Breaking

 

She stood in front of her mirror paralyzed. Her peircing green eyes were frozen, doing nothing but staring into her own disappointing reflection, taking everything but the last breath in her lungs. She watched as tears filled her eyes. She held her breath, refusing to give the satisfaction of letting just once tear fall, refusing to let herself break down. She begged herself to just hold it all in, just for another minute. Gasping for air, she let go. One after the other tear hit the hardwood floor of her room and broke like glass into a million pieces.

Staring into her eyes, she fell to her knees in agony. Staring at her reflection killed her, which is why most of the time she avoided it. She would never be good enough. She would never be better than anyone, and she knew it. She knew it more than she knew that each day the sun would rise and fall. She believe it to her very core, to the point of where it made her heart hurt. She's never wanted anything more than to be enough. She wants someone to be proud of her. She needs someone to be proud of her. She needs to know that she's enough. She works so hard to try to be the best, to try to be enough, but she will never be. Nothing she does will ever be enough, and she knows it.

Every emotion hit her like a bus going 90 on the highway. At that point she didn't know if she wanted to laugh because of the irony of everything, cry because of the tragicness, or scream because of how pissed she is at the world. But out of everything she cried. It wasn't one of those whiney cries. She sat in the shadow of her own regrets and cried to the point of where she made no sounds, where she just gasped for air as the cold tears rolled down her cheeks. She sat there praying she could catch her breath long enough to stop each tear that raced after the other, but she couldn't.

She couldn't even remember why exactly she was crying. There were so many reasons, but for which was it this time? Maybe all of them. Maybe she held her breath for too long.

She could hardly breath. Every gasp for a breath that she did manage was excruciating. Clenching her chest with her fist, she just laid there. The cold wooden floor was soothing and after a couple of minutes she turned cold too.

Her satin brown hair scattered across the floor. Her chest heaved like she was taking her last breath. Tears still streamed down her cheeks like a never ending river, but she still laid silent. She struggled, trying so hard to keep it together. She was really good at keeping it together. She knew how to stay strong. She didn't know any other way, but at that point, the moment that she was at right there, she was tired of being strong. She had enough and she just needed a minute to feel sorry for herself. She needed a minute to be weak, because being weak wasn't an option for her. Crying wasn't okay and doing so right then and there made her feel even worse. She didn't think she had a right to cry.

"Brianna," A knock at the door startled her.

She sat up holding everything inside. She looked back into the mirror and took a deep breath as she closed her eyes.

"Yes?" She calmly answered.

"Are you okay?" It was her mother. Her voice wasn't concerned, but then again, why would she be?

"Yupp." Her reply was sinple, quick, so rehersed that it was almost like second nature. It wouldn't have mattered if she was lying on the floor in a pool of her own blood taking her last breath, she would still be fine.

After a couple seconds of silence her mother left.

As the sun slowly hid behind the horizon of pine trees, she began to realize she was alone with her thoughts again. What an awful way to be. Alone.

Brianna had a habit of recalling everything. Her head never gave her body a rest. She would lay in bed for hours, but still she would lay awake, recalling, reliving every wrong decision. She ran over every conversation and regretted everything she said, or didn't say for that matter. She would think about everything that was wrong with her life, but in the end she would convince herself that she was fine and that there was nothing wrong. Everything was fine. She would lay there and pick everything that was wrong with herself, with her body. Silently crying she would wonder what it would be like to be pretty, to be wanted. Then her mind would wonder into the future and she would see herself as nothing but a mistake. She would see a failure. She was a failure.

Her head was such an awful place to be.

Her mind would never stop. It would run constantly, never forgetting anything. She remembered everyone, every conversation, but no one would ever remember her. She understood that. She wasn't important. She knew that they had important things. She wasn't offeneded; she understood.

As the lgiht disappeard from her room, the darkness took over. Brianna would say she hated the night but actually she loved it. What she really hated was the onus that came with the darkness. The silence was okay. It was something that never came around in her house. Her house was everything but silent. The screaming. The fighting. Silence was on an entirely different planet.

