Chapter 1

There, I stared into darkness. I was in complete silence for quite some time, as I wondered if I had moved to the place were I always wanted to be. A place of solitude and total-self…no… I couldn’t be. I could feel the cold sheets that covered me, hard springs beneath my back and flat pillow under my head…I was in a bed and a bad one at that. As I continued to stare into the everlasting night that was around me, I realized something interesting. I wasn’t wearing clothes, clothes never felt like this before to me and not to mention it was covering my face as I tried to shift. “Bandages” I thought to myself, rapped from head to toe in them too.

“Why am I in bandages?” I thought, as tried to recall what I did last. The harder I tried the more my brain pulsed, there was only fire,” DEATH IS FREEDOM!!” that is all that keep coming back; over and over again. I could hear my heart beating rapidly in my chest, wanting to scream, “SHUT UP” at my head. Wanting the endless phrase to stop its haunting echo. The images of fire mingled with distorted faces tortured my mind, and crazed laughter chilling over my soul.

My head waving side to side and wishing for the silence I had just a moment ago, “Am I in hell or am I just mad?” I tried to say. My words muffled because of the bandages, I tried to chew through them and shift them. It was so hard for me to believe this was not hell and that I wasn’t dead. But I could feel the world around me; the soulless people slinking like venomous snakes through their concrete jungles. The ticking on the superstitious and religious man’s doomsday clock. The feeling of “those” people made me so sick, “I know you’re there…I know your watching.” I said in anger and strife. I was only letting my anger run me, I would never have guessed that there was anyone with me.

“I wasn’t fast enough, I heard your screaming laughter all the way from my side of L.A.” I didn’t jump, but I shifted my head in her direction. The woman’s voice was silky and gentle yet strong. It didn’t seem familiar, but there was a feeling that I have heard her voice before. “May I ask you an obvious question?” I ask the stranger. She quickly replied and told me almost exactly what silly question I was going to ask. “Yes, you look like total crap and your body is all burnt and disgusting.” the strange women said bluntly. “Why were you looking for me and why say you weren’t fast enough? What’s been happening that you would have to find me in a hurry?” I asked. I know bombarding her with these questions was rude and personal, but the more I talked the better my voice sounded. The questions created that ominous silence that can be cut with a knife. “Maybe I shouldn’t have asked as many.” I thought to myself.

“I can’t tell you all that just yet, you most likely won’t understand it in your current state anyway.” she said in a semi-smug sounding voice. That kind of irritated me and I felt a little warm, not because of the sheets I was in. It was like I was basking in the sun warm. “How do you know, how do you know what I’m capable of?” I said in an angry voice. My teeth clinching, another image came to mind, another face. A less distorted face, one that I recognized. “HER” face came to me, that know-it-all. I hated seeing that face out of anyone‘s. Her image left as soon as the woman’s voice interrupted my train of thought. “Did you hear me?” she said a little load. “Sorry, I didn’t.” I admitted in a way that I sounded like I was 10 years old.

She started to laugh and it didn’t sound like she was laughing at me, but rather she was laughing as if I made a joke. “I was saying, call me Vixen, ok?” the women said with a more friendly tone. She sounded like a mature teenager, her voice was a little to slang based to be anyone over there 20’s. The thought of her name was the part that kept me thinking about her. Until now I didn’t care who she was, or why she was with me. I didn’t know anyone named Vixen and it was hard for me to believe that I wasn’t dead either. The darkness in my mind started to reel back and I was over run with the images foxes and their cubs. The more I thought of who Vixen was the more my head started to hurt, so I gave up. “What’s up, tell me how you feel?” Vixen said. “Okay, aside from my head hurting from thinking to much.” I said expecting her laugh. “And trying to see through these stupid bandages.” I said in waiting and listening to her pacing foot steps that seemed to be across the room, with which I guessed had tile floor. Her shoes made noise so it wasn’t a bedroom with carpet, and it couldn’t be a wood floor, because her step would creak and echo a little.

She was mumbling something, “Well you should stop before you hurt yourself…more then already. Besides hospital bandages aren’t that transparent.” Where am I?” I asked her. She didn’t answer me. “What happened?” she asked me. “That was rude” I thought, she was deliberately trying to avoid my questions. Two can play at this game. “I’ll tell you later, where am I?” I asked again. I heard her sigh and mumble a bit more, “You’re in the Danial Freemen Medical Center, the hospital you were born in. They’ve been transferring you from one hospital to another for a while now. I’ve been trying to track you and when I found out where you were it was hard to sneak in here.” Vixen said while the room fell to silence again.

