Prolouge

 I have one thing to say about love.

It's that, even if you are dying for your crush to kiss you or that new bad boy to look your way and they don't, try harder. If you want that boy, you've got to work to get him. I'm not saying you have to change the way you look, but atleast smile at the boy more often instead of shyly looking away.

Everybody says that you should wait for true love. There is nothing true in this world. If you are the girl who doesn't want to be a-no-boyfriend-gal, you have to make sure you get your “true” love quick. And who cares if he's six inches taller than you or a foot shorter? It doesn't matter. He's cute and you want him.

Mom didn't find Dad quickly. She waited for her true love to whisk by. 'Love doesn't happen in a glance' is what she says. (wtf?) But after Dad left, Mom stopped trying. She didn't have the guts to find a new man. I told her that getting over Andrew – why should I call him Dad when he doesn't even live with us anymore? – is her main priority. Six months ago on a Tuesday, she actually did some work by searching guys on Eharmony.com. Unfortanately, by the end of the day she was bawling in her bedroom.

Oh, well. Atleast it was a good try.

Mom found Dad in the opposite way I found Jason. He gave me one look and we were getting ready for a date the next night.

I know my one thing to say about love is true. Because I'm perfectly right all the time.

And love is perfect too.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 1

 

I'm drop-dead gorgeous.

It's a plain and sinple fact. It's not my fault I have the perfect body shape, perfect hair, perfect smile, perfect whatever. I don't even like it. I would've handed my face off to Trisha Karwien anyway. She really doesn't like me at all. In fact, she fucking hates me. She loves Jason, though.

Jason and I have been together from 8th grade. And now, our senior year. We used to be inseperable. Now Jason is...distant. He hardly texts or calls me. Most of the time he's babysitting his aunt's child or doing some work, so he's written off all my plans – I really don't think he's babysitting or working. I'm pretty sure he hanging out with Jacie Torran. Jacie & Jason. They belong on the Rolling Stone.

Jacie is Jason's neighbor. She moved here just a year ago. I wonder if she likes Jason.

I get a text. Jason.

Jason: hey baby r u comin 2 chad's party??

Me: yea, r u?

Jason: maybe. Might b busy. make sure no guys hit on u!!!

Me: busy w/ what?

He replies a little later than the other texts.

Jason: babysitting

Me: r u sure? Ur always babysitting. Tell me the real reason

I get a text from my best friend, Whitney.

Whit: went 2 the spa today, sending u pic of facial

A picture of Whitney pops up. She looks different with blue eyeshadow and dark lines of mascara. Her three pimples are gone. I smile, glad that she's happy. Before all she could complain about was her face.

Me: soooooo happy 4 u, whit!!!! can't wait to see u in person :)

Whit: u'll c me at chad's party. I'll pick u up, ok?

I send her a thanks and run upstairs to my closet. Chad Hampon's party is tonight. It's his eighteenth birthday, and his parents are out of town. It's supposed to be the biggest bash of the month – maybe even the year.

After picking out an outfit and sending a picture to Whitney, I slam onto my bed. Picking out an outfit for a party is really more tiring than some people think.

 

Whitney comes and picks me up, staring at me. I guess she likes it when she smiles and yells, “Get in!”

I'm glad that I picked out this new white dress. It's got a black bow on the side and reaches mid-thigh. Mom bought it for me for Homecoming, which is four weeks away, but then decided it wasn't good enough. I told her I would do the shopping this time.

I did my hair into soft waves that go down to my arms. Only a touch of mascara and eyeliner. Whitney looks amazing with blue eyeshadow like in the picture and her hair curled. I hug her and squeal as she drives to Chad's house.

When we get there, the party is in full bust. We walk inside, greeted by Chad, who thankfully is not drunk.

“Hey, ladies,” he says, grinning, “Welcome to my fiesta!” He laughs, walking over to some guy and starts to talk. Whitney and I go deeper inside, to the kitchen, where beer cans are tossed on the floor. I dodge a puddle of alcohol and almost gag at the smell. We pass through the kitchen quickly and walk to the living room where some girls and guys are talking.

“Well, look who made it,” says a deep voice. I turn around and face Daniel, one of my closest friends. He's on the football team. His voice is sexy, too. Mostly American with a hint of British in there. I laugh and hug him.

“Have you guys seen Jason?” I ask, smiling.

“Uh, I think so,” says Daniel. “He came a little earlier. Is he drunk, I don't know.”

“That's alright,” I say. “Jason never gets totally wasted.”

I pass by Whiney, who is flirting with Noah, a senior at our school. I walk around the house, looking for Jason, when I see him walk down the stairs. I gasp.

His clothes are rumpled, the zipper on his jeans is unzipped. His hair is wild and he's grinning. After he comes down the stairs, a girl follows him. Frizzy red hair, cropped tank top, Jacie. Jacie.

By the looks of it, they were doing it.

Tears blur my vision and I look at Jason. His eyes catch mine and he starts coming over, but I back away and whisper-scream, “Get away from me.”

