MUMMY'S LITTLE GIRL

Jane Elliott


Mummy’s
little girl


A desperate race
to save a lost child


FACT

In the uk alone, a child goes missing every five minutes.
some of these children are found: others become
the focus of high-profile media campaigns


A few are never seen again.


PROLOGUE


DECEMBER 1996. LONDON. EVENING

The pains had started just after luch-not that meal-times meant much in her house.
Had little Hayley Clark known what the sudden rush of water was, the one that had dampened her sheets in the small hours of the morining, she might have known to expect the contractions sometime soon. But she didnt. No one had explained it to her, There had been no visits to the doctor: no scans; no midwives to reassure her or tell her what was likely to happen, or when. It would have been unthinkable to wake her mum and admit that her bed was wet and she didnt know why, just as it would have been unthinkable in the first place to tell her that she thought she was going to have a baby.

It had been five months ago that Hayley had realised she was pregnant, a few weeks after she had met the boys who shouting at each other, and she didnt know how it would end. The arguments didnt always spill over into her tiny bedroom, but they had happened enough times for her to feel scared to the pit of her stomach whenever she heard raised voices. Strangely it was her mum she feared more than her dad in those situations. Dad would just shout at her, telling her she was lazy and ugly and why the hell didnt she get out there and find some fucking friends, before stumbling into bed to sleep off the cheap booze. Mum on the other hand,was more physical: she would pull her long jet-black hair and hit her. One time she had given her a black eye, and Hayley had to pretend to the teachers at school that she had been in a fight on the way home. Mum would hurl abuse at her too, but unkind words she could deal with. It was the punches that hurt.

That night back in the summer, she had sensed it would be in her interests to leave the house. They were drunker be in her interests to leave the house. They were drunker then usual, for one thing-it was the time of the month when they had more money, so there was no danger of running out of drink, and she had heard them talking about her. Yelling about her, actually. Hayley was only young, but she knew what that meant, and was smart enough to get out of there before things turned nasty for her.

She hadnt needed a coat- it was a warm-and so she slipt out of the flat wearing only the same jeans and T-shirt she aways wore, knowing that mum and dad would probably not even hear the door. she walked down the concrete stairwell, avoiding the nasty smell that always made her feel a little sick, and emerged at the front tower block. It was late, but still just light, and little crowds of people were standing around cliques. Some of them were somking, some of them were drinking. A lot of them had music blaring from thier car stereos.

Hayley didnt like coming out by herself, especially at this time of night. During the day there wasa police presence, but come nightfall even they knew to steer clear of the estate. When they did show up, they tended to ignore most of what was going on. Cleaning this place up was like pushing sand uphill. Hayley had heard a grown-up say once. It was scary. None of the groups of people seemed to talk to each other: none of them looked as if they dared talk to each other. Hayley walked quickly, with her head down, hoping that she woundnt be noticed.

Hayley was the sort of girl people didnt normally noyice. But that was about to change.

A wolf-whistle filled the air. Hayley felt her stomach lurch and she kept her eyes on the pavement as she continued walking, desperstely hoping that the whistle hadnt been directed at her. Hayley knew what was happening, two boys were standing in front of her.

They were older than her- seventeen, maybe, or eighteen- and Hayley thought ahe knew thier faces. They were definitely the sort of boys she would go out of her way to aviod, but that wasnt saying much: Hayley went out of her way to aviod most people. They both wore baggy jeans and hooded tops: the only thing that really made them look different from each other was that one of them had a tooth missing.

“Where you going” the toothless one demanded. He chewed noisily on sum gum.

Hayley almost automatically looked down at the ground. She nothing. She could sense the two boys grinning at each other. “Going to come and hang with us”? the other boy said. It didnt sound much like she a question.

“No thanks” she mumbled.
But as she spoke one of them grabbed her arm. She looked around her in alarm, but none of the other groups noticed what was going on: or if they did, they stayed well clear. It was the boy with the full set of teeth that grabbed her, and his grip was strong. He pull her towards where they had been standing, by a car whose four doors were wide open. There was others here, mostly boys, but a couple of girls too, who looked at hayley with a nasty stares. They didnt say anything, however.

“Have a drink”. the toothless boy said to her. He put a bottle of something into her hand.

“I dont wont to-” she started to say, her voice trembling slightly.

“I dont wont to!” a female voice mimicked from somewhere. Hayley had never drunk alcohol before. She’d heard the other children at school talking about it, of course, talking about how they would get drunk on a friday nights, but she wasnt popular enough to be invited to their parties: and anway, she was hardly likely to touch the stuff, knowing what sort of effect it had on her mum and dad. But as she stood there that night, with these intimidating people standing round and staring at her, she knew that she couldnt say no: so she put the bottle timidly to her lips.

The mouth of the bottle was already wet from somebody else’s saliva, and it made hayley shiver with revulsion. She closed her eyes, though, and tipped the bottle up further. The alcohol was incredibly sweet- a bit like the fizzy drinks she occasionally tasted- and to her surprise she found that she quite liked it. Seconds later, however, the kicks of the alcohol hit the back of her throat and she started to cough.

The others laughed, and hayley felt her skin suddenly burning with embarrassment. But what happend next suprised even her. Ashamed of her inability to handle the drink, she took another pull at the bottle, two hefty gulps. This time she didnt cough, and she handed the bottle back to the toothless boy with a tiny look of defiance. The boy looked at his friend with a smile- a smile hayley could tell meant something, but she didn’t no what. He took a swig at the bottle, and then handed it round.

“What is your name gorgeous”? he said, his accent thick with south London, just like hayley’s .
“hayley”
That look again.
“Not seen you around much, hayley”. A giggle from one of the group.
The alcohol had created a war feeling in her chest. “yeah” she said “so”? The boldness of her response astonished her.
“So....you gonna come with us”?
Hayley’s eyes flickered up towards the top of the tower block and she felt a sudden thrill of rebellion. Mum and dad probably still dont know she’d left; neven if they did, they wouldnt care.
“All right”, she said.
The boy grinned. He took her by the arm again, but not ao roughly this time, and led her away from the group. His friend followed.
“Where you fucking going”? a voice screeched. It was one of the girls in the little crowed around the car. They stopped and turned around, and hayley watched as the girl approached the two boys. She was mixed race, and wore tight clothes against her curves which made hayley feel like the little girl she was, and her lips and noise were pierced.
“Fuck you”. the toothless boy muttered. He pushed her to one side, took hayley by the arm again and led her off.
“I’ll be looking out for you, you little bitch”! the girl called after her, her voice loaded with hate. “I’ll be looking out for you”!

Any other time hayley would have been petrified; but on that summer’s evening six months previously,with the alcohol doing its work, she felt something different. Carelessness. Recklessness. Whenever she thought back on it, she cringed at her own stupidity.

They boys didnt tell her their names, and she didnt ask. They led her to a different tower block on the south side of the estate, and into a flat several storeys up. It was a dingy place, but hayley was used to that- her own home was hardly luxurious. Thick, dirty blankets were pinned up against the windows, and the only light came from a lava lamp on the floor in the corner. There was no furniture- just a few stained mattresses lying here and there, and a selection of blue and green milk crates scattered around instead of chairs. The kitchen was covered with fast-food packaging, and there was a strange mixture of smells. Rotting food, of course, but also something else. A thick musty smell.

