June Tenth
Dear diary, Amy's at it again. She freaking ran into me in the hallway today and then totally pushed me out of the way. Like seriously, bitch don't get in my way. I will knock you on your ass.
That's how my diary entries always started out. Or at least something along those lines. Amy, by the way, is a total wannabe bitch who doesn't know the difference between a human being and an animal. Unless of course it was one of her little posse members. Then they get treated like royalty. But the rest of us who don't qualify under the category of gorgeous get thrown to the side as scraps. Waited to be picked up by the trash man. Hi, I'm Tamika Burkhart, and this is my story of love and loss.
It all started when I was in fourth grade. I was the new girl in school so that meant I was the lackee. The loser. Fresh meat for all the kids in my class. I always got teased even though my family was rich. I had nice clothes. I was pretty some might say. Except for one thing. I was born with a birth defect that caused me to limp and the left side of my body didn't work as well as my right. I had to go to physical therapy for it. Most of the time people didn't notice. Except for on the playground or in gym. That's when they started taunting. I really only had one friend. Tristan. Unless you knew him like I did. Then it was TT. I know it sounds wimpy but he didn't care.
All of that ended though in seventh grade. That's when the doctors told me I couldn't do anything that involved surgeries to help it because it would just make it worse. It wouldn't have been so bad except that's when Tristan moved to Colorado while I was stuck in New York. I was mad but not at him. I was mad at what I had to go through every day in school. I was mad at the teachers who made me look stupid in class. At the people who picked on me. Sometimes even at my own parents for bringing me into this world. That was usually only when I had had a rough day though. But that all changed again in tenth grade when Tristan came back. He acted like he had never left. Even though we all knew he had. And I'll tell you what all the preppies acted like he was freaking Justin Beiber. The way they glommed onto him. He hadn't changed though. He was still my good buddy. He still even let me call him TT even though he looked like the freaking hulk. That's when things started to get ugly, though too.

June Twelfth
Dear diary, oh my God! Guess what! TT came back today, I was SO happy. And he was so happy to see me. Even though my limp has gotten more noticable he just didn't care. He came right up to me picked me up and swung me around. It was the BEST feeling ever. And look on Amy's face was hysterical. Well, I'll have to tell you more later, Mom's calling me for dinner. BYE! :D
I kept reading those lines over and over. I couldn't believe it. TT was back. And he was HOT! Like not buffed out to the point where you think his shirts are gonna pop off but he had gotten about a foot taller which meant he was like six foot three now. Plus his hair had grown out and it was blonde. And Amy noticed too. Like she was drooling over him. But did he notice? Not a bit! He was the same old TT that had left a while ago. And today was my first whole day with him. I couldn't wait till I got to school.
I walked into school confidentally. Nobody, not even Amy was going to ruin this day for me. Or at least that's what I thought. I had been walking down the hallway all happy and glad. And then I looked up and low and behold what did I see? Amy and TT having a makeout session in the middle of the hallway. I was so horrified that I actually let out a little squeak. I thought it had just been in my mind but it was real because they both looked up at me. All Amy did was sneer peck Tristan on the cheek and saunter down the hallway. Tristan however, looked mildly confused. That's when he realized I had taken off down the hallway.
"Tammy! Wait up. I didn't mean anything by it. Just wait. Please."
I turned around and looked up at him. He was panting because he had been running. Or was it because that bitch had just had her tongue down his throat? I didn't know and didn't care to find out.
"Why the hell should I listen to you? I thought you were my friend. You always looked out for me. You knew how I felt about her. Why I didn't like her! And here I come into school and see you with her tongue down your throat. I thought you were different then that. I thought you were my TT."
I turned to walk away but he caught my wrist.
"I am your TT. Just not the one you knew in fourth grade. I'm different. All the girls are chasing after me. But you're not. That's why I kissed her. Because she showed interest. You didn't. I thought you weren't interested!"
By then I had tears running down my face. I looked at him with a sad expression. "You don't even know what it's like TT. I'm the girl who can't run without stumbling. I'm the one who needs help in the lunch room. I'm the girl who has to write reports just to pass PE. But Amy doesn't. She's beautiful, and perfect, and not an ugly mess like me! You don't get it. You don't want to be with something like me! You just-"
It was at that point that I felt a pressure on my mouth. I suddenly realized he was kissing me. I pulled back. Not because I didn't want him kissing me but from surprise. TT looked down at me with one of the kindest most honest expressions I had ever seen a person make. "You are beautiful. You're real beautiful. Not the fake Barbie doll kind like Amy or any of her friends. You have your own personality. You don't care what people say or do. You just pick yourself up and keep on going. You don't let it stop you. That's why I love you."
I didn't know what to say. I stood there stupidly. Suddenly something hit the back of my head. Hard. I dropped to the ground like a sack of potatoes. That's when I realized that one of Amy's wannabe boys had hit me with a text book. I saw Tristan run at him. That's when I heard screaming and an alarm. We were in a private school. So that meant anything beyond a yelling match we got put on lock down. Suddenly I felt something moving me. That's when I realized that another boy was moving me down the hallway. And it wasn't Tristan.
Looking toward where Tristan was I saw a guard tackle him and the boy who hit me to the ground. Suddenly I stopped moving. I looked down at my feet and saw the boy trying to open a door. I tried to yell but couldn't. They had put tape over my mouth and tied my hands and feet together. How long had I been out? At least five minutes. Maybe more.
I felt them proceed to drag me down the hallway to an empty classroom. I looked at Tristan for help. I saw him point down the hall way and the guard turn around. "Hey! Kid! Get back here or I will be forced to use my tazer." The kid that was dragging me stopped, looked at the guard and grinned. "I wouldn't be counting on that dude because I have something far more lethal and far more painful then any tazer." That's when I saw the gun. The kid, who I finally recognized as being Liam, pointed it at the guard. I looked to Tristan, then at Liam, then at the guard. Tristan, who had always been able to help me solve my problems and had looked out for me didn't know what to do. He was lost. And that's when I heard the shot.
The guard looked behind him as Tristan dropped to the ground. I screamed and that's when I felt it. Something begging me to just give in. To let the darkness take me. As much as I wanted to stay here with Tristan I slowly let go, and felt my self drift into what I hoped was going to be peace and love.

