July/7/2025

I feel kinda foolish for writing in here being that most men do not ever have a diary. Yet I guess since my Doctor and Mentor told me it would help to save Isabella then it can't be all bad. I do not see how right now but I guess writing my thoughts might help me understand what she may be doing. First let me start by telling you about this time. I live in a time which one can look into their own mind and heart. What happens is that if some one wants to know more about themselves they go to their mentor and ask what the risks and preparations would be. Isabella said that she wanted to see if I was in her heart and mind as much as she is in mine. She promised that she would be back in 2 weeks that is all. She said that she knew what would happen, and that she knew how she was coming back. I agreed to let her do this but then found that she was not as ready as we all thought. Now one thing you need to understand is that when you look into your mind or heart your body is here but you are not. Like to anyone who go based on looks if you are dead or not they would proclaim you dead in a heart beat. Yet your body maintains its self for about 3 1/2 months. As of today my dear Isabella has been working and poking in her own mind for 2 months. It has not been tried to get the person out by force. I am working with her Mentor Mrs. Jamison, my Mentor Mr. Jamison, and me and Isabella's doctor Mr. Lawsore. To me these people are my family. Isabella and I refer to our Mentors as Aunt Alexis and Uncle Aron. As of now I have been trying to get her back to me by taking to her. Now I am seeing I may have to find a way to get my self into her head to find her. This has never been tried before and the fear is that I may be destroyed within her mind. That is the doctors fear. I am more worried about her getting eliminated in there, that the woman I love will be no more. This is my fear.


July/8/2025

I have talked to the doctors and told them that I do not care about if I make it out or not. It is just Isabella's safety I care about. They told me they would wait just 27 more days to see if they is another way to get her out without me going in. Me I just hope that no matter what Isabella is doing in there I hope she is ok. I just wish I could get even a fraction of reaction from her. Even a nod would do. I miss her so much. I miss her blond hair under my chin and her green eyes looking up at me. To see her awake and to hold her again I would give anything. My biggest fear is for her safety and my biggest worry when it comes time for me to decide how I am going to get her back. She was there for me through everything. Last year my oldest sister was murdered, and I was the only one that knew who did it. The only problem is that he knew that I knew. Also he was Isabella’s cousin. I had told her the night after I found out what happened that I wanted her to move in with me and to not speak to Raul anymore. Looking back I can still see how she looked up at me and hear the way she told me that she knew why and was working on getting him caught. Isabella before she took this chance to go into her own mind was a investigator. She knew that he did it too, and the only reason he was not put away yet was because she could not prove it. He was the best on the mind squad. They are the best known to man now a days. Meaning that he can not be read. Which for me means that we would have to throughly investigate him. Isabella being the smart and wonderful woman that she is found a way to get him to confess the very next day. She still will not tell me how she did it.

July/9/2025

I am sorry for ending my last entry kind of early. I was in the hospital with Isabella when I was writing and I was telling the story out load when all of a sudden a tear went streaming down her face. It is not what I would want for a reaction from her but at least it was something. Her doctor said that it is a great sign but, for me it is not enough. So here I am again. She looks so fragile just lying here. I start to speak to her and nothing. I shouldn't have wasted my time. I can feel her skin getting colder as the days go by. I fear I am not have long left. I need to get her back soon. I can not stand that she is not up and talking to me. This pain and this waiting is taking to long. I have talked to Isabella's doctor and it seems that even the reactions that Isabella had are not as good as they seem. All I know is that this can not go for much longer. As of now I have only 28 days left till things go all wrong. They will give me 25 days now till they decide that I go in. All of this seems so hard and to me it is just what I need to prove to myself how much I care for Isabella. I will be in the Hospital for a few days before I go in but for me I just want to hurry up. I can not stand all this waiting around. I want the woman I love back. I can still see her face when she asked me to be able to do this. I hated hearing her ask for this. Then again, it was all I could do not to yell. I knew that she wanted to do this for us but the idea of her being gone for any amount of time was so painful. I just thought that maybe she was right. I miss her so much and I will do anything to make sure that she comes back all right. I will even give my life for her. Missing her is unavoidable and I can not stand it so on the days till the doctors tell em what I must do. I will continue to write in here until the day before I go then I will have my Mentor write of my and Isabella's progress. For now I must get some rest.

