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"I dream in color, and I have visions of feelings and energies that I would love to feel." 

-Uzo Aduba

 

(Chapters will be named after the color alphabet)

ONE: Absolute Zero

AMANDA’S P.O.V

 

"Amanda!!!" My boss yells from a corner office of a high rise. I hurry in. 

 

"Yes, Mr. Pierce."

 

"Corporate has faxed over a contract concerning the FDA announcements, go retrieve it."

 

"Yes, sir." I trod a packed office area of over five hundred workers handling phone calls, their voices carrying and bashing into one another. I kick paper balls out of my way, half tempted to tidy up the whole place. Quickly, I throw a few away as I continue on. Neat freak, I definitely am. Inside a faxing room, I check the side tray of a machine. The warm printer paper soothes my fingertips. So warm. I swoop up the paper, slyly rubbing my chilly cheek over it. Even though it was summer, this building was freezing. The air was on constantly. Like right now, it hissed out of vents on the ceiling. "So much for our health...for fuck sakes, we can get sick." 

 

I work for a multi million dollar health business, Strive Treat. The company is known for dietary supplements, food, energy drinks, workout equipment, even for an up and coming kids workout show. The name will be mentioned on Ellen in three months. My eyes peek at the stack of papers in my hands, at the first sentence of one.

 

PRODUCTS WITHIN THE CALL BACKS REGISTRATION  

 

1. Salmon Blast Energy Drink, violates The Food and Drug Administration testing due to the recent salmon flu outbreak. (REDACTED)

 

My feet tap in two inch heels...no way I would fall at work. Hell no. "Okay, this is ridiculous, It's freezing, hey Amanda, try to dial the air down a bit, will you?" Jim, a fellow co worker and buddy of mine, put on a puppy face. Milking it. Knowing that the controller was behind our bosses chair...which he rarely left. 

 

"Maybe we can try a dart this time..." I joke as I turn into the big man's office.

 

A tall, brown haired guy stood before the desk...in a tensed manner. His shoulders forward, his hands resting on the desk, heavily. I froze. "Yeah, I got to the gun in time...try to lock it up better this time, it's your fault. Fucking father of the year, huh? Do you give a shit about your daughter??!" The guy's voice went loud but stayed deep, almost like a bass singer. 

 

"Get your ass out of here." Mr. Pierce stands over his desk. "Don't you ever...ever come to my office, my building, like this again as if you have the right, as if you deserve the role of a son or a brother. Your mother is rolling in her grave from heartbreak...you pathetic excuse." Silence. I stand at the doorway awkwardly. I could feel fire...feel the loathing they had from one another. Static, that's what it felt like, my blood crinkled. "Thank you, Amanda." My boss waves me forward with a hand, mugging his son down in disgust. "Lex, don't make me call the police, leave." 

 

My cheeks flush. Oh shit...what the hell...he's his son. Lex backs off of the desk with much force, going back a few feet with the motion, snickering. "You're the one that belongs in jail." He walks to the door, brushing past me, bumping my shoulder. In the small seconds I saw him, my eyes witnessed a very heated face, sharp, short, light brown and dark eyes. He smelt of weed and peppermint.

TWO: Bitter Lemon

 Jim and I caught an uber together. He had became my car buddy since I was still saving for a Volkswagen Beetle. I guess we were friends who worked together. It was a bit odd hanging with someone out of the work scene. I think he likes me. People always tell me I'm very pretty. My body was regular though, nothing amazing. I'm in dire needs of glute bridges. I have some fat you can pinch. Frizzy auburn hair, dark green eyes, you'd have to see them in sunlight to notice...that's the 43% of my Scottish side. Okay looking lips. Light freckles. 

 

"Who was that dude in dick heads office?" Jim's baby face watched me. 

 

"His son..."

 

"What?! He talk to his daddy like that, you gotta give me the tea!"

 

"Umm...no it's personal and fucked up, we can talk about something else."

 

Jim scratches his head of blonde hair. "Wanna go see Captain Marvel tonight?" His tone got shaky.

 

"Look...Jim, I'm not looking for dating, school and work is all I'm focused on. I have a ten page essay waiting for me, sorry." His blue eyes lower. "Maybe you can ask the new girl, I saw her checking you out." I lie. Feeling like a bitch.

 

"Yeah, she's cute."

 

I nod. "So cute, think her name is Cindy." I suffer through an uncomfortable car ride. Guys do this thing when you reject them...this wounded, seemly unfazed but butt hurt shit but won't admit it. Jim stay looking out the window, sun splashing over him. Mad, of course. He'll be okay. My stop arrive. A dorm complex. "Have fun tonight, k?"

 

"Okay." 

 

Inside I caught the time, 6:30 pm. My fingers type on a keyboard of a purple laptop, scribbling computerized letters onto a screen. My paper's subject is abortion. Pro vs Anti, murder vs saving. My take on the subject was in the middle. I'd been pregnant before...at sixteen actually. I thought a smooth talking basketball player was my one and only. The asshole got two other girls knocked up with a repeated pickup line. I had a dream about us. Ew to me and him. Anyway, I was too young to be a mom...and my parents being religious made my choice final. Wedlock, devil child, heathen...those are just a few words they used on fellow neighbors. Imagine what they'd say about me, their daughter. So I went through with the operation and am now I'm working a good job and in college. My mind still wonders about if choosing not to parent was right. I like kids...and even found myself envious of classmates who had the kid along with the family structure. The stability. I don't think school and work is stable enough for me...the two positions seem replaceable...predictable. I could op out with ease which kinda scares me. I'm not completely loyal to either. But with a kid...a baby, walking away is not an option. Even bad kids have parents in their lives. Lex pops  up in my train of thought.

THREE: Canary

 In the morning, I shower and slip into a pencil striped shirt, and white blouse and a blazer. I decided to wear flats today. Stopping at Starbucks, to get my bosses coffee, my mind wonders back to his guy. Lex seemed like a decent son...he cared about his sister...how was he a pathetic excuse?? He just smoked weed it seemed. Another uber drove me to work. Once again the air was on. My bear legs screamed at me. Maybe I can get to the temperature dial. No one was at work yet, I always arrived thirty minutes early. I peeked into Mr. Pierce's office. He wasn't there...but his blazer hug over his chair...maybe he's in the bathroom. My feet tiptoe in, my destination; the thermostat. Bye bye fifty degrees, hello seventy. Footsteps, make me jump. I stood straight and sat a coffee on his desk. "Good morning, Amanda."

 

"Good morning, Mr. Pierce."

 

"Always the early bird." He says, taking the coffee and drinking it. 

 

"Yes."

 

He places it down, making an "ahh" sound as if it was a soda. "Either you don't have a boyfriend, or you do have one and he's not performing well enough to make you sleep in." He walks to me, coming a bit to close. His eyes resembling his son's. His salt and pepper hair. "If it's the last, that's a shame, I doubt that you can't turn a guy on."

 

I manage a short laugh, my heart beating fast but I hid that fact. "That's a good pickup line, sir." I make a run for the door, power walking. Panicking. "I should check for faxes." Okay, okay, just keep walking, don't pass out...oh my god do not pass out...breathe! 

 

"There's no rush." I heard him say from behind me. Fuck...is he following me?? "Did I make you nervous?" His arm blocks the door, my chin bumps against it. Mr. Pierce's thumb rubs my chin. So warm, do not get turned on right now. It didn't help that he looked like an older playboy model. "I know you see the looks most guys give you here, you're the hot assistant, that's all, eye candy. That's why I hired you. Remember what I said about opting out of my job? 

 

"This is a lawsuit." I whack his thumb away. 

 

"And what do you think the next boss you have will do? Or the next male employees you work with will do?" 

 

"Respect me." I growl. "Move your goddamn arm right now!!" He hears the elevator ding, and steps back. I storm through the door. In the fax station, no new arrivals sit in the tray. I close my eyes and let out a shuttering breath. A vase of bright yellow flowers glow back at me in sunlight. Keep calm. Keep going. At my desk, I sit the vase with the flowers down, and login to my company computer. I send up the morning announcement:

 

Good morning Strive Treaters, today will be a great day as always so smile and get motivated! Our quota has risen to five thousand units sales daily, so let's reach that goal. The person with the most sales will receive a $300 bonus. 

 

I attach a dancing emoji and sip on my coffee. "Morning." Jim greets me as he pass by from the elevator. I ignore him. It's so fucking degrading how guys just interact with girls to get some. What if I was ugly, would he even try to talk to me?? No...no he wouldn't. I caught a camera by the back door, where the boss humiliated me at. My mouth parted slightly....oh my god...I got a fucking lawsuit.

FOUR: Dark Orchid

On my break, I uber to Olive Garden. My phone dialing a number before I sat down. "Corporate." I say to a computer system and wait. Mr. Pierce's time is up. He'll lose his job with the video copy I made from the camera footage. I know there were millions of more sexist bosses, but taking down one is good enough for me. Fucking pig. "How may I help you, miss?"

 

"Hi, good evening, I will have the chicken alfredo, breadsticks, extra butter, and raspberry lemonade."

 

"Corporate." A man's voice said from the phone...they control everything don't they?

 

"No problem, I'll get your order to you as soon as possible." 

 

"Thank you, take your time." I smile at her...it fades when I answer the guy on the phone. "May I speak with a female agent?" 

 

There is a pause. "I am capable of answering your claim."

 

"I'd prefer a woman, thank you." 

 

A long huff follows. "One second." The hold music plays. Classical piano. A text hits my line. Jim: Are you okay? I ignore him. "Kathy Rose, how may I help you today, miss?"

 

"Hello, Kathy. I'm calling to file a sexual harassment claim against a Mr. Pierce of Strive Treat."

 

"Oh..." Her tone goes a bit doubtful. "Well I will let you know that he has the best lawyers in the state so the case will be tough."

 

"I have evidence...I have camera footage, there's no doubt that it's him and his own words." 

 

"Please hold." Music plays again. 

 

I slip my feet out of my flats, bending them. From across the street I spot a black and yellow motorcycle parked at a gym. Chained up. The waitress brings my breadsticks and butter and my drink. "Your main course will be ready in a few, we serve with care instead of quickness." 

 

"I appreciate that." The music plays on. An hour passes, when I finish my meal. Still the music plays. Wow...I guess Kathy Rose is eye candy under the tongue of corporate. I hang up the phone. Outside, the motorcycle is still parked. It keeps drawing my attention for some reason. I wasn't even into bikes, they're so dangerous and have the worse crashes ever. I wait for my uber which is six minutes away. Traffic lights blink, yellow, green, red. People cross a side street of Downtown Seattle. My fingers scratch at my legs that have numerous bites. Ugh, great. So...now, it seems like I got to go out of my way and take down my boss. He seems protected. I need a lawyer...an affordable one. 

 

The sky is dark above me as I head to my dorm. Maya, Kristin, and Yasmine are the names of my roommates. I rarely see them, only when I have to sleep. I may seem like a bitch to them, a quiet, mean girl, but I wasn't making friends again, not after a certain bad event in high school that scarred me. Yet, I manage a slight smile once in a while, even if it's cold...that was good enough. In bed, I pull the covers up to my chin...too thoughtful to sleep. How will I get a lawyer? Who's motorcycle was that?

FIVE: Eggplant

 "Amelia Mary Earhart was the first female aviator to fly solo across the Atlantic Ocean. She received the United States Distinguished Flying Cross for this accomplishment. She set many other records, wrote best-selling books about her flying experiences and was instrumental in the formation of The Ninety-Nines, an organization for female pilots. In 1935, Earhart became a visiting faculty member at Purdue University as an advisor to aeronautical engineering and a career counselor to women students. She was also a member of the National Woman's Party and an early supporter of the Equal Rights Amendment." My history teacher, Ms. Brice lectured to the class. "I will assign a five page paper on how Earhart has impact female piloting percentage wise? Would she be proud of the progress or want more of it? And also, a woman you know who is an inspiration." 

 

Myself and the class, jot down the questions. My phone rings. Ms. Brice eyes me as I check it. "Vibrate please, also it is rude to answer phones in class."

 

"I'm sorry, it's my job." I plead. The teacher, a short stubby woman, nods reluctantly. "Thank you."

 

"Borrow notes from your classmate." 

 

"Hello?" I answer outside the door. 

 

"Ms. Joy?" 

 

"Yes."

 

"This is Kathy Rose."

 

Oh...the bitch that ghosted me. "I remember you, has my case been considered?"

 

"No."

 

"But I have evidence!"

 

"In your contract, it's states that collecting surveillance material from the workplace is a penalty and is countered with termination. The judge will dismiss your claim as unlawful since the cameras are outdated and only pick up sound. Your boss's lawyer will suggest that you have tampered with the audio. Due to the fact of voice copying devices existing."

 

"So I'll lose in court, that's fucked up!!!"

 

"I know this is insane, but trust me Ms. Joy, I have seen cases as such happen with many female assistants Mr. Pierce has hired. I'm flattered that you sought out a female agent such as myself because the business is corrupt by males. I sorry I couldn't help you." She says sadly. "I suggest you quit today...Mr. Pierce doesn't give out shush money. "

 

I hang up on her. "FUUUUUCCCCCKKKKK!!!!!!" My voice echo, I clutch my hair back. 

 

After school, I head to my dorm and flop on my bed. Work was not my priority. I was most likely fired already. Maya, Kristin, and Yasmine voices heard the door. Laughing, like hyenas. The door opened and the laughing cut short. "Hey." Yasmine spoke, rocking a pastel, blue pixie cut. "Are you okay?"

 

"No."

 

"Wanna talk about it."

 

"No, but thank you."

 

"Why you don't talk to us??" Maya, a bleach blonde, tall and lanky girl, asks with an attitude. 

 

Kristin elbows her. "Stop." 

 

"No, we've been roommates for two months now, what's your deal."

 

"Anyway." Kristin interrupts her again. "Let's head to planet fitness, we can't keep stalling on our glutes."

 

I sit up. Planet fitness was where I saw that bike...and they just happen to be going there?? Plus, I've been needing to work my glutes anyway. "I'm just a private person, I'm not a bitch...I know it can seems like I hate on y'all but I don't. Women need to get along more."

 

"That's the truth." Yasmine agrees.

 

Maya surveys me, harshly. "Anyway...mind if I go with to the gym?"

 

So, finally, I was working out my ass muscles, floppy thighs, hips, and fat stomach with an easy exercise that requires no weights or equipment, just a soft surface. Glute bridges...I discovered it on YouTube...you can literally do it on your bed. As I jerk my waist and butt up while keeping my head, lower body, and legs rested on the floor. I spot the motorcycle and the owner of it. Lex. He mounts off the bike and enters the gym. Heading to a back employee room. My roommates stretch beside me.

 

Maya follows my gaze. "See, even she knows to come here for a badboy treat."

