Tamika, look at them over there,” Ja’Mya tells her best friend as they watch the boys play basketball after school.
“You know I love caramel, but I already got someone,” Tamika says talking about her life long friend turned boyfriend, Antoine.
“And. Ain’t nothing wrong with having two. What he don’t know won’t hurt him. Here they come now. Don’t run them off. You may already have a boyfriend but I don’t.”
“What’s up? I’m Kamal. Me and my brother, Jamal, are new here,” Kamal a six foot six, caramel colored boy with the muscles of a god, says to them.
“And we were wondering if two beautiful ladies like yourself can show us around,” Jamal, Kamal’s identical twin but just two inches shorter and a little more muscular, adds on.
“We would love to. Wouldn’t we Tamika?” Ja’Mya says playfully hitting her on the arm.
“I guess we would,” Tamika says knowing that she’s going to regret what she’s about to do.
“So, what’s your name?” Kamal says as he helps Tamika get up off her blanket.
“Tamika,” she says as she pushes him away from her before temptation gets the best of her.
“You don’t have to be so mean. I don’t bite,” he says showing his teeth like a vampire attempting to bite her. Jamal and Ja’Mya laugh hysterically while Tamika looks at Kamal with disgust.
“Mika, you need to stop acting so sidity and enjoy yourself,” Ja'Mya says still laughing.
“Yeah. Were all friends here just trying to have a good time, aren’t we?” Jamal adds on hoping to get on Ja’Mya’s good side.
“I’m not acting sidity and I am enjoying myself. It’s just that…” You love me; you complete me. You hold my heart in your hands. Tamika’s phone cuts her off, signaling a call from Antoine. “Hello. Hey Antoine. I’m at the park with some friends. I’ll be over there later, okay. Bye.”
“So that’s why you’re acting like that. You’re scared that Antoine will find out about you hanging out with the new boy. That’s alright though. I understand that you want to stay faithful and I’m just too much temptation for you to handle,” Kamal says gently nudging Tamika.
“You’re so full of yourself. I don’t care if he knows. Who I hang out with is none of his business anyway.”
“If you say so.”
“Whatever. Do you wanna go see the fountain?”
“You actually want to be alone with me?”
“Friends can be alone and have a conversation, can’t they?”
“Yeah, I guess so. Are you gonna push me in the fountain and make me drown?”
“I wouldn’t do that to a friend unless you say something stupid before we make it. Do you want to see it or not?”
“Yeah, come on, friend.”
2/4/08
Dear Diary,
Is it wrong to kiss one person and tell them that you love them while you’re thinking of someone else? Today, me and Ja’Mya met the new kids. They’re twins, Kamal and Jamal, and they’re so, so, so fine. Kamal looks the best out of the two. At first I thought he was arrogant, but after I got to know him I found out he wasn’t; at least not that much anyways.
Why couldn’t he have come before all that drama with me and Antoine went down? The whole time I was with Antoine I was thinking about Kamal. He asked me to the movies this weekend, but as just friends. I really want to go but what would I tell Antoine. If I do go I don’t want to go as friends. Ja’Mya says that if I go she’ll go with Jamal so that I can tell Antoine I’m out with friends. I don’t know what to do, but he wants an answer by Friday, so I have two more days to decide.
♥ Tamika


The next morning, Tamika was really confused about what happened the previous day. While she was getting ready for school, she concluded that everything that happened was all a dream. Nobody contradicted her about that, not even Ja’Mya. She believed that that was all it was until she had lunch with Antoine.
“So, what did you and your friends do at the park?” Antoine asks Tamika bringing her back from her daydream.
“Nothing, we just watched a basketball game and walked around and talked,” Tamika said finally realizing that it wasn't a dream. Finally realizing that what happened yesterday was actually real and that she is attracted to someone other than Antoine.
“Who were you with?”
“I was with a couple of friends.”
“What friends do you have that you didn’t see at school yesterday? I thought the point of you spending the day with your friends at school was so you can spend the evening helping me study?”
“There was a couple that I didn’t see at school. And guess what. I can spend my evening with my friends if I want to whether you like it or not. I still helped you so you need to stop trippin’.”
“You’re right. You had your own life before we hooked up and you still do. I’m sorry. Do you forgive me?”