July/10/2025

Last night I had the worst nightmare. “I was in my sweet Isabella’s heart, yet all I saw was her cousin. He was free and running her mind and heart. He had her locked up in a dank cell much like the one he should be in for life. He looked right at me and said “How is your dear older sister.” With a bloody smile. “Would you like to see her again?” “In the after life!” Then he came toward me with the smallest yet the most powerful gun there is in the military now a days. The whisper, it shoots a huge whole about the size of a guinea pig yet the gun is the size of a tennis ball. I could not out run him, even in high school I could not out run him. All I knew was that I had to get Isabella out of there. I saw the way out and she was so close yet I had no idea how I was going to get into her cell.” I woke up in a sweat. It was the worst thing ever considering that in this time a bad dream before some thing big can show the issue or the victory. After this nightmare I have no idea were I can stand in this project. I know I am the one to protect and help Isabella but now I am fearful that her being in the cell by her cousin may just be true and then I have to face my fear, him. If so I need to get to work because to face the man who killed my beloved eldest sister would be horrible. I just hope and pray that if God dose love me he would not make that be something I have to face.

July/11/2025

After I had my nightmare and wrote it down I went back to sleep. The nightmare picked up right were it left off. I was still running. I saw Isabella in her cell she was laying on the ground she looked as if she had been hit. Seeing her like this was what made my choice. I will save Isabella and I will do it before Raul ever gets any were near her. Seeing her like that hit me like a ten ton boulder, she will not be hurt by him. I start for her cell knowing that if she is there any longer she will be harmed much more then she already has. Raul must have sensed that for he too runs to her cell. I make it there just in time to feel the bullet ricksha off of Isabella’s cell bars. The cell door burst open and with that Isabella looked up and all I could see was tears and blood. Even in though this was just a nightmare I would never forget or forgive Raul for this.

July/12/2025

I noticed that as time goes on I start to write less and less. It is getting really hard now that the days are numbered till I go and try to get Isabella out. She was getting really pale yesterday which means that she could be in trouble. I know I should have told the doctors and mentors about my nightmares, yet I do not want them to try to stop me. That and what if they just say I need to stay here and work on myself? I can not risk that. I know that my mind is fine. I just need to get over my fear of meeting Raul face to face. I know that going against him the way I would like to would mean that I would lose. I am not as strong as him nor do I even half as much brain control as he dose. I could not defeat him. The only one I know that could is my darling Isabella. Yet in the dream she is defeated. If she as an expert can not beat him how can I? This is what I will see my mentor about. I will also see if it is possible to get a teleconference with Raul or his mentor. Though it would be hard to even speak to Raul with out showing my anger toward him which is what he wants. I feel horribly bad for his mentor. Dr. Patsona is the best in the business next to only Isabella's and mine. Our mentors went to collage together. So they know each other well.

July/13/2025

The meeting with My mentor went horrible. I left feeling very helpless. He told me all about Raul and his mentor. There is no way for me to be prepared to face him. We are having a teleconference with Raul's mentor to discus this but Raul is at the moment in the same state as Isabella which makes me more worried that my nightmare may just be correct. This is of course not what I wanted to hear. I just hope that Dr. Patsona can help me out with this. He knows his own student better then anyone. Now all I must think on is Isabella for if I just look at Raul and his stuff then I may just hurt myself. That and my mentor gave me some news today that can help but hurt me too in Isabella's mind. But for now I think I should just get all my tests done so that I will be ready. The doctors are working with me from now till we meet when I am starting my journey. I have to be as strong physically as I am mentally. Which to my surprise I am very smart and strong when using my head. I was further more shocked when Isabella's very own doctor told me that I could take up a job were Isabella works and possible be higher up then her. Isabella was always told and looked at as the best of the best. Till tomorrow I must rest again.