 

I continue my workout. "Ha, is that why you guys come here?" 

 

"Yes and no...but mostly yes." Yasmine smirks. 

 

Kristin rolls her eyes, pushing back long, flat, jet black hair. "Don't even give him the time...I thought girls were smart enough to spot damage goods."

 

"He's good alright." Maya sticks out her tongue.

 

"You know him?" I ask, out of breath.

 

"Well.."

 

Kristin cuts her off, I see this is a habit. "No, she doesn't even talk to him because he might reject her. That dude is coincided and unattractive." 

 

I laugh and rest my whole body on the mat. "He's beautiful...I can't disagree with that he's a dick, like his dad."

 

They all stop stretching. "Say what?!" Yasmine blares out. "You know his dad?"

 

"I worked for his dad, he's shitty and hates him. I actually feel sorry, kinda...." I sit up, heaving.

 

"Lex and Maya...that's sounds right." Maya disregards what I said entirely.

 

"I'm gonna go get a gatorade." As my feet pound to a vending machine, I glance back at the girls, Maya and Yasmine whisper to one another. Probably making a plan to have me introduce them to Lex. Girls are so shallow sometimes. 

 

"Hey." Oh my shit...I know that voice, the deep tone. I swirl around and look up at Lex. "I seen you somewhere, right?"

 

"In your dad's office two days ago." 

 

"Right, yeah." I try not to eye his ripping arms, veiny and tan. Tattoos, but I couldn't make out of what. His dark eyes kinda matched his hair, like a rich deep brown with hints of caramel. "Have fun working for motherfucker." His stare lingers on my lips for a bit. Ugh...guys, just think they can look anywhere they want.

 

"Tell me about it." I say with much strain as he walks off. Kinda rude. The girls rush over to me, even Kristin. Like I said, girls can be shallow. "Don't."

 

"It looks like he likes you, he rarely talk to anyone he just train classes here." Yasmine winks at me.

 

"I gotta pee." I race off, using an excuse to flee from boy crazed girls. In a hall, I push open a door, into the men's room, I noticed that, when I saw Lex jerking off a thick ass, eight inch dick. Rock hard and bone straight. A huge load of cum sprays into the sink.

SIX: Fuzzy Wuzzy

 I gap at the scene of the spray and him moaning, deeply, which vibrates me internally. My eyes run over his dick. Lex's head leans back as he groans once more, then lowers as he looks at the sink. Sighing. I stand there like a cardboard cut out, until he glances over at me. Huffing. "Sorry." I say hastily and close the door, holding the knob which twists afterwards. Run. Run. Run. My mind chants...but I freeze. My mouth watering. I haven't had sex since high school...not since after the fuckboy...my lady part was throbbing, my sensations on fire. I came, a lot. I let go off the knob and sprinted to the ladies room, cleaning myself up in the stall. My body wanting the feel of his dick in it. Stop. Stop. This ridiculous. I waited a few minuets before returning to my group.

 

"Must be that time of the month." Maya took the look of temptation on my face as irritation. "I have ibuprofen, it slows it down and lightens it."

 

"I could use one." Maybe it'll help with an over worked sex drive. "Thanks, Maya."

 

She takes a pill box from her bag and begins to hand it to me, but withdraws with it before my fingers wrapped around it. "You have to introduce me to him in return." 

 

"Not tonight..." My eyes widen. 

 

"Yep, tonight."

 

"I hope you fuck him so you can stop acting like a horny baby." Kristin scoffs. 

 

Yasmine catches onto my anxiety. "What's wrong?"

 

"Nothing, just tired from work, I might be quitting." NOOOO, why did I just tell them that!! "I'm gonna try the treadmill, I'm not sweating yet." I hurry off. On the walking machine, my fuzzy hair pokes out of my ponytail, some curls falling into my face. Ahead, I see Lex off in a room, instructing high leg pumps with a class of energetic people. Flashbacks to the restroom begin. White substance spraying. His eyes piercing mines like a powerful beam. 

 

When I went to sleep, I had a dream of the scene over and over. I was just horny that's all, nothing will happen. I'm done with guys. They're all dogs.

 

I called work in the morning, Mr. Pierce's office. "This is Amanda, I'm calling to inform you that I will be resigning."

 

"No need to do that, you're fired." I boil at his smug tone and laughter. 

 

"I'll see you in court." I hang up.

SEVEN: Gray

 Later in the afternoon, a thunderstorm strikes Seattle. I lay in bed listening to the girls bicker. "Well I want to go see Alita, so it's final." Maya declares.

 

"No, Captain Marvel is getting so much hate, plus she's a superhero, so we're going to support the movie!" Kristin spits. "Just because you want something doesn't make it a law."

 

"Guys chill, raise your hand if you want to see Captain Marvel." Yasmine raises her hand and so does Kristin. 

 

Maya turns to look at me. "Well?" She says in a posh tone. I don't like Maya, she's a spoil brat and childish, but she was also my roommate, unlike Yasmine and Kristin, she was unrelatable to the type of girls they were. Yasmine was nice and Kristin was pretty outspoken. The two had values that I had. Maya has none. She was the type of girl who calls her daddy and gets money from him instead of toughing it out. She was also the typical pretty girl who wants the hot boy just because. I could say Captain Marvel...but I'm not a bitch. Maya has feelings, I didn't want her alone in the theater, plus guys would target her. "Alita" 

 

"Lames!" Kristin waves her arms. 

 

"Okay, it's solved, meetup at Chick Fil A after." 

 

Light rain hits onto my umbrella and wind blows like crazy. I bump into city goers on a packed street, apologizing. Me and Maya run into the cinema last, wiping our faces. "Shit." She complains. "I'm gonna go dry off my jeans." We all end up following her. Inside a restroom we blow dry our pastel colored jeans and fix our hair. "This is not working...you guys wanna run to Rue21, it's just across the street."

 

"It's not that serious..." Kristin adds. "Come on, the previews are probably over."

 

We grab popcorn, nachos and Pepsi, then split up to different theaters, throwing up our middle fingers, Yasmine made her looks chic, kissing the tip. Kristen made her's into machine guns. Maya did a quick one, innocent like. Mines was just regular. Inside, the beginning of Alita had started. An old man in a junkyard holds a head and neck that belonged to a flawless, robot girl. We take at seat at the very top. The theater is half packed. Maya types a hashtag on her Insta along with a selfie: #AlitaChallenge "So, tell me about yourself."

 

This catches me off guard while hard rain beats on the celling and talking comes from the screen. "Um...well, I'm kinda of a feminist." 

 

"It's either you are or you aren't."

 

"Well actually their are many types, I'm just the traditional type, the kind that just wants equality and respect, not the type that wants more than a man has, or don't wear any pads while on their period."

 

"Eww."

 

"Yeah, it's gross."

 

"Okay, smarty pants, what are you majoring in?" 

 

"Psychology, I'm pretty good at figuring people out, so I'm giving it a shot. My backup is TSA, just in case." A scene of Alita waking up in bed with a new body shows on the screen. 

 

"So..." Maya types on her phone again. "What's your 411 on me?"

 

"You don't want to know." 

 

"A spoiled fucking brat, I heard it all, boo." She winks at me.

 

"Yes, but I also think you're pretty old fashioned and only have guys on your mind and no self worth. You'll fit perfectly into a dramatic black and white film."

 

Maya laughs. "Says the one who just said she's traditional."

 

"That was on a totally different subject." 

 

She locks her phone and turns to me. "Guys want girls who are dependent and dumb...they hate independent know it alls, I found that out the hard way and I adjusted myself, now I have no trouble with guys because their dicks love damsels and being the hero to save them. Strong women are guys kryptonite." She sits back and watches the screen, sipping her drink through a straw. The movie plays a scene of Alita on a busy street with the old man. She spots a dark haired boy on a futuristic bike.

EIGHT: Honeydew

"The psychology comprehensive examination is next week. Begin taking notes. Abnormal behavior, including intervention, behavioral neuropsychology. Drugs & behavior cognitive community. Developmental, infancy, childhood, adolescence, adult, and aging diversity of gender. Industrial and organizational personality. Pseudopsychology. Social, including sexual behavior; modification for sustainability. And lastly, the psychology of violence." My psych professor, Mr. Bane ends the quick announcement. 

 

"Is he serious??" I hear a classmate whisper as I rush to write everything down. 

 

"Yes, I am, Dimitri, keep writing." 

 

The student, a typical jock, smirks. "No need, I'm recording Mr. Bane, you talk wayyy too fast, bro."

 

I rub my temples...half of the shit I didn't remember. My memory is so crappy now. On the paper before me, I only managed to jot down the first three. Great...I'll have to ask Dimitri because I doubt anybody got everything the professor said. The jock head will think I'm hitting on him. That I'm using the exam notes as a pickup line. My eyes search the room's notebooks. Everyone was still writing. Except the football player. 

 

"Class look to your school's team player, maybe he isn't as dull as I thought. But work on your grammar, please. Dismissed." Everyone gathers their things, some huddle around Dimitri like he's a celebrity. "Oh ho ho, what y'all gonna do for me in return?" I leave to the hall. Thank good it's lunch time. My feet begin to head to the cafeteria but my mind fights the decision. Ughhhhh, let me wait on this asshole. Student after student, left out of the room. The hall filled up. Then he exited. "I'll send it to you tonight."

 

"Hey?" 

 

Dimitri stops in his tracks. "Hello." He says flirtatiously. 

 

"I need-"

 

"The audio recording, I know." He grabs my wrist, stroking it. "I can give it to you right now, VIP." 

 

He's my exact height, 5'6 with a few extra pounds, little amount of muscles. Not that good looking to act like a hot shot...that type of guy. "I'm not a prostitute." 

 

"Oh, well, good luck on the exam." He backs off, smugly. 

 

"Fuck bag." I insult him as I walk back into the class. "Mr. Bane."

 

"Class is over...borrow the audio from Dimitri."

 

"Come on, you know he's a dick." My professor eyes me. "He's acting like a jerk...is what I meant to say, Dimitri is gonna degrade the girls...maybe even the boys if he's into that. It's 2019, can you just give me a worksheet with the guidelines?" 

 

He stands. "Only because I want you out of my class, I will." He rummages around for a bit, looking between stacks of papers. Until he finds a single worksheet. "Back in my day, we caught everything the teacher said in our notes, this generation attention span is worse than a newborns." 

 

I skip lunch and make twenty five copies for the entire class. With the last five minuets of the period, I grab an orange juice and a burger. Snacking, as I weed out my peers who are in need of notes. 

 

Maya greets me in the dorm. "Hey...so, I just saw Lex." 

 

"I don't care."

 

"Ugh...yeah you do...so anyway I just saw him in the office asking about about you."

 

I stop dead in my tracks. "Why are you pausing keep going!"

 

"Okay, okay, geez...so he was asking about Ms. Joy a student that works for his father's company, Strive Treat...it sounded serious." 

 

"How long ago?" Oh shit...he's here to silence...yes he hates his father, but that's his father. He would be mad that I'm trying to sue his dad. Why else would he be here?

NINE: Iceberg

The blood must have drained from my cheeks, splinters of iciness stabbed my cheeks. "Maya...I need you to do something for me."

 

"You look sick...if you throw up I swear..."

 

"MAYA! Just listen to me, okay. I need you to go distract Lex, I'll explain later."

 

She glosses her lips. "My pleasure, I don't care what it's about you don't gotta tell me." Maya tighten he bra strap and pull her v neck down. Her fingers go to her white blonde hair, shaking it out. 

 

"Thanks." I saw awkwardly as she struts off. A few seconds later I hit the hall, my backpack and phone handy. I double check for my pepper spray. I thought of having a gun but school and a gun doesn't mix. No telling what this fucker was gonna do. I need to leave in case he has a gun. Incase he uses it on students. I'm not having that on my conscious. Who do I call to confirm that he's after me??? Oh...oh of course. I know who. Jim! Even though I treated him like shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll call him. Catching an uber, I call his cell. To my surprise he picks up fast. Before the second ring. 

 

"Amanda, where have you been?!" 

 

"I got fired...it's a long story I'll tell you later. Sorry, I've been distracted and handling some shit. We can meet up in the parking garage. I need to ask you something." 

 

"Okay." 

 

"Later." I hang up, my mind racing to wild accusations, Mr. Pierce sent his son to silence me? He had to. Fuck. 

 

At the parking garage of Strive Treat, I locate Jim. His hands in his pockets and his eyes locked on mine. It was awkward...like fighting badly with a friends then seeing them afterwards. I did like him...not romantically like he liked me, but as a friend. We shared uber rides from work for the past year. Gossiping about our boss of course. "Hey."

 

"Hey, I'm sorry about before."

 

"It's okay, you look anxious...what's wrong?"

 

"Has Mr. Pierce's son been back up at the office? Has he said something about me?"

 

"Nooooo..." His voice trails. "Can you explain why you are asking me these questions?" I rub my shoulders for warmth even though it was eighty degrees outside. Jim takes off his jacket and drapes it over me. "You're acting weird."

 

"Mr. Pierce is another candidate for the metoo movement, he came onto me and it's been sound recorded. I called corporate but he's protected...and now I think his son is out to get me." I take a deep breath. 

 

"Ummm...wow...okay, really??" Jim gives a crooked smile...thinking I'm fooling around. 

 

"Yeah, dude, that's why I treated you like that before I was fired...it was  just before everyone arrived to work." My cracking voice brings realization to him. Like a hound, Jim charges towards the door leading back inside, his fists balled...his eyes looking coal black." No, no stop." I block the door and grab at his hands which grip the knob. "Stop." I demand as if he's s dog. 

 

"Get out of the way!" 

 

"What the fuck is violence gonna solve? Huh? Nothing, it's gonna make it worse." He jerks at the knob, the door opens, I slam my body, a sum of 110 pounds, slamming it shut. "You'll end up in jail because he's protected, stop!!" I scream at him. "We're going...okay, come on." I give him a hard look, managing strong eye contact, squinting. "Let's go to your place."

TEN: Jazzberry Jam

 Jim's condo was small but modern, all black and white. The kitchen was bulky and plain, much like you'd expect a guy'sto be. His living room only had a one leather couch and the smallest coffee table I ever seen. No dining room. God he needed a woman to redecorate. "It's nice." I lie.

 

"Does it smell?" 

 

I take a small sniff of the air, if it smelt I didn't want a load of it. To my surprise my nose noticed fabrez fresh linen. "It's fresh." I explore the rest of the condo, to the bathroom, junky, clothes on the floor, toothpaste on the sink and a bunch of water too. "God, your mom must have hated you as a teen." 

 

"Yeah, she just gave up after a while. You hungry?" 

 

"Let me guess, pizza."

 

"How'd you know?"

