Love may be blind. But the blind judge based off of personality. Not appearance. Remember that. Because if love is blind, and the blind judge based off of personality, then love should always be judged on a person's personality. Never their appearance...

Prologue
Have you ever found somebody that you just connect with? And no matter what you say you can't seem to find anything to break that connection? That happened to me the day my best friend introduced me to a boy from her school. She's visually impaired, but that didn't faze me. When she wanted me to go out on a blind date (no pun intended) with this boy though, I was wary. I didn't know if there was something that I should or shouldn't do. However, after that first date, we realized something. We actually understood each other. On not just a personality level. But on an emotional and psychological level. That first date was what changed my life for ever.

Chapter One

I realized the day that I met Jessica Smith my life was going to change for ever. I was taking piano lessons at the local rec center and one day she walks in. I was only about ten at the time so I didn't under stand a lot about visually impaired persons. Or how they led their lives and such. So, when I was waiting for my teacher to get there, she walks in. She had, what I learned after some what rudely asking, a cane. I was ten so don't get me wrong. When I saw this girl wander in swinging this thing back and forth I thought it was some sort of a toy. Although I had never seen one before. Wary of what to do I watched her make her way up to the desk and hit the bell to summon the secretary. After about five minutes she turned around cocking her head to the side.

"Hello? I know there's somebody in here. I can hear you breathing." She said this so matter of factly that I almost screamed right there. Instead though I took a deep breath.

"Yes. There's somebody here. What's that stick thing, and why do you have sun glasses on when we're inside?"
To her credit she didn't fly off the handle. She actually grinned a little. "First of all, it's not a stick. It's called a cane. And I have sun glasses on all the time. Haven't you seen me on the streets or anything?" I reached back into my memory to see if I could recall any images of her but none came to mind.

"No. I haven't. So why do you have that? Is it like a toy or something?" At this point I was starting to slowly make my way across the room.

"No, it's not a toy. It helps me to not run into things. I'm visually impaired." Those last two words stopped me in my tracks.

"Vis-a what now? I'm ten for pete's sake. Use English." She stopped for a second to stop her self from laughing.
"I'm blind. Do you know what means?"

I thought for a minute. I had heard the term used before. But I had yet to learn what it meant. "Nope. Not a clue."

"It means I can't see. I was born not being able to see." She slid her glasses off of her face so I could see her eyes. "And this is why I always have my sun glasses on. My eyes freak people out if they don't know what's wrong with me."

I stopped for a second completely captivated. Her eyes were the most icy shade of blue I had ever seen. Not  knowing what to say, I instead slowly turned back to my piano.

"That's okay. Not many people know how to respond when I tell them I'm blind. Most of them at least know what visually impaired means though. But like you said. You're only ten. I'm ten too, but I've had to learn all this stuff since I was really little. Do you know what Braille is?"

Now that I did know. It had been a vocabulary word just last week in reading. "Yup. It's where you use those little bump things to read."

"Yes. But it's more complicated than that. Maybe you can come over to my house and I'll show you how it works. Here, give me a piece of paper and a pen and I'll write down my number. Call me today after four, and ask for Jess. My mom will answer. Her name's Melissa. But on the off chance that my dad answers his name is Drew."

"Okay. I'll do that. Oh, my mom's here. I guess I'll talk to you later. Bye."

"Bye. Have a nice day..."

"Rachelle. That's my name, but Everybody just calls me Rach."

"Okay. Have a nice day Rachelle. I'll find something more original than Rach later to call you. Bye."

"Bye."

It was after that day that I knew I had finally found a real friend. We started hanging out more and more. Eventually she started to feel comfortable enough to invite me over to her house. I really couldn't understand what the big deal was at first. But after spending about ten minutes with her parents I understood. They were incredibly over protective of Jess. If she just barely stumbled into a wall her mother would make a big deal out of it and do a top to bottom evaluation of her to make sure that she was okay.

I spent most of the time in her room. Afraid that if I ventured out into their living room I would get stared out and scrutinized by her mother. Her brother was a little weird too. He'd watch me everywhere I went. I asked Jess why he did that one day and she said it's because he's worried about me. I asked her why and she said she didn't know. He wouldn't say.

I had never had any big problems with Jess. Sure there were a couple times where her eyes made things complicated. But she had never done anything to actually make me very angry. Up until one day after school we were talking on the phone.

That incident changed my life for ever. But I'm glad she did it. Even if for about a year I was really messed up about where my life was going.


Chapter Two

"You did what?" I was on the phone with Jess one Saturday morning. She was telling me about her week at school. There was a new VI guy in her classes. Unfortunately, she couldn't just tell me this. She informed me that she had told this dude that she had a cute friend who was single. Of course the guy could care less if I was cute. He liked how she described my personality though. He liked it even better when Jess suggested that we meet.

"I told you. This kid, I think his name was like Sterling or something like that, wants to meet you. He lives in the next town over so I figured you and I could drive up there today and get him. Come on, Zippy, it'll be fun." I knew right then that she really wanted me to meet this kid. She only called me Zippy when she really wanted something. That was how I had gotten the nick name. She had wanted to get to her house really fast so that her mom wouldn't have a freak out and my driving was what got us there in time. Almost got me a speeding ticket, but still. Now I have a nickname to show for my abilities and I don't allow anybody else to call me Zippy, Zip, or anything that might sound like it came from the name.

"Okay. But for the moment I'm only meeting him."

"Uhh... Yeah, about that..."

"Oh, no Jess! You didn't! I am not going on a blind date, no pun intended or anything, with a visually impaired guy. I wouldn't know what to do. Or how to act."

"Just act like you do with me. Except with him you're going to hold his arm instead of the other way around for sided guide so it doesn't look weird."

"Really? But like, what if he has to use the rest room or something? I think it would look weird if I took him all the way there and then back to the table."