Jacie comes up behind him and looks confused for a few seconds before she sees me. A smirk spreads on her face and she laughs, her eyes glinting. They really did do it.

Jason says, “Carson, please -”

“Oh, please what? Please forgive me, Carson?” I yell at him. “Forgive you. Ha. Forgive you for lying all those times you lied about babysitting your brother. You were really...just with her.” I point a shaky finger at Jacie, who is leaning her head on Jason's shoulder. “Guess what, Jason? We're done. Over. And I'm pretty sure on Monday you were going to break up with me. Oh, that's too bad...I did it first.” A tear rolls down my cheek. “Jacie and Jason. You guys belong on Rolling Stone.”

I walk away and bump into Whitney. She's staring at me. Oh God, my makeup.

“You. Are. Going. Home.” Whitney snaps. She looks at Jason, narrowing her eyes. “Oh, you little ass-”

“Whit, please, let's just go.” Everyone in the living room is looking at us. Jason's sister, Ali, comes over and pushes Jason to the floor. “Wow, little bro.”

Whitney pulls on my arm and drags me away. I would've liked to see Jason get beat up by his sister.

I sit down on a chair in the backyard and sigh. “You don't have to leave.”

She mumbles something under her breath about dirty liars, then looks up at me and says, “I'll drop you off and come back. Or do you want a girls' night? My parents are working and yours are on that zoo trip, right?”

I nod. Tears roll down my cheeks.

“That dick doesn't deserve you. And that Jacie girl, she's probably the ugliest person I have ever seen. Her outfit deserves to be on My Little Pony: Ugliest Ponies and Phonies in Town.”

I laugh, but my heart deflates right after. Jason has come outside and is looking for someone. Me.

Whitney shakes her head. “You're over him. He just needs to get that.”

I stand up and tell her to stay put. I walk over to Jason, my legs shaking. I cross my arms and stand in front of him.

“Carson, please just let me explain...” Jason's face is red. I laugh, but it comes out more like a choke.

“Look, Jason, you've done enough explaining. I know you were waiting for sex, but I didn't think you would have it with another girl. And...what about the 'Jason and Jacie are friends thing'? That's a lie, right? Yeah. So now it would just be best if you walked away and get together with Jacie. She gave you her virginity.” I start walking away. “Have a nice life, Jason.” I slap him across the face, leaving him in shock.

“Wait!” He calls frantically. “You're still my girl, right?”

“I think I'm gonna pass. But thanks for the offer.” I say snarkily, sitting back down beside Whitney. She nods at me, as if to say, You did the right thing.

I'm sure I did, Whitney. I'm sure I did.

Chapter 2

I open Eharmony.com on the computer and swivel it towards Whitney. She raises an eyebrow.

I sigh. “We have to find someone for Mom. She doesn't even have a dude as a friend right now.”

“But...” Whitney grabs the computer mouse and puts her head in her hands. “But don't you think that you should let your Mom wait for actual love?”

“Ugh. You sound exactly like her.” I groan, slamming the computer shut. “Actual love? I hate the words true, wait, and all that crap.”

Whitney stands up, putting her hands on her hips. “That shit doesn't happen quickly. You and Jason...well, yes, but me and Noah, we went a whole 'nother route. We actually talked first.”

“Whatever.”

Whitney goes to my closet and her cell phone rings. She answers it, smiling.

“Mmm hmm...” Mumbling on the other end.

“Sure!” Whitney beams. “I'll be there in ten, okay?”

She looks at me. “Noah asked me to meet him at Turners'. Can I...”

I throw a pillow at her. “You better go, girl, or I kill you.”

She smiles gratefully and runs out the door. As soon as I see her car leave the driveway, I call Daniel.

“Wazzup...” He slurs when I answer.

“Dan, are you drunk?”

“What? No!” He laughs. “Mustang, I was just sleeping.” Mustang is what he calls me, because my name has Car in it.

“Sleeping?” I check my clock. “Dan, it's 1:00 in the afternoon. Were you sleeping from the morning?”

“Duh...” he groans. “Meet me at the park tomorrow, okay? And...Mustang, I'm really sorry about Jason.”

“Mmm hmm.” I say, thinking back to Jason and Jacie coming down the stairs together. I almost start crying.

Daniel says, “Carson, are you crying? I didn't mean -”

“No, that's okay,” I say softly. “I'll see you tomorrow after school.”

I hang up. Putting on a sweater, I walk out the door, holding Jason's BOYFRIEND picture. I know exactly where I'm going.

I'm going to Jacie's house.

 

When she opens the door, her eyes flash with greed. I realise she's wearing Jason's baseball cap. That's mine! I want to yell. But it's not mine. It's Jacie's now.

“Hey, bitch, what do you want?” Jacie snaps, her bob swirling.

“Look, Jacie. It's over between me and Jason, so I don't know why you're being so fucking mean. But I guess...” I hold out the picture of Jason with the words 'BOYFRIEND' across it. She snatches it from me, holding the photo to her chest. “That's yours now.” I step down the pathway and turn away from her. I hear the door slam and I realise she's gone.

My cell phone rings.