As soon as they were in the flat, the boy without the missing tooth shut the door; then he collapsed on to one of the mattresses and pulled out a pouch of tobacco and some cigarette papers. Hayley watched as he licked the gummed edges of two papers and stuck them together, before sprinking some tabacco into the middle. He then removed a small lump of something brown and held it in the flame of a lighter before breaking bits off and crumbling them onto the tobacco. He rolled the cigarette up and lit it; instantly hayley could tell where that sweet smell came from. He tooka deep drag on the joint, and then passed it to hayley. Suddenly timid again, she shook her head. A look of annoyance passed the boy’s face as he handed the joint to his friend. “you want another drink”? he asked hayley. Not knowing what else to do, hayley nodded her head. She didnt see him pour the drink: nor did she question why he was giving it to her in a dirty glass rather than straight out of the bottle as before. She drank it quickley, hoping it would give her more of the warm feeling that it had done when they were outside.
“Why you looking at me like that”? she asked the two boys when she had finished it. They were standing watching her, as if they were waiting for something. She took another sip of her drink, trying her best to look grown-up. It was from that moment that she started to lose her memory. She couldn’t rember what was said between them, or what she did; all she knew was that after a little while a terrible sickness hit her, a nausea that seemed to run through her whole body. She felt dizzy, the blood in her veins ran hot and she lost control of her limbs as she fell to ground.
And falling to the ground was the last thing that she remembred.

When she woke up, her head was pounding, as though someone was beating the inside of her skull. But the pain in her head felt nothing compared to the shocking, sinister stabbing stabbing she felt in her stomach, as though hot knives were slashing into her. She looked down and saw, to her horror and sham, that the bottom half of her body was naked. She was lying on one of the mattresses; the two boys were on the other side of the room, fast asleep.

She started to tremble with a mixture of sickness, fear and self-loathing. Slowly she sat up, and as she did so she became aware of streaks of blood down her legs.

Her jeans and underwear were lying on the floor near the boys. Wincing with pain, she got on her feet and crept towards them, quite and terrifed, to pick thwm up. As she started to get dressed, tears came to her eyes: her jeans became tangled as she pulled them on, and the more she sturggled, the slower she became. She tired desperatley to keep quite, but she couldnt help a sudden, loud sob escaping her lips.

The toothless boy stirred and drowsily open his eyes. Hayley froze, her jeans still only halfway up her legs.
The boy leered at her, and then pushed himself up to a sitting position. “Get over here” he said.

Hayley’s body started to shake. She pulled her jeans up over her hips and walked towards him He grabbed her hand and pulled her down to the floor; she did her best to master another wave of nausea asd he took her face roughly in one of his hands. It hurt, and she whimpered. They were face to face now, and she could smell the tobacco on his breath “ You can come back here any time bitch”, he whispered “But tell anyone and i’ll kill you UNDERSTAND”?
Terrified, hayley nodded her head.
“Then get the fuck out of here”.
Hayley fled.
The sickness lasted for several hours, the disomfort in her belly for a few days; the shame endured for much longer than that. Hayley barely left her bedroom for the whole of the school hoildays- she was too scared of seeing either the boys or the girl who had threatened her, and not even the prospect of a beating from her mum was enough to get her to leave the flat.

Hayley was not worldly girl, but she wasn’t stupid. She knew she had been raped that night, probably by both boys. She knew sh should tell someone, but there was no one to tell, and anyway, she was scared. Scared of the boys who had done it to her, and scared of what people would think. Much better to forget about it. Pentend it had never happened. Put it from her mind.
But that was no possible.

When her period was late, she ignored the little vioce that nagged inside her head. Hayley was only young, and far from regular; it was nothing to worry about. But week passed. and then two. She started to feel sick. Of course, she kept it from her mum and dad. Mum especially always reacted badly when she said she felt unwell. She didnt go to the doctor, and even if she had the courage to walk into a pharmacy and ask for a pregnancy test, she had no money to buy one.

And so the pregnancy progressed. Hayley knew she couldnt keep it a secret for ever, but nine months was long time. Maybe by the time the baby was born, something would have changed in her life.

But it hadnt been nine months. Only five, when once again she slipped out of the flat without her mum and dad knowing. The pains were happening every fifteen minutes, and when they came she felt like doubling over in agony. There was no way she would be able to hide this from her mum, so she had to get out ov there.

It was raining outside, a heavy, cold, persistent rain that saturated her clothes almost immediately. The sun had set, and there was no one outside in this weather- no one to see when hayley bent over, clutching her belly and crying out. She staggered out of the estate and on to the main road that ran alongside it. There were a few pedestrains here, but plenty of cars and buses, their headlamps on as they splashed their way through the rain.

If any of them saw the fifteen-year-old girl, stumbling along the puddle-ridden pavement with a look of unabated agony on her face, they didnt stop to help.


Charity Thomson took the lift down from the maternity ward and walked through the clattering corridors of the hosptial to the cafe by the entrance on the ground floor. She could get a coffee on the ward, of course, but sometimes you just had to get out of there, away from the stress and the urgency and the shouting. Fifteen minutes of time to herself and she would, she knew, be re-engerised and ready to bring a few more souls into the world.
Charity had been a midwife- thirty years, near enough. In all that time she had never met a colleague who didnt have some complaint to make about the job- the conditions, the pay, the hours- but Charity had always loved it. There were difficult days, of course; there were deliveries that went wrong, that eneded in heartbreak: and she would never be a rich woman. But on the whole Charity felt blessed to be doing what she was doing.
She bought her drink and took a seat on one of the plastic chairs. It was seven in the evening, but the hospital was still busy, and she watched as people rushed in and out of the large main doors- visitors, doctors, patients- all of them creating a throng of activity. Charity sar quietly for five minutes, absorbing it all in a kind of daydream.
It was the sight of the girl that bought her back to her senses. She was standing in the doorway, her clothes sopping wet and her matted black hair stuck to the side of her face. She was pale- deathly pale- and she looked around her as though she was completely lost and confused. Then she doubled over, her hands clutching the side of her belly. She stayed like that for perhaps twenty seconds. When she straightened up, she looked so scared that it caught Charity’s breath.
Charity had been a midwife for long enough to know what those twenty seconds of agony were. She got to her feet and hurried over to where the girl was standing.
“come on love”, she said her voice automatically slipping into the kindly bedside manner she used with all pregnant women. “Lets get you upstairs.can you walk? best if you do eh”?
The girl stared at her as though she hadnt understood a word.
Charity put her arm around the girls shoulders and started ushering her in “look at you”, she said carrying on talking brightly. “You’re wet through. Sooner we get you out of these clothes and into something dry, the better, eh? Got someone here with you, have you love? Baby’s father?”
The girl shook her head violently.
“Mum?”
Again she shook her head. Poor dear, Charity took a better look at this strange girl with the matted hair and the soaking wet clothes. She seemed young, and her belly was barley swollen. It wasnt so uncommon for that ti happen- you might not even have known she was pregnant if you hadnt seen the signs- but Charity couldnt help woundering how far gone she was. “How many months love”? she asked as the doors hissed open on to the maternity ward.
“Five”, the girl replied hesitantly.
It was all charity could do not to let the worry show in her face. She held her security card up to the panel by the entrance door and, when it clicked open, hurried the girl through.

“What is your name, love”? she asked.
No reply.
“How old are you”?
“S-seventeen”, the girl stuttered a bit too quickly. It was obviously alie, but charity couldnt worry too much about that just at the moment. Her job was to look after the girl everything else could wait until later.

A nurse was standing at reception. “we’re going to need a doctor”, Charity told her quietly. “and make sure there’s room in special care”.

The nurse looked at her quizzically.
Five months. Charity mouthed the words silently to the nurse, whose expression immediately changed to one of concern. The midwife nodded meaningfully, and then continued to walk the girl towards the delivery suite.
Her patient was shaking violently, and charity knew she wasn’t far off now.