July/14/2025

The meeting went well but I wish that I would not have asked about if another person who is in the state and Isabella and Raul could mingle into each others minds. I was very sad to hear that yes they could and because they are family it would be like opening a door for Raul. My mentor and Raul's of course asked what this was all about and I just had to tell them that I was seeing if I could attempt this too. For at least a while they were thrown off or at least my mentor was. I could tell that Raul's mentor was very interested in me. It was weird but I felt kinda like Isabella at that moment. When I get her I must tell her of all that is happening now or maybe even just let her read this Journal. I mean its weird but in a way its for her. I just hope that as the days come closer that I am more and more prepared for what lies ahead once I am in her mind. I am still scared of what may be awaiting me there. Yet after the talk me and my mentor had it seems as though it will be easier for me to get into Isabella's mind with out hurting her or me. Now my only thought is if it is possible for me to kill Raul while I am there. I still feel that with out a doubt Raul is in my sweet Isabella's brain. No matter how much it disgusts me to think of having to be any were near Raul. I hate seeing his face in my nightmares (which will not go away now) and even hearing or thinking about him. I keep finding my self wishing that Isabella will just find her way out unharmed and be back here with me in my arms. I promise that when I do get her back into the real world I will hold her and never let go. If any one tries to make me part form her they will find themselves treated just as Raul will be if Isabella is harmed in anyway. I just hope for my sake and Isabella's that Raul is not inside her mind or any were near her. I hope that if it is like a door I hope Raul has not found that door yet and never will.


July/15/2025

Yesterday was big but the talk with my mentor is the one thing that sticks out the most in my mind. He asked many questions like "Why did you feel so strongly about talking to Raul or his mentor?" or "Why did you ask if Raul could get into Isabella's mind?" "Is there something you are not telling me?" He pounded me with these question and I just finally decided it would probably be better to just show him any ways. I handed him this Journal and let him read my posts. He seemed very stiff and concerned after that. He said that if I feel that I may be put into the situation with Raul he says that me and him need to work on that then instead of just my mental strength. For me it seems that he may just be keeping something from me. Which you would think if I am the one exploring in this and risking my life as well as the woman I loves life that I should know. Then again I did not feel like pushing the issue besides all mentors are matched to who they train so that noting would happen like secrets or worse fights. So if it was really an issue he would tell me wouldn't he? I mean I know that I kept my dream but that was cause I did not want it to be true the one trick I have learned is you think whatever you want to happen and it just might. So I was really just trying to make sure that I did not do this to myself in anyway. Though I feel it may be good for me. I feel kinda bad at this point though. I have not gone to see Isabella in awhile due to stress and being just plain busy. I know it is wrong of me being that I am doing this to get her back here with me and our friends. She has to come back even if she found out that we do not belong. I would even go to save her and bring her back even if it meant not being with her. I could at least know she is safe and well in this world were she belongs. I must sleep but I plan to visit her tomorrow.

July/16/2025

I have only 18 days left till I go in and try to save Isabella and possibly have to face Raul. I have been thinking about that a lot the passed few training sessions manly just because my mentor makes me train especially for that encounter. It is hard to try to refuse an idea when it is pounded into your head as a possibility for so long. The training is rather easy but it still leaves me very emotionally tired. My mentor sees how tired and run down I get and has told me that he worries I may need more time as well as sleep. He has requested I write at lunch instead of night and that we meant 6 times a day now instead of our normal 4 he says the two more hours could help a lot. To me it says "Ya I am worried you may fail so we NEED this to make sure you will not or at least not as badly." With all of this I do not know what to do. I am meeting with my mentor more and will get more sleep but as for writing during lunch I can not. I find it odd but even though this is weird to write in a journal I feel as if you are less a book and more just a really quite person who just wants nothing better to do then listen. It gives me a sort of peace to think of this journal this way makes it more special I guess. I do wish that you could write back to me though. It would indeed help me to figure out this predicament I am in. Yet I find nothing written back. I do so much miss Isabella's company, she knew what I felt and why. This is why at all cost I will save her. Now I must go though, I have more training then I am visiting Isabella.

July/17/2025

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