 

I roll my eyes. "You used to come to work with pizza scented shirts, I doubt it was cologne. You stunk."

 

"And you're attentive towards me, hmm, I wonder why."

 

"Shut up and get the pizza." He chuckles and dials a number on his phone, walking off. I peek into his bedroom, King sized bed all black sheets, no headboard, no night stands, no lamps. Not even a rug. A flatscreen was mounted above a black dresser. At least he has a plug in in the wall. I pounce onto the couch and cross my legs. 

 

"Pepperoni and sausage, yes, thank you."

 

"You remembered."

 

"Yeah." He takes a seat beside me. "It was your first day at work, also no one stood a chance, you kept packing your plate. I remember wondering where you put it all, being so skinny. How much do you weigh, 100 pounds?"

 

"I'm not talking about my weight....okay?"

 

"Amanda, I'm trying to distract you." He pokes at my nose.

 

"We need a plan...also you can't go back to work...maybe you should call off for the week, say you have the flu."

 

"Hell yeah! What about you?" I think back to Maya. I whip out my phone and text her: R u okay? She replies back quick: yeah I'm good, he left where R u? "Hey...what's on your mind?"

 

"I can't miss school but then I don't feel safe going back to my dorm."

 

"Stay with me then." He wasn't asking as a friend. 

 

"Jim...you know I'm not interested in you right? Like, I'm not trying to be mean but I see you as a friend."

 

He scoots up, his leg touching mine, his body leaning in. "But how do you know that?" His voice goes low and soft. "You haven't kissed me yet." He goes in for it. I hop up before our lips meet.

 

"What the fuck, you didn't even ask me really, really you're just gonna go for it?! You do know I was sexual harassed two days ago, I told you that, remember??! Fuck."

 

"I'm sorry..."

 

"I don't want to be touched like that, okay."

 

Jim nods, his brows wavering. "I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking. I thought it would help you relax." 

 

"Just...ask a girl before you do anything, don't dominate the move. Ugh, I need something sweet, that's the only thing that'll make me not slap you right now!" I storm to the refrigerator and search for chocolate or juice...something. Like an addict I open a jar of jam, grab a spoon, and eat a glob full of it.

ELEVEN: Kombu Green

 I took a nap in his room. The smell of pizza woke me up, I got up and went out to the kitchen. "Oh, I was gonna bring it to you."

 

"Pizza in bed...really?"

 

"What's wrong with that?"

 

"I forgive you, okay, relax. I cooled off..."

 

"Like she hulk." Jim jokes, rising his eyebrow. 

 

"I take that as a compliment." He clears his throat and stops my hand from grabbing a slice. "Come on stop food blocking."

 

"After this we're going to the cops, deal?"

 

I tilt my head to the side. "Nice job, Sherlock."

 

"I see you are snappy when you're hungry." 

 

I take five slices and a can Sprite, fries too. Chewing off huge chunks to the point that my jaws are poking out. I mumbled something but it's in inaudible. My phone rings. I swallow hard then answer it. "Yeah?"

 

. "Okay, Maya said you fled the dorm, what's up?!" Yasmine exclaims

 

"I'll tell you later."

 

"Amanda-" 

 

I hang up. "Well." I say to Jim who stands there watching me instead of eating. "Are you gonna eat?" 

 

"I'm enjoying the show...god you eat like a slob."

 

"Haha." I wipe my chin that drips with sauce and slurp up a string of hanging cheese.

 

After devouring junk, we go outside where green grass of sweet June greets us. A blue sky and hotness...the scent of hot concrete. Cars zip by on a one way street a few blocks from the city. Jim stops me from booking an uber. "We can walk, it's not far."

 

"So you want to do it the old fashioned way...?" I complain. 

 

"We're walking."

 

My flats flop hard on the sidewalk, purposely of course. "Come on, I haven't walked to my destination since grammar school. This sucks."

 

"Damn your spoiled." 

 

"I am, so carry me." I see his eyes spark, a mischievous grin spreads his face. He stares down at me before swooping me up like a baby into his arms. He was tone, not insanely, Jim was nicely built and he felt nice against me. "I'm not flirting with you by asking this I just don't want to walk."

 

"Uh huh sure." Traffic halts at the end of the block, which was a few feet away. "Hold on tight..."

 

"Don't say spider money."

 

Jim runs forward, fast, the wind whips my hair and face, I feel as if I'm flying. I stare down at his feet that are steady and quick. careful. We make it to the crossing, to the other side of the street. I smile, giggling, unwrapping my arms from around his neck, which prompts him to grip me closer, firmer. I raise my hands above my head, leaning back. Yelling. This goes on for the next two blocks, me letting loose. Me clearing my mind and having fun like a kid again. "Okay, okay, I'm dizzy stop." 

 

He reverts to walking. Huffing. "Now I feel forgiven." Aww. I fight from saying out loud. He climbs up the police station stairs, me still in his arms. 

 

Inside, officers sit at desks, working on phones, a few chat around a desk. One looks up with a dull expression from the desk, a woman. "This isn't the hospital, that's across the street." 

 

"Oh, no I'm cool..." I wiggle so Jim can put me down, and stumble to the desk. "Anyway," I eye the officer. "I'm here with evidence of sexual harassment and will like to file a report."

TWELVE: Lava

 LEX’S  P.O.V

  

It seems like that blonde bitch is stalking me. I leave northeastern university of Seattle, hopping into a beat up Nissan. This is what you get kids, when your dad is shitty and doesn't give you a dime....you get a crappy car and life. But I'm okay,  all that matters is Lizzie, at least he supports his baby girl...only financially, though. I was her dad since she said her first words, while he was off in China making business connections and having affairs. He's the reason my mom overdosed in the bathtub...he was a ghost for a whole year. I turn on the right turning signal and wait for traffic to halt. I wanted him dead...I tried killing the fucker but he has a built in head radar and security guards. Bill has some feelings after all. Fear. I wonder how he'll feel when he busted. Like a victim. Or would the fucker feel the Karma? I couldn't know for sure, that's why I was at the school's office...I want to know for sure. 

 

Amanda. I swiped Bill's phone before leaving his high rise office. There was a voicemail from corporate stating that a sexual harassment claim was attempted against him by an employee, Amanda Joy. So I raided his office for information. Then I put two and two together of who the girl was. My memory sparked. This is the girls I shoulder bumped...and the one I saw at the gym. This is a sign. Traffic finally let up, and my car drove forward. My eyelids heavy. Lizzie is waiting up for me, stay awake. My line hit up with a text: I need a brick. Reply: I'm not dealing right now. The random number texts, the bubble loads. Then delivers: I'll give you $200, I need it bad. I text: Okay.

 

Dealing was how I fed myself and bought shit, since I couldn't work in the family business. My father...no not my father, Bill, had blackmailed my reputation, pulled some strings so jobs wouldn't be allowed to view my resumé or even see my application. Fucking psycho. He acts like I'm the issue when he is nothing but a horny spiteful man who pushed his son to selling drugs for an income. And killed his wife. Bill hates anything and everything about drug dealers, so I kept on doing just that. At home, a rented room with brown carpet and gray walls, welcomes me. In the refrigerator, I grab the last thing I had to eat, a pop-tart, cherry. My mind wonders back to Amanda, mostly to her eyes and her freckles, which made her stand out. I've met a lot of red heads, usually they were tough but she had balls. A lot of girls that Bill has messed with usually just quit and moved on, but she didn't. I liked that. 

THIRTEEN: Mahogany

 I prepared a brick for client 23, a skinny, tall guy with a shaky hand. Outside, leaning on my raggedy car, I wait as a blood moon shines down on to the surroundings. My phone buzzes from my pocket so I take it out and realizes who it is. "Hey baby." 

 

"Lexie, I made a new friend at school and I shared my candy with them too!" My lil sis voice celebrates. So innocent and trouble free. "Oh, and I have a science fair on Saturday, will you come?"

 

"Of course, I won't miss it for anything, Liz."

 

"What about daddy?"

 

I pause, thinking carefully on how I should word my next sentence. I can't say he doesn't care, she's too young to hear that. She loved Bill, I can't mess with that. "He'll try his best, he's very busy with work." 

 

"Oh." She gets a little sad...I could picture her big brown eyes and yellowish hair, her fingers running through the curls like they always did when she got down about something.

 

"I'll come over in a bit tell the babysitter she can leave, we can watch The Incredibles and get pizza."

 

"Cookies!!" She demands.

 

"And ice cream too." She sequels. A blue car pulls up, tires rubbing on concrete. "I gotta go baby girl, I'll see you later okay?"

 

"OKAAAYYYYY I LOOOOVVEEE YOOOOU!!!" 

 

I chuckle and hang up. Client 23, what ever his name is, rolls down a window. I lean off of my car and walk to the window, sliding over the coke and taking the $200. "Thanks man." He waves a shaky hand at me. I feel sorry for the guy. How fucked up was his life that he had to tear up his body like this? I mean I smoke too, a few times a week due to me having self control, but this guy had to puff up every day. 

 

"Yeah, you welcome." His car jets off, I move my foot before it gets ran over. 

 

At Bill's, three thousand square foot, gated and secluded mansion, I relieve the babysitter, an okay looking girl. Average looking with dark hair and eyes. A bit thick though, around the thighs. I hand her the typical $250 dollars from the checkbook on the kitchen counter...wow, Bob was nice with other people, strangers, more than he was with me. His son. "Thank you."

 

"I could stay." 

 

My chick radar goes off. I could use some pussy. "Cool." 

 

Lizzie races down a marble floor, her socks slipping, as she nears me. "Lexie!!" She hops up into my arms. I kiss her forehead. "You took forever, mister, I made popcorn and got drinks ready, oh and I made a tent we will look at the movie under it." 

 

"Yes ma'am."

 

"Is Maggie staying?"

 

"Yes, I am, let get the movie started huh?" She takes my sister to the living room. I head upstairs to a grand ass, blue and white hallway and into my old room. Everything was dusty inside. A huge window looked out onto a ground pool. Memories hit me. Sneaking girls into here and fucking, throwing pool parties when mom was out working and Bill was on business trips. I open a draw and grab joggers and a tank, I remove my shirt. "Hey." 

 

I turn to see Maggie standing by the door, she eyes my black tattoos which cover my neck down to my waist line. "Hey."

 

"So, your sister is mixing the cookies, it takes her about fifteen minutes." She bites her lip.

 

I unzip my pants. "Well, what are you waiting for."

 

She nears me, running her hands down my neck, where my tattoos are, and down to my pants. Pulling them down. "You should come over more often." She bites my neck, my nipples, my stomach then licks down my dick. I clutch at her hair, cum rising up to my cock. Throbbing, Tightening. She sucks me. Her mouth wet and warm, and snug against my dick. Slapping. My hands push her head closer, so she goes in deeper, I feel her throat her lips too, they both scrap. I cum a little when she takes my dick out and swallows, her mouth open, letting me see her do so. Fuck.

FOURTEEEN: Nicke

 After the movie, I tucked Lizzie in before leaving. Her room was pink and white with white French windows, a princess bed, a harp, a wardrobe and computer area. White glow stars stickers on the ceiling. So spoiled. As I opened the front door, car headlights shined on me. Fuck. Bill glares at me from the car window. He should be used to me sneaking out and in by now. I watch the asshole get out of the car. "I thought I told you to stay away, do you really wasn't me to file a restraining order?!" He bellowed. 

 

"I'm leaving." I push pass him. 

 

"It's about time she knew what you do?" He said with disgust.

 

This motherfucker. "And I'll tell her that her father play with girls that could be her sister." I glance back at him. Daring. "It's up to you." At that I walk off from a speechless dick of a father. 

 

In my bed, a squeaky mattress, I stare up at my ceiling. It really feels dumb leaving my moms house, my bedroom, my sister...with that man. Mom would,be pissed as fuck at Bob for kicking me out. I need to find a way to take custody of both Lizzie and the house. The company too. This fucker had connections though...he knows judges and police officers, I bet he pays under the table, I bet that's how all the sexual claims were dismissed. This Amanda girl doesn't know what she's doing. I need to locate her, we both want the same thing...Bill behind bars. If this happened I'd take head of the company and his earnings of six hundred million dollars. But...let me stop daydreaming it's not happening. I have gym classes to teach in the morning. 

 

At Planet Fitness, I take a shower and prepare the training room with yoga pads, bottle water and fiber bars. I chose a workout playlist from Spotify. In fifteen minutes a crowd of twenty people would pile in. A text hits my phone. Client 5 says the caller ID: We need eight bricks by midnight or the deal is off. An easy two grand. It's not like training two classes a day was paying off, I volunteered, so no dough was coming in other than from selling. I reply back with K. Knocking comes from behind me. I turn to see two detectives, one tall and one short and fat. One closes the door. "Mr. Pierce Jr."

 

"Yes?"

 

"Detective James, this is my partner Detective Harrison, We'll like to have a little talk." Harrison the hippo, my mind roasted.

 

"What is this about?"

 

"An Amanda Joy has filed a harassment claim against you, your trial is on July 25th at the county court, 8am." Harrison stated through labored breathing. 

 

"You were looking for her yesterday at the university of Seattle, is that correct? Right after your father came onto her sexually. One might think that was a scare tactic since your father has had numerous sexual claims and no punishment." 

 

I eye both of them. "I would like to get a lawyer before I answer any questions."

 

"Of course." James nods and hands me a contact card. 

 

My feet pace the room once they leave. Scare tactic...harassment...what the fuck Amanda!

FIFTEEN: Onyx

 

 

At 3 in the morning, I visit...well break into Bill's office. Of course he had expensive paintings, a real wood desk and velvet sofas. I bet his employees hated him. I go through the desk draws, searching for employee records. Pale white folders are lined back to back. I flip through each, scanning for Amanda's name. Most of the female files had their bra and underwear sizes which was fucking disgusting, creep. A clock on the wall read: 3:30am. At the middle of my search I find what I'm looking for. Unlike the rest of the girls, he had a picture of her...I couldn't blame him her eyes were striking. My eyes read down to her phone number. Memorizing it.

 

At, 8am, I stop at McDonald's and order breakfast. Thinking of how to word my text: This is Mr. Pierce's son, you should remember me from the gym, I wasn't stalking you or out to get you on his behalf. Can we talk? That sounds okay to me. I reread it again. Yeah. I tap send. My orange juice is sat on a table by a guy with a purple mohawk. Sweet ass perfume emitted off of his body. "There you go, the rest will be done shortly." He informs me with a flamboyant tone.

 

"Thank you." I sense his stare lingering, before he struts off. I sip the drink.

 

Amanda: If you try anything you'll get hurt. It has to be somewhere public.

 

Me: McDonald's, WestLake Ave.