Of all people, it's Jason.

I stare at it, and mumble, “Why can't I block you?” I drop it back in my jean pocket and let it ring. Beside Jacie's house, I can see Jason's. I look up. He's watching me from my window. What a freak – is he stalking me now?

I give him the finger and his face turns to disbelief. Serves him right after having sex with a red-haired slut. And it wasn't like she spiked his drink or anything, he did it on purpose.

My stomach growls. I walk to my car and slide into the front seat, starting the engine. Right now, to get over all this drama, I need food.

I grab a burger and soda from the nearest fast food resturant and eat it quickly. Still not enough, but atleast it gets my energy up by a little bit. I don't feel like going home, and Whitney's out with Noah, so where else can I go? What was our school planning today?

Homecoming. In one month and three days, people will be dressed up at our school and laughing. Everyone will probably have a date. But I...I'll be dateless.

“Fuck my life and everyone in it,” I mumble. As the prettiest girl of Collindeer High – uh, no, I don't even like it – everyone expects me to have a date. But how am I supposed to find someone new when the love of my life just dumped me?

Jason – I think he only wanted me because of my looks. What he wanted was my virginity, and now that Jacie's given hers to him, why should I?

I sit in the parking lot of McDonalds for more than an hour, thinking about Jason and Jacie and Daniel and Whitney and Noah. And Mom.

When I get back home, I see my mother's car parked in the driveway. She doesn't usually get home this quick.

I step inside, calling, “Mom?”

“Oh, honey, guess what!” She cries, running from the kitchen and hugging me. “Your father is coming back!”

The air is sucked out of my lungs. “Andrew...he's coming back?”

No no no no no no no.

“Isn't it amazing? He says he's very sorry...” She stops talking when she sees my face. “Carson? Are you okay, baby?”

I rush past her and run up the stairs, screaming. All this hard work, making an account on Eharmony and looking up guys for mom – all for nothing? Andrew can't come back. I don't want my mother's heart broken again. I'm never forgiving him. Ever.

“Holy shit!” I yell, falling backwards onto my bed. Andrew. Coming. Home.

Holy fucking double shit.

 

 

Chapter 3

 

When Andrew comes home, I am standing in the front of the lawn, watering the grass. He pulls up in a black SUV, and I can see his face – a goatee and bright blue eyes that smile at me. I turn away, back to the flowers.

Mom immediately rushes outside. She hasn't seen him for over a year, so tears roll down her cheeks. I shake my head at her – how is she so forgiving? He left her for some chick that dumped him two weeks later and stole his mansion. Now he's coming back; it's fucked up.

Andrew walks out of the car. Mom rushes to him, grabbing him into a hug. Wtf? She looks so happy I decide not to say anything.

I text Daniel: where r u?

Uuh...somewhere? Ok, at my house. Where r u? He replies.

At house...dad came back, I write, ignoring Andrew calling my name.

WTF? U let him???? Daniel knows all about Andrew and our family.

No, he came himself...mom decided she was still in love w/ him and is giving him the spare room. I shake my head just thinking about it. I text a ttyl and look up to see Andrew walking towards me. His arms are stretched out for a hug. No way in hell is he getting one.

“Carson, baby.” Mom says in dissappointment. “Hug your father.”

“He's not my father.” I snap in disgust. My hands are clenched to my sides. “He's a lying cheapskake who decided he would leave us one year with hardly any money.” I say through gritted teeth.

“Carson!” Mom yells. “You are not allowed to speak to your father like that, you hear me? Now hug him!”

Andrew is getting closer. I back up.

“Rot in hell, you bastard! I fucking hate you!” I yell at him. His jaw drops, and I use that split second to run into the house.

 

Daniel calls me later the next day and tells me that our afternoon at the park is canceled. Instead our whole senior homeroom class – that includes Jason, Jacie, and Whitney – are going on a trip to the beach. Whitney comes over to help me search of a bikini.

“Try on this yellow one.” She says, holding up a yellow two-piece. “Wait, never mind, it does not look good with your olive complexion.”

She rummages through my closet a little more, than picks out a strapless ruffle red bikini. She holds it up, then grins. “Perfect.”

Whitney takes the yellow bikini and tries it on. We both come outside from the bathrooms a few minutes after changing. I look at Whitney. “That looks amazing on you, Whit.”

“I know,” she laughs, putting her hands on her hips. “Please take a picture.”

I grab my phone and snap a picture of her. When Daniel calls me again to tell us that the bus is almost there, we both put one of Mom's big T-shirts on and wait outside. The bus pulls up in a few minutes.

I wave goodbye to Mom, but ignore Andrew when he calls, “Have fun, honey!”

Honey.

I climb on. Jason is in one of the backseats, sitting with Jacie. He stares at me, his eyes filling with what – lust? I send him a death glare as I sit down next to Whitney.

Daniel, who's in the seat behind us, says, “Forget about him, Mustang. What an ass.”

I twist my head so that I'm looking up at him. A boy in the seat next to us, Alex, looks at me, then Daniel.

 

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 13.07.2015

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