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Copyright © 2022 M. BELÉN DOMÍNGUEZ PEÑA

TITLE: What she left behind

COVER ART: Belén Domínguez

 

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PROLOGUE

“So, what do you think?” Savannah was standing in front of me in the beautiful white dress, staring at herself in the grand mirror, waiting for my approval. I sat there, staring at my best friend, not quite believing that after all these years of friendship, her wedding day was finally approaching.

My first reaction was to smile, although I knew she was expectant of a verbal response. I stood up and walked towards her. She stared back at me through my reflection in the mirror. With the tip of my finger, I wiped away my happy tear, careful not to ruin my mascara.

“You look so stunning; you’ll drive everyone nuts.”

“This is it, T, this is my wedding dress”, she was so happy. Savannah turned around and clapped both her hands excitedly. “I can’t believe we’ve come so far. . . I’ve been through so many ups and downs with him, and it all leads to this,” she called out to the employee and told her she finally has made up her mind.

“I’m so happy for you! This is so exciting.” I sat back down and saw her go back into the dressing room. After a few minutes, she came back with a face of discomfort.

“Oh-oh, I know that face. What happened now?” I crossed my hands over my chest as she grabbed her purse from the sofa and started taking her wallet out.

“They just called me and told me they have a few issues with the menu. I have to go down there and check it out.”

“I’ll go with you.”

“No, remember your big presentation tomorrow. You must rehearse.”

“I’ll be fine,” I said, pretending to be confident.

“Are you sure you’re not postponing that because you’re scared about it?”

She knew everything. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh really? You don’t? Stop trying to avoid it, you will have to do it eventually, so might as well get it over with, I’ll be fine on my own. You, on the other hand, must practice what you’re going to say because you suck at public speaking.”

“That is so not—” I started saying, but she gave me a knowing look. “Alright fine it’s true,” in the last presentation, I had to leave abruptly in the middle of it because I wanted to throw up at the number of eyes on me. “Your dear fiancé ended up wowing everyone after I had to leave” Derek Harris, the prince of the office, has everyone in awe every time he makes his grand entrance.

In the beginning, when I saw Savannah take an interest in him the first time she met him, I warned her that he had a reputation, but she went for it, anyway. To this day, he has proven that he hasn’t cheated. I knew anyway that he had plenty of girls before, one after the other, came to give him a little ‘visit’ at the office. But then he met Savannah, and everything seemed a little off with him. After her, there was no other, so my respect for him grew because he seemed to really care for her, and that’s all I ever wanted. What I didn’t like is that he would constantly outshine me in every single way at work. Such a kiss ass towards our boss, it has always been annoying.

“Exactly, but look at the bright side.”

“What?” I ask.

“Tomorrow he won’t be able to attend, so the public is all yours,” she said, smiling widely, as if that was comforting at all. She walked to the front desk, and I started to grab my things as she began to make her purchase. “Come on, T, I’ll drive you home.”

I follow her to the car, and she started to drive off the lot. We were listening to Taylor Swift, singing our lungs out, as we would always do. At that moment, as I stared at her briefly, I wished that we could always stay like that: Happy and carefree. Her window was down, and the wind made her hair fly all over the place, but that didn’t stop her session of karaoke though.

When she dropped me off, I thanked her and got out, “I’ll be back in a couple of hours, alright?”

“Okay, what do you want for dinner?” I asked, fixing my hair due to the wind.

She shrugged, “anything is fine for me.”

I nodded my head and turned my heels to leave, but she stopped me. “You got this, I mean about tomorrow. . . You’ll do amazing and will blow them away.”

Hearing her say that was so touching. “Thank you, Savs, it means everything.”

“Of course, and I’ll make sure to talk to Mr. Thinks I’m the Shit to lay it low and give you some space to shine.”

“You think he will listen to you?”

“Come on, I made him put a ring on my finger. He’s under my control,” she said with a confident smirk. I laughed it off.

“Love you, Savs.”

“Love you too, babe, see you later!” and then she drove off.

That was it. Those were the last words we said to one another. A few hours later, the phone rang and there was silence, only pure and raw silence. I probably passed out; I couldn’t remember. All I could recall from that moment was my utter shock and the sudden tears rolling down my eyes.

CHAPTER 01

When you are in a situation where you feel at your lowest, you start remembering certain moments you’ve had up to that point. You remember times you thought were at the very back of your mind, a place where you carry your deepest memories, but do not always see the light of day. That is my case.

…

“What happened to you?” I heard an almost angelic voice snap me back to reality as I try to process everything. When I look up, there was a girl, just like me, blocking the sun from coming straight into my eyes. “Why are you on the ground?”

“Veronica pushed me down.”

“Yeah, she can be stupid” she helped me up. “What’s your name?”

“Thalia” I replied as I brushed off the remaining dust off my jumper, “you?”

“The one and only Savannah Jones, no pictures, no pictures.”

“Are you famous or something?”

“Yes! Well, no, but someday. . . I want to become an actress when I grow up, you’ll see me everywhere.”

“Perhaps I should ask for an autograph before you’re too famous.”

“If we become friends now, I guess I’ll remember to name you in my speech when I win my award.”

“Deal,” I said, smiling for the first time in days.

…

“He broke up with me, Savs”, I cried on the phone. “H-he used me!”

“It is totally his fault! That indecisive son of a bitch, playing my bestie like that, he can go straight to hell!”

“Maybe. . . Maybe it was my faul—”

“Don’t even finish that sentence, in what world is it your fault?” she was angry, even angrier than me. I sat on my bed as I tried to speak, but my heart was too shattered to even make the effort of saying anything at all. “It’s just that he probably wasn’t ready and—”

“Why are you still defending him?” she said with a deep sigh. “He treated you like you guys were something more, and then out of nowhere ‘he’s not ready’ for a relationship? To hell with that coward.”

There was a big pause in the conversation, I just felt much better with Savannah saying everything I was thinking and more, but I didn’t find it yet in my heart to blurt it out. After a few more seconds, she spoke again.

“Want to go to his house and throw eggs at his car?” she suggested.

A tiny smirk started to form on my lips. “Is it really a question?”

“I’ll pick you up in five.”

…

“We did it! We graduated” Savannah hugged me tightly. “We should take a picture to remember this moment.” She wrapped her arm around my shoulder and with her free hand grabbed her phone to snap the picture. “This is so cute! We will most definitely add it to our new place because we’re totally going to be roomies,” she said as she smiled at our selfie.

“Like we always talked about,” I said, smiling at the number of times we dreamed about graduating and moving in together.

“It is indeed the dream, baby,” she said as she put on her black sunglasses, “now, come on, my mom said she prepared a special graduation party for the two of us.”

…

“Here we are, our new place,” Savannah said as we both stood in front of the door of our new apartment. “To make it even more official, I brought an inauguration ribbon and scissors”. I threw my head back in laughter as she started to take those things out of her purse.

“Want to do the honors?” she asked as she held up the ribbon. I grabbed the scissors and did a dramatic pause to add suspense. After a few extra seconds, I cut the ribbon in half, finally inaugurating our new place, our own special and private space, just like we’ve been talking about ever since we started high school.

Savannah grabbed the keys from her purse and unlocked the door. We went inside and even though it wasn’t the prettiest place—it was indeed one of the few we were able to afford without depending on our parents for it. “Don’t you love it?” she was too excited to notice the amount of life this place needed. . . Urgently. “Come on, T, is not that bad,” she said walking up to the windows and rolling up the curtains. “I mean look at this view!”

“I’m happy that we get to live together, that’s the most important thing” I replied adding a little more hope to the situation.

“Exactly. All this place needs it’s some paint and lots and lots of air freshener”.

I walked up to her and stared at the view myself. “Well, what are we waiting for? Time to work on this place and fix it up, make it ours” I said. After hearing this, Savannah hugged me, then placed a soft kiss on my forehead.

“That’s the spirit, now let’s go.”

…

“Thalia?” I hear someone calling my name, but I am too absorbed in my thoughts, I can’t find the strength to speak. “Thalia,” this person says again, this time a little bit louder. That made me snap back to reality and look up to the one calling out for me. It is Mrs. Jones, Savannah’s mother. “Would you like to share a few words?” she asks me.

I look around, everyone is staring at me, expectantly for my reply. I push those thoughts I was thinking to the back of my mind, and nod my head toward Mrs. Jones, who offers me a soft and warm smile. But that smile, oh that smile, I will never be able to get it out of my head. It is such a broken smile, along with red and puffy eyes. She looks exhausted and out of place, which with everything that has happened, it isn’t surprising. Honestly, I feel the same way.

I walk up to where the podium is, all eyes on me. My head is still down, a few dry tears are still present on my cheek. I clear my throat, for some reason not being able to speak right away. I find myself staring at the picture that was chosen, I smile, because I know how much she loved that picture of her. I remember she told me that Derek took it one day they went for a picnic and that it has become her ultimate favorite photo of all time.

“Although it is my second favorite, the selfie that we took when we graduated high school it is still number one” she would say.

I look back at the people, and I know that they’re understanding the fact that I am not yet starting with my farewell speech, I am once again postponing this because I didn’t want to do it. I stare at Derek in the front row. He’s not looking at me, in fact, he isn’t looking at anyone.

“First, I want to begin by saying that I’ve always been bad at public speaking, it makes me nervous. But I just know that Savannah would have loved it if I got over this fear and share a few words. . . To honor her” I take deep breaths to keep going, to gain composure once again. “This isn’t fair. I thought I was just sad, but that feeling got mixed up with anger and indignation.” I stare at her casket as I try to come up with hopeful words to turn this around, but they just don’t get to me. I still try to make the effort, for her family, her friends, and even for Derek, who seems to be even more devastated.

“Savannah touched all our hearts. I had the chance, the beautiful chance to call her my best friend, my soul sister. I will forever have her in my heart and thoughts and promise to always honor her memory the best I can and never let anyone forget what a great person she was. The sky gained a new angel, and I wish I could be selfish and bring her back because I feel like we still needed her around a little longer. If she’s here in spirit, what I would like her to know is that I love her and I will never forget all our cherished memories, I want to thank her for being part of my life and now she forms part of my heart, where she will forever live, rent free.” I wiped the few tears that escaped and sigh heavily.

I walk down the podium and up to the casket, I kiss my hand and placed it on top of the wood. I know she’s in there finally resting peacefully. She’s not suffering, she’s just there and will remain there forever. I sat down in my seat next to Mr. and Mrs. Jones. They both smile at me sweetly as if to say: ‘Thank you,’ and I nod in response.

After the funeral, everyone there spends a little more time around, walking up to Mr. and Mrs. Jones to give their condolences. They seem like they want to leave, which is totally understandable. A parent shouldn’t be the one to bury their child, never. I walk up to them myself and softly hug Mrs. Jones, she hugs me tighter like she really needs it. Understanding how she feels, I tighten my embrace.

“Thank you, darling, for sharing those beautiful words.”

“It was my pleasure, I loved your daughter and will forever do, she taught me so much and was always there whenever I needed her. She was indeed an angel on this earth” I mean every word that comes out of my mouth. She breaks the embrace and takes a moment to look at me.

“Thank you also for being her best friend, she actually looked up to you.”

I am taken aback by that. “What?”

“Yeah, she would always express how much she admired your constant determination and unconditional kindness, she said that you would always give others so much love, even to people that didn’t deserve it.”

She really said that. All these years I looked up to her and how confident she was, now I come to know that she had always been admiring me too. “I didn’t know that, thank you for telling me.” I am about to leave but remember that I also want to talk to Derek about this whole thing, to check up on him. I look everywhere for him but didn’t succeed. I decide to shrug it off and think that maybe he might go to the office, so we will cross paths anyway. I say my goodbyes to Mr. and Mrs. Jones and proceed to drive to the apartment—now completely empty. These past few days I’ve spent in my parent’s home because I didn’t want to open that door and find absolutely no one. But my things are all there, so I can’t escape forever.

I stand in front of the door hesitant. Of course, everything is still fresh on my mind, so entering is becoming more and more difficult. I take a deep breath and make the decision to finally go inside. The first thing that hits me is the sweet vanilla scent that belongs to the air freshener that Savannah so eagerly bought. She fell in love with that smell and made me fall for it too. I look around our place, covered from wall to wall with pictures of every memory we shared. I grabbed the frame with the selfie we took when we received our college diplomas. When my mom was about to snap the picture, she climbed to my back, smiling widely. We almost tripped over but we couldn’t stop laughing and the photo turned out to be beautiful and sweet.

I place the frame back down and walk to the couch, covering my face with both of my hands. I take a few minutes to take deep breaths and still try to process everything that has happened today. I gain enough strength to grab my phone and dial my mom’s number, I need to listen to a familiar voice.

She picks up in the second ring. “Hi sweetie, how are you?”

“Meh, I just came back from the funeral.”

“I was going to call you before, but I assumed you were still over there.”

“I am now at my apartment.” She pauses for a moment, probably knowing I don’t like being here, all alone. She takes a few more seconds before replying, probably hesitant as to how to handle this situation. It is comforting knowing I have her to help me get through this, it’s been rough these past couple of days, but spending time back home with my parents has been helping me a lot.

“Are you okay?”

“It is hard, but I had to come back, all of my stuff is over here, I had to come eventually” I laid on my back on the sofa, placing my free hand on my forehead, staring up at the ceiling. “I miss her so much, mom, I don’t know how to go forward.”

“Please come home, I’ll make some tea and we can talk about it.”

“I need to clear my head.”

“Yes, that’s crucial at this time, but don’t you think that being there will affect you even more?”

I know she is right, but I didn’t know where else to go, and I know that my parents can’t stand to see me as destroyed as I’ve been for these past few days since the news. “I had to get over my fear of being here, it could be helpful to be surrounded by nothing but good memories, so I can start the healing process”, though I know that this wound will forever stay at least half open.

“When you’re done, you come straight home please, and be careful.”

I nod, even though she can’t see me, and sigh heavily. We stay a few seconds in silence, I look around, my eyes were now stinging, and tears just keep rolling down. I haven’t looked at my reflection in the mirror since it happened, and I do not look forward to doing it anytime soon.

“I promise I will” I reassure her, “I’ll go over there in a couple of hours, alright?”

“Alright. I just don’t want you to be entirely alone right now, I know it is all too fresh and it’s going to be hard to move forward but, at least you know you have us.”

“Thank you, mom, I know.”

“I know you both had planned together so much and it hurts right now, but I promise you that with time, you will get to feel a little better. It is so sad that you didn’t get to go to the Jones’ lake house before the grand day, I know both of you were looking forward to doing so.”

And that’s when it hit me. “Mom, you’re a genius! How come I haven’t thought about it.”

“Sorry, sweetie, but what do you mean?”

“The lake house, I need to disconnect myself and take some time in her favorite place, to start that healing process we’ve talked about.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“Yes! I’ll be fine, mom, I feel like I need this, really. I haven’t thought about it, maybe I can go this weekend.”

“Thalia—”

“Mom”, I interrupt her, “please.” I am indeed asking for her permission, even though I’m a 25-year-old woman. But I need to reassure her that I will be totally fine. I hear her sigh heavily and I know she will give in.

“Alright, alright”, I am mentally cheering, “you can go, BUT, under the condition that you will call me so I can check up on you.”

“Mom, it is just for the weekend.”

“So? Either you call me, or you don’t go.”

“I am 25, mom,” I say rolling my eyes.

“What’s your point?.”

“Ugh, fine, I will call you and let you know I am okay.”

“Good, was it that hard to agree to my ONLY condition?”

“No, mom.” It is nice to know how much she cares for me, I know she’s just worried because I did lose my best friend; of course, she’s going to be hesitant to leave me alone at a time like this. “I will make sure of calling you, so you so know what’s up.”

“Great, then it is settled,” she says satisfied.

CHAPTER 02

My boss didn’t find it in his heart to say no to me. The news of Savannah’s passing was all over the place. Everyone knew how close we were and so it was almost impossible to be denied the day off. I guess they gave Derek the same chance because he didn’t come to the office today. I start packing the minimum I would need for this weekend, checking my list to see if I didn’t miss anything.

I hear the phone ringing, and without even looking, I could tell it was my mom. I told her about this just two days ago and she hasn’t stopped calling. I check the caller ID and to my surprise; it is my dad.

“Hey,” I say as I fold another shirt and neatly place it in my suitcase.

“Hey kiddo, your mom wants to know if you left already.”

“Really? You’re calling for her now.”

“I knew you wouldn’t pick up if it was me!” I hear her scream from afar.

“Oh, forgot to mention you’re on speaker.”

“Thanks for the heads up,” I say sarcastically, “mom, the deal was for me to pick up the phone. If I didn’t pick up, it wouldn’t be fair to what I agreed with you.”

“I just wanted to make sure,” she says. I hear plates moving around and the water running in the background.

I roll my eyes, “is there anything else you want to tell me? I am leaving soon.”

“No, no, just wanted to check up on you,” my dad replies.

“I think this can help me. . . I truly need to disconnect myself and just pretend for a moment that everything is fine. I want to hold hopes that I can find happy moments again.” I know they think this is a terrible idea, but I talked to Mr. and Mrs. Jones, and they said it was okay for me to use their lake house for the weekend, to take my mind off things for a little bit.

“You will. It just takes time.”

“Exactly, that’s what I am taking, time.”

“I know it’s been hard,” my dad says, “but, please, promise us you will be careful.” They’ve been asking me to make that promise for what seems like forever. It appears that I am not the only one stressing over what happened with Savannah.

I sigh, but I understand how they feel. I know why they are worrying too much. Just like in Savannah’s parents’ case—I am their only daughter too—they wouldn’t want anything bad happening to me and go through that same sorrow. I reassure them once again that everything will be alright and that I would give them a call once I arrive.

The drive to the lake house was relaxing. Almost no cars on the road and with rolled down windows, making my hair flow all over the place. I decide to add some music with the hopes of making my mood change. I connect the Bluetooth to the car and, with my free hand, start swiping through the songs’ selection.

I decide not to play Taylor Swift since that was the last thing I listened to with Savannah, and I am not ready for it yet. I choose anything else and keep focusing on what’s left on the way to my destination.

From a short distance, I can see the house, which seems the same as always, and that makes me feel nostalgic and happy. As I am looking for the perfect place to park, I notice another car, making me confused. That wasn’t Savannah’s parents’ car. . . Then who is it? They didn’t mention someone else coming too. Still confused, I quickly decide on a spot to leave the car and proceed to get out. I feel a little anxious because it could be anyone. I look around, waiting for someone to appear, always cautious about all my surroundings. I hear noises all around me like someone walking and it makes me feel even more paranoid about the fact that I desperately look everywhere and there’s no one.

“Thalia?” I hear someone behind me making me scream. I fall to the ground, and someone erupts in laughter. I look up and Derek is standing there, watching me with amusement. When he’s done, he quickly helps me up, and I brush off the dust off my jeans.

“What the hell, Derek,” I say with annoyance.

“My thoughts exactly. What the hell are you doing here screaming?” he asks.

“I screamed because you scared the living hell out of me. Where did you even come from?”

“Well, I was born in—”

“You know what I mean,” I cut him off.

“I asked Savannah’s parents to use their lake house for the weekend to have some time to clear my mind,” he responds as he starts to walk towards the house. I quickly stop him.

“Wait, they didn’t mention you’d be here. I asked them too.”

“Well, I asked them first, so I call dibs.”

“You can’t just call dibs. Besides, how do we know who asked first, anyway?”

“Well, I asked after I got home from—” he doesn’t finish the sentence. “Look, I want to be alone.”

“What a coincidence. I drove two hours to do the same thing, but here you are.”

“I came here first,” he states, as if that is going to make any difference.

I shrug, “So? I want to clear my mind just as much as you want, after everything that happened.”

He didn’t say anything; he walks inside the house. I quickly follow him up to the kitchen, where he proceeds to grab a glass of water. He holds his glass up as if asking me if I want one and I shake my head no.

“Look, I am not leaving, and you definitely aren’t either, so what do we do?” I ask.

He drinks the remaining water and shrugs his shoulders. “I guess we can share it. There’s plenty of space here for the both of us.”

I hate that idea, but I guess it’s fair. I can understand that he’s going through the same thing as me. We both lost someone we loved and need to start healing from it—though I know on my part, the wound I have will never fully heal.

I nod my head, not wanting to keep arguing because, at the end of the day, it will be pointless. I start walking back to the car to grab my stuff. I lock the doors and go back to the house to settle in. I turn the doorknob, but it isn’t opening. I try again, but harder, and nothing.

“What the—”

“Having trouble over there?” I hear Derek from the other side. I see him from the window that’s beside the door. He is standing there with the keys in hand.

“Derek, open the door. It’s not funny.”

He let out a chuckle. “really? Because I am having the time of my life.”

“Stop being a child and open the door.”

He shakes his head. “You left. I thought you weren’t coming back.”

“I left to go grab my stuff from the car! It’s not as if I left for Spain. Open it!”

“What are the magic words?”

“Open this goddamn door now.”

“Nope, try again,” he says, and I swear to God I am ready to break down the door. I am not in the mood to deal with his childishness.

I roll my eyes at him, “Derek—”

“Aww, sorry, the number of attempts you had available is over now. Try again later.” I let out a desperate groan as I see him walk away with the keys dangling from his finger. I am tired and sad, but he makes me feel angry too. I step away from the house thinking about what I could do, then I remember there is a spare key in one of the pots here outside. I start looking at each one and then finally get it.

“Bingo,” I say. I unlock the door and get my stuff inside before he thinks of another way to lock me out. I start walking upstairs and see him lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. He looks up and just smirks at me.

“What are you doing in my room?” I ask as I cross my arms over my chest.

He stands up and walks toward the door until reaching where I am standing. I look up at him, who was towering over me, but I didn’t back out. He places his hand on the door frame and looks up at the ground, a smile plastered on his face.

“You mean my room? I claimed it first,” he replies as he starts to close the door. I quickly put my hand up, stopping him.

“I always get this room,” I complain.

“Not today, T, you should’ve arrived earlier” and then he closes it on my face. I groan aloud and start cursing under my breath. Asshole.

I turn on my heels and walk towards the other room available. It is a bit smaller, but it will do. It is just for the weekend. I shouldn’t be mad for not getting the other room, is just that I was looking forward to getting it to have that amazing view and spacious balcony to do some peaceful night reading. But, I guess there’s no negotiating with the jerk who took it, so why bother anyway?

I start unpacking my clothes and folding them neatly to place everything in the drawers. Out of nowhere, I hear loud music coming from Derek’s room. I sigh heavily as I try to ignore it. He’s doing it on purpose. He’s trying to get a reaction from me, and I just got here.

Why do I feel like this will be a long weekend?

CHAPTER 03

Maybe I didn’t get the balcony, but there is still plenty of space around here to have some tranquility and get the disconnection I need. After unpacking everything, I look at the time on my phone and see it is noon. I grab the current book I’m reading, a towel, and head downstairs. I think it could be a good idea to breathe some fresh air and have some silence. I head to the lake where they placed a small boardwalk. I walk to the edge and place the towel down; I sit and continue with my book.

I feel peaceful, at ease, and entertained with the plot, I don’t even know how long I’ve been there, but I most certainly didn’t care because I am having the time of my life. That is until I hear him approaching. I am internally screaming because I am having a relaxing moment over here.

“What are you doing?” I hear him ask.

I look up at him and then at the book that I am holding in my hands, “I’m playing chess” I reply sarcastically, “what do you think I’m doing?”

“Jeez, sorry to ask, just making small talk.”

“You know what I’m doing, then why ask?”

“It really bothered you that small joke of locking you out?” he asks, not being able to hold his chuckle.

“No, I think you’re the real prankster, I better watch out for your third-grade jokes,” I say looking back at my book. “Anyway, what are you doing here?”

“I came for a swim,” he says as he places his towel next to me. I look up at him as he starts taking off his shirt, I look back at the pages. “You should join, maybe it can help with your stress.”

“How would you know if I have stress?” I ask.

“You’re always so tense and with what happened I can only assume that it just added a whole lot more.”

He is right, but that doesn’t mean I will jump into the lake.

“I think I’ll pass; I don’t feel like swimming.”

“Are you sure?” he asks, “it’s very hot out here.”

“I am positive that I don’t want to.”

“Your loss, then” and with that, he jumps in, splashing me in the process. I quickly stand up and dry my book which has now a few drops of water. I hear Derek laugh which makes me send a glare his way. “Oh, come on! It’s funny.”

“You keep laughing about things that aren’t funny at all, you soaked my book.”

“Don’t exaggerate, I didn’t ruin it.”

“You just have to bother me; you couldn’t splash water around by yourself.”

“I was doing that, you got in the way.”

I roll my eyes at him and shake my head in annoyance. I didn’t feel like getting in the water, more so, I don’t feel like putting up with him. He just loves doing things like this to get a reaction from me. It is not the first time he pulls pranks on me, I mean at the office he does it all the time, but the thing is that when he tries to annoy me, he does it in a way that both of us aren’t going to get in trouble. But here, he has absolute freedom to do whatever he wants, and I am not in the mood.

“You should come inside; the water is amazing.”

“No thank you, I already told you, I’m not getting in”. He comes out of the water and smiles at me as he starts walking in my direction. It takes me a few seconds to realize his intentions, but when I am about to escape, he grabs my arm and starts pulling me toward the edge, totally ignoring my pleading screams.

“Stop it, Derek! It is not funny!” I scream.

“It’s hilarious actually” he pauses for a moment, “let me take this from you” he grabs my book from my hands and then pushes me into the water. I quickly made my way up to the surface and see Derek laughing loudly and uncontrollably. I am ready to snap at him.

“I am going to kill you!” I scream as I swim back to the edge to get out.

“Come on, T, it is just water—”

“I told you I wanted some peace, Derek, this isn’t funny. First day and you already ruined it for me.”

“It’s not that bad—”

“You think this is a joke? Huh? It isn’t. Get out of my way” I say as I pass him. He remains quiet as I grab my things and start walking toward the house.

He is unbelievable. All I wanted was to enjoy this weekend after everything that has happened. I think that what bothers me most is not that he pushed me into the lake—which wasn’t pleasant—but the fact that he seems too carefree about this entire situation and that pisses me off. He is doing everything he can to annoy me. Perhaps he hasn’t done anything major for me to explode like that, but Derek being silly isn’t making things easier. I want to believe he is probably going through the denial phase—I do believe he cared about Savannah so much; I could see it whenever he looked at her. Derek being good to her and not being seen with anyone other than her, made me believe just how much love he felt whenever they were together, it made me happy for them. At the end of the day, there wasn’t anything I wanted more than my best friend’s happiness.

I stomp my way up to my room and shut the door, making a loud noise. I groan aloud and proceed to grab a dry set of clothes to change into after I get out of the shower. When I am done, I decide to stay in my bedroom, not wanting to bump into him in the hall—maybe it is for the best. The more times I talk to him, the more he annoys me with his way of handling the whole thing. I don’t see the sadness in him, which confuses me even more. Why isn’t he grieving?

 

It is now nighttime and my stomach growls. I didn’t think through the whole thing of locking me up not wanting to come across him. I decide to stop my constant staring at the ceiling and get out just to go downstairs and grab something to eat. I open the door and see the empty hallways, taking this chance to quietly get down to the kitchen to see what I can make for dinner. Out of decency, I could leave something for him—it would be the right thing even though he constantly takes everything as a joke, but he still needs to eat too.

For the whole day, I kept thinking about how this entire “denying” phase is the only way to deal with everything for him. I keep replaying in my mind his lost face at the funeral. He wasn’t looking at anyone. Front row, head straight looking toward the direction where the casket was placed. That is why it seems so confusing to me to see his behavior today—he seems so much different compared to how I saw him just not too long ago.

“Hey”, I hear Derek behind me, making me jump, “sorry, didn’t mean to startle you.” I turn around and see him standing there with his hands up, “I came here to call a truce.”

I see him grab some ingredients from the cabinets and a giant bowl, “I’ll make dinner for both of us.”

“You don’t have to—” I start but he quickly stops me.

“Please, T, let me. Perhaps as I make it, we can have a little chat.”

CHAPTER 04

He is making pasta and as he does, he stays quiet, concentrating on chopping the tomatoes for the sauce. I sit on one of the stools, observing him attentively, wondering what he is going to talk to me about. Perhaps he wants to get into the subject of this whole day, but I couldn’t be too sure.

“It’s been a long day” he finally breaks the silence—as if he is reading my mind. I’m glad he finally gets into it because it is kind of awkward to be completely quiet watching him cook.

“Tell me about it,” I mumble under my breath.

“Look, Thalia, first of all, I want to apologize” he starts.

I nod understandingly, “I appreciate that, I want to apologize too.”

He looks puzzled, “why would you apologize? You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I should’ve been more understanding about you too, I kept thinking that maybe you were having that attitude because that was your way of dealing with what happened.”

He pauses for a moment, then gives his back to me. It takes a few moments before he meets my eyes again, and I could see him tearing up, but he quickly composes himself, trying to remain strong.

He takes a deep breath, “I thought about how I behaved with you, and you were right, I was being childish. I wasn’t handling the situation with maturity, so I can understand your annoyance.”

This is new. His tone was more serious than ever. In all the years I’ve known him I’ve never heard him speak like that, it was a whole new territory for me, and I didn’t know how to respond. He smiled and then kept on cooking, which makes me feel bad because he is doing all the work. I go to the cabinets, grab two plates and two glasses, and place them on the small dining table.

“Want some wine?” I ask and he looks hesitant.

After a few seconds he finally makes up his mind, “I’m good, thanks.”

Guess it will be just me.

I pour the drink into my glass and take a sip. I decide to take this opportunity that we’re not annoying the hell out of each other to get over my doubts.

“Hey,” I call out to get his attention. He looks up and raises his eyebrows, indicating I have his attention, “where were you?” I of course notice his confusion, so I quickly elaborate on my rather vague beginning of a question without giving him context. “After the funeral.”

He sighs, “I had to think, I guess.”

“Everyone wondered where you were,” I say as he poured the pasta into the strainer. He pauses for a moment, probably thinking about his next response, but instead, he decides to grab the bowl with the fresh pasta and begins to serve it on our plates. “They were worried” I push.

“Yes, I can imagine, but I guess they were also understanding that it was hard for me to stay. I didn’t want to but not because I didn’t care about it, but because it was hard to face everyone and accept their condolences.”

I guess that’s fair. I saw the same thing in Savannah’s parents, they wanted to leave there. I didn’t want to do the whole speech either, but I couldn’t refuse. I was with tied hands doing something that hurt me deeply but what kind of a best friend would I’ve been if I denied giving the farewell speech? At that moment, I wanted to postpone it, because once I would do it, I knew it was final. The casket was there, the people, the priest, the flowers, and the burial, everything was happening. Nothing was part of my imagination, but before giving that speech I still thought that maybe out of nowhere, Savannah would just appear, making her grand and fabulous entrance—the one she would always do when she wanted everyone to know her arrival.

“That reminds me that I never told you how beautiful your farewell speech was,” he says as he sits down, I do the same.

“I’m glad you liked it, I thought you didn’t, because you were looking everywhere else.”

“You were looking at me?” he asks, raising an eyebrow.

I clear my throat, “of course, I mean, I looked at everyone’s reaction. But, especially yours, because, well. . .” I can’t say it, it is getting difficult to talk to him about this. I don’t know why. I should be able to discuss how I felt that day with him because even though he can be annoying and we aren’t exactly super close, no one understands me better than him in a situation like this.

“Well, I am touched that you cared,” he says and pours himself some water.

I decide to try the pasta and I’m surprised at how amazing it tasted. “Oh, my God, Derek, this is so good.”

He smiles, “I’m glad you liked it, I hope this can be something like my peace offering to you,” he says with hope in his eyes.

“It is already forgotten, I exploded in a way that makes me feel bad now.”

“Don’t, I’m just glad we cleared all of that up. That doesn’t mean I won’t annoy you anymore, but for this weekend perhaps I can behave myself.”

I roll my eyes at him, “and I foolishly hoped that this was going to be the end of you being an asshole.”

He chuckles briefly, “please, what’s the fun in that? I know deep down, you’re laughing.”

“Oh, yes, I am laughing hysterically.”

“You will laugh eventually.”

“I wouldn’t bet on it,” I reply.

 

After dinner, I decide to go outside to admire the beauty of this starry night. I keep thinking about how this day ended on a positive note, which of course feels more alleviating. I feel all the stress I had accumulated slowly fade away as I let out a heavy breath,

I hear Derek’s steps approaching me, making me turn around. I see him a bit dizzy, making me worry, “hey, are you okay?” I ask.

He rubs his eyes and gives me a rather reassuring smile, “yes, of course, and more now that we were able to have that little talk. I honestly couldn’t stop thinking about how I ruined your first day here.”

I walk towards him and place my arm on his shoulder, “you were right. I was stressed. I know you are naturally an asshole.”

“And?” he asks waiting for the next part of my sentence.

I shrug my shoulders, “and that, you are an asshole, I thought it would be a perfect time to remind you.”

He shakes his head as he laughs, “ha-ha jokes on you, I already knew that. But it’s funny to be an asshole toward you.”

“Why?” I ask, rather curious. I would like to know why he tends to target me for his pranks and stupid comments that make my blood boil. I mean, as I’ve mentioned before, it’s not that he does anything major, but sometimes I don’t have the patience to deal with his immaturity. Luckily, tonight he has demonstrated that he can be serious and have an adult conversation when he must. Let’s see how long this ‘truce’ lasts; by morning he probably forgets about it. I’ll just enjoy this for now, which is the first time I’ve had some peace and disconnection from the outside world.

I thought the hardest part would be to attend the funeral—which it was—but quite honestly the part that I’ve been dealing with the most is the constant comments of people asking if I was okay. I know they are trying to help but they’re just making me feel worse. They tend to ask the stupidest questions; of course, I am not okay.

I see him stumbling a little more when proceeds to leave, making me approach him to grab him just in case he starts falling. “Are you okay?” I ask once more.

He shrugs, “yes, yes, don’t worry—” he starts but quickly cuts off by almost tripping over himself, making me jump toward him.

“Nope, you’re not okay. Come on, I’ll take you upstairs” I say as I place his arm over my shoulder, supporting his weight. He tries to argue against but I shush him. I don’t need to witness him falling down the stairs because he can hardly support himself. Slowly, I take him up the stairs and into his room, gently trying to lay his back on the bed, but he is too heavy and as I drop him it makes me fall on top of him.

I quickly get up, “sorry!” I apologize. He just laughs it off as he proceeds to cover himself with the sheets.

“Don’t worry about it, I was the clumsy one.”

“Did you have a drink?” I ask, now fully seeing the symptoms. Of course, he seems drunk.

“What are you? A cop?” he slurs his words.

“You just answered the question,” I say as I tuck him in. “I thought you didn’t want to drink when you denied the wine.”

“I didn’t feel like drinking wine today.”

“How much did you drink? Because I didn’t see you grab any alcohol bottle all throughout dinner,” I ask confused.

“Well, after we did the dishes, I found some booze on one of the cabinets, and since you went out to the porch, I just took a few drinks.”

“I literally went out for like ten minutes, Derek.”

“Goodnight, Thalia,” and with that, he is out.

I let out a heavy sigh and proceed to walk out to the hallway. Before going to bed, I decide to check if we didn’t leave anything without cleaning; there’s nothing I hate more than waking up to a messed-up ambiance.

At first, it seems good enough, the dishes were made, the leftover food was placed inside the fridge, and everything was in order. When I look closer though, something catches my attention. I see a shot glass on the counter and a half-empty bottle of vodka, which I assume Derek forgot to put away before coming out to the porch. Looking a little closer, I see two cans of empty beers inside the trash can. I can’t believe he drank all that by himself in just a few moments I went outside. I put away the bottle and the glass and decide to talk with him in the morning when he is capable of holding himself together.

CHAPTER 05

“Why didn’t you call me?” my mom asks on the other side of the line. I sit on a kitchen stool, sipping on my coffee mug as I listen to a possible lecture.

“Mom, I already told you, I was settling down, I got carried away.”

“We agreed to you letting me know if you were okay” I can’t even tell her tone anymore. It is a mixture of concern, disappointment, and annoyance.

“I know, but when I arrived, I put my stuff away, took a nap, then went straight to the lake to read. Nighttime came and I didn’t want to bother you and dad.”

I hear her sigh heavily, “sweetie, you could never bother us, okay?”

“I’m sorry, mom, it won’t happen again, I promise” I reassure her and as I say this, I hear Derek coming down the stairs. “Mom, listen, I’ll call you a bit later.”

“Are you sure?” she asks making me roll my eyes.

“Yes, mom, definitely you will receive a call from me this time.” With that, I hang up as I watch Derek rub his head as he proceeds to grab one of the coffee mugs on the counter. He pours himself some coffee and sat down on the table across from me.