 

By the time she arrives, I am done with my meal. She spots me at the back and heads over. Slowly. Her hand in her purse, a gun most likely. "Relax." I say as she sits, taking in something new about her face, she had a beauty mark on her lip, on the left top corner, a patch that was lighter than the rest of her pink lips. Which contrasted well with her olive skin. 

 

She rolls her eyes and snap her fingers. "My eyes are up here. Why were you asking for me?"

 

"I heard about your claim against my father." Saying the word father boiled my blood, but I kept calm.

 

"How?"

 

I smile at her seriousness. "I swipe his phone from time to time." She gives me an inquisitive look. "I return it right after." I lie. I actually trash it right after so he has to buy a new one. 

 

"What do you want?"

 

I lean forward, taking in a berry scented perfume with a sly sniff. "He's a horrible father and a shitty man who needs karma to bite him in the ass. I tried taking him down but he has ways of coming out on top. Anyway, the main reason is my little sister, she deserves better." 

 

Amanda's eyes slit. "Did you try to help the other girls he fucked over?"

 

"No."

 

"Why not?"

 

"I never bumped into them plus I knew they'll lose in court."

 

"Well I'm not."

 

"You will, but with my help we can take him down." I slide over a file I stole from his office, the rest were in my car. "All the female records have bra and underwear measurements but yours stands out with a picture. If we can get the girls who backed down to join us, we wouldn't have to go to court, we'll go public and he'll pay us hush money but we won't take it. My father has close to a billion dollars, no way we settle for change."

 

"So what would we do instead?"

 

"Blackmail. Threaten to exploit him, social media is a bitch."

SIXTEEN: Peppermint

 AMANDA P.O.V

 

I couldn't tell if Lex was being serious or not. I cross my arms and observe him. He was beautiful, it made perfect sense why Maya was all at him with his strong jaw and perfect hair and lips and honey eyes. His minty cologne gave him an even more appealing presence. "Are you hungry, I'll get you something."

 

"I can pay for myself." 

 

This makes Lex huff. "So you don't trust me?"

 

"No, not really, what kid wants to blackmail and exploit their father?" 

 

He says nothing, sitting back in his chair, Lex eyes the surroundings. "I'll find another way then."

 

"I can't tell if you're serious or if you're joking." 

 

"Right, let me take this smile off my face maybe that'll help you out." His sarcasm stings.

 

"You're gonna chicken out so I'm gonna keep doing it my way."

 

"Ha, bitch you don't know a damn thing about me." 

 

The waiter, definitely a gay pride advocate, mouth drops at Lex's words. "Don't be mean, girl don't let him talk to you like that." His eyes widen. "And what can I get you?" His name tag reads Garret. I smile at him. 

 

"I'm afraid he has daddy issues so there isn't much I can do about his behavior. No thank you, Garrett, I was just leaving." I stand, taking a ten dollar bill from my wallet and handing it over. "Stay beautiful." I don't glance back at Lex, as I exit the restaurant. Okay, so...he wasn't in hitman mode, I was wrong, but something is really off. What kids wants their father in such a position? My mind repeated. He wouldnt go through with it, although his idea to rally up Mr. Pierce's past victims was intriguing. There was already the metoo movement all we would have to do is post.  I wait for a crossing light. How can I get the the names of the girls...fuck, I'm gonna need him. He has access to Mr. Pierce's office. The white walking symbol switches on from the traffic light. I flood onto a street with a sea of other people. Traffic runs heavy and the smell of gas and noise of horns and chatter distract my thoughts. 

 

Kristin was the first I saw when I entered our dorm. "Look it's a ghost!" 

 

"I've been calling you, why did you ditch school today?" Yasmine took on a motherly tone.

 

"Let me breathe." I groan, flopping onto my bed. Trying to organize my booming mind. Should I tell them? Should I keep it to myself? I hear them whispering. 

 

"She looks like she haven't slept.."

 

"Well ask her if she did or didn't, it's not rude." 

 

"Where's Maya?" I interrupt them.

 

Kristin bursts into laugher, I peer up from my bed. "She kinda hates you right now since her future hubby is more interested in you. If I told you how long she's been after him." 

 

"Hey, drop it, she really likes him." I sit up and look to Yasmine, agreeing with her sad tone. "Even after him rejecting her so much, she's hurt, don't make it into a joke."

 

Great, something else to deal with. "Where is she?" I look to where Maya used to sleep, I knew her sheet set wasn't wait, it was....yellow I think...honestly I didn't pay attention enough to recall it since I blocked out people for 3 months. Point being, she had moved out.

SEVENTEEN: Queen Pink

Saturday morning, I find myself driving to Maya's parents house. Even though Yasmine and Kristin reassured me that she'd had plenty of these temper tantrums and always came back, I still decided to confront her. She ignored my calls and texts. I really didn't want this stupid guy drama to fuck up an already rocky bond we kind of had. She was hurt and I'm not a bitch. A yellow brick house sat in the woods, medium sized, fresh, white,  shutters and windows, a steel white roof. Small but expensive. Landscapes like a magazine house from better homes. Of course she grew up pampered. 

 

Ringing the doorbell, I prepare myself for the cringe that followed. The door unlocked, an older man, about forty, stern and cold, Maya's dad I presumed. Huh, I expected something different, something more stable and inviting...maybe he is why she seek men so crazily. "Hello, I'm Amanda, Maya's roommate."

 

"One second." He shuts the door, I huff. Really?? What the fuck?! I hear an argument whispered beyond the door. Maya...she sounded as if she was protesting. Uh uh, I did not just uber $50 out here for her to not want to talk! I bang on the door. "Maya, I can hear you, come out and talk, okay?" The knob twists, then quickly goes stiff, as if it was being held from being moved. "I'm not leaving," I say, taking a seat on the steps, "so come on out." I watch the clouds cover the sun, closing my eyes, smelling rain. A wet concrete smell that I love. I think back to Lex, is his offer real? The door behind me opens. I turn and watch as Maya closes it and sits beside me. Yasmine was right, she did really like him. Her eyes were red, her complexion pale. 

 

"What do you want?" She says bitterly. 

 

"Maya, I'm not after Lex okay, I'm not into guys right now. If you answered my texts and calls I would have told you that."

 

Her eyes roll and then focus back on me. "You guys have chemistry I've been trying to achieve forever, instead I get a "payment" kind of response from guys. Like it's just business, which is just...." she looks off at the diming sky. "I'm not a prostitute, or a second choice type of girl, so why am I treated like one?" Tears fall from her eyes, dripping down her cheeks.

 

"Maya..." I wrap my arms around her, giving the tightest hug I could. "Like ninety percent of guys are shit, and honestly about the same percentage isn't even worth it, don't make it your fault. The guys you know treat you like that because they aren't men...their boys. So keep looking."

 

"You sound hella prejudice." She laughs wiping her eyes.

 

"I am, I'll tell you the reason some other time, but I meant what I said." I extend my pinky. 

 

Maya wraps her little finger around mine. "It's officially girl code now, don't break it."

 

EIGHTEEN: Rhythm

 The next week came in brutal. I had two five page essays due and The psychology comprehensive examination, on top of it. I studied the guideline worksheet I managed to get from the teacher. "Abnormal behavior, including intervention, behavioral neuropsychology. Drugs & behavior cognitive community. Developmental, infancy, childhood, adolescence, adult, and aging diversity of gender. Industrial and organizational personality. Pseudopsychology. Social, including sexual behavior; modification for sustainability. And lastly, the psychology of violence." I manage to define each one after an hour. A tap from behind makes me super annoyed. Jim at the dorm room's door. I pause and turn my head.

 

"Any calls from the police department?"

 

"No." Hmm...so he came all this way to my dorm, to ask something he could've texted?? 

 

"I really hope we can get this asshole, him and his son." 

 

"Umm...about his son-"

 

I hear giggling as my roommates return to the dorm. The first one to check Jim out head to toe is, of course, Maya. Yasmin and Kristin size him up to but not as eagerly. I stand, feeling the role of introducing him playing out as my act right now. "This is Jim my friend from work." I  said that a bit to harshly, but I was stressed and really needed to study and get homework done. 

 

"Hey." The three say in unison, I wonder if they practiced that. 

 

"Hey, nice to meet y'all." He gives a slight grin. 

 

"I actually gotta start back on my work, I'll text you later about it." 

 

"Wait but he's-" Kristin covers Maya's mouth.

 

"Cool." He nods. "Later then."

 

I quickly turn back to my work. Putting in headphones so I wouldn't be bothered by chatter. I play a Spotify playlist called piano meditation while I get down to business. At 9pm, I save my two papers, which are about the art of psychology and famous English pioneers. Shower. Just as I climb in bed, a text hits my line. The contact has no name and a weird number...no past existing texts back and forth. 

 

Text: I'm gonna do it my way.

 

My mind, being beat, and confused by the text, ignores it as I go to sleep with heavy eyes. 

 

..........

 

In the morning, I shoot straight up, checking my texts...seeing and understanding it now. It was Lex. I dial his number, at the same time I get a text from Jim: wanna talk about it? Ugh...one irritating guy at a time. Lex picks up. "Why are you calling me?"

 

"That isn't your decision to make, its mine, back the FUCK off." I hang up, letting out a long huff.

NINETEEN: Sage

 I took a day away from everything, from school, friends, guys, all of it. My feet found themselves walking miles to end up at a Japanese Garden. This trip wasn't planned I just stopped there, oddly, and mostly because I was tired. My legs burned. I sat on a bench and massaged my temples. Alright. What am I doing about Mr. Pierce? Should I let Lex do it his way since the police are shielding the fucker? No. Yes. Maybe. No because it is my battle to fight. Yes, because I'm gonna need help. Maybe...because...well just maybe. The last option would work the quickest. No court dates or contracts. No settling out of court. 

 

My ears detected my phone ringing. Ugh. Ignore it. I roll my eyes. Can I have one goddamn moment?! What if it's important or an emergency? A voice in my heads says with much anxiety. Nervous nelly. I huff and unzip my bag to see that it's my grandmother. Odd. I answer, scared. "Hey grams, what's up?" 

 

"I'm just calling to check on you, your grandad says hi."

 

I smirk. My eyes watering. Does she have fucking radar? "Oh, I'm okay, just getting some air, thinking about exams." I lie. I mean I can tell her, but then her little old heart would break and she'll have grandad drive an hour so she could just hug me. This has happened plenty of times. It was sweet and brought me down to earth and reminded me even if I'm an orphan, people love me. Family loves me. "How are you guys?"

 

"Oh, we have a cruise planned, right now we're packing, keep her company dear, we need another suitcase."

 

"What, are you guys taking the whole house?!" I crack.

 

There's shuffling then the deep voice of grandad sounds through the speaker. "This lady wants to take damn near everything with her, maybe you can talk her out of it."

 

My phone buzzes. "No way, she's just as stubborn as I am. Where are you guys going?" I read a text. Jim: you seem off, everything ok? 

 

"Hawaii, the bingo house had a raffle." A loud banging crossed over from the other line. "Honey?"

 

"I'm okay!!"

 

"That suitcase is too heavy, let me help you! Gotta go sweetheart." 

 

"Alright, I'll call back later tonight, love you." I hang up and lock my phone. Eyeing the pretty landscape of vibrate green grass, bushes and flowers of numerous colors which resemble a rainbow. Sniffing in the scent of earthy nature. Closing my eyes and letting the sun cook my face. 

 

I guess it his way...until I can make it my way.

TWENTY: Timberwolf

 LEX P.O.V 

 

I don't get this girl, first she says fuck off, now she's texting me to meet up at the gym at midnight. WTH. What made this sour patch have a change of heart? And what made her want to meet at midnight hours? I can't tell if she wants my help or wants to treat my ass like shit. I've dealt with self righteous, stuck up girls like her, usually a three day stay, a rinse and repeat. Her type wanted to feel bigger than a man, to exceed further and prove  feminist strength. I can pay for myself. This is my choice. As if she knows how long Ive wanted to can the asshole. I park my car, realizing I was becoming distracted. Pulling into an empty lot, I wait. 

 

A text hits my line from a nameless number: I'm inside

 

Me: Did you break you...you do know I'm a manager here?

 

Text: Oh hush, come in. 

 

I use my spare key to unlock the back door. Shaking my head, and eyeing my surroundings. This girl. "YOO!" I yell once the door snaps close. I hear noise, heavy breathing, and follow the direction. Amanda is shirtless, in a sports bra, on a mat, exercising...well doing a move that makes her look like she's..."Are you humping the air?"

 

"60." She stops counting and stands. "Glute bridges....you took forever." 

 

"Working on that ass huh." I smirk.

 

She gives me a hard, if I had a gun, kind of glare. "Now, let's figure this out your way...for now."

 

"For now?"I purposely cross my arms, bulging them together, my dark tank top hugged me in all the right places. Her, being a strong woman, of course she fought the urge to look. Instead, she slides into a purple t shirt, baggy, that shows no cleavage. I bet she wants to show some. 

 

"Until I change it to my way. So what's your plan again?"

 

"Expose him. I still have the folders, we can even call up the other victims and have them do the same. With how Strive Treat is thriving, he'll have to step down."

 

"Or the company goes under..." She squints as she adds.

 

"No. My mom made him promise to add me as a owner, the company will stay with the family name." 

 

"Well, if that's the case, just take the company now, what's the deal? Blackmail him with an ultimatum of him having to step out or get exposed." 

 

I took a moment to think. That is a smart idea, but he's smart enough to trace my call and do some hitman hire shit to shut me down. I would tell her this, but she wouldn't believe it. "That's a possibility." 

 

She nods with much eagerness. "You're welcome." 

 

"Oh, and you arch your back a little too much with the bridges." 

 

"Thanks for the advice." Sensing that our meet up was over, I head to the door. "Oh, and thank you for wanting to help me." Her voice softened, sending chills down my chest. I look back and nod, before continuing on. She wants me.

TWENTY ONE: Unmellow Yellow

 AMANDA P.O.V

 

"Hey..." Maya shook me awake. 

 

I sit-up in bed, peering into darkness. "What?"

 

"I heard something outside..." 

 

I clicked on my lamp and looked to the window. Listening, staring hard. "It's probably a bird or something."

 

"At midnight?" She said harshly. I look at her, at messy blonde hair and alarmed eyes. "I don't have the number for school security, do you? I sounded like footsteps in the grass right below our window." 

 

I check my phone, clicking it on and seeing three texts from Jim five minutes ago:

 

I can't sleep wanna talk.

 

I got snacks.

 

Look out the window.

 

I get up and open the window, about to lean my head out, but Maya jerked me away. "Nooo, stop!" 

 

"It's okay, it's Jim. Go back to sleep." I stick my head out, seeing him sitting in the grass, a white bag next to him. Gas station junk. I grab onto a branch before me and climb down slowly. It's only two stories down to him. When my feet land, I lose a bit of my balance. But steady myself. The dark campus is lit by moonlight. Light wind gushes the trees and grass. Blowing hypnotically. "What's up?" I plop next to him, open the bag, and choose a KitKat. 