“Yeah. You still want me to pick you up from practice?”
“Yeah, if you don’t mind.”
“Okay. I have to go, see you after school.”
Tamika spent the rest of the day happily daydreaming about Kamal. The day was going along good until Tamika went to seventh period, pre-calculus class. She takes that class with Kammie and Joseph.
At the beginning of the school year, Kammie was the cheerleading captain and Antoine’s girlfriend. Joseph was Antoine’s best friend. Everybody knew that Kammie was cheating on Antoine with Joseph, everybody but Antoine. At the beginning of October, Antoine found out and broke up with Kammie. He also found out that Kammie was pregnant for Joseph and intended to tell him that he was the father. Now, Kammie is five months pregnant. And the baby will be fatherless because Joseph wanted nothing to do with her and the baby after she ruined his friendship with Antoine.
When Tamika walked into class, there was a huge commotion. Everybody was screaming, “Fight, fight, fight.” Tamika tried to make it to her desk, but when she was just about there, Joseph picked it up and threw it across the room. When the desk crashed against the wall the entire class went quite and a sudden chill ran down Tamika’s spine.
“Joseph, please calm down. You’re not the only one that’s hurt,” a crying Kammie says on her knees in the middle of the class.
“You want me to calm down. How the fuck can I calm down when I’m gonna die? Explain that to me. You give me AIDS and don’t expect me to get mad. You ruined my life just so that you can get a couple dollars,” Joseph says pulling Kammie off the floor by her hair.
“Please, just calm down, I’m already going through a lot. I didn’t give you AIDS. You got it from someone else ‘cause I’m clean.”
“What can you possibly be going through that’s worst than this?”
“I had a miscarriage, Joseph. The baby, our baby, is dead.”
“I know. Just like I know that you’re lying about not having AIDS. When I went to the doctor to get tested, I went to the doctor that you go to. Yesterday when she told me my results, she expressed her sympathy for losing the baby and she told me that you had AIDS too. She said that that was the reason the baby died, ‘cause you had AIDS. You need to stop acting like you care, ‘cause you known good and well you ain’t want that baby anyway.”
After Joseph said that, Kammie ran out of the class in tears. Tamika actually felt sorry for her; even through she deserved it for playing Antoine. After Tamika battled with her conscience, she finally got up and went to look for Kammie. Tamika finally found Kammie in the restroom locked in one of the stalls. Since they had a substitute teacher Tamika spent the rest of the hour talking to Kammie.
When the bell rung Kammie finally spoke what was really on her heart, “Tamika, I’m so sorry about what I did to Antoine and about trying to trick you into thinking that Antoine didn’t really like you. When I heard that you tried to commit suicide, I knew that it was my fault and I felt extremely guilty. Actually, the only reason I tried to break the two of you up was because I’m jealous of you. I wish I didn’t have to act slutty to get a man and get pregnant to keep him. You have the looks and personality to get and keep any man that you want, always remember that. Thanks for talking to me today. Bye.”


When Tamika finally left school, she went to the mall to meet up with Ja’Mya. After they finished shopping, they went to the food court. There Tamika told Ja’Mya everything that happened at school, including Kammie’s apology.
“Drama, drama, drama. I’m so happy I’m not you right now. And then to make it worst, Kamal’s gonna call you before the night is over.”
“Why did you give him my number? You know I already got a boyfriend.”
“Don’t act like you ain’t want him with it, ‘cause you know you do. If you already got a boyfriend, why do you sound like a little school girl that’s about to see her crush?”
“Whatever. You really play too much. What’s up with you and Jamal?”
“Girl, I been meaning to tell you bout what happened at lunch. Since you were eating with Antoine, I decided to go off campus to eat with Jamal. While we ate, we talked and talked, and talked some more. Before we made it back to school, we hooked up.”
“Wow. Let me guess. After that happened, you started talking about hooking me and Kamal up.”
“How did you know? Are you psychic or something? I kind of also told Kamal that you would go to the movies with him Saturday”
“Ja’Mya, why would you do that? Look, I don’t even want to know the rest. I got to go pick up Antoine. I’ll call you later.”