"Don't worry. I'm putting you guys in a restaurant that he goes to every day after school. He knows the owner, and so the owner knows that he's blind. Just be your self. And he even said if you wanted to you could ask him questions about his eye sight. It's a way different case than mine. I was born with mine. He wasn't."
That stopped me in my tracks. I knew there were plenty of kids at her school that hadn't been born with it. They had gotten into accidents and stuff. But the way she said it made it sound like something bad had happened. Something really bad.

"Okay. I'll go. But you have to promise me that you're going to stick around."

"Sorry Zip, but I've got to go by the book store. My order of Braille paper came in and I have to get it. I promise as soon as I'm done I'll come by and see how you guys are doing. Okay?"

"Fine. Now the only question is whether I can get my parents to let me go or not."

My parents were incredibly strict. Like, more strict than you would have thought possible. If I even stepped outside for a couple of seconds with out letting them know they interrogated me for a half an hour wanting to know where I've been and what I've been doing. They didn't act like that with any of my siblings. Just me. After a while I got used to it. That and the constant arguing in my house. Not everybody else with each other, but me with everybody else. My parents made it seem like it was my job to make sure they didn't kill anybody, or eachother for that matter. And they always asked me to do stuff the others were fully capable of doing. One day I lost it. I blew up at my mom. Her response was to slap me across the face and send me to my room.

After that I withdrew from them as much as possible. Even if they asked me what was wrong I'd ignore them. They stopped after one day I actually told them what was wrong. That's because what came out of my mouth was a string of cuss words and a whole lot of things that were wrong with my life. At home I was treated like shit. Nobody even acted like they cared about what happened to me. Or whether what they said was going to hurt my feelings or not.

At school it was even worse. I got bullied by everybody every single day. I had no friends there. I had given up trying to socialize with anybody after one day in the cafeteria when I sat down at a table and was immediately hit by a rainstorm of garbage. The teachers knew that I had it rough at school. But they didn't really do anything to try and help me. They just made sure to seclude me in class and there was always a door unlocked during lunch so I wouldn't have to be stuck in a room full of people that tormented me.

Why they tortured me is still unknown to me. But as long as I don't have to watch anybody else suffer through it as long as I live I'm okay with it. It helped make me a stronger person. I have the stories to tell to show it. Even the scars to show.

Chapter Three

I slowly walked down the stairs after I hung up the phone. Not wanting to make it seem like this was anything that it wasn't, I kept all of my actions normal and calm. Knowing my mom and dad were going to be waiting for me to come down and do the dishes and take out the trash I decided to use this time to use my supposedly amazing people skills. I pasted a smile on my face and walked into the kitchen. As expected my mom was at the table doing work for her job and my dad was out back.

"Hi, Mom!" I said this as cheerfully as possible with the smile still on my face.

She barely registered that I had entered the kitchen. But the second those words were out of my mouth she looked up at me with suspicion all over her face. "What do you want? I'm busy, Rachelle. You know that."
I didn't let this faze me. I knew better. "Nothing. Just came down to do the dishes early and take out the trash. I've got to take Jess to a book store over in the Falls to pick up an order of Braille paper. We're going to meet one of her friends for lunch."

She hardly even blinked. She knew that I took Jess all over the place to do all sorts of things. However this was the first time a friend was going to be involved. "What friend might this be?" She said this in a tone of voice that made me think of the ignorant way she acted the first time I ever brought Jess to my house. She took me to hers first. I was afraid to bring her to mine. I knew my family would be incredibly rude about it. I just hadn't expected it to be that bad.

*********

 

I had gotten home and was waiting for the bus to come by my house so I could ride my bike the four blocks down to Jess's to grab her so we could go down to the library. Unfortunately she said that she thought it was high time that I brought her to my house. I had warned her that my family was rude and ignorant. No matter what the case being. The second I hit my front yard I knew things were going to be bad. My twin brothers were in the front yard arguing over a rake and the second they saw Jess's cane they bombarded her with questions. 

Seeing as they were about seven she simply answered them and brushed it off. However, my eleven year old sister, who knew better, was ruder than I thought imaginable. The first thing out of her mouth was, "What is that? Are you some sort of like freak or something? Because, you know, my parents don't like freaks. Why they keep her around is beyond me." With the emphasized her she pointed her finger at me. It was at that point that I felt a gentle squeeze on my arm. I had forgotten Jess had my arm in her grip. She signaled me to lean over. "It's fine. Let's just go inside, okay? I'm used to this kind of stuff from kids. I've been living with this for fourteen years."

I shook a little and leaned over to her. "She's right. My parents can be very ignorant. Are you sure you want to do this?"

She just nodded her head and started working her way up the walk taking me with her. I told her the steps and that there was a flower pot that people always missed. I got her inside my house and she folded her cane down and stuck it into her book bag.

"Mom, Dad, I'm back. I brought Jess with me. I thought you might like to meet her." All I had told my parents about Jess was that she was visually impaired. I didn't want to go any further into detail than that.

My mother was in the kitchen, as usual. My dad was in his office. Taking Jess and leading her into the kitchen I grabbed a chair and sat her down. "Do you want something to drink? We have orange juice, kool aid, milk, Pepsi."
"I'll take some Pepsi. Caffeine addict." She said this with a little smirk because she knew that I had full knowledge of this. She just wanted to see my mother's reaction. My mother was typing so Jess knew she was in the room with us. "So, Mrs. Jensen, how are you today?" Jess was facing me, but I knew that she was doing this to prove a point to me. My mother glanced at me then back to her computer.

"I'm fine. How are you? I hope the walk way wasn't too difficult to get through. The kids have their toys scattered every where." This was an innocent comment. Something that could be applied to anybody so I paid it no attention.
"I'm fine. And it was very easy. I had my cane, and Rachelle was helping me. You have some very inquisitive children. They had all sorts of questions for me. Although, I'm not sure your daughter understands the full concept of what my cane is actually used for."