 

"I been thinking about something." His blue eyes drift from the sky to me. Glossy. 

 

I prepare to chew on a chocolate bar, but pause. Uh oh...he looks sad. "Thinking about...?" 

 

"It's been different without you at work, I understand why you left, the fucker already has a new pretty assistant. But, it hasn't been the same."

 

"That doesn't sound like something to lose sleep over, we still talk."

 

"We don't see each other like before." 

 

"That's because of exams, once summer break hits we can hang out again. Okay?" 

 

He stays watching me, intensely, I chew away on the chocolate awkwardly. "You know what's been bothering me the most? I been seeing you with him."

 

I freeze in mid chew. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU STALKING ME?!!" 

 

"No, I'm keeping an eye on you since the fucking police or some shit comes at you over this. Why didn't you tell me about this? I waited until you did but you didn't. I thought he was after you like his dead is?" 

 

"No, he's not...I was gonna tell you but I didn't want the girls to hear about it, just us three know about this."

 

He huffs hard and stands up. "It used to be just us." A slither of gloom hints his voice, before I could respond he walks off. 

 

....

 

In the morning, I wake with a emptiness to me, as if I was hungry but it was painful instead. Why am I feeling like this? My mind was jumpy, panicked. I unlocked my phone numerous times, not knowing why. My hands shook. Every time I breathed or swallowed my stomach stung and jerked. It wasn't until I recalled what happened last night, when I realized what I was feeling. Fear.

TWENTY TWO: Violet

 Summer break came fast. I found myself still sad over Jim. He ignored my calls, maybe even blocked my number. I needed a clear head, I needed him to pick up so I could go through with the plan to expose Mr. Pierce. It is all happening today, so I have to get my emotions in check. I decided to leave a voicemail. "Hey Jim, it's me, I'm sorry for being so careless about your feelings. I'm gonna tell you everything. So...can you pick up the phone?" I hung up. Just then a text flashed against my screen.

 

Lex: Ready?

 

On a bench on campus, I sat, watching students celebrating the vacation, some rolling suitcases, other laying in the grass or standing in groups laughing. Having fun. Fun. Something I rarely had anymore. I think back to high school. In a quick flash, I saw the haunting memory, a familiar face, a girl who loved finger cookies and karaoke, an old friend. Then a flash to her running away while a group of guys surround me...their eyes undressing me.

 

My phone rings, I answer shaking away the bad memory. "I'm here." Was all he said with his low tone before hanging up. I get up, passing fellow peers. Going to the front entrance. I expected to see his bike, but instead a almost broke down Nissan waited for me. Strange...did his father not give him any money? 

 

"Hey." I open the passenger side door, sliding in.

 

"Hey." Lex puts the car in drive and rolls forward. "So, out of the 22 girls only four responded. It would've been better if all did, but we gotta take what we can get." 

 

I frown. "Maybe you approached them wrong." He let out a long sigh. I felt him getting angry. "How did you word it?"

 

"Hello, insert girl's name, if you want justice for what Mr. Pierce has done to you, call me back." 

 

I look over at him, squinting. "I think you did your best, but it sounds like a setup and also lacks empathy."

 

"How would you word it?" Lex halts the car at a red light, students cross, with book bags and flip flops. 

 

I stare at the ground, in a daze. Taking a moment. Let it out. Say how it really made me feel. "I know it's hard coming forward after being sexually harassed, and that it makes a woman feel insignificant, like her existence and profession was for nothing because of her gender. How easy it is to revert back to a woman surrounded by old standards, even in this time. To have no respect or help from the world who'll just judge you, or count you as a woman asking for it before a woman who needs support. I know this, because I was a victim of Mr. Pierce, and I'm asking you to join me in taking him down." 

 

Nothing but outside noise flows through the air. My eyes keep contact with the ground, tearing up. "I'm sorry." I hear him say with much rawness.

 

"I should've let out more, but I'm not ready."

TWENTY THREE: Wild Watermelon

 LEX P.O.V

 

Damn, I wanted to comfort her but also didn't want to annoy her since she was easily provoked. It's so fucking sad how she sat beside me right now. Stop the car, pull over, hug her. My eyes scan the side street, waiting for a right turn to go green but the light was long. Fuck it, hold her hand, do it. Hesitantly I rose my hand a few inches and stared as it neared her hand which was placed on her leg. Bare leg, she wore shorts and and floral tank top. Don't touch the skin of her leg she'll snap. Amanda stayed staring, blinking away tears. I knew she couldn't always be as tough as she wanted. Horns honk from behind us, causing me to withdraw my hand which was nearly on hers, and drive ahead. 

 

"We'll get this fucker." I drive forward, finding the road familiar since I was bussed down it when a kid, when I had a somewhat functioning family. Tall threes, a smooth black road, clean sidewalks, mowed lawns, a country club on the opposite side stretching for more than a mile. She would see the house soon and compare it to where I was taking her now. I needed my gun just Incase men were hired. I say this because my father earned his money dirty and made enemies in a few countries so he invested in physical protection. I pull in front of an old brick building on a corner lot in a less appealing neighborhood. Cracked concrete, trash on the sidewalks, liquor stores. 

 

"Where are we?" She finally said after a long silence. 

 

"Stay her, I'll be right back."

 

Inside I pull a shoebox from under my dresser and grab a 45 and a hand full of bullets from it. Tucked into my jeans the gun goes and the bullets in my pocket. "You're not gonna use that." Fuck. It figures...she wouldn't listen. 

 

"It's just for show." I lie.

 

"Nobody is dying or been killed, alright?"

 

I turn to her, seeing her green eyes both sad and pissed. "Alright, I won't use it." She steps to me and outstretches her hand. "Really?"

 

"Yes, really, men are hotheads, I'll carry it."

 

"Have you even held a gun before or used one?"

 

"No, but I wanted to at a certain point."

 

I scan her, trying to pick out a smirk or any indication that she was joking. There were none. Holy shit. "To hold or shot?"

 

She huffs. "Give it."

 

...

 

Driving back to the paradise of a location, I feel my throat tighten. It isn't like I'm scared of her seeing what I could have had, am I? Am I...She'll ask questions and really dig into why I hate him, all women do is pry. Then I'll have to tell her everything. I never told anyone about my mother's death, I only ever told myself it over and over. Hearing it would be different...emotions would play in and I'd look weak in front of her. "It's the same place again?"

 

"Yeah." I keep it short, as I turn a corner and pull into a driveway and unlock the gate with a pass key I stole from Bill's babysitter, Maggie, this was my resort since he changed it every time he caught me inside. The gate opens. Beyond is stone mansion, classy; like a miniature version of The White House.  "It's my father's place." 

 

 

 

Stepping out of the car, I observe as Amanda's eyes tour the landscape, a slight smile on her face. "Did you grow up here?" 

 

"I did."

 

"Ugh...that's figures, the typical rich badboy, huh?"

 

"I wouldn't say bad." I unlock the front door, hearing plastering feet run to it. Lizzie. As I open the door she jumps into my arms. An uncomfortable, huge as beam of a smile takes over me as I clutch her. "Hey sweetie."

 

"HIIIIII." She waves at Amanda who giggles. "I made peanut butter sandwiches. Come on." She tugs at my and Armand's hand. 

 

 In the massive kitchen we go, being seated by the little princess. "You didn't tell me her name."

 

I chuckle at how her little face scrunches up. "I'm sorry princess."

 

"I'm Amanda."

 

Lizzie hands us sloppy sandwiches with stinky hands. "Are we still going to the park, Lexie?"

 

"We are, right after we finish your delicious sandwiches we'll go The the park and get ice cream." As I eat, I search the background, no guards, no babysitter either he fired her after I left no doubt, how many days were like this with her alone? Hostility tingles my skin. It doesn't matter, Bill is never seeing Lizzie again.

TWENTY FOUR: Xxxtentacion

  (I had no ideal Xxxtentacion was a color of gray)

 

....

 

At a park a few blocks up, I took the girls. It was odd having Amanda her, since usually I only took Lizzie. This was a weekly routine of ours, a day I took her away from a cold, big mansion. I watch her jet off to the swings, with energy brighter than the sun. Amanda and I stood side by side, watching the surroundings closely. It seemed legit, parents and kids, no suspicious looking cars. "So are you gonna explain why your living like that?"

 

I knew this was coming. "I'll tell you after this is done. So our family has a safe house out by Alki Beach, we'll go there and make the call to Bill."

 

She shook her head. "We need more than four girls, we shouldn't blackmail unless we have more."

 

"Look, we should take what we can get. I can bluff and say all twenty two victims are behind us." 

 

"Alright, you can call." She said as if I needed her permission, but I control myself from an outburst, Amanda was off, something was wrong. I know I didn't know her well, but she wasn't as quick tongued and hard. I watch her, her arms crossed and red hair flowing in the wind. 

 

"That's was too easy, is something wrong?" 

 

 

"No." She says stubbornly. "So why do your dad treat you like this?" 

 

I huff. "Trade for a trade?"

 

Amanda thinks on it, her lip puckering a bit. She looks to me, her eyes unreadable unlike before. "Deal."

 

In the distance, Lizzie waves at us, before sliding down a blue slide. "My father is distant and cruel, I guess he never wanted a family he left on business trips and broke his vows to my mother which lead her to drinking and drugs, then..." I feel tears filling up my sight, I fight them from trembling my voice . "Then to her killing herself." Amanda's eye widen. "It's like like he liked be before any of that, I challenged him too much and said things to him that my mom yelled while she was drunk. He doesn't even care about much about Lizzie. He leaves alcohol, pills and even left a gun within her reach. Almost like it's on purpose. That's why I'm taking her with us." My chest tightens. Well, I'm it the only one that knows now. It does bother me, however, how easily I was able to tell her.

 

She grabs my hand and squeezes it, coming closer and laying her head on my shoulder. Surprising the fuck out of me. "I know how it feels to lose a parents, I lost both of mine in a boating accident. I'm sorry."

 

"I'm sorry too," my voice wavers a bit with pity and glum. "Thank you for telling me th..."

 

"But that's now fully the reason why I'm...sad today." She cuts me off. "See...um, my friend Jim is mad at me for not filling him in on what I'm doing about Bill. I've been keeping him out of the loop mostly because, I guess because I don't want him involved if it doesn't work out...he'll do something violent. Like you...ugh, all guys are the same."

 

"What makes you say that...?"

 

"Past experiences."

 

Lizzie runs over to us, Amanda pulls away from me suddenly. Why, no come back.  I liked how she felt, her soft palm, her cushion cheek in my shoulder, radiating heat onto my shirt, along with a few tears. She wipes her eyes. "I want ice cream now.!" A chipmunk voice demands,while pointing at an ice cream truck blaring bubbly chimes. Lizzie takes both our hands, and walk us down towards the colorful vehicle. I see Amanda's eye glitter as they look down at my sister, some warmth and excitement coming back to her. She likes kids.

 

"My favorite was always the sponge-bob one, what about you?"

 

"Strawberry shortcake." She beams up at her, swinging Amanda's hand high and fast. 

 

"Same." I agree with Lizzie.

TWENTY FIVE: Yellow Sunshine

 AMANDA P.O.V

 

Heading back to Lex's car, I realize that there was some familiar about today. You know that deja vu feeling but you one hundred percent sure it never happened? I'd had this feeling since I saw her open the door. Or maybe I'm making myself have the feeling since I recently thought back to my abortion. Yeah, that's the reason...nothing else. In the car ride down towards Alki Beach, I search the clouds while Lizzie sings along with You're Welcome from Moana. I let the window down and close my eyes. Pondering over why I felt so mad at myself all of a sudden. Why did I tell him about my parents and about Jim? Why was I that stupid? 

 

Because girls like to comfort, to nurture...my mind answers. 

 

I lost track of the time I had my eyes closed, the minuets slipped away as if I went to sleep. I'm guessing I blocked out the music as well. "We're here." I hear Lex say, his window let's down, then I hear a beep. he uses the passcode card.

 

When my eyes open, my mouth drops at huge, cabin like beach house up ahead. Decorated with many windows, tall and reflecting the sun. Trees lined behind it, logs and pebbles before it. Oh my god. Inside, I gawk at walls of oak white paneling and dark wood floors. Spacious, jumbo rooms and furniture. Lizzie takes my hand in hers. Again, familiarity. 

 

"I'll throw in a pizza." Lex locks the door.

 

LEX P.O.V 

 

 To the kitchen I go, sliding a pizza into a squeaky clean oven and setting it at 450 degrees. Then I step outside. The last time I was here was with my mom before she....did what she did. I didn't wan5 to come back, but then I couldn't have my little princess in a crummy one room for rent. She need a better environment than that. In the back ground, trees line in a row, and a huge lake sits in the center of grass as green as ever. I take out my phone and dail a number, the number to Struve Treat.

 

"Strive Treat, how can I help you today?"A guy answered. Ha...it's took late to change to make receptionists.

 

"I'd like to speak with Mr. Pierce."

 

"And who is calling?"

 

I think fast. "His lawyer, Mr. Robertson." This was his actual lawyer, the guy that stripped me of having any rights to money or to the company."

 

"One moment." 

 

Fast jazz music plays, for a bit before the link taps. "Hello, Robert, how are ya?"

 

"I have Lizzie, if you try to come for her I'll leak the documents of the twenty two girls you sexual harassed, if you try to scare any of them, just think about how guilty that'll make you look in court."

 

"YOU MOTHERFUCKER, YOU FUCKING DISGRACE. I HAVE THE BEST LAWYERS AND MEN WHO WILL END YOU FOR GOOD, TRY DOING ANYTHING AND I WILL SEND OUT THAT HIT I PROMISED YOU. DON'T FUCKING THREATEN ME, BOY!!!!"

 

I hang up, inhaling long and deep. 

 

AMANDA P.O.V

 

Like a kid on Christmas, I explore rooms with Lizzie. "And that the rock climbing room, but I can't go there Lexie says no."

 

"He's right."

 

"Oh, and this a fancy bathroom." 

 

I peak into a spa, white and pink patchy walls, a jacuzzi tub, two saunas on separate sides, back messengers, glass cabinets stacked with hygienic items. Pink robes and tiles. "Wow." 

 

"And this is the movie theater!" 

 

We weren't even through one percent of the house yet, how many rooms are here?? "What Movie should we look at?" I give her a funny, devious grin. "Something scary?" 

 

"Monster House! She jumps up and down. 