When Tamika arrived at the gym, Antoine was helping one of the players, so she sat in the bleachers. Antoine is the team’s captain so he has to stay late sometimes to help out. Tamika thought see knew all the players, but who ever Antoine was helping was new. He looked familiar, but she couldn’t figure out who he was. She spent about five minutes trying to think of whom he could be, but she still had no idea.
Finally, Antoine and the mystery player finished practicing and were now picking up the balls. Antoine waved at Tamika so that she would come over there by them. When she made it, she realized who the player was.
“Hey, Tamika, how are you?” Kamal says with a flirtatious smile.
“I’m good Kamal. I didn’t know that you were going to play basketball for the school,” Tamika replied a little uncomfortably.
“I didn’t either, but Antoine here talked me into it. He’s very persuasive.”
“That’s one of the many things that I love bout him,” Tamika says trying to hint to Kamal that Antoine is her boyfriend.
“So you two already know each other?” Antoine cuts in feeling the attraction between Kamal and Tamika.
“Yeah, her and Ja’Mya were the girls that me and Jamal were with in the park.” Kamal said making Tamika remember how much fun they had that evening.
“O, really. Tamika how come you ain’t tell me you were with them yesterday?”
“I did tell you. I said that I was with friends. I just wasn’t specific on which friends I was with.”
“Look, I don’t like the fact that you hang out with people, and then fell like you have to lie to me about it. That makes me think that you’re doing something that could hurt our relationship.”
“I think I should be going,” Kamal says seeing how much trouble he caused.
“Bye. And Antoine I ain’t lie to you. You didn’t ask me to be specific so I didn’t volunteer the names.” Tamika said starting to get aggravated. Just as Antoine started saying something else, her phone started vibrating.
“Sorry bout what happened. Hope I ain’t mess stuff up to much. We still on for Saturday?” read the text from Kamal.
“You ain’t do nothing but bring some things to light. Yeah we’re still going. I’ll call you later,” she texted back.
“Tamika, are you listening to me?” Antoine says bringing her back to reality.
“No, not really. You ready to go?”
“Yeah, I guess so. I have one more question.”
“What is your question?”
“Would you every cheat on me, or would you just break up with me? And please answer truthfully.”
“Neither. But, if I had to choose I would break up with you.”
2/5/08
Dear Diary,
Today was a long and hectic day. First, at school, Joseph went off on Kammie ‘cause she gave him AIDS. And Kammie lost her baby. I actually felt sorry for her. Then after she finally stopped crying, she apologized for all that she did to Antoine and to me. Believe it or not, she said she was jealous of me. Now, that part of my day was good, compared to the rest of it.
To start off with, Ja’Mya hooked up with Jamal. Then when I went to pick up Antoine from practice, Kamal was there. Not only was he there but he told Antoine about our day at the park. Well he ain’t say it was me at first. It wasn’t until I got there that he said he was with me and Ja’Mya. When he said that, Antoine got so mad, but I don’t really care ‘cause I can be friends with whoever I please. I’m probably gonna break up with him tomorrow anyway cause he’s starting to get really aggravating. But back to the happy things, me and Kamal are going to the movies Saturday. And then Valentine’s Day is next week too. I wonder which one is going to be my date to the sweetheart ball?
♥ Tamika


“You know that no matter what you decide, I’m still gonna be your friend. Do whatever makes you happy,” Ja’Mya says after Tamika told her how confused she was.
“I asked you what you think I should do. Now answer the question this time without going around the world and back.”
“You already know what I think you should do. Break up with Antoine today and hook up with Kamal tomorrow.”
“I was gonna do that anyway, I just wanted to know what you think. After the game tonight, I’m gonna do it. Do you think you can give me a ride home?”
“I’m riding with Jamal, but I’m sure that Kamal wouldn’t mind giving you a ride. We’re going out to eat after the game to celebrate though, so if you have to be home earlier than one you shouldn’t come.”
“Ja’Mya I’m eighteen, and have been eighteen for four months. I come home whenever I want.”
“You won’t be saying that when your momma kick you out, but I have to go. Are you going to lunch with me and the twins today or what?”
“Yeah I’m going. See you then.”
The morning was slow and uneventful. In all of Tamika’s morning classes, she was wishing that the day could just be over with. She knew that she had to break up with Antoine, but she didn’t know how. She couldn’t believe that she almost killed herself for a four month relationship.