As she laid there still, she wondered what it woudl be like if things were different. She wondered what she would be like if she was someone else. A thought that crossed her mind daily, yet she never had an answer. Maybe there wasn't an answer. Maybe she was too level headed to evne stretch her imagination that far. Maybe things will never be different. Maybe she will always never be enough. Always a second late. Always a step behind. Always second string. Always on the side lines. Maybe things will never change. Maybe this is what she was meant to be.

Brianna laid lifeless as her mind ran amuck. The slow shadow of her overhead fan slowly appeared and disappeared with every rotation. The quiet buzzing was soothing, almost like a lullaby. As she watched each blade take its turn the sun shined through her window showing each and every little dust particle. She watched as the darkness was slowly swallowed by the bright rays of sun shining through her window. Another day. Another night passed without once hour of sleep. Another deep breath. Another pep talk to get her out of bed, but she did it. She always did it.

She laid there for a second knowing that she had to get up, but lacking even an ounce of motivation. Each morning was like this. Each morning was a constant struggle to muster up the strength to get up and face another day knowing its going to be the same shit each time.

Her brothers voice screamed from the hallway. There her mother and one of her youngest brothers stood for ten minutes arguing, just like everyday. Its always the same thing too. Even though he's fifteen she had babied him to the point of where he can't even keep track of his own clothes. But hey, why would he when she does everything for him?

"Where's my shirt?" He screamed with tears strolling down his face.

"On your floor where you left it!" She yelled back.

Brianna stood to her feet and took a deep breath. She toned them out and thought to herself for a moment. In that moment the whole world was a blur. Her head was silent and time stood still.

Its just one more day. Its just one more thing. Take a breath. You can do this. You will get through this.

She gave herself the same speech everyday, but it never got any better. Even when one day seems like its going good, a brick lands right on her head and knocks her back down where she's supposed to be. She could never catch a break. It sometimes got to the point of where she actually convinced herself that she didn't deserve one.

She reached out her shakey hand and grabbed her bag for school. After slowly opening her door she heard all of the fighting and screaming amplified by a hundred.

"Breath." She whispered to herself quietly while taking a deep breath.

She continued pass their confortation and down stairs and out the door. As she opened the front door a gust of cool fall air burst into her face almost giving her goosebumps. A smile appeared on her face. It was slight, but still a smile. The smell of rian filled her nose, and in that moment her world turned into a blur again and it was just her. The screams of her brother and mother turned into just a subtle whisper in the back of her mind, and in that moment everything was okay. The scent over took her every emotion and for a slight second she was happy. The tree's across the street swayed and swerved with the quiet wind. The subtle husshhh noises were soothing. She wished she could bottle that moment and feel like that forever, like nothing mattered but that scent.

 

Her happy little bubble was suddenly popped when two of her youngest brothers raced out in front of each other and pushed her on their way to the bus. She shook it off and was on her way to school.

Once there she went to her first period class, History. She walked to the back of the room and took her usual seat next to Katie and Jordan. They were hunched over each others desks gosiping about the new girl.

Brianna took her seat and sat quietly. She wasn't usually too quiet, but sometimes she just doesn't feel like talking. She had good friends though. They understood.

"Hey." Jordan smiled. Her pitch black hair was highlighted with red, making her brown eyes really pop.

"Hi." Brianna smiled, pulling her hair behind her ears.

"You alright?" Her voice was soft, comforting.

"Just tired." Brianna smiled. Before Jordan could even reply Katie interrupted.

"So, Bri, you heading down to the lake tonight?" Katie asked.

"For what?"

"Josh is throwing a party. Should be fun." She grinned.

"I, uh, have a lot of barn chores."

"Oh, come on!" Jordan nudged her arm. "Live a little."

Brianna got quiet. She wanted to live. She wanted to have fun. She didn't like being a kill joy. She didn't like never doing anything.