I had the urge to say, “You snuck in here without being seen to see me,” but I would have done the same thing if I was tracking someone down. “So are you here to kill me or something…I mean people don’t track other people unless they want something.” I said with anticipation. “No, killing you is the last thing on the list.” Vixen said. “But its on the list?” “Yes, and time will not stop that from happening.” Vixen said with a determined voice.

Now that I think about it, I couldn’t feel the sun. Was it night time? The bandages made everything so dark, there was no light what so ever. “Vixen, what time is it?” She giggled that made me question her age again, “It’s 2:43” she said. “Is the sun not out or is it raining?” “No” she said. “A.M., its 2:43 in the morning.” Why are you here at a time like this, aren’t you sleepy?” “No, where I go I could sleep forever. Besides…I’m the only one left who truly cares for you Zazo.” Vixen said quietly. My warm feeling was rising again but warmer then before, “What did you just now call me?!” I had not been called that in over 2 years. I had to know who was Vixen, I had to know! “Tell me how do you know that name! Vixen!” My voice sounded unfamiliar to me, but I didn’t care. I was angry and wanted to see her face. My anger motivated my body to see who this women was, my arm moving over my thigh, over my gut and my hand touches my chin. “If you look at me you will not recognize me.” Vixen said. “How do you know that!” I yelled as loud as I could. “What do you know!” “I know a lot more then you do! Its been years since you’ve used your brain let alone your eyes. You haven’t even asked how long you’ve been in bed!” Vixen said in an angry voice that shut me up completely and not just because of her voice, but by what she said. It had shocked me to the point that I needed a barf bag.

“ Okay, I’ll bite. How long have I been out? A week, 10 days, a month?” Vixen was silent, that worried me. “Right?” The silence was starting to make me mad, I moved my hand to my nose and pinched on the bandage. I couldn’t pull because I felt a hand on my arm. It glided up and finger tips entwined into my hand. I let go and calmed down quickly, her hand was ice to my fire like rage. She gripped tightly and said slowly “Try years…you burned and tried to kill yourself the day before your 16th birthday, and in 4 months you will be 18.…” “Wow, how-” I couldn’t think of anything to say. She sat down next to me, holding my hand, telling me what has been going on in the past 2 years that I have been asleep. How the people had had a 2nd Great Depression becoming more and more like animals, how nations were on the brink of war and how the United States became a 2 world country with a strong and new worldly military. “How is my family, is everyone okay Vixen?” I tightened my hand and she said, “I don’t know, I spent a lot of my time tracking you not your family. Though I will make sure that they know you are awake.”

She let go of my hand, I heard her foot steps walking away to the other side of the room. I didn’t want her to go until I saw her face. I reached up and pinched on the bandages over my eyes, I started to pull. It was as if the bandages had become merged to my skin. My eyes turning into slits as I pulled. I pulled harder and harder until it came off and the pain hitting me…I screamed. I didn’t want to scream, but the pain was nothing I could remember. I panted and open my eyes, more darkness. “Am I doomed to stare into darkness forever?” I thought to myself. “You wont be able to see until your eyes are ready, so you went through that for nothing.” Vixen said. I want to scream “no”, but she was absolutely right, because even though my eyes were open they felt dry. I did burn to a crisp and I haven’t used them in 2 years, so they are most likely useless. I was starting to get mad, “ I may not be able to see, but I can still feel.” I said as I reached out into the air. I asked her if I could feel her face, she agreed. I heard her grunt, she must have sat down. When she got up, a ball of white light came from nowhere.

