One

"Lacy! Ive told you plenty of times. Keep your boots off the chairs! How many times do I need to tell you the same exact thing?!" My mother shouted from the doorway as she walked in and slammed the creaky apartment door shut.

 

I moved my legs off of the chair beside me and walked towards her leaning on the wall. I just stood staring at her until she acknowledged my presence.

 

"Mom, I tell you all the time that when I get home from school and work that I am exhausted. So here I ask again, please stop nagging me." A sharp crack echoed throughout the room as her hand connected with my cheek.

 

"Do not sass me." She snapped high and mighty for a moment before her face cracked and she pulled me in for a genuine hug.

 

"It's alright mom." I patted her hair until her sobs died down.

 

She laid her head on my shoulder for a couple of seconds more before pushing away and sparing a what I knew to being a fake smile.

 

"Are you hungry?" She forced.

 

I shrugged hoping she couldn't see how much my collarbones were beginning to protrude.

 

"You are, aren't you sweetie?"

 

I looked into her sad sad eyes before carefully selecting my words.

 

"We need to go grocery shopping again." I left for my room.

 

Closing my door slowly, I began to hear her sobs again. They were quiet and not as strong but they were still there. It bothered me to see her like this but I was doing my best to help. When my father left, he took everything. We had been sleeping and suddenly in the middle of the night he just got up and vanished. When we woke, my mother had told me he went on a work trip. I believed her for a while, until the eviction notice came.

Two

The next morning was a school day. It was also my eighteenth brthday. A deep sigh escaped my mouth as I stood and streched before making my way to the kitchen. My mother stood there hunched over a counter playing with her fingernails. I stayed watching her for a while before I accidentally made the floor boards creak. Her head shot up and she automatically smiled at me; eyes sunken in and skin strecthed tight across her face.

 

"Lacy baby. I have a sandwich for you. I went out and picked it up for you eariler." She said.

 

I glanced at the small plastic baggie beside her that contained a biscut with eggs and bacon within it. My stomach let out a loud growl and I rushed towards the counter not believing my eyes. I eyed the bag and then my mother; a true smile spreading across her face at my reaction.

 

I sat at one of the cheap wooden stools and began shoving the sandwich into my mouth. It felt amazing eating an actual meal again. A moan slipped out of my mouth causing me and my mom to erupt in a fit of laughter. She opened the fridge revealing a small carton of orange juice.

 

"Oh my gosh mom? Orange juice!? That's amazing, where did you get it from??" I moved to the fridge and scrooped up my surprise.

 

Gulping down the juice, I felt some of it dribble down my chin. I looked at her expectantly but found her staring into space with a sad expression. I slid my hand over and wrapped hers in mine.

 

"Mom, it's going to be okay." I said.

 

She nodded slowly almost looking like a bobblehead.

 

"I know sweetie, happy birthday."

 

I couldn't help the smile that lifted my cheeks.

 

She remembered. Now I only needed my brother to want to remember me; his one and only little sister.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I walked down the halls quietly, chin tucked closely to the textbooks I held snug in my arms. Being early October, the air was chilly and I simply couldn't afford buying clothes that would keep me completely warm. I took deep breaths, allowing my breath to defrost my numb fingers.

 

It didn't work. I made my way into my Mathematics class and sat towards the back of the room. I usually stayed quiet in all of my classes but this was the only one I tried to participate in. I don't know why I tried but it was probably because the teacher, Mrs. Muenez treated math as if it were an art. I guess I just respected that about her. She was my only role model.

 

"Class, does anyone know the formula for the line of symmetry of a parabola?" Mrs. Muenez sang.

 

I raised my hand, along with a couple of others who dared to answer her loaded question. She scanned the room for a hand to choose.

 

She didn't choose me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I turned the key in the lock quickly trying to avoid the dangerous stares I got from my neighbors.

 

"Mom, I'm home!" My voice rang out in the quiet apartment.

 

I slid off my run down classic vans by the doorway and tossed my bookbag on the couch. Today was a really long day at work for me. I had to deal with the local street rat that always occasionally walks into the diner pleading for change, meanwhile displaying something worth tons somewhere on her body or in her possession. She was arguing with me about something, although I couldn't really understand becuse her voice was so raspy. Presumably from all the smoking she did on the corner with a group a guys. I did however recognize when she called me a slut. But hey, I wasn't the one who chose the uniform waitresses had to wear. A black v-neck lowcut top that showed off too much cleavage along with tight black spandex pants. I was just doing my job. The job that I absolutely needed in order to keep up with the steady flow of monthly bills.

 

I walked into my room and changed into pj's before plopping on my bed and releasing my auburn hair from its ponytail. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes only to open them to a thumping sound. I closed my eyes again before a couple of other unknown things falling followed. I exited my room and found the source of the noise. The bathroom.

 

I knew my mother always wanted at least a small amount of privacy so I decided to crack the door open. Just to see if she was okay or needed anything.