At this my mother froze. I had specifically warned Jess not to say anything regarding my siblings' behavior if it wasn't positive. But I should have known. I've known the girl for four years and she's very blunt.

"My daughter has a very broad span of knowledge, thank you. I'm sure if you explained to her, she would understand." My mother's cheerful voice was slowly fading. At this point my father decided to walk in.

"Ah. I see we have company... Rachelle, who is this young lady and why is she talking to your mother, but looking at you?"

I glanced at Jess knowing before I could even start to think she would be going at it, so I didn't even bother. Sticking out her hand in my dad's general direction she said, "I'm Jessica Smith. A friend of Rachelle's. I was just telling your wife that your daughter was a little confused about the uses of my cane."

My dad glanced at my mom who immediatly went back to her typing. "Well, I'm sure if you just explained to her-" 

"I all ready said that. Unfortunately she didn't seem to understand."

My dad was standing right behind me so when my mother came up and started whispering in his ear I heard every word.

"I cannot believe our daughter would bring this into our house. This girl looks like she could barely make it through our door way without falling. Do you want to say something? Or should I?"

"I'm not saying anything. Although I do agree with you. Look at her sitting there. I saw her walking down the road. She looks like a disaster waiting to happen."

"Okay, then. I'll say something. But next time Rachelle brings something of this nature into our house we both deal with it together. Okay?"

"Okay."

Knowing that because of the loss of her sight, Jess's other senses were increased a great deal. So when I turned around saw the look on her face I knew she had heard every word.

Before I could make a move to get her out of the kitchen my dad started talking, "Umm... Rachelle. Would you mind taking Jessica up to your room. Your mother is about to start dinner and she doesn't need anybody getting in the way. And we'd really greatly appreciate it if you would let us know if we are going to have company that might be impaired by our house. Thank you."

That froze me right in my tracks. Before I could think about what I was saying or doing, I grabbed Jess and started towards the stairs with our sodas. But before I followed Jess up the stairs, I turned to my parents, completely mortified. "I cannot believe you just said that! You guys know she heard every word of that right? God, could you be any more ignorant? I mean seriously!" With that I ran up the stairs quickly locating Jess sitting in front of my door shaking.

"Oh my God, Jess. I am so, so, so sorry. I didn't realize they were going to act like that. I swear. I knew they were going to be a little blunt. But I didn't think they were going to be that out rightly rude about it. Are you okay? Do you need something?"

"No... No. I'm fine. Just, let's go back to my house. I see why you were afraid to bring me over here. I thought you were exaggerating, but I can clearly see that you weren't."

"Okay. Here, we can go through the back so my parents don't see us. Hold on. I'll go grab our stuff."
With that I ran down the stairs and grabbed our coats and bags. After that, I never brought Jess to my house. We stayed at her house with her crazy over protective mother and ever watchful brother.

 

*********

 

"Just a kid from her school. He's new at the school and wanted something to do over the weekend. So we were going to go and hang out with him." I didn't wait for a response. Instead I started unloading the dishwasher and keeping all of the thoughts running through my head to my self. After I was done with my stuff I ran back up to my room to text Jess that I was going to be at her house in about five and then we could leave.

After pulling my hair up and putting my boots on I ran back down the stairs. I figured my mother would still be at the table, but instead she was out back with my dad. It looked like they were arguing so I just left. I knew my brothers and sister would have questions, but I usually ignored them. So this wouldn't be any different.

"Rachelle! Brian took my bag!" This complaint came out of Susan.

I turned to just barely register this and quickly headed to my car. Climbing in I realized that this was the first time I was leaving without directly asking permission to leave town. And I didn't feel guilty about it in the least bit. It actually felt good.

Chapter Four

When I pulled up in front of Jess's house her brother was sitting out in the middle of their yard. He was a year older than me but looked like he was almost in his late twenties. He glanced up when he heard my car pull in. I waved at him and he stood up and walked into the house. A minute later he was bringing Jess over to my car.

"Thanks, Alex. Tell Mom I'll be back after six so don't bother setting a place for me for dinner."

"Okay, JJ. I'll make sure I let her know that. Later, Rach."

I nodded at him and after Jess was buckled in I backed out of their drive way.

"He still calls you JJ? That was over a year ago!"

"I know. Don't even start. I'll tell Sterling that you're a psycho path who likes to feed on the living souls of visually impaired guys with long gorgeous blond hair."

"And how exactly do you know he has hair like that?"

She smirked and just said, "I don't. Just thought it might be fun to imagine."

I thought for a minute and groaned. If there was one thing that this girl was famous for, it was for being a perv. "You know, if I get left alone in a restaurant for longer than two hours with him, we might just go sneak into a bath room..."

I let the sentence hang in the air for a second before we both started cracking up. We knew we needed to get all of this out before we got up there. Unfortunately when we pulled up to his house we were still cracking jokes. I waited for a second before I saw the door open. A very scary looking dude with eyes that looked like he was just mad all the time was watching us.

"Get out, and go tell him that your here for Sterling. If Sterling asks who you are, tell him that you've got the girl with the pencils in the car."

"Umm... Okay?"

"Don't question just do."

"You do. You know him better than I do."

"Yes, but I'm not familiar with this drive way. So it'd take me a minute to get up the walk. Then longer to get back down with him. Just go grab him you dork."

I sighed and said, "Fine. But you owe me for this."

I climbed out of the car and headed up the walk. The guy had by this time moved out to an old beaten up lawn chair and was smoking a cigarette.

"Hi... I'm.. Umm... I'm here for Sterling? Lancing? My friend and I were going to-"

Before I could finish the sentence he snarled at me and looked up irritated. "If you're one of that little shits friends then I suggest you be careful. Last ones got him into trouble. Go inside up the stairs second door on your left. If he's not in there then check the kitchen."