“So, that was your mommy?” he asks, not being able to hold his smile.

“Yes, I made her the promise that I would call her so she could check up on me, she’s been worried.” When I say this, he becomes more serious and nods understandingly.

“My head is killing me,” he quickly changes the topic, just when I have decided to bring it up so we can discuss the amount of alcohol he consumed all by himself.

“You read my mind; I want to talk to you about that.” He takes a sip from the coffee mug and shrugs his shoulders.

“What do you want to know?” he asks.

“Well. . .” I start as I stand up and put the now empty coffee mug in the dishwasher. “How about the amount of booze I found yesterday laying around? No wonder you have pains and headaches this morning, you drank a huge amount in little time, all by yourself.”

He doesn’t say anything, he stays quiet and keeps drinking his coffee. “Derek?” I call out for his attention, but he is not looking at me. “What are you thinking?” Instead of asking something stupid like if he was doing okay—which he is not—I decided just to find out what was going through his head. I want to know why he behaves the way he does, and why he is handling this entire situation like this. Perhaps it could be a good thing for him to get everything off his chest.

“Nothing, I am fine.”

He’s lying, of course.

“You can talk to me. Why did you drink all of that?” I push, but he stays quiet, “Derek.”

“Listen, Thalia, I have a huge headache and the last thing I want is to talk about is something that stupid. I’m a big boy, I can handle this myself.” His tone changed drastically and I didn’t like it one bit. I go back to where my chair is but don’t sit down, I just stare down at him, who is now covering his face with both of his hands.

“I expect you to give me some kind of explanation,” I say, making him finally look at me.

“Why? Why do you care?” he asks.

I scoff, “you’re right, I shouldn’t care, but if I don’t ask, you may be going through something much bigger that could harm you, and it will stay in my conscience that I could’ve done something but didn’t.”

“I am fine. Relax, T, nothing is going on” he tries to reassure me, but I know is bullshit. I finally sit down, sighing heavily as I know he’s lying through his teeth. I know this is yet another way to deal with everything, but now that I see this side of him, I think I rather him being annoying. Who would’ve thought?

“Ever since it happened, have you been able to sleep?” I ask, probably this way I will find out more about his feelings on this matter. He stares at me, not saying a word, but I can already tell I am right about something.

“I have been trying to sleep, though at first, it was hard, the booze helped with that. Makes me feel tired and I just pass out” he admits.

“Have you tried to talk to someone about this?” I ask.

He shakes his head no, “it wouldn’t help anyway. I don’t need to sit down in front of a psychologist to tell me something I already know.”

“Talking to someone will help get things out of your system, so it could start to become easier.”

“Nobody would understand” he replies, then stands up and walks to place his mug inside the dishwasher as well. “I don’t want to have this conversation now; my head is killing me.” He walks outside, leaving me sitting alone at the kitchen table, wondering if it was a good idea to talk about this with him. After a few more minutes I realize that it was indeed something important to discuss and he was not getting away that easy. I walk out of the house and head down toward the lake where I see Derek standing on the edge, staring at the horizon.

“I would understand,” I tell him. He turns around and furrows his eyebrows in confusion.

“What?” he asks.

“I would understand, Derek. I understand everything that you’re going through.”

“I forgot—” he started but I quickly cut him off.

“That I lost the one person I could trust in this world? Someone I considered my sister? Yeah, I did, and I’ve been trying to deal with that ever since it happened.”

He turns back around, facing the lake again. I approach him so I could stand beside him, to admire the view with him. After what seemed like forever, he finally speaks up.

“I’m sorry” he simply says.

“Looks like all you’ve been doing is apologizing,” I reply with a chuckle. He laughs along with me.

“That’s because I keep messing up.”

I shake my head no, “you are grieving, and it is totally okay.”

Everyone has a different way to deal with situations like these. Some people take it with sadness, others with anger, and in some cases, you may be too stunned to feel anything at all. Perhaps something very sudden happened and your mind just blocks it because the tremendous amount of pain is too big to bare, you just enter a total denial phase—which in my opinion could be the worst one. For some reason, people won’t understand this type of grief, they think that you don’t care enough about the person that just passed, but that is so further from the truth. You care too much about him or her, and the sudden death makes your mind simply send you off to a place where you don’t have to feel pain, it helps you become numb as you enter the process of healing.

“Can you believe that after all the years I’ve known her, I still would like to tell her so much?” I say. He finally looks at me, as I feel his gaze on me, I turn my face to lock gazes with him. He smiles understandingly.

“I feel the same way. I mean, in my case, I’ve only known her for three years, three goddamn years and that’s what hurts me the most—it seems such a little time.” He shakes his head and turns to look at me, “I wish I could’ve said so many things to her.”

I nod agreeing with him. I’ve known Savannah since we were just kids, but even though it’s been that long for the two of us, I still would’ve wished for her to stay in this world for a longer period of time. She had dreams, goals, people that loved her, and a kind heart, she meant and will mean everything to me for the rest of my life.

“Maybe there is a way we can get off our chest what we want to tell her,” Derek says making me give my full attention to him.

I furrow my eyebrows in confusion, not really comprehending what he means by that. He looks at me as if what he is saying makes total sense and I am dumb for not understanding right away. Since he isn’t elaborating, I motion for him to keep going.

“What I mean, is that what we need is to get things out of our chest, so why don’t we write it?”

“Write it?” I ask.

“Yeah, like, write letters that are meant for her. Look, I have this idea that may or may not work, but at least the reason why I think we should do it is that perhaps we could put down everything that we would like to tell Savannah but can’t anymore.”

His idea isn’t totally bad. I think that perhaps writing what I am thinking, feeling, or even doing could in some way liberate these emotions I keep accumulating as the days go by. More so, I think that it is indeed something that could help Derek a lot since he doesn’t want to talk to anyone about his feelings lately. This can be in some way therapeutic for both of us.

“I think it is a great idea!” I say making his smile grow wider.

“Look, let’s try writing her for one month, then we come back here with all our letters and decide what to do with them.”

“Are we going to read them to each other?”

“We can see about that. Although it could be a good thing to keep it a secret from the other, makes it more exciting and mysterious.”

I get excited every second that passes, I think that’s the closest we can get to sharing with her how we feel and what we are doing. I know it isn’t a lot, but I guess there’s not much that we can do to start feeling better. I mean, our hearts will forever stay broken, but with this, we can keep the illusion of Savannah alive.

CHAPTER 06

When Derek shared his idea, I started feeling excited to write about anything that could come to mind. What would I like to tell her if I could? For sure it is harder than I initially thought. There’s so much I would like to share with Savannah, but where do I begin?

Derek gave me some paper to start, just in case I have something that I would like to write right away. I lay down on my bed and let my mind flow with words, with the perfect way to start these letters.

I decide that this should come out naturally, I shouldn’t force it so I start with something simple.

“Hey Savs, how are you? So, your fiancé had this idea that we should write to you some letters. Of course, he wanted it to be in the traditional way so that’s why I am putting down the computer and using a pen and a piece of paper—honestly, I like it better like this. I didn’t know how to start this, so I will just try to be as straightforward as possible, I miss you. I know that is a huge ‘duh’ thing to say, but I really do. Every day becomes harder than the prior one and I barely know how to deal with it anymore.”

It does feel better to write about it. To share on a piece of paper what I haven’t told almost anyone. A lot of people deal with this daily, and I know they could understand how I feel. But, quite honestly, I’ve been wanting to keep all these feelings to myself because I don’t want to become a burden to anyone. I don’t want to be the negative one even though it is a fact I lost someone recently.

I hear a light knock on my door, snapping me back to reality. I see Derek smiling as he leans on the door frame.

“I see you’ve started,” he says with a small smirk on his face.

I nod, “yeah, I’ve decided to just let it flow and put down right away everything I’ve been feeling these past few days.”

He walks inside the room and sits down next to me. “I didn’t want to write a letter with the words I miss you and that’s it, but that’s the only thing that comes to mind right now” he admits.

“Why? You said it yourself; we can write whatever we want. If you want to write an entire letter saying that you miss her like 200 times, you can” it is true though. One of the main rules is that we could have absolute freedom about what we write to Savannah.

“You’re right, I just want to elaborate way more. It is easier said than done.” I look at him, his face is staring down at the piece of paper in his hands. I pat his shoulder trying to comfort him.

“Believe me, I feel the same way. There’s so much to tell her and little ways to express it the right way. So, we better get our writing going and start simple. Pretend she’s still here with us and you want to send her a love letter. What would you write?”

He stands up and finally looks at me, “I would start saying: Hey babe, I finally learned how to do origami, I finally stopped leaving the toilet seat opened, and I learned how to fold the shirts as you taught me” he says smiling.

“That’s a great start” I reply feeling happy that he already got the hang of it.

“Baby, I finally got to sit down through one of your cheesy chic flicks and learned how to make homemade pizza, and now I admit that you were right, Justin Bieber’s music started going downhill after his album Believe.” He continues, making me giggle at the last thing he mentioned. He pauses for a moment, his eyes getting teary, “I admit I didn’t cry at your funeral because I felt like it wasn’t really happening like you were somehow going to just appear and sit down next to me to fix my hair because I never want to comb it.” He stops and I notice the grip he was having on the paper starts to tighten. I walk up to him and for the first time, I hug him. He doesn’t resist, he just stays put and accepts it. After a few seconds, he hugs me back, letting the paper fall to the ground and using both of his arms to wrap them around me.

“I’m sorry” I hear him say under his breath.

“Why? That was beautiful” I reply, smiling.  

CHAPTER 07

I’ve never seen the Derek Harris cry, it was new but also good because that way he could really start feeling with less weight on his shoulders.

“I’m sorry for this” he repeats as he pulls back, a small chuckle escapes his lips as he starts wiping away his tears. I shake my head and place both my hands on his shoulders, offering him a supportive smile.

“Stop apologizing, it’s a good thing to cry,” I say.

“Yeah, but I don’t do that,” he tries to sound tough. But I just shake my head, rolling my eyes.

“It isn’t a bad thing to release your emotions occasionally. You can’t always deal with everything with jokes and annoying behavior.”

“Look, up to now it has been working just fine,” he says as he walks towards the door.

“But it isn’t really how you want to handle it,” I say making him stop. He turns around and faces me.

“I’m craving pizza. I’m going to make pizza” he changes the subject and starts to walk down the stairs, making me follow him.

“You do understand what I mean, right?” I ask, not wanting to change the subject yet because he should always understand that he can’t just push away what he feels.

I hear him sigh heavily as he grabs the utensils and tomatoes for the sauce. “I know, Thalia, I do know that. I just think it is way easier if people don’t know what you go through. I don’t want to be a burden to anyone, or them constantly feeling pity for me, I can’t stand that.”

He does have a point. I hate when I know people are feeling sorry for me. They mean well, but the constant reminder starts to become unbearable. “I get it” I simply say as he starts chopping the tomatoes. I sit down on the stools as I watch him cook.

“Look, it isn’t like I hate everyone for giving me their condolences or that I behave sometimes inappropriately because I don’t care. Of course, I care, it is just too much to deal with” he says.

“I’m sorry that sometimes I’m hard on you, I just don’t get you.”

He shakes his head, “I would want to kill me too, don’t worry about it.”

He can be understanding when he wants and capable of maintaining a normal conversation without making any inappropriate jokes, I know this may last for only now, but better to just enjoy it and forget for a moment how annoying he can get when he really wants to make me angry.

After five minutes, the smell of pizza was felt throughout the entire living room and has been making me almost drool. “Hurry up!” I say, whining.

He laughs, “patience.”

“I want pizza” I keep saying.

“You call me childish? I see how it is” he says as he checks the oven to see if the pizza is cooking correctly. I stick my tongue out at him, causing a small chuckle to escape his lips.

“It is only okay when I say you’re childish,” I say as I cross my arms over my chest.

“Is that so?”

I nod making him laugh even more. After what seemed like forever, the oven finally makes a bip sound, indicating that the pizza is ready to be taken out. I clap my hands excitedly as I see him take it out, placing it on a tray to start cutting it. The more I waited the more I was craving that pizza, which at that point, I’m sure I could be able to eat in one sitting.  

“It looks amazing,” I say.

“I wasn’t kidding when I say I learned how to make pizza” he replies with a rather cocky tone. I feel like he’s cutting the pizza slowly to make me die for the anticipation of finally taking a bite out of it.

“Come on, hurry up!” I whine, yet once again.

“Can you relax? Here, there you go” he finally says placing a piece on my plate.

“Thanks” and I quickly take a bite. It tastes like heaven. “This is so good.”

“Told you, my pizza is the real deal,” he says and starts eating as well. “Yup, I’m an excellent cook.”

After finishing the pizza—yes, we finished the whole thing—we did the dishes and tried to make small talk, getting to know each other, I guess.

“What’s your favorite color?” he asks as he dried the last plate that was left. I take off the gloves and opened the fridge to see if there is something that could be the dessert—I always need something sweet after dinner.

“I mean, I have a lot of favorite colors, but it depends on the occasion. My ultimate favorite color is pastel pink, but I don’t have that much clothing in that color, ironically. I prefer to wear colors like black or white” I didn’t have luck, there was no dessert. I close the door of the fridge and pouted my lips. Defeated, I walked back to the table.

“Why the pouty face?” Derek asks. I look up at him and shrug my shoulders, not really making a big deal out of this because it wasn’t.

“Nothing, nothing. It’s stupid” I say but he wasn’t having it.

“No, no, tell me” he pushes and sits down across from me.

I sigh, “I wanted dessert, but I found nothing” saying that aloud makes me blush because right there I heard myself being stupid and a complete child—something I’ve criticized about Derek numerous times.

CHAPTER 08

I woke up earlier than intended. I sit on my bed and rub the sleep out of my eyes, trying to adjust my view of the surroundings. My sight is still blurry, so I go straight to the bathroom to wash my face. I open the door and see Derek staring at himself in the mirror with nothing but a towel. My abrupt interruption makes him jump, accidentally causing his towel to drop. I quickly cover my eyes and hurriedly close the door.

“I’m so sorry!” I say frantically.

I hear him laugh from the other side, though I don’t find amusement in that situation. I practically sprint downstairs, cringing as I think about walking in on him. I sit on the table with my hands holding up my head, trying to erase those events, but also blaming Derek because he should’ve locked the door.

After a few more minutes I hear him walk downstairs and look elsewhere trying to avoid him at all costs. He grabs two coffee mugs and places them on the countertop, whistling a melody. I look at the ceiling, at the walls, at the collection of vases on the other side of the room, just to avoid his gaze which I can feel burning into me.

He places one mug in front of me, looking down I mumble a ‘thank you’ and quietly proceed to take a sip from the coffee. He sits down across from me and taps his fingers against the table.

“So. . .” he starts, “how’d you sleep?”

“Fine” I reply and take another sip.

He lets out a chuckle, “you’re making too much of a big deal, you didn’t see anything, you closed your eyes remember?”

Oh, but I did see it before doing that. “I don’t want to talk about it,” I reply.

“You can look at me,” he says, I can feel his famous smirk forming, but I don’t want to see it. “Thalia?” he calls out. “Look at me.”

I hesitantly start looking up, still cringing though. “There, happy?”

“Much better,” he says.

“Why didn’t you lock the door? You could’ve saved me from the embarrassment” I say as I cross my arms over my chest.

“First of all, I don’t know why so traumatized, it isn’t something you probably haven’t seen before in another guy, and if you haven’t, well, you’ve seen naked bodies in all those science books in school. Secondly, I didn’t lock it because I assumed you would still be in bed.”    

“Well, you assumed wrong,” I say.

He rolls his eyes, “was it that bad?”

“Stop it,” I say menacingly pointing my index finger at him. He laughs and starts drinking his coffee. He didn’t mention it again for the rest of breakfast, which I was thankful for.

When we were done, I give my mother a call, mainly talking about how everything was so far. “It’s fine,” I’d say every two minutes whenever she kept asking. Which, honestly, wasn’t a lie. I thought being here was going to be difficult and a constant crying spree. But I’ve been having a good time, remembering my best friend with nothing but cherished memories. I’ve felt better in this lake house than back home, making me think about the idea of just staying here for a longer period. I would consider asking the Jones if they would allow me to pay them rent to stay. The peace I’ve had just watching the lake and reading, the starry night, the nostalgia I feel just walking through the corridors, remembering all those sleepless nights.

…

“Awesome, isn’t it?” Savannah asked after a few seconds of me completely in awe of this beautiful lake house. “I told you it was awesome.”

I simply nodded because I wasn’t completely understanding if this was real or a complete dream. The whole place felt unrealistic like it came straight out of a movie. I helped Savannah unpack everything from the car and then I followed her inside. The interior was just as beautiful as the outside, it was unbelievable.

“Are you sure we can stay here?”

“Um, of course, T., what do you mean?” she asks as she left her purse on top of the countertop. I cross my arms over my shoulder and give her a look.

“What?” she acted innocent.

“What I mean is that I know you, and you are not one to ask for permission to do certain things most of the time.”

“Pfft, not true,” she said and didn’t look at me, but my gaze was piercing through her.

She finally looked at me, “I did ask, you can call my mom if you don’t trust me. This weekend is like her gift for graduating high school, and let us know she trusts us. . . Well, barely.”

“What do you mean barely?” I furrow my eyebrows in confusion.

“That even though she trusts you, she will still call to check up on us. She thinks that I am a bad influence on you,” she said rolling her eyes in annoyance.

“I mean, it makes perfect sense,” I said.

“Of course, you think it makes sense,” she said as a small chuckle escaped her lips.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked rather offended.  

She shook her head, “nothing, now come on, I’ll show you to our room” she said and grabbed my hand dragging me upstairs.

…

We’ve had some great times here. I start feeling bummed out by the fact that this is my last day and tomorrow I will have to get back to reality, I don’t think I’m ready for that yet.

“Sweetie? Are you there?” my mom’s voice snaps me back to reality.

“Yes! Yes, mom, sorry” I say, scratching the back of my head.

“You spaced out for a moment there” she chuckles.

“Yes, sorry, I’ve been very thoughtful lately,” I say, making her stay for a moment in silence, knowing the reason why I would be like that.

“I get it, although I must admit that I miss you.”

I smile, “I miss you too, mom.”

“How’re you feeling? Were you able to disconnect?” she asks. I take a moment to think about that question and smile because for the first time since it happened, I feel relaxed, I feel connected not with everyone pitying me back home, but with my best friend, because I know that this was her favorite place in the entire world and let me share it with her, making it an even more special location.

“Yes, I feel a bit better. . . This was good for me, honestly.”

“I’m glad, sweetie. Well, I won’t bother anymore, enjoy the rest of your stay there.”

“Thanks, mom, I’ll call you when I head out.”

As I hung up, I see through the glass door Derek standing outside, waving at me. Confused, I walk towards where he is to know what else is he planning.

“What’s up?” I ask curiously as I see both of his arms behind his back.

“I’ve been thinking, what way can we end this last day here.”

“Derek. . .” I start, slowly placing one foot back ready to go hide from whatever plan he has in mind. “What are you doing?”

“You know, this has been a perfect weekend, right?” he begins. I don’t like his tone.

“Yes?” I say, staring at him suspiciously.

“And as you were chatting and catching up with your mother, it got me thinking. . .”

“I don’t like it when you think,” I say, trying to remain calm.

He laughs and shakes his head, “no, no, this is a great idea.”

“I can’t remember when was the last time one of your ideas was successful.”

“I found something really cool. . .”

I didn’t respond soon enough when out of nowhere from behind him, he was holding a water gun, quickly spraying me with it. I stay there in complete shock watching him. When he realizes my reaction, he starts to apologize, but I start walking towards the garage. I started to have a plan of my own, which in my mind was hoping that what I need at that moment was still there.

“Thalia, I am so sorry” I hear his voice fade as I walk further away from him.

I come back after a few minutes with my own water gun.

“This is the last time you mess with me,” I say as I finish recharging, he does the same as his smile starts to grow wider.

“Let’s do this.”

We start chasing each other around, spraying water everywhere as if we were little kids. Derek then sprints towards the lake, and I go after him. He stops on the edge and then turns around to face me.

“You have no escape,” I say aiming my water gun at him.

He smirks, “there is always an escape” and with that, he drops the water gun and jumps into the lake. I laugh it off and then walk towards the edge myself. After a few seconds, he reappears, looking up at me as he rubs his eyes.

“The water is amazing; you should come inside!”

I hesitate yet once again, which makes him calm down.

“It’s alright Thalia, it’s okay if you don—”

I cut him off by jumping in, splashing a huge amount of water his way. This time was different, I didn’t go inside because Derek pushed me in, I went inside because I wanted to and was having the time of my life.

“There you go, Thalia!” Derek couldn’t hide his excitement.

“You were right, this feels so good!” I say with the biggest smile, a heartfelt smile.

We stayed floating around for I don’t know how long, but the fact that my fingers were looking like a prune could give us a sign that it’s been long.

“We should get out” I suggest. He nods and we proceed to swim toward the surface.

CHAPTER 09

If you had told me that I was spending time with the most annoying guy on this planet, I would’ve laughed in your face and called you crazy. I can’t believe I did that, I played with him with water guns as if we were kids, ran around, and jumped in the lake with him. I wish he would be this nice to hang around with more often, I could even dare to say that he could make a good friend.

He sits down on the edge of the boardwalk, staring at the horizon. I on the other hand want to go inside to get some towels. “Where are you going?” he asks when he notices me walking away.

I point toward the house, “to get some towels.”

“Why? You have the entire sun to dry you.”

“I am freezing.”

“You’re such a whiner” he chuckles.

“I am not!”

“Yes, you are, you will dry almost immediately with this sun, but the princess is freezing, poor baby.”

That’s the Derek I know.

I roll my eyes and sit down next to him, “did I ever tell you I loath you?”

He looks at me, “no, you don’t. The proof of that is that you finally jumped into the lake.”

“You would’ve found a way to push me in again eventually, so might as well do it myself,” I say, making him smile.

“I actually had a good time here, I thought it was going to be a dread,” he says, looking back at the lake. Without one of us talking, there was pure silence, only the birds singing and the slight breeze of air hitting our bodies almost like a caress. I put a strand of hair behind my ear and looked toward the lake as well.

I nod in agreement with him, “I feel the same way. I thought you would be a jerk all weekend, but you actually behaved.”

“You must be so proud,” he says, making me let out a small giggle.

“A little.”

He nudges my shoulder, “come on, admit it, I outdid myself. You didn’t have faith in me, but I proved you wrong.”

I playfully roll my eyes at him, “alright, fine, you actually proved to be a decent human being.”

He smiles triumphantly and both of us stay without saying a word for a couple of minutes, taking in the peacefulness of the place. For the first time in what seemed like forever, I was feeling okay.

“I don’t want to go back to work tomorrow,” I say aloud. Derek looks at me, smiling knowingly.

“I know, I feel the same way, I wish I could stay longer here.”

“Yeah,” I agree.

“I’ve already asked my father permission to come here, I doubt he would let me stay longer and skip work,” Derek says making me furrow my eyebrows in confusion.

“Excuse me?”

“Shit,” he says under his breath.

“What do you mean with that, Derek?”

“I shouldn’t have said anything,” he quickly stands up, making me stand up too.

“Derek, what did you mean by that?” I repeat.

He pauses for a few minutes, making me even more anxious for his answer. “My father is our boss,” he finally replies, nervously scratching the back of his head.

“What?” is the only thing I could say at that precise moment.

“But!” he quickly says, “it doesn’t change anything, I’m still awesome in my own way.”

“I can’t believe this; this explains so much.”

“Like what?” he asks.

“Like why he had some type of favoritism with you and would always choose your ideas, no matter how ridiculous they were.”

“Hey, I have good ideas,” he says defensively.

I give him a look, “one time, you proposed that we promote a clothing line with girls that didn’t have clothes.”

“That idea was amazing,” he defends. “That brand would’ve sold much more.”

“It is a clothing line; you’re supposed to develop ideas to promote clothes.”

“The point is,” he decides to move on, “I tell him to stop giving me favoritism and even help others at the time of them getting a job, it happened with you.” That makes me stop to think for a moment.

“Excuse me?” I can’t seem to say anything else apparently, everything is catching me off guard, leaving me defenseless.

“Fuck” he grabs the back of his head in exasperation. “Fuck,” he repeats.

“Now that everything is starting to come out, finish that,” I say.

He hesitates but still answers. “When you came in looking for the job, I told my dad to hire you because you were. . . Hot.”

“WHAT? Are you kidding me right now? I got the job because of THAT!?”

“If you think about it, it is kind of flattering,” he says smiling nervously.

“In what world is that flattering? I’ve basically killed every brain cell in me to study and be the best so I can work in that company, but I got in not because of my knowledge, but because the boss’ son thought I was hot.” I’ve never felt so mad in my entire life. This is unbelievable.

“Thalia, but you’ve done an amazing job these past years, my father loves everything you’ve accomplished so far. You’ve literally become one the best employees of the company.”

“I can’t even look at you right now,” I say as I start to walk away.

“Thalia—” I cut him off by turning around to face him.

“I just realized something” I say.

He stops as well and stares at me, “what?”

“Savannah knew about this and she didn’t tell me,” for a moment, I actually felt betrayed.

“I begged her not to say anything the time she went to my apartment for the first time. My dad dropped by, and she found out.”

I started walking toward the house once again and Derek followed behind.

“But I begged her not to tell you because I didn’t want anyone to know!” I hear Derek from behind. “Thalia” he keeps calling out for me to stop, but I don’t, I can’t do it. “It isn’t that big of a deal.”

“It is! And the fact that you can’t tell makes me know even more what an asshole you are, even more than before!” with that, I make my way toward my room, slamming the door and locking it shut. I go to my desk and grab a clean white paper, angrily sitting down and starting to write.

“Dear Savannah, your fiancé is the worst.”

CHAPTER 10

Derek knocked on my door several times before finally giving up, understanding that I wasn’t going to open it any time soon. I stayed sat on the bed for the past hour, thinking about this new information which made me understand so many things.

Every time he showed up late, or would come up with stupid ideas, he would still be praised. Sometimes I’d stay up late to come up with ideas that would change things in the company in a positive way but somehow, he would still manage to be the center of attention. I’ve always been a nervous wreck with public speaking, and I am still working on that, but he never made things easier.

As of right now, I am doubting everything ‘good’ I’ve done on that job for the past 3 years. I remember the day I walked through that door with my not-so-long curriculum in hand, I was a nervous wreck. I knew that the chances of me getting in were close to zero, but I was pretty hopeful and prepared myself to prove to them that if I could have a chance, I would make a difference.

I remember I was shaking and had the urge to vomit all over the floor because my stomach couldn’t stop doing backflips. I remember I’ve rehearsed day and night with Savannah for that job interview, and realizing Derek once again had the most influence on something makes my blood boil. I love that job, I just don’t like how I got it after I’ve worked so hard for it, to be accepted into such a prestigious company.

I decide to stop thinking about it for just a moment and concentrate on getting ready to go back home. I think I could be able to return to my old apartment. Will it hurt? Yes, but there’s nothing else I can do, and I am not abandoning that place because it is filled with my most cherished memories—right now, I am not in the position to let go.

After I take a warm and relaxing shower, I go back to the room and start grabbing all my clothes from the closet, placing them messily on top of my bed, folding it neatly, and putting it inside my small suitcase. The entire time, I didn’t hear any sounds from outside, not even music from Derek’s stereo. I decide to toss the thought of him at the very back of my head and continue packing.

Once I finish, I grab my things and walk into the hallway. I pass by Derek’s room and his door was wide open. I briefly see him on his desk, writing on some papers, probably writing something to Savannah. I stare at him, which I think I did for several minutes, watching him being concentrated, now I keep debating whether I made a big deal out of nothing. But quickly I shake those stupid thoughts away and keep making my way downstairs to finally drive off this place.

We were having such a good time, but in a moment of honesty, he blurted out something that truly annoys me. I’ve always known him for not being the best person to be with, but I never realized that the reason I got the job was that he had something to do with it. But I didn’t get it because he put a good word about me, he did it merely because he was physically attracted to me.

I think what pissed me the most is that he kept saying it wasn’t that big of a deal and every time his voice repeating that phrase echoes in my head, I want to smash his head against a wall, he has crossed a line if he thinks that I could possibly feel flattered about that truth.

I start putting all my things inside, then proceed to open my car door. But as soon as I unlock the driver’s side, I hear him rushing towards me.

“Thalia, wait,” he says, but I keep my head down and open the door. He quickly closes it, making me finally look him in the eyes.

“Um, do you mind? I’m trying to leave” I say, crossing my arms over my chest.

He scratches the back of his head, “Please, I want to talk about this with you.”

“No, I am not in the mood,” I say.

“I did say that you should work with us just because you were hot, but you outdid yourself all these years and my father thinks you’re the best employee.”

“Bullshit,” I say, “you’re just saying that.”

“It is true! I don’t want you to leave like this, we’ve been having too much fun.”

I nod, “yes, but you opened your mouth and once again we go back to where we started. Me hating you, you a jerk, I think this is how it is meant to be, right?” I try opening the door, but he closes it again. Now, I am becoming even more exasperated.   

“Do you mind? Let go of the door, Derek.”

He shakes his head, “you’ve proved to everyone that you are the best, you’re not there because you’re pretty, you’re in that position because you’re capable of achieving everything you put your mind to.”

“Right now, I don’t feel like talking,” with that, he finally let go of the door, making it possible for me to finally get inside my car. I turn on the engine and start backing up the car. For a moment I look at him, he wasn’t breaking eye contact with me. I decide to look away and start driving off.

CHAPTER 11

I didn't even feel like putting on music as I drove. The whole ride was in pure silence, which sucked because my negative thoughts started breaking in. I try my best to stop thinking about it, focusing on all my surroundings, it is indeed a lovely day.

I was so distracted by everything that happened at the lake house that I forgot to call my parents about me going back home. I decide to send them a quick text, so they don't worry.

I have every right to be angry, yet I feel like I can't seem to have patience with him. Everything he does makes me annoyed, and I instantly want to block him out. A small part of me feels awful for snapping at him like that, but that is the minor and stupidest part inside of me because he deserves the reaction I got. How come I never stopped to realize for a moment about that possibility? The moment I met him I just believed it was a huge coincidence that they had the same last name, I never stopped to think about any of this. Also, in my mind, I couldn’t stop thinking about how come Savannah never told me about it. Even if her little boyfriend told her not to say anything, I still would’ve liked to know. I've known secrets in the past about certain people that she told me the second she found out about them, yet she couldn't tell me about this.

I didn't realize how close I was getting to my apartment; the two-hour drive sure passed by quickly. I park my car and then proceed to get everything from the back, I walk toward the entrance and greet Ken, the doorman, who was about to light a cigarette, but my sudden appearance made him put it away.

"It's alright Ken, I won't tell," I assure him, making him smile gratefully. I walk towards the elevator, hesitant with every step I take. I can't stop feeling nervous every time I come inside this place, I can't seem to feel it okay anymore, which makes a lot of sense. But, the lake house—a place also filled with the same number of beautiful memories—felt a bit easier to be at. I feel like every time I walk around here, the air is sucked out of my lungs.

I let out a heavy breath as I press the button on the elevator to my floor, trying to maintain my composure. I stand in front of the door and I begin to feel the same way I did before going away for the weekend—nervous and anxious. I finally grab the doorknob and push it open, trying my best to breathe in and out. I force a smile into my face, thinking that this should be a perfect time to remember the good things, instead of focusing on the negative. I walk further inside and leave my suitcase and backpack on one side, promising myself I will unpack everything before going to bed in a few hours because, after that drive, all I need is to relax for a moment.

I sit on the couch and stare at nothing, just thinking. I rub my eyes and exhale a deep breath. Home sweet home, right?

I decided to take my mind off everything and watch some tv, knowing I will need to put on the greatest attitude tomorrow when I arrive. I know for a fact that things will not be any easier at the company—now more than ever after what happened with Derek—but for the first time, I've decided that I wasn't going to run away from anything or anyone.

After a couple of minutes, I hear the doorbell. I mute the tv and stand up to walk towards the door and then see through the peephole a guy. I open and see a guy who didn't seem tall but now was towering over me, greeting me with a nice set of straight teeth and dimples forming on the side, it is a lovely and warm smile.

"Hey, sorry to bother you, I just moved here and wanted to say hello," he says, almost nervous.

"Well, hello to you too, welcome to the neighborhood," I reply.

"Yeah, sorry to bother you."

I let out a small chuckle, "you already said that" I say crossing my arms over my chest. He widens his eyes and blushes.

"Sorry! Sorry, um, well, I won't take away much of your time. Just wanted to—"

"Say hello?" I cut him off, making him nervously scratch the back of his head. He tries to play it cool by laughing it off then clears his throat and smiles.

"Well, I think I will see you around," he says and turns his heels to leave but I quickly stop him.

"Aren't you going to tell me your name?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah! Sorry, I'm Josh, Josh Perks" he says, extending his hand to shake mine.

I let out a small giggle, "nice to meet you, Josh. I'm Thalia."

"Thalia," he repeats, "that's a pretty name."

"Thanks" I reply as I couldn't stop myself from blushing.

"Alright, I better get going, the boxes won't unpack by themselves. Nice meeting you, Thalia," he says and walks down the hall into his place.

CHAPTER 12

The moment I arrived at the office, I immediately started to feel all eyes on me, making me feel uncomfortable—which is something I didn’t want to endure first thing in the morning. I am trying so hard to not let anything get to me and just focus on working, which is something I could use for coping and getting distracted. I know this will be something people will talk about for some time, though I had the hope that by now, the news of Savannah’s passing would die down. Of course, that was stupid on my part to even think, at the end of the day, she was not only special to me, but to someone else in this office too.

I go straight to my desk and meet a bunch of post-its with positive messages and flowers. I take a deep breath and start to move everything to one side, promising myself I wasn’t going to cry—too early for that. I turn on the computer and check if I received any new work to do.

“Hey” I hear someone. I look up and see my boss standing there, which is weird because he’s always at his office, making everyone go to him instead of the other way around.

I force a smile, “good morning, sir. Everything alright?”

“I was going to ask the same thing. How was this weekend? Were you able to rest,” his tone is sincere.

I nod, swallowing the lump in my throat, “yes, thank you for allowing me to leave on a Friday, it really helped having the weekend to get away.”

He returns the smile, “I am glad, but you know it is time to work now, we have a huge presentation coming up.”

“Yes, I am working on that right now,” I say, opening PowerPoint to start on it. 

“The presentation is this Friday and I need you to do it.”

I am struggling to look at him right now, as he starts to explain every detail about what I need to do, I can’t concentrate because now I can see the huge resemblance he has with his son. I feel stupid for not seeing it before. The dimples whenever he smiles, the dirty blonde hair, and even the nose seem like a replica.

“Are you listening, Thalia?” Mr. Harries asks snapping me back to reality.

“Yes, sir. Friday, presentation, on it,” I reply going back to work. He doesn’t say anything and simply walks away. I let out a heavy sigh, shaking those thoughts away and trying to focus on my priorities at that moment.

 

I know I shouldn’t be thinking about him, but I am worried somehow. He didn’t show up at all and by this time he should be at his desk—messing around, as always but sitting there at least. I try hard not to think about it, but my curiosity is bigger, so I decide to ask around to see if they know anything about him not arriving yet.

What everyone said is that he hasn’t arrived yet, which is weird. I look at the time on my phone and it is now 12:00 p.m. I decide to go to the only person that could possibly know about his whereabouts—his father.

I walk towards his office, with a deep sigh and pretty much hesitant, I knock on his door, for some reason knowing he’s Derek’s father, makes me nervous to talk to him, even more than before. My boss has always been nice and understanding, firm, patient, and strict but fair. Though he has a presence that makes everyone go quiet every time he comes inside the room. 

After a few seconds, I hear him say “come in,” making me slowly open the door. He’s sitting at his desk with some papers in hand. He briefly looks up at me and turns his frown into a half smile, then goes back to inspecting the documents.

“Sorry to bother you sir, but I have a question,” I say timidly.

“Yes?” he says motioning for me to proceed.

“By any chance, do you know where Derek could be? He hasn’t arrived yet.” When I say this, he fully gives me his attention and places the papers on top of his desk.

“Why would I know the whereabouts of him?”

“Well, I assumed you would know since he’s your son,” I say and watch him get tense.

“You know about that?” he asks with widened eyes.

I nod, “Derek accidentally told me, apparently he didn’t want anyone to know.”

“Yes, I never understood why, but he made me promise not to go around telling people he’s my son,” he says standing up and walking towards his coffee machine to pour himself some. “Anyway, I don’t know where he could be, he should be here by now.”

I frown, “did he call to tell you that he left the lake house?”

“He did say that he left there and was going to go to his apartment, but nothing else.”

I nod, “thank you, sir.”