 

The cabinets were all open, bottles of medication spilled in the sink and others knocked over onto the floor. Smeared blood stains were spread out along the black and white hexagon tiled floor leading upto the ivory tub. My eyes traveled the mess and there I saw my mom fidgeting, almost as if she were having an internal battle with herself. In one hand she held a pistol and in her other a knife. She was carving into herself.

 

My heartbeat seemed to speed up and the world was almost in slow motion. I tried to stop her...right before she pulled the trigger..I swear, I swear she looked into my eyes and mouthed the word sorry.

 

Her body slumped. I stood frozen before suddenly it all kicked in. I collasped on the floor right outside the bathroom and forced the door all the way open, just staring at her lifeless body. I rocked myself back and forth not knowing what to do, not knowing what to feel and then the tears started spilling over. Overflowing; blinding me.

 

"Mom...Mom..Mommy." I cried out over and over.

 

911.

 

I had to call 911, she could still be alive there might be a heartbeat. I know there could be a heartbeat, I've seen this scene on TV before. She could be alive I know she can.

 

The ambulence came minutes later.

 

There was no pulse.

Three

The nurse spoke but I wasn't listening.

 

Hospitals were so ugly and downright depressing. Pale and lifeless walls...like my mother when she- Sobs wracked my body and I fell to the floor; needing to curl into a fetus position.

 

A male nurse came over and picked me up, fitting me back into the chair and leaving for a moment before coming back and adding an IV to my person.

 

I scowled at the female nurse who stood nearby. Her voice suddenly came into perspective again.

 

"..you are now eighteen but we have found a family member who wants to help you get back on your feet. You will be staying with your brother Isiah in Pennsylvannia." She went on.

 

"My brother?" I cut her off.

 

She nodded.

 

"You will be staying here until you get back to a healthy weight."

 

Staying here.....Bills.

 

"No. You don't understand. I can't stay here, I don't have the money to and-"

 

"Your father will be paying the expenses."

 

"I don't have a father." I pressed my lips together into a thin line.

 

"Your records say-"

 

"I do not have a father." I said coldly. She was treading on dangerous territory.

 

She smiled condescendingly and nodded before walking away.

 

 

 

Four

I stared at myself in the mirror opposite the toilet. I was in the bathroom.

 

My skin was gaining its tan color again and my hair..it wasn't as dull. If anything, it seemed to have a certain healthy shine to it. My chest was fuller; my lips were plump. I also noticed how the skin around my dark blue eyes were not stretched as tight. I remember the way my mothers eyes were sunken into her-

 

I swiftly turned away from the mirror; my auburn hair swinging behind me, reaching mid back and tied back in a French braid. I had been in the hospital for a four months. The last three months weren't as rough as the first primarily because I had made a friend. Her name was Anna and across the curtains, beeping machines, and the sad sound of breathing tubes; there she laid in a hospital bed of her own. Anna was a year older than me; 19. She has severe liver damage from the large amounts of alcohol she drank at her dorm college. She was beautiful despite her drinking problem with emerald eyes and red curls that hugged her shoulders.

 

Growing up, I've never been sure about my sexuality and if we weren't both trying to get better, I would have asked her out but I just wasn't sure so I let our friendship bloom instead. We were so close that she even gave me her phone number that sat on a purple rip of paper in the drawer beside my hospital bed. I didn't have a phone yet but when I got one, I'd be sure to have her as my first contact added.

 

I walked towards our hospital section and made my way to Anna's bed. She laid there; propped up reading a book called Annie on my Mind by Nancy Garden. The other day I had asked her what it was about; curious after seeing two girls on the front cover. She told me that the story revolved around two teenaged girls who had a special friendship that grew into true love. The pressures and judgment of society however, grew tough for them. Likewise, they still kept headstrong and lived their lives the way they wanted to. Her lips curled up into a grin when she mentioned that the book was banned in many many many areas. Sometimes I thought she just enjoyed breaking the rules.

 

See, the book was an obvious symbol to who she was and what gender she liked and if I would have asked her out my story would have continued in the direction I wanted at the time. Because I didn't however, I would end up experiencing things that were beyond what I expected for myself. And so that path I went, not because I knew Anna wouldn't like me back because I truthfully didn't know but because I was afraid to get close to someone again. Afraid to feel such emotions for someone again. Afraid that I would be abandoned again. Afraid.

 

 

 

 

Shortly after saying my goodbyes to Anna, I changed back into the clothes I arrived in; my pajamas. The same bitchy nurse from the other day had notified me that my brother was here. I couldn't help the tears that pooled in my eyes at the thought of what happened that night. The clothes smelled like death and I know everyone knew it. Or did they?

 

I walked down the patterned hallways and cruised down on the elevator to the lobby floor. I stepped out and looked around cautiously; sandles on my feet showing off the chipping black nailpolish on my toes. My eyes ran across the scenery. The sad waiting faces in the overcrowded waiting room, the grin of a young teenage boy eyeing me, and the impatient tap of a stubby nail on the wall beside the elevator disturbing my trance. My eyes shot up in anger before softening at the look at my brothers face.