 

Inside the red and black theater, I take a seat and watch as Lizzie selected a movie from a playlist and hops beside me, lifting up the arm rest to cuddle me. She's so sweet and cute and so drawn to me. The smell of her skin is sweet, strawberry from the ice cream she had. As the movie plays, I wonder where Lex is. Where did he go? I'm half tempted to go see but then I like the position I'm in right now. About thirty minutes into a movie that was my childhood, every Halloween I watched it, I noticed Lizzie fell asleep. Aww, that's from all the fun she had. 

 

Footsteps from behind me, makes me turn my head. Lex with two plates and pizza and chips. "Only two plates."

 

"I knew she'd drop like a fly." He handed me a plate and sat two seats away from me. Odd...with how intimate we were before. Maybe he thought it was stupid too. Maybe he regretted it too. I snack on the pizza, eating a lot more lady like n front of him. He wasn't Jim, I could eat like a pig in front of Jim. Just then, my phone vibrated. I could sense urgency in the energy of Lex's body from the corner of my eye, alertness, his shoulders tensing. What the? I wiggled my phone from my pocket. Jim.

TWENTY SIX: Zaffre

 Lex sat his plate down and grabbed Lizzie, crossing her little body over his arms, while clicking a button to power off the movie projector. "I'll give you some privacy."

 

"Thanks."

 

I count the seconds until he leave, playing it cool as if I wasn't eager. "Jim."

 

"I got your voicemail, explain what's happening?" I tell him about the confusion with Lex being after me, about him helping out by taking files from his father's office, about exposing Mr. Pierce. I leave out Lizzie and that I'm with both of them. He'd get mad a that. 

 

"Oh." 

 

"I wanted to involve you but your temper would have got in the way. Like in the parking lot."

 

"I can control myself." 

 

"Says the guy who stormed off like a bitch." I joke. 

 

"That was about you spending time with him, I don't like that." I felt an argument fueling his voice.

 

"Well you need to drop that feeling, talking to him is helping the situation more than the police are." I say defensively.

 

"I could have done the same thing I have access to Mr. Pierce's office as well."

 

"Please stop comparing dicks right now, Alright, I didn't want you involved!"

 

He chuckles harshly. "Well sorry."

 

"Can we just drop this and move on?"

 

"Right, just move on...cus it's that simple...Amanda I want to support you and look after you more than anything, but you won't let me. Why? But you'll him help you cus he has money, and all girl care about is getting a guy with money!" He growls.

 

"It's not like that, you know I'm not a gold digger, you've know me long enough to pick that up."

 

"I can say the same to you...you known me long enough to realize that I love you."

 

I freeze, my cheeks flushing, my body shaking. "I know you do and I've have hell of hints that I don't want that with you. Haven't I.??"

 

"Oh but you want him, a guy you don't know, who could be doing you in, just because he's rich and good looking!" He spits. 

 

"Bye." I hang up. Rubbing my temples. This is why I kept him from all this, he's impulsive and blinded by rage. I don't think I want to talk to him for a long while. 

 

"You okay?" 

 

"Were you listening."

 

"No." Lex sits beside me this time, taking his plate of food in his hand. "And yes, you were pretty loud, so I heard most of it."

 

"Great...if you say anything similar to what he accused me of, I'll punch you in the balls."

 

He laughs, a creamy, deep noise. "Alright, we're friends." 

 

"Friends." I give a sly smirking go back to eating. Not feeling an appetite at all.

 

...

 

In the morning, I get a good look at a bedroom I stumbled into in darkness. Fresh white sheets, light brown bed frame and wardrobe, a window seat, cushioned, looking out onto the back of the house. A lake, pretty trees and grass that's meant to be in heaven. I feel strangely better, maybe I needed to left out my anger with Jim. Now, just put him out of mind since he was so paranoid and crazy. I thought he wasn't that type but hey, I only knew him a year so. It's not like I can't forget a guy. 

 

I skip breakfast, not being hungry, and go The the rock climbing room. Colorful rocks stick out like stepping  stones, but out of place, zigzagged on a flat, stone wall that circled the room. In socks, I approach the climbing rocks, slipping out of them. Lifting my hands up stone at a time, gripping, determined to challenge myself, to distract myself, to strain myself for relief since I wasn't having sex anytime soon. 

 

I get halfway to the top when a shout halts me. "DON'T FALL!" Lex yells up, a bit hesitant.

 

"DON'T JINX ME!" I hear the pulling of something below me, I look down to be a soft, huge mat, Lex set it up below me. "DON'T DOUBLE JINX ME."

 

"We need to get going on calling those girls. Fall."

 

"What the fuck, no,"

 

 "It's not gonna hurt, trust me, this mat is super thick." 

 

"I'll climb down."

 

"Pussy." I groan out in irritation, my legs wobble from the height I reached. "Oh, you're gonna let me get the last word. Cool. I win."

 

"FUCK." I let go of the wall rocks, and fall backwards, my hair whipping like crazy, covering my whole face, my neck relaxing, my mind relaxing, stress leaving my spirt." My body hits the mat, bouncing on softness. I laugh, my cheeks raising up high and tight. "you."

 

He extends his hand. "Feel better already, don't you?"

TWENTY SEVEN: Apprehensive

 

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot

 be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart" 

― Helen Keller (Chapters will be named after the feelings alphabet)

 

...

 

As we gathered in an office, I prepare myself. "Alright, leave the talking to me."

 

"Okay." Lex smirks. 

 

On the desk before me, I open one of the many folders piled onto it. I take a seat, in the softest chair I've ever felt, and clear my throat, my heart still racing from the fall. I dail a number of an Emily Cruz on my phone, hearing ringing. My mind goes to my roommates for some reason. I'd have to tell them later, if not I would worry about how they felt. It'll be fair, since I told Jim. "Hello?" A girl picks up.

 

"Hello, my name is Amanda Joy, and I like you, have been sexual harassed by Mr. Pierce. He will be outed soon on social media. We have files of twenty other girls who have received sexist and disrespectful labeling on their work documents to entertain the freak. We have proof. Will you join this cause?" 

 

There was silence for a few seconds. Come on, my mind pleaded, with much anxiety. "He threatened my family, I can't risk their safety." Lex came around to me and kneeled, pressing his ear to my phone to listen. "I'm sorry, I can't." The call ends. I sit there, my eyes wide and mouth dropped. 

 

"Try another one." He says, pulling away from the close range he had with me. 

 

"She said he threatened her family." I say in utter disbelief.

 

"Yeah, I'm not shocked..." He opens another folder. "Try again."

 

LEX'S P.O.V 

 

I watch as Amanda dials another number, and switch the phone to speaker. What if she loses someone. Even though her parents were dead, she had to have someone she cared about, family wise. Should she even be involved? She doesn't need to get hurt anymore. But how can I make that happen?She'll fight me over it. Maybe I should tell her to get her family someone safe, somewhere off the record. She talks to the next girl. Repeating the same words. Retrieving the same response. "Hey?" I take her phone before she throws it down. "Let's take a break."

 

"Of course they are scared and protective of him since he has power. Of course. Why couldn't I see that, being a psych student?"

 

"Listen...he's told them all the same threats. I know he has. I know you want more support with this, but, maybe if we post the files they will have the courage to join then."

 

"No...that would isolate their willpower and fuel their depression even more. That would force them to come out. No." 

 

"We need to show numbers, you alone won't turn as many heads."

 

"It's not about attention...it's about feeling safe with the choice to address it!" She snaps. "We're not doing it your way." Amanda opens another folder and punches in a number. 

 

I exit the office. Holding back the anger I felt with my father, with the two girls who opted out. With Amanda choosing to call and get the same response over and over. I needed a new plan. Amanda needs to go to her relatives and bring them here or to a hotel under different names since Bill would suspect this place as being a headquarter. Lizzie and I will have to go. In a library, circled with tall bookcases stacked with literature, I find Lizzie at a table, drawing butterflies. I watch her from the distance, my mind going back to if I should force the victims hands by posting. It'll be a rude thing but it'll pay off, it'll get the world on their side. Or am I being a bully if I do so? Would I be wrong...or right?

TWENTY EIGHT: Betrayed

 AMANDA P.O.V

 

Again, another girls says no. Eight girls in a row. I take a break. Wondering if I should keep calling. Have hope. Keep going, come on. I check the time, it's noon. I stand and stretch, eyeing the trees outside the window. The sun glares in, covering my face. A ring hits my phone, I run to it, expecting to see a number I failed before. A number that would confirm that I should not give up. But instead, it's Maya. I answer.

 

"Hey."

 

"So, we planed a trip to Six flags, wanna come, we're heading out tonight." I think back to an early thought, about me not having fun. This would help me. This would be normal and predictable enjoyment. Maybe the girls I called had the right mind set. Put it out of mind and move on. Be strong for the ones you love. Accept that you can't risk anything. Would that be so bad of a thing to do? What if my roommates are threatened next. Or my grandparents. Then would it be worth the fight? Would it? "So.......yes or no? Please say yes, I actually kind of miss you." It was obvious she rolled her eyes while saying this. 

 

"Umm...I-" 

 

The door of the office opens, Lex holds his phone's screen to me. "It's done." He says in a slow, deadly calm.

 

"Who are you with?" 

 

"No you didn't!" I scream at him, dropping my phone to the floor. 

 

"It's done." He repeats. 

 

I stumble to the phone, reading a post on Twitter that tagged Strive Treat and Mr. Pierce...down to the stack of documents in a picture, and to my documents viewable. The caption reads: The owner of Strive Treat has sexually harassed twenty two girls, see my others posts as proof. #MeToo. My hand raises and I smack Lex, as hard as I can. "WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!! YOU HAD NO RIGHT!!!" I make to punch him but he catches my fist.

 

"SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO FORCE PEOPLE TO BE STRONG!" He yells at me, squeezing my hand hard.

 

"IF I CALLED A FEW MORE GIRLS I WOULD HAVE GOTTEN THEIR PERMISSION, YOU THINK YOU HAVE THE POWER TO SAY YES FOR THEM!!! YOU'RE LIKE YOUR FATHER!!" I push away, hyperventilating. 

 

Lex's eyes slit like a snake, his mouth works into a vicious snare. "THIS ISN'T IN YOUR HANDS ANYMORE! Go to your family you have left and stay away. I don't need you anymore." 

 

"You just did the worst thing possible, you're horrible, just like him."

 

Lizzie stands in the doorway, eyes tears and her arms shaking. "What happened?" 

 

"GO AWAY LIZZIE!" He turn on her, raging like a demon, making her run. 

 

"DO NOT YELL AT HER BECAUSE YOU FUCKED UP!!" 

 

He blocks me before I could go and comfort Lizzie. He takes both of my arms in his hard hands, hurting me with the deep indentions they made. "Let go of me." I kick him in the balls, swooping my phone up from the floor, and running out. Maya was still on the line.

 

"Maya, can you track my location."

 

Yasmine answered instead. "Are you okay?"

 

"Track my location." I hang up. "LIZZIE?" I run to the kitchen. She can't be around him, he's acting crazy right now. We can hide in the very last room of the house if we had to....until my friends got here." "Lizzie!" I hear crying a few feet away. Under the dining room table I find her. Streaming down waterworks and shaking uncontrollably.

TWENTY NINE: Cheated

To the second story, I hurry with Lizzie, turning corners, fast. To a room, the very last door. A rec room. I lock the door and hug her. "It's okay, it'll be fine."

 

"Why is he mad at me?" She cries.

 

"Aww, sweetie, he's not mad at you. Look, you wanna play a game." I trick her into stop crying, walking her to pinball machine. Lizzie hit at buttons while I slough to the floor, running my hands through my hair. Checking Twitter and finding Strive Treat trending. I click and read retweets and captions from users:

 

Fucking disgusting 

 

Cancel StriveTreat

 

Is this real?

 

Wow just wow, all those girls

THIRTY ONE: Depressed

 AMANDA P.O.V

 

I booked a hotel room and managed to guide an unresponsive Lex to go with me. He was like a puppet, a rag doll, he only moved when literally moved. In the bathroom, I washed his hands and took of his shirt all while he stared at the floor. He was jacked...so toned, so tight, his arms bulging with muscles. I noticed it before I just didn't dwell on it in my mind. With a towel I cleaned his chest. Half shy to remove his pants. It's been a while...and what if he got offensive with me doing so. Clumsily, I unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans. This part of him I seen already so I wasn't too nervous to remove his pants. I averted my eyes from a large lump, poking out from his undies. I wipe blood from his chest, soaking up the towel with a bar. The using a dry one to dry him off. I wrapped a robe around him and led him to the bed. Placing him down like a drowsy kid. I lay beside him. Staring into eyes buried by guilt, hurt, regret, pain, and mourning. God, he loved her, of course he did, Lizzie was bright and beautiful and change to do good.

 

I know enough about mental issues to know that he needed professional. Medicine for a chemical imbalance even, and also for depression. He was a somewhere else, maybe even mirroring an more soothing memory in his head to get away, To demand denial. I take two fingers to his eyes. Closing them. Or he's just in shock and I'm over analyzing. 

 

...

 

In the morning and wake and find him watching me. A few tears down his cheeks. "Where is she?" 

 

"She being prepared for a funeral."

 

"I want to see her."

 

"I think you need another day to cope. She was taken away so fast, one more day, please?"

 

He gets out of bed and looks for something on the floor. "Where are my clothes?" 

 

"They were covered in blood I threw them away."

 

He punched the wall, leaving a dent in it, I jump up, slowly easing to him. "Lex." I hug him. His arms stay at his side, his body vibrates. I feel his need to see her, his urgency, because I wants to see her too. Although she wouldn't have her light. "I'll order breakfast."

 

"Bill...."

 

"The police are looking for him."

 

"Where's my gun?"

 

I think back to where I put it. It was at the safe house. In the kitchen in the highest cabinet. "It's at the house, but the police will handle things."

 

He goes blank again, staring at the wall. 

 

....

 

The next day, we go to see Lizzie. At noon, we view her body. I'm a pink dress and a white flower in her hands. Closed eyes. Pale. Unrecognizable. Stiff. I ball into sobs. She's actually dead. Right here I'm front of us. I look over at Lex, his eyes fixate on her hair. Probably to help him bare with her corpse. A familiar technique of most people in mourning, to stare at a place that is less painful than the face. I had done the same thing my with my parents, only difference is it didn't help, their bodies were bloated. Full of water. Cold as ice and pale as the moon. 

 

"Tell me about your parents?" 

 

My mouth goes dry. "My mom was a painter and my dad was pianist. He worked as a lawyer but he wasn't boring at all. Everyday after work he played for me. My mom drew portraits of me a lot. I left them at home though. I wasn't ready to see her art again."

 

"I'm not ready to look at her face again."

 

I take his hand. "I know."

 

....

 

Later, at night, I call my grandparents.

 

"It's Mandy, hi honey bunny, how are you enjoying your summer vacation?" My grandma sings.