With each step she took the ball grew, her foot steps grew louder, her heart beating was like a drum in a tunnel. I felt her breath on my finger tips. I was nervous, the light started to go away and a shadow, hazy figure was over me. “Please remember me…” Vixen said in a broken voice that made me question her age again for a split second. I hesitated for a bit, this feeling was as nerve racking as your first kiss. The sweat, the hard breathing, the hesitation…”Are you going to touch me or not?” Vixen said sounding older now. “Don’t make it sound so dirty you pervert” I said smiling. She giggled, it made me feel more confident. My hand cupped her cheek and rubbed it, I felt her smile and she rubbed back like a cat. Then I moved gentle over the rest of her face. Painful memories filled my head of a girl that I loved, I dropped my hand in shock and anger, I knew who Vixen was! I closed my eyes and opened them again…”please let me see” I thought to myself. I opened my eyes and saw…

Chapter 2

There stood the person I’ve been dying to see, now that I saw her I don’t even want to look in her direction. Her yellow and black eyes glowed in the dank and depressing room. “Why have you come you demon? To torment me all over again?” I said with a chill that made my heart and soul go missing. “I missed you and I’ve always missed you. Can’t you accept that?” Vixen said kid like. “Vixen, I hope you weren’t thinking you were smart by using that Staci.” “Don’t call me that, that’s not my name anymore. After I left you I wasn’t called that anymore. I couldn’t be called that, not after what I did to you.” Vixen said teary eyed. “Don’t give that bullshit Staci!” The room fell silent again, the silence I was growing hatred toward. “It worked.” she said. “What did?” I asked without thinking. “Using Vixen as my name, it worked right?” she said. “I don’t care, just go away.” “I’m sorry how thin-” she said but over thrown but my outburst. “Shut up, I don’t want to go down memory lane if you don’t mind.” Although I was already doing it.

Staci Morgan, my very first true love. We were in junior high and the envy of student couples all over the school. We were to most popular kids there. We were both athletic, over achievers; we always did the right thing during school and turned into total nut cases when the final bell rang. We were loved by teachers and students alike. We were the dream couple, never fought, always cheered each other up and backed each other up; when we actually did have a bully or two to deal with that is. Our 3 year relationship suddenly ending was a mystery of the school. People after people came to us asking the same questions, “Why?” It really started to bug me to the point that I didn’t want to be around people. The truth of the matter was that those years of happy faces and loud laughter together was nothing but a sham. Our relationship was built on founded lies and secrecy, but only on her part. My status as a popular kid dwindled in no time, and that went for Staci as well. After we divided my friends didn’t look so trust worthy anymore. We both were out casts, our friends long gone, but we were divided for a time, a long time actually. We started talking to each other again, but the damage was dealt. We were never the same again.

We both knew that we couldn’t be together again, but we somehow found ourselves being alone almost every day after school or calling each other and hanging out. We still had feelings for each other obviously, even though we fought every time we saw each other. We were junior high kids thinking we would be together for the rest of our lives, a family, nice house, perfect kids…that is a perfect example of how dumb kids can be at that age.

“Chris! How many times do I have to say that “I’m sorry” for you to understand that I had a few issues that I had to deal with before we could be together.” Vixen said in a sincere way that made me want to kill her. She has lied to me in the past and it has not changed at all. More flash backs came to me, reminding me about all the times she did lie to me and making sure I never found out until she wanted me too. She manipulated my friends and family into not saying a word, a con artist, and I was her main target every time. “You know that what ever you say I won’t believe you. It’s in your nature to lie to me.” I said with a bitter taste in my mouth. “Why? I haven’t lied to you in years.” Vixen said in a way that made her seem like she was in the right. It made my blood boiled over at that instant, my body felt like was filled of energy at this point. The cold sheets that were still tucked under me loosened, the cold spring “bonged” as my back slowly came off it. The bandages tugged on my skin as my arms moved forward to help me up. The tug of the bandages made me more cautious about moving. “Don’t strain your body.” Vixen said with a softness that made me want to throw a chair at her, and her expression did not help the situation.

As I sat there staring into the eyes of my old love, I started to think of a way to hurt her so I wouldn’t feel so angry. All I could do was sit up, moving anymore would really hurt. This was all in theory though; I haven’t used my body in years so moving to much might hurt me I thought to myself again and again. And I didn’t want to hurt myself, I wanted to hurt her. So I started to think… I looked directly into her eyes and smiled. She looked so happy to me, as she smiled. I had almost forgot why I was wanting to hurt her in the first place, while I sat there gazing at her. Her long dark hair mingled in with the darkness behind her. Her eyes bright and yellow fixated on me; they shimmered at me with a desire and passion, I knew all to well. I looked around and she was not that far way from me, her heartbeat was loud and strong. “Will you listen to me?” I tried to smile my evil smile, and apparently it worked because Vixens eyes stopped shining. “I will always listen to you.” She said with a serious face that made my smile grow. I lean as far as my body would go and she instinctively did the same. Her breathing becoming harder and faster, her heart accelerating, I almost wished we were still together. The thought of kissing her came to mind, while she closed her eyes and stopped right next to my ear. Her mouth was closed, but her nose released all her breathing. The heat radiating off her body was warm and inviting, it made me feel okay…but that’s her way of getting me; every, single, time. It was time. I raised my left hand up to the bandages on the rest of my face. The tugging on the left side was tighter then the right, so my skin tore a little. Vixen opened her eyes, and mine widened as I turned to her and pulled. “THEN LISTEN WELL!”