 

I hadn't seen him in so long. He moved out at 16, when I was 10. Heck, for all I knew, he left with our dad that night.

 

His eyes were light blue in contrast to my dark ones and he still had the same dot of a birthmark underneath the left side of his lips. His skin was a pale creamy color; his hazel hair slightly darker. His eyes were overlooking me; how much I had changed and then his lips curled in disgust; probably at my outfit.

 

"Why are you wearing lingerie?" He let out in a gruff but smooth voice that had obviously deepend over the years.

 

"Oh, it isn't lingerie. They're my pajamas, I didn't have any other clothes and-" My own voice sounded hoarse even to my own ears.

 

He turned on his heel, gesturing for me to follow and probably not caring for seeing his little sister again.

 

 

 

 

 

The ride to my new home was long, very long and silent. I didn't feel like talking anyways but that didn't stop me but wondering what kind of person my brother had become. He was now 23 years old and should have graduated from college like two years ago or something. I stopped mid-thought as the aching of my heart reminded me yet again for my loss.

 

Salty hot tears poured down my cheeks. I pushed them away roughly; scratching my face in the process and letting out a gasp at the stinging sensation. I took a deep breath suddenly thankful for the distraction. The car pulled to a stop and I looked away from my fiddling fingers to see a giagantic house that sat along the front of a nice sized beach. The shudders were painted two different hues of blue. It was beautiful. Several other cars parked beside it; tires marking up and crushing the grass.

 

"Do y-you live here?" I stuttered.

 

He nodded meditatively and jumped out of his Jeep; slamming the door behind him and not waiting for me to follow. I sat there a moment longer than I should before stepping out of his car and pulling down the satin shorts that were beginning to ride up. I heard snickers and looked up to see a group of guys and girls in the front window of the house. They were all just watching.

 

I walked into the door my brother left ajar for me slowly; glancing back at the door as I crossed over the threshold. I turned back to see 12 pairs of eyes staring at me. I let out a scream and jumped back an inch; crossing the threshold again. My eyes flicked over all six faces; blue eyes green eyes brown eyes, short tall, muscular and fit and chubby. I stood there quietly; knowing my mouth was hanging open. I shut it tight; screwing my jaw shut and grinding my teeth together. My brother was nowhere to be seen.

 

"Why's she acting like that?" A short guy with thick glasses called out. Besides his nerdy presence, he was somewhat cute with shady grey eyes and ruffled mahogany hair.

 

"Oh shut up, you're scaring her." A taller buff guy with blonde hair and green eyes shouted before hooting at my outfit.

 

I realized what I was wearing again and did my best to cover up; feeling odd and uncomfortable. Unwanted tears started leaking from my eyes.

 

"Do you think she's another one of his sluts?" A short chubby girl with blue eyes and red pin-straight hair asked seeming serious.

 

"She's my sister." I heard Isiah say not seeming proud. "Come on Lacy, let me show you to your room."

 

My eyes flickered over the other three faces that stayed silent at my arrival. Two of them were guys and the other was a beautiful girl who looked to be pissed off as she noticed the placement of my eyes. I couldn't help but lingering on one of the guys for a moment though. He stood; one arm over the pissed off girl's shoulders, with a muscular body and a cold stare. His eyes were a goldish hazel; his hair shaggy and black. I swallowed hard; my throat seeming to close up slightly.

 

I looked at the group yet again and nodded before turning and walking up the stairs. I felt eyes following me the whole way up.

Five

My room was beautiful and large but I didn't take much notice to the detail because the small scractches on my face had already healed and the aching of my heart was starting to be felt again.

 

I turned to tell Isiah thank you but he was already out the door; shuffling down the stairs. Taking a deep breath, I kicked off the sandles and explored my new room. A dark brown dresser taller than myself held up a wall to the left of my king size bed. Opening the drawers, I saw that clothes had already been placed here and folded for my use. Reaching down, I pulled the familiar purple piece of paper from my non-supportive bra and shoved it into the first draw on the furthest right. I moved and sat on my bed; wanting to not feel all of this anger and agony.

 

I noticed a door at the other side of my room that read Lacy in fancy black letters. I opened the door to see a bathroom that also had already been stocked. A new pack of toothbrushes laid on the side of the sink; waiting for me to choose which color I wanted. A pink towel was hooked on the back of the door and in baskets above the toilet I saw many packs of bras of all sizes. They looked as if they were orderd online. I looked through all of the cubbies on the shevles above the toilet and found my size; a generous D-cup. Snatching up the packs, I rushed out of my bathroom and pushed them into an empty drawer in my dresser. I sat on the bed again and took note of something to the corner of my eye. There sat a cellphone; an iPhone5s to be specific. M jaw dropped and I picked up the phone, clicking the circle button at the bottom of the beautiful touch screen slender phone which was light and cool in my palm.

 

My name was set as the wallpaper for the lock screen. Sliding my finger across the screen, the phone made a clicking noise and revealed a bunch of apps. I pulled out my special piece of purple paper and typed in Anna's cellphone number. Laying down on my stomach, I flpped through the pages and pages of apps before one caught my eye, Flappy Bird. I clicked on it and waited for it to load and ten minutes later, I was still playing the game; astonished with how far technology has gone over the years I wasn't able to have it.

