Don’t cry out Loud

“Get up Beth! And make Mama some breakfast”!
Caroline, who was in her own world, deep in the depths of the water searching for her father, didn’t seem to comprehend what her mother was ranting about. Danielle seeing this snapped again.
“Get up Beth now!”
Her eyes were blazing with fury and disgust. Caroline finally getting the message groggily opened her eyes and squinted at her mother who stood at the door, arms folded. Caroline reached up and rubbed the mark on her collar bone. It was a gesture she did more frequently these days when she was troubled or confused.
“What?” She managed to croak.
“Make me breakfast” Danielle mouthed.
Caroline sucked her teeth eying the clock.
“It’s only 6:00 leave me alone”.
Danielle marched toward Caroline’s bed and snatched the pillow from her head.
“Look at me” Danielle hissed crouching down and edging closer to Caroline’s face.
“You will have to listen to what I say at all times” she whispered smiling that creepy smile that aggravated Caroline to death.
“I don’t think drinking beer after having a hangover last night is very healthy” Caroline retorted coolly.
Danielle frowned “Didn’t I tell you to mind your own business?”
Caroline sighed “I ain’t afraid of you”.
Danielle made a fake pouty face “that’s too bad because your obliging me to send you to a foster home.”
“I can’t believe you’re my mother” Caroline said as she got up and stretched.
“I can’t believe I gave birth to a child like you” and with that Danielle left.
Caroline looked around her small room with 1 small window. On the right, the wall was covered with pictures of her and her father. Some were peeling off but Caroline didn’t bother re- sticking them. After 15 minutes Caroline ran downstairs. Her mother lying on the sofa was occupied by flipping the channels of cable. Caroline stared at her with utter disgust and went to the kitchen. After a while she prepared breakfast for herself and her mother. Her mother walked in the kitchen and sat at the table, dressed in her same pink dress with white stripes. It was her uniform for the bakery she worked at. She was one of the decorators of the pastries and cakes. She used to be a skilled one but throughout the years her sharp skills became blunt. She devoured the omelet and coffee and wiped her face with her hand. She stood up and walked to the sink washing her hands. I will be home today at 1:00 she said closing the faucet. These Halloween kids are crazy staying up until 1: 00 to trick or treat Danielle grunted. She wore her over sized hoodie and grabbed the car keys from the counter.
“It’s about time you drop out of high school and help me out.”
Caroline rolled her eyes. Danielle went for the door “well bye!” “And not to mention happy Halloween!” She called.
The thought just struck Caroline; it is Halloween the day of her father’s death that only she had witnessed. It wasn’t such a happy Halloween after all.
***
“Now wasn’t that fun?” George asked his eyes were filled with laughter.
Young Caroline Wilson smiled and nodded. She straightened her witch hat that was slightly askew. She grinned at the huge bag of candy she got.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it “? She asked as her eyes searched the sea.
Even though her feet were numb from the icy water she continued dangling her feet. The pier was a very calming place for her. Caroline and her father always came here to spend time together. He also had a fond of the pier.
“Yeah it is” George replied with a matter of fact tone.
Caroline moved her head, she loved everything about the pier but right next to the pier there was something eerie that gave her the creeps. Big dark trees stood and when you look through them you only see darkness.
“Daddy what’s that?” Caroline asked.
George looked at where she was pointing, he cleared his throat.
“Yeah, um, that used to be a cemetery.”
“Used to be?” Caroline questioned.
The place gave off a foreboding aura.
“Yeah, now no one gets buried there” George said as he took a bite of his sandwich.
“Does anyone go there to pay respects?” Caroline continued.
George laughed a big hearty one, “you ask too many questions, and besides no one have ever entered there ever since.”
“Ever since what”? Caroline asked anxiously.
“I don’t know actually” George said as he scratched his head. “A good history project ain’t it” George grinned.
There was a silence after that. Suddenly the air became cooler. Wispy clouds formed as they talked in horsey whispers. It grew darker. They continued eating their sandwiches, this time in silence. The water started to ripple. Caroline crumbled up the aluminum into a ball. And then her father felt a sudden tug of his leg. It pulled him hard; Caroline grabbed his hand but too late. He was soon engulfed by the raging water. Caroline ran like the wind and that night changed her whole life. Everything was a blur. After hours of questioning and interrogations Caroline was allowed to go home. Her mother stayed at the police shocked and awestruck. The police dropped Caroline home. Once she entered, the house seemed awfully unfamiliar and strange. She saw a Snapple bottle shattered on the kitchen floor. Impulsively she grabbed one of the shards and made a deep cut on her collar bone. She had to feel the pain and she had to punish herself for abandoning her father. After that day nothing was back to normal. Caroline became rough, tuff, and disrespectful. And Danielle became a drunk and lost her high position as a food artist and baker. And the relationship between Caroline and Danielle worsened; they just couldn’t stand one another.
***
“Caroline!” someone hissed.
Caroline broke away from her daydream and looked around. Her math teacher continued boring everyone.
“Caroline”!
She turned her head towards the door only to see Damon smiling slyly.
“Go back to class” Caroline groaned.
Damon put on a fake offended look “my god Caroline, you had better fix your attitude young lady”.
He did an awful good job in imitating Danielle. The corner of Caroline’s mouth perked up slightly.
Damon pointed at her face, “You see no one can make you do that but me”.
Caroline quickly changed her slight smile into a frown.
“Bye, Damon” she snapped.
He shrugged and left. After class was over Caroline went to her locker. Two girls were deep in conversation next to her, and frankly it was kind of annoying. Then she heard the words “cemetery and piers”.
She slammed her locker, they looked up startled. One of them backed away. Caroline smiled a little but it must have been freakish because they moved back some more.
“You guys were talking about the cemetery, next to the piers” Caroline said.
“Yeah” said one of the girls, Courtney. “Tonight there is a full moon!” she exclaimed excitedly.
Caroline was surprised, she couldn’t recall having a full moon on Halloween ever.
“They say that at midnight” Courtney continued. She looked around to see if anyone was there. Courtney edged closer and whispered “They awake, they awake from the dead.”
Caroline shook her head “that’s all crap”.
With that she left, during lunch everyone seems to talk only about the stupid myth of the awakening. After school Cory Brown came up to Caroline.
“Hey Wilson”, he yelled. Caroline looked up. He came to her with a mischievous grin on his face, “I have a dare for you”.
“I’m listening” Caroline said as she closed her locker.
“Tell you what” Cory said, “At midnight I dare you to go to that cemetery and take a video for us”.
Caroline rolled her eyes “that’s all rubbish but yeah I’ll do it”.
Cory smiled “you’re tougher than tough.
***
“Are you sure you want to go?” Damon asked her as they walked home.
“Yeah Damon, I am sure” Caroline said.
“You never went anywhere near that place ever since---you know?” Damon looked down.
“I know, but I have to get over it” Caroline sighed. The air was cool but refreshing and the crunching leaves seemed to create a rhythm as they walked.
“You’re coming with me right?” Caroline asked.
Damon looked flabbergasted, “are you serious”!
“Don’t tell me you believe in that stuff” Caroline moaned.
Damon looked partly embarrassed, but shook his head “I have plans for tonight”.
“Fine be a punk and stay home” Caroline retorted.
“You know your hair resembles your temper and the fall colors.”
“Oh really” she said sarcastically
When Caroline went home she went straight to her room. She lay in her bed staring at the peeling paint. It was true; ever since her father died she hadn’t step foot in that pier. As a matter of fact, hardly anyone did after the incident on October 31st 2015. She thought about the dare, and about the day she asked her father about that eerie place, the day she lost him. Something heavy augmented in her chest, was it sorrow? Or was it…fear?
11:30. she needed to go, grabbing her hoodie and video camera she headed out. Her street was quiet and deserted, no one came here to trick or treat because of her dilapidated house. Caroline jammed her headphones and listened to her favorite song by Owl City “Vanilla Twilight.” She saw some teenage kids a bit older than her farther down the block walking. They giggled and fooled around. One of them had a hole in his bag and left a trail of candy as they walked. Caroline snorted.