"I'll ask when I get home." Brianna gave a slight smile.

"Great!" Katie shouted. "Its gonna be great!"

"I'll pick you up at nine?" Jordan asked.

"Yeah, that'll work, but I still have to ask."

"Okay, just let me know."

Brianna liked Jordan. She was one of her closest friends, always has been. Jordan has always been there for Brianna. She accepted her. She wasn't like the others who made Brianna pretend she was happy. Jordan let her be, and thats all that Brianna needed.

 

After the bell rang Jordan caught up to Brianna in the hallway. She just walked next to her for a while. Brianna could tell she wanted to say something but she didn't.

 "You need something, Jor?" Brianna smiled.

"You just seem a little off, thats all." She confessed.

"I'm fine." Brianna assured her.

"You're always fine." Jordan said in a slightly quieter voice.

"Whats that supposed to mean?" They both entered the science room and took their seat.

"Its okay not to be okay."

"Jordan, don't worry about it." Brianna gave a genuine looking smile. Jordan wasn't convinced but dropped it anyway.

"Can I come over after school?" She finally spoke up.

 "Yeah." Brianna nodded. "Why are you acting so weird?"

"I'm not." Jordan laughed.

"Yeah, you are." Bri nudged her arm. "Is everything okay? Are you okay?"

"I've just had a lot going on." Jordan got quiet a little too quick for Brianna's liking. Brianna was good at hiding things, so she knew when someone else was.

"Talk to me." Jordan sighed. It was a long sigh that came from deep within, one that Brianna knew much about. "Jor, tell me whats going on."

"They split  up." Shakey, she looked up. "They really split up."

"Who?"

"Dad left. Last night mom packed his bag and he," Her eyes fill with tears as she took a second. "just left."

"I'm sure he didn't really leave." Brianna reached her hand out and put it around Jordan. "They'll work it out just like they always do and he'll be back before you get home from school."

Brianna smiled at her. She had one of those stunning smiles. She was gorgeous, her smile was gorgeous, but she didn't know it, and that was the most beautiful part.

"What would I do without you?" Jordan felt better just being near Brianna.

"Thats a good question." She giggled.

 Just as Brianna looked up they walked through the door and suddely everything went in slow motion. They were tall, gorgeous, and without a care in the world: everything Brianna wanted. The girls weren't like those 'mean girls' in the movies, at least not anymore. They were the type of girls who were nice to your face but wouldn't have contact with you that wasn't necessary. They are the type of girls who pretend to be your friend but as soon as your back is turned all bets are off.

"I like your shirt." Percilla smiled genuinely as she walked by. Brianna smiled back but didn't say anything.

Brianna always has had mixed feeling about Percilla and her friends. It wasn't that they were bad people or anything. They could be quite nice in public. The thing Brianna had a problem with was how high they held their noses. They were very stuck up and full of themselves. At least, thats why she told people she didn't like them.

In reality how they are now isn't why she deeply hated them. She's never told anyone the real reason before. It wasn't a time in her life that she liked to keep remembering. The past was the past and she never wanted to go back. 

When Brianna was younger she wasn't like the other girls in her class. She played with Pokemon cards and wore basketball shorts. She was one of the boys. She liked to hang out with boys more. She never went through the Barbi stage. She never wore dresses or let her hair down. She was never one of the girls, and they never let her live it down. She was bullied and picked on everyday of her Elementary years. Everyday she was called such terrible things, things that even adults wouldn't say. She would spend her days on the bus home crying, praying for nothing more than everything to disappear, for her to disappear.

No one believe her. No teacher even helped. No one cared, and so the beautiful smile on a beautiful girl disappeared along with every sense of security. No one was ever nice to her and she never caught a break. Only one person stuck with her through it all, and that was Jordan. She stuck by her side. She was there to hold her hand through the tears and tell her that they were wrong. She was the only person who stayed with her. She was the only person sending her a light through a gloomy tunnel.