Before leaving his office, I hear him calling out for me to get my attention. I stop and turn toward him.

“Why the sudden worriedness about him? I know that you two have always been competitive with each other and that he hasn’t always been your favorite person,” Mr. Harries says.

I put a strand of hair behind my ear and let out a rather nervous giggle, “is it that obvious?”

“Everyone knows it,” he says.

“I can’t help it, he always tries to outshine me,” the words come out before I could even begin thinking about how I shouldn’t talk about Derek with his father, which could result horribly wrong for me.

He smiles understandingly, “typical of him, you have to excuse him, I know how difficult he can be.”

I want to say more but I stop myself by trying to put a filter in my thoughts. There isn’t a lot of trust for me just to blurt out everything I find wrong and annoying, especially now that I know they’re related. Well, in the past I wouldn’t have done it either.

“I don’t know where he gets his competitive side from, he has been like that ever since he was a kid.”

I smile, “well, sir, I won’t take away any more of your time, I’ll go back to work,” I say.

Walking out of his office, I feel my phone buzzing in the back pocket of my jeans. I pull it out and I see Derek is calling me.

When I accept the call all I hear are people talking around and glasses being passed around. I furrow my eyebrows in confusion and try to listen attentively to what is going on. After a few seconds, Derek finally speaks up.

“Hello, you,” he says giggling.

“Derek? Where are you?” I ask.

He laughs, “just. . . out, living my best life, right Benji?” I hear him say and I hear more laughter.

“Are you drunk?” I ask worriedly.

“N-no, of course not, you’re probably drunk” he slurs his words.

“Derek,” I say with a stern tone, “where exactly are you?”

“Who wants to know?” he asks.

I roll my eyes, “me you dumb ass, where are you?”

“You’re so aggressive, Benji over here says you need to chill,” he laughs.

“Derek” I repeat trying to grab his attention again, “where are you?”

“Why do you want to know, do you want to come to get a drink?”

“Yes, yes, I want to. Now, where are you?” I push.

“Wait, I’ll send you my current location, Benji, help me out, I see everything blurry.”

Once he sends me where he is, I hurriedly grab my car keys from my desk and excuse myself to go pick up this annoying bastard, who I feel like I need to help because, in all honesty, I didn’t want anything bad happening to him.      

CHAPTER 13

When I arrive at the bar, I go inside and frantically start searching for Derek, worried sick about his well-being. Yes, he can be stupid and most of the time makes my blood boil, but that doesn't mean I don't want him to be okay.

I ignore the number of looks I get and finally see that Derek is sitting on the stools, his head resting on the counter. I roll my eyes at the sight of him and hurriedly make my way toward where he is. I shake him for him to look up at me, but it was no use.

“Derek,” I call out for him. He mumbles something I can't quite get and attempt to shake him once again. “Derek,” I repeat louder.

“You came,” he says, looking up, a small playful smirk starting to form on his lips. “Finally, what took you so long? Hey, I want you to meet Benji,” he points to the stool from beside me, but I see no one. Our view drops down to the man passed out on the floor.

“Benji?” Derek calls out, but there’s no response, “Well, he’s napping right now.” he says and begins to rest his head on the counter once again.

I sit down beside him and try to talk to him for us to leave this place, which was beginning to make me uncomfortable.

“It's time to go,” I say. He groans but looks up at me. He could hardly keep his eyes open. Derek smiles and grabs one of the shot glasses, trying to take a sip, but I quickly take it from him. "You've had enough."

“I thought you didn't care about me anymore,” he says.

“I never said I didn't, I was angry because you lied about who your father is.”

“I didn't say anything because it didn't make a difference, you would've still hated me,” he says trying to reach again for the glass I tried to pull away from him, but I grab his arms to get it away.

“I don't hate you,” I say which makes him scoff.

“Please, you always make me know that you do,” he says.

“No, I say you’re annoying, hating is a whole new level and as far as I know, you haven’t done anything for me to hate you.”

This makes him smile for some reason. He raises his hand, and the bartender comes our way. “Could it be another round—”

“No, Derek, you’ve had enough” I cut him off, “we’re leaving, let’s go,” I say and stand up from the stool. I attempt to grab his arm when the voice of someone from behind stops me.

“Let him be, what are you? His babysitter?” a man that seems in his late forties says while chugging down a beer. I roll my eyes at him and proceed to help Derek up.

“Well, she can babysit me any time she wants,” I hear another man say, he winks at me and takes a sip from his drink. I grimace in disgust at his comment and decide to ignore him but hearing this, wakes up something in Derek because he starts to stand up by himself.

“What did you say?” he asks with a tone I haven’t heard his use in the time I’ve known him.

“Yeah, well, it is obvious that with a girl this fine anyone would be lucky to spend with her, just look at her,” he says motioning towards me. I start moving a bit back until I was behind Derek because I couldn’t stand the way he was looking at me.

“You apologize to her right now,” Derek says, not moving away from my side.

“No,” the drunk man replies. Derek starts to walk forward but I grab his shirt, pulling him back. He doesn’t budge anymore, staying put in his place, shielding me.

“You better—”

“Derek” I call out to him, “please, let’s go.”

He doesn’t say anything, I start walking away and Derek follows close behind me, trying to protect me from the looks that I start to receive from everyone at the bar.

When we go outside, I feel like I can finally breathe. Derek leans on a wall and rubs his eyes, moaning in discomfort.

“You need to rest, come on,” I say and grab his arm.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have told you to come, this isn’t a place for you,” he says.

I smile, “are you okay?”

“How can you ask me if I’m okay?” he widens his eyes.

“Because you mixed up every drink possible in there, that’s not good for you.”

“I’m sorry—”

“Stop apologizing, I’ll take you home, come on,” I say and motion for him to follow me.

“I actually came with my car,” he says pointing in the opposite direction.

“You can pick it up tomorrow when you’re feeling better, let’s go, Derek, I want to leave this place,” I say, he nods understandingly and quickly starts following to where my car is.

The drive was quiet. A few times, I would briefly look at Derek to check up on him. The adrenaline of almost starting a fight with that disgusting man seems to have worn off and now he’s against the window, snoring lightly. For a moment, I don’t feel angry anymore, it is hard to feel like that when it is obvious, he's going through so much. I try my best to stop focusing on the events that just happened and keep driving to his apartment.

When we arrive, I lightly tap his shoulder, trying to wake him up. “Derek, we’re here.”

He moans and keeps getting even more comfortable. I roll my eyes and sigh heavily. I shake him, trying to make him move. “No,” he says. I unbuckle my seatbelt and unlock the doors. I go outside and walk to his side and open the door. He almost trips down but I quickly use all my strength to catch him.

“Come on, Derek, cooperate, you’re too heavy,” I say, he sits up straight but still has his eyes closed. “Derek,”

“Leave me here,” he replies.

“I can’t do that, come on, I’ll help get to your apartment.”

I placed his arm over my shoulder and try to make him get out, he almost trips once again, but I pull him up so that doesn’t happen. He stumbles a lot, so I walk very slowly so we don’t trip and crash into the ground.

“What is your floor?” I ask.

“Umm, 2nd, no! 5th, no! Wait, that’s not right. . . 7th, yes, I’m on the 7th floor,” he says and leans down on the wall inside the elevator.

When we get to his floor, the door opens, and I grab the keys from his back pockets. “Hey, a little touchy there, aren’t we?” he says, a small chuckle escaping his lips. I roll my eyes at him and start unlocking his door.

“Shut up, Derek.”

I guide him inside and ask where his bedroom is, the question makes him laugh. “Already the bedroom? Invite to dinner first.”

“Seriously, Derek, shut the hell up,” I say, and he finally motions for me to go straight and down the hall. I go inside his room and my curiosity gets the best of me; I couldn’t stop myself from scanning the place around. I see his bed and walk towards it, making sure not to drop him along the way. I carefully start removing his hand from my shoulders and make him lie down.

His head drops onto the pillow, and he smiles pleasantly. “Home sweet home,” he says.

“Well, I better tell your father you’re okay,” I am about to leave when he stops me.

“Where are you going?” he asks

“Back to the office,” I reply and start to walk away but once again he doesn’t allow me to.

“Why? It is pretty late already.”

“Yes, but your father might be there, I’ll tell him I found you and that you’re back home.”

“I’ll call him later, although it isn’t like he cares anyway,” he says and closes his eyes.

I furrow my eyebrows in confusion as he left me with that doubt as to why his own father wouldn’t care about his well-being. “What do you mean by that?” I ask but he’s fast asleep. I sigh heavily and decide that it is best that I stay and check up on him because he isn’t doing great.

CHAPTER 14

I take the opportunity that Derek remains passed out in his room to look around. I know it is wrong and that I am being very nosy, but I can’t help myself. I’ve probably been in this apartment for approximately two hours, just making some coffee and staring at the picture frames. Most of his photos are of Savannah and him, bringing a smile to my face.

I grab one picture that particularly called my attention. It is from the trip they did to Paris; him giving her a sweet peck on her cheek as you can see the Eiffel tower in the background. Savannah was happily showing off her engagement ring.

“That day was beautiful,” the sudden voice of Derek from behind makes me jump in fear. Luckily, I didn’t drop and break the picture frame.

I quickly place the picture frame back where I found it and turned around to face him. He’s leaning on his door frame with his arms crossed around his face, raising an eyebrow at me.

“Derek, hi! You woke up,” I say, making him smile.

“Yeah, I did, and you used the chance of me being passed out to snoop around.”

“Derek, I can explain—” I start, but he quickly raises one hand to cut me off.

“It’s alright, T, you can look at the pictures. I do it all the time,” he says and sits down on the couch. “Though, when I feel too sad, I place them facing down.”

I nod understandingly because I know how difficult it is. “I do the opposite, though.”

“What do you mean?” he asks.

“When I feel at my lowest, I look at them even more, it reminds me of all our cherished memories,” I say, sitting down next to him.

“It isn’t like I want to forget them; she made me very happy, it’s just that—” he doesn’t finish that sentence, but I get it.

“I understand,” I say, making him look at me.

“I’m sorry,” he says.

“For what?”

“For everything.”

“You apologize a lot,” I state the obvious, “have you considered not fucking up that often, so the ‘I’m sorry’ thing doesn’t become a habit?”

“I’m sorr—” he starts, but stops himself, “I’ll try my best not to apologize. Though I am sorry for what happened at the bar.”

“Why were you there?” I ask going towards the coffee pot to pour him some.

“I don’t know. I didn’t feel like going to work and wanted to think.”

“In a bar?” I ask.

“It wasn’t my best idea,” he nervously scratches the back of his head.

“Oh, Derek, when have you ever come up with a good idea?”

He frowns at me, which makes me laugh. I walk toward him with the coffee mug in hand and then pass it to him. He mumbles a ‘thanks’ and then proceeds to drink it.

“I needed this,” he says, closing his eyes as he savors the coffee. I smile and sit down next to him.

“I’m glad.”

He drinks a little more and then places the coffee mug on top of the small table beside the couch. He looks back at me but doesn’t say anything.

“Is everything okay?” I ask.

He nods, “yes, sorry, I just can’t believe you did all this,” he genuinely seems surprised.

“You know, I’m not that much of a bitch,” I chuckle.

“No, no, I don’t mean it like that. What I’m saying is that I thought for sure you wouldn’t talk to me anymore.”

I let out a sigh. “I needed to cool off. Though I still have the burning doubt of why you didn’t want anyone to know about your father.”

“I didn’t want anyone to think there was some sort of favoritism,” he says and instantly gives me the urge of smacking him. I give him a look that makes him stare at me with confusion.

“What?” he asks innocently, apparently truly not knowing why I am staring at him that way.

“You know what.”

“I seriously, don’t, T.”

“He sees you as his favorite. In fact, you are everyone’s favorite.” He smiles triumphantly at this comment, making me instantly roll my eyes at him in annoyance.

“Well, I am everyone’s favorite because of my charm, not because I am related to the boss. I wanted people to respect me for my job and for who I was as a person, not because if they piss me off, I could get them fired.”

“You could get anyone fired?” I ask curiously, widening my eyes in surprise.

He nods, “if I want to, but I would never do that because I am professional, and unless they do something very terrible, that could somehow hurt the company, well I am not going to do that.” Derek grabs one of his pillows and hugs it tight. “I was never able to get my dad’s approval about anything,” he admits.

“What? Really?” I couldn’t believe that.

“Yeah, he’s a perfectionist, and maybe at the office it seems like he’s praising me but when we go to his office, he lectures me about my mistakes, it’s annoying.”

“That must be so—”

“Frustrating? Disheartening? Annoying? Yes, it is, but I am used to it.”

“I never knew he could be so difficult to deal with.”

“Yeah, but I got used to it. Though I can’t help but keep fighting for his approval. I guess that will never change.”

“You are a great part of the company. You don’t need his approval,” I say genuinely.

“I thought you said that I never have good ideas,” he says, crossing his arms across his chest.

I let out a small giggle, “well, you don’t, but you are indeed charming, and that charm is an important key to this company, having it makes the sales grow each month even more.”

“I don’t remember a time where we’ve had a conversation this long without turning it into a competition,” he laughs.

“I must admit that I’ve always been the most competitive one,” I say smiling confidently.

He shakes his head, “nah-ah, you’re wrong, I am the most competitive one.”

“Not only that, but I am better than you,” I keep going, making him throw his head back in laughter. He stares at me for a moment and rubs his chin, giving me a look. He nods his head and has a face that could already let me know that he has come up with an idea.

“Tell you what?” he begins.

Here we go.

“I bet that you can’t beat me in Mario Kart.”

I scoff, “oh please, Mario Kart is my jam. What do I get when you lose?” I ask confidently.

“You mean when you lose? You must do my laundry for a month,” he says.

“If you lose, you have to drive me anywhere I want to for a month.”

“You have a car. Why would you want me to drive you?” he asks, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion. I couldn’t help the smile on my face as I think about that reward for a few more seconds.

“Easy,” I start, “it would be amazing to have the Derek Harris as my chauffeur.”

“Ha-ha, well, you can keep dreaming about that because it is never going to happen.”

“We’ll see about that,” I reply confidently.

CHAPTER 15

“Hey, you’re a dirty cheater!” Derek screams as my character throws a mushroom into his vehicle, making him lose all his balance. I couldn’t help the confident smirk that forms on my lips as I am now getting to first place, the race is almost over. “No, I am not. That’s what the mushroom is for!” I say defensively.

“Oh yeah? How about this?” he proceeds to throw a banana peel at my character, making my eyes widen in shock.

“You son of a bi—”

“You started it,” he says, smiling innocently. “I hope you have fun doing my laundry and—” he gets cut off by me bumping into his kart, making him spin around, my character positions itself first place once again.

“That is so not fair!” he screams out desperately, making me laugh uncontrollably at the amount of suffering this match is causing him. Derek starts to nudge me with his shoulder, trying to make me lose focus and then trying to press all the buttons in my controller, causing my kart to start flipping around.

“Stop it!” I say and try to get away from him. I stand up from the couch and keep playing, but he swiftly wraps both of his arms around my waist and pulled me back into the couch.

“Let go!” I demand, but my laughter wasn’t helping my case.

He faces me and smiles at me, “you lost,” he says.

I shake my head no, “are you insane? I totally won. You cheated.”

“It’s called strategy,”

“Oh, really?” I ask. My stomach is hurting a lot because of how much I’ve laughed—it’s been so long since having that feeling. We stay staring at each other for a few seconds as we try to gain composure. For a moment, there’s this weird tension between us, though I think it could be part of my imagination. None of us is saying a word, the only thing that could be heard was the soundtrack of Mario Kart playing in the background.

I begin to see that he shifts his gaze from my eyes to my lips and I might’ve been crazy, but I start seeing how he’s beginning to close the gap between us. For a moment, I freak out, and accidentally, as I try to move back, I end up falling to the ground.

“Oh, my God, Thalia, are you okay?” he asks worriedly, he quickly stands up and tries to help me out, but I end up getting up by myself, trying to step away from him for a moment.

“I am fine! Totally, fine. Don’t worry about it,” I reply laughing nervously.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, Derek, I am fine, really,” I grab my phone from the table and check the time. “Oh, God, look at the time. We sure got carried away,” I begin to grab my things and proceed to walk toward the door. Derek follows close behind me.

“You don’t seem fine; you look very pale,” he genuinely looks concerned. Quite honestly, I do have the feeling that I am about to faint.

I shake my head no and force a reassuring smile, “Really, I am okay. You should get some rest.” I grab the doorknob, ready to sprint out of his apartment, but his voice stops me once again.

“But we were having fun,” he says, making my eyes widen.

“Excuse me?”

He clears his throat, “well, yeah, me beating you up in Mario Kart has been the most fun, actually.”

I sigh with relief, “yeah! Of course, well, as a matter of fact, you totally lost.”

“That’s so not true, though I will indeed check the points we both have and see who’s the actual winner. You’ll see that you’ve lost.”

I place a strand of hair behind my ear and finally open the door, “you do that, check all you want, you’ll see that you are a loser.” I try my best to stay as normal as possible, so he does not see how affected I am—though he’s not stupid, he asked repeatedly if I was okay because he probably noticed my sudden change of behavior.

He nods, “well, if you really have to go—”

“Yeah, sorry, is just. . .” I battle with coming up with a good enough excuse, but nothing believable comes to mind—I am horrible at lying. “Remembered I have to run some errands.”

“Alright, well, then I guess I’ll see you tomorrow at the office?”

“Will you be okay for tomorrow?”

He nods, “yeah, I’ll get some rest, eat something, and tomorrow I’ll be good to go.”

I smile and finally make my way out of his apartment. When his door was completely closed, I was finally able to breathe again.

The whole ride to my apartment, there was a constant mental fight between the thought that he was going to kiss me, or perhaps that everything has been a product of my own imagination. It couldn’t have been what I thought it was, right? I desperately keep trying to convince myself that everything was fine and that he wasn’t going to make a risky move on me. The image of Derek getting close to me until our breaths started to mix and lips brushing, nearly touching, kept replaying inside my head. For a moment, I had to stop the car to compose myself, because the events really made an impact on me—everything seems so confusing.

When I arrive at my apartment, I sit down on my couch for a moment. I briefly check my phone and see a text from Derek, asking me probably for the millionth time if I was okay. I quickly send him a text, answering his doubts, to once again reassure him that everything is great.

I need a distraction, something that could maintain me occupied and not think about what had just happened with Derek. These are the moments where I feel at my lowest because it is when I mostly think about the pain I am dealing with regarding Savannah. In my mind, we would be best friends until the end of time. In the past, I’ve dreamed about her and I becoming old ladies that complained about everything and everyone while drinking tea, watching our grandchildren playing together, and becoming best friends. At these times, I realize how alone I am because I never felt the need to make friends. I only needed one, but she’s not here anymore. I am tired of crying, but I can’t help it.

For a moment, I debate about going to chat with my new neighbor, Josh. I mean, he seemed nice enough, and he is probably the only guy that’s around my age living here. I dry off my tears and made up my mind about talking to him. Perhaps it could also be a nice way of getting to know him some more.

I walk toward his door and slowly knock on it. I am hesitant about this because I didn’t realize how late it is. Since there was no answer, I decided to start walking back to my apartment, but his door opening stopped me right there.

Josh walks out with a box in hand, “hey, neighbor,” he says cheerily. “How are you?”

“Hi, sorry to bother you, I know it’s late,” I start to regret coming to his door at these hours.

“No! Don’t worry about it, really, it is a nice surprise,” he says reassuringly, making me feel slightly better. “Is there anything you needed specifically?”

“I came here to ask how was everything. I know moving in can be dense.”

He nods, “tell me about it, boxes, and boxes, and more boxes. I am sick of the horrible smell of cardboard.”

“I have the perfect air freshener to make your home smell spectacular! I can bring you some if you want,” I offer.

“That would be really helpful, thank you so much.”

“Well, sorry, I’m—”

“Were you crying?” he asks, catching me off guard.

“What? N-no, I wasn’t,” of course, that is a lie, but the reason making me cry was something I didn’t feel like sharing. Something that happens often is that people notice you were crying and then quickly ask what’s wrong, but the last thing someone wants is to elaborate on the reason behind the initial tears.

“Are you okay?” he asks.

I force a smile, “yeah, don’t worry about it.”

He nods and it surprises he isn’t inquiring on the subject. I clear my throat after a few extra seconds of not knowing what else to say and I start feeling like I have bothered him enough. “Well, I-I’ll leave you so you can keep working,” I turn my heels to leave but he quickly stops me.

“Wait, I was about to take a break, I’ve been doing this all day and right now I am starving. I will order a pizza; you want to join me?” he offers.

I am hesitant to accept his offer because I truly don’t want to bother him anymore.

He notices my doubt, “only if you want to, of course, though I could really use the company, being new in the city hasn’t given me the opportunity to make friends yet.”

I finally decide to give in, “I understand, I was the new girl once. Yes, I’ll join you.”

CHAPTER 16

“Yes, a large pepperoni pizza, please” Josh proceeds to give the address and wishes the other person at the end of the line a good night. When he hangs up, he goes back to the couch across from mine, but first moves a few boxes that were on the way.

“I promise you, that the apartment will soon look decent,” he says making me giggle.

“Hey, the boxes give the place a different touch,” I say, and he gives me a look.

“Quite honestly, the smell is making me annoyed,” he replies.

“Don’t worry about it, soon I’ll bring you some air fresheners to change the ambiance a bit, you will feel much better. Also, if you want, I can help you decorate the place.”

“Really? That would be amazing, I suck at the whole interior design.”

“Do you have any idea of the style you would like for the place?” I ask.

He scans his apartment and thinks about his answer for a moment, but I could tell by his expression that he has no clue how to answer my question. Some people really don’t pay much attention to the way their apartment looks, if they have a comfy bed then everything else doesn’t matter, which I guess it’s alright—though I am too obsessed with everything that has to do with interior design, I can’t stop thinking about the spaces and what I would do with them.

In the beginning, when I was deciding what career path to take, I was thinking strongly about going for interior design, but the other part of me, was loving to make graphic designs and help companies with their brands, I felt truly passionate about that.

“I truly have no idea,” he finally answers. I let out a small chuckle. I scan the place myself and even though it was filled with boxes, ideas of what look to give this place were flowing through my mind.

“Well, for starters, I think I would change the color of the walls. That’s what I did with mine. I honestly never liked this choice,” I say, and he nods.

“To be honest, I was thinking probably to change it with a creamier color. Not fully white, but cream, more subtle. I mean, everything goes with that color, right?”

I nod, “yeah, that’s why I use that one all the time, you can’t go wrong with it.”

“Then, it is settled, I will change it to that.”

“I recommend you check Pinterest, you will feel more inspired,” I suggest.

“What? No way, that’s more for chicks than anything else, I don’t need it,” he says making me gasp at his answer.

“I beg your pardon! Pinterest is the best place for inspiration, either for girls or boys, you can find anything there.”

“I don’t think—” just as he was going to answer, the doorbell rang. “Must be the pizza. Saved by the bell I guess.”

“You bet you were saved, but we will go back to this conversation of you hating the best website in the world later.”

“Can’t wait,” he says and offers me a dimpled smile.

 

After eating the pizza, we tried to make small talk to get to know each other. Even though I still feel bad for coming to his door late at night, I do think it helped me get distracted for at least a moment. What I liked most about him is that he didn’t seem nosy about anything, not even trying to inquire about my past—which I was grateful for. There’s nothing I plan to hide and if there is something he wants to ask, he can. But, at this time when I feel most sensitive, I truly didn’t want to let him know about every single detail about me. Sometimes, it is better to not be an open book, and let people figure things out about you with time, not all in one day.

As he finished telling me what he did for a living—an economist—I check my phone to see the time. I widen my eyes in surprise because I didn’t realize it was that late.

“Is everything alright,” Josh asks as he takes the last piece of pizza from the box.

I stare back at him and reassure him that everything is fine with a nod, “it’s just, that I didn’t realize it was so late and I know how exhausted you are.”

“Oh, my god, don’t worry about it, really. I had a lot of fun with you. Thanks for being a nice neighbor.”

“Thank you for distracting me a little bit. It has been a weird day.”

“I can only imagine,” he replies.

“Anyway, I better get going, thank you for the pizza, I will leave you to rest. Tomorrow will probably be yet another crazy day.”

He nods, “crazy indeed. Thank you, Thalia, for being so welcoming.”

I smile and stand up; he follows behind and then opens the door for me. We said our goodbyes and then I went back to my apartment, feeling slightly better after spending some time not thinking about the day I’d had.

CHAPTER 17

The next day, I woke up earlier than I thought I would. I take that opportunity to keep working on the big presentation for this Friday since Mr. Harris was serious about the gravity of it.

After working on some slides, I decided to take a shower and prepare something for breakfast. Though when I finished doing everything in the bathroom and then straight to check what to eat, nothing seemed appetizing enough. I seriously need to go grocery shopping. I end up eating a granola bar, just so I wouldn’t pass out on my way to work.

I look at the time and realize that soon I must get going. As I am putting everything inside my bag, I receive a text message. I grab my phone and check just to see that the one texting me at exactly 7:00 a.m. is Derek.

“Hey! Come downstairs” was all it said, and it is enough to make me confused. I direct myself toward my balcony and see that his car is parked in front. I hurriedly rush downstairs, wanting an explanation from him as to why he’s there.

“Umm, what the hell, Derek,” I say as I see him roll down the window. He takes off his sunglasses.

“Hop in, I’ll explain everything,” he replies.

“I rather—” I start but he cuts me off.

“Please, I actually have to drive you.”

“What—”

“If you come inside, I will explain, and everything will start to make sense.”

Apparently, he isn’t going to stop insisting, so I go inside and buckle up.

“That’s more like it,” he smirks and puts his sunglasses back on. He turns the radio’s volume a little bit higher and starts driving off.

As he’s driving, I expect him to answer everything, but he doesn’t. The only thing he starts doing is tapping his fingers against the steering wheel, following the song’s rhythm. I cross my arms across my chest and keep looking at him, but he doesn’t seem to understand that I want him to start talking.

“Nice morning, isn’t it?”

“Why did you pick me up? And at what time did you get your car back?” I ask, ignoring his random comment.

He briefly looks at me, then back to the road. “I woke up at 5:00 a.m. to go get it. To my luck, there was an available taxi at that time. To answer your other question, well, I did check our points in Mario Kart like I said I would. I consider myself to be an honest man—believe it or not—and it is true, you had more points accumulated.”

“Which means?”

He lets out a heavy sigh, “which means, I will drive you for a month wherever you want, no complaints.” The moment he said that I couldn’t help the smile that slowly starts to appear on my face.

“Really?” I ask in disbelief. We stop at a stoplight, and he takes this chance to look at me now.

Derek nods, “yes, really. I could’ve lied, but I know you almost never talked to me for lying last time, and I didn’t want to repeat that. I had a feeling that if I lied to you with Mario Kart, you would’ve been even more upset.”

“Well, you guessed right. Don’t mess with my Mario Kart,” I said, causing him to laugh. For a moment, I totally forget about what happened last night—more so, what almost happened. Although it is still fresh on my mind, I try to pretend like everything is great and nothing happened, perhaps I believed it was one thing, but his intentions were something completely different.

After a few moments of him driving and not saying anything, I start noticing that he’s taking a different route to the office.  

“Derek?” I call out.

“Mm?”

“Where are we going? This isn’t the correct route to the office? Is it a shortcut?”

“No, we’re not going to the office yet,” he replies, making me furrow my eyebrows in confusion.

“What? Then where are we going?”

“To Starbucks,” he simply says.

“Why would we go to Starbucks?”

“Because I can hear your stomach growling like crazy, you clearly didn’t eat anything this morning,” he replies causing me to blush in embarrassment.

“You heard that?”

He nods, “that’s why we will make a stop at Starbucks and get you a proper breakfast.”

“That’s actually. . . Sweet and thoughtful. Thank you,” I was surprised for some reason. I still get shocked at this side of him, where he notices these things and does something about it.

“You really believed all these years I was a jerk?”

“Well, you gave me the impression of it. You can be sort of difficult,” I say, staring out at the window.

“I can be difficult, yes, but you never made it easy to come close either.”

“What do you mean?”

He makes a turn and briefly looks at me before shifting his view back to the road. “Well, to start things off, you’ve always been a guarded person, it has been hard in the past to talk to you.”

“That wasn’t on purpose, I’ve always been like that,”

“Why?” he asks, and that’s what I mean by people being nosy and wanting to know everything about you. Though, with Derek, it is sort of different, this past time I’ve grown a bit closer to him ever since we spent time together at the lake house, though it is still sort of annoying to share certain parts of something truly personal with anyone.

“So, I don’t get hurt,” I simply reply. He was about to answer but we arrived at our destination. He goes towards the small window of the drive-thru and turns to me.

“What do you want?”

I didn’t think about that. “Umm—” looking through the menu I started feeling the pressure of becoming that person that takes too long to order, but I noticed that Derek wasn’t rushing me, he was being patient.

“Why don’t you order? Meanwhile, I’ll keep checking,” I suggest, he nods and turns to look at the menu himself.

“Good morning, I would like a Frappuccino caramel macchiato, without whipped cream, and—” he stops for a moment to think about what else he wanted. “And a bagel.”

“Isn’t it too early for a Frappuccino?” I ask.

“Oh, God, you sounded just like my mom. I am an adult,” he whines, and I couldn’t help but giggle at his response.

I raise my hands up, forcing myself not to keep arguing, and finally decide on what I want this morning. “I would like a cappuccino.”

“Pfft, boring,” he says, and I nudge his shoulder playfully. “What do you want to eat?”

“Nothing,” I reply, and he gives me a look. “What?”

“You’re eating because your stomach sounds like Chewbacca.”

“No, it doesn’t,” I say defensively.

“Would you like a bagel too?” he asks. I am about to say no but my stomach growls once again, answering for me. “That’s a yes. I would also like a cappuccino and a bagel, please.”

I roll my eyes at him and take out my wallet, ready to pay for myself.

“What are you doing?” he asks rather confused.

“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m going to pay for myself,” I reply, checking the prices of what I ordered on the menu.

“You don’t have to, it’s my treat,” he says but I shake my head no. He rolls his eyes, “don’t be stubborn, you’re not paying.”

“I can do it myself,” I say but he quickly grabs the wallet out of my hand. “Hey!”

“I said it is my treat, enjoy.”

I try to get it from him, but he throws it at the very back of the car. “Oh, come on!”

“So, it is my treat,” he says and proceeds to hand over his credit card. The girl at the window hands over our order and Derek passes the bags to me. The smell of the warm bagels hit my nostrils, making my mouth water. My stomach starts growling even louder.

“Jesus, grab a bagel now,” Derek says. If I was blushing before, now I am a tomato at the embarrassment I feel every time he hears my stomach.

I do what he says and open the bag to grab one of the bagels, it is so warm and soft. When I take a bite, it is absolute heaven. I couldn’t help but softly moan at how delicious it is.

Derek chuckles beside me as he starts driving out of the Starbucks’ drive-thru, “it’s good, isn’t it?” I wasn’t looking at him, but I could already imagine he is smiling at my reaction.

I can’t even answer him properly as I am devouring that bagel, so I simply nod to reply to his question.

“Next time, don’t be so damn stubborn.”

“Shut up, Derek,” I manage to say in between bites.  

CHAPTER 18

We’re about to be late for work. I want to say that I am mad at Derek for changing the route and going to Starbucks, but I am also glad because I would’ve passed out due to my hunger. So, instead of complaining, I hop out of the car to sprint towards the door. Derek walks behind me at a very slow pace, taking all the time in the world.

“Come on, we will be late,” I say desperately.

“I don’t want to run, I just ate,” he states and takes a sip from his coffee. I didn’t pay attention to his comment and decided to mind my own business. He won’t get in trouble because he has the luck that his father is the boss, but I don’t have that in my favor, so I hurry up.

Derek and I place our cards through the machine to verify our identities and open the door. When it does, we both work through the quiet hallways. Nobody seems to notice, but just as we are about to open the door that leads to the main office, we bump into Mr. Harris.

“So, this is a nice time to show up to work,” he says in a very calm tone, but of course, he’s being sarcastic, he’s a man that loves punctuality.

I swallow the lump in my throat, “s-sorry, sir, we just—”

“We had a few things to do,” Derek interrupts me. 

“At Starbucks?” he says, pointing to the coffee cups we both had in hand.

“It was important,” Derek shrugs, but I could see the unamused expression in him.

“It won’t happen again, sir,” I quickly replied.

“Da—Mr. Harris,” Derek corrects himself. “We were almost late by two minutes.”

“Derek,” I whisper so he would stop arguing.

“I want my employees to be earlier always, you more than anyone know that. Now, back to work, both of you,” he says and disappears into a different hallway.

“You can’t shut your mouth, can you?”

He scoffs, “we weren’t even that late.”

“We shouldn’t have gone to Starbucks in the first place.”

“I don’t hear your stomach growl anymore, you can thank me later,” he playfully winks at me and starts walking to his desk.

 

Hours upon hours passed by, and I was still stuck on slide four. Why was it so difficult to move forward with the presentation? Generally, my mind is filled with ideas but today I am not being able to find any sort of inspiration.

I put on my earphones to listen to some music, maybe that way I could relax a little and get my mind to work. I started debating once again on putting Taylor Swift. My finger wants to desperately click one of her songs, but for some reason, I am unable to. I close my eyes and let out a heavy sigh.

When I am about to click one of her songs, I hear the small wheels of a chair rolling in my direction. I look up and see Derek.

“Oh, my God, don’t you have work to do?” I ask annoyingly.  

“I am doing it,” he replies.

“Stalking?”

“Nope, annoying you. . . So, what are you doing?” he asks, a small smirk plastered on his face.

“Trying to work, something they pay me to do,” I say and close Spotify. I guess today will be yet another day where I can’t bring myself to listen to my favorite artist due to the pain it causes.

“Mm, sounds interesting.”

“Derek, leave. You already got me in trouble this morning,” I cautiously scan my surroundings to make sure Mr. Harris isn’t around to lecture me once again.   

“It wasn’t my fault. You’re the one that proposed that if you won, I would have to become your driver.”

“I am beginning to regret that decision,” I say and keep on typing.

“What are you doing now?” he asks.

“Derek, seriously, how old are you?”

“Depends, you mean mentally or—” suddenly, the entire office looks up because Mr. Harris starts yelling on the phone.

“I don’t care, get it done!” his voice echoes through the entire office. I briefly look at Derek who curiously stares at his father, who apparently seems as confused as everyone in here.

“No, no, that wasn’t what. . . But you must—” his sentences were all broken and didn’t make sense, seems as if he was being interrupted by the person on the other side of the line. When he finishes that mysterious call, he lets out a heavy and frustrated sigh, then notices everyone staring at him. “Go back to work! I don’t pay you to do nothing.” He slams the door to his office and closes his curtains, probably hiding in the absolute dark.

I furrow my eyebrows in confusion, “what was that all about?”

Derek shrugs, “I don’t know, but I wouldn’t dare ask him when he’s in that state. To be honest, it is the first time I’ve seen him like that. He sounded—”

“Angry, of course” I cut him off, but he shakes his head as he briefly looks back at me.

“Nervous. That wasn’t as close to how he sounds when he's angry. When he’s furious, ironically, he’s much calmer than that. When he raises his voice, it is because something he has no control over is going on.”

“That’s odd, what could possibly make him that nervous?”

“I don’t know, but I will find out,” Derek says determinedly.

CHAPTER 19

I start packing up my stuff to leave when I remember that Derek drove me here, which means I depend on his services. I didn’t think this through. I grab my purse and direct myself to Derek’s desk, where he’s working on an excel sheet.

“Hey,” I say, bringing his attention from the computer screen to me. He smiles and closes the laptop.

“Hey, T., what’s up?” he asks, unaware of why I am there. “What?”

“You drove me here, remember?” I remind him, “which means I want you to please take me home.”

“I will.”

“Thank yo—”

“After we go someplace else,” he cuts me off.

“Absolutely no, no more detouring, I am tired.”

“Stop whining. Come on, it’ll be fun, take your mind off things.”

“We are still on a weekday; I must go home to sleep early. Besides I still need to work on that big presentation Mr. Harris asked me to do for this Friday,” I am trying my best to stand my ground and for once not let him get away with whatever he wants.

“Boring,” he fakes a yawn, “that’s your problem, you need to relax.”

“I need you to stop trying to distract me.”

“I’m just trying—” he lets out a sigh, “just trying to be a friend.”

I stop for a moment. I mean, I know he’s not a bad person—he isn’t easy to get along with sometimes—but Derek isn’t terrible. Though, I start getting the feeling that he was trying to manipulate me with that tone and those pleading eyes.

“Why all of a sudden you’re trying to do something fun with me?” I ask curiously.