Not knowing what to say I slowly opened the door. I stepped inside and was instantly hit by the strong smell of beer and cigarette smoke. I checked in the kitchen and didn't find him there so I worked my way up the stairs.

"Sterling?"

I heard a relatively deep voice come from down the hall. "I'm in here. Deb, if that's you, so help me I will lock the fucking door and climb out the window with my cane."

"No. I'm a friend of Jess's."

"Jess? Who the fucking hell is Jess? And who the fuck are you?" I learned right away that this boy had either had no lesson in manners, or had gotten a lesson, and then forgot them.

"The girl with the pencils? You go to school with her at the deaf and blind school. She said you were new..."
By this time I could hear him working his way towards the door. I knew when he had hit it because there was a thunk as the head of the cane rammed against the door.

"Oh! I know who you are. Sorry. I'm still not used to having to base my people finder skills on my ears and nose. I'm Sterling, but you all ready know that apparently. Yeah, I just have to grab my shoes and then I'll be ready to go."

I followed him down the stairs and helped him narrowly avoid colliding with a chair as he had left his cane on the couch with his coat. As soon as he had his coat and shoes on I headed to the door.

"Don't worry about folding your cane down. I'll help you out to my car."

"You know how to do a sided guide?"

"Proper and not proper. Why?"

"Just surprised. Not many seeing people do. How long you and Jess been friends?"

By this time we were working our way down the steps. "About six years. I met her when I was ten at the rec center. I was finishing up a piano lesson and she was coming in for Braille class. There's a step right here."

"Thanks. And that's cool. She told me you were a nice person. And that you had a great personality. I'm not sure about the personality part yet. But you obviously have a lot of patience seeing as you didn't deck me the first chance you got. Sorry about upstairs by the way. I thought you were my dad's psycho girl friend. She insists on following me every where I go. Even if it's just into the kitchen. She thinks that if she leaves me alone for five seconds I'll chop a finger off or something."

I helped him into the back seat of my car while still continuing the conversation. "It's fine. I know all about over protective parents. Right Jess?"

She gave me a dirty look and then said, "Unfortunately yes. Hi Sterling. If you haven't figured it out all ready I'm the girl who's always giving people pencils in class."

"Yeah, I kind of got that up stairs after I cussed your friend out. She has some amazing patience."

"Yeah, I know. I figured that out after spending a week with her and she hadn't got fed up with leading me around things."

By this time he was starting to loosen up a little. Not anywhere near trying to smile. But he wasn't sitting up looking like he was getting ready to fend off an attack. Instead he was slouched over looking like he might actually be ready to try and have a good time.
"So, Sterling. Which restaurant was it that you were going to go to?" Jess was angling herself so that she was facing him.

"Umm... The owner's name is like Reggie or something like that. Just look for the only Italian restaurant in town."
I fortunately knew where it was so it took me under five minutes to get there. When we pulled up Jess got out of the car and asked which direction we were facing. I told her and she said that she would be back in about a half an hour. I said okay and gave her a quick hug before she headed off down the road. I turned to Sterling and for the first time noticed that he was at least a half a foot taller than me. I decided to try making small talk first.

"So. Where do you want to sit?" He looked like he was on the verge of hitting something. When he didn't say anything I just grabbed his arm and led him up the walk.

When we got inside he froze instantly. Suddenly I heard somebody yell. "Sterling! It's been so long since you've been in. How have you been?" He looked around trying to figure out where it was coming from. I had seen Jess do the same thing so I mumbled under my breath, "Front left. Short lady. Brown curly hair. Mid length." His eyes twitched in my direction and he nodded an acknowledgement that he had heard me. 

He turned in the direction that I had indicated. Slowly raising his head up, I realized something. The person talking to him didn't know he was blind. And he was embarrassed to tell her. Feeling bad for him I gently grabbed his arm and started leading him to the lady. She was still smiling broadly when we reached. He nodded to me that it was okay to let go of him. 

He approached her warily. He had folded up his cane and stuck in his back pack. And unless you knew what to look for in some people, you can't tell anything from their eyes. So when he whispered in her ear, and she slowly started leading him to a back room, I wasn't surprised. I didn't know what to do, so I asked him, "Do you want me to come with you? Or would you rather I not? I can stay out here..." He stopped momentarily. Then he turned to me and reached out his arm. I took this as a sign that he wanted me to follow. Probably to make sure that he didn't run into anything. I led him around some tables and told him we were coming up to a small flight of stairs going up.

"So... Where are we going?" I asked this slowly so as not to startle her or him. She turned back to me and smiled a little. "We're going up to my office so Sterling can talk to me... I thought it was going to be in private."

I was tempted to retort with some sort of smart ass comment. But instead I decided to keep my mouth shut. Best to be seen and observed instead of heard and understood... Learned that the hard way too many times.

My thoughts were interrupted when Sterling reached out and tapped my shoulder. I jerked my head up and looked at him. His mouth was set into a frown. I didn't know what had been said, but I didn't think it was good. I waited for an explanation but none came. So instead of trying to fill up the awkward silence I reached over to him and whispered, "Did she say something that made you mad? Or do you always look like that after having a conversation with people?" His frown quickly turned upwards into a smirk. "No she didn't say anything to make me mad. And yes, I do always look like that... Any more questions Sherlock?"

I waited for a second and then said, "Yeah. I do. Are you always such a stubborn smart ass?" He started laughing and shook his head. "No. Not all the time anyways."

I just shook my head and started laughing. "Yeah. I think we're going to get along just fine. Come on. Let's go find our table." He just grinned and held his arm out for me to grab on to. I led him back down the stairs and to a table in the back. After we were seated and had ordered our drinks we sat there for a minute. I was about to say something when he suddenly asked, "Does this bother you? At all?"