At the beginning of the school year, Tamika decided that it was time to tell Antoine that she loved him. They have always been friends, but she wanted something more. When she finally told him, to her surprise he loved her too. But, when he broke up with Kammie, things didn’t go so well. Kammie went back and told Tamika that Antoine was only with her to when a bet and when they broke up it was all an act. After that Tamika went into a deep depression and tried to commit suicide all because she couldn’t be with Antoine. Now, she’s about to break up with him after all that happened.
When the bell rung for lunch, Tamika went straight to Ja’Mya’s locker so that they could leave. She wanted to avoid Antoine for as long as possible.
“You’re doing what makes you happy, so don’t worry bout what Antoine thinks. If he truly loves you then he should want you to be happy,” Ja’Mya told her friend as they walked to Jamal’s car.
“I know, but I can’t help but think would he do this to me.”
“Tamika, listen. You’re in high school and you have the rest of your life ahead of you. Are you married or about to get married to Antoine? No, you’re not so live your life to the fullest.”
“Hey, Tamika, are you ready to go eat?” Kamal asked surprised that she actually came.
“Yeah. Come on, I’m hungry.”


The four of them went to eat at McDonalds. Kamal and Tamika set in a booth by themselves so that they can talk. While Tamika was eating, Kamal kept staring at her and laughing.
“What’s so funny?” Tamika asked him after she swallowed what was in her mouth.
“I’m sorry, but I’ve never seen a girl your size eat as much as you. But it’s good to know that you have an appetite.”
“Skinny girls got to eat too. In the ATL everybody eats no matter your size. Where were you from?”
“I moved from New York. Up there the more you ate and the bigger you were, the less people liked you. I can tell that it’s the exact opposite down here. I heard somebody say the motto was, ‘The thicka the betta.’” Kamal said with a smile.
The two of them spent the next thirty minutes talking and laughing. While they were talking, Antoine texted Tamika twice, but she never stopped to check it.
“So what time do you want to go to the movies tomorrow? I have something to do until three, so any time after that is fine with me.” Kamal said trying to be as vague with his personal details as possible.
“I have an appointment with my psychologist at two, so any time after three-thirty is good.”
“So how about I pick you up at five and we can make it a night out? Do you like Chinese food?”
“Yeah. So five it is.”
The rest of the day went by fast despite Tamika’s attempts to slow it down. She felt like the world was against her. A couple of hours ago, she was happy, and now she’s getting ready to break up with her boyfriend. As she was getting ready for the game, she was thinking of ways to tell him. On her way to the game, she decided to just text his phone during the game and he’ll read it when it was over. This way she won’t have to tell him anything and she want have to see the look on his face.
“Tamika, are you okay? You’ve been quite ever since I picked you up,” Antoine asked with concern in his voice. When he asked her that in that voice, Tamika started wondering if she was about to do the right thing.
“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just thinking bout a lot of stuff. You don’t need to worry about me; you have a game to win.”


At the game, Tamika kept zoning out. If she didn’t know any better, she would’ve thought that she was high.
“Ja’Mya, did you see that purple monkey dunk the ball?”
“Mika, what have you been smoking? There aren’t any purple monkeys on the court. None except for Big Black, but he don’t dunk ‘cause he know he’ll break the goal.”
“I haven’t been smoking. I guess I’m so nervous, that I’m hallucinating. But I swear I say a purple monkey. Do you see Kamal over there with that creepy man?”
“I swear, you’re losing you mind. There’s nobody over there but people from the other school .Kamal is in the locker room.”
“No he’s not. He’s right there talking to that big guy in the hoodie.”
“O, now I see him. That’s probably his dad or something.”
“Their dad’s dead, so if that is his dad, then I’m really going crazy. I know I’m not crazy. That man is angry at Kamal, and it looks like he’s pointing a gun at him.”
“Tamika, for real, calm down. You’re really stating to scare me. Look, go on and text Antoine, so that you can get back in your right mind.”
“Okay, but I’m telling you that man was threatening Kamal. I’m gonna send the text after half-time.”
Tamika spent the entire first half of the game wondering if she was doing the right thing. She finally decided that the only way to find out was to do it.