“Because” he starts as he stands up from his chair and starts picking up his things. “I do believe we’ve grown closer. You know, at the end of the day only we know what we’ve been through about. . .”

He doesn’t finish that sentence and since I am still in the ‘healing process’ state, I decide it is time to mention her name.

“Savannah,” I say, making him smile.

“Savannah,” he repeats, I can see his eyes getting teary, for a moment making me regret saying her name. But, at some point we have to, it is the healthy thing to do. Just like with listening to Taylor Swift—something I still haven’t been able to do.

“You made me understand back in the lake house that I wasn’t alone about this, that there is someone else that understands me, besides her parents of course.”

I nod, “I thought I was alone too, so I understand what you mean with all this.”

“I just want to distract myself a little bit and perhaps help you do the same in the process. I won’t make you arrive late to your apartment; I promise.”

I want to not give in, I do, but he’s too good at convincing people. I stare at him for a moment, having a mental war about if I should go where he wants, or do as I said before—stand my ground and not give him what he wants just because he tries to sell me that speech that we’re close friends and—

“Where are we going?” I end up asking. He smiles triumphantly, instantly making me regret my decision.

He’s once again not giving me enough information as to what the plan is and is driving me crazy. I start feeling anxious about where he wanted to go. Not knowing makes me feel even more uneasy and overthink a million possibilities and that’s enough to exasperate me.

“Come on, Derek, where did you want to go?” I ask for like the fifth time since we drove off the office’s parking lot. He briefly looks at me then back to the road, with a smile plastered on his face.

“To my favorite place,” he says. “I think we’re close enough to do so. We’re finally friends, right? Mm, who would’ve thought?”

I nod, “tell me about it, I never thought it would happen. Though, are you sure you want to take me to a place of importance to you? Special places are called like that for a reason,” I reply crossing my arms across my chest.

“I think you deserve it.”

Derek saying these things make me even more anxious as to where is this special place. Where is he taking me? For God’s sake.

After what seemed like forever, he finally pulls over. “We’re here,” he says excitedly.

“Where is here?” I ask still confused.

“Get out of the car, or do you want me to carry you like some sort of princess?” he asks, and I roll my eyes at him in annoyance.

“You know, I have mixed feelings about you.”

He looks at me with a curious expression, “really? How’s so?”

“Sometimes, I feel like you’re a decent human being and other times I want to put your head against the wall,” I say as I get out of the car.

He gets out as well and locks the doors, “you love me” Derek says and sticks his tongue out playfully.

“In your dreams, Harris. I hate you.”

“You just said I am a decent human being.”

“Well, I need to preserve your ego somehow,” I say and start listening to loud music in the background, making me scan the place for the first time since we got here.

Derek walks toward me and places his elbow on my shoulder, “not wanting me to be hurt means deep inside you care.”

“Where are we?” I ask.

He looks straight ahead and lets out a happy sigh, “it’s a nightclub.”

“Oh no, I am leaving,” I say trying to get to the car but Derek pulls me back and makes me walk forward to the place where the music is coming from.

“We’re not going to be at the nightclub, we will be at a different area, our small party.”

“I don’t know if it’s a good idea—”

“I am not drinking alcohol, I promise. I know the owner and he lets me use the studio from upstairs, to work on projects or if I want to relax for a bit when things get complicated.”

“How can you relax in a nightclub with all that music?” I ask, furrowing my eyebrows in confusion.

A tiny smirk starts to form on his lips, “you’ll see.”

We walk to a door with a bouncer guarding it. He looks so dead serious with his arms crossed across his chest. This man seems so tall he looks like a giant. But the second he sees Derek approaching, his face instantly lights up, and gives us the sweetest smile ever.

“My man, what’s up?” the bouncer says and does a small handshake with Derek. I just stand there watching this two interact. The way this man just dropped his killer attitude and showed his welcoming side, nearly melted me.

“Not much, just wanted to chill for a little bit. This is Thalia, Savannah’s best friend,” he introduces me. The bouncer’s smile grows even wider—if that is even possible—and then shakes my hand excitedly.

“Hey, Thalia, nice to meet you! I’m Nate.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” his smile is very contagious.

“Well, please, come on in,” he says and opens the door for us. Derek fist bumps him and then we walk inside, where my ears are instantly met with loud electronic music. People were dancing around on the dance floor and on top of tables.

“Wow, how interesting,” I say.

“What?” Derek screams, not able to catch what I say.

“Nothing,” I yell back.

We pass through a group of people that were not making it any easier to get through. Derek is leading the way and notices I am struggling to catch up since everyone keeps pushing me around. He grabs my hand and helps me through the ocean of dancing partygoers.

We finally get to some stairs and start going up until Derek pulls out a set of keys and opens a wooden door. When I walk in, I am surrounded by a wooden desk with a light turned on and papers all around. A couch and a table with a coffee machine.

“Close the door, you’ll see that the music downstairs isn’t a problem,” he says, and I proceed to do as told. As a matter of fact, it is true, the music lowered down. “Soundproof room.”

I smile, “that’s great, this place. . . Is great,” I walked toward the desk because my curiosity was getting the best of me. I didn’t want to be nosy, but it was clear he was working on something. “What are these?” I ask motioning to the mess.

“Drafts, ideas for projects, letters, I like to come here to work on everything. I don’t know why but here I get more inspired in this small room than in my apartment.”

“I mean, I get it, this place is cozy,” I look toward one of the loose pages and see that it has a name title. “And this?”

“That’s a book I’ve been working on,” he replies making my eyes grow wider.

“I didn’t know you like to write.”

“I love to write, ever since I was a little kid. Although, I must admit that in the past I’ve used my writing skills to my advantage.”

“What do you mean?” I ask, furrowing my eyebrows in confusion.

He doesn’t seem proud about something, and I notice he’s kind of hesitant in responding to my question. He sits down on of the couches, and I follow him.

“I used to get girls thanks to my writings, like poems, love letters, and everything.”

“I don’t think that’s a bad thi—”

“Sometimes three of them would receive the same letter just so I could sleep with them.”

“Oh.”

He nods, “yeah, and most times it worked.”

“Not always,” I ask.

“There was one time when it didn’t work and I am actually glad,” he says looking down, a smile plastered across his face.

“With whom?”

“Savannah,” he looks back at me, “I remember I gave her a letter and she nearly exploded with laughter. She looked me in the eyes and says, ‘that was so cheesy, I’ll give you credit for the effort’, I knew right there I wanted to be with her because she wasn’t like anyone else.”

I smile back at him because I could see that perfectly, and I agree with him. Savannah wasn’t like anyone else. Derek keeps staring at me, reminding me once again about the tension I felt between us, but this time, it is different—I didn’t mind it.

“So, about the letters to Savannah—”

“I thought about that because I love writing letters. But ever since I started going out with her, I began writing everything that came from the heart and that was honest. I don’t like writing things that I don’t mean anymore. It’s. . . Pointless.”

I nod, agreeing with him.

“I think this place is very special,” I say honestly, smiling.

“I told you. This is what I would call,” he pauses for a moment, scanning the place briefly before turning back to me, “happy place.”

“Well, thank you for sharing it with me, I still think that this place is too special for me to be here,” I say.

“I think you are special. After what you did to help me—”

“What did I do?” I cut him off.

“You know, like, you helped me understand that I am not alone. To me, that is worth a lot more than you think.”

I feel happy that he feels that way, it’s beautiful knowing that I was able to help someone go through something as tragic as losing someone truly special.

There was another moment of silence between us. We were just staring at each other, enjoying the ambiance surrounding us. It does help that the room is soundproof, I can’t imagine how awful would be to try and concentrate on working when there’s a party downstairs.

After a few seconds in silence, I see Derek slowly approaching, this time, I am sure nothing was part of my imagination. All that debating I did, I was completely right, he’s aiming at a specific place. But, this time, I didn’t stop him. I just see in shock how he’s getting closer with every passing second. He takes a strand of my hair and places it behind my ear, then caressed my cheek before finally planting a soft kiss on my lips. After two seconds, he pulls back and looks me in the eyes, probably wondering what I am thinking. I slowly pull him into me again, kissing back.

I don’t know what has gotten into me, but kissing Derek felt nice and sweet, too good to stop. Though, of course, my mind is yelling at me to put an end to it, to get the hell out of there. But how could I?

Derek places his hand on my leg as he deepens the kiss and for a moment, I feel comfortable. He’s very gentle and takes his time to enjoy every second of this moment.

I can’t get enough. I wanted to be as close to him as possible because he made me forget about everything and everyone, it just mattered us in that precise room. Derek starts placing kisses on my cheek, then on my neck, and all I could do was close my eyes as I enjoyed how this felt.

He goes back to kissing my lips and it makes me crawl on top of him, which he seemed to like a lot. He’s caressing every inch of my body, softly brushing his fingertips against my arms, then on my back as he pulls me even closer.

Out of nowhere, his phone rings, snapping us back to reality. I finally pull away, trying to catch my breath, and he does the same. We let the phone ring, and neither of us moved from our current positions.

“I—” he starts.

“I know,” I cut him off. I finally move away from him. He goes to the table where his phone is to check who it is but decides to ignore the call.

“Thalia—”

“Take me home.”

“Let’s talk about what just happened.”

“Derek, please,” I beg him.

He didn’t push about it, he just let go a heavy sigh and grabs his car keys from the table.

CHAPTER 20

I struggled to push through the ocean of people, but I didn’t want to let them stop me. I am desperately trying to get out of there because I started to feel suffocated. I didn’t look back to check if Derek was following me, I just kept going and didn’t stop until I finally got out.

I started to breathe normally again once the fresh air from outside hits me. I look at Nate, who seems worried.

“Thalia, are you okay?” he asks.

I force myself to nod. Although, I wasn’t even sure how ‘okay’ I am.

Finally, Derek reaches me, but I step back a little.

“Thalia, you didn’t have to run off like that,” he says.

“Bye, Nate, it was nice meeting you,” I say as we both waved at each other.

“Thalia,” Derek calls out for me, but I didn’t stop until I reach the car’s door. He walks toward me, but I didn’t look at him, I am staring at the ground the whole time. How can I possibly look him in the eyes after what happened?

“It’s okay,” he says.

“Open the door, please,” I ignore his comment.

“We need to talk about it.”

I finally gain enough courage to look at him, his gaze piercing through me. With those dark green eyes, even darker than the night itself, staring at me with such intensity, I am doing a giant effort trying to face him.

“We don’t have to; we can just pretend it never happened.”

“We can’t, Thalia, and you know that,” his gaze softens.

“I want to pretend it didn’t,” I say.

“Why?”

“Because it is wrong. I mean, how are you not freaking out over this?” I ask, crossing my arms across my chest. Now that I think about it, he seems so calm, trying to convince me to talk about what happened. We should discuss it, but not right now. My mind isn’t in the best place currently and trying to talk maturely about this will just make things worse.

Derek takes a step forward. “It didn’t feel. . . Wrong.”

I am speechless, this just makes me want to leave even more. I want to go to my apartment and try to leave all of this behind me. “Derek, open the door and take me home,” I am begging in my mind for him to just give in and let this go.

“But Thalia—”

“Please.”

Derek didn’t push anymore. I hear him unlock the door and mentally thank him for it. I hurriedly get inside the car and buckle up. As he drives off, I keep staring out the window as silence is the only thing surrounding us.

 

When we finally arrive, I unbuckle my seatbelt as I feel Derek’s eyes on me, his gaze burning me. “Thalia—”

“Thank you for driving me. You truly were honest about our bet,” I cut him off.

“You can’t just ignore what happened.”

I finally turn to look at him, “I can’t ignore it, but I need to process it. I can’t talk about it right now, and I truly hope you understand.”

He nods, “I do understand, T.”

I open the door and get out, making my way toward my building, not once looking back at Derek. I am just confused, that’s it. When I was kissing him, I felt something I’d never felt before, and that’s the problem. I felt that with my best friend’s fiancé. I hate myself for doing that, more specifically, for feeling that way.

The first thing I do when I go inside my apartment, I wash my face and start to take deep breaths. I stare at my reflection in the mirror. I bite my lower lip as I fight the tears from coming, the guilt starts to kick in. I close the faucet and go toward my bed, trying to remember a time when things were happy and not at all complicated.

 

“You’re a traitor.”

“How could you do this to me?”

“I thought we were friends.”

I wake up in a pool of sweat, breathing heavily. Savannah’s voice echoes through my head, saying horrible things to me, and making me cry like a baby. I get out of bed and walk toward my window, trying to compose myself as I stare at the starry sky.

I grab my phone and check the time. Just as I do that, I notice that I have a text from Derek.

“Thalia, I am so sorry. When you’re ready, I truly would like to talk about this.”

I put my phone down and go back to bed, but I couldn’t sleep, it was 3:00 a.m. and I can’t seem to close my eyes and try to sleep so I could at least stop thinking about what happened. Derek’s face was approaching me slowly as I stare at his eyes closing and then my gaze falling to his lips.

I grab my head and close my eyes shut, putting myself in a fetal position as I try to stop thinking. I just want it all to stop. I start feeling worse because I start remembering how much I initially enjoyed the kiss. It felt so soft and gentle. He didn’t rush it and took his time with it as if he has waited for that moment.

Savs, I didn’t mean for it to happen, but I was weak, and for that, I am deeply sorry, for not being able to control myself. It was a moment where I felt so vulnerable, and I just let it consume me completely. I’m writing this as sincerely as possible, trying not to make excuses for myself. I am so sorry for what happened. How can I call myself a true friend if I betray you like this?

CHAPTER 21

The next morning, I woke up with a horrible headache, perhaps because of how much I’d been crying. I rub the sleep out of my eyes and direct myself toward the bathroom. I wash my face and proceed to brush my teeth. I want to eat something, but this time, I didn’t feel like eating anything, so I decide to skip it.

I grab my things and head out, trying to remind myself that I still must finish up that huge presentation for tomorrow, so that’s going to help a lot in distracting me enough, so I don’t think about anything or anyone.

“Hey, neighbor,” I hear Josh say as I close my door. I force a smile into my face. He has nothing to do with what is going on in my life, so the least I could do is have a positive attitude toward him.

“Hi, how are you?” I ask and proceed to walk toward the elevator. Josh follows alongside.

“Good, I am officially down with taking everything out of the boxes,” he replies.

“That’s great! The worst part just ended, right?”

“Mm, not quite,” Josh says as the elevator door opens. I furrow my eyebrows in confusion and walk inside, clicking the button that takes you to the lobby.

“Why?”

“Oh, not much, just that right now I truly want to re-paint the place, and I know that will probably take forever.”

“Yeah, that will be a lot of work,” I reply.

“Yes, it will take ages, because it is just me who’s going to do it.”

I kind of figured out where this is going.

“You could totally hire a service, so someone else does it for you.”

“I mean, I could, but I wanted the experience of doing it, to keep me busy. But I am dreading it because it is a lot of work for just one person to do it,” he begins to do puppy eyes.

I playfully roll my eyes at him. “I will not offer my help willingly; you need to ask me,” I reply, making him throw his head back in laughter. The elevator door opens, and we finally make it down to the lobby.

Josh steps in front of me and kneels, making me cover my mouth in surprise. “Thalia, will you please do me the honor of becoming my painting helper?”

I pause for a moment to add suspense and put myself in a thinking position. As he waits for my answer, josh is still kneeling down, with a smile plastered across his face. I am trying my best to be as serious as possible.

“Yes, I do,” I finally say, making Josh’s dimpled smile grow even wider—if that was even possible.

We hear some people around us clapping, I didn’t even notice them when we stepped out of the elevator, but it makes the situation even more hilarious. There are a few that say “congratulations!” and I am trying my best to laugh because that would surely look so confusing to the ones that are there.

When the cheering dies down, everyone starts to leave the place. Josh and I exchange some looks, then hurriedly go to a corner of the lobby where we start dying of laughter.

“Oh, my God, what the hell was that?” I say in between giggles.

“I didn’t see them there.”

“Me neither. If I did, I would’ve said no just to see their reaction.”

Josh places his hands on his heart, making it seem like he’s offended by my comment. “Just to see what they would’ve said.”

“You would’ve said no? To my heartfelt proposal?”

“Oh, yes, that was such a beautiful proposal, it almost makes me cry,” I reply sarcastically, and he nudges my shoulder playfully.

“Well, that was fun, but I have to go to work, I’ll see you around,” I start walking away but his voice stops me, making me turn to him once again.

“So, you will help me?”

“Yeah, of course, how about this Saturday?” quite honestly, this is perfect. If I do as many activities as I possibly can, it will allow me to not think about you know who. I would be too busy to think about those events that kept me awake all night.

“Saturday is perfect, it’s a date,” he says and starts to walk away. I watch as he’s leaving the building, his words

It is just a figure of speech, right? There goes my overthinking again. 

CHAPTER 22

When I arrive at the office, I walk directly toward my desk and open my laptop to keep working, briefly scanning around occasionally to see if Derek was around. I didn’t want to avoid him, but he left me no choice after what happened. Alright, it is partially my fault too for giving in, but he started it.

The smell of coffee did not help me concentrate; it drives me crazy considering I didn’t have a proper breakfast. Well, I didn’t have any breakfast. I decide that the least I could do is get myself a large coffee since I didn’t get any sleep last night and I desperately need to stay awake right now. Not only because I have to finish this presentation, but because if I fall asleep, I could get into so much trouble.

I stand up and walk toward the lounge to get a cup of coffee, but as I turn to one corner, I bump hard against someone.

“I am so sorry—” I look up and I see Derek. A few papers fell from his hand when we collided. I get down and help retrieve everything that fell, he does the same.

“My bad,” he says, but I could respond to anything else. I stay in complete silence as I finish picking up everything with him. We both get up from the ground and stare at each other for what seems like forever.

He clears his throat, ready to finally say something to me. “You know, what happened between us. . . We can’t let it affect our relationship as colleagues,” Derek scratches the back of his head nervously.

Thinking about that for a moment, I must admit that it is true. We shouldn’t let it get mixed up with our professional life, if not, it will be nearly impossible to come to work. “I agree.”

He sends me a soft smile and just as he’s about to reply, we hear someone nearly shouting coming from Mr. Harris’ office. Derek and I both turn around confused as to who could that possibly be.

I look back to Derek, “who is your father talking to?”

He shrugs, “I don’t know, I just got here. Wait here,” he says and walks towards his father’s office. But I didn’t want to stay with the doubts, so I follow him.

“I will need you to relax.” I hear Mr. Harris say.

“We’ve talked about this, what you’re doing isn’t fair, especially to them. We had a deal.”

“Things change.”

“Yeah? You wouldn’t like them to find out in any other way, right?”

I hear a chair being pulled back and Mr. Harris’ tone getting even angrier. “Don’t you dare threaten me.”

“I am not threatening, it is just a warning.”

I look at Derek, furrowing my eyebrows in confusion. He looks as lost as I am.

After a few seconds, I hear some steps approaching, and Derek and I pulled away from the door as quick as lightning, walking away as if we weren’t just listening to a private conversation.

“Derek,” we hear Mr. Harris call out. Derek and I stop dead in our tracks and slowly turn around, scared for our lives.

“Yes, sir?” Derek asks.

“Come with me, I need your help with something.

“Yes, sir, right behind you.” They both walk together and got inside another room. Just as I am about to go to get that coffee I’ve been craving, I see Josh walking out of Mr. Harris’ office, making my eyes widen in surprise. He stares at me for a few seconds, as shocked as I was.

“Josh?” what the hell was he doing here?

He didn’t say anything, he quickly starts to walk away, until he finally makes it to another hallway, leaving me there completely surprised, and more confused than ever.

Why was he here? How did he know Mr. Harris? And why did he sort of. . . Threatened him?

Time passes by slowly as I stare at my PowerPoint slide. I lightly tap my pen against my desk, as I sip on my coffee mug. How can I think after what happened earlier? I have so many questions and it drives me crazy not being able to know how to answer them. I will indeed ask Josh what was that all about, because even though he tried to run away, he knows damn well we still live in the same building, and at some point, I will cross paths with him.

“Hey,” I hear Derek. I look up and offer him a smile.

“Hey, what’s up?”

He shrugs, “not much, he only wanted help with some paperwork.”

“I can’t stop thinking about what happened before,” not knowing is indeed eating me alive.

“I know!” he pulls a chair and sits beside me, “it is driving me crazy, but I couldn’t ask him about it.”

“Why not?”

“Oh, I don’t know, perhaps because that way he would know we were both listening to his private conversation”

“Right,” I bit my lower lip and I look back at the PowerPoint. Luckily, I am almost done, but I am struggling with the last couple of ideas to finish this, besides that, I still need to rehearse what I am going to say.

Seriously, when is this week going to end?

“How’s that going?” Derek asks.

“Fine, I guess.”

“Do you need any help?” he offers.

“No, no, thanks,” he looks at me for a few seconds as if I am about to change my answer, but I don’t. Being too close to him isn’t helping at all, even though we agreed that what happened shouldn’t affect our relationship as colleagues.

“Come on, at least let me help you rehearse, I could teach you how to engage the crowd with charm.”

“I can do it,” that was a lie of course. The only time I was able to speak in public without having a mental breakdown, was at Savannah’s funeral, and even then, I felt like I was about to pass out. I tried to be strong back then because she was on my mind. She was giving me the courage I needed to move forward with that speech, but deep down I was scared.

“No, you can’t,” he states, chuckling.

“Yes, I can, shut up Derek. Don’t you have anything better to do?”

“Anything better than annoying you, no way. This is the highlight of my day,” his annoying smirk plastered across his face makes me want to smack it off.

CHAPTER 23

When I finish at the office, I grab my things and head out of the building. I start thinking about how the day has gone and surprisingly, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.  It helps me a lot knowing that even though I still feel awkward around him—because everything that happened is still fresh in my mind—we still can behave professionally.

I walk to my car and then drive off the parking lot, directing myself toward my apartment, where Josh will have to give some explanation about why he was there at my office. Even though he totally walked away, trying to avoid me, he knows I will see him again. He seemed nervous and out of place, so different from how I saw him this morning.

When I arrive, I go straight to his apartment and knock on his door. There is no answer, and it makes me exasperated. I’m not an impatient person, that is until I have a question. I knock several times when I decide to give up. I turn on my heels to leave but the door finally opens. Josh gets out and greets me with a smile.

“Hey, neighbor, what’s up.” He has his hair wet, meaning he was taking a shower, hence explaining why he took some time to open the door.

“Hi, sorry to bother you, I just—” I forget what to say when I see him. I was so determined before in asking that right now I am chickening out. Confronting someone has never been my biggest strength.

“Yeah?”

“Well, I saw you today, and I was confused as to why?” I finally ask. I see him get tensed up, which makes me remember the tone he was using with Mr. Harris back at his office. It didn’t seem like they were having a pleasant conversation.

“Oh, nothing, I was just looking for a job,” he says, though I look at him suspiciously.

“But the way you were talking to Mr. Harris—”

“Oh, so you were spying on our conversation?” he cuts me off, making me instantly blush at the realization that I just revealed myself.

“No! Well. . .” he gives me a knowing look, obviously not going to believe another word I say. “Alright, fine, I did. But I didn’t know it was you he was talking to. I just heard him very angry and was curious as to what was going on.”

He sighs as he leans on his doorframe, crossing his arms across his chest. “Look, Thalia, I know that must’ve looked confusing and weird, and I am sorry. You need to trust me on this one, what I’ve discussed with. . . Mr. Harris is private and for now, should stay like that.”

That leaves me even more confused. Guess who isn’t going to sleep once again?

I do respect what he says though and leave it like that. I should just pretend nothing happened because not knowing will eventually eat me alive.

“Hey,” he snaps me away from my thoughts, making me look back at him, “I bought the paint today, ready for Saturday,” Josh changes the subject.

I smile, “great, did you buy the color I suggested?”

He nods, “yes, let me tell you, the color is amazing.”

“Told you, I know about this,” I smirk cockily.  

“Well, let’s see if you’re as good at painting as you are making suggestions.”

“Oh, I am a pro, I painted my apartment with—” I pause, almost about to say her name, which I agreed I would, but something makes me stop. Though, I can’t leave it like that. “—my roommate,” I finish the sentence, forcing a smile into my face.

“Oh, I didn’t know you have one, where is she? And why haven’t I met her?” he asks, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion.

“Oh, my God! Look at the time. I better get going. Again, sorry for not minding my own business. I’ll see you around,” I say.

“Um, it is only 6:00 p.m.”

“Yeah, but I have so much work to do and you’re probably busy as well” I start to walk away but he stops me.

“Before you go, you never gave me your number,” he says, and it hits me that is true. I walk toward him once again and take out my phone, proceeding to exchange numbers.

“Now you can go,” he says making me laugh.

“Oh, now I have permission?”

“Yes. Now that I got your number yes you can go.”

I start making my way to my apartment, and just when I am about to get inside, I look at him from down the hall and wave, and he waves back. I close the door and just as I lock it, I receive a text message.

It is a message from Josh. When I open it, I am greeted by multiple cat stickers, making me roll my eyes playfully, biting my lip as I try not to laugh because he’s such a dork.

“You can’t escape now from the cat stickers; I am obsessed with them.”  

“I wasn’t planning on escaping them, because I like them too,” I reply.

I place my phone on top of my wooden table and walk to my desk, ready to write another letter to my best friend.

Dear Savs, I know you would’ve loved to be the first one to know, but there’s this new neighbor who you would’ve thought is dorky but in an adorable way. You wouldn’t have stopped bothering me with him. He loves using cat stickers! I think if you were still here, you would love it for the three of us to be best friends. We would probably get to know each other better and would plan a trip to the lake house to spend quality time and amazing summers, like when we were young. Oh, I miss you. How’s everything? Silly question, but are you missing me?

As I finish that last sentence, I feel a light breeze hit my body, making me shiver. I furrow my eyebrows in confusion as I stare at my closed window, finding it so weird that I am chilly in here. I decide to ignore it thinking it is probably nothing and decide to rehearse for tomorrow.

As I am reading through my notes, I hear a light knock on my door. I stand up and walk toward my door. Looking through the peephole, I’m surprised to see Derek standing there.

CHAPTER 24

I stand confused in front of my door, wondering what he’s doing here. I hear him knock again, snapping me back to reality. I open and he smiles at me as if his being here is totally normal.

“Derek, what are you doing here?” I ask.

“I came here to help you rehearse, of course,” he says and begins to make his way inside my apartment.

“I told you I didn’t need any help,” I say, and he faces me.

“That’s a lie, T, we both know you suck at public speaking” he is right about that, but after everything, I truly just wanted to have him around only at the office, as a colleague. 

“I wanted to practice alone,” I insist.

“What are you afraid of?” he asks as he walks toward me. “That I will. . . Make a move or something? I will try to be as professional as possible.”

“Promise?” I give him a look. He lets go a sigh and raises his hand up in surrender.

“I promise. Now come on, let’s see what you got.”

 

We stay working on me trying not to mess up for almost two hours. I was getting kind of overwhelmed and anxious because my problem is how I imagine all the eyes on me.

“You’re so tense, you need to relax,” he says.

“I can’t, I feel like everyone will judge me.”

“That’s the problem, you overthink too much. Pretend like there’s no one in the room,” Derek suggests. Well, that is easier said than done.

“Good morning, ladies and gentlemen, I-I’m—” for a moment I forget what comes next.

“Thalia? Your name is Thalia,” Derek finishes for me.

“God, we’re not going anywhere with this,” I say and sit down on the couch next to Derek. “Why don’t you do it? I’ll call in sick or whatever.”

He shakes his head no, “I won’t do it, this is your moment, you’ve worked so hard for this.”

My eyes widen in surprise, “oh wow, Derek from the past would’ve grabbed the opportunity of doing this, what happened?”

“Derek from the past was an asshole,” he says, making me throw my head back in laughter. 

“I don’t think a lot changed,” I reply, and he nudges my shoulder playfully. “I will make some coffee; do you want some?”

He nods and I proceed to go make coffee to keep us away, maybe that way we could have sufficient energy to finish this presentation once and for all. It is actually very sweet of Derek to voluntarily come and help me with this presentation. Even though I am messing up most of it, he is still making me have a little more confidence in some areas, and the most important thing, I’ve been feeling the support from him.

“What are you afraid of?” I hear him asking. I turn around and curiously stare at him.

“What do you mean?”

“Yeah, like, why can’t stand in front of them?”

“I guess I’m afraid of messing up and everyone starts laughing at me or them not taking me seriously.” I stare down at the ground, just thinking about those possibilities always makes me a nervous wreck.  

“Thalia?” he calls out. I look back at him. “You’ll do great. I mean, you clearly know the information, you know what you’re supposed to say, you’re just afraid of people listening to you.”

“I used to do better when I rehearsed with Savannah, I could just look at her and do great,” I couldn’t help but smile at the memory.

“Then that’s what you’re supposed to do,” he says. “Pretend she’s there, listening to you. She probably will be though, giving you her full support.” I go sit down next to him on the couch and I hand him his coffee. He takes a sip and reviews my presentation once again.

I look at him, smiling, “you think I should do that?”

He turns his attention back to me and nods, “yes, of course. If it helps knowing she’s there, then you should do it. Don’t think of the sad part of it, think about her being your guardian angel and giving you the strength to keep going.”

I smile at his words; it is a beautiful idea to keep in mind all the times I’ve rehearsed with her for presentations. Even though most of the times I would mess up, every time I’d come home, she waited with brownies and a huge smile on her face, reassuring me that I will get over my fear next time.

I feel Derek’s hand on my shoulder, “you can do it.”

“Well, it is nice to finally have the support from someone that would always outshine me at everything,” I reply making him chuckle.

“In my defense, my only intention has been to save you.”

“From what?” I ask, crossing my arms across my chest.

“Well, someone had to step in and share the information you couldn’t deliver. Not my fault public speaking gives you urges of fainting or throwing up.”

I nudge him playfully and sip on my coffee mug. I start thinking about picturing Savannah tomorrow at the big presentation, I will try it, though I can´t promise the possibility of breaking down in tears.

“Thank you for helping me,” I say.

“No problem, I know you said you didn’t need help but that was a lie, I know.”

“Shut up, Derek.”

“You always tell me to shut up,” he throws his head back in laughter.

“That must mean that you should, probably. Don’t you think?”

“Nah, if I shut up, who’s going to make you laugh?” he says and places his coffee mug on the coffee table, I do the same.

“You mean if you don’t shut up, who’s going to annoy me?”

“Same thing, actually. Making you mad is the highlight of my day, always has been.”

“Why though, I have never done anything to you,” I say, rolling my eyes in annoyance.

“Exactly, it makes it even perfect to make you mad about anything.”

I try to playfully hit his shoulder, but he dodges it, making me want to punch him even harder. But as I try, he keeps getting away from my hits, making me nervous.

“You can’t hit me, see? You’re too slow!” he laughs.

“Shut up, Derek.”

He looks at me for a second and keeps laughing. I give him a confused look.

“What?”

He leans forward and instinctively I move back, but he inches even closer to me until I can’t back away anymore. With his thumb, he slowly wipes something from my face. He looks into my eyes for a few seconds, before pulling away.

“You had a coffee stain beside your lip,” he says, making me blush with embarrassment.      

“Oh, my God,” I say covering my face but that makes him laugh even harder.

“You’re cute, a dummy, but a cute dummy,” he says and this time I aim right at his arm to hit him, but he didn’t budge.

“Shut—”

“—up Derek, yes we know,” he cuts me off.

“Hey, respect my phrase, do not take it away from me,” I say.    

 Derek gets his phone out of his pocket and checks something, then turns back to me. “Hey, I don’t want to leave, but it’s getting late, and I don’t want you to sleep at an unreasonable hour.”

“How can you be stupid sometimes and then considerate? Is like you flip a switch with two modes.”

“Very funny,” he stands up from the couch and goes to the door, and I follow behind. He turns to face me but doesn’t say anything, he seems hesitant about something. I decide to wrap my arms around me to hug him goodbye.

“Friends can hug, don’t worry,” I say, and I hear him sigh with relief.

“Friends,” he repeats, “of course we are.”   

When we pull away, he smiles at me. “You’ll do great tomorrow; I know you will T. Just picture Savannah, and I promise to also be there to give support.”

“Thank you, Derek, for everything.”

“That’s what friends do, right? Be there for each other,” he says, and I nod, agreeing with him.  

CHAPTER 25

Dear Savs, today is the day. I don’t know if I should feel excited or scared; I guess I could have a mixture of both. Today I decided to write this letter because perhaps it could help me feel better. Maybe writing to you is what I need to get through this, and not messing this massive opportunity of finally being heard. Mr. Harris gave me this chance to share my work and I can’t ruin anything, this must go perfectly, and that makes me even more nervous. God, how I wish you were here to give me some advice.

For some reason, I feel like this week has gone by so slowly. Not only that, but only in one week a lot of things happened, and I still try to process that. In one week, I’ve been given the chance to work on this presentation, have become friends with Derek, then kissed him, met Josh—who I think is very nice, and began to write these letters which I mentally thank Derek for suggesting we do this.

When I finish writing to Savannah, I put the papers away in a little box that I promise myself will decorate when I have the time, then pack my things for the day in my purse. I head out the door and continuously pray so I don’t mess up anything today—it must go perfectly. If I do this right, this could have a huge positive impact on my work, it could bring a lot of benefits. This type of pressure is what doesn’t help me at all.

Right now, I am thinking about Derek’s suggestion of picturing Savannah there in the room as I do my presentation. I’ve decided that even though having her in mind could be very emotional, I still need to keep going. I started remembering all nights she voluntarily stayed up with me to rehearse. I would tell her to go to bed, but she never listened to me. She would make coffee and give me her support, playing the role of my audience.

I smile at the memory as I click the button to go to the lobby. As the door closes, I see a woman get out of Josh’s apartment, making me curious about who could be. I quickly press the button to re-open the doors, since I notice her approaching the elevator.

She noticed I hold the door for her and quickly starts walking toward me.

“Thank you!” she says, smiling widely. Up close, I’m astonished at how beautiful she is. She seems as if she’s in her late forties, with dark blue eyes, rosy and prominent cheeks, with long and shining blonde hair. I didn’t notice I was staring for too long. But she did see me looking at her, which makes me turn away and blush with embarrassment for being caught.

“Is there something wrong, sweetie?” she asks, furrowing her eyebrows in confusion.

I look at her and smile nervously, “no! Sorry! I just. . . Your hair is very beautiful,” I say, and her dimpled smile grows even wider—if that was even possible.

“Thank you! That’s very sweet of you,” she says and tucks a strand of her hair behind her ear. The elevator door dings and finally takes to the lobby. We both walk out to the parking lot, but before getting inside my car, I curiously stare at her getting into her vehicle, she’s checking something on her phone, then applies lipstick and finally turns on the engine to leave the place. She drives off quickly like she’s really in a hurry.

I arrive at the office and hurriedly go to my desk with all my notes in hand, reviewing them one by one to make sure I don’t forget anything. I feel like I am studying for a test in High School. I would do the same, stay all week studying, and then before going inside the classroom, I’d see my flashcards.

“Hey,” I hear Derek say. I couldn’t look at him since my eyes were glued to my notes. Out of nowhere, he takes them away from my hands, making me snap back to reality.

“Give it back, Derek, you’re not funny.”

“You need to relax, you know this,” he says, smiling reassuringly.

“I still want to finish reading my notes, just in case.” I try to get the papers back from him but he pulls them away so I can’t reach them.

He gives me back my notes, “it’s almost time,” he says

“Don’t add more stress, please,” I beg.

He pats my shoulder. “Good luck, I’ll see you inside.” He walks away and into a room. I sigh heavily as I try to maintain my composure. I start feeling the butterflies, but to me, that isn’t a good feeling.

I grab what I will need for my presentation and start walking toward the room. When I get there, there were more people than I expected. Mr. Harris wasn’t kidding when he said it was a big deal. For the most part, I like the fact that he trusted me with this since right now I feel like everyone will finally hear the ideas I came up with regarding the future of this company. I truly hope I don’t mess up.

Standing in front of these people is not easy, but I never thought it would be, all I’m asking for is for me not to pass out, that’s it.

“Alright, Ms. Parker,” I hear Mr. Harris say as he sits down at the head of the table, “ready when you are.”

I see Derek sitting next to him, smiling at me in a sweet and supportive way, and for a moment I can forget what happened between us. He’s behaving as my friend and helpful colleague which quite honestly, I couldn’t be more grateful for. There’s still one person I wish would be there. One person I know for a fact would be able to calm all my nerves and let me know that everything is going to be okay.

I take a deep breath and briefly see one empty corner of the room. For a moment, I see her. She’s smiling at me as she leans her back against the wall, staring directly into my eyes.

“You got this, babe,” she says, and that gives me enough strength to move forward with the presentation.

“Let’s begin,” I say, and my presentation appears projected on the wall.