I sat there for a minute. Confused on what he meant. "I'm not sure what you mean... Does what bother me?" I saw a look of discomfort cross his face and he looked down into his lap. He wasn't going to say it outloud. I'd seen that look before. And it was almost impossible to change people's mind when they've made that decision. I sat there for a minute waiting for him to speak. When he didn't I leaned over and whispered quietly, "If you don't want to say it outloud, I have a pen and paper in my bag that you can write it on... Would that make you more comfortable?" He looked up and then down and nodded his head slowly.

I reached into my bag and grabbed the pen and paper. Uncapping the pen and handing it to him I saw him start writing slowly across the paper. When he handed it back he dropped the pen quickly and withdrew his hands back into his lap. I looked at him for a moment before grabbing the paper and lifting it up. His hand writing was messy, but not so much that I couldn't read it. In his messy scrawl he had written, "Being out in public with me..."

This was something I had gone through with Jess for a while when we got older. She didn't want to embarass me or make me feel uncomfortable. I drew in a breath so that when I spoke my voice wouldn't sound shaky or start stuttering. "No. It doesn't bother me. I go out with Jess all the time and this is not different other then you're a guy... Don't worry about it." He looked up and I saw his mouth was turned downward into a scowl. I didn't know if it was something that I had said, or if he was just thinking, but he looked like he was getting ready to hit something.

"If I'm not supposed to worry about that, then can I worry about those ass holes at the other table making comments?" I didn't know what he was talking about until I looked up. Over in the corner there was group of boys about my age from the public school here watching us. One of them caught my gaze and smiled at me. Suddenly, he was standing up and walking over.

"Umm... I don't know if you're very prone to fighting with people. But one of them is coming over here. And he's smiling." I looked back over to him and he leaned back slowly in his seat. "What does he look like?"
"Brown hair. Medium build. He's got tattoos all over his arms." I looked over at him and he instantly turned towards me, his gaze suddenly worried. "Does he have a scorpion wrapping around his right wrist?"

I looked more carefully and saw it. "Yeah... Why? Wait- What are you doing?" He was standing up and pulling his hands into himself across his chest in a defensive manner. "Just keep quiet. Thank God we're in a restaraunt or I'd be fucked. And, no matter what he says, do not, and I repeat do not, say anything to try and defend me."
At that I was worried. First because it was in my nature to stick up for people. And second, this guy towered over him by at least a foot.

"Hey Sterling! How's it going buddy? We haven't seen you around school. What happened to you man? We haven't seen you out and about since you rolled that car." At that he looked at me. "Fucking moron rolled his car into a tree. Anyways, the guys are all over at the table. They wanted me to come see how you're doing. You know, since you can't see anything and you obviously haven't left your house in over a month."

I saw him flich at that last sentence. I knew what he had said, but one more comment about the eye sight, and I was going to use his own damn cane to hit this ass hole with. Suddenly I heard Sterling speak up, "I've been doing okay. And actually no I've been going outside more often for at least two weeks. Got myself enrolled in the new school here in town." I saw him shift backwards a little bit and then stood still again. I didn't know what he was planning on doing, but I didn't like it.

"Oh yeah. That new retard school? Man, I sure feel sorry for you. Maybe next time you try rolling a fucking car you won't fuck your self up so badly huh?" He leaned forward a little glancing at me and whispered something in his ear. At that Sterling tensed up and reached behind him and gripped the table. I saw this kid look at me and smile a little bit. As he walked back by he whispered in my ear, "Sure hope you like embarassing yourself in public sweety. Being out and about with somebody who can't see you could seriously kill your rep. Don't play up the pity me bull shit too long." He smirked and went to walk away but I stood up and blocked his exit.

"Say that again for me please. Because, I'm sure that everybody would love to hear it too. Oh, and another thing. Next time, you want to call somebody a fucking moron for rolling their car, go take a look in the mirror. Because I think you'd have to be an even bigger moron to tattoo a scorpion around their wrist... And do me a favor. Don't call me sweety again. I only have one person right now who's allowed to call me that." He towered over me and I couldn't fight at all. But this time he'd fucked with the wrong person. I didn't know what he would do, but there were plenty of witnesses.

He smirked and looked back at his table full of friends. They were all watching this. In fact, everyone in the restaraunt was watching. He leaned down towards me and I quickly stepped back. He just laughed and said, "I don't think you're my mommy. Get the fuck out of my way you little bitch. Go ahead and go play with the retard."

That's when I grabbed my bag from my table and bashed him over the head with it. I had a can of pepper spray in it. I knew I did. I was just starting to reach for it when he grabbed my wrist and pushed me backwards into a wall. I hit it hard enough to get a head ache. But I didn't go down. "Touch me again, and you're going to see how I handle people when they fuck with me."

Suddenly I heard Sterling speak up from behind him, "You fucking touch her again, Luke, and I'll have the cops all over you and everyone at that table back there. Get lost." This caused him to turn towards Sterling. He was reaching into his back pocket. I saw him retract a knife and open it up. Grabbing the nearest object I flung it at his head. It turned out to be a napkin dispenser. Not real deadly. But it got his attention.

"Okay. So that's how you want to play huh? He dropped his knife and strode towards me. He grabbed both of my arms and hauled me upwards. And, because I was actually thinking at some point during this, I kneed him in between the legs. He grunted and dropped me. I rolled out of his way as he dropped to the floor and grabbed my bag. Reaching inside I pulled out the can of pepper spray that I carried with me at all times. I was just getting ready so let loose a spray of it on him, but a voice behind me stopped, me. "I don't think you're going to need to do that. Go ahead and put it back inside your bag. I've called the cops and they'er on their way down here." I looked up to see the lady from before watching me. She had stepped protectively in front of Sterling and had a base ball bat ready.