After half-time was over, she finally decided to go head and break up with him. “Antoine, I’m sorry, but I don’t want to go with you no more. It’s nothing that you did, but I just feel that I’m not mentally ready for a serious relationship. I still want you in my life, just not in the same way. We can still be friends if you want.” Tamika sent the text and immediately felt better.
The last quarter went by fast. With five seconds left on the clock, the score was 92-48, and they had the ball. Right when the buzzer went off Kamal shot from the half court line and it went in. The crowd went wild for their 95-48 win. In the mist of all the celebrating Tamika saw Antoine get his phone out of his bag. As he read the text he went from happy to almost crying. Just as he looked up to look at Tamika, he saw her and Kamal hug and how happy she was in his arms.
“If this is what you really want. Long as you’re happy, I’m happy,” Antoine texted Tamika then walked out of the gym.
When Tamika read the text from Antoine, a sudden sadness waved over her and Kamal noticed.
“What’s wrong with you, Tamika?” he asked in the same tone that Antoine asked her just hours earlier.
“Nothing.”
“Something is wrong. Just a minute ago you were so happy and your eyes had this sparkle that made me wish we could stay in this moment forever. Then the sparkle left when you looked at your phone. What happened?”
“I just broke up with Antoine and I just started wondering if I did the right thing. But lets not worry bout my problems, we just won the game. It’s time to celebrate.”
“Are you sure that you’re okay ‘cause I can’t celebrate if you’re unhappy?”
“I’m fine. Now let’s go.”


Tamika and Kamal spent the night celebrating. Tamika arrived home at two the next morning. When she woke up, she realized that she was crying. She then became depressed again as she remembered last nights events. After, she took a shower and finished wallowing in self-pity; she received a text from Kamal.
“Good afternoon baby. I can’t wait until I see you this evening.”
Tamika then remembered that she hooked up with Kamal last night. At the thought of that, she became very happy and decided that it was time to leave for her appointment.
When she was walking out of the house, Antoine called her and told her that he really needed to talk to her. Tamika met him at Starbucks since it was right next to her psychologist’s office.
“What’s up? My appointment is in fifteen minutes, so can we make this fast?”
“Tamika, I’m not here to start no mess or make you mad. All I’m trying to do is keep you from getting hurt,” Antoine says with the pain from their breakup still visible in his voice. “When I was driving down Main Street, I saw Kamal and this tall, fat guy standing on one of the corners. I wouldn’t have paid any attention to them if it wasn’t for the fact that the guy pulled Kamal down one of the alleys. The next thing I knew was that I heard a gun shot and the man walked away. I called an ambulance and….”
“Is Kamal alright? Is he in the hospital? O my gosh, is he dead? Why aren’t you answering me? He’s dead, huh? Answer me Antoine.” Tamika said frantically, not giving Antoine time to answer.
“We’ll if you didn’t keep cutting me off, I would answer you. Like I was saying, I called an ambulance and waited to see if Kamal was going to walk out. Thankfully, a minute after the man left he walked from the alley and got in his car. It looked like he got shot in his side, but it wasn’t bad. I followed him thinking that he was going to a hospital, but instead he went to a drug house. He was inside for bout two hours. When he came out, he looked fine, but he had some sacks in his hands that I assumed was weed. I followed him some more and ….”
“Let me guess. You think he sell drugs,” Tamika cuts in getting aggravated that Antoine would make up such a story. “You stalked him all morning just so you can make up a story to break us up. Look Antoine, I came here because when you called you sounded really worried. I missed my appointment and you pissed me off.”
“Tamika, I have pictures. After he got in his car the last time, he went back to a corner and started selling something and I know it weren’t Girl Scout cookies.” Antoine showed Tamika the pictures and she just set there in awe.
“Thanks for telling me Antoine, I really appreciate it. I’m sorry bout going off on you like that.”
“That’s okay. I know you wanna call Kamal so I’m gonna leave. Bye Tamika.”
“Bye Antoine.” She started to add on that she regretted breaking up with him, but she had some business to take care of first. After Antoine left, Tamika went to sit in her car so that she could have some privacy. She called Kamal ready to break up with him.
“Hey, baby. Your appointment over with already?”