There was nothing wrong with her. She was a smart, beautiful little girl but they took that from her. They fed her lies for years and years. They told her she would never be good enough. They told her she was ugly and that she dressed like a dike. At her age she didn't even know what that was.

Now people ask her why she has no self-esteem, why she thinks so poorly of herself, but how could she explain it to them? Who would believe her? No one did then.

 

 

 

 

Fighting

Brianna slowly walked into her house, Jordan following close behind. Jordan threw her bag on the couch as she entered the house, a daily routine.

"Mom?" She quietly called.

"What?" Came an answer from the kitchen. Brianna walked into the kitchen and set her books on the counter. "Oh, Hi, Jordan."

"Hello, Lorane." Jordan smiled. Her dark brown hair laid perfectly on her shoulders.

"Mom," Brianna began.

"Yes."

"Jordan and I were planning on going to a small party down by the lake later."

"Oh, really?" Lorane grabbed a cloth from the sink and began wiping down the marble table.

"Is that okay?"Brianna asked. "Can I go?"

"Where is it?"

"By the lake." Brianna repeated.

"Who will be there?"

"A bunch of people." Jordan cut in.

"I want names." Lorane said coldly.

"I can't give you names of everyone!" Brianna began to get annoyed very fast.

"Thats it, you're not going."

"What!" Brianna shouted. "You never let me any where! This isn't fair!"

"Life isn't fair."

"Thats bullshit!" She shouted.

Jordan, surprised of Brianna's mouth, took a step back from the confrontation.

"Excuse me? Who do you think you are, talking to me like that?" Lorane threw her cloth and took a strong stance in front of Brianna.

"I never do anything wrong! I never drink without permission or sneak out! I'm a straight A student, mom! I never go anywhere except for work and school. All I'm asking for is one day!." Brianna begged with everything she had.

"If I go with you."

"Are you kidding me?"

This was a constant struggle with her mother. Brianna was everything she said, and more. She never gave Lorane any reason not to trust her but Lorane feared that she would make the same mistakes she made too much to even give Bri the chance. Lorane had always treated her like this, but still she found nothing wrong with it. Her parents were oblivious when she was a teenager, which is why she got into so much trouble. She vowed that she would never let any of her children make the same mistakes.

What Lorane didn't understand was that Brianna wasn't her. Brianna wasn't going to get pregnant, sleep around or drop out of school. Brianna had a strong head on her shoulders and wouldn't mess her future up for anything. Still, Lorane would never let her live. Locking someone up for that long and having such a tight grip on them isn't going to end well in the long run. It never does.

"Please," Brianna begged.

"Brianne Skie," Lorane warned her.

"Why not?" She screamed. "Give me one God damn reason!"

Lorane couldn't believe her audacity. Out of all her children, Brianna was the good one. She was the one who did what she was asked. She expected this from any of them except Brianne. She wanted her to have fun. She trusted her, but at the same time she didn't.

"Because I said so." Lorane said calmy.

"That is a bullshit reason! This is ridiculous! I'm so done with this shit!" Jordan backed into the corner and stood awkwardly, but entertained.

"Watch your mouth!" Lorane aalmost lost it.

"No." She said quietly. "I am not you."

"I'm aware."

"I am not going to make the same mistakes as you. You need to give me a chance to breath. You need to let me have a little freedom."

"You do."

"How? What do I do? Where do I go besides work and school?" Brianna didn't like raising her voice but it seemed like the only way to get her point across. She was beyond tired of being forced to act like an adult, but never being treating like one. She wasn't trusted. She was never allowed to go anywhere. She wasn't a child and was capable of taking care of herself, like she did almost all of the time.

"Go to your room." Brianna was tired of arguing, so she did. Jordan followed swiftly behind, never looking up.

 Brianna stood at her door and waited until Jordan was in. After Jordan took a seat on her bed Brianna grabbed the door with a good grip and slammed it. The walls rattled and one of her pictures fell and the glass shattered.

