kids that spend as much time away from you as possible because you are so uncool! Well bokkie thinks I am about the coolest guy since James Dean! The comments you make about her outfits are also not cool as she only has about 8 different outfits, and she loves all of them equally! When last were you able to buy your daughter an outfit that she did not think was old fashioned or just plain ugly?

 

I have seen the exorbitant amounts of money you fork over to try and put a smile on your kids face, well, all that bokkie requires is for us to be present and she is as happy as a pig in pooh!! And what’s more is that at night bokkie is a light sleeper and warns me of any strange noises so that I can investigate, if something happened at your house in the early hours do you think your kids would call you, I don’t think so because they probably crept out the window hours ago to go to a party?

Then you ask me what do I do when she goes on heat? Nothing! It’s a natural process? The beauty of it is that should she fall pregnant I just put up a sign outside and sell her children to other people – I would love to see you try that with your daughter’s offspring? And another thing, from where I am standing it looks like your daughter has been on heat for the last eighteen months or so? Only lasts about a week with mine.

 

She does not require a cell phone, iPod, laptop or any other technology to stay in touch with her friends, nope – just the occasional walk and maybe some dry wors or a piece of biltong? She also has impeccable manners and I can take her anywhere because everyone loves her, the same cannot be said about that scary looking vampire resembling, bad attitude, know it all teenager of yours? She is never going to embarrass me, and is a pleasure to be around, for that matter when I arrive somewhere without her people want to know where she is as they miss her. When you arrive without your teenager your friends breathe a sigh of relief!

 

So yes every now and then I buy her a “Doggiehillfigher” outfit and maybe some biltong, I can promise you it costs less than all the designer labeled outfits you have to fork out a fortune on without much thanks in sight? Whereas bokkie is so grateful that her whole body shakes along with her tail and she covers my face in kisses! I can also sit back knowing she will never leave me for some idiot that I know is not good enough for her?

 

And lastly she is beautiful beyond description but also tough and could easily kick Paris Hiltons doggies’ ass!! And thanks to Doggiehillfigher she is better dressed too!!

Freebie monsters

The next entry was directed at ungrateful people at the local clinic who seem to think the world owes them something.  It really gets on my nerves when people expect a handout and then have a shitty attitude about it!  I mean if you are going to expect all sorts of freebies then the least you can do is be grateful!

 

FREEBIE MONSTERS!!

 

So am not feeling so hot today!! Was in hospital again last night! The old lungs left me in the lurch again! Those of you who know me will understand and the others – don’t worry I truly am indestructible just need a tune up every now and then. Anyway so my doctor asked to see me this morning just to check on me – he is cool that way, one of the few who actually cares or maybe it is just because I promised to haunt him if I died?

 

So he calls me and tells me he is at the local hospital and I should just pop in there so he can take a quick listen to my lungs. So this is where my problem started! It is some kind of clinic day at the hospital, and there are hordes of people there to see the doctor and collect medicine, they are all hospital patients and are receiving this service for free! Yes for free! There were maybe 100 people waiting in line of which about 15 were white and all 15 of them it pains me to say were world class assholes!! Refusing to sit next to black patients because they supposedly stink? Complaining about how long they have to wait for their medication or to see the doctor?

 

Worst of all was the abuse they were dishing out to the nurses and sisters who were doing a magnificent job of handling such a large crowd of sick people! So I stuck around for a while and watched. The amounts of medication these people receive are astounding and they get it for free!

Well then it is time I put my ten cents worth in! So to the 15 people at the hospital this morning – you are a miserable bunch of dicks!!! Good Lord you are getting this service and the medication for free! At least have the decency to have good manners and be grateful! The rest of us pay a fortune for the same stuff you think you are entitled to? Whose fault is it that you never prepared for your old age? Not the nurses! Or is it society’s fault that you spent all your money on klippies and coke and have nothing left for meds?

 

At the very least you can treat the nurses that are working themselves to death with respect; they are after all keeping your sorry ass alive? And if the skin color or smell of the other patients bothers you so much then lift your ass and go see a private doctor and pay for your medicine! I noticed most of you had smokes? But the state must buy your medicine? And you were all bitching because you are so far back in the line? Well if you want your wheelbarrow of free meds first thing then you had better make sure you are there at five in the morning like the others? You are probably the most ungrateful bunch of asshole’s I have ever seen! The nurses that you were berating and abusing – I know them all as I spend a lot of time in hospital and they are super professional and very good at their jobs! They make me tea and tell me about their kids and other aspects of their lives. Why? Because I am nice and treat them with respect and appreciate the things they do for me!

 

I don’t even know what to call you? Wait! I got it – you are a bunch of effing FREEBIE MONSTERS!!!! Do us all a favor and get a grip!! You undeserving morons! People like you are an embarrassment to hard working white folks everywhere! I think you should move to the USA there is a trailer park with your name on it!!

Dumb people

 Well at least after you have read that post you can see I will rant and rave at you regardless of your skin color!  But if there is one thing that truly drives me up the wall it is dumb people!! Damn!  I cannot deal with idiots – they drive me to distraction.  With our education system in South Africa there are so many of them!  Hence the next post.

 

I SEE DUMB PEOPLE

 

It seems there is no escaping the dumb people!! Yup that little kid in that Bruce Willis movie may have seen dead people but let me tell you that is not nearly as scary as my gift – I see dumb people!! And they are everywhere!! There is no getting away from them! So Melinda Gordon of Ghost Whisperer fame is bothered by the occasional ghost? Well hello!!! I am frikken surrounded by dumb people! And sadly sending them into the light is illegal.

 

I mean is the average South African getting dumber by the minute or is it perhaps to many brain cells drowned in klippies and coke? The one thing I know for sure is that it has reached epidemic proportions! I kid you not, a while ago a lady friend asked to borrow money from me at a bar, as a rule I

Impressum

Verlag: BookRix GmbH & Co. KG

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 08.06.2013
ISBN: 978-3-7309-3159-2

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Widmung:
This book is dedicated to my amazing wife who is the light in the darkness and my to amazing little dogs who are my shadows and my joy. Without these three girls I would be completely lost. Love you girls!!