 

Once I finish explaining everything and receiving questions from the people in the audience, I start to feel much better, almost as if I could breathe. I receive a lot of congratulations and support from my colleagues.

Derek approaches me with a huge smile on his face. “Oh, my God! That was amazing, T.,” he hugs me tightly and doesn’t let go until we hear someone from behind.

Mr. Harris clears his throat, trying to get our attention. “Excuse me.”

We quickly pull away and turn to face him. He has a smile on his face. He seems almost proud and satisfied.

“That was quite a presentation, Ms. Parker.” I wait for him to keep going if there’s even more. I stand there, offering him a smile, waiting expectantly for his next response.

“Good job, I truly enjoyed it. I think the ideas that you came up with could be very helpful.”

I still can't seem to sink in, I stay there like an idiot, wondering if it’s too obvious I’m in complete shock at what he’s telling me. I try to look professional, but I know I probably look ridiculous.

“T-thank you, s-sir, that means a lot.” I stutter? Crap. He nods and starts to walk away alongside a group of people. I cover my mouth with both of my hands and turn to face Derek.

“I don’t believe this,” I say in shock. Derek’s dimpled smile grows even wider.

“You did it! Congratulations! And I didn’t have to step in this time.”

“Oh, my God!” I happily wrap my arms around Derek, embracing him, and he quickly gives in.

“We have to celebrate!” he suggests.

“Um, sure, what do you want to do?” I ask curiously. Maybe trying to relax and go out somewhere is exactly what I need to change a little bit of the stressed-out mood I’ve had since they assigned me to do this presentation.

“Quite honestly,” he starts, “I want to go dancing.”

“I’ve never seen you dance.”

“Oh, it’s a real treat, actually,” he says cockily, and I give him a look.

“I would pay to see that,” I say in between giggles.

“Then it is settled. Tonight, you will see the amazing Derek Harris on the dance floor.”

“Calling yourself amazing is pathetic,” I nudge his shoulder playfully.

“Nope, it is called self-love. Try it sometime, would you?”

I hit his shoulder harder this time, “ouch. Burn.”

“Don’t mess with me. I can destroy anyone.”

“You’re kind of right, though.”

“What do you mean?” he asks, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion.

I start walking out of the room, and he follows behind me. I start fixing some papers since I’d left my space messy because I was in a hurry before.

“I need to have more self-love,” I continue.

He grabs another chair and sits down beside me. “Why don’t you?”

“It isn’t a simple question you can get an answer to.”

“Yes, I think you can. I mean, don’t you believe you’re amazing? Or capable? Or—” he pauses, making me curious as to what else he’s going to say.

“Or?”

“Or beautiful?” he finishes the sentence and nervously scratches the back of his head. I couldn’t help but blush. I put a strand of my hair behind my ear and shyly look at the ground for a few seconds before turning back to him.

I didn’t say a word, just shake my head no as a response.

He looks at me in a way I couldn’t tell what he was thinking, and it makes me once again anxious.

“What?” I ask. My voice seems to snap him back to reality.

“I don’t want to go dancing anymore, I have a different idea,” he says and stands up.

“What?”

“You’ll see.”

His response makes me groan in annoyance.

“No more surprises, just tell me where are we going this time. I didn’t enjoy the last location.”

“First of all, that’s a lie. Secondly, don’t worry, I won’t kiss you this time,” he says, whispering the last part. “I know you don’t want to.” He starts to walk away and disappears into another room, leaving me there once again with curiosity and anxiety about where he’s taking me this time.

The thing is, something he doesn’t know—mostly because I don’t want him to find out because it makes me feel guilty—is that one part of me, deep inside, wants to kiss him again so badly.

Of course, I try to shake that thought away and bury it at the very back of my head.

CHAPTER 26

“Are you finally going to tell me where we’re going?” I ask for like the millionth time. Derek didn’t say anything, he keeps staring at his computer screen with a smile on his face. He enjoys doing this, leaving me with doubt.

“What the hell about this weather? First, it says it’s going to be a clear night, now it says it will rain,” he comments, totally ignoring my constant questions.

“Derek,” I say in a serious tone. He finally looks at me and lets out a small laugh.

“Yes? What can I help you with?”

I roll my eyes in annoyance. “You could help me by answering what I’ve been asking you for the past two hours?”

“I will pack my things and we can get going. We will go to your apartment so you can leave your car and I will take you there.”

“Can’t you give me a clue?”

“Why are you so impatient?” he asks.

“Because. . . I need to know; it makes me anxious not knowing. After the last ‘surprise’ you gave me by taking me to that special place, I just don’t know anymore.”

“Look, I won’t give you any more surprises. I understand I was wrong. But. . .” he pauses as he stares at me for a moment. “You kissed me back.” He whispered the last part so no one around us would hear.

“You shouldn’t have started it,” I complain.

He bites his lower lip, holding in his laughter, “you shouldn’t have finished it.”

I stand up and walk toward my desk, grabbing the remaining of my things to leave. “I’ll see you on Monday, I’m busy enough already.”

He hurriedly stands up and follows me, “what else are you going to do?”

“I will go to my apartment.”

“And?” he looks at me, expectantly.

“I will find myself something to do.”

“God, alright, I will stop with the suspense. I truly want to go out with you as friends to celebrate your victory today. I Promise.”

I let go of a heavy sigh as I place my phone inside of my purse. “Fine, I will accept that, mostly because I want to distract myself. I’ve been through so much pressure lately.”

His smile grows wilder and has a relief look on his face. “Great. Let’s go then.”

We drive to my apartment so I can quickly change into something more comfortable. I leave my car keys on the wooden table and proceed to go back downstairs to meet with Derek again. I see he already changed, which I find to be weird considering he hasn’t moved from the lot.

“Where did that change of clothes come from?” I ask, furrowing my eyebrows in confusion.

“I always have a change of clothes in the trunk. I used to change in the car all the time to meet Savannah after work and go out somewhere. This way it was more effective and faster to get ready.”

I hop into the passenger’s seat, and he begins to drive off the parking lot, still wondering where we could be going.

I keep staring out the window, not saying much. I still feel very tired after the exhausting week I endured. Truthfully, I didn’t feel like going out, but as always, he persuades me into agreeing and that’s very annoying, though I understand his intentions were good. I know he wants to celebrate with me after the decent enough presentation I did.

“Penny for your thoughts?” his voice snaps me back to reality.

“What?”

“You seem thoughtful, what are you thinking?” he asks curiously.

“Not much, I’m just tired after this week, it seems as if it passed by really slowly.”

“Really? I think time flew. I wish I could’ve enjoyed it more.”

“Is that so?” I ask.

He simply nods as he briefly looks at me before turning back to the road. “I feel like this week has gone by too quickly. Quite honestly, I’ve been thinking about how ever since what happened with Savannah, days have gone by slowly and painfully. But lately, I’ve felt like time has been slipping through my fingers. I can’t hold the moment long enough.”

“That’s odd.”

“You think? I feel like that happens when you have a good time.”

I am about to reply but he starts parking, meaning we got to our destination. I soon realize that we were at his apartment.

“Why are we here?”

“Well, a few years back, I build a special room. You’ll love it.” We both get out and start walking toward his building.

“Let me guess, you have another studio?” I ask, crossing my arms across my chest.

“Something like that, but here is where I would take Savannah whenever she didn’t feel good about herself,” he replies as we get inside.

“Savannah never felt bad about herself, she always felt—”

“Confident? Powerful? Beautiful? You have no idea how many times she felt like she was useless. Just like you, she had insecurities, she never showed them.” He presses the button to the respective floor we’re supposed to get to.

“What? That’s not true, that can’t be.” Derek stays a few seconds in silence before turning back to me.

“She never showed that side to you.”

“Why wouldn’t she, we’re best friends.”

“No doubt about that. She considered you her sister, you have no idea how many times she would mention you. In the beginning, I thought she liked you for real,” he says, making me laugh. “But she told me that she never showed her insecurities because she cared about you so much, that all she ever wanted was to make you feel beautiful and capable of achieving everything you set your mind to.”

“What floor is this?”

“This is the terrace, I build a very cool room, but only I have permission to use it.”

“You pay someone for that to happen?”

“I won’t answer that, I bet you already know.”

He starts to unlock the door and I am soon met with a room filled from side to side with mirrors and words all around.

“Mirrors?” I ask confused.

“Yes, mirrors.”

“I don’t get it,” I say and start walking even deeper into the room, scanning the place.

“Savannah could never see what I see sometimes, no matter how much I would tell her how beautiful she is. I decided to place mirrors in every corner of this room. I would also tell her to write something that she likes about herself every time she felt bad. That’s exactly what I want you to do,” he says and hands me a black sharpie.

“I-I don’t know what to write,” I say, scratching the back of my head. My view quickly falls into a few words in a mirror. I curiously walk towards it and stare closely at the handwriting I come to know very well.

‘I am great at making friends,’ is written in one corner with a few pictures of Savannah and me taped beside those words. I get very emotional, and a few tears start rolling down my cheeks.

“It isn’t fair,” I say, frustrated. “It isn’t fair at all.”

“I know,” he says as he hugs me tightly.

I slowly pull away and look up at him, “do you think she’s okay? Wherever she is?”

He nods, “of course she is, she’s Savannah Jones, nothing can stop her.” His comment makes me smile widely and I wipe my tears. I stare at an empty spot on one of the mirrors and think about something I could write, though nothing comes to mind.

“What is something that Savannah would’ve liked you to say about yourself?” Derek asks, trying to help me think.

There is one thing she would always tell me to repeat myself nearly every day until I believe it, but I never did—I never said this to her, of course, but I know that she would like me to say it now and this time mean it.

‘I am worthy.’

CHAPTER 27

I don’t know how long I stayed in that room, but it makes me feel good and closer to my best friend. For a moment, I could sense her presence there, sitting next to me. Being there reminds me about how much I needed her and how she was taken away from all of us. Derek and I are sitting on the floor, surrounded by beautiful memories, it is a nice and nostalgic ambiance.

“Are you okay?” I hear Derek ask from beside me. I look up at him, with one of the pictures of Savannah in my hands. This place is filled with photographs, mirrors, and words. Even though it’s beautiful, I am still having trouble looking at my surroundings and do not want to cry. I stare directly into his eyes and force myself to smile, just to reassure him that I was indeed okay, but I could tell from his expression that he wasn’t biting it.

“Yes, I’m okay.”

“Why are you lying?” he asks. “You don’t have to. . . Not with me, at least.”

I clear my throat and look back at the picture I’m holding, it’s Savannah in a white robe holding a croissant. “I am not lying.”

“We lost someone truly special, it’s justified to feel like we do.”

“Can I ask you something?” I ask him. He’s staring at me expectantly at my question. I put a strand of hair behind my ear and wipe away a tear. “What was your reaction when they called you about Savs?” My question seems to be catching him off guard. He wasn’t expecting that at all, I could tell.

He takes a few seconds to think about an answer and I wait for him to start replying because I truly am curious as to what he was doing that day, where he was, and what was his reaction.

“I don’t. . . Remember quite well.”

“Are you sure? I could never forget my reaction to that horrible call I received from Savannah’s parents, I still hear it. Sometimes, that call pops up in my mind at random times.”

He lets out a heavy sigh. “I can’t lie.”

“You truly can’t,” I say as I cross my arms across my chest. He looks up at the ceiling and when he looks back at me, he has teary eyes. He takes deep breaths and then looks down at the ground, hesitant, but I guess he’s thinking about his next response. I wait patiently there, understanding that it is difficult because when I received this question, I felt this way. By how Derek is responding to my question, I could tell he hasn’t talked about this with absolutely anyone.

I place my hand over his shoulder and he smiles at me, “I was at home, umm. . .” he pauses and thinks a little more. “I remember I was making dinner for Savannah, something romantic because I felt like I wasn’t giving her enough attention since I’d been working on other things. I took the day off and planned a surprise.”

I listen attentively. Derek pauses as he takes a deep breath to keep going. I can tell he’s trying so hard not to cry, and it begins to make me sad because I want him to let it all out. He can’t hold all these emotions and pretends to be strong when he’s dying inside.

“I heard the phone ring,” he continues. “I went to grab my phone from the counter and didn’t even look at the caller ID. I just assumed it was her. I began to say ‘hey love, when are you—” he pauses as if he is reliving that moment, and my heart begins to ache. “But it wasn’t her, T.,” he breaks down in tears and I hurriedly embrace him. He buries his face in my neck and cries. I place my chin on his head and try to console him, but of course, the only thing to do is let him let it out.

This is the second time I’ve seen him cry and there is something so odd about it. I always expect him to be the goofball, the annoying yet charming guy who can make everyone love him. But right now, I see something completely different. This is the same side of him I saw back at the lake house, and it still surprises me.

“I don’t like to cry,” he admits, pulling away. He looks at me and I see his eyes turning a darker color.

“It sucks, but it helps,” I say, wiping a tear from him.

“You think? Because I feel horrible,” he says and stands up from the ground. He starts pacing around the room, taking deep breaths. I just look at him and see as he unwraps his emotions.

“This room brings so many memories,” he finally says after a few seconds. I smile because I do imagine this place to be filled with very cherished moments.

“It is a beautiful room. Thank you for showing me all these places you find truly special,” I say. It does make me feel good that he has that trust in me, even though we spend years fighting over who is the best and annoying the living hell out of each other. Derek being this considerate does make me feel happy that we get to have a nice and friendly relationship.

“You’re special,” he surprises me by saying. “Don’t freak out, alright? What I mean is that I do consider you a very special person. You’ve helped me in so many ways yet in so little time. I will forever be grateful for that.”

I stand up from the ground as well and hug him tightly. Never in a million years would I have thought about hugging Derek so many times in a row. But in some way, hugging does feel right, it truly helps a lot. It doesn’t only help me, but it seems like it helps him too because as soon as I wrap my arms around him, he hugs me tightly right away.

“It is so weird to hug you so often,” he says as if he’s reading my mind. I pull away and laugh because those were my thoughts exactly just a few moments before.

“I know, right? I can’t believe it either.”

“Do you still hate me, though?” he asks, raising an eyebrow at me. I cross my arms across my chest and pretend to be thinking about an answer for a few seconds to add suspense.

I finally nod, “yes, I loathe you.”

He playfully nudges my shoulder but soon smiles at my response.

“You know what? I loathe you more.”

“Nah-ah, impossible to loathe me, actually,” I say, sticking my tongue out at him.

He throws his head back in laughter. “You’re right, I can’t. I want to, though, just so you know.”

“You want to hate me?” I ask, furrowing my eyebrows in confusion.

He nods, “it would be much easier to hate you.”

“Easier why?”

He didn’t answer. He scratches the back of his head nervously and stares down at the ground. But deep down, I understand what he means by that.

I try not to push with it because I bet saying it aloud could be awkward for both of us. Especially considering what happened between us—which I’m still trying to forget. For once, I guess I could have an unanswered question.

I clear my throat and try to change the subject.

“So, umm, we better get going, it’s getting pretty late.”

“Y-yeah, I think you’re right. You must be so exhausted by how much you’ve worked for this presentation this week.”

We both walk toward the door, but before leaving I scan the place to take a mental photograph of it.

Derek notices it, and he nudges my shoulder, bringing my attention back to him.

“You know, if you want, you can come here whenever you need a place to feel more connected to her.”

“Oh, my God, Derek, no, this is your place—”

“And I want to share it with you. Please accept.”

I take a few moments to think about his proposal. I would love to come here occasionally, but I still would feel like I’m intruding.

“Derek—” I start, but he cuts me off.

“Pretty please?”

“You’re so annoying.”

“I agree. Now, please accept my offer.”

“Fine. I accept. Thank you.”

He smiles triumphantly and then turns off the lights. We make our way to his car so he can take me home.

CHAPTER 28

“I had fun,” I admit when we got to my apartment. He parks the car and then looks at me.

“Told you.”

I roll my eyes at him, “shut up, Derek.”

“Is that your catchphrase now?” he asks. I couldn’t help the giggle as I unbuckle my seat belt.

“I think it is. You deserve it though.” I open the car door and get out; I close the door and wave at him goodbye. But before I walk away, I hear him roll down the window and say something, which brings my attention back to him.

“If you want, I can be mute for the rest of my life. Would that be okay for the princess?”

“Ha-ha, very funny. Though thinking about it a little better, that would be the solution to all my problems. So yes, stay quiet forever.”

“You would miss my voice too much; I can’t do that to you.”

“You’re so dumb,” I say, playfully rolling my eyes at him.

My comment makes him laugh. “You are dumber.”

“Goodbye, asshole.”

“See you later, moron.” He rolls up the window and starts to drive off into the parking lot. I walk toward my building and greet Ken, who this time didn’t hide that he’s lighting up a cigarette. He knows I wouldn’t rat him out.

I get inside my apartment and the first thing I do is fall on my bed and pass out. I didn’t realize how exhausted I was until my head touches the pillow.

 

When I wake up, I don’t even know who I am, what day or year it is, nothing. I hear an incoming call and it makes me jump and nearly fall off my bed. I wipe away the drool off my cheek and quickly grab my phone. I check the caller ID and see Josh’s name on my screen.

“H-hello?” I am hoping it doesn’t seem like I just woke up, but I fail tremendously.

“Hey! Just wondering if you’re coming here. You know, to start painting. I realize we didn’t decide on a specific time.

Hearing him say this makes me get out of bed immediately. I forgot completely that I told him that I would help him repaint his walls.

“Yes! Sorry, I fell asleep.”

“Oh, don’t worry, if you want then—”

“I’ll be there soon, okay?” I didn’t wait for him to say anything else; I hang up and proceed to get ready as fast as I could.

Once I’m ready, I walk toward Josh’s apartment and knock on his door. After a few seconds, he opens the door and smiles at me. He seems like he’s holding the urge to laugh.

“What?” I ask, confused.

He didn’t say anything, and it begins to make me want to know even more about what he was finding so funny. I give him a look and as he allows me to get inside; he closes the door and I turn to him.

“Your hair looks very good,” he says and that is enough for me to know that I probably look bad considering I didn’t brush my hair before getting out of my apartment. I hurriedly go see my reflection and couldn’t hold my own laughter seeing how crazy I look.

“It’s a new hairstyle I’m trying. It’s called: Bird nest,” I reply.

“It suits you.”

I scan around his apartment and notice he already moved everything from its original place to start working.

“I’ll bring the paint,” he says and disappears into another room. My view falls in a portrait in the far room. My curiosity gets the best of me, and I walk over to check it out. It’s a picture frame of a little boy with a girl that’s wearing a gown and a cap, smiling happily as she’s holding a diploma. I smile because it is a very sweet photograph.

“That’s my mom,” I hear Josh from behind me.

I turn around and see him walk over to me with gloves and aprons.

“She’s very beautiful,” I say, and he hands me a brush.

“Now you see where I got it from.”

I roll my eyes playfully and keep staring at the photograph. “She was graduating, I see.”

“Yeah, it was hard for her because just as she was going through college, well, she had me. But that didn’t stop her.”

“Where is she now? If you don’t mind me asking, of course.”

He smiles sweetly and shakes his head. “No, not at all. Her house is not that far away. I wanted to stay near her to always check up on her.”

“That’s very sweet of you,” I say, and we walk to one of the walls to start.

“It’s the least I can do, after what she’s done for me and for everything she’s been through.” Josh grabs a remote control and turns on his stereo, then he turns to look at me. I put my hair in a ponytail and start placing the brush inside the paint bucket to begin the job.

“Is there a specific song you want to listen to?” he asks.

I shake my head, “no, no, anything is fine.”

He plays a random song from a playlist and then we get to work. He starts on one side, and I go to the other end, making small talk in the process.

“Why did you move here?” I ask curiously.

“Well,” he starts as he brushes one corner. “I wanted a fresh start, I had some—” he doesn’t finish that sentence and it makes me stop painting.

“Somewhat?”

“Some issues,” he nervously scratches the back of his head.

I didn’t push on it. Obviously, he seems nervous about it. He notices my reaction and walks over to where I am. “I didn’t do anything wrong if that’s what you think. Let’s just say I got my heart broken.”

“Oh.”

He nods, “yeah, ‘oh’. But I’m okay though. I rather know she wasn’t for me from the very start than be with her and waste even more of my time.”

“So, you needed something new?”

“Yes, and to be closer to my mother, she’s going through so much, and I want to be where she is so if she calls, I can rush towards her.”

He loves her so much and that moves me in ways I can’t even explain. Josh seems like someone so sweet and loving, who puts other people before himself. That could be a good thing and a bad thing, because I still think he should worry more about him, especially after that breakup—which, by the looks of it, seems like it hurt him deeply.

“I’m okay,” he says, snapping me back to reality.

“What?” I ask, furrowing my eyebrows in confusion.

“I mean, you have a look as if you were pitying me, and I want to clarify that I’m happy. I try to look at it as a learning opportunity, you know what I mean. Yeah, she broke my heart, but I learned so many things from it.”

“Really?”

He nods and his dimple smile grows wider. “It taught me how to see not only the outside beauty of someone. But also, what’s on the inside.”

“That’s true.”

“You seem very nice, for example,” he surprises me by saying. I look up at him and smile, blushing in the process, too.

“You think I’m nice?”

“Yeah, and very pretty, even if you have a bird's nest on your head,” he says, and I nudge his shoulder playfully.

“Well, I think you’re very nice as well, even if you have paint on your face.”

“I have paint on my fa—” he starts, but I cut him off by painting his cheek with my painting brush. He stares at me in shock, and I get away from him. He starts chasing me around, both of us laughing as if we’re little kids.

He finally catches me from behind and spins me around, “you think you’re funny?” he asks in between chuckles.

“I think I’m hilarious, yes.” He finally lets me go and I turn around to face him. I didn’t realize we were so close to each other. Being at that distance from his face makes our laughter slowly die down. We are catching our breath as we stare into each other’s eyes.

He smiles at me and nervously looks down at the floor before turning back to me. For a moment, I see something in him that I haven’t seen before, and it draws into it. I lean in and slowly peck his lips, which for a split moment I realize what I do, and I pull back quickly.

“I-I’m so sorr—” he doesn’t let me finish that sentence as he pulls me toward him once more. He kisses me on the lips in a way I do feel different. I know I shouldn’t compare, but I couldn’t help myself. Though I am enjoying how it feels, it is the exact opposite of how I felt when Derek kissed me that first time at his studio. I try not to think about that and invest myself in this kiss for as long as I can.

I will try anything to forget what I did with Derek because I know I can’t go back to having those emotions toward him.

He pulls away. “Sorry, was I being too much?”

I let out a small giggle. “No, no, I should be the one apologizing, because that was so out of nowhere.”

“I’m glad you did it, though.”

For a slight second, I do regret kissing him. I start feeling guilty for doing it, I can’t wrap my finger around why, though. I did enjoy the kiss—he was gentle and soft. The way he pulled me toward him and grabbed my cheeks with his hands did make me feel butterflies. But some part of me seems like it’s not content.

CHAPTER 29

We were nearly done painting his walls and spent hours talking about life. He’s very charming and for a moment I get to forget about Derek and focus on something that isn’t eating me alive. Maybe, I could give it a chance.

“Hey,” Josh calls out to get my attention. I turn around and face him. He leaves his paintbrush on the floor on top of the newspaper we placed before and walks toward me. I do feel nervous with every step he takes; I am afraid of another kiss. It isn’t as if I didn’t feel something quite good when we were too close to each other. The thing is, I want to take things slow, not jump right into anything. I want to make things right.

“What’s up?” I ask as I keep painting.

“We can take a break. We’ve been painting for hours,” he replies and tries to get the brush from my hand, but I pull it away.

“But we’re almost done with—” he gives me a look that cuts me off.

“Alright, fine, we can stop.” I proceed to leave my brush beside his and then take off the apron.

“I want to take you out,” he surprises me by saying. I turn to look at him and he’s shyly standing there, blushing.

“What?”

He nods and proceeds to take off his own apron. “Like, on a proper date. I’ve been dying to invite you to go out and drink somewhere, but I couldn’t bring myself to.”

I furrow my eyebrows in confusion. “Why?”

He clears his throat and nervously scratches the back of his head; he seems hesitant to answer my question. I do find it adorable that he feels that way. He walks over to where I am and offers a sweet smile.

“I just thought you wouldn’t want to go out with me.”

“Your answer confuses me even more,” I say, crossing my arms across my chest.

He looks down for a moment before locking gazes with me once more. He bites his lower lip, and it brings my attention to it, for some reason making me want to kiss him once more. I try not to be too obvious about it and go back to looking straight into his eyes.

“You’re beautiful, isn’t it obvious?”

Now, he’s making me blush, that’s not fair. I turn away briefly so he wouldn’t notice, but I know he does, anyway.

“Sorry, was that too much?” he asks.

I shake my head no, “not at all, you’re very sweet.”

“Enough for me to receive another kiss?”

“Nope, we’ll see if you deserve one when we go out.”

“So, that means that you’ll go on a date with me?” he’s hopeful and I find it too adorable. I smile and nod in response, which makes his grin grow wider.

“Yeah, of course, whenever you want.”

“Great, how about today?” he asks, taking me by surprise.

“Oh wow, well, I guess we could do that.”

“Unless it is too soon—” he starts.

“No, no, today is perfect. What do you want to do?”

“Whatever you want,” Josh says as he walks to the paint buckets to start putting everything away. I grab the aprons and paint brushes to start helping.

“Well, I never picked out anything before,” I say.

“What? You never choose?”

That question made me think for a couple of minutes because, in fact, it was true, I’ve never picked out where to go on any date I’ve been to. I don’t do that; I tend to always follow and let them decide what they want to do. It hasn’t only happened with boys, but even with Savannah—I would always let her choose what we would do.

“Today that changes. Is there something specific you want to do?”

“Well. . .” I think for a moment, and he patiently waits for me to answer. I like that about him—he’s not rushing me or just deciding for me. “I’ve always wanted to do mini golf, it seems fun.”

“Perfect! We will do that tonight, then. We can go around 6:00?” he asks.

I nod in response, “yeah, sounds great.”

CHAPTER 30

I am going to have a date, a proper date. As I was leaving Josh’s apartment, I tried to not let it be shown to him that I was that surprised to have been asked on a date. I haven’t gone out with someone in that way for so long, I don’t even know how to begin to process it.

I sit on the edge of my bed and try to figure out what I’m going to wear. I glance at the time on my phone to see how long I have for me to get at least presentable.

So, I have five hours to find something cute, that’s enough time, right?

Searching through my closet, I start thinking I have nothing to wear, then again, I keep wondering why I feel like this. Why do I feel an enormous amount of pressure? I mean, I truly want this to go well, also because he’s my neighbor, and if something goes wrong, I will have to figure out ways to avoid him.

I groan loudly and plop down on my bed, ready to give up. The first time someone asks me out in years, and I want to cancel. I stare at the ceiling and think about different excuses that could sound somewhat realistic. At the same time, I can’t just do that to Josh. I already said yes, if I don’t, it will make him feel horrible.

I decide to do the only thing that helps with my anxiety and nervousness—writing to Savs. I will forever thank Derek for suggesting this idea, because every time I write to her, I feel so much better.

I walk to my drawer and grab the box where I am placing all the letters I’ve written so far. I pick up a piece of paper and a pen, sit down on my desk, and proceed to write.

“Dear Savs, once again I am here missing you, what else is new? Guess what, I have a date! I know that if you were still here you would freak out even more than I did. I can’t believe it either. I told you about him previously, he’s Josh and he just asked me out. I want everything to go perfectly, but I can’t do that on my own. If you were here, you would help me, not only with my outfit but also to calm my nerves, you were good at doing that.”

“It is true, I’ve always been good at doing that.” I hear someone from behind me, making me jump in fear. I quickly turn around and see no one, making me even more confused. It sounded so real.

“Who’s there?” I ask aloud and immediately wanted to facepalm myself because if there was anyone in the room with me the last thing they would do is answer me.

“You sound just like those dumb characters that ask: ‘Who’s there’ in the horror movies.”

It isn’t part of my imagination. Someone is truly here in my apartment. I slowly look around and my eyes finally meet the one who accompanies what I initially thought was an empty room.

It wasn’t just anyone, though.

“Hey, T, I’ve missed you,”

“Savannah?” my eyes are deceiving me. “No way.”

“I know it is a lot, but you need to listen,” she says, cautiously walking toward me. I hurriedly stand up from my desk and run toward my room, closing the door shut. I look through the keyhole and see no one. Now for sure, I am losing my mind.

“You can’t hide, T.” She’s now in my room, making me scream. “Shh, stop it!”

“Get out!” I grab some books and start throwing at this thing, but every time it would hit her, it would trespass her body. I am about to throw a lamp, but she grabs my hand to prevent it from happening. I try to breathe and compose myself, to start thinking straight.

“W-who are you?”

She lets out a deep sigh. “I’m Savannah. Your best friend? Your ex-roommate—”

“Savannah died,” I say, still hurts when I say that aloud. My mind is playing some tricks right now and I don’t like it at all. After all this time I’ve been trying to heal, this happens. It is all just a dream, and I will soon wake up.

“I know, it was horrible,” she says and grabs the lamp from my hands to put it back in its original place. “Now, listen to me—”

I didn’t even let her finish, I just try to run away, but I feel someone grabbing me to stop me. I shake away to get away from her grip, but she doesn’t budge.

“Thalia! Come on, listen.”

“You’re not real!” I say, closing my eyes. When I open them again she would be gone. But when I try to do that I am still standing up, away from my bed, and still with whoever this person is.

She turns me around so now I am facing her.”Listen.”

“You were dead,” is all I could say.

She nods. “Yeah, I still am, but—”

“This isn’t funny, you’re not—”

“Real?” she cuts me off, “I know this is too much. If you would just listen to me.”

I poke her cheek to check if she’s here in the room and it isn’t all part of a twisted dream and sure enough, she isn’t fading or anything.

“Stop that,” she says annoyed as she grabs my hand to prevent me from keeping poking it.

“How is this even possible?”

“I would love to answer all your questions, but I don’t have much time.”

“I was at your funeral. W-we all were.”

“I am dead, T, that’s obvious, but—”

“You’re a ghost?”

“Something like that. I have been allowed to visit you.”

“By whom?” I ask curiously, furrowing my eyebrows in confusion. She sits down on the edge of my bed and looks up at me, for a moment I notice her hesitant to answer my question.

“I can’t answer everything, you will find out when the moment is right.”

“Savs,” my voice breaks and I can’t hold in my tears. She notices this and rushes toward me. She opens her arms and pulls me into a tight embrace. I am still in shock but by instinct, I hug her back. It does feel like her, she is Savannah.

I can’t help but cry and cry until my head starts aching and my heart feels heavy. She shushes me, trying to calm me down.

“I’ve missed you so much,” I say, I feel her nod and hug me even tighter.

“I’ve missed you so much too.”

After a few more seconds I finally pull away and stare into her eyes, still not believing she’s here, in front of me.

“Why are you here?” I ask curiously.

“I had to see you, also because I just found out you’re going out with someone. I figured you would be stressed out about that.”

“Well, as always, you’re not wrong.” I wipe the tears from my eyes and walk straight to the bathroom to wash my face with cold water. I don’t know if I’m dreaming, but if my best friend is here, I don’t want to wake up.

“Are you okay?” she asks, and I turn around to face her.

I nod. “Yeah, I am. I’m just. . . In shock”

“I understand, this is what I’ve been afraid of. I didn’t want to freak you out like this, but at some point, it had to be done.”

After washing my face, I go to the living room and sit down on the couch. Savannah sits down across from me, and I stare at her in disbelief. For a moment, I feel like nothing has changed, that my best friend didn’t go through that horrific day, and no one went to a funeral.

“Talk to me about this guy,” she says.

“I would much rather talk about why my best friend who I thought I would never see again, is sitting right in front of me as if you never left.”

“The time I have here is very limited and for once I would like to focus on the positive, not on the fact that I won’t be here when you come here from your date. But at least we get to talk about it briefly, right now.”

“You have to go?” I ask, disheartened.

She nods with a broken smile plastered across her face. “I must, but, when you need me the most, I will always be with you. Don’t worry about it.”

“I’ll make sure of being a damsel in distress all the time just to see you,” I say making her throw her head back in laughter.

She sits down next to me and wipes a tear from my eye, “I notice since the amount of rejected clothes you have in the room that you’re in trouble with what to wear on your date, am I right?”

I nod, “yeah, I have nothing to wear.”

“That’s a lie, you have plenty of things you just need to know how to make the proper combination. Leave that to me.”

It seemed as if nothing changed, as if she never left. We spent like two hours of her guiding me into what to wear and trying to calm my nerves about this date. At times, I did feel emotional and wanted to burst out crying because I didn’t know how much longer her presence is going to last.

I am staring at my reflection in my vanity mirror as Savannah helps me finish fixing my hair. I can’t help but get lost in all these sudden questions I have for her.

“Are you okay?” her voice snaps me back to reality and away from my thoughts.

I look at her, she’s staring at me expectantly. I want to lie to her, tell her that I am indeed fine. The thing is that she probably will know that something is up with me and not buy my lie.

“Yeah—”

“Don’t lie to me, T.”

I knew it.

“I just need you so much and I know you will leave me again.”

She smiles and hugs me from behind. “I need you all the time too. I need your kindness, your advice that I ask for but never listen to, I need you so much. I don’t want to leave either, but it is supposed to happen.”

“It is so unfair. . . What happened to you.”

She nods, agreeing with me. “It is unfair. But I can’t do anything about it. I just appreciate the fact that I get to be here with you right now.”

I can’t help myself and turn around to hug her, enjoying every moment with my best friend.

After a few seconds, we pull away. She walks toward my bed and hands me a flowery dress with sneakers. “Now, remember, stop crying, you will mess up the make-up I did for you. Put this on, your chin up, and enjoy this evening.”

“Thank you for helping me,” I say, hugging her, I know her tone. She’s about to say goodbye.

She embraces me tightly, “I will always be with T, never doubt about that. I love you.”

The moment I open my eyes, I see myself on my bed. I get up and scan my surroundings confused. I know what I saw and it will forever be engraved in my heart, every single word Savannah spoke to me. I don’t care if it was a dream, it was the best dream I’ve ever had.

I furrow my eyebrows in confusion at the number of messages my phone is getting. I walked toward the wooden table and check to see who it possibly can be.

It is Josh.

“Oh, God,” I hurriedly run to my room to start with my make-up, but when I check myself in the mirror, I am shocked to see that I am fully ready, with a change of clothing and everything.

It wasn’t a dream?

CHAPTER 31

“I am so sorry!” I say as I open the door and see Josh standing there. He just smiles and from behind his back reveals that he’s holding a bouquet of flowers. I am both surprised and moved by the gesture.

“I hope you like them,” he says and hands them over to me.

“Oh, my God, they’re gorgeous.”

“Just like you,” his comment makes me blush and I must turn around so he wouldn’t notice.

“I will put them in some water,” I say nervously, and I hear him chuckling from behind. When I am done doing that I go back to where he is and proceed to lock my door.

“You look beautiful,” he says, making me smile.

“Thank you.” I clear my throat, hoping he doesn’t see my face becoming a new shade of red. “You look very handsome, too.”

We go out to the parking lot, and he unlocks the car doors. He walks toward the passenger seat and opens it for me. I am for some reason surprised by this gesture, although I could understand that he is the type of person that at least the first time he goes out on a date with someone, wants to make the best impression. I respect that a lot.

“I’m nervous,” he admits as he enters the car as well. “I know I probably sound lame, but I feel like I admit this to you.”

“Why would you be nervous?” I ask.

“I really want this to go well.”

“You’re adorable.” My comment makes his dimpled smile grow wider, but it is true though. It’s been a while since someone has been this nervous and excited about a date with me. I hardly know how to behave in this situation myself.

 

The ride was nice and calm. We listened to music and made small talk, getting to know each other more, and apparently, we have more in common than I initially believed. I feel comfortable with him, and I know that I could enjoy this evening a lot with him. He seems so sweet and down to earth, that’s all that matters. At least, it’s been a couple of hours where I haven’t thought about you know who, and for that, I am very grateful.

When we arrive, he parks and then proceeds to get out of the car. I am about to do the same and get surprised when I see Josh opening my door and putting his hand out for me to hold on to it as I get out.

“Thank you,” I say, offering him a smile.

He didn’t let go of my hand, though. We walk together to the mini golf court, and it becomes too hard for me to hold in my excitement.

“I’ve been wanting to come here since forever ago. I almost came here with—” I didn’t finish that sentence, because, for a moment, I realize that I initially had plans to come here with Savannah. She was never into the idea of mini golf, but then came around to the idea that it would be something fun to do together.

“With whom?” Josh asks as he pays for our tickets to go inside.

I try to shake those thoughts away because I didn’t feel like explaining them now. There will be time for that later. I look up at him and force a smile on my face.