"Damn!" Brianna slammed her hand against the wall, completely fed up.

"I'll clean it up." Jordan went to stand up.

"No, I'll get it." Brianna sighed. Jordan walked over and picked up the picture while Bri took a breather.

Jordan wiped the glass off into the trash and held the picture up for Brianne to see.

"Throw it away, please." Brianna closed her eyes.

It was the only family picture they owned. It was after a long day at church. She was only five, holding on the pants of her father. Her father was holding Benjamin who was only three in the picture. Her mother stood right beside him. It was an awful picture when you really looked at it. They were obviously not happy, but it was the only one Brianna had.

"Are you sure?" Jordan asked still holding the photo in her hands. "Your fathers in it."

"I don't care." Brianna's voice cracked. She swallowed. "Just toss it."

"But, Bri,"

"Please," She begged. Jordan threw it into the garbage beside her bed. "I'm going to grab my phone I left in the hallway." Brianna smiled.

"Okay." Jordan didn't believe her for a second.

Brianna walked into the hallway and into the bathroom. She locked the door behind her and leaned against it. Her knees were so weak. She slid right down and sat at the bottom of the door. She felt the tears coming on. She felt the frustration just bubbling within.

She refused to cry. Not over this. Not now. She took a deep breath and rose to her feet.

She couldn't stop thinking about the photo. It was her only 'family' photo. Her family wasn't the photo taking type of family, so pictures like that were a one in a million chance to find. Her older brothers were never in any pictures either.

Caleb and Callin were just years apart and in their twenties. They were from her mothers first marriage. They were old enough to fend for themselves when Brianna's mother met her father. Her older brother, Daniel, was from her fathers last marriage. He had too many for Brianna to count, but Daniel was his only child before meeting Lorane.

Brianna never had a real family picture because no one was ever around long enough to do one. Daniel lived out of state with his wife and two children, Callin has a beautiful baby boy, Caleb has his own wife and three children, and whats the point with the rest? As a family, no one ever really got along either. So, a family picture would have been a little ironic.

"Bri?" A soft voice came from behind the door.

Jordan was around Brianna's house a lot. She practically lived there most weeks. She knew how over bearing her mother was. She understood how taxing being locked in that house all the time was to Bri. Brianne was the perfect girl. She literally wouldn't go anywhere without permission, knowing that every time she asked she wouldn't be allowed to go. But thats how she was.

"Mhm?" Brianna wiped her cheeks and stood in front of the mirror.

"You okay?" Jordan asked.

"Yeah, I'll be out in a sec." But Jordan didn't move. Brianna needed someone, even if she didn't want anywone.

 Brianna opened the door and stood with a smile.

"She loves you, you know." She said quietly.

"I'm sure she does." Bri walked right past her and continued back into her room.

"She does. She's just protective." Jordan always tried to make excuses for Lorane. Being a mother isn't easy. Being a parent isn't easy. She didn't understand why Lorane treated Bri like this because she was the last person on earth that shouldn't be trusted. Some people shouldn't be parents, others just need time. Jordan was just trying to help.

"Jor, don't do this." Bri begged.

"Do what?"

"I need you to be on my side."

"I am." Jordan smiled.

"No, you're defending her!"

"I admit that she is way to tight. She is ridiculous, but she does love you." Brianna took a seat on her bed.

Her mother and her never have had a good relationship. There has always been a deep resentment, the kind that doesn't go away. Brianne has always been close to her father. She cared for him and has always done everything for him. She didn't have the normal father-daughter relationship. She never got the chance to go to father-daughter dances. She never was taken to a baseball game, or any game for that matter. Instead of being taken care of, she was taking care of someone.

Her father wasn't the average age of most dad's. Her parents age difference was twenty eight years. Most people would automatically assume money, but it wasn't. Her father, Robert, was just a man who let a woman, Lorane, stay with him because she was in a tough place. He didn't know her, but they fell in love.