 

I sighed in content before the torturous rock settled in my chest again and agony whipped me again. I dropped the phone on my bed and walked back into my bathroom, shutting and locking the door. Turning the knobs on, I gasped as hot water touched my skin again. I stayed there and stayed and stayed; the hot needles prickling my breasts and legs and stomach. It felt great.

 

After a while, I moved out of the shower and wrapped myself in the pink towel, my toes swimming through the plush carpet on the floor. Curious, I let my towel drop and stared at myself in the mirror. I eyed my full breasts; remembering the first time they were touched; Anna groped me as I leaned over to show her the detail in my painting I made in one of my rehabiliation classes. My eyes traveled over my body before I opened the cabinet above the sink. The first shelf had a pack of razors for grooming purposes and a box of q-tips. The second shelf had many bottles of lotion neatly pushed toegther of all kinds of brands. Jergens, Aveeno, Johnson's and etc. The third shelf however had a switchblade on it with an attached post-it that read in scrawled handwriting: For emergencies.

 

On instinct, I grabbed the knife and eyed it; twirling it around in between my fingers. There was something about the knife that I couldn't stop looking at it. And then it slipped out of my hand and sliced across my thigh before clattering to the floor. I clenched my jaw before relaxing again. The cut took the aching in my heart away. I picked up the knife and sliced myself again, on purpose this time; blood oozing down my leg at a steady pace. A deep sigh left my mouth and I cleaned off the blade before closing it and shoving it back into the cabinet. The neon post-it laid on the floor.

 

Afterwards, I cleaned up and bandaged my thigh with guaze that I found in a first aid kit before pulling the towel tight around my now dry body and walking back into my room. I moved to the dresser and pulled out a matching set of undergardments and long blue sundress that was surpsingly not wrinkled at all.

 

Suddenly something on my bed moved and I turned around to see the shaggy haired guy with hazel eyes overlooking my body. I wasn't sure what to do so I clutched the towel tighter and spoke.

 

"I t-think this is m-my room." Stuttering yet again.

 

His lips curled up into a smile and he stood towering over me and pressing me against a wall. I've never been this close to a guy before. His smile morphed into a mischevious grin and he traveled his hand up my right thigh where my cuts were; his breath teasing my neck.

 

"Stop it." I muttered, clutching the towel now with one hand and pushing him with the other. He didn't budge and slowly slid his hand higher. My breath hitched as he reached the guaze; a frown settling on his perfect face as he slid his hand back down and then back up as if not believing what he was feeling.

 

He looked up at me as he kneeled down and slowly started unwrapping the guaze. Many emotions traveled across his eyes and my heart rate sped up as I recognized one as anger. He stood and walked out of my room before coming back with a first aid kit of his own.

 

"If you're going to hurt yourself, make sure you clean up afterwards. If you look carefully, you can see that the edges of the cuts are beginning to crust. Did you even make sure the tool you used was clean? Did you make sure that the gauze was clean??" He spoke harshly with an angelic voice that made up for it.

 

"How did you...?" I trailed off; the question obvious.

 

"You didn't arrive with cuts. Your skin was smooth and-" He cut himself off; busying himself with cleaning my cuts. When he was done, he re-bandaged them except this time with a sterile giant band-aid.

 

"Thank you." I forced out; ashamed.

 

He nodded and then a smirk rose on his face.

 

"Brazilian?" He asked tauntingly, speeding out of my room with his long legs before I could respond. I shut the door swiftly and leaned on it suddenly out of breath.

 

No way. No no no no no no no....

 

 

Six

I have never gotten a Brazilian waxing in my life. For some reason, it was gentically not possible for me to grow pubic hair. I have never knew why and my mother never told me. Now that I truly think about it, my mother has never told me many things. We have never had the "sex" converstaion and we have never talked about boys or girls or anything that revovled around growing up. Now that I think about it, the only thing she has ever really done for me was make my life miserable and just like hers. I knew I was just speaking out of anger by then though.

 

 I walked down the stairs with the blue conservative but beautiful maxi sundress on with a pair of brand new matching blue vans that I found, after discovering a walk-in closet full of sneakers and heels in my room; my hair pulled up in a messy bun. I heard chatter that died down when I reached the kitchen. The nerdy guy sat on a loveseat that sat right in front of a window which overlooked the beach with the chubby red head on his lap. Their hands were entwined as she rested her head in the crook of his neck and sucked on his shoulder. His other hand soothingly rubbed her back; his eyes closed. I looked away embarrassed; feeling as if I were intruding on their intimate scene.

 

The other four were leaning on the island in the middle of the stunning out in the open kitchen. The girl who was upset earlier was holding the shaggy guys' hand; his eyes on mine. The other two guys were busying themselves with shoveling dripping eggs into their mouths; they looked to be twins. One looked up with a welcoming smile on his face. That was nice for a change with the cold temperature in the room. My brother was again nowehere to be seen.