“What are you doing?” Danielle said.
Caroline oblivious of her mother’s question continued to remove the pillow case of her pillow.
“Caroline, honey what do you think you’re doing” Danielle continued.
Caroline sucked her teeth “Mother can’t you see I am taking this pillow case to collect my candy. If I use a normal bag then it might rip and all my candy will fall out!”
Mr. and Mrs. Wilson exchanged looks and laughed.
Caroline tried to shut of the memory; she was tired of thinking about him now. But she had to admit that without her father she is an insecure little brat. She hated nostalgia.
The air was fresh and chilly and stung Caroline’s face, she sighed and released a poof of air. She looked around and was surprised to see that she was at the foot of the piers. All of a sudden everything went quite. There was no else in the world, just her and the piers. It was just her, all alone and helpless. Her hand shot up to the scar on her neck. She forgot everything now, she didn’t care about the dare and she didn’t care about her mother. The full moon brightened up the whole sky making the water sparkle. The cold air was less oppressive, this time something hung at the air, something familiar, warm.
“Caroline”
Caroline gasped, she froze, her eyes wide-opened.
“Don’t look back, and don’t cry out loud” It said or he said.
“Dad, daddy, is that you?” She cried. “Oh my god I miss you so much, why did you leave me?”
Suddenly Caroline’s shoulder felt cold. Something weighted it down. Out of the corner of her eyes she saw a hand.
“Don’t” he said as Caroline’s hands rise to touch it. Caroline stopped immediately.
“You fail to get over my death, you fail to be yourself again and you fail to love yourself and others” he said.
Tears streamed down Caroline’s face, “h-how c-can I” she stammered.
“Things happen in life that can scar you for a while, but not forever” He said. “Remember those who cared for you and those who love you”. “Life is a very short thing Caroline, so you should live everyday like it’s your last.” “Dwell in your past rarely, but look forward to your future.”
“But---“Caroline started.
“Ever wonder why I am still here?” He asked.
Caroline shook her head.
“If my own daughter isn’t at peace, then how could my soul rest in peace?”
The hands on Caroline disappeared, Caroline looked around wildly no one was there. “Join us” The wind howled, “join us”.
“No’ Caroline Murmured.
“Join us”,
“No” Caroline hissed.
“Join us like your father did”.
“NO” Caroline screamed.
Caroline woke up and gasped for air. Cold sweat ran down her face. She grabbed the glass of water next to her bed and drained it. Her dream was still very vivid. Caroline looked around, she was back in her room, not the piers. She took her phone and checked the time. It was 10:00 A.M; slowly she got out of bed and went to the bathroom. After she was dressed she called Damon.
“You’re up early for a Saturday morning” Damon groaned sleepily.
Caroline laughed which made Damon on the other line bolt up from bed. “Caroline, is that you?” He said surprised.
Caroline cleared her throat “Yeah, um, let’s hang out today”.
“Sheesh Caroline, I thought you’ll never ask” Damon said as he yawned.
Caroline went downstairs and saw her mother (still in her work uniform) slumped in the sofa, snoring softly. “She looked weary and old for her age. She used to be so beautiful with her flaming red hair and her high cheekbones. Now, throughout the course of the years she became feeble and languid. Caroline went to the kitchen and made her mother some tea and her favorite breakfast and left a note. Then she grabbed her hoodie and headed outside.
When Danielle woke up she felt horrible, her head felt heavy and she wavered as she walked. When she got out of the bathroom she went to the kitchen and was surprised to see her breakfast. She walked towards it, perplexed. She read the note attached to it:


Dear Mom,
I know it isn’t mother’s day, but I just wanted to let you know that I am thankful. Thank you for dealing with me for the past couple of years. I should’ve respected you and considered your situation. But from now on I will promise I will be your dream daughter and I will help you out through your bad times. You need a break mom, I love you.
-Caroline
Two tickets to the upcoming football game were attached to the note. Danielle stared at the letter puzzled. Then her mouth curved into a teary smile.

“So we’re going to the movies?” Damon asked again.
“Yes Damon, we are going to watch a movie!” Caroline exclaimed.
“What happened to Caroline?” Damon questioned suspiciously.
Caroline giggled “I don’t understand.”
“Caroline tell the truth, where is your attitude?” Damon said.
Caroline sighed “You know I realized that I should loosen up, life is too short”.
Damon was now scared “So you changed last night, the spirits did get you!”
Caroline snorted “I told you I didn’t go last night, and anyways “you only live once Damon.”
Damon stared at her, his mouth hung open.
“In that case what do you say in joining me to go to the harvest dance?”
“Okay” Caroline said as she walked.
She felt good today; the air was crisp and refreshing. The fall colors are beautiful.
Damon now stopped to take in Caroline’s response. “Wait”.
Caroline stopped, “Damon we’re gonna be late for the movie, come on!”
And with that she ran. Damon ran after her.
It was a beautiful sight; both of them walked side by side, hands locked. They talked, joked, and laughed. They felt happy, lively, and great. Remember the world isn’t only about pain; love shines the brightest among all that hurt and pain. So don’t cry out loud.

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 08.11.2012

Alle Rechte vorbehalten

Widmung:
To my sister, who taught me the words "I can" :)