Hayley didnt get chance to hold her baby girl before she was taken away. But she saw her in the hands of the midwife, and she heard the tiny squawk of her little voice. She was so small. So desperately, impossible small- barely larger then the midwife’s hands- and, despite her absolute exhaustion, Hayley felt an overwhelming need to reach out and touch the child. She pushed herself up on to her elbows, but her strength had left her and she could do nothing but look as the baby was placed in a clear Perspex cot and wheeled out of the birthing room.

Then the nice midwife was there, standing by her bed and tightly holding her shaking hand.”you can see her in a bit, love. She’s very frail and we need to take her into special care and put her on respirator. You’re going to have to be very brave, but the doctors will do everything they can to give her the bes chance”.
Hay looked up at her with wide eyes, feeling them brim with tears. She was so kind. Nobody was ever that kind to her, and she was glad that her baby was being looked after by people like that.
“Thank you”, she said.
“Now listen love”, the midwife continued. “I know you’re not really seventeen. No one here is going to judge you or think the worse of you. All we want to do is look after you and make sure you and your baby are all right. But we need to know your name, and we need to get in touch with your mum and dad to let them know what’s happened. You do have a mum and dad, dont you, love”?
Hayley nodded.
“Good girl”. The midwife squeezed her hand. “Now we dont have to hurry. I’m going to leave you to rest for half an hour. You need anything at all. you press this button here. When I come back, we’ll go down to Special Care to see your baby, and then we’ll fill in all the pieces of paper that we need to. Then we’ll call your mum and dad. Do you want to do it or shall I”?
Hayley didnt answer
The midwife squeezed her hand “You think about it, love”, she said with a reassuring smile. “I’ll be back in a bit” She squeezed her hand a second time, and then left.

Hayley lay there, alone and confused. In the last hour, her world had changed. For months she had been terrified- terrified of what her parents would say and do if they found out the dirty truth about their daughter: terrified of encountering the boys again. Now it was all different. She was still scared, but scared for different reason. Scared for her baby. Scared of what would happen when she took her home. Scared of the life she would have.
As these thoughts ran through her head, Hayley wondered whether this was what it was like to be a grown-up.
About five minutes after the midwife had left she summoned up the energy to get out of bed. Her legs felt weak as she steadied herself by the side of her bed, and she was sore from the birth: but she took a couple of tentaive steps towards the chair over which her wet clothes had been laid. She took off her stained hospital robes, and with difficulty pulled on the still damp jeans and T-shirt, which were clammy and cold on her skin. Gingerly, she stepped towards the door out into the corridor.

Itwas almost midnight, but the maternity ward was still buzzing with activity. Mums in labour walked up and down the corridor, some of them pushing drip stands along with them. Harassed hospital workers rushed in and out of rooms. Nobody paid any attention to a young girl walking unobtrusively past the reception desk and out of the main boby of the hospital.

It was a relief for hayley when she saw that the rain had stopped. If she’d had the money, she would have taken a bus home but she didnt, so there was nothing for it but to walk. It took half a hour to get back to the estate, and by the time she got home, her mum and dad were fast asleep. She crept silently into the bathroom, where she romoved her clothes before moistening some tissue and using it to wipe away the stubborn streaks of blood from her inner thigh. Then she rolled her clothes up into a little ball, returned to her room, climbed into bed and pulled her blankets tightly around her.

As she lay there, waiting for sleep to come, hayley felt as through a part of her had been torn away. She felt a desperate, gaping emptiness. She felt as though she was no longer whole. Her body ached for the little girl she had only glimpsed for a matter of seconds.
Yet what else could she of done? Bring her back here, to this place? At least now her child had a chance- a chance of life in the hands of the kind doctors, and a chance of happiness in the hands of whoever she ended up with.
A chance a happiness. If she could give the little girl that, then perhaps she wasn’t so worthless. It wasn’t much to cling on to but it was something.
A chance of happiness.
The words echoed around hayley’s head as she lay there in her little bed untill eventually, overcome with exhaustion and emotion, she slipped into a troubled, dream-filled sleep.

It was a bit more than half an hour after she’d left hayley that charity returned to the girl’s room. She didnt know why, but somehow she wasnt surprised to see that she was no longer there.
She felt a pang. On some level, she had hoped that maybe she had been getting through to the girl, but now she realised how thoughtless she had been to leave her alone. If anyone needed help, company and security, it was the frightened little thing who had given birth in that room less than an hour ago. She sighed.
There were procedures in place for this kinf of event. Charity immediately informed hosptial security what had happened; then the police were called. There would be statements and interviews in due course, but charity knew it would all be in vain- the girl had not given any information about herself, not even her name. The midwife found herself wondering whether she had come into the hospital intending to abandon her child, but she soon brushed away that thought. Chances were that the giel didnt even know herself. Chances were that she was too scared even to get her childish thoughts together.
Charity did everthing, that was required of her in kind of daze. Her shift was supposed to end at midnight, but it was pass two o’clock by the time it was all done. Even then, tired though she was, she didnt leave for home. There was something she wanted to do first. She slipped down to the shop on the ground floor. It was empty, apart from the bored, pimply young man behide the counter. Charity couldnt afford much, so she chose the smallest toy she could- a little pink and blue teddy bear, not much bigger than her hand. She paid for it, and then headed back to maternity suite.

It was never easy going into the special care baby unit, but tonight’s trip was more difficult than most. She walked into the observation room and saw them lined up, those fragile little bundles of life. There were seven of them tonight, all lying on their sterile incubators, their stillness giving no clue to the desperate struggle each of them was making for their very existence.

The little girl the midwife had delivered lay at the end of the row. She was smallest of them all, and she lay so still that had in not been for the regular pinging of the heart monitor by her side, you might never have known she was alive. A feeding tube had been inserted into her impossibly tiny nose, and a little oxgen mask covered her face. The baby was bathed in the glow of ultra-violet light to prevent jaundice.

How long charity stood and stared at the child she could not have said. Eventually, though, she was awakened from her dream-like state by a voice.
“You should go home”.
She turned around. One of the doctors was standing just by her, a quietly spoken Asian man by the name Sunil, whom she had always found to be very friendly.
“I just wont to see how she was getting on” she said quietly.
Sunil, nodded and gave a sad little smile. “Too early to say”. Charity was pleased that he didnt offer any platitudes they both knew that the baby’s life hung in the balance, and it would have been disrespectful of him to pretend that wasn’t the case.
“Is this the one”? he asked. “The one whose mother left”?
The midwife nodded.
“Did you deliver her”?
“Yes” she whispered.
“Well then” sunil continued “as her mother is not here to give her a name, I think she should be named after the person whose hands brought her into the world, dont you”?
The midwife blinked, and was surprised to feel tears in her eyes. She turned back to the incubator. “Charity”. She dont think so, she told the doctor “This little girl will need enough charity in her life as it is” The doctor shrugged. “That is true” he said. “But she needs a name and i think you should choose it”.
Charity’s eyes mised over. I was pregnant once”, she said “oh, i lost the child. But that didnt stop me giving it a name”. She smiled. “Dani. That’s what we’ll call her”.
Sunil put his hand on her shoulder, and then left the observation room. The midwife knew that she too should leav soon, but she allowed herself a couple more minutes with the little girl. It didnt seem right just to leave her. On a whim, she stepped out of the observation room and checking to see that no one was watching, walked into the special care ward itself and up to the little girls perpex cot. She lay the soft toy she had bought on the clear cover no doubt it would be removed by a doctor, but she didnt know what else to do with it. It lay there a floppy and seemingly lifeless at the baby herself.