 

"Hey you! I'm Ben and my brother here is Benjamin." His voice came out fluently and curvy. I wondered if he was gay or even bisexual.

 

I responded. "Hi, I'm Lacy. Nice to meet you both." My voice still sounded hoarse.

 

"Well Lacy this is everyone! Everyone this is Lacy!" He shouted unneccessarily before continuing. "Those two love birds dry humping each other over there are Drew and April. This big guy right here is Blake and beside him is his slut, Katlin." Him and his brother erupted into laughter.

 

Katlin growled and punched Ben's shoulder, causing him to go on a rant about why non-violence is better. I was sure he was quoting some of Martin Luther King's words. I was expecting a huge fight to outbreak but everyone just began laughing and I was just standing there even more awkward than before; I felt as if I was intruding on a family moment.

 

I began, trying to find some relevance for my opinion. "How old are you guys?"

 

"All twenty-three." Ben said. "Graduated collage with your bro bro and now just staying as roommates."

 

"Ah" I nodded "So like y-you guys are old enough to be my grandparents then right?" It sounded better in my head; came out lamely.

 

Benjamin let out a chuckle of embarrassment for me and looked up at me; winking. I saw Blake tensing out of the corner of my eye before he burst out into a fit of laughter. His laugh was contagious and I could see why everyone else followed and before I knew it, I was laughing too.

 

My brother walked in; brushing past me and pushing a plate of food towards me from the island. I nodded my thanks and sat at one of the chairs by the island; scooping the food into my mouth trying to eat slowly but failing. A moan slipped out of my mouth and Benjamin snickered. My mother wasn't there to laugh with me. I couldn't help the genuine pout that pulled my lips down.

 

"What's wrong baby? You need to keep your sisters healthy." Benjamin grinned.

 

I eyed him confused before seeing that he was staring at my cleavage. I looked down and saw that the fabric of the dress was being pulled down by the weight of my chest. I frowned and pulled my dress up by it's straps only to have my breasts push them back down. Laughter broke out again at my expense and my brother smacked Benjamins head; hard.

 

I pushed my unfinished plate away from me; feeling shameful about the size of my chest. I stared at my fingers and twiddled my thumbs and away from the island, only to see Drew and April in a full out make-out session. I looked back to see Blake standing there; shoving my plate back towards me.

 

"Eat." He growled.

 

I shook my head and he sighed.

 

"You need to eat Lacy."

 

He said my name.

 

"Babe, just leave her alone. She doesn't want to eat." Katin drawled, trying so hard to be sexy.

 

"Stop it Kate. She needs to eat food. I would do the same for anyone in this room too." He said annoyed and tense again.

 

My brother walked out of the room; another disgusted look on his face. I looked after him; hurt visible on my face. I rushed out of the house and walked down the wooden ramp to the beach. The salty air wacked my face; the beach empty and sand cool. I tried my best to keep the sand out of my vans but it wasn't worth the effort.

 

Eventually, I found a spot in the sun to sit. The day wasn't beautiful enough for a dress but it was tolerable.

 

I heard steps through the sand behind me and looked up to see my brother; hands in his pockets.

 

"It's okay Isiah. I already know you don't want me here and that I dusgust you."

 

He sat beside me and hooked his arm with mine.

 

"That's not it at all." He truly spoke to me for the first time.

 

"That night, I never wanted to leave. Dad took me with him and raised me himself; begging the courts with his money to keep his only son. He won of course and I've lived with him ever since, you know until I turned eighteen and moved out. He was 63 when I left so naturally I inherited a lot of his money. I thought you and mom were dead. What were you capable of doing? He took everything. I thought you guys were dead until 6am today when I got a call and that's when they asked if I was able to take care of a family member in need...I-I'm not disgusted with you Lace. I'm disgusted with myself. I should've looked for you guys; not give up so early."

 

I wasn't sure how to respond so I just leaned my head on his shoulder and nodded.

 

"Make sure you keep eating Lacy. Benjamin can't help himself, ignore him."

 

I nodded again; my thoughts consuming me. He called me Lace....he always used to call me that. I guess he never forgot.

 

Seven - One Month Later

It was now mid-March and I was having thoughts about Blake that I never thought I would have. Katlin's jealously grew as our friendship grew. Blake and I fell into a constant routine: I cut myself, he would find out, and then he would help me clean it properly.

 

One time I cut myself on my inner thigh just so that I could feel his touch where I wanted it most. I remember how I was in panties and clutching my shirt as he pressed an alcohol pad to my cut. I remember how I spasmed around his hand and accidentally closed my thighs around his palm. A flush crept up his neck and he hastily finished cleaning and bandaging my cut. I know he smelled my excitement.

 

I've been feeling these weird and new urges that I've never felt before and it was like being on a certain high that you never got off of. The closest I've ever felt to this was the furthest away from these feelings; a crush on Anna but there was never any lust.

 

I didn't know what it was but there was something there for me and Blake. I felt it.