She pulled away fast, but not far. By that time the blood swapped across her face. “Stop it…” She said with a face that has seen a familiar desire to it, it was too good for her own good. “Stop it…” She said again, her eyes growing wider as I pulled more of my own flesh off my own face. Each tear didn’t faze me, the sight of her uncontrollable desire was the only thing I could feel; and it felt good. I stopped pulling the bandages from across my face and moved down over my neck. She stepped over to me and reached over the bed and grabbed my arm. “What’s wrong, you’re not liking it. Any other time you would be head over heels for the day I shed this much blood.” She shuddered at my comment and let go of my arm without a word. I smiled and laughed, “I knew you would never change, you always loved to see me in pain didn’t you! That’s why you lied to me constantly, that’s why you were the biggest masochist I’ve ever known, that’s why you broke up with me; I finally said no!” She was biting her lip and shaking in anger. Her arms to her side and her head slightly down. I’ve tasted revenge!

I let go off the bandages, “You are so sick, you were enjoying it so much you wouldn’t have cared if I stop are not. Would you?” Vixen was silent. I stared into her eyes and heard a creak that apparently she didn’t hear. I looked over to the door and saw a nurse staring at us, more so Vixen then me. I smiled and wondered if Vixen was still into making bad messages that people wouldn’t get until later. I looked Vixen dead in the eye and said,
“May you move fast and graceful for friends are with you,
But enemies watch closer.
From the rooftops, to staircases, windows and cracked doors.”
She looked at me and her eyes glowed brighter and a gentle breeze swiped across the room and she was gone. Vixen had disappeared for three whole seconds then reappeared as the nurse dropped to the floor. She pulled her arms and her body into the room then on the other side of my bed. The nurse made a high pitched grunt as she dropped her arm. Vixen looked at me and said, “I have to go.” “Good”, I said. She looked at me with hurt filled eyes; she wasn’t going to let this visit end with a bad note. She leaned over my bed and came close. I blur air into her face. “I love you to demon.” She said low and smiled and leaned in to kiss me, her breaths where warm. However I saw her cold, so I shifted around her approaching head. She made a sound, “Why would you accept me back?” “Well, let me think-” The thing is that everyone I know has the impression that I can’t hold a grudge. She may think I’m playing hard to get, or busting her chops. I’m actually very serious, I don’t love her. “Because not only did you leave as if I was the one that fucked up and did nothing to fix it. You also made the choice to do it on Valentines Day in front of the school’s love fest assembly.” The silence wasn’t bad that time; I could feel the words stabbing her heart. It made me feel better, a lot better and I wanted to keep going. “Besides, I have someone else in my love life.”

I think that sent her over the deep end, her response was very hard and eerie. “What’s her or his name…?” She asked me. I smiled and said, “I call her Raya…” I started feeling a little cold. I turned my head to the window, it didn’t seem to be open. The thick tan curtains were not moving, they were very still. I could see street lights, dim, very dim though. It made me want to look out at the world, to the creatures I despised so much. To look out and see that the “end” that they deserved was finally coming to pass. “I bet she has forgotten all about you…” Vixen said, breaking my realization thought. Before I could let out my come back she said, “Don’t you remember your own words about people;
They all forget about the love that you made to them
They all forget about the time you spent with them
They all forget when you move away or can’t call
They all find new loves and friends
They all find new time to spend…
In the end you know that you will just be alone
Again…
The pain…
The torture…
But we are all human
So we even forget, just to stay alive…”
I sat there, stunned in silence. She always did listen to me when I did my rants on love and basic life. She licked her lips, dipped in water, shining with the low glow of her yellow eyes. “Do you seriously think that this woman cares for you that much that she would wait 2 years, with no call or anything? How do you expect a girl to still want to be with you, after you look like a dried up tomato?” The nerve of this woman, now she was just trying to piss me off. “And you say you still love me, you liar.” “I do love you Chris, more then you could possibly imagine. She stared into my eyes, searching for my old self, the self that still loved her to the core. The self that wanted to reach out and hold her for hours. Although this was all in my head, for all I know, she could be thinking about killing me.