June Fifteenth
Dear diary, I am so glad my mom brought me you. I'm in the hospital with three broken ribs, a concussion, and a laceration running from my ear to the corner of my jaw. Tristan's in intensive care. They don't know if he's going to make it though. I'm praying everyday that he'll survive because he's the only person who's ever looked out for me. Well, the nurse is here. I'll let you know how things pan out.
I had been in the hospital for a couple of days. I knew that it was important for me to rest but I couldn't. The worry for Tristan was eating me up. Why did this have to happen now? Why me? No not why me? Why Tristan? He's the sweetest guy anyone could ever know and he hadn't done a thing to hurt anyone. I'm just sitting here waiting for a nurse to come in and give me my pain meds and check my ribs. I've only had a broken bone once in my life and that was a finger. I didn't know that broken ribs could hurt this bad. Sitting there I suddenly heard my door open. It was the nurse.
"Hey Tammy. How ya doin' so far?"
"Pretty good considering. Have you heard anything on Tristan yet?"
"Well, from what the doctors say, he's in pretty bad condition. That bullet hit one of his lungs and lodged in his spine. So, even if he does pull through he'll be on a respirator and in a wheel chair for the rest of his life."
I knew she was going to say that. That bullet that Liam had meant for me had instead hit Tristan. I remember it. Liam had pulled it out and at first pointed it at the guard. Then looked at me and said with a sickening grin on his face, "What do you think Tristan? Should I hit her in the stomach and make her suffer or put her out real quick with a shot to the head?"
The look on Tristan's face went from worry to pure hatred. "You lay a hand on her and I'll rip your fucking throat out. Do you understand me Liam?"
"Well, then. I guess me and your girl friend will be having some fun in Heaven now won't we? Wait who am I kidding? I'm going straight to hell." And it was with those last words that Liam had squeezed the trigger. I heard the shot but felt no pain. I looked to see Tristan falling down. He had been protecting me. Just like he swore in fourth grade that he always would.
I felt tears run down my face and the nurse looked at me. "Tammy, it's not your fault for what happened. That boy Liam is going to jail for what happened. The entire thing was caught on video. Not only that, but keep in mind one thing. It's you that's keeping Tristan alive right now. He woke up a little bit ago asking if you were ok. I told him that you were fine and ya wanna' know what he said?"
I managed to choke out the next few words, but just barely, "What did he say?"
"He said that if you weren't ok, then he wouldn't have the strength to go on living. And that he would rather die with you then continue on living without you. That boy cares about you. And no matter what happens he always will. Remember that."
I laid back on my bed somewhat relieved. All I had to do was live and Tristan might pull through too. "Can I go see him?" The words were out of me before I could even think about it. The nurse looked at me unsure then said, "If the doctor says it's ok then you can. I'll go ask him."
I laid there for a couple of minutes thinking. I kept praying that Tristan would make it. But I knew there was a very great chance that he wouldn't. I just had to hang on to the small amount of hope that I had.
That's when the nurse came back in. "The doctor says it's fine but you're going to need a wheel chair. That concussion didn't help with your balance too much."
I knew what she meant. My limp had gotten worse. And that meant I was going to probably be in braces for a good part of my life if I even got that lucky. "Okay, let's go see him." I climbed carefully out of bed and grabbed onto the railing for support while she brought the chair over. I sat down in it carefully so as not to hurt my ribs even more.