“No one, just a friend. A very close friend of mine.”

He nods, “boyfriend?” he asks. “I mean, wait, I mean, was it a friend who’s a girl or a friend who’s a boy?”

I laugh and playfully nudge his shoulder. “A friend who’s a girl.”

He’s embarrassed as he scratches the back of his head and looks elsewhere but at me. I squeeze the grip I have in his hand, making his eyes fall on me.

“Let’s go have fun,” I say, and we start walking to one of the mini-courts.

 

We spend approximately half an hour and Josh becomes frustrated that he’s losing.

“Are you sure it’s your first time playing this?” he asks. I throw my head back in laughter and do another nice shot, making it yet another point.

“I guess it is just beginner’s luck.”

“Oh, really? Why is it that I don’t believe you?” he asks, folding his arms.

I walk to where he is and send him a small smirk. “I’m telling the truth. I told you, I’ve been wanting to try this for so long.”

“Now I see why you’re killing me over here.”

“You’re not using the proper amount of strength, here let me show you.” I stand behind him and grab both of his arms, ensuring he positions the golf club correctly.

“I should be the one to be teaching you, would’ve been more romantic,” I hear him say, making me laugh.

“But you suck, so look how it’s done.”

“Alright, ouch.”

“I’m joking,” I say, making him give me a look. “Okay, I am not joking, but I am trying to find a good way to say it.”

“And you found the perfect way.”

I help him get the ball in and looks at me surprised and happy that he finally got it right.

“I did it—” he starts, but my face cut him off, “well you helped, or whatever.”

As if on cue, my stomach starts to growl, making me hold it because I didn’t want him to hear it. But by his expression, I could he did and now I am blushing with embarrassment at the betrayal from my own body.

“Are you hungry?” he asks, but he knows the answer to that. I nod in response, and he grabs my hand to guide me to a small food court in the area.

We sit down and look around to see what our best option would be, although with how hungry I am, I could eat anything.

“Okay, so we have pizza—”

“Yes,” I cut him off without letting him finish letting me know my options.

It makes him laugh, “you need to let me finish because maybe you think you want that, or perhaps you would like a burg—”

“Yes,” I repeat my answer.

“So, you want a pizza and a burger?”

“I’m sorry, I could go for anything, actually.”

“How about this? I will bring you a slice of pizza and a burger for myself. We split and try both of them to know which one you like more,” he suggests, and I love that idea.

I eagerly nod, which makes him smile and go make our orders.

Being left alone for the first time since a few hours ago, leaves me once more alone with my thoughts. I didn’t want to have to process all the things I lived through this afternoon. For sure, I believed it was a dream, a beautiful dream in which I got to see my best friend for a brief moment.

Yet, when I “woke up”, I was fully changed and ready for the date, which got me thinking. How is it possible? I remember I wasn’t getting ready because I was struggling with doing so until I heard her voice. The rest consisted of her just talking to me, normally, as if she had never left.

I was so confused, but at the same time, I felt happy. I had the opportunity of sharing with her and talk about everything that has happened since her departure. For that, I am thankful.

I do hope it happens again.

“So, they were pretty quick with our orders.” I hear Josh’s voice approaching the table. I look up at him and offer a smile as I see him arrive with the food.

I can’t help but applaud excitedly, causing him to laugh.

“I’m sorry,” I say, blushing in embarrassment. “I am very hungry.”

“Really? I thought you were excited to see me.”

“I am! But—”

“Food is more important, I get it,” he says, and fake cries. I grab a fry and giggle at his funny response.

“Come on, I didn’t mean it like that.”

“No, no, it’s fine, fries before guys, I get it.”

I throw my head back in laughter and nudge his shoulder playfully. “Oh, my God! You’re such a dork.”

“How about you take a picture with this dork?” he asks and pulls out his phone. I rolled my eyes but couldn’t help but smile at him. I get closer and he snaps a quick selfie.

“What’s your Instagram? I’ll tag you,” I start telling him as I grab a slice of pizza. I proceed to take out my phone with my free hand and accept his follow request and repost our picture.

When we’re done eating, we clear the table and decide to keep playing a little more. The night is starry, and there weren’t a lot of people in the lot, it is perfect.

“Let’s go, this time I will beat you!” he says and hurriedly goes to one of the courts.

“Keep dreaming, Perks!” I run behind him and grab one of the clubs to start playing.

 

After an hour of playing, of course, I beat him, and he looks at me in awe as we put everything back in its original place. “You’ve been lying to me all this time.”

“What do you mean?” I ask innocently.

“You know exactly what I mean.”

“I truly don’t,” I say, and he walks to where I am, standing in front, towering over me.

“Believe me, Thalia, you know what I mean,” he places his forehead against mine, making me smile. He closes his eyes and leans forward. We’re about to kiss, but someone calls out for our attention, interrupting us.

“Romeo and Juliet, we’re about to close,” an employee tells us.

We both nod in response and then look back at each other in the eyes.

“We better go,” I say, and he grabs my hand so we can go to the car.

When we get to the door of my apartment, he turns to look at me and blushes, something I get to find adorable from him.

“Thank you,” I am the first one to speak up. “I had a great time.”

“Me too, um, it was great.”

I lean toward him and plant a kiss on his cheek.

“Was that your way of friendzoning me?” he asks, making me giggle.

I shake my head no, “not precisely.”

“Oh really? Then what does it mean?”

“I want to give you the chance to figure it out,” I say, winking playfully at him. He places his hands on my waist and pulls me closer. He takes a strand of my hair and places it behind my ear, then exchanges his gaze from my eyes to my lips.

“Do I get to make my own assumptions of what that kiss meant?” he asks, and I stay quiet, then after a few seconds, I only nod in response, making him smile as he leans forward. His lips brush mine and it makes me annoyed but excited that he does that.

He finally places his lips on mine, kissing me sweetly. I feel his arm being placed beside my face as it lands on my door frame, holding himself there. I grab his cheek with one hand and place the other on his waist, sinking into the kiss. It feels like the perfect ending for a perfect date, making me even happy because I get to only be present at this moment and not think about anything else.

When he pulls away, he kisses my forehead and smiles.

“Goodnight, Thalia.”

“Goodnight, Josh.” He walks down the hall and, before stepping inside his apartment, waves at me. I wave back and then open my own door. When I finally get inside, I let go of the heaviest breath, not quite believing that all of that happen.

When I am placing my purse on top of the table, I hear a notification. I curiously check it out on my phone and see it is from Instagram.

@derek.harris95 liked your story.

CHAPTER 32

On Monday, I start the morning feeling good. After taking a shower, I check my phone to see a text message from Josh, wishing me a great day, causing a smile to form on my lips.

He’s very sweet.

I start thinking that perhaps this is exactly what I’ve been needing all along. Someone who seems good to me and doesn’t make me feel bad for falling for that person.

I finish getting ready and grab the car keys from the wooden table.

The feeling of butterflies overcomes my stomach just thinking about that sweet kiss I share with Josh; it’s been hard to get it out of my head. It just kept replaying and replaying all day yesterday. But I like that. I like that a lot.

I like most the fact that all I can think about is him. Though Josh getting closer to me is still fresh in my mind, I truly hope that image stays for a while longer, since I don’t want to think about a certain someone that should be off limits, of course.

But we’re professionals, we can totally keep it casual. Besides, I like Josh. I’ve decided that’s the best option for me. I know anyone would agree.

He’s sweet, funny, charming, and down to earth. He’s perfect.

Why do I feel like I’m trying to force how I feel for him?

I try not to think about that since, of course, it is still too early to judge this topic. The best thing right now is to focus on my job, I wouldn’t want to jeopardize an entire career just because my mind is filled with mixed-up images of two guys that I shouldn’t be thinking about at the moment, since they seem like too much of a distraction.

Once I arrive at the office, I am instantly greeted by the smell of coffee, making me crave it even more. I make my way to the kitchen to have some. That way my morning could start in a positive way—which has been my intention from the moment I woke up. I must keep in mind that today will be great and nothing and no one will ruin that—

My thoughts are interrupted by Derek walking in. I smile at him as a way of quietly greeting him. He gives me a nod and pours himself some coffee as well.

“Are you okay? You’re usually way chattier at this time of day?” I ask, furrowing my eyebrows in confusion. He sips on his coffee mug and then looks up at me giving me the most forceful smile I’ve ever seen.

“Better than okay, I am great,” he says.

I give him a look, not quite buying a word he says.

“I am telling the truth,” he says defensively.

“Are you sure? You don’t seem okay.”

“I am telling you, T., I am. I don’t like mornings, that’s all.”

“You’re acting weird, more than usual, what’s your problem?”

He lets out an exasperated sigh and starts walking toward the door. Before leaving, he turns around to face me, “you don’t always have to know everything.”

Oh, but I do. Especially if he feels in a way that is upsetting him, obviously.

He leaves the kitchen but I follow behind him, he won’t get away and let me think all day about what exactly is bothering him.

“What is your problem?” I ask, and he stops.

“Nothing, I just have a lot to do today and—”

I walk toward him and place my hand on his shoulder to make him turn around to face me.

“If there’s something wrong, you can tell me. What’s bothering you?”

“What are you, a therapist now?”

I roll my eyes in annoyance. “No, I’m your friend.”

Derek looks everywhere but then sighs heavily. There is something big that is making him behave like this, but I can’t deduce it, which drives me crazy.

He finally meets my eyes but doesn’t say anything.

“Derek—”

“I’m okay, I am sorry for having this attitude. I didn’t wake up feeling good,” he cuts me off, but something about his tone wasn’t convincing at all. There is something else that he’s not telling me. I know it is too early to push him for information, so I won’t inquire. . . For now, at least.

“Fine, whatever you say. Let’s get back to work,” I say as I take a sip from my coffee mug. He nods and we both start walking toward our respective positions.

As we walk past Mr. Harris’ office, I hear him calling out for me, drawing my attention.

“Thalia, could you come here for a moment?”

I walk inside and Mr. Harris smiles at me, but then my gaze falls to Josh, who is standing there beside the desk.

“What are you—”

“Surprise,” is all he says, but that doesn’t answer a million questions that are running through my head at this precise moment.

“What’s going on?” I hear Derek from behind me. I turn around to face him and he has the same expression I do. I have no idea what Josh is doing here, especially since the last time I saw him here, he was arguing with Mr. Harris.

“Thalia, Derek, this is Josh Perks. He will be working here.”

“What? Seriously?” That’s quite weird, actually. I can’t help but see Derek’s expression, his face shows an emotion I’ve never seen before, and it makes me even more confused.

“What? Why? I thought we were all full,” Derek says.

“We’ve opened one spot specifically for Josh. He is a genius with numbers, it could benefit us a lot. He says he knows you, Thalia, and if anyone could give him a tour of the place, that’s you. So, I would appreciate it if you could take some time to show him around.” I nod in response and offer a smile to Josh, who seems the most excited. Derek on the other hand, not so much.

Passing him by has got to be the most intense thing in this entire world. I couldn’t even look at him because I start feeling his piercing gaze burning through me. It is too much to take.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Josh,” I hear him say from behind. I turn around to face them and I see Josh with his hand out to shake Derek’s. I see him hesitantly staring at the hand, not knowing exactly what to do. I can’t believe his behavior toward Josh, quite honestly. He’s trying to be nice and he’s being rude.

“Derek,” I call out to get his attention. He briefly looks at me and then lets out a heavy sigh before shaking Josh’s hand.

God, what is up with him?

“I’ll leave you to it,” he says looking at me, then starts walking out of the office. Josh and I get out as well and close the door behind us.

“He seems. . . Nice,” Josh says as we see Derek disappear into a hallway.

“He is, I don’t know why he’s behaving like that. Anyway, how about we start with that tour, and then you can explain to me how, from arguing with Mr. Harris, you achieved a spot in this company?”

“Sounds great.” 

CHAPTER 33

“So, are you going to answer my question?” I ask Josh as we finish our last stop of the tour—the lounge. He looks at me, confused, but I’m sure he knows what I am talking about.

“What do you mean?” he asks innocently. I put my arm on his chest to stop him from walking any further and turn to look at him.

“You know what I mean. Last time I checked, you were arguing with Mr. Harris, and then out of the blue, he just offers you a position in this company? It seems fishy to me.”

“You’re overthinking this entire thing,” he says, but I can notice he’s nervous.

“This time I am thinking that there’s something you don’t want me to know. I don’t like secrets.”

He lets out a heavy sigh, “Thalia, look, it isn’t that big of a deal. Last time I argued because we were having a few differences, but we talked it out and I mentioned a few flaws in their finances. He offered me a job, end of story.”

“Didn’t you have a job already?” I ask, furrowing my eyebrows in confusion.

“Mr. Harris was being more generous with the salary. It was pretty hard to refuse.”

I wasn’t entirely convinced. There were a few things that didn’t add up. All the time I’ve known Mr. Harris, I knew exactly the type of person he is, and he doesn’t give a lot of chances to the people he tends to argue with. From what I heard the last time that Josh was at his office, they weren’t getting along, and out of nowhere, he just casually will work here.

What is going on?

“Hey,” Josh calls out to me, trying to get my attention. I look up at him and he places a soft kiss on my forehead. Not going to lie, it does feel nice.

“Let’s talk about something positive and that makes me extremely happy,” he says, his dimpled smile growing wider.

“Like what?” I ask, folding my arms across my chest.

“Like the fact that we will work together, isn’t that great?”

“Y-yeah, that’s amazing,” he gives me a peck on the lips, and then realizing what he’s done, he quickly backs away.

“I am so sorry—”

“Why?” I cut him off. I glance behind Josh and see him staring at us as he was with a group of colleagues. I return the kiss. Josh blushes as he looks around to see if anyone saw it. “We should go. I’ll show you the floor you’ll be in from now on.” I grab his hand and guide him to the elevator. As I click the button and the doors were closing, Derek sees me for a few more seconds before leaving, his face having an expression I could hardly decipher. I know there’s something that is making him angry. I just can’t tell what it is.

 

After the day was over, I start packing up my things to leave. From a distance, I notice Josh approaching me. He has the widest smile ever, which makes me feel great since that would mean his first day had gone positively.

“I see you’re in a happy mood,” I say, and he plants a kiss on my cheek.

“You bet. It’s been great. The people in my department are so welcoming. They explained everything with a lot of patience.”

“I am so glad to hear that.” I grab my purse and remaining papers and we start walking toward the door. I see Derek walking past us, making my attention go to him. I excuse myself with Josh and hurriedly follow Derek. I am sick and tired of his attitude.

“Hey!” I call out to him, but he completely ignores me, making me even more annoyed. “Derek, wait!”

Before he could get inside his car, I manage to catch up with him and close his driver’s side door. He looks at everywhere but me.

“Thalia, let me open the door. I am tired and I want to leave.”

“No,” I reply firmly. He fully looks down at me, and for once I try not to be intimidated by how he’s towering over me. I will stand my ground and get the answer I need from him.

“You won’t escape now, Derek. What is going on about you? You’ve been acting weird.”

“Nothing is wrong with me.”

“There’s a lot of things wrong with you, but this is one that perhaps I can help you with.”

“Help me? There’s nothing you can help me with. But perhaps your little boyfriend does need you now?”

“What are you—” and then it hits me. “You mean Josh?”

He doesn’t answer, though it helps answer my question, anyway. I can’t believe that he’s been acting this way just because he saw me hang around with Josh. This brings me to when I got back home and saw the Instagram notification from him.

“So, your like in my story was sarcastic?”

“What gives you that idea?” his tone was ironic, and he didn’t even try to hide it.

“You’re unbelievable.”

“I am unbelievable?” he’s outraged about this entire situation, and it makes me even more annoyed at him. He shouldn’t even be mad, to begin with. He’s as always, being childish.

“Yes, Derek! How can you possibly be angry about this when we agreed that we’re nothing? We are friends and nothing else.”

“I have to go,” he starts, but I stop him once again.

“It isn’t fair that you’re pissed off.”

“Thalia, look, maybe you’re right, but I really need to get away, just for a moment.”

“I don’t want you to leave like this,” I say, but he grabs my hand to take it out of his door, allowing him to finally get it open.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, alright?”

He got in and starts to drive off the parking lot. I watch as he gets away, more confused than ever. He shouldn’t feel like this, right? He knows how I feel about him, and we agreed that we would maintain everything as professional as possible. The wisest thing to do is for both of us to move on.

CHAPTER 34

“Is he always like this?” Josh asks as I reach over to where he’s standing. I look back at the pathway Derek took and then turn my attention back to Josh, who’s waiting for my response.

I shake my head no, “I mean, he is annoying, but not like this. He’ll get over it.”

“Well, how about we clear our heads by going somewhere?” he suggests.

I take a moment to think about his proposal and decide that nothing would suit me better than to do something that will take my mind off things.

I force myself to smile and nod in response.

 

After a few hours, Josh and I go back to our apartment. As we walk inside, we receive a weird stare from Ken, which makes me confused.

“What’s up with him?” I ask.

Josh chuckles, “well, it could be for the fact that we walked in holding hands.” I look down and sure enough, we are, but I didn’t even notice.

I blush, embarrassed.

“It’s cute when you blush like that,” I hear him. He leans and places a soft kiss on my forehead.

I nudge playfully at him, “stop, I will blush even more, and I hate it.”

“You’re adorable,” he says, and I know that even though he means every word, he’s doing it on purpose, so I get as red as a tomato.

“Oh, my God, stop it. You’re so annoying.”

We finally reach my door and I turn to look at him. He lets go of my hand and places his hands on my waist, leans in, and kisses me on the lips.

“Apparently, it was the right choice to move here,” he says under his breath.

“Apparently it was. See you tomorrow,” I say and give him a peck on the lips before getting inside my apartment.

He makes me feel different. At first, I must admit I had some guilt because when he kissed me, I didn’t feel the same I did for a certain someone. Because when Josh kisses me, for now, I don’t feel a sparkle.

Though I can’t judge this too quickly, we just started something. I don’t know if it’s quite official, but I am sure he does like me a lot.

I like him too. At least, that’s what I’m trying to convince myself. It sounds awful to say it like that, but I can’t stop thinking about that detail. I mean, he’s sweet, hardworking, and seems to really care about me.

But there’s something that I feel is missing.

What could that possibly be?

I leave my purse on top of the counter and then sit down on my couch and proceed to go through my phone. I debate on whether to text Derek or not so we could talk things over, but soon realize that he isn’t going to cooperate, or even behave like an adult about this situation, at least not today.

I could somewhat understand part of his annoyance, but he knows where I’m at and that I truly want to keep things with him friendly and professional at work. He should respect that.

Letting go a heavy sigh, I decide to write a little bit to take my mind off things. After writing a couple of letters—front and back because apparently, I had a lot to say—I fell asleep.

 

The next day, I woke up with a terrible neck cramp. I wipe the dry drool on my cheek and check the time. I start to rush with getting ready because if not I will be late for work. As I grab my purse and car keys, I hear someone at the other side of the door, talking in the hallway. The voice sounds like it’s Josh.

I walk toward my door and press my ear against it to hear clearer.

“I don’t think he will do it, mom, he’s a coward. Do you know what it would be like if he talks about it?”

As I listen to him attentively, my curiosity gets the best of me, and I am dying to open the door and ask him what’s up. There he goes with the secrets again.

“Oh, Josh, what are you hiding?” I think to myself. Out of nowhere, the sound of a knock on my door makes me pull away from it with a surprised scream. I wait a few seconds, covering my mouth—as if the person on the other side of the door didn’t just hear my squeal.

The knocking begins again, and I compose myself as I open the door. It is Josh and I greet him with a nervous smile.

“Hey,” I say and give him a kiss on the cheek.

“Hi, what’s up? Were you the one that screamed?”

“Y-yeah, I saw a. . . A bug, it freaked me out,” I lied, but by his expression, I could tell he isn’t completely buying it. Luckily, he didn’t push about it.

“So, ready?”

“Ready for what?” I ask, furrowing my eyebrows in confusion.

“Um, there’s something we must do, and that is going to work. You know, something people do so they can have money and afford things.”

“Yes! Yes, I am ready, sorry.” I close the door behind me, and we start walking toward the elevator.

“Are you okay? You seem nervous about something,” he asks, and I just smile to let him know I am indeed okay.

“I am totally fine, just a lot of things in my mind. Don’t worry about it.” He nods in response and kisses the top of my head.

 

When we arrived at the company, I start feeling awful. Then I remember I hadn’t eaten anything for breakfast. I try not to think about it and promise myself I will have a snack later. Now, I have to keep working on a few tasks Mr. Harris needed me to do.

I see Derek pass by without even looking at me. I roll my eyes in annoyance at him and try to focus on what I had to do.

But he doesn’t let me concentrate. It’s incredible how he doesn’t have to do anything and he still gets under my skin. I really don’t understand how that is even possible, but he can do that.

I mentally groan and give up. I must admit that I hate that he wasn’t talking to me. When I accepted Josh’s date, I didn’t think once about how Derek would take it, because honestly, I did believe we had everything cleared out. . . Apparently, we don’t.

I feel like Derek hating me is driving me crazy, and it absolutely makes me even angrier with myself—why am I overthinking everything that happens with him? It shouldn’t be that way.

I need a break. That’s exactly what I need. I never do this—stop mid-work, I mean. But I feel like there could be an exception just this once. I close my laptop and proceed to make my way outside to let the fresh air calm me down, at least for a bit.

I must admit that I do feel much better just letting the breeze hit my body. I take deep breaths and compose myself so I can be even more productive at work because, quite honestly, it’s becoming hard to get things done with a lot going on in my head.

Suddenly, I hear a door open, making me turn around. There I see Derek, standing in front of me.

“I see you still hate me,” I say, turning back around.

“I don’t hate you; it just took me by surprise, that’s all.” I hear his footsteps from behind approaching me. “Can we talk?”

“So, you only want to talk when you feel like it? No, Derek, it doesn’t work like that.” After how bad he made me feel. Although, I’ve been thinking about how much I want to clear things out with him. Derek just now asking to have a talk makes my blood boil. We should’ve talked about this yesterday before he stomped out like some child.

“Could you at least try to understand me, for just a once in your life?”

I couldn’t keep my anger any longer, so I turn around to face him.

“Are you serious right now? Oh, my God Derek, what is the matter with you.”

As the words leave my mouth, I begin to feel lightheaded, making me dizzy. I try to remain standing up, but it is becoming difficult.

“Thalia—”

“Let’s just begin with the fact that you got jealous over nothing, because we’re nothing, we’ve established that. We can’t happen.”

“You keep saying that, but it is getting hard to believe you. Even though you had to get together with some dweeb to hide what you really feel.”

“First of all, d-don’t call h-him dweeb. . . S-second of a-all—”

I couldn’t finish the sentence as I start feeling everything spinning around me.

“Thalia, are you okay?”

I am about to answer, but my legs give up on me and the next thing I know, everything is pitch black.

CHAPTER 35

 I didn’t know what happened or where I was. The only thing I remember was my body shutting down completely as I was arguing with Derek.  

“Thalia.” I hear someone. This person’s voice seems so far away and muffled, almost inaudible, but it is still there. My head is hurting and spinning like crazy, but I do the biggest effort to open my eyes.

“What happened?” I ask. My view is blurry, so I blink multiple times to adjust to my surroundings.

“Apparently, you passed out,” I hear Derek. Listening to his voice does make me fully wake up, even more, confused than before. “Hey, are you okay? Have some water.”

I grab the water bottle from his hand and take an enormous sip.

“I don’t know why I passed out.”

“Could be out of stress, tired, or well. . . Have you eaten properly lately?”

“Of course, I did,” I say and take another sip.

“What did you eat for breakfast?” he asks but I am unable to answer him.

“Um. . .” I scan my surroundings, not wanting to meet his gaze since I know he is staring at me with disappointment.

“You didn’t eat anything?” he folded his arms across his chest, and he has the same face I have whenever I lecture him. The tables have turned.

“I forgot.”

“How can you forget to eat, Thalia? Come on,” he says and tries to help me up.

“Where are we going?” I ask, furrowing my eyebrows in confusion.

He places my arm over my shoulder and helps me keep myself walking steadily toward the door. “To get you something to eat.”

“I am okay.”

“You just passed out and it is because you didn’t eat anything. For once stop being stubborn and let me help you.”

“I don’t need your help,” I say, though I know I shouldn’t be that ungrateful. I just blurt the words out without thinking about them. For a moment, my mouth was going faster than I could get to process.  

“Luckily, I don’t care, and I will take you to get something into your stomach before you pass out again.”

I didn’t keep arguing because anyway it would be no use against him. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to keep spending time with him—not right now at least. After his attitude of yesterday and part of this morning, I wanted to stay apart. Though he’s very nice for trying to help me after passing out.

 

“McDonald’s, really?”

“What do you want?” he asks, ignoring me completely.

“I don’t want to eat here,” I whine.

I didn’t even see his face, but judging by his exasperated heavy sigh, I know he isn’t exactly content with my attitude.

“Order now or I’ll order for you, that’s what’s going to happen.”

“You’re annoying,” I scoff.

“Really? For the first time, we agree on something. I find you annoying too.”

“At least I know how to communicate how I feel,” I say under my breath, and even though I tried to say it as low as possible, he heard it.

He turns around to see me in the backseat, “I will discuss that after you tell me what you want, I can’t talk to you if you’re weak.”

“I want fries.”

“And?” he waits expectantly.

“Just fries,” I simply reply. I don’t feel like eating anything else.

“That’s it.” He pulls up to the window. “Could it be two big Macs, please?”

“I don’t want—”

“Thalia, shush.”

After a few minutes, they give us our order and he hands me the brown bag, which I forcefully grab from him.

“Thanks, I guess.” I feel like I must thank him just to be polite, but I don’t feel like eating this.

“Trust me, you will feel much better once you have something in you.”

I hate to admit it but, he was right.

“It’s good, huh?” I hear Derek’s voice. I look from my burger to him, who is watching me through my reflection in the rearview mirror.

“Shut up, Derek.”

“That’s your new catchphrase, isn’t it?”  

I ignore his comment and keep devouring my food.

A few minutes pass by and I hear Derek sigh heavily, making my attention go back to him. It could only mean one thing, and it is that he wants to talk about something serious with me. At this point, of course, I know what he would like to discuss.

“Why him?” he asks.

“Why who?” I ask, furrowing my eyebrows in confusion.

“That dweeb.”

“I told you not to call him that,” I clean my mouth with a napkin and take a sip from my soda.

“He has the appearance of one,” he places his empty burger box inside the brown bag and cleans his hands with a napkin.

“He’s very sweet,” I say defensively. “And besides, you wouldn’t like anyone I start dating.”

“Well, that’s true, because you know how I feel about you.”

I almost choke on my own beverage and start coughing like crazy, making Derek turn around completely, with a worried expression on his face.   

“Oh, my God! Thalia are you okay?” he asks.

I only nod in response and take deep breaths to try and compose myself. “I’m okay, don’t worry.”

“I didn’t know it would make you so nervous to know the truth.”

I didn’t like that truth, not one bit.

“It can’t happen, and you know that.”

“You’re probably the only one that thinks that.”

“I shouldn’t be, you should think that too,” I reply.

“Why?”

“You’re my best friend’s fiancé.”

He pauses for a moment as he stares out the window, he didn’t say anything, and for a moment I worry that perhaps I said something hurtful mentioning how he was indeed Savannah’s fiancé. I just don’t want him to forget because lately, I feel like he does. He tries to convince me about something that we both know it’s wrong, but he doesn’t seem to be getting why.

“You think I don’t know that?”

I am about to reply when I hear Derek’s phone ring.

“Hello? Yeah. . . I’m going. I had to go somewhere.”

He hangs up and then looks at me. “We will have to finish this conversation later; they’re wondering where we are.”

I only nod in response, not wanting to keep talking about this if I’m being honest. Though at some point we do have to, even though it is awkward and hurtful. We need to for once and for all talk about where we stand. Perhaps, all he needs is for me to remind him of the numerous reasons why we aren’t suited for each other, and that the best thing to do is to move on.

CHAPTER 36

“There you are!” is the first thing I hear when I walk through the main doors. Josh rushes to me and pulls me into an embrace. “Where have you been?”

“We went to eat something,” Derek replies before I could say anything.

“Um—” Josh starts, but I cut him off.

“I’m here, right? Let’s get back to work,” I grab Josh’s hand and then start walking away but before that. I realize I still had to do something.

I turn back around and start to walk toward Derek. He looks at me attentively with every step I take.

Once I am in front of him, I offer him a smile, to let him know that what I want to tell him isn’t bad, so he doesn’t worry. With how things are between us lately, I wouldn’t be surprised if he thinks all we do is argue.

“Thank you,” I say, “for helping me.”

He doesn’t say anything, but I can tell he appreciates my words. Derek nods and then begins to walk past me to probably get back to his desk.

“Are you okay?” I hear Josh ask. I turn around and nod at him, then grab his hand as together we also walk towards our desk to keep working.

When the day is finally over, Josh suggests we go out to do something, but after what happened today, I still feel weak and all I want is to go back home, take a nice bubble bath, and sleep for the rest of the day.

Josh opens my car door and looks at me worriedly. “Are you sure everything is fine? What happened to you?”

“I’m fine. Don’t worry about it,” I say, forcing a smile to reassure him.

Of course, he didn’t buy it, but I’m pretty sure that by my exhausted expression he decides to drop it and not push about it.

“Alright, if you need me, I’ll be one call away,” he says and proceeds to walk away.

“Wait,” my voice stops him.

“Yeah?”

“You’re not going back to the apartment?” I ask, furrowing my eyebrows in confusion.

He shakes his head no. “I will drop by my mom’s house to check up on her, to see how she’s doing.”

“Oh, alright, then I’ll see you tomorrow. Say hi to her for me.”

“I would like you to meet her one of these days,” he says, catching me off guard. By my surprised reaction, he tries to take it back, making it obvious how nervous he got, which I found adorable.

“Sorry, too soon?” Josh scratches the back of his head, looking at the floor as he is now unable to look me in the eyes. I smile and walk toward him. I grab his chin with my index finger and thumb, making him look at me. I softly give him a peck on the lips, instantly causing him to blush.

“No, I would love to meet her soon.”

“You’re amazing,” he says and returns the kiss. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I nod in response and proceed to walk back to my car so I can drive off the parking lot.

When I get back to my apartment, all I feel like doing is absolutely nothing. It’s been such an exhausting day and the last thing I want is to think. I just want to take a relaxing bubble bath, put on my pajamas, and sleep until my body fully recovers.

I go straight to the bathroom and start preparing the water in the bathtub. As it gets warmer, I go to my cabinet to retrieve a glass to pour some wine. As I am filling up the glass, I hear my phone ding. For a moment, I assume it is Josh to let me know that everything is doing great, but I am surprised to see that it is Derek.

“Hey, how are you?”

I send him a quick text reassuring him that everything is fine and go back to grab my wine-full glass to hop in the bathtub.

I hear my phone once again but of course to deal with anyone at the moment. I just want to stay in this bathtub until I turn all wrinkly like a prune.

As I sip on my glass, I close my eyes and try as much as I can to savor this moment, to forget for a moment about everything and everyone. I try to remember a time when things were easier, and I didn’t deal with drama and constant heartache. As I am alone with my thoughts, that’s where I can’t escape these mixed-up feelings I want desperately want to stop thinking about.

I squeeze my eyes shut even harder, trying to let my mind go blank and my heart numb.

“Are you okay? You seem a bit off.” A sudden voice makes me open my eyes and jump in fear. Savannah is sitting inside the bathtub, staring at me with a smile on her face.

“What the hell?” I try to cover myself with the bubbles that are left, but she doesn’t seem affected by the entire situation. She’s just sitting there, wearing a white dress, getting herself comfortable.

“The water is nice, but you forgot the scented candles, it would’ve made the setting better,” she says as she begins to play with some bubbles.

“What are you doing here?” I ask, furrowing my eyebrows in confusion.

“Aren’t you happy to see me?”

“Always but. . .” I look around and try to sink deeper into the water to hide. “Couldn’t you wait until after my bubble bath?”

She lets out a scoff, “please, is not like I haven’t seen you before.”

“Against my will honestly. You know I am very private about this.”

“I couldn’t wait to talk to you.”

“Why not,” I ask.

Out of nowhere, she appears outside of the bathtub and sits on top of the countertop. “I know what you did.”

The tone in which she said that nearly sent me over the edge, making me swallow the lump in my throat.

“Y-you do?” I start to think back about my kiss with Derek and I know that in some way—no matter how many times Derek thinks I am overreacting—I’ve betrayed my best friend.

I don’t care what anyone says, I do believe in codes, and kissing my best friend’s fiancé is the worst thing you can do. Which is why I try my absolute best to stay away from Derek. Although for some reason, it has become impossible to do so.

Savannah nods as she folds her arms across her chest. “You think I wouldn’t find out? Please, I know everything. What makes me angry is that you didn’t tell me.”

“Savs, I can expla—”

“You got a boyfriend, and you didn’t tell me?” she cuts me off.

For a moment, I sit there in shock, trying to let what she said sink in. So, she’s mad not because of Derek but because I have a boyfriend and I didn’t mention it?

“That isn’t something that best friends do,” she sounds genuinely disappointed.

“Well, it isn’t like you appear every day so I can let you in with every single detail,” I defend myself.

“You didn’t write it in any letters lately.”

“W-what?” I ask confused.

She pauses for a moment, thinking about what to say next.

“In the letters you’ve written, you haven’t talked about this, I thought you would at least mention it.”

“I’m sorry, I’m still trying to process it myself, you know. It all happened so. . . Fast.” That isn’t a lie. Being in a relationship right now with someone who seems so nice and sweet is something that I still can’t believe. At times, I almost feel like I don’t even deserve Josh.

“Well, babe, I am very happy for you, that’s great and at one point would love to hear all about it. I just came by to check up on you.”

“Is this going to be something you do often?”

“What? To surprise you on inconvenient circumstances?” she says, making me nod in response.

“Exactly.”

“I do hope so,” she playfully winks at me.

Out of nowhere, I hear a loud knock on my door. My instant thought was to believe that could be Josh, probably back from visiting his mom and wanting to check up on me.

“Look Savs—” but she isn’t in my bathroom anymore. I furrow my eyebrows in confusion, not comprehending where she could be. “Savs?” I call out again, but there is no answer.

I stare back at my wine glass, now half empty, and let go a heavy sigh. “I should stop drinking,” I say under my breath.

That loud knock starts again, mentally making me groan in annoyance because I didn’t want to see anyone. But that knocking isn’t stopping any time soon, so I quickly got out, try to dry myself as fast as I could, and put on a robe.

I walk toward my door and open it without even checking, genuinely convinced that it was Josh.

“Josh I—” I am soon cut off by Mr. Harris standing in front of me. I quickly stand behind my door, trying to cover myself as much as I could, blushing hardly.

“Sir! Hi, um, what are you—”

“I am so sorry Ms. Parker, I thought this was Josh’s apartment,” he says as he checks something on his phone.

“N-no, he lives down the hall,” I say and point in the right direction. If I was confused before about having him standing in front of me in my building, now I am even more because what could he possibly need from Josh at these hours?

CHAPTER 37

“What’s going on?” I hear Josh.

“Oh, um, Mr. Perks! I needed to talk to you,” Mr. Harris replies. I am still standing there, confused as hell as to what is going on, all meanwhile I am trying to hide even more behind my door, but not quite wanting to close it and leave them talking, I still want to know what is going on.

“Couldn’t it have been over the phone?” Josh asks as he folds his arms over his chest.

I couldn’t quite believe the tone he was using. At the end of the day, he is still our boss, even if we’re not at the office at these hours, he could still get upset and decide to fire Josh, after literally just working for one day at the company.

Mr. Harris clears his throat and exchanges his gaze from me and then back to Josh. I could feel some tension and it makes me think about the day Josh first made his appearance at Mr. Harris’ office. He seems discontent at the time and every time I tried to ask him about it, he doesn’t answer.

“Perhaps we could talk someplace else. I don’t want to keep bothering Ms. Parker,” he forces a smile, though I could sense some nervousness in him, making my suspicion grow.

What is going on with him?

I’ve never seen Mr. Harris behave like this; it’s weirding me out. He always has a certain presence that makes everyone in the room feel instantly intimidated. You can imagine how my first job interview went with a man like that. I was a nervous wreck that day.

“Is it really that urgent?” Josh lets out a heavy sigh, folding his arms across his chest. He seems impatient.

“Yes, Mr. Perks.”

“Fine, let’s go to my apartment.”

Mr. Harris starts walking down the hall, but before Josh follows him, he comes to stand in front of me and plants a soft kiss on my forehead.

“Hey,” his mood instantly changes as he smiles sweetly at me. It seems as if his harsh façade dropped the moment Mr. Harris left.