 

 

 

 

"Fuck! Fuck baby, don't stop..more-harder!" I shouted encouraging him as our moans overlapped.

 

His thrusts were powerful and I did my best to lift my hips up to meet him. His lips were on mine; sucking on my tongue, hands all over my body and on my breasts occasionally teasing my nipples and-

 

A knock sounded on my door and my eyes snapped open to the sound; traveling over to the empty side of my bed.

 

"Lacy!" Isiah called out.

 

"What?!" I screeched. "You're waking me from my dream you ass!!"

 

He chuckled. "Be down in ten, I'm taking us all out to introduce you guys to my girlfriend."

 

"Fine." I sighed defeated; he ruined my dream.

 

Turning on my side, I glanced at my phone and saw three new messages; all from Anna.

 

 

I miss u.

 

Transplant left me sore, those bitches.

 

I gtg, message me soon. Getting ready to go on a date, meeting the familia :D

 

 

 

I was happy for her and that she met someone although I couldn't help the ping of my heart at the sight that she still wanted to talk to me. Me of all people.

 

I stood and plucked out an outfit at random before going to my bathroom and taking a steaming shower.

 

"Lets go meet this girlfriend of his." I said to myself.

 

 

 

 

 

We went to a five star restaurant. No surprise there; my brother probably wanted to show off. Blake sat on my left and Benjamin on my right. Katlin sat on the other side of Blake; holding his hand and smiling up at him. Ben sat next to his brother who sat next to Drew, who's girlfriend sat opposite him. Two chairs were left; one being pulled out by my brother who bagan introducing us to his girlfriend.

 

I could not believe my eyes.

 

There sat Anna, with her emerald eyes and curly red hair still hugging her shoulders.

Eight

I just stared at her; my eyes a maze of shock, hers the same. My brother noticed and froze before grinning.

 

"You guys know each other?" He sqealed; excited.

 

"That's so attractive Isiah, sqealing in front of your girlfriend." I played it off.

 

"Shut up Lace." His voice went back down to his normal pitch.

 

I smirked, avoiding Anna's eyes. The restuarant was very lively, including our table. Everyone was chatting and laughing about whatever. I took advantage of the moment and looked back at Anna, who was looking me up and down. I shook my head disgusted with her greedines; she caught the movement and looked up at me, blushing. I looked away and started ruffling Blakes hair just to bother him before Katlin whacked his head for letting me touch him. Although, Katlin despised me, we still had our laughs. We started cracking up at his pout.

 

"Why are you guys ganging up on me?" He asked cautiously.

 

"I don't know what you are-" I cut off mid-sentence.

 

A foot was teasing my leg.

 

"What was that Lacy?" Blake asked; concerned.

 

"Oh, nothing I was just saying that-"

 

The foot crept up my leg and slid between my thighs. I heard Anna's giggles from across the table as she bit my brothers bottom lip. She quickly looked my way in a way that only I would notice.

 

"Umm, I have to go to the bathroom." I said rushed and briskly walked away from the table to the bathroom. I gagged over the sink but nothing came up. Moving into a stall, I took out my switchblade and lifted up my dress; evenly making a cut along my stomach. I let out a relieved breath and took out an alcohol pad to clean it. I let out a gasp at the stinging sensation before bandaging myself and pulling my dress back down.

 

I opened the door of the stall and ran into Blake's chest. My jaw dropped but before I could speak, he said:

 

"The door is locked."

 

I nodded and looked away sheepishly. He began backing me against a wall.

 

"Where did you cut yourself darling?" He asked gently.

 

"I d-don't know what you are talking about Bla-"

 

"Don't lie to me hun."

 

"I'm not lying."

 

"Yes you are."

 

"N-nope."

 

"Stop lying."

 

"I'm not lying."

 

Before I could move away, Blake reached out and smacked my ass.

 

Another gasp flew out of my mouth and I reached behind me to prepare for the next spank. I kept backing up but my skin touched the cool wall; causing me to jerk up and bump into Blake. I looked up at him; breathing becoming ragged.

 

"Um Blake you should really get back to the table because then-"

 

He wrapped his arms around my waist and slid his hands down to my ass again; teasing me. He trailed a line of fire down my neck and stopped at my collarbone; nibbling.

 

"Stop it." I let out in a breath.

 

"Where did you hurt yourself Lacy?" He whispered seductively in my ear.

 

His hands trailed up my legs and then over th hill of my ass and then up my waist, until my dress was bunched up at under my armpits. Lust filled his eyes, as eyed me up and down. His eyes lingering on my breasts. I could feel my nipples beginning to poke impressions on my bra. A moan was out of my mouth before I knew it and a smirk slipped onto his face.

 

He squeezed my ass with one large palm and circled the bandage on my stomach with one of the fingers with his other hand.

 

"Did you clean it?" Blake whispered into my ear.

 

I closed my eyes and nodded; pleasure raidiating throughout my body and pooling between my legs.

 

"Good girl." He spanked my ass once more causing me to jump before unlocking the door and walking back to the table.