 It sounds all romantic and it was until about five years ago. Brianna remembers the day like it just happened yesterday.

She sat on the couch staring down the hallway into her fathers room. Their screaming could have been heard outside. Brianna was just a child. She was only about 11 years old.

She sat listening to every word. She never heard her parents fight like that. Never.

Her mother had always slept on the couch, its just always how its been. Brianna is aware how odd that may seem, but she never thought twice about it. It was just how things were.

But that night things were different. She sat listening, hearing every word. Robert, her father, accused her mother of cheating, of wasting away years of his life. At first she denied it, and Brianne believe her. Brianna held her and hugged her while she cried that night.

That night was when everything changed.

He called her out for all of her cheating and she denied it. She kept denying it until the tears streamed down her face, but he didn't stop. At first Brianne believed her. Brianne held her as she fell apart. For a while things were rocky. They wouldn't look at each other, they wouldn't even speak. Things didn't get better, we just got used to how they were.

 Eventually she got caught cheating. The late night phone calls. The sneaking around. How late she would stay at 'work'. It became obvious. Brianne couldn't believe her for any longer.

Robert asked Lorane to leave, and she did. She packed up Benjamin and Jaxon and left. She begged Brianna to go with her but she refused. She couldn't leave her father. He could barely stand without having a heart attack, he couldn't fend for himself. He had no family here in New York. Everyone he loved and who loved him was down in the South. He had no one but Brianna, and she couldn't abandon him.

So, she stayed. She took care of him. She cleaned the house and made dinner. She was only twelve. Imagine being just a child, but forced to act like an adult. She never got to go out with her friend. She never was able to act like a child. She grew up watching CNN. She grew up taking care of someone who was suppose to take care of her.

She didn't mind it though. It wasn't something like that. She loved her father and would do anything for him. She wouldn't have had it any other way. She wouldn't have gone with her mother even if she had another choice.

 

So, now, people ask her now why she's such a kill joy. They ask her why she doesn't smile more. They ask her why she doesn't know how to cut loose. Why she always takes the safe route. Why she is such a realist and pessimist. They ask her all these things, but she doesn't know how to answer. She's just mature. She just matured. She never got to act like a child, so she doesn't know how to have 'fun' and 'just let go'. But, God, she wished she could.

 

"There will be other parties." Jordan sat across the room from her. Both in silence. Staring at nothing.

"But I still wont be able to go." Bri looked up.

"Its not the end of the world." Jordan stood up and sat on the bed next to her.

"Its not fair though."

"That I agree, but its just a party. You have one more year. Thats it. One more year and you'll be free." Just the thought of it made Brianne smile.

"One more year." Brianna smiled. Jordan put her arm around her and gave her a little squeeze.

"Who needs a party anyway? I'll grab the movies if you get the popcorn." She grinned. It was the same old Friday night routine.

"I'll be back." Bri ran down the hallway to the kitchen. Lorane was sitting at the table with her hands covering her face.

Brianna ignored her and grabbed the popcorn. She threw it in the microwave and stood silently.

"I do what I do because I know best." Lorane spoke.

Brianna sighed. It was the same thing she always hears. It was the same excuse. Every single time. She's never allowed at any of her friends houses. She's never allowed to go anywhere without her mother. Its not like she's a bad kid. She literally never does anything wrong, but its never enough. Nothing ever is.

"How can you know whats best for me?" Brianna asked.

"Because i'm your mother. I know best." She looked up with make up smudged on her cheeks.

"You need to give me space."

"You don't need space. Its too much room for bad things to happen!"

"I can't live life in a bubble! I can't keep doing this. I need to breath!" Brianne was tired of fighting about this. It was an everyday argument. She's seventeen. She's one year from going off to college. She acts like an adult. She's mature and responsible. She doesn't need someone to be so patronizing, so controlling.