“No. I didn’t go ‘cause I had a very interesting conversation with a friend bout something.”
“O. You sound like the conversation pissed you off. Tell me what happened?”
“You sure you want to know?”
“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to know.”
“First, let me ask you this. Do you sell drugs?”
“No, is that what your conversation was bout. Go and believe them niggas if you want to, but you’ll miss out on a good thing. I ain’t stupid enough to sell drugs. Who told you that? Huh? Trick, answer my damn question. Who told you that I sell drugs?”
“I ain’t a trick. And I ain’t got to tell you anything. Forget you and stop calling me,” Tamika hung the phone up in his face. Tamika was pissed beyond belief. Kamal called back several times, but she rejected the calls.
Finally, after he called several times he texted her. “Tamika I’m so, so, so sorry. I didn’t mean to go off on you like that. Please forgive me and call me back. I love you.”
Tamika was so tired of his B.S. that she turned her phone off and drove home. When she arrived at home, she went straight to her room and released her anger the best way that she knew how, writing.
2/7/09
Dear Diary,
I’m so mad right now. I feel like a complete idiot. I broke up with Antoine yesterday just so that I could go out with Kamal. I wish I never would have broken up with him, ‘cause I really regret it now. Last night after the game, me and Kamal went out to celebrate and we ended up hooking up. That was the 2nd worst mistake of my life.
Today, I met with Antoine so that he could tell me something. He told me that Kamal sold drugs. At first, I thought that he was lying, but he had proof. He took pictures of him giving the drugs to someone and getting the money in exchange. I can’t believe that I broke up with Antoine for that bastard. Then when I asked him bout it he went off on me. I broke up with him. Can you believe that after he called me out my name, he had the nerve to say that he loved me? I’m so pissed right now, but I’m gonna be okay.
♥ Tamika
While Tamika was writing this, Kamal was releasing his anger too. After Tamika didn’t text him back, he called Ja’Mya and told her what happened but he made it sound like Tamika was the one in the wrong. Ja’Mya had also had an argument with Jamal that left her mad. She felt so sorry for Kamal and herself. She was sorry enough that she tried to console him the best why she knew how. Ja’Mya forgot that he was her best friend’s ex-boyfriend. And Kamal forgot that she was his twin brother’s girlfriend. They had one night of passion together. So much passion that both of them felt as if they were in a parallel universe. A universe that neither of them wanted to leave because of the fear of what would happen when the sun rose again. But, their night ended too soon for the both of them. They agreed that this night will remain a secret from the universe that made them run to each other in the first place.


Sunday, February 8, 2009. The day after the truth came to light, was the day God placed a grey cloud over everybody’s lives. Kamal woke up and decided to go back to work to make up for lost time. Ja’Mya stayed in bed trying to comprehend what happened the previous night.
Tamika woke up early, feeling guilty and depressed. She couldn’t believe that she broke up with Antoine, a person that loved her no matter what, to hook up with Kamal, a drug dealer that doesn’t care about anybody but himself. She decided to call Kamal and try to smooth things over. She called over, and over, and over again, but he didn’t answer.
In the back of her mind, she knew something was wrong. Tamika got in her car and drove down Main Street to see if he’s there. While she was driving, the sun decided to rise. As she was admiring the beautiful scenery, she heard a gunshot. She pulled over so that she could call an ambulance and she heard another one. After the third and finally shot Tamika felt a sharp pain in her chest. She was struggling to breathe, and then everything went black.
Tamika was floating above the city. She saw everything from a new perspective. All of a sudden, she heard somebody call her name. She turned around and surround by a bright light floated Kamal. He was bleeding and saying something that Tamika couldn’t hear. Some how, she felt what he was saying. She felt him say the same thing he said yesterday, that he loved her. As soon as she was getting ready to say something back, he was gone.
Tamika woke up, surrounded by a bunch of people that she didn’t recognize at first. It was like the only thing that she knew at that moment was that Kamal was gone. He was gone. The words “He’s gone” kept replaying in her mind. Then she remembered the last words she said to him.
“How could he be gone? I didn’t even have time to apologize. I’m so sorry Kamal. It was a mistake,” She said out loud in between tears.

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 07.03.2012

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