 

I stood in a daze before quickly pulling my dress back down.

 

 

 

 

When I got home that night, I deleted Anna's number from my phone.

Nine

The next day I told my brother how I knew Anna and what she did to me in the restaurant. I have to be honest, he didn't look too surprised but he looked angry and thanked me for letting him know. He too deleted her number from his phone.

 

I sat in the living room on Ben's lap. I figured out that he really was gay. I played with his fingers and everyone in the room just stared at me; including my brother.

 

"What?!" I said a bit too loudly. "He's gay, he doesn't care."

 

Benjamin groaned. "Dammit, I wish I was gay right now so I could have Lacys round little-"

 

"Shut. Up." My brother said; cleary getting upset with Benjamins lack of respect.

 

"What? I was just saying that I would love to have Lacy's round little-"

 

"Shut up you dipshit." Katlin called out from Blakes lap.

 

Banjamin mockingly zipped his lips causing me to giggle. I slid Ben's hands onto my breasts causing April to crack up laughing so hard that she fell off the couch. Drew smiled, pleased to see his girlfriend enjoying herself.

 

Ben was seething and shook silently before getting up and sauntering to his room; slamming his door.

 

"What a child." I muttered.

 

"Yeah, yeah. That's enough Lacy, get Ben's hands off of you before I kill him."

 

Ben chuckled and removed his own hands before wiping them on his shirt.

 

"Seeeee!" I exclaimed. "Totally gay!."

 

"I think they get it sweetheart." Ben kissed my cheek.

 

I crossed my arms and made my way to the kitchen laying on the loveseat and taking a nap.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I awoke in my room to music being blasted downstairs. I made my way to my shower and took a long hot shower before changing into a grey skinny jeans and a tight long sleeved top with a black and white bikini top underneath just in case we went down to the beach; along with a pair of black stilettos. I wanted to feel beautiful tonight but I didn't want to feel slutty. I slipped my hair into a high ponytail and applied a small amount of lip gloss to my lips.

 

I made my way down the stairs to see the huge party Isiah threw. I knew this was his way of having a breakdown, I also knew that he was going to sleep with many women tonight. My brother didn't commit to a lot of things but when he did and it ended up screwing him over, he gets very sensitive and therefore projects unsensitivity to those who do not know him personally.

 

I walked into the kitchen to find Drew's head burried in April's cleavage; a beer in one hand, a fistfull of her hair in the other. I grabbed myself two beers and walked into the living room. My brother had really went all out, getting a live DJ and filling the place up with a majority of girls. I plopped on one of the couches but stood when I heard a cough. I looked down to see a guy with brown hair and deep brown eyes blushing.

 

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry, I didn't even see you there." I said quickly.

 

The guy chuckled. "It's alright. I've always wanted a hot girl on my lap."

 

I nodded somewhat offended and popped open one of the beers; chugging it down in two gulps.

 

"Whoa there." The guy smirked. "Had a bad day? Want to climb back into my lap missy?"

 

I could feel the buzz slowly taking over and I nodded multiple times before opening my other beer and plopping down on his lap.

 

His arms encircled my waist and inched up my shirt while I drank the other beer. I looked around the room and saw my brother grinding with some girl. I smiled, happy that he was having a good time.

 

A gruff voice rang with authority but seemed far away. "Lacy get off of his lap."

 

I pouted.

 

"Get your own." The guy behind me mumbled.

 

"Now Lacy." I looked up and saw Blake.

 

I jumped up into his arms. "Blakeeeee, I've miss you so muchy." I slurred and forced wet kisses all over his face.

 

He wrapped his one of his arms under me, supporting my weight and his other across my back so I wouldn't fall.

 

"No more kissing." He muttered, so I kissed him some more and then once on his lips. His body tensed and he kissed me back. I wrapped my arms around his neck and suddenly the buzz wasn't there anymore. It was just me in his arms and him in my arms and in that moment we were one.

 

"Get your fucking lips off of Blake, you slut!" Katlins voice rose with each word.

 

Blake and I broke apart shocked at the interruption.

 

Blake put me down gently but I still stumbled backwards until I hit something; Isiah's chest. He picked me up and carried me to my room. I laid in bed for a while, wondering what was happening downstairs. My door suddenly opened and Blake walked in; sitting on the edge of my bed. I thought he might touch me if he thought I was sleeping so I tried to fake sleep and turned on my side, pushing my ass out for him to see.

 

"I know you aren't sleeping Lacy." He chuckled.

 

I turned over to see his face. He looked horrible; bags under his eyes and a sad expression on his face.

 

"What's wrong Blake?" I asked gently.

 

He looked into my eyes and spoke:

 

"I can't save everyone."

 

Ten

It took me a long while to understand what Blake was saying. He curled himself into my arms and started weeping. I held him until his body stoped wracking. I wanted to cry with him but I knew I had to stay strong for him. As he cried, I tossed what he said around my mind and I slowly realized that Katlin must of had some problems herself, maybe a drug addiction but something.