I couldn't help but start laughing. It was just one of those moments where it's the only thing that makes sense. So you just go ahead and do it. And that's exactly what I did. After I calmed down I tried to figure out what had just happened. But gave up after the cops showed up and started taking statements. At this point, I wasn't quite sure I wanted to know anymore. I extracted myself and Sterling after about another twenty minutes and we headed down the street. I texted Jess and told her that we were going to go down the street a block to the park and just sit there and chill. "So... That was... Intense..." I was trying to think of a way to phrase what I wanted to ask. But couldn't decide how to do it without sounding rude and invade his privacy. So instead I just left it at that. He chuckled a little and leaned back and closed his eyes.

"If you thought that that was intense then you should have been with us on some of our stunts. Preferably one of the legal ones. Although seeing how you handled Luke I think you would have done just fine out running the cops." I couldn't help but blush at the small, quite possibly meaningless, compliment.

I looked over at him and just kind of took in his features. Unlike Jess, who was extremely sensitive to light, he was not wearing sunglasses. He had  light brown, kind of spiky hair that curled at the nape of his neck and around his ears. His clothes weren't designer. But they weren't from any hand me down stores. Most likely Wal-Mart brand. That's when I noticed his eyes. One of them I could tell was damaged.

That must have been the one he hurt when he rolled his car. The other one, though, seemed like it hadn't been touched at all. Tentively I cleared my throat. I was curious. Extremely curious. He looked over at me and let out a breath. 

"Okay. You want to ask me something. What is it? And don't say nothing. Let's hear it." His tone made it sound like he was serious. But I was still hesitant. So I started with the first thing I always started off with when I asked Jess something.

"I'm not meaning any offense or anything. And if you don't feel comfortable answering this it's fine. I'll understand. But, your left eye I can tell was damaged. Your right eye looks like it was never touched though..." He leaned his head back and was quiet for a moment. Then he took a breath and said, "If I tell you, you can't tell Jess. What I'm going to tell you is completely different then what everybody at the school knows. And Luke. Okay?"

"Okay. What is it?" I looked back at him and he looked scared now. Like, genuinely terrified. He sucked in a breath and said, "My dad... He did it." I didn't know how to say this so I just cleared my throat.

Without any confirmation that I had taken this in, or anything else, he continued. "September last year, my dad came home drunk from the bar. As you might have been able to tell from the house he's a drunk. Well, I was in the kitchen doing homework when he stumbled in. Normally it's my job to cook dinner, but I was loaded down because we were just starting the year and so the teachers had given us all a ton of review work. So I had forgotten. Well, Dad wasn't happy. He started yelling and slamming drawers and throwing things. Any other time I would have just got up and left before he could start wailing on me. But he was too fast for me. He grabbed my arm and jerked me around. After giving me a black eye and breaking my nose he grabbed my head and slammed it into the corner of the counter and then into the fridge. 

"After he calmed down some he stumbled into the living room and left me laying on a puddle of blood on the floor. I stayed there for at least twenty minutes before his girl friend came in and saw me. She knew what had happened. She knew how my dad was and wasn't surprised. She had seen the bruises, the burn marks, all the evidence that he had hit me before. Calmly she got me into the car and drove me to the hospital. She told them that she had been driving out on the interstate and had seen me stumbling down the road. Since she knew me she had gotten me into the car and driven me there. 

"Everybody just automatically assumed that I had rolled my car. Nobody wanted to deal with my dad so they didn't bother checking into it. I was in the hospital for a month. I had three busted teeth, a broken nose, my hand had gotten broken somehow, some busted ribs, three dislocated fingers, and then, of course, there was my eye. It damaged both of them. The vision in my right eye is messed up. But, as long as I'm wearing glasses, I'm just basically really near sighted. I can't see anything out of my left eye. As long as I'm wearing glasses I can drive as long as it's in places where people know me. Nobody asked the entire time why my dad never came to visit me. Nobody wanted to know..."

I was so stunned I didn't know what to say. He remained silent while I came up with something to say. Finally I found it. "I'm not going to say that I'm sorry. Because I've seen how Jess reacts to it. I will however say that if you ever need a place to stay let me know. Okay?" He didn't say anything for a few moments. When he did fnailly speak his voice was hardly more than a whisper. "Thank you. I"ll make sure to keep that in mind." I looked at him. It was no wonder he walked like he was waiting for somebody to strike out at him.

He looked over at me and then blushed I looked at him and said, "You can see out of your right eye fairly well?" He looked up and said, "Enough to drive. So longas I'm wearing glasses. Why?"

Now it was my turn to blush.He looked at me and waited for an answer. I said, "Do you want to know the truth? Or do you want some convoluted fairty tale?" He chuckled again and said, "I'd appreciate the truth if you don't mind."

I looked down at my shoes and murmmured, "I was wondering why you hadn't started making fun of me. Or made some comment on how I look..." He thought about this for a moment. Then suddenly, without warning, he leaned over and brushed some hair out of my face. I froze in place. Ever since my mother had slapped me across the face I hadn't let anyone but Jess touch me. He noticed me tense up and withdrew his hand. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that without your permission..." He was looking at his own shoes now. 

I waited a moment until I was sure I could speak without suttering. "It wasn't you. I'm just not- I"m not comfortable with people touching me. Something that happened a while back. It's made me cringe away from everybody but Jess when they try and touch me." He took this in and said, "You want to tell me what it was? Or would you rather not?" I thought about this for a moment before I said, "No. I'll tell you. You told me about your dad. This isn't nearly as bad. Not even close. But for my neighborhood it's bad. I have got a really shitty home life. I'm the oldest of four kids. I've got two younger brothers and a younger sister. I'm always the one getting the chores dropped on me even though everybody else is fully capable of doing them. I"m basically the live in maid-nanny-servant minus the pay. Not to mention they all make fun of me for how I look. My hair, my heighth, my weight... Even my parents.