The faint sound of jiggling keys and hard boot foot steps broke through our stare. I panicked and said, “Staci, you have to leave now.” Her eyes glowed, she reached out and touched my cheek as she smiled. “Promise me you will stay out of trouble?” I didn’t move my face or say anything rude or mean. I raised an eyebrow (I think I did) and looked down. “Like I can go anywhere Vixen.” She dropped her hand and stepped away, her head tilting down. She popped back to happy life, “Right! What am I saying, you’re you…” She seemed very fake, very automatic. She dug in her pocket of her ripped up jeans. I hadn’t realized how her body was, so perfect. Curves in the right spot, just the right size bust and waist to even her out. She was really a looker, to bad she was looking at me. “Until we meet again Demonboy.” She said still trying to pull out something from her pocket. I felt like I got some revenge so I did the one thing I know that I would regret later. “Goodbye Demon girl…” She pulled out a box and froze, completely still. She stared at me with glowing eyes of yellow light, a smile so strong that it made the air warm. She looked down, but not far enough. I still saw her smiling. “Zazo, if you’re listening, protect him for me. I still love him and Umi to.” A sharp pain in my chest erupted in me, the room went dark. My vision blackened and my voice changed slightly. “I will always and forever, however tell Umi to go suck on a rock!” I felt dizzy as things came back into focus. I saw a flash of a small green light coming from Vixens hand. As she lowed her hand I saw other colored light, not flashing, but colored none else. It was a remote. “She loves you to” The breeze from earlier came back, Vixen leaped to the window as the jiggling grew louder. It took my eyes a minute to realize that she was jumping into a black cloud; so dark I thought it was the darkness of the room. I was freaking out, only for a second. Then I wanted to jump in with her, it looked so amazing.

The cloud began to quickly disappear and dissolved into the air. The door swung open and the remainder of the cloud was swept away in the wind. “You, put your hands in the air!” A strong voice overpowered the small dark room. A police officer, that made me feel so much better. And to add to all the dramatics, he was a fat one; the classic butterball, donut eating, low paying cop, and on top of all that he was pointing his gun right at me. He was sweaty and had big cheeks, they reminded me of a squirrel I saw one time, up close. He had a smirk on his face that pissed me off, so I looked him dead in the eye and said, “Shut the fuck up!” I was happy to say a bad word to a police officer, it was what everyone wanted to do. He pointed the gun to the ground and brought it back up, “Get on the ground or I will be forced to shoot!” “So do it you pig!” I yelled at a high pitch. He took a step back, I started to move my legs off the bed. The dangled over the end as I tried to reach the ground. He seemed like the type to “shoot first, questions later” kind of guy.

My toes felt the cold touch of the floor, a sting went up my body. Then everything slowed down, yet everything happened as if someone pressed the fast forward. All I heard where footsteps, all I saw was the police officers figure, surrounded in a beautiful gothic frame of black. It was really a weird experience. I hitting the floor, feeling the cold wet floor…wet? I looked down to my leg, nothing but black and white. I was fading, the wet floor started to grow. Soon I felt it all over my body. “Chris!” A shriek at the door, the dark figure ran over to me. I saw no features, no detail. “You shot a patient! Chris! Chris!” the voice was so loud, it broke through the fading dark frame around my vision. I felt warm air on my face, it was nice. Until there was a sharp pinch on my nose, then the warm gentle air turned into hard breath being forced down my throat. It was horrible; the black frame disappeared, the air was burning, the light of the room was enhanced, and the damn cop still was pointing the gun at me. The women was panicking, she placed me down gently and ran pass the officer to a phone by the door. She breathed in deep and I clenched in my teeth for the impact of the upcoming disaster. “CODE BLUE! CODE BLUE! I REPEAT, CODE BLUE! GLENN! DOCTOR GLENN! GET TO CHRIS NOW!!! HE’S BEEN SHOT!”

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Texte: All rights for illustrations and content must be asked by author in order to use in any media or personal purpose.
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 28.02.2011

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This book is for all those who want to be super but live in this world.