 

I stroked his hair; the buzz officially gone. Eventually, he looked up at me and whispered his thank you.

 

"Blake honey, one of the most important lessons in life is learning that you're not superman. Everyone gets hurt and everyone is vulnerable. At some point, people need to stop relying on others and do their own dirty work....clean and bandage their own cuts." I told him; still stoking his hair and putting a gentle kiss on his forehead.

 

He looked at me and then captured my lips with his. He softly licked my bottom lip and then bit it causing me to gasp and give him entrance. His tongue explored my mouth and teased my tongue before sucking on it. I released a moan into his mouth as he lifted his shirt over his head and moved between my legs. His strong arms rested on either side of my legs and I began sliding my hands down his chest; feeling his hard body. His stomach was defined; just as his arms were. He began rubbing his crotch on my thigh, showing me how he felt about me. We moaned in unison and I broke the kiss, lifting my shirt over my head before bringing my lips back to his. He stopped kissing me and leaned back to look at me, slowly untying my bikini top and tugging down my jeans followed by my panties.

 

He was still looking at my body so I moved to cover myself before he grabbed my wrists and licked and sucked down my neck; moving over my soft spot and causing me to let out a gasp.

 

"No need to hide yourself from me. You're beautiful." He spoke against my neck and then sucked on my soft spot again; smirking.

 

I let out a loud moan and whacked his shoulder.

 

"Stop it, you jerk."

 

He chuckled a deep chuckle and continued down my neck until he reached my breasts. His hot breath causing my nipples to rise. He took notice and gently wrapped his lips around one of my nipples, while rolling the other between his fingers. I had never experienced anything in my life that felt so amazing and as he touched me slowly and expertly, I knew that tonight he would take away my innocence. Heat pooled between my legs, my wetness making a warm trail down my legs. I knew he could smell me because he looked down and although our heavy breathing was the only noise in the quiet room in contrast to the loud party still going on downstairs.

 

"So wet." He muttered; his voice husky.

 

My breath hitched as he gently rubbed my clitoris; teasing but respectful.

 

I laid completely on my back and spread my legs wider for him; allowing him to continue.

 

He scooted back and laid on his muscled stomach before me, slowly lowering his lips to my sweet spot. My moans filled the room as he began to tenderly prod my clitoris with his tongue. He sucked on me so gently that I thought I would explode then and there. The sensation was like nothing I've ever felt before.

 

"More please Blake." I cried out; pure lust audible in my tone.

 

"I want you to beg for more." He growled and pinned my arms above my head with one of his hands.

 

I struggled to get free, beginning to get frustrated but then he slid a finger into me and I settled for rocking myself on and off his finger until he smacked my sweet spot. The pain mended well with the amonut of pleasure I was feeling. In that moment, we were perfect; no distractions, no reality; just us.

 

Before I knew it, I was begging and he let me go, sliding a condom onto his love stick...and then we began making love.

 

 

 

 

Out of breath, we laid in each others arms; tired out from our activities.

 

It was him this time who stroked my hair; his other hand on my ass occasionally giving me a playful smack.

 

"What happened to Katlin?" I blurted, instantly regretting it when I saw his face crack and then quickly recover.

 

"We broke up." He said briefly.

 

"Why?" I tried to will myself to stop talking but I couldn't help it. He looked down at me.

 

"I wanted to be with you Lacy." He said genuinely before we fell asleep in each others arms.

Eleven

I awoke in my bed. I turned to see an empty bed and I immediately starting hyperventilating. Did I dream up that whole entire encounter. I jumped up and started pacing; relaxing instantaneously when I spotted the condom he used iin the waste basket.

 

I made my way downstairs, not wanting to wash away his touch just yet. Surprisingly, the place was already cleaned; spotless. Everyone sat around the island, drinking cups of coffee; eyes closed except my brother that is. He stood leaning on the counter; eyes on my glowing face.

 

He kept glaring at me. "Why are you so happy?" He finally let out.

 

"Huh? Oh nothing, I just...I just got my period today. Relieved that I'm not pregnant yet is all."

 

He kept staring at me untl he nodded slowly and looked away; content with my answer.

 

Drew and April were leaning on each other, looking dead. Ben and Benjamin were annoying each other as usual. Ben would flick Benjamins nose and Benjamin would throw a piece of cereal and so on. Katlin wasn't here as expected but where was Blake?

 

"Where's Blake?" I asked nonchalantly.

 

"Outside on the porch." April said; her voice an emotionless void.

 

"Thank you zombie." I said smirking and made my way outside.

 

There was a slight pounding in my head from the two beers but it wasn't anything too bad. I could handle it. I walked to the front of the house barefoot; swinging open the porch door. There Blake sat in all his glory, a girl beside him; his arm around her shoulder.

To Be Determined (Author's Note)

Heeeey guys! It's Lexi here! I hope u guys are enjoying the book. I want to see how it goes with just this but if you guys want more plz let me know. The more people that want me to continue, the better. I really just want to see if you guys like the story or not, if so; I will add more :)

 

Peace.

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 17.08.2014

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