"Because of all that I had started getting a very defiant attitutde towards my parents. My teachers. Everybody. My grades started slipping because I just stopped caring. One day my mom confronts me about it. She tries talking to me. Finally she just tells me to tell her what I'm really thinking. Why this is all happening. So, I told her. I told her everything that ran through my head. She slapped me. She slapped me so hard that I not only fell, but the next morning the entire right side of my face was swollen. After she had slapped me she left me in the kitchen to clean everything. Punishment basically. While I was cleaning my dad came in put his hands on my stomach and said, 'Rachelle, you're fourteen for Christ's sake. You need to learn how to stop eating every thing you see. You need to lose all this because it's not attractive. It's no wonder your brothers and sister make fun of you...'

"Ever since then, I just can't handle being touched. It makes me nervous. I actually had a panic attack one time at school because one of the seniors backed me into a corner and started playing with my hair because some rumor had gotten around school about it. How I had apparently freaked out on somebody and they punched me..."

He got a confused look on his face. When he spoke he sounded angry. "That's not fair. Those people are your family. You're not fat either. And besides, even if you were, whose place is it for them to tell you that? Those are the people who are supposed to support you. Accept you for who you are. And they go and treat you like that? Of course, my father's not a good example of a family figure either..." I looked at him and noticed he was shaking. I lifted my hand to rest it on his arm but thought better of it. Instead I said, "So, why haven't you started in on me? Everybody at my school does it. My family does. But you haven't. Why?"

He looked at me and then looked back down. He was blushing again. After a moment he looked up at my face then glanced at my hand resting on the bench. Moving very slowly and deliberately so I knew what he was doing, he scooted closer and picked up my hand and started playing with my fingers. He spoke as he did this. "Why do so many of us do so many thigns? Why do people lie, cheat and steal? Why do parents beat up their kids for no reason? Why do boys treat their girl friends like shit? Nobody really knows I guess..." I had tensed up again. But this time it was because of that very last remark. And he knew it, too.

"Okay, what's his name, and is he going to kick my ass for playing with your fingers?" I shook my head and tried to force my self to think straight but I couldn't so finally I said, "His name was Dylan. You'd know him. Tall. Kinda heavy set. Tough guy attitude?" A knowing look crossed his face. "Was as in ex?" I nodded my head and kept quiet.

He was still playing with my hand while he spoke. "What happened with him? I'm going to guess something bad... You're shaking." I knew it was futile to try and get past this, so I just started explaining. "Jess introduced us a while back. We were together for four or five months. He- He was weird. How- How he treated me. Like, if I was on his good side he'd be the sweetest guy ever. But, the second I didn't immediatly text him back, or agree that we were going to be together forever. I've heard it before. I just never thought I'd hear it come out of him... He'd- He'd call me stupid, a bitch, fat, ugly, worthless. And then- then he'd turn around and he'd take- take it all back. I n-n-never said anything about it. I just t-tried to stop setting him o-o-off..." I stopped for a moment to collect my thoughts and to try and get my self to stop stuttering. I sounded like an idiot. He was still turning my hand around, playing with the bracelet Jess's brother had gotten me for my sixteenth birthday.

"He broke up with me about two months ago. Telling me that if I wasn't going to invest anything into the relation ship it wasn't worth it. That he wasn't going to waste his time on an ugly bitch like me. The best part is, he can't see me. I don't know who told him. Probably one of the idiots at that school. After that he'd text me on and off, just to remind me that I was stupid, ugly, and then suddenly one day I get the worst message ever. 'You're a worthless, ugly, stupid, fat, bitch. Nobody would ever go out with you. If I had known you were so fat and ugly I would have never gone out with you. I'm so glad I never kissed you. Why don't you just go die? Nobody would notice anyways. Everybody hates you.' I changed my number after that. I was done with it. I hoped it would stop eventually that he'd get tired of tormenting me. But he never did..." 

I sat there, letting him absorb everything that I had just said. After a moment, I said, "I want to show you something. But, I don't know how you're going to take it. If you never talk to me again, I'll understand..." He looked up and just nodded. I grabbed his hand and ran it across my wrist, then the other one. A look that could only be described as a pitifully knowing look crossed his face. Without warning, he took my head and did the same thing. He looked at me with a pained expression on his face. "I understand. I really do. In some ways, your house is worse than mine. In others, mine is worse than yours. But, I do understand. Don't ever think that I won't..." I looked up at him. He was crying. I reached over to wipe a tear away, and he caught my hand. He held it against his face for a moment then let it go.

He turned again so he was facing me. Catching some hair in his hand he looped it behind my ear and tucked it there, but it only came loose again. Suddenly, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a phone. "Put your number in." I obeyed then handed him mine. Carefully he punched in the numbers, then had me read them back to make sure he hadn't mixed them up. He leaned back against the bench and drew in a breath like he was going to say something. When nothing came out, I looked at him and said, "What?" He didn't speak for a moment. Then he said, "Would you be willing to put a picture of yourself into my phone? Like, take one?" 

I grinned and said, "Yeah. Can I take one of you?" Mocking a run way model he placed his hand behind his head and flung his other arm out dramatically. "Only if you let me take the picture like this." I started laughing and said, "Okay. That's your call." I held up the phone and he held it. I took a picture and he said, "Now, that you have a background image, you can take one of me so that I look normal." I looked at him and saw that he was blushing again. "Okay. Let's see it." He scowled at the camera and I looked at him and said, "You either smile, or no picture." He groaned and said, "Fine. But you have to smile too. I haven't seen you smile once this whole time."