 

I force energy as I pace the hotel room. The shower runs beyond the bathroom door. Lex. "It's fun I'm with a friend, but never-mind that, how are you guys?"

 

"The sea is so beautiful, your grandad got sick, the old wimp, I've been sunbathing and getting spa treatments and tasting exotic foods."

 

I laugh and smile big, feeling relief wash over me. "So you guys are safe."

 

"Yes, of course, why wouldn't we be safe dear?"

 

"No reason, I'm just checking, I miss you both and I love you so much, I promise to visit when your trip is over, as soon as you two back, okay." 

 

"We would love that, we love you too."

 

"We do love you." My grandad adds.

 

...

 

At midnight I turn on the light and find Lex glancing out the window. "What's wrong?"

 

"Can't sleep." 

 

"Oh." I sit up. "Do you wanna talk?" 

 

"No." 

 

I get out of bed at go to him. "Are you sure? You need to talk to someone about what's on your mind and how you're feeling. I'm here, just remember that, I'm here and I care."

 

"You care?" 

 

"Yes." I say confused. "I instantly bonded with her, like it was destined for me too. I know you saw that."

 

"I know you did, I saw." He takes my hand and pulls me close, close enough to feel his breathe, to touch the tip of his nose. I inhale roughly. "How much do you care about me?"

 

I pause, my mind racing. No. No. Tell him not in this way...say it. But he's so sad...my mind splits into an argument. He needs something to ground him. Someone to help him cope. But I'm not ready...not since high school and that jock, not since I was raped. I shake my head. "I'm sorry."

 

"Please?"

 

"That's too much to ask of me." 

 

His weak eyelids droop. "It'll help me sleep." Before I could respond, he lifts my chin up. Drawing his lips to mine, slowly, slow enough that I could think, do I want to? Do I care about him like that? Am I feeling bad for him? Am I just another girl who wants to try to fix damaged goods? He nears closer, cupping my face in his palms. "Bring me back to life." I melt.

THIRTY TWO: Emotional

 

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LEX P.O.V

 

I watch her sigh and shiver with goosebumps as I draw closer, placing my hands on her sides, on her love handles. To my surprise she goes in for the kiss, attacking my lips with her's, vigorously. Draping her hands around my neck and pulling me in. Her breathing heavy. We makeout, hot and heavy. Smacking like crazy. Yes, I needed this, I needed her...needed saving. I grab her legs and tangle them around my waist, leaning her back and attacking her neck, down to her breast with fast smooches and bites. I take off her shirt and her bra with one swoop. 

 

Amanda goes for my pants, unzipping them. I put her down and turn her around, pulling off her shorts and lacy blue panties, running my hand up to her nipples, while playing with her wet cherry with the other, huffing into her ear. She moans and jerks against me hard. I circle her cunt with two fingers, feeling some wetness squirt out. I drop my pants and underwear, kicking them off, placing her against the wall and wedging in, riding softly. She was so tight, her flesh gripped around my dick like glue. I grunt when she continues to jerk against me. Amanda rests her hands on the wall, arching her back and lifting one leg. Damn baby.  She plops into me, sighing loud. We play tug of war. My fingers clutch at her pretty red hair, my other hand squeezing her ass. I feel cum rising up like before, when I first saw her. 

 

"AAAHH!" I fuck her ass, moaning like a bitch. Our skins clapping and smelling up the room. I feel her cum a little, I think of a position that make her rain. I take her leg down and switch places, getting into the capricorn position. Propping myself upside down on the wall and sitting her upwards on-top of me, taking that ass and pushing it up and down. Hard. Amanda's juices drips down in streams, her moans in heat and rising into a scream. I watch her cum trail my abs, getting hard at the sight of it. I go harder, the slapping intensifies. Going squashier.

 

 I take my dick out of her, dropping her pussy to my face, licking up the cream. Swallowing. Amanda grunts, crazed, leaning forward and blowing me. Fuck. We eat each other. Making wet noises with our mouths, tasting heaven. "MMM!" Her pink lips hug me. Her warm mouth taking me in, deep into her throat. Sucking like a lollipop. My eyes widen in pleasure as she goes on taking the life from me. Rougher and rougher she goes, getting my tip raw and sore. I let out a loud. Moaning loud. "OOHH!!" I hear her swallow. Gulping.

 

Next, I lay her on the bed, raising her feet to behind my neck, and kissing down her legs, my hands rubbing her nipples, while my dick teases along her front and bottom hole. I watch her close her weak eyes, her mouth wide. I put my finger into it, then lean down and French kiss her, sharing my tongue, tasting both of our juices tangle together on contact. Slurping and groaning in unison. 

 

I stand on the bed, bend my legs, elevating her body up, so that only her head is flat on the surface. I drill into her, thrusting, shaking the bed and thudding it against the wall. Her hands cross around my ankles, sliding up and scratching. "OOHH!!" Amanda screams when I vibrate inside her. Craving more, hissing through her teeth.

 

Like a ninja, she forces her lower half out of my trap and sits me down, doing a split on top of me and bouncing. Amanda takes my hands to her neck, ringing them around it. I apply pressure, she bites her lip, continuing her jumping, her breast whipping the air. Her green eyes set on mines in a fiery glare, Fuck me baby. I eat at her boobs, licking the hard tips, sucking at the flesh. She lifts my head up and kisses me deeply, switching side to side, hitting my body with her ride. I cum again, raining inside her. "UH UH UHHH!!!" 

 

Then, Amanda put her fingers through my hair, pulling me forward, laying on the floor and guiding my waist up to her face, licking her lips and opening her mouth wide. I grip both sides of her head, pressing into her temples. "HMMMM!" She moans, when I begin to face fuck her and ride her mouth. 

THIRTY THREE: Furious

 

LEX P.O.V

 

I watch her sigh and shiver with goosebumps as I draw closer, placing my hands on her sides, on her love handles. To my surprise she goes in for the kiss, attacking my lips with her's, vigorously. Draping her hands around my neck and pulling me in. Her breathing heavy. We makeout, hot and heavy. Smacking like crazy. Yes, I needed this, I needed her...needed saving. I grab her legs and tangle them around my waist, leaning her back and attacking her neck, down to her breast with fast smooches and bites. I take off her shirt and her bra with one swoop. 

 

Amanda goes for my pants, unzipping them. I put her down and turn her around, pulling off her shorts and lacy blue panties, running my hand up to her nipples, while playing with her wet cherry with the other, huffing into her ear. She moans and jerks against me hard. I circle her cunt with two fingers, feeling some wetness squirt out. I drop my pants and underwear, kicking them off, placing her against the wall and wedging in, riding softly. She was so tight, her flesh gripped around my dick like glue. I grunt when she continues to jerk against me. Amanda rests her hands on the wall, arching her back and lifting one leg. Damn baby.  She plops into me, sighing loud. We play tug of war. My fingers clutch at her pretty red hair, my other hand squeezing her ass. I feel cum rising up like before, when I first saw her. 

 

"AAAHH!" I fuck her ass, moaning like a bitch. Our skins clapping and smelling up the room. I feel her cum a little, I think of a position that make her rain. I take her leg down and switch places, getting into the capricorn position. Propping myself upside down on the wall and sitting her upwards on-top of me, taking that ass and pushing it up and down. Hard. Amanda's juices drips down in streams, her moans in heat and rising into a scream. I watch her cum trail my abs, getting hard at the sight of it. I go harder, the slapping intensifies. Going squashier.

 

 I take my dick out of her, dropping her pussy to my face, licking up the cream. Swallowing. Amanda grunts, crazed, leaning forward and blowing me. Fuck. We eat each other. Making wet noises with our mouths, tasting heaven. "MMM!" Her pink lips hug me. Her warm mouth taking me in, deep into her throat. Sucking like a lollipop. My eyes widen in pleasure as she goes on taking the life from me. Rougher and rougher she goes, getting my tip raw and sore. I let out a loud. Moaning loud. "OOHH!!" I hear her swallow. Gulping.

 

Next, I lay her on the bed, raising her feet to behind my neck, and kissing down her legs, my hands rubbing her nipples, while my dick teases along her front and bottom hole. I watch her close her weak eyes, her mouth wide. I put my finger into it, then lean down and French kiss her, sharing my tongue, tasting both of our juices tangle together on contact. Slurping and groaning in unison. 

 

I stand on the bed, bend my legs, elevating her body up, so that only her head is flat on the surface. I drill into her, thrusting, shaking the bed and thudding it against the wall. Her hands cross around my ankles, sliding up and scratching. "OOHH!!" Amanda screams when I vibrate inside her. Craving more, hissing through her teeth.

 

Like a ninja, she forces her lower half out of my trap and sits me down, doing a split on top of me and bouncing. Amanda takes my hands to her neck, ringing them around it. I apply pressure, she bites her lip, continuing her jumping, her breast whipping the air. Her green eyes set on mines in a fiery glare, Fuck me baby. I eat at her boobs, licking the hard tips, sucking at the flesh. She lifts my head up and kisses me deeply, switching side to side, hitting my body with her ride. I cum again, raining inside her. "UH UH UHHH!!!" 

 

Then, Amanda put her fingers through my hair, pulling me forward, laying on the floor and guiding my waist up to her face, licking her lips and opening her mouth wide. I grip both sides of her head, pressing into her temples. "HMMMM!" She moans, when I begin to face fuck her and ride her mouth.

THIRTY FOUR: Great

 AMANDA

 

I slept the best I had in a long while. Cuddled up beside him. When I woke up, a huge smile spreader my face. My energy charged my mind clearer. Stress left me and bubbling happiness drove me to kiss him. I have no idea what we are anymore...or if I want this to work...guess I'll just go with the flow. Don't overthink. I order breakfast, setting it up in bed all cute like, and poked Lex awake. "Good morning", I sang, glowing. 

 

"Morning." He grinned at me, looking fully rested and like a living person, instead of resembling those soul sucking things from Harry Potter. "I need to tell you something." Lex's tone became serious. 

 

I shake my head. "Don't ruin this, keep this day happy, tell me tomorrow." 

 

"Okay..." 

 

I stacked his plate with pancakes, eggs, and sausages. Pouring orange juice. Kinda feeling like I was acting as another person...you know that moment when you become aware of your body and it seems like it's not you moving it or like it doesn't belong to you? That's how I feel. That's probably how Lex is feeling too. I ignore the strange sensation, pushing it away. No, today will be a happy day. We eat in an adorable silence, smirking, giving flirty eyes to one another. Biting our food sexually, along with our lips. Of course, we got it on again. Me ontop this time, controlling him, riding him, merging with him. Recovering from what stopped me from doing sex for such a long time. Thank you...I wanted to whisper in his ear, but I didn't. My lips smacked his instead, down to kiss waist and to his dick. I eat him out, tasting sweet heaven and relief, feeling him cream down my throat like whine. Hearing him moan and huff and going in for seconds...the thirds. 

 

In the shower, I danced as I washed up, humming too. Giggling. My stomach full of butterflies. The day went on like some sort of romantic movie, with us kissing, fucking, smiling, flirting. Not really talking though. I didn't question that, neither did he. A day of us trapped in a hotel room, cuddling in bed, in silence. Not wanting to say anything because it'll ruin it all and remember us what had happened. Of the traumatic experience, and of how we agreed to be friends. 

 

At midnight I stared wide awake, feeling my normal self break through the bubble it was hidden behind. Moving myself from his embrace and realizing I didn't want to do this with him. Noticing that I was stupid to let my guard down to ease him to sleep. That was very shallowing of me...I wasn't ready.

THIRTY FIVE: Horrified

 

 

I took a walk at dawn, in my socks, i didn't want to make noise looking for them. Lex needed to stay sleep, not to rest, just because I didn't want to see him. Why the fuck did I give him to him? I was fucking gang raped in high school...I'm so fucking stupid! I should have said fuck off, or no. Instead like a fucking typical woman I felt bad, wanted to make him happy by offering myself like meat! Anxiety stars to set in. Flashbacks too, flooding me with regret and the urge to puke. A black haired girl who loved finger cookies and karaoke, an old friend. Rebecca. My first friend in high school. We snuck out that night while my grandparents were sleep:

 

I peek at them from the hall as they sleep, tiptoeing to the door. When I get there, I see Rebecca waiting for me in her brother's car she jacked. I hurry out, closing the door lightly.

 

"So, did you get the location?"

 

"Yeah, the party's at the beach, all the seniors are there."

 

I beam at her, is Ryan there?"

 

"Calm down, you'll see your hubby." She jabs, shifting the car into gear and driving. 

 

I let down the window, letting the air whip my hair around. Turning up the radio and blasting punk music. Singing badly along with Rebecca whose voice outshined mine. For the whole hour ride, we blared our tones together, in cheesy but true friendship. At the beach, bonfires were lit, alcohol and groups of tall people who were the shit at school. Pretty. Rich. Or bad but lucky students...the type who passed tests even though they stayed in detention. Loud rock music made things inaudible unless you were side by side. Ryan was the latter. Tall, built, blonde and made to me drawn in art. He wasn't a jock, not like the last guy who got me pregnant...he was into music and playing piano. Artist. Sensitive. I snuck from lunch  to peer at him in the band room where he has a solo jam session. I never said a word to him. 

 

"Go get him." Rebecca handed me a cup and shoved me ahead to him. 

 

I fought back, digging my feet into the sand. "No. Stop!"

 

"Come on, you're so into him."

 

"What if he isn't into me?" 

 

I sat down in the sand to stop her from pushing me, Rebecca huffed, sitting beside me. "We'll, we gotta get some type of action going on, can't be losers at a party. Truth or dare?"

 

"Fine...dare." I roll my eyes, feeling chills from the wind ruffle goosebumps onto my bare legs. 

 

"I dare you to go make out with Ryan." She bids to him, chatting and drinking with a group of guys. They all looked drunk and off balanced. 

 

"No way...!"

 

"Okay, to make it fair, and still fun, I'll make out with one if them too." She extends her pinky.

 

I eye it, hesitant. Thinking, the watch the waves of the ocean crash onto the shore, and the moon glitter in the sky of pitch black. Then I stare at Ryan, laughing and joking around with his guys. "Fine." I lower my head, rubbing my neck nervously. 

 

We near them, getting straight to making out, no greeting or asking, just going in hard, heavy. Ryan rough hands pull me closer, smelling of alcohol and cigarettes. His lips firm. I notice shadows moving around me. I stop kissing him, seeing Rebecca face burn with fear as she backed away then run away, as the group of guys surrounded me. Ryan kisses down my neck. 

 

"Me next sweetheart." One of his friends said, the others smirked drunkenly, their eyes full of sexual desire, full of malice and bad intentions. 

 

I stop walking and puke on the sidewalk. Closing my eyes saying no over the explicit flashback of me screaming for help, of the guys grunting and taking turns, putting it in me one after another. I hold my stomach and walk on.