“What is going on?” I want answers, but I feel like every day passes as more and more questions get accumulated, driving me nearly insane.

He shrugs, “I don’t know. I wasn’t expecting him.”

“How does he—”

“I’ll see what’s up. I want to know what he wants so I can get this over with. I’ll talk to you later, alright?”

He quickly gives me a peck on my lips and starts to go toward his apartment, where Mr. Harris is waiting patiently so Josh could open the door. From afar, I hear their mumbling voices, and for a few seconds, I stay there in the hallway, trying to process everything that had just happened.

 

Would it be too desperate to call to check up on him?

The answer is yes.

But I am worried about what is going on because Josh truly seems to not be able to stand Mr. Harris. Yet, the confusing part is that he still accepted a job at our company. At the same time, Mr. Harris doesn’t seem at all affected by the constant reactions coming from Josh. My head will explode with all this. The worst part is that I don’t have any more clues to piece everything together.

I guess I’ll have to wait and see what’s going on when he tells me. Josh will probably share what is happening when the moment is right. But currently, my mind is blowing up with all these unanswered questions that keep me pacing back and forth in my living room.

I wish I didn’t have to think much about this and just let it go, but nothing is making sense, and the suspense is eating me alive.

For just a moment, I decided to let my mind take a break. I mean, I was doing just fine a while ago before Mr. Harris appeared outside my door. I still feel embarrassed that he saw me with just a robe. With all these thoughts in my head, it’s getting hard to go inside and finish my relaxing bath. Though, it wasn’t that much of a ‘just me’ time since I can’t stop seeing Savannah’s image.

She’s everywhere, and it is still freaking me out.

For an instant, I wish more than anything to be able to just let everything go, so my mind can go blank.

I want to stop overthinking.

But for someone like me, it is nearly impossible to do so.

I debated for like two hours if it would be a good idea to send a text to Josh to ask if Mr. Harris had left the building. But then again, I would scratch that idea, since I didn’t want to bug him too much about this entire situation.

I will just sit down and relax for some time. Perhaps to calm my nerves, I could make myself some tea and think about something else.

 

Josh didn’t call, sent a text, nothing. I didn’t even cross paths in the hallway when I got out. He didn’t even answer the phone when I knocked on it several times. Since I didn’t want to bother him too much, I just decide to go to work. Perhaps he will soon arrive.

Walking toward my desk, as usual, some colleagues greet me, and I smile in response. I take a sip from my coffee mug and open my laptop to get back to work.

After a few minutes of checking e-mails to see what I have to do for the day, my mind starts to wander off and think about everything that has happened. I haven’t seen Derek either, which I begin to find very odd. I guess I’m so used to him annoying me first thing in the morning that it seems a bit weird not seeing him now. But that’s good, right? I wanted to get away from him, have a fresh start, and just be colleagues with him—like we were in the past when Savannah was around.

I was never close to Derek, mainly because I always had in mind his type of reputation. I never liked how he would behave or the way he always tried to be better than me. I mean, I’m all for being competitive with someone, but against him, it was nearly impossible to have a victorious match.

Though never in a million years would I have imagined the kind of relationship he had with his father. In public, Mr. Harris would always praise Derek, no matter how crazy and nonsense his ideas were.

But after he confessed how things truly were behind closed doors, I had a whole new perspective on him.

Although I know things are not easy between the two of us now, I still appreciate him because he’s always there to help. Besides, at the end of the day, he is indeed someone to who I can relate, after everything both have been through.

Having that in mind, it reminded me of the fact that the only person that has no idea about Savannah is Josh. I promised myself he would know about that, just not right now.

I still don’t have it in me to talk about her.

Damn, I still can’t listen to the music we would listen to.

I see her everywhere, yet, I can’t do all the things I did before her death.  

The only question that is still fresh on my mind is:

When is this going to end?

Finally, from afar, I see Josh, making me nearly bolt toward him.

“Hey! Where have you been?” I ask.

He just smiles at me, though I could tell it was forced. “Hey, how are you?”

He ignores my question, obviously.

“Where have you been? I knocked on your door, tried to call, sent you texts, nothing.”

“Sorry, sorry. . . I just needed to think a little bit. There’s a lot going on and I—” he doesn’t finish that sentence, almost as if he didn’t want to keep going like if he continues, he would say too much.

“And what?” I decide to push about it, he’s been acting weird for a few days now, and I want to know. “If something happened to you with Mr. Harris after your chat yesterday, perhaps we can talk about it.”

He shakes his head, “things will get messy with him, and all because of me. . . For insisting too much.”

“You’re scaring me, Josh. Tell me what is going on? You are leaving me even more confused than before.”

“I can’t say anything here, no one can listen to this, it will make things worse.”

“Josh—”

“You will soon find out, just give it time,” he says as he grabs both of my shoulders, caressing them to try and soothe my nerves, but it isn’t working at all.

“I am tired of the suspense. I’ve been trying to be patient and I know that you’re dealing with something and perhaps we haven’t been going out for that much time. I mean, we kissed, and we seem to enjoy each other, and whatever. But it does worry me a lot and I want to help you feel better. How can I do that if you don’t let me in?”

He lets out a heavy sigh, and I know deep down I am pushing too much, but I just can’t help it.

“Thalia, you’re amazing for caring that much and wanting to help. Unfortunately, this isn’t something you can just make go away; it is way more complicated than that. I don’t want you to get in the middle. Also, because you know Derek a bit too much and—”

“What?” I ask, furrowing my eyebrows in confusion. “What does Derek have to do with all of this?”

Josh stops dead in his tracks, not being able to continue with what he was planning to say next. He officially said, ‘too much’, but not enough for me to piece everything together. What does Derek have to do with what Josh is going through?

CHAPTER 38

Josh keeps himself quiet, which exasperates me even more. I wait patiently, though, folding my arms across my chest as I wait for him to answer what I asked.

“Josh,” I call out to get his attention, but he looks elsewhere but me. “Answer me. What does Derek have to do with any of this?”

“It isn’t something I can just tell you.”

“Try me,” I reply, standing my ground. “Why can’t I help you with this? Did Mr. Harris do something wrong?”

“Yes, a long time ago,” he says this lowly, but I heard it.

“I don’t understand why it is so hard for you to tell me what the hell is going on. How bad can it be?”

As I say this, Josh looks up and checks something behind me, making me turn around. Derek is getting out of his car and making his way toward the door, staring at us in the process.

He forces a greeting smile and then keeps walking.

I look back to Josh who went back to stare at the ground. “Josh?”

“It is nothing you should worry about, and I’m pretty sure you will find out. . . But you will know when the time is right.”

“When will that be?”  I ask, knowing that he’s just saying all this to get me off his back. I just find this matter to be even more confusing after hearing him mention Derek. Why would he be involved in Josh’s life? They haven’t spoken more than two words.

As of right now, I can even say that Derek isn’t very fond of Josh either.

“I’ll see you later,” he says and begins to walk toward the door, but I grab his arm to stop him.

“Aren’t you forgetting something?”

“A kiss?” he asks, almost cautiously. I playfully roll my eyes at him and grab his chin with my index and thumb to pull his lips to mine.

“See you later,” I say. He smiles and then gives me another kiss before turning on his heels to leave.

Josh behaving so weirdly hasn’t left me entirely relaxed about the whole thing. I know something is up and I will find out, especially since I know Derek is involved and honestly, I don’t want anything happening to him. No matter how annoying he can be, I still care about what happens to that idiot.

 

I was trying to do my job, but unconsciously, my gaze fell on Derek every now and then, making it impossible to concentrate on what I am supposed to be doing right now.

It seems as if he has noticed my constant staring, because out of nowhere he looks and locks gazes with me, making me blush with embarrassment.

After a few seconds, I receive a text message.

I look over to my phone and on my screen pops up Derek’s name.

“Stop staring, stalker XD.”   

His comment makes me blush even harder—if that was even possible. I didn’t want to reply because nothing was coming to mind. Indeed, I was being such a creep. The thing is, I am doing it unconsciously since what I talked about with Josh keeps popping up in my mind.

My phone dings once again.

Derek: “Now you’re ignoring me?”

I grab my phone and start typing a reply.

Me: “Right. Because I obviously have no better things to do than stare at you.”

From afar, I see him read my text with a grin gets plastered across his face. He briefly looks at me and then back to his phone as he shakes his head and begins typing something. As

I wait for his reply, I play with my pen, scanning around the place to see if Mr. Harris isn´t around. He isn’t very fond of seeing anyone using their phone during working hours—totally understandable, though.

Derek sends a reply.

“You’re the one that can’t stop looking at me.”

I decide to stop answering, just to get a reaction from him, he’s the type of person that hates being ignored. If he can annoy me to the point of making my blood boil, so can I.

I try to get back to work to finish what I’ve been trying to do for hours now, for once not thinking about anything or anyone to concentrate and focus on what’s important right now.

“So, is that how it’s going to be?” I hear Derek in front of me.

I smile innocently. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Is that so?” he folds his arms across his chest, giving me serious look, but to me, it is nearly comical to see him like that.

“Would you just go to work?” I roll my eyes in annoyance.

“How can I when you’re stalking me?”

“I spaced out and you were on the way, get over it.”

Derek is about to reply but Mr. Harris interrupts.

Derek turns around and sees Mr. Harris motioning for him to go to his office. He turns back and round and gives me a small grin.

“This isn’t over, stalker,” he playfully winks at me and then turns on his heels to live.

I watch as they close the door to Mr. Harris, making my curiosity about what is going on growing even more. The suspense is nearly killing me, and I hate that.

I can’t just stay out of it; I will find out what is going on.

The thing is, I don’t even know where to begin.

 

When the day is finally over, I begin to pack my things. I hear footsteps approaching me, making me look up. I see Josh with a smile on his face. I notice that he isn’t behaving like always, lately, I’ve been seeing the same forced and fake smile.

“Hey,” I say as I grab my purse. He doesn’t say anything, he just places a kiss on my forehead and places his arm over my shoulder.

From a distance, I see Derek walking alongside a group of colleagues. As he passes by, he stares at Josh and me. Of course, he says nothing and keeps going. It does calm me a little bit about us behaving professionally. I mean, I do consider him a friend, which has always been Savannah’s dream. She always wanted me to hang out with them so I can see how sweet Derek is, but third wheeling with them has never been my perfect kind of day to have.

Sometimes, I am faced with the thought that she would have her mind blown away by how much I’ve hung out with him since her departure. It is still crazy to me.

The thing is, we did get too close and that isn’t right.

So, me being with Josh is the best option, I mean, he has everything I’ve always looked for.

Why do I still feel empty then?

“Thalia?” Josh’s voice snaps me back to reality.

“What?” I ask as I look up at him.

“Are you okay?” he gently squeezes my shoulder and kisses my cheek.

I nod in response, “yeah, I’m just kind of tired.”

“Let’s go back home and we can order something, so you can relax.”

But I can’t relax, not with everything that I know he’s hiding. Now, I even know that Derek is involved, which makes me even more confused.

I know I should mind my own business, but everything seems a bit off. He just seems out of place lately, which I don’t understand. What can be so important that he can’t just tell me?

Knowing that Derek has something to do with all this could help. Perhaps if I ask him, he can let me know. Of course, him being the annoying guy that he has always been, I know he won’t just tell me without first making me beg for that information.

CHAPTER 39

When we go to my apartment door, Josh kisses me goodbye and starts walking down the hallway towards his place. He didn’t mention anything about what happened today, and you know what, if he doesn’t want to tell me, I will have to search for answers someplace else.

I go to my living room and start dialing Derek’s number. He picks up on the third ring.

“Hey,” I hear him say.

I clear my throat and sit down on my couch to be more comfortable.

“Hi, um,” I didn’t even know how to begin the question.

“What’s up?” he says as I hear him eating something on the other side of the line.

“I was just wondering. . .”

“I still haven’t forgotten how you were stalking me today,” he cuts me off completely, causing me to roll my eyes in annoyance.

“Excuse me?”

“Yeah, you’re such a creep.”

“Derek, shut up. I spaced out, and you were just in my way. Anyway, don’t interrupt me. I actually called you to ask something.”

“You wanted to ask me out?” he surprised me by saying.

“What? No, of course not.”

“Because we could totally like, do something.”

“I have a—” I wanted to say it, but for some reason, the words were just too hard to let out, at least for now. Saying I have officially a boyfriend after not so long of knowing each other is so not me. But the thing that still makes me feel guilty is that I want to forget about Derek and being with someone as sweet as Josh could probably help.

I pause for a couple of seconds, not being able to even finish my sentence.

“You can’t even say it, come on,” I hear him laugh.

His comment makes me scoff, and I so desperately want to prove him wrong.

“Yes, I can.”

“Alright, then say it. Thalia, what is Josh to you?”

I pause for a few seconds, for some reason struggling. I can totally say it.

Why can’t I do it?

“So, Friday night?”

“No, I have a boyfriend,” I surprise myself by finally saying it aloud. Though I still have that small amount of guilt almost consuming me entirely, since I’m still not so sure if I truly mean about Josh being my boyfriend. But with everything that has happened with Derek, I believe it is the right choice to be in a relationship, which again, I am sure Josh is a great guy.

Did I rush into the relationship? Yes. Was it necessary to do so? At this point, I believe it was.

“Oh, is that so? It is official, then?”

“Yes, as a matter of fact, it is. Now listen, I actually wanted to ask you about something.”

“And what would that be?” he asks.

I grab a strand of my hair and place it behind my ear, “well, lately, Josh has been acting kind of strange and—”

“You seriously have a question to make me regarding your boyfriend?” he cuts me off. I roll my eyes in annoyance because he isn’t letting me finish the question, which makes me sort of regret calling him.

“I know it sounds weird, but listen. He doesn’t want to tell me what has gotten him to behave so weirdly, especially around your father. Do you remember when we saw him get out of his office? They were arguing, at least that’s what it seemed. Then, out of nowhere, Josh gets hired. It all seems a bit. . .”

“Odd?” he says and I nod, then want to facepalm myself because he can’t see me.

“Yeah, all of this seems too fishy. Then at work, as we talked about this, he accidentally slips and mentions you. So my question is, do you probably have any idea what is going on?”

“I literally have no idea why he would mention me. I’ve barely spoken to the guy.”

“That’s what I thought, which has made me feel worried about why you would be related to anything regarding how he’s feeling right now.”

“If you want, I can try to talk to him,” he suggests, but I just know that him trying to ask about this whole thing wouldn’t work at all.

“No, it wouldn’t be of any use. If he doesn’t want to talk to me about it, I can’t see you getting any information about this.”

“You would be surprised. I’m pretty persuasive.” I could imagine his grin at this moment as he talked about his persuasion skills. That’s one advantage he has, his way of charming everyone and persuading them into almost anything.

“Not with this. Anyway, it was just to know if you have some sort of information.”

“Mm. . .”

“What?” I ask, furrowing my eyebrows in confusion.

“Are you sure this wasn’t just an excuse to call me?”

“Excuse me?” I find myself blushing at his assumptions.

“Of course, I wasn’t. . . No way was I trying. . . What are you talking about?” right there, I didn’t know how to form a coherent sentence to defend why what he was saying was utterly stupid and nonsense.

“Really?” how is it possible that I could see his smirk even when I can see his face? I know that he’s having the time of his life and I want to go over to where he is and smack the cockiness out of him.

“Think about it,” he begins as I stay silent, not knowing how to fight back his comment. “You know I barely spoke to your little boyfriend. Why would I know what he’s going through? And why would you ask me about something going on in your relationship?”

“Because” I start, and my voice is kind of squeaky, so I clear my throat. “I thought we were friends.”

“I never agreed to be your friend.”

“Then what are we?”

“Oh, I hate that question.”

“I think of you as a friend,” I say, and I kind of mean it. I must be his friend. There’s no way I can have feelings for him. I’ve stated in the past that developing something more than friendship with him could be a disaster. It just can’t happen.

“Now that is something I’ve never heard before,” he says. Always cocky, he just can’t help himself.

I let out a scoff. “Have you heard before that you’re annoying?”

“I’ve only heard it once, and it was you.”

“Well, I am not wrong, and I feel more girls should’ve said this to you so you could learn to have some sort of humility.”

He lets out a laugh. “You’re adorable.”

“W-why, why would you. . . I didn’t—” I mentally groan as his comment did make me blush, even if he said it through the phone. The way he said it must be how girls swoon and are desperate for him to give them the time of day. Must’ve been that kind of charm that won over Savannah, and just know I get it.

I didn’t in the past, but at that precise moment, I understood that it doesn’t matter how he communicates with someone. He is still capable of making you smile, blush, crave, and everything all at once.

I begin to hate myself a little more for thinking all of this.

“What’s the matter? Did I leave you speechless?”

“No, you left me nauseous.”

What makes me even angrier is the way he laughs at every comment I do when I try to make my point clear that I hate his guts, but he doesn’t believe me. At least, I feel like he doesn’t want to believe me.

“Anyway, I have to go,” I say before he could annoy me even more.

“Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

“Yeah, yeah. Could you do me a favor?”

“Mm.”

“Could you please not mention any of this to Josh?”

“Thalia, I don’t talk to him. I won’t be sharing this with Josh anytime soon.”

“I know. I’m just making sure.”

He pauses for a second. “Are you still on the phone because you love hearing my voice?”

“Oh my God, what is wrong with you?” I say, not quite helping to roll my eyes at him. At this rate, my eyeballs will just fly out of their sockets at the amount of stupid nonsense I’m listening to from him.

He lets out a chuckle. “I’m just saying.”

“Shut up, Derek. . . And goodnight.”

“Goodnight to you too, T.”

CHAPTER 40

The following day, I am woken up by the door being knocked on. I try my best to sit up straight and rub my eyes to clear my vision. The knocking kept going and of course, wasn’t going to stop any time soon.

“I’m coming, jeez,” I groan in annoyance. I finally open the door and the obnoxious knocking stopped. It is Josh.

“Um, hi,” he says in between chuckles.

“Hey, sorry, didn’t know it was you.”

“A-are you c-coming in today?” he asks, and I stare at him confused.

“For. . . What exactly?”

“To go to work, I guess it is important we assist.”

I widen my eyes.

“Shit!” I grab my car keys and purse from the kitchen table and rush back to where Josh is. I hurriedly close the door and ran toward the elevator, panically pressing the button.

“Thalia?” Josh says from behind me. I briefly turn around but just as I did the door opens and I go inside. I hold it for him and stare as he doesn’t even budge.

“Aren’t you coming?”

“Are you. . . Are you sure you don’t want to. . .” he clears his throat, “. . . Change first?”

“What are you—” that’s when a light breeze finally hit my body. I didn’t want to look down because I feared for what I could see.

“Oh no,” slowly looking down I finally noticed that the prior night I fell asleep mid-changing and was in my bra and shorts. After realizing I’m in my building’s hallway half naked, I run past Josh and straight back to my place, with my face that has turned into a bright red tone.

I breathe heavily as I close my door, embarrassed.

Once more, my door is being knocked on.

“Are you okay?” I hear Josh on the other side.

I clear my throat, “y-yeah, I’ll be out in a moment.” Although I wish I could not see him after what he witnessed. How can I make someone forget instantly?

“You sure?” he asks.

“Yes, don’t worry! I need a minute.”

“Alright, I’ll wait for you by your car,” I hear, making me sigh with relief. I just know how to make a fool out of myself with absolutely anyone that’s around. That is a fact, for sure.   

I walk back to my room and start hurrying up with getting dressed. Once finished, I walk out and into the parking lot, where Josh is waiting patiently by my car.

“Hey,” he smiles, but it is a knowing smile after the show I gave him.

“Don’t say anything,” I raise my hand to stop him from commenting anything. I just want to go to work and pretend that I just woke up and have my life together for a moment.

“I didn’t say anything,” he says and opens the door for me.

“Good.”

“But I liked it. Didn’t know that would be the first time seeing you like that,” he says with a small smirk forming on his lips.

“I don’t want to hear it, Josh.” I groan in annoyance, making him throw his head back in laughter. He closes my door and calmly takes a deep breath. I turn on the engine and start driving off the lot.

 

When I finally arrive at the office, I notice Josh arriving as well. I get out and even avoid his gaze for a moment. I see him walking towards me so I quicken the pace to the main door.

“You can’t hide forever, I’m your boyfriend,” I hear him chuckle. He finally catches up with me and grabs my arm softly to make me stop.

“I know, sorry, that was sort of embarrassing. It won’t happen again.”

“But,” he starts and steps closer to me, now being just a few inches from my face. I try to look up at him, but I am blushing tremendously hard, it is becoming difficult to do so.

“But what?”

“I want for it to happen again.”

He grabs my chin and makes me meet his eyes.

“Josh. . .”

I am being cut off by someone clearing their throat, interrupting that moment completely. In some way I am glad. I haven’t been too sure about finally having that type of discussion with Josh yet. 

We both look at this person at the same time and I quickly separate from Josh at the sight of Derek.

“Am I interrupting something?”

“Yes,” Josh says.

“No,” I say.

Both Josh and I answer at the same time.

“This is a professional establishment, take your personal business elsewhere,” Derek says and walks past us. I roll my eyes in annoyance and follow him inside.

“We weren’t inside the office yet so technically we didn’t do anything wrong,” I say defensively.

“I couldn’t care less,” he replies dryly.

“You’re annoying,” I mumble under my breath.

That makes him stop.

He slowly turns around. “What?”

“Nothing.”

“If you have something to say, just say it.”

I want to say a million things, but I don’t want to right there.

“I said nothing, Derek.”

“Is everything okay?” Josh says from behind me. I quickly turn around and show him a smile to reassure him that the situation is under control. I nod my head and grab his arm, squeezing it lightly.

“Everything is fine, Derek is just. . .” I trail off as I briefly look at him, “he’s just pretty grumpy in the mornings.”

“No, I am not, but seeing you almost jumping your boyfriend makes me nauseous.”

“Are you jealous?” Josh jokes, making me smile.

“Ha-ha, you’re so funny.”

“David, we can’t. . .” I hear a female voice coming from Mr. Harris’ office. I furrow my eyebrows in confusion and curiously approach his door.

“What the—” I start and get cut off by things moving around. Derek softly makes me move away and quickly opens the door. We witness Mr. Harris being too close to Josh’s mom.

“What is going on?” Derek says as he enters his dad’s office.

“Mom?” Josh asks surprised as he goes inside as well. I didn’t dare to move from where I am. A lot of things are happening in a matter of seconds.

“Nothing was happening.” Mr. Harris clears his throat and steps back from Josh’s mom. “Kate was just leaving.”

“Y-yeah, I was heading out,” she says and tries to walk away but Derek steps in front of her to block her exit.

“No one is leaving until there’s some explanation. You’ve been acting weird dad, and it is time for you to come clean about it.”

“Perhaps this isn’t the best place to—”

“I said now dad,” Derek says, cutting him off. It surprised me even that he's calling Mr. Harris ‘dad’ aloud, not even caring who is listening since he has stated in the past that he doesn't want anyone to know about who his father truly is. 

Mr. Harris lets out a heavy sigh. “I didn’t want you to find out this way.”

“About. . . What?”

“About the affair,” Josh says, giving a death stare to Mr. Harris.

“What?” Derek and I say at the same time. I couldn’t hold in the confusion, and I know I shouldn’t be there at that moment, but I can’t move. It seems as if I have been glued in that position.  

“Honey,” Kate says with a warning tone. “This isn’t our business.”

“No, mom, you’re wrong.” Josh steps even further into the room. “It has been our business for a long time. What are you doing here, anyway.”

“I called her.” Mr. Harris steps in. “I wanted to see her.”

“You better start explaining,” Derek is losing his patience, bringing a lot of eyes to look this way, paying attention to this moment.

I am not sure what I should do now. Should I leave? Stay? Say something or nothing?

“I don’t want to have an audience, Derek,” Mr. Harris says with a stern tone. “At least close the door.”

“I am done with you being so secretive, what the hell were you doing with her?”

I feel bad for Kate, by looking at her I could sense how uncomfortable she is. I would be too with the amount of pressure Derek is putting on this situation. I know a lot of things are happening at the same time and it is only 8:55 am.

“Start talking,” Derek folds his arms across his chest.

Mr. Harris fixes his tie and clears his throat; I could sense his nervousness.

“I’ve known Kate—um Ms. Perks for quite some time. Ever since you’ve been two. . .”

“Is she relevant to the way you’re behaving lately?”

He nods, “y-yeah. She has reappeared recently. As you’ve seen, her son has paid me a little visit.”

“So, you know Josh? How?”

“He’s my. . .”

“Dad for the love of God, he’s what?”

“Josh is my son.”

What?

CHAPTER 41

The last time I’ve been in a state of shock was when I first got that phone call about Savannah’s incident. Glued on one spot, questioning what the actual hell is going on, yet I couldn’t quite speak properly to the person on the other side of the line. I had the words I wanted to say inside my head, but couldn’t blurt them out.

I feel something like that right now after hearing those shocking words from Mr. Harris’ mouth.

“W-what?” Derek asks, also not believing what he just heard.

“Josh is my son; Kate is his mother.”

Derek turns around and we lock gazes. He doesn’t say anything, but he seems as if he’s about to pass out. I want to offer some help, but it isn’t my place to speak up.

This is the big secret that explains the argument between Josh and Mr. Harris. This explains why he’s been acting weird this pastime. But I didn’t know it was this huge.

“I-I. . .” Derek is at a loss for words. I just keep thinking about the amount of attention all of this has brought to them. This is such a personal matter, but it is becoming public. I can hear a few muffled mutterings, chit-chatting here and there, and I know they’re not talking about anything other than this.

“I’ve been meaning to explain—”

“Bullshit,” Josh cuts off, “you’ve wanted me to keep my mouth shut. Besides, I still want to know what you are doing here?” Josh turns toward his mother.

“You’re not the only one who wanted closure, Josh. I need an ending to this too.” Kate is making the greatest effort to keep herself from crying and I instantly feel bad for her. She seems like someone so sweet and fragile, just like her son.

“I can’t believe you cheated on mom.” Derek laughs ironically.

“Your mother was sick, Derek. She was too tired, and I needed to—”

“What? Get it on with this tramp?”

Josh widens his eyes and steps in front of Derek. “What the fuck did you just call my mom?”

“This isn’t your business, so I recommend you stay the fuck out—”

Josh doesn’t let him finish and straight up punches Derek in his face, making him step back as he groans in pain. We all gasp in surprise.

“You son of a bitch,” Derek says and returns the punch. That’s when Mr. Harris steps in between, trying to calm them down.

“Both of you knock it off!” he growls.

I cover my mouth in shock at the situation, not even recognizing the two of them as they try to hit each other. I never imagined that type of reaction. Although I know this problem is upsetting and uncomfortable, this isn’t the best way to solve anything.

Mr. Harris is holding his son back and Kate is holding hers.

“Josh, it’s enough!” Kate finally says. Josh stops for a moment and looks down at his mother. His face softens and stops trying to get out of Kate’s grip. I see Derek still wanting to go toward Josh to continue hitting him, but his father isn’t letting go.

“This is something we had to talk about in private,” Mr. Harris says as Derek finally moves away from his father.

“This is something that should’ve never happened,” Derek stares up at Mr. Harris, both breathing heavily. The whole office is in complete silence.

In the corner of my eye, I see the company’s security staff right there about to make a move if things get out of hand again. I hope that doesn’t happen because I couldn’t stand watching how they were trying to hurt each other for something that I’ve seen so far, has nothing to do with either of them.

Derek wipes the blood coming from his nose and chuckles sarcastically. “You’ve always lectured me every time I fucked up, about not being the perfect son you wished you had. You’ve faked being proud of me in front of everyone, but I always knew it was bullshit. And it turns out, you’re not so perfect yourself either. Now, I get it, must be hereditary.”

“Now hold on a second—”

“No,” Derek cuts him off. “I need to get out of here. Because if I stay, I’ll do something much worse than what I did to Josh, but this time. . . To you. And even though you’re still a fucked up father. You’re still my boss.”

With that, Derek begins to walk away and out of the building. Everyone stays glued to their spot, watching what’s going to happen next.

Kate is the first one to break the silence.

“Come on, honey,” she grabs Josh’s arm, and they start walking past me. Mr. Harris calls out to Kate, making her stop.

“Wait!”

“What?” she asks.

“We need to finish discussing all of this.”

Kate seems to be doing a huge effort to not lose her patience at that precise moment. “Better yet, let everything cool down, and when that happens, make sure to have a word with your son who is hurt.”

Josh looks at me and offers a sweet smile. “I’ll. . . I’ll call you later, alright?” he says, and I nod in response. I want to be there for him, to know how I can help. Though, the reality of the situation hits me hard. There’s absolutely nothing I could do to make any of this better.

Since Kate is going to be with Josh and supporting him, my mind goes back to Derek, who I think has no one to go to about all of this. I want to go after him, to help him in any way, I don’t want him to go through all this alone because even though most of the time he puts up a hard barricade, so no one gets to him, I know he’s hurting.

I try to think of where he could be, and there was one place that popped up in my mind almost instantly.

It is weird to be at a nightclub during the day. No one around, no music, nothing. From a distance, I see Nate and he instantly smiles at me as I approach him.

“Thalia, hey!”

“Hi, Nate, how are you?”

“Great, it’s been a while since your last time here, and I remember you left a bit upset. Or at least it seemed like it. Are you okay?”

I didn’t remember that at all until now that he’s bringing it up. It seems like forever ago. I was shocked and, in some way, petrified by how we were suddenly kissing. The guilt I felt was nearly unbearable. Even though Derek keeps saying I shouldn’t feel that way, I can’t help myself.

It is even worse the fact that Savannah paid a little visit. Part of my imagination or not, for a moment, I felt her presence so real, I legit felt she was there having a normal conversation with me in our apartment like we used to.

“I’m. . . Somewhat alright. Have you seen Derek?”

“Yeah, he’s upstairs. He seemed kind of angry.”

“A lot happened today, that’s why I wanted to talk to him.”

“Is it the best idea?” he asks, widening his eyes as if he has said the worst thing ever. “Sorry, sorry! I should mind my own business.”

“It’s alright, I mean, you have a valid point. I should question if it’s the best idea, which I know it isn’t.”

I let out a heavy sigh. I shouldn’t go in there at all, but I feel this urge to check up on him and see how he’s doing, after the news he received he is for sure devastated.

“You can go inside if you want to,” Nate says, snapping me back to reality. “You will not need to struggle with annoying people since it’s the middle of the day.”

His comment brings me back to that night, I’ve never felt so suffocated in my life. I guess now it wasn’t because of the ocean of people dancing in a small place. I’ve been to clubs with Savs before, so I know that wasn’t it.

That moment when we kissed still lingers in my mind, and I hate thinking about it, but that thought becomes stronger and stronger with every passing second.

I go inside the club and see the staff walking around, positioning the tables in their respective places for the night. I walk toward the stairs from when I ran desperately that one time, just thinking about it makes me feel butterflies in my stomach—something I find very strange, to be honest.

From afar, I can see the staircase that leads to that special place I know Derek finds comfort in since it reminds him of a time when he was extremely happy. I like the fact he introduced me to it, though even to this day I don’t understand why he did it. Why he showed such a meaningful place, to begin with? I’m not as special as Savannah, not now, not ever. Even to him, regardless of his feelings toward me, I’m still never going to be able to fill that hole she left behind.

Sad, but true.

I walk upstairs and before knocking I doubt myself once more if it is the right thing to do. I don’t want him to be alone right now, but deep down I know that because of everything he’s been through, he could be in danger of going straight down a darker place in his life. Perhaps all he needs is some support. Even if I try to push him away sometimes, I don’t want him to be hurting, he had enough of what happened with Savannah, now this? What else is going to happen in his life that will make him crumble even more?

I knock exactly three times and received no answer from the other side of the door. He is probably not answering because he wants to be left alone. But a huge part of me just can’t let that happen.

I turn on the doorknob and to my surprise, it is unlocked.

Slowly, the door opens even wider, making me see inside. There is no one around.

“Derek?” I called out, but nothing. That’s weird, where could he be? Nate said he would be here.

I go inside the room to check it out, a huge number of crumpled-up papers are on the floor, and it makes me question if those were the discarded ideas he mentioned last time I was in there.

I never imagined Derek as the type of person that would write and enjoy doing it. But I guess you never finish getting to know someone that well.

I go to his desk and grab one of his papers, it seems to be one of his letters to Savannah. I shouldn’t read it, but the stupid and nosy part of me can’t help it. Though before I could even begin with the first few words, I got interrupted by someone coughing from behind me.

“Excuse me, are you lost?

I quickly turn around and see Derek standing there with his arms crossed.

“Hey, I just came here—”

“To spy on me?”

I let out a heavy sigh and hand him his letter, which I would understand if he was annoyed with me for coming here without permission and checking his stuff out.

“More like to check up on you. Sorry for grabbing this without permission.”

“Did you read it?” he asks, with a sort of fear and nervousness in his eyes.

“N-no, I didn’t,” I couldn’t do it since he interrupted me on time.

“Are you lying?”

“I promise I’m not. I just saw that it was a letter for Savannah.”

“Yeah, I’ve been needing to write her now more than ever.”

“It was heavy. . . What happened today.”

“You think? It seemed like a normal day,” he chuckles, but it sounds bitter. He places the piece of paper back on his desk and then locks his gaze with mine.

“Why are you here?” his voice suddenly changes and seems almost like a shushing tone. It takes me a moment as I keep staring at him to answer.

“I told you, Derek, I wanted to check up on you. You seemed upset which you have the right to be. What happened at the office, it is a lot to take in?”

“What exactly? The part I found out my dad had an affair or about my stepbrother, who also happens to be your boyfriend? No, today I am having the time of my life.”

Derek sits down on the couch and covers his face with both of his hands. I sit down next to him, debating on whether to try and console him or just leave—I guess that would be the best option. It was a stupid mistake to come here and expect him to need anyone other than himself. Some people deal with certain difficult times best when they’ve left alone, so probably Derek is like that as well.

As I try to leave, he uncovers his face, making me stay put in my place.

“I knew about his infidelities,” he surprises me by saying. “I just never knew that he had another child.”

“It is a lot to take in, again, sorry for coming here uninvited.”

He turns to me and gives me a soft smile; his expression isn’t as harsh and bitter as before. “I’m glad you did.”

“Really?”

He nods. “Well yeah, you’re the only one that could cheer me up after the bomb that was thrown at me today.”

It legitimately warms my heart to hear those words coming from him, it means a lot to know that he thinks that way, especially since I believed previously that my presence right here with him wouldn’t be appreciated.

“I just wish I could do anything—”

“Don’t worry about it I’m an adult, I have to handle these things. I know that what I did back at the office wasn’t the best thing.”

“Talking of which, how’s your hand?”

He briefly looks at it before smiling almost proudly. “better than your boyfriend’s face.”

“You’re an asshole, you know that? What you did was so uncalled for. Josh had nothing to do with anything.”

He nods. “I know, but I was seeing red.”

“No excuses, tomorrow you will apologize,” I say as I cross my arms over my chest.

“You’re not serious.”

“Yes, I am Derek. Josh was defending his mom because you called her something that wasn’t okay. So, tomorrow you will apologize. I mean, a proper adult would do that.”

“Touché,” he says and rubs the back of his head. “Ugh, fine, I will. But I will slightly hate you for making me do it.”

“I guess I will have to live with the fact that you hate me, but at least you will do the right thing.”

I grab my phone from my pocket and see a text from Josh letting me know that he got home already so I send a message back that I will go over there in a moment.

“I have to go, but I’ll see you, right?” I ask and he softly smiles.

“Yeah of course.”

I am making my way to the door when I hear Derek calling out for me.

“Hey,” his voice makes me turn around.

“Yeah?”

“I am thinking of returning to the lake house to get away a little bit, want to go?” he surprises me.

“Really?” I ask.

“Yeah, I don’t feel like being alone, besides. . . You’re my friend, right?” he kind of grimaced in disgust just for mentioning the word friends. I had to hold in my giggles.

“It was hard for you to call us friends, huh?”

“I threw up a little bit in my mouth,” I couldn’t stop myself from laughing at that.

“I don’t know. . .”

“Please,” he begs.

“Oh wow, Derek Harris begging? That’s new.

“I am not begging!”

“It is cute when you deny the obvious,” I say and he does the middle finger at me, making me roll my eyes playfully.

“Please think about it,” he says. 

“I will. Promise,” I end up saying causing him to smile. “I-I have to go,” I say as I start to grab my purse.

“Are you going back to the office?”

“I kind of have to, I shouldn’t have left in the first place, but I had to make sure you were okay,”

“Right,” he clears his throat and then stands up, making his way toward me. He shocks me by pulling me in for an embrace. I quickly respond by wrapping my arms around his torso as he places his chin on top of my head.