I mock-grudgingly agreed and waited for him to compose his face into a smile. After we had both gotten our pictures taken we sat there for a minute. I heard him shift next to me as he slid a few inches closer until we were almost touching. He stopped and loked at me. "Just tell me when I'm too close. I won't push you out of your comfort zone." I didn't tell him that I had been kicked out of my comfort zone when he had started playing with my hand. When I flashed my eyes at him he seemed to understand that for the moment, this was close enough. He gestured to my hand which was laying in my lap now.

Giving it to him, I watched a relieved expression come over his face. As we sat there, I watched him turn my hand over and over. He brought my hand up to his face and examined the bracelet more closely. It had small delicate roses and hearts weaved into a vine, ending in a a small locket with the words, 'FTW. They all suck.' carved into it. He looked at me and said, "Please tell me that ass hole didn't give this to you. And if he did, why do you still have it?" I looked at him and down at the bracelet. I blushed and said, "No, Jess's older brother gave it to me as a sweet sixteen present." 

He got a disappointed look on his face and said, "Is he going to kick my ass for playing with your fingers?" It took me a minute to understand what he meant. Then it clicked. "Oh no. It's not like that. He's- He's gay. Just, o-one day he followed me home. I w-w-was in seventh grade and the entire foot ball team tried j-jumping me, he chased them off and gave me a ride home. He's like a big brother basically. He calls me his adopted p-pain in-in the ass. Fuck it all to Hell-Hell. I'm st-st-stuttering. Sorry."

He laughed and said, "It feels like something's engraved right here. But I can't see it. Is there?" I looked at the locket and said, "Yeah. It says, 'Fuck the world. They all suck.' He does engraving as a hobby. When he bought the bracelet he had an extra locket laying around so he put that on there and put a picture of him, me, and Jess in it at my party that their parents threw me..."

Just as I said this, almost as if on cue, I heard the tell tale tap of Jess coming down the sidewalk. She came into the gate and stopped for a minute. Before I could get the chance to say anything, I heard Sterling call out, "We're over here pencil girl!" She grinned and headed over. I stood up and disentagled my hand from his. He seemed to understand immediatly and stepped back a couple feet. She was talking before she reached us. "Hey guys! How'd it go?" We glanced at eachother. Before I had the chance to even think he was all ready half way through a sentence. "It was good. We ate, talked for a while. Decided we had some time to kill so we came down here and just sat." Damn. He was a good liar. 

I mumbled an agreenment and looked at him. This obviously was going to stay between us. Fine with me. We started gathering our things and headed back to my car. Suddenly without warning I felt something grab my head. It twined it's fingers through mine and squeezed. I looked down and saw one finger trace over the scar that was just barely covered up by my sleeve and before I could even do anything it had let go...

Chapter Five

 The second Jess and I were in her house she started firing questions at me. I answered them as quickly as I could, but not fast enough. Suddenly she was interrupted by my phone buzzing across the table. I looked down to see it was a message. Great. Probably my mom checking up on me. When I opened it though I was shocked to see Sterling's name.

"Hey. You busy tomorrow?" 

I had to read at least four more times before I looked up. "Oh. My. God... This is unbelievable. Like, this can't be happening right now."

"What? What happened? Did somebody die?" A concerned look came across her face and I just started laughing.

"No! Somebody, a boy more specifically, is actually being nice to me. Fucking insane!" I stopped when I suddenly heard the door slam. 

"Yo! You two in here? I brought company." I looked up just in time to see Jess's older brother and another boy walk past the window and come into the kitchen.

"Hey, guys. How's it goin'?" I had to do a double take at what I saw. Alex was holding hands with this kid. He must have finally found somebody. 

I noticed Jess hadn't answered, as she was trying to figure out who the other person was, so I said, "Pretty good. Got a compliment on the bracelet today. Who's your friend?" I nodded at the kid who looked up awkwardly. 

Alex leaned over and whispered in his ear. Whatever he said must have calmed the kid because he immediatly stepped closer to all three of us. "This is Dominique. Dominique, this is my little sister Jess and her friend, my adopted pain in the ass, Rachelle." I looked at him and stuck my tongue out. 

He just laughed and started towards the table. Seeing as he was still connected to Dominique he really had no choice but to drag him along with him. Almost immediatly Dominique tried to disengage himself.

"Dom, it's okay. Trust me. My sister's totally chill with this. And Rach, well, you'd have to spend some time around her. She's a very complex individual. And she doesn't like people. Might explain the lack of a relationship."

At those words I remembered the text. "Actually, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the other room to talk to a possible relationship." 

He just looked at me in mock surprise and laughed. "Okay. You go ahead and do that. Dom, Jess, and I are all going to get acquainted." 

I just nodded and headed into the living room. Flipping my phone open, I dialed into my contacts list and immediatly found his name. I hit the call button and waited a second before it started ringing. Almost immediatly it was picked up.

"Hey. Figured it was you. So, what do you say?" Even though I had just talked to him not even an hour ago it was still a shock to hear his voice. I thought a second before I said, "I'm not doing anything. What did you have in mind?"

"Well, I'm still legal to drive in town. But, once we get outside of the limits I can't. How are you driving big trucks?" I thought he was joking at first, but I could tell by the tone of his voice that he was dead serious.

"I've never driven one... Why?" 

"Because. I was going to take out out mudding. It seemed like something you might appreciate."

I just started laughing. "Yeah. That'd be great. I'm going to be at Jess's so I'll just give you her address and you can come pick me up tomorrow at about noon."

"Great. You're going to be in for quite an adventure. Oh, make sure you bring an extra pair of clothes."

Impressum

Texte: This book is entirely fictional. Any re-creation of this book will NOT be prohibited on any grounds.
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 28.12.2012

Alle Rechte vorbehalten

Widmung:
I'd like to dedicate this book to my awesome friend who is actually visually impaired. Without her I'd still be a shy girl with out any knowledge of how a visually impaired person operates in the community. You made my life a million times better in middle school and continue that every day. Thanks girly!