THIRTY SIX: Intrigued

 

 

LEX

 

I wake, about to take her into my arms. My coping mechanism. My savior and distraction from the crisis I had to deal with. I feel nothing next to me but sheets. "Amanda?" I sit up, the white blanket sliding off of my make chest. I look to the bathroom. I need her right now before my mind went back to reality. Before it thought back to what was lost. What I had blocked out. She was sweet, and a good kind of distraction. Kinky too. Beautiful. Her lips so soft and eager. A great kisser. 

 

I get out of bed and wrap a robe around my bare body, not even proud of the ripped structure of it. I don't care about it, where is she? I slip into white slippers next to my side of the bed. How manly, I think snarkily. Outside of the hotel I go, walking the hall. Where the hell is my phone. I climb down stairs into a lobby, searching it like a hawk. Spotting a short guy at a desk, dressed in a black suit with a red handkerchief in the high left pocket. "Hello." He says, in nasally tone, peering through glasses that sit below his eyes. 

 

"I'm looking for a red head girl...umm she has freckles, green eyes and is about 5 foot 7." My mind think to the other night...to eating and licking her cherry...hearing her moan. I feel my dick jerk up a bit, possibly preparing for a boner. Not yet...chill. 

 

The receptionist thinks...eyeing he door. "Ahh, speak of the devil, who is definitely a red head. There she is." He points. 

 

I turn, my heart racing, my eyes locking on the fire that was lighting my body and sensations. Amanda walks through circling doors, her eyes on me as she does. Something was off. I head over to her. Watching her body language, she leaned away slightly. "What's wrong?"

 

She huffs, a bit mad. "We need to talk, upstairs...alone."

 

I take note of her serious tone. "Oh, okay, let's go." 

 

Amanda walks ahead of me, keeping her distance. Not letting my fingers glide against hers. Hmmm,maybe this is foreplay...maybe she doesn't like PDA?? Hmmm, let's see. I plan out what I'm gonna do to test which one it is, as we step up a grand staircase. Women like being handled...I'll take her straight to the bed, even if she fight me. She likes things kinky. I think up sex positions while we walk to out room. My eyes watching her ass wiggling, picturing my cum rushing out of it. Hmmm. My cock hardens, I feel it rising up. She swipes a key card and opens the door, walking to stand in the middle of the floor, turning and crossing her arms.

 

I go in and shut the door. Revealing my body to her, dropping the robe to the floor. Amanda eyes my dick, her expression mixed between turned on and upset. I approach her, leaning my tip between the thighs of her jeans. I exhale onto her mouth, loudly, and very horny. Her lips part, her eyes close slightly as I spread her legs and unbutton her pants. Smelling her cum. She grabs my hands and shoves away. 

 

"I think you need to move on...you can't erase what happened with your sister. You need to go see her."

 

I feel my sexuality deflating. "What...?"

 

She shakes her head. "I helped you sleep, because I felt bad for you....that's all this is."

 

I scoff, giving an annoyed laugh. "So you're saying this is nothing." I make a hand gesture between the two of us. "If it meant nothing you would've left...so don't try to pull this card!" I say through gritted teeth, my blood boiling.

 

"It just something that happened...I'm not pulling a card, you actually do need to focus on burying Lizzie."

 

I explode, hammering my fist into the wall bedside her, causing a hole to form and drywall to fall. "DON'T SAY THAT!!!" 

THIRTY SEVEN: Jealous

 

 

AMANDA P.O.V

 

I've never dealt with an abusive guy before, mostly because I was smart enough to spot damaged goods. But now, as I stare at Lex's fist in the hole in the wall, the broken drywall...I wonder if I'm still smart. "You need help...I'm saying that as a friend, you can't avoid death. It's..." I feel crinkling dance down my spine as I look at Lex, his dead, cold eyes shooting daggers at me, his hair like strings in his face. "It's not normal...she needs you." I give him a sad, regretfully look, before leaving the hotel room. My heart racing with anxiety. I need to go.

 

I head to the restroom, kneeling in front of a stall because my knees are shaking. Huffing heavily. That shit was so crazy! He just punched a fucking wall!!...I only saw people act that in movies. Oh my god. What the fuck! I take out my phone from my back pocket. I need a distraction...to forget about it. My whole body tremors, my breaths shatter. My heart pumps faster, bouncing my vision along with it. I scroll my contacts, about to click on Maya's name, but she'd catch the hidden panic in my voice, being a girl. Yasmine and Kristin would too. So I scroll to someone would was dumb enough to miss it. Oblivious enough to not detect my hecticness. 

 

The dial tone goes on for a few rings, as I stare at the ceiling, fulling my lungs tighten and my sight go a bit white. I can't do another panic attack right now...not again. A flashback of lying on the beach watching the moon takes over my mind for a few seconds. A heartbeat flutters and kicks. I push the memory away. NO STOP. Then the line drops. "Amanda?"

 

"Yeah...hey Jim, can we talk." I say slow enough to not sound overwhelmed. 

 

"Sure...I actually been wanting to apologize....I went pretty ham on you, I'm sorry. I got jealous and mad and.."

 

"Hurt..." I finish his sentence. 

 

"Yeah butt hurt as fuck, I'm sorry." His voice goes sincere and shameful.

 

I smile, picturing his puppy dog eyes, relaxing, my heart slows and my mind forgets the crazy scene from a minute ago. "I'm sorry too, I knew you liked me, I should've never ignored it. I fucked up actually. God, I'm gonna sound corny, but it's not you it's me. I had a bad...a really bad experience with, umm." My mind flashes back to the beach and to the guys surrounding me. I block it out. Shaking my head. "Not just with Mr. Pierce...but I was..was." My voice stops working, my throat goes dry. "Raped..." I squeeze my eyes shut, feeling my heart go crazy and the room spin. He's the first one I've told...ever.

 

"What?!!" He yells in utter disbelief.

 

"Hey, please don't make it a big deal..."

 

"It is a big deal, we were hanging out for how long?! And you never told me this???"

 

"Jim, it's not a easy thing to bring up, oh I got exams today, and a interview, oh by the way I was raped!" I steamed. "I haven't even told my grandparents, so what does that tell you?" My knees give out, causing me to slide to the floor, slouching. "I needed time." 

 

"I'm coming to pick you up, where are you?"

 

I pause for a few seconds...a bit hesitant. Do I what him here? Did I just fuck up by telling him? I don't now, I could use some sleep. My body needs to recuperate. "I'm...at the Hilton." I feel Jim's racing thoughts through to my end of the line. I could picture his forehead creases, his lips frowning, panic in his eyes. 

 

"Be there in a bit." He hangs up.

 

*** 

 

Out on the curb, I sit, running my hands through my hair. I check my phone repeatedly as traffic passes by. On Twitter StriveTreat was still trending, the CIA was now involved judging by the video clips that were circulating. Retweets of the victims, the girls, were receiving so much coverage. The #MeToo tag supporting pictures and videos the victims released. I click on a video. May I should join them...

 

A blue haired girl, with jaw length hair stared into the camera from her bed. "I have a confession..." Her voice shudders and her eyes waters. "I..." She sniffs and wipes her face. "I'm a victim of Mr.Pierce, and no I'm not hopping on the trend, I'm supporting it. I worked there for three years as a receptionist, the sexual harassment didn't start until the last year. It was as if he was getting rid of me already and as if that's why he felt me up. I had an attitude and snapped at him when I felt like it. Bit that doesn't mean I needed to experience this. I did go to the cops and I consulted with a lawyer, but money and power contro-"

 

I feel a presence behind me, quickly I look away from my phone and behind me. Lex. He had a stupid ass "forgive me" look on his face, as if he didn't just scare the shit out of me. I turn away and watch the street, spotting an Uber pulling up to the curb before me. "I'm leaving." I stand, not caring to look back at him. Jim opened the door facing me from the other side of the back seat. His eyes fell on Lex, his complexion turning red his fists balling. "Don't." I say to him. "JIM!"

 

But Jim gets out of the car, steaming pass me....if I could feel temperatures I'd say his was boiling. I felt heavy testosterone fill the air. Fuck! Both of them were hurt and angry. Spiteful and pumped up. Get in between them...now! But my foot stay put. I watch, frozen in shock as they begin to fight. Landing blows and body shots to each other, slamming against the ground in a heated grunt craze. People around stare at them as they brawl. I make to shout but my mouth makes no noise. Even when blood is drawn. A bloody mouth to Jim. A broken nose to Lex. Muscle on muscle. Nonsense...I need to break them up! Move...stop standing here!! What's wrong with me??!! 

THIRTY EIGHT: Keen

 

 

I watch the bleeding, tussling guys roll around on the ground, half tempted to watch it for longer than it went on for. A few pedestrians intervened, mostly men. Tearing them apart from one another. I stand frozen. Why is this happening!

 

"Stay the fuck away from her!" Jim hissed as bleed spilled from his mouth...from a badly bruised lip. I felt the heat radiating off of his...half scared to even be near him. What the hell is wrong with men?! Violence doesn't always solve shit! I would have said that but my voice was lost. I felt weak. Shallow. Useless. I felt like the stereotypical woman. Have guys fight over me and do nothing...check. Shit.

 

I didn't remember getting into the back seat of the uber with Jim. My eyes watch the road move along for a bit, then they land on Jim. Who was trying so hard not to wince from his lip. "Try not to talk." I say lowly.

 

"Why were you with him?" He disobeys my suggestion, and winces in agony. 

 

"Let's just forget it okay, it's been a long day."

 

"Where to.?" The driver asks awkwardly...and with a bit of sarcasm. As if he was thinking: oh this is completely normal. 

 

"Northeastern university."

 

"My place." 

 

We both say in union. I shake my head and give a harsh laugh. "I just told you it's been a long day, I don't want to talk about it."

 

"Oh, and you think your roommates won't bring it up? You might as well face it." His blue eyes squinted. "I heard the news, Mr. Pierce is everywhere, why didn't you tell me you were going to do this? Why haven't you came out yet?"

 

I take a long deep breath, trying my best not to sound too cold. "Because it's none of your business."

 

"But you called me..." He said blankly. Jim was now using one corner of his mouth to talk, much like a ventriloquism speaking for a puppet. "So it is my business now." 

 

"I'll get a hotel."

 

"The hell you will! We're going to 4689 Martin Luther King Jr Way." The driver nodded at Jim's command.

 

"No...I'm speaking for myself, I'm getting a room. You can go home and ice that, that's the last I'm saying on it!" 

 

Jim took a long time watching me, studying my eyes, my forehead, my hands, which were shaking with rage. What does he see? Weakness? Foolishness in my character? A girl needing help? I gaze back at him intently, matching his judgmental stare. I stop my hands from shaking. "You're not telling me something...what are you hiding?" He asked almost in a whisper to himself. 

 

"I'm tired...I need space."

 

"You shouldn't be by yourself, not after confessing that you were-" he cut off the sentence, glancing at the driver who was easedropping on the sly, his eyes darted from the rear view mirror and to his window, eyeing a red car beside us as he slowed for a red light. "After what you told me, you need help." 

 

I boiled, feeling my skin light up, feeling my nostrils flare. I lost my cool. Nothing but loud rage worked my voice now. "I DONT NEED ANY HELP, ESPECIALLY NOT FROM YOU, IVE BEEN DEALING WITH MY CRISIS WELL ENOUGH WITHOUT HELP FROM IMPULSIVE, BULL HEADED, DICK MEASURING LITTLE BOYS!!!!" I hiss out a deep breath, huffing. My eyes slice into Jim, who is unfazed by my outburst.

 

He was deadly calm as he spoke. "If I have to carry you out this car...I will." 

THIRTY NINE: Lucky

 

 

LEX 

 

I didn't allow myself to think about Lizzie, to think about death, or Amanda. I let my busted nose take over. Let the pain control my present self. Feel this instead. Nothing else. I pace the hotel room. Pain...that's it. How was I this stupid?! How the fuck am I just getting this through my head?!! Pain...and lots of it. I exit the hotel, out pass the lobby, and walk of the door. Not caring to stop and listen to the receptionist who had called the cops. 

 

The buzz of downtown blurred around me. Where will he be right now...protected in a safe house, paying people to stay quiet. Where? My feet pound the ground. I cross streets of moving cars, not caring. Not scared. A strange feeling is complete restfulness taking over me as cars zigzagged and honked, angry that l didn't have the light. Fuck them. A voice in my head said. Think of a plan instead. It's time to kill Bill. Think. Where would the shit bag be? Tall skyscrapers close  in on me as I turn a corner. My head tilts upwards and I stop. Watching the glass of the fancy building glisten. Would he be at work? I press on walking. Bumping into people who looked like nothing to me because I blocked them out. 

 

No...the media is on his ass, that's the last place he'll go, but then again. I walked to the building of Strive Treat, mostly taking ally way short cuts, keeping my hands in my pockets if any tired me. I never killed anyone, but things are different now, innocence doesn't exist. I turn the ally, across the street from me is the building. I associate it with Bill, seeing it as his reward for abuse and murderous ways. His privilege. His narcissistic power. I stroll to the hunk of junk. Not having the right of way of the street...again. I tried opening the door. But it was locked. I peer over at the parking lot. My tunnel vision didn't spot that no cars were here. Hmm...the place was probably shit down. Figures. Of course it's not that easy finding the demon. 

 

I take a pit stop. Standing in front of the doors and pondering. He hired hitman meaning he was hiding far from here. The cops haven't caught him yet. There's a warrant out for his arrest. "There has to..." I suck in a deep breath, realizing exactly where he would be, where he would sneak off to. Lizzie. No. I can't go there! STOP BEING A BITCH!! GOOO! No, I can't see her like that! My mind fought a battle but my body lead the way. Siding against me.

 

To the funeral, I go. I wait in the lobby. The receptionist speaks with an elderly couple for a bit. I tap my fingers and close my eyes:

 

GUNSHOTS 

 

Lizzie standing before her bed, holding her stomach; redness covering her hands and dripping down her night gown.

 

I stared down at her body. At her eyes that rolled to the back of her head. Crying. Wailing out. "NOOOO!!!" I drop my head onto Lizzie's whimpering. Nooo. No. Wake up.

 

"Excuse me, sir, how can I help you?" 

 

My eyes shoot open and land on a dark haired woman. I stand quickly and walk to the desk. Leaning against it. "I'm here to see..to see." My voice shakes along with my stomach. I feel faint. Sickly. "To see Lizzie Pierce." I go pale. My face goes to stone. Expressionless. 

 

"Oh, I thought you would have been informed by now, we did call. Your sister has been buried, has been for days now. I can give you the address. Your father asked to call him when you show. Shall I do that?"

 

"Yes." I say automatically. The receptionist nods then picks up a phone beside her. So he's ready, huh? Well so am I.

 

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 28.05.2019

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