Carefully wheeling me through the door the nurse said something under her breath. I couldn't quite tell what it was but I didn't care. I was going to see my TT. And nothing was going to take the joy out of that. Just seeing him alive would make me happy and last me for a million years.
"Okay, here we are." The nurse's voice interrupted my thoughts. I looked up at the door and waited while one of the other staff members opened it. Expertly manuevering me around the machines she placed me up next to Tristan's bed. I reached out for his hand. Holding it gently I started talking. Talking about when we were in fourth grade and had made a pact to never forget each other no matter what happened. In fifth grade when we decided to try and sneak out just to see what it felt like to be grown up. In sixth grade when we had started the food fight that made us like celebrities at our school. And then finally seventh grade when he left. I felt tears start rolling down my face.
I laid my head down on his bed still holding his hand. I heard the nurse and all the doctors in the room leave to give us some privacy. I heard a raspy voice start talking to me. "Don't worry, Tammy. I'll always be here to protect you. No matter what happens." And that's when we started reciting our oath together, just like it ws meant to be. "We'll be here for eachother. And never let go. No matter what happens, no matter how far we go. We'll always be together as one person, one mind, one soul. To be friends not only in body but in our soul and to always, no matter what, keep our hearts together."
In a shaky voice that I could barely control, and with tears running down my face I looked at him and said, "You can let go TT. If it hurts you so much to stay here. You can let go. If you want to go and be free and healthy, you can let go. I'll be okay here. Remember the one line that was buried deep in our oath: "If it hurts one to stay, the other will let him or her go no matter what the circumstances". I'll miss you, but I know this is hurting you. So please, if it's really causing you pain or grief, you can let go. Go and be with your parents. They're missing you." He looked at me and smiled. Not very much but just a little smile. "You always were the one that could carry on stronger. That's why I love you. I'll stay here as long as I can. But just promise me this. If I have to go, and those ass holes and school start screwing with you again, use those karate moves and knock 'em on their asses."
I laughed and promised him that I would. And then slowly, just barely, he brought my head down to his and he kissed me. I climbed up in the bed with him and lay there with him until I fell asleep.
I woke up in my original hospital room. I sat up and looked around slowly. Seeing my mom sitting next to my bed I said still sort of groggily, "How long have I been asleep?" She looked at her wrist and said sadly, "A couple of hours. Honey, I have some bad news. Tristan, well he's, he's not here anymore." I sank down on my bed and looked at the bracelet around my wrist. It had half of a BFF heart. The other one was on Tristan's key chain. I looked to my mom to ask her if she could get it but she just held it up. I grabbed it and put it next to mine. I repeated the last line of our oath, "To be friends not only in body but in our soul and to always, no matter what, keep our hearts together." I looked at my mom and said, "I'll keep that promise. No matter what happens. He'll always be with me and I'll always be with him. It's what we promised."

Impressum

Texte: I own the text in this book. If it resmbles any real life incidents it is purely coincdental. Any copying of this book is not permitted.
Bildmaterialien: I do not own any photos in this book. They belong to either Google or BookRix.
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 20.02.2012

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Widmung:
"A best friend is someone who loves you when you forget to love yourself."