“Thank you,” I hear him whisper. I softly pull away and finally meet his gaze.

“Why?” I ask curious.

“I don’t know how, but I feel better when I’m around you.”

“I still hate you,” I say jokingly, causing him to laugh.

“Sure, sure. Shut up, Derek,” he replies, mocking me.

“You’re impossible.”

After saying my goodbyes, I proceed to walk to my car, feeling as light as ever. I feel relieved to see him somewhat okay. Not entirely but at least not doing anything stupid like drowning his pain with alcohol. The image of him at that bar with that group of horrible drunken men comes to mind, and it makes me uncomfortable.

I can understand his pain, not feel it, but I can be comprehensive. But alcohol or being violent isn’t the answer.

Before going to the office, I want to see Josh; he’s another one of the affected people in this situation. I wanted to be there for him before, but he had to talk things out with his mom, I suppose. I send him a text to ask where he is so we can at least discuss a thing or two. When he confirmed that he was in his apartment, I proceed to turn on the engine and get there to at least see his point of view in this whole messed-up situation. 

CHAPTER 42

I knock on his door exactly three times and nervously wait there. I still feel a little shaken up after that chaotic scene that went down at Mr. Harris’ office.

Josh opens up and the first thing I see is that he has a towel with ice where Derek hit him. He smiles sweetly at me, making me feel a bit better, but not a lot since I can tell that the punch he received hurt. He steps aside and allows me to get inside.

“Hey,” his voice seems small and a bit weak, causing me to don’t think twice and hug him. He didn’t hesitate one bit and hugged me instantly. Slowly, his grip around me gets even tighter, in a way letting me know how much he needs to be comforted.

“How are you? How’s your mom?” I ask. He lets go of me and proceeds to make his way to the couch. He leaves the ice on top of the table and sits down. He covers his face with both of his hands and it makes me feel terrible for him.

I sit down next to him, and place my arm over his shoulder, hugging him sideways, and he leans into my neck, staying there as we cuddle for a few minutes.

“I should’ve told you,” he surprises me by saying, and I instantly begin to feel worse for him.

I grab his chin and make him look up at me. “No, Josh, I shouldn’t have pushed. You were right, this was a huge deal and very personal and. . .” I let out a big sigh as he stares at me intently. “I shouldn’t have—”

“You’re my girlfriend,” he cuts me off. “I should be able to talk about these things with you since you are part of my life, right?”

Still not used to him calling me girlfriend. But I look at him and I feel is right. Josh calling me his girlfriend officially feels right and weird at the same time.

“I know, but we haven’t gone out that much, and this situation is so big and complicated.”

“I know, Thalia, though I feel like we’ve been going out for ages. I like you being here with me, it just feels. . .” he trails off looking for the right words.

“Comfortable?” I finish for him because, quite honestly, I feel like that. Josh feels comfortable with me. Almost as if we’re supposed to be together.

He nods. “Yeah, exactly. It is comfortable.” He leans close to me once again, and I place my chin on his head. I start to feel how he’s softly kissing my neck, making me smile. It feels great that even with everything that has happened, he still has the energy for sweet gestures.

Though his kisses begin to become more and more intense, as I feel him placing his hand up to my breast. It is new for him to be touching so high up, causing me to almost release a gasp of surprise. I didn’t think much of it, he is my boyfriend after all.

He looks me in the eye and smiles, exchanging his gaze from my eyes to my lips. Josh leans in, gives me a peck on my lips, then waits for me to see if I want him to continue. I don’t say anything and lean in as well, trying to kiss him with the same passion he’s showing. Josh makes me lie on my back and continues kissing me, caressing one of my legs which he quickly places for it to be wrapped around his torso.

This whole situation brings me surprised because it got me thinking about how we haven’t had this type of alone time where we act this way. Up until now, it has been just kissing and holding hands. I don’t know what to do, but with every passing second, he’s becoming more intense, and it is starting to make me nervous. Everything is happening so fast that I didn’t notice when he took off his shirt.

To me, the room is spinning and it’s getting warm. Should I continue? Am I enjoying this? He’s my boyfriend, this is okay, right? I didn’t like one bit how I am making a huge deal out of this, but I am not comfortable anymore.

The thing I guess wasn’t doing it for me, is the fact that it’s been a very rough day, with a lot of revelations, punching, and comforting, I don’t think it is the right time for this to happen, not like this.

Josh begins to unbutton my shirt and that’s when my mind begins to scream at me to tell him to stop, so he doesn’t go any further. He seems desperate to do it, maybe to get some distraction so he doesn’t recall this day at all.

“Josh” my voice is small, so low I guess he didn’t hear me because he is now proceeding to kiss my cleavage.

“Josh, wait,” I say, louder this time. He immediately stops and looks at me as he pants heavily.

“Is everything okay?” he quickly sits up straight.

“Yeah, I mean. . . It’s just—”

“Was I going too fast?”

“A little bit.”

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“It’s not you, I mean, I want to, I do. It’s just that today is not the best day to. . .”

“Have sex, I get it. No, you’re right. I’m sorry.” For a moment I couldn’t read his face. His facial expression it’s just blank, but he does sound like he’s genuinely apologetic.

“I’m sorry—” I begin, but he cuts me off. His face finally softens and then wraps one arm around me, hugging me tightly.

“You have nothing to apologize for, Thalia, you are 100% right that today isn’t the best time. I don’t know what has gotten into me. I just wanted to forget or something, to make myself feel better after everything. But I shouldn’t force anything on you. It should come naturally.

I smile, feeling relieved that he is understanding about this. The last thing I wanted was for him to feel unwanted.

“I want to make you feel better, but I don’t want to use sex to help you forget,” I say. He places a soft kiss on my forehead.

“You’re right,” he says.

Suddenly, I receive a text message, so I quickly grab my phone and check on it.

“It’s from work,” I turn around to see Josh, “they need me.”

He nods. “Alright, I will see you later, then?”

“Yeah. After work, I can come back and we can eat something and watch a movie, alright?” he stands up and walks toward me.

He grabs my face with both of his hands and then softly gives me a small peck on my lips. “Thank you for stopping by,” Josh simply says. I smile at him and hug him before making my way outside of his apartment.

I briefly lean my back against the door and let out the heaviest breath I ever had to hold. My cheeks are still burning up after that entire scene and I need a few minutes to compose myself. I grab my phone and quickly send a text back letting my co-worker know that I will be there soon. But first I need to drink some water and relax a little bit.

I send a quick text to let her know that I’ll get there soon. I just need a few minutes to drink some water and take a deep breath, so I can be completely composed before stepping into the office. I begin to imagine what the ambient will be like. People will pretend they didn’t see that scandal right outside Mr. Harris’ office, but we all know about this whole thing anyway. It is too hard to ignore what we all witnessed.

A lot happened in one day. I don’t know how am I supposed to be thinking about getting work done. I still have so many questions, but as of right now, I can leave the situation alone.

Derek has a half-brother, who so happens to be my boyfriend.

What else is new?

 

I arrive at the office, and everything is exactly how I predicted it was going to be—awkward and intense. Everyone is walking around, and I could sense no one knew exactly how to behave. I hope this does die down, especially since I want Derek and Josh to return, but not if everyone is going to act this weird.

I try to make myself look composed and normal, at least someone must be that way. Though, I can tell everyone’s eyes landed on me as soon as I walked inside. Mostly, I guess, because I left to see how Derek and Josh were doing. I guess they’re. . . Fine? Everything still seems messed up and the only thing I prayed more as soon as I left the apartment is to not bump with—

“Thalia?”

Crap.

I look up and see Mr. Harris, motioning for me to go inside his office.

I don’t want to face him out of all people, especially after finding out things about him that make me feel uncomfortable now. Why on earth would he want to see me?

I try not to think much of it and just do as he says, mentally reminding myself that even though the things he has done are unacceptable, he’s still my boss, and it defines my salary.

I walk inside his office and he closes the door, which is too ironic, nothing is a secret anymore. He silently walks to his desk and sits down, letting out a heavy sigh. He doesn’t look good and there’s a reason why. I cross my arms over my chest and wait patiently for him to inform me why am I here. Something that still makes me curious. I don’t need to be here, I need to be at my desk pretending to get work done, but honestly, I know I’m just going to be distracted thinking about all the events of today.

Finding out Derek has a half-brother. On the same day finding out that his half-brother is currently someone who I’m going out with. Derek punched his half-brother. To top it all off, Josh tries to use me to forget about this drama because I know he is currently hurting. . .

I could honestly keep going.

In times like these, I wish Savannah would still be here. It would be nice to vent and talk about everything.

Also, if she was still here, I wouldn’t be as confused as I currently am about Derek. I just innocently thought that I could stay away from him. But, today, being there with him, trying to make him feel better and see if he was doing okay, I’ve realized how important he has become to me.

I hated him so much in the past. I used to think of him as Savannah’s annoying boyfriend. But right now, I just want his pain to go away.

“Where were you all morning?” he asks. Of course, he was planning a lecture.

“I actually had a good reason to leave,” I say defensively.

“Yeah. After my son.”

“Which one?” I didn’t realize that I’d said that aloud until I see Mr. Harris’ shocked expression.

“What did you just say?” he’s doing his best to control himself; I know he wants to say a million things to me because of my comment.

“Nothing,” I quickly say.

“No, no, please, speak your mind. I sure want to hear it,” his sarcastic tone makes me want to roll my eyes at him.

I think about how in the past, I wouldn’t have dared to disrespect him like that. I’ve admired him for many years, and one of the biggest reasons why I decided to get involved in this company is because of him and his work ethic. He knew exactly what the client wanted and went for it. Always a risk taker and recognized for always delivering nothing but the best.

But now. . . I see him and I just have to look away. I’m not mentally ready to deal with him right now after what happened literally a few hours ago. Everything is just too fresh. I know he is still my boss, and I should respect him anyway, but I can’t bring myself to do so.

“Someone had to do it, sir. Both Josh and Derek went through a lot today. Josh is my boyfriend and Derek is my friend, I had to go after them.”

Mr. Harris lowers his head, not being able to look me in the eyes. “I know I made mistakes, and I was going to tell Derek. I promise I didn’t want him to find out this way.”

“Then you should talk to him. Fast.”

“I know he is never going to talk to me again, I know that, and he has the right to be furious at me. I’ve hidden this huge secret and now everybody knows.”

I seriously can’t feel empathy for him right now, not after seeing how Josh and Derek were today. I try to put myself in his shoes for a moment, but there’s no excuse.

To cheat on his wife and have a son with someone else.

“Anyway, this is nobody’s business. You shouldn’t be involved in all of this. You’re just here to get your work done. Please, don’t ditch work again, you’re just an employee. Personal business should be dealt with after work hours.”

“Seriously?—”

“Not a single word about this, we’ve had enough scenes here at the office.”

“But sir—”

“You may now leave, Ms. Parker,” he motions for me to get out the door.

“But—” I try to protest but he cuts me off instantly.

“I said now, Ms. Parker, don’t make me repeat myself.”

I mentally groan out of frustration. I know Derek is angry, but as his father, he should’ve been the one to go after his son, determined to make things right with him. But he will just pretend like nothing happened.

That makes my heart boil so much.

I go straight to my desk, avoiding at all costs the looks of everyone around. I sit down and turn on the computer, checking e-mails with assignments that I need to get done, but my mind is blank. I can’t concentrate enough to design absolutely anything. The clock seems to be getting slower because it’s almost as if time isn’t passing by. I just really want to leave.

I begin to think about Derek’s proposal, about going to the Jones’ lake house to get away. A lot of things have happened and that is the only place that I could truly feel connected with Savs. It would be perfect to distract ourselves from all the drama that has gone down. Of course, it doesn’t mean that once we get back to reality everything will just vanish, but at least when we return our batteries will indeed be recharged enough to deal with everything having a different attitude.

I quickly take out my phone and begin sending a text to Derek.

Me: I’m in.

Derek: Really? Great!

 Me: Under one condition, though.

Derek: What?

Me: I get the room with the balcony this time.

CHAPTER 43

“How long are you going to be away?” is the first thing Josh asks as he sees me take out my bag from my closet. He watches as I walk back and forth from one place to the other to get everything I will need for the trip.

I start neatly folding my shirts and bathing suit, and once it’s all in place, I finally lock gazes with him. I walk toward Josh and place both of my hands on his shoulders.

“It is just for this weekend,” I reassuringly smile at him.

“Are you okay, though? Do you want me to go with you?” he asks.

“I’m fine, is just that it’s been a while since I’ve gone there.”

“But what is so special about this lake house?”

Then it hit me that I’d never told him about Savannah, which instantly made me want to hit myself. I found out something so huge about him and I never felt like talking about one of the most important people in the world to me. Talk about being selfish.

I guess the excuse before is that I wasn’t at all comfortable and ready to talk about her, but that isn’t acceptable anymore.

“Come here,” I say as I motion for him to follow me to the couch. Once we’re sitting down, he watches me and waits patiently for me to continue.

“I never told you this, which I shouldn’t have, and I apologize because I wanted to know everything about you, yet I never shared anything about myself.”

“What’s wrong?” he asks and his expression changes to a concerned look.

“Nothing, nothing. I mean. At times, everything is wrong, but I’ve come to learn how to keep going.”

“You’re beginning to freak me out, what happened?”

“I used to have a best friend. With whom I shared this apartment. Unfortunately, she passed away not too long ago. This lake house belongs to her parents, and we used to hang out there all the time. This is the only place I can go to where I feel in some way, connected to her memory.”

“Oh, my God, Thalia. I didn’t know—”

“I’m sorry for not telling you. I guess I never wanted to tell people about this because I didn’t want to come to terms with my loss.”

“I completely understand. I-I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything, honestly. Meeting you helped.”

He smiles at my comment. “For real?”

I nod. “Well, yeah. To me, coming back to this apartment, felt like a dread. But I couldn’t bring myself to leave it either. Then, I met you. Everything changed after that.”

In part, I felt more relieved knowing I had Josh, because that way, I could avoid thinking about a certain someone that for quite some time left me very confused.

He hugs me and plants a soft kiss on my forehead. “You have no idea how happy it makes me to hear you say that.”

“I’m happy if you’re happy,” I say and give him a peck on his lips.

When Josh left, I decided to kill some time before leaving for the lake house by writing a letter. It feels like forever since I sat down and let my mind relax and write some feelings down.

I go to my desk and take out some papers to begin writing.

“Dear Savs. It’s been a while since I’ve written down how my life is going. Although, for some reason, I keep seeing you everywhere. . . And I mean everywhere. I’m still debating on whether you are just a product of my imagination and it’s a sign that I should get more sleep. Anyway, life has gone crazy, officially. But as everything went down, I just couldn’t stop imagining how you would take the revelations that happened a few days ago at the office. I know you would’ve been the first one to know, mostly because I wouldn’t be able to keep it all from you. God, I wish I could see you and talk to you about everything. Honestly, there’s more than one thing I would like for you to know.”

The sound of a notification snaps me out of my writing, bringing my attention to my phone. Derek says that he’s on his way already. I my backpack and my carry-on and begin to get out of my apartment.

I am on the road once again and instantly feel so much better. I feel relaxed and at ease knowing I will at least get away from everything that happened a couple of days ago.

Of course, it is just for the weekend, but I promised myself I will try to have the best time possible. Reading by the lake, tanning, swimming, and just connecting with my best friend in our favorite place in the world.

Oh, right, Derek will be there too.

So, the last time we both went there, it didn’t end well. I hope things are different this time around. He doesn’t need problems and neither do I. The reason I accepted Derek’s offer of coming here is mainly because besides him being my friend, sort of, he is also the only person that truly understands Savannah.

I mean, of course, more than one person is grieving about her, but they don’t get it as we do. She was my best friend—almost like a sister, and he was her fiancé.

Who else am I going to share all these emotions with? Who better to understand than the person she was about to share the rest of her life with?

I decide to put on some music. This time, I feel ready to put the one artist I couldn’t listen to since Savannah’s passing, and that is Taylor Swift.

The song “22” begins to play, and I start to have teary eyes. I am fighting the urge to bawl my eyes out and tap my fingers against the steering wheel to the rhythm of the music. Memories begin flashing back, and that’s when I start singing the chorus at the top of my lungs, feeling the wind in my hair, nodding my head back and forth as I feel passionate about that familiar melody that brings me back to the times that we used to listen to it nonstop.

I feel good. I feel okay.

Officially, it is the first time in months that I can play our playlist.

Is my healing process finally beginning?

 

The two-hour drive did go by quicker than I thought. From afar, I could see the lake house, where Derek’s car was already parked there.

I kill the engine and get out; Derek walks out of the house and greets me with a smile.

“Hey,” he says and waves at me. I wave back and close the door.

“What’s up?”

“Not much, how was the drive?” he seems to be in a light mood, which I don’t if whether it’s a good thing or not. For some reason, I begin to have the feeling he’s just pretending everything is fine. But then again, he’s Derek Harris. I will never be able to tell if he’s lying or not because he is truly good at hiding how he feels.

“Relaxing, honestly,” I say as I start to take my bags out of the trunk.

“Want some help with that?” he offers and then gets my backpack to place over his shoulder.

“Mm, you’re being suspiciously nice to me. What did you do?” I ask, crossing my arms over my chest.

He fakes a hurt expression. “I am offended you would think I am being nice for no reason. I am the nicest person you will ever meet.”

“Mm, if you say so,” I didn’t believe a word he says, of course, but decided just to let him get my stuff, after that long drive I didn’t feel like carrying everything up the stairs.

Once everything was in the room, I turn to him. “So, now let’s be real. How do you truly feel?” I decide to be straightforward about this because it will probably be the only way for him to be open about what happened. Besides, being here, there’s no reason for him to be distracted, or run away from what happened.

“What do you mean?” he acts as if he has no clue. Of course, he does.

“Come on, Derek. You know exactly what I mean.”

He shakes his head. “Honestly, no. I have no idea what you mean. But, hey, tell you what. I race you to the lake,” he says and begins to run out of the room.

“Derek!” I call after him as I see him bolting down the stairs. I follow him out.

“Come on! The last one getting to the lake will cook dinner tonight!”

I am completely out of breath when we get to the lake, and for the first time in so long, I have the urge to kill him for making me run out for no reason at all.

I see him stretching as he looks out at the horizon. “What a beautiful view, right?” he lets out a small chuckle at the sight of me.

“Shut. . . Up. . .” I try to say in between my heavy panting.

“Tired already? It wasn’t that far away. Also, just so you know, you lost.”

I weakly punch his shoulder and he pretended like I hurt him badly. “Oh, my God, be careful, Thalia. I don’t want to be sent to the hospital,” his sarcastic comment makes me want to attempt hitting him again, but I feel too tired to do so.

“You’re the worst,” I state the obvious.

“Am I? I think I’m awesome,” Derek smirks confidently.

“Hey,” I call out to get his attention, which brings his eyes to look at me. “You seem like you could use some water.”

“Well, yeah, I am parched after beating you.”

I try pushing him off to the lake, but it was no use. I had the intention though. I place my hands on his chest and try to gain enough strength to follow my idea through, but he just stands there in front of me holding in his laughter at my attempt.

“Oh, you want to jump in?” he says and picks me up as if I weighed nothing.

“Wait, wait, wait! It was a joke!” I scream out, but that just caused him to laugh even harder.

“Is that so? Then you’re going to truly laugh now.” Without hesitation, he throws me into the lake. As I am going to the surface, I hear him jump into the water too.

“I hate you!” I say as I splash water in his direction, causing him to keep laughing.

“Come on! Perfect day for a swim after a long drive, don’t you think?”

“Not with clothes on,” I say and splash him some more, which makes him splash me back.

“You started it!” he says defensively. No matter how much I splash water at him, his annoying little smirk doesn’t leave his face, which makes me extremely annoyed at him. But, on the other hand, I am beginning to feel much better with all this goofing around. Almost as if all the drama back home doesn’t matter right here.

I was too distracted by my thoughts that I didn’t realize that Derek wasn’t anywhere to be found.

“Derek?” I say, looking around, but nothing happened. Nothing was heard in the lake, and it makes me more scared and anxious about the entire situation.

“Derek!?” I say louder.

Oh, my God. If something happens to him—

Suddenly, I am being held by something in the lake, which makes me scream out of fear. Derek rises out of the water and holds me as I send him a deathly stare.

“You asshole! You scared the living hell out of me.” I splash water at him, but this time more aggressively. Even though water is getting inside his mouth, he still laughs uncontrollably seeing my reaction.

“Aw, so you do care about me,” he states, making a pouty face.

“Right now, you’re the most annoying person I’ve ever met!”

“You’re exaggerating,” he states as he playfully rolls his eyes at me. We stay for a moment in silence, floating around in the lake as the sunset strikes our bodies. Derek sort of covers the sun from hitting my eyes as he’s facing me, making me able to not squint my eyes uncomfortably.

“See? We can be without fighting for ten seconds,” he chuckles.

“Wait until you do something annoying to piss me off.”

He shakes his head no. “Na, I can let it rest for now.”

Derek is still holding me and for a moment, the last thing I want is to let go, which confuses me. I thought I was done with having the head all messed up because of him, but I guess some things just take a bit longer to fade away.

He removes a strand of my wet hair and places it behind my ear as he smiles. Derek seems too near and that is dangerous because at that point I don’t know how much self-control I could have. I mean, the setting looks so perfect.

A slight breeze hits our faces as the sun is set right over us, and I notice how this orange and yellow light gives him a nice glow.

I return the smile as I blush intently, wishing he doesn’t notice.

Again, this kind of setting and peacefulness could be extremely dangerous, and I have to make it stop. But for some reason, I can’t bring myself to do so.

“You can’t leave now. I want to talk about what happened at the office.”

“Why ruin this perfect moment with that?” he asks.

“I know you want to avoid it but—”

“Then why bring it up? I thought this small escape was to not talk about what happened. I’ll deal with it when I get back, now I want to enjoy. . . This.”

It does sound nice to leave everything at rest and just reconnect with this beautiful place. But to me, it becomes so hard to let some things go. I guess mostly the reason why I don’t want to stop asking him about how he’s doing, is because I don’t want Derek to go through all this alone. I don’t want him to be in pain, which even if he pretends, he’s not angry and hurt, I know he is.

“This is nice,” he snaps me from my thoughts, and I nod in agreement.

“Yeah, this is. . .” I am about to finish when I notice that he’s leaning in, causing me to widen my eyes. I wanted to believe that everything was part of my imagination, but then again, I thought that last time and it ended up happening for real.

My doubts fade away when I feel his soft kiss on top of mine. It lasted three seconds and for some reason, it didn’t seem enough. But at that moment, I knew damn well that I couldn’t just give in.

He pulls back slowly as he exchanges his gaze from my eyes to my lips, probably waiting for my approval for him to keep going and deepen the kiss.

“This is a trip to get away from everything, you said, and I guess that also includes about us,” is the only thing I manage to say.

“I know, I’m sorry, I—”

“I’m cold,” I cut him off, which brings a more concerned look to his face.

“Shit, yeah, um, let’s go get dried. Also, you have time before dinner to know what you’re going to make.”

 

We haven’t spoken about what happened and it’s already dinner time. I guess that’s okay considering it was indeed a moment that’s best to leave alone. Though, I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

It seemed so perfect and for some reason, I didn’t feel awkward at all around him.

I let him.

I let him give me a peck on the lips.

Truthfully, I can’t even figure out what that means. Or perhaps, I do but decide to act against it. I keep reminding myself that I can’t, I can’t just let it happen again. That would surely be a disaster.

It was a small innocent kiss, but it feels much worse than that. I feel even worse replaying that moment in my head with every passing minute. Derek’s face approached slowly, and I didn’t back away. I want to say I didn’t want to kiss back, but unfortunately, I would be lying.

That’s what confuses me even more.

I wanted to and I didn’t.

It felt wrong and yet so right.

It was a three-second peck, but I kept wishing it would’ve been longer.

What’s wrong with me?

That’s my biggest question. What the actual hell is wrong with me?

I hear Derek coming down the stairs and I immediately get tense. I am giving my back to him, which is a great thing because I feel my cheeks getting warmer, causing me to not move just in case he notices the shade of red I probably have all over my face.

“Hey,” he says but I still don’t turn around.

“H-hey,” I simply say. It is our first day here and I already feel like packing my bags and leaving. So much for trying to get away from drama.

“You’re making pizza?”

“Mhm,” I nod.

“Are you okay?” Derek asks, and as a response, I simply nod again instead of giving him a verbal answer.

“This reminds me of when you couldn’t look at me when you walked in on me in the bathroom that one time.”

I forgot about that.

More reason for me to not look at him.

Derek walks over to where I am and I sense him behind me, and for a moment, I can’t get myself to move out of there. My legs are locked in place and my hands are incapable of continuing to prep the dough for the pizza.

“You’re not doing it right,” I hear him say from behind.

“I know how to make pizza, Derek,” I state defensively, which causes him to let out a small chuckle.

I see Derek’s hands coming from behind and place them on top of mine, our fingers intertwined.

“What are you doing?” I ask, and I’m about to turn around but find myself replaying that scene in the lake.

“Helping you,” he says simply.

“I don’t need your help.”

“You do, you’re not molding it right.”

I quickly shake his hands off and finally find the strength to get away from him. I grab a hand towel from the counter and clean the remaining dough off my fingers.

“If you’re such a pro, why don’t you do it?” I say and begin to walk away but his voice stops me once again.

“Why are you so cranky? I was just trying to help.”

I let out a sigh, trying to compose myself. It’s just that the entire situation has me on edge. He then gives a knowing look, and it makes me wonder what is going through his head as I see a smile beginning to form on his lips, leaving me somewhat confused.

“What?” I ask, furrowing my eyebrows in confusion as I cross my arms over my chest.

He cleans his hands with the hand towel as well and then slowly begins walking toward me. I don’t move one bit and just observe him approaching me till he’s right in front, towering over me.

“W-what?” I repeat.

“Are you trying to pick up a fight to avoid dealing with what happened today at the lake?”

“What!? No way. Nothing happened.”

“Because you didn’t let it happen,” he says.

“B-because nothing should happen.” I swallow the lump in my throat. When did having him this close became so nerve-wracking?

“Right,” of course he doesn’t believe me.

“You’re so annoying.”

“And you’re such a coward.”

“I’m not,” I argue.

“Yes, you are.”

“No, I’m NOT!”

“YES. You ARE.”

“Derek. For the last time. I am no—”

He cuts me off by pulling me towards him by the waist and planting his lips on top of mine. I widened my eyes in shock at the abrupt action but then started feeling like it wasn’t that bad.

I pulled away and stare at him, his eyes have darkened, and his grin has grown even wider.

“You’re an asshole,” and I grab him by his cheeks as this time I was the one to pull him towards me aggressively.

I didn’t want it.

But I did.

I didn’t want to kiss him, but the feeling seemed too addictive to stop.

This is the first time that I’m actually having a taste of what it’s like to fully kiss him and not interrupt it for one moment. I like it so much even though I know this would be the perfect moment to stop because none of this should be happening to begin with.

I shouldn’t be letting him grab me.

I shouldn’t be letting him pick me up and carry me upstairs.

I shouldn’t be letting him lay me down on his bed.

I sure as hell shouldn’t be letting him remove my clothing and then watch as he removes his own.

But his warm touch makes me feel so many emotions it is so hard to just deny everything that is happening at this precise moment.

As he places his head on my neck and plants small kisses all over it, I just wonder if all of this will become a huge regret when I wake up tomorrow morning.

All I know is that this is the nicest and calmest I’ve felt in a long time, and I just don’t want it to stop.

I don’t want it to stop.

I don’t want it to stop.

I don’t want it to stop.

I don’t want it to stop.

I. . . Don’t. . . Want. . . It. . . To. . .

The only thing I hear is our heavy panting. I stare at the ceiling and wonder if it’s okay to look at him after what we just did.

I could feel his eyes on me. His intense gaze is burning a hole right through me, but I am too lost in my thoughts to find the strength to look back at him.

“Hey,” I hear his voice, so raspy and soft. It feels weird to hear that tone in him, it isn’t something I’ve heard before.

“Mhm,” is the only thing I manage to say.

“Thalia,” he gets closer and I feel his breath on my shoulder as he places a small kiss there. “Are you okay?”

I nod.

“For real, Thalia.”

I finally look at him and bring my hand to his cheek, caressing it. He closes his eyes and then kisses my palm tenderly.

“I feel terrible,” I admit. That brings him to open his eyes. He’s looking at me the way he does to hide what he truly feels. He lets out a heavy sigh, and for a moment I see something in him. Sort of like a sense of disappointment with a mixture of understanding.

He gets it.

Of course, he understands that what we did shouldn’t have happened. But it did.

“I’m sorry—”

“Don’t apologize. We both wanted it.” I say to calm him down. I won’t just lie and say I didn’t want it. That would be very hypocritical on my part. I guess I’ve been wanting it for a long time but just never had the guts to admit that I was beginning to feel something for my best friend’s fiancé.

I am a terrible, terrible, terrible person.

“Do you regret it?” he asks and it leaves me thinking.

Do I?

Do I regret it?

No. I don’t.

Was it a bad thing to do?

Yes.

Then why do I feel good that I’ve done it? I’ve completely lost myself in every single kiss he has given me, either to my lips or any part of my body. The way he was gentle with every touch and with every move. His heavy breathing was right on my ear as he moaned.

I offer him a reassuring smile and shake my head no; he returns the smile and I snuggle closer to him. He places his arm over my shoulder and his chin on top of my head. We lie in that position for several minutes before I break the silence.

“We didn’t finish making the pizza?” I say, causing him to chuckle.

“I guess we wanted to skip it and jump straight to the desert,” he says and sweetly kisses my forehead.

 

I hear the birds chirping outside and it causes me to bring a smile to my face.

“Good morning,” I hear Derek as he plants small kisses all over my face. There goes his raspy voice again. I never imagined it would be even more sexy in the morning.

I open my eyes and the first thing I see is his face. Though my view is still blurry, so I rub them to clear my sight and look at Derek a little better.

“Good morning,” I finally respond, and he snuggles his face on my neck. Then, it comes to me how late it probably is, so I quickly push Derek away and jolt out of bed.

“What? What’s wrong?” he asks worriedly, sitting up straight quickly.

I put on my underwear and the first shirt I find laying on the ground and hurry to get my phone, ignoring Derek’s calls asking once again what’s happening.

I forgot to text Josh; he’s probably so worried right now.

When I check, I have a ton of missed calls and texts from him, and it makes me feel even worse. I told him before leaving I would be in contact with him, and I didn’t because my attention was elsewhere. I unlock my phone and was about to call when the sound of the doorbell makes me stop.

I am confused as to who could it be, so I decided to go check.

I walk down the stairs and straight to the main door. When I open, in front of me is Josh, with a look of relief. “Thalia, I was so worried.”

“Josh, what. . . What are you doing here?” I asked, widening my eyes in pure shock. God, please let this be a dream.

“You gave me the address and you weren’t answering, so I thought something happened and—” he trails off as he finally takes a good look at me. “That’s your shirt?” he wonders. I look down and for a moment my breath is caught in my lungs as I realized that this isn’t in fact my shirt.

As if on cue, I hear Derek walking down the stairs, with nothing but his boxers. “Thalia, what happened?” he says as he rubs his sleepy eyes. Then, looks at the scene in front of him.

“Oh shit,” he says, not being able to get down the stairs completely.

“What the fuck?” Josh exchanges a look with Derek and then at me.

God. This isn’t happening.

CHAPTER 44

My tears begin to blur my vision. Josh’s face was burning red, breathing heavily. I notice how he starts to clench his fists.

“Josh—”

“So, it wasn’t enough to insult my mom and punch me in the face? You had to fuck my girlfriend too!?”

“Josh, hold up—” Derek tries to say something but soon is interrupted.

“I’m going to kill you!” Josh is pressing his teeth so hard that I thought they were going to break. He starts to enter the house and bolts toward Derek.

Derek doesn’t move an inch, he just waits for Josh to get to him, allowing it to happen. I do try to stop him as I follow close behind.

“Josh wait! It’s my fault!” but he didn’t listen to me. He grabs Derek by the neck and is about to hit him, Derek closes his eyes and waits for the punch to arrive, but it never does. Josh doesn’t hit him at all. He stares at Derek as he breathes heavily, probably trying to compose himself. Derek opens his eyes briefly and furrows his eyebrows in confusion.

He shakes his head no. “I am not like you. I can actually control myself.” He lets Derek go and backs away. Josh gave me one last look, and it completely broke my heart.

I knew regret would come out of the night I had with Derek. I just didn’t know things would get this far.

I began to wonder why I did it. Why couldn’t I just talk to Josh about everything? My feelings? My doubts? Everything I’ve been thinking since the day he officially started calling me his girlfriend. I knew well enough that jumping into a relationship was rushed and the excuse to do so was to forget about Derek and that alone was the worst thing I could do to someone as sweet as Josh.

He doesn’t deserve this shit.

“Josh, let me explain—” I try to say as I watch him begin to walk out of the house.

He stops and turns around. “Explain what? There’s no way you can explain this and make me feel better. You had sex with someone else.”

“I know, I’m sorry.”

“Are you sorry? No, Thalia, you’re not sorry about anything. This is just too much. After everything you know I’ve been dealing with, do you want to add this to the equation as well? No, fuck that.”

He’s right. He’s absolutely right.

I let him walk away. Because he doesn’t deserve any of the pain I am forcing him to go through. I shouldn’t have let it go this far.

I stand there as I see him get inside his car, bawling my eyes out. I didn’t want to go after him because he needed to cool off. I guess it is too late to explain anything. I watch as he stares at me with a hurt expression. Then he breaks eye contact and starts the engine.

I keep staring as I see his car driving further away.

“Thalia,” I hear Derek from behind me. I finally turn around and wipe my tears away.

“I deserve this,” I simply say.

“N-no, hold on—”

“I shouldn’t have cheated on Josh with his brother like that. He is right, after the problems he’s been through, I—” I couldn’t keep going because every time I open my mouth and beat myself up saying all these terrible things I’ve done, I get choked up.

“Is there anything I can do?”

I finally look at him and shake my head no. “No, you’ve done enough. Well, we’ve done enough.” I start walking to the house to prepare my things and leave. The sooner I get away from Derek, the better. I can’t deal with this right now.

“Thalia—”

“It was a mistake, Derek.”

After hearing those words, he didn’t say anything else. He stays quiet and stops dead in his tracks. He doesn’t follow me. He doesn’t argue. He just stays there quietly and still.

There’s a reason I didn’t want to be alone with Derek and it finally happened. I knew that I’d been developing something that goes beyond friendship for quite some time now. Even though there was a part of me that knew that this was something very risky and things could go wrong, I went against my own judgment and betrayed the only real victim of this entire situation.

I take a quick shower and then afterward finish putting everything in my bag. I walk downstairs and find Derek sitting on the couch, his hands covering his face.

“I’m leaving now,” I say, but he doesn’t look up. He says nothing and, quite honestly, I prefer it that way. Anything he says is going to make me stay, and that’s the last thing I want because after what happened, I shouldn’t even be in the same room with Derek, to begin with. I cheated on someone who didn’t deserve it at all, without being able to explain everything that was going on inside my head. I could make excuse after excuse but what I did, has no forgiveness.

I let out a heavy sigh and walked out, directing myself towards my car. Why can’t I have a simple and calm stay here at the lake house without some sort of screw-up? With all these thoughts running around in my mind, I turn on the engine and begin to drive away.

 

When I finally got to my apartment, truly all I wanted to do was to walk to Josh’s apartment and try to make things right, but then reality hit me, and realized that it was a terrible idea. What happened is still too fresh and the wound is too open for me to bring it up.

I am such an idiot.

I walk straight to my room and grab one of my pillows. I scream at it at the top of my lungs with so much frustration. But not with anyone but myself.

I ruined everything and the worst part is that everything could’ve been avoided. The thing is, I shouldn’t have slept with Derek firstly because of Josh and secondly because I promised myself, I wouldn’t fall for the only person that was with my best friend. I felt like I did some sort of double betrayal.

The reason why I wanted to have someone else in my life was mainly to forget Derek because we wouldn’t work, we just wouldn’t.

But, no, he kept crawling into my life.

With his dumb dimpled smile, sweet voice, stupid jokes, and God, I hate him. At the same time, though, I can’t hate him.

Of course, I knew he began developing feelings for me; he has made it clear in the past. But I should’ve had enough self-control to keep my promise of not surrendering to him. I blew everything and I seriously don’t think I can make things right.

“Is there something you want to say?” I hear that familiar voice again. 

Impressum

Texte: Belén Domínguez
Bildmaterialien: @MBDP98
Cover: Belén Domínguez
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 11.11.2022

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Widmung:
I dedicate this book to my beautiful family–my mom, dad, and three brothers. Thank you for supporting me every step of the way.