"You're not going." Brianna didn't even scream. She stared at her for a moment, the pure disgust present on her face. She slowly walked back to the microwave and took her popcorn back to her room.

She walked in and closed the door quietly behind her, not saying a word.

Jordan noticed the look on her face. She noticed the silence, but didn't say anything. Jordan was good for that. She knew what Brianne needed. She didn't need someone to 'talk' about things with. She just needed someone to be there. She needed someone to care, and she knew that Jor would be there for that.

Jordan grabbed the blankets off the bed and threw them into a pile on the floor. She turned on the movie and they huddled in front of the television.

They didn't speak. They didn't look at each other. They were just there. Together. And thats all that both needed.

 

2 a.m. Brianne slowly opened her eyes.

At first she just laid there. Not saying a word. Not moving. Not thinking. Just staring and counting the rotations of the ceiling fan above her head. That was until her mind awoke. It began running and spinning her into a downward spiral.

She thought about the day she had a school today. What happened earlier. She recalled everything. It was like this every night.

In school she's the quiet one. She's the one who always knows the answers but never says them aloud, terrified that they may be wrong. She never wants to draw attention to herself, and she's good at staying on the sidelines.

At the beginning of each year, it always starts with teachers being concerned. She's not happy like she should be. She's not as loud as she should be. They would ask things like "Are you okay?" and she would always reply the same way: "I'm okay." and she would give a little smile. Then they would go away. They wouldn't ask again. They wouldn't make a big effort. Thats it.

Usually they ask a couple times in the beginning of the year. Thats not the sad part.

Brianna liked when they asked. It showed that they were concerned. They didn't necessarily care or really wanted to know, but they asked and that stood for something.

The sad part was when they stopped. The way she acted became so normal that people stopped asking if she was okay. They stopped caring, if they ever cared in the beginning. Even the people who are supposed to care, the people who are literally paid to care, don't. But why should they? Who would care about her?

The Guidance Counselor at her school doesn't even know. Guidance Counselors are the ones who are supposed to catch every little sign. They're supposed to care. They're supposed to ask you if you need help, if you're okay. Even if they really don't care, if they're really not concerned, they're supposed to pretend. Thats what they're paid for, right? To give guidance? To help those who need it?

 The Guidance Counselor in Bri's school was Mrs. Courtner. She was a tall, beautiful, red head. She was a wonderful woman. Mrs. Courtner was a good person, but a bad guidance Counselor. She had so much on her plate, with college planning with the seniors and her "guidance" duties. She focused on one more than the other, which left students like Brianna in the dust. They slipped through the cracks and never got the help they needed. It wasn't because she just didn't care; she just wasn't looking hard enough.

Mrs. Courtner see's every student at least twice a day, whether it be in the hallway or in her office. Brianna never went into Mrs. Courtner's office. She saw Bri in the hallway a lot, but never said anything more than, "Good morning, students."

It was a very non-personal greeting. Even with how small her school was, some wondered even if she knew their names.

Mrs. Courtner looks at Brianna everyday and smiles. She looks straight in her eyes, but still see's nothing wrong. Out of everyone. She see nothing wrong. People who don't even know her, knows that somethings wrong.

A part of Brianne knows that its not personal. She knows that its a good thing that she doesn't ask her if she's okay. She hates when people pester her about her lack of happiness, but sometimes she just needs to know that someone cares. She needs someone to tell her that everything will be okay. Because it has to be okay. Things have to work out. Someone has to care.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Falling

 

Jordan left early that morning. Brianne walked to the living room and saw her mother sleeping on the couch. It wasn't normal for her mother to still be asleep at noon. Every one in her house stayed up late and work up before the crack of dawn. Why? Who the hell knows! It pissed Brianna off to the point of no return.

"Get up." Brianne threw a pillow at her mother. "I have to be at work in twenty."

"What?" She suddenly jerked. "Ah!!" She screamed out in pain.

"It was just a pillow. Stop being so dramatic."

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 05.07.2014

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