“Just get through this , my little love”, she found herself whispering to the child. “Jusr get through this. Nothing you’ll ever have to do in your life will be nearly as hard if you van just get through this”.
She drew a deep breath and did her best to steady the emotion that was suddenly threatening to overcome her.
“Keep fighting little DANI”, she breathed. She did her best to smlie at the baby. Who didnt even no she was there; then she turned and left the ward, closing the door quietly behind her.

Chapter 1

Twelve years later


Dani Sinclair heard the bell go for morning break. All around her, her classmates scuffed their chairs back and started talking. The teacher at the front of the class- Mr Wynn- called out something, but it was lost in the hubbub of noise as everyone hurried out excitedly for breaktime.

Everyone except Dani.

Nobody stopped to run out to the playground with her. Nobody called to her, or smiled at her, or paid her any attention at all, And for that, Dani was pleased. When the other children did pay attention to her, it wasn’t the kind of attention she wanted.

She was the last to leave the classroom, and Mr Wynn hurried her on. “come on dani” he said impatiently. “Outside for break-time, please”, Dani nodded timidly and left the classroom: Mr Wynn followed her out into the playground.

It was clear winter’s day, cold enough for the raw chill of the air to burn Dani’s bare legs. Her school skirt was short, nat as fashion statement, but because her mum-her foster mum, actually- had not bought her any new clothes for ages. All her school mates seemed to have new trainers every other week, and they certainly noticed that Dani was not as well dressed as them. It was one of the many things that they used to pick on her.

She skirted round the edge of the playground, trying to make it look as if she was busy doing something when in fact she was busy doing something when in fact she was just wandering aimlessly. As she passed certain groups of kids, they shouted names at her, but she was so used to them doing so that she hardly heard them.

Dani had been wandering for perhaps five minutes when they stopped her. Ashley and Tammy were the two most popular girls in the class. They had long hair and wore perfume and make-up, even though you weren’t supposed to at school. It made them look much older than their twelve years, and it also put them on a different side of the look pretty. Aahley and Tammy were mean girls. They were always teasing her for being so quiet, always picking on dani, always trying to get her to say dirty words she didn’t wont to say. They made her cry on an almost daily basis, and she hated it when they turned their attention to her.

Dani tried to carry on walking, to get away from the potential confrontation, but they were’nt having it. Tammy wolf-whistled at her, and Ashley stepped forward and grabbed hold of the hem of her skirt, pulling it up and down so that it billowed. From somewhere else, Dani heard the sound of other children laughing, and she felt blood rise to the skin of her face.

“What you doing, Sinclair? Going on the pull”? Ashley called.
Embarrassed. Dani looked down at the ground and carried on trying to walk away; but the girls kept following her.
“Don’t think there’s anyone fancies you much round here”. Tammy added.

“Shut up”, Dani retorted from behind clenched teeth. It wasn’t like her to answer back. The other girls knew it and they jeered. Ashley went for the skirt again. This time, Dani swung round and lashed out at the other girl. It was pitiful sight- Dani was no fighter, and the other two were good at it. Immediately they piled in, pushing Dani to the ground and pulling at hair. Dani wanted to fight back, but she was not good at this sort of thing, and she curled up into a little ball as a crowd gathered round to ment as the girls started puching her curled-up body. Dani was in no doubt who they all wanted to win the fight.

“Fucking cry-baby”, Ashley shouted gleefully when she noticed the hot tears that had suddenly started to stream slightly babyish but all the more aggressive for that: “fucking cry baby.....”

“All right, you three. That’s enough!” a man’s voice barked from nearby. Dani looked up to see Mr Wynn, his green eyes flashing angrily “i said THAT’S ENOUGH!”
The scratching and clawing stopped. Humiliated at being the only one still on the ground. Dani pushed herself up.
“That is now the first time i have seen you three fighting” Mr Wynn said severely. “I dont expect to see it happening again”.
Dani looked wide-eyed at him, smarting from the injustice of it.
“Don’t look at me like that miss Sinclair”, Mr Wynn snapped. “I won’t have fighting in the playground, while i am on duty. Is that understood?” Dani felt herself nodding “yes sir”, she said quietly. “Ashley? Tammy?”
“Yes sir”, the replied in unsion, their voices chanting almost sarcastically. “GOOD”. Mr Wynn nodded his head decisively, and then turned and walked to the other end of the playground. With his back to them, he did not see the spiteful little smile that Ashley and Tammy cast in Dani’s direction.


It was late on Friday evening, and there were three people in the meeting: Katie swinton, a tall, curly-haired social worker with thin face and kind eyes; Andy martin, also a social worker- a young man with a shaved head, to hide the fact he was balding; and Alice gray, a fair bit older than the other two, their line manager. It had been long afternoon, and thier meeting had overrun. All three of them were looking forward to getting out of the bland room in the coucil offices and goin home. But there was a final case to get throught before that could happen.
“Alright”, Alice said with sigh of relief, “Last one.” She looked at the agenda on the table and front of her. “One of yours, I think katie?” Katie Swinton nodded. “Dani Sinclair. Twelve years old. I’ve mentioned her to you once or twice before” Alice smiled “Sorry Katie,” she said “Heavy caseload. You’ll have to refresh my memory.”
Katie pulled a file out from a little pile by her side. “she’s only come my way in the last couple of years. Before that we had no reason to become involved. She was placed with a foster family at birth, a couple in south-west London. Two younger siblings, but neither them fostered.”
“Unusual”, Andy butted in.
“Mmm,” Katie replied, “I spoke to the mother about it, they tried to conceive naturally for a long time before they fostered, and she fell pregnant soon afterwards.”
“Sod’s Law.”
“Quite.”
“Come on,” their manager said briskly. “lets wrap this up. What’s the problem with the child?” “Difficult to say.” Katie told her. “On the suface of it, nothing- at least nothing that i can detect. She’s very quiet, and by all accounts finds it difficult to make friends. Young for her age, I’d say- not as streetwise as a lot of the kids we see nowdays. But that’s really nothing out of the ordinary- nothing that would require our intervention. It’s the mother who’s more of a worry. Her husband left the family home two years ago as result of an affair, and he hasnt been back since. Divorce is only just coming through now, but he’s not paying any maintenance, and the CSA being what it is....”
Alice rolled her eyes.
“Exactly,” Katie said, “anyways, unsually it was the mother who got in touch with us. Her husband leaving hit her pretty had, i think. She told me that it was getting more and more difficult to look after the three children, and she didnt think she could continue fostering Dani.”
Both Alice and Andy blinked. “How old did you say the girl was again?”
“Twelve.”
“And she lived with the foster mother all her life?”
Katie nodded.
Alice shook her head. “some people-” she muttered. “Are you tell me she wonts the girl to be reassigned?”
“I’m afriad so”
“has she given you any reason other than no being able to cope? Any real reason, I mean?”
“Yes she’s complaining that the child is showing signs of becoming violent.”
“VIOLENT?”
“Getting into fights at school and fighting with the other two children at home.”
“Have you spoke to the school about it?”
“Yes” Kate pulled a piece of paper out of her file and glanced at it. “I spoke to Gina Sawyer, her class teacher. She seemed very surprised by the suggestion that Dani was aggressive. My understanding is that Dani Sinclair does get into scrapes, but they’re not of her own making.”
“Bullying?”
Katie shrugged slightly. “Her teacher didnt use that word, but thats what it sounded like to me.”
Alice frowed “Poor little thing. What’s you take on it?” Katie took a deep breath. “well” she said “the mother’s approached us, so we have to follow it up. I dont think there’s any doubt that she’s finding things toughh. Money obviously tighter than it used to be, which doesnt help matters. But in my view, moving the child from the family home would be deeply traumatic, especially if she’s having difficulty at school. I think it should be avoided.”
“I am assuming you have no reason to believe the child is in danger. No signs of abuse?”
Katie shook her head. “As I say, she’s very retiring kind of girl. It’s difficult to get much out of her. I wouldnt say she’s the happiest child I’ve ever met, but no, I wouldnt say she’s demonstrating any of the warning signs.”
“Do you think a supervision order?” “I’d say its early days for that” “OK.” Alice looked at Katie and Andy. “Katie, you need to keep tabs on the family- keep an eye out for any deterioration. But are we agreed that it’s in the child best interest for her to stay where she is?” “Absolutely” the two social workers said in unison. “Good” Alice then smiled at them. “Well, i guess tht wraps everything up.” She scraped her chair back and stood up. “Have a good weekend, you two. I’ll see you both on monday.”

Dani Sinclair had dark brown hair, pale skin and clear brown eyes. She was small for her age, though close up you could tell that she was almost a teenager. When she cried, the tears would collect in her lower lips like water swelling against a dam; but the dam would eventually break, and the tears would suddenly wet her cheeks profusely. It happened a lot. Dani was a tearful little girl, not robust like some children, and she found it difficult to stop herself from crying when she started to feel the tears coming.
She felt them coming now as she sat at the meal table with two younger ones. It was fish fingers for tea. Dani didnt really like fish fingers- didnt like the way the fish oozed a kind of milky sap against the orange breadcrumbs when they were warm. But she never said so because the other two - James and Rebecca- loved them. Insted, she pushed little pieces around her plate, occasionaly summoning up the courage to eat a mouthful. She knew that they will just get worse when they get colder, but that didnt make it any easier to eat them up when they were hot.
At the other side of the small kitchen, their mum clatered around at the sink. Dani would be in trouble when her mum saw that she had barley eaten any food, and that thought spurred her on a bit. She stuck her fork into a piece of fish finger, put it in her mouth, chewed and swallowed. She shivered as the food went down.
“Finished!” Rebecca shouted loudly.
“Me too” James chimed in.
Their mum turned from the sink, suds dripping from the yellow washing-up gloves she was wearing. She walked to the table and picked up the two empty plates, before looking down at Dani’s.
Dani returned the look and steeled herself for what was to come,
“You’re a fussy little begger, Dani,” she snapped. “Why can’t you eat the food i give you? Why cant you be more like your brother and sister?”
Dani kept quiet, and endured the smug stares coming from the younger children.
“Go on,” her mother said waspishly, “I’m sick of the sight of you. Go to your room.”
Silently Dani got down from the table, left the kitchen and trudged up the stairs. “And when your antie Rose comes round you make sure you dont have that surly bloody look on your face!” Mum’s voice carried up the stairs.
“Dani never eats her dinner does she mum?” she heard Rebecca saying from the kitchen.
“Shut up Rebecca” the little girl was told.
Mum wasnt her real mum. Dani had known that for as long as she could remember. But she hadnt always been like this. In Dani’s earliest memories, things had been happier. There had been a man of the house, for one thing-the man she called daddy. He had been kind to the children, and to Dani in particular. One day, however, he wasnt there any more. Dani asked where daddy had gone, but she never got a straight answer fron her mum. It was left to Dani to fill in the pieces, half heard conversations between grown-ups not intended for her ears. Conversations about things she didnt really understand.
Dani opened the door of her bedroom. The other two children shared a room, but having a room to herself was intended as a treat for Dani- she knew that well enough. It was because Rebecca would rather share with James then her. Their room was nice and big: Dani’s room was tiny, with room for only a single bed and an old chest of drawers. But she didnt mind. No one ever really disturbed her in here. It was the one place she could go and be sure of being by herself. She sat on the bed, hugged her knees and rested her head against the wall. The wall paper was pink; her dad had put it up for her before he left and now it was looking a bit old and tatty- in one corner it was coming away from the wall. There wasnt any point mentioning it to Mum, of course anymore then mentioning the trouble she had a school today. She would probably just shout at her, so she kept quiet about it.
Downstairs, she heard the television being switched on. Dani would have liked to have gone down to watch it with the others, but she chose not to- not with mum in the mood she was in. Much better she had learned to keep herself to herself. She out her thumb in her mouth, closed her eyes and gently rocked herself. It would be bedtime soon. Bedtime was all right. When the lights were out, she could lose herself in her own world and pretend things were better than they really were.
In truth, she knew, they could hardly be worse.
It had been several months ago that mum had first told her she didnt want Dani to live with them anymore. Her words rang in the little girl’s head more clearly than anything anyone had ever said to her. At first she had persuaded herself that it was just a joke, that she didnt really mean it; but when she kept repeating it in moments of anger. Dani wasnt so sure. The arrival of the social worker had confirmed it for her. She was a nice lady called Katie, who had come to talk first to mum and then to Dani herself. The grown-ups didnt know that Dani had listened in on their conversation, however; they didnt know she had heard her mum beg the social worker to take her away. “I cant cope with her anymore,” Mum had said. “She’s going off the rails, always fighting other kids and bulling her brother and sister,”
Dani blinked. She didnt recognise herself in that description at all. But she knew that she would have to try very hard to make her mum want her again. It was difficult, though. Dani never seemed to be able to do anything right. Anything at all. She was always being shouted at, complained about. One time, mum had even hit her- not hard, but hard enough to bring those tears to her eyes that always seemed to enrage her mother even more.
The very thought made her wont to cry now.
She was woken from her reverie by the ringing of the doorbell and a little fluttering of apprehension in her stomach. That would be Auntie Rose. Dani couldnt decide what to do. If she stayed in her bedroom, she would bo told off and accused of being unfriendly; but if she went downstairs, no doubt thy would find something to complain about. Dani sat still, paralysed by indecision for a few minutes, before finally deciding to leave the saftey of her bedroom and venture back downstairs. She grabbed the little pink and blue teddy bear- the one that had been hers ever since she was a baby, which was now worn and tatty and was still deeply loved- and went down.
At first, nobody noticed her standing in the doorway of the front room. Mum was in the kitchen, for start, while James and Rebecca stood around auntie Rose. Dani’s aunt- her mum’s sister- was a chubby lady. In her private moments, Dani had always thought that she looked a bit like a toad- a fat, poisonous toad with jowly cheeks and flat eyes that would sit there, hardly moving, waiting to be fed. She looked particularly toad-like today, sitting on the comfortable sofa with a wide, indulgent smile on her face. In her hand there was a large, dark green plastic bag. Not the sort of plastic bag mum brought back from the supermarket; this was thicker and all together more exciting- you could tell just by looking at it that it contained something more fun than food shopping. James and Rebecca could tell that too. They stood excitedly on tiptoes, waiting to see what their aunt had brought them.
James’s present cam out first- a shiny metal car in a bright yellow box. “Thank you Auntie Rose,” he gabbled automatically, before taking his gift off a corner of the room unwrap it further. Meanwhile, Auntie Rose was removing something else from the bag. Rebecca looked a little crestfallen when she saw what it was; a magic wand, with a star at one end and the wand lit up, a sparkling golden colour. There was a tiara too, which Auntie Rose placed on Rebecca’s head before pinching her affev=ctionately on the cheek.
“Auntie Rose,” Rebecca said quiet, whingey voice. “i am told old for toys like that. I’m not a baby.”
Auntie Rose bristled slightly, and looked as if she was about to tell Rebecca off for her ingratitude; but at that moment she noiced Dani, and the indulgent smile fell from her face. “Dani,” she said abruptly, as though greeting a grown-up she didnt like very much. Her voice was lower than that of most of the women Dani knew.
“Hello, Auntie Rose,” Dani replied politely. She glanced at Rebecca’s glowing wand and the plastic bag. She didnt really expect there to be anything in it for her, but she couldnt help feeling a whisper of hope.
Auntie Rose looked away, “You’re too old for toys like that, Dani” she said by way of saying the bag was empty. Dani felt a tiny crush of disappointment. In her mind she searched for the words to explain that Rebecca was only a year younger than her; but it wasnt in her to answer back, and anyway, before she could say anything she felt her mum pushing pass her into the front room.
“You spoil them, Rose” she said perfunctorily. “They’ve got enough toys as it is” she handed her sister one of the glasses of wine she was carrying, and then took hearty swig from her own.
“I like to spoil them, Tess” Auntie Rose repiled. She also took a sip from her wine, and the awkwardness with Dani seemed to be immediately forgotten as they started chatting, Unobserved, Dani took a step backwards, and then silently climbed back upstairs to the refuge of her bedroom.
It had always been like this even before dad left. Dani had always felt second best. Mum made no secret about it- about the fact that after rebecca and james came along, she had wanted Dani to move somewhere else. It was dad who had insisted on her staying, but now he had left, “Run off” was what everyone said, and since then mum had seemed very bitter towards the little girl, as though she had be left with a burden she had long since lost interest in but couldnt get rid of.
It was just the way things were. But that didnt stop it hurting every time she was left out. It didnt stop the little embarrassment and shame coming to her cheeks. It didnt stop her from almost crying. She was almost crying now, as she sat once more on her bed, waiting for night-time to come.
Half an hour later, she heard James and Rebecca coming up stairs. There was a time when Dani would be in charge of making sure they brushed their teeth and washed their faces, but that time had long gone- there was no way that they would put up with it now, and so she waited, listening for the sounds of them finishing and getting into bed. As they got into bed she hurd footsteps coming up the stairs, at first she thought they were her mums but they were more plodding gait of Auntie Rose going into James and Rebecca’s room to read them a bed time story, She remembered when she had a bedtime story but there long gone now when her dad left, she wonted to listen to Auntie Rose but she though better and sat there quietly waiting for her to finish so she could get ready for bed.
A few minutes passed, and and eventually, Dani heard Auntie Rose going downstairs again. She would be staying till late drinking with mum. Dad didnt like mum drinking, but she did it more and more now to prove she was having a nice time without him. Dani waited a few more minutes before going to brush her teeth.
It was dark ouside now and the landing light had been switched off. Rebecca’s wand caught Dani’s eyes the moment she stepped out of her room, It was lying on the floor, discarded but still swiched on, its glow bathing the landing in a soft, golden light. To Dani’s eyes, it looked like treasure, and she found herself walking towards it. She knelt down and picked it up.
It was such a beautiful thing, she thought. She couldnt understand why Rebecca hadnt liked it. Why she had just left it there. If it had been Dani’s she would have taken better care of it: she would put it somewhere special. She longed to take it to bed with her and play with it all night under her covers with its magical light.
Gently Dani started to play with the wand, turing it on and off, waving it in the air saying magic spells. How the others in her school would laugh at her if they saw her doing this- Dani was always going into world of her own, and been teased for doing so.
“WHAT you doing with my toy?”
Dani jumped, and looked quiltily over her shoulder. Rebecca was standing there, accusing look on her face.
“Nothing nothing... i was just-”
“Give it here.” Dani foster sister lashed her arm out and grabbed the other end of the wand. It happened in a split second-the golden star at the end broke off in Rebecca’s hand, and the light went out, turning the landing into darkness. For a moment the two girls looked at each other before Rebecca let out “MUM MUM! Look what she’s done now mum!” Then she threw the piece in her hand to Dani’s knee’s. Dani froze hearing her mum rushing up the stairs. The landing light was turned on and there she was Dani’s foster mum looking down at the broken wand.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
Dani started to shake and her words couldnt come out “i didnt....” in just a whisper.
“She broke it! She broke my wand! It was her- i saw her do it!” Rebecca was shouting.
Suddenly Auntie Rose was there, hugging Rebecca saying soothing words to her. Dani’s mum however grabbed Dani by the arm pulling her to her feet “get into ur room” As she dragged the little girl along the landing to her room, slamming it closed so that the two of them were shut in there. Dani could smell the wine on her. “i am sick of u!” Her mum blazed, “You havent got any fucking idea have you? what its like.” Dani was sobbing, great heaving sobs shaking through her whole body. She wanted to tell her mum that she hadnt broke Rebecca’s toy, but she could find the words in her mouth.
The little girl’s crys seemed to enrage her foster mother on even more. “what have you got to say for yourself?” “WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO SAY FOR YOURSELF”
Dani couldnt say anything and her silence seemed to push the woman over the edge. It all seem to happen in slow motion as she raised her hand and brought it down with surprising shocking force against the side of Dani’s face. Dani’s looked like she was going to fall onto her bed but her body suddenly twisted, and with a sharp sicking bang she hit the corner of her chest of drawers and then with a thud hit the floor. Her body started to burn and sting, She looked up at her mum who was looking down at her with eyes blazing. She seemed surpised by what she had just done, but not sorry. Dani thought.
“ I wish we’d never set eyes on you.” her mum hissed with slurring in her voice. “It was him who insisted on taking you in HIM. Twelve years, and never a word of thanks for what i’ve done, and now how dare you break one of my daughters toys? how fucking dare you!”
Dani stared at her, wide-eyed.
“You’re an arrogant little cow.” her mum said, delivering a parting shot before turning round and leaving the room to go downstairs. Slamming the door behide her.
Dani stayed on the floor for several minutes, her hand press painfully to the side of her face that her mum had hit with sudden violence, tears welling in her eyes. There was the murmur of voices on the landing- Auntie Rose calming mum down - but no one came to Dani’s room. Noone came to check that she was all right.
Dani didnt clean her teeth that night or wash her face. She just removed her clothes, switched off the light and climbed into bed. She wept for a long time, being sure not to make too much noise about it. After all, she had created enough trouble for one day.

chapter 2

Chapter two

The following morning was sunday, and everything was unusually quiet in the house.
Dani woke with a throbbing pain on the side of her face. In her chest of drawers was a hand mirror. She took it out and had a look at her face. The bruising was a mottled purple-black. It covered her left eye and went down the side of her face. She touched her skin with her fingertips and winced. It was terribly sore, even to the lightest touch. Her arm was very sore to, where her mum dragged her into her room. Dani peeled away the material of her nightie and saw bruising there too.
She gazed at herself in the mirror before having the courage to go down stairs.
James and Rebecca were all ready there, watching TV in the front room. They new to be quiet not to wake mum. As Dani looked round the door, they both turned and looked at her.
There stares said it all.
“You all right” James said in a small voice.
Dani nodded and smiled, he looked fightened and she didnt wont him to be. Then she turned to Rebecca.
“I never broke your toy,” she said, doing her best not to cry.
Rebecca didnt reply. Her lips went a little bit thin, her eyes narrowed and she turned resolutely back to the TV, as she was doing her best to pretend Dani wasnt even there.
Dani left thenm to it and went into the kitchen.
The place was a mess, there were two empty bottles of wine on the side, an overflowing ashtray which smelled bad, (Dani felt like she was going to be sick), there was also takeway wrappers. Dani took the takeway wrappers from the side and put them in the bin: but the bin was to full so she left them on the side. She wonted to tidy up so her mum would see she help and she would not be angry with her any more, but she couldnt do much so she went back up to her bedroom.
It was at least an hour before she heard her mum getting up. Dani didnt know whether she was scared if she came into her room, or whether she hoped she would. Either way it didnt matter. She was listening to her get ready in the bathroom and then stomping down the stairs. Minutes later the front door slammed shut.
By luch she hadnt come back so Dani went down stairs and made sandwiches for them all. James and Rebecca seemed unable to look at her face, as she handed them over, she took her own dinner up to her room and ate it there.
All afternoon, Dani stayed in her room, from time to time she looked at herself in the mirror. Mum didnt come home till evening. She never once seen Dani, Who went without tea and spent a broken, fitful night worrying about what people would say when they saw her at school the next day.

Miss Sawyer was late and she broke her own rule by running down the corridor towards her classroom, her register and other school books clasped tightly to her chest. God knowns what she thought of herself and what trouble the kids were creating. What she did know if u let them run riot for the first few minutes there was no calming them dowm. What a way to start a Monday morning.
She looked at her watch, Five past nine. “Shit” she muttered, and she upped her pace slightly.
Her class room was at the far corner of the school, so it took a wile for her to get there. It was a big school, she had been there for 10 years now, and although some days seem hard, she was honest enough with herself to admit that she thrived on it. Some of the kids they had to deal with barley seemed like kids at all: so full of anger, so well versed in the world of adults. More than once, children Miss Sawyer knew when they were small had been excluded for carrying knives: and
she’d lost of the number of teen-age pregnancies she had to deal with in her additional role as child support officer. By rights she was just a english teacher, but the truth was that the teaching bit of the job was something that she seldom got to do.
Miss sawyer was out of breathas she turned into the corridor, she slowed down her class room was in view. Walking just ahead of her more slowly in the same direction was a pupil. Miss Sawyer knew who it was even from behind recognised the long black hair and the battered book bag slung sloppily over her shoulder.
“Come on Dani,” she said, hiding her breathlessness. “Chop-chop, The bell when 5 minutes ago.” Little Dani Sinclair was a funny one. Twelve years old but looked more like nine or ten. In all her years of teaching she has never come across such a quiet child. Hardly suprising she was often picked on, she never fought back, she just wasnt that kind of girl.
It had been a few days earlier that a social worker had come into the school to talk about Dani. There had been reports, the woman had said of the little girl starting fights. Had the social worker not been so earnest, Miss Sawyer would have found the idea almost comical. Dani Sinclair would never been involed in that sort of thing. She respectfully put the social worker’s mind at rest and promised she would keep a special eye on Dani.
The little girl stopped walking, and Miss Sawyer noticed from behide that she appered to lower her head and move her hand up to the side of her face, as though hiding it.
“Dani?” she asked. “ Are you all right? What’s the matter?”
The girl didnt answer.
Miss Sawyer stepped forward: then bent down to look at Dani’s face. The girl immediatley turned away. Kepping her face covered.
“Dani Sinclair,” Miss Sawyer said more sharply then needed. “I really dont think it at all appropriate for you to behave towards your teach-”
She stopped. The moment she raised her voice she seemed to have made the little girl jump. Her arm fell limply to her side and she turned to face the teacher. It was a look that stopped Miss Sawyer in her tracks.
One of Dani’s eyes was almost closed. The lids were swollen and black, and the bruising extended all the way down one side of her face. A twitch of embarrassment flickered over the side of her face that wasnt bruised, and Miss Sawyer noticed that she avoided looking her teacher in the eye.
“Oh my God,” she whispered. “Dani, what happened to you?”
Dani’s face twitched again, but she didnt say anything. Miss Sawyer came aware of the sound of her class, boisterous as she expected. She looked over in that direction. She wonted to go in and sort them out but she took another look at Dani’s face and knew that there was somthing more important to sort out.
“Dani come with me love” She said very kindly, she offered the child her hand but she turned it down. Dani slowly followed Miss Sawyer to her office dragging her feet on the way. This is where Miss Sawyer dealt with child protection issues.
It was a small office, cosy in its way.There was a wooden desk and a comfortable chair, which seemed to dawf Dani as she sat in it.
“Would you like a glass of orange Dani?” Miss Sawyer offered.
“What about a biscuit? i think i’ve got some chocolate ones somewhere.”
Another shake of the head.
“OK,” Miss Sawyer said quietly as she sat behide her desk. She couldnt remember a pupil ever turning down drinks and biscuits during school hours. “Now then Dani, why dont you tell me how you got the black eye?”
The child didnt answer. She just looked at the floor.
“ Dani love, you will not get into any trouble for just telling me who it was. We can make sure that it doesnt happen again”
“No one did it,” the girl replied quickly. She looked scared. Miss Sawyer narrowed her eyes. “What do you mean, no one did it?” Dani looked around the office, confusion in her face. “I mean- I mean..... It was me,”
“YOU”
“I got into a fight. On the way to school,” Still she refused to catch Miss Sawyer’s eyes.
“A fight? when?”
“This morning.”
“Who with?”
“Some boys”
“Which boys, Dani? Why dont you tell me?”
A look of desperate concentration passed across Dani’s bruised face, and she shook her head.
Miss Sawyer sighed. It was often the way: Kids getting beat up and not saying who it was. The unwritten code of slience was stronger in the school than she imagined it was in any prison. Even tho something wasnt right. It takes a wile for the bruises to come out like that. What ever happened to the little girl it didnt happen this morning.
“Are you telling me the truth Dani? you can talk to me you no, you will not get into any trouble”
“I am!” The girls voice was firm.
Miss Sawyer sighed. She new there was more to this, but what could she do? “All right, Dani” She said in a resigned tone of voice. “ I cant make you tell me, But if you decide if you wont to, you only have to say.”
Dani remained tight-lipped and looked at the floor. “In the meantime i dont think you should be in school today, I will give your mum a call she can come and get you, you can stay home untill your face get’s better, if you like. Wait here.” As she spoke Miss Sawyer saw something in Dani’s expression. She almost looked like she was going to say something, but the moment soon passed, and she went back to staring at the floor. “ I will be back in a few minutes,” Miss Sawyer said “Are you sure you dont wont anything, orange wile you wait?”

“What did you tell her?”
They were alone in the kitchen. Mum had arrived at school quickly with a dangerous kind of look in her face. Her eyes widened slightly when she saw the damage to Dani’s face: this was the first time she had seen it. (Dani had left early in the morning before her mum woke). She rushed Dani out of Miss Sawyers office, despite the fact the teacher wonted to talk. They hadnt spoken a word on the way home. Mum walked fast and Dani had to run to keep up. Now she was looking accusingly down at her foster daughter, her eyes cold.
“What the hell did you tell her?”
“Nothing” Dani replied.
“ You just said you’d got in a fight?”
Dani nodded her head.
Mum seemed slight mollified. “Good” she muttered “She wouldnt have believed you anyways” She sounded to Dani that she was trying to persuade herself, but the little girl didnt know why, because it was true. No one would ever believe her if she told them what really happened. Mum turned away and took a packet of cigaretts from her bag. She lit one and sucked in deeply as the acrid smell hit dani’s nose. She felt the familiar sensation of tears welling in her; she tryed to stop it but never could, the others in school called her a cry baby and they were right.
“I didnt break rebecca’s toy,” she whispered, her voice cracking.
It was as if something snapped in her mum. She turned around and there was a look in her eyes that terrified Dani. Her mum looked crazy. She stepped towards Dani, and as she did so she raised the hand that had the lit cigarette. As a reflex, Dani cowered, falling to the floor raising her arms to cover the bruised side of her face as she waited for the blow. “Please dont hit me” she cryed.
The blow didnt come; insed just nasty words. “just get out of my sight, Dani, You’re always causing trouble. You should count yourself lucky you dont get punished more often. Go on get to your room, i dont wont to see you anymore, i am sick and tired of having you under this roof. Sick and tired of it, you ungrateful little-” and there her words deserted her.
Dani looked up her mum had moved her arm and was not somking the cigarette again. Dani knew when to take her chance. She stood up steadied herself on legs that felt suddenly very weak and ran up the stairs to her room. Downstairs, she heard something crash, but she couldnt tell what it was.

Miss Sawyer had been distracted all morning. Little Dani Sinclair’s bruises were terrible, something hadnt been right when the mother had come to pick her up. Mrs Sinclair seemed worried, certainly. Concerned. But not affectionate. There was no kind words or hugs, just a vague impression that this was a bit of an inconvenience. It wasnt just the mother. Miss Sawyer didnt believe for a minute that it was Dani who had started the so-called fight- she was clearly just scared, protecting whoever the real culprits were. And in the wake of the social worker’s warning the previous week, it all seemed as if there was something more going on. So, come morning break, instead of joining her colleagues for a cup of coffee, she made her way to her office and phoned social services. Short of going round to the Sinclair house and getting to the bottom of this herself, it was all she could do. Gina Sawyer just hoped she was doing the right thing.

It was mid-afternoon when the doorbell rang. Dani hadnt dared venture out of her room all day. She was hungry, but not hungry enough to risk a trip to the kitchen. Curiosity, however, got the better of her now, and she pulled back a corner of the curtains that she had kept shut all day and took a peek to see who it was.
Her heart stopped when she saw the social worker, Katie. She was a nice lady, but her presence scared Dani.
She had shoulder-lengh curly hair and was wearing a skirt with a smart matching jacket. Under her arm she had leather case. Through the window Dani could tell that the door had been opened, and Katie spoke for quite a long time before she was finally allowed into the house. Butterflies fluttered in Dani’s stomach. What was she here for? what does she wont? please god dont let her take me away.
Walking softly as she could, Dani crept out of her bedroom and tiptoed down the stairs, avoiding the third one from the top, which she knew creaked loudly when it was steped on. The door in the sitting room was ajar, and inside she could hear voices, She approached the door quietly and stood listening carefully.
Mum was crying, which sounded strange cause Dani had never heard her cry before. Between the sobs Dani could hear “ I just cant cope with her any more,” she whimpered. “she ‘s gone off the rails and i cant control her.... not by myself. She always fighting, always bullying the little ones. We try to get her to behave and be part of the family, but she wont do it. I’m at my wits’ end ... I just dont know what to do”
Dani blinked furiously as she listened. She felt embarrassed by what she heard.
The social worker started to speak. Her voice was calm and gentle. “Mrs Sinclair,” she said “ You have to understand how disruptive it would be for Dani to be taken out of the home envoironment she’s known all her life-”
But as she spoke, a fresh wave of sobbing drowned her words. “What about my children? My real children? It’s affecting them too.” She dissolved into more tears.
“Mrs Sinclair,” the social worker asked, “may i talk to Dani please? Is she in the house?”
Panic surged through the little girl. She stepped away from the door and hurried up the stairs, doing her best to stay light footed despite rushing back. Back in her bedroom Dani sat on her bed and she tryed to slow her breathing and take the guilty look off her face.
There was a knock on the door “Dani” Katies voice came softly “can i come in?” Dani didnt answer. The door opened slowly and katie poped her head in. She had kind eyes which Dani had remembered from when she was her last. They suddenly widened when they saw Dani’s face. “Mind if i sit down? Do you remember me?”
Dani nodded.
Katie gave her a smile. “You look as if you’ve been in the wars. Want to tell me about it?”
Dani looked down at her bedclothes, feeling suddenly uncomfortable under the glare of Katie’s stare. Downstairs she heard that James and Rebecca had come home from school. Having the whole family in the house, being the centre of attention, when all she wanted to do was disappear into the background, made her feel worse.
“The teacher told me you got into a fight,” Katie persisted. “Did you get into a fight, Dani?”
She looked up, wide-eyed, and tryed to put as much honesty in her face as possible: then she nodded her head. The moment she saw suspicion in katie’s eyes she looked away.
“I want you to known Dani you can tell me anything you want without worrying that i’m going to tell anyone else. Do you understand that?”
Dani nodded still looking away.

“Miss Sawyer said that you started the fight, but you known what i think? I think that you are not the sort of girl that start’s fights with people.” Katie stretched out and touched Dani’s arm “Are you?”
Dani shook her head.
A silence fell between them. It was broken only by the sound of Dani’s mum downstairs, shouting something at James and Rebecca. Her voice made Dani start, and she looked guiltily up at katie.
Katie eyes narrowed, as if something had just made sense.
“Is there anything you want to tell me about your mum, Dani?”
She shook her head quickly and emphatically. Another silence. Then Katie spoke in a whisper. “Dani” she said “I want you to listen carefully, sometimes grown-ups do things that make children very sad. And sometimes when it happens, children think it’s their fault, Dani. if any grown-ups have done anything to make you feel sad, you Must tell me. You wont be any trouble, i promise, and we can try and make sure it doesnt happen again Ever.” Dani clenched her teeth, half wanted to tell kaite about what had happened: but the other half just wanted to clam up and keep it a secret. If she told it would only make thinks worse.
Katie squeezed her arm again. “I cant do anything about it if you dont tell me what happened, Dani” she said quietly “Who did this to you?”
It happened so quickly. Just a single word slipt Dani’s mouth before she even new she said it. A word she never intended to say, but which was teased out of her by the kind eyes of the we-meaning woman in her room.
“Mum”
Then astonished by her confession, Dani covered her mouth with her hand and felt the tears come again. She shook her head, as if sudden denial would somehow take back the word she had just said. but it didnt, Katie eyes narrowed slightly and they sat there in silence for what seemed to dani an age, though in truth it was little more then a minute.
“I wont you to wait here” katie said finally. There was something steely in her voice.
“You.....you wont tell, will you? You wont say I told you?”
To dani’s horror, katie didnt give her a answer. “Just wait here, Dani. I’ll be right back” She stood and left the room. Dani holded her breath and waited for the shouts.
They didnt take long to come.
“she’s a little fucking liar! Dont you see what i have to put up with!” Dani felt a cry coming inside, she heard footsteps rushing up the stairs. Then her mum was there in her room, the madness in her eyes was back. “What have you been saying? what lies have you come up with now, you stupid little girl?”
“Nothing” Dani whimpered. “I never said anything. I promise.” But she could tell her mum never believe her. She never did before why would she now. Suddenly she heard katie’s voice again “Mrs sinclair” Katie was saying firmly “Your foster daughter has just made a full disclosure of substantial physical abuse. First thing tomorrow morning I’m going to apply to the courts, for an emergency protection order, but in the meantime, i intend to remove Dani to a place safety. You can either let me do my job or you can obstuct me, in which case i will call the police.”
Katie’s ultimatum hung in the air as Tess Sinclair looked between her foster daughter and social worker, her lips thin and her eyes flashing. “All right all right!” she spat finally. and went back downstairs.
Katie then looked at dani who face looked a blur, “I am going to take you somewhere else, so we need to pack a few things.”

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Texte: cover photograph (posed by model) steven s. miric/superstock